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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:15,382 This is Pam. 2 00:00:15,415 --> 00:00:17,517 Oh, my God, are you sure? 3 00:00:17,550 --> 00:00:19,419 Uh, okay. Okay, we'll be right there. 4 00:00:19,452 --> 00:00:21,421 Everybody, 5 00:00:21,454 --> 00:00:23,189 the balloon is falling. 6 00:00:23,223 --> 00:00:24,257 Nice. 7 00:00:24,290 --> 00:00:26,159 - There's this balloon that has been floating 8 00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:27,727 in the rafters of the warehouse for, like, ever. 9 00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:30,630 And, okay, it's not-- it doesn't sound cool. 10 00:00:30,663 --> 00:00:31,831 You just have to see it. 11 00:00:33,833 --> 00:00:37,671 Well, I guess it doesn't look that cool either. 12 00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:40,206 But it's been up there a long time, 13 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:43,677 so it's become a pretty big deal. 14 00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:46,413 Wow. It's the end of an era. 15 00:00:46,446 --> 00:00:48,181 Did a good job, buddy. 16 00:00:48,214 --> 00:00:50,216 Now it's time to come home. 17 00:00:50,250 --> 00:00:52,752 I remember when that balloon went up there. 18 00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:54,754 I was still with Gil. 19 00:00:54,788 --> 00:00:56,489 We were so happy. 20 00:00:56,523 --> 00:01:01,194 When that went up there, I had hair like Rapunzel. 21 00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:03,830 How long do you think it's been up there, Kevin? 22 00:01:03,863 --> 00:01:07,434 I just remember pushing aside my silky bangs 23 00:01:07,467 --> 00:01:10,503 to say, "Look, a balloon." 24 00:01:10,537 --> 00:01:13,673 My "Warcraft" clan was still on speaking terms. 25 00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:15,675 My kid didn't have a face tattoo. 26 00:01:15,709 --> 00:01:18,378 I was still thinking of going back to school. 27 00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:20,714 And I was still just a paper salesman. 28 00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:22,782 Well, this has been fun, Pam. 29 00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:25,352 Thanks for calling us all down here. 30 00:01:28,321 --> 00:01:29,756 all: Kill the balloon. 31 00:01:29,789 --> 00:01:31,658 Kill the balloon. 32 00:01:31,691 --> 00:01:35,228 Kill the balloon. Kill the balloon. 33 00:01:43,269 --> 00:01:49,309 * * 34 00:01:49,342 --> 00:01:51,878 {\an8}- Hey. So they accidentally gave us 35 00:01:51,911 --> 00:01:53,646 {\an8}an extra egg sandwich this morning. 36 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:54,681 {\an8}- Who wants it? Ooh. 37 00:01:54,714 --> 00:01:56,216 {\an8}- Right here, right here. Yes. 38 00:01:56,249 --> 00:01:58,518 {\an8}- Allow me to solve your problem, then. 39 00:01:58,551 --> 00:02:01,287 {\an8}- Nellie. Mmm. 40 00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:07,227 {\an8}Oh, that is disgusting. 41 00:02:07,260 --> 00:02:09,896 {\an8}Do you call that a King James breakfast pie? 42 00:02:09,929 --> 00:02:11,431 {\an8}- What brings you to town? 43 00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:14,334 {\an8}- Certainly not the Harry Houdini Museum. 44 00:02:14,367 --> 00:02:16,636 {\an8}What a nobody. 45 00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:19,773 {\an8}Oh, look, some Hungarian just found their way out of a sack. 46 00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:21,241 {\an8}Let's build a shrine. 47 00:02:21,274 --> 00:02:22,642 {\an8}No, I've come to work here. 48 00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:24,377 {\an8}What? 49 00:02:24,411 --> 00:02:25,912 {\an8}How could Robert transfer Nellie here 50 00:02:25,945 --> 00:02:27,781 {\an8}after the Sabre store debacle? 51 00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,716 {\an8}She stinks of failure. 52 00:02:29,749 --> 00:02:31,317 {\an8}The fact that she could show her face 53 00:02:31,351 --> 00:02:33,486 {\an8}around here is an embarrassment. 54 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:36,256 {\an8}I should know. I'm in an identical situation. 55 00:02:36,289 --> 00:02:38,391 {\an8}- Robert did say you'd be joining us. 56 00:02:38,425 --> 00:02:39,526 {\an8}Welcome. I'm Tony. 57 00:02:39,559 --> 00:02:41,528 {\an8}- Mm. What? 58 00:02:41,561 --> 00:02:42,896 {\an8}- I-I said I'm Tony. 59 00:02:42,929 --> 00:02:44,330 {\an8}Okay, I made a mistake. 60 00:02:44,364 --> 00:02:46,366 {\an8}I thought it might go unnoticed. 61 00:02:46,399 --> 00:02:48,668 {\an8}But, uh, I'm Toby. 62 00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:50,670 {\an8}- You messed up saying your name? 63 00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:52,706 {\an8}It happens, okay? 64 00:02:52,739 --> 00:02:55,008 {\an8}So let's just find an empty desk for you, 65 00:02:55,041 --> 00:02:57,977 {\an8}and I'm sure Robert will be with you as soon as he gets in. 66 00:02:58,011 --> 00:03:00,814 {\an8}- That one looks empty. No, it's Andy's office. 67 00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:04,351 {\an8}Oh, is it? 68 00:03:04,384 --> 00:03:06,686 {\an8}I have one simple philosophy in business-- 69 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,422 {\an8}if the seat is open, the job is open. 70 00:03:09,456 --> 00:03:13,993 {\an8}It's how I came to briefly race a Formula 1 car. 71 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:17,230 {\an8}The three slowest laps ever recorded. 72 00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:22,602 {\an8}- Another beautiful day in Tallahassee. 73 00:03:22,635 --> 00:03:24,604 {\an8}Ooh. Good morning, Alonzo. 74 00:03:24,637 --> 00:03:26,439 {\an8}Good morning, Erin. 75 00:03:26,473 --> 00:03:29,309 {\an8}- How are you? How's your family doing? 76 00:03:29,342 --> 00:03:30,910 {\an8}Bye. 77 00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:33,413 {\an8}This is my house. 78 00:03:33,446 --> 00:03:34,247 {\an8}It has five rooms, 79 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:36,349 {\an8}not including the garage or the roof. 80 00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,451 {\an8}It takes me most of the day just to clean it. 81 00:03:38,485 --> 00:03:39,953 {\an8}Oh, I'm a maid now... 82 00:03:39,986 --> 00:03:41,988 {\an8}like in "Downtown Abbey." 83 00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:44,891 {\an8}Did I not mention I only watch PBS now? 84 00:03:44,924 --> 00:03:47,660 {\an8}- Because we don't have cable. We have cable. 85 00:03:47,694 --> 00:03:51,297 You just have to turn the TV on 3 and use the other remote. 86 00:03:51,331 --> 00:03:52,465 This is Irene, 87 00:03:52,499 --> 00:03:57,404 the world's best boss/roommate/ cantankerous old coot. 88 00:03:57,437 --> 00:04:00,740 I taught you "cantankerous," and now you use it against me? 89 00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:02,609 See? She's given me everything-- 90 00:04:02,642 --> 00:04:05,445 a job, a house, a new life. 91 00:04:05,478 --> 00:04:06,780 And a suitor. 92 00:04:06,813 --> 00:04:09,015 Hey, Erin, are you gonna help me study 93 00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:10,884 for the TSA exam later? 94 00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:13,453 - You said you would. - Yeah, okay. 95 00:04:13,486 --> 00:04:15,689 Tallahassee. 96 00:04:15,722 --> 00:04:17,924 - Nellie. - Robert. 97 00:04:19,559 --> 00:04:23,730 How are you adjusting to life in Scranton so far? 98 00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:25,065 So far, so good. 99 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:27,000 The water pressure in the hotel is marvelous. 100 00:04:27,033 --> 00:04:29,369 Ah, well, it is astounding 101 00:04:29,402 --> 00:04:33,440 what a difference that can make, isn't it? 102 00:04:33,473 --> 00:04:34,641 Mm-hmm. 103 00:04:34,674 --> 00:04:38,545 Now, let's find you something fun to do here, shall we? 104 00:04:38,578 --> 00:04:40,380 Oh, I've already found it. 105 00:04:40,413 --> 00:04:43,049 I am manager-- a natural next step. 106 00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:45,919 - Fits like a glove. - We have a manager. 107 00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,487 Do you really? 108 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:49,389 Because it is 10:00, 109 00:04:49,422 --> 00:04:51,424 I've been in this chair for an hour, 110 00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:54,394 and no other manager has come and sat in my lap. 111 00:04:58,031 --> 00:05:01,401 Excuse me, has anyone seen Andy this morning? 112 00:05:01,434 --> 00:05:04,070 Huh, yeah, that's weird. He's usually here by now. 113 00:05:04,104 --> 00:05:06,473 Right, guys? 114 00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:07,474 - Hello? 115 00:05:07,507 --> 00:05:11,044 Andy, it's Robert. Why aren't you at work? 116 00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:12,645 Hey, Robert. 117 00:05:12,679 --> 00:05:14,681 Ah, I really wish I could come into work today, 118 00:05:14,714 --> 00:05:15,949 but I'm super sick. 119 00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:18,551 I don't care. I don't care. 120 00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:21,154 Please come to work immediately. 121 00:05:21,187 --> 00:05:23,490 Okay, I'll try to come in, 122 00:05:23,523 --> 00:05:27,660 even though I'm really sick with the... 123 00:05:27,694 --> 00:05:29,863 Florida flu. 124 00:05:31,464 --> 00:05:33,900 He just hung up on me mid-sentence. 125 00:05:33,933 --> 00:05:35,635 I'm in Florida to get Erin. 126 00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,671 As soon as I heard she wasn't coming back to Scranton, 127 00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:38,705 I jumped straight in my car 128 00:05:38,738 --> 00:05:40,874 and drove straight down till I hit the ocean. 129 00:05:40,907 --> 00:05:43,043 My heart is my map. 130 00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:45,979 Turns out Tallahassee is about 200 miles inland, 131 00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:48,948 so I overshot a good amount. 132 00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:51,651 But still, not bad for a heart map, right? 133 00:05:54,487 --> 00:05:56,756 Oh, no. 134 00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:59,459 Thanks a lot, B.P. 135 00:05:59,492 --> 00:06:02,462 Not much we can do about this until he gets here. 136 00:06:02,495 --> 00:06:04,197 Can't you do something about this? 137 00:06:04,230 --> 00:06:07,400 Sometimes the flowers arrange themselves, Jim. 138 00:06:10,236 --> 00:06:11,738 Right. 139 00:06:11,771 --> 00:06:13,039 What is going on? 140 00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:14,974 And where's Andy? 141 00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:17,110 And what is going on? 142 00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:20,847 Okay, this is it. 143 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,515 Grandkids, take note-- 144 00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:25,051 this is how Granny and Grampy got together. 145 00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:27,020 I know you just know her as a fat, old bag now, 146 00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:29,956 but once upon a time, she was hot. 147 00:06:36,763 --> 00:06:40,900 - Erin, you got a package. - I'm in the bathroom. 148 00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:42,035 Where's the postage? 149 00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:43,903 I mean, there's no shipping label. 150 00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:47,173 - Did you wash your hands? - Yes. 151 00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:49,743 * Here I am * 152 00:06:49,776 --> 00:06:52,846 * Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours * 153 00:06:52,879 --> 00:06:54,914 Andy, what are you doing here? 154 00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:56,516 It's great to see you. 155 00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:03,089 Hold on a second. Hold on a second. 156 00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:05,992 Has he not kicked her out yet? This is insane. 157 00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:07,761 Has she come out at all? 158 00:07:07,794 --> 00:07:09,129 Once to eat a bagel 159 00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:10,397 and again, I'm assuming, to void it. 160 00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:14,034 - Has anyone talked to Andy? - He's not returning any calls. 161 00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:15,535 I checked his Facebook. 162 00:07:15,568 --> 00:07:17,804 Status said "Pumped for Wednesday." 163 00:07:17,837 --> 00:07:19,205 Today's Thursday. 164 00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:20,807 I hate to take it to this place, 165 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:23,710 but re Andy, has anyone checked the morgue? 166 00:07:23,743 --> 00:07:25,545 Checking a morgue isn't a real thing. 167 00:07:25,578 --> 00:07:27,180 - Yeah, it's a real thing. - If you're a policeman. 168 00:07:27,213 --> 00:07:29,916 No, anyone. You just, like-- "Hey, can I look around?" 169 00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:31,017 - Anyone? - Yeah. 170 00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:32,552 They have names on everything. 171 00:07:32,585 --> 00:07:33,853 I didn't know you worked with CSI. 172 00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:36,156 Then you go to the graveyard. You look for a cemetery plot. 173 00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:37,924 - Okay, guys! Shh! - All right, Sherlock. 174 00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:39,859 Andy's fine, all right? 175 00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:42,028 Last time he was this late, he just lost track of time 176 00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:44,297 watching a "Today" show segment on men's shorts, so it's not-- 177 00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:45,799 Well, what's Nellie like? 178 00:07:45,832 --> 00:07:47,967 She's the last person I'd expect to see here. 179 00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:49,969 Talk about failing upwards. 180 00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:51,971 That's how cantaloupe got popular. 181 00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:53,273 I'll text Andy. 182 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,542 Ryan, can you put my phone on text mode? 183 00:07:55,575 --> 00:07:56,643 Yeah. 184 00:07:59,112 --> 00:08:00,246 Okay, thank you. 185 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:04,117 Okay, A, push--push N, 186 00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:07,721 push D, push, push, push, okay. 187 00:08:07,754 --> 00:08:09,689 What's this, then? 188 00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:12,859 Everyone okay? Just some casual conversation? 189 00:08:12,892 --> 00:08:14,094 - Yep, exactly. - Yeppers. 190 00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:16,730 Let's all follow Mama Goose into the meeting room, then, 191 00:08:16,763 --> 00:08:18,898 shall we, ducklings? 192 00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:22,335 - Nellie. - Yes... 193 00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:24,204 Robert. 194 00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:27,540 Yes. 195 00:08:32,278 --> 00:08:34,814 Come on, you heard her. 196 00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:39,853 So this is what we're doing now, then? 197 00:08:39,886 --> 00:08:41,721 We're just-- 198 00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:43,890 That's where I keep my spices-- 199 00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:46,326 cumin, saffron, paprika. 200 00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:49,195 I bought everything you need to make a paella. 201 00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:52,098 - She means papaya. - I mean paella. 202 00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:54,801 Great. The maid has a visitor. 203 00:08:54,834 --> 00:08:57,337 Maybe he'll use my exercise bike, too. 204 00:08:57,370 --> 00:09:00,940 Nope. Uh, I am here... 205 00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:02,676 to take you back to Scranton, 206 00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:05,812 because I love you and I want to be with you. 207 00:09:05,845 --> 00:09:07,714 Where's the ring? 208 00:09:07,747 --> 00:09:10,750 - Hmm? - Where's the ring, Lancelot? 209 00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:13,019 Uh, would you guys mind if we talked privately for a second? 210 00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:14,721 Sorry, Glenn. 211 00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:21,795 Um, Andy... 212 00:09:21,828 --> 00:09:24,164 I am so happy to see you. 213 00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:26,666 But I'm not coming back with you. 214 00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:28,768 Why won't she go with him? 215 00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:30,236 I don't know. 216 00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:32,405 Maybe it's 'cause he's not that handsome. 217 00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:35,709 Hey... don't listen. 218 00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,279 Can you tell me why? 219 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:42,682 I just... 220 00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:45,051 I thought you'd want to come back. 221 00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:47,220 I don't know. A lot of reasons. 222 00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:49,222 Well, tell me one. 223 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:50,957 I have a life here, Andy. 224 00:09:50,990 --> 00:09:53,059 I-I have a cool house. 225 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,128 I have a-a great job, 226 00:09:55,161 --> 00:09:58,365 a really great roommate/best friend. 227 00:09:58,398 --> 00:10:00,200 Is there someone else? 228 00:10:00,233 --> 00:10:01,868 Well, yeah, maybe. 229 00:10:01,901 --> 00:10:04,337 - Who? - Glenn. 230 00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:08,308 I mean, we don't know each other that well, 231 00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:11,144 but I'm excited to see if there's anything there. 232 00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:14,114 Glenn, the guy that lives here with his grandmother? 233 00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:15,248 Yeah, that's Glenn. 234 00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:17,751 I'm--I'm sorry that he's not 235 00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:20,453 some Bryn Mawr cross-country coach lady like Jessica, 236 00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:25,258 but maybe my tastes aren't as refined, you know? 237 00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:27,260 You can't always have a hamburger. 238 00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:29,129 Sometimes you just want bologna. 239 00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:30,864 He's like Spam or something. 240 00:10:30,897 --> 00:10:32,966 Look, I don't know where it's going. 241 00:10:32,999 --> 00:10:35,035 I-- 242 00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:38,705 Never settle for bologna when you can have hamburger. 243 00:10:38,738 --> 00:10:41,307 I-I'm not saying take me back. 244 00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,176 I-I mean, of course, that's what I want. 245 00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:46,312 I'm just saying you are worth hamburger. 246 00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:53,920 Well, this is not what I expected... 247 00:10:53,953 --> 00:10:56,289 especially after driving here all night. 248 00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:58,291 I'm sorry. I know you must be tired. 249 00:10:58,324 --> 00:10:59,959 Uh, no, actually, I'm not tired. 250 00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:03,496 I-I had a 12-pack of this energy drink called Up Yours. 251 00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:05,398 It has a picture of a hyena giving you the finger 252 00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:06,900 - on the can. - Oh. 253 00:11:06,933 --> 00:11:10,036 I feel weird. I just-- 254 00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:11,404 Can I stay for lunch? 255 00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:13,740 - Oh. - As a friend? 256 00:11:13,773 --> 00:11:16,976 Well, I'd have to boil another hot dog. 257 00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,346 But, ye--but, yes. Yes. 258 00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:21,314 I'm not gonna give up that easily. 259 00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:22,449 Let me tell you something-- 260 00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:24,984 if a long drive was all it took to win over a girl, 261 00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:28,722 then supermodels would be married to long-haul truckers. 262 00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:34,060 So "what is going on?" 263 00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:37,864 That does seem to be the question, doesn't it? 264 00:11:37,897 --> 00:11:40,166 Hey, this is messed up, bro. 265 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,435 Who is this weird lady? 266 00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:44,204 I know. 267 00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:46,773 It's a lot. 268 00:11:46,806 --> 00:11:48,375 So who knows what's going on? 269 00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:50,810 Anyone? You, yes. 270 00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:54,848 Wait, I am very good at intuiting names. 271 00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,783 Andrea is it? 272 00:11:56,816 --> 00:11:59,519 Andrea? Do I look like a rapper? 273 00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:00,854 Angela. 274 00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,389 Still very close. 275 00:12:02,422 --> 00:12:04,324 - I don't see it. - Okay, then. 276 00:12:04,357 --> 00:12:05,925 Yes, you. 277 00:12:05,959 --> 00:12:08,128 Ooh, I've got a very good feeling about your name. 278 00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:10,196 Is it... 279 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,831 Chumbo? 280 00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:17,904 I think it's a cross between "dumbo" and "jumbo," 281 00:12:17,937 --> 00:12:20,306 with a hint of "chubby." 282 00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:22,242 It's not a name. 283 00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:24,511 So no one can tell me what's going on. 284 00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:27,814 Well, let me illuminate things for you. 285 00:12:27,847 --> 00:12:29,916 We are getting to know each other. 286 00:12:29,949 --> 00:12:33,119 But why, m'lady? 287 00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:37,490 Because I am your new manager. 288 00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:40,093 Robert, is Nellie our new manager? 289 00:12:40,126 --> 00:12:44,097 This is an odd situation. 290 00:12:44,130 --> 00:12:47,901 But it's very interesting how it's playing out. 291 00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:51,304 We live in this world of routines and rhythms. 292 00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:55,608 Kevin ate someone's lunch, Phyllis has a new necklace. 293 00:12:55,642 --> 00:12:58,211 Who is this woman? 294 00:12:58,244 --> 00:13:00,480 I came in here simply trying to get to know you, 295 00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:01,948 learn your names, 296 00:13:01,981 --> 00:13:04,050 maybe have someone teach me the company song. 297 00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:07,954 And what I got in return was nothing but disrespect. 298 00:13:07,987 --> 00:13:09,422 You leave me no choice 299 00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:11,491 but to get to know you in a more intimate way. 300 00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:14,627 - Hot tub party? - Performance reviews. 301 00:13:14,661 --> 00:13:16,496 How can you give us performance reviews 302 00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:18,031 if you don't know us? 303 00:13:18,064 --> 00:13:21,868 On first impressions, so I recommend smiling. 304 00:13:21,901 --> 00:13:24,337 It goes a long way with me. 305 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:36,216 Irene, this house is lovely. 306 00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:38,118 Okay. 307 00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:41,354 I really, really like it. Did you decorate it yourself? 308 00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:42,222 You really like it? 309 00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:44,591 Because everything's for sale on eBay. 310 00:13:44,624 --> 00:13:46,292 I'll send you a link. 311 00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:47,927 I would love that. 312 00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:50,430 Erin, you really nailed the hot dogs today. 313 00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:52,999 Oh, thanks. I've been reusing the hot dog water 314 00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:54,334 so it gets more flavor. 315 00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:56,970 It's only going to keep getting better. 316 00:13:59,205 --> 00:14:02,042 So, Glenn, how did you meet Erin? 317 00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:05,545 Came home one day, there she was. 318 00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:06,913 Glenn said he might take me 319 00:14:06,946 --> 00:14:08,581 to a Florida State football game. 320 00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:10,183 Mm, didn't say "football." 321 00:14:10,216 --> 00:14:12,285 Hope you like women's lacrosse. 322 00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:17,624 Anybody got something for me to read? 323 00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:20,060 I'm not really feeling this conversation. 324 00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:23,963 Uh... 325 00:14:23,997 --> 00:14:26,099 I actually have this map of South Carolina. 326 00:14:26,132 --> 00:14:28,268 I don't know if you're into that, but... 327 00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:34,207 No crap. 328 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:37,043 Charleston's not the capital. 329 00:14:37,077 --> 00:14:39,079 Ah, it's Columbia. 330 00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:42,115 Erin is an expert on state capitals. 331 00:14:42,148 --> 00:14:45,085 - What's the capital of Texas? - The Alamo. 332 00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:46,586 Wow. I didn't even know that. 333 00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:48,088 It's Austin. 334 00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:50,690 They have a wonderful music scene. 335 00:14:50,724 --> 00:14:52,425 Mm... 336 00:14:52,459 --> 00:14:55,695 pretty sure it's the Alamo if Erin said it's the Alamo. 337 00:14:55,729 --> 00:14:58,498 - Well, but it might be Austin. - Mm. 338 00:14:58,531 --> 00:15:01,534 So, Andrew, how does your skinny brunette girlfriend 339 00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:05,271 Jessica feel about you visiting your ex-girlfriend? 340 00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:13,446 Well, we're not really dating anymore, so... 341 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,648 Basically, I mean, I just have to cross a few "T"s 342 00:15:15,682 --> 00:15:17,617 and dot a few "I"s, you know. 343 00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:19,386 So you came to get me, 344 00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,354 but you still have a girlfriend. 345 00:15:21,388 --> 00:15:24,124 I think you should leave, young man. 346 00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:26,126 All right, technically, yes, 347 00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:29,429 I am still technically dating Jessica. 348 00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:32,032 But when I realized that I wanted you back, 349 00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:34,668 I just jumped in the car, and I drove down here, 350 00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:37,337 and I didn't want to stop until I saw you. 351 00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:41,641 You didn't even stop to pee? Gross. 352 00:15:41,675 --> 00:15:43,343 Irene knows all about Jessica, 353 00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:46,312 which means that Erin has been talking about me a lot. 354 00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:48,348 Does that sound like someone who's moved on? 355 00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:50,150 Mm... 356 00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:51,685 Do you even want dessert, 357 00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:55,288 or are you still doing South Beach? 358 00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:58,358 I never told her I was doing South Beach. 359 00:15:58,391 --> 00:16:02,095 Um, I'll have some lettuce and pistachios, thank you. 360 00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:06,066 Guys... 361 00:16:06,099 --> 00:16:08,134 we cannot do these performance reviews, okay? 362 00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:09,502 If we go into them, 363 00:16:09,536 --> 00:16:11,404 you're basically accepting Nellie as your manager. 364 00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:13,440 And trust me, you do not want her as your manager. 365 00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:14,574 Trust you? 366 00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:16,209 The way Pam trusted you 367 00:16:16,242 --> 00:16:18,678 to provide for her so she wouldn't have to work? 368 00:16:18,712 --> 00:16:20,413 I like working here. 369 00:16:20,447 --> 00:16:22,282 Dwight, should she be our manager? 370 00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:25,285 I wouldn't let her manage a celery farm. 371 00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:28,254 Those who can't farm farm celery. 372 00:16:28,288 --> 00:16:30,690 When was the last time Dwight and I agreed on anything ever? 373 00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:33,827 All right, let's get going. 374 00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:36,262 First up, it is the woman 375 00:16:36,296 --> 00:16:39,165 with the beautiful fingernails and the tiny feet-- 376 00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:42,102 - Phyllis. - Oh. 377 00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:44,204 Nellie, I'm sorry, but I don't feel comfortable 378 00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:46,406 being evaluated by someone I don't know. 379 00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:49,342 Oh. Oh, okay, I understand. 380 00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:51,311 Let me show you how these are gonna go. 381 00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:52,512 Dwight. 382 00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:55,215 I refuse to be judged by someone that I do not respect. 383 00:16:55,248 --> 00:16:56,649 I lost respect for you in Florida. 384 00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,852 If it was up to me, you would be in jail forever, 385 00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:01,221 or worse--Florida. 386 00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:04,224 Dwight, I have completed your evaluation. 387 00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:06,659 - You're getting a raise. - What? 388 00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:09,629 Dwight, you carry this company 389 00:17:09,662 --> 00:17:11,564 on your massive shoulders. 390 00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:14,567 You are our Atlas. 391 00:17:14,601 --> 00:17:17,570 And for that, do you not think you deserve a raise? 392 00:17:17,604 --> 00:17:19,539 There's no limit to what I think I deserve. 393 00:17:19,572 --> 00:17:22,542 - Then you accept it? - 5%, no less. 394 00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:24,577 Absolutely not. 7%. 395 00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:27,714 - 6%. I know my worth. - Raise isn't real. 396 00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:31,317 Money isn't real ever since we got off the gold standard. 397 00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:33,653 So, Phyllis, now you know the rules of the game, 398 00:17:33,687 --> 00:17:35,155 do you care to have a go? 399 00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:37,857 I'm fairly certain you're gonna like it. 400 00:17:37,891 --> 00:17:39,659 Phyllis. 401 00:17:39,693 --> 00:17:41,461 Pam. 402 00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:47,133 So, Phyllis, I have been very impressed with you. 403 00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:49,302 - Really? - Oh, yeah. 404 00:17:49,336 --> 00:17:52,339 The way you conquered your fear and came in here, 405 00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:56,242 and now the way you sit there... 406 00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:58,445 all very impressive. 407 00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:01,715 - Any luck? - No. 408 00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:05,185 He just keeps letting all the calls go to voicemail. 409 00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:07,320 - * Please leave * 410 00:18:07,354 --> 00:18:11,257 * A message for Andy Bernard * 411 00:18:11,291 --> 00:18:14,160 * Include your name and number * 412 00:18:14,194 --> 00:18:16,262 * If it's not too hard * 413 00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:17,931 All right, we get it. 414 00:18:17,964 --> 00:18:19,733 - * Please-- * 415 00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:23,336 Robert, um... 416 00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:27,273 are you aware that Nellie is giving out raises? 417 00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:29,576 I am not. Huh. 418 00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:31,177 Yeah. 419 00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:32,912 She gave one to Dwight, Phyllis. 420 00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:35,181 Let me guess, you want one too? 421 00:18:35,215 --> 00:18:37,450 Take the family to "Disneytown"? 422 00:18:37,484 --> 00:18:38,284 Land. World. 423 00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:40,186 Uh, it's not that I don't want a-- 424 00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:41,454 Well, yes, I guess I'd take a raise. 425 00:18:41,488 --> 00:18:42,822 That's not what I'm saying. That's not--sorry. 426 00:18:42,856 --> 00:18:45,191 Jim, I told Andy to come in, 427 00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:47,927 and yet, he is still not in. 428 00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:50,230 By contrast, 429 00:18:50,263 --> 00:18:54,234 Nellie Bertram saw a vacuum and filled it. 430 00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:56,736 To make no mention of her business experience 431 00:18:56,770 --> 00:19:00,206 or her relationship with Jo Bennett, my boss. 432 00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:01,641 - Yes. - Jim, would you prefer 433 00:19:01,675 --> 00:19:03,743 a nature metaphor or a sexual metaphor? 434 00:19:03,777 --> 00:19:05,211 Oh, God, nature, please. 435 00:19:05,245 --> 00:19:06,880 When two animals are having sex, 436 00:19:06,913 --> 00:19:08,682 one of them... 437 00:19:08,715 --> 00:19:10,483 Is communicating a message to the other. 438 00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:12,686 Nothing is mutua-- This isn't very helpful. 439 00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:14,888 You're going to want to hear the sexual metaphor. 440 00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:16,790 Was that not the-- 441 00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:19,893 All life is sex. 442 00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:22,896 And all sex is competition. 443 00:19:22,929 --> 00:19:24,397 Mm-hmm. 444 00:19:24,431 --> 00:19:26,633 And there are no rules to that game. 445 00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:29,235 That wasn't so perverted, now, was it? 446 00:19:29,269 --> 00:19:30,537 Is that it? No, that wasn't bad. 447 00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:31,771 My point is, 448 00:19:31,805 --> 00:19:36,643 there is one person in charge of every office in America, 449 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:39,312 and that person is Charles Darwin. 450 00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:43,316 In the end, doesn't he decide who the manager is? 451 00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:51,291 No. I would've said no. 452 00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:54,694 Oh, you're doing so good. 453 00:19:54,728 --> 00:19:56,496 Oh, my God, you're Superman over there. 454 00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:58,465 You should take it. 455 00:19:58,498 --> 00:20:01,434 It's probably your girlfriend, wondering where you are. 456 00:20:01,468 --> 00:20:03,436 Nope, it's just work. Not important. 457 00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:05,405 You know, I can really feel this in my quads. 458 00:20:05,438 --> 00:20:06,506 I can tell I'm getting stronger. 459 00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:08,942 You really wouldn't feel those kinds of results 460 00:20:08,975 --> 00:20:11,311 - after one session. - I don't know. 461 00:20:11,344 --> 00:20:14,881 Just let it vibrate. It's fine. 462 00:20:14,914 --> 00:20:17,517 - You could put it on silent. - I don't think it does that. 463 00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:20,020 Just go to preferences, then click-- 464 00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:21,287 Proctology. 465 00:20:21,321 --> 00:20:22,956 - Andy? 466 00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:25,592 - Jim? - Andy, where are you? 467 00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:29,729 Uh, I'm--I'm home in bed. I've been in bed all day. 468 00:20:29,763 --> 00:20:33,800 I got the--I got the serious poops, man. 469 00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:34,968 He's here in Tallahassee, 470 00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:36,970 trying to turn my life upside down. 471 00:20:37,003 --> 00:20:39,372 - What? You're in Florida? 472 00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:41,441 Andy, Nellie Bertram's trying to take your job. 473 00:20:41,474 --> 00:20:42,742 What do you mean, take my job? 474 00:20:42,776 --> 00:20:44,477 - Like, set up camp in your office 475 00:20:44,511 --> 00:20:45,612 and is calling herself the manager. 476 00:20:45,645 --> 00:20:48,448 - Who was that, by the way? - My grandmother Irene. 477 00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:49,949 - Who are you? - Dr. Butt. 478 00:20:49,983 --> 00:20:51,484 Okay... 479 00:20:51,518 --> 00:20:53,586 Jim, I really appreciate you looking out for me, 480 00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:56,423 but I'm not coming home without Erin. 481 00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:59,025 So I'll talk to you later. 482 00:20:59,059 --> 00:21:01,394 Shall we pump some rubber? 483 00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:10,937 One, two... 484 00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:13,873 Mm, yeah, feel the burn. 485 00:21:13,907 --> 00:21:17,377 Okay, so this is up to us. 486 00:21:17,410 --> 00:21:19,479 Well, I can't imagine we're the only ones 487 00:21:19,512 --> 00:21:20,747 who want to stand up for Andy. 488 00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:23,450 You like apples? 489 00:21:23,483 --> 00:21:25,585 'Cause I just got a raise. 490 00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:29,089 How do you like them raises? 491 00:21:34,794 --> 00:21:36,096 Mm, let's see, review, review, review. 492 00:21:36,129 --> 00:21:37,864 Yes, good stuff. Here you go, have a raise. 493 00:21:37,897 --> 00:21:39,933 Oh, great. 494 00:21:39,966 --> 00:21:42,635 All right, I'll take the severance package. 495 00:21:42,669 --> 00:21:45,638 No, I am offering you a raise. 496 00:21:45,672 --> 00:21:46,906 No? 497 00:21:48,608 --> 00:21:49,876 You know what? 498 00:21:49,909 --> 00:21:51,778 The first thing I'm gonna do with my raise-- 499 00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:54,681 I'm going out and getting you laid. 500 00:21:54,714 --> 00:21:58,618 Do you like Indian guys-- Cherokee, Navajo, Pequot? 501 00:21:58,651 --> 00:22:00,487 Or do you more prefer the Plains Indians-- 502 00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:04,157 Sioux, Comanche, Dakota? 503 00:22:04,190 --> 00:22:06,826 Huh? Huh? 504 00:22:13,433 --> 00:22:15,869 You should be paid more! 505 00:22:15,902 --> 00:22:17,404 Huh? 506 00:22:17,437 --> 00:22:20,573 You should be paid more! 507 00:22:20,607 --> 00:22:22,509 - I should? - Yes! 508 00:22:22,542 --> 00:22:23,910 Ah. 509 00:22:23,943 --> 00:22:26,546 What time? 510 00:22:26,579 --> 00:22:29,849 Andy, you can't lose your job. 511 00:22:29,883 --> 00:22:31,818 See, when you say those things, Erin, 512 00:22:31,851 --> 00:22:33,687 it makes me think you care about me. 513 00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:35,121 It's just-- You have to go back. 514 00:22:35,155 --> 00:22:37,090 Now I think you care about me a lot. 515 00:22:37,123 --> 00:22:38,792 Okay, fine, then stay. 516 00:22:38,825 --> 00:22:40,994 So the only reason I'm watching "Dr. Oz" on mute 517 00:22:41,027 --> 00:22:42,962 is because you guys said you're doing physical therapy. 518 00:22:42,996 --> 00:22:44,964 - I mean, if you're not-- - Glenny, shush. 519 00:22:44,998 --> 00:22:46,766 Nana, I want to watch this. 520 00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:49,169 I mean, this guy can't stop drinking soda, all right? 521 00:22:49,202 --> 00:22:52,639 I want to hear. I love soda. I'd like to drink less. 522 00:22:54,074 --> 00:22:57,444 Erin, some things are more important than work, like love. 523 00:22:57,477 --> 00:22:59,779 You'd sacrifice your job? 524 00:22:59,813 --> 00:23:03,483 In Tallahassee, those are very hard to come by. 525 00:23:03,516 --> 00:23:05,752 Glenn has never even had a job. 526 00:23:05,785 --> 00:23:08,455 I'm not gonna do something I don't love. 527 00:23:08,488 --> 00:23:10,824 I mean, if we go in there and take these raises, 528 00:23:10,857 --> 00:23:12,559 what are we saying? 529 00:23:12,592 --> 00:23:15,128 That it's okay for someone to just take someone else's job? 530 00:23:15,161 --> 00:23:15,995 Shouldn't work like that. 531 00:23:16,029 --> 00:23:18,998 No, you know what? Nellie's right. 532 00:23:19,032 --> 00:23:21,601 That is exactly how it should work. 533 00:23:21,634 --> 00:23:23,837 Darryl, this office is mine now. 534 00:23:23,870 --> 00:23:24,838 - No. - Yes. 535 00:23:24,871 --> 00:23:25,839 - No. - Yes. 536 00:23:25,872 --> 00:23:27,474 - No. - Yes. 537 00:23:27,507 --> 00:23:28,475 - No. - Yes. 538 00:23:28,508 --> 00:23:29,476 - No. - Yes. 539 00:23:29,509 --> 00:23:30,477 - No. - Yes. 540 00:23:30,510 --> 00:23:31,745 Sorry, too late. I'm here. 541 00:23:31,778 --> 00:23:34,147 This is mine. Back off. 542 00:23:34,180 --> 00:23:37,550 Ow! Ow, ow, ow. 543 00:23:37,584 --> 00:23:39,786 Ow, ow, ow. 544 00:23:45,625 --> 00:23:47,694 Well fought. I accept the outcome. 545 00:23:50,930 --> 00:23:52,665 Touch me, and I'll sue. 546 00:23:55,835 --> 00:23:57,871 I've heard that's amazing when it works. 547 00:23:57,904 --> 00:23:59,839 - Yeah, if I had my own-- - Andy, I care about you. 548 00:23:59,873 --> 00:24:01,041 And I think-- 549 00:24:01,074 --> 00:24:03,910 - Sorry, you go. - No, go ahead. 550 00:24:03,943 --> 00:24:05,945 Well, I was just going to say that, 551 00:24:05,979 --> 00:24:08,048 if I had my own fountain, it would be two frogs 552 00:24:08,081 --> 00:24:10,050 that are spitting into each other's mouths. 553 00:24:10,083 --> 00:24:12,252 It's just stupid. What were you going to say? 554 00:24:12,285 --> 00:24:14,020 Andy, you broke my heart. 555 00:24:14,054 --> 00:24:15,989 Do you know what it feels like 556 00:24:16,022 --> 00:24:18,224 to be constantly rejected by you 557 00:24:18,258 --> 00:24:22,262 and to have to watch you date someone else? 558 00:24:22,295 --> 00:24:23,997 You broke my heart, too. 559 00:24:24,030 --> 00:24:28,835 You broke my heart more recently and more often. 560 00:24:28,868 --> 00:24:30,570 And I think, at some point, in my head, 561 00:24:30,603 --> 00:24:34,741 it just sort of clicked that we're not meant to be. 562 00:24:39,312 --> 00:24:42,282 I'm so sorry that we have not loved each other 563 00:24:42,315 --> 00:24:44,617 at the same time. 564 00:24:44,651 --> 00:24:46,553 I know. 565 00:25:02,669 --> 00:25:04,104 Later. 566 00:25:04,137 --> 00:25:06,239 So, Pamela, I'm going to start this review, 567 00:25:06,272 --> 00:25:08,875 not by telling you what you lack, 568 00:25:08,908 --> 00:25:12,045 but rather, asking you what it is you want. 569 00:25:12,078 --> 00:25:13,246 Really? 570 00:25:13,279 --> 00:25:17,650 Okay, well, um, I like consistency 571 00:25:17,684 --> 00:25:21,654 in the manager's position, no weird silent coups. 572 00:25:21,688 --> 00:25:22,889 Stuff like that. I'm easy. 573 00:25:22,922 --> 00:25:24,257 That's not really what you want. 574 00:25:24,290 --> 00:25:26,126 What you want is a good night's sleep, 575 00:25:26,159 --> 00:25:27,761 working mother of two. 576 00:25:27,794 --> 00:25:30,897 Whoa, that's kind of condescending. 577 00:25:30,930 --> 00:25:33,066 Would you say something like that to Jim? 578 00:25:33,099 --> 00:25:35,301 Does Jim have to breastfeed? 579 00:25:35,335 --> 00:25:37,737 Did Jim carry around those babies for-- 580 00:25:37,771 --> 00:25:39,172 what is it? 12 months? 581 00:25:39,205 --> 00:25:41,374 Be honest, does Jim really get up in the night? 582 00:25:41,408 --> 00:25:44,010 Well, I mean, the only reason he doesn't 583 00:25:44,044 --> 00:25:45,879 is because I'm breastfeeding, 584 00:25:45,912 --> 00:25:47,781 and Phillip doesn't like a bottle. 585 00:25:47,814 --> 00:25:50,250 You must be exhausted. 586 00:25:50,283 --> 00:25:51,818 Fancy a nap? 587 00:25:51,851 --> 00:25:53,787 No. 588 00:25:53,820 --> 00:25:56,222 Go on. Have a nap. 589 00:25:59,025 --> 00:26:02,796 Lie down right here. 590 00:26:02,829 --> 00:26:05,298 There's a blanket in here. 591 00:26:05,331 --> 00:26:07,300 I used it earlier myself. 592 00:26:07,334 --> 00:26:09,636 Dreamt I could breathe underwater 593 00:26:09,669 --> 00:26:11,871 like Jacques Cousteau. 594 00:26:14,874 --> 00:26:17,210 No one will know. 595 00:26:17,243 --> 00:26:19,112 I'll wake you up. 596 00:26:22,048 --> 00:26:26,920 And when you wake up, you will earn more money. 597 00:26:26,953 --> 00:26:30,657 I think... you're a witch. 598 00:26:30,690 --> 00:26:33,660 I think you're amazing. 599 00:26:33,693 --> 00:26:36,763 You know that, right? 600 00:26:36,796 --> 00:26:41,735 Go on, say it-- "I'm amazing." 601 00:26:41,768 --> 00:26:44,137 I'm amazing. 602 00:26:52,345 --> 00:26:56,950 Erin, I think you're making a big mistake right now. 603 00:26:56,983 --> 00:26:59,719 - Andy is a nice boy. - Really? 604 00:26:59,753 --> 00:27:02,689 'Cause you've been kind of a "B" to him all afternoon. 605 00:27:02,722 --> 00:27:04,324 I was protecting you, 606 00:27:04,357 --> 00:27:06,126 because I thought he was no good. 607 00:27:06,159 --> 00:27:08,862 But I can tell you really like him. 608 00:27:08,895 --> 00:27:11,097 And he's willing to lose his job for you 609 00:27:11,131 --> 00:27:13,833 in this economy, with Europe on the brink-- 610 00:27:13,867 --> 00:27:16,169 Irene, what would you do without me? 611 00:27:16,202 --> 00:27:19,239 We're not your concern, sweetheart. 612 00:27:19,272 --> 00:27:22,142 Besides, Glenn's going to sue Home Depot. 613 00:27:22,175 --> 00:27:23,276 Why? 614 00:27:23,309 --> 00:27:26,980 He got his foreskin caught in some lawn furniture. 615 00:27:27,013 --> 00:27:29,382 I want to hear you say it, Darryl. 616 00:27:29,416 --> 00:27:32,285 Say "I am amazing." 617 00:27:32,318 --> 00:27:34,154 I think that would make me feel uncomfortable. 618 00:27:34,187 --> 00:27:36,489 But you are amazing. 619 00:27:36,523 --> 00:27:38,124 Excuse me, I-- 620 00:27:38,158 --> 00:27:39,993 Oh, I'm sorry. 621 00:27:40,026 --> 00:27:41,895 I'm stepping out for a coffee. 622 00:27:41,928 --> 00:27:43,863 Can I get you anything, anything at all? 623 00:27:43,897 --> 00:27:45,165 Yeah, I would love a coffee. 624 00:27:45,198 --> 00:27:47,067 - Nellie? - No, thank you. 625 00:27:47,100 --> 00:27:49,803 - You sure? - Positive. 626 00:27:49,836 --> 00:27:51,304 Okay. 627 00:27:51,338 --> 00:27:53,006 Ooh... 628 00:27:53,039 --> 00:27:55,175 it's actually much later than I thought. 629 00:27:55,208 --> 00:27:58,011 If I have a coffee now, I'll never get to sleep. 630 00:27:59,913 --> 00:28:03,383 - Another time. - Mm-hmm. 631 00:28:03,416 --> 00:28:05,018 What was I saying? 632 00:28:05,051 --> 00:28:07,854 I'm amazing. 633 00:28:07,887 --> 00:28:09,356 Did you see that? 634 00:28:09,389 --> 00:28:11,891 Canceled a coffee run 'cause she wasn't interested. 635 00:28:11,925 --> 00:28:15,762 That's not Darwin. That's Don Juan. 636 00:28:15,795 --> 00:28:18,832 This thing is over. 637 00:28:18,865 --> 00:28:20,533 Sorry, Andy. 638 00:28:20,567 --> 00:28:23,236 Jim, time for your review. 639 00:28:23,269 --> 00:28:25,939 No, it's not, because you don't really work here. 640 00:28:25,972 --> 00:28:28,174 Why are you so staunchly defending 641 00:28:28,208 --> 00:28:30,944 your friend who has abandoned you? 642 00:28:30,977 --> 00:28:34,047 Wouldn't you rather come talk with me? 643 00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:36,549 Maybe definitely get a raise? 644 00:28:36,583 --> 00:28:37,951 See, that's the thing-- 645 00:28:37,984 --> 00:28:39,853 I don't know if you can even give raises. 646 00:28:39,886 --> 00:28:43,323 Jim, have you ever heard of a character named Tinker Bell? 647 00:28:43,356 --> 00:28:46,092 - Yes. - I'm Tinker Bell. 648 00:28:46,126 --> 00:28:47,560 - No. - Mm-hmm. 649 00:28:47,594 --> 00:28:51,498 I'm a magical fairy who floated into your office 650 00:28:51,531 --> 00:28:54,934 to bring a little bit of magic into your lives, 651 00:28:54,968 --> 00:28:57,470 to give you all raises. 652 00:28:57,504 --> 00:28:59,272 And we are grateful. 653 00:28:59,305 --> 00:29:02,208 But here's the thing about Tinker Bell, Jim. 654 00:29:02,242 --> 00:29:05,178 Everyone has to believe in her, 655 00:29:05,211 --> 00:29:07,080 or she doesn't exist. 656 00:29:07,113 --> 00:29:10,483 - She dies. - She dies! 657 00:29:10,517 --> 00:29:12,819 Now, who here... 658 00:29:12,852 --> 00:29:14,954 believes in Tinker Bell? 659 00:29:14,988 --> 00:29:16,489 Let's see it. Show of hands. 660 00:29:16,523 --> 00:29:17,924 - I do. - Oh! 661 00:29:17,957 --> 00:29:20,994 Come on, everyone. 662 00:29:21,027 --> 00:29:22,962 All right, guys, stop. 663 00:29:22,996 --> 00:29:25,231 - I already spent the money. - How? 664 00:29:25,265 --> 00:29:27,233 Come on, Jim, you're killing her. 665 00:29:27,267 --> 00:29:32,105 We believe! We believe! 666 00:29:32,138 --> 00:29:35,108 Look at this wonderful recognition 667 00:29:35,141 --> 00:29:36,476 of Nellie's leadership. 668 00:29:36,509 --> 00:29:38,244 I believe! 669 00:29:44,351 --> 00:29:49,022 That did not go how I wanted it to. 670 00:29:49,055 --> 00:29:51,157 Ugh. 671 00:29:51,191 --> 00:29:52,992 I have a whole ton of Erin's favorite food 672 00:29:53,026 --> 00:29:55,595 for the drive back, eggplant parm. 673 00:29:58,665 --> 00:30:02,068 It's biodegradable. Animals will eat it. 674 00:30:03,303 --> 00:30:05,972 Andy, wait! Andy! 675 00:30:06,006 --> 00:30:08,274 Andy, wait! Andy, don't go! 676 00:30:08,308 --> 00:30:10,043 Andy, I love you! Stop! 677 00:30:10,076 --> 00:30:12,979 Oh, this is the wrong Prius. 678 00:30:13,013 --> 00:30:14,014 I don't love you. 679 00:30:14,047 --> 00:30:15,315 - Erin! - I'm sorry. 680 00:30:17,617 --> 00:30:19,486 Andy. 681 00:30:34,034 --> 00:30:35,168 Let's get out of here. 682 00:30:35,201 --> 00:30:36,436 - Okay. - Let's go. 683 00:30:36,469 --> 00:30:38,204 Wait, we have to go back and get your stuff. 684 00:30:38,238 --> 00:30:39,305 No, I don't have any stuff. 685 00:30:39,339 --> 00:30:41,007 Like, your toothbrush and stuff. 686 00:30:41,041 --> 00:30:43,109 - I don't have one. - You don't have a toothbrush? 687 00:30:43,143 --> 00:30:45,111 No. 688 00:30:45,145 --> 00:30:47,313 How do you not have a toothbrush? 689 00:30:47,347 --> 00:30:48,915 I just-- there's always one around. 690 00:30:48,948 --> 00:30:50,583 You just use whichever one's sitting there? 691 00:30:50,617 --> 00:30:51,584 I always find one. 692 00:30:51,618 --> 00:30:53,586 Have you ever heard of buying a toothbrush? 693 00:30:53,620 --> 00:30:55,388 Of course. I own my toothbrush. 694 00:30:59,192 --> 00:31:00,360 {\an8}I grew up poor. 695 00:31:00,393 --> 00:31:02,262 {\an8}I had little formal education, 696 00:31:02,295 --> 00:31:03,563 {\an8}no real skills. 697 00:31:03,596 --> 00:31:05,498 {\an8}I don't work especially hard, 698 00:31:05,532 --> 00:31:07,534 {\an8}and most of my ideas are either unoriginal 699 00:31:07,567 --> 00:31:09,069 {\an8}or total crap. 700 00:31:09,102 --> 00:31:12,205 {\an8}And yet, I walked right into a job 701 00:31:12,238 --> 00:31:15,375 {\an8}for which I was ill-prepared, ill-suited, 702 00:31:15,408 --> 00:31:17,410 {\an8}and somebody else already had, 703 00:31:17,444 --> 00:31:19,279 {\an8}and I got it. 704 00:31:19,312 --> 00:31:23,450 {\an8}If you ask me, that's the American Dream right there. 705 00:31:23,483 --> 00:31:26,519 {\an8}Anything can happen to anyone. 706 00:31:26,553 --> 00:31:29,122 {\an8}It's just random. 50961

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