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Potential problem.
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The previous
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owner of Lot 48,
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Norquist Properties,
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is claiming
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the government screwed them
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by illegally seizing the land.
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I know about this issue.
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I called the city attorney,
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like, 50 times.
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He didn't call me back.
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Do you need a lawyer?
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Because my friend
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Justin's a lawyer.
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I'm sure he could help.
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That'd be terrific.
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Yeah. I'll call him.
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Justin's the greatest
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guy ever.
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"The greatest guy ever"?
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But does he
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dress this well?
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Brooks Brothers. Bought
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it right off the mannequin.
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Ron Swanson?
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That's me.
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My name is
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George MacFayden.
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I wanted to talk to you
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about the amount of
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snow in the parks.
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I've been getting
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a lot of visitors recently,
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thanks to a stupid
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and worthless new push
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to make government officials
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more accessible to the public.
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There is a disturbing lack
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of benches in Ramsett Park!
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I want to sit more!
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And another thing I like
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is the layout of the
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hiking trails.
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I made this in one of
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your pottery classes.
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It's terrible.
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This is my hell.
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Hey.
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All right.
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So, Tom, here's your
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chicken Caesar salad,
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no dressing, no cheese,
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no croutons, no taste.
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And no carbs.
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And for you, madam,
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the Leslie Knope.
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Thank you.
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I cannot
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believe the cafeteria
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named a sandwich after you.
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That is so cool.
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Isn't it?
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Salami on pumpernickel
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with olive juice and
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extra iceberg.
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It was the only sandwich on
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the board that wasn't named.
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I just wish I liked it.
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So, how are you
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feeling about the
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whole Dave situation?
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I really miss him.
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Yeah, I'm just trying
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to enjoy the memories.
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That's a sweet picture.
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I know, isn't it?
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I asked the police department
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if I could have it, and
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they said no.
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So I stole it.
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I have an idea. Why don't
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you let me set you up?
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I don't know.
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It feels a little too soon.
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I'm telling you, this is
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the best way to get over
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someone.
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Just get back
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on that horse.
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Yeah, maybe.
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I feel sorry
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for Leslie.
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It's really hard to end
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a relationship because
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of distance.
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Although, that's pretty
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much why I broke up with Andy.
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He lived way too close to me.
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Wow, 12:15!
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You're early today.
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April, there's no
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paper in the printer.
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So?
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So that's the one thing
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you do.
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Attention.
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April, stop doing that.
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Jerry told me to,
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so it's super crucial.
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More important than that
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and more important than
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anything
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in this godforsaken world
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is finding me an assistant.
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You get an assistant now?
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Yeah, I've always been able to
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have one, but I've turned
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it down
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'cause it's a waste of money.
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In the eight years I've been
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at the job,
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I've saved the taxpayers of
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this city more than 150 grand.
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But now, I need
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the taxpayers' money to
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save me from the taxpayers.
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Post this at your college.
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This looks like
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an ad for nothing.
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Please be careful with it,
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it's my only copy.
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Leslie?
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Ann's friend, Justin.
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Hey, yeah, of course! Hi.
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Thank you. Thank you for
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coming in.
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It's my pleasure.
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Not a problem.
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Yeah. Have a seat.
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I should warn you, land
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seizure isn't really
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my specialty,
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but I'm happy
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to take a look.
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Any friend of Ann's...
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Is a friend of mine!
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Yeah.
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That's my motto, too.
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So, what is your specialty?
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Is it
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locking up the bad guys, or
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keeping them on the streets?
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Neither. It's civil
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litigation, mostly.
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That's interesting.
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It can be.
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I've got this crazy case.
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Have you
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ever heard of this
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product, "Fire in a Can"?
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I love those commercials.
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If you
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wanna start a fire,
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but you have to
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do it fast, then...
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Yeah. Well,
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you shouldn't buy it.
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It'll literally
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burn your hand
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clean off.
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Oh, wow.
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It is an aerosol can
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with an igniter and
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a trigger.
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It's essentially a blowtorch,
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and if you can believe it,
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it was invented to
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warm up baby bottles.
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This is my colleague,
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Tom Haverford.
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Tom. Justin.
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How are you?
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You are wearing
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the hell out of
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that suit, sir.
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Banana two-button.
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Yeah.
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Okay, let's go
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into the conference room.
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I've got everything laid out.
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We should talk later.
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Tom, stop.
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You are very organized,
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Leslie.
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Yeah, I am. Thank you.
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I love what you do.
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You have the coolest job.
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Let me guess.
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This is our park.
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I want to know
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everything about this.
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Okay. Well, these green
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things represent trees.
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I come in,
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like, two hours late
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because I had
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to finish watching
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Swimfan because it was on,
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and everyone, like,
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jumped down my throat.
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Man.
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I can't wait till
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my internship is over
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so I can get the hell
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out of here.
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Well, you're all set.
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Free of charge, of course.
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Hey, why don't you
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sell your band's CDs here?
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That is a brilliant idea.
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I cannot believe
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I didn't think of that.
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I have been
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writing a lot of songs
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about shining shoes lately.
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I tend to write about
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what I'm doing.
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Talking about writing
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about what I'm doing
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Now I'm singing
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about talking about
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writing about what I'm doing
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Of course,
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I'm gonna have to take
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a closer look at these things,
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but my gut's telling me
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this is not gonna be
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a big deal.
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Companies make bogus
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claims like this
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all the time.
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I think you're
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gonna be just fine.
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Thank you so much.
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I know you're really busy.
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Please, my pleasure.
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At least this stuff is
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interesting, you know?
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You know,
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it actually reminds me,
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two years ago, I was in
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Borneo officiating a wedding,
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and this enormous
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medicine man showed up
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and he was there
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to basically tell...
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Justin!
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Hey, kiddo! How you doing?
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Hey!
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I'm good.
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I haven't seen
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you in forever!
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I know!
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It's so good to see you.
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You, too.
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Do you want to
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grab some dinner?
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I would love to. I cannot.
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I am swamped.
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You're always so busy.
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Yeah.
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Next week, I promise.
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Okay.
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Hey, I'm Mark.
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Sorry!
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Hey, Mark.
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Justin, this is Mark.
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This is the city planner.
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Oh, my God! It's such
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a pleasure to meet you.
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Pleasure.
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Anyway, Leslie, I have to go.
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It has been a super pleasure
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meeting you.
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I am gonna get into
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this over the weekend,
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and I will
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get back to you
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on Monday about it.
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Okay. Great.
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All right.
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See you, Justin!
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Okay, Tom. Good seeing you.
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I've been thinking. It has
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been a while since Dave left,
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and I think I might be
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ready to start dating again.
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That's great!
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You know,
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I was only with
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Mark for one night,
302
00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:51,770
and then I was
303
00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:51,770
hung up on him
304
00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:51,770
for six years.
305
00:06:52,940 --> 00:06:57,240
I dated Dave
306
00:06:52,940 --> 00:06:57,240
for three months, so
307
00:06:52,940 --> 00:06:57,240
if I continue that pattern,
308
00:06:57,310 --> 00:06:59,370
I won't be over him for...
309
00:07:01,250 --> 00:07:02,980
Five hundred years.
310
00:07:03,350 --> 00:07:04,610
What is your ideal man?
311
00:07:04,690 --> 00:07:08,490
He has the
312
00:07:04,690 --> 00:07:08,490
brains of George Clooney
313
00:07:04,690 --> 00:07:08,490
in the body of Joe Biden.
314
00:07:09,620 --> 00:07:12,860
Interesting.
315
00:07:09,620 --> 00:07:12,860
That's a high, weird bar.
316
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:14,590
Okay. Just off the bat,
317
00:07:14,660 --> 00:07:16,830
there's a couple of doctors
318
00:07:14,660 --> 00:07:16,830
I think you would love.
319
00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:20,000
Actually,
320
00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:20,000
I was thinking...
321
00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:20,000
What about Justin?
322
00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:23,100
I mean, I feel like
323
00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:23,100
we kind of hit it
324
00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:23,100
off in there.
325
00:07:23,170 --> 00:07:24,430
No, I don't...
326
00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:28,130
I just don't know if
327
00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:28,130
that would be the
328
00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:28,130
right fit.
329
00:07:28,210 --> 00:07:30,010
No? Is there
330
00:07:28,210 --> 00:07:30,010
something wrong with him?
331
00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:31,170
No, no, he's great.
332
00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:34,480
He's really,
333
00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:34,480
really, really great, and
334
00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:34,480
you're so great, obviously.
335
00:07:34,550 --> 00:07:36,980
I just...
336
00:07:34,550 --> 00:07:36,980
I don't know. It's hard...
337
00:07:37,050 --> 00:07:39,180
I can't... I can't put...
338
00:07:37,050 --> 00:07:39,180
What is it, though?
339
00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:41,310
I don't know, it's just...
340
00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:41,310
I don't think it would be...
341
00:07:41,390 --> 00:07:42,950
I think it would. No?
342
00:07:43,020 --> 00:07:45,220
No, I really don't.
343
00:07:43,020 --> 00:07:45,220
I'm sorry! I don't...
344
00:07:45,290 --> 00:07:47,660
Don't be sorry.
345
00:07:45,290 --> 00:07:47,660
I mean, if you think
346
00:07:45,290 --> 00:07:47,660
it wasn't gonna work, or...
347
00:07:47,730 --> 00:07:50,290
But I will find you someone,
348
00:07:47,730 --> 00:07:50,290
I promise, and he'll be
349
00:07:47,730 --> 00:07:50,290
awesome.
350
00:07:50,430 --> 00:07:52,400
I'm gonna go do it right now.
351
00:07:50,430 --> 00:07:52,400
Good, great, yes!
352
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:54,760
Go, Ann, go!
353
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:54,760
Just one rule.
354
00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:56,460
I don't want
355
00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:56,460
to date a twin,
356
00:07:56,570 --> 00:07:58,400
'cause I've been
357
00:07:56,570 --> 00:07:58,400
tricked before.
358
00:07:58,770 --> 00:07:59,800
Okay.
359
00:08:00,940 --> 00:08:03,340
Yes. I understand your
360
00:08:00,940 --> 00:08:03,340
complaint.
361
00:08:03,550 --> 00:08:06,980
I have to go now.
362
00:08:03,550 --> 00:08:06,980
Please. Thank you.
363
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:09,480
Ron Solo!
364
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:09,480
Hello, Tom.
365
00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:20,330
Okay. I want to help you
366
00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:20,330
with your assistant search.
367
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:21,490
Why?
368
00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:23,030
Just want to do
369
00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:23,030
my boy Ron a solid.
370
00:08:23,100 --> 00:08:24,360
I know exactly
371
00:08:23,100 --> 00:08:24,360
what you're looking for,
372
00:08:24,430 --> 00:08:26,300
and I will find
373
00:08:24,430 --> 00:08:26,300
you a reliable person.
374
00:08:26,370 --> 00:08:27,630
Okay. Sounds good.
375
00:08:41,220 --> 00:08:43,340
How do you know that was
376
00:08:41,220 --> 00:08:43,340
a member of the public,
377
00:08:41,220 --> 00:08:43,340
and not just a friend?
378
00:08:43,420 --> 00:08:46,950
Yeah, my friends know that I
379
00:08:43,420 --> 00:08:46,950
have a strict no call policy.
380
00:08:47,890 --> 00:08:50,290
Now get out there
381
00:08:47,890 --> 00:08:50,290
and find me an assistant.
382
00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:51,450
Okay.
383
00:08:51,530 --> 00:08:53,050
I left you three messages.
384
00:08:51,530 --> 00:08:53,050
Did you get them?
385
00:08:53,130 --> 00:08:55,100
No, I've been running
386
00:08:53,130 --> 00:08:55,100
around all day. What's up?
387
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,720
I found the perfect guy to
388
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,720
set you up with, but he's
389
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,720
going out of town,
390
00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:01,240
so he can only do tonight,
391
00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:01,240
so I came over here
392
00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:01,240
right after work.
393
00:09:01,300 --> 00:09:02,330
Is that his blood?
394
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:04,740
What? Damn, now
395
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:04,740
I have to go back.
396
00:09:04,810 --> 00:09:05,930
Who is he?
397
00:09:06,010 --> 00:09:07,940
His name is Chris
398
00:09:06,010 --> 00:09:07,940
and he's an MRI technician,
399
00:09:08,010 --> 00:09:10,310
and he's really cute, and
400
00:09:08,010 --> 00:09:10,310
he's very passionate
401
00:09:08,010 --> 00:09:10,310
about his job,
402
00:09:10,380 --> 00:09:12,750
and I told
403
00:09:10,380 --> 00:09:12,750
him all about you, and
404
00:09:10,380 --> 00:09:12,750
he's really interested.
405
00:09:12,810 --> 00:09:15,550
So, dinner tonight,
406
00:09:12,810 --> 00:09:15,550
and here's the info.
407
00:09:15,820 --> 00:09:18,980
Thanks! Wait!
408
00:09:15,820 --> 00:09:18,980
How's he gonna know it's me?
409
00:09:19,750 --> 00:09:21,150
I'll wear a red rose
410
00:09:19,750 --> 00:09:21,150
in my hair.
411
00:09:21,220 --> 00:09:22,660
No, I'll wear
412
00:09:21,220 --> 00:09:22,660
a giant red hat.
413
00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:25,350
No, I don't have one of those.
414
00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:25,350
What should I wear?
415
00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:25,350
It's gotta be red.
416
00:09:25,430 --> 00:09:26,920
I will
417
00:09:25,430 --> 00:09:26,920
just tell him
418
00:09:25,430 --> 00:09:26,920
what you look like.
419
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:27,990
Good call.
420
00:09:29,500 --> 00:09:31,800
Hi. I'm Leslie.
421
00:09:29,500 --> 00:09:31,800
Are you Chris?
422
00:09:31,870 --> 00:09:32,930
Yeah.
423
00:09:31,870 --> 00:09:32,930
Sorry I'm late.
424
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,800
Don't worry about it.
425
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,800
You look beautiful.
426
00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:37,060
Thank you.
427
00:09:37,140 --> 00:09:38,770
Here, let me
428
00:09:37,140 --> 00:09:38,770
take your coat.
429
00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:40,100
Thanks.
430
00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:40,100
Sure.
431
00:09:40,610 --> 00:09:42,130
Well done, Ann.
432
00:09:42,910 --> 00:09:44,780
I actually heard that.
433
00:09:42,910 --> 00:09:44,780
What?
434
00:09:47,050 --> 00:09:50,680
Well, I went to Wisconsin
435
00:09:47,050 --> 00:09:50,680
for both undergrad and
436
00:09:47,050 --> 00:09:50,680
grad school.
437
00:09:50,750 --> 00:09:53,220
Go Badgers!
438
00:09:50,750 --> 00:09:53,220
Boo! Indiana Hoosiers!
439
00:09:53,290 --> 00:09:54,690
No. Badgers.
440
00:09:57,190 --> 00:10:01,190
It's not important.
441
00:09:57,190 --> 00:10:01,190
I'm just glad that we
442
00:09:57,190 --> 00:10:01,190
could make this happen.
443
00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:03,190
Ann kept
444
00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:03,190
going on about
445
00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:03,190
how wonderful you are,
446
00:10:03,260 --> 00:10:05,260
and I just had
447
00:10:03,260 --> 00:10:05,260
to see for myself.
448
00:10:05,330 --> 00:10:06,930
Well, she's my
449
00:10:05,330 --> 00:10:06,930
number-one best friend.
450
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:10,270
I wish she'd told me that you
451
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:10,270
went to Indiana, but whatever.
452
00:10:10,340 --> 00:10:12,360
So, you're in charge
453
00:10:10,340 --> 00:10:12,360
of amusement parks,
454
00:10:10,340 --> 00:10:12,360
right?
455
00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:13,530
God, that's exciting!
456
00:10:13,610 --> 00:10:15,080
Actually,
457
00:10:13,610 --> 00:10:15,080
it's regular parks.
458
00:10:15,810 --> 00:10:17,400
Like swings and slides
459
00:10:15,810 --> 00:10:17,400
and stuff.
460
00:10:17,810 --> 00:10:18,800
Strike two.
461
00:10:21,220 --> 00:10:25,120
You know, isn't
462
00:10:21,220 --> 00:10:25,120
it funny how these setups
463
00:10:21,220 --> 00:10:25,120
are always just so awkward?
464
00:10:25,290 --> 00:10:26,620
Why would you say that?
465
00:10:28,660 --> 00:10:32,290
I don't...
466
00:10:28,660 --> 00:10:32,290
I don't know.
467
00:10:28,660 --> 00:10:32,290
They're not. Forget it.
468
00:10:34,030 --> 00:10:37,490
Way to go, Chris.
469
00:10:34,030 --> 00:10:37,490
Did I just make
470
00:10:34,030 --> 00:10:37,490
it awkward?
471
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:40,000
No, no. You didn't.
472
00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:43,970
Well, yeah, you kinda did.
473
00:10:46,340 --> 00:10:48,240
Let's just start from
474
00:10:46,340 --> 00:10:48,240
the beginning, I guess.
475
00:10:48,310 --> 00:10:49,900
Hey, watch this.
476
00:10:50,180 --> 00:10:53,480
I will now extinguish
477
00:10:50,180 --> 00:10:53,480
this candle with my
478
00:10:50,180 --> 00:10:53,480
bare hand.
479
00:10:54,180 --> 00:10:55,280
Okay.
480
00:10:59,890 --> 00:11:01,480
That really hurt!
481
00:10:59,890 --> 00:11:01,480
Are you okay?
482
00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:04,150
Oh, God! It looked so
483
00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:04,150
much easier on the Internet.
484
00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:06,820
God, I gotta
485
00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:06,820
borrow some of your ice!
486
00:11:12,730 --> 00:11:14,700
Oh, no thanks.
487
00:11:12,730 --> 00:11:14,700
I'm not thirsty.
488
00:11:16,340 --> 00:11:20,210
What? German? Oh, my God.
489
00:11:20,980 --> 00:11:22,600
All right, later.
490
00:11:23,910 --> 00:11:25,180
Who was that, Justin?
491
00:11:25,250 --> 00:11:26,580
Yeah, we're
492
00:11:25,250 --> 00:11:26,580
having lunch tomorrow.
493
00:11:26,650 --> 00:11:29,050
Oh, get out.
494
00:11:26,650 --> 00:11:29,050
How long have
495
00:11:26,650 --> 00:11:29,050
you known him?
496
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:32,520
Forever. He practically
497
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:32,520
saved my life.
498
00:11:32,590 --> 00:11:35,060
He was like,
499
00:11:32,590 --> 00:11:35,060
the only cool dude
500
00:11:32,590 --> 00:11:35,060
at my high school.
501
00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:36,110
Awesome.
502
00:11:36,860 --> 00:11:37,950
Did you guys ever date?
503
00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:39,690
No. We never did.
504
00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:42,460
He's just, like,
505
00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:42,460
a really amazing person.
506
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:45,360
Let's do this!
507
00:11:45,430 --> 00:11:46,960
Yes.
508
00:11:45,430 --> 00:11:46,960
Marley and Me!
509
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,470
Let's do it.
510
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,470
Puppies, puppies, puppies!
511
00:11:48,540 --> 00:11:52,670
I know.
512
00:11:48,540 --> 00:11:52,670
Let's watch
513
00:11:48,540 --> 00:11:52,670
Marley and Me.
514
00:11:55,380 --> 00:11:56,540
Brian.
515
00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:00,710
Technically,
516
00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:00,710
you'd be assisting Ron,
517
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:03,370
but Ron really doesn't
518
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:03,370
do much government work,
519
00:12:03,650 --> 00:12:05,450
so you'd really
520
00:12:03,650 --> 00:12:05,450
be working for me.
521
00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:07,150
I see your resume here.
522
00:12:07,220 --> 00:12:09,690
Education, excellent.
523
00:12:07,220 --> 00:12:09,690
Awesome professional
524
00:12:07,220 --> 00:12:09,690
experience.
525
00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:11,450
But I don't care.
526
00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:15,660
I'm interested in
527
00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:15,660
real world expertise.
528
00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:19,430
I got a nightclub
529
00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:19,430
opening to go to.
530
00:12:19,870 --> 00:12:20,860
Which tie do I wear?
531
00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:23,700
I like the one on the left.
532
00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:26,710
That was a trick question.
533
00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:26,710
The answer's this one.
534
00:12:26,770 --> 00:12:28,710
I didn't even know
535
00:12:26,770 --> 00:12:28,710
that one existed.
536
00:12:29,010 --> 00:12:31,480
I had high hopes when
537
00:12:29,010 --> 00:12:31,480
I saw your plum "V" neck.
538
00:12:31,550 --> 00:12:32,740
But those hopes
539
00:12:31,550 --> 00:12:32,740
have been dashed.
540
00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:34,200
You can leave.
541
00:12:34,550 --> 00:12:36,280
You ever see that movie,
542
00:12:34,550 --> 00:12:36,280
The Matrix?
543
00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:39,650
Yeah?
544
00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:39,650
Ninety-nine percent real.
545
00:12:40,290 --> 00:12:43,380
So, do you enjoy it,
546
00:12:40,290 --> 00:12:43,380
being an MRI technician?
547
00:12:43,660 --> 00:12:46,560
Great question.
548
00:12:43,660 --> 00:12:46,560
Someone steps into the room.
549
00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:49,750
Imagine a mother of three,
550
00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:49,750
maybe she's a teacher.
551
00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:52,700
She knows something's wrong,
552
00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:52,700
but she doesn't know
553
00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:52,700
what it is.
554
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:54,470
She's scared.
555
00:12:54,740 --> 00:12:57,140
In less than an hour,
556
00:12:54,740 --> 00:12:57,140
I know what it is.
557
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:58,370
What's wrong with her?
558
00:12:58,440 --> 00:12:59,430
I don't know.
559
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:02,840
But the best part about
560
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:02,840
being an MRI technician is,
561
00:13:02,910 --> 00:13:05,040
I can see inside everything.
562
00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:09,620
See that guy over there?
563
00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:09,620
Imagine being able to
564
00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:09,620
look inside his head.
565
00:13:10,050 --> 00:13:11,520
Wow.
566
00:13:10,050 --> 00:13:11,520
I know.
567
00:13:11,820 --> 00:13:16,420
I mean, you could just
568
00:13:11,820 --> 00:13:16,420
look inside this steak or you
569
00:13:11,820 --> 00:13:16,420
could look inside this butter
570
00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:21,050
or these potatoes,
571
00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:21,050
or this candle or this beer,
572
00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:21,050
or this flower or this bread.
573
00:13:21,130 --> 00:13:23,330
You can look
574
00:13:21,130 --> 00:13:23,330
inside anything.
575
00:13:23,530 --> 00:13:26,500
Well, if you look inside
576
00:13:23,530 --> 00:13:26,500
this bread, all you're
577
00:13:23,530 --> 00:13:26,500
gonna find is more bread.
578
00:13:26,570 --> 00:13:28,870
I don't know.
579
00:13:26,570 --> 00:13:28,870
I'd have to do an MRI.
580
00:13:28,940 --> 00:13:29,930
Look.
581
00:13:31,340 --> 00:13:33,310
This...
582
00:13:31,340 --> 00:13:33,310
It's just bread in there.
583
00:13:33,410 --> 00:13:36,380
Yeah, but what's inside
584
00:13:33,410 --> 00:13:36,380
that bread? Could be cheese.
585
00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:39,780
Anyway, it's good that
586
00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:39,780
you found your calling.
587
00:13:39,850 --> 00:13:42,680
I mean, I've never
588
00:13:39,850 --> 00:13:42,680
even had an MRI before.
589
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:44,380
What?
590
00:13:46,290 --> 00:13:48,260
I don't know about this.
591
00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:50,660
Well, I'm offering you
592
00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:50,660
a free scan.
593
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:52,760
It usually costs up
594
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:52,760
to $2,000.
595
00:13:53,430 --> 00:13:55,660
I'm kind of
596
00:13:53,430 --> 00:13:55,660
spoiling you here.
597
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,090
Well, I am a little curious.
598
00:13:58,170 --> 00:13:59,160
Good.
599
00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:04,170
Frankly, I don't want
600
00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:04,170
to invest in someone who
601
00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:04,170
only has three months to live.
602
00:14:06,410 --> 00:14:08,310
I'm treating this as
603
00:14:06,410 --> 00:14:08,310
an adventure. Who knows?
604
00:14:08,380 --> 00:14:12,250
Maybe someday we'll
605
00:14:08,380 --> 00:14:12,250
tell our grandkids about
606
00:14:08,380 --> 00:14:12,250
how weird our first date was,
607
00:14:12,350 --> 00:14:15,010
and how creepy
608
00:14:12,350 --> 00:14:15,010
their grandfather was.
609
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:20,350
Try not to smile too much.
610
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:20,350
It'll affect the diagnosis.
611
00:14:20,490 --> 00:14:23,620
Well,
612
00:14:20,490 --> 00:14:23,620
hopefully there'll
613
00:14:20,490 --> 00:14:23,620
be nothing to diagnose.
614
00:14:23,690 --> 00:14:26,130
Sometimes smiling
615
00:14:23,690 --> 00:14:26,130
is read as "AIDS."
616
00:14:26,630 --> 00:14:29,460
You're not on your period,
617
00:14:26,630 --> 00:14:29,460
are you?
618
00:14:29,530 --> 00:14:31,000
No. Does that matter?
619
00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:32,460
Well, not for this.
620
00:14:33,970 --> 00:14:36,160
Okay. It's gonna be
621
00:14:33,970 --> 00:14:36,160
a little crammed in there.
622
00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:39,940
Don't worry,
623
00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:39,940
I'll be right on the
624
00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:39,940
other side of that glass.
625
00:14:41,710 --> 00:14:44,140
Scenario!
626
00:14:41,710 --> 00:14:44,140
I meet a girl at a bar.
627
00:14:44,710 --> 00:14:47,050
She seems kind of into me,
628
00:14:44,710 --> 00:14:47,050
could go either way.
629
00:14:44,710 --> 00:14:47,050
I get her number.
630
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,550
It's two days later,
631
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,550
what do I text her?
632
00:14:49,250 --> 00:14:51,190
It was nice meeting you?
633
00:14:49,250 --> 00:14:51,190
No, Zack.
634
00:14:51,290 --> 00:14:53,310
I don't text her,
635
00:14:51,290 --> 00:14:53,310
"It was nice meeting you."
636
00:14:53,390 --> 00:14:56,550
I wait eight weeks and
637
00:14:53,390 --> 00:14:56,550
I text her, "What's cracking?"
638
00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:59,690
Your resume's
639
00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:59,690
very impressive,
640
00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:59,690
but tell me about you.
641
00:15:00,060 --> 00:15:03,330
Tell me about your friends.
642
00:15:00,060 --> 00:15:03,330
Be as superficial as possible.
643
00:15:04,330 --> 00:15:05,930
Just your basic
644
00:15:04,330 --> 00:15:05,930
assistant stuff.
645
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:07,800
Taking messages,
646
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:07,800
wake-up calls,
647
00:15:07,870 --> 00:15:10,810
bottle service at the
648
00:15:07,870 --> 00:15:10,810
Snakehole Lounge,
649
00:15:07,870 --> 00:15:10,810
condom runs,
650
00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:13,410
covering for me in any
651
00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:13,410
legally dicey situations.
652
00:15:13,470 --> 00:15:15,100
I'm sorry.
653
00:15:13,470 --> 00:15:15,100
What do I get out of this?
654
00:15:15,180 --> 00:15:19,670
Connections.
655
00:15:15,180 --> 00:15:19,670
Plus 19 grand a year,
656
00:15:15,180 --> 00:15:19,670
minus my 10% headhunters' fee.
657
00:15:20,150 --> 00:15:21,840
I have to pay you
658
00:15:20,150 --> 00:15:21,840
two grand if I get hired?
659
00:15:22,150 --> 00:15:23,450
I have a job to offer.
660
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:25,950
In the
661
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:25,950
immortal words
662
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:25,950
of Rod Blagojevich,
663
00:15:26,020 --> 00:15:27,320
"It's a
664
00:15:26,020 --> 00:15:27,320
valuable thing.
665
00:15:27,390 --> 00:15:29,150
"You just don't give
666
00:15:27,390 --> 00:15:29,150
it away for nothing."
667
00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:31,820
All right, Leslie.
668
00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:31,820
You're gonna start
669
00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:31,820
hearing some loud noises
670
00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:33,520
and see some
671
00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:33,520
flashing lights.
672
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:35,390
Okay.
673
00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:37,760
So you never told
674
00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:37,760
me where you're from.
675
00:15:37,830 --> 00:15:40,430
I'm from Pawnee.
676
00:15:37,830 --> 00:15:40,430
Keep still, please.
677
00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:42,770
And you said that your mom
678
00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:42,770
works in government, too,
679
00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:42,770
is that right?
680
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:45,430
Yes, she does.
681
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:45,430
You gotta keep still.
682
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:45,430
No talking, Leslie.
683
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:50,870
What kind of
684
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:50,870
music do you like?
685
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:50,870
Can I answer that?
686
00:15:51,250 --> 00:15:53,770
Sure. Keep still.
687
00:15:51,250 --> 00:15:53,770
All kinds.
688
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:57,450
Very important
689
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:57,450
that you keep still
690
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:57,450
at this moment, Leslie.
691
00:15:57,520 --> 00:16:00,040
I've told you
692
00:15:57,520 --> 00:16:00,040
that a thousand times.
693
00:16:02,290 --> 00:16:05,780
Did you ever break your arm?
694
00:16:02,290 --> 00:16:05,780
You can answer that. Here,
695
00:16:02,290 --> 00:16:05,780
I'll turn it off.
696
00:16:05,860 --> 00:16:08,330
One time I was on my bike
697
00:16:05,860 --> 00:16:08,330
and some boys were making
698
00:16:05,860 --> 00:16:08,330
fun of me,
699
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:10,890
so I chased them
700
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:10,890
and I lost control.
701
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:14,800
I'm surprised
702
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:14,800
you can see that.
703
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:14,800
It was, like, three years ago.
704
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:18,170
I can't believe I turned
705
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:18,170
the machine off for that.
706
00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:20,000
You never had any kids,
707
00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:20,000
right, Leslie?
708
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:21,470
No.
709
00:16:22,210 --> 00:16:23,270
You've got a great oven.
710
00:16:23,340 --> 00:16:25,110
Okay, time to go.
711
00:16:25,180 --> 00:16:26,940
You got ample room in there.
712
00:16:27,010 --> 00:16:31,650
Honestly, if you wanted to,
713
00:16:27,010 --> 00:16:31,650
you could go triplets
714
00:16:27,010 --> 00:16:31,650
right off the bat, Leslie.
715
00:16:32,020 --> 00:16:34,780
You got a big,
716
00:16:32,020 --> 00:16:34,780
industrial-sized oven.
717
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,220
So we're done, right?
718
00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:39,530
Sorry. I gotta get that.
719
00:16:40,830 --> 00:16:42,130
Hey! How's the date going?
720
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:44,830
Good! We just
721
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:44,830
finished the MRI.
722
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:44,830
What?
723
00:16:45,230 --> 00:16:48,430
Look, I know I said that
724
00:16:45,230 --> 00:16:48,430
I wanted to get back out
725
00:16:45,230 --> 00:16:48,430
there, but this guy is nuts.
726
00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:50,900
I don't mean to
727
00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:50,900
offend you, you know?
728
00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:50,900
I know he's your friend.
729
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:54,240
No, I'm not
730
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:54,240
offended at all.
731
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:54,240
I don't know him that well.
732
00:16:54,410 --> 00:16:56,210
Why would you think he'd
733
00:16:54,410 --> 00:16:56,210
be perfect for me, then?
734
00:16:56,410 --> 00:16:57,840
Well, he seemed great.
735
00:16:58,110 --> 00:17:01,110
I'm sorry, Les. I'll find
736
00:16:58,110 --> 00:17:01,110
you somebody else, okay?
737
00:17:01,420 --> 00:17:03,380
Just don't let this
738
00:17:01,420 --> 00:17:03,380
sour you on dating.
739
00:17:03,550 --> 00:17:06,990
Like, what you're doing is
740
00:17:03,550 --> 00:17:06,990
really healthy, so keep
741
00:17:03,550 --> 00:17:06,990
the faith, okay?
742
00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:08,420
Yeah, okay.
743
00:17:09,290 --> 00:17:10,950
Hey! No cell phones!
744
00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:16,230
Don't touch that.
745
00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:16,230
Sorry.
746
00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:17,730
Just take your hands off it.
747
00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:19,860
What was that about?
748
00:17:19,930 --> 00:17:21,840
I set Leslie up on a date.
749
00:17:21,900 --> 00:17:23,670
I don't think
750
00:17:21,900 --> 00:17:23,670
it's going that well.
751
00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:25,860
Oh, no. With Justin?
752
00:17:26,140 --> 00:17:28,540
Oh, no. This guy
753
00:17:26,140 --> 00:17:28,540
I know from the hospital.
754
00:17:28,610 --> 00:17:30,340
Why wouldn't you
755
00:17:28,610 --> 00:17:30,340
set her up with Justin?
756
00:17:30,410 --> 00:17:32,210
I don't really
757
00:17:30,410 --> 00:17:32,210
see them together.
758
00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:34,980
You know?
759
00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:34,980
Plus, Leslie just got
760
00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:34,980
out of a relationship,
761
00:17:35,050 --> 00:17:39,540
so I didn't want Justin to be,
762
00:17:35,050 --> 00:17:39,540
like, her rebound guy or
763
00:17:35,050 --> 00:17:39,540
anything, you know?
764
00:17:39,620 --> 00:17:40,750
Yeah, that makes sense.
765
00:17:40,820 --> 00:17:43,520
Leslie is
766
00:17:40,820 --> 00:17:43,520
a notoriously cruel
767
00:17:40,820 --> 00:17:43,520
and thoughtless person.
768
00:17:43,590 --> 00:17:45,250
Why are we
769
00:17:43,590 --> 00:17:45,250
talking about this?
770
00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:46,320
We're not.
771
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:48,820
What do you see?
772
00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:50,920
Well, it actually
773
00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:50,920
all looks pretty good.
774
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,690
You've got a large brain.
775
00:17:52,970 --> 00:17:53,990
Thank you.
776
00:17:54,070 --> 00:17:56,370
Yeah. Well,
777
00:17:54,070 --> 00:17:56,370
it looks pretty...
778
00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:57,670
Hang on.
779
00:17:58,870 --> 00:18:00,100
That's weird.
780
00:18:00,170 --> 00:18:01,230
What? What's weird?
781
00:18:01,310 --> 00:18:02,300
Your brain.
782
00:18:02,980 --> 00:18:04,040
See that shadow right there?
783
00:18:02,980 --> 00:18:04,040
Oh, my God!
784
00:18:04,110 --> 00:18:05,270
What? Is that bad?
785
00:18:04,110 --> 00:18:05,270
I don't know.
786
00:18:05,350 --> 00:18:09,220
I'd have a doctor look
787
00:18:05,350 --> 00:18:09,220
at that immediately if
788
00:18:05,350 --> 00:18:09,220
I were you.
789
00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:11,510
Are you serious?
790
00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:11,510
Wait.
791
00:18:15,860 --> 00:18:18,290
It's, like,
792
00:18:15,860 --> 00:18:18,290
a smudge or something.
793
00:18:18,660 --> 00:18:20,920
We almost wheeled you
794
00:18:18,660 --> 00:18:20,920
out of here in a chair.
795
00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:24,630
Shall we go?
796
00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:24,630
Yeah, we should go.
797
00:18:25,970 --> 00:18:28,370
Can you imagine
798
00:18:25,970 --> 00:18:28,370
if you had to spend
799
00:18:25,970 --> 00:18:28,370
the rest of your life
800
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,530
sipping a steak
801
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,530
through a straw?
802
00:18:31,740 --> 00:18:34,440
That almost
803
00:18:31,740 --> 00:18:34,440
happened to you.
804
00:18:31,740 --> 00:18:34,440
You were a smudge away.
805
00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:39,370
Thank God I was here.
806
00:18:39,980 --> 00:18:42,470
Looks like
807
00:18:39,980 --> 00:18:42,470
we make a pretty good team.
808
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:46,020
I'm sorry, but there's
809
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:46,020
just something weird about
810
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:46,020
the way you talk about him.
811
00:18:46,090 --> 00:18:49,390
I don't know.
812
00:18:46,090 --> 00:18:49,390
There was definitely
813
00:18:46,090 --> 00:18:49,390
times when we thought
814
00:18:49,460 --> 00:18:50,980
maybe we would
815
00:18:49,460 --> 00:18:50,980
go out someday.
816
00:18:51,060 --> 00:18:53,550
That's why you
817
00:18:51,060 --> 00:18:53,550
didn't set Leslie up.
818
00:18:51,060 --> 00:18:53,550
Because you're saving him.
819
00:18:53,630 --> 00:18:56,060
No, I'm not.
820
00:18:53,630 --> 00:18:56,060
Oh, yeah, you are.
821
00:18:56,430 --> 00:18:59,760
Okay, fine.
822
00:18:56,430 --> 00:18:59,760
You don't have someone
823
00:18:56,430 --> 00:18:59,760
in your life that you think,
824
00:18:59,830 --> 00:19:02,930
"I don't know,
825
00:18:59,830 --> 00:19:02,930
maybe if things were
826
00:18:59,830 --> 00:19:02,930
different, maybe, some day..."
827
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,630
If I'm late for
828
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,630
dinner one night, you're
829
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,630
gonna dump me for Dustin?
830
00:19:05,710 --> 00:19:07,470
No, no. Justin.
831
00:19:05,710 --> 00:19:07,470
Justin?
832
00:19:07,540 --> 00:19:10,270
Absolutely not.
833
00:19:07,540 --> 00:19:10,270
But if we break up,
834
00:19:10,340 --> 00:19:15,180
or you die tragically in
835
00:19:10,340 --> 00:19:15,180
a city planning accident
836
00:19:15,250 --> 00:19:18,480
and I wait a respectful amount
837
00:19:15,250 --> 00:19:18,480
of time, I don't know.
838
00:19:15,250 --> 00:19:18,480
Maybe...
839
00:19:18,550 --> 00:19:19,540
You know what?
840
00:19:19,620 --> 00:19:22,250
You can't save somebody for
841
00:19:19,620 --> 00:19:22,250
the future while you're in
842
00:19:19,620 --> 00:19:22,250
a relationship.
843
00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:23,550
Even I know that.
844
00:19:23,820 --> 00:19:25,320
So, did you want to
845
00:19:23,820 --> 00:19:25,320
go back to your place?
846
00:19:25,390 --> 00:19:26,790
Yeah, actually, Chris,
847
00:19:26,860 --> 00:19:30,760
it was nice to meet you, but
848
00:19:26,860 --> 00:19:30,760
I think this is gonna be our
849
00:19:26,860 --> 00:19:30,760
last date.
850
00:19:30,830 --> 00:19:33,820
I get it. Get your
851
00:19:30,830 --> 00:19:33,820
MRI and get out, huh?
852
00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:35,300
This was your idea.
853
00:19:35,370 --> 00:19:36,460
Clever lady.
854
00:19:36,540 --> 00:19:39,170
I guess I'm not as good
855
00:19:36,540 --> 00:19:39,170
a tech as I thought I was.
856
00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:41,300
I should have noticed
857
00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:41,300
that you're missing a heart.
858
00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:42,670
Ew.
859
00:19:42,740 --> 00:19:44,340
Goodbye, Leslie.
860
00:19:48,850 --> 00:19:52,790
Right. I drove us here.
861
00:19:48,850 --> 00:19:52,790
Goodie.
862
00:19:52,850 --> 00:19:56,950
Hey, do you mind if we pick up
863
00:19:52,850 --> 00:19:56,950
my son Nate at his basketball
864
00:19:52,850 --> 00:19:56,950
game on the way back?
865
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:04,990
So, how was the big date?
866
00:20:05,070 --> 00:20:06,860
Well, the good news is
867
00:20:05,070 --> 00:20:06,860
I don't have cancer.
868
00:20:06,930 --> 00:20:10,340
The bad news is I got
869
00:20:06,930 --> 00:20:10,340
an MRI bill for $2,000.
870
00:20:11,170 --> 00:20:12,400
That sounds hot.
871
00:20:12,470 --> 00:20:15,380
I just don't understand why
872
00:20:12,470 --> 00:20:15,380
the hell Ann thought we'd
873
00:20:12,470 --> 00:20:15,380
be a good fit.
874
00:20:15,510 --> 00:20:17,030
Oh, you slept together?
875
00:20:17,210 --> 00:20:21,210
What? Not sexually. God,
876
00:20:17,210 --> 00:20:21,210
what's wrong with you, Tom?
877
00:20:21,850 --> 00:20:23,150
This a bad time?
878
00:20:23,220 --> 00:20:24,650
No! Come on in.
879
00:20:24,820 --> 00:20:26,720
Justin!
880
00:20:24,820 --> 00:20:26,720
What's up, brother?
881
00:20:27,050 --> 00:20:29,490
Should we...
882
00:20:27,050 --> 00:20:29,490
Yeah, let's do.
883
00:20:29,690 --> 00:20:31,280
See you, dude.
884
00:20:29,690 --> 00:20:31,280
See you around, brother.
885
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:32,880
Dope pea coat.
886
00:20:34,430 --> 00:20:36,800
I have the same one
887
00:20:34,430 --> 00:20:36,800
in an extra small.
888
00:20:41,670 --> 00:20:43,830
Andy, can I talk
889
00:20:41,670 --> 00:20:43,830
to you for a second?
890
00:20:44,270 --> 00:20:47,610
Well, well, well. Look
891
00:20:44,270 --> 00:20:47,610
who's bothering who now?
892
00:20:48,510 --> 00:20:50,540
Seems like the shoe
893
00:20:48,510 --> 00:20:50,540
is on the other foot.
894
00:20:50,610 --> 00:20:53,740
And the guy who
895
00:20:50,610 --> 00:20:53,740
polishes shoes
896
00:20:50,610 --> 00:20:53,740
is now me.
897
00:20:58,390 --> 00:21:00,080
What up?
898
00:20:58,390 --> 00:21:00,080
What can I do for ya?
899
00:21:00,290 --> 00:21:03,260
When you were dating Ann,
900
00:21:00,290 --> 00:21:03,260
did you know this
901
00:21:00,290 --> 00:21:03,260
guy Justin?
902
00:21:03,890 --> 00:21:06,950
Justin. I hate Justin.
903
00:21:03,890 --> 00:21:06,950
Ann was so obviously
904
00:21:03,890 --> 00:21:06,950
into him.
905
00:21:07,090 --> 00:21:08,820
It was so annoying.
906
00:21:07,090 --> 00:21:08,820
Right.
907
00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:12,490
I would say in terms of guys
908
00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:12,490
that she's in love with,
909
00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:12,490
Justin's up here,
910
00:21:12,670 --> 00:21:15,230
I'm up here, and
911
00:21:12,670 --> 00:21:15,230
then you're down here.
912
00:21:15,300 --> 00:21:18,000
Well, I just wanted to
913
00:21:15,300 --> 00:21:18,000
make sure that I wasn't crazy.
914
00:21:18,410 --> 00:21:22,240
So, naturally, I came
915
00:21:18,410 --> 00:21:22,240
to you for reassurance.
916
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:25,640
Do me a favor, don't tell
917
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:25,640
Ann that we talked
918
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:25,640
about this.
919
00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:27,070
Will do.
920
00:21:27,210 --> 00:21:30,240
Ann Perkins!
921
00:21:27,210 --> 00:21:30,240
You should be
922
00:21:27,210 --> 00:21:30,240
ashamed of yourself.
923
00:21:30,750 --> 00:21:32,480
What you're doing
924
00:21:30,750 --> 00:21:32,480
to Mark is not cool.
925
00:21:32,550 --> 00:21:35,750
Why are you guys
926
00:21:32,550 --> 00:21:35,750
talking to each other?
927
00:21:32,550 --> 00:21:35,750
You know what? Forget it.
928
00:21:35,860 --> 00:21:36,880
I'm not getting
929
00:21:35,860 --> 00:21:36,880
into this with you.
930
00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:37,950
You did something wrong?
931
00:21:38,030 --> 00:21:40,390
Yeah.
932
00:21:38,030 --> 00:21:40,390
No! I didn't do
933
00:21:38,030 --> 00:21:40,390
anything wrong.
934
00:21:41,030 --> 00:21:43,430
Come here. This is
935
00:21:41,030 --> 00:21:43,430
none of your business.
936
00:21:43,500 --> 00:21:44,620
You don't know what
937
00:21:43,500 --> 00:21:44,620
you're talking about.
938
00:21:44,700 --> 00:21:47,100
Actually, I do know
939
00:21:44,700 --> 00:21:47,100
what I'm talking about.
940
00:21:47,470 --> 00:21:50,060
Every time
941
00:21:47,470 --> 00:21:50,060
I used to sit around all
942
00:21:47,470 --> 00:21:50,060
afternoon playing video games,
943
00:21:50,140 --> 00:21:51,570
wearing only my slippers,
944
00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:54,130
all of a sudden
945
00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:54,130
I would start to
946
00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:54,130
feel bad about myself.
947
00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:56,010
And do you know why?
948
00:21:56,140 --> 00:21:57,510
Didn't you just explain why?
949
00:21:57,580 --> 00:22:01,950
I would feel bad about myself
950
00:21:57,580 --> 00:22:01,950
because I would start to
951
00:21:57,580 --> 00:22:01,950
think about this perfect guy.
952
00:22:02,050 --> 00:22:05,490
Anytime you would talk about
953
00:22:02,050 --> 00:22:05,490
Justin, I didn't feel very
954
00:22:02,050 --> 00:22:05,490
important.
955
00:22:06,750 --> 00:22:07,740
That was rough.
956
00:22:08,490 --> 00:22:09,820
Well, I didn't know that.
957
00:22:09,890 --> 00:22:11,690
Maybe if you had,
958
00:22:09,890 --> 00:22:11,690
I wouldn't have left.
959
00:22:12,290 --> 00:22:14,820
But you do know now,
960
00:22:12,290 --> 00:22:14,820
so you have to choose.
961
00:22:15,360 --> 00:22:16,590
It's either me or Justin.
962
00:22:16,700 --> 00:22:18,170
I'm not gonna choose.
963
00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:19,530
Wait. I'm dating Mark!
964
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:21,070
Are you, though?
965
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:21,070
Yes.
966
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:22,390
That close.
967
00:22:22,670 --> 00:22:25,570
Wow! This is really good.
968
00:22:22,670 --> 00:22:25,570
"Cease and desist."
969
00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:26,800
"Burden of proof."
970
00:22:26,970 --> 00:22:29,410
Very forceful language.
971
00:22:26,970 --> 00:22:29,410
I'm a little scared.
972
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:32,310
Check out paragraph two.
973
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:32,310
I drop the F-bomb.
974
00:22:32,710 --> 00:22:35,180
"Frivolous." Excellent.
975
00:22:36,380 --> 00:22:38,080
Definitely have the
976
00:22:36,380 --> 00:22:38,080
city attorney look
977
00:22:36,380 --> 00:22:38,080
at that,
978
00:22:38,150 --> 00:22:40,520
but that should be
979
00:22:38,150 --> 00:22:40,520
enough to do the trick.
980
00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:43,320
Well, Justin, I just...
981
00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:43,320
I can't thank you enough.
982
00:22:43,390 --> 00:22:46,590
It's my pleasure. Maybe
983
00:22:43,390 --> 00:22:46,590
I'll see you around sometime.
984
00:22:46,660 --> 00:22:48,600
Yeah! I would love...
985
00:22:49,930 --> 00:22:50,990
I'll see you.
986
00:22:49,930 --> 00:22:50,990
Okay.
987
00:22:51,070 --> 00:22:52,400
Bye.
988
00:22:56,500 --> 00:22:58,840
Damn! He is all right.
989
00:22:59,810 --> 00:23:01,440
Why don't you hit that?
990
00:23:01,940 --> 00:23:04,780
Well, frankly,
991
00:23:01,940 --> 00:23:04,780
I would like to hit that,
992
00:23:05,780 --> 00:23:08,180
but Ann's being
993
00:23:05,780 --> 00:23:08,180
a little weird
994
00:23:05,780 --> 00:23:08,180
about it.
995
00:23:08,420 --> 00:23:09,680
Maybe she's got him on hold.
996
00:23:11,250 --> 00:23:12,240
What do you mean?
997
00:23:13,490 --> 00:23:15,120
Ronald, I've done it.
998
00:23:15,290 --> 00:23:17,350
I've found your assistant,
999
00:23:15,290 --> 00:23:17,350
and he's dope.
1000
00:23:17,790 --> 00:23:19,780
His name is Jean-Ralphio.
1001
00:23:20,060 --> 00:23:21,960
Jean-Ralphio!
1002
00:23:20,060 --> 00:23:21,960
Big T.
1003
00:23:22,500 --> 00:23:24,360
What up?
1004
00:23:22,500 --> 00:23:24,360
Mr. Swanson, two things.
1005
00:23:24,430 --> 00:23:27,630
One, it is an absolute
1006
00:23:24,430 --> 00:23:27,630
honor to meet you.
1007
00:23:27,700 --> 00:23:30,100
Two, who is that hot
1008
00:23:27,700 --> 00:23:30,100
intern chick out there?
1009
00:23:30,170 --> 00:23:33,500
Because honestly, damn!
1010
00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:36,980
Take a seat.
1011
00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:36,980
Right. Here we go.
1012
00:23:37,210 --> 00:23:38,940
So, Jean-Ralphio...
1013
00:23:39,150 --> 00:23:41,480
You got him right here.
1014
00:23:39,150 --> 00:23:41,480
Leave a message after
1015
00:23:39,150 --> 00:23:41,480
the beep.
1016
00:23:41,550 --> 00:23:43,980
Why do I want you
1017
00:23:41,550 --> 00:23:43,980
as my assistant?
1018
00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:46,750
For starters,
1019
00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:46,750
access to the illest clubs.
1020
00:23:46,820 --> 00:23:48,980
And that's
1021
00:23:46,820 --> 00:23:48,980
just for starters.
1022
00:23:46,820 --> 00:23:48,980
I will work for you.
1023
00:23:49,060 --> 00:23:51,290
I'll be on you 24/7.
1024
00:23:49,060 --> 00:23:51,290
I'll be like your family.
1025
00:23:51,360 --> 00:23:52,620
I'm here when you
1026
00:23:51,360 --> 00:23:52,620
get here in the morning.
1027
00:23:52,690 --> 00:23:54,560
Sure enough,
1028
00:23:52,690 --> 00:23:54,560
I'll be there tucking
1029
00:23:52,690 --> 00:23:54,560
you into bed at night.
1030
00:23:54,630 --> 00:23:57,720
Don't worry,
1031
00:23:54,630 --> 00:23:57,720
it's not gay.
1032
00:23:54,630 --> 00:23:57,720
Do we have questions?
1033
00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:00,460
I think our
1034
00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:00,460
only question is,
1035
00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:00,460
when can you start?
1036
00:24:00,530 --> 00:24:01,900
Right now, let's do it!
1037
00:24:02,100 --> 00:24:05,070
Thank you for coming in.
1038
00:24:02,100 --> 00:24:05,070
We will talk.
1039
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:07,540
Cool. I feel good
1040
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:07,540
about this.
1041
00:24:07,610 --> 00:24:09,740
And, you know, you can hit me
1042
00:24:07,610 --> 00:24:09,740
up on Facebook anytime,
1043
00:24:07,610 --> 00:24:09,740
day or night.
1044
00:24:09,810 --> 00:24:11,440
You know that, right?
1045
00:24:09,810 --> 00:24:11,440
Take care, buddy.
1046
00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:15,480
So what do you think
1047
00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:15,480
of your new assistant?
1048
00:24:15,550 --> 00:24:17,880
I want to punch you in
1049
00:24:15,550 --> 00:24:17,880
the face so bad right now.
1050
00:24:17,950 --> 00:24:20,150
What? Okay.
1051
00:24:21,660 --> 00:24:23,150
Message received.
1052
00:24:21,660 --> 00:24:23,150
I'll keep looking.
1053
00:24:23,220 --> 00:24:25,620
Thank you. Bring me
1054
00:24:23,220 --> 00:24:25,620
the opposite of him.
1055
00:24:27,490 --> 00:24:29,960
Tell me
1056
00:24:27,490 --> 00:24:29,960
what Ann did wrong.
1057
00:24:27,490 --> 00:24:29,960
Please. I need to know.
1058
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:32,560
Nothing, it's
1059
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:32,560
none of my business.
1060
00:24:32,870 --> 00:24:34,060
What kind of music is this?
1061
00:24:34,130 --> 00:24:36,130
It's rock and roll,
1062
00:24:34,130 --> 00:24:36,130
my friend.
1063
00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:37,640
The kind that sticks
1064
00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:37,640
in your brain.
1065
00:24:37,710 --> 00:24:41,640
Loud, fast, smooth,
1066
00:24:37,710 --> 00:24:41,640
handsome rock.
1067
00:24:41,710 --> 00:24:45,150
That band is really blowing up
1068
00:24:41,710 --> 00:24:45,150
right now. They're number one
1069
00:24:41,710 --> 00:24:45,150
on iTunes.
1070
00:24:45,380 --> 00:24:47,140
Okay. I'll take one.
1071
00:24:53,020 --> 00:24:56,390
You are amazing!
1072
00:24:53,020 --> 00:24:56,390
I like when you
1073
00:24:53,020 --> 00:24:56,390
hang out here.
1074
00:25:00,130 --> 00:25:01,460
I want to be
1075
00:25:00,130 --> 00:25:01,460
your assistant.
1076
00:25:01,630 --> 00:25:03,720
Really? You hate it here.
1077
00:25:04,100 --> 00:25:08,000
So do you. I'll make sure
1078
00:25:04,100 --> 00:25:08,000
you don't have to go to
1079
00:25:04,100 --> 00:25:08,000
any meetings.
1080
00:25:08,270 --> 00:25:11,200
If anyone
1081
00:25:08,270 --> 00:25:11,200
comes to see you,
1082
00:25:08,270 --> 00:25:11,200
I'll scare them away.
1083
00:25:11,270 --> 00:25:14,970
Wait, April,
1084
00:25:11,270 --> 00:25:14,970
if you had to choose
1085
00:25:11,270 --> 00:25:14,970
between these two ties...
1086
00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:17,710
You're hired.
1087
00:25:17,950 --> 00:25:21,400
I just figured
1088
00:25:17,950 --> 00:25:21,400
I might as well get
1089
00:25:17,950 --> 00:25:21,400
paid for being here.
1090
00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:26,490
Hi.
1091
00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:26,490
Hey! I was just calling you.
1092
00:25:26,890 --> 00:25:27,980
Here.
1093
00:25:29,890 --> 00:25:31,690
This is
1094
00:25:29,890 --> 00:25:31,690
a prescription
1095
00:25:29,890 --> 00:25:31,690
for Denise Dogan.
1096
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:35,320
Oh, my God, I'm sorry.
1097
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:35,320
I'm so out of sorts.
1098
00:25:36,330 --> 00:25:37,420
Here.
1099
00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:39,390
Porter's Grill at 7:00.
1100
00:25:39,470 --> 00:25:41,440
Justin's gonna
1101
00:25:39,470 --> 00:25:41,440
meet you there.
1102
00:25:41,500 --> 00:25:43,160
I'm sorry Chris
1103
00:25:41,500 --> 00:25:43,160
was such a jerk.
1104
00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:44,870
You deserve
1105
00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:44,870
way better than that.
1106
00:25:44,940 --> 00:25:46,910
If this situation is
1107
00:25:44,940 --> 00:25:46,910
weird or if you feel weird...
1108
00:25:46,970 --> 00:25:48,340
It's not weird.
1109
00:25:48,410 --> 00:25:50,400
You guys will really
1110
00:25:48,410 --> 00:25:50,400
like each other.
1111
00:25:48,410 --> 00:25:50,400
Thanks.
1112
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:51,970
I gotta run.
1113
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:51,970
I have another stop
1114
00:25:52,050 --> 00:25:53,950
on the pride-swallowing
1115
00:25:52,050 --> 00:25:53,950
tour of City Hall.
1116
00:25:54,010 --> 00:25:55,110
Go get him.
1117
00:25:55,180 --> 00:25:56,780
That's where
1118
00:25:55,180 --> 00:25:56,780
I never find things.
1119
00:25:56,850 --> 00:25:57,840
Hey.
1120
00:25:57,990 --> 00:25:59,010
Hi, Ann.
1121
00:25:59,090 --> 00:26:02,550
So, I just set up
1122
00:25:59,090 --> 00:26:02,550
Justin and Leslie.
1123
00:26:03,460 --> 00:26:04,950
And I'm sorry.
1124
00:26:05,060 --> 00:26:07,290
I rented District 9,
1125
00:26:08,030 --> 00:26:11,190
if you maybe wanted
1126
00:26:08,030 --> 00:26:11,190
to spoil that for
1127
00:26:08,030 --> 00:26:11,190
me tonight.
1128
00:26:15,340 --> 00:26:17,670
Oh, my God!
1129
00:26:15,340 --> 00:26:17,670
Dark ending, right?
1130
00:26:21,010 --> 00:26:24,640
I'm back on the horse,
1131
00:26:21,010 --> 00:26:24,640
and this horse is a lawyer,
1132
00:26:25,580 --> 00:26:29,980
so I'm looking forward
1133
00:26:25,580 --> 00:26:29,980
to riding him. No, wait.
1134
00:26:32,620 --> 00:26:33,710
Ten months ago,
1135
00:26:33,790 --> 00:26:37,550
she was an intern who could
1136
00:26:33,790 --> 00:26:37,550
give a C-R-A-P about local
1137
00:26:33,790 --> 00:26:37,550
government.
1138
00:26:37,620 --> 00:26:40,960
Now, she's our newest
1139
00:26:37,620 --> 00:26:40,960
employee. To April!
1140
00:26:41,260 --> 00:26:42,350
Cheers!
1141
00:26:42,430 --> 00:26:43,450
Yay!
1142
00:26:43,530 --> 00:26:45,360
Jerry, come and celebrate!
1143
00:26:45,430 --> 00:26:46,490
No, thanks.
1144
00:26:46,570 --> 00:26:49,470
Well, everybody,
1145
00:26:46,570 --> 00:26:49,470
let's get back to work.
1146
00:26:52,910 --> 00:26:54,030
Where are you going?
1147
00:26:54,110 --> 00:26:56,770
I want to talk to Ron
1148
00:26:54,110 --> 00:26:56,770
about the size of my desk.
1149
00:26:56,840 --> 00:26:59,810
Jerry, you have to
1150
00:26:56,840 --> 00:26:59,810
schedule an appointment.
1151
00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:02,950
Okay. How about now?
1152
00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:02,950
Ron's not here.
1153
00:27:03,020 --> 00:27:04,990
He's right there.
1154
00:27:03,020 --> 00:27:04,990
I can see him.
1155
00:27:05,790 --> 00:27:07,350
I'll let you know
1156
00:27:05,790 --> 00:27:07,350
when he's available.
1157
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:13,420
Attagirl.
63038
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