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(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
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(ALL WHOOPING AND CHEERING)
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ALICE: There is
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a right way to be single.
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Hey. How are you?
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(CHUCKLES) Hi.
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Oh, when's your wedding?
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Eighteen months after
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I meet the right guy.
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Okay.
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ALICE: And a wrong way
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to be single.
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And then there's this guy.
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(PHONE RINGING)
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Good morning.
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Hi. You want a hand with that?
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ALICE: We're embarrassed
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to admit we're single,
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and try to pretend
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that we're not.
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(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
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(SNORING)
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NURSE: We need you
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in Exam Room 3.
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ALICE: We're supposed
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to act all cheerful
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and happy about it.
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What?
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But why should we
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be embarrassed?
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We're living longer,
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marrying later,
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and refusing
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to leave the party
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before we're really,
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really done.
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So, why do we always tell our
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stories through relationships?
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Where's home?
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Oh, I'm not going home.
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No way.
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(CLATTERS)
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Shit.
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(GASPS) Oh, my God.
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(SING-SONG VOICE) Oh, my God.
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Here, here.
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Oh, my God, oh, my God...
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I gotcha. Here you go.
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(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
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I did not think this through.
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(LAUGHING)
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(GIGGLES AND SNORTS)
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I'm Josh.
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I'm Alice.
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ALICE: But this story
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isn't about relationships.
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It's about all those
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times in between
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when maybe, just maybe,
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our real life is happening.
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This isn't a break-up. Okay?
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We're just taking
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some time apart.
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It's temporary. Like, it's...
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You know, it's like a break.
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Bullshit!
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(SIGHS) Josh, I've never
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been on my own.
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I went from living
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with my parents,
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to living in a dorm,
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to living with you.
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But we're happy, Alice.
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Are we?
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Yeah.
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Or are we just boring?
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I'm not boring.
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I'm fucking fun.
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I say I'm gonna
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do things all the time,
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and I never, ever do them.
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Like, I'm gonna learn to cook,
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or take a self-defense class
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or I'm gonna hike
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the Grand Canyon,
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and I never, ever do it.
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That's not my fault.
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You said the boots
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made your feet hurt.
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Look, if we really want
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this to work long term,
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I need to know who I am alone
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and I don't want to spend my
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life wondering "What if?"
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This is stupid.
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The minute you
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walk out of here
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you're gonna realize
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how much shit I do for you
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and how great I am
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and how much you need me,
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and you're gonna
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start stalking me.
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(CHUCKLES SLOWLY)
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And that's sad.
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(EXHALES)
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This is gonna be
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great for both of us.
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Yeah.
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We need to know what it's like
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to be single, at least once.
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Can't you just fuck
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one of my friends?
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(CHUCKLES)
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Just do something
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to make me hate you.
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This is gonna be
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the right thing.
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Oh, God.
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I'm gonna miss your boobs.
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(CHUCKLES)
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(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
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No, no, no, no,
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no, no, no, no.
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Does this make it work?
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(BEEPS)
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Yes! Yes.
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There, good. Good.
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No. No, no.
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(GASPS) Yes. Yes. Okay.
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Yes. Yes, yes, good. Oh!
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MAN: Whoa! Whoa!
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(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
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(POP MUSIC CONTINUES)
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(SCREAMS)
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Whoa! Whoa! Oh! Oh! Oh!
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What the hell
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are you doing here?
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I'm cooking you breakfast!
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No, okay.
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I don't do breakfast.
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Right? You need to get out!
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You're in my apartment!
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Put the...
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This is not my apartment.
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Fuck. Sorry.
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I might be a little drunk.
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Oh.
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I might actually wipe
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my fingerprints off that.
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You were great last night.
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Was I?
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(WHISPERS) I can't remember.
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MEG: Okay, let's go to
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your happy place.
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What if I poop?
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I won't even notice.
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Oh, God.
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It's totally natural.
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Women have been doing this
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for thousands of years, okay?
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How many babies have you had?
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(WOMAN PANTING)
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Well, I've delivered
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about 3,000 of them.
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Didn't you want one?
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You know what?
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I just felt like society
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doesn't let you
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pursue your dreams
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once you have children.
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And I didn't feel like
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I wanted to
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give up my identity
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to be a slave to some
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tiny little love-terrorist.
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Plus, your body
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falls to shit,
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and you have
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no time to exercise
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and forget about sleep for
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the rest of your life, right?
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Oh, no, honey! No, no, no,
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no, no, no. You can do it!
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No, I can't.
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My body went to shit.
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My body went to shit. It did.
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(CRYING) And my vagina's
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so loose, already!
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Let's push!
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Okay.
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MEG: Yay!
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(SCREAMING)
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Is that poop or a baby?
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It's not a baby.
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(TELEPHONE RINGING)
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(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
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Robin? This is Alice,
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our new paralegal.
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Will you give her
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the tour, please?
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Yes, of course.
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Thank you.
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(SIGHS)
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Hi, I'm Alice.
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Hi.
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It's so nice to meet you.
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Yeah. Oh, sorry, my hands
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are a little bit creamy.
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(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
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Okay. All right.
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(CLEARS THROAT)
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Welcome to the law firm
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of some guy,
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some other guy,
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and some Jewish guy.
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Just kidding.
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They're all Jewish.
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I'm really excited
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to be here.
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This was actually
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one of my top choices.
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That closet there,
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is really good
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for making personal calls.
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But whatever you do, do not
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hook up in this copy room.
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One, it's just,
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like, so cliche.
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And two, there's
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a security camera.
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Oh, I'm not really hooking up
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with anybody right now
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because recently,
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I actually--
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Uh, yeah, I know
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what you're thinking.
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They do record the footage.
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So, unless a leaked sex tape
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is part of your two-year plan,
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(SWALLOWS) I'd recommend
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hooking up in the...
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(INAUDIBLE)
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You'll never know
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our secrets.
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You'll never know!
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Whoo!
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(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
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(SNORTS DERISIVELY)
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Excuse me.
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That's none of your business.
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You're kind of making it
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my business, here.
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Look, I just
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moved in upstairs
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and my Wi-Fi sucks.
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So, if I have to listen
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to every drunk asshole
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stumble out of here
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at 5:00 a.m.,
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I'm at least gonna use
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your free Internet.
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Wow. Okay, hi. Um...
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(CLEARS THROAT)
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I'm Tom. And--
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Hi.
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If you're gonna be
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using my free Wi-Fi,
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at least you can
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do me a favor
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and not write shit like,
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"I want to wake up
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with my best friend."
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Unless you want
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my dick to fall off.
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And then maybe we could
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become best friends,
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and that'd be awesome.
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Look, I spent half of last
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year creating an algorithm
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that trolls dating apps
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for the best candidates
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and downloads them
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into an Excel spreadsheet.
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So, I know
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what I'm looking for.
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Yeah, that's not
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weird at all.
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What are you
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really doing online?
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I mean, you're a pretty girl.
292
00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:06,213
This is New York City.
293
00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:07,588
There's like a billion
294
00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:07,588
people outside that door.
295
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,716
Yeah, but how many
296
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,716
eligible people?
297
00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:13,761
Here. Okay, there are eight
298
00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:13,761
million people in this city.
299
00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:14,971
Sounds like a lot, right?
300
00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:16,056
It does.
301
00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:17,557
But, half of them are women.
302
00:09:17,598 --> 00:09:19,726
And as hard as
303
00:09:17,598 --> 00:09:19,726
I tried in college,
304
00:09:19,767 --> 00:09:21,311
I don't swing that way.
305
00:09:21,353 --> 00:09:22,854
How hard did you try?
306
00:09:21,353 --> 00:09:22,854
Let it go.
307
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:24,022
Okay.
308
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,482
So, four million men.
309
00:09:25,524 --> 00:09:26,941
And then you got to
310
00:09:25,524 --> 00:09:26,941
have some age limits.
311
00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:28,651
Let's say over 20.
312
00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:28,651
Gotta keep it legal.
313
00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:30,320
Under 40.
314
00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:30,320
Keep it sexy.
315
00:09:30,362 --> 00:09:31,779
Now, it's a million.
316
00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:35,075
Right. We're talking
317
00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:35,075
about a million guys.
318
00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:37,994
But half of them are married.
319
00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:40,038
10 percent are gay.
320
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,831
I want someone
321
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,831
college educated.
322
00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:43,958
Not too ugly.
323
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,168
So...
324
00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:46,211
There's your boyfriend.
325
00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:48,171
I wish.
326
00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:50,757
He's got to be
327
00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:50,757
taller than me...
328
00:09:50,798 --> 00:09:52,717
(CHUCKLES)
329
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:55,053
And he's got to want kids.
330
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:56,846
So, yeah, I'm on 10 different
331
00:09:56,888 --> 00:09:58,598
dating websites to
332
00:09:56,888 --> 00:09:58,598
increase my odds.
333
00:09:58,639 --> 00:10:00,225
So, what do you say?
334
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:02,060
You let me treat this bar
335
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:02,060
like it's my living room
336
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:04,229
and I won't call
337
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:04,229
the cops every night
338
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:04,229
with a noise complaint.
339
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:08,233
Okay. Very cute.
340
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:08,233
These are the women?
341
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:09,317
Hmm.
342
00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:10,360
Thanks.
343
00:10:11,403 --> 00:10:13,363
Mmm. Mmm.
344
00:10:13,405 --> 00:10:14,864
See you around.
345
00:10:14,906 --> 00:10:16,283
Stupid.
346
00:10:16,324 --> 00:10:17,534
Um, have a nice night.
347
00:10:17,576 --> 00:10:19,786
Wait. What?
348
00:10:17,576 --> 00:10:19,786
Where are you going?
349
00:10:19,827 --> 00:10:21,037
I'm going home.
350
00:10:21,079 --> 00:10:22,456
What?
351
00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:24,040
I never want to
352
00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:24,040
hear you say that again.
353
00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:25,375
Ugh!
354
00:10:25,417 --> 00:10:28,920
You're single now, okay?
355
00:10:25,417 --> 00:10:28,920
You do not go home!
356
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,255
You shouldn't even
357
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,255
have a home.
358
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:31,965
You should just
359
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:31,965
have 500 square feet
360
00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:34,050
where you keep some clothes
361
00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:34,050
and occasionally bathe.
362
00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:36,886
Well, okay, technically,
363
00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:36,886
I'm not, like, single.
364
00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:38,721
We're just on a break.
365
00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:41,308
Uh, there's no
366
00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:41,308
such thing as a "break,"
367
00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:41,308
Season-3 Ross.
368
00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:42,892
No, we really are on a break.
369
00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:44,394
We're just taking
370
00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:44,394
a little bit of time apart
371
00:10:44,436 --> 00:10:46,771
to make sure we really
372
00:10:44,436 --> 00:10:46,771
want to be together.
373
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:49,232
Oh, so you're on some
374
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:49,232
kind of sexual rumspringa?
375
00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:51,401
No.
376
00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:51,401
Why didn't you say anything?
377
00:10:51,443 --> 00:10:53,069
I could've made you
378
00:10:51,443 --> 00:10:53,069
take a half-day!
379
00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:54,195
It was my first day at work.
380
00:10:54,237 --> 00:10:55,572
Rumspringa!
381
00:10:55,614 --> 00:10:57,740
What? No! Where
382
00:10:55,614 --> 00:10:57,740
are we going? (LAUGHS)
383
00:10:57,782 --> 00:11:00,118
Ask me for a rum and Coke
384
00:10:57,782 --> 00:11:00,118
if you think you're gonna die.
385
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,328
Get out of here!
386
00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:03,246
Uh,
387
00:11:03,288 --> 00:11:06,124
you said on your profile
388
00:11:03,288 --> 00:11:06,124
you're a big dreamer.
389
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,626
You know, please. (CHUCKLES)
390
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:10,962
No, no, I think I want
391
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:10,962
what everybody wants.
392
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:13,047
Cross off some things
393
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:13,047
on the bucket list.
394
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:15,800
So, what is on
395
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:15,800
your bucket list?
396
00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:16,884
Usual stuff.
397
00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:18,345
Uh, Wrigley Fields.
398
00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:18,345
Mmm.
399
00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:19,762
Dolphin Trainer.
400
00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:19,762
Oh, boy.
401
00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:22,098
Oh, my God. I love dolphins.
402
00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:23,475
Loved, since forever.
403
00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:24,892
Wow, no, no, you know,
404
00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:24,892
because the normal ones
405
00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:26,727
are already checked off,
406
00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:26,727
you know?
407
00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:28,938
Mmm-hmm.
408
00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:28,938
Hot Carl.
409
00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:30,148
Dirty Sanchez.
410
00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:30,148
Yeah, that's--
411
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,899
Golden Shower. That one,
412
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,899
Oh.
413
00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:33,901
I actually checked off
414
00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:33,901
by accident.
415
00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:35,236
Thank you, prom. (CHUCKLES)
416
00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:38,823
So, these aren't career
417
00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:38,823
goals or life goals.
418
00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:41,535
These are more sexual things.
419
00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:43,161
Have you ever heard
420
00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:43,161
of the Whack-a-Mole?
421
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:44,371
Rum and Coke.
422
00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:45,997
Rum and Coke? Really?
423
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,457
I didn't think
424
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,457
you'd want to do
425
00:11:47,499 --> 00:11:49,125
a Rum and Coke with
426
00:11:47,499 --> 00:11:49,125
me on our first date.
427
00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:50,793
Um, rum and Coke?
428
00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:50,793
I got to find a live hamster.
429
00:11:50,835 --> 00:11:52,128
So, I guess I could
430
00:11:50,835 --> 00:11:52,128
trap a street rat.
431
00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:53,547
I mean, we are in New York.
432
00:11:53,588 --> 00:11:55,256
Rum and Coke!
433
00:11:53,588 --> 00:11:55,256
I got to go shave my legs.
434
00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:56,466
Drink more water.
435
00:11:56,508 --> 00:11:57,758
Oh. Okay.
436
00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:58,801
Yo.
437
00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:01,137
Go lock yourself in my office.
438
00:12:01,179 --> 00:12:02,430
Thank you.
439
00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:03,682
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
440
00:12:03,722 --> 00:12:05,933
Here we go.
441
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:09,187
Let me teach you
442
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:09,187
how to be single.
443
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:12,357
Okay, lesson one.
444
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:12,357
Go get us some drinks.
445
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:14,150
Okay.
446
00:12:14,192 --> 00:12:15,985
No. That was a trick.
447
00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:18,779
You don't buy the drinks.
448
00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:18,779
Boys buy the drinks.
449
00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:22,242
It's kind of like a sexual
450
00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:22,242
currency that they use,
451
00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:24,952
so they're not actually
452
00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:24,952
paying you to hook up.
453
00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:26,496
So, go get us a drink.
454
00:12:26,538 --> 00:12:27,622
Okay.
455
00:12:27,664 --> 00:12:28,998
Not... Not with this wallet.
456
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:30,791
Okay.
457
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:30,791
With the sausage wallet.
458
00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:31,959
Which of you is
459
00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:31,959
buying oil right now?
460
00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:33,211
Do you know how much...
461
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:35,088
Hey, what's up, y'all?
462
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:35,088
(CHUCKLES)
463
00:12:35,129 --> 00:12:36,881
I don't know why
464
00:12:35,129 --> 00:12:36,881
I just said "y'all."
465
00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:39,842
"You all" would have
466
00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:39,842
taken just as much time.
467
00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:41,219
And I'm not even
468
00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:41,219
from the South,
469
00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:43,179
I'm from Portland.
470
00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:43,179
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
471
00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:46,516
Which is southern from Canada.
472
00:12:46,558 --> 00:12:47,850
Are y'all Canadian?
473
00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:50,144
I just did it again,
474
00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:50,144
I said it again.
475
00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:51,938
My system should have
476
00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:51,938
weeded him out.
477
00:12:51,979 --> 00:12:53,981
You probably read
478
00:12:51,979 --> 00:12:53,981
your data wrong.
479
00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:56,067
I bet that guy told you
480
00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:56,067
exactly who he was.
481
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,444
You just didn't
482
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,444
want to hear it.
483
00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:59,070
I tell the truth
484
00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:59,070
to girls all the time.
485
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,863
They hear what
486
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,863
they want to hear.
487
00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:02,407
That sounds like
488
00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:02,407
a load of crap.
489
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:03,782
(WOMAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
490
00:13:03,824 --> 00:13:06,536
I'm not kidding. Watch this.
491
00:13:06,578 --> 00:13:07,746
Hey, sweetheart. Hey.
492
00:13:07,786 --> 00:13:09,539
Hi.
493
00:13:09,581 --> 00:13:12,166
Hey, uh, you know we're
494
00:13:09,581 --> 00:13:12,166
only sleeping together
495
00:13:09,581 --> 00:13:12,166
for fun, right?
496
00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:14,419
Because I'm not interested
497
00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:14,419
in long-term relationships,
498
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,296
so I think I'm gonna
499
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,296
start seeing other people
500
00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:17,838
and I think you
501
00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:17,838
should move on, too.
502
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:20,550
Because I care about you,
503
00:13:20,592 --> 00:13:22,552
and I don't want
504
00:13:20,592 --> 00:13:22,552
to see you get hurt.
505
00:13:22,594 --> 00:13:25,346
Oh, I care about you, too.
506
00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:27,390
Yeah. Hmm.
507
00:13:31,102 --> 00:13:32,437
Wow.
508
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:35,231
You guys are super
509
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:35,231
dressed-up. Funeral?
510
00:13:36,107 --> 00:13:37,442
Oh, my God. Okay, bye.
511
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:39,026
That was a really bad idea.
512
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:41,070
This is stupid. I should
513
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:41,070
probably just go home.
514
00:13:41,112 --> 00:13:42,196
It's better.
515
00:13:41,112 --> 00:13:42,196
No, are you kidding?
516
00:13:42,238 --> 00:13:43,782
You have a small window
517
00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:45,866
in which to bang your way
518
00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:45,866
through New York City.
519
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:49,036
No, Josh and I didn't
520
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:49,036
break up so I could
521
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:49,036
see other people.
522
00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:51,122
I'm trying to
523
00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:51,122
figure out who I am.
524
00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:53,166
Then why don't you take this,
525
00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:56,085
go home and
526
00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:56,085
stare at your beave?
527
00:13:56,127 --> 00:13:58,296
Look, I'm just gonna
528
00:13:56,127 --> 00:13:58,296
choose for you. All right?
529
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,340
Um... (GASPS) I know.
530
00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:02,091
I would like
531
00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:02,091
to see your tongue
532
00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:03,259
in that bartender's face.
533
00:14:03,301 --> 00:14:04,636
ALICE: What?
534
00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:06,304
ROBIN: Don't worry,
535
00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:06,304
I know him.
536
00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:07,514
He's like a palate cleanser.
537
00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:07,514
He's sexual sorbet.
538
00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:08,931
That guy?
539
00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:10,600
Yeah. I've heard
540
00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:10,600
he's really good in bed.
541
00:14:10,642 --> 00:14:13,186
From myself, because
542
00:14:10,642 --> 00:14:13,186
I might have slept with him.
543
00:14:13,227 --> 00:14:14,437
I can't really remember.
544
00:14:14,479 --> 00:14:16,105
Maybe, uh... It was winter.
545
00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:18,525
Maybe I just used his dick
546
00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:18,525
as a scarf. Let's go.
547
00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:19,609
What?
548
00:14:19,651 --> 00:14:21,027
Hey, Tom.
549
00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:22,821
This is Alice.
550
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,531
She's newly single
551
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,531
and needs to hook up
552
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,531
with a random stranger.
553
00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:25,824
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
554
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:26,991
Let me buy you a drink.
555
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:26,991
Here you go.
556
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:28,284
Thanks.
557
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:28,284
Uh, thanks.
558
00:14:29,494 --> 00:14:31,162
Let me buy you a drink.
559
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:32,330
(LAUGHS)
560
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:33,498
Welcome to the party.
561
00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:35,500
Umm, cheers.
562
00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:40,630
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
563
00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:40,630
Whoo!
564
00:14:40,672 --> 00:14:42,382
Come on! Yeah! Ha!
565
00:14:53,184 --> 00:14:54,352
Hi!
566
00:14:53,184 --> 00:14:54,352
Yeah!
567
00:14:58,147 --> 00:14:59,148
Hey.
568
00:14:58,147 --> 00:14:59,148
Hi.
569
00:15:14,539 --> 00:15:17,208
Whoa! Whoa!
570
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:19,001
She just hit you in the face!
571
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:21,713
Oh!
572
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:21,713
Rumspringa!
573
00:15:33,516 --> 00:15:34,559
(GROANS)
574
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:35,810
MEG: Morning, sunshine.
575
00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:36,853
No.
576
00:15:39,564 --> 00:15:42,859
No, Meg! Ow! (GROANS)
577
00:15:42,901 --> 00:15:44,485
Oh, my God.
578
00:15:44,527 --> 00:15:46,529
Wakey-wakey.
579
00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:47,572
(BOTH LAUGHING)
580
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:50,867
A doctor?
581
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:50,867
(MEG SCREAMS)
582
00:15:50,909 --> 00:15:53,494
Did I have sex with
583
00:15:50,909 --> 00:15:53,494
a doctor? Did we have sex?
584
00:15:54,328 --> 00:15:55,496
No.
585
00:15:54,328 --> 00:15:55,496
No?
586
00:15:55,538 --> 00:15:57,373
No, we didn't have sex.
587
00:15:57,415 --> 00:15:58,499
I didn't sleep with anybody?
588
00:15:58,541 --> 00:16:00,418
No, I don't think so.
589
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:01,711
Why does it smell
590
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:01,711
like weed in here?
591
00:16:01,753 --> 00:16:02,879
You have a little...
592
00:16:02,921 --> 00:16:05,715
What?
593
00:16:02,921 --> 00:16:05,715
It's in your hair now.
594
00:16:05,757 --> 00:16:08,551
It's just right...
595
00:16:08,593 --> 00:16:09,803
What?
596
00:16:08,593 --> 00:16:09,803
It...
597
00:16:09,844 --> 00:16:12,263
No, I just have
598
00:16:09,844 --> 00:16:12,263
long eyelashes.
599
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:14,808
It's a...
600
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:14,808
You have a joint clinging...
601
00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:16,559
Oh.
602
00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:18,269
Yay! Free coffee!
603
00:16:21,439 --> 00:16:24,275
Uh, take two Tylenol,
604
00:16:21,439 --> 00:16:24,275
and make yourself
605
00:16:21,439 --> 00:16:24,275
some breakfast.
606
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:25,693
ALICE: I love you.
607
00:16:25,735 --> 00:16:28,446
Love, love you.
608
00:16:25,735 --> 00:16:28,446
(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)
609
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:31,574
(CHUCKLES) Your roommate
610
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:31,574
seems pretty cool.
611
00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:35,411
Oh, she's my sister.
612
00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:37,497
Really?
613
00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:37,497
Mmm-hmm.
614
00:16:37,538 --> 00:16:39,874
Uh, then I think
615
00:16:37,538 --> 00:16:39,874
I might have pissed
616
00:16:37,538 --> 00:16:39,874
in your sister's litter box.
617
00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:42,752
That's a Zen garden.
618
00:16:42,794 --> 00:16:44,545
The cat has a Zen garden?
619
00:16:44,587 --> 00:16:45,588
ALICE: There's no cat.
620
00:16:44,587 --> 00:16:45,588
(MAN GROANS)
621
00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:47,757
Where am I?
622
00:16:47,799 --> 00:16:49,801
I knew I had sex
623
00:16:47,799 --> 00:16:49,801
in this apartment!
624
00:16:49,843 --> 00:16:52,386
Oh, yeah.
625
00:16:49,843 --> 00:16:52,386
What's up?
626
00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:54,555
Okay, where are we?
627
00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:54,555
(SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE)
628
00:16:54,597 --> 00:16:57,642
Um, Broadway and 77th.
629
00:16:54,597 --> 00:16:57,642
Um...
630
00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:59,310
We have to be
631
00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:59,310
at work in 30 minutes,
632
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:00,561
so we should
633
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:00,561
probably go this way.
634
00:17:00,603 --> 00:17:02,480
It's okay,
635
00:17:00,603 --> 00:17:02,480
I can do this in 20.
636
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:03,773
Wait, do what?
637
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:03,773
Let's go.
638
00:17:03,815 --> 00:17:05,065
Wait, do what?
639
00:17:03,815 --> 00:17:05,065
Time me!
640
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,403
Step one.
641
00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:11,280
That stuff is for babies.
642
00:17:11,322 --> 00:17:12,657
Babies with hangovers.
643
00:17:13,491 --> 00:17:15,034
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
644
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:18,371
(SNORTS)
645
00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:21,541
Baba, are we good?
646
00:17:23,083 --> 00:17:24,878
Payment accepted. Let's go.
647
00:17:24,919 --> 00:17:26,921
(ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES)
648
00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:32,969
(GRUNTS)
649
00:17:43,897 --> 00:17:44,981
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
650
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,319
Hi!
651
00:17:50,361 --> 00:17:51,905
Yeah, hi.
652
00:17:50,361 --> 00:17:51,905
I'm really interested
653
00:17:51,946 --> 00:17:53,614
in buying a lot of
654
00:17:51,946 --> 00:17:53,614
your products, but first,
655
00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:56,325
I need you to put
656
00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:56,325
all of them on my face,
657
00:17:56,367 --> 00:17:59,328
in a very nice way, for free.
658
00:17:59,370 --> 00:18:01,789
I'm gonna need a full face,
659
00:17:59,370 --> 00:18:01,789
with a side of "Wow."
660
00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:02,832
Okay.
661
00:18:05,543 --> 00:18:07,127
Mimosa, hold the orange juice.
662
00:18:08,379 --> 00:18:10,965
Here. Come on. Gimme.
663
00:18:11,007 --> 00:18:12,050
(HAIR DRYER HISSING)
664
00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:23,853
Nailed it.
665
00:18:23,895 --> 00:18:25,688
You're three-and-a-half
666
00:18:23,895 --> 00:18:25,688
hours late.
667
00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:27,732
MEG: Yay! Lunchtime!
668
00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:31,360
And don't worry
669
00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:31,360
about the weight.
670
00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:33,071
It should come off after
671
00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:33,071
you stop nursing the infant.
672
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,989
"Katie." That's her name.
673
00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:36,323
Oh, okay.
674
00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:37,867
Oh, no. I have to pee.
675
00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:37,867
(KATIE CRYING)
676
00:18:37,909 --> 00:18:39,619
It just falls out
677
00:18:37,909 --> 00:18:39,619
of me these days.
678
00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:40,703
Can you hold...
679
00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:40,703
No, no, no, no, no.
680
00:18:40,745 --> 00:18:42,705
I'm not good with babies.
681
00:18:43,915 --> 00:18:47,126
Hello. How are you today?
682
00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:50,463
Your mom should be
683
00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:50,463
coming back soon.
684
00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:53,007
Is, um, "Katie"
685
00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:53,007
short for "Katherine"?
686
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,594
See, some women would look at
687
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:59,513
what you just did and
688
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:59,513
think that you smiled.
689
00:18:59,555 --> 00:19:01,099
But, because I'm a doctor,
690
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:03,059
I know that that was probably
691
00:19:03,101 --> 00:19:05,812
just an involuntary
692
00:19:03,101 --> 00:19:05,812
tic, or gas.
693
00:19:07,438 --> 00:19:08,689
You know what?
694
00:19:08,731 --> 00:19:10,566
(WHISPERS)
695
00:19:08,731 --> 00:19:10,566
You're not that cute,
696
00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:12,777
and I am not falling for it.
697
00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:16,155
So, you just keep trying,
698
00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:16,155
but it is "no."
699
00:19:16,196 --> 00:19:19,408
(LAUGHS)
700
00:19:19,450 --> 00:19:20,910
(GURGLES)
701
00:19:19,450 --> 00:19:20,910
Shut up, baby.
702
00:19:20,952 --> 00:19:22,662
And, you know what?
703
00:19:20,952 --> 00:19:22,662
Don't touch that,
704
00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:24,413
because that's
705
00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:24,413
not very sanitary.
706
00:19:24,455 --> 00:19:25,999
Yeah. (LAUGHS)
707
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:29,127
Germs are little bugs,
708
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:29,127
like little microbes
709
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:32,546
that get into your mouth,
710
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:32,546
and they make you sick.
711
00:19:32,588 --> 00:19:33,673
(COOING)
712
00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:35,549
So, you eat your shoe.
713
00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:37,135
(KISSING)
714
00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:39,178
(GASPS)
715
00:19:39,219 --> 00:19:42,431
You are not winning me over.
716
00:19:39,219 --> 00:19:42,431
No, you're not.
717
00:19:42,473 --> 00:19:44,600
Why do you put
718
00:19:42,473 --> 00:19:44,600
everything in your mouth?
719
00:19:44,642 --> 00:19:47,937
Hello. Hi.
720
00:19:59,281 --> 00:20:00,658
MEG: And so we're clear,
721
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,451
there are a lot of people
722
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,451
in this world
723
00:20:02,493 --> 00:20:04,829
who need things
724
00:20:02,493 --> 00:20:04,829
like you in their lives,
725
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:06,622
to feel complete.
726
00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:10,960
I am not one of them.
727
00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:10,960
I am fine without you.
728
00:20:24,932 --> 00:20:26,600
Fine. You win.
729
00:20:32,190 --> 00:20:33,691
(KEYBOARD CLACKING)
730
00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:40,948
If Tom texts you,
731
00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:40,948
which he won't,
732
00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:40,948
because it's still daylight,
733
00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:42,658
wait four hours to respond.
734
00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:44,827
(SCOFFS) I was not even
735
00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:44,827
thinking about Tom.
736
00:20:44,869 --> 00:20:46,162
Anything sooner implies that
737
00:20:46,204 --> 00:20:47,496
you're needy and
738
00:20:46,204 --> 00:20:47,496
really co-dependent
739
00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:48,622
and incapable of
740
00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:48,622
a simple hookup,
741
00:20:48,664 --> 00:20:50,208
which is all he's good for.
742
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,043
I think that I could
743
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,043
actually be, like, a good--
744
00:20:52,085 --> 00:20:53,669
And, when you respond, do not
745
00:20:52,085 --> 00:20:53,669
respond in full sentences.
746
00:20:53,711 --> 00:20:55,129
Okay.
747
00:20:55,171 --> 00:20:56,923
And if you use an emoji,
748
00:20:55,171 --> 00:20:56,923
I will fucking tit-punch you.
749
00:20:56,964 --> 00:20:58,132
Fine.
750
00:20:58,174 --> 00:20:59,175
Fine.
751
00:20:59,884 --> 00:21:00,885
(PHONE VIBRATES)
752
00:21:10,561 --> 00:21:12,563
(GASPS) No! No! Oh, no.
753
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:14,523
You can have this back
754
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:14,523
at the end of the day.
755
00:21:14,565 --> 00:21:15,733
Fine.
756
00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:17,068
An emoji?
757
00:21:17,110 --> 00:21:20,696
(GASPS) Oh! Oh,
758
00:21:17,110 --> 00:21:20,696
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
759
00:21:20,738 --> 00:21:21,781
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
760
00:21:21,822 --> 00:21:23,241
(BOTH PANTING)
761
00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:25,118
This is so dumb.
762
00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:25,118
Okay.
763
00:21:25,159 --> 00:21:26,786
It's not like I don't know
764
00:21:25,159 --> 00:21:26,786
you're bad for me.
765
00:21:26,827 --> 00:21:28,328
Sure.
766
00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:30,039
And I'm not gonna be
767
00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:30,039
one of those cliched girls
768
00:21:30,081 --> 00:21:31,082
who thinks I can, like,
769
00:21:30,081 --> 00:21:31,082
change you, or something.
770
00:21:31,124 --> 00:21:32,041
No, you can't.
771
00:21:31,124 --> 00:21:32,041
No.
772
00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:33,709
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
773
00:21:40,758 --> 00:21:42,301
(SIGHS) I'm telling you.
774
00:21:42,342 --> 00:21:45,179
Sex? It's the best way
775
00:21:42,342 --> 00:21:45,179
to find out what you want.
776
00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:47,306
Think about it, the whole
777
00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:47,306
love thing, the whole,
778
00:21:47,347 --> 00:21:49,558
"I just want a guy
779
00:21:47,347 --> 00:21:49,558
to notice when I'm cold."
780
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:50,851
It's nice when a guy notices
781
00:21:50,893 --> 00:21:53,146
when you're cold.
782
00:21:50,893 --> 00:21:53,146
It means he's--
783
00:21:53,187 --> 00:21:55,982
It means he's faking it,
784
00:21:53,187 --> 00:21:55,982
because he knows that's
785
00:21:53,187 --> 00:21:55,982
what you want to hear.
786
00:21:56,023 --> 00:21:57,775
So, instead of being
787
00:21:56,023 --> 00:21:57,775
a psycho who pretends
788
00:21:57,817 --> 00:21:59,235
that I give a shit
789
00:21:57,817 --> 00:21:59,235
if you're cold,
790
00:21:59,277 --> 00:22:01,195
I tell everyone
791
00:21:59,277 --> 00:22:01,195
the same thing.
792
00:22:01,237 --> 00:22:03,948
"If you're looking for
793
00:22:01,237 --> 00:22:03,948
the one, that's not me.
794
00:22:03,990 --> 00:22:05,407
"If you're looking for the one
795
00:22:05,449 --> 00:22:07,660
"to have a little fun with,
796
00:22:05,449 --> 00:22:07,660
I'm that one."
797
00:22:08,286 --> 00:22:09,578
Oh.
798
00:22:09,620 --> 00:22:10,830
Yep. (SIGHS)
799
00:22:10,871 --> 00:22:12,123
Whew!
800
00:22:12,165 --> 00:22:14,917
I've always been
801
00:22:12,165 --> 00:22:14,917
in relationships.
802
00:22:14,959 --> 00:22:17,044
But, I guess that's just
803
00:22:14,959 --> 00:22:17,044
because I actually
804
00:22:17,086 --> 00:22:19,213
don't really know
805
00:22:17,086 --> 00:22:19,213
how to stay single.
806
00:22:19,255 --> 00:22:21,174
Then you came
807
00:22:19,255 --> 00:22:21,174
to the right place.
808
00:22:21,215 --> 00:22:24,593
The trick is to love them,
809
00:22:21,215 --> 00:22:24,593
but get them to leave you.
810
00:22:24,635 --> 00:22:25,761
That way, nobody gets hurt.
811
00:22:25,803 --> 00:22:27,263
Check this out.
812
00:22:27,305 --> 00:22:28,681
What do all these things
813
00:22:27,305 --> 00:22:28,681
have in common? Go.
814
00:22:30,141 --> 00:22:32,268
Um, ketchup and beer.
815
00:22:32,310 --> 00:22:34,352
Pickles, chocolate sauce.
816
00:22:34,394 --> 00:22:35,771
Are you pregnant?
817
00:22:35,813 --> 00:22:38,191
No, they can't be used
818
00:22:35,813 --> 00:22:38,191
to make breakfast.
819
00:22:38,232 --> 00:22:39,775
There's no reason to
820
00:22:38,232 --> 00:22:39,775
stick around in the morning,
821
00:22:39,817 --> 00:22:41,110
because you can't
822
00:22:39,817 --> 00:22:41,110
make an omelet.
823
00:22:41,152 --> 00:22:43,904
Plus, no water.
824
00:22:41,152 --> 00:22:43,904
So, hungover chicks,
825
00:22:43,946 --> 00:22:45,614
you got to leave to survive.
826
00:22:45,656 --> 00:22:47,158
Except for that New York
827
00:22:45,656 --> 00:22:47,158
water is delicious
828
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:48,826
and you can just
829
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:48,826
drink it from the tap.
830
00:22:48,868 --> 00:22:51,245
Yeah. But, uh...
831
00:22:51,287 --> 00:22:54,707
From what glass?
832
00:22:54,748 --> 00:22:55,958
Wow.
833
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:57,043
You're a piece of work.
834
00:22:57,084 --> 00:22:58,085
Mmm-hmm.
835
00:23:01,672 --> 00:23:03,341
Glass.
836
00:23:03,381 --> 00:23:06,093
Okay, MacGyver, no woman's
837
00:23:03,381 --> 00:23:06,093
gotten this far, but, um...
838
00:23:09,930 --> 00:23:11,389
You had a plumber
839
00:23:09,930 --> 00:23:11,389
cut your water?
840
00:23:11,431 --> 00:23:13,642
No. I did it myself.
841
00:23:13,684 --> 00:23:14,852
What if you need
842
00:23:13,684 --> 00:23:14,852
to wash your hands?
843
00:23:14,894 --> 00:23:16,229
What am I, a surgeon?
844
00:23:16,270 --> 00:23:18,064
What if you get thirsty?
845
00:23:18,105 --> 00:23:19,315
(TOM SIGHS)
846
00:23:20,691 --> 00:23:22,235
Nice. Well done.
847
00:23:20,691 --> 00:23:22,235
Yeah, right?
848
00:23:22,276 --> 00:23:23,819
Totally thought it was
849
00:23:22,276 --> 00:23:23,819
a nightstand, didn't you?
850
00:23:23,861 --> 00:23:25,363
You're a psycho.
851
00:23:25,403 --> 00:23:27,156
I'm not a psycho.
852
00:23:25,403 --> 00:23:27,156
Look, most guys are like me,
853
00:23:27,198 --> 00:23:28,866
they're just
854
00:23:27,198 --> 00:23:28,866
not honest about it.
855
00:23:28,908 --> 00:23:32,995
I'm telling you, this is
856
00:23:28,908 --> 00:23:32,995
what it's like out there.
857
00:23:33,037 --> 00:23:34,372
Why are you telling me this?
858
00:23:34,412 --> 00:23:35,873
(DOOR RATTLES)
859
00:23:35,915 --> 00:23:37,166
I don't know.
860
00:23:37,208 --> 00:23:41,003
It's just, you're different.
861
00:23:45,258 --> 00:23:47,176
Oh, my God. That's the
862
00:23:45,258 --> 00:23:47,176
thing you say to girls.
863
00:23:47,218 --> 00:23:48,426
Yes, it is.
864
00:23:47,218 --> 00:23:48,426
Works, though, right?
865
00:23:48,468 --> 00:23:49,511
Completely.
866
00:23:49,553 --> 00:23:51,138
Anyway, end of the tour.
867
00:23:51,180 --> 00:23:53,807
And, um, this was fun.
868
00:23:57,937 --> 00:23:59,939
(CLEARS THROAT)
869
00:23:57,937 --> 00:23:59,939
See you.
870
00:24:15,788 --> 00:24:17,748
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
871
00:24:23,212 --> 00:24:24,797
Hi.
872
00:24:23,212 --> 00:24:24,797
(CLEARS THROAT)
873
00:24:26,757 --> 00:24:28,842
(CHUCKLES SLOWLY)
874
00:24:26,757 --> 00:24:28,842
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
875
00:24:30,094 --> 00:24:31,262
(JOSH GRUNTS)
876
00:24:33,097 --> 00:24:34,848
Uh, mimosa?
877
00:24:34,890 --> 00:24:37,726
Uh, no, I'm actually
878
00:24:34,890 --> 00:24:37,726
on my way to a meeting.
879
00:24:37,768 --> 00:24:39,228
So, I'm probably
880
00:24:37,768 --> 00:24:39,228
not gonna start drinking
881
00:24:39,270 --> 00:24:41,105
at 8:30 on a Thursday.
882
00:24:41,147 --> 00:24:45,276
Yeah, no, I didn't...
883
00:24:41,147 --> 00:24:45,276
I don't want one, either.
884
00:24:45,318 --> 00:24:47,069
Um, I got us
885
00:24:45,318 --> 00:24:47,069
chocolate chip pancakes
886
00:24:47,111 --> 00:24:49,029
for the table,
887
00:24:47,111 --> 00:24:49,029
like we used to.
888
00:24:49,071 --> 00:24:52,366
(CHUCKLES) Um, cool. I don't
889
00:24:49,071 --> 00:24:52,366
have a lot of time, so--
890
00:24:52,408 --> 00:24:55,077
Okay, no, then
891
00:24:52,408 --> 00:24:55,077
I'll just get right to it.
892
00:24:56,203 --> 00:24:59,248
I'm done. I'm,
893
00:24:56,203 --> 00:24:59,248
I'm finally done.
894
00:25:00,958 --> 00:25:02,751
What? What are you done with?
895
00:25:02,793 --> 00:25:04,044
With our time apart.
896
00:25:04,086 --> 00:25:05,421
I know it's been
897
00:25:04,086 --> 00:25:05,421
really difficult.
898
00:25:05,463 --> 00:25:07,006
It's been difficult
899
00:25:05,463 --> 00:25:07,006
on both of us.
900
00:25:07,047 --> 00:25:10,884
But, I'm finally ready
901
00:25:07,047 --> 00:25:10,884
for us to be together.
902
00:25:10,926 --> 00:25:13,137
And I'll never have to
903
00:25:10,926 --> 00:25:13,137
wonder about anything else.
904
00:25:14,347 --> 00:25:15,348
I'm seeing someone.
905
00:25:17,350 --> 00:25:18,934
(CHUCKLES SLOWLY)
906
00:25:18,976 --> 00:25:21,187
That is...
907
00:25:18,976 --> 00:25:21,187
Congratulations.
908
00:25:22,813 --> 00:25:24,148
ALICE: Um...
909
00:25:24,190 --> 00:25:26,359
So, then, so, Josh,
910
00:25:24,190 --> 00:25:26,359
you want to just,
911
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:28,319
like, tell me when
912
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:28,319
you're done, then?
913
00:25:28,361 --> 00:25:30,112
I don't know, Alice.
914
00:25:30,154 --> 00:25:32,823
Like, we can... We'll just
915
00:25:30,154 --> 00:25:32,823
wait till you're done.
916
00:25:32,865 --> 00:25:34,325
Shit's different, I'm not...
917
00:25:34,367 --> 00:25:37,786
I'm not sure I want
918
00:25:34,367 --> 00:25:37,786
the same things anymore.
919
00:25:37,828 --> 00:25:39,079
(CHUCKLES)
920
00:25:41,999 --> 00:25:44,460
You mean, like, me?
921
00:25:46,420 --> 00:25:48,881
I didn't need an experiment
922
00:25:46,420 --> 00:25:48,881
to know that I loved you.
923
00:25:51,091 --> 00:25:52,759
And I'm not an idiot.
924
00:25:52,801 --> 00:25:56,180
You're, I guess, done with
925
00:25:52,801 --> 00:25:56,180
whatever you've been doing,
926
00:25:56,222 --> 00:25:58,807
with whoever
927
00:25:56,222 --> 00:25:58,807
you've been doing,
928
00:25:58,849 --> 00:26:01,018
and you can come
929
00:25:58,849 --> 00:26:01,018
running back to me?
930
00:26:01,060 --> 00:26:03,896
No, thanks. I'll pass.
931
00:26:07,066 --> 00:26:08,317
WAITER: Who ordered pancakes?
932
00:26:11,028 --> 00:26:13,489
ALICE: Meg, I'm not ready
933
00:26:11,028 --> 00:26:13,489
to be alone. I'm not.
934
00:26:13,531 --> 00:26:15,366
I don't know how
935
00:26:13,531 --> 00:26:15,366
to reset my router.
936
00:26:15,408 --> 00:26:16,950
I don't even know
937
00:26:15,408 --> 00:26:16,950
where it is.
938
00:26:16,992 --> 00:26:19,328
I don't even really know
939
00:26:16,992 --> 00:26:19,328
what, exactly, it does.
940
00:26:19,370 --> 00:26:21,330
I'm gonna be alone forever.
941
00:26:21,372 --> 00:26:22,540
(SWALLOWS) At least
942
00:26:21,372 --> 00:26:22,540
my dead body
943
00:26:22,580 --> 00:26:25,876
will serve as food
944
00:26:22,580 --> 00:26:25,876
for my cats.
945
00:26:25,918 --> 00:26:30,256
In the eight weeks that it
946
00:26:25,918 --> 00:26:30,256
takes for anybody to find me,
947
00:26:25,918 --> 00:26:30,256
because nobody gives a fuck.
948
00:26:30,297 --> 00:26:32,508
Why are you
949
00:26:30,297 --> 00:26:32,508
watching Bridget Jones?
950
00:26:32,550 --> 00:26:33,967
(SNIFFLING)
951
00:26:32,550 --> 00:26:33,967
What did I tell you?
952
00:26:34,009 --> 00:26:35,261
It feels good in the moment.
953
00:26:35,302 --> 00:26:38,013
I know, but it's a bad idea.
954
00:26:38,055 --> 00:26:39,932
You get yourself
955
00:26:38,055 --> 00:26:39,932
all hopped up
956
00:26:39,973 --> 00:26:42,268
on Sex and the City
957
00:26:39,973 --> 00:26:42,268
and Bridget Jones
958
00:26:42,309 --> 00:26:45,521
and thinking that
959
00:26:42,309 --> 00:26:45,521
you need to have some
960
00:26:42,309 --> 00:26:45,521
big single experience.
961
00:26:45,563 --> 00:26:47,647
Which, by the way,
962
00:26:45,563 --> 00:26:47,647
is total bullshit.
963
00:26:47,689 --> 00:26:51,318
No.
964
00:26:47,689 --> 00:26:51,318
All those girls ever did
965
00:26:47,689 --> 00:26:51,318
was look for boyfriends.
966
00:26:51,360 --> 00:26:52,903
And this is a great thing,
967
00:26:52,945 --> 00:26:54,612
because now you can
968
00:26:52,945 --> 00:26:54,612
focus on your career.
969
00:26:54,654 --> 00:26:57,074
What? No! I put myself
970
00:26:54,654 --> 00:26:57,074
out, into the world,
971
00:26:57,116 --> 00:26:59,034
and it completely rejected me.
972
00:26:59,076 --> 00:27:00,536
(CORK POPS)
973
00:26:59,076 --> 00:27:00,536
Whoa!
974
00:27:00,578 --> 00:27:03,414
Okay, you haven't been
975
00:27:00,578 --> 00:27:03,414
single for that long!
976
00:27:03,456 --> 00:27:04,664
Yeah.
977
00:27:04,706 --> 00:27:06,041
You got to go
978
00:27:04,706 --> 00:27:06,041
around the board,
979
00:27:06,083 --> 00:27:08,085
pass "Go,"
980
00:27:06,083 --> 00:27:08,085
collect 200 dicks.
981
00:27:08,127 --> 00:27:09,503
MEG: And you remember
982
00:27:09,545 --> 00:27:11,505
the best thing that
983
00:27:09,545 --> 00:27:11,505
ever happened to me
984
00:27:11,547 --> 00:27:13,466
was when I was thinking about
985
00:27:11,547 --> 00:27:13,466
quitting medical school.
986
00:27:13,507 --> 00:27:15,384
Please don't tell
987
00:27:13,507 --> 00:27:15,384
the medical school story.
988
00:27:15,426 --> 00:27:17,219
And then, my piece of shit
989
00:27:15,426 --> 00:27:17,219
boyfriend, Bobby,
990
00:27:17,261 --> 00:27:19,597
cheated on me
991
00:27:17,261 --> 00:27:19,597
with my lab partner,
992
00:27:19,637 --> 00:27:23,350
because she was willing
993
00:27:19,637 --> 00:27:23,350
to do things that I wasn't.
994
00:27:23,392 --> 00:27:24,560
Did it involve midgets?
995
00:27:25,603 --> 00:27:26,604
No.
996
00:27:28,147 --> 00:27:30,232
I once slept with an albino.
997
00:27:30,274 --> 00:27:33,277
Anyway, the good news is,
998
00:27:30,274 --> 00:27:33,277
now there are
999
00:27:33,319 --> 00:27:35,028
BOTH: 3,000 beautiful
1000
00:27:33,319 --> 00:27:35,028
babies in the world
1001
00:27:35,070 --> 00:27:36,363
and no one can
1002
00:27:35,070 --> 00:27:36,363
take that away...
1003
00:27:36,405 --> 00:27:37,948
...from me.
1004
00:27:36,405 --> 00:27:37,948
...from her
1005
00:27:37,990 --> 00:27:39,492
Why don't you go to
1006
00:27:37,990 --> 00:27:39,492
one of those alumni events?
1007
00:27:39,533 --> 00:27:40,658
An alumni event?
1008
00:27:40,700 --> 00:27:43,287
You go, and you
1009
00:27:40,700 --> 00:27:43,287
network with people
1010
00:27:43,329 --> 00:27:46,415
and if you really
1011
00:27:43,329 --> 00:27:46,415
love what you do
1012
00:27:46,457 --> 00:27:49,460
then the whole
1013
00:27:46,457 --> 00:27:49,460
"guy" thing is easier.
1014
00:27:49,502 --> 00:27:51,920
No! I don't want to
1015
00:27:49,502 --> 00:27:51,920
be like you, Meg.
1016
00:27:51,962 --> 00:27:54,507
I don't want my job
1017
00:27:51,962 --> 00:27:54,507
to be my entire life.
1018
00:27:54,548 --> 00:27:55,591
ROBIN: Ooh.
1019
00:27:55,633 --> 00:27:58,927
Okay. Sisters, time-out.
1020
00:27:58,969 --> 00:28:02,473
There are pros and cons
1021
00:27:58,969 --> 00:28:02,473
to both of you, okay?
1022
00:28:02,515 --> 00:28:05,267
Pros. Young, beautiful.
1023
00:28:05,309 --> 00:28:08,270
Pros. Also beautiful,
1024
00:28:05,309 --> 00:28:08,270
for your age.
1025
00:28:08,312 --> 00:28:10,606
Rich. Doctor. Access to pills.
1026
00:28:10,648 --> 00:28:12,566
Cons. No access to pills.
1027
00:28:12,608 --> 00:28:14,652
Cons. You're really
1028
00:28:12,608 --> 00:28:14,652
stingy with the pills.
1029
00:28:14,692 --> 00:28:15,944
Right.
1030
00:28:15,986 --> 00:28:17,363
Pros.
1031
00:28:15,986 --> 00:28:17,363
Loves me unconditionally.
1032
00:28:17,404 --> 00:28:19,281
Gives me the spare key
1033
00:28:17,404 --> 00:28:19,281
to the apartment.
1034
00:28:19,323 --> 00:28:20,616
Has a very nice
1035
00:28:19,323 --> 00:28:20,616
underwear drawer.
1036
00:28:20,658 --> 00:28:22,159
Very neat and organized.
1037
00:28:22,201 --> 00:28:23,494
You have a key
1038
00:28:22,201 --> 00:28:23,494
to my apartment?
1039
00:28:23,536 --> 00:28:26,246
Cons. Asks too many
1040
00:28:23,536 --> 00:28:26,246
personal questions.
1041
00:28:26,288 --> 00:28:28,957
Okay. I'm gonna
1042
00:28:26,288 --> 00:28:28,957
take my old, lonely,
1043
00:28:28,999 --> 00:28:31,293
workaholic ass
1044
00:28:28,999 --> 00:28:31,293
back to the hospital.
1045
00:28:34,505 --> 00:28:37,216
Cons. Ugly when sad.
1046
00:28:37,257 --> 00:28:39,301
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
1047
00:28:44,598 --> 00:28:47,226
Hey, uh, did you bring
1048
00:28:44,598 --> 00:28:47,226
a sandwich from home?
1049
00:28:47,267 --> 00:28:48,519
Mmm.
1050
00:28:48,561 --> 00:28:50,563
Are you wearing
1051
00:28:48,561 --> 00:28:50,563
pajamas in a bar?
1052
00:28:50,604 --> 00:28:51,771
They're sweatpants.
1053
00:28:51,813 --> 00:28:53,607
I think you're bumming
1054
00:28:51,813 --> 00:28:53,607
some people out.
1055
00:28:53,649 --> 00:28:55,192
You might want to take your
1056
00:28:53,649 --> 00:28:55,192
"give up" pants and go home.
1057
00:28:55,234 --> 00:28:56,318
Leave me alone.
1058
00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:59,405
(LAUGHING) I love this bar.
1059
00:28:59,446 --> 00:29:00,780
(GASPS) Lucy?
1060
00:28:59,446 --> 00:29:00,780
(BOTTLE CAP CLATTERS)
1061
00:29:02,324 --> 00:29:03,409
BRITTANY: Lucy?
1062
00:29:03,450 --> 00:29:04,451
Hi!
1063
00:29:05,244 --> 00:29:06,579
Oh, my God!
1064
00:29:06,620 --> 00:29:08,414
Brittany! Hi!
1065
00:29:08,455 --> 00:29:10,082
How are you?
1066
00:29:08,455 --> 00:29:10,082
How are you?
1067
00:29:10,123 --> 00:29:11,375
I'm getting married!
1068
00:29:11,417 --> 00:29:13,085
She's getting married!
1069
00:29:11,417 --> 00:29:13,085
(ALL SHRIEKING)
1070
00:29:13,126 --> 00:29:14,503
That is just the best news
1071
00:29:14,545 --> 00:29:16,422
I've ever heard
1072
00:29:14,545 --> 00:29:16,422
in my entire life!
1073
00:29:16,463 --> 00:29:17,673
(CHUCKLING)
1074
00:29:16,463 --> 00:29:17,673
Oh, yay!
1075
00:29:17,715 --> 00:29:19,216
How old are your kids?
1076
00:29:19,258 --> 00:29:21,176
No. (CHUCKLES)
1077
00:29:21,218 --> 00:29:24,680
I don't have any.
1078
00:29:21,218 --> 00:29:24,680
I just read to them sometimes.
1079
00:29:24,722 --> 00:29:26,348
But not in, like, a sad way.
1080
00:29:26,390 --> 00:29:28,726
It's more like
1081
00:29:26,390 --> 00:29:28,726
a volunteer thing?
1082
00:29:28,767 --> 00:29:30,185
ALL: Oh. Oh.
1083
00:29:30,227 --> 00:29:31,687
Yeah. Yeah.
1084
00:29:31,729 --> 00:29:33,188
So, are you married?
1085
00:29:33,230 --> 00:29:34,648
No. (CHUCKLES) No.
1086
00:29:34,690 --> 00:29:35,691
Dating anyone?
1087
00:29:35,733 --> 00:29:37,192
Uh, afraid not.
1088
00:29:37,234 --> 00:29:38,611
Are you divorced?
1089
00:29:38,652 --> 00:29:40,487
(GASPS) No, no one's
1090
00:29:38,652 --> 00:29:40,487
ever loved me enough
1091
00:29:40,529 --> 00:29:41,530
to eventually divorce me.
1092
00:29:41,572 --> 00:29:43,240
(LUCY LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
1093
00:29:43,282 --> 00:29:45,451
You got to get in the game,
1094
00:29:43,282 --> 00:29:45,451
before you can lose, so...
1095
00:29:45,492 --> 00:29:48,537
I'm not even
1096
00:29:45,492 --> 00:29:48,537
a good loser, yet.
1097
00:29:48,579 --> 00:29:49,747
(MUMBLING)
1098
00:29:49,788 --> 00:29:51,540
Oh, my God,
1099
00:29:49,788 --> 00:29:51,540
are those penis straws?
1100
00:29:51,582 --> 00:29:53,792
You guys are gonna have
1101
00:29:51,582 --> 00:29:53,792
a crazy night tonight!
1102
00:29:53,833 --> 00:29:54,834
Hi.
1103
00:29:55,628 --> 00:29:56,629
Oh.
1104
00:29:58,338 --> 00:30:00,257
(WOMEN LAUGHING)
1105
00:30:03,594 --> 00:30:04,678
Hey, baby.
1106
00:30:06,263 --> 00:30:07,598
This is, um...
1107
00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:09,224
It's all right,
1108
00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:09,224
you can say it.
1109
00:30:09,266 --> 00:30:10,809
Miss Independent
1110
00:30:09,266 --> 00:30:10,809
right here, right?
1111
00:30:10,850 --> 00:30:12,060
I'm her boyfriend.
1112
00:30:12,102 --> 00:30:13,729
ALL: Oh!
1113
00:30:12,102 --> 00:30:13,729
He's your boyfriend.
1114
00:30:13,771 --> 00:30:15,439
LUCY: This is my boyfriend.
1115
00:30:15,481 --> 00:30:17,775
God, doesn't she look smoking
1116
00:30:15,481 --> 00:30:17,775
hot in these sweatpants?
1117
00:30:17,816 --> 00:30:20,110
Oh, wow, that's so sweet.
1118
00:30:20,152 --> 00:30:22,279
This is Brittany. She's
1119
00:30:20,152 --> 00:30:22,279
getting married, obviously.
1120
00:30:22,321 --> 00:30:24,406
Oh, you're the one
1121
00:30:22,321 --> 00:30:24,406
getting married. Marriage!
1122
00:30:24,448 --> 00:30:26,032
(ALL CHEERING)
1123
00:30:26,074 --> 00:30:28,285
The end of spontaneous sex,
1124
00:30:26,074 --> 00:30:28,285
traveling by yourself
1125
00:30:28,327 --> 00:30:30,579
and buying whatever you
1126
00:30:28,327 --> 00:30:30,579
want without having to
1127
00:30:28,327 --> 00:30:30,579
ask permission, right?
1128
00:30:32,331 --> 00:30:33,957
Marriage! (LAUGHS)
1129
00:30:33,999 --> 00:30:36,752
Congratulations, good luck
1130
00:30:33,999 --> 00:30:36,752
with it. I hope it lasts.
1131
00:30:37,586 --> 00:30:39,630
Sorry. No filter.
1132
00:30:47,137 --> 00:30:48,764
(LAUGHING IN DISTANCE)
1133
00:30:48,806 --> 00:30:51,183
(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
1134
00:30:54,645 --> 00:30:55,813
(LAUGHING)
1135
00:31:01,485 --> 00:31:04,196
Hey, listen. I hope, uh,
1136
00:31:01,485 --> 00:31:04,196
that kiss wasn't too much.
1137
00:31:04,237 --> 00:31:06,740
Oh, my God.
1138
00:31:04,237 --> 00:31:06,740
No, no, that was awesome!
1139
00:31:06,782 --> 00:31:09,702
Thank you so much! Good night.
1140
00:31:12,663 --> 00:31:14,456
(GLASSES CLANKING
1141
00:31:12,663 --> 00:31:14,456
AND RATTLING)
1142
00:31:23,173 --> 00:31:24,174
(CLATTERS AND JANGLES)
1143
00:31:40,649 --> 00:31:42,192
(SIGHS)
1144
00:31:45,696 --> 00:31:46,697
Oh.
1145
00:31:48,866 --> 00:31:49,867
(GROANS)
1146
00:31:55,539 --> 00:31:56,540
(GROANING)
1147
00:31:58,792 --> 00:32:00,960
(WHISPERS) Come on,
1148
00:31:58,792 --> 00:32:00,960
you fucking bitch.
1149
00:32:01,961 --> 00:32:04,381
Hey.
1150
00:32:04,423 --> 00:32:06,842
Sorry. Was that supposed
1151
00:32:04,423 --> 00:32:06,842
to be a private moment?
1152
00:32:06,884 --> 00:32:08,468
I can't get my zipper.
1153
00:32:10,888 --> 00:32:12,389
I'm sorry for
1154
00:32:10,888 --> 00:32:12,389
what I said to you.
1155
00:32:12,431 --> 00:32:13,849
What?
1156
00:32:13,891 --> 00:32:14,808
I said, I'm sorry for
1157
00:32:13,891 --> 00:32:14,808
what I said to you.
1158
00:32:14,850 --> 00:32:15,851
Can't hear you.
1159
00:32:17,519 --> 00:32:20,898
I said I'm sorry for what
1160
00:32:17,519 --> 00:32:20,898
I said to you! (CHUCKLES)
1161
00:32:23,734 --> 00:32:24,777
(SIGHS)
1162
00:32:24,818 --> 00:32:26,528
What?
1163
00:32:26,570 --> 00:32:28,572
(EXHALES)
1164
00:32:26,570 --> 00:32:28,572
I'm gonna have a baby.
1165
00:32:28,614 --> 00:32:30,490
What?
1166
00:32:28,614 --> 00:32:30,490
I found a sperm donor.
1167
00:32:30,532 --> 00:32:32,701
This guy.
1168
00:32:30,532 --> 00:32:32,701
He's of Swedish descent.
1169
00:32:32,743 --> 00:32:34,453
Oh, my God.
1170
00:32:32,743 --> 00:32:34,453
He has no known cancers
1171
00:32:34,494 --> 00:32:37,289
on either side of his family,
1172
00:32:34,494 --> 00:32:37,289
no history of drug abuse,
1173
00:32:37,330 --> 00:32:39,499
no history of any kind
1174
00:32:37,330 --> 00:32:39,499
of mental illness, or...
1175
00:32:39,541 --> 00:32:40,918
Oh, my God.
1176
00:32:39,541 --> 00:32:40,918
I know.
1177
00:32:40,959 --> 00:32:42,753
Oh, my God.
1178
00:32:40,959 --> 00:32:42,753
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1179
00:32:44,337 --> 00:32:46,214
I know.
1180
00:32:46,256 --> 00:32:47,716
Wait. Do you think
1181
00:32:46,256 --> 00:32:47,716
it's a bad idea?
1182
00:32:47,758 --> 00:32:49,468
Why are you saying
1183
00:32:47,758 --> 00:32:49,468
"Oh, my God" five times?
1184
00:32:49,509 --> 00:32:51,219
No, but... Wait,
1185
00:32:49,509 --> 00:32:51,219
when do you meet him?
1186
00:32:51,261 --> 00:32:53,096
That's the best part.
1187
00:32:53,138 --> 00:32:55,641
I never, ever
1188
00:32:53,138 --> 00:32:55,641
have to meet him,
1189
00:32:53,138 --> 00:32:55,641
or any of his family.
1190
00:32:55,682 --> 00:32:57,684
There's no strings
1191
00:32:55,682 --> 00:32:57,684
attached at all.
1192
00:32:57,726 --> 00:32:59,394
Nothing. Is that crazy?
1193
00:32:59,436 --> 00:33:01,980
No. Oh, my God,
1194
00:32:59,436 --> 00:33:01,980
you're gonna have a baby.
1195
00:33:02,021 --> 00:33:04,566
I know!
1196
00:33:02,021 --> 00:33:04,566
You're gonna have a baby!
1197
00:33:04,608 --> 00:33:06,568
(LAUGHS)
1198
00:33:04,608 --> 00:33:06,568
I'm so happy for you.
1199
00:33:06,610 --> 00:33:08,570
You'll always be
1200
00:33:06,610 --> 00:33:08,570
my baby first.
1201
00:33:09,696 --> 00:33:12,825
But you do need to grow up.
1202
00:33:12,866 --> 00:33:14,701
And you do need to
1203
00:33:12,866 --> 00:33:14,701
move out by this Friday.
1204
00:33:14,743 --> 00:33:15,953
What?
1205
00:33:15,994 --> 00:33:17,579
The co-op board
1206
00:33:15,994 --> 00:33:17,579
found out you were here.
1207
00:33:17,621 --> 00:33:19,623
Is this a bad idea?
1208
00:33:17,621 --> 00:33:19,623
Would you tell me?
1209
00:33:19,665 --> 00:33:21,834
No, you're gonna be
1210
00:33:19,665 --> 00:33:21,834
the best mom in the world.
1211
00:33:21,875 --> 00:33:23,836
Wait. Just go back.
1212
00:33:23,877 --> 00:33:25,754
What was that thing
1213
00:33:23,877 --> 00:33:25,754
that you just said
1214
00:33:23,877 --> 00:33:25,754
about the co-op board?
1215
00:33:25,796 --> 00:33:27,005
You need to be out by Friday.
1216
00:33:28,548 --> 00:33:30,258
But you're allowed
1217
00:33:28,548 --> 00:33:30,258
to have guests.
1218
00:33:30,300 --> 00:33:32,302
Yes. But my guests
1219
00:33:30,300 --> 00:33:32,302
aren't allowed
1220
00:33:32,344 --> 00:33:34,012
to slide down
1221
00:33:32,344 --> 00:33:34,012
the trash chute, naked.
1222
00:33:34,053 --> 00:33:35,973
I didn't go naked down the...
1223
00:33:36,932 --> 00:33:38,767
Oh. (GULPS)
1224
00:33:38,809 --> 00:33:39,810
Robin did that.
1225
00:33:39,852 --> 00:33:41,269
Mmm-hmm.
1226
00:33:41,311 --> 00:33:43,647
I've seen security
1227
00:33:41,311 --> 00:33:43,647
footage. And it just...
1228
00:33:43,689 --> 00:33:44,940
(EXCLAIMS)
1229
00:33:43,689 --> 00:33:44,940
Hmm.
1230
00:33:44,982 --> 00:33:47,484
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
1231
00:34:04,001 --> 00:34:05,627
I don't know.
1232
00:34:04,001 --> 00:34:05,627
(CHEERS)
1233
00:34:05,669 --> 00:34:07,128
Hmm, it seems kind of homey,
1234
00:34:07,170 --> 00:34:08,881
like you'd actually
1235
00:34:07,170 --> 00:34:08,881
want to spend time here.
1236
00:34:10,340 --> 00:34:12,425
Oh, this could be
1237
00:34:10,340 --> 00:34:12,425
a reading window.
1238
00:34:12,467 --> 00:34:14,427
Reading is for ugly losers.
1239
00:34:14,469 --> 00:34:15,971
(EXHALES) I don't know.
1240
00:34:14,469 --> 00:34:15,971
I really like it.
1241
00:34:16,013 --> 00:34:17,723
Yeah, but, I mean... Oh!
1242
00:34:17,764 --> 00:34:18,974
BROKER: Wait!
1243
00:34:17,764 --> 00:34:18,974
No, don't do that!
1244
00:34:19,016 --> 00:34:20,976
That just...
1245
00:34:19,016 --> 00:34:20,976
That just fell off.
1246
00:34:21,018 --> 00:34:22,435
I think I'm gonna take it.
1247
00:34:22,477 --> 00:34:23,812
ROBIN: This place
1248
00:34:22,477 --> 00:34:23,812
is dangerous.
1249
00:34:23,854 --> 00:34:25,480
It's perfect. (CHUCKLES)
1250
00:34:25,522 --> 00:34:26,773
Don't let that... Don't...
1251
00:34:26,815 --> 00:34:28,734
(CLANGS)
1252
00:34:28,775 --> 00:34:31,444
Did that just break?
1253
00:34:28,775 --> 00:34:31,444
Yeah.
1254
00:34:31,486 --> 00:34:33,071
(CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
1255
00:34:54,384 --> 00:34:57,136
(CUTLERY CLANKS)
1256
00:35:32,130 --> 00:35:33,882
(YAWNS) Good night.
1257
00:35:37,970 --> 00:35:39,429
That was weird.
1258
00:35:42,307 --> 00:35:43,558
Maybe you should
1259
00:35:42,307 --> 00:35:43,558
just leave it in there.
1260
00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:45,060
Maybe you shouldn't
1261
00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:45,060
shake it like that.
1262
00:35:45,102 --> 00:35:46,895
What, it's gonna make
1263
00:35:45,102 --> 00:35:46,895
the pee go in there.
1264
00:35:46,937 --> 00:35:49,230
No, it doesn't
1265
00:35:46,937 --> 00:35:49,230
work like that.
1266
00:35:46,937 --> 00:35:49,230
That's not a Polaroid.
1267
00:35:49,272 --> 00:35:51,232
I'm gonna be the
1268
00:35:49,272 --> 00:35:51,232
best auntie, ever. I am.
1269
00:35:51,274 --> 00:35:52,985
I'm gonna give that kid
1270
00:35:51,274 --> 00:35:52,985
whatever it wants.
1271
00:35:53,026 --> 00:35:54,569
Forever.
1272
00:35:53,026 --> 00:35:54,569
All the sugar in the world.
1273
00:35:54,611 --> 00:35:56,113
Don't get your hopes up, okay?
1274
00:35:56,154 --> 00:35:57,990
Because it never works
1275
00:35:56,154 --> 00:35:57,990
on the first time.
1276
00:35:58,031 --> 00:35:59,240
It's too late.
1277
00:35:58,031 --> 00:35:59,240
(CHUCKLES)
1278
00:35:59,282 --> 00:36:00,366
(PHONE RINGS)
1279
00:36:03,453 --> 00:36:04,621
Mmm.
1280
00:36:04,663 --> 00:36:07,457
See? I told you.
1281
00:36:07,499 --> 00:36:08,959
Are you okay?
1282
00:36:07,499 --> 00:36:08,959
Yeah.
1283
00:36:09,001 --> 00:36:11,377
Oh, no, it always...
1284
00:36:09,001 --> 00:36:11,377
This is...
1285
00:36:11,419 --> 00:36:14,380
It doesn't usually work on
1286
00:36:11,419 --> 00:36:14,380
the first time, like I said.
1287
00:36:14,422 --> 00:36:15,757
What?
1288
00:36:20,137 --> 00:36:22,973
I deal with this kind of thing
1289
00:36:20,137 --> 00:36:22,973
all the time. You know that.
1290
00:36:24,766 --> 00:36:26,392
Are you drinking enough water?
1291
00:36:26,434 --> 00:36:28,478
Your lips are
1292
00:36:26,434 --> 00:36:28,478
really dry, which means
1293
00:36:26,434 --> 00:36:28,478
you're dehydrated.
1294
00:36:29,604 --> 00:36:31,314
I'll go get you some water.
1295
00:36:36,153 --> 00:36:38,655
(MAN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
1296
00:36:38,697 --> 00:36:39,990
These plums are
1297
00:36:38,697 --> 00:36:39,990
available through
1298
00:36:40,032 --> 00:36:41,282
late summer, early autumn.
1299
00:36:41,324 --> 00:36:42,367
JOSH: Alice!
1300
00:36:42,408 --> 00:36:43,743
And they're just wonderful,
1301
00:36:43,785 --> 00:36:45,203
they're called
1302
00:36:43,785 --> 00:36:45,203
Italian prune plums.
1303
00:36:46,079 --> 00:36:47,455
(STONE CLATTERS)
1304
00:36:47,497 --> 00:36:49,082
So, we're gonna make
1305
00:36:47,497 --> 00:36:49,082
a bit of caramel
1306
00:36:49,124 --> 00:36:51,501
with a cup of sugar,
1307
00:36:49,124 --> 00:36:51,501
and a third of a cup of water.
1308
00:36:51,543 --> 00:36:53,003
I'm just gonna
1309
00:36:51,543 --> 00:36:53,003
cook it over medium heat
1310
00:36:53,045 --> 00:36:55,047
until it's nice and
1311
00:36:53,045 --> 00:36:55,047
caramelized and brown...
1312
00:36:55,088 --> 00:36:56,131
JOSH: Alice!
1313
00:37:00,135 --> 00:37:01,636
Hi.
1314
00:37:00,135 --> 00:37:01,636
Hi.
1315
00:37:01,678 --> 00:37:03,304
My buzzer's broken.
1316
00:37:03,346 --> 00:37:05,640
It's like if Romeo and Juliet
1317
00:37:03,346 --> 00:37:05,640
had lived in New York.
1318
00:37:05,682 --> 00:37:07,726
(CHUCKLES)
1319
00:37:05,682 --> 00:37:07,726
That was bad. Can I come up?
1320
00:37:07,767 --> 00:37:09,561
Yeah.
1321
00:37:09,602 --> 00:37:11,646
(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
1322
00:37:11,688 --> 00:37:12,689
(JANGLES)
1323
00:37:16,609 --> 00:37:18,695
WOMAN: (ON TV) If you want to
1324
00:37:16,609 --> 00:37:18,695
make this cake another time...
1325
00:37:21,156 --> 00:37:22,490
(UTENSILS CLATTERING)
1326
00:37:23,366 --> 00:37:26,036
(CLATTERING)
1327
00:37:27,412 --> 00:37:29,039
(CLATTERS)
1328
00:37:33,043 --> 00:37:34,127
Hey.
1329
00:37:34,169 --> 00:37:35,420
Hey.
1330
00:37:35,461 --> 00:37:36,671
It's good to see you.
1331
00:37:36,713 --> 00:37:39,758
So good to see you. What's up?
1332
00:37:39,799 --> 00:37:41,509
Well, I was going
1333
00:37:39,799 --> 00:37:41,509
through my closet,
1334
00:37:41,551 --> 00:37:42,802
and I found a bunch
1335
00:37:41,551 --> 00:37:42,802
of your old stuff,
1336
00:37:42,844 --> 00:37:45,097
so I thought
1337
00:37:42,844 --> 00:37:45,097
you might want it.
1338
00:37:45,847 --> 00:37:47,099
(CHUCKLES)
1339
00:37:49,392 --> 00:37:52,353
I could've come by
1340
00:37:49,392 --> 00:37:52,353
to get this.
1341
00:37:52,395 --> 00:37:56,441
Well, actually,
1342
00:37:52,395 --> 00:37:56,441
that's the thing, is, um,
1343
00:37:56,482 --> 00:37:58,401
that's part of why I
1344
00:37:56,482 --> 00:37:58,401
wanted to come over.
1345
00:37:58,443 --> 00:38:00,112
Uh...
1346
00:37:58,443 --> 00:38:00,112
(CLEARS THROAT)
1347
00:38:00,153 --> 00:38:03,782
So, Michelle is
1348
00:38:00,153 --> 00:38:03,782
moving in tomorrow.
1349
00:38:04,741 --> 00:38:07,410
So...
1350
00:38:04,741 --> 00:38:07,410
Wow!
1351
00:38:08,578 --> 00:38:11,289
Michelle.
1352
00:38:08,578 --> 00:38:11,289
(TAPS)
1353
00:38:11,330 --> 00:38:12,498
She's got a name
1354
00:38:11,330 --> 00:38:12,498
and everything.
1355
00:38:12,540 --> 00:38:13,959
She's got a name.
1356
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:15,210
Well, technically,
1357
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:15,210
she's always had a name.
1358
00:38:15,252 --> 00:38:16,711
Mmm-hmm.
1359
00:38:15,252 --> 00:38:16,711
I mean, her lease was up
1360
00:38:16,753 --> 00:38:18,255
and I was with
1361
00:38:16,753 --> 00:38:18,255
this craigslist guy,
1362
00:38:18,296 --> 00:38:19,672
and he started
1363
00:38:18,296 --> 00:38:19,672
stealing my socks.
1364
00:38:19,714 --> 00:38:21,049
Mmm-hmm.
1365
00:38:19,714 --> 00:38:21,049
And so, it just made sense.
1366
00:38:21,091 --> 00:38:22,717
It makes sense.
1367
00:38:21,091 --> 00:38:22,717
And we're excited.
1368
00:38:22,759 --> 00:38:25,178
Mmm-hmm. We are.
1369
00:38:22,759 --> 00:38:25,178
You said "we." Okay.
1370
00:38:25,220 --> 00:38:26,263
So...
1371
00:38:26,304 --> 00:38:28,223
So let me give you the tour.
1372
00:38:28,265 --> 00:38:31,226
Um, this is the kitchen.
1373
00:38:28,265 --> 00:38:31,226
This is the dining room.
1374
00:38:31,268 --> 00:38:36,397
This is the living room
1375
00:38:31,268 --> 00:38:36,397
workspace-bedroom region.
1376
00:38:36,439 --> 00:38:39,442
And are you working
1377
00:38:36,439 --> 00:38:39,442
on your Spanish?
1378
00:38:39,484 --> 00:38:40,860
Oh, that's been that
1379
00:38:39,484 --> 00:38:40,860
way since I moved in,
1380
00:38:40,902 --> 00:38:42,445
and I don't know
1381
00:38:40,902 --> 00:38:42,445
how to fix it.
1382
00:38:42,487 --> 00:38:44,281
And now I don't know
1383
00:38:42,487 --> 00:38:44,281
what the world would be like
1384
00:38:44,322 --> 00:38:45,782
if it wasn't in Spanish.
1385
00:38:50,369 --> 00:38:51,746
It's pretty easy,
1386
00:38:50,369 --> 00:38:51,746
you know, it's...
1387
00:38:59,629 --> 00:39:01,298
(SOFTLY) Alice.
1388
00:39:01,339 --> 00:39:03,883
(SNIFFLES) You're so handy.
1389
00:39:01,339 --> 00:39:03,883
(SIGHS)
1390
00:39:05,635 --> 00:39:06,845
Alice.
1391
00:39:06,886 --> 00:39:08,763
Michelle is
1392
00:39:06,886 --> 00:39:08,763
a really lucky girl.
1393
00:39:09,514 --> 00:39:11,557
(CHUCKLES)
1394
00:39:11,599 --> 00:39:13,685
I didn't expect
1395
00:39:11,599 --> 00:39:13,685
for this to happen.
1396
00:39:14,686 --> 00:39:15,687
I just...
1397
00:39:17,730 --> 00:39:20,441
I stopped comparing
1398
00:39:17,730 --> 00:39:20,441
everyone to you
1399
00:39:20,483 --> 00:39:22,777
and then I met
1400
00:39:20,483 --> 00:39:22,777
someone pretty great.
1401
00:39:24,445 --> 00:39:25,947
I'm super happy for you.
1402
00:39:27,365 --> 00:39:28,491
Yeah, I can see that.
1403
00:39:29,868 --> 00:39:33,872
Alice. All right.
1404
00:39:33,913 --> 00:39:35,581
(CLEARS THROAT)
1405
00:39:33,913 --> 00:39:35,581
I'm gonna go.
1406
00:39:35,623 --> 00:39:36,624
Okay. (SNIFFLES)
1407
00:39:37,917 --> 00:39:39,377
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
1408
00:39:47,635 --> 00:39:49,846
(SOOTHING MUSIC PLAYING)
1409
00:39:51,430 --> 00:39:53,183
You need to move on.
1410
00:39:55,352 --> 00:39:56,519
Fine.
1411
00:39:57,770 --> 00:39:59,731
Uh, no going backwards,
1412
00:39:57,770 --> 00:39:59,731
only forwards.
1413
00:39:59,772 --> 00:40:01,482
You can't sleep
1414
00:39:59,772 --> 00:40:01,482
with Tom again.
1415
00:40:01,524 --> 00:40:03,318
Well, then, we're gonna
1416
00:40:01,524 --> 00:40:03,318
have to start going
1417
00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:05,320
to a different bar,
1418
00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:05,320
girlfriend.
1419
00:40:05,362 --> 00:40:07,280
No, you'll be fine,
1420
00:40:07,322 --> 00:40:09,615
just don't hit your
1421
00:40:07,322 --> 00:40:09,615
drink number with him.
1422
00:40:09,657 --> 00:40:11,659
What's my drink number?
1423
00:40:11,701 --> 00:40:13,786
In every male-female
1424
00:40:11,701 --> 00:40:13,786
friendship,
1425
00:40:13,828 --> 00:40:15,747
there's a total
1426
00:40:13,828 --> 00:40:15,747
number of drinks
1427
00:40:15,788 --> 00:40:18,499
and if you hit that,
1428
00:40:15,788 --> 00:40:18,499
it means you will
1429
00:40:15,788 --> 00:40:18,499
definitely have sex.
1430
00:40:18,541 --> 00:40:20,543
So, how many drinks does it
1431
00:40:18,541 --> 00:40:20,543
take to get you wasted?
1432
00:40:20,585 --> 00:40:21,669
Two and a half,
1433
00:40:21,711 --> 00:40:22,754
but maybe three,
1434
00:40:21,711 --> 00:40:22,754
if I've eaten.
1435
00:40:22,795 --> 00:40:23,880
Three.
1436
00:40:23,922 --> 00:40:25,840
Okay, and Tom's is eight.
1437
00:40:25,882 --> 00:40:27,342
So, you can't hit
1438
00:40:25,882 --> 00:40:27,342
eleven drinks
1439
00:40:27,384 --> 00:40:28,718
between the two of you.
1440
00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:31,263
Okay.
1441
00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:31,263
Not one for you, 10 for him.
1442
00:40:31,304 --> 00:40:33,306
Not six for him, five for you.
1443
00:40:33,348 --> 00:40:34,515
If I had more than
1444
00:40:33,348 --> 00:40:34,515
five drinks,
1445
00:40:34,557 --> 00:40:35,850
I'd hook up with you.
1446
00:40:35,892 --> 00:40:37,643
My drink number is 27.
1447
00:40:37,685 --> 00:40:39,187
What?
1448
00:40:39,229 --> 00:40:41,356
I wouldn't even touch
1449
00:40:39,229 --> 00:40:41,356
myself on less than 24.
1450
00:40:41,398 --> 00:40:42,399
That's...
1451
00:40:43,482 --> 00:40:45,443
What are you doing? Stop.
1452
00:40:45,484 --> 00:40:47,237
What is that?
1453
00:40:45,484 --> 00:40:47,237
Stop.
1454
00:40:48,947 --> 00:40:50,198
(SCREAMS)
1455
00:40:50,240 --> 00:40:52,325
Oh, my God.
1456
00:40:52,367 --> 00:40:53,701
I thought that was
1457
00:40:52,367 --> 00:40:53,701
gonna be boiling hot.
1458
00:40:52,367 --> 00:40:53,701
It's actually really cold.
1459
00:40:53,743 --> 00:40:54,786
You have LTRP.
1460
00:40:54,827 --> 00:40:55,870
Oh, my God. I do?
1461
00:40:55,912 --> 00:40:57,122
Yeah.
1462
00:40:57,163 --> 00:40:58,957
Tom gave it to me. For sure.
1463
00:40:58,998 --> 00:41:00,417
Wait. What's LTRP?
1464
00:41:00,458 --> 00:41:01,876
Long-Term Relationship Pussy.
1465
00:41:01,918 --> 00:41:03,753
You really need
1466
00:41:01,918 --> 00:41:03,753
to get that taken care of.
1467
00:41:03,795 --> 00:41:05,797
What do you mean?
1468
00:41:03,795 --> 00:41:05,797
I barely have any hair.
1469
00:41:05,838 --> 00:41:07,340
It's like you dropped
1470
00:41:05,838 --> 00:41:07,340
your hairbrush
1471
00:41:07,382 --> 00:41:09,384
and your vagina caught it.
1472
00:41:09,426 --> 00:41:11,719
I could make dreadlocks
1473
00:41:09,426 --> 00:41:11,719
with that bush
1474
00:41:09,426 --> 00:41:11,719
and form a reggae band.
1475
00:41:11,761 --> 00:41:14,347
That looks like a whole bowl
1476
00:41:11,761 --> 00:41:14,347
of petrified curly fries.
1477
00:41:14,389 --> 00:41:17,392
It's like Gandalf
1478
00:41:14,389 --> 00:41:17,392
is staring right at me.
1479
00:41:17,434 --> 00:41:20,186
(MIMICS GANDALF)
1480
00:41:17,434 --> 00:41:20,186
"No penis shall pass!"
1481
00:41:20,228 --> 00:41:22,772
You've ruined
1482
00:41:20,228 --> 00:41:22,772
so many things for me.
1483
00:41:22,814 --> 00:41:24,899
(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
1484
00:41:34,284 --> 00:41:35,576
(SIGHS)
1485
00:41:35,618 --> 00:41:37,120
(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
1486
00:41:40,915 --> 00:41:42,000
Hi.
1487
00:41:42,041 --> 00:41:44,502
Hi. What are you here for?
1488
00:41:44,543 --> 00:41:49,257
Um, I am here to finally
1489
00:41:44,543 --> 00:41:49,257
put myself out there.
1490
00:41:49,299 --> 00:41:52,427
Like, in a real way. You know?
1491
00:41:52,469 --> 00:41:55,430
Not just physically,
1492
00:41:52,469 --> 00:41:55,430
but, like, emotionally.
1493
00:41:55,472 --> 00:41:57,015
Yeah.
1494
00:41:57,056 --> 00:41:59,684
Uh, no, I was asking
1495
00:41:57,056 --> 00:41:59,684
what event are you here for?
1496
00:41:59,725 --> 00:42:01,019
Oh, um...
1497
00:42:01,686 --> 00:42:03,021
Oh, my God.
1498
00:42:03,062 --> 00:42:05,064
The Wesleyan Alumni
1499
00:42:03,062 --> 00:42:05,064
Networking Event.
1500
00:42:05,106 --> 00:42:06,232
Cool.
1501
00:42:07,025 --> 00:42:09,486
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
1502
00:42:17,327 --> 00:42:18,411
Oh, I'm sorry.
1503
00:42:18,453 --> 00:42:19,787
Sorry, sorry.
1504
00:42:19,829 --> 00:42:21,622
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
1505
00:42:21,664 --> 00:42:23,166
Oh, my God, we're...
1506
00:42:23,208 --> 00:42:25,043
♪ I wanna see your
1507
00:42:23,208 --> 00:42:25,043
peacock, cock, cock ♪
1508
00:42:25,084 --> 00:42:26,669
♪ Your peacock, cock ♪
1509
00:42:26,711 --> 00:42:29,588
♪ Your peacock, cock, cock
1510
00:42:26,711 --> 00:42:29,588
Your peacock ♪
1511
00:42:30,465 --> 00:42:31,883
♪ Word on the street ♪
1512
00:42:31,924 --> 00:42:34,052
♪ You got somethin'
1513
00:42:31,924 --> 00:42:34,052
to show me, me ♪
1514
00:42:34,093 --> 00:42:37,638
♪ Magical, colorful,
1515
00:42:34,093 --> 00:42:37,638
myster-mystery-eeh ♪
1516
00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:40,641
♪ I'm intrigued for a peek
1517
00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:40,641
Heard it's fascinating ♪
1518
00:42:40,683 --> 00:42:42,560
♪ Come on baby let me see
1519
00:42:40,683 --> 00:42:42,560
What you hidin' underneath ♪
1520
00:42:42,601 --> 00:42:43,811
Hey. Get back over there,
1521
00:42:43,853 --> 00:42:45,480
you're screwing up
1522
00:42:43,853 --> 00:42:45,480
the harmonies.
1523
00:42:45,522 --> 00:42:47,065
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
1524
00:42:47,106 --> 00:42:48,816
I'm David Stone,
1525
00:42:47,106 --> 00:42:48,816
nice to meet you.
1526
00:42:48,858 --> 00:42:50,402
Hi. Hey, I'm Alice.
1527
00:42:50,443 --> 00:42:51,610
Alice...
1528
00:42:51,652 --> 00:42:52,987
Kepley.
1529
00:42:51,652 --> 00:42:52,987
Kepley.
1530
00:42:53,029 --> 00:42:54,989
It's not as good as "Stone."
1531
00:42:53,029 --> 00:42:54,989
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
1532
00:42:55,031 --> 00:42:56,866
Do you want one of
1533
00:42:55,031 --> 00:42:56,866
my business cards?
1534
00:42:56,908 --> 00:42:59,536
Or maybe 400 of them,
1535
00:42:56,908 --> 00:42:59,536
so you could
1536
00:42:56,908 --> 00:42:59,536
tile your bathroom?
1537
00:42:59,577 --> 00:43:00,619
Well, what's on them?
1538
00:43:00,661 --> 00:43:02,830
Um, my Social Security Number,
1539
00:43:02,872 --> 00:43:05,624
my mom's maiden name,
1540
00:43:02,872 --> 00:43:05,624
my ATM PIN.
1541
00:43:05,666 --> 00:43:06,667
That's what
1542
00:43:05,666 --> 00:43:06,667
goes on these, right?
1543
00:43:06,709 --> 00:43:07,793
Absolutely, the essentials.
1544
00:43:07,835 --> 00:43:08,878
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1545
00:43:08,920 --> 00:43:10,255
What do you do?
1546
00:43:10,296 --> 00:43:11,756
Um, I'm a paralegal.
1547
00:43:11,797 --> 00:43:14,509
Okay.
1548
00:43:11,797 --> 00:43:14,509
At Brown, Light
1549
00:43:11,797 --> 00:43:14,509
and Finkelstein.
1550
00:43:14,551 --> 00:43:17,011
Is that, uh, 144 Wall Street?
1551
00:43:14,551 --> 00:43:17,011
Yeah.
1552
00:43:17,053 --> 00:43:18,721
Yeah, I have the building
1553
00:43:17,053 --> 00:43:18,721
right next door.
1554
00:43:18,763 --> 00:43:20,348
You "have" the building?
1555
00:43:20,390 --> 00:43:22,934
Like, in
1556
00:43:20,390 --> 00:43:22,934
a Fantasy Building League?
1557
00:43:22,975 --> 00:43:25,144
Uh, no. Um, I don't
1558
00:43:22,975 --> 00:43:25,144
"have" the building,
1559
00:43:25,186 --> 00:43:26,896
I kind of own it.
1560
00:43:25,186 --> 00:43:26,896
Oh.
1561
00:43:26,938 --> 00:43:28,523
There's no way to
1562
00:43:26,938 --> 00:43:28,523
make that sound right.
1563
00:43:28,565 --> 00:43:30,525
I'm a developer,
1564
00:43:28,565 --> 00:43:30,525
so, it's not just me.
1565
00:43:30,567 --> 00:43:32,569
It's like a group
1566
00:43:30,567 --> 00:43:32,569
of people, but...
1567
00:43:32,610 --> 00:43:35,154
That's like
1568
00:43:32,610 --> 00:43:35,154
a real-ass job, man.
1569
00:43:32,610 --> 00:43:35,154
Yeah, I know, it's the worst.
1570
00:43:35,196 --> 00:43:36,197
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1571
00:43:37,782 --> 00:43:39,200
Oh, your team.
1572
00:43:39,242 --> 00:43:40,743
We really need to
1573
00:43:39,242 --> 00:43:40,743
work on our repertoire.
1574
00:43:40,785 --> 00:43:42,745
Are you kidding me?
1575
00:43:40,785 --> 00:43:42,745
This is my jam!
1576
00:43:40,785 --> 00:43:42,745
Is it?
1577
00:43:42,787 --> 00:43:46,707
Yeah, this is like
1578
00:43:42,787 --> 00:43:46,707
my top 13th favorite
1579
00:43:42,787 --> 00:43:46,707
song of all time.
1580
00:43:46,749 --> 00:43:47,959
(LAUGHS)
1581
00:43:46,749 --> 00:43:47,959
(PHONE RINGING)
1582
00:43:49,502 --> 00:43:50,920
Oh, I'm sorry,
1583
00:43:49,502 --> 00:43:50,920
it's my daughter.
1584
00:43:50,962 --> 00:43:52,547
Oh, yeah, no,
1585
00:43:50,962 --> 00:43:52,547
totally. Me, too.
1586
00:43:52,589 --> 00:43:55,049
I mean, I'm a...
1587
00:43:52,589 --> 00:43:55,049
I'm a daughter.
1588
00:43:55,091 --> 00:43:56,801
It was great to meet you.
1589
00:43:55,091 --> 00:43:56,801
(CHUCKLES)
1590
00:43:56,842 --> 00:43:58,553
Bye. Yeah.
1591
00:43:58,595 --> 00:43:59,804
♪ Your peacock, cock, cock
1592
00:43:58,595 --> 00:43:59,804
Your peacock ♪
1593
00:43:59,845 --> 00:44:01,222
(CLEARS THROAT)
1594
00:44:01,264 --> 00:44:03,099
♪ I wanna see
1595
00:44:01,264 --> 00:44:03,099
your peacock, cock ♪
1596
00:44:05,101 --> 00:44:06,769
MEG: Okay, 30 more seconds.
1597
00:44:07,686 --> 00:44:09,147
Twenty-seven.
1598
00:44:09,188 --> 00:44:12,484
It said three to
1599
00:44:09,188 --> 00:44:12,484
10 minutes, is that right?
1600
00:44:12,525 --> 00:44:13,901
I'm doing this in solidarity.
1601
00:44:13,943 --> 00:44:16,737
Guys. Mine's positive.
1602
00:44:17,822 --> 00:44:19,115
What?
1603
00:44:17,822 --> 00:44:19,115
What?
1604
00:44:19,865 --> 00:44:21,742
Wait.
1605
00:44:21,784 --> 00:44:23,911
I'm taking a drug test.
1606
00:44:21,784 --> 00:44:23,911
Is that what
1607
00:44:21,784 --> 00:44:23,911
you guys are doing?
1608
00:44:23,953 --> 00:44:25,163
No.
1609
00:44:23,953 --> 00:44:25,163
No.
1610
00:44:25,204 --> 00:44:26,747
(BEEPING)
1611
00:44:30,209 --> 00:44:31,586
(LAUGHING)
1612
00:44:33,921 --> 00:44:34,964
I'm...
1613
00:44:33,921 --> 00:44:34,964
(LAUGHING)
1614
00:44:35,006 --> 00:44:36,549
You're pregnant.
1615
00:44:36,591 --> 00:44:38,176
I'm pregnant.
1616
00:44:38,217 --> 00:44:40,719
It's all right, don't worry.
1617
00:44:38,217 --> 00:44:40,719
We'll take care of it.
1618
00:44:41,638 --> 00:44:43,931
I mean, "Yes!"
1619
00:44:43,973 --> 00:44:46,058
ALICE: You're pregnant!
1620
00:44:46,100 --> 00:44:47,644
We're pregnant!
1621
00:44:47,685 --> 00:44:48,978
I'm not pregnant!
1622
00:44:49,020 --> 00:44:50,729
I'm on drugs!
1623
00:44:50,771 --> 00:44:51,981
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
1624
00:45:15,046 --> 00:45:17,840
I found my peanut!
1625
00:45:15,046 --> 00:45:17,840
This is Paul.
1626
00:45:17,882 --> 00:45:18,966
Hey.
1627
00:45:19,008 --> 00:45:20,176
He has so many teeth.
1628
00:45:20,218 --> 00:45:21,219
(LAUGHS)
1629
00:45:22,512 --> 00:45:24,305
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
1630
00:45:28,643 --> 00:45:32,813
What up, office fools?
1631
00:45:28,643 --> 00:45:32,813
It's time for Secret Santa!
1632
00:45:32,855 --> 00:45:35,650
Who's ready to reach
1633
00:45:32,855 --> 00:45:35,650
into my cleave of wonders
1634
00:45:35,692 --> 00:45:37,151
and win themselves a prize?
1635
00:45:37,193 --> 00:45:39,736
Doris, I'm coming
1636
00:45:37,193 --> 00:45:39,736
to you first, baby.
1637
00:45:42,198 --> 00:45:45,660
Whoa! It is a hole-puncher!
1638
00:45:45,702 --> 00:45:48,246
You have won
1639
00:45:45,702 --> 00:45:48,246
Kathy's credit card.
1640
00:45:48,287 --> 00:45:49,664
Let's go, dance circle!
1641
00:45:49,706 --> 00:45:52,166
Bridget, come on
1642
00:45:49,706 --> 00:45:52,166
in here, you slut!
1643
00:45:55,044 --> 00:45:58,089
How many sliders does it take
1644
00:45:55,044 --> 00:45:58,089
to equal a whole burger?
1645
00:45:59,048 --> 00:46:01,008
What?
1646
00:46:01,050 --> 00:46:03,553
How many little burgers
1647
00:46:01,050 --> 00:46:03,553
does it take to make
1648
00:46:01,050 --> 00:46:03,553
a whole burger?
1649
00:46:03,595 --> 00:46:05,846
(SNORTS) You're crazy.
1650
00:46:05,888 --> 00:46:07,098
Don't call me crazy.
1651
00:46:07,139 --> 00:46:09,308
Don't ever call
1652
00:46:07,139 --> 00:46:09,308
a pregnant woman crazy.
1653
00:46:09,350 --> 00:46:11,060
Okay. All right.
1654
00:46:09,350 --> 00:46:11,060
Not ever. Never.
1655
00:46:11,102 --> 00:46:12,645
Okay.
1656
00:46:12,687 --> 00:46:14,564
How many little meats
1657
00:46:12,687 --> 00:46:14,564
make up a whole big meat?
1658
00:46:14,606 --> 00:46:16,232
I don't know, maybe four?
1659
00:46:18,276 --> 00:46:19,527
I've had seven.
1660
00:46:19,569 --> 00:46:20,986
Eight. I meant eight.
1661
00:46:21,028 --> 00:46:22,405
Is it four, or is it eight?
1662
00:46:22,447 --> 00:46:24,865
It's eight, or more.
1663
00:46:22,447 --> 00:46:24,865
Everyone knows that.
1664
00:46:24,907 --> 00:46:25,991
Who told you that?
1665
00:46:26,033 --> 00:46:27,159
The slider guy.
1666
00:46:29,328 --> 00:46:32,081
Please blink,
1667
00:46:29,328 --> 00:46:32,081
so I know you're in there.
1668
00:46:32,123 --> 00:46:33,541
I'm sorry.
1669
00:46:32,123 --> 00:46:33,541
(EXHALES) God.
1670
00:46:33,583 --> 00:46:35,792
I just have blood pumping
1671
00:46:33,583 --> 00:46:35,792
through my body
1672
00:46:35,834 --> 00:46:37,420
in an uncomfortable way
1673
00:46:37,462 --> 00:46:40,047
and it feels like it's all
1674
00:46:37,462 --> 00:46:40,047
accumulating right here.
1675
00:46:40,089 --> 00:46:42,341
Don't touch yourself like
1676
00:46:40,089 --> 00:46:42,341
that in my workplace.
1677
00:46:42,383 --> 00:46:43,593
I need a man.
1678
00:46:43,635 --> 00:46:45,136
A man?
1679
00:46:45,177 --> 00:46:46,679
I don't know...
1680
00:46:45,177 --> 00:46:46,679
I don't know what's happening.
1681
00:46:46,721 --> 00:46:48,598
It's, like, the hormones
1682
00:46:46,721 --> 00:46:48,598
or something.
1683
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:53,144
Actually, the new guy
1684
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:53,144
has sort of been
1685
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:53,144
checking you out.
1686
00:46:53,185 --> 00:46:54,228
Which one?
1687
00:46:53,185 --> 00:46:54,228
He's...
1688
00:46:59,024 --> 00:47:00,109
Did you get it?
1689
00:46:59,024 --> 00:47:00,109
No.
1690
00:47:00,151 --> 00:47:01,986
All right. He's like...
1691
00:47:03,862 --> 00:47:05,156
Right over there.
1692
00:47:07,950 --> 00:47:09,786
No. No.
1693
00:47:07,950 --> 00:47:09,786
Why?
1694
00:47:09,826 --> 00:47:11,828
Because he's too young.
1695
00:47:11,870 --> 00:47:13,956
All young guys want to
1696
00:47:11,870 --> 00:47:13,956
do is have sex all day.
1697
00:47:13,998 --> 00:47:17,168
All I need is just
1698
00:47:13,998 --> 00:47:17,168
a quick 10 minutes,
1699
00:47:17,209 --> 00:47:20,254
and then a really long nap.
1700
00:47:20,296 --> 00:47:22,131
How old is that
1701
00:47:20,296 --> 00:47:22,131
little niblet, anyway?
1702
00:47:22,173 --> 00:47:25,635
Like, twenty-f... Seven?
1703
00:47:25,677 --> 00:47:27,261
The only reason a guy like
1704
00:47:25,677 --> 00:47:27,261
that would ever talk to me
1705
00:47:27,303 --> 00:47:29,305
is to get a prescription
1706
00:47:27,303 --> 00:47:29,305
for medical marijuana.
1707
00:47:29,347 --> 00:47:31,056
So, no.
1708
00:47:31,098 --> 00:47:32,933
I think he's coming over.
1709
00:47:31,098 --> 00:47:32,933
Yeah, he's totally wanting it.
1710
00:47:32,975 --> 00:47:34,644
Wait, he might be
1711
00:47:32,975 --> 00:47:34,644
going to the food.
1712
00:47:34,686 --> 00:47:36,729
Don't look over there.
1713
00:47:34,686 --> 00:47:36,729
No, he's coming.
1714
00:47:37,689 --> 00:47:39,315
He's here.
1715
00:47:39,357 --> 00:47:40,941
Just saw you looking
1716
00:47:39,357 --> 00:47:40,941
at me over there.
1717
00:47:40,983 --> 00:47:44,111
I thought I'd come over,
1718
00:47:40,983 --> 00:47:44,111
say "What's up."
1719
00:47:44,153 --> 00:47:45,154
Hmm.
1720
00:47:44,153 --> 00:47:45,154
Or...
1721
00:47:46,280 --> 00:47:47,323
(CHUCKLES)
1722
00:47:47,365 --> 00:47:49,074
Oh, my God,
1723
00:47:47,365 --> 00:47:49,074
did I misread that?
1724
00:47:49,116 --> 00:47:50,951
(STUTTERS) Were you not...
1725
00:47:49,116 --> 00:47:50,951
Were you just talking about...
1726
00:47:50,993 --> 00:47:52,953
Um, did you not
1727
00:47:50,993 --> 00:47:52,953
want me to come over?
1728
00:47:57,166 --> 00:47:58,917
Hey, I'm Ken.
1729
00:47:58,959 --> 00:48:01,629
Hmm. (CHUCKLES)
1730
00:47:58,959 --> 00:48:01,629
You must be Alice's sister.
1731
00:48:01,671 --> 00:48:02,755
Um, do you want a drink?
1732
00:48:01,671 --> 00:48:02,755
No.
1733
00:48:02,797 --> 00:48:04,089
Can I get you...
1734
00:48:04,131 --> 00:48:06,843
I had a lot of
1735
00:48:04,131 --> 00:48:06,843
drinks earlier today.
1736
00:48:06,883 --> 00:48:08,219
(CLICKS TONGUE)
1737
00:48:06,883 --> 00:48:08,219
(EXHALES)
1738
00:48:08,260 --> 00:48:09,886
Have you heard anything
1739
00:48:08,260 --> 00:48:09,886
about an after-party?
1740
00:48:09,928 --> 00:48:12,264
Or even, like,
1741
00:48:09,928 --> 00:48:12,264
another part of this party?
1742
00:48:12,306 --> 00:48:16,853
Because this feels like
1743
00:48:12,306 --> 00:48:16,853
a longer day at work, than...
1744
00:48:16,893 --> 00:48:18,229
Oh, my God,
1745
00:48:16,893 --> 00:48:18,229
am I boring you?
1746
00:48:18,270 --> 00:48:19,938
Is that... Are you
1747
00:48:18,270 --> 00:48:19,938
trying not to yawn?
1748
00:48:19,980 --> 00:48:21,982
Mmm-mmm.
1749
00:48:19,980 --> 00:48:21,982
That's just your face?
1750
00:48:22,024 --> 00:48:25,444
No, I'm sorry. I'm a doctor,
1751
00:48:22,024 --> 00:48:25,444
and I'm just really tired.
1752
00:48:25,486 --> 00:48:27,739
What is it you were
1753
00:48:25,486 --> 00:48:27,739
saying you do?
1754
00:48:27,780 --> 00:48:31,116
I wasn't, but I
1755
00:48:27,780 --> 00:48:31,116
work here, for now.
1756
00:48:31,158 --> 00:48:32,660
But, um...
1757
00:48:32,702 --> 00:48:35,287
Oh, my God,
1758
00:48:32,702 --> 00:48:35,287
are you having a stroke?
1759
00:48:35,329 --> 00:48:36,913
Seriously, this is
1760
00:48:35,329 --> 00:48:36,913
the honeymoon.
1761
00:48:36,955 --> 00:48:38,875
Like, we just
1762
00:48:36,955 --> 00:48:38,875
met 30 seconds ago.
1763
00:48:38,915 --> 00:48:40,959
Honestly, like, if we're not
1764
00:48:38,915 --> 00:48:40,959
gonna make it through this,
1765
00:48:41,001 --> 00:48:42,795
I don't think we're
1766
00:48:41,001 --> 00:48:42,795
gonna make it at all.
1767
00:48:42,837 --> 00:48:45,089
So, why don't you just,
1768
00:48:42,837 --> 00:48:45,089
like, let her rip?
1769
00:48:45,130 --> 00:48:46,883
Okay.
1770
00:48:45,130 --> 00:48:46,883
Like, let it all out.
1771
00:48:48,092 --> 00:48:49,761
Yeah.
1772
00:48:49,802 --> 00:48:51,721
(YAWNS)
1773
00:48:49,802 --> 00:48:51,721
How awesome was that?
1774
00:48:51,763 --> 00:48:52,929
That feels so good.
1775
00:48:52,971 --> 00:48:55,015
Right?
1776
00:48:52,971 --> 00:48:55,015
(CHUCKLES)
1777
00:48:55,057 --> 00:48:56,851
Who are you, again?
1778
00:48:56,893 --> 00:48:58,018
I'm, uh, Ken.
1779
00:48:58,060 --> 00:48:59,896
And what's going on here?
1780
00:48:59,936 --> 00:49:01,188
Is this... (CHUCKLES)
1781
00:48:59,936 --> 00:49:01,188
I don't...
1782
00:49:01,230 --> 00:49:02,899
Is this one of those
1783
00:49:01,230 --> 00:49:02,899
fetish things?
1784
00:49:02,939 --> 00:49:06,360
Where you're, like,
1785
00:49:02,939 --> 00:49:06,360
a foot fetish. Am I the foot?
1786
00:49:06,402 --> 00:49:08,696
Do you want to be the foot?
1787
00:49:08,738 --> 00:49:12,324
I'm not into feet,
1788
00:49:08,738 --> 00:49:12,324
but I would like
1789
00:49:08,738 --> 00:49:12,324
to go out with you.
1790
00:49:12,366 --> 00:49:13,701
Oh.
1791
00:49:13,743 --> 00:49:15,327
Yes.
1792
00:49:13,743 --> 00:49:15,327
Why?
1793
00:49:15,369 --> 00:49:17,538
Really? I...
1794
00:49:15,369 --> 00:49:17,538
Do you not want me to?
1795
00:49:17,580 --> 00:49:21,041
I do! I... That's not
1796
00:49:17,580 --> 00:49:21,041
what I was saying.
1797
00:49:17,580 --> 00:49:21,041
No, I was just wondering why.
1798
00:49:21,083 --> 00:49:23,043
Because I think you're hot.
1799
00:49:23,085 --> 00:49:25,379
(LAUGHS)
1800
00:49:23,085 --> 00:49:25,379
And I think you're funny.
1801
00:49:25,421 --> 00:49:27,840
And I like the face
1802
00:49:25,421 --> 00:49:27,840
you make when you're
1803
00:49:25,421 --> 00:49:27,840
trying not to yawn.
1804
00:49:27,882 --> 00:49:30,217
And then you have an
1805
00:49:27,882 --> 00:49:30,217
awesome yawn after that, so...
1806
00:49:30,259 --> 00:49:32,386
I mean, that's
1807
00:49:30,259 --> 00:49:32,386
always something
1808
00:49:30,259 --> 00:49:32,386
I've looked for in a girl.
1809
00:49:32,428 --> 00:49:34,012
(CHUCKLES)
1810
00:49:32,428 --> 00:49:34,012
I don't know.
1811
00:49:34,054 --> 00:49:35,431
But, cheers.
1812
00:49:35,473 --> 00:49:37,850
Holy shit, that's a candle.
1813
00:49:37,892 --> 00:49:39,644
(MEG CLEARS THROAT)
1814
00:49:39,685 --> 00:49:41,145
So, do you wanna
1815
00:49:39,685 --> 00:49:41,145
just go do this, then?
1816
00:49:39,685 --> 00:49:41,145
(CLEARS THROAT)
1817
00:49:42,187 --> 00:49:43,773
(RETRO MUSIC PLAYING)
1818
00:49:46,108 --> 00:49:47,109
Oh.
1819
00:49:48,903 --> 00:49:49,904
Mmm.
1820
00:49:53,783 --> 00:49:55,242
I don't want anything serious.
1821
00:49:55,284 --> 00:49:57,411
Good, because I'm saving
1822
00:49:55,284 --> 00:49:57,411
myself for marriage.
1823
00:49:57,453 --> 00:49:59,831
(LAUGHS)
1824
00:49:57,453 --> 00:49:59,831
I'm just kidding.
1825
00:49:59,872 --> 00:50:01,916
My God, your body is awesome!
1826
00:50:03,250 --> 00:50:04,919
Do I smell like hamburgers?
1827
00:50:04,961 --> 00:50:06,504
You taste like hamburgers.
1828
00:50:09,005 --> 00:50:10,341
(LAUGHING)
1829
00:50:09,005 --> 00:50:10,341
That's totally beautiful.
1830
00:50:10,382 --> 00:50:11,383
(KEN GRUNTS)
1831
00:50:14,303 --> 00:50:16,430
You didn't really have to
1832
00:50:14,303 --> 00:50:16,430
come all the way here
1833
00:50:14,303 --> 00:50:16,430
with me, you know?
1834
00:50:16,472 --> 00:50:18,349
And miss a subway
1835
00:50:16,472 --> 00:50:18,349
ride with you?
1836
00:50:16,472 --> 00:50:18,349
(LAUGHS)
1837
00:50:18,390 --> 00:50:20,935
That's like 20 extra
1838
00:50:18,390 --> 00:50:20,935
minutes of Paul time.
1839
00:50:20,977 --> 00:50:22,854
Aw. Thank you. Yeah.
1840
00:50:20,977 --> 00:50:22,854
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
1841
00:50:22,895 --> 00:50:24,522
Actually, I got you something.
1842
00:50:24,563 --> 00:50:25,898
Oh, okay.
1843
00:50:25,940 --> 00:50:28,024
I have a sandwich
1844
00:50:25,940 --> 00:50:28,024
for the train ride.
1845
00:50:28,066 --> 00:50:30,945
Oh, thank you.
1846
00:50:28,066 --> 00:50:30,945
And there's
1847
00:50:28,066 --> 00:50:30,945
a bagel in there, too,
1848
00:50:30,987 --> 00:50:32,488
in case you don't
1849
00:50:30,987 --> 00:50:32,488
want the sandwich.
1850
00:50:32,530 --> 00:50:35,574
It's a 45 minute
1851
00:50:32,530 --> 00:50:35,574
train ride, but thank you.
1852
00:50:35,616 --> 00:50:37,033
And there's this.
1853
00:50:35,616 --> 00:50:37,033
What?
1854
00:50:37,075 --> 00:50:38,160
Merry Christmas.
1855
00:50:38,202 --> 00:50:39,578
You shouldn't have.
1856
00:50:39,620 --> 00:50:41,539
Really, it's just
1857
00:50:39,620 --> 00:50:41,539
a little thing that...
1858
00:50:41,580 --> 00:50:43,457
Oh. Open it now, yeah.
1859
00:50:45,001 --> 00:50:47,085
Whoa! These are
1860
00:50:45,001 --> 00:50:47,085
pictures of us.
1861
00:50:47,127 --> 00:50:49,547
It's memories of
1862
00:50:47,127 --> 00:50:49,547
all our time together.
1863
00:50:49,588 --> 00:50:53,133
Yeah, there's three weeks
1864
00:50:49,588 --> 00:50:53,133
of photos. That's...
1865
00:50:53,175 --> 00:50:55,011
And then we can
1866
00:50:53,175 --> 00:50:55,011
fill in the rest.
1867
00:50:56,303 --> 00:50:58,138
Oh, so...
1868
00:50:58,180 --> 00:51:02,852
Look, Lucy, I...
1869
00:50:58,180 --> 00:51:02,852
I really care about you.
1870
00:51:02,894 --> 00:51:07,815
And I just don't know
1871
00:51:02,894 --> 00:51:07,815
if we want to think
1872
00:51:02,894 --> 00:51:07,815
too much in the long term,
1873
00:51:07,857 --> 00:51:11,151
only because I don't know
1874
00:51:07,857 --> 00:51:11,151
if I see a future with you.
1875
00:51:11,193 --> 00:51:14,321
Normally, I break up with
1876
00:51:11,193 --> 00:51:14,321
people before the holidays,
1877
00:51:14,363 --> 00:51:16,532
just so, you know,
1878
00:51:14,363 --> 00:51:16,532
they don't get the wrong idea.
1879
00:51:16,574 --> 00:51:19,159
But I just thought, since
1880
00:51:16,574 --> 00:51:19,159
we're dating other people,
1881
00:51:19,201 --> 00:51:23,205
I would just wait
1882
00:51:19,201 --> 00:51:23,205
and break up with you
1883
00:51:19,201 --> 00:51:23,205
on Martin Luther King Day.
1884
00:51:23,247 --> 00:51:25,833
Okay, I have no idea
1885
00:51:23,247 --> 00:51:25,833
what that means,
1886
00:51:23,247 --> 00:51:25,833
but it sounds vaguely racist.
1887
00:51:25,875 --> 00:51:28,002
Just, statistically,
1888
00:51:25,875 --> 00:51:28,002
it's the easiest holiday
1889
00:51:28,044 --> 00:51:29,545
to break up with
1890
00:51:28,044 --> 00:51:29,545
someone on, you know?
1891
00:51:29,587 --> 00:51:31,589
I mean, there's
1892
00:51:29,587 --> 00:51:31,589
no family obligations,
1893
00:51:31,630 --> 00:51:33,591
you can get out before
1894
00:51:31,630 --> 00:51:33,591
Valentine's Day.
1895
00:51:33,632 --> 00:51:36,886
I'm sorry, did you just say
1896
00:51:33,632 --> 00:51:36,886
you're seeing other people?
1897
00:51:36,928 --> 00:51:38,554
Yeah.
1898
00:51:38,596 --> 00:51:40,556
I mean, isn't that the whole
1899
00:51:38,596 --> 00:51:40,556
point of online dating?
1900
00:51:40,598 --> 00:51:42,098
No.
1901
00:51:42,140 --> 00:51:44,435
It's to find your soul mate!
1902
00:51:44,476 --> 00:51:46,520
(ECHOING)
1903
00:51:46,562 --> 00:51:51,149
I, uh, think maybe we should
1904
00:51:46,562 --> 00:51:51,149
only see other people.
1905
00:51:52,150 --> 00:51:53,903
Okay. Great talk.
1906
00:51:55,571 --> 00:51:56,572
Bye.
1907
00:51:58,407 --> 00:51:59,784
Just...
1908
00:51:59,825 --> 00:52:01,493
Um, Merry Christmas.
1909
00:52:05,330 --> 00:52:10,210
"'We're safe!' said Paul,
1910
00:52:05,330 --> 00:52:10,210
as they ran from the dragon."
1911
00:52:10,252 --> 00:52:11,629
Um, who's Paul?
1912
00:52:11,670 --> 00:52:12,880
(WOMAN CLEARS THROAT)
1913
00:52:12,922 --> 00:52:15,674
Sorry, "the Prince."
1914
00:52:15,716 --> 00:52:21,013
"Then, he leaned in to kiss
1915
00:52:15,716 --> 00:52:21,013
her, and finally said..."
1916
00:52:25,684 --> 00:52:27,227
Oh, that's rich.
1917
00:52:27,269 --> 00:52:28,604
How does the story end?
1918
00:52:28,646 --> 00:52:30,481
I'll tell you how it ends.
1919
00:52:30,522 --> 00:52:35,945
He kisses her,
1920
00:52:30,522 --> 00:52:35,945
and she wakes up
1921
00:52:30,522 --> 00:52:35,945
and finally feels loved,
1922
00:52:35,987 --> 00:52:38,322
and understood, and wanted.
1923
00:52:38,363 --> 00:52:41,325
But then, her friend sees him
1924
00:52:38,363 --> 00:52:41,325
dining with the peach lady
1925
00:52:41,366 --> 00:52:43,243
and before she knows it,
1926
00:52:41,366 --> 00:52:43,243
she's kicked out
1927
00:52:43,285 --> 00:52:44,286
of the castle.
1928
00:52:43,285 --> 00:52:44,286
(BOOK CLATTERS)
1929
00:52:45,079 --> 00:52:46,705
"The peach lady"?
1930
00:52:46,747 --> 00:52:48,707
You bet your sweet ass
1931
00:52:46,747 --> 00:52:48,707
"the peach lady."
1932
00:52:48,749 --> 00:52:53,462
And now, you know, she's
1933
00:52:48,749 --> 00:52:53,462
fixating on all her mistakes
1934
00:52:53,504 --> 00:52:56,715
and all the money
1935
00:52:53,504 --> 00:52:56,715
she spent on makeup
1936
00:52:56,757 --> 00:53:00,011
and blow-outs, and the heels!
1937
00:53:00,052 --> 00:53:02,471
The heels!
1938
00:53:00,052 --> 00:53:02,471
Walking around on these.
1939
00:53:02,513 --> 00:53:05,432
And I'm not supposed
1940
00:53:02,513 --> 00:53:05,432
to have any hair here.
1941
00:53:05,474 --> 00:53:08,268
No hair here,
1942
00:53:05,474 --> 00:53:08,268
but tons of it here.
1943
00:53:08,310 --> 00:53:10,146
I'm supposed to have
1944
00:53:08,310 --> 00:53:10,146
a ton, a ton of it here.
1945
00:53:10,186 --> 00:53:11,522
You think this is all real?
1946
00:53:11,563 --> 00:53:13,524
You think that it's all real?
1947
00:53:11,563 --> 00:53:13,524
No.
1948
00:53:13,565 --> 00:53:15,067
And Spanx!
1949
00:53:15,109 --> 00:53:18,112
Girls. Never wear Spanx.
1950
00:53:18,154 --> 00:53:19,738
Because the endgame
1951
00:53:18,154 --> 00:53:19,738
is to take them off, anyway
1952
00:53:19,780 --> 00:53:22,491
and then the prince is gonna
1953
00:53:19,780 --> 00:53:22,491
see all your dumplings
1954
00:53:22,533 --> 00:53:24,326
and there ain't
1955
00:53:22,533 --> 00:53:24,326
nothing less attractive
1956
00:53:24,368 --> 00:53:25,911
than trying to
1957
00:53:24,368 --> 00:53:25,911
squiggle your way
1958
00:53:25,953 --> 00:53:28,539
out of what's basically
1959
00:53:25,953 --> 00:53:28,539
sausage casing.
1960
00:53:28,580 --> 00:53:30,082
Look at these links!
1961
00:53:30,124 --> 00:53:31,542
You know what,
1962
00:53:30,124 --> 00:53:31,542
why don't we push pause
1963
00:53:31,583 --> 00:53:33,335
on story time for
1964
00:53:31,583 --> 00:53:33,335
just a second, huh?
1965
00:53:33,377 --> 00:53:34,753
GEORGE: Okay,
1966
00:53:33,377 --> 00:53:34,753
you know what? Sorry.
1967
00:53:34,795 --> 00:53:36,380
Are you kidding me?
1968
00:53:34,795 --> 00:53:36,380
GEORGE: Hey, hey. Okay.
1969
00:53:36,421 --> 00:53:38,298
These are kid scissors.
1970
00:53:36,421 --> 00:53:38,298
They don't work.
1971
00:53:38,340 --> 00:53:40,134
If your Spanx were
1972
00:53:38,340 --> 00:53:40,134
made of construction
1973
00:53:38,340 --> 00:53:40,134
paper, they would.
1974
00:53:40,176 --> 00:53:43,470
And that's how the story ends.
1975
00:53:40,176 --> 00:53:43,470
(GRUNTING)
1976
00:53:43,512 --> 00:53:45,181
Parents, I'm gonna ask
1977
00:53:43,512 --> 00:53:45,181
you to sign something
1978
00:53:45,221 --> 00:53:46,557
before you leave,
1979
00:53:45,221 --> 00:53:46,557
if you don't mind.
1980
00:53:46,598 --> 00:53:47,975
Story time next week.
1981
00:53:46,598 --> 00:53:47,975
(YELPS)
1982
00:53:48,017 --> 00:53:50,352
Same time, same place,
1983
00:53:48,017 --> 00:53:50,352
different reader.
1984
00:53:50,394 --> 00:53:53,271
Thank you. Okay, now.
1985
00:53:50,394 --> 00:53:53,271
Hey, you. Hey. How are you?
1986
00:53:53,313 --> 00:53:55,983
Look at me. Hi. Hello. Hi.
1987
00:53:53,313 --> 00:53:55,983
(PANTING)
1988
00:53:56,025 --> 00:53:57,526
Oh, that was terrible.
1989
00:53:57,568 --> 00:54:00,988
You scared all the kids,
1990
00:53:57,568 --> 00:54:00,988
terrified a lot of parents.
1991
00:54:01,030 --> 00:54:04,075
But it was also
1992
00:54:01,030 --> 00:54:04,075
kind of awesome.
1993
00:54:06,077 --> 00:54:07,536
I'm George.
1994
00:54:10,039 --> 00:54:11,165
Lucy.
1995
00:54:12,624 --> 00:54:13,625
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
1996
00:54:14,752 --> 00:54:16,003
Hey.
1997
00:54:14,752 --> 00:54:16,003
Hi.
1998
00:54:16,045 --> 00:54:17,671
JOSH: Hey.
1999
00:54:16,045 --> 00:54:17,671
Hey!
2000
00:54:17,713 --> 00:54:19,297
Hey! Oh, thank you.
2001
00:54:19,339 --> 00:54:20,549
For you.
2002
00:54:19,339 --> 00:54:20,549
I'll take that.
2003
00:54:20,591 --> 00:54:22,300
Oh, no.
2004
00:54:20,591 --> 00:54:22,300
That's Robin's.
2005
00:54:22,342 --> 00:54:25,179
Yeah. I like to keep
2006
00:54:22,342 --> 00:54:25,179
this on my own rack.
2007
00:54:25,221 --> 00:54:26,513
Sorry, we're late.
2008
00:54:26,555 --> 00:54:28,599
No, it's okay. I'm glad
2009
00:54:26,555 --> 00:54:28,599
you guys could come.
2010
00:54:28,640 --> 00:54:32,561
I know it's tough to
2011
00:54:28,640 --> 00:54:32,561
be single around
2012
00:54:28,640 --> 00:54:32,561
this time of year, so...
2013
00:54:32,603 --> 00:54:36,565
Why do people always
2014
00:54:32,603 --> 00:54:36,565
say that? The holidays is
2015
00:54:32,603 --> 00:54:36,565
he best time to be single.
2016
00:54:36,607 --> 00:54:39,068
Parties every night,
2017
00:54:36,607 --> 00:54:39,068
free-flowing booze.
2018
00:54:39,110 --> 00:54:41,653
Mmm-hmm.
2019
00:54:39,110 --> 00:54:41,653
Santa's beard tickling
2020
00:54:39,110 --> 00:54:41,653
your inner thigh.
2021
00:54:41,695 --> 00:54:43,197
What?
2022
00:54:41,695 --> 00:54:43,197
Night.
2023
00:54:43,239 --> 00:54:44,782
(CHUCKLES)
2024
00:54:43,239 --> 00:54:44,782
Yeah, take your jacket...
2025
00:54:44,823 --> 00:54:46,200
Here, you want me
2026
00:54:44,823 --> 00:54:46,200
to get your...
2027
00:54:46,242 --> 00:54:47,534
Thanks for having us.
2028
00:54:47,576 --> 00:54:51,205
Yeah, sure. I know it's
2029
00:54:47,576 --> 00:54:51,205
been tough for you.
2030
00:54:51,247 --> 00:54:52,790
For me?
2031
00:54:51,247 --> 00:54:52,790
Yeah.
2032
00:54:52,831 --> 00:54:54,708
No, I'm good.
2033
00:54:54,750 --> 00:54:58,212
It's really cool of your
2034
00:54:54,750 --> 00:54:58,212
girlfriend to be okay with
2035
00:54:54,750 --> 00:54:58,212
me coming tonight.
2036
00:54:58,254 --> 00:55:00,547
Yeah. Yeah, I know,
2037
00:54:58,254 --> 00:55:00,547
she's really mature.
2038
00:55:00,589 --> 00:55:03,550
And, um, also, I told
2039
00:55:00,589 --> 00:55:03,550
her you're my cousin.
2040
00:55:03,592 --> 00:55:05,761
Hi, baby.
2041
00:55:03,592 --> 00:55:05,761
Hey. Hi.
2042
00:55:05,803 --> 00:55:08,264
Oh, you must be Alice.
2043
00:55:08,304 --> 00:55:10,182
Hi!
2044
00:55:08,304 --> 00:55:10,182
Hi.
2045
00:55:11,475 --> 00:55:12,768
(HORNS HONKING)
2046
00:55:12,810 --> 00:55:13,811
(TRAFFIC BUSTLING)
2047
00:55:16,563 --> 00:55:18,107
KEN: Oh, Meg!
2048
00:55:16,563 --> 00:55:18,107
(GASPS)
2049
00:55:18,149 --> 00:55:19,233
Hi.
2050
00:55:18,149 --> 00:55:19,233
Hey.
2051
00:55:19,275 --> 00:55:20,567
Hi, what are you doing here?
2052
00:55:20,609 --> 00:55:21,735
I brought you hot chocolate.
2053
00:55:21,777 --> 00:55:22,778
For what?
2054
00:55:22,820 --> 00:55:24,362
For drinking.
2055
00:55:24,404 --> 00:55:26,073
Oh, I have to be back
2056
00:55:24,404 --> 00:55:26,073
at work in eight minutes.
2057
00:55:26,115 --> 00:55:27,241
Perfect.
2058
00:55:27,283 --> 00:55:28,533
Oh, thank you.
2059
00:55:27,283 --> 00:55:28,533
Sure.
2060
00:55:28,575 --> 00:55:30,828
That was nice. Hi.
2061
00:55:30,869 --> 00:55:32,288
It's good to see you.
2062
00:55:30,869 --> 00:55:32,288
You look good.
2063
00:55:32,328 --> 00:55:33,747
Oh, oh, there's
2064
00:55:32,328 --> 00:55:33,747
bourbon in there.
2065
00:55:33,789 --> 00:55:35,291
Also, was that
2066
00:55:33,789 --> 00:55:35,291
a real-life spit take?
2067
00:55:35,331 --> 00:55:37,333
Mmm.
2068
00:55:35,331 --> 00:55:37,333
I've never seen
2069
00:55:35,331 --> 00:55:37,333
one in real life.
2070
00:55:37,375 --> 00:55:38,794
I just sort of thought
2071
00:55:37,375 --> 00:55:38,794
it would be like...
2072
00:55:40,296 --> 00:55:41,337
(SPITTING)
2073
00:55:41,379 --> 00:55:42,589
Wow.
2074
00:55:41,379 --> 00:55:42,589
You know?
2075
00:55:42,631 --> 00:55:44,258
(GIGGLES) Yeah.
2076
00:55:44,300 --> 00:55:45,509
That was good, yeah.
2077
00:55:45,550 --> 00:55:47,094
I can't drink
2078
00:55:45,550 --> 00:55:47,094
alcohol right now
2079
00:55:47,136 --> 00:55:49,847
because I'm
2080
00:55:47,136 --> 00:55:49,847
about to deliver a baby.
2081
00:55:49,888 --> 00:55:51,473
It's so cool you're a doctor.
2082
00:55:52,474 --> 00:55:53,600
It's so cool that you're...
2083
00:55:53,642 --> 00:55:55,351
A receptionist.
2084
00:55:55,393 --> 00:55:59,523
Oh, okay. So, what's the male
2085
00:55:55,393 --> 00:55:59,523
version of a receptionist?
2086
00:55:59,564 --> 00:56:01,525
Receptionist.
2087
00:55:59,564 --> 00:56:01,525
Oh.
2088
00:56:01,566 --> 00:56:03,610
Oh, I just love the
2089
00:56:01,566 --> 00:56:03,610
thrill of it, you know?
2090
00:56:03,652 --> 00:56:05,904
Like, "Hello? Hold, please.
2091
00:56:03,652 --> 00:56:05,904
"Hello? I'll see
2092
00:56:03,652 --> 00:56:05,904
if she's available."
2093
00:56:05,946 --> 00:56:07,990
But I'm thinking about
2094
00:56:05,946 --> 00:56:07,990
quitting. I don't know.
2095
00:56:08,032 --> 00:56:10,492
It's starting to feel like
2096
00:56:08,032 --> 00:56:10,492
the restaurant I worked at.
2097
00:56:08,032 --> 00:56:10,492
(JINGLING)
2098
00:56:10,534 --> 00:56:15,122
Oh.
2099
00:56:10,534 --> 00:56:15,122
Oh, shit. Christmas trees.
2100
00:56:15,164 --> 00:56:16,748
Come on, we'll get one.
2101
00:56:16,790 --> 00:56:19,335
Okay. I mean, I don't
2102
00:56:16,790 --> 00:56:19,335
get Christmas trees, but...
2103
00:56:19,375 --> 00:56:22,420
Oh, are you Jewish?
2104
00:56:19,375 --> 00:56:22,420
No, I just don't get
2105
00:56:19,375 --> 00:56:22,420
Christmas trees.
2106
00:56:22,462 --> 00:56:24,173
Oh, so, you're a monster.
2107
00:56:24,215 --> 00:56:27,383
No, I'm just never home, and
2108
00:56:24,215 --> 00:56:27,383
I would definitely kill it.
2109
00:56:27,425 --> 00:56:28,802
No.
2110
00:56:28,844 --> 00:56:30,304
And then those needles
2111
00:56:28,844 --> 00:56:30,304
fall into the rug
2112
00:56:30,346 --> 00:56:32,556
and stab your feet
2113
00:56:30,346 --> 00:56:32,556
when you walk on them.
2114
00:56:32,597 --> 00:56:33,891
Okay.
2115
00:56:33,932 --> 00:56:36,392
All right.
2116
00:56:33,932 --> 00:56:36,392
Look at this guy, right?
2117
00:56:36,434 --> 00:56:38,312
That's the John McClane
2118
00:56:36,434 --> 00:56:38,312
of Christmas trees.
2119
00:56:38,354 --> 00:56:40,189
Like, you cannot
2120
00:56:38,354 --> 00:56:40,189
kill this guy.
2121
00:56:40,231 --> 00:56:42,149
We load him up with
2122
00:56:40,231 --> 00:56:42,149
a bunch of water,
2123
00:56:42,191 --> 00:56:44,818
stuff one of those
2124
00:56:42,191 --> 00:56:44,818
self-pouring
2125
00:56:42,191 --> 00:56:44,818
cat bottles on the side,
2126
00:56:44,860 --> 00:56:46,611
you're good to go for,
2127
00:56:44,860 --> 00:56:46,611
like, three weeks.
2128
00:56:46,653 --> 00:56:48,239
I'm telling you, you're gonna
2129
00:56:46,653 --> 00:56:48,239
be begging this guy to die.
2130
00:56:48,280 --> 00:56:49,740
Yeah.
2131
00:56:48,280 --> 00:56:49,740
Then, in three weeks
2132
00:56:49,781 --> 00:56:51,700
we throw this guy
2133
00:56:49,781 --> 00:56:51,700
out on the street,
2134
00:56:51,742 --> 00:56:53,493
and get ready
2135
00:56:51,742 --> 00:56:53,493
for Valentine's Day.
2136
00:56:53,535 --> 00:56:54,995
"We" get ready
2137
00:56:53,535 --> 00:56:54,995
for Valentine's Day?
2138
00:56:55,037 --> 00:56:57,331
Yeah, hearts, candy,
2139
00:56:55,037 --> 00:56:57,331
you name it.
2140
00:56:55,037 --> 00:56:57,331
Oh.
2141
00:56:57,373 --> 00:56:59,958
Oh, no, no, no, no.
2142
00:56:57,373 --> 00:56:59,958
That's not...
2143
00:57:00,000 --> 00:57:02,669
Listen, in three
2144
00:57:00,000 --> 00:57:02,669
weeks from now,
2145
00:57:02,711 --> 00:57:06,298
I think the novelty
2146
00:57:02,711 --> 00:57:06,298
of this whole thing
2147
00:57:02,711 --> 00:57:06,298
will have worn off
2148
00:57:06,340 --> 00:57:10,677
and I think, the reality
2149
00:57:06,340 --> 00:57:10,677
will set in, which is that
2150
00:57:06,340 --> 00:57:10,677
I work all the time
2151
00:57:10,719 --> 00:57:12,554
and I probably would
2152
00:57:10,719 --> 00:57:12,554
never see you,
2153
00:57:12,596 --> 00:57:15,682
and I'd probably have to
2154
00:57:12,596 --> 00:57:15,682
cancel all of our dates.
2155
00:57:15,724 --> 00:57:18,476
And, when I did
2156
00:57:15,724 --> 00:57:18,476
finally see you,
2157
00:57:18,518 --> 00:57:20,645
I would probably just
2158
00:57:18,518 --> 00:57:20,645
fall asleep on your face.
2159
00:57:20,687 --> 00:57:22,231
Oh...
2160
00:57:20,687 --> 00:57:22,231
Yeah, and then,
2161
00:57:22,273 --> 00:57:24,066
.you would go off,
2162
00:57:22,273 --> 00:57:24,066
and meet some girl at the gym.
2163
00:57:24,108 --> 00:57:26,735
Because you obviously
2164
00:57:24,108 --> 00:57:26,735
have a lot of time
2165
00:57:24,108 --> 00:57:26,735
to spend at the gym
2166
00:57:26,777 --> 00:57:28,445
and so would she, and
2167
00:57:28,486 --> 00:57:29,988
I don't even know why we're
2168
00:57:28,486 --> 00:57:29,988
having this conversation.
2169
00:57:30,030 --> 00:57:31,990
I mean, you are
2170
00:57:30,030 --> 00:57:31,990
obviously not a real thing
2171
00:57:32,032 --> 00:57:34,868
and I feel like we're wasting
2172
00:57:32,032 --> 00:57:34,868
air even talking about it.
2173
00:57:34,910 --> 00:57:37,371
And I have hip problems,
2174
00:57:34,910 --> 00:57:37,371
real hip problems,
2175
00:57:37,413 --> 00:57:39,206
and not from doing fun things,
2176
00:57:39,248 --> 00:57:41,875
like having sex,
2177
00:57:39,248 --> 00:57:41,875
but from gravity.
2178
00:57:41,917 --> 00:57:43,794
And what we had was great.
2179
00:57:43,835 --> 00:57:47,631
Thank you for
2180
00:57:43,835 --> 00:57:47,631
helping me out with that.
2181
00:57:47,672 --> 00:57:49,007
That was fun.
2182
00:57:49,049 --> 00:57:51,927
But you will find
2183
00:57:49,049 --> 00:57:51,927
a girl your own age
2184
00:57:51,969 --> 00:57:53,345
and then you can do fun things
2185
00:57:53,387 --> 00:57:55,389
like look for trees
2186
00:57:53,387 --> 00:57:55,389
and whatever.
2187
00:57:55,431 --> 00:57:58,392
But that's not
2188
00:57:55,431 --> 00:57:58,392
what's happening here,
2189
00:57:55,431 --> 00:57:58,392
between you and me, so...
2190
00:57:58,434 --> 00:57:59,643
Just so you know.
2191
00:57:59,684 --> 00:58:01,519
I have to get back
2192
00:57:59,684 --> 00:58:01,519
to work now.
2193
00:58:01,561 --> 00:58:03,063
(MOUTHING)
2194
00:58:03,730 --> 00:58:05,023
My God.
2195
00:58:05,065 --> 00:58:06,984
Fine, we won't get
2196
00:58:05,065 --> 00:58:06,984
a Christmas tree!
2197
00:58:07,025 --> 00:58:08,235
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
2198
00:58:08,277 --> 00:58:11,696
JOSH: You okay? You happy?
2199
00:58:08,277 --> 00:58:11,696
I'm okay.
2200
00:58:14,325 --> 00:58:17,702
JOSH: You did good.
2201
00:58:14,325 --> 00:58:17,702
This is an incredible party.
2202
00:58:18,996 --> 00:58:20,247
Mmm. You're sweet.
2203
00:58:32,343 --> 00:58:33,593
Hey, Robin.
2204
00:58:33,635 --> 00:58:34,636
Yeah.
2205
00:58:35,304 --> 00:58:36,305
(MUMBLES)
2206
00:58:37,597 --> 00:58:38,890
MAN: Oh.
2207
00:58:37,597 --> 00:58:38,890
Yes?
2208
00:58:38,932 --> 00:58:41,059
Do you want to go see
2209
00:58:38,932 --> 00:58:41,059
the Rockefeller tree?
2210
00:58:41,101 --> 00:58:42,644
Right now?
2211
00:58:41,101 --> 00:58:42,644
Yeah.
2212
00:58:42,686 --> 00:58:45,730
No, Buzz-Cut and Dimples
2213
00:58:42,686 --> 00:58:45,730
are visiting from Italy,
2214
00:58:45,772 --> 00:58:48,108
and they want
2215
00:58:45,772 --> 00:58:48,108
to know all about
2216
00:58:45,772 --> 00:58:48,108
American Christmas traditions
2217
00:58:48,150 --> 00:58:50,402
like us sitting
2218
00:58:48,150 --> 00:58:50,402
on their faces.
2219
00:58:50,444 --> 00:58:52,737
No. No.
2220
00:58:50,444 --> 00:58:52,737
Come on, it's Christmas!
2221
00:58:52,779 --> 00:58:55,073
I'm not gonna do that tonight.
2222
00:58:55,115 --> 00:58:57,284
Why? Their dicks probably
2223
00:58:55,115 --> 00:58:57,284
look like cannolis.
2224
00:58:57,326 --> 00:59:00,037
No, it's okay.
2225
00:58:57,326 --> 00:59:00,037
I'll call you tomorrow.
2226
00:59:01,288 --> 00:59:03,332
(SLOW MUSIC CONTINUES)
2227
00:59:07,627 --> 00:59:10,422
It's plastic.
2228
00:59:07,627 --> 00:59:10,422
You can't kill it.
2229
00:59:10,464 --> 00:59:11,673
(LAUGHS)
2230
00:59:43,038 --> 00:59:44,122
DAVID: Hey.
2231
00:59:45,040 --> 00:59:46,041
Hey.
2232
00:59:47,209 --> 00:59:49,753
I feel like I know you.
2233
00:59:49,794 --> 00:59:51,671
God, I wish I had one of
2234
00:59:49,794 --> 00:59:51,671
your business cards,
2235
00:59:51,713 --> 00:59:53,048
so I could
2236
00:59:51,713 --> 00:59:53,048
remember who you are.
2237
00:59:53,090 --> 00:59:55,092
(LAUGHS)
2238
00:59:55,133 --> 00:59:57,428
Yeah, you're the, um,
2239
00:59:55,133 --> 00:59:57,428
fancy married guy,
2240
00:59:57,469 --> 00:59:59,304
with the kid
2241
00:59:57,469 --> 00:59:59,304
and the buildings.
2242
00:59:59,346 --> 01:00:01,806
Uh, I'm not married.
2243
01:00:01,848 --> 01:00:03,475
Um, I do have a daughter.
2244
01:00:04,226 --> 01:00:05,352
Oh.
2245
01:00:05,394 --> 01:00:06,937
And I'm fancy.
2246
01:00:05,394 --> 01:00:06,937
Yeah.
2247
01:00:06,978 --> 01:00:09,647
You're wearing
2248
01:00:06,978 --> 01:00:09,647
a scarf on the
2249
01:00:06,978 --> 01:00:09,647
outside of your jacket.
2250
01:00:09,689 --> 01:00:11,567
Which...
2251
01:00:09,689 --> 01:00:11,567
That serves zero purpose.
2252
01:00:11,649 --> 01:00:12,734
(LAUGHS)
2253
01:00:11,649 --> 01:00:12,734
(CHUCKLES)
2254
01:00:13,818 --> 01:00:14,819
Um...
2255
01:00:16,280 --> 01:00:18,698
Uh, this is super
2256
01:00:16,280 --> 01:00:18,698
random, but do you
2257
01:00:18,740 --> 01:00:21,659
want to go see
2258
01:00:18,740 --> 01:00:21,659
the Rockefeller tree with me?
2259
01:00:22,786 --> 01:00:24,246
No? That's a big "no."
2260
01:00:24,288 --> 01:00:26,206
No, no.
2261
01:00:26,248 --> 01:00:27,541
I know it's probably
2262
01:00:26,248 --> 01:00:27,541
like so crowded
2263
01:00:26,248 --> 01:00:27,541
with so many tourists,
2264
01:00:27,583 --> 01:00:29,376
I don't know why
2265
01:00:27,583 --> 01:00:29,376
I even want to do that.
2266
01:00:29,418 --> 01:00:32,129
I just... I was just thinking,
2267
01:00:29,418 --> 01:00:32,129
I want to show you something.
2268
01:00:33,589 --> 01:00:34,631
Okay.
2269
01:00:37,092 --> 01:00:39,219
(WHISPERS) All right.
2270
01:00:37,092 --> 01:00:39,219
This door.
2271
01:00:40,845 --> 01:00:43,223
Aye.
2272
01:00:43,265 --> 01:00:44,641
You know what?
2273
01:00:43,265 --> 01:00:44,641
I am just realizing now
2274
01:00:44,682 --> 01:00:46,226
that I've gone with
2275
01:00:44,682 --> 01:00:46,226
a complete stranger,
2276
01:00:46,268 --> 01:00:50,606
to an abandoned location
2277
01:00:46,268 --> 01:00:50,606
covered in plastic.
2278
01:00:50,647 --> 01:00:53,733
So, if you're
2279
01:00:50,647 --> 01:00:53,733
gonna Dexter me...
2280
01:00:53,775 --> 01:00:55,693
You know what? Honestly?
2281
01:00:55,735 --> 01:00:57,779
Dying would not be
2282
01:00:55,735 --> 01:00:57,779
the worst thing
2283
01:00:55,735 --> 01:00:57,779
in the world, right now.
2284
01:00:57,821 --> 01:00:59,490
What is happening?
2285
01:00:57,821 --> 01:00:59,490
All right. Close your eyes.
2286
01:00:59,531 --> 01:01:01,575
Okay. Here we go. Bye!
2287
01:01:01,617 --> 01:01:04,077
(CREAKING)
2288
01:01:01,617 --> 01:01:04,077
(DAVID GRUNTING)
2289
01:01:04,119 --> 01:01:05,745
What is that sound?
2290
01:01:04,119 --> 01:01:05,745
Just one second.
2291
01:01:05,787 --> 01:01:08,123
The world's largest
2292
01:01:05,787 --> 01:01:08,123
shower curtain?
2293
01:01:08,165 --> 01:01:09,583
What is it? What's happening?
2294
01:01:09,625 --> 01:01:11,251
One sec. Uh...
2295
01:01:11,293 --> 01:01:12,503
Is that the body bag?
2296
01:01:12,544 --> 01:01:13,920
Is that duct tape?
2297
01:01:13,962 --> 01:01:16,465
Is it "duck" tape
2298
01:01:13,962 --> 01:01:16,465
or is it "duct" tape?
2299
01:01:17,257 --> 01:01:18,383
Um, open your eyes.
2300
01:01:24,722 --> 01:01:25,807
(LAUGHS)
2301
01:01:32,147 --> 01:01:33,773
Oh, my God.
2302
01:01:33,815 --> 01:01:35,150
(CHILDREN PLAYING)
2303
01:01:35,192 --> 01:01:36,943
This is amazing.
2304
01:01:42,491 --> 01:01:44,326
Thank you.
2305
01:01:44,368 --> 01:01:45,702
I've always wanted
2306
01:01:44,368 --> 01:01:45,702
to see this.
2307
01:01:45,743 --> 01:01:47,120
Yeah.
2308
01:01:47,162 --> 01:01:48,746
I don't know why
2309
01:01:47,162 --> 01:01:48,746
I always talk myself out
2310
01:01:48,788 --> 01:01:50,290
of doing the things
2311
01:01:48,788 --> 01:01:50,290
that I really want to do.
2312
01:01:50,332 --> 01:01:51,875
Like what?
2313
01:01:51,916 --> 01:01:54,169
There's this thing that
2314
01:01:51,916 --> 01:01:54,169
people do on New Year's,
2315
01:01:54,211 --> 01:01:56,880
where they hike the
2316
01:01:54,211 --> 01:01:56,880
Grand Canyon in the dark,
2317
01:01:54,211 --> 01:01:56,880
Hmm.
2318
01:01:56,921 --> 01:02:00,342
so that they can
2319
01:01:56,921 --> 01:02:00,342
watch the New Year
2320
01:01:56,921 --> 01:02:00,342
come in with the dawn.
2321
01:02:00,384 --> 01:02:02,469
That sounds amazing.
2322
01:02:02,511 --> 01:02:04,137
I know.
2323
01:02:02,511 --> 01:02:04,137
Yeah.
2324
01:02:04,179 --> 01:02:06,223
I'm just not a hiker.
2325
01:02:06,264 --> 01:02:09,809
I don't like that stuff
2326
01:02:06,264 --> 01:02:09,809
that's on the ground,
2327
01:02:06,264 --> 01:02:09,809
that, like, gets on you.
2328
01:02:09,851 --> 01:02:11,520
The dirt?
2329
01:02:09,851 --> 01:02:11,520
Yes.
2330
01:02:11,562 --> 01:02:13,397
(BOTH LAUGHING)
2331
01:02:13,438 --> 01:02:17,275
But, um, I don't know.
2332
01:02:17,317 --> 01:02:21,946
Maybe we can, um,
2333
01:02:17,317 --> 01:02:21,946
do something else this year.
2334
01:02:21,988 --> 01:02:23,657
"We"?
2335
01:02:21,988 --> 01:02:23,657
Did I say "we"?
2336
01:02:35,793 --> 01:02:37,588
This one's name is Ping-Ping.
2337
01:02:37,629 --> 01:02:38,838
Ping-Ping?
2338
01:02:38,880 --> 01:02:39,964
It's nice to meet you.
2339
01:02:40,006 --> 01:02:41,258
ALICE: Who's this guy?
2340
01:02:41,299 --> 01:02:43,009
Lion.
2341
01:02:43,051 --> 01:02:45,887
Lion is very handsome and,
2342
01:02:43,051 --> 01:02:45,887
also, we seem to be matching.
2343
01:02:45,929 --> 01:02:47,264
Well, what about this guy?
2344
01:02:47,305 --> 01:02:49,224
Zebra-Zebra.
2345
01:02:49,266 --> 01:02:51,893
Hmm. I was told
2346
01:02:49,266 --> 01:02:51,893
never to trust a man
2347
01:02:49,266 --> 01:02:51,893
with two first names.
2348
01:02:51,935 --> 01:02:53,853
(CHUCKLES)
2349
01:02:51,935 --> 01:02:53,853
(PHONE RINGS)
2350
01:02:53,895 --> 01:02:55,980
What about,
2351
01:02:53,895 --> 01:02:55,980
do you want to tell me
2352
01:02:53,895 --> 01:02:55,980
the names of these ones?
2353
01:02:56,022 --> 01:02:57,524
This is LA.
2354
01:02:56,022 --> 01:02:57,524
I'll be two seconds.
2355
01:02:57,566 --> 01:02:59,859
Okay, we're fine.
2356
01:02:59,901 --> 01:03:01,945
Do you know
2357
01:02:59,901 --> 01:03:01,945
the Eyes of You song?
2358
01:03:01,986 --> 01:03:03,447
The what song?
2359
01:03:03,488 --> 01:03:04,989
Eyes of You song.
2360
01:03:05,031 --> 01:03:06,824
No, I don't know
2361
01:03:05,031 --> 01:03:06,824
what that is.
2362
01:03:06,866 --> 01:03:09,327
(SCATTING)
2363
01:03:11,705 --> 01:03:13,415
Oh, I know that song.
2364
01:03:13,457 --> 01:03:14,916
(BOTH SCATTING)
2365
01:03:18,836 --> 01:03:22,633
♪ I love you baby
2366
01:03:18,836 --> 01:03:22,633
And if it's quite all right ♪
2367
01:03:22,674 --> 01:03:24,301
What are you doing?
2368
01:03:24,342 --> 01:03:26,010
Well, we were working
2369
01:03:24,342 --> 01:03:26,010
on our pop star careers,
2370
01:03:26,052 --> 01:03:28,263
but her voice is
2371
01:03:26,052 --> 01:03:28,263
way better than mine.
2372
01:03:28,305 --> 01:03:29,473
(LAUGHS)
2373
01:03:28,305 --> 01:03:29,473
Can I talk to you?
2374
01:03:29,514 --> 01:03:30,848
Yeah, yeah.
2375
01:03:38,064 --> 01:03:39,650
Uh, what are you doing?
2376
01:03:39,691 --> 01:03:40,900
What do you mean?
2377
01:03:40,942 --> 01:03:42,569
You're not her mom.
2378
01:03:42,611 --> 01:03:44,446
What are you...
2379
01:03:42,611 --> 01:03:44,446
What are you...
2380
01:03:44,488 --> 01:03:45,697
What do you mean?
2381
01:03:47,741 --> 01:03:49,951
We were just singing, David.
2382
01:03:49,993 --> 01:03:52,870
Look, I'm sorry, but
2383
01:03:49,993 --> 01:03:52,870
when it comes to Phoebe,
2384
01:03:54,080 --> 01:03:56,916
I get very protective.
2385
01:03:56,958 --> 01:03:59,670
And, you can't just...
2386
01:04:01,879 --> 01:04:03,173
Look, I'm really sorry.
2387
01:04:03,214 --> 01:04:05,509
I didn't know that
2388
01:04:03,214 --> 01:04:05,509
that was a thing.
2389
01:04:05,550 --> 01:04:07,678
I'm not trying to, like...
2390
01:04:10,013 --> 01:04:11,682
I guess I didn't know
2391
01:04:10,013 --> 01:04:11,682
that that would upset you
2392
01:04:11,723 --> 01:04:13,933
because you don't
2393
01:04:11,723 --> 01:04:13,933
actually ever really
2394
01:04:13,975 --> 01:04:16,060
share anything with me.
2395
01:04:21,316 --> 01:04:22,693
(HORNS HONKING IN DISTANCE)
2396
01:04:33,495 --> 01:04:35,706
Do you know how I found out
2397
01:04:33,495 --> 01:04:35,706
your wife passed away?
2398
01:04:37,499 --> 01:04:38,958
From your doorman, David.
2399
01:04:39,000 --> 01:04:40,544
Yeah, well.
2400
01:04:40,585 --> 01:04:42,796
I just thought you were
2401
01:04:40,585 --> 01:04:42,796
divorced. I had no idea.
2402
01:04:42,838 --> 01:04:44,589
It's just been
2403
01:04:42,838 --> 01:04:44,589
two years, okay?
2404
01:04:44,631 --> 01:04:46,675
Phoebe's not
2405
01:04:44,631 --> 01:04:46,675
ready for all that.
2406
01:04:46,717 --> 01:04:49,845
I have no idea what
2407
01:04:46,717 --> 01:04:49,845
it's like to be a parent.
2408
01:04:49,886 --> 01:04:52,806
But, I feel like you
2409
01:04:49,886 --> 01:04:52,806
have to open up
2410
01:04:49,886 --> 01:04:52,806
to Phoebe about her mom.
2411
01:04:52,848 --> 01:04:54,057
Look, Alice.
2412
01:04:55,642 --> 01:04:56,768
I can't do this.
2413
01:04:58,061 --> 01:04:59,521
I'm sorry.
2414
01:05:09,947 --> 01:05:12,492
(MUSIC PLAYING)
2415
01:05:12,534 --> 01:05:14,369
(CHEERING)
2416
01:05:12,534 --> 01:05:14,369
(BAGPIPES PLAYING)
2417
01:05:18,081 --> 01:05:20,709
(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
2418
01:05:56,536 --> 01:05:57,537
(INAUDIBLE)
2419
01:05:59,581 --> 01:06:01,583
(KEYS JANGLING SOFTLY)
2420
01:06:20,184 --> 01:06:23,020
(CRYING) I know
2421
01:06:20,184 --> 01:06:23,020
I'm not supposed
2422
01:06:20,184 --> 01:06:23,020
to need you anymore, but...
2423
01:06:28,485 --> 01:06:29,569
I really do.
2424
01:06:30,695 --> 01:06:31,780
Come here.
2425
01:06:36,242 --> 01:06:40,831
I feel like I don't even
2426
01:06:36,242 --> 01:06:40,831
know who I am anymore.
2427
01:06:40,872 --> 01:06:42,206
It's okay.
2428
01:06:48,505 --> 01:06:51,424
I have to warn you,
2429
01:06:48,505 --> 01:06:51,424
I have this weird
2430
01:06:48,505 --> 01:06:51,424
farting thing happening.
2431
01:06:51,466 --> 01:06:53,426
(CHUCKLES)
2432
01:06:53,468 --> 01:06:56,513
I don't know if it's me,
2433
01:06:53,468 --> 01:06:56,513
or the baby farting
2434
01:06:53,468 --> 01:06:56,513
through me, or what, but...
2435
01:06:58,556 --> 01:07:00,183
Let me see.
2436
01:06:58,556 --> 01:07:00,183
(SIGHS)
2437
01:07:02,644 --> 01:07:04,187
Hi, you stinky little baby.
2438
01:07:04,228 --> 01:07:07,774
(CHUCKLES)
2439
01:07:07,816 --> 01:07:11,152
(WHISPERS) You know
2440
01:07:07,816 --> 01:07:11,152
you're not gonna be able to
2441
01:07:07,816 --> 01:07:11,152
hide this for much longer.
2442
01:07:12,153 --> 01:07:13,822
You need to tell him.
2443
01:07:13,864 --> 01:07:15,573
(SHUSHING)
2444
01:07:16,533 --> 01:07:17,659
(ALICE CHUCKLES)
2445
01:07:24,123 --> 01:07:25,959
I love you, monkey.
2446
01:07:26,001 --> 01:07:27,293
I love you.
2447
01:07:28,795 --> 01:07:30,296
(IRISH FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)
2448
01:07:36,845 --> 01:07:39,138
Hey, Happy Alcoholic's Day.
2449
01:07:39,180 --> 01:07:40,264
(CHUCKLES)
2450
01:07:40,306 --> 01:07:42,475
All right, let me guess.
2451
01:07:42,517 --> 01:07:44,644
You're one of those
2452
01:07:42,517 --> 01:07:44,644
parade-hating buzzkills
2453
01:07:42,517 --> 01:07:44,644
that stays at home,
2454
01:07:44,686 --> 01:07:45,896
while the rest of us
2455
01:07:44,686 --> 01:07:45,896
are out here,
2456
01:07:45,937 --> 01:07:47,188
celebrating
2457
01:07:45,937 --> 01:07:47,188
Saint Patrick's Day.
2458
01:07:47,230 --> 01:07:49,273
No. You know what?
2459
01:07:47,230 --> 01:07:49,273
I'm into it.
2460
01:07:49,315 --> 01:07:51,526
George is an eighth Irish.
2461
01:07:51,568 --> 01:07:53,236
Do you think he'll
2462
01:07:51,568 --> 01:07:53,236
like it? Look, I did...
2463
01:07:53,277 --> 01:07:54,654
Yeah. (LAUGHS)
2464
01:07:54,696 --> 01:07:55,780
Who's George?
2465
01:07:55,822 --> 01:07:57,615
Luce. Hey!
2466
01:07:57,657 --> 01:07:59,116
Oh, there he is!
2467
01:08:00,577 --> 01:08:03,079
That's George?
2468
01:08:03,120 --> 01:08:04,998
Happy Saint Patrick's Day!
2469
01:08:05,040 --> 01:08:06,165
Yes!
2470
01:08:06,207 --> 01:08:07,667
(LAUGHING)
2471
01:08:08,585 --> 01:08:09,586
BOTH: Mmm.
2472
01:08:14,049 --> 01:08:15,675
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
2473
01:08:15,717 --> 01:08:16,718
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
2474
01:08:45,747 --> 01:08:48,165
(ALL SHOUTING)
2475
01:09:17,320 --> 01:09:18,780
(CLEARS THROAT)
2476
01:09:21,616 --> 01:09:23,576
(MUSIC PLAYING STOPS)
2477
01:09:21,616 --> 01:09:23,576
(LAUGHS)
2478
01:09:23,618 --> 01:09:25,996
Hi.
2479
01:09:23,618 --> 01:09:25,996
Hi.
2480
01:09:26,037 --> 01:09:27,122
It's been forever.
2481
01:09:27,163 --> 01:09:28,164
Yeah.
2482
01:09:29,373 --> 01:09:30,917
Are you here with somebody?
2483
01:09:30,959 --> 01:09:33,753
Oh, no. I'm, I'm,
2484
01:09:30,959 --> 01:09:33,753
I'm alone.
2485
01:09:33,795 --> 01:09:35,713
I just thought I'd
2486
01:09:33,795 --> 01:09:35,713
grab some pancakes,
2487
01:09:35,755 --> 01:09:37,757
'cause I love pancakes.
2488
01:09:35,755 --> 01:09:37,757
This was our place.
2489
01:09:37,799 --> 01:09:39,216
Okay.
2490
01:09:39,258 --> 01:09:40,844
What are you doing?
2491
01:09:39,258 --> 01:09:40,844
Who are you here with?
2492
01:09:40,885 --> 01:09:42,219
I'm here with my parents.
2493
01:09:42,261 --> 01:09:43,847
JOSH'S MOM: Oh, my God.
2494
01:09:42,261 --> 01:09:43,847
Here they are.
2495
01:09:43,888 --> 01:09:45,515
JOSH'S DAD: Look who it is.
2496
01:09:43,888 --> 01:09:45,515
JOSH'S MOM: Alice!
2497
01:09:45,556 --> 01:09:46,766
ALICE: Hi! How are you?
2498
01:09:45,556 --> 01:09:46,766
JOSH'S DAD: Oh, my God.
2499
01:09:46,808 --> 01:09:48,184
We're here to celebrate.
2500
01:09:48,225 --> 01:09:49,352
How are you?
2501
01:09:48,225 --> 01:09:49,352
It's so good to see you. Hi.
2502
01:09:49,393 --> 01:09:51,896
Josh got into business school.
2503
01:09:51,938 --> 01:09:53,106
What?
2504
01:09:51,938 --> 01:09:53,106
JOSH: I did.
2505
01:09:53,148 --> 01:09:54,398
It just happened. It's crazy.
2506
01:09:54,440 --> 01:09:56,026
I didn't even know
2507
01:09:54,440 --> 01:09:56,026
you wanted to...
2508
01:09:56,067 --> 01:09:57,234
JOSH'S DAD: We were just
2509
01:09:56,067 --> 01:09:57,234
gonna take a picture.
2510
01:09:57,276 --> 01:09:58,569
Come on, get in here.
2511
01:09:57,276 --> 01:09:58,569
Oh.
2512
01:09:58,611 --> 01:10:00,113
We're just gonna
2513
01:09:58,611 --> 01:10:00,113
take a picture.
2514
01:10:00,155 --> 01:10:01,238
JOSH'S DAD: Come on,
2515
01:10:00,155 --> 01:10:01,238
come on, get in here.
2516
01:10:01,280 --> 01:10:02,657
Squeeze in.
2517
01:10:01,280 --> 01:10:02,657
JOSH: No, no, no!
2518
01:10:02,699 --> 01:10:03,783
Selfie time!
2519
01:10:02,699 --> 01:10:03,783
Selfie time. One, two...
2520
01:10:03,825 --> 01:10:04,993
No, I can take
2521
01:10:03,825 --> 01:10:04,993
one of you guys.
2522
01:10:05,035 --> 01:10:06,036
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
2523
01:10:05,035 --> 01:10:06,036
Three!
2524
01:10:06,077 --> 01:10:08,121
You're better than her.
2525
01:10:08,163 --> 01:10:09,288
Wow. What?
2526
01:10:09,330 --> 01:10:10,790
JOSH'S MOM: What?
2527
01:10:09,330 --> 01:10:10,790
Mom!
2528
01:10:10,832 --> 01:10:12,625
(JOSH'S MOM LAUGHING)
2529
01:10:10,832 --> 01:10:12,625
You need to go inside.
2530
01:10:12,667 --> 01:10:14,044
I know you've
2531
01:10:12,667 --> 01:10:14,044
said it a million times.
2532
01:10:14,085 --> 01:10:15,628
All right. There you go.
2533
01:10:14,085 --> 01:10:15,628
Take her inside,
2534
01:10:15,670 --> 01:10:17,172
and then take her home.
2535
01:10:15,670 --> 01:10:17,172
Great to see you again.
2536
01:10:17,213 --> 01:10:18,339
ALICE: Great to see you.
2537
01:10:17,213 --> 01:10:18,339
Okay.
2538
01:10:18,381 --> 01:10:19,423
Bye, guys.
2539
01:10:19,465 --> 01:10:20,717
It's great to see you.
2540
01:10:20,758 --> 01:10:21,843
It's great to see you.
2541
01:10:21,885 --> 01:10:23,011
Yeah.
2542
01:10:23,053 --> 01:10:24,971
Okay. (CHUCKLES)
2543
01:10:23,053 --> 01:10:24,971
Yeah.
2544
01:10:27,807 --> 01:10:29,392
Don't squash my pancakes, man.
2545
01:10:29,433 --> 01:10:30,643
Oh, sorry.
2546
01:10:30,685 --> 01:10:32,145
Do you want to...
2547
01:10:30,685 --> 01:10:32,145
Yeah, let's...
2548
01:10:32,187 --> 01:10:33,688
We should hang out soon.
2549
01:10:32,187 --> 01:10:33,688
I'll see you around.
2550
01:10:33,730 --> 01:10:35,148
Okay.
2551
01:10:33,730 --> 01:10:35,148
Okay.
2552
01:10:35,815 --> 01:10:36,983
Bye.
2553
01:10:48,870 --> 01:10:49,996
(CHUCKLES)
2554
01:11:00,339 --> 01:11:02,175
(SPITTING)
2555
01:11:00,339 --> 01:11:02,175
(MAN TALKS INDISTINCTLY)
2556
01:11:03,968 --> 01:11:05,929
(HORN HONKING)
2557
01:11:10,391 --> 01:11:12,018
(KNOCKS)
2558
01:11:12,060 --> 01:11:13,228
(MOUTHING) What the fuck?
2559
01:11:19,525 --> 01:11:20,777
Are you pregnant?
2560
01:11:20,818 --> 01:11:21,819
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
2561
01:11:26,199 --> 01:11:27,200
What?
2562
01:11:27,867 --> 01:11:29,160
(STAMMERS)
2563
01:11:29,202 --> 01:11:30,870
I've been trying
2564
01:11:29,202 --> 01:11:30,870
to have a baby. Yes.
2565
01:11:30,912 --> 01:11:34,331
I... It's probably
2566
01:11:30,912 --> 01:11:34,331
not even going to stick.
2567
01:11:34,373 --> 01:11:36,126
Yeah, I think it stuck.
2568
01:11:36,167 --> 01:11:38,711
Okay, I don't know
2569
01:11:36,167 --> 01:11:38,711
what that tone was
2570
01:11:38,753 --> 01:11:41,380
but, if you haven't noticed,
2571
01:11:41,422 --> 01:11:43,340
my boobs have
2572
01:11:41,422 --> 01:11:43,340
gotten much bigger.
2573
01:11:43,382 --> 01:11:45,093
Yeah, of course I noticed
2574
01:11:43,382 --> 01:11:45,093
your boobs getting bigger.
2575
01:11:45,135 --> 01:11:46,886
I put that on
2576
01:11:45,135 --> 01:11:46,886
my vision board, okay?
2577
01:11:46,928 --> 01:11:48,179
I thought that was
2578
01:11:46,928 --> 01:11:48,179
because of me.
2579
01:11:48,221 --> 01:11:49,472
Who does that?
2580
01:11:49,513 --> 01:11:51,724
I do! People like me,
2581
01:11:49,513 --> 01:11:51,724
visionaries!
2582
01:11:51,766 --> 01:11:53,434
Didn't you notice
2583
01:11:51,766 --> 01:11:53,434
that I was getting fat?
2584
01:11:53,476 --> 01:11:56,229
That's a trick question.
2585
01:11:53,476 --> 01:11:56,229
You are not getting fat.
2586
01:11:56,271 --> 01:11:58,273
You are beautiful, you
2587
01:11:56,271 --> 01:11:58,273
have always been beautiful,
2588
01:11:58,314 --> 01:12:00,066
and you are
2589
01:11:58,314 --> 01:12:00,066
carrying this so well.
2590
01:12:00,108 --> 01:12:01,400
(EXHALES) You think?
2591
01:12:01,442 --> 01:12:03,402
Is this why you've been
2592
01:12:01,442 --> 01:12:03,402
avoiding me lately?
2593
01:12:03,444 --> 01:12:05,029
Oh, my God.
2594
01:12:05,071 --> 01:12:06,823
I think I'm gonna...
2595
01:12:05,071 --> 01:12:06,823
(LAUGHS)
2596
01:12:08,116 --> 01:12:09,159
I'm gonna be a dad!
2597
01:12:09,200 --> 01:12:10,409
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
2598
01:12:10,451 --> 01:12:11,911
Sorry, we're gonna
2599
01:12:10,451 --> 01:12:11,911
have a baby!
2600
01:12:11,953 --> 01:12:14,371
We're gonna be...
2601
01:12:11,953 --> 01:12:14,371
Not "dads." We're gonna...
2602
01:12:14,413 --> 01:12:16,082
(CHUCKLES)
2603
01:12:16,124 --> 01:12:17,541
No, it's not.
2604
01:12:17,583 --> 01:12:20,377
Like, you're not...
2605
01:12:17,583 --> 01:12:20,377
It's not...
2606
01:12:20,419 --> 01:12:21,963
Is that not mine?
2607
01:12:22,005 --> 01:12:23,256
I'm just pregnant.
2608
01:12:23,298 --> 01:12:24,632
What do you mean,
2609
01:12:23,298 --> 01:12:24,632
you're "just pregnant"?
2610
01:12:24,674 --> 01:12:26,009
That's crazy.
2611
01:12:24,674 --> 01:12:26,009
How's that possible?
2612
01:12:26,050 --> 01:12:27,384
What?
2613
01:12:26,050 --> 01:12:27,384
I said, you're being crazy.
2614
01:12:27,426 --> 01:12:28,886
You've lied to me
2615
01:12:27,426 --> 01:12:28,886
the entire time
2616
01:12:28,928 --> 01:12:30,638
we've been together
2617
01:12:28,928 --> 01:12:30,638
about being pregnant
2618
01:12:30,680 --> 01:12:31,806
and now you're upset with
2619
01:12:30,680 --> 01:12:31,806
me because I believed it?
2620
01:12:31,848 --> 01:12:33,266
That's what a crazy
2621
01:12:31,848 --> 01:12:33,266
person does.
2622
01:12:33,308 --> 01:12:35,935
That's three times.
2623
01:12:33,308 --> 01:12:35,935
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
2624
01:12:35,977 --> 01:12:37,353
Say it again.
2625
01:12:37,394 --> 01:12:39,189
I don't know. It just
2626
01:12:37,394 --> 01:12:39,189
seems crazy to me.
2627
01:12:39,230 --> 01:12:41,149
I just want to
2628
01:12:39,230 --> 01:12:41,149
tell you something.
2629
01:12:41,191 --> 01:12:43,943
Usually, it's a good idea
2630
01:12:43,985 --> 01:12:46,196
not to call
2631
01:12:43,985 --> 01:12:46,196
a pregnant woman crazy.
2632
01:12:46,237 --> 01:12:47,822
(LAUGHS) You know
2633
01:12:46,237 --> 01:12:47,822
what I mean?
2634
01:12:47,864 --> 01:12:49,199
She's nuts, everybody.
2635
01:12:50,241 --> 01:12:53,119
So funny! (GRUNTS)
2636
01:12:53,161 --> 01:12:54,495
Oh, sh... Oh, my God!
2637
01:12:54,537 --> 01:12:55,579
Not funny!
2638
01:12:55,621 --> 01:12:56,831
Get it, girl.
2639
01:13:01,294 --> 01:13:03,129
Who is the father?
2640
01:13:03,171 --> 01:13:05,298
I don't know! I don't know.
2641
01:13:05,340 --> 01:13:06,341
How do you not know?
2642
01:13:06,382 --> 01:13:07,800
Stop yelling at me.
2643
01:13:07,842 --> 01:13:08,801
How could you not know
2644
01:13:07,842 --> 01:13:08,801
something like that?
2645
01:13:08,843 --> 01:13:10,136
Did you not catch his name?
2646
01:13:10,178 --> 01:13:11,888
I did I.V.F. with
2647
01:13:10,178 --> 01:13:11,888
a sperm donor.
2648
01:13:11,929 --> 01:13:13,139
Oh, my God.
2649
01:13:11,929 --> 01:13:13,139
Okay?
2650
01:13:13,181 --> 01:13:14,807
Do you have
2651
01:13:13,181 --> 01:13:14,807
a problem with that?
2652
01:13:14,849 --> 01:13:16,226
I don't have a problem
2653
01:13:14,849 --> 01:13:16,226
with that. It's your body.
2654
01:13:16,267 --> 01:13:17,601
Do whatever you
2655
01:13:16,267 --> 01:13:17,601
want with your body.
2656
01:13:17,643 --> 01:13:19,229
Cover it in tattoos.
2657
01:13:17,643 --> 01:13:19,229
I don't care.
2658
01:13:19,270 --> 01:13:20,813
I think I deserve to know
2659
01:13:19,270 --> 01:13:20,813
when there's someone
2660
01:13:20,855 --> 01:13:22,190
living inside the person
2661
01:13:20,855 --> 01:13:22,190
I'm having sex with.
2662
01:13:22,232 --> 01:13:24,025
Don't say that. That's gross!
2663
01:13:24,067 --> 01:13:26,402
There is nothing gross
2664
01:13:24,067 --> 01:13:26,402
about that. It is beautiful!
2665
01:13:26,443 --> 01:13:28,487
It's not your problem.
2666
01:13:26,443 --> 01:13:28,487
Not genetically, okay?
2667
01:13:28,529 --> 01:13:31,366
But my girlfriend
2668
01:13:28,529 --> 01:13:31,366
is having a baby.
2669
01:13:31,407 --> 01:13:33,993
Babe, if we're gonna
2670
01:13:31,407 --> 01:13:33,993
make this thing work, like,
2671
01:13:34,035 --> 01:13:35,912
this is the kind of
2672
01:13:34,035 --> 01:13:35,912
thing I need to know.
2673
01:13:35,953 --> 01:13:38,289
What are you gonna do?
2674
01:13:35,953 --> 01:13:38,289
Stay home and
2675
01:13:35,953 --> 01:13:38,289
take care of a baby?
2676
01:13:39,207 --> 01:13:41,167
Did I just win the lottery?
2677
01:13:41,209 --> 01:13:43,294
Yes, I want to stay home
2678
01:13:41,209 --> 01:13:43,294
and take care of a baby.
2679
01:13:43,336 --> 01:13:46,630
When I was eight years old,
2680
01:13:43,336 --> 01:13:46,630
my Halloween costume
2681
01:13:43,336 --> 01:13:46,630
was a stay-at-home dad.
2682
01:13:46,672 --> 01:13:48,258
You're saying I never
2683
01:13:46,672 --> 01:13:48,258
have to go to work again.
2684
01:13:48,299 --> 01:13:49,884
I get to hang out
2685
01:13:48,299 --> 01:13:49,884
with a baby all day?
2686
01:13:49,926 --> 01:13:51,677
Just stop saying
2687
01:13:49,926 --> 01:13:51,677
the word "baby."
2688
01:13:51,719 --> 01:13:52,929
Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby!
2689
01:13:51,719 --> 01:13:52,929
Because babies are awesome!
2690
01:13:54,389 --> 01:13:56,849
Okay, listen.
2691
01:13:56,891 --> 01:14:02,021
You and I, we probably would
2692
01:13:56,891 --> 01:14:02,021
have a lot of fun together
2693
01:14:02,063 --> 01:14:05,275
and then, one day, we would be
2694
01:14:02,063 --> 01:14:05,275
on this road trip together.
2695
01:14:05,316 --> 01:14:07,568
And I would be driving,
2696
01:14:05,316 --> 01:14:07,568
and then I'd get tired
2697
01:14:07,610 --> 01:14:09,237
and I would hate to do it,
2698
01:14:09,279 --> 01:14:12,365
but I would agree
2699
01:14:09,279 --> 01:14:12,365
to let you drive.
2700
01:14:12,407 --> 01:14:14,367
And then,
2701
01:14:12,407 --> 01:14:14,367
I would feel very safe,
2702
01:14:14,409 --> 01:14:16,619
and that's when
2703
01:14:14,409 --> 01:14:16,619
we would crash.
2704
01:14:16,660 --> 01:14:19,663
You think you can control
2705
01:14:16,660 --> 01:14:19,663
everything, but you can't.
2706
01:14:20,664 --> 01:14:22,875
That's not how this works.
2707
01:14:22,917 --> 01:14:26,503
If I could choose someone to
2708
01:14:22,917 --> 01:14:26,503
do this with, it would be you.
2709
01:14:26,545 --> 01:14:28,131
You can choose!
2710
01:14:28,172 --> 01:14:31,926
I just... I'm not the only
2711
01:14:28,172 --> 01:14:31,926
one in the car, anymore.
2712
01:14:31,968 --> 01:14:33,136
(SIGHS)
2713
01:14:35,721 --> 01:14:37,098
Yeah.
2714
01:14:39,142 --> 01:14:42,645
Well, for the record,
2715
01:14:39,142 --> 01:14:42,645
this is not me leaving.
2716
01:14:42,686 --> 01:14:44,730
This is you pushing me away.
2717
01:14:58,453 --> 01:14:59,495
(SIGHS)
2718
01:15:05,626 --> 01:15:07,962
(SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE)
2719
01:15:31,152 --> 01:15:33,112
Daddy?
2720
01:15:31,152 --> 01:15:33,112
Yeah, babe?
2721
01:15:33,154 --> 01:15:35,406
I want the Eyes of You song.
2722
01:15:35,448 --> 01:15:37,074
Sing it to me.
2723
01:15:38,742 --> 01:15:41,537
Not tonight, sweetheart. Okay?
2724
01:15:44,665 --> 01:15:45,666
Get some sleep.
2725
01:16:00,515 --> 01:16:01,932
(PHONE DINGS)
2726
01:16:01,974 --> 01:16:04,143
(PEOPLE LAUGHING
2727
01:16:01,974 --> 01:16:04,143
AND TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
2728
01:16:10,191 --> 01:16:11,192
(PHONE DINGS)
2729
01:16:14,237 --> 01:16:15,363
(PHONE DINGS)
2730
01:16:19,200 --> 01:16:21,618
ALICE: It's just, Josh and I
2731
01:16:19,200 --> 01:16:21,618
could be married by now
2732
01:16:21,660 --> 01:16:23,871
and we would have, like,
2733
01:16:21,660 --> 01:16:23,871
the cutest little
2734
01:16:21,660 --> 01:16:23,871
baby daughter
2735
01:16:23,913 --> 01:16:27,750
and she would probably
2736
01:16:23,913 --> 01:16:27,750
be named after a fruit.
2737
01:16:27,791 --> 01:16:30,420
What kind of name is
2738
01:16:27,791 --> 01:16:30,420
"George," anyway? Right?
2739
01:16:30,461 --> 01:16:32,463
I hate his hair.
2740
01:16:32,505 --> 01:16:35,174
Actually, technically,
2741
01:16:32,505 --> 01:16:35,174
we would have
2742
01:16:32,505 --> 01:16:35,174
a four-year-old daughter,
2743
01:16:35,216 --> 01:16:37,718
in which case,
2744
01:16:35,216 --> 01:16:37,718
her name would be Rihanna.
2745
01:16:37,760 --> 01:16:40,179
What? We haven't known
2746
01:16:37,760 --> 01:16:40,179
each other four years.
2747
01:16:40,221 --> 01:16:41,680
No, not you. Josh.
2748
01:16:41,722 --> 01:16:43,349
Oh, right, yeah.
2749
01:16:43,391 --> 01:16:45,726
But, exactly. It's the same
2750
01:16:43,391 --> 01:16:45,726
thing with me and Lucy.
2751
01:16:45,768 --> 01:16:50,147
It's like, if I go to work,
2752
01:16:45,768 --> 01:16:50,147
and she's not there,
2753
01:16:45,768 --> 01:16:50,147
I'm like mad or something.
2754
01:16:50,189 --> 01:16:54,193
Yeah. Which is nuts,
2755
01:16:50,189 --> 01:16:54,193
because she's not completely
2756
01:16:50,189 --> 01:16:54,193
disgusted by you.
2757
01:16:54,235 --> 01:16:56,571
I don't get it. I don't
2758
01:16:54,235 --> 01:16:56,571
know where I'm gonna
2759
01:16:54,235 --> 01:16:56,571
find another one like her.
2760
01:16:56,612 --> 01:16:59,198
Yeah. I don't know, man.
2761
01:16:59,240 --> 01:17:02,701
Maybe we've just made
2762
01:16:59,240 --> 01:17:02,701
all the wrong moves.
2763
01:17:02,743 --> 01:17:05,871
Maybe, this whole time,
2764
01:17:02,743 --> 01:17:05,871
we've been focusing on
2765
01:17:02,743 --> 01:17:05,871
all the wrong stuff
2766
01:17:05,913 --> 01:17:08,541
and now it's just too late.
2767
01:17:08,583 --> 01:17:11,335
To the wrong stuff.
2768
01:17:11,377 --> 01:17:13,629
This is it.
2769
01:17:11,377 --> 01:17:13,629
We can't pass "eleven."
2770
01:17:15,256 --> 01:17:16,466
What are you talking about?
2771
01:17:17,425 --> 01:17:19,469
Our drink number.
2772
01:17:19,510 --> 01:17:21,720
In every male and
2773
01:17:19,510 --> 01:17:21,720
female friendship,
2774
01:17:19,510 --> 01:17:21,720
there's a number of drinks,
2775
01:17:21,762 --> 01:17:25,724
and if you pass it, you have
2776
01:17:21,762 --> 01:17:25,724
to have sex, mathematically.
2777
01:17:25,766 --> 01:17:27,435
Whatever, dude.
2778
01:17:25,766 --> 01:17:27,435
(CHUCKLES)
2779
01:17:28,352 --> 01:17:29,604
(BOTTLE CLATTERING)
2780
01:17:30,563 --> 01:17:32,648
Oi. Sorry. Loud noise.
2781
01:17:32,689 --> 01:17:34,650
Wha... Where did
2782
01:17:32,689 --> 01:17:34,650
that come from?
2783
01:17:34,691 --> 01:17:36,777
Uh, the floor.
2784
01:17:38,279 --> 01:17:41,740
One, two, three.
2785
01:17:38,279 --> 01:17:41,740
That's three.
2786
01:17:43,326 --> 01:17:46,412
Four, five, six.
2787
01:17:47,704 --> 01:17:48,872
Seven.
2788
01:17:52,251 --> 01:17:53,961
Eight, nine.
2789
01:17:55,963 --> 01:17:57,507
(BOTTLE CAP CLANKING)
2790
01:17:59,967 --> 01:18:02,886
It's just ten. It's just ten.
2791
01:18:03,554 --> 01:18:04,805
(EXHALES)
2792
01:18:06,849 --> 01:18:08,601
Eleven. Did you drink this?
2793
01:18:08,643 --> 01:18:09,644
No.
2794
01:18:09,685 --> 01:18:10,894
Oh, thank God.
2795
01:18:10,936 --> 01:18:12,355
You did.
2796
01:18:12,396 --> 01:18:14,273
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
2797
01:18:24,825 --> 01:18:26,785
This may be a mistake.
2798
01:18:26,827 --> 01:18:28,829
It's just such a bad idea.
2799
01:18:28,871 --> 01:18:31,374
Yeah, I'm sorry. I was
2800
01:18:28,871 --> 01:18:31,374
trying to bone the
2801
01:18:28,871 --> 01:18:31,374
Lucy out of my system.
2802
01:18:31,415 --> 01:18:33,626
Yeah, see, normally, I feel
2803
01:18:31,415 --> 01:18:33,626
like I'd be mad at that.
2804
01:18:33,668 --> 01:18:35,419
But I just did the
2805
01:18:33,668 --> 01:18:35,419
exact same thing to you.
2806
01:18:35,461 --> 01:18:36,504
Right, yeah.
2807
01:18:36,546 --> 01:18:38,839
Shit. I think I like her.
2808
01:18:40,007 --> 01:18:43,719
Like, when we're together,
2809
01:18:43,760 --> 01:18:47,390
I feel like me, but, like,
2810
01:18:43,760 --> 01:18:47,390
a better me.
2811
01:18:50,351 --> 01:18:53,604
See, that's the magic.
2812
01:18:50,351 --> 01:18:53,604
That's what I got to find.
2813
01:18:53,646 --> 01:18:54,647
Yeah.
2814
01:18:59,610 --> 01:19:01,529
I can let myself out.
2815
01:19:02,363 --> 01:19:03,822
(CLEARS THROAT)
2816
01:19:03,864 --> 01:19:05,324
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
2817
01:19:05,366 --> 01:19:06,909
(CHUCKLES)
2818
01:19:06,950 --> 01:19:07,951
(CLICKS TONGUE)
2819
01:19:17,461 --> 01:19:18,462
(EXHALES)
2820
01:19:31,975 --> 01:19:34,311
(CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
2821
01:19:34,353 --> 01:19:35,854
ALL: Cheers! (LAUGHING)
2822
01:19:43,446 --> 01:19:45,364
Whoa!
2823
01:19:43,446 --> 01:19:45,364
(LAUGHING)
2824
01:19:45,406 --> 01:19:48,867
Alice! Happy Birthday!
2825
01:19:48,909 --> 01:19:50,244
Hi!
2826
01:19:50,286 --> 01:19:51,912
Thank you. What is that?
2827
01:19:50,286 --> 01:19:51,912
Give me that.
2828
01:19:51,954 --> 01:19:53,581
Um, this is actually for Meg.
2829
01:19:53,623 --> 01:19:55,082
I had it made for her,
2830
01:19:53,623 --> 01:19:55,082
specially.
2831
01:19:56,417 --> 01:19:57,710
ALICE: Aw...
2832
01:19:57,752 --> 01:20:02,465
That is so sweet.
2833
01:19:57,752 --> 01:20:02,465
Look how cozy. Oh.
2834
01:20:02,506 --> 01:20:04,841
Maybe I'll give it to her.
2835
01:20:02,506 --> 01:20:04,841
Just, later on.
2836
01:20:04,883 --> 01:20:06,009
Hey!
2837
01:20:06,051 --> 01:20:07,470
ALICE: No Tom, no Josh,
2838
01:20:07,511 --> 01:20:09,012
I'm just gonna have
2839
01:20:07,511 --> 01:20:09,012
a really good time
2840
01:20:09,054 --> 01:20:11,932
and I'm not gonna think
2841
01:20:09,054 --> 01:20:11,932
about any boys at all.
2842
01:20:11,974 --> 01:20:13,850
Here's to no drama.
2843
01:20:13,892 --> 01:20:16,562
No drama.
2844
01:20:13,892 --> 01:20:16,562
Whoo!
2845
01:20:16,604 --> 01:20:17,772
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
2846
01:20:17,813 --> 01:20:18,897
(ALL CHEERING)
2847
01:20:23,819 --> 01:20:25,738
Happy Birthday!
2848
01:20:25,780 --> 01:20:26,822
(LAUGHS)
2849
01:20:29,908 --> 01:20:31,452
(ALL CHEERING)
2850
01:20:34,955 --> 01:20:36,123
Whoo!
2851
01:20:44,590 --> 01:20:45,675
TOM: Thanks, buddy.
2852
01:20:46,467 --> 01:20:47,510
(GASPS)
2853
01:20:48,469 --> 01:20:49,762
I'll show you. This way.
2854
01:20:52,473 --> 01:20:53,641
Oh, my God.
2855
01:20:53,683 --> 01:20:54,684
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
2856
01:20:56,101 --> 01:20:57,394
Dude, Ricky Stimpkins!
2857
01:20:57,436 --> 01:20:58,895
Josh! What's up, man?
2858
01:20:58,937 --> 01:21:00,105
Wow, I haven't seen you
2859
01:20:58,937 --> 01:21:00,105
since college, man!
2860
01:21:00,147 --> 01:21:02,024
I'm just hanging.
2861
01:21:02,065 --> 01:21:03,942
I got to go get a drink,
2862
01:21:02,065 --> 01:21:03,942
but I'll catch you later.
2863
01:21:03,984 --> 01:21:05,027
Okay, cool. Yeah, man.
2864
01:21:05,068 --> 01:21:06,529
I'm gonna find Alice.
2865
01:21:07,697 --> 01:21:09,406
Tall person.
2866
01:21:09,448 --> 01:21:11,158
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
2867
01:21:13,035 --> 01:21:14,911
TOM: We got a whole
2868
01:21:13,035 --> 01:21:14,911
"No hats" thing
2869
01:21:14,953 --> 01:21:19,458
but, uh, you seem like
2870
01:21:14,953 --> 01:21:19,458
a good guy, and, you know...
2871
01:21:19,500 --> 01:21:21,084
Hey. What's up, guys?
2872
01:21:21,126 --> 01:21:22,628
Hey.
2873
01:21:21,126 --> 01:21:22,628
Hey. Josh.
2874
01:21:23,504 --> 01:21:24,714
You're Josh?
2875
01:21:24,755 --> 01:21:25,922
What's that supposed to mean?
2876
01:21:25,964 --> 01:21:28,801
No, nothing.
2877
01:21:25,964 --> 01:21:28,801
Makes total sense.
2878
01:21:28,843 --> 01:21:30,177
Wait, how do you know Alice?
2879
01:21:30,219 --> 01:21:31,637
How do you guys know Alice?
2880
01:21:31,679 --> 01:21:33,138
Oh, fuck me.
2881
01:21:33,180 --> 01:21:34,724
This is Josh.
2882
01:21:34,765 --> 01:21:36,058
Makes sense.
2883
01:21:36,099 --> 01:21:38,435
What? Are you guys
2884
01:21:36,099 --> 01:21:38,435
new friends, or...
2885
01:21:38,477 --> 01:21:40,020
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
2886
01:21:42,606 --> 01:21:44,107
Oh, my God.
2887
01:21:44,149 --> 01:21:45,568
Come here.
2888
01:21:45,609 --> 01:21:48,821
Um, Tom is here,
2889
01:21:45,609 --> 01:21:48,821
and David, and Josh.
2890
01:21:48,863 --> 01:21:50,656
And David. Did I say David?
2891
01:21:50,698 --> 01:21:52,491
Yeah, I know,
2892
01:21:50,698 --> 01:21:52,491
because I invited them.
2893
01:21:52,533 --> 01:21:53,701
You're welcome.
2894
01:21:53,743 --> 01:21:55,202
Why? Why would you do that?
2895
01:21:55,244 --> 01:21:57,996
Because I thought it
2896
01:21:55,244 --> 01:21:57,996
would be funny. For me.
2897
01:21:58,038 --> 01:22:02,543
And good for you,
2898
01:21:58,038 --> 01:22:02,543
emotionally, to have
2899
01:21:58,038 --> 01:22:02,543
guys fighting over you.
2900
01:22:06,881 --> 01:22:08,173
Hey.
2901
01:22:06,881 --> 01:22:08,173
Hey.
2902
01:22:08,215 --> 01:22:09,966
What's going on?
2903
01:22:08,215 --> 01:22:09,966
How are you?
2904
01:22:10,008 --> 01:22:13,178
Pretty good. Uh, I need to
2905
01:22:10,008 --> 01:22:13,178
talk to you about something.
2906
01:22:13,220 --> 01:22:14,221
Great. Me, too.
2907
01:22:14,263 --> 01:22:15,514
You go first.
2908
01:22:15,556 --> 01:22:16,557
I'm getting married.
2909
01:22:16,599 --> 01:22:17,641
What?
2910
01:22:17,683 --> 01:22:19,059
(LAUGHS)
2911
01:22:17,683 --> 01:22:19,059
That's, uh...
2912
01:22:20,895 --> 01:22:25,816
Look, your computer
2913
01:22:20,895 --> 01:22:25,816
programs are total bullshit.
2914
01:22:25,858 --> 01:22:28,569
Your algorithms?
2915
01:22:25,858 --> 01:22:28,569
Also, total bullshit,
2916
01:22:25,858 --> 01:22:28,569
all right?
2917
01:22:28,611 --> 01:22:31,655
Just because the music stops,
2918
01:22:28,611 --> 01:22:31,655
doesn't mean you got to
2919
01:22:28,611 --> 01:22:31,655
sit in the closest chair.
2920
01:22:31,697 --> 01:22:33,866
You shouldn't be with George.
2921
01:22:33,908 --> 01:22:35,033
You should be with me.
2922
01:22:36,869 --> 01:22:38,579
Yes. I want to be with you.
2923
01:22:38,621 --> 01:22:39,914
What?
2924
01:22:39,955 --> 01:22:41,957
God, all those
2925
01:22:39,955 --> 01:22:41,957
bad dates at the bar,
2926
01:22:41,998 --> 01:22:44,167
there was something
2927
01:22:41,998 --> 01:22:44,167
that was always there.
2928
01:22:44,710 --> 01:22:45,753
You.
2929
01:22:47,922 --> 01:22:49,214
It was always me.
2930
01:22:49,256 --> 01:22:51,133
Yes. Oh, my God.
2931
01:22:49,256 --> 01:22:51,133
Right?
2932
01:22:51,174 --> 01:22:52,718
We could have
2933
01:22:51,174 --> 01:22:52,718
the best life together.
2934
01:22:52,760 --> 01:22:54,595
And, I mean, we're gonna
2935
01:22:52,760 --> 01:22:54,595
want to get married soon
2936
01:22:54,637 --> 01:22:56,847
because we'll probably want
2937
01:22:54,637 --> 01:22:56,847
to start a family right away.
2938
01:22:56,889 --> 01:22:57,932
Oh, my God. Our kids.
2939
01:22:57,973 --> 01:23:00,517
Our kids are gonna be so cute.
2940
01:23:00,559 --> 01:23:02,018
Exactly.
2941
01:23:02,060 --> 01:23:05,689
Which is why we should just
2942
01:23:02,060 --> 01:23:05,689
kind of pump the brakes
2943
01:23:05,731 --> 01:23:07,149
and not rush things, you know?
2944
01:23:07,190 --> 01:23:10,694
Let's... Let's take care
2945
01:23:07,190 --> 01:23:10,694
of us right now.
2946
01:23:10,736 --> 01:23:12,070
Oh, my God, Tom.
2947
01:23:12,112 --> 01:23:13,989
I'm totally messing with you.
2948
01:23:14,030 --> 01:23:15,908
Thank you. Oh, my God.
2949
01:23:15,950 --> 01:23:17,618
I don't want to be with you.
2950
01:23:17,660 --> 01:23:19,244
And you don't want to
2951
01:23:17,660 --> 01:23:19,244
be with me, either.
2952
01:23:19,286 --> 01:23:21,705
Wait.
2953
01:23:19,286 --> 01:23:21,705
Babe!
2954
01:23:21,747 --> 01:23:23,206
Oh, my God.
2955
01:23:21,747 --> 01:23:23,206
I saw everything.
2956
01:23:23,248 --> 01:23:25,083
I thought you were
2957
01:23:23,248 --> 01:23:25,083
gonna hyperventilate, man.
2958
01:23:25,125 --> 01:23:26,752
But I didn't!
2959
01:23:26,794 --> 01:23:28,253
Oh, Tom.
2960
01:23:28,295 --> 01:23:29,797
Come on. Don't be sad.
2961
01:23:29,839 --> 01:23:31,298
You know what this is?
2962
01:23:31,340 --> 01:23:34,092
This is the first,
2963
01:23:31,340 --> 01:23:34,092
tiny green sprout of life
2964
01:23:34,134 --> 01:23:37,304
fighting its way out
2965
01:23:34,134 --> 01:23:37,304
of the gravel parking
2966
01:23:34,134 --> 01:23:37,304
lot of your heart.
2967
01:23:37,346 --> 01:23:39,264
So, congrats.
2968
01:23:39,306 --> 01:23:41,600
(SCOFFS) That was beautiful.
2969
01:23:41,642 --> 01:23:42,852
Thank you, hon.
2970
01:23:42,893 --> 01:23:44,269
GEORGE: Oh, hang on,
2971
01:23:42,893 --> 01:23:44,269
one second.
2972
01:23:44,311 --> 01:23:46,605
Hey, quick, man,
2973
01:23:44,311 --> 01:23:46,605
just one last thing.
2974
01:23:46,647 --> 01:23:49,107
Stay the fuck away
2975
01:23:46,647 --> 01:23:49,107
from my girl, okay, man?
2976
01:23:49,149 --> 01:23:51,276
Or I will straight-up end you.
2977
01:23:51,318 --> 01:23:52,611
Okay. All right.
2978
01:23:51,318 --> 01:23:52,611
Okay?
2979
01:23:52,653 --> 01:23:53,904
So, just back off. You got it?
2980
01:23:53,946 --> 01:23:55,656
Yeah.
2981
01:23:53,946 --> 01:23:55,656
Because I put a ring on that
2982
01:23:55,698 --> 01:23:57,700
and you're coming at it
2983
01:23:55,698 --> 01:23:57,700
pretty hard with your dick.
2984
01:23:57,741 --> 01:24:00,118
Okay.
2985
01:23:57,741 --> 01:24:00,118
I'm fucking with you, man.
2986
01:24:00,160 --> 01:24:01,244
Cool, okay.
2987
01:24:00,160 --> 01:24:01,244
No, of course.
2988
01:24:01,286 --> 01:24:03,330
Lucy loves you, I love you.
2989
01:24:03,372 --> 01:24:04,999
We're brothers,
2990
01:24:03,372 --> 01:24:04,999
now, all right?
2991
01:24:05,040 --> 01:24:08,126
And, as such,
2992
01:24:05,040 --> 01:24:08,126
I would like to...
2993
01:24:08,168 --> 01:24:10,086
This is a big one...
2994
01:24:10,128 --> 01:24:12,006
(SIGHS) Ask you
2995
01:24:10,128 --> 01:24:12,006
to be my best man.
2996
01:24:14,008 --> 01:24:15,175
(STUTTERS) Yeah, you got it.
2997
01:24:15,217 --> 01:24:16,635
I'm fucking with you, bro!
2998
01:24:16,677 --> 01:24:18,345
Of course, you can't
2999
01:24:16,677 --> 01:24:18,345
be my best man.
3000
01:24:18,387 --> 01:24:19,889
You are a stranger to me.
3001
01:24:19,930 --> 01:24:21,473
Okay?
3002
01:24:19,930 --> 01:24:21,473
Yeah.
3003
01:24:21,515 --> 01:24:23,642
Just to recap, stay the
3004
01:24:21,515 --> 01:24:23,642
fuck away from my girl.
3005
01:24:23,684 --> 01:24:25,227
I don't want you
3006
01:24:23,684 --> 01:24:25,227
to be my best man.
3007
01:24:25,268 --> 01:24:27,145
We still love you,
3008
01:24:25,268 --> 01:24:27,145
you're family.
3009
01:24:27,187 --> 01:24:28,689
You'll definitely be
3010
01:24:27,187 --> 01:24:28,689
invited to the wedding.
3011
01:24:28,731 --> 01:24:30,106
Okay.
3012
01:24:30,148 --> 01:24:31,942
But, probably not.
3013
01:24:30,148 --> 01:24:31,942
So, don't be offended.
3014
01:24:31,984 --> 01:24:33,360
I'm glad we had
3015
01:24:31,984 --> 01:24:33,360
this talk, man.
3016
01:24:35,404 --> 01:24:37,197
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
3017
01:24:35,404 --> 01:24:37,197
ALL: Whoo!
3018
01:24:39,867 --> 01:24:40,910
Whoo!
3019
01:24:43,245 --> 01:24:44,246
DAVID: Uh...
3020
01:24:45,372 --> 01:24:47,332
You trying to hide from me?
3021
01:24:47,374 --> 01:24:49,960
Are you hiding from me? Hi.
3022
01:24:47,374 --> 01:24:49,960
Huh? Hi.
3023
01:24:50,002 --> 01:24:52,212
I didn't see you,
3024
01:24:50,002 --> 01:24:52,212
right over there.
3025
01:24:52,254 --> 01:24:53,255
It's a good hiding spot.
3026
01:24:54,172 --> 01:24:56,341
Uh, listen.
3027
01:24:56,383 --> 01:24:57,843
I've been thinking
3028
01:24:56,383 --> 01:24:57,843
about you a lot.
3029
01:24:57,885 --> 01:24:59,845
Look, David, I'm sorry, I...
3030
01:24:59,887 --> 01:25:01,638
I can't do this.
3031
01:25:01,680 --> 01:25:04,349
You made it so clear to me,
3032
01:25:01,680 --> 01:25:04,349
that you didn't want to, so...
3033
01:25:04,391 --> 01:25:06,018
That's not why
3034
01:25:04,391 --> 01:25:06,018
I came here at all.
3035
01:25:06,060 --> 01:25:09,145
I just came here
3036
01:25:06,060 --> 01:25:09,145
to apologize to you
3037
01:25:09,187 --> 01:25:10,898
for being such an asshole.
3038
01:25:10,940 --> 01:25:12,024
Oh.
3039
01:25:12,066 --> 01:25:13,191
Yeah.
3040
01:25:13,233 --> 01:25:15,193
(BOTH CHUCKLE AWKWARDLY)
3041
01:25:15,235 --> 01:25:16,653
Well, you were right
3042
01:25:15,235 --> 01:25:16,653
about Phoebe.
3043
01:25:16,695 --> 01:25:18,405
Oh, good. Did you talk to her?
3044
01:25:18,447 --> 01:25:21,199
Well, um, you know,
3045
01:25:18,447 --> 01:25:21,199
I'm working on it.
3046
01:25:21,241 --> 01:25:24,327
But, uh, are you okay?
3047
01:25:24,369 --> 01:25:25,704
(CHORTLES)
3048
01:25:28,082 --> 01:25:29,291
I'm working on it.
3049
01:25:34,421 --> 01:25:35,756
Happy Birthday.
3050
01:25:43,472 --> 01:25:45,181
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
3051
01:25:50,437 --> 01:25:52,815
See? I told you
3052
01:25:50,437 --> 01:25:52,815
this would be fun.
3053
01:25:52,856 --> 01:25:55,067
Although, I thought
3054
01:25:52,856 --> 01:25:55,067
one of them was, like,
3055
01:25:52,856 --> 01:25:55,067
gonna punch each other
3056
01:25:55,109 --> 01:25:56,526
and that hasn't happened yet.
3057
01:25:56,568 --> 01:25:59,237
Robin, this isn't a joke.
3058
01:25:56,568 --> 01:25:59,237
This is my life.
3059
01:25:59,279 --> 01:26:01,782
But you know what?
3060
01:25:59,279 --> 01:26:01,782
I guess you wouldn't
3061
01:25:59,279 --> 01:26:01,782
actually understand that,
3062
01:26:01,824 --> 01:26:03,742
because you've
3063
01:26:01,824 --> 01:26:03,742
never really cared
3064
01:26:03,784 --> 01:26:05,243
about anybody enough
3065
01:26:03,784 --> 01:26:05,243
to ever get hurt.
3066
01:26:05,285 --> 01:26:07,788
So, this type of thing
3067
01:26:05,285 --> 01:26:07,788
doesn't affect you.
3068
01:26:07,830 --> 01:26:10,206
Okay. I'm sorry
3069
01:26:07,830 --> 01:26:10,206
I invited them,
3070
01:26:10,248 --> 01:26:11,458
but who gives a shit about me?
3071
01:26:11,500 --> 01:26:13,251
I do, because
3072
01:26:11,500 --> 01:26:13,251
you're my friend!
3073
01:26:13,293 --> 01:26:15,838
Am I? Because
3074
01:26:13,293 --> 01:26:15,838
as far as I can tell,
3075
01:26:15,879 --> 01:26:18,214
you only ever
3076
01:26:15,879 --> 01:26:18,214
want to hang out with me
3077
01:26:15,879 --> 01:26:18,214
when you get dumped
3078
01:26:18,256 --> 01:26:19,925
and you need someone
3079
01:26:18,256 --> 01:26:19,925
to cheer you up.
3080
01:26:19,967 --> 01:26:21,343
Well, you only ever
3081
01:26:19,967 --> 01:26:21,343
hang out with me
3082
01:26:21,384 --> 01:26:23,595
when you need me
3083
01:26:21,384 --> 01:26:23,595
to be your little sidekick.
3084
01:26:23,637 --> 01:26:27,307
The reason why I don't
3085
01:26:23,637 --> 01:26:27,307
hang around with you
3086
01:26:23,637 --> 01:26:27,307
when you're in a relationship,
3087
01:26:27,349 --> 01:26:32,146
is because you just turn
3088
01:26:27,349 --> 01:26:32,146
into this lame-ass shell
3089
01:26:27,349 --> 01:26:32,146
of a human being.
3090
01:26:32,187 --> 01:26:33,480
Nice.
3091
01:26:33,522 --> 01:26:34,397
Yeah, do you want
3092
01:26:33,522 --> 01:26:34,397
some real advice?
3093
01:26:34,439 --> 01:26:35,691
Yeah, what?
3094
01:26:35,732 --> 01:26:37,943
You're not gonna
3095
01:26:35,732 --> 01:26:37,943
find the right guy
3096
01:26:37,985 --> 01:26:40,278
by bumming free drinks
3097
01:26:37,985 --> 01:26:40,278
and slutting it up.
3098
01:26:40,320 --> 01:26:42,031
Where is this coming from?
3099
01:26:42,072 --> 01:26:43,949
This whole time, you've
3100
01:26:42,072 --> 01:26:43,949
been the one that's like,
3101
01:26:43,991 --> 01:26:46,910
"Oh, yeah, parties
3102
01:26:43,991 --> 01:26:46,910
and dicks and shots.
3103
01:26:46,952 --> 01:26:48,954
"Let's put shots
3104
01:26:46,952 --> 01:26:48,954
all over our bodies.
3105
01:26:48,996 --> 01:26:50,747
"More sparkles, bitch!"
3106
01:26:50,789 --> 01:26:53,000
It's about me
3107
01:26:50,789 --> 01:26:53,000
being sick of you just
3108
01:26:53,042 --> 01:26:55,127
meeting guys and
3109
01:26:53,042 --> 01:26:55,127
falling into their dick-sand.
3110
01:26:55,169 --> 01:26:56,336
Falling into their what?
3111
01:26:56,378 --> 01:26:58,338
Their dick-sand.
3112
01:26:58,380 --> 01:27:00,924
It's like, every time
3113
01:26:58,380 --> 01:27:00,924
a guy just looks at you,
3114
01:27:00,966 --> 01:27:02,801
you just forget
3115
01:27:00,966 --> 01:27:02,801
who you are, and,
3116
01:27:02,843 --> 01:27:05,303
like... (MOCKINGLY) "Oh!"
3117
01:27:05,345 --> 01:27:07,848
You get sucked
3118
01:27:05,345 --> 01:27:07,848
into their world.
3119
01:27:07,890 --> 01:27:09,892
At least when I do
3120
01:27:07,890 --> 01:27:09,892
decide I want a boyfriend,
3121
01:27:09,933 --> 01:27:12,310
I'm gonna find someone who
3122
01:27:09,933 --> 01:27:12,310
likes me for who I really am,
3123
01:27:12,352 --> 01:27:15,313
because I know
3124
01:27:12,352 --> 01:27:15,313
who the fuck that is.
3125
01:27:27,534 --> 01:27:28,827
(EXHALES)
3126
01:27:59,066 --> 01:28:00,400
Hey.
3127
01:28:00,442 --> 01:28:01,610
Oh, my God.
3128
01:28:02,402 --> 01:28:03,987
Happy Birthday.
3129
01:28:04,029 --> 01:28:05,405
(SCOFFS)
3130
01:28:05,447 --> 01:28:07,407
It's your birthday!
3131
01:28:08,867 --> 01:28:10,619
And I drank some of your gift.
3132
01:28:19,586 --> 01:28:20,879
You okay?
3133
01:28:25,634 --> 01:28:27,302
No. No.
3134
01:28:34,434 --> 01:28:36,645
God, you look pretty
3135
01:28:34,434 --> 01:28:36,645
when you're pissed.
3136
01:28:45,237 --> 01:28:47,072
I missed these.
3137
01:28:45,237 --> 01:28:47,072
(CHUCKLES)
3138
01:28:50,659 --> 01:28:52,244
What are we doing?
3139
01:28:50,659 --> 01:28:52,244
We're about to have sex.
3140
01:28:52,286 --> 01:28:53,328
What?
3141
01:28:54,037 --> 01:28:56,123
God.
3142
01:28:54,037 --> 01:28:56,123
What?
3143
01:28:56,165 --> 01:28:59,251
So, ever since I saw you,
3144
01:28:56,165 --> 01:28:59,251
I feel like we fucked up.
3145
01:28:59,293 --> 01:29:00,627
I shouldn't have let you go.
3146
01:29:02,629 --> 01:29:05,381
Because Michelle
3147
01:29:02,629 --> 01:29:05,381
and I are still together,
3148
01:29:05,423 --> 01:29:07,301
and we're actually engaged
3149
01:29:07,342 --> 01:29:09,427
and I feel like
3150
01:29:07,342 --> 01:29:09,427
we're fucking up.
3151
01:29:07,342 --> 01:29:09,427
What? What?
3152
01:29:09,469 --> 01:29:12,931
We're getting married,
3153
01:29:09,469 --> 01:29:12,931
but I don't know
3154
01:29:09,469 --> 01:29:12,931
if I want to do it yet.
3155
01:29:12,973 --> 01:29:14,224
Oh, my God.
3156
01:29:14,266 --> 01:29:16,893
Wait! I'm just telling...
3157
01:29:14,266 --> 01:29:16,893
Oh, my God.
3158
01:29:16,935 --> 01:29:18,520
Oh, my God.
3159
01:29:16,935 --> 01:29:18,520
Come here, come here.
3160
01:29:18,561 --> 01:29:20,605
You just let me
3161
01:29:18,561 --> 01:29:20,605
make out with
3162
01:29:18,561 --> 01:29:20,605
somebody else's fiance.
3163
01:29:20,647 --> 01:29:23,108
No, it's not cheating,
3164
01:29:20,647 --> 01:29:23,108
since we've already
3165
01:29:20,647 --> 01:29:23,108
been together.
3166
01:29:23,150 --> 01:29:24,943
What are you doing?
3167
01:29:23,150 --> 01:29:24,943
Wait, just...
3168
01:29:24,985 --> 01:29:26,611
You told me you missed me!
3169
01:29:26,653 --> 01:29:28,947
I... That's the whole point,
3170
01:29:26,653 --> 01:29:28,947
I miss you all the time.
3171
01:29:28,989 --> 01:29:34,286
I saw you and
3172
01:29:28,989 --> 01:29:34,286
you were so beautiful,
3173
01:29:28,989 --> 01:29:34,286
and you are so beautiful.
3174
01:29:34,328 --> 01:29:36,288
And I just need closure.
3175
01:29:36,330 --> 01:29:37,497
I think we need...
3176
01:29:36,330 --> 01:29:37,497
Is that what this...
3177
01:29:37,539 --> 01:29:39,333
This is closure for you?
3178
01:29:37,539 --> 01:29:39,333
Yeah.
3179
01:29:39,374 --> 01:29:41,293
Just one last screw
3180
01:29:39,374 --> 01:29:41,293
for old times' sake,
3181
01:29:41,335 --> 01:29:44,087
before you go and settle
3182
01:29:41,335 --> 01:29:44,087
down with somebody else?
3183
01:29:44,129 --> 01:29:45,297
(SIGHS) That's not...
3184
01:29:46,548 --> 01:29:49,134
I'm sorry, all right?
3185
01:29:49,176 --> 01:29:50,468
Uh, Alice.
3186
01:29:50,510 --> 01:29:51,636
No, you know, what?
3187
01:29:51,678 --> 01:29:54,388
I'm sorry. This is my fault.
3188
01:29:54,430 --> 01:29:57,142
I spent so much time
3189
01:29:54,430 --> 01:29:57,142
wanting you back
3190
01:29:57,184 --> 01:29:59,561
that, when I thought
3191
01:29:57,184 --> 01:29:59,561
that you wanted me back,
3192
01:29:59,602 --> 01:30:02,981
it's like I lost
3193
01:29:59,602 --> 01:30:02,981
my mind for a second.
3194
01:30:03,023 --> 01:30:04,941
Oh, my God. This is it!
3195
01:30:03,023 --> 01:30:04,941
This is the dick-sand.
3196
01:30:04,983 --> 01:30:06,651
I'm falling into your
3197
01:30:04,983 --> 01:30:06,651
dick-sand right now.
3198
01:30:06,693 --> 01:30:07,986
What?
3199
01:30:08,028 --> 01:30:09,029
It's like quicksand,
3200
01:30:08,028 --> 01:30:09,029
but with dicks.
3201
01:30:09,071 --> 01:30:10,572
I don't have dick-sand.
3202
01:30:10,613 --> 01:30:13,075
I'm so obsessed with
3203
01:30:10,613 --> 01:30:13,075
the idea of being in love,
3204
01:30:13,116 --> 01:30:17,620
that I just, it's like...
3205
01:30:13,116 --> 01:30:17,620
I completely lose myself.
3206
01:30:17,662 --> 01:30:21,333
Like, I forget what I want
3207
01:30:17,662 --> 01:30:21,333
and I just disappear.
3208
01:30:21,375 --> 01:30:23,293
I'm like the horse
3209
01:30:21,375 --> 01:30:23,293
in The Neverending Story.
3210
01:30:23,335 --> 01:30:27,089
I don't think it's coming out
3211
01:30:23,335 --> 01:30:27,089
like it's inside your head.
3212
01:30:27,130 --> 01:30:29,632
Josh. I want to be alone.
3213
01:30:31,093 --> 01:30:32,719
I know that
3214
01:30:31,093 --> 01:30:32,719
I've said that a lot.
3215
01:30:34,054 --> 01:30:35,597
But, for the first time
3216
01:30:34,054 --> 01:30:35,597
in my life,
3217
01:30:35,638 --> 01:30:39,559
I really, really,
3218
01:30:35,638 --> 01:30:39,559
truly mean it.
3219
01:30:39,601 --> 01:30:41,644
Congratulations on
3220
01:30:39,601 --> 01:30:41,644
your engagement.
3221
01:30:49,527 --> 01:30:50,528
(EXHALES)
3222
01:31:06,628 --> 01:31:07,712
(DOOR CLOSES)
3223
01:31:07,754 --> 01:31:09,381
Where to?
3224
01:31:09,423 --> 01:31:10,548
Home.
3225
01:31:11,341 --> 01:31:12,717
(SIGHS)
3226
01:31:12,759 --> 01:31:14,219
I'm going home.
3227
01:31:17,347 --> 01:31:19,682
Woman! I don't know
3228
01:31:17,347 --> 01:31:19,682
where the fuck you live.
3229
01:31:19,724 --> 01:31:23,437
Oh, I'm sorry. Um, can I go
3230
01:31:19,724 --> 01:31:23,437
to South Second and Berry?
3231
01:31:28,691 --> 01:31:29,859
(ROBIN GRUNTS)
3232
01:31:29,901 --> 01:31:30,777
(TIRES SCREECHING)
3233
01:31:29,901 --> 01:31:30,777
Oh, my God!
3234
01:31:30,819 --> 01:31:32,070
(ROBIN EXCLAIMS)
3235
01:31:32,112 --> 01:31:33,529
Robin? Oh, my God!
3236
01:31:33,571 --> 01:31:35,073
(GROANS)
3237
01:31:35,115 --> 01:31:36,574
Oh, my God! Are you okay?
3238
01:31:36,616 --> 01:31:38,118
Take us to the hospital,
3239
01:31:36,616 --> 01:31:38,118
and I won't sue you!
3240
01:31:38,160 --> 01:31:40,078
What's happening?
3241
01:31:38,160 --> 01:31:40,078
We got to go.
3242
01:31:40,120 --> 01:31:42,456
(TIRES SCREECHING)
3243
01:31:40,120 --> 01:31:42,456
(ROBIN SCREAMS) Hey!
3244
01:31:42,496 --> 01:31:44,082
(MEG GROANS)
3245
01:31:44,124 --> 01:31:45,292
Oh, God!
3246
01:31:45,334 --> 01:31:46,793
Oh, my God, it's happening.
3247
01:31:46,835 --> 01:31:47,919
No, no, no. It's fine,
3248
01:31:46,835 --> 01:31:47,919
it's fine, it's fine.
3249
01:31:47,961 --> 01:31:48,878
Oh, my God!
3250
01:31:47,961 --> 01:31:48,878
No, it's fine!
3251
01:31:48,920 --> 01:31:50,464
I got her, I got her.
3252
01:31:50,504 --> 01:31:53,300
The average labor
3253
01:31:50,504 --> 01:31:53,300
for a new mom is 26 hours.
3254
01:31:53,342 --> 01:31:55,760
It doesn't pop out
3255
01:31:53,342 --> 01:31:55,760
like it does on TV.
3256
01:31:53,342 --> 01:31:55,760
It's gonna be fine.
3257
01:31:55,802 --> 01:31:57,095
Okay.
3258
01:31:57,137 --> 01:31:58,721
Oh, my God!
3259
01:31:57,137 --> 01:31:58,721
Oh, my God!
3260
01:31:58,763 --> 01:32:00,474
Oh, my God, is it fine?
3261
01:31:58,763 --> 01:32:00,474
Is everything fine?
3262
01:32:00,514 --> 01:32:01,599
Get a cab. Get me a cab.
3263
01:32:00,514 --> 01:32:01,599
Okay!
3264
01:32:01,641 --> 01:32:03,059
ROBIN: I've got one!
3265
01:32:03,101 --> 01:32:04,394
(PANTING)
3266
01:32:04,436 --> 01:32:07,439
(GRUNTS) Ooh!
3267
01:32:07,481 --> 01:32:09,732
Take us to the hospital
3268
01:32:07,481 --> 01:32:09,732
and I won't sue you!
3269
01:32:09,774 --> 01:32:11,109
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
3270
01:32:11,151 --> 01:32:13,069
MEG: (BREATHING HEAVILY)
3271
01:32:11,151 --> 01:32:13,069
This is bad.
3272
01:32:13,736 --> 01:32:14,779
Okay, okay.
3273
01:32:14,821 --> 01:32:15,864
Oh, this is really bad!
3274
01:32:15,905 --> 01:32:17,324
(GRUNTS)
3275
01:32:17,366 --> 01:32:19,242
I need to call my
3276
01:32:17,366 --> 01:32:19,242
patients and say sorry.
3277
01:32:19,284 --> 01:32:20,285
No.
3278
01:32:21,328 --> 01:32:22,871
This is not natural!
3279
01:32:22,912 --> 01:32:23,955
Okay.
3280
01:32:22,912 --> 01:32:23,955
Oh, God!
3281
01:32:23,997 --> 01:32:25,748
You're at 10 centimeters,
3282
01:32:25,790 --> 01:32:27,083
and you've already entered
3283
01:32:25,790 --> 01:32:27,083
the second phase
3284
01:32:27,125 --> 01:32:28,710
of labor,
3285
01:32:27,125 --> 01:32:28,710
known as active labor.
3286
01:32:28,751 --> 01:32:30,420
What?
3287
01:32:30,462 --> 01:32:32,047
I went to medical school.
3288
01:32:30,462 --> 01:32:32,047
Is that so hard to believe?
3289
01:32:32,088 --> 01:32:33,423
BOTH: Yes!
3290
01:32:33,465 --> 01:32:35,133
This is gonna happen,
3291
01:32:33,465 --> 01:32:35,133
like, right now.
3292
01:32:35,175 --> 01:32:36,468
Get your foot off my tit.
3293
01:32:36,510 --> 01:32:38,094
Get your foot
3294
01:32:36,510 --> 01:32:38,094
off my tit, okay?
3295
01:32:38,136 --> 01:32:39,971
It's coming.
3296
01:32:38,136 --> 01:32:39,971
You are the cliche!
3297
01:32:40,013 --> 01:32:41,473
You are the lady
3298
01:32:40,013 --> 01:32:41,473
who's about to
3299
01:32:41,515 --> 01:32:43,099
have a baby in
3300
01:32:41,515 --> 01:32:43,099
the back of a taxi
3301
01:32:43,141 --> 01:32:44,351
and I'm
3302
01:32:43,141 --> 01:32:44,351
the Australian-American
3303
01:32:44,393 --> 01:32:46,144
hero who's gonna
3304
01:32:44,393 --> 01:32:46,144
make it happen!
3305
01:32:46,186 --> 01:32:48,104
In the cab, though?
3306
01:32:46,186 --> 01:32:48,104
Don't worry, Meg.
3307
01:32:48,146 --> 01:32:49,772
My hands and
3308
01:32:48,146 --> 01:32:49,772
my mouth have both
3309
01:32:49,814 --> 01:32:51,400
been recently
3310
01:32:49,814 --> 01:32:51,400
sterilized by vodka.
3311
01:32:51,441 --> 01:32:53,026
Feels like it's coming out.
3312
01:32:51,441 --> 01:32:53,026
No, no, no, no.
3313
01:32:53,068 --> 01:32:54,361
ROBIN: I'm going in.
3314
01:32:53,068 --> 01:32:54,361
I'm going in.
3315
01:32:54,403 --> 01:32:55,529
Chant with me!
3316
01:32:54,403 --> 01:32:55,529
ALICE: Hold it inside!
3317
01:32:55,569 --> 01:32:57,364
We can do this.
3318
01:32:55,569 --> 01:32:57,364
Do this.
3319
01:32:57,406 --> 01:32:59,824
We can do this.
3320
01:32:59,866 --> 01:33:00,950
We can do this,
3321
01:32:59,866 --> 01:33:00,950
we can do this.
3322
01:33:00,992 --> 01:33:03,328
(BOTH SCREAMING)
3323
01:33:03,370 --> 01:33:04,871
We're here! We're here!
3324
01:33:04,913 --> 01:33:06,415
ALICE: Get out. Get out.
3325
01:33:04,913 --> 01:33:06,415
MEG: Okay, open the door.
3326
01:33:06,456 --> 01:33:07,832
ROBIN: Shit, the door's...
3327
01:33:06,456 --> 01:33:07,832
MEG: Open the door.
3328
01:33:07,874 --> 01:33:09,125
It won't open!
3329
01:33:07,874 --> 01:33:09,125
MEG: Open the door!
3330
01:33:09,167 --> 01:33:10,668
It won't open!
3331
01:33:09,167 --> 01:33:10,668
ALICE: The door!
3332
01:33:10,710 --> 01:33:12,921
Wait! The window's working.
3333
01:33:10,710 --> 01:33:12,921
We just got to...
3334
01:33:12,962 --> 01:33:15,006
ALICE: What are you doing?
3335
01:33:12,962 --> 01:33:15,006
The door's locked!
3336
01:33:15,048 --> 01:33:16,758
(MEG CRYING)
3337
01:33:15,048 --> 01:33:16,758
Just open the door!
3338
01:33:16,799 --> 01:33:18,218
MEG: It's coming out!
3339
01:33:18,260 --> 01:33:20,762
ALICE: Robin! Okay,
3340
01:33:18,260 --> 01:33:20,762
you have to help her!
3341
01:33:20,803 --> 01:33:22,764
You have to help her.
3342
01:33:20,803 --> 01:33:22,764
She's gonna help you, okay?
3343
01:33:22,805 --> 01:33:23,890
MEG: I can't.
3344
01:33:22,805 --> 01:33:23,890
ALICE: Help her.
3345
01:33:23,932 --> 01:33:25,267
(MEG GROANING)
3346
01:33:23,932 --> 01:33:25,267
Come on!
3347
01:33:25,308 --> 01:33:26,976
Close your legs really tight.
3348
01:33:27,018 --> 01:33:28,353
Do not let it come out!
3349
01:33:27,018 --> 01:33:28,353
(GRUNTING)
3350
01:33:28,395 --> 01:33:30,021
(SCREAMING)
3351
01:33:30,063 --> 01:33:31,523
Robin, it was locked!
3352
01:33:31,565 --> 01:33:32,815
(BOTH GROANING)
3353
01:33:32,857 --> 01:33:34,401
Come on!
3354
01:33:34,443 --> 01:33:36,361
(MEG GROANING)
3355
01:33:36,403 --> 01:33:37,987
Oh! My purse.
3356
01:33:38,029 --> 01:33:39,781
No, no, no, no! Get inside.
3357
01:33:38,029 --> 01:33:39,781
MEG: It's coming out!
3358
01:33:39,822 --> 01:33:41,074
I need a...
3359
01:33:39,822 --> 01:33:41,074
We need a wheelchair.
3360
01:33:41,116 --> 01:33:42,742
Jesus. Okay,
3361
01:33:41,116 --> 01:33:42,742
don't let it come out!
3362
01:33:42,784 --> 01:33:44,411
MEG: It's gonna come out.
3363
01:33:42,784 --> 01:33:44,411
Don't let it come out.
3364
01:33:44,453 --> 01:33:45,828
Wait, Meg. Meg! Meg!
3365
01:33:44,453 --> 01:33:45,828
I need to... I need to push.
3366
01:33:45,870 --> 01:33:46,913
It's coming out.
3367
01:33:45,870 --> 01:33:46,913
It's coming out.
3368
01:33:46,955 --> 01:33:47,997
Are you coming?
3369
01:33:48,039 --> 01:33:49,874
You don't need me anymore.
3370
01:33:49,916 --> 01:33:51,167
(MEG BREATHING RAPIDLY)
3371
01:33:53,044 --> 01:33:55,130
ALICE: Okay.
3372
01:33:53,044 --> 01:33:55,130
MEG: Oh, God. Okay.
3373
01:33:55,171 --> 01:33:56,881
MEG: I'm scared.
3374
01:33:55,171 --> 01:33:56,881
I'm right here.
3375
01:33:56,923 --> 01:33:59,301
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
3376
01:34:09,894 --> 01:34:11,104
(INFANT COOS)
3377
01:34:17,068 --> 01:34:18,111
(SOFTLY) Hi.
3378
01:34:19,613 --> 01:34:20,947
(WHISPERS) I called him.
3379
01:34:23,074 --> 01:34:25,535
Look, I know
3380
01:34:23,074 --> 01:34:25,535
you don't want me here,
3381
01:34:25,577 --> 01:34:27,245
but just listen to me, okay?
3382
01:34:28,288 --> 01:34:31,416
You like me. A lot.
3383
01:34:31,458 --> 01:34:33,293
And I like you.
3384
01:34:31,458 --> 01:34:33,293
(COOING)
3385
01:34:33,335 --> 01:34:35,920
And you're crazy.
3386
01:34:33,335 --> 01:34:35,920
That's a fact.
3387
01:34:35,962 --> 01:34:40,049
Honestly, I think you're
3388
01:34:35,962 --> 01:34:40,049
probably just as crazy
3389
01:34:35,962 --> 01:34:40,049
when you're not pregnant.
3390
01:34:40,091 --> 01:34:43,261
But I'm allowed to say that,
3391
01:34:40,091 --> 01:34:43,261
because I love you.
3392
01:34:45,347 --> 01:34:46,389
I love you.
3393
01:34:50,101 --> 01:34:51,561
I'm gonna come back later.
3394
01:34:54,272 --> 01:34:55,940
Thanks. Thanks for calling.
3395
01:34:55,982 --> 01:34:57,233
Don't be weird.
3396
01:34:57,275 --> 01:34:59,944
Oh, thank you, thank...
3397
01:34:59,986 --> 01:35:02,531
Well, are you gonna
3398
01:34:59,986 --> 01:35:02,531
come meet her or not?
3399
01:35:02,572 --> 01:35:03,990
Her?
3400
01:35:02,572 --> 01:35:03,990
Mmm-hmm.
3401
01:35:05,074 --> 01:35:06,451
KEN: It's a "her"?
3402
01:35:09,454 --> 01:35:11,581
This is baby Madeline.
3403
01:35:11,623 --> 01:35:14,626
Oh, my God, look at you.
3404
01:35:14,668 --> 01:35:16,461
Happy Birthday, sweetheart.
3405
01:35:16,503 --> 01:35:18,087
(MADELINE COOS)
3406
01:35:18,129 --> 01:35:19,548
She's beautiful.
3407
01:35:21,090 --> 01:35:24,969
And I think I love you, too.
3408
01:35:25,011 --> 01:35:27,889
I mean, I do love you,
3409
01:35:25,011 --> 01:35:27,889
I don't know why
3410
01:35:25,011 --> 01:35:27,889
I just said that.
3411
01:35:27,930 --> 01:35:29,474
I really love you.
3412
01:35:29,516 --> 01:35:32,018
I really, really love you.
3413
01:35:29,516 --> 01:35:32,018
(CHUCKLES)
3414
01:35:32,060 --> 01:35:33,478
(STAMMERS) I mean, I don't...
3415
01:35:33,520 --> 01:35:36,356
I can totally handle
3416
01:35:33,520 --> 01:35:36,356
all of this by myself.
3417
01:35:36,398 --> 01:35:37,524
I'm an independent woman.
3418
01:35:37,566 --> 01:35:39,025
My God, seriously?
3419
01:35:39,067 --> 01:35:40,527
But I don't want to.
3420
01:35:41,236 --> 01:35:42,278
I don't.
3421
01:35:48,702 --> 01:35:49,911
Hi.
3422
01:35:48,702 --> 01:35:49,911
Mmm.
3423
01:35:51,204 --> 01:35:53,206
Doesn't she
3424
01:35:51,204 --> 01:35:53,206
look like an alien?
3425
01:35:53,248 --> 01:35:54,748
(SNORTS)
3426
01:35:54,790 --> 01:35:57,544
You are the most beautiful
3427
01:35:54,790 --> 01:35:57,544
alien in the world.
3428
01:36:13,727 --> 01:36:15,061
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
3429
01:36:15,103 --> 01:36:16,187
(EXHALES)
3430
01:36:29,075 --> 01:36:30,076
(EXHALES)
3431
01:37:03,735 --> 01:37:05,361
(WHIRRING)
3432
01:37:25,799 --> 01:37:27,676
(WOMEN LAUGHING)
3433
01:37:52,241 --> 01:37:54,285
(EXHALES)
3434
01:37:52,241 --> 01:37:54,285
(KNOCKING)
3435
01:37:58,289 --> 01:37:59,332
Hi.
3436
01:38:00,166 --> 01:38:02,126
What do you want?
3437
01:38:02,168 --> 01:38:05,087
I wanted to tell you that
3438
01:38:02,168 --> 01:38:05,087
I know that I can do
3439
01:38:02,168 --> 01:38:05,087
a lot of things on my own.
3440
01:38:05,129 --> 01:38:06,464
And I can unzip my own dress,
3441
01:38:06,506 --> 01:38:09,592
but I want you
3442
01:38:06,506 --> 01:38:09,592
to do it for me.
3443
01:38:09,634 --> 01:38:12,261
That sounded
3444
01:38:09,634 --> 01:38:12,261
really weird. Um...
3445
01:38:12,303 --> 01:38:14,263
I want you to watch
3446
01:38:12,303 --> 01:38:14,263
me unzip my dress.
3447
01:38:14,305 --> 01:38:16,307
No, sorry.
3448
01:38:14,305 --> 01:38:16,307
That sounded really sexual.
3449
01:38:16,349 --> 01:38:17,809
That's not what I meant.
3450
01:38:17,851 --> 01:38:20,436
What I meant is I want to
3451
01:38:17,851 --> 01:38:20,436
unzip my own dress
3452
01:38:20,478 --> 01:38:22,480
and I just want you
3453
01:38:20,478 --> 01:38:22,480
to be around,
3454
01:38:22,522 --> 01:38:24,357
because you're my best friend.
3455
01:38:26,192 --> 01:38:28,319
And I love you.
3456
01:38:28,361 --> 01:38:31,531
(SNIFFLES) And I'm totally
3457
01:38:28,361 --> 01:38:31,531
in love with you, too.
3458
01:38:31,573 --> 01:38:34,200
This is more than
3459
01:38:31,573 --> 01:38:34,200
just a friendship.
3460
01:38:34,242 --> 01:38:36,202
I'm so glad
3461
01:38:34,242 --> 01:38:36,202
you feel the same way.
3462
01:38:37,746 --> 01:38:39,080
Just joking!
3463
01:38:39,121 --> 01:38:40,832
(LAUGHS)
3464
01:38:39,121 --> 01:38:40,832
Oh, my God.
3465
01:38:40,874 --> 01:38:44,085
I got you.
3466
01:38:40,874 --> 01:38:44,085
Oh, but I do love you.
3467
01:38:44,126 --> 01:38:45,754
And I missed you.
3468
01:38:44,126 --> 01:38:45,754
Oh.
3469
01:38:45,795 --> 01:38:48,757
I've been having Alice
3470
01:38:45,795 --> 01:38:48,757
withdrawal, seriously.
3471
01:38:52,134 --> 01:38:54,178
Wait, are you kidding me?
3472
01:38:52,134 --> 01:38:54,178
Is this where you live?
3473
01:38:54,220 --> 01:38:55,513
(GASPS)
3474
01:38:55,555 --> 01:38:58,266
Robin! This is
3475
01:38:55,555 --> 01:38:58,266
your 500 square feet,
3476
01:38:58,307 --> 01:39:00,560
where you keep your clothes
3477
01:38:58,307 --> 01:39:00,560
and occasionally bathe?
3478
01:39:01,227 --> 01:39:02,729
Uh, yeah.
3479
01:39:02,771 --> 01:39:04,689
I'm super rich.
3480
01:39:02,771 --> 01:39:04,689
Did I not mention that?
3481
01:39:04,731 --> 01:39:06,858
Wait. Why do we always
3482
01:39:04,731 --> 01:39:06,858
hang out at my place?
3483
01:39:06,900 --> 01:39:08,401
Why did you even
3484
01:39:06,900 --> 01:39:08,401
work at the firm?
3485
01:39:08,443 --> 01:39:09,985
(WHIRRING)
3486
01:39:10,027 --> 01:39:11,821
Wait, why do I pay for
3487
01:39:10,027 --> 01:39:11,821
everything all the time?
3488
01:39:13,239 --> 01:39:14,741
Wow.
3489
01:39:14,783 --> 01:39:17,368
Well, I didn't really need
3490
01:39:14,783 --> 01:39:17,368
to work at the firm.
3491
01:39:17,410 --> 01:39:20,622
I just really liked
3492
01:39:17,410 --> 01:39:20,622
hanging out with you.
3493
01:39:20,663 --> 01:39:22,707
And screwing those
3494
01:39:20,663 --> 01:39:22,707
two security guys.
3495
01:39:22,749 --> 01:39:24,125
Why do have a scooter?
3496
01:39:24,166 --> 01:39:25,794
This is my indoor scooter.
3497
01:39:25,835 --> 01:39:27,712
I have the whole floor.
3498
01:39:27,754 --> 01:39:29,839
I have literally
3499
01:39:27,754 --> 01:39:29,839
paid the bill,
3500
01:39:27,754 --> 01:39:29,839
every time we've gone out.
3501
01:39:29,881 --> 01:39:31,841
But that's how you
3502
01:39:29,881 --> 01:39:31,841
stay super rich.
3503
01:39:32,383 --> 01:39:33,760
God!
3504
01:39:33,802 --> 01:39:35,136
You have so much
3505
01:39:33,802 --> 01:39:35,136
to learn from me, still.
3506
01:39:35,177 --> 01:39:36,763
I want you to be
3507
01:39:35,177 --> 01:39:36,763
my sugar-daddy.
3508
01:39:36,805 --> 01:39:39,599
I'll be your sugar-sister.
3509
01:39:39,641 --> 01:39:41,225
I thought you
3510
01:39:39,641 --> 01:39:41,225
didn't do breakfast?
3511
01:39:41,267 --> 01:39:43,478
(SHUSHING) You're ruining it.
3512
01:39:43,519 --> 01:39:45,772
(MUFFLED GIGGLES)
3513
01:39:45,814 --> 01:39:49,442
ALICE: I've been thinking that
3514
01:39:45,814 --> 01:39:49,442
the time we have to be single,
3515
01:39:49,484 --> 01:39:52,570
is really the time we have
3516
01:39:49,484 --> 01:39:52,570
to get good at being alone.
3517
01:39:52,612 --> 01:39:54,322
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
3518
01:39:54,363 --> 01:39:58,284
But, how good at being alone
3519
01:39:54,363 --> 01:39:58,284
do we really want to be?
3520
01:39:58,326 --> 01:39:59,786
Isn't there a danger
3521
01:39:59,828 --> 01:40:01,913
that you'll get so good
3522
01:39:59,828 --> 01:40:01,913
at being single,
3523
01:40:01,955 --> 01:40:04,039
so set in your ways
3524
01:40:04,081 --> 01:40:05,750
that you'll miss out
3525
01:40:04,081 --> 01:40:05,750
on the chance
3526
01:40:04,081 --> 01:40:05,750
to be with somebody great?
3527
01:40:05,792 --> 01:40:07,293
Hello, hello, hello, hello.
3528
01:40:12,632 --> 01:40:15,927
Some people take baby steps
3529
01:40:12,632 --> 01:40:15,927
to settle down.
3530
01:40:15,969 --> 01:40:17,679
(FAUCET HISSING)
3531
01:40:22,684 --> 01:40:24,769
Some people refuse
3532
01:40:22,684 --> 01:40:24,769
to settle at all.
3533
01:40:24,811 --> 01:40:25,812
(ALL CHEERING)
3534
01:40:30,817 --> 01:40:32,902
Sometimes,
3535
01:40:30,817 --> 01:40:32,902
it's not statistics.
3536
01:40:33,945 --> 01:40:36,322
It's just chemistry.
3537
01:40:36,364 --> 01:40:38,658
(INAUDIBLE)
3538
01:40:38,700 --> 01:40:40,869
And sometimes,
3539
01:40:38,700 --> 01:40:40,869
just because it is over,
3540
01:40:40,910 --> 01:40:43,705
doesn't mean the love ends.
3541
01:40:45,999 --> 01:40:48,918
Um, I want to talk
3542
01:40:45,999 --> 01:40:48,918
to you about your mom.
3543
01:40:50,545 --> 01:40:52,881
She got sick when
3544
01:40:50,545 --> 01:40:52,881
you were really little
3545
01:40:52,922 --> 01:40:57,426
and I don't talk about her
3546
01:40:52,922 --> 01:40:57,426
because I still miss her.
3547
01:40:58,427 --> 01:40:59,428
Every day.
3548
01:41:01,263 --> 01:41:04,517
But, we need to
3549
01:41:01,263 --> 01:41:04,517
talk about her.
3550
01:41:05,476 --> 01:41:06,477
Who's that?
3551
01:41:07,020 --> 01:41:08,479
Me.
3552
01:41:08,521 --> 01:41:09,814
Who's that?
3553
01:41:09,856 --> 01:41:10,940
Mommy.
3554
01:41:10,982 --> 01:41:12,901
Yeah.
3555
01:41:12,942 --> 01:41:14,986
A lot of good memories
3556
01:41:12,942 --> 01:41:14,986
in here.
3557
01:41:19,991 --> 01:41:21,910
I want to show you something.
3558
01:41:21,951 --> 01:41:23,411
(PHOEBE GIGGLING ON TV)
3559
01:41:23,452 --> 01:41:27,540
♪ But if you
3560
01:41:23,452 --> 01:41:27,540
feel like I feel ♪
3561
01:41:27,582 --> 01:41:30,668
♪ Please let me know
3562
01:41:27,582 --> 01:41:30,668
that it's real ♪
3563
01:41:30,710 --> 01:41:32,378
(PHOEBE GURGLING ON TV)
3564
01:41:32,420 --> 01:41:36,632
♪ You're just
3565
01:41:32,420 --> 01:41:36,632
too good to be true ♪
3566
01:41:36,674 --> 01:41:39,761
♪ Can't take my
3567
01:41:36,674 --> 01:41:39,761
eyes off of you ♪
3568
01:41:39,802 --> 01:41:42,013
The Eyes of You song.
3569
01:41:42,055 --> 01:41:43,639
(PHOEBE'S MOM VOCALIZING)
3570
01:41:43,681 --> 01:41:45,892
The Eyes of You song.
3571
01:41:43,681 --> 01:41:45,892
(CHUCKLES)
3572
01:41:46,851 --> 01:41:49,520
(VOCALIZING CONTINUES)
3573
01:41:51,397 --> 01:41:53,983
♪ I love you, baby ♪
3574
01:41:54,025 --> 01:41:56,277
(DAVID SINGING ALONG)
3575
01:41:54,025 --> 01:41:56,277
♪ And if it's
3576
01:41:54,025 --> 01:41:56,277
quite all right ♪
3577
01:41:56,318 --> 01:41:58,446
♪ I need you, baby ♪
3578
01:41:58,487 --> 01:42:00,322
♪ To warm the lonely nights ♪
3579
01:42:00,364 --> 01:42:02,700
♪ I love you, baby ♪
3580
01:42:02,742 --> 01:42:06,579
♪ Trust in me when I say ♪
3581
01:42:06,621 --> 01:42:09,040
♪ Oh, pretty baby ♪
3582
01:42:09,082 --> 01:42:11,042
♪ Don't bring me down I pray ♪
3583
01:42:09,082 --> 01:42:11,042
(HUMMING)
3584
01:42:11,084 --> 01:42:12,627
♪ Oh, pretty baby ♪
3585
01:42:12,668 --> 01:42:14,003
(SNIFFLES)
3586
01:42:14,045 --> 01:42:15,880
PHOEBE: Now I know
3587
01:42:14,045 --> 01:42:15,880
why you never sing.
3588
01:42:15,922 --> 01:42:17,339
Why?
3589
01:42:17,381 --> 01:42:21,343
Because your voice is so bad.
3590
01:42:17,381 --> 01:42:21,343
(LAUGHS)
3591
01:42:21,385 --> 01:42:24,597
What are you talking about?
3592
01:42:21,385 --> 01:42:24,597
That was excellent.
3593
01:42:24,639 --> 01:42:29,602
ALICE: The thing about
3594
01:42:24,639 --> 01:42:29,602
being single is,
3595
01:42:24,639 --> 01:42:29,602
you should cherish it.
3596
01:42:29,644 --> 01:42:31,353
Because, in a week,
3597
01:42:29,644 --> 01:42:31,353
(PANTS)
3598
01:42:31,395 --> 01:42:34,607
or a lifetime, of being alone,
3599
01:42:34,649 --> 01:42:36,943
you may only get one moment.
3600
01:42:41,614 --> 01:42:43,866
One moment,
3601
01:42:41,614 --> 01:42:43,866
when you're not tied up
3602
01:42:43,908 --> 01:42:46,869
in a relationship with anyone.
3603
01:42:46,911 --> 01:42:50,539
A parent, a pet,
3604
01:42:46,911 --> 01:42:50,539
a sibling, a friend.
3605
01:42:57,880 --> 01:43:00,008
(PANTING)
3606
01:43:00,049 --> 01:43:02,844
One moment, when you
3607
01:43:00,049 --> 01:43:02,844
stand on your own.
3608
01:43:07,015 --> 01:43:09,350
Really, truly single.
3609
01:43:09,391 --> 01:43:10,559
(LAUGHS)
3610
01:43:18,026 --> 01:43:19,110
And then,
3611
01:43:22,947 --> 01:43:24,615
it's gone.
3612
01:43:26,701 --> 01:43:28,661
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
212652
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