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1
00:00:09,576 --> 00:00:12,178
* Oh, come let us adore him *
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00:00:12,212 --> 00:00:16,349
* Oh, come let us adore him *
3
00:00:16,383 --> 00:00:20,286
* Christ the Lord *
4
00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:22,689
Lord-duh.
Duh.
5
00:00:22,722 --> 00:00:24,657
Who's Christ the lore?
I don't know who that is.
6
00:00:26,126 --> 00:00:27,293
Hey, can I go
to the bathroom please?
7
00:00:27,327 --> 00:00:30,563
Yes, of course you can,
as soon as we nail these songs.
8
00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:31,631
Okay?
9
00:00:31,664 --> 00:00:33,133
Then you can take the most
10
00:00:33,166 --> 00:00:34,668
celebratory defecation
of your life,
11
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:36,202
but for now, use it.
12
00:00:36,236 --> 00:00:38,605
When I woke up this morning,
I said, "Andy,
13
00:00:38,638 --> 00:00:40,507
"keep your expectations
in check.
14
00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:42,709
"This is not Here Comes Treble.
15
00:00:42,742 --> 00:00:44,611
This is Dunder Mifflin."
16
00:00:44,644 --> 00:00:48,114
But they suck.
17
00:00:48,148 --> 00:00:49,416
* Rudolph *
18
00:00:49,449 --> 00:00:51,351
* The Red-nosed Reindeer *
* Reindeer *
19
00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:53,219
* Had a very shiny nose *
20
00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:54,287
Like a lightbulb!
21
00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:56,289
* And if you ever
saw it, saw it *
22
00:00:56,322 --> 00:00:58,358
- Stop, stop.
- * You would even say-- *
23
00:00:58,391 --> 00:01:01,161
I love the energy, but
the interjections, the echoes,
24
00:01:01,194 --> 00:01:02,595
They're extremely destructive.
25
00:01:02,629 --> 00:01:03,596
- What?
- Oh, come on.
26
00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:04,698
- Yeah, it's just--
- Andy.
27
00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:05,799
No, no, no, no, no,
they're cheap.
28
00:01:05,832 --> 00:01:07,767
- You're better than that.
- But the echoes are funny.
29
00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:09,703
- Like Paula Poundstone!
- Zip it, Jim.
30
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,304
Like a sleeping bag!
31
00:01:11,338 --> 00:01:12,572
You just don't know
when to stop.
32
00:01:12,605 --> 00:01:13,573
That's what she said!
33
00:01:13,606 --> 00:01:14,841
Okay.
34
00:01:14,874 --> 00:01:16,476
Guys, the call and responses
are hilarious.
35
00:01:16,509 --> 00:01:17,711
That's not even a question.
36
00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:19,346
But the song is not funny.
37
00:01:19,379 --> 00:01:22,449
Rudolph was made fun
of his entire life,
38
00:01:22,482 --> 00:01:26,553
which is hard enough,
but he gave the run of his life
39
00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:27,721
to save Christmas.
40
00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:30,590
He lit the way
on that foggy night.
41
00:01:30,623 --> 00:01:32,158
He probably died at the end.
42
00:01:32,192 --> 00:01:34,794
I'm just saying,
"he goes down in history"?
43
00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:36,363
Just think about that.
44
00:01:36,396 --> 00:01:37,831
Is it really that hard
to envision
45
00:01:37,864 --> 00:01:39,332
what his nose looked like?
46
00:01:39,366 --> 00:01:40,734
You need someone to say,
"lightbulb"?
47
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,936
I don't think so.
48
00:01:42,969 --> 00:01:44,904
And why, when the reindeer
call him names,
49
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:47,907
do they say, "Pinocchio"?
Ugh, that always irked me.
50
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,609
Pinocchio's nose gets bigger.
51
00:01:49,642 --> 00:01:51,511
It's a totally
different handicap.
52
00:01:51,544 --> 00:01:52,846
* As they shouted out *
53
00:01:52,879 --> 00:01:55,181
* With glee *
54
00:01:55,215 --> 00:01:57,951
* Rudolph the
Red-Nosed Reindeer *
55
00:01:57,984 --> 00:02:03,757
* You'll go down in history *
56
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:05,625
Like George Washington!
57
00:02:05,658 --> 00:02:07,193
- What?
- What are you doing?
58
00:02:07,227 --> 00:02:09,429
It's not an echo.
It's the last line of the song.
59
00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:11,598
- Go to hell, Andy.
- Andy, come on.
60
00:02:16,436 --> 00:02:23,309
{\an8}* *
61
00:02:45,732 --> 00:02:49,502
* Christmas time is here *
62
00:02:49,536 --> 00:02:52,672
{\an8}Wow, thanks, guys,
that sounded amazing.
63
00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:54,607
{\an8}Hi, I'm Andy Bernard.
64
00:02:54,641 --> 00:02:57,410
{\an8}And I am the first
office Santa ever
65
00:02:57,444 --> 00:03:00,413
{\an8}to make holiday wishes
come true.
66
00:03:00,447 --> 00:03:02,716
{\an8}For the past month,
I have been collecting wishes
67
00:03:02,749 --> 00:03:05,518
from everyone in the office,and I intend to make good
68
00:03:05,552 --> 00:03:06,486
on every single one of them.
69
00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:07,620
Oh, I see.
70
00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:11,691
Now, look, I may not havea great laugh like Santa
71
00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:14,728
or a flying sled, but I'lltell you what I do have.
72
00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:16,863
A Prius,a heart of freaking gold...
73
00:03:16,896 --> 00:03:20,300
- This.
- All right, you got it.
74
00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:22,569
And an American ExpressGreen Card.
75
00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:24,738
Who's excited to get
their holiday wishes?
76
00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:27,440
- Holiday wishes.
- What's that, Stanley?
77
00:03:27,474 --> 00:03:30,276
We know exactly what holiday
you're referring to.
78
00:03:30,310 --> 00:03:32,612
{\an8}- It is important
to be mindful
79
00:03:32,645 --> 00:03:34,981
{\an8}of all belief systems
at our holiday party.
80
00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:36,716
{\an8}I've been here 18 years,
81
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:39,686
{\an8}and have suffered through some
weird, thematic Christmases.
82
00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:43,289
{\an8}A Honolulu Christmas,
a "Pulp Fiction" Christmas,
83
00:03:43,323 --> 00:03:45,992
{\an8}a Muslim Christmas,
Moroccan Christmas,
84
00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:49,462
{\an8}Mo Rocca Christmas.
I don't want it.
85
00:03:49,496 --> 00:03:51,631
{\an8}Christmas is Christmas
is Christmas is Christmas.
86
00:03:51,664 --> 00:03:52,932
{\an8}Hear you loud and clear.
87
00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:54,401
{\an8}- I don't want
no Kwanzaa wreath.
88
00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:55,969
{\an8}I don't need
a dreidel in my face--
89
00:03:56,002 --> 00:03:57,437
{\an8}that's its own thing.
90
00:03:57,470 --> 00:04:00,340
{\an8}And who's that Black Santa for?
I don't care.
91
00:04:00,373 --> 00:04:03,543
{\an8}I know Santa ain't Black.
I could care less.
92
00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:05,078
{\an8}I want Christmas.
93
00:04:05,111 --> 00:04:09,849
{\an8}Just give me plain baby Jesus
lying in a manger Christmas.
94
00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:14,487
{\an8}- I got Stanley tickets to see
Lewis Black for his birthday.
95
00:04:14,521 --> 00:04:17,390
{\an8}Might not have been
the best idea.
96
00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:20,427
{\an8}- How's the juice, Stanley?
Good. Phyllis, thank you.
97
00:04:20,460 --> 00:04:22,095
{\an8}Let's just monitor
his sugar levels.
98
00:04:22,128 --> 00:04:23,730
{\an8}- What is the status
on my wish?
99
00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:25,398
{\an8}Fulfilled.
100
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,734
{\an8}Brought my bicycle so I can be
your designated driver later
101
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:29,602
{\an8}in the event
that you drink too much,
102
00:04:29,636 --> 00:04:31,571
{\an8}which is by no means required.
103
00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:33,606
{\an8}- I just hope you bought
a bunch of old towels.
104
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:36,376
{\an8}- Yeah, and what about my wish
that we don't have
105
00:04:36,409 --> 00:04:38,912
{\an8}to attend meetings that degrade
our sense of adulthood?
106
00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:40,914
{\an8}- That I cannot do,
but I did get you
107
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:43,016
{\an8}an acre of property
on the moon.
108
00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:45,485
{\an8}- Where, dark side
or light side?
109
00:04:45,518 --> 00:04:46,319
{\an8}Light side.
110
00:04:46,353 --> 00:04:47,921
{\an8}- Is it by
the Sea of Tranquility?
111
00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:50,790
{\an8}- As a matter of fact, yes.
Directly adjacent.
112
00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:53,093
{\an8}- Beachfront.
Thank you, Andy.
113
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:56,363
{\an8}- So whose wish is next?
Oh, what about Santa's wish?
114
00:04:56,396 --> 00:04:59,733
{\an8}- Andy, come on.
The real Santa?
115
00:04:59,766 --> 00:05:01,601
{\an8}That's not possible, right?
116
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:03,103
{\an8}My biggest wish is that
117
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:05,505
{\an8}you all get along well
with Jessica.
118
00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:10,143
Come on, guys, Jessica.
119
00:05:10,176 --> 00:05:11,911
Jim, tell them who Jessica is.
120
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:13,380
She's not your grandmother,
is she?
121
00:05:13,413 --> 00:05:15,615
Ugh, Gam Gam's name
is Ruth, Jim.
122
00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:16,850
You should know.
123
00:05:16,883 --> 00:05:17,851
I introduced you
on speaker phone that time.
124
00:05:17,884 --> 00:05:19,519
Yeah.
125
00:05:19,552 --> 00:05:21,421
Jessica is
my super serious girlfriend
126
00:05:21,454 --> 00:05:23,723
who is seriously awesome
and seriously sexy.
127
00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:26,960
{\an8}Only thing that's not serious,
by the way, our repartee.
128
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:29,095
{\an8}Hey, what's up,
Dewey Jessimal system?
129
00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:31,097
{\an8}Not much, Nardy By Nature.
130
00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:33,099
That's great.
When you know, you know.
131
00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:34,701
Hey, what's Ruth's deal, man?
132
00:05:34,734 --> 00:05:36,703
Totally out of your league.
133
00:05:36,736 --> 00:05:39,005
So, in summation, ho ho ho,
134
00:05:39,039 --> 00:05:40,940
please be nice to Jessica,
and mistletoe
135
00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:42,742
is not an excuse
for sexual assault.
136
00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:44,611
And don't go near Gam Gam.
137
00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:49,482
I love Jessica,
and I haven't even met her yet.
138
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:51,918
It's like, we don't even
need to meet, you know?
139
00:05:51,951 --> 00:05:54,020
I already love you.
Stay home.
140
00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:57,457
I just want you to know
141
00:05:57,490 --> 00:05:58,892
that I will be mean to Jessica,
if you want me to be.
142
00:05:58,925 --> 00:06:00,560
Oh, no, no,
it's fine, Kelly.
143
00:06:00,593 --> 00:06:01,561
It's really no problem.
144
00:06:01,594 --> 00:06:03,029
I was already planning
on being mean to her.
145
00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:04,130
That's okay,
I don't want you to do that.
146
00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:07,000
Got it, so I will just see
how I feel in the moment
147
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:09,035
- and just play it by ear.
- No.
148
00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:11,705
You don't come in here
at our Christmas party
149
00:06:11,738 --> 00:06:14,708
and start dating the guy
who my friend used to date
150
00:06:14,741 --> 00:06:16,976
two years ago for three weeks.
151
00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:19,045
Hello.
152
00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:21,614
Merry Christmas, Erin.
153
00:06:21,648 --> 00:06:25,985
- Kelly, happy Pancha Ganapati.
- Ew, what is that?
154
00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:28,955
The five day Hindu
celebration in December,
155
00:06:28,988 --> 00:06:31,858
honoring the God Ganesh,
patron of the arts.
156
00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:33,193
Cool.
157
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:35,061
- Hey, man.
- Hey, oh!
158
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:37,597
How you holding up?
159
00:06:37,630 --> 00:06:39,499
Because of your wife
leaving you.
160
00:06:39,532 --> 00:06:40,500
Kevin.
161
00:06:40,533 --> 00:06:42,736
I actually appreciate
the human intimacy.
162
00:06:42,769 --> 00:06:45,839
I feel like a kitten
being cradled by a gorilla.
163
00:06:45,872 --> 00:06:47,240
Yeah.
164
00:06:47,273 --> 00:06:49,909
It's been ten days
since I had sexual intercourse.
165
00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:51,177
Well, you came
to the right place.
166
00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:52,779
Ah.
167
00:06:52,812 --> 00:06:55,548
It--this party will
cheer you right up.
168
00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:56,649
I hope so.
169
00:06:56,683 --> 00:06:58,184
The corporate party
was wretched.
170
00:06:58,218 --> 00:07:01,855
I am so tired
of the Black Eyed Peas.
171
00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:04,024
It's rock and roll for people
who don't like rock and roll.
172
00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:06,726
It's rap for people
who don't like rap.
173
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,728
It's pop for people
who don't like pop.
174
00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:12,599
Ah, heartbreaking.
175
00:07:12,632 --> 00:07:14,067
Oh, thank you.
176
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:16,803
Now, where can I get a drink?
Oh.
177
00:07:16,836 --> 00:07:19,939
Oh, well, we thought we
wouldn't put the alcohol out
178
00:07:19,973 --> 00:07:24,177
until 11:00 a.m.
Just common decency.
179
00:07:24,210 --> 00:07:28,214
Par for the course.
Par for the freaking course.
180
00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:32,252
I'll be in the party room
having a cookie until 11:00.
181
00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:37,190
Yule log.
182
00:07:37,223 --> 00:07:41,061
Not destroyed, no.
183
00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:46,733
Not destructive quite.
184
00:07:48,601 --> 00:07:51,037
Off-kilter, sure.
185
00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:54,607
But that's too vague.
186
00:07:56,676 --> 00:08:01,181
Erratic, darkly erratic.
187
00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:04,150
That's my mood.
188
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:09,823
Well, I hate to have to take
my Santa hat off
189
00:08:09,856 --> 00:08:13,126
and put on my hard ass hat,
190
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:16,329
but...this is serious.
191
00:08:16,363 --> 00:08:18,331
It's come to my attention that
192
00:08:18,365 --> 00:08:20,133
somebody who shall
remain nameless
193
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:22,635
wants to switch desk clumps.
194
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:23,670
Fine with me.
195
00:08:23,703 --> 00:08:25,105
Jim can leave
any time he wants.
196
00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:26,339
- Good-bye.
- Wasn't me.
197
00:08:26,373 --> 00:08:27,707
It wasn't either of you.
198
00:08:27,741 --> 00:08:29,342
Kathy wants
to leave our clump?
199
00:08:29,376 --> 00:08:31,144
Don't look.
200
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:33,847
Who it was is not important,
201
00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:36,316
but she did say that
your constant pranking
202
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,118
and one-upsmanship
is driving her crazy.
203
00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:39,686
She or he.
204
00:08:39,719 --> 00:08:41,621
I just want to say
this is not my fault.
205
00:08:41,654 --> 00:08:44,124
Okay, the weak
always bully the strong,
206
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:45,725
contrary to what you see
in the media.
207
00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:47,727
I am always acting
in self-defense.
208
00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:51,297
Occasionally
preemptive self-defense.
209
00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:53,633
- Ow, what are you doing?
- Hey! Hey!
210
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:54,634
Respect the hat.
211
00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:56,736
Pam never seemed to have
a problem with us.
212
00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:58,271
All right.
213
00:08:58,304 --> 00:09:00,774
I'm gonna speak in a language
you both understand:
214
00:09:00,807 --> 00:09:02,375
Monet.
215
00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:04,110
- What was it?
- What is?
216
00:09:04,144 --> 00:09:06,646
Money.
217
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:09,616
You both have sizable Christmas
bonuses coming your way.
218
00:09:09,649 --> 00:09:11,151
If I catch either of you
messing with the other,
219
00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:13,253
I will give both bonuses
to the other person.
220
00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:16,022
- Can't do that.
- No, absolutely not.
221
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,624
You need consequences.
222
00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:19,826
Okay, I want you both
walking on eggshells.
223
00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:23,329
Not actual eggshells,
obviously.
224
00:09:23,363 --> 00:09:26,366
That would be another prank.
225
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:30,070
Pretty good prank actually,
226
00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:31,905
if you think about it.
227
00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:39,279
Nice clump.
228
00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:40,680
Closer to the bathroom, huh?
229
00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:46,219
Hi, I'm Jessica.
I'm looking for Andy.
230
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,655
Jessica, yes.
We don't say hi.
231
00:09:48,688 --> 00:09:50,390
We hug.
232
00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:53,226
I'm Erin.
233
00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:55,095
- I--oof.
- Sorry.
234
00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:56,363
I hope you feel
really welcome.
235
00:09:56,396 --> 00:09:58,098
- We all want you here.
- Oh.
236
00:09:58,131 --> 00:10:01,935
My ex is meeting my sex,
237
00:10:01,968 --> 00:10:03,436
which is always scary.
238
00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:05,372
You know?
And not just because
239
00:10:05,405 --> 00:10:08,108
you think they might talk
about your penis.
240
00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:09,943
That's just part of it.
241
00:10:09,976 --> 00:10:11,411
Hey!
Jess, Erin.
242
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,113
I hope you're not talking
about my penis.
243
00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:14,381
- Oh.
- Hi.
244
00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:15,782
- Hi.
- Mwah.
245
00:10:15,815 --> 00:10:17,851
Hey, everyone,
I want you to meet Jessica.
246
00:10:17,884 --> 00:10:20,987
She is an assistant cross
country coach at Bryn Mawr.
247
00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:22,255
Wow.
248
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:24,858
Erin, by the way,
amazing receptionist.
249
00:10:24,891 --> 00:10:26,326
Oh, that's great.
250
00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:28,428
Backbone of the office.
251
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:30,864
Which is funny, actually,
because my spine is a mess.
252
00:10:30,897 --> 00:10:31,831
- What?
- Oh.
253
00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:32,699
Scoliosis.
254
00:10:32,732 --> 00:10:34,067
Had to wear a back brace
for three years,
255
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:36,269
but I never did.
256
00:10:38,905 --> 00:10:41,174
Oh, no.
257
00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:42,442
Oh, no, it's kicking in.
258
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:45,812
- Spontaneous...scoliosis.
- Spontaneous scoliosis.
259
00:10:48,782 --> 00:10:49,616
Oh.
260
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,017
This thing could
take your arm off,
261
00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:52,285
your head off.
262
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:53,720
You know,
just exercise caution.
263
00:10:53,753 --> 00:10:55,021
- Thank you.
- All right.
264
00:10:55,055 --> 00:10:56,923
All right.
265
00:10:56,956 --> 00:10:58,758
Oh, yeah, and, um...
266
00:10:58,792 --> 00:11:00,260
there's a Christmas party
upstairs tonight
267
00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:01,428
I wanted to tell you about.
268
00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:03,363
Isn't that just
for popsicles?
269
00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:05,865
- Popsicles?
- Yeah, like, upstairs people.
270
00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:07,500
'Cause you got
a stick up your butt.
271
00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:10,437
Ah, see, I thought it was
because they're all so rich,
272
00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:12,439
they could eat popsicles
all the time.
273
00:11:12,472 --> 00:11:14,040
What?
274
00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:15,342
I-- in my--
275
00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:16,343
Well, you should
definitely come.
276
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:18,011
The foreman always comes.
277
00:11:18,044 --> 00:11:21,181
Plus it's fun, you know,
cookies, smoked fish,
278
00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:23,183
alcohol, people acting stupid.
279
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:24,451
You had me at "clookies."
280
00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:27,354
I can't wait to find out
what they are.
281
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:29,122
What should I wear?
282
00:11:29,155 --> 00:11:30,190
Oh, it's nice.
It's real nice.
283
00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:31,391
People get dressed up.
284
00:11:31,424 --> 00:11:34,461
I will look so handsome
for you, Darryl.
285
00:11:42,969 --> 00:11:46,106
Ah...
286
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:48,975
I'm gonna s--
287
00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:55,348
Dwight really wants my bonus.
288
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:57,951
He's trying to entrap me.
289
00:11:57,984 --> 00:12:02,355
Oh, God, now I can't drink
at this thing.
290
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:05,458
I get really pranky
when I drink.
291
00:12:05,492 --> 00:12:08,094
- Cheers, Oscar.
- Thank you.
292
00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:10,363
Tip jar.
293
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:12,165
I thought it would be a hoot.
294
00:12:12,198 --> 00:12:14,234
Oh, you don't--
295
00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:16,803
- Okay.
- It's very funny.
296
00:12:16,836 --> 00:12:18,838
Once again, Robert,
incredible gin and tonic.
297
00:12:18,872 --> 00:12:20,807
- Mm.
- Total gin-gasm right now.
298
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:22,809
Mm.
299
00:12:22,842 --> 00:12:24,144
- Oh, no, no, no, you don't--
- Yep.
300
00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:25,211
- Wow.
- You earned it.
301
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:28,248
Is it the gin, is it the tonic,
or is it the man?
302
00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:30,016
Gabe, I suspect
it's the components
303
00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:31,851
because no love
went into making that.
304
00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:34,120
It's just two fluids
carelessly combined.
305
00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:35,588
But cheers.
306
00:12:35,622 --> 00:12:37,390
Erin, what can I get for you?
307
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:40,093
Uh, do you have cola?
Kirkland, if you have it.
308
00:12:40,126 --> 00:12:42,295
Why would you come to a bar
and ask for a cola
309
00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:43,830
when you can get some
from the kitchen?
310
00:12:43,863 --> 00:12:45,398
Did some small part of you
311
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,400
want something
a little stronger?
312
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:50,603
Ryan, Kevin, Phyllis, Oscar,
313
00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:52,405
come and take these shots.
314
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,140
- Oh.
- Yes.
315
00:12:54,174 --> 00:12:55,342
Will do.
316
00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:57,310
The fifth one
is for you, Erin.
317
00:12:57,344 --> 00:12:59,412
You can take it or leave it.
318
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:01,047
To take it would be to accept
319
00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:03,416
that you're at a party
and you're an adult woman
320
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:06,419
with an adventurous spirit.
321
00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:08,455
To leave it would be fine too.
322
00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:10,857
- One, two, three.
- Yes.
323
00:13:10,890 --> 00:13:12,092
Okay.
324
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,127
- Mm.
- Whoa.
325
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:16,463
- Hey, hey, nice.
- Whoo!
326
00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:18,365
Jiminy Christmas!
327
00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:20,233
Jiminy Christmas,
indeed.
328
00:13:20,266 --> 00:13:22,202
- Hit 'er up.
- Oh, yes.
329
00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:23,269
- Whoo!
- Yeah.
330
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,437
Wow.
331
00:13:29,075 --> 00:13:32,212
Uh, yeah, I just got
my replacement credit card.
332
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:35,582
Do you want the nu--
oh, it's 4-7-9-3
333
00:13:35,615 --> 00:13:40,620
0-0-3-2-3-3-1-3.
334
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:45,291
The security code is 927.
335
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,394
Okay, great,
thank you very much.
336
00:13:47,427 --> 00:13:49,396
Bye.
337
00:13:52,599 --> 00:13:55,101
So Dwight did take the bait.
338
00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:57,103
He used my credit card numbers
339
00:13:57,137 --> 00:14:00,640
to send a $200 bouquet
of flowers...
340
00:14:00,674 --> 00:14:02,676
to my wife.
341
00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:04,244
From me.
342
00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:06,246
You wanna know
what the card said?
343
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:08,448
It said,
"Let's make another baby."
344
00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:15,121
Boom!
345
00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:17,991
Look, it's Christmas,
so you're allowed--
346
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:20,060
whoa, hello.
347
00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:28,134
* *
348
00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:30,337
I meant dressed up
compared to normal.
349
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:32,172
You usually dress
like a Ghostbuster.
350
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:33,273
Okay.
351
00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:34,307
I thought you'd wear
a sweater.
352
00:14:34,341 --> 00:14:36,443
Since when does a sweater
mean "dressed up"?
353
00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:37,944
Am I your grandson?
354
00:14:37,977 --> 00:14:39,079
Gotta say, Darryl,
this party,
355
00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:42,349
so much more than I expected,
and I expected the moon.
356
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,651
Um, now, the stuff
on people's desks,
357
00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:48,021
is that up for grabs?
358
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:49,289
Come on, stay,
all right?
359
00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:51,157
It's good for people
to get to know you.
360
00:14:51,191 --> 00:14:53,693
As a contestant on
"Dancing with the Stars" maybe.
361
00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:57,464
Now, like, the cookie, yeah,
I can have that, duh,
362
00:14:57,497 --> 00:14:59,499
but the picture
of the nice couple,
363
00:14:59,532 --> 00:15:04,170
I could really use this
in my garage.
364
00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:05,672
Could you excuse us
for a moment?
365
00:15:05,705 --> 00:15:07,040
Huh?
366
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:09,442
Could you excuse us
for a moment?
367
00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:11,211
You got it.
368
00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:16,049
I want my sugar-free cookie,
369
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:18,752
and then I want
a sugar cookie.
370
00:15:18,785 --> 00:15:20,153
And then I want my nap.
371
00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:22,288
That's right.
372
00:15:22,322 --> 00:15:23,690
Thank you.
373
00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:25,458
She is remarkable.
374
00:15:25,492 --> 00:15:28,228
- Edgy impressions.
- Thank you.
375
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:29,996
How many drinks
have you had tonight?
376
00:15:30,030 --> 00:15:31,698
I can't be driving
everybody home.
377
00:15:31,731 --> 00:15:34,334
- A thousand.
- Whoa!
378
00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:36,536
Maybe you should take a break.
379
00:15:36,569 --> 00:15:40,106
Maybe you should
mind your own business.
380
00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:43,109
Just kidding.
381
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:49,082
Ryan, for your holiday wish,
you wanted ten sick days.
382
00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:50,450
I'd be satisfied with eight.
383
00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:53,086
- Well, I did you one better.
- Nine?
384
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:55,722
- I got you health insurance.
- Oh, neat.
385
00:15:55,755 --> 00:15:57,490
Yeah, right?
386
00:15:57,524 --> 00:16:00,193
But with great perks
come great responsibility,
387
00:16:00,226 --> 00:16:02,395
so I'm gonna be expecting
a lot more from you.
388
00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:04,330
No more zoning out
in your office.
389
00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:06,633
Ah, oh, great.
390
00:16:06,666 --> 00:16:08,702
Ah, ah, I've been attacked!
391
00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:10,203
Oh, my God.
392
00:16:10,236 --> 00:16:12,105
Oh, someone put a porcupine
in my drawer.
393
00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:13,473
Oh, my God.
394
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:15,241
Yeah, I was just
sitting here at my desk,
395
00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:16,576
and I reached into my drawer
396
00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:19,179
to grab my toothbrush
and some tooth powder,
397
00:16:19,212 --> 00:16:20,714
and--and all of a sudden,
398
00:16:20,747 --> 00:16:23,750
I was attacked by this
bloodthirsty rabid creature.
399
00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:27,520
I wonder, in this office,
who has access to a porcupine?
400
00:16:27,554 --> 00:16:30,690
Or who in this office
knows that I have access
401
00:16:30,724 --> 00:16:33,159
and is trying to set me up?
402
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:35,495
Hm, you know,
this sounds a lot like
403
00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:38,098
the premise of my
latest Chad Flenderman novel,
404
00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:39,566
A Murder for Framing.
405
00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:42,268
Chad Flenderman,
just an easy-going Black guy
406
00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:45,605
who knows the streets,
yet he also went to Oxford.
407
00:16:45,638 --> 00:16:49,209
So just as comfortable
on a motorcycle
408
00:16:49,242 --> 00:16:52,545
as he is on "Air Force One."
409
00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:56,116
Oh, and he's also the world's
leading Egyptologist.
410
00:16:56,149 --> 00:17:00,453
Toby, nobody cares about your
sex-crazed Black detective.
411
00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:02,222
No, no, no, no, no,
women chase him.
412
00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:03,823
He misses his wife.
413
00:17:03,857 --> 00:17:05,759
Hello,
lacerated hand here, folks.
414
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:07,527
Nice try.
This is ridiculous.
415
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:08,595
Oh, is it really?
416
00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:11,131
Two separate times
you have set me up to believe
417
00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:13,099
that I was being recruited
by the CIA.
418
00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:14,634
- Three times, actually.
- You see?
419
00:17:14,668 --> 00:17:16,269
Jim, this has
your fingerprints all over it.
420
00:17:16,302 --> 00:17:17,303
Andy, you've got to be
kidding me.
421
00:17:17,337 --> 00:17:19,472
Fingerprints can be planted.
422
00:17:19,506 --> 00:17:20,607
You know,
with a severed hand--
423
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,175
Do you think
that's what happened?
424
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,309
Do you think he used
a severed hand?
425
00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:24,611
Okay, you know what,
why don't we just
426
00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:25,512
call animal control?
427
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,313
You might want to run that
by Angela.
428
00:17:27,347 --> 00:17:29,115
'Cause it's so cute.
429
00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:31,151
No. Porcupines
don't have souls.
430
00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:32,619
They're like dogs.
431
00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:34,187
Yes, I'm calling
from Dunder Mifflin.
432
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:36,222
We have a very rabid porcupine
in our office.
433
00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:37,624
Someone should come
pick it up.
434
00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:39,292
Come down right away.
435
00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:40,827
Uh, I don't know, let me ask.
Uh, were you quilled?
436
00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:42,162
Yes, I was quilled.
437
00:17:42,195 --> 00:17:43,396
- And what's its name?
- Henrietta.
438
00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:47,133
- Oops.
- What?
439
00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:50,837
All right.
Get her out of here, Dwight.
440
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:54,240
Serves you right.
441
00:17:54,274 --> 00:17:58,244
Now do your impression of me.
442
00:17:58,278 --> 00:18:00,647
- I don't really have one of you.
- Oh, come on now.
443
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:04,517
Just pretend I'm one of
your friends and entertain me.
444
00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:08,388
Okay.
445
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:10,857
There is no such thing
446
00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:14,194
as transgression anymore.
447
00:18:14,227 --> 00:18:16,629
What is pornography
to one person
448
00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:19,632
is "Reader's Digest"
to another.
449
00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:23,770
That's why
I'm impossible to offend.
450
00:18:25,572 --> 00:18:28,775
That is very, very me.
451
00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:30,377
Do it again.
452
00:18:30,410 --> 00:18:33,246
Or do something else.
453
00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:42,555
* *
454
00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:45,959
Guys, I just wanted to say--
come here.
455
00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:48,795
I am so happy
you guys are together.
456
00:18:48,828 --> 00:18:50,263
Okay?
457
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:52,932
And you both have
such beautiful hair.
458
00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:53,933
Thank you.
459
00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:56,936
I hope you guys get married.
460
00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:58,505
And who knows?
461
00:18:58,538 --> 00:18:59,873
Maybe at the wedding,
I meet someone.
462
00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:01,474
Okay.
463
00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:04,544
And later on tonight,
I hope I see you guys kiss.
464
00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,450
Yay.
465
00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:12,318
Okay, well, I'm gonna go do
another reverse spit.
466
00:19:12,352 --> 00:19:16,489
That's how the cool kids
say "get a drink."
467
00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:22,362
That's, uh,
that's the girl you dated?
468
00:19:22,395 --> 00:19:25,298
Um, yeah,
she's not really like that.
469
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:26,866
It's...
470
00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:29,436
No, she--she seems fun.
471
00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:32,939
- Yeah, uh, excuse me.
- Okay.
472
00:19:32,972 --> 00:19:34,808
- Hey.
- Hey.
473
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:38,311
Have you had anything to eat
besides candy canes?
474
00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:40,613
- Every martini has an olive.
- Okay.
475
00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:43,016
Maybe I should make you
some oatmeal or something.
476
00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:44,584
I don't want to put you out,
477
00:19:44,617 --> 00:19:46,019
but if someone's
making oatmeal,
478
00:19:46,052 --> 00:19:47,620
I'll take an apple cinnamon
479
00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:50,590
and a maple brown sugar
in one bowl with whole milk.
480
00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:52,592
Hey, I never told you
my Christmas wish.
481
00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:54,461
- Okay.
- It's about you.
482
00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:56,796
That's not what it should be.
483
00:19:56,830 --> 00:19:58,698
It should just be like
a trinket or something.
484
00:19:58,732 --> 00:20:02,402
I said I wish
Jessica was dead.
485
00:20:02,435 --> 00:20:05,872
You--you mean you wish
she wasn't here or something.
486
00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:10,343
I wish she was in a graveyard
under the ground
487
00:20:10,377 --> 00:20:13,680
with worms
coming out of her mouth.
488
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:16,616
Hey, you know,
you can't say that, okay?
489
00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:19,019
That's my girlfriend
that you're talking about.
490
00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:21,988
You and I
are not together anymore.
491
00:20:22,022 --> 00:20:23,723
You need to get over it.
492
00:20:23,757 --> 00:20:25,625
Take your wish back.
493
00:20:25,658 --> 00:20:28,495
Too late.
It's already been wished.
494
00:20:28,528 --> 00:20:29,963
And you promised
it would come true.
495
00:20:29,996 --> 00:20:31,865
You wrote it in an email!
496
00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:35,902
So which one are you,
a murderer or a liar?
497
00:20:39,939 --> 00:20:44,944
* *
498
00:20:44,978 --> 00:20:47,013
- Hey...
- Hey.
499
00:20:47,047 --> 00:20:48,782
So there was talk
of oatmeal.
500
00:20:54,954 --> 00:20:56,956
You know, don't listen
to what anyone is saying.
501
00:20:56,990 --> 00:21:00,493
You look like a...
a princess.
502
00:21:00,527 --> 00:21:04,097
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
503
00:21:04,130 --> 00:21:06,900
I was too embarrassed.
504
00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:08,468
Hey, guys,
sorry to interrupt.
505
00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:09,903
I, uh, just found this
on my desk
506
00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:12,405
and need to talk
to somebody about it.
507
00:21:12,439 --> 00:21:13,640
Can you believe that?
508
00:21:13,673 --> 00:21:15,642
- Is that Cece?
- Yes, it is.
509
00:21:15,675 --> 00:21:17,644
- Oh, man.
- That's awful.
510
00:21:17,677 --> 00:21:20,113
- Cece is Jim's daughter.
- Oh, my God.
511
00:21:20,146 --> 00:21:21,748
How could somebody do that?
512
00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:22,816
I know.
I mean, the way I see it is,
513
00:21:22,849 --> 00:21:24,050
you can deface
any picture of me.
514
00:21:24,084 --> 00:21:25,985
Any one. Pick one.
Not my kid, though.
515
00:21:26,019 --> 00:21:27,687
Who did this?
Who did this?
516
00:21:27,721 --> 00:21:29,489
- Do you know who did this?
- I don't...
517
00:21:29,522 --> 00:21:31,558
I know who did this.
Dwight.
518
00:21:31,591 --> 00:21:32,592
- Dwight?
- Yeah, he did.
519
00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:34,094
- What? No.
- He should pay.
520
00:21:34,127 --> 00:21:35,662
He is gonna pay.
This is fire-able.
521
00:21:35,695 --> 00:21:36,963
- Okay.
- It's--I mean--
522
00:21:36,996 --> 00:21:38,398
Let me just see it
one more time.
523
00:21:38,431 --> 00:21:41,534
You know what?
I know who my friends are now.
524
00:21:41,568 --> 00:21:42,802
But I shouldn't have
got you involved.
525
00:21:42,836 --> 00:21:44,137
Because the truth is,
526
00:21:44,170 --> 00:21:45,972
I don't even really care
about this picture.
527
00:21:46,006 --> 00:21:47,374
It's a little
out of focus.
528
00:21:47,407 --> 00:21:49,442
It was probably an accident,
right? Like...
529
00:21:49,476 --> 00:21:50,543
That's no accident.
530
00:21:50,577 --> 00:21:51,945
Right.
You're right.
531
00:21:51,978 --> 00:21:53,580
So maybe it was me
who did it.
532
00:21:53,613 --> 00:21:54,914
By accident.
533
00:21:54,948 --> 00:21:56,649
- What?
- I'll figure it out.
534
00:21:56,683 --> 00:21:57,684
Get to the bottom of it.
535
00:21:57,717 --> 00:21:59,853
Merry merry.
536
00:21:59,886 --> 00:22:00,887
No, I was just thinking
that maybe
537
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:05,692
this isn't that interesting
or relevant, so...
538
00:22:05,725 --> 00:22:07,761
You know, maybe
we don't have to show--
539
00:22:07,794 --> 00:22:12,999
we don't have to show it
or tell Pam or anything.
540
00:22:15,869 --> 00:22:19,105
Enough of this garbage.
541
00:22:19,139 --> 00:22:21,141
This is Christmas.
542
00:22:23,710 --> 00:22:30,450
* *
543
00:22:40,694 --> 00:22:42,929
Hiya!
544
00:22:42,962 --> 00:22:49,903
* *
545
00:23:35,548 --> 00:23:37,817
Christmas!
546
00:23:42,989 --> 00:23:44,257
You all right, Santa?
547
00:23:44,290 --> 00:23:45,925
You know those movies
where two friends
548
00:23:45,959 --> 00:23:47,827
are sleeping together
and it's like,
549
00:23:47,861 --> 00:23:49,729
- hey, can they stay friends?
- Yes.
550
00:23:49,763 --> 00:23:52,098
Do you think two friends
who are not sleeping together
551
00:23:52,132 --> 00:23:53,066
can stay friends?
552
00:23:53,099 --> 00:23:55,635
Two friends who are not
sleeping together?
553
00:23:55,669 --> 00:23:57,671
Can they remain friends?
Yes, yeah.
554
00:23:57,704 --> 00:23:59,839
No. I--mm, I don't know.
555
00:23:59,873 --> 00:24:01,174
- Okay.
- By the way,
556
00:24:01,207 --> 00:24:03,209
I'm not gonna mess with
your and Dwight's bonuses.
557
00:24:03,243 --> 00:24:05,612
I think it's causing
more problems.
558
00:24:05,645 --> 00:24:07,747
So just be yourselves,
have fun,
559
00:24:07,781 --> 00:24:09,849
and try not to let it
affect your work.
560
00:24:09,883 --> 00:24:11,551
All right.
I will definitely do that.
561
00:24:11,584 --> 00:24:13,553
All right.
I'll tell Dwight.
562
00:24:13,586 --> 00:24:15,288
You know what?
You're sitting and thinking.
563
00:24:15,321 --> 00:24:18,625
And it's probably better
if it comes from me anyway.
564
00:24:18,658 --> 00:24:20,627
Christmas miracles
do happen.
565
00:24:20,660 --> 00:24:25,165
Yes, they totally do.
566
00:24:25,198 --> 00:24:28,034
Cake?
567
00:24:28,068 --> 00:24:30,637
You seem a little down.
568
00:24:30,670 --> 00:24:32,238
I am.
569
00:24:32,272 --> 00:24:34,607
I'm a mess.
570
00:24:34,641 --> 00:24:38,545
How about I fix you some
warm milk with some bourbon?
571
00:24:38,578 --> 00:24:40,013
Oh, that sounds nice.
572
00:24:40,046 --> 00:24:42,782
Maybe watch a movie
under a blanket?
573
00:24:42,816 --> 00:24:44,050
Lovely.
574
00:24:44,084 --> 00:24:46,853
Wait, where
is this taking place?
575
00:24:46,886 --> 00:24:50,090
The Murphy bed
in my basement.
576
00:24:51,958 --> 00:24:54,027
What is happening to me?
577
00:24:56,796 --> 00:24:59,966
The lines in your haggard face
are paths that lead nowhere.
578
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:01,901
Your hair is the fire of hell.
579
00:25:01,935 --> 00:25:05,538
That's what
the dye bottle says.
580
00:25:07,307 --> 00:25:10,944
I sincerely hope you find
a sexual partner tonight.
581
00:25:15,815 --> 00:25:17,784
Mm.
582
00:25:23,323 --> 00:25:27,293
Always a wake up call,
never the booty call.
583
00:25:27,327 --> 00:25:28,862
You can't click on
these Kardashian links.
584
00:25:28,895 --> 00:25:30,296
That's why you have
so many viruses.
585
00:25:30,330 --> 00:25:32,899
- Well, help me, okay?
- I'm trying, but--
586
00:25:32,932 --> 00:25:34,000
- you need to--
- Kelly.
587
00:25:34,034 --> 00:25:35,201
- Yo.
- Game on.
588
00:25:35,235 --> 00:25:37,137
On it.
589
00:25:37,170 --> 00:25:39,639
You just don't want to get
too clever with a takedown.
590
00:25:39,673 --> 00:25:42,175
When I was younger, I would
overthink a mean comment,
591
00:25:42,208 --> 00:25:44,310
you know, like, kind of
get precious with it,
592
00:25:44,344 --> 00:25:46,312
but over time, I realized that,
with an insult,
593
00:25:46,346 --> 00:25:49,049
you just want to be simple,
direct, mean, relatable,
594
00:25:49,082 --> 00:25:51,217
and then you want to move on.
595
00:25:53,653 --> 00:25:56,823
I don't know what
I was thinking, it was awful.
596
00:25:56,856 --> 00:25:59,292
- Awful.
- Jessica, did you just fart?
597
00:26:02,762 --> 00:26:05,198
And that is how it's done.
598
00:26:06,833 --> 00:26:10,704
Oh, man, I fell asleep.
599
00:26:10,737 --> 00:26:12,205
Took a nap.
600
00:26:12,238 --> 00:26:14,874
Hey, guys,
I feel refreshed now.
601
00:26:14,908 --> 00:26:16,309
- How's it going?
- Dwight.
602
00:26:16,343 --> 00:26:19,112
Took a little nap
right next to Jim's desk.
603
00:26:19,145 --> 00:26:22,816
I feel so good right now.
Mmm, cookies.
604
00:26:22,849 --> 00:26:25,285
What's everyone staring at?
605
00:26:25,318 --> 00:26:29,823
Oh, man, I was supposed
to tell Dwight something.
606
00:26:29,856 --> 00:26:33,326
Come on, Jim.
607
00:26:33,360 --> 00:26:36,262
I got nothing.
608
00:26:37,063 --> 00:26:39,232
Sorry, guys.
Jim, this package came for you.
609
00:26:39,265 --> 00:26:40,700
Do you want me to put it
on your desk?
610
00:26:40,734 --> 00:26:42,002
Great, thank you.
611
00:26:46,973 --> 00:26:48,441
I would like another alcohol.
612
00:26:48,475 --> 00:26:50,143
Let's you and I take a walk.
613
00:26:50,176 --> 00:26:51,945
Oscar, you're in charge
of the bar.
614
00:26:51,978 --> 00:26:54,714
What?
I haven't bartended in forever.
615
00:26:54,748 --> 00:26:57,784
Oh, never considered myself
a mixologist.
616
00:26:57,817 --> 00:26:59,119
Oh, this is daunting.
617
00:26:59,152 --> 00:27:01,888
Uh, I need a mortar,
pestle, muddler.
618
00:27:01,921 --> 00:27:03,990
Does anyone have
any chocolate shavings?
619
00:27:04,024 --> 00:27:05,692
It was 1983.
620
00:27:05,725 --> 00:27:07,961
The East Village
was still the East Village,
621
00:27:07,994 --> 00:27:10,397
before Kmart moved in,
622
00:27:10,430 --> 00:27:13,233
and I was a bartender
for just a minute,
623
00:27:13,266 --> 00:27:16,269
and then, of course,
AIDs ruined everything.
624
00:27:37,757 --> 00:27:40,727
So I got this bucket
from Jim's garage,
625
00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:43,363
and I filled it with
everything disgusting,
626
00:27:43,396 --> 00:27:45,265
except excrement.
627
00:27:45,298 --> 00:27:46,833
I can't wait to see the look
on his face
628
00:27:46,866 --> 00:27:48,301
when that falls on my face.
629
00:27:50,403 --> 00:27:52,472
Damn it, Kathy!
630
00:27:56,242 --> 00:27:58,945
When Michael was manager,
he used to talk to me,
631
00:27:58,978 --> 00:28:01,748
and it'd make me feel better.
632
00:28:01,781 --> 00:28:03,450
Your heart is broken.
633
00:28:03,483 --> 00:28:05,852
- So's mine.
- And?
634
00:28:05,885 --> 00:28:07,787
And what?
635
00:28:07,821 --> 00:28:09,189
And do you have any advice
or anything...
636
00:28:09,222 --> 00:28:10,490
Oh, my God.
637
00:28:10,523 --> 00:28:12,025
To help me feel better?
638
00:28:12,058 --> 00:28:13,793
I've been married thrice,
639
00:28:13,827 --> 00:28:16,196
and each has ended in
an acrimonious divorce.
640
00:28:16,229 --> 00:28:18,798
I'm not sure I'm the best
person to give love advice.
641
00:28:18,832 --> 00:28:20,300
Oh.
642
00:28:20,333 --> 00:28:22,202
I was hoping you were going
to make me feel better.
643
00:28:22,235 --> 00:28:24,371
- When you do your make-up...
- Uh-huh?
644
00:28:24,404 --> 00:28:26,840
How long does it
take usually? 'Cause...
645
00:28:26,873 --> 00:28:28,942
Um, it--it depends.
646
00:28:28,975 --> 00:28:31,411
Chad Flenderman's
kryptonite...
647
00:28:31,444 --> 00:28:35,415
Whoa, we got a real
Clarence Thomas here.
648
00:28:38,051 --> 00:28:39,786
Hi.
649
00:28:41,588 --> 00:28:43,156
- I'll see you at home.
- Okay, great.
650
00:28:43,189 --> 00:28:45,358
- Perfect.
- Bye.
651
00:28:45,392 --> 00:28:47,827
I still don't get why
you can't just call her a cab
652
00:28:47,861 --> 00:28:49,362
and pay for it.
653
00:28:49,396 --> 00:28:52,298
I would, it just--
that wasn't the holiday wish.
654
00:28:52,332 --> 00:28:54,234
Either he drives
or I drive,
655
00:28:54,267 --> 00:28:57,103
and now I'm drunk and mad.
656
00:28:57,137 --> 00:29:00,840
- Okay, bye.
- Okay, bye.
657
00:29:00,874 --> 00:29:03,109
All right, come on, Meredith.
658
00:29:03,143 --> 00:29:05,578
Bye.
Thank you, Santa.
659
00:29:05,612 --> 00:29:07,113
You bet.
660
00:29:07,147 --> 00:29:09,182
Thank God Erin's getting
a ride home with Robert,
661
00:29:09,215 --> 00:29:10,850
'cause she is trashed.
662
00:29:10,884 --> 00:29:12,519
And who better to drive
her home than Robert?
663
00:29:12,552 --> 00:29:15,455
I mean,
what a standup guy, you know?
664
00:29:15,488 --> 00:29:17,090
I mean, he's going
through a lot--
665
00:29:17,123 --> 00:29:18,925
separating from his wife,
666
00:29:18,958 --> 00:29:21,061
showing up at the Christmas
party in a track suit
667
00:29:21,094 --> 00:29:23,163
and a blazer.
668
00:29:25,331 --> 00:29:29,035
Come on, it's your turn.
Come on, come on.
669
00:29:29,069 --> 00:29:30,904
All right, hold on, hold on.
670
00:29:30,937 --> 00:29:33,373
- Come on so I can beat you.
- Oh, still my turn.
671
00:29:33,406 --> 00:29:36,076
- Whatever.
- Still my turn.
672
00:29:36,109 --> 00:29:38,011
Mm-hmm, got you.
I got you.
673
00:29:38,044 --> 00:29:41,047
Mm, your turn.
Oh.
674
00:29:41,081 --> 00:29:43,550
- Right, fine.
- Mm-hmm.
675
00:29:43,583 --> 00:29:46,453
- Let's go, let's go.
- I'm coming, I'm coming.
676
00:29:46,486 --> 00:29:49,155
- I'm coming, I'm coming.
- Hang on.
677
00:29:49,189 --> 00:29:50,323
All right.
678
00:29:50,357 --> 00:29:53,426
- Whoa! My stuff!
- What? What is all that?
679
00:29:53,460 --> 00:29:55,462
- It's my valuables!
- It's junk.
680
00:29:55,495 --> 00:29:57,464
This is my treasures--
no, they're my treasures!
681
00:29:57,497 --> 00:29:59,232
You're a hoarder.
My God!
682
00:29:59,265 --> 00:30:01,167
No, I'm not!
I'm gonna sell it on eBay!
683
00:30:01,201 --> 00:30:03,103
No, no, no, you be careful.
684
00:30:03,136 --> 00:30:06,606
- Be careful!
- Ah! My Santa suit's stuck.
685
00:30:10,043 --> 00:30:12,579
What are we gonna do
686
00:30:12,612 --> 00:30:15,215
with all that bonus money,
Henrietta, huh?
687
00:30:15,248 --> 00:30:17,283
Where are we?
This ain't my street.
688
00:30:17,317 --> 00:30:19,185
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
689
00:30:19,219 --> 00:30:22,522
Mmm, this is the posh part
of town, huh?
690
00:30:25,191 --> 00:30:26,626
Oh, my God.
691
00:30:28,962 --> 00:30:30,030
Wonder what a studio condo
692
00:30:30,063 --> 00:30:31,031
would cost
in this neighborhood.
693
00:30:31,064 --> 00:30:34,634
Meredith, shut your
drunk hole right now.
694
00:30:37,003 --> 00:30:38,471
Erin,
it was great fun tonight.
695
00:30:38,505 --> 00:30:41,608
Take a few aspirin,
drink a whole lot of water,
696
00:30:41,641 --> 00:30:45,045
sleep in in the morning.
697
00:30:45,078 --> 00:30:48,181
Thank you.
Good night.
698
00:30:52,252 --> 00:30:54,587
What are you smiling for?
699
00:30:54,621 --> 00:30:58,324
You thinking
what I'm thinking?
700
00:30:58,358 --> 00:31:01,094
I'm sure I am not.
701
00:31:01,127 --> 00:31:03,229
Let's get you home.
702
00:31:04,564 --> 00:31:06,132
Ow!
703
00:31:06,166 --> 00:31:08,968
Take it easy!
704
00:31:09,002 --> 00:31:10,637
Whoo.
705
00:31:15,241 --> 00:31:17,010
I've never really been
that crazy about Christmas.
706
00:31:17,043 --> 00:31:18,311
I just don't really
understand it.
707
00:31:18,345 --> 00:31:21,281
There's so many other holidays
that you can really get behind,
708
00:31:21,314 --> 00:31:22,549
sink your teeth into.
709
00:31:22,582 --> 00:31:26,686
Halloween, New Year's,
Memorial Day,
710
00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:28,388
but you know what?
711
00:31:28,421 --> 00:31:31,558
This year, I think
the spirit of Christmas
712
00:31:31,591 --> 00:31:34,361
is really starting to sink in.
713
00:31:38,665 --> 00:31:43,203
Jim!
Oh, Jim!
714
00:31:43,236 --> 00:31:45,705
Damn it!
Oh!
51124
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