All language subtitles for Weekend at Bernie_s_track4_[eng]

♪ HOOH, HA ♪

♪ YEAH ♪

♪ OOH,
YOU'RE FEELING GOOD NOW ♪

OH, GOD.

HOW ARE YOU, RICHARD?
HOT ENOUGH FOR YOU?

YEAH.

♪ EVERYONE WOULD LIKE
A GOOD FEELING ♪

HEY, HEY, HEY!

HEY, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING?

HEY, YOU DUMMY,

WHY DON'T YOU WATCH
WHERE YOU ARE GOING?

♪ IF THEY'RE YOUNG,
OR IF YOU ARE OLD ♪

♪ SOME LIKE IT HOT ♪

♪ OH, YES ♪

♪ SOME LIKE IT COLD ♪

♪ LOOK AT THAT ♪

♪ SOME NEVER KNOW ♪

♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪

♪ SOME NEVER KNOW ♪

♪ IF YOU'RE HIGH
AND ALWAYS FLYIN' ♪

♪ REMEMBER WHERE
YOU ARE TODAY ♪

♪ KEEP THIS GOOD TIME,
KEEP THIS FEELING ♪

DOES THIS LOOK LIKE 10:00,
OR DOES THIS LOOK LIKE 10:30?

MORNING, RICHARD!

GOOD MORNING.
YOU'RE A HALF HOUR LATE.

ONLY A HALF HOUR?

I'M USUALLY
45 MINUTES LATE.

I'M EARLY TODAY.

I SEE.

♪ DID YOU HEAR THAT ♪

♪ SOME NEVER KNOW ♪

♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪

ARE YOU GONNA
JOIN ME TODAY OR WHAT?

COMING.

♪ SOME LIKE IT HOT ♪

GIVE ME YOUR MONEY
AND YOUR WALLETS.

OH, GET YOUR ASS
OUT OF HERE.

IT IS TOO HOT.

(Larry)
GO ON, COLOR ME
OLD-FASHIONED, RICH,

BUT I JUST LOVE
THE PARK ON A SUNDAY.

(Richard)
I'D LOVE IT MORE IF WE
DIDN'T HAVE TO WORK TODAY.

COME ON, LET'S GO.

♪ OH, YEAH, NOW ♪

♪ OH, YEAH, NOW ♪

♪ OH, YEAH, NOW ♪

♪ A NEW DAY IS DAWNING ♪

LET ME OPEN THAT
FOR YOU, ALL RIGHT?

[screaming]

♪ HOO, YEAH. HOO, YEAH,
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ EVERYONE WOULD LIKE
A GOOD FEELING ♪

♪ EVEN WHEN YOU'RE HOT
OR YOU'RE COLD ♪

♪ KEEP ON ROCKIN',
KEEP ON REELIN' ♪

♪ IF THEY'RE YOUNG,
OR IF YOU ARE OLD ♪

♪ SOME LIKE IT HOT ♪

♪ OH, YEAH ♪

HOT ENOUGH
FOR YOU, LARRY?

NO, HARRIS, WHY DON'T YOU
TURN UP THE HEAT?

(Harris)
OK. I'LL TELL
THE ENGINEER.

CHEAP BASTARDS.

TURN OFF THE AIR CONDITIONING
ON THE WEEKENDS.

♪ SOME LIKE IT COLD ♪

♪ SOME NEVER KNOW ♪

♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪

♪ SOME NEVER KNOW ♪

♪ SOME LIKE IT HOT ♪

♪ OH, YES ♪

♪ SOME LIKE IT COLD ♪

♪ LOOK AT THAT ♪

♪ SOME NEVER KNOW ♪

♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪

♪ SOME NEVER KNOW ♪

LET'S GO TO THE BEACH.

NO.

[sighs]
WE'RE GOING TO BE HERE
OUR WHOLE LIVES.

YEAH, I'M AFRAID SO.

I AM GOING
TO THE BEACH!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
GIVE ME THOSE PAPERS.

THESE PAPERS ARE GOIN'
TO THE BEACH.

WE ARE NOT GOING
TO THE BEACH.

YOU WANT THESE?
YOU'RE COMING TO THE BEACH.

I GUESS WE ARE GOING
TO THE BEACH.

WILSON AT THE LINE.

OH, THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
REPLAY.

GIVE ME THOSE PAPERS!

♪ [music playing on radio]

YOU THINK IT'S SAFE
TO GO IN THE WATER?

NO, BETTER NOT.

YOU JUST ATE.
YOU MIGHT GET CRAMPS.

I'LL RISK IT.

(man on radio)
BEFORE WE GET BACK TO YOU
WITH MORE TUNES

ON THAT BIG LABOR DAY
PARTY MARATHON,

LET'S HEAR THE LATEST
FROM WEATHER CENTRAL.

WHAT'S HAPPENING
OUT THERE, BUDDY?

(weatherman)
SIZZLE, SIZZLE, SIZZLE

AS THE BIG APPLE
BECOMES THE BAKED APPLE. OW!

YOU BETTER BELIEVE
THESE ARE...

OH, CHRIST.
WILL YOU SHUT THAT THING OFF?

...CONTINUES BEFORE
LABOR DAY WEEKEND.

IT IS GOING TO BE
THE 4 "H"s:

HOT, HUMID, HAZY,
AND HORRIBLE.

THIS SUCKS.
I AM SO UNHAPPY.

WE SHOULD BE
AT A REAL BEACH.

THERE ARE
NO MORE REAL BEACHES.

I MEAN, WE COULD GO
TO JONES BEACH

AND FLOAT AROUND
IN THE HOSPITAL WASTE.

THEN AGAIN CONEY ISLAND
IS ALWAYS REAL NICE.

WE COULD GO THERE AND WATCH
THE FISH DISINTEGRATE

IN FRONT OF OUR EYES.

WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A GODDAMN...

HOLD THE PHONE, BUDDY!
I GOT IT!

I GOT THE $2 MILLION.
WHERE ARE YOUR PAGES?

GET YOUR PAGES.

OH, MY GOD!

YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE
WHAT YOU SEE!

OK.

TURN TO PAGE 28.

28. 28.

28, 28.
RIGHT AFTER 27.

- GOT IT.
- ALL RIGHT? YOU GOT IT?

I WANT YOU TO TURN
TO PAGE 41 NOW.

- 41.
- 41.

- 41. I GOT IT.
- CHECK OUT LINE 18.

LINE 18.

- OK?
- (Larry) YEAH.

- YOU SEE IT?
- I SEE IT.

- YOU SEE IT?
- I SEE IT.

YOU SEE IT?

WHAT ABOUT IT?

YOU'RE SUCH
A STUPID PIECE OF RAT SHIT.

HOT, HOT, HOT, HOT,
HOT, HOT, HOT, HOT!

WATCH YOUR STEP!
IT'S HOT.

I'M BEING
BARBECUED HERE!

[screams]
ALL RIGHT.
OK. ALL RIGHT, BUDDY,

I'M GONNA EXPLAIN IT
TO YOU REAL SLOW.

- GOOD.
- OK.

THERE WAS MORE THAN
ONE CHECK ISSUED

ON THE SAME LIFE INSURANCE
POLICY CLAIM.

ONE IN DECEMBER OF '87,
ANOTHER IN APRIL OF '88,

AND 2 MORE IN JUNE.

MAKING ANY SENSE?

YEAH,
HE DIED 4 TIMES.

YES, YES.
ACCORDING TO THIS,

HE DIED 4 TIMES.

SO SOMEBODY SCREWED UP.
IT WASN'T US. WAS IT?

NO, NO.
I-I-I-IT WASN'T US.

DON'T YOU SEE?
DON'T YOU SEE?

WE JUST UNCOVERED
A $2 MILLION ERROR.

WE'RE GOING
TO BE HEROES.

WE'RE GOING UP
THE CORPORATE LADDER.

THIS IS GOOD FOR ME.

YES, THIS IS GOOD
FOR YOU.

AND I THINK IT'S
GOOD FOR ME, TOO.

I'LL TELL LOMAX
FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.

WHAT PAGE IS IT?

NO, NO. LARRY.
LET ME TELL HIM.

WE'LL BOTH TELL HIM.

OK. GREAT!

[people chattering]

THERE'S WHAT'S-HER-NAME.

[chuckling]

STOP STARING AT HER.

YOU HAVEN'T SHUT UP
ABOUT HER FOR 2 MONTHS.

ASK HER OUT ALREADY,
WILL YOU?

NO. I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO SAY.

SHE'S A SUMMER INTERN.
SHE'LL BE GONE IN A WEEK.

NO, I CAN'T. I--I HAVE
NO IDEA WHAT TO SAY.

SAY "HI, I WANT
TO GO OUT WITH YOU."

I CAN'T SAY THAT.

WHY NOT?

BECAUSE THERE ARE
TOO MANY PEOPLE AROUND.

COME ON.
IT'S NEW YORK CITY.

THERE'S ALWAYS TOO MANY
PEOPLE. EXCUSE ME, MISS.

[elevator bell dings]

(man)
OH, SHIT.

GOOD WEEKEND, BOB?

HMM.

[sighing]

YOU GOING
TO SAY SOMETHING?

SHUT UP.

YOU'RE BLOWING IT.

SHUT... AHEM.

[whispers]
PLEASE, SHUT UP, ALL RIGHT?

THANK YOU.

[sighing]

[elevator bell dings]

[people chattering]

OK.

TRY WITTY.

SAY, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT
WOULD LOOK GOOD ON YOU?"

"ME." HUH?

OH, PLEASE.

RICHARD, THAT
IS A VERY GOOD LINE.

ENOUGH, LOOK
IF I WANTED TO TALK TO HER,
I'LL TALK TO HER.

TALK TO HER.
WOULD YOU TALK TO HER?

- WOULD YOU STOP?
- SHE'S RIGHT HERE.

YOU WANT ME
TO TALK TO HER?

YES, I WANT YOU TO.

OK. SHUT UP.

[clears throat]

EXCUSE ME.

UM...

MY AUNT IS VERY SICK.

WHAT?

NOTHING.

[telephones ringing]

UM...

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS,
SHE'S--

NOW, DON'T FLAGELLATE
YOURSELF OVER THIS, RICHARD.

IT WAS
A VERY GOOD EFFORT.

- WORDS CAME OUT.
- YOU'LL GET HER NEXT TIME.

WHY DID I JUST SAY THAT?

LARRY, I DON'T EVEN
HAVE AN AUNT.

SO WHAT?

ANYTHING GOING ON?

THERE ARE THESE MESSAGES.

AND YOU ARE LATE

FOR THE CREATIVE SALES
MEETING, MR. LOMAX.

UH, EXCUSE US,
MR. LOMAX.

LET ME GET THAT, SIR.

SAMMY. HANK. HOW ARE YOU?

RICHARD.
RICHARD PARKER, SIR.

- LARRY WILSON.
- WELL, WHATEVER.

THERE'S NOTHING FROM
A DOREENA, A MARTHA, JUDY?

NO. NO.

WELL, THAT'S
THEIR TOUGH LUCK.

- EXCUSE US, MR. LOMAX.
- WHAT?

THERE'S, UH, SOMETHING
WE WOULD LIKE TO SHOW YOU.

GENTLEMEN, WAIT, WAIT.
SHH, SHH, SHH.
IT'S MONDAY MORNING.

AFTER LUNCH, RIGHT?

QUITE A BIT
AFTER LUNCH.

[secretary chuckling]

UH...

SHOO, SHOO, SHOO.

[typewriter keys clacking]

[giggling]

[car horn blaring]

YEAH, I GOT IT,
FRANCOIS.

THAT'S $2.

(Larry)
RICH.

LOOK AT LOMAX.

GOD.

(Larry)
OH, MY GOD.
LOOK AT HER.

(Richard)
MY GOD.

JESUS. THAT GUY.

BEAUTIFUL APARTMENT.
HOUSE AT THE BEACH.

- BABES.
- BABES.

A BOAT. A CAR.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH
IT COSTS TO PARK A CAR

IN MANHATTAN EVERY MONTH?

MORE THAN MY RENT.

WELL, I MEAN,
IT'S ONLY FAIR.

HIS--HIS CAR IS A BIT BIGGER
THAN YOUR APARTMENT.

SO MY APARTMENT
IS SMALL. IT'S DARK.

IT'S HOT.
IT'S IN A HIGH-CRIME AREA.

BEATS LIVING AT HOME
WITH MOM AND DAD.

ALL RIGHT.
ENOUGH, ENOUGH.

IT'S JUST UNTIL
I CAN AFFORD SOMETHING DECENT.

SOMETHING WITHOUT
WALL-TO-WALL COCKROACHES.

ALL I HAVE TO DO
IS JUST KEEP SETTING MY GOALS
AND WORKING HARD

- AND I'LL BE FINE.
- YOU ARE SO NAIVE.

OH, I'M SORRY.

EXCUSE ME.

GO AHEAD. OH, GOD.

I HOPE YOUR AUNT
FEELS BETTER.

- WHAT?
- I SAID--

SHE SAID, "I HOPE
YOUR AUNT FEELS BETTER."

MY AUNT? THE--THE SICK AUNT.
YES, UH, SHE'S FINE.

THEY THOUGHT IT WAS--

(man)
EITHER GET ON THE ELEVATOR
OR GET OFF.

(Richard)
LARRY. WE-- I'LL BE BACK.

[elevator bell dings]

AND I LOSE AGAIN.

I WON.

LAR, I HAVE A DATE.

- YOU'RE KIDDING.
- NO.

GWEN AND I, THURSDAY NIGHT,
8:00 P.M., DINNER.

FABULOUS.

IT WAS THE CLUMSY APPROACH.
IT WORKED.

YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO
BORROW MY APARTMENT.

UH, NO, BUT--BUT THANK YOU.
THAT'S SWEET.

UH, BUT I CAN'T
DO THAT TO YOU. THANK YOU.

RICH, IF SHE FINDS OUT
YOU LIVE WITH YOUR FOLKS,

YOU'LL EMBARRASS YOURSELF.

YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW,

BUT I--I--I CAN'T
DO THAT TO YOU, LAR.

IT'S THE COCKROACHES,
ISN'T IT?

- WELL--
- THEY SCATTER
WHEN THE LIGHTS GO ON.

[phone buzzing]

(secretary on intercom)
MR. PARKER, MR. LOMAX
WILL SEE YOU NOW.

I FEEL LUCKY.

NO. NO, I ONLY WANT
THE MASERATI

IF IT COMES
IN THAT JET BLACK.

LOOK, IF YOU CAN'T
DO IT FOR ME

I'LL JUST HAVE TO TAKE
MY BUSINESS TO ANOTHER DEALER.

YEAH.

SO PAINT IT! I MEAN HOW HARD
CAN THIS WHOLE THING BE?

RIGHT.

[sighs]
ALL RIGHT.
YOU SEE, THAT'S BETTER.

SEE HOW EASY IT IS
TO DO BUSINESS WITH ME?

MMM-HMM.

YEAH.

NO, NO. NO TRADE.
STRICTLY CASH.

RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT. GOOD.

[sighing]

[sniffing]

GENTLEMEN,
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT FOR ME?

RICHARD.

WELL, AS YOU MAY
OR MAY NOT KNOW, MR. LOMAX,

LARRY AND I HAVE BEEN,
RE-- I MEAN, WORKING.

WHERE IS HE GOING?

I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT--WHAT--WHAT ARE WE
SUPPOSED TO DO?

BET THAT THING MOVES, HUH?

- LAR.
- JESUS.

PUT THAT BACK.

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL BOAT.

[door opens]

[clears throat]

YOU, UM,

GENTLEMEN WERE SAYING...

YES, WELL.

AS YOU MIGHT HAVE HEARD,
MR. LOMAX,

- UH, UH...
- LARRY.

LARRY AND I. LARRY AND I
HAVE BEEN REPROGRAMMING

THE ACCOUNTS
ON THE NEW COMPUTER SYSTEM.

RIGHT.

THANKS. AND, UH...

WELL, SIR,
IT'S A VERY BIG JOB.

(Richard)
A BIG JOB.
WE HAVE BEEN WORKING HARD.

(Larry)
A VERY BIG JOB.

I'VE BEEN AT IT
FOR QUITE SOME TIME.
WEEKENDS ALSO.

WEEKENDS, LATE, AND--

WHY DON'T
YOU SHOW HIM?

WELL, THANK YOU, LAR.

WE'VE GOT SOMETHING
YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT.

GOT THEM BOTH THERE?

YES. P-PAGE 28 AND 41.

41.

41.

YOU SURE THESE FIGURES
ARE ACCURATE?

YES.

POSITIVE.

- YES, SIR, MR. LOMAX.
- MR. LOMAX.

BERNIE.

CALL ME BERNIE.

I MEAN MY FATHER
IS MR. LOMAX, RIGHT?

[laughing]

[both laughing]

OK, UH, BERNIE.

UH, YES, YES, IT'S ALL THERE
IN BLACK AND WHITE.

WE BOTH WORKED
ON THIS ONE, BERN.

"E."

HMM?

BERNIE.

- BERNIE.
- MMM-HMM.

PAPERS.

RIGHT HERE, BERNIE.

IF ANYTHING HAS TO GO,
I'M GLAD IT'S MY VISION

AND NOT THE OLD JOYSTICK,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

[all laughing]

THAT'S
COMPUTER INK, SIR.

[chuckles]

OH, NO, YOU ARE WRONG. LOOK.

YOU SEE, THERE ARE
MULTIPLE CHECKS ISSUED

BECAUSE THERE WERE SEVERAL
POLICIES WRITTEN, HUH?

WHAT YOU DIDN'T TAKE
INTO CONSIDERATION
IS THAT IT'S NORMAL,

ESPECIALLY WHEN USING
A FLUCTUATING C.O.L. INDEX
TO COMBINE,

LOOK HERE,
A PACKAGE CONTAINING

BOTH SHORT-TERM
AND STRAIGHT LIFE POLICIES

IN AN OVERALL
INSURANCE PORTFOLIO.

NOW, YOU'RE WASTING MY TIME.

RICHARD WORKED
ON THAT PART, SIR.

THAT--THAT--THAT'S TRUE,
MR. LO... BERNIE.

BUT IF YOU WERE TO LOOK
AT THE BACK PAGE,

WHERE THE POLICY INDEXES ARE,

YOU'LL NOTICE THAT
THE REMAINING POLICIES

ARE DATED
AFTER THE POLICY HOLDER
DIED, BERNIE.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY CORRECT.

GENTLEMEN, THIS IS GOOD WORK.
VERY, VERY GOOD WORK.

- THANK YOU, BERNIE.
- THANK YOU, BERNIE.

I HATE TO SAY THIS,
BUT BERNIE, IT APPEARS
AS IF SOMEBODY IS TRYING

TO DEFRAUD THE COMPANY.

PERHAPS WE SHOULD
CHECK BACK RECORDS.

SOMEBODY TRIED TO SMOKE IT
PAST THE WRONG GUY.

NO SMOKING.

GENTLEMEN, HOW LONG HAVE
YOU TWO BEEN WORKING HERE?

19 MONTHS AND A WEEK.

I'M NOT REALLY SURE.
A LITTLE LONGER, I THINK.

LONGER?
LAR, I WAS HERE BEFORE YOU.

NO, RICHARD.
I TRAINED YOU.

LARRY, TRUST ME.
I CAME HERE IN JANUARY,
YOU CAME THE END OF MAY.

I TRAINED QUITE A FEW PEOPLE!
I TRAINED YOU.

WHATEVER!

WHAT I AM SAYING IS
THAT I THINK THERE'S
A BIG FUTURE HERE

FOR A COUPLE
OF BRIGHT FELLOWS
LIKE YOURSELVES.

[both laugh]

THANK YOU.

BUT WOULD LIKE
TO GO OVER THESE NUMBERS
AGAIN WITH YOU

JUST TO MAKE SURE,
YOU KNOW, THAT YOU'VE
GOTTEN EVERYTHING.

THE ONLY TROUBLE IS
IF SOMEONE IS TRYING TO

LIKE YOU SAID
"SMOKE IT PAST THE WRONG GUY"

I'D LIKE TO JUST
KEEP IT CONFIDENTIAL.

I MEAN THERE'S NO SENSE
SENDING UP A BUNCH
OF RED FLAGS.

(Larry)
NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT, BERN.

IF YOU WOULD LIKE,
WE'LL WORK LATE.

YES, I MEAN,
WE'LL WORK WEEKENDS.

WEEKENDS ARE
VERY GOOD FOR ME.

WEEKENDS. GOOD IDEA.

GIVE US PLENTY OF TIME
TOGETHER, NO DISTRACTIONS.

IT IS LABOR DAY.

I GOT AN IDEA.

HOW WOULD YOU TWO LIKE TO COME
TO MY HOUSE AT THE BEACH?

- ME?
- US?

YEAH. HAMPTON ISLAND.

EVER BEEN THERE?

WELL, YOU'LL LOVE IT.

WHEN WE'RE NOT WORKING,
THERE ARE PLENTY
OF DISTRACTIONS.

THERE ARE WOMEN, SWIMMING,
BOATING, FAMOUS PEOPLE.

WELL?

- LOVE TO!
- OK.

GOOD! IT'S SETTLED.

OH, WE'RE GONNA HAVE
A GOOD TIME, I GUARANTEE.

I'LL HAVE MY SECRETARY
WRITE DOWN THE DIRECTIONS
FOR YOU,

GIVE YOU
THE FERRY SCHEDULE.

- THE FERRY SCHEDULE?
- IT'S THE ONLY WAY
TO GET THERE,

UNLESS YOU TWO
HAVE YOUR OWN BOAT.
I DON'T KNOW.

I HAVE NEVER EVEN
BEEN ON A BOAT, BERNIE.

I WAS ONCE ON
THE STATEN ISLAND FERRY
WITH MY FOLKS--

WHATEVER, WHATEVER.
YOU COME OUT FRIDAY NIGHT,

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
A GREAT TIME, I GUARANTEE IT.

I'LL EVEN DRIVE YOU BACK
TO THE CITY MYSELF
ON MONDAY. OK?

WE DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO SAY, BERNIE.

HEY, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO SAY ANYTHING.

IF YOU TWO UNCOVERED
WHAT I THINK YOU UNCOVERED,

OLD BERNIE HERE
OWES YOU BOTH A GREAT DEAL.

I MEAN IT.
I MEAN IT SINCERELY.

NOW GET OUT OF HERE. GO ON.
GO ON, GO ON, GO ON.

[chuckles]

HE LOVES US.

THE MAN
ABSOLUTELY LOVES US.

YOU HAVE TO KILL THEM, VITO.

[clears throat]

BERNIE, LET ME
EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO YOU.

WE DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE.

WE'RE A CORPORATION NOW.

WE'RE IN THE MARKET.
WE INVEST.

REAL ESTATE. CAR RENTALS.

(Marty)
PARKING LOTS.

(Vito)
PARKING LOTS.

PARKING LOTS.
THAT'S--THAT'S GOOD.

I MEAN, I UNDERSTAND THAT,
BUT--

DIDN'T I ORDER
THE WALNUT DRESSING?

YES, YOU DID.

(Vito)
TASTE THAT.

DOES THAT TASTE ANYTHING
LIKE WALNUT DRESSING?

TELL ME.

(Marty)
THIS IS
THE RASPBERRY VINAIGRETTE.

SHOULD I HAVE PAULIE GO
AND TALK TO THE CHEF?

[grunting]

(Vito)
THIS GODDAMN
RASPBERRY VINAIGRETTE...

VITO.

(Bernie)
EXCUSE ME, VITO.

VITO!

[people chattering]

I, UH, I KNOW HOW IMPORTANT
FOOD IS TO YOU, I MEAN...

BUT WE'VE GOT A PROBLEM HERE.

BERNIE, I GIVE PROBLEMS.
I DON'T GET PROBLEMS.

HM?

HOW DO YOU PROPOSE
TO HANDLE IT?

LET'S MAKE IT
A MURDER-SUICIDE JOB.

ALL RIGHT?

OK, GENTLEMEN?

AND THEY CAN TAKE THE RAP

AND I WON'T EVEN
HAVE TO CHANGE THE BOOKS.

[laughing]

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I LIKE IT. IT'S CREATIVE.

I'M A LITTLE RUSTY.
BUT IT'LL COME BACK TO ME.

[laughing]

OK.

DO IT.

[laughing]
OH...THIS IS GOOD.

I MEAN THIS IS REALLY GOOD.
GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.

UM, I--I THINK WE'RE GONNA
HAVE SOME FUN.

[giggling]
I MEAN, REAL FUN.

I... I HAVE TO GET GOING.
I REALLY DO.

WHAT, NO DESSERT?

THEY DO A WONDERFUL
CREME BRULEE HERE.

IT'S DELICIOUS.

NO. NO, GENTLEMEN,
I REALLY MUST BE GOING.

THANKS FOR DINNER, VITO.

I GOT TO GO
POWDER MY NOSE.

FORGET THE ACCIDENT
WITH THE 2 GUYS.

TAKE CARE OF LOMAX.

HE'S GETTING
TOO CARELESS

TOO GREEDY.

BESIDES,

HE'S SCREWING
MY GIRLFRIEND.

JEEZ.

BUT YOU SAID WE WERE
GONNA SPEND THE WEEKEND
AT THE BEACH!

BUT YOU SAID WE WERE
GONNA SPEND THE WEEKEND
AT THE BEACH!

TINA, YOU HEARD
THE CONVERSATION.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO DO ABOUT IT?

- BERNIE, BERNIE.
- WHAT? WHAT?

I TOLD VITO THAT I WAS
GONNA SPEND SOME TIME

WITH MY MOTHER!

- BERNIE.
- TINA.

BERNIE, BERNIE,
BERNIE, BERNIE.

I HAVE TO SEE YOU,
BERNIE.

[gasps]

CUT IT OUT.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
WAIT A MINUTE. ALL RIGHT.
WAIT A MINUTE. I--

- WHAT?
- I GOT AN IDEA.

WHAT?

YOU ARE ON,
9:00 FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'LL BE AT THE APARTMENT.

JUST USE YOUR KEY.
ALL RIGHT?

[Bernie laughing]

(Tina)
I'LL WEAR
SOMETHIN' SPECIAL.

(Richard)
I BET YOU NEVER HAD

SWEET AND SOUR
MATZO BALLS BEFORE.

(Gwen)
NO.

[siren wailing]

[bike engine revving]

I'M GLAD YOU FINALLY
ASKED ME OUT.

YOU ARE?

I WISH YOU HAD
ASKED ME OUT SOONER.

TODAY WAS
MY LAST DAY AT WORK.

I'M GOING BACK
TO COLLEGE.

OH! W-WELL,
WE--WE COULD STILL HAVE
THIS WEEKEND TOGETHER, RIGHT?

I'M SPENDING IT
WITH MY FOLKS.

ARE YOUR FOLKS IN TOWN?

NO.

NO.

[thudding]

WELL, IS--IS--IS THIS
THE INTIMATE EVENING
I PROMISED YOU, OR WHAT?

YOU THINK THERE'S ANYWHERE
WE COULD GO

WHERE WE COULD
JUST SIT AND TALK

AND--AND--AND NOT HAVE
TO SCREAM AND GET RUN OVER
BY GARBAGE TRUCKS?

(man)
HEY, WANT TO
THROW HER IN?

HOW YOU DOING?

I'D INVITE YOU
TO MY APARTMENT,
BUT I HAVE 5 ROOMMATES.

5?

AND THEY'RE ALL AT HOME
DOING THEIR HAIR RIGHT NOW.

THAT--THAT--THAT'S
A LOT OF HAIR.

BUT IT'S CLEAN. I LIKE THAT.

OH, IT'S EITHER THAT
OR LIVING WITH MY PARENTS,

AND I DON'T THINK
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

NO, NO. I CAN'T BLAME YOU.
WHO'D WANT TO LIVE
WITH THEIR FOLKS?

THAT'S--THAT'S NO GOOD.

DO YOU HAVE
ANY ROOMMATES?

NO. ROOMMATES?
NO. NONE.

WELL, WHY DON'T WE
GO TO YOUR PLACE?

(man)
COME ON, BABY. TELL ME.
YOU'RE NOT A WOMAN.

ARE YOU? TELL ME
THE TRUTH. COME ON.

[door lock clicking]

OK.

[sighing]

WHY ARE YOU TIPTOEING?

[whispering]
BECAUSE, UM...

BECAUSE, THE PEOPLE
WHO LIVE DOWNSTAIRS,

THEY'RE VERY LIGHT SLEEPERS.

THEY GET ANGRY
WHEN I WALK.

[whispers]
WHY ARE YOU WHISPERING?

AM I?

YES.

I AM. UM, THAT'S BECAUSE
OF THE WALLS.

THEY'RE TOO THIN.

UH, MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.

THANK YOU.

[sighing]

HMM, LOOK AT THIS TEAK.

I MEAN THIS WHOLE APARTMENT.

YEAH. I KNOW.
I'VE--I'VE BEEN MEANING
TO--TO REDO THAT FOR YEARS.

NO, I--I LOVE IT.
I--I MEAN, IT'S VERY HIP.

I THINK YOU'VE DONE
THE PLACE BEAUTIFULLY.

WELL, I--I--I LIKE IT.
IT'S--IT'S HOME.

YOU KNOW, IT'S A SIDE OF YOU
I NEVER WOULD HAVE EXPECTED.

I'M VERY IMPRESSED.

ARE YOU?

YEAH.

ABOUT WHAT?

OH, WELL. THIS APARTMENT
HAS GOT TO BE EXPENSIVE.

SO OBVIOUSLY
YOU COULD'VE TAKEN ME

TO SOME FLASH RESTAURANT
INSTEAD OF THAT...

IS "DUMP" THE WORD
YOU'RE GROPING FOR?

YOU DIDN'T LIKE
HYMIE'S HUNAN?

IT'S A 4-STAR DIVE.

IT WAS GREAT. I LOVED IT.

IT'S JUST THAT

SOME MEN WOULD TRY
TO IMPRESS WOMEN BY...

BY PRETENDING TO BE
SOMETHING THEY'RE NOT.

I AGREE. I AGREE.
I ABSOLUTELY AGREE.

THAT'S A TERRIBLE WAY
TO BEGIN A RELATIONSHIP.

PRETENDING TO... TO BE
SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT.

OH, GOD.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER THIS
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO

BUT HOW DO YOU AFFORD
A PLACE LIKE THIS?

OH.

WELL, I--I--I DON'T LIKE
TO BRAG.

I--I JUST FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE
SHOWING OFF MY MONEY

BUT I-I'VE MADE SOME
WISE INVESTMENTS.

I DABBLE IN THE STOCK MARKET.

AND OF COURSE
MY PARENTS ARE...

WERE, UH,
RATHER WELL OFF.

DO YOU WANT TO SIT?

- THEY PASSED AWAY?
- HM.

YES.

THEY MUST'VE BEEN YOUNG.

OH, YEAH.

UM,

WELL, I--I FEEL
I CAN TRUST YOU.

THEY WERE
IN A TRAIN ACCIDENT.

YEAH, I MEAN I--I DON'T KNOW
WHAT IT WAS WITH TRAINS

BUT THEY--THEY--THEY
JUST ALWAYS LIKED
TO TRAVEL IN TRAINS.

I'M SORRY.

HOW AWFUL FOR YOU.

YEAH.

YOU KNOW,
I ALWAYS THOUGHT TRAINS

WERE SO MUCH SAFER
THAN PLANES.

WELL, ACTUALLY,
A PLANE

FELL ON THE TRAIN.

[door opens]

[man yawing]

(Gwen)
RICHARD.

(Richard)
GWEN.

- RICHARD.
- GWEN.

RICHARD, THERE'S A MAN
IN HIS UNDERWEAR

IN YOUR KITCHEN.

[Richard whispering]
SHH. NO, NO, NO.
HE'S, UM... HE'S WITH ME.

HE IS THE, UH...
HE'S, UM, MY, UH,

BUTLER. BUT...

- YOU HAVE A BUTLER?
- YEAH. SHH.
DON'T GET HIM STARTED.

HE'LL GO AWAY
IF YOU JUST BE QUIET.

[grunting]

[shushing]

OH, OH!

SORRY. I DIDN'T REALIZE
YOU HAD COMPANY.

GOOD EVENING, YOUNG LADY.

THAT--THAT--THAT'S
ALL RIGHT, MONROE.

YES, JUST... WILL YOU,
PLEASE, JUST GO LAY OUT

MY, UH, NAVY BLUE SUIT
FOR THE MORNING, PLEASE?

HOW ABOUT
IF I LAY YOU OUT?

VERY WELL.

YOU LET YOUR BUTLER
TALK TO YOU LIKE THAT?

WELL, HE'S--HE'S--
HE'S A VET.

HE'S--HE'S GOT A STEEL PLATE
IN HIS HEAD. IT'S...

(Richard)
GWEN, IT'S NOT
WHAT YOU THINK.

GOODBYE, RICHARD.

[sighing]

♪ HOW HIGH ♪

♪ KEEP ME SO HIGH ♪

♪ HOW HIGH ♪

♪ COME ON ♪

(man #1)
I'LL GRAB THE BOW LINE.

HEY, SKEET.
HOW ARE YOU DOING?

HEY, MR. LOMAX.

HERE YOU GO, MY FRIEND.
BUY YOURSELF A GIRLFRIEND,
HUH?

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN,
CANDY, HUH?

BERNIE.
MMUAH.

HEY, BERNIE.
HOW ABOUT A DRINK?

(Bernie)
A LITTLE BIT LATER.

(Bernie)
A LITTLE BIT LATER.

YO, BERNIE.
THE COCKTAIL FLAG IS UP.

A LITTLE BIT LATER.

AND I LOVE IT!

AND I!

♪ GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY ♪

♪ OH, YEAH ♪

♪ LET ME HEAR YOU SAY ♪

♪ UH-HUH! ♪

(Bernie)
GEORGE, HOW ARE YOU?

(George)
NICE TO SEE YOU, MR. LOMAX.

[waves crashing]

(Bernie)
WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?
I FIRED YOU LAST WEEK.

I JUST WANT
MY $90, OK?

BULLSHIT!

YOU DRANK MY LIQUOR
AND THE TOILETS
STILL DON'T WORK.

I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU.

- OW! OW! COME ON, LOMAX.
- GET OUT OF HERE!

YOU COME BACK AGAIN,
I AM GOING TO CALL THE COPS!

YOU SON OF A BITCH.

[telephone ringing]

I'M SORRY, MR. LOMAX.
I THINK SHE NEEDS
A LITTLE B-12.

WHATEVER.

[Bernie on answering machine]
THIS IS BERNIE.

LEAVE A MESSAGE,
I'LL GET RIGHT BACK TO YOU.

- (gardener) GOODBYE, MR. LOMAX.
- BYE, BYE, BYE.

HELLO? HELLO?

HEY, LOMAX. IT'S PAULIE.
I JUST GOT TO THE ISLAND.

YOU'RE EARLY.

THOSE 2 LITTLE SCHMUCKS
ARE NOT COMING
UNTIL THE 6:00 FERRY

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
YEAH, YEAH.

SO WHERE IS YOUR HOUSE?

IT'S ON THE POINT,
TOP OF THE DUNE.

LOOK, PAULIE,

DON'T KILL THEM
WHILE I'M AROUND.

BERNIE,
WE'RE ON A PHONE HERE.

RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT.
OK, I'M SORRY.

LOOK, THE POINT IS,
I JUST WANT TO BE

BACK IN NEW YORK
WITH AN ALIBI, OK?

YEAH. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

[beeping]

OH, GOD!

[shiorng blowing]

(Larry)
RICH. IT'S LEAVING.
COME ON!

I TOLD YOU WE SHOULD'VE TAKEN
A TAXI FROM THE STATION.

(Richard)
THERE'S ANOTHER BOAT
IN A HALF HOUR.

(Larry)
WE'LL MISS THE BIG PARTY.
WE GOT IT. WE GOT IT.

EXCUSE ME.

SORRY.

COMING THROUGH.

(Richard)
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS!
WHAT'RE YOU DOING?

WE ARE NOT JUMPING
ON THIS BOAT!
DO YOU HEAR ME?

(Larry)
HERE WE GO!

LISTEN TO ME, LARRY,
WE ARE NOT JUMPING
ON THIS BOAT!

JESUS CHRIST! MY ELBOW!

PIECE OF CAKE!

THANKS, PAL.

LARRY, THIS FERRY
ISN'T LEAVING. IT'S DOCKING.

OK. WE'RE EARLY.

YOU SCHMUCK.

♪ HEY ♪

♪ LA, LA, LA, LA,
LA, LA, LA ♪

♪ OOH, YEAH, OOH, YEAH
OOH, YEAH ♪

♪ LA, LA, LA, LA,
LA, LA, LA ♪

WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

- WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
- LARRY.

HI, LARRY.
I'M MICHELLE.

COME ON!
LIGHTEN UP THERE, RICH!

WE ARE ON OUR WAY!

I'M SO DEPRESSED.

I MADE A FOOL
OUT OF MYSELF LAST NIGHT.

OF COURSE YOU DID.

I THINK I SHOULD'VE
STAYED HOME.

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKIN' ABOUT?

WE'VE BEEN SUMMONED
TO THE MOUNTAIN TOP.

THIS IS GOOD
FOR YOUR CAREER.

YOU KNOW, BY THE TIME
THIS WEEKEND IS OVER,

I PROMISE
YOU WON'T EVEN REMEMBER

WHAT'S-HER-NAME'S NAME.

I'LL GET YOU A DRINK.
COME ON.

UH, LOOK,
I'LL SEE YOU LATER, HUH?

(woman)
OH, GOODBYE, YOUNG MAN.
NICE TALKING TO YOU.

♪ OOH, YEAH, OOH, YEAH ♪

♪ OOH, YEAH ♪

[sniffing]

[chuckling]

THAT IS GOOD.
THIS IS VERY GOOD.

AH!

OH, I DIDN'T HEAR YOU COME IN.

I KNOW.

I'M REAL GOOD AT THAT.

I TOLD YOU THE GUYS
AREN'T HERE YET, DIDN'T I?

- YOU DID.
- GOOD, GOOD.

QUITE A SHACK
YOU GOT HERE.

WELL, IT'S... IT'S HOME.

OOH, CAN I HAVE
A CIGARETTE?

HMM?

CIGARETTE.

SURE.

[laughing]
SURE, SURE, SURE, SURE.

OW! OOH, WHAT WAS...

WHOA!

[moaning]

QUITE A RIDE,
HUH, BERN?

[birds cawing]

(Larry)
GLORIOUS DAY OUT,
OR WHAT?

WHERE'S BERNIE?

I GOT IT RIGHT HERE.
IT SAYS IT'S THE LAST HOUSE

ON THE POINT,
TOP OF THE DUNE.

PARDON ME, MONSIGNOR,
SIR, COULD YOU

TELL ME WHERE
THE TOP OF THE DUNE IS?

BLESS YOU,
MY SON.

THANK YOU, FATHER.

LOOK, WE'LL FIND IT.

OK.

YOU KNOW,
IT'S AN ISLAND, RIGHT?

HOW HARD CAN IT BE?

(Richard)
EXCUSE ME.
IS THIS THE WAY TO...

[foghorn blowing]

[people chattering]

YO, IS THIS
BERNIE LOMAX'S HOUSE?

SURE IS.

WOW.

HOLY SHIT, HUH?
LOOK AT THIS.

[laughing]

COME ON, RICH.

(Richard)
OH, BEAUTIFUL.

OH, MY GOD.
HE'S GOT A POOL.

HE'S GOT A GODDAMN POOL
AT THE BEACH.
IT'S HEATED.

I LOVE THIS MAN.

OH, THIS IS INSPIRING.
LOOK AT THIS VIEW, HUH?

I AM GETTING LAID.

SURE BEATS CONEY ISLAND.

WHAT? SHOULD WE--
SHOULD WE JUST WALK IN?

NO, WE'LL STAND OUT HERE
ALL WEEKEND.

COME ON, WE'RE HOUSEGUESTS.

(Larry)
HELLO! BERNIE, WE'RE HERE.

AMAZING.

I'M HOME.

EXCELLENT.

ADMIT IT.
YOU'RE GLAD YOU CAME.

OK, I ADMIT IT.

WE GOT 3 DAYS
OF THIS AHEAD OF US.

OH, YEAH.
THIS IS SOMETHING.

I MEAN, A PLACE LIKE THIS
MUST GO FOR WHAT,

A $1.6 MILLION, $1.7 MILLION.
UNFURNISHED.

GOOD GOD!
THAT'S A LICHTENSTEIN!

WHAT? WHERE?

NOT THE PIANO.
THE PAINTING.
IT'S AN ORIGINAL.

(Larry)
OF COURSE IT IS.

NOW ALL OF THIS
COULD BE YOURS, LAR,

IF YOU SET YOUR GOALS
AND WORK HARD.

MY OLD MAN WORKED HARD.

ALL THEY DID
WAS GIVE HIM MORE WORK.

[sighing]

BERNIE!
HEY, IS BERNIE AROUND?

HELLO. NO, HAVEN'T SEEN HIM.
BUT WE JUST GOT HERE.

WE'RE GOING TO
BE HERE ALL WEEKEND.

WE ARE HOUSEGUESTS.

WELL, TELL HIM
TAWNY BORROWED HIS BOAT
TO GO SKIING.

HI, TAWNY. I AM HORNY.

OH, HI. LOOK, DON'T FORGET
TO TELL BERNIE, OK?

OK.

UH, TAWNY,
YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO KNOW

WHERE BERNIE IS, WOULD YOU?

OH, HE'S PROBABLY
MAKING THE ROUNDS.

EVERYBODY PARTIES
FROM HOUSE TO HOUSE,

BUT THEY ALWAYS END UP HERE
SOONER OR LATER BYE!

AND YOU DIDN'T
WANT TO COME.

I WAS WRONG.
I ADMIT IT, I WAS WRONG.

OH, MY GOD.

NOTHING BUT CHAMPAGNE
AND CAVIAR.

PIERRE JOUET.

THIS GUY IS MY IDOL.

HEY, DON'T--DON'T
OPEN THAT.

WHY NOT?

WE'RE HOUSEGUESTS,
COME ON. YOU WANT SOME?

NO, NO. THANKS.
THIS IS STRANGE.

WHERE--WHERE
IS OUR HOST?

YOU HEARD TAWNY.
HE'S OUT PARTYING. COME ON.

LET'S CHECK OUT
THE REST OF THIS JOINT, HUH?

THIS IS FABULOUS.

[bottle stopper popping]

LAR, I FOUND HIM.

HMM?

MR. LOMAX.

BERNIE! HOW ARE YOU DOIN'?
GREAT PLACE.

I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND,
BUT WE JUST--
WE JUST WALKED IN.

WE DIDN'T KNOW
THAT--THAT YOU...

BERNIE?

SHH, SHH.
HE'S SLEEPING.

BER...

YEAH.

WOW.

IT'S NOT EVEN DARK OUT
AND HE'S OUT OF HIS SKULL.

WELL, HE'S BEEN WORKING
AWFULLY HARD, YOU KNOW.

BERN?

- MR. LOMAX?
- BERNIE?

HEY, DON'T SLAP HIM.
THAT'S YOUR BOSS.

I KNOW.
HE'S MEDITATING.

NO, HE'S NOT.
HE'S LIKE DEAD, MAN.

COME ON,
LET'S WALK HIM AROUND.

WE'LL GET
THE BLOOD CIRCULATING.

THERE WE GO.
OK, THIS WAY.

THIS WAY, RICHARD.

HERE WE GO.

THAT'S IT.
MOVE THOSE FEET, BERNIE.

THAT'S A BOY.
HERE YOU GO.

GET HIM UP.

CARRY YOUR WEIGHT,
HERE, RICHARD.

(Larry)
COME ON, BERNIE.

MOVE THOSE FEET.

HE'S GIVING ME
A HERNIA.

I'M LOSING HIM.
PUT HIM ON THE COUCH.

[panting]

WE CAN'T JUST
LEAVE HIM LIKE THIS, YOU KNOW.

COME ON, BERNIE.
COME ON.

[both panting]

GET YOUR HAND
OFF ME, BERNIE.

I'LL MAKE
THE COFFEE.

DON'T YOU WORRY,
MR. LOMAX,

WE'LL MAKE YOU SOME COFFEE,
FIX YOU RIGHT UP.

TELL YOU WHAT,
LET'S JUST MAKE YOU
A LITTLE MORE COMFY.

THAT'S BETTER.
THERE YOU GO.

YOU'RE DROPPING THINGS
RIGHT OUT OF YOUR POCKET HERE.

[cutlery rattling]

LARRY!

YES?

YOU WANT TO COME IN HERE
FOR A MINUTE, HUH?

YEAH, LOOK, RICH,
IS INSTANT OK?

- THAT'S FINE.
- GOOD. WHAT?

LOOK WHAT I FOUND
IN HIS POCKET.

WOW.

JESUS.

I NEVER KNEW HE WAS
INTO THE DRUG SCENE.

GOD. LOOK
HOW MUCH IS HERE.

THIS IS NOT RECREATIONAL,
RICH. THIS IS A CAREER.

THIS MAN NEEDS SOME HELP.
YOU KNOW THAT?

IF HE'S NOT CAREFUL,
HE'S GOING TO WAKE UP
ONE MORNING DEAD.

I WATCH 20/20.
I KNOW THE STATISTICS.

I READ.

[groans]

(Larry)
WHAT?

LARRY, LOMAX IS DEAD.

HE CAN'T BE.

OH.

WHY DO THESE THINGS
ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?

WHAT KIND OF A HOST
INVITES YOU TO HIS HOUSE

FOR THE WEEKEND
AND DIES ON YOU?

WHY WOULD HE DO THIS, HUH?

I MEAN, HE HAD EVERYTHING.

A HOUSE. CARS. WOMEN.

THIS IS TRAGIC.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY HE COULDN'T WAIT
UNTIL MONDAY TO KILL HIMSELF.

LOOK. WE--WE--WE HAVE
TO CALL THE POLICE. HUH?

AND HOW AM I GOING
TO GET BACK TO THE CITY?

HE PROMISED ME
A RIDE.

KNOCK IT OFF, LARRY.
WHO CARES ABOUT A RIDE?

WE'RE TALKING DEATH HERE.

I MEAN THIS IS
JUST MY LUCK.

I FINALLY CATCH A BREAK
AT THE OFFICE

FINALLY SEE SOME LIGHT
AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL

AND WHAM! GONE!

WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT AM I GONNA TELL 'EM, HUH?

THEY--THEY MIGHT THINK
WE HAD SOMETHING
TO DO WITH IT.

I TOLD EVERYONE
AT THE OFFICE

WE WERE GOING
TO BERNIE'S HOUSE
FOR THE WEEKEND.

THEY WERE SO JEALOUS.
I MEAN, I LOVED IT.

NOW WHAT AM I
GONNA TELL THEM?

I DON'T KNOW.

(man #1)
BERNIE, YOU SHOULD HAVE
BEEN ON THE COURT.

WHAT A GREAT DAY.

(woman)
DO YOU SEE HIM?

WHERE ARE YOU?

BERNIE, BERNIE.

[people chattering]

BERNIE, BABY,
GET OFF YOUR ASS.

IT'S PARTY TIME!

YOU SHOULD HAVE
BEEN OUT THERE
SAILING WITH US TODAY, BERNIE.

THE SUN WAS FABULOUS,
THE WIND WAS FABULOUS,
WE HAD A GREAT TIME.

HI, GUYS. MMUAH.

HI.

LOVE YOU, DARLING,
JUST LOVE YOU.

YOU KNOW,
YOU COULD USE A LITTLE SUN.

WE ARE GOING AGAIN TOMORROW
IF YOU WANT TO GO.

LIE ON THE DECK,
CATCH THOSE RAYS.

DON'T WORRY.
I'LL HELP MYSELF.

UM, HE'S DEAD.

THAT'S THE IDEA, ISN'T IT?
CHEERS.

(man #2)
HI, BERN!

HEY, BERNIE.

[woman screaming]

[woman laughing]

[people continue chattering]

HI, BERNIE.

HEY, DUDE.
YOU NEED TO PUMP SOME IRON.

SO, BERNIE.
WHAT ABOUT YOUR PORSCHE?

HAVE YOU HAD A CHANCE
TO THINK ABOUT MY OFFER?

YOU KNOW, $30,000
IS A MORE THAN DECENT PRICE
FOR THAT CAR.

YOU JUST THINK ABOUT IT,
TAKE YOUR TIME,

DON'T RUSH INTO ANYTHING.
SEE YOU LATER.

EXCUSE ME.

(Alice)
YOU PROMISED ME A REVIEW

ON THE FRONT PAGE
OF THE SUNDAY TIMES
BOOK SECTION.

I KNOW, ALICE,
BUT HE WON'T BEND ON IT.

HE SAYS THERE'S NO INTEREST
IN THE SUBJECT MATTER.

PARDON ME.
WHAT'S THE BOOK ABOUT?

WHETHER SHERLOCK HOLMES
AND DR. WATSON
WERE SECRETLY MARRIED.

EYES, NOSE,
AND BREASTS.

HOW MUCH?

A LITTLE TUCK HERE,
LITTLE SAND THERE,
A LITTLE LIFT THERE.

DO I NEED THAT MUCH?

THESE PEOPLE.

WHERE DID ALL
THESE PEOPLE COME FROM?

FLOATING PARTY.
HAPPENS EVERY WEEKEND.

LIKE A DRINK?

NO, THANKS.

YEAH, I'D LOVE SOME CHAMPAGNE,
THANKS.

(Tony)
HEY, BERNIE.
WHAT A RADICAL PARTY.

GOT TO MOVE YOUR WORKOUT
TO LATE TOMORROW AFTERNOON, B.

LIZA'S MAID IS OVER
FOR THE WEEKEND,

AND I HAD TO GIVE HER
YOUR REGULAR TIME.

[bone crunching]

(Tony)
THANKS, KLAUS.
I GOT IT.

SEE YOU, BERN.

AAH!

FEELS GOOD, EH, BERN?
YOU'RE REALLY LOOSE.

NEVER SEEN YOU
THIS RELAXED BEFORE.

KEEP IT UP, HUH?

I'VE GOT TO GO.
DUTY CALLS.

[Tony laughing]

(Tony)
HEY, BABE.

HI, BERNIE. I HEAR
YOU GOT SOMETHING FOR ME.

A LITTLE PRESENT.

PLAYING GAMES, ARE WE?

IT'S GOT TO BE
IN HERE SOMEWHERE.

I THINK I FOUND SOMETHING.

THANKS A LOT, BERNIE.

DOESN'T ANYONE
REALIZE HE'S DEAD?

OK, BERNIE,
I'M GONNA SHOOT THE WAD.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
I'M DOING THIS.

I'M GONNA GO $40,000.

NO? YOU'LL BE BEGGING ME.

WE HAVE TO CALL
THE POLICE.

HERE.

(man)
SOME OF
THE BIGGEST PRODUCERS.

(woman)
OH, YEAH?

(man)
MMM-HMM.

[woman laughing]

HELLO, IS THIS THE POLICE?
YES--

RICH, I GOT AN IDEA.

NOW, I KNOW IT'S
GONNA SOUND FUNNY,
BUT JUST HEAR ME OUT.

NO, LARRY, WHY IS THE HAIR
ON THE BACK OF MY NECK
STARTING TO STAND UP?

OK, NOW, RICHARD,
WE COULD CALL THE POLICE,
WE COULD DO THAT

BUT YOU KNOW WHERE
WE'D BE SPENDING OUR WEEKEND

IN SOME GODDAMN
HOT POLICE STATION

ANSWERING QUESTIONS
WE DON'T KNOW THE ANSWERS TO.

NOW, OBVIOUSLY BERNIE FELT
HE OWED US SOMETHING HERE

SOME SMALL LITTLE FAVOR
FOR DISCOVERING THOSE MISTAKES
AT THE COMPANY.

I MEAN, THAT'S WHY
HE INVITED US OUT HERE

FOR THE WEEKEND
IN THE FIRST PLACE.

IT SEEMS TO ME, IT WOULD
BE ALMOST DISRESPECTFUL

NOT TO GRANT HIM
HIS FINAL WISH.

NOW, ALL I AM SAYING IS,

WHY DON'T WE
JUST PRETEND HE DIDN'T DIE?

[people chattering]

JUST FOR A BIT?

[bottle stopper popping]

[laughing]

I DON'T BELIEVE
I'M HEARING THIS.

NO, RICH. RICHARD,
I LOVED THAT MAN.

HE LOVED ME.

I KNOW HE LOVED YOU.

HE'D WANT THIS.

I MEAN, RICHARD,

HE WOULD REALLY,
REALLY WANT THIS.

YES, OPERATOR, CAN YOU GET ME
THE POLICE, PLEASE?

THANK YOU.

INCIDENTALLY, YOU'RE
A DISGUSTING HUMAN BEING.

GWEN.

WELL, HELLO, GWEN.

WAYNE. HI.

(man on telephone)
HAMPTON BAY POLICE DEPARTMENT.

HELLO?

- UM...
- HELLO?

IT'S AMAZING.

HELLO. POLICE DEPARTMENT.

I'LL CALL THE POLICE.

NO, YOU KNOW,
YOU WERE RIGHT.

BERNIE WOULD HAVE
WANTED IT THIS WAY.

NO, RICHARD, I THINK
WE SHOULD CALL THE POLICE.

LARRY, JUST GIVE ME
10 MINUTES, OK?

TAKE 20.

- (Freda) HI.
- (man) HI, FREDA.

(Freda)
DARLING, YOU LOOK WONDERFUL.

$45,000.

PLUS
FREE TENNIS LESSONS.

THAT'S IT,
TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.

BERNIE?

BERNIE?

IS THIS GUY A TOUGH
NEGOTIATOR OR WHAT, HUH?

[laughing]

KEEP THE PIECE OF SHIT.

OH, WHAT A BASH.

OH, BERNIE! YOU ANIMAL.

YOU ARE INSATIABLE.

YOU SLAY ME, BERNIE.

BERNIE, BERNIE,
I'VE GOT TO TALK TO YOU.

BERNIE'S A LITTLE WASTED
RIGHT NOW.

HI. W-W-WAIT, WAIT.
OK, OK, OK.

I--I CAN'T BLAME YOU
IF YOU NEVER WANT
TO SPEAK TO ME AGAIN.

ACTUALLY, IF I WERE YOU,
I WOULDN'T WANT
TO SPEAK TO ME, EITHER.

BUT I JUST WANT
TO TELL YOU I AM SORRY

FOR BEING
SUCH A JERK LAST NIGHT.

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT GOT INTO ME.

I HOPE YOU CAN FORGIVE ME.

[wind whooshing]

IT WAS KIND OF FUNNY,
SEEING YOUR FATHER

IN HIS UNDERWEAR
AND EVERYTHING.

SO YOU DO FORGIVE ME?

NO, BUT IT WAS KIND OF FUNNY.

I WILL NEVER LIE AGAIN.
HONEST.

SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WELL, MR. LOMAX INVITED ME
AND MY FRIEND LARRY

FOR THE WEEKEND.

OH, MOVING UP
IN THE COMPANY?

YEAH.

(man)
I SAW THIS GREAT PLAY.
YEAH, IT' S CALLED...

♪[music playing]

YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN
FOR A MINUTE HERE.

(man)
GREAT WRITER.

WELL, HELLO.

I'M LARRY.

FUCK OFF, LARRY.

OK.

OH, BY THE WAY,
HOW'S YOUR AUNT?

WHO?

YOUR AUNT?

OH, SHE PASSED AWAY.

OH, I'M SORRY.

OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

D-D-DIDN'T YOU SAY
YOU'D BE SPENDING

THIS WEEKEND
WITH YOUR PARENTS?

YES, I DID. I AM.
THEY HAVE A HOUSE HERE.

GREAT.

[bottle stopper popping]

THERE'S BERNIE. I WANTED TO
THANK HIM FOR MY SUMMER JOB.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

NO!

WHAT?

NOTHING.

[people chattering]

GO SEE BERNIE ABOUT IT.
GO SEE BERNIE.

OH, GWEN. GWEN, DARLING,
HOW ARE YOU?

FINE, THANK YOU.

HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU

I NEVER LIKED
THE NAME GWEN ON YOU?

TO ME YOU'LL
ALWAYS BE VANESSA.

HER FATHER AND I,
WE WENT TO HARVARD TOGETHER.

YOU ARE PROBABLY RIGHT.
OH, BERNIE.

(Larry)
HERE WE GO, SUGAR,
MOVE IT OVER!

- OK, BABY?
- (woman) ASSHOLE!

I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY WE'VE TO MOVE HIM.

DON'T ASK ME
ANY QUESTIONS, LARRY.
JUST MOVE HIM.

HERE WE GO. READY?

I CAN'T BELIEVE
I'M TOUCHING A DEAD BODY.

HE WAS YOUR BOSS.
COME ON, LET'S GO.

[all laughing]

[laughs]
WHAT A KIDDER. HUH?

BERNIE, YOU HAD
A LITTLE TOO MUCH.

COME ON,
YOU HAD TOO MUCH AGAIN,
YOU BIG KNUCKLEHEAD.

COME ON, LET'S GO.

COME ON. HE IS CRAZY.

HERE WE GO.
WALK IT OFF, BIG GUY.

NICE OUTFIT.

LOOK EVEN NICER
CRUMPLED UP ON MY FLOOR

IN THE MORNING.

UGH.

POLYESTER DOESN'T
CRUMPLE.

[laughing]

(all)
HEY, BERNIE.

HERE WE GO.
OH, THAT'S IT, BERNIE.

(man #1)
HI, BERNIE.

(man #2)
BERNIE,
JUST LIKE LAST WEEK, HUH?

COME ON.

BERNIE. BERNIE.

ALL RIGHT. OK.

LOOK ME IN THE EYE.

$50,000.

YES! YES! YES!
I KNEW IT!

THANK YOU, BERNIE!

THANK YOU SO MUCH.
THIS GUY IS LIKE FAMILY.

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

GRAB HIM. LARRY.

BERNIE. BERNIE. BERNIE.

JESUS.

OH, GOD.

(man)
HI, BOYS. GREAT VIEW.

HELLO, THERE.
HOW ARE YOU?

[chuckles]

I GIVE IT AN 8.3.

UM, LARRY,

WE CAN'T JUST LEAVE
HIM THERE, YOU KNOW.

RICHARD.

[people chattering]

[waves crashing]

GIRL. BEACH. SAND.
SURF. MOONLIGHT.

DID YOU EVER SEE
HERE TO ETERNITY, RICH?

YOU ARE RIGHT.
WE BETTER GET HIM.

30 MINUTES.
THEN WE CALL THE COPS.

NOT A SECOND MORE.

LADIES,
HOW ARE YOU?

[waves crashing]

HI.

[people chattering]

ARE WE ALLOWED TO
TALK OR ANYTHING?

♪[music playing]

WHY DID YOU
LEAVE THE PARTY?

I JUST DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE
WITH MOST OF THOSE PEOPLE.

I DON'T REALLY KNOW
ANY OF THOSE PEOPLE.

I JUST KNOW,
KNEW, KNOW BERNIE.

BESIDES, I FIGURE
I CAN THANK BERNIE TOMORROW,
YOU KNOW.

WHEN THERE'S MORE PRIVACY.

UH-HUH?

WHERE ARE WE GOING?

THERE'S A BEAUTIFUL VIEW
FROM UP THERE.

WOW! GREAT.

[creaking]

EVER BEEN IN
A LIGHTHOUSE BEFORE?

NO, THIS IS MY FIRST TIME.
THIS IS GREAT.

SO--SO DOES ANYBODY
LIVE UP THERE?

LIKE A--A LIGHTHOUSE KEEPER
OR SOMEONE?

NO, IT'S ALL
AUTOMATED NOW. COME ON.

THAT, UH, THAT KINDA TAKES
SOME OF THE ROMANCE OUT OF IT.

DOES IT?

[sighing]

[chuckling]
YOU ALL RIGHT?

OH, YEAH.

[sighing]

YOU'RE RIGHT.
THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.

MY GOD.

YOU CAN SEE THE WHOLE
ISLAND FROM UP HERE.

[sighing]

YOU KNOW,

I'VE ALWAYS WONDERED
HOW THESE THINGS WORK.

RICHARD, DON'T.

NO, UH,
I--I CAN'T SEE.

WATCH OUT FOR THE TRAP...

[screaming]

...DOOR.

[groaning]

OH, MY GOD.

[panting]

THAT ONE WORKS.

RICHARD. RICHARD.
ARE YOU OK?

- I'M FINE, YEAH.
- ARE YOU SURE?

I FELL DOWN
A COUPLE OF STAIRS.

- ANYTHING BROKEN?
- NO--NO, NOTHING'S BROKEN.

ARE YOU SURE?

NO--NO, A LITTLE PAIN,
BUT I'M ALL RIGHT.

I'M FINE. HOW ARE YOU?

- I'M GOOD.
- GOOD.

I AM GOOD. HERE. HOLD ON.

THE GOOD NEWS IS,
I CAN SEE AGAIN.

[chuckling]

I'M SO SORRY,
RICHARD.

NO--NO,
IT'S OK, REALLY.

I'VE ALWAYS
WANTED A LIMP.

I MUST THANK YOU.

THIS HAS BEEN
A GREAT DATE.

I HOPE MY MAJOR
MEDICAL COVERS IT.

- [chuckling]
- WHAT?

I'M SORRY. I DON'T--
I DON'T MEAN TO LAUGH

BUT THE LOOK
ON YOUR FACE

WHEN YOU FELL
THROUGH THE TRAPDOOR.

THIS REALLY HURTS. I THINK
I'VE GOT A CRACKED RIB.

DO YOU WANT--
DO YOU WANT TO SIT DOWN?

NO, NO,
I BETTER NOT, NO.

THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING,
I'M GONNA BREAK MY ASS.

- YOU'LL BE OK.
- OK.

OK.

[laughing]

I'VE HAD A CRUSH ON YOU
SINCE THE FIRST DAY

I SAW YOU AT WORK.

I'M CRAZY ABOUT YOU.

THIS IS SO RIGHT.

OH, MY GOD.
THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING TO ME.

IT'S HAPPENING
TO BOTH OF US.

YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT'S SO RIGHT.

NO--NO. THIS ISN'T RIGHT,
IT'S ALL WRONG.

- NOT HERE IN THE SAND.
- WHAT?

YOU DESERVE
MORE THAN THIS.

YOU NEED MUSIC,
YOU NEED FLOWERS,
YOU NEED CANDLES.

YOU NEED...

YOU NEED TO
GET OUT OF HERE.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

OH, NO, I'M SERIOUS.
YOU COULD CATCH A COLD.

WHERE DO YOU LIVE?

DUNE WALK.

LARRY! LARRY!

LARRY!

OH, MY GOD.
ARE YOU DEAD, TOO?

MISTER? HELLO?

OH, JESUS. WHAT IS IT
WITH THIS PLACE?

LARRY!

HELLO!

HEY, HOW ARE YOU?
PARTY'S OVER.
YOU GOT TO GO HOME NOW.

- WHERE'S BERNIE?
- OH, HE'S SWIMMING.

TELL BERNIE
I HAD A WONDERFUL TIME.

I'M SORRY I HAD TO
LEAVE SO EARLY.

HAVE FUN. SEE YOU
AT THE NEXT ONE.

LARRY! LARRY!

[shoes squeaking]

LARRY, LARRY,
ARE YOU IN THERE?

COME ON OUT, LAR.
RIGHT NOW.

(Larry)
GO AWAY.

I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

CAN YOU JUST
GIVE ME 30 SECONDS?

BERNIE IS WAITING FOR US.

LOOK, BERNIE
ISN'T GOING ANYWHERE, OK?

I NEED YOU, LAR.
BERNIE, HE NEEDS YOU, TOO.

(Larry)
UNBELIEVABLE.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW

THAT THE TIDE IS
GONNA COME UP THAT HIGH?

I DON'T WANT TO
TALK ABOUT IT, LARRY.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY THIS IS BECOMING
ALL MY FAULT.

(Tina)
BERNIE!

SHIT. DID YOU INVITE
SOMEBODY OVER?

OF COURSE NOT.

WELL, SOMEBODY'S HERE.

LET'S JUST SHOVE
HIM IN THE BEDROOM,
WE'LL SAY HE'S SLEEPING.

(Tina)
BERNIE, YOU CHEAT.

2-TIMER.

[Tina speaking Italian]

(Tina)
BERNIE, OPEN UP.

[groaning]

(Tina)
DARN YOU, BERNIE.

[crying]
DON'T DO THIS TO ME.

BERNIE!

BERNIE!

WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU,
YOU SON OF A BITCH?

I GOT YOU NOW,
YOU 2-TIMING BASTARD.

WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?
WHERE'S BERNIE?

WE'RE BERNIE'S
HOUSEGUESTS. WHO ARE YOU?

I'M HIS WOMAN.

AND I'LL KILL HIM
IF HE'S CHEATIN' ON ME.

NOW, WHERE THE HELL IS HE?

AND DON'T TRY TO
COVER UP FOR HIM, EITHER.

HE'S NOT HERE.

HAVEN'T SEEN HIM.

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

I DON'T-- I--I-- I'M GONNA
TEAR THIS PLACE APART.

[clattering]

THAT'S HIS WOMAN?

I GUESS SO.

[loud crashing]

WHERE THE HELL IS HE?

HE'S IN THE BEDROOM.

IS THAT SO?

WELL, HE BETTER BE ALONE.

[glass crashing]

(Tina)
GOD DAMN IT.

FUN WHILE
IT LASTED, HUH?

LOOK, WHAT DIFFERENCE
DOES IT MAKE, LARRY,

WE MIGHT AS WELL
GET THIS OVER WITH.

THIS IS GOOD.
SHE DISCOVERS THE BODY,

SHE CALLS THE POLICE, HUH?

FIX ME A DRINK,
WILL YOU?

OH, I HATE IT
WHEN THEY SCREAM.

[sighing]

[wind whooshing]

[chuckling]

[waves crashing]

(Tina)
OH, NO!

[Tina moaning]

SHIT.

WELL, WHAT GIVES?

SHE HAS BEEN UP THERE,
WHAT, 10, 15 MINUTES?

I DON'T GET IT.

[door opens]

♪[Tina singing]

WHOO!

[sighs]

GOT A LITTLE SCOTCH?

SURE.

DID EVERYTHING
GO OK UP THERE?

NEVER BEEN BETTER.

OH, GOOD.

MMM.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?

THE GUY GETS LAID
MORE DEAD THAN I DO ALIVE.

NO, SHE COULDN'T HAVE.

HE COULDN'T HAVE.

I GET YELLED AT
WHEN I JUST LAY THERE.

[sighs]

[chuckling]

[chuckling]

[people chattering]

[foghorn blaring]

VITO, I'M TELLING YOU,
LOMAX IS ALIVE.

SHE WAS WITH HIM
FOR AT LEAST HALF AN HOUR

IN THE BEDROOM.

(Vito)
BEDROOM? WHAT WERE THEY
DOIN' IN THE BEDROOM?

I'D--I'D RATHER NOT SAY.

WHAT THE HELL
HAPPENED TO PAULIE?

YEAH--YEAH,
MAYBE PAULIE IS RUSTIER
THAN WE THOUGHT, HUH?

WELL...

WHAT A NIGHT.

GREAT, ISN'T IT?
IT ISN'T OVER YET.

OH, IT IS FOR ME.
I'M DEAD.

NO OFFENSE, BERNIE.

I JUST GOTTA
LIE DOWN FOR A MINUTE.

HEY, SUIT YOURSELF, RICHARD.
WHATEVER YOU LIKE.

I'M GOING ON
TO FIND THE NEXT PARTY.

OK, BUT JUST--JUST
WAKE ME UP
WHEN YOU GET BACK.

OK, SURE.

WHATEVER YOU LIKE,
BUDDY.

BECAUSE I GOT TO
CALL THE COPS.

OF COURSE YOU DO.
IN THE MORNING.

I NEED A CLEAR HEAD.

OK. GOOD NIGHT, BUDDY.

DON'T FORGET. WAKE ME UP.

[seagulls cawing]

I MADE THESE
A LITTLE SWEETER THIS TIME.

OK, BERNIE?

GOD, IT'S GLORIOUS OUT, HUH?

HERE WE GO, MY FRIEND.

[grunts]

THIS SHOULD DO IT.

OK.

HOW DID YOU DEAL WITH?

OOH, ORIENTAL? OUCH!
I THINK I OWN THAT ONE.

WITH HOTEL.

OOH, $550.

GIVE ME $600,
WE'LL CALL IT SQUARE.

HEY, BERNIE, LARRY.

GREAT PARTY
LAST NIGHT, BERNIE.

YOUR BEST EVER.

LADIES. HELLO.
HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

- GREAT.
- FINE.

ARE WE DOING IT
AGAIN TODAY?

OH, ABSOLUTELY.
YOU KNOW WE ARE.

GREAT.
WE'LL SEE YOU LATER, GUYS.

BYE-BYE.

BYE-BYE, LADIES.
WE'LL SEE YOU LATER.

[chuckling]

[fly buzzing]
- GOD! IS THIS GREAT OR WHAT?

OK, COMIN' OUT.
MY TURN.

SHOOTER NOW.

YES! FREE PARKING.
$500 FOR ME.

[people chattering]

[grunts]

BASTARD!

(Larry)
I OWN IT. OK, THAT IS $24...

I OWN THEM ALL.
$46, MY FRIEND. CALL IT $50.

THANK YOU.
MY TURN. HERE WE GO.

LUCKY 7 COMIN' OUT.

SHIT.

ONE MORE YOU GET OUT
OF JAIL FREE.

ALL RIGHT. FINE.
YOUR TURN. I'LL ROLL.

HERE WE GO. COMIN' OUT.

AH, COMMUNITY CHEST.

[chuckles]

2ND PRIZE
IN A BEAUTY CONTEST.

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?

HEY, PLAYIN' MONOPOLY.
YOU WANT TO PLAY?

NO.

HERE WE GO.

HOW DID HE
GET DOWN HERE?

- HE WALKED.
- HE WALKED?

SAY GOOD MORNING.

OH, GOD. YOU'RE JUST
A SICK MAN, LARRY.

WHAT TIME IS IT?

IT'S, UH, 11:30.

11:30?

UH-HUH.

YOU LET ME SLEEP
TILL 11:30? I HAVE...

WHEN DID YOU GET A ROLEX?

OH, THIS.

UH...

GOOD GOD!

HE DIDN'T NEED IT
ANYMORE.

THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT.
WE'RE GONNA GO--
WE'RE GONNA GO TO JAIL.

THEY'RE GONNA ARREST US.
I'M CALLIN' THE COPS.

YOU KNOW, I WANTED TO CALL
THEM YESTERDAY, MY FRIEND.

HE'S VERY UPSET.

RICHARD, LOOK.

LET ME JUST SAY
ONE THING HERE.

RICHARD, THERE'S NO REASON
TO GET PISSY ABOUT THIS.

[knocking on door]

(Gwen)
HELLO.

HELLO.

- RICHARD?
- OOH, IT'S FOR YOU.

GWEN.

HI.

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?

UM, I JUST CAME BY
TO TALK TO BERNIE.

I DIDN'T GET A CHANCE
TO LAST NIGHT, SO...

OH, NO--NO. BERNIE AND I
ARE IN A VERY BIG
BUSINESS MEETING.

- NOW?
- YES.

UH, BERNIE HAS
SUCH LITTLE TIME,

SO CAN YOU
COME BACK LATER?

WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE.

WHAT HAPPENED
TO MR. ROMANTIC?

I MEAN, CANDLELIGHT?
FLOWERS?

YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW.
BUT BERNIE IS TIED UP
RIGHT NOW.

[chuckles]

IT'S A BAD TIME.

WHAT IS GOING ON,
RICHARD?

OK. I'LL TELL YOU.

I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T,
I KNOW I SHOULDN'T,

BUT AT THIS POINT,
WHY NOT?

MR. LOMAX IS...

MR. LOMAX IS...

MY BOSS.

YOU KNOW, I WORK FOR HIM
AT THE INSURANCE COMPANY.
ANYWAY...

(Larry)
OOH, BERNIE,
YOU'RE STARTIN' TO PEEL.

BETTER GET YOU
OUT OF THE SUN, HUH?

HERE WE GO.

AND WE WERE REALLY
LOOKIN' FORWARD
TO COMIN' OUT HERE AND ALL,

AND WELL, WHEN WE
GOT HERE, MR. LOMAX,

BERNIE WAS...

DEAD.

[sighing]

- DEAD.
- HMM.

LIKE YOU SAID YOUR MOTHER
AND FATHER WERE DEAD.

AND YOUR AUNT,
SHE IS DEAD, TOO?

NO, NO,
DIFFERENT KIND OF DEAD.

[screaming]

YOU SON OF A BITCH.
I GOT YOU.

I'VE GOT YOU. I GOT YOU.

THEN HOW COME I SAW BERNIE
WITH YOU AND YOUR FRIEND
AT THE PARTY?

UH, BECAUSE... LAR...

YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME?

OK, I'M GONNA PROVE IT
TO YOU. COME ON.

RICHARD, RICHARD.

THIS IS NOT
GOING TO BE FUN.

[panting]

[sighing]

HEY, I KNOW YOU THINK
I'M CRAZY, BUT, UH...

HEY, I KNOW YOU THINK
I'M CRAZY, BUT, UH...

HM?

WELL?

WHERE IS BERNIE?

OH, HELLO. BERNIE.

WHERE'S BERNIE?

HE WENT FOR
MORE DAIQUIRI MIX.

NO, HE DIDN'T--
NO, HE DIDN'T.

YOU KNOW, RICHARD,
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
THIS GAME IS YOU'RE PLAYING,

BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
I'M OUT OF HERE.

GWEN, GWEN, I'M NOT
PLAYING ANY GAMES WITH YOU.

[fly buzzing]
- I'M TELLING YOU THE TRUTH!
BERNIE IS HERE.

[grunts]

- WHERE IS BERNIE?
- HMM?

WHAT, YOU BASTARD,
DID YOU DO WITH BERNIE?

I'M PHONING THE POLICE.

[sighing]

THERE'S NO DIAL TONE.
WITH 97 BUTTONS...

- (Paulie)
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
- OH, GREAT--GREAT.

WHERE IS YOUR HOUSE?

WHERE IS
THE OFF BUTTON HERE?

(Bernie)
LOOK, PAULIE,

JUST DON'T KILL THEM
WHILE I'M AROUND.

BERNIE,
WE'RE ON A PHONE HERE.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

PLAY THAT BACK.

I JUST GOT IT STOPPED.

PLAY IT BACK, PLEASE.

(Paulie)
HEY, LOMAX, IT'S PAULIE.

I JUST GOT TO THE ISLAND.

(Bernie)
YOU'RE EARLY.

THOSE 2 LITTLE SCHMUCKS
ARE NOT COMING
UNTIL THE 6:00 FERRY,

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
YEAH, YEAH.

SO, WHERE IS YOUR HOUSE?

IT'S ON THE POINT,
TOP OF THE DUNE.

LOOK, PAULIE,

DON'T KILL 'EM
WHILE I'M AROUND.

BERNIE,
WE'RE ON THE PHONE HERE.

YOU'RE RIGHT--
YOU'RE RIGHT.
OK, I'M SORRY.

LOOK, THE--THE POINT IS,
I JUST WANT TO BE

BACK IN NEW YORK
WITH AN ALIBI, OK?

YEAH,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

[buzzing]

[answering machine beeps]

WE WERE ON THE 6:00 FERRY.

AND WE'RE 2 SCHMUCKS.

KILL US?

LOMAX?

BERNIE IS GONNA
HAVE US KILLED?

KILL US? WHY?

I DON'T KNOW. I...

UNLESS--UNLESS
HE'S THE ONE WHOSE BEEN
STEALING FROM THE COMPANY.

SON OF A BITCH.
HE'S GONNA KILL ME!

I LIKED THE GUY.

OK.

I KNOW, RICHARD.

LET'S FIND IT.

BERNIE, YOU LYIN' SWINE.

HOLY CRAP!

WHAT?

LARRY,

[chuckling]
THERE'S A $100,000 HERE EASY.

"RICHARD PARKER AND I
STOLE THIS MONEY
FROM THE COMPANY

TO PAY FOR
MY SEX CHANGE OPERATION."

WHAT?

THAT'S WHAT IT SAYS.

"NOW HE TELLS ME
HE LOVES SOMEONE ELSE.

I CAN'T LIVE WITH THAT,
AND NEITHER WILL HE."

IT'S GOT MY NAME ON IT.

OH, GOD.

[sighs]
SON OF A BITCH.

I MEAN, IT'S NOT BAD ENOUGH
THAT HE'S TRYING TO KILL ME,

NOW HE'S TURNING ME
I-I-INTO A DRAG QUEEN.

WHY COULDN'T HE SAY
YOU WERE GOING TO HAVE
A SEX CHANGE OPERATION?

LARRY, IT DOESN'T MATTER.

NO, IT DOES MATTER, RICHARD.
IT DOES MATTER.

I'VE A REPUTATION
TO PROTECT HERE.

FOR CHRIST'S SAKES, LARRY!

NO ONE IS GOING TO HAVE
A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, HUH?

OH, YEAH!

I GOT TO CALL THE COPS.

(female operator)
OPERATOR.

YEAH, OPERATOR,
THE POLICE, PLEASE.

YOU MEAN ED?

HE'S OUT ON THE BEACH
SOMEWHERE.

WELL, WHEN DO YOU
EXPECT ED BACK?

BECAUSE IT'S A BIT
OF AN EMERGENCY.

I DON'T KNOW.
WANNA LEAVE A MESSAGE?

YEAH. HELP!

OK.

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

YEAH.

WHAT WE HAVE TO DO
IS WE HAVE TO GET OFF
THIS ISLAND,

AND MAYBE NOT GET
KILLED DOING IT.

WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE.

TELL ME YOU HAVE AN IDEA.
TELL ME YOU HAVE
A BRILLIANT IDEA.

I HAVE AN IDEA.

WHAT IS IT?

LOMAX TOLD WHOEVER
HE WAS TALKING TO,

NOT TO KILL US
IF HE'S AROUND, RIGHT?

YEAH--YEAH,
BUT LOMAX IS DEAD.

HE ISN'T AROUND
ANYBODY ANYMORE.

YEAH, I KNOW THAT.
YOU KNOW THAT.

NOBODY ELSE KNOWS THAT.

[both screaming]

WHERE'S BERNIE?

RIGHT THERE.

THERE'S NO BERNIE.

HE'S GOTTA TO BE, RICH.
I DUMPED HIM HERE MYSELF.

WELL, WHERE IS HE?

LARRY.

WHAT?

- EXCUSE ME.
- HEY, KID.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?
- WHAT DO YOU WANT?

- HEY, YOU LITTLE BRAT!
- WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?

GET OUT OF THERE, KID.

WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING?

YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
THIS IS PRIVATE PROPERTY.

HEY, YOU!

YOU'RE TALKING TO ME?

YEAH.

WELL, SHUT UP.

WHO ARE YOU... YOU LOUSY...

(Larry)
YOU BETTER BE GONE BY
THE TIME WE GET THERE.

(Richard)
GET! SCRAM! GET OUT OF HERE!

YOU LITTLE BASTARD.

HOW'D YOU LIKE TO KISS THIS?

WE HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS.

KISS MY ASS.

WHAT KIND OF
HOME TRAINING IS THAT?

HE BURIED
ALL OF BERNIE.

JESUS.

COME ON.

[both grunting]

JESUS!

COME ON.

[both sighing]

[vacuum cleaner humming]

GOOD THING FOR YOU,
YOU'RE DEAD, PAL.

I ACTUALLY FELT SORRY
FOR YOU, YOU RAT SHIT.

HE LOOKS GOOD ENOUGH.
LET'S GO.

OH-OH, LARRY.

WHAT?

JESUS. I NEVER KNEW
HE WORE A TOUPEE.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT,
YOU CAN HARDLY TELL.

WHO CARES? WHAT ARE
WE GONNA DO ABOUT IT?

WE CAN'T TAKE HIM
OUT LIKE THIS.

THE KILLER MIGHT NOT KNOW
IT'S BERNIE AND SHOOT US.

[gunshots]

SO LONG, LAR, IT HAS
BEEN FUN BUT NOT REALLY.

GOODBYE, RICH.

[coughs]

HAIL MARY,
FULL OF GRACE, THE LORD IS...

JESUS.

HAIL MARY,
FULL OF GRACE, THE LORD IS...

[gun firing]

[laughing]

YOU LITTLE BASTARD.

[screaming]

GET BACK HERE,
YOU LITTLE MONSTER.

NEVER MIND HIM.

(Larry)
I'M GONNA
RIP YOUR GUMS OUT!

I'M GONNA GET
THAT LITTLE KID.

WHAT ARE WE
GONNA DO WITH BERNIE?

[panting]

AH!

OH, BOY.

[clattering]

COME ON, BERNIE. UP. UP.

[grunts]

PUT IT ON HIM.
PUT IT ON HIM.

HUH?

OH! BRILLIANT.

[people chattering]

SAMBUCA ON THE ROCKS.

(bartender)
YES, SIR.

[exclaims]

OK.

HERE WE GO.
READY. UP.

OK.

YOU TAKE HIM DOWN.
I'LL GET THE CART.

(neighbor)
HEY, BERNIE! BERNIE, HEY!

BERNIE, WAIT A MINUTE.

THAT GUY
TALKING TO US?

WHO CARES?
GET OUT OF HERE.

BERNIE, I'VE GOT TO
TALK TO YOU. BERNIE!

BERNIE, COME ON.

(man #1)
HEY, BERNIE. LOOKING GOOD.

HI.

(woman)
HI, BERNIE.

HELLO.

(man #2)
GREAT PARTY
LAST NIGHT, BERN.

HOW ARE YOU?

HEY.

(neighbor)
BERNIE,
I'VE GOT TO TALK TO YOU.

JESUS. HE'S BEHIND US.

HMM?

SHIT! IS THAT THE KILLER?

HOW DO I KNOW, RICHARD?

SHOULD I STOP AND ASK HIM?

NO. JUST DRIVE. JUST GO.

(neighbor)
HEY, BERNIE,
I GOTTA TALK TO YOU.

DOESN'T THIS THING
GO ANY FASTER?

THIS IS IT.

(neighbor)
WE GOTTA TALK.

BERNIE!

WHAT ABOUT OUR ARRANGEMENT?

COME ON, LARRY. MOVE IT,
MOVE IT, MOVE IT.

HEY, BERNIE. THE MASERATI.

I PAINTED IT BLACK FOR YOU.

BERNIE! THE MASERATI!

HUH?

[Larry laughs]

[ship's horn blowing]

[people clamoring]

(Richard)
FERRY'S GONNA LEAVE.

HOLD IT. WAIT.

STOP THIS FOR A SECOND.

(both)
LET'S GO.

RICH, RICH, RICH,
RICH, RICH, RICH,

GRAB HIM. GRAB A LEG.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

WE CAN'T JUST DRAG HIM IN.

HE'S GOT TO LOOK
LIKE HE'S ALIVE.

OK, OK.

IDEA.

[ship's horn blowing]

[machine humming]

OK.

[people chattering]

YOUR RIGHT LEG ON 3,
READY?

HERE WE GO.
1, 2, 3, GO.

HOLD THE BOAT!

GOT IT?
HOLD THE BOAT.

HOLD THE BOAT.

HOLD THAT BOAT.

(woman)
HI, BERNIE!

HOLD IT.

HI, BERN.

HOW ARE YOU DOIN'?

(both)
HOLD THE BOAT!

(Larry)
HOLD THE BOAT, PLEASE.

(Richard)
HOLD ON.
WE'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

(Larry)
WE'RE COMIN'.

[gasps]

(both)
HOLD ON!

HERE WE GO!
HOLD ON!

COME ON, BERN.

[exclaiming]

(Richard)
HOLD IT. HOLD IT.
HOLD THE BOAT.

SHIT! NOW WHAT, HUH?
WHAT DO WE DO?

(Paulie)
STOP THE BOAT.

STOP THE BOAT!

LOOK AT THIS FOOL.

HE WANTS TO GET OFF,
WE WANT TO GET ON.

I'M GONNA KILL YOU.

WHAT?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT
ANYBODY ELSE MURDERING YOU

BECAUSE I'M GOING TO DO IT.
THIS WAS ALL YOUR FAULT.

NOW WE'RE GOING TO DIE
ON THIS CRUMMY ISLAND.

LET ME REMIND YOU

YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO DID THE EXTRA WORK
ON THE COMPUTER.

SCHMUCK, IF IT WASN'T FOR ME
YOU'D BE FIRED 6 MONTHS AGO.

YOU CAN'T EVEN WORK
THE COFFEE MACHINE.

COME ON, LARRY,
A LITTLE BROWNNOSING,
ASS KISSING,

TO WORK OUR WAY UP
THAT CORPORATE LADDER.

WHY CAN'T YOU BE
A LAZY SHIT LIKE I AM?

(Paulie)
SOMEBODY--SOMEBODY
TALK TO THE CAPTAIN.

I'VE GOT TO GET OFF
THE BOAT.

LET'S GO.

I'M SORRY. OK.

(Paulie)
PLEASE.

SOMEBODY TALK
TO THE CAPTAIN.

[boat engine whirring]

HEY, I'M SORRY,
BUT WE'RE STILL GONNA DIE.

NOT AS LONG AS
BERNIE'S WITH US.

GREAT, I HOPE THE KILLER
KEEPS THAT IN MIND.

LARRY, PLEASE TELL ME
HOW WE'RE GOING TO
GET OFF THIS ISLAND.

[sighs]

- WE GOT A BOAT.
- WHAT BOAT?

LOMAX'S BOAT.

TAWNY BROUGHT
THE KEYS BACK, REMEMBER?

RIGHT. OK. OK.

YOU GO BACK TO
THE HOUSE AND GET THEM,
I'LL STAY HERE WITH BERNIE.

I AIN'T GOIN' ANYWHERE
WITHOUT BERNIE.

YOU GO BACK,
YOU GET THE KEYS.
I'LL STAY WITH BERNIE.

OK, WE'LL ALL GO BACK
TO THE HOUSE.

WE'LL ALL GET
THE GODDAMN KEYS.

WE'LL ALL STAY
WITH BERNIE.

FINE.

(Richard)
HURRY UP.

MOVE IT, MOVE IT,
MOVE IT, MOVE IT.

HOLD IT, HOLD IT,
HOLD UP.

OK. THE KEYS.

YEAH.
HERE THEY ARE.

GOT IT. LET'S GO.

OH, MY GOD,
RICHARD!

(Richard)
OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!

IT'S THE KILLER.
IT'S THE KILLER.

GET THE DOOR.

YEAH, THE DOOR. SHH.

[whispering]
QUIET, QUIET, QUIET.

(Larry)
LOCK IT.

I CAN'T LOCK IT.
YOU NEED A KEY.

I ONLY HAVE
A KEY TO THE BOAT.

KITCHEN, KITCHEN.

THERE'S NO DOOR.
BACK DOOR.
BACK DOOR.

OK. OK.

[Larry grunting]

[both screaming]

OK, DON'T PANIC,
DON'T PANIC.

DO SOMETHING, RICH.
DO SOMETHING.

OK, I GOT BERNIE,
YOU GET THE GUY.

(Larry)
DO SOMETHING, RICH.

GET HIM, RICH.

YOU IN HERE, LOMAX?
YOU LITTLE BASTARD.

YOU JERK.

KICK ME IN THE ASS.

IT'S MY TURN NOW.

[groaning]

GOT HIM, LAR.

[whispers]
THERE'S ANOTHER ONE.

[whispering]
HE'S GOT A KNIFE.

MR. LOMAX.

WHAT THE HELL?

[groaning]

[sighing]

YOU CAN COME OUT NOW, RAMBO.

(Larry)
YOU SURE, RICH?

GOOD JOB.

2 KILLERS.

HEY, ANYBODY
COULD BE THE KILLER.

JESUS, WE GOTTA
GET RID OF 'EM.

YEAH, LET'S SHOVE THEM
IN THE KITCHEN PANTRY.

[both panting]

I DON'T KNOW WHY
I HAVE TO CARRY
THE HEAVY GUY, RICHARD.

[grunting]
OK. ALL RIGHT?

YEAH. GET HIS LEGS.

(Richard)
HEY, HEY, HEY.
LARRY, LET ME OUT.

[sighing]
OK.

[people chattering]

(man)
HERE COMES BERNIE.

HEY. HEY. HEY.

COMING THROUGH!

THERE IT IS. STOP.

[tires screeching]

OK.

(man)
HI, GUYS.

HI.

OK, READY?
ON 3, HERE WE GO.

1, 2, 3.

LET'S GO.

[sighing]

OK. UNTIE US.

[grunting]

OK?

GIVE ME THE KEYS, RICH.

HAVE YOU EVER
DRIVEN A BOAT BEFORE, LAR?

I WAS BORN ON A BOAT.

OK.

THIS IS A FANCY BOAT.

OK, ALL RIGHT.

PUSH SOMETHING.

I AM, RICHARD.

- NOTHING'S HAPPENING.
- I KNOW.

PUSH SOMETHING ELSE.

[humming]
- SOMETHIN'S HAPPENING.

SOMETHING'S DEFINITELY
HAPPENING HERE, HUH?

[screaming]

GOD! WAIT A MINUTE,
HOLD ON, HOLD ON, HOLD ON.

ARE YOU TRYING TO
GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK?

- OK. OK.
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

I KNOW IT'S HERE.

JUST KEEP
PRESSING THOSE BUTTONS.

[radio chattering]
- I'M PRESSING.
I PRESSED THAT BUTTON.

NOTHING IS HAPPENING,
LARRY.

I KNOW THAT, RICHARD.

DID YOU TRY THE KEY?

DON'T INSULT
MY INTELLIGENCE.

- TRY THE KEY AGAIN.
- FINE.

SEE THAT? OK.

AHA! HERE WE GO!

WE'RE GOING HOME.
GIVE IT SOME GAS NOW.

GIVING IT GAS.

[engine revving]

- GAS.
- GAS.

NOTHING'S HAPPENING.

- MORE GAS.
- MORE GAS.

COME ON,
A LITTLE MORE GAS.

WE'RE NOT MOVING.
WHY AREN'T WE MOVING?

I DON'T KNOW.

LARRY, YOU SAID
YOU'VE DONE THIS BEFORE.

IT'S DIFFERENT
THAN MY BOAT, OK?

[both screaming]

[groans]

(Larry)
DON'T PANIC. DON'T PANIC.

(Richard)
STOP THE BOAT, LARRY.

OH-OH!

WHOA! STOP!

[both screaming]

(Richard)
BACK IT UP.

[screaming]

(Larry)
WE GOT IT. WE GOT IT.

- WHAT'S GOIN' ON?
- THAT'S ILLEGAL.

WHAT YOU'RE DOING
IS ILLEGAL.

(Larry)
YOU HAVE A NICE DAY NOW.

ARE YOU NUTS?

(Larry)
GOT IT NOW.
MOVING FORWARD. HOLD ON.

OH, SHIT! DAMN!

(Richard)
LARRY! LARRY! LARRY!

LARRY!

SORRY, RICH. COMING BACK.

(Larry)
COMING AROUND.

WHY IS THIS
HAPPENING TO ME?

COMING BACK.

[chuckling]

HERE WE ARE.

(Richard)
STOP THE BOAT. IDIOT.

STOP THE BOAT!

WHERE?

WHERE ARE THE BRAKES?

BOATS DON'T HAVE BRAKES,
CAPTAIN.

YOU'RE KIDDING.
H-HOW DO THEY STOP?

- THROW THE ANCHOR.
- HUH?

THE ANCHOR, THROW IT.

(man)
THEY'RE HEADED TOWARD US.

HERE WE GO.

WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING,
DON'T.

[both screaming]

SORRY.

SORRY.

[engine roaring]

YOU BROKE MY WATCH.
YOU BROKE MY WATCH!

[people shrieking]

MINE STILL WORKS.

YOU BETTER PUT THAT THING
BACK ON THE DEAD BODY.

DRIVE THE BOAT,
RICHARD.

THE COPS ARE GONNA TAKE
OUR FAT HEADS TO JAIL.

MY GOD. LOOK AT THEM.

LADIES, HOW ARE YA?

HELLO, BETTY.

GOD! JUST ONCE,
I'D LIKE A WOMAN LIKE THAT.

LET'S PARTY.

[ship's horn blowing]

[screaming]

TURN THE BOAT.
TURN THE BOAT.

WATCH THE FISHERMEN.
FISHERMEN!
RICHARD! RICHARD!

[screaming]

[all screaming]

WATCH THE WAKE!

DUCK!

WATCH THE WAKE, RICHARD!

[all screaming]

[screaming]

THIS IS TOUGHER
THAN IT LOOKS.

YOU'RE DOING
VERY WELL, RICHARD.

SORRY I SNAPPED AT YOU.

OH, IT'S OK.

I MEAN, I'VE NEVER BEEN
CHASED BY A KILLER BEFORE,
YOU KNOW?

OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
YOU'RE DOING VERY WELL.

[ship's horn blowing]

WHY IS EVERYBODY
WAVING AT US?

I'M POPULAR.

I SEE.

(man)
HEY, BERNIE,
SHOWIN' OFF AGAIN?

OH, GOD. WHAT THE HELL
ARE THOSE THINGS?

(Larry)
THOSE ARE OBVIOUSLY
CHANNEL MARKERS, RICHARD.

OH, OBVIOUSLY.

OK, WISE ASS,
DO YOU KNOW WHAT SIDE
I'M SUPPOSED TO PASS ON?

THAT I DON'T KNOW.
JUST STAY CLOSE.

WHAT ELSE CAN HAPPEN HERE?

OH, I'VE GOT NO IDEA.

SERPENTINE.

IS THAT CLOSE ENOUGH?

[clanging]

DO YOU HEAR SOMETHING?

UH-UH.

[metallic clanging]

THERE IT'S AGAIN.

YEAH.

I WONDER WHAT THAT IS.

WHAT IS THAT?

[metallic clanging]

MAN OVERBOARD.

WHAT?

STOP THE BOAT.

OH, BERNIE.

HE'S GOT NICE FORM.

[engine stopping]

I DON'T KNOW.

I'M TRYING TO
DRIVE A BOAT.

YOU'RE DOING WELL.

TRYING TO GET US OFF
THIS ISLAND OF HELL.

YOU HAD MAYBE
ONE JOB TO DO.
WATCH A DEAD BODY.

WELL, LET'S NOT ARGUE
ABOUT IT, RICHARD.

- JESUS.
- LET'S NOT ARGUE.

YOU WERE THE ONE
WHO TIED HIM UP.

DON'T BLAME THIS
ALL ON ME.

OH, MY GOD.

WHAT? WHAT?
WHAT?

YOU'VE LOST
MY SUNGLASSES.

♪ WHOA, WHOA, YEAH ♪

♪ YEAH! ♪

[engine sputters]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I HAVEN'T
GOT A CLUE.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

WHAT?

LAR,

WE'RE OUT OF GAS.

(Richard)
PADDLING IN
THE ATLANTIC OCEAN

ON A DEAD BODY.

(Larry)
RICH, I'M GETTIN'
SWIMMER'S EAR.

THIS IS NOW
THE PERFECT WEEKEND.

IT STARTED WHEN
I ALMOST BROKE MY LEG

JUMPING ON A MOVING FERRY.

I GET TO THIS BEAUTIFUL BEACH
AND MY HOST...

SORRY, HE'S DEAD.

WHERE IS THE... OH!

HAMPTON ISLAND.

CHECKERS.
EXCUSE ME, SIR.

IS THIS YOUR LAUNCH?

COME ON,
COME ON, LET'S GO.

(skipper)
YEAH, DON'T RUSH.

COME ON, COME ON.

CAN YOU PUT A LITTLE SNAP
IN IT, HUH, FELLOWS?

OK, CAPPY.

ALL RIGHT.
YOU'RE CLEAR.

WHOA.

(skipper)
HOLD ON,
YOU DAMN FOOL.

(Richard)
I FELL DOWN A LIGHTHOUSE.
I HAD A CORPSE WASH UP

HI, GUYS.

NEXT TO ME
ON THE SHORE.

AND THEN I FIND OUT
THAT MY DEAD BOSS,

HE IS NOT ONLY A THIEF,
HE WANTS TO KILL ME.

[people chattering]

(Richard)
I ALMOST DROWN.

THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS

NOW THINKS
I'M A RAVING LUNATIC.

(Larry)
YOU MEAN
WHAT'S-HER-NAME.

AND, NOW, WE'RE GOING BACK
TO THE HOUSE OF DEATH.

GREAT WEEKEND, HUH?

GREAT WEEKEND!

JUST GET HERE
AS FAST AS YOU CAN.

THANKS, ED.

POLICE IS ON THE WAY.

CAN JUST LOCK OURSELVES IN
UNTIL THEY GET HERE?

I HATE IT WHEN
HE STARES AT ME LIKE THAT.

LET'S GO.

OK, PUT HIM
IN HIS BATHROOM.

[both grunting]

BERNIE'S PICKED UP
A LITTLE WEIGHT.

WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?

HE'S BEEN SOAKING
IN THE OCEAN FOR 2 HOURS.

MADE A DAMN
GOOD FLOAT THOUGH, HUH?

RICHARD!

[sighs]
RICHARD, ARE YOU IN HERE?

RICHARD!

RICHARD!

[sighs]

(both)
GWEN!

- IT'S GWEN.
- IT'S GWEN.

[both panting]

HI, GWEN.

YOU KNOW, YOU'VE GOT TO BE
THE WEIRDEST GUY
I'VE EVER MET.

I'M PRETTY WEIRD.

YOU TOLD ME
BERNIE WAS DEAD, RIGHT?

I JUST SAW YOU WITH HIM.

NOW WHAT'S YOUR
EXPLANATION THIS TIME?

GWEN, I DON'T MEAN TO BE RUDE,
BUT GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.

NO, I'M NOT GOIN' ANYWHERE

UNTIL YOU TELL ME
WHAT'S GOING ON.

LISTEN TO ME!

YOU'RE IN
A LOT OF DANGER HERE,

SO LEAVE UNLESS
YOU WANT TO GET SHOT.

LOOK, LOMAX IS DEAD,
SOMEBODY IS TRYING TO KILL US.

CAN WE STAY AT YOUR HOUSE
UNTIL THE COPS COME OR WHAT?

[Larry sighing]

IT'S JUST BERNIE.

[exclaiming]

SHH, GWEN, GWEN,
GWEN, LISTEN TO ME.

WE DIDN'T DO THIS TO HIM.

DO WE LOOK LIKE
WE COULD KILL SOMEONE?

LISTEN, HONEY, HAVE A DRINK,
RELAX. YOU'LL BE FINE.

LET ME REPHRASE THAT.
DO I LOOK LIKE
I COULD KILL SOMEONE?

(man)
WHAT IS GOING ON IN THERE?

WHICH ONE OF YOU
BASTARDS HIT ME?

(man)
SON OF A BITCH.

YOU WANT TO GET
YOUR BUTT KICKED?

[sighing]

I CAN EXPLAIN.

[Paulie yelling]

[speaking Italian]

[gun firing]

[sighing]

[gasps]

[spitting]

COMPANY.

I DIDN'T
SEE ANYTHING.

I WAS LOOKING
AT MY WATCH.

I'M BLIND.

[gasping]

[clicks]

IT'S EMPTY.

THAT'S RIGHT.
BUT THIS AIN'T.

[guffawing]

[screaming]

(Larry)
RUN!

MOVE IT! THIS WAY!

[gun firing]

IT'S LOCKED.

LISTEN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WE'RE FRIENDS OF BERNIE'S.

I HATE BERNIE'S FRIENDS.

♪[music playing]

THIS WAY. THIS WAY.

UP HERE!
TO THE BEDROOM.

(Richard)
COME ON, LET'S GO.

(Larry)
UP, UP, UP, UP.

YOU'RE DEAD MEAT,
YOU LITTLE BASTARDS.

[groaning]

NOW I'M REALLY MAD!

WAIT, WAIT.

WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?

RICH--RICH,
YOU TAKE GWEN,
YOU GO HIDE,

I'LL LET HIM CHASE ME,

- YOU TRY AND
CALL THE COPS, OK?
- OK.

OK--OK? THAT'S IT?
NO ARGUMENTS?

(Paulie)
I'LL GET YOU ALL, ONE BY ONE.

THERE'S NO PLACE TO HIDE.

[groaning]

[grunting]

[sighing]

I'M GONNA DIE.

♪[music continues playing]

[groans]

YOU KICKED ME,
YOU BASTARD.

[gun fires]

[gun clicking]

(Paulie)
SHIT! OUT OF BULLETS.

[grunting]

[groaning]

SIT THE HELL DOWN.

HANG ON, LAR.

COMING. COMING.

I GOT HIM. I GOT HIM.

GET OFF.

HANG ON, LAR.

(Larry)
I GOT HIM. I GOT HIM.

STAND UP.
FIGHT LIKE A MAN.

COME ON.
PUT THEM UP, YOU CHICKEN.

COME ON.

WATCH THIS, RICHARD.

[sighing]

(Richard)
ALL RIGHT, LAR.

[laughs]
HUH?

[speaking Spanish]

[chuckling]

(Larry)
FISTS OF STEEL.

BERNIE, BERNIE,
LET GO OF ME, BERNIE.

I ALWAYS LIKED YOU,
BERNIE.

BERNIE!

[people chattering]

I GOT IT, THANKS.

NO, NO, NO, COME ON,
JUST A LITTLE CLOSER.
JUST GET THE TWO OF US.

GET THE HANDSHAKE
IN, OK?

WAIT A MINUTE. I THINK
I BLINKED. DID I BLINK?

I THINK I BLINKED
A SECOND THERE.

HE BLINKED.

YEAH, HE BLINKED.
I SAW HIM.

(man)
MAKE SURE
HE'S WRAPPED UP GOOD.

(detective)
WAIT A MINUTE.

I DIDN'T KILL HIM.
HE'S NOT DEAD.
HE'S NOT DEAD.

I TRIED TO KILL HIM.

HE'S ALIVE. LOOK AT HIM.
HE--HE-- HE'S ALIVE.

HE'S NOT DEAD.
HE'S NOT DEAD.
HE'S ALIVE. HE'S ALIVE.

MOVE IT.

(Paulie)
THAT MAN IS ALIVE!

WELL, NOW WHAT?

NOW, NOW I'M GONNA
TAKE A WEEK OFF.

YOU-- YOU'RE TAKING
A VACATION?

THE MAN WHO WON'T EVEN
TAKE A COFFEE BREAK?

GWEN JUST INVITED ME
TO STAY WITH HER.
WHAT AM I GOING TO SAY?

YOU'RE KIDDING ME.
YOU INVITED HIM?

YOU FOOL.
THAT'S FABULOUS.

YOU DESERVE IT,
RICHARD.

THE COMPANY OWES YOU.

JUST A COUPLE OF DAYS
UNTIL GWEN LEAVES FOR SCHOOL.

THERE'S PLENTY OF ROOM
IF YOU WANT TO STAY, LAR.

ME? OH, NO, NO, THANKS.

UH, I'LL JUST TOUGH IT
OUT HERE AT BERNIE'S.

I HEAR THE PARTY
SATURDAY NIGHT

IS BETTER THAN FRIDAY,
ACTUALLY.

[crashing]

HEY, WHAT IS GOIN' ON?

WHAT'S HAPPENED?

(driver)
DIDN'T YOU HEAR?
BERNIE LOMAX GOT KILLED.

NO.

YEAH.
DID YOU GO TO THAT
PARTY LAST NIGHT?

NO.

WELL, LAWRENCE,
YOU DONE GOOD,

YOU DONE REAL GOOD.
I'M PROUD OF YOU.

YEAH, I DID OK, HUH?
SURPRISED MYSELF.

[chuckles]

YOU DID GREAT, RICH.

OH, HI, BERNIE.
SEE YOU AT THE PARTY TONIGHT.

WHAT?

- WHAT DID SHE SAY?
- WHAT DID SHE SAY?

[all screaming]

HEY, MISTER,
CAN I BURY YOU?

GREAT!

♪ EVERYONE WOULD LIKE
A GOOD FEELING ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE HOT,
OR WHEN YOU'RE COLD ♪

♪ KEEP ON ROCKIN',
KEEP ON REELIN' ♪

♪ IF YOU'RE YOUNG
OR IF YOU ARE OLD ♪

♪ SOME LIKE IT HOT ♪

♪ OH, YEAH ♪

♪ SOME LIKE IT COLD ♪

♪ REAL COLD ♪

♪ SOME NEVER KNOW ♪

♪ WHOA ♪

♪ SOME NEVER KNOW ♪

♪ IF YOU'RE HIGH
AND ALWAYS FLYIN' ♪

♪ REMEMBER
WHERE YOU ARE TODAY ♪

♪ KEEP THIS GOOD TIME,
KEEP THIS FEELING ♪

♪ DON'T EVER LET IT
FADE AWAY ♪

♪ SOME LIKE IT HOT ♪

♪ OH, YEAH ♪

♪ SOME LIKE IT COLD ♪

♪ REAL COLD ♪

♪ SOME NEVER KNOW ♪

♪ WHOA ♪

♪ SOME NEVER KNOW ♪

♪ SOME LIKE IT HOT ♪

♪ OH, YEAH ♪

♪ SOME LIKE IT COLD ♪

♪ REAL COLD ♪

♪ SOME NEVER KNOW ♪

♪ WHOA ♪

♪ SOME NEVER KNOW ♪

♪ A NEW DAY IS DAWNING ♪

♪ THE SUN'S GONNA RISE ♪

♪ GET UP FROM YOUR SLUMBER ♪

♪ AND LET YOUR LIGHT SHINE ♪

♪ OH, YEAH, OH, YEAH ♪

♪ HEY ♪

♪ A NEW DAY IS DAWNING ♪

♪ THE SUN'S GONNA RISE ♪

♪ GET UP FROM YOUR SLUMBER ♪

♪ AND LET YOUR LIGHT SHINE ♪

♪ OH, YEAH, OH, YEAH ♪

♪ HEY ♪

♪ EVERYONE WOULD LIKE
A GOOD FEELING ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE HOT
OR WHEN YOU ARE COLD ♪

♪ KEEP ON ROCKIN',
KEEP ON REELIN' ♪

♪ IF YOU'RE YOUNG
OR IF YOU ARE OLD ♪

♪ SOME LIKE IT HOT ♪

♪ OH, YEAH ♪

♪ SOME LIKE IT COLD ♪

♪ REAL COLD ♪

♪ SOME NEVER KNOW ♪

♪ WHOA ♪

♪ SOME NEVER KNOW ♪

♪ SOME LIKE IT HOT ♪

♪ OH, YEAH ♪

♪ SOME LIKE IT COLD ♪

♪ REAL COLD ♪

♪ SOME NEVER KNOW ♪

♪ WHOA ♪

♪ SOME NEVER KNOW ♪

♪ SOME LIKE IT HOT ♪

♪ OH, YEAH ♪

♪ SOME LIKE IT COLD ♪

♪ REAL COLD ♪

♪ SOME NEVER KNOW ♪

♪ SOME NEVER KNOW ♪

♪ SOME LIKE IT HOT ♪

♪ OH, YEAH ♪

♪ SOME LIKE IT COLD ♪