All language subtitles for Momswap.Jessica.Ryan.Penny.Barber

♪ Oh, oh, oh, ... oh,oh ♪

Hey, stepson, we're gonna go over to Penny's house.

You ready?

Yeah, all right.

Come on, I know you like pie.

Here's my favorite little stepson.

Okay, so Jessica and Daphne are coming over today.

We're just gonna make a little trip, right?

Yeah, okay.

All right.

You look so nice today.

Oh, my gosh.

It's really good to see you.

You too.

I can't believe it's already been a year.

Yeah, well.

I really hope that that bitch Rose doesn't win again.

Oh, the, yeah, it's unfortunate.

I don't think she's going to this year.

I'm very happy with how this has turned out.

I mean, it looks a little burnt,

but I'm sure it's delicious.

Hmm.

(laughs)

Maybe a little.

Look, your crust is already breaking.

That's okay. - It's because it's

nice and crumbly.

Yeah, no, it looks good.

Sometimes, like, even when a pie doesn't, like, look good,

it tastes good still.

So that's nice.

Tyler has been...

Is he a pervert too?

I just, I wish he would get a hobby, you know?

You know that at this age, their hobby is a...

That is his hobby.

They're filthy.

That's what he does.

They're so filthy.

That's what he does all day.

Is he using conditioner or lotion?

You know, thus far,

he's been a fan of the lotion and the tube sock.

Seems to be his preferred method.

You know, I keep leaving tissue around,

hoping he'll switch.

I mean, his laundry is a biohazard.

I seriously thought that this was a joke.

I know, Anthony.

Yeah, he's been using my conditioner, though.

Oh, no.

Yes, and you don't know how many times

I've been in there, like, shampooing my hair,

and then I go to get my conditioner,

and he's used the whole bottle.

I like, do you know how much my water bill has been?

I spent over $500 last month.

He's a shower...

Yes, and he thinks he's being private

by being in the shower for hours.

I said, what are you doing in the shower for 45 minutes?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

I mean, I'm not too terribly surprised

that his libido would be anything

somewhat similar to mine.

How many times a day would you say

that Anthony pleasures himself?

Like, ballpark.

Ballpark?

I think that it's not even being generous.

This is at least 10 times a day, if he has the chance.

I'm thinking of putting him into more sports.

There has to be some sort of a healthier outlet

for all this energy.

I mean, I don't know, I've tried suggesting,

you know, stamp collecting, you know?

You know he's gonna find a way

to use the stamp to jerk off at two.

Oh, I don't wanna think about that.

Oh, instead of just licking the back of you.

Don't let him have idle hands.

And I think that maybe their group activities,

but even, he's such a little pervert

that I'm pretty sure the group activities

will turn into something, too.

I know, I wasn't ready.

It'll be over, right?

At some point, you know, they'll move out

and we'll have our houses back again.

I don't have to like make noise when I walk into a room.

I mean, I've dated a bunch and I'm married.

I think all men are just perverts.

I mean, I can't really argue.

Like, I'm like, that can't be true,

but I also can't think of an example.

I caught Anthony sniffing my panties.

I caught Tyler sniffing my panties.

What?

I don't know where they get it.

I thought, I was like, okay.

I mean, is it just curiosity?

I don't know.

I mean, he hasn't really had a girlfriend yet, you know?

I wish he would date.

I mean, like, I would throw condoms at him.

I feel like he's scared of girls.

I do, too.

Like, he has to be comfortable in a situation

and this is a new situation, you know?

He hasn't really done it yet, so.

I wonder how we could possibly help,

like, you know, change their hobby.

I mean, there has to be something.

I mean, I don't know.

I'll keep trying.

I'm sure something will present itself, right?

Just have to stay open and think about it.

I really hope something changes

because I'm really tired of buying conditioner.

I've ****** it from him and he's found it.

He finds it?

He finds my conditioner.

I feel like I'm gonna have to start

putting it under lock and key.

Right, well, you know what?

Why don't we put these, do you wanna put these by the sill?

I feel like they'll cool better.

Okay.

Okay.

So beautiful and even on the top.

Yeah, so well, perfectly done.

Well, good luck.

Yeah, may the best pie win.

Handsome boys, you look very relaxed.

No, I guess.

Hey, hey, look at me for just a minute.

What?

Hey, we're gonna be going over to the,

no, I'll get right back.

The pies in the kitchen?

Hey, please pay attention.

Not snacks, okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Please, fridge, don't touch the pies.

Fridge is all yours.

Anything in the kitchen but the pies, okay?

You all right?

Yeah, fine.

You know what I said.

Hey.

Say yes, don't touch the pies.

Yeah, I won't touch the pies.

How you been?

I'm doing pretty good, how about yourself?

No, not too bad.

Almost got off that one check.

Oh yeah?

Yeah.

Dude.

What was that?

She let me like brush up against her arms

and stuff like that.

Dude, no way.

Did you actually like, did you have to like

pop a few or something?

I mean, like I was like feeling a little bit,

but you know, but in about a month I'll be there.

Yeah.

I've been beating my dick off like 10 times a day.

For real?

10 times a day.

It's like pussy shit, I do mine like 15 times a day.

Really, shit.

No, come on dude.

I've been fucking shooting planks recently.

Well.

Wait, oh.

I thought that was like uncommon,

but I've just been like craving some fucking pussy right now.

I feel, dude.

I don't have any sisters or anything.

Yeah, I mean, they're tough out here.

Yeah.

You smell that?

Yeah.

Does it smell like pussy?

I mean, maybe, I don't know.

Let me check it out.

Smells nice.

Where is it?

Oh shit.

That's it.

Kind of smells like pussy, doesn't it?

Yeah, I've heard that.

Kind of feels like pussy too.

Really?

I mean.

Probably tastes like it too.

I call this corner.

I got this one.

I think that was a good decision getting this door,

like, you know, you could've really dressed your potty

and put a little prankster in it.

It'll definitely hide that part.

Oh fuck, dude.

Oh yeah, this is a real fucking deal, right?

Tyler Jeneda, I approve!

He told me to do it.

What, why?

It was his idea.

This is the last straw.

I had a pie for the,

I put so much work into this

and I told you not to touch it.

I know, but it was so tempting.

You decided to fortify it with a pie

that I tell you not to touch,

like, couldn't you use a conditioner?

Oh, I heard this felt like the real thing.

I was just too tempted to try it.

The real thing.

You eat everything and it reports you.

It defiles my pie.

Who gives a piss on TV to come clean like this?

You know what, that's it.

You're coming with me, do you understand?

Knees up, come on, high step.

I don't even know where to begin.

Jessica, do you see what I'm talking about?

Do you see the behavior?

Not that it would help at all.

I don't know what to do.

I'm at my wits end.

I have no idea.

Unfortunately, I think that they take after their fathers.

You know what?

I think it's time that we step in.

I think it's time that we take this situation in hand.

We both agreed that maybe drastic measures

would be necessary.

Especially since they're messing with our bodies.

We did.

That pie was important to me.

It was important to Miss Jessica.

I just don't feel any better.

What would make me feel better

would be having this resolved.

And I think that I have an idea.

I think they need a release.

Exact same page.

(whispering)

Yeah, let's be their outlet.

I think that's totally reasonable.

Okay, bring her home.

We've had a conversation.

And we think we found a resolution.

We think that you boys should get a little education.

And if you are not going to have an outlet

by finding yourselves a girlfriend,

because they scare you,

I think it's time to take some drastic measures

and make you more comfortable with women.

So, when a man falls in love with a woman

and not a pie, his penis.

Oh.

You need to listen.

Do not cover your ears.

That's just happening to me.

This is why you fornicated with a pie.

It's okay.

Penis.

You boys have a penis.

And women have vaginas.

Actually, properly called the vulva.

It's the whole thing.

The vagina's just the whole thing.

Exactly.

You mean pussies?

(gasps)

No.

No.

We keep soap and hot sauce in this house, Anthony.

I'll have you know.

Yeah.

So, vaginas or vulvas.

Vulvas would be the whole thing.

The vagina's just the whole thing.

Right.

Is a woman's flower.

And the man.

Certainly not a pie.

Certainly not a pie.

Certainly not my, probably a word winning pie.

It was a little weird.

And Jessica's pie.

And when the penis becomes engorged.

Engorged.

Engorged.

It's very engorged.

It's in a prime state to penetrate.

Penetrate a woman's orifice.

Orifices.

Orifices.

Orifices.

That sounds disgusting.

One orifice.

We're not going that far.

And yet you did not think

that my strawberry rhubarb was disgusting.

It's all over the floor.

I was going to mock it.

Well, it enters.

But before you enter, you have to coax the flower

because the flower isn't just something

to be rashly pounded.

Oh, what?

A woman's flower needs to be coaxed.

Why are you calling me the flower?

Do you want me to call it a vulva?

Oh, God, it's a vowel.

Pussy.

We will not call it a pussy.

It's a pussy.

No, a pussy is a cat.

A cat.

Why don't we switch?

Let's switch.

Yeah, perfect, let's switch.

Okay.

Okay.

Now, a vowel, a woman's vulva.

Anthony?

Anthony, sit up straight when I'm speaking to you.

Okay, so there are different ways

that a woman can be excited.

It can be a little bit intricate,

but if, let's start with anatomy.

Okay, so there are--

Look, I think I'm a little more hands-on

with this type of stuff.

Cute.

Well, hands-on, like you need to do something

before you learn how to do it.

Yeah.

So with a penis,

there are different parts,

which I don't actually know if you're familiar with.

I know that Jessica can be a little squeamish

about these things,

but there's a shaft and a glans.

There's a urethral opening,

and of course, testicles, right?

And the point of testicles is to

Jizz?

Semen, seminal fluid, ejaculate, and sperm,

which can be rudely termed jizz,

or other things that I'm sure you will pick up over time.

And when it is emitted,

it's pleasurable, you know that, right?

It's pleasurable, and speaking as a woman,

it can be pleasurable for me as well,

especially when the ejaculate is warm.

Well, I'm scared of that.

I know, it can be a little icky.

And you know, it's a beautiful act.

Look, I don't wanna hear all that.

I just wanna fuck pussy.

I don't wish, Anthony.

Oh, I am this close to cleaning out

that little mouth of yours.

Anyway, I'm sure that you do,

and be that as it may,

I think that that attitude has gotten you

to a very interesting place.

Have you, as you put it, fucked a lot of pussy?

I'm not hearing a no.

What about titties?

Breasts?

Sure, whatever.

Well, what about them?

Did you have any specific questions?

Well, could I motorboat them?

Well, okay, you are going to learn about pleasure,

and seduction, and everything else like that.

Do you understand?

Yes? - Yeah, yeah.

Yes, ma'am? - Yes, Miss Barber.

Yes, Miss Barber, I like that too.

I know you're about the same age as Anthony,

and I hear you're having the same issues.

Yeah, I guess, yeah, but you guys don't get it.

Like, we need to do that.

Yes, it'd be respectful for you

to not use your hand lotion, but--

So I can't use her lotion, her panties, or anything?

Yeah, about the panties, that's a little peculiar.

Now, is that because you're comfortable with her

more than other girls are?

What was your age?

I don't know, I just thought it was hot.

Okay, okay, yeah, but I can understand the attraction.

Well, age is just a number.

Age, yes, yes, it is.

And I can certainly understand not being

attracted to less mature women.

Um.

Okay.

Here we go.

Okay.

Give me your right hand.

What are you doing?

Well, I'm teaching him, you know, he needs to learn.

And I teach as well as I bake pies.

Oh yeah?

All right, well, I suppose class is in session now.

I don't wanna see that.

Class is in session.

Can we go get a s'more?

Ask and answer.

Absolutely.

Come on, come on, focus, focus, you need to focus.

Okay.

That's not bad.

Hey, can you undo my bra, maybe?

It's like, find the back of it,

and you just kind of one-handed,

or you can do two hands if you must,

but there's like a pinch and flick.

This is crazy, what's this one?

So as soon as you get there.

All right.

Can you tell me where's my area?

Oh yeah, that's it roughly.

Maybe more to the right.

Oh, oh.

No, Anthony.

Oh God, well, why don't I show you where the correction is?

Really?

Mm-hmm.

It's like you're at a gym.

Now I can get you to hold it in the rock and roll.

Yeah.

Does it really have to show you where the correction is?

What, she pulled it out, not me.

Okay, here, no, over here, over here,

so you know what?

Now what she's doing is called.

It's a jar.

It is called.

Oh, it's a blue jar.

Yeah, or a fellatio.

But you shouldn't be so sportacating with her pie.

Yeah, I mean, this is a lot better

than doing that with pie.

Oh my God, I'm gonna come soon.

Not yet.

Well, why not?

It looks like I'm doing a very good job teaching him.

Are you even trying, Anthony?

Yeah, yeah, I'm getting there.

Sorry, I've already like whacked it 15 times today.

That's impressive.

It is very impressive.

You must really like beautiful breasts.

Yeah.

Oh my God.

Just focus over here, okay?

You're gonna learn so much today.

I'm gonna take such good care of you.

Tyler?

What?

Are you staring at my derriere?

Um, no.

He does like your panties.

Well, thank you.

I suppose we should get you properly.

Yeah, I'm going to work.

I'm gonna get to know a woman's body.

You know what?

You know what, you can play that game.

If you're getting naked, it's all mine.

Really, you're in front of me?

Do you want sniffer panties?

Next year, am I gonna find these under your bed again?

I don't know.

Not as long as most rides here.

You're just a *****?

He's a good boy.

He's a nice dog, too, eh?

I bet you're really pretty under there.

I bet I am.

Can I see your front, please?

You're so good at it, oh my God.

You know.

I had an idea.

Yeah.

Imagine that, right?

You know what that feels like.

Yeah, you know what my mouth feels like?

That's just how you direct a teacher.

This is part of your position.

Well, I wanna wear it, too.

This is just...

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, that's good.

Look at you.

It's fantastic.

Yeah, that's good.

Can you keep it down over there?

I can hear you.

Shh, you're supposed to be watching over here.

(moaning)

Oh, God, oh God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, this is where it gets a little strained.

Oh, God, I feel so bad.

Oh, God.

I need you to reach down and touch my glitters.

Oh, that's good.

Oh, really?

Yeah, you're doing so nice.

You're having fun.

Oh, sorry.

I hate this so much.

Oh, God.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah, oh, God, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, no, God, no, God, no, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, oh, yeah.

That's a good thing.

Oh, really?

Yeah, that's a good thing.

Female ejaculation is,

oh, it means you did a very good job.

You must have a very good teacher.

I like that.

Oh.

Oh, that's perfect, Anthony.

You're really paying attention.

What are you looking at?

I'm right here.

Oh, yes.

Try to slap, smack him in the face.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, God, yes.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, yes.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, my God.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, my God.

Oh, God, yes, yes.

I'm coming, honey.

I'm coming.

Oh, fuck.

Fuck you back.

Fuck you back, yes.

Oh, God.

Oh

Yes, yes.

Oh, my God, yes.

Yeah? - Yes.

Oh.

Get back in there.

You think we could change our positions?

Oh, yeah?

You can play that game.

You want those, huh?

Yeah, I want those.

I always suspected there was something

about the way you looked at me that put you in your place.

Oh, girl.

Obviously.

You're beautiful.

Oh, sorry.

Ooh, yeah.

Whoever I'm kicking.

I'm gonna use my pillow.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, God.

Oh, your toes are such a good job, fucking.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, God.

Oh, my gosh.

Not too much?

No, not too much.

Oh, my God, yes.

Oh, my God, yes.

Oh, my God, yes, yes.

Ooh, I'm gonna stay in that deck for you.

You missed it.

I'm doing good.

You're doing really well.

Look at you getting all the way in there.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, that's beautiful.

Oh.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, sweetheart, you're not the only one

that likes pussy.

I didn't think you guys would be in on this.

I don't just hang out with her

because she makes great pie.

Have you guys done this before?

No.

Sure looks like it.

I've done it before.

Oh, oh, my God.

Sweetie, can you hold my hair out of the way?

Yeah, sure.

Dude, this is kind of hot.

I know, right?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.

Jesus.

Come on, sweetie.

Those balls are all the way up to her vulva.

That's really very impressive.

I don't know if we're doing grades,

but I think you get an A.

Just use the pie to practice.

Oh, God, yes.

I think that I can give it my own.

Thank you very much.

I like sharing. - You're squirting.

I like sharing.

Oh, my gosh, oh, okay.

Oh, right, Tyler.

Oh, did you not get enough?

I think-- - Did you need some more?

Yeah?

Dirty girl, you're so competitive.

I think you won this one, though.

You're covered.

I know, now I have two pearl necklaces.

Just like you.