All language subtitles for T.O.S.E.S08E23.Turf.War.Extended.Cut.1080p.PCOK.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H.264-playWEB_track3_[eng]

Ugh, man.

My delts are blasted.

I wish they had a chart

for how much protein
powder to scoop.

For a 180 pound man
with no fat.

Protein powder, huh?

You cut it with water?

Why don't you just
take estrogen?

There you go, boys.

See how papa
takes care of you?

Mwah.

I remember when people
thought biceps were all that.

They'd flex them all night
at the discotheque.

Oh, I bet you think
it's all about core, huh?

- Yeah.
- Oh, please.

Core's critical.

There are four
tenets of pilates

that I live my life by.

One--lengthen.

Two--elongate.

Listen, guys,
I think we all want

to know the same
thing, right?

Who's the strongest?

Well, there's only one way
to solve that--

flat curl contest.

All right, here
we go, everybody.

May the manliest
man win. Go.

Feast on this, Lewis.

- Argh!
- I love the burn.

The burn
is where I live.

Come on, Gabe, you can't
handle his hamstrings.

You're getting
hypno-thigh-zed.

Speed set!
One!

Two!

Here, this is for your
elbows, for your elbows.

- Oh, thank you.
- You're welcome.

Five, six...

Quick phone call
from you guys.

Keep going.
all: Eight, nine, ten.

We got it?

Very funny, Jim.

Yeah, Jim.

Way to mock us
for perfecting our bodies.

Everyone.
Conference room, now.

Oh.

Ooh.

All right,
easy there, grandpa.

- I don't need your help.
- Okay.

- You don't need my help?
- Here, here...

just...

* *

Morning.

Hey.

- Somebody left in such
a hurry this morning

that she forgot...

- these.
Oh.

- No biggie, I just decided
to wear yours.

- Oh, well, that worked out.
Yeah.

- You know the only thing
more delicious than your feet

is the feast that I am going
to prepare for everyone.

- Andy, if you're gonna
hang out for a while,

uh...

What's this?

- This dumb new rule
Robert made.

He just wants visitors
to sign in.

- Is this Robert's attempt
to embarrass me?

No, of course not.

It's just--I think it's, like,

if we make an exception
for you,

then we have to make
an exception for the water guy,

and then it's, like,
where does it end?

So just...

Robert thinks that Andy comes
to the office too often.

So he said we have to put some
rules in place

to dissuade visitors.

Well, not visitors, really.
Just Andy.

The water guy was so offended.

- Why is it when other people
spend all their time

at the office,
they're rewarded for it,

and when I do it,
I am told it's a little much?

Is it because I'm not
an employee anymore?

Because that's
what it feels like.

- All right, well,
enjoy the alumni game.

- Good, we have a deal?
Thanks, Janet.

- Thanks so much, Earl.
Bye.

Wow, simultaneous sale.

- And they said
it couldn't be done. Boom!

- Screw 'em.
Lot going on, guys.

What's happening?

- Binghamton branch
closed last night,

and all their clients
are up for grabs.

- That was
a fine branch.

Things are really bad under
Robert California, I guess.

It's like a festival of poo.

- Hey, hey,
come on, language.

- Yeah, and we're
not interested

in your sour grapes, okay?

Jim, tell him where he
can stick his grapes.

- In the fridge.
No, Jim.

The butt, in his butt.

- Sorry, man,
I can't focus on zingers.

There's too many
potential clients.

- You two better
watch yourselves.

- Yeah, the Syracuse branch
can't be happy

you're taking
New York clients.

- Hey, come on now, it's
first come, first serve.

- It's always been
an unwritten rule that we

don't cross state lines.

- Well, I've always had
a volatile relationship

with the rules.

And with the unwritten rules,
it's like, ka-bam!

Shh.

Shh.

If the content of your prize
has no merit,

please adjust the volume
accordingly.

Ah, it looks like somebody
had a wild night.

Robert...

why did Binghamton close?

Can everyone
just please...

I had a one-man
saturnalia last night.

In celebration of
the finalization of my divorce,

I got into a case
of Australian reds

and--how should
I say this--Columbian whites.

What--what is this
about, uh, Binghamton?

The branch closed.

Forever.

Closing the
Binghamton branch

never occurred to me
before today.

Or, I guess, last night.

But in vino veritas,
as they say.

I'm not gonna start doubting
my drunken self now.

I got your voicemail.

From--from last night.

- Wonderful.
- And the answer...

is yes, yes,
yes, yes, and...

never.

Pam, when's the last time
you lived so intensely

that your brain literally
couldn't hold the memories in?

Oh, it was the summer--

Apparently, I left
a phone message

for Nellie last night,

and I need you
to find out what I said.

And I need you to be discreet.
Can you be discreet?

Well, I tell Jim everything,

and I have a general
no secrets philosophy,

and sometimes
I exaggerate for effect

just because I like
the attention.

- Um, I am a little busy.
- Yes.

Of course.

Why don't you
list the things

that would keep you
from helping me?

Yeah, I can
make you a list.

Let's do it now.

What's number one?

That I have phone calls
to return.

Phone calls,
and emails I imagine.

- Mm-hmm.
- They can wait.

Let's get to the core of what
it is you do in this office,

the things that
make you invaluable.

Number two.

Why don't
I help you now?

- There we go.
- Okay.

Can I have any
that drops on the floor?

No, Kevin, you can't
eat off the floor.

- Why not?
- It's gross.

I eat cookies off the floor
all the time, Andy.

Just give me one bite.

I'll do the Kevin
shimmy for it.

Who the hell are Jim Halpert
and Dwight Schrute?

Jim, Dwight,
what are your last names?

Jim, run.

That's Halpert.
That's Schrute.

She's got money.

That one over there
is married to a senator.

A state senator.

And you are?

Harry Jannerone,
Dunder Mifflin Syracuse.

What the hell's all this?

Uh, cherries jubilee
over homemade gelato.

You live well
down here in PA.

I want to talk
to you guys right now.

Oh, and Lloyd Gross too.

Which one's that guy?

The salesmen have
a commission cap,

but we figured out
a way around it.

Lloyd Gross is a fictional
salesman we invented

to--how do I put this--steal
from the company.

Embezzle.
To commit fraud.

Okay, it sounds sketchy,
but it helps us get more money.

- Yes.
- Pam made a drawing of Lloyd.

He is a blend
of all the salesmen.

There he is.

That's Lloyd.

Me?

Yeah, you.

With us, now, Lloyd.

Do you want any coffee
or anything from the kitchen?

You got a kitchen?

Like Dubai over here.

Now, Lloyd.

I drive personally
from Syracuse

all the way to Binghamton to
check in on my new clients.

My seatbelt dinger, broken,
going off the whole time,

even though my seatbelt's on.

We didn't do anything wrong.

Now, let me just
stop you right there.

As I said, I'm a simple man.

I drive a simple car.
I lead a simple life.

I've kept a child-like wonder
at the simple things in life,

like a tiny shoe,
or a delicious red apple,

but I don't mean I'm simple
like I'm some sort

of damn simple brain person!

You can't say simple brain.

Also, tiny shoes
are not simple.

Have you ever seen
a baby's Reebok?

Imagine my surprise when
client after client

says they already
gave their business

to some Jack and Jills
from Scranton.

Where do you get off
crossing state lines?

Now, we're actually closer
to Binghamton than you are,

Kimosabe.

I like to think Lloyd Gross
is a no-nonsense guy

who doesn't back down
from anybody.

And he calls
people "Kimosabe."

They're New York.
We're New York.

State line is
the dividing line.

That's the way
it's always been.

There's actually
not a rule that says that.

- That's true.
- That's true.

There's no rule.

You can check
the employee handbook.

Oh, can I check
the employee handbook, Lloyd?

Well, does it say anything
about me choking a man

with my bare hands?

No.

Wait, no?
Are you kidding me?

You told me
there was a rule.

I could've choked
so many people by now.

Stay out of my state.

It's in your best interest
to stay out of my state.

I've seen guys like you.

Big guys who like to push
the little guys around.

Lloyd Gross eats bullies
like you for breakfast.

Just stay out
of New York, Lloyd.

Hey, text
from the old wife.

Gonna take that.

How about this?
How about we just ask Robert?

Can we all agree that maybe
the CEO Should decide this?

Robert's here?
Look at us.

Bickering like schoolgirls,
looking around the room

for things to hit
each other with.

I don't think
we were doing that.

Chair, lamp, plant,

table leg, Jim's leg.

Where's the Advil, Jim?

I think I've hit my limit

- on the Tylenol--oh.
- Sorry, not Jim.

Andrew, what do we have
to do to get rid of you?

Hire you back and send Erin
back to Florida?

Message received
loud and clear.

I don't even want to hang out
at Robert's stupid company.

It just so happens
that that's the company

where my girlfriend
and all my best friends work.

So I mean, he could get
a job anywhere else,

and I would never
bother him again,

as long as it's not my gym, or
my J.Crew, or my other J.Crew.

Just have to get
the caramelized sugar

- off the pan before it dries.
- Oh, for God--

Robert California.

What a surprise
you're here in Scranton.

Harry.

Did you get the antique
typewriter I sent you?

It's a Blickensderfer,
very rare.

I have a friend at Sotheby's.

Yes, I did, thank you.

Did you get the steaks
I sent you?

They come from cows that only
drink beer and eat arugula.

Yes, they were delicious.

So why would you close
Binghamton down

without a transition
plan in place?

How do you mean?

I forgot a--

- a pan, uh--
- No, no, no, no, no, kid.,

stay there, do your dishes,
go ahead.

Harry, there is a time
for every decision,

predetermined
many years ago.

There's no benefit
in questioning

why this particular
decision seems...

so poorly timed.

Okay, what are you deciding?
We get a say.

Listen, Robert,
I don't have time.

There's a big
client in play.

Prestige Direct Mail
Solutions--

Don't listen to him.

- Used to be Binghamton's--
- Nope.

- I want it, it's mine.
- Prestige is ours.

Okay, they're
responsible for half

of the junk mail
on the eastern seaboard.

We get them. We already
put a call into them, Robert.

We need you
to make a decision.

- Make a decision.
- I have decided.

Neither of you are
to have any contact

with either Prestige or any
other Binghamton client

until I have figured out
how to divide things up.

As Solomon once said...

Some bizarre energy
in this place today.

Robert going off the rails,

making some
funky decisions.

Like why is nobody
gonna call on Prestige?

That is a huge client.

I mean, they could give
their business

to the first person
to walk in the door.

Could be any idiot.

Any idiot at all.

Shaping a company is,
in a sense,

similar to training
a geisha.

You have to mold not merely
the physical form,

but also the character.

The two must harmonize.

Are they still there?

They want a decision
who gets the big client.

Well, they can wait.

I'll still be talking
about geishas

long past their bedtime.

You know,
I trained as one.

Is it just me or is our boss
a freakin' weirdo?

I'm not saying that
in a pejorative sense.

I love weirdos.
I don't like my food to touch.

A little weirdness is good.

But he cultivates it.

Weird for weird's sake.

That's freaking weird.

I think he's just going
through a rough time

with the divorce.

Who's not going
through a divorce?

I know a guy going
through two divorces.

He's gonna lose half,
then half, then go to jail.

I get too worked up.

I'm gonna get some air.

Jim, you know what would be
really dastardly?

If we snuck out of here
and got to the client first.

He's running!

Damn it!

Damn it.

Who is this for?
Does this go in a rear end?

You've really never seen
a baby bottle?

Oh, God.

All this modern parenting
garbage is weighing us down.

- What are you doing?
- I'm sick of it.

The baby wasn't in it, Jim.
I checked.

- Dwight!
- I didn't really check.

Go!

Hey, girlfriend.

Mm.

I don't know.

I guess I'll try
some girl talk.

I am great at girl talk.

So...what do you make
of this Robert California guy?

I mean, what does a guy like
that do on an average weeknight?

Oh. Oh, I'll tell you
what he does.

Hello!
Hello, my clucking hens.

Got room for another
in the roost? Huh?

Don't worry,
I won't lay an egg.

Robert sent me to take over
if Pam fails.

If?

I have been crunching numbers
all day.

Math is for boys.
I need girl talk.

Did someone say
girl talk?

Sometimes I wonder if
I have ovaries in my scrotum,

because I am great
at girl talk.

Have you guys been watching
any good Korean soap operas?

I'm pretty deep into
Hee-Jung Cinderella Girl.

Although, I definitely
fast-forward

through the Young-Tae
storylines.

Do you think I'd like that,

or is it important to have
an Asian fetish?

Uh, I think you're gonna need
to have an Asian fetish.

Yeah.

It'll be upsetting
if you don't.

What is this
supposed to be?

It's a monkey.

Jim, get real.
This is not a monkey.

It's got a hula skirt
and a blue nose.

Hold on, hold on.
Is this him?

- What?
- Is that him?

It's him!
Do something! Get out!

What? What am I gonna do?
I don't--

Go slash his tires!

Go dent his hood.

That's it?
Oh, that's great.

That's like
a five-second delay.

- Dwight!
- Come on, let's go!

Does this thing have turbo?
Nitrous?

- Hit the nos.
- Nos?

You mean like in
Fast and Furious?

- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah, definitely have nos.

- Hit the nos.
- Are you sure?

- Yes.
- Brace yourself.

- 3...2...1.
- We got it. Go!

Here we go!

Hello.
Andy Bernard to see the CEO.

Oh, do you have
an appointment?

No, I do not.

Okay, I think
I can squeeze you in.

Seriously?

'Cause I could
just be anyone.

I mean, I thought I was gonna
have to convince you.

He's really not that busy.

Is there someone here
to see me?

Yes, this man.

Come on in.

I'm a former
paper executive.

I know the product.
I know the margins.

I can save you 25%
on your costs.

Why haven't I heard of you?
You got any references?

No.
I'm a rogue.

- Uh-huh.
- Which is the best part.

That means you will be
my first customer

and your business will get
100% of my attention.

Now...I have written down
my personal phone number.

You call this anytime.

Every salesman
I've ever met

has given me
his personal phone number.

Of course they have.

Which is why I'm giving you
a key to my house.

Whatever you need--
anytime, night or day--

you just stop on by.

You want me to drive
to your house if I need paper.

Maybe you just want someone
to talk to.

Maybe...you need a place
to crash for a couple of days.

I got wireless headphones
for the TV.

You won't even wake me up.

My wireless password
is eat, pray, love.

Easy to remember.

I just keep asking myself,

what is my SkinnyGirl
Margarita?

I think we should all go
around in a circle

and each tell one secret,
except for Gabe.

Let's go around here.

What, is everyone
just hanging out?

No, we're letting it
all hang out.

Nellie was gonna
tell a story.

Oh, great, sounds good.

Break room's busy today.

Nobody knows there's a mouse
who lives in the wall

behind the vending machine.

I feed him.

Now he comes out every day
at the same time.

If people find Squeaker,
he's toast.

I just want to give
him his food.

And try one more time
with the top hat.

So is everyone gonna be
a while, or...

Angela, I think you should
tell a secret.

Okay, um, I'm gonna
make one up

because those are more fun.

So there was a guy, and he--

I'm about to fart, so you
guys might want to bail.

Gosh.

Hey, buddy.

Ready?
Go, go!

Go! Go, go, go, go.
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

Ahhh...

You all right?

Yeah.

- Oh.
- Ah!

Dwight, what are you doing?

Go, go!
Take the stairs! Now!

- What are you talking about?
- Just run! Take the stairs!

I don't even know
where the stairs are.

- I'll stall him. Go!
- God!

What are you doing?

I'm gonna activate
the seismic failsafe.

We'll be stuck between floors
for hours.

Oh.

- My pants fell down.
- What?

My pants fell down!
I don't have a belt!

Hello, sir.
Good day.

Dwight K. Schrute.
Dunder Mifflin, Scranton.

Forgive my pants,
they fell down.

An appointment
with Mr. Ramish, please.

Now is fine.
No, no, no, I was here first.

Dwight K. Schrute.
Dunder Mifflin, Scranton.

- Hi, guys, what's going on?
- Mr. Ramish.

Harry Jannerone.
Dunder Mifflin, Syracuse.

- I was here first.
- Oh, oh. Okay.

I already made an appointment
with your secretary.

Let me stop you all
right here.

I've already picked
a new paper supplier.

Wait, it's not DM Utica,
is it?

No, no, it's not
Dunder Mifflin at all actually.

- It's...Big Red Paper Company.
- Big Red Paper Company?

Mm-hmm.

Yes, yes, yes!

- Give me a cup of coffee.
- Me too.

Or do you also
have a monopoly on thirst?

All right, guys.

It didn't work out
for any of us.

So...we're still
on the same team.

- Let me get these.
- No.

Let him get his own.
He's got Syracuse money.

You know, your partner's got
a lotta attitude.

But I like that.
How long you guys been dating?

Jim couldn't land me
in a thousand years.

But you're saying
there's a chance.

Shut up.

- Hey.
- Hmm?

I stole Nellie's phone.

Excellent. Excellent.

Though troubling that your
first instinct is thievery.

What do you want from me?

Now we get to the bottom
of Nellie's

"Yes, yes, yes, yes. Never."

Hello, Nell, it's Mom.

Do keep your chin up.

It can't possibly be as bad
as you described.

Oh, yes, it can.

This is Mastercard.

You are over the limit.

Send the minimum payment
of $448 by monday

or we will be forced
to send it to collections.

- Shopaholic.
- Sounds like it.

Yeah.

Hi, sis. Is your boss
still hitting on you?

Ah.

This is Annie
from Second Nests.

I'm sorry, but the Romanian
orphanage felt more comfortable

with a two-person
nuclear family

than a single mother.

So we're gonna hold out
for that.

Okay, that's enough.

Pam, we need to get
to the bottom of this.

- No, no, no!
- No, come on.

Robert!

Okay, oops!
I deleted them all.

They're all deleted.

Pam, Pam.
You've completely bungled this!

Ah.
Ahh.

Oh, man, that's nice.

That's real nice.
You got this today, huh?

- Yeah.
- Monogramed and everything.

Who's initials are LG?

Oh, let's just say
a cool customer

by the name of Lloyd--

Gross.

You found Squeaker.

Who?

My mouse, Squeaker.

- This is Rusty.
- Who?

My mouse, Rusty.

I've been feeding this mouse
for three weeks.

He loves cheese curls,
don't you?

Rusty is the eldest son

of Ruth and Maverick's
fifth litter.

Hold on.

How many mice
are in this office?

I don't know.

A couple hundred maybe?

We have to stop
feeding the mice.

Why?

- Hmm.
- Hey.

Can I do it, Pam?

Can I pull off
a gold Arabian sandal?

Um...yes. Definitely.

- With your hair--
- Oh!

Certainly.

Um...you dropped
your cell phone.

- Oh! Gosh.
- Yep.

Thank you.
I'm...so stupid.

No. My goodness.
You have a lot going on.

With Robert and everything.

Oh, God, Pam.
Don't get me started.

- No, I will not.
- You've just got me started.

Robert...is...
a filthy beast.

I mean, don't you get
the feeling,

every time he looks at you,

he's just thinking
of 15 different ways to do you?

Well--

I mean, the man talks
of nothing but sex.

But sometimes he talks about
flesh...and bacchanals.

I cannot even tell you what
he left on my phone last night.

No...don't.
Just put it out of your mind.

Pam, what is your address?

I'm gonna send you a pair
of these gold harem shoes.

Oh, no.
You don't--

Oh, yes.

Come on, a little
gold Arabian slipper.

Things are looking up.

I might be a mother soon.

I have Mastercard
right where I want them.

And...
I have a new friend.

A friend.

At work.

Erin.

There's a call for you
on line one.

Who is it?

He says Salvation.
No last name.

Yeah, hello?

You once put me on a list
of the losers in the office.

Well, this loser just got
your biggest client

to give him
all their business.

So hire me back,
that business is yours.

Don't, and I will find
another buyer.

You're blackmailing me.

- It's just business.
- Ah, well.

I will not be blackmailed by
some ineffectual, privileged,

effete, soft-penised
debutante.

You wanna start
a street fight with me,

bring it on.

But you're gonna be surprised
by how ugly it gets.

You don't even know
my real name.

I'm the Lizard king.

Whoa.

Well, I gave him a chance.

- Andy Bernard.
- You got a minute?

Um...I'm in the middle
of a piano lesson.

I wanted to see if I could
interest you in an investment.

Dunder mifflin.

Dunder Mifflin.

Now...why would I want that?

It's worth half what it was
three years ago.

Exactly.

And you know better than anyone
that with the right management,

it could be worth twice what
you would pay for it today.

Why don't you come in?

So what would you do
if you weren't selling paper?

Oh, man,
I'd have to sell beets.

Probably submit them
for competitions.

- What?
- Yeah!

I know it sounds stupid,

but nationals has always
kinda been a dream of mine.

How have we never talked
about this before?

Wait. You don't even care
about nationals.

Nothing?

I don't know.

I've always wanted
to own a bike shop,

but what about you?

I'd like to sell
one big thing, you know?

Like...a plane.

One sale, I'm out.

That sounds lovely.

Anyway, Robert's gonna run
this company into the ground.

So...

we won't be doing this
in six months.

What's your fascination
with the Scranton branch?

We got all the same drama
and wackadoos as them.

This guy Mike,
same lunch every day.

Chef salad, 15 years.

And Janelle, she's
an African-American woman,

working in HR,
she wears wigs.

Must have three, four wigs.

Like, what's your hair
gonna be today?

I don't know.

The audience could get into it.

You know, like,
what's it gonna be today?

We even got a Pam too.
Her name's Sharon.

And she's pretty
funny-looking.

She's in love
with this guy, Matt,

and he's really ugly too.

They got kind of a will they,
won't they thing going on.

Everyone's rooting
for won't they.

I cannot stress enough
how unappealing

these two individuals
are, truly.

If they ever got together,
it would destroy your project.

* *