Original subtitles

♪

Tea?

Trendy coats, bedrolls, saddlebags?

Ooooh! A surprise vacation just for the two of us?

How thoughtful!

I hear Puerto Caballo is lovely this time of year.

Sand like powdered sugar.

Um, Princess Celestia is taking us

on an overnight goodwill tour of Yakyakistan.

I just found out.

[gasp] So what you're saying is no tea? Oh well, that's fine.

I wasn't thirsty anyway.

If you're looking for something to do,

you could spend the evening with Spike and Big Mac.

[laughter] Ha.

You aren't kidding.

They're very nice. They have a "Top Secret" thing they do

whenever we leave Ponyville,

although everypony knows about it,

so it's not a very good secret.

I think you'd have fun with them.

"Fun?" With sidekicks?

Oh, you must think that we're in a dimension

where everything is opposite.

[poof!]

Da dee la! I'm Opposite Discord

and I want to hang out with Spike and Big Mac!

I'm sure I'd have fun.

WELL GUESS WHAT, SASSAFRAS!

I'M OPPOSITE FLUTTERSHY AND I'M SICK OF BEING NICE

AND QUIET ALL THE TIME!

[poof!]

Let me explain it to you as simply as I can.

Me? Amazing. Them? Well, I've already forgotten

who we're talking about. You see?

All I'm saying is it's an opportunity

to expand your circle of friends.

Unless you're afraid they won't like you.

Oh please, don't stoop to tedious reverse psychology.

You're better than that.

It never hurts to make new friends.

Hmph. Consider it considered.

[poof!]

[gasp]

Couldn't I just come with you instead?

♪ My little pony, my little pony ♪

♪ Aaaahhh

♪ My little Pony

♪ I used to wonder what friendship could be. ♪

♪ My Little Pony

♪ Until you all shared its magic with me. ♪

♪ Big adventure! ♪ Tons of fun

♪ A beautiful heart! ♪ Faithful and strong! ♪

♪ Sharing kindness ♪ it's an easy feat

♪ And magic makes it all complete! ♪

♪ To have my little pony

♪ Do you know you're all my very best friends? ♪

♪

♪

I suppose this is goodbye, then.

Have an absolutely fabulous voyage.

[finger snap]

[whoosh]

Discord.

Well, it's not my fault the new train route

leads into an active volcano. Guess you'll have to stay.

Oh, you're no fun.

[finger snap]

[poof]

I got my bedroll, parka,

unattractive but functional hikin' boots.

Uh, anything I forgot, Pinkie Pie?

You're our resident Yakyakistan expert.

Nope! I brought Yeti food.

Did I forget to mention there's a pony-eating Yeti

on Frostfield Glacier? We're gonna have so much fun!

Ha. If he messes with us, I'll turn that Yeti into confetti.

[train whistle and chugging]

Somepony's in an awful quick hurry to get us outta here.

Don't y'all have too much fun without us.

I bet you boys have big plans. Right, Spike?

I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.

Although if I did, I certainly wouldn't be

allowed to discuss it with you girls.

Bye-bye!

[train whistle]

Bye y'all!

[train tracks rattling]

[train whistle]

[whispering]

Fascinating article, yes?

[whispering] Don't let them come over, please don't

let them come over, please, please, please!

Oh! Salutations, my friends!

Wish I could stay and chat, but... I don't want to.

Wait! Um, we were wondering... what are you up to tonight?

Here we go.

Do you want to, I don't know... hang out?

Is that like something you do?

Oh, Twilight's friend

and Applejack's monosyllabic brother!

If only I weren't super busy this evening.

I guess Guys' Night will just be you and me.

A Guys' Night?

You mean a rowdy evening of reckless revelry?

Zoot suits, fedoras, swing dancing?

Eh, something like that.

You should totally come!

Three of us would be way better than two.

That does sound fun, actually.

Too bad you're busy.

Well, I suppose I could squeeze you in

if I moved a few very important ponies around.

June, honey? Be a dear, reschedule Luna and Cay-Cay?

That's what I call Princess Celestia. What a hoot.

In fact, clear the whole evening.

Tonight is Guys' Night.

These fellas invited me to spice things up

and bring a little class to the whole affair.

[poof!]

Tonight will be the best night of your lives.

And not just because you get to bask in my greatness.

I do love basking in things. See you tonight!

Twilight's castle. The fun starts promptly at sundown.

Technically the fun starts when I arrive,

but I'll make sure it's around sunset. Adieu, fellas.

And... we have sundown. Repeat: we have sundown.

I declare tonight's GUYS' NIGHT ceremonies

officially... OPEN!

EYUP!

It's Guys' Night aw yeah havin' fun now, aw yeah.

Eyup, eyup, eyup, eyup, oh yeah.

♪ [trumpet fanfare]

What the hay?

[quick pitter patter]

Announcing the much-anticipated arrival

of the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony,

the Purveyor of Pandemoneum, Lord of Lawlessness,

Earl of Turmoil, Bringer of Bedlam...

Du-du-dun-dun-dunana DISCORD!

[cheering & fast techno music]

So shall we hop to it?

I've made a list of the rowdiest establishments

in Ponyville. It's rather short.

Actually we're staying here.

I hope you like AWESOME GAMES!

Games! I love games. I'm great at games.

[poof!]

Famous Ponies Charades?

Oh this is an easy one. Who am I?

Huh? Huh?

OH, COME ON!

Uh, I'm talking about a real game.

Oh, you mean like trapping best friend ponies

in hedge mazes and turning them against each other.

Those were the days.

[meow]

Not exactly. Wait here.

Whatever it is,

it can only get better by adding me to the mix.

Spike: OK!

In a world where evil reigns supreme,

a small band of warriors stands tall

against the darkness. This is... Ogres & Oubliettes.

[gasp]

Oh this looks like--

--the best game ever? You're right!

Yes.

Ogres & Obliettes is a fantasy role-playing adventure game.

Our goal? Defeat the evil Squid Wizard,

or as we call him [little snort laugh] "The Squizard."

[fake laugh]

[laughter]

The Squizard has laid siege to the last free city

in Spiketopia; that's the name of the land.

He's kidnapped a beautiful unicorn princess

named Shmarity.

Uh, which is like a normal name in Spiketopia,

so, you know, don't think about it too much.

Fear not. Your romantic delusions are safe with me.

First things first: you've got to create a character. Name?

How 'bout... "Discord."

The whole point of the game is you get to use

your imagination and be someone you're not.

I'm Garbunkle, a famous magician.

Everyone treats me with the utmost respect.

Just like in real life.

Now, don't get jealous, but I'm a level 30 enchanter with

major skill points assigned to intellect and perception.

Go on. I'm listening.

Big Mac's character is Sir McBiggun, a level 27

black knight unicorn from Castle Chadwick.

I'm listening.

When his king aligned himself with the Squizard,

Sir McBiggun would not besmirch his honor.

Enope.

I'm listening.

And so it came to pass, the magician and black knight

vowed to rid Spiketopia of the evil Squizard.

So, your character's name...

I already have the best name in the universe.

Why would I change it for something like Captain Wuzz?

Captain Wuzz it is!

[groan]

What class are you, Captain Wuzz?

There's archers, mages, rogues...

Can I suggest we take a break and, I don't know,

go out and have some fun?

Ponyville's not going to paint itself red.

You'll love it once we get started. How about an archer?

Sounds just as miserable as the other options, so fine.

"Sir McBiggun," are you prepared to enter the world

of Ogres & Oubliettes?

Eyup.

Discord, or should I say, "Captain Wuzz," are you--

Oh, get on with it.

[die clatters]

We find ourselves trapped in the dungeon

of the evil Squizard. The bars are locked tight.

The bars exist...

...in our imagination.

Really, you describe things and then we pretend it's real.

It is real...in our imagination.

It's your turn first. What do you want to do?

Curse myself for attending this infernal evening?

Oh ha ha, oh you mean in the game.

Well, you can do whatever you want.

Then I roll this 20-sided die to see if you're successful.

I stick my head through the bars and demand

for the immediate release of the Lord of Chaos.

That's a big risk.

You have to roll a seventeen or higher to succeed.

Oh. Bad idea. The guard gets mad.

This spell here. I transform him into a parsnip.

You need eleven intelligent points to cast a

"Transform into Root Vegetable" spell.

I'm not intelligent?!

I cast it anyway because this game is stupid.

The spell backfires...

...so your claws grow leaves and transform into parsnips.

He heh. Parsnips.

[snarl]

The guard laughs.

He calls his friends over and they laugh too.

[laughing]

Don't you laugh at ME, Big Mac!

Does it really say that? Let me see!

As you get angrier, everypony laughs harder.

[guffaws]

I seal Sir McBiggun in a magic bubble

until he stops laughing.

I told you, you can't do magic.

[whoosh]

Enope! Enope! Enope!

Not intelligent enough, please...

Cut it out, Discord!

Oh, this game is insufferable!

Let me show you a real Guys' Night.

♪ [big band swing]

Ahhhhh, this is the life. Jazz, dancing,

the best table magic can buy.

This is what Guys' Night is all about. Am I right, fellas?

Eyup!

I know you probably didn't do this on purpose,

but this table's the perfect size and shape!

I don't think so. Let's have a drink.

Chocolate milkshakes?

No, we want to go back to Ogres and-

Oh, how about a different game?

[poof!]

Those are very bad cards.

Stop messing with us, we want--!

A dance contest?

♪ [very fast swing jazz]

Surprise! We won.

DISCORD!

Yes...?

Look, we don't want to do these things.

We want to play our game.

If you don't want to play with us, you can...

I don't know, sit and watch.

Sit and watch?

Fine! We'll play your game.

ARE YOU READY TO ENTER THE WORLD OF OGRES & OBLIETTES?

[zap]

Sir McBiggun?

EYUP!

And... I'm Garbunkle? That means...

Sweetness! We're in the game! Check it out! Ka-ZAM!

[zaps]

♪ [imperious theme]

It's Guys' Night oh yeah! In the game now oh yeah!

Discord! Where are you?!

This is great! You made the game real!

[evil laugh] Aren't games fun?!

Should we be worried he's using his scary voice?

Behold. I AM THE SQUIZARD!

[frightened whimpers]

Oh, you're welcome.

ATTACK!

[war cries]

RUN!

Discord: You find yourself on a battlefield.

A barrage of arrows rains down on you.

If you roll a fifteen or higher,

the shield protects you.

Fourteen or lower, and, well, HA HA you get the idea.

[thud]

Seventeen! Lucky you!

Boo!

[screams] Discord!

[poof!]

Sir McBiggun, I'd cover the entrance if I were you.

This isn't funny.

Isn't this what every gamer wants?

To live the game. Like this!

[zaps]

Agh!

[war cries]

This kinda hurts. Like, real pain!

Oh, how kind of you to notice.

It's the little details that really bring

alternate dimensions to life, wouldn't you say?

Discord, this is awful!

Of course it is! Spiketopia will be mine!

And Rarity shall be my bride!

I mean "Schmarity."

[zaps]

Agh!

Why are you doing this? You're the worst!

If I'm the worst, then why did you invite me?

Because we felt bad for you!

Because you-- WHAT!?

[finger snap]

We're OK. We're OK! No thanks to you, Discord!

YOU felt sorry for ME?

Who wouldn't? Fluttershy told us you practically

begged her to stay, and then at the train station,

you were just standing there, all alone.

This can't be. I'm supposed to feel sorry for you.

Because I'm me, and you're you.

We only invited you to be nice.

I mean, you're kind of a weirdo.

Eeyup.

I ruined your night, and you don't even think I'm cool?

Oh, how embarrassing.

I should go. I have a lot of...

OTHER friends I need to see tonight.

Good.

Yes, so many other friends.

Farewell, Garbunkle the Magician

and Brave Sir McBiggun.

May providence smile upon thee and thy quest

to rid Spiketopia of the dreaded Squizard.

When I say it that way, the game doesn't sound half-bad.

Oh well.

[sigh] It's better this way, right?

Eyup.

Because now he can't bother us cause he's off somewhere

by himself... all alone. With no friends.

Eyup.

[sigh]

Ahem.

We find ourselves in the dungeon of the evil Squizard.

The bars are locked, and oh who am I kidding?

We should give him another chance.

[Ahem] Captain Wuzz? Can you hear me?!

Oh, you realized how amazing I am

and that I make you cooler just by being around me?

Uh no, no, actually that's not what I meant to say.

[mumble mumble]

What...?

I'm... [mumble....mumble].

We can't hear you.

Enope.

I'm trying to say I'm sorry, all right?

I'm sorry for ruining your game,

and I'm sorry that I thought I was better than you.

Now let's play before this evening gets any sappier,

shall we?

Eyup. [Whisper]

Huh? Yeah, yeah OK!

What if we forgot the board and the pieces for a minute?

I mean, the whole "game coming to life"

was completely terrifying,

but also kinda the best thing ever.

So, uh Big Mac and I were wondering...

what if you toned it down just a teensy bit?

[chattering]

Huh?

[war cries]

I've got your back, Captain Wuzz!

[clashing metal]

[panting]

[evil laughter]

Garbunkle, follow my lead!

Bullseye!

Nice one!

It's Guys' Night / aww yeah / havin' fun now / aww yeah.

We should just close the door and let them finish...

whatever this is.

No way! Did you see Big Mac's sword! I totally want in!

Yeah, I don't know what it is,

but it looks like super-duper fun!

GUYS' NIGHT!

♪ My Little Pony

♪ My Little Pony

♪ My Little Pony

♪ friends