All language subtitles for ghosts.2021.s04e09.1080p.web.h264-successfulcrab_track3_[eng]

What happened? How am
I outside of my body?

Am I dead?

I don't know, Jay.

I-I wouldn't say dead.

But it is an interesting
question, philosophically.

You're Isaac.
And you're Alberta.

I recognize you
from Todd's back tattoo.

Oh, Creepy Todd?

That's what you're
leading with?

(giggles)
JAY:
Oh, my God.

You must be Hetty.

Although we've kind of already
met 'cause you possessed me.

It is very nice
to properly meet you.

I customarily ask
any new ghost

if they're holding cocaine,

but I know your
only vice is Sonic.

It's so weird not being able
to see the other ghosts.

Are they talking during
these long silences?

Man, Jay lives
a lonely existence.

J-Dog. T-Money.

While I have you, can I
give you my elevator pitch

on your restaurant?

Sam keeps not passing it along.

Two words:
upscale breastaurant.

Like Hooters but even classier.

Hey, guys, merry Christmas...
Oh, God!

Should have
knocked, sorry!

Also, really?

It is the middle
of the afternoon,

and Mom and Dad are downstairs.

Oh, hey, it's Jay's sister.

What? What's happening?

Are you two doing drugs?
Are there any left?

No. Okay, shh.

Listen.
This is a lot to explain.

Jay and I-- we both got
possessed by ghosts.

I got mine out,

but because Pete has
a special power where

he can leave the property,
we had to do an exorcism,

but instead of Pete's soul
being ejected from Jay's body,

Jay's soul got ejected
from Jay's body.

And here we are.

That was actually
well-summarized.

Sorry to be a bother, but could
someone please untie me?

It's been 40 years,
so I'm not sure,

but I think I need to pee.

Wait, so that's Pete?

In the flesh. Get it?

And where's Jay?
I'm right here.

She can't hear me.
This is so frustrating!

Oh, really?
We hadn't noticed.

Jay's right there.

He's next to you.
He's kind of like a ghost.

But he's not dead.
We don't think.

Hmm, interesting you went
for a clove hitch knot

on these bad boys.

Those are usually used
to moor a boat.

ISAAC:
I just had a brilliant thought.

An exorcism is meant
to evict an evil spirit.

Well, perhaps, in the absence

of a truly evil spirit,

it just ejects
the less pure soul.

In this case, Jay.

ALBERTA:
Hmm, interesting.

The ghosts think
Pete's soul is so pure

that the exorcism spit out Jay.

Not because he's bad
but because

he's not Pete.

Feels like
a little bit of a dig.

Here you go.
Thank you.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

this pure baby soul's
got to use the bathroom.

Nice to meet you, Bela.

This is so weird.

Tell Jay I won't look.

Ow!

(all groan)

Watch my nose, Pete.

Those solid doors.

So, what are we gonna do?

Well, the first thing
we're gonna do is

get you back in your body.

I'm talking to Jay.
We can use

the possession sconce
in the living room

to electrocute the body
and get Jay's soul back inside.

And what about getting
Pete out of my body?

I don't know,
one thing at a time.

Bela, I need you to get
your parents out of the house

while we zap Jay
back into his body.

On it. Um,

by the way, is Trevor
in here, or...?

You have a boyfriend.

Out of the country, bro.
Doesn't count.

♪ ♪

(toilet flushing)

Oh, man, Jay drinks
a lot of water.

What?

Uh... I mean, I drink a lot
of water.

Look, Bela wants to go
shopping with me and Dad.

Come with us.

Ooh, I don't think
that's such a good idea.

I've come all the way up here.

Spend some time
with your poor mother.

I never get to see you.

(weak chuckle)
Okay.

I don't know about this.

You sure I should drive?

Bela's car is full
of empty water bottles.

We could have taken the Audi

if your wife hadn't wrapped it
around a stone column.

It's just that I haven't
done this in a while.

(chuckles) I think I push this
button right here and...

(engine starts)
Holy moly, it worked!

Okay, I'm ready.

Wait, what is Jay doing here?

I'm driving.
Ten and two, and...

whee!

See, I told you.
There's a new ghost.

And he looks just like that guy

who's always
hanging out with Sam.

Whoa!

Small man now small ghost!

Thorfinn?
Bring it in, big guy.

(both laugh)

Ooh! That wolf urine.

Was used to ward off bears.

You know what doesn't
ward off bears?

Patchouli.

That's looking
sufficiently dangerous.

Now we just need Pete.

He can't still be
in the bathroom.

Although Jay's body
is due for its

mid-afternoon evacuation.
That's true.

Why do you people know this?

Sasappis!
(chuckles) Hello.

How you doing, best friend?

Can someone please tell Thor

that I'm still
not talking to him?

Wait, what's Jay doing here?

I swear I just saw him
driving off the property.

(gasps)
Seriously?

Peter's absconded
with Jay's body.

Pete accidentally
possessed me,

and then-then we
did an exorcism,

but then I got
expelled, and...

it's been a day.

CHAMPA:
So, Jay,

you're going to cook us
Christmas Eve dinner tonight?

Yes, uh, to sample the menu

for you and Mahesh.
Who I call Dad.

Jay, do you remember your
friend Ravi from middle school

who was trying to
become a tennis pro?

Well, he recently
gave up on that dream

and went to
engineering school.

What is the point
of this, Dad?

Just an inspiring tale of
someone making a smart choice.

(phone buzzes)
Oh.

It's the old ball and chain.

Hey, honey, it's me,
your husband Jay.

SAMANTHA:
Where the hell are you?

I swear to God, if you don't
come back right now,

I will never let you
smell anything ever again.

(nervous chuckle)
You're on speaker, Sam.

Uh, we're with our parents.

Oh. (chuckles)
Just a little inside joke.

See you when
you're back, sweetie.

Hopefully really soon.

She's so controlling.

I think she's just
a little concerned

that I left with the body.

Ha! Jay and I are gonna,
um, go look around.

We will meet you out
front in a few minutes.

Okay.

Get it together, Pete.

You're supposed to
be Jay, remember?

Ah, come on, I thought
I was pulling it off okay.

You drove ten miles an
hour the whole way here

and then you hugged
the greeter outside.

I drove cautiously because
I haven't driven in 40 years,

and Nathan was
very appreciative.

Ooh, Jay's still
following the girl

from the community
theater group.

He's gonna get
in trouble for that.

Pete, we need to
get you back home

and get Jay back
in your body.

His body. Whatever.

Wait. My daughter Laura
just posted something.

"Our last Christmas in Philly."

Oh, my God.
What is it?

They're moving.

She got a job in Australia.

They leave tomorrow.

Okay...
I can't travel that far.

I'd... I'd disappear
before I ever made it back.

I have to go.

What? No. No, you don't.

Tell Sam and Jay I said sorry.

I mean, I'm Jay. I'm sorry.

I'm really not looking
forward to the turnpike.

It's scary.

(exhales)

Did he... just leave us here?

I think so?

I bet this is
Samantha's fault.

(laughs airily)

Okay. This is objectively
a bad situation,

but that door thing is
cool as hell.

Yes, it's very neat.
Yeah, get it out
of your system.

I just talked to Bela

upstairs, and apparently
Pete ran off.

What?
He took our car
and Jay's body,

and he's driving toward Philly
right now to see his daughter.

How could he do this?
That's-that's my body.

Geez, you think you know a guy.

Apparently, Pete's daughter's
moving to Australia.

And with the fact
that Pete disappears

if he's gone from Woodstone
for too long,

he's worried that this is

the last chance he'll
ever have to see her.

And Little Pete.

That adorable
little bastard.

Technically true-- he
was born out of wedlock.

Take it up with
the bastard's parents.

Look, I feel for Pete,
but, again, it's my body.

What if he gets in a car wreck?

What if he stays too long
and disappears?

He might not even notice
he's disappearing

because he's inside a body.

What would happen
to my body then?
I don't know.

Maybe it dies. Or maybe
it's just a zombie.

That would be a fascinating
entry in your ghost notes.

I don't want to be a zombie.

Nobody wants to be a zombie.

But it's just something
that may happen.

Jay, I can see where our car is.

He must be driving very slowly

because he's only
like 30 miles away.

Wait, you can track the car now?

(chuckling):
Now Jay's realizing

all the Sonic runs
he's been busted for.

I can hear you now!

Oh, damn it, this is
really confusing.

SAMANTHA:
Jay, I'm gonna go get Pete,

and then we are gonna get you
back inside your body,

and then you'll make
a great dinner,

and it'll be a great Christmas,
and your mom will love me,

and I will finally be added
to the group thread.

And more importantly, you won't
die or become a zombie.

Go save the day, babe.

I'll be back.

I'm taking Bela's car.

Hey, Jay,

your parents are up
in their room talking about you.

What? Why are you spying
on my folks?

HETTY:
In Trevor's defense,

spying on people
is 98% of what we do.

I guess it is kind of
a cool opportunity.

The sooner you take
the moral low road,

the more you'll get to hear.
Either way, we're going.

Okay, I'll meet you
up there.

I'm gonna go through
the door again, though.

MAHESH:
It's just, I wish

he had gone for
something like medicine.

That's why we came here.

So they could have opportunities
that we didn't.

Mahesh.

He was cooking
even as a small child.

It is his passion.

It's not that I don't
think he's talented.

I never said this to him
because I don't want

to encourage that
restaurant nonsense, but...

he's the best cook
I've ever seen.

Really?

What is that supposed to mean?

And she made it about her.

Nicely played.
I like this woman.

He learned it from
you, of course.

I'm just saying, he has a gift.

But even with a gift,

that business--
there's no guarantee.

I just don't want
to see him struggle.

Hey, guys, do you want to go
grab some food in town?

We'll have to Uber because
I think Sam stole my car.

That sounds about right.

Well, that must have
felt good to hear, Jay.

I know what I need
to tell my dad now

to make him understand why
I'm opening the restaurant.

I just hope Pete's back
with my body soon

so I get the chance.

It was a rather rash move
for Peter to run off,

but you have to consider it
from his perspective.

This is a once-in-an-afterlife
opportunity.

In your body he'll actually be
able to talk to his daughter.

And she'll be able to hear him.

Poor Peter has missed the last
40 Christmases with Laura.

And he's never had one with his
little illegitimate grandson.

Guess I didn't think
about it like that.

I would do
anything to spend

another Christmas
with my family.

Yes.
Mm.

No Pants, I think
we got to send a text.

To the iPad.

T-Money to the rescue.

(fake chuckle) He really
says that all the time?

You have no idea.
(chuckling): Yeah. Yeah.

(sighs)

Hello, Pete.

(screams)

Oh, cheese
and crackers.

I tracked the car
to this rest stop.

Darn it, I had to pee again.

You know, you forget how much
time you buy back as a ghost

not having to worry about
all these bodily functions.

We're going home, Pete.

But what about Laura
and Little Pete?

It's too risky.

What if something happens
to Jay's body

or you start
to disappear?

Also, it's not my call to make.

Oh, gosh. (clicks tongue)

(phone chimes, buzzes)
I guess you're right.

Hmm. It's from
the kitchen iPad.

"I get it now. Pete needs
to see his family on Christmas.

I can wait a few extra hours."

Wow.

Your husband is a wonderful man.

A wonderful man with
a walnut-sized bladder.

Quick thought: Isn't Laura

gonna think it's weird
when we just show up?

You mean because we're
her casual acquaintances

who just happen
to own the property

on which both of her parents
met their demise?

Yeah, that's what I mean.

That's what
the gift is for.

Cool.

Well, let me drive

because I want
to get there before Tuesday.

Listen, I wanted
to talk to you

about the whole
Thor thing.

And I wanted to let
you know from the outset

that that's what I
wanted to talk about.

In case I veer
off topic,

you can
guide me back.

That sounds like a good system.

Please don't be
mad at Thor.

I pressured him
into telling me
your secret.

Now, if I'd had any idea

that it was going to be
such a bummer of a secret,

I would never have done that.

Look, it's not even
about the secret.

I mean, sure,
it's a little embarrassing.

You are so brave.

It's more about the fact
that he told you.

Mm.
Thor and I
have been

best friends for 500 years.

I can still remember
the day we met.

I had just
recently died

and hadn't seen
another ghost yet.

(laughs)

Yeah?
Yeah.

(laughs)

(laughs)

The big guy learned Lenape

from watching us
all those years.

Aw, that is so sweet.

I'm happy for you guys,

but him telling
you my secret

is kind of like him
choosing you over me.

And that's not your fault,
but... it hurt.

You know, a threesome would
solve a lot of the problems

on the table right now.
I'm just saying.

(chuckles)

No, thank you. I'm good.

But how? How are you good?

(doorbell rings)

Hey.

Sam. Jay.

Laura.

What are you doing here?

We were just
in the area.

We wanted
a Christmas cheesesteak,

it's this weird
tradition we have.

Anyway, we thought

we'd stop by
and give you something.

Okay. It's a little weird,

but would you like to come in
for a couple minutes?

You look amazing, sweetie.

Thank you, husband.

He's talking to me.

We won't
stay long.

(gasps)

This is wonderful.

I can't believe
I'm talking to you.

Mommy, who is it?

It's Sam and Jay
from Woodstone.

You met them.

The people
who killed Grandma?

LAURA:
It was an accident.

JAY:
Little Pete.

Hi.

Jay, why don't you
give her the gift?

Oh, yeah.
Of course.

Uh, here
you go, Laura.

A Trenton rest stop snow globe?

I heard you were moving,

and I thought it'd be nice
for you to have something

to always remember home.

It's funny,

my dad used to
always get me snow globes.

Lucky guess.

Sounds like he was
a very sweet man.

The sweetest.

I miss him every day.

Well, I bet
if he were here,

he'd tell you how
proud of you he is,

and the beautiful family
you've created.

You done good.

Thank you.

♪ ♪

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

(groans)

Is he okay?

Yeah. He, uh, took
some cold medicine earlier.

(groans)

I guess it's
kicking in now.

Oof, Zombie Jay.

Little Pete's
gonna have nightmares.

(groans)

And I don't think
I'm gonna sleep well either.

Come on, babe.
Merry Christmas.

(Jay groans)

And then, when Jay's
body pulled out

of the hug,
Pete's soul stayed behind,

still hugging Laura.

Incredible.

Huey Lewis was right.

The power of love.

(groans)
Mm-mm.

Really don't like
this look on me.

Okay, my parents
are upstairs in their room.

We're all clear.

Great, let's get
you back in there.

How are you going
to convey to this beast

that it should
touch the light?

That's what this is for.

We stopped for fries at Sonic.

Come get it,
Zombie Jay.
(groans)

JAY:
Okay, well,

I guess this is goodbye.

Thank you for everything.

The honor
was ours, sir.

It was wonderful
knowing you.

(groans)

I hope it is many years
until we meet again,

but when that sad
day does arrive,

please ensure
your pockets

are stuffed
to the brim

with high-quality
cocaine.

We'll be here, bro.

(groaning)

Jay, hurry,
get behind you.

Okay, I'm ready.

Oh, he's going for the Sonic.

(groans)
(electricity crackles)

(gasps)
Jay!

Are you okay? Jay?

Jay?

Brains!

ALBERTA:
Oh, no.

Nah, I'm Just kidding. It's me.

I'm back, baby.

(laughter)
Ooh, got us.

Oh, I hate zombies.

Sasappis,

we need to speak.
Thor know

that since start dating Flower,

Thor get very wrapped up
in relationship,

but Thor sorry
if he neglect you.

Did Flower put you up to this?

Yes, but only because
Flower know

how important Sass is to Thor.

You still
Thor's best friend,

and Thor promise to make time

just for Sass and Thor.

That's nice of you to say,
but...

In fact,
Thor have idea

of what we
can do now.

You still know Lenape?

Thor never forget,

just choose
to speak English to you

because Thor
more better at that.

Makes sense.
Just to be clear,

there is no moose carcass.

Was just doing gesture.

Yeah, I got that.

There is flattened bird in road.

Pretty cool.

I could check it out.

(laughs)

Hoo!

Did not miss
that wolf urine.

Is good having
you back, virgin.

This one's for Sam.

It's from
my mom.

Oh. (chuckles)

A robot vacuum. Thank you.

Just seemed like
you needed help keeping up.

She's not wrong.

Okay, that looks
like all the gifts.

Actually, Dad,
I have one more,

but it's not here.

Come with me.

Oh, hey, um,
where's my car?

Uh, it's at a rest stop
in New Jersey.

Cool.

This is my
restaurant, Dad.

And mine, despite
your consistent refusal

to put horse pie on the menu.

Oh, that's
disgusting, Isaac.

It's just a more muscly cow.

It looks nice, Jay,

but we know about this.

And you know my thoughts.

But there's something
you don't know,

which is why
I'm starting this restaurant.

Bring it
home, Jay.

I know it's a risky endeavor,

but that's kind of what
the whole ethos of the menu

and the restaurant is.

It's celebrating
the risks

that make life exciting.

Like you and Mom.

You left India,

you went halfway
around the world.

You didn't know anyone,

you didn't have any money.

You just wanted to make
a better life for your family.

For us.

This restaurant
might not work.

There's no
guarantee,

but I owe it
to the legacy of the man

after whom
it's named

to see if it
can succeed.

Welcome to
Mahesh.

You named the restaurant
after me?

It wouldn't be here
if it wasn't for you, Dad.

Merry Christmas.

Thank you, son.

CHAMPA:
Aw,

Jay looks so happy.

You know, Mom,
it was Sam's idea

to have Jay open
a restaurant
in the barn.

Hmm.

Nice work, Samantha.

Thank you.

I wanted to
call it Champa's.

It's just
too much.

We need to get Nancy
back up in there.

(phone chimes)

"Sam is
so thirsty,

and not
just for chai"?

Really, Mom?

On the family thread
on Christmas?

"And not
just for chai"?

You added me
to the Core Four?

I'm one
of the six

of the Core Four?

Yes,

but be cool.

She will not
be cool.

This is so cool, Mom.

I know.

I used to love those
when I was your age.

This is just how I pictured it.

Oh, boy.

I think it might be time to go.

Yep, that's my cue to leave.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

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