Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:09,542 --> 00:00:11,811
"The Sabre code
of conduct outlines
2
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,847
"the governing principles
key to establishing
3
00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:16,649
and maintaining trust
with our employees, clients..."
4
00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:18,151
Oh, my God.
Kill me.
5
00:00:18,184 --> 00:00:19,619
Hey!
6
00:00:19,652 --> 00:00:21,521
All right,
obviously we all want to die,
7
00:00:21,554 --> 00:00:22,522
but we have
to get through this.
8
00:00:22,555 --> 00:00:24,391
So, Gabe...
9
00:00:24,424 --> 00:00:26,493
go ahead.
It's okay.
10
00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:28,661
Oh, is it--
is it okay with you?
11
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:31,131
Because if it's not,
you work for me, so...
12
00:00:31,164 --> 00:00:33,333
"comply with all
applicable laws, regulations,
13
00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:35,235
"policies, and contracts
governing our business.
14
00:00:35,268 --> 00:00:36,703
- "Be honest, fair...
- I'm gonna do it.
15
00:00:36,736 --> 00:00:38,672
"And trustworthy in all
your business activities
16
00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:40,106
and relationships..."
17
00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:43,443
Oh!
I'm going into labor!
18
00:00:43,476 --> 00:00:45,645
Okay, she's going into labor.
Make way, everybody!
19
00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:48,415
I know it's wrong
to fake going into labor
20
00:00:48,448 --> 00:00:50,817
just to get out of things,
but sometimes it's necessary.
21
00:00:50,850 --> 00:00:52,786
I'm going into labor.
22
00:00:52,819 --> 00:00:54,788
Or should I have corndogs.
I mean--
23
00:00:54,821 --> 00:00:56,022
I'm going into labor!
24
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:58,258
Okay, three reasons you are
wrong about True Blood.
25
00:00:58,291 --> 00:01:00,593
- Number one--
- I'm going into labor.
26
00:01:03,496 --> 00:01:04,564
Here we go!
27
00:01:04,597 --> 00:01:06,199
Hey, guys, uh,
28
00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:07,801
can't keep saying
you're going into labor.
29
00:01:07,834 --> 00:01:09,169
Everyone knows
you're full of it.
30
00:01:09,202 --> 00:01:10,837
- Yeah.
- It's not fair, you guys.
31
00:01:10,870 --> 00:01:12,472
- Pitiful.
- It's stupid.
32
00:01:12,505 --> 00:01:13,506
Never cry wolf.
33
00:01:13,540 --> 00:01:15,308
- Okay.
- Okay.
34
00:01:15,342 --> 00:01:16,576
Oh.
35
00:01:16,609 --> 00:01:18,311
Oh! Oh!
36
00:01:18,345 --> 00:01:19,446
Oh, my gosh!
37
00:01:19,479 --> 00:01:21,314
Oh, my God!
Okay.
38
00:01:21,348 --> 00:01:23,817
I'm really in labor!
This is happening.
39
00:01:23,850 --> 00:01:24,851
- Okay, guys.
- Okay.
40
00:01:24,884 --> 00:01:25,885
Here we go.
We'll see you.
41
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,754
- Oh!
- How do you feel?
42
00:01:27,787 --> 00:01:29,289
- Drive carefully!
- Good luck!
43
00:01:29,322 --> 00:01:30,890
- Bye!
- Good-bye! Good luck!
44
00:01:35,295 --> 00:01:37,497
False alarm.
45
00:01:37,530 --> 00:01:40,600
{\an8}
46
00:01:40,633 --> 00:01:47,741
{\an8}* *
47
00:02:05,258 --> 00:02:06,659
Ow!
48
00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:08,328
* Everybody beat it *
49
00:02:08,361 --> 00:02:10,530
Don't beat it.
Stay where you are.
50
00:02:10,563 --> 00:02:11,831
There you are.
51
00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:13,500
Dillinger Ratnick said
their shipment is late.
52
00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:14,768
{\an8}What'd you say?
53
00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,369
{\an8}- Nothing, I just--
Whoa, what'd you say?
54
00:02:16,403 --> 00:02:18,738
{\an8}- That it'll be the
first shipment out today?
55
00:02:18,772 --> 00:02:21,307
{\an8}- That is exactly
the right thing to say!
56
00:02:21,341 --> 00:02:23,643
{\an8}Do it! Get 'er done!
57
00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:25,211
{\an8}Phyllis!
58
00:02:25,245 --> 00:02:26,379
{\an8}You just married Joe Order.
59
00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:28,648
{\an8}Your new name is Phyllis Order.
Get it?
60
00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:29,816
{\an8}I don't get it.
61
00:02:29,849 --> 00:02:31,284
{\an8}Andy, our computer supplier
62
00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:33,687
{\an8}doesn't want to honor
our normal discount.
63
00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,922
{\an8}- Talk him down.
I know you can do this.
64
00:02:35,955 --> 00:02:38,792
{\an8}You were born to do this.
65
00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:39,826
{\an8}What is your name?
66
00:02:39,859 --> 00:02:41,661
{\an8}- Cathy--
* Cathy *
67
00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:43,296
{\an8}Yes!
68
00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:45,665
{\an8}Jim, in regards
to our high five
69
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:47,467
{\an8}scheduled for 4 p.m. today,
70
00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:49,469
{\an8}it has been moved up to now.
71
00:02:51,571 --> 00:02:53,239
{\an8}We didn't have one scheduled.
72
00:02:53,273 --> 00:02:54,274
{\an8}What?
73
00:02:54,307 --> 00:02:57,310
{\an8}They took another client
from us?
74
00:02:57,344 --> 00:02:59,979
{\an8}Okay, bye.
75
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:04,918
{\an8}Man!
Business is war!
76
00:03:04,951 --> 00:03:07,821
{\an8}Customers, clients--
it's like a war out there.
77
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:10,423
{\an8}I am a leader.
78
00:03:10,457 --> 00:03:14,427
{\an8}But you can only inspire people
so much in a place like this.
79
00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:18,298
{\an8}So today I'm turning
the inspire-factor up to ten,
80
00:03:18,331 --> 00:03:21,034
{\an8}with a little help
from my friend--
81
00:03:21,067 --> 00:03:23,570
{\an8}America's bloodiest battle.
82
00:03:23,603 --> 00:03:26,906
{\an8}Why even read business books?
We should be studying war.
83
00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:28,975
{\an8}Going to places like
Gettysburg.
84
00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:31,678
{\an8}- Where is that?
It's right here in P.A.
85
00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:33,380
{\an8}
86
00:03:33,413 --> 00:03:35,415
{\an8}Well, we should
take a fieldtrip there.
87
00:03:35,448 --> 00:03:37,884
{\an8}I mean,
that would be so cool.
88
00:03:37,917 --> 00:03:40,020
{\an8}I wonder if
that bus downstairs is--
89
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:42,622
{\an8}- Okay, Andy, we get it.
It's a trip to Gettysburg.
90
00:03:42,655 --> 00:03:45,492
{\an8}Good idea. Good idea!
91
00:03:45,525 --> 00:03:47,994
{\an8}That sounds super inspiring.
I'm in!
92
00:03:48,028 --> 00:03:49,896
{\an8}- Gettysburg?
Hmm. Could be interesting.
93
00:03:49,929 --> 00:03:51,998
{\an8}Second-most northern battle
in the Civil War.
94
00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:54,467
{\an8}- Actually it is
thenorthernmost.
95
00:03:54,501 --> 00:03:56,569
{\an8}Ha!
96
00:03:56,603 --> 00:03:59,906
{\an8}The Civil War history industry
has conveniently forgotten
97
00:03:59,939 --> 00:04:01,975
{\an8}about the battle
of Schrute Farms.
98
00:04:02,008 --> 00:04:05,311
{\an8}
Whatever. I'm over it.
99
00:04:05,345 --> 00:04:07,380
{\an8}It's just
grossly irresponsible.
100
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,649
{\an8}Charge!
101
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:11,885
{\an8}- Well, this could be fun.
I--
102
00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:13,620
{\an8}- Yeah, well,
the bus has free Wi-Fi,
103
00:04:13,653 --> 00:04:17,090
{\an8}and I made special
low-sugar lunches for everyone.
104
00:04:17,123 --> 00:04:20,026
{\an8}And is anyone
kosher or halal?
105
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:21,494
What's the halal option?
106
00:04:21,528 --> 00:04:22,796
Dates, tabbouleh,
107
00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:24,931
- and a bagel with cream cheese.
- Out.
108
00:04:24,964 --> 00:04:27,100
You know, it's the same
as the kosher option.
109
00:04:27,133 --> 00:04:28,802
There's a lesson in there.
110
00:04:28,835 --> 00:04:30,837
Isn't Gettysburg, like,
3 hours away?
111
00:04:30,870 --> 00:04:33,406
No, it's, like,
2 hours and 46 minutes.
112
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,742
It's kind of a haul, so we
should probably get going.
113
00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:37,911
Uh, before we spend six hours
driving to a field,
114
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:39,546
can I guess a couple
of the lessons?
115
00:04:39,579 --> 00:04:41,448
Something about
brother versus brother,
116
00:04:41,481 --> 00:04:42,782
something about
a house divided.
117
00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:44,684
Lucky guesses. Okay?
118
00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:47,487
But it's so much cooler
to learn it there, right?
119
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:49,055
I mean,
I can't force you to go.
120
00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:52,425
You're not my slaves.
Thanks to Gettysburg.
121
00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:54,627
But...
who's coming with me?
122
00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:57,530
- I'm in.
- I'm in too.
123
00:04:57,564 --> 00:05:01,067
Guess I'm a sucker
for historical fiction.
124
00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:02,936
And, Tuna, I made
a special sandwich for you.
125
00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:04,838
- Guess what kind.
- Tuna?
126
00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:07,540
Yes--Tuna of the land.
Turkey.
127
00:05:07,574 --> 00:05:09,009
With pesto.
128
00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:10,710
- And to drink?
- Water.
129
00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:12,045
Ho-ho, I am in.
130
00:05:12,078 --> 00:05:14,814
I'm excited. I've actually
never been to Gettysburg.
131
00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:16,549
My family was gonna go once,
132
00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:17,517
but then my brothers
convinced me
133
00:05:17,550 --> 00:05:19,552
that it was full of
dead soldier zombies,
134
00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:22,622
so I freaked out,
and we turned the car around.
135
00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:24,057
But I'm older now.
136
00:05:24,090 --> 00:05:26,659
I can outrun a zombie.
137
00:05:26,693 --> 00:05:28,628
Anyone who's not going,
you're dead to me.
138
00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:30,864
You're uninvited.
I don't want you to come.
139
00:05:30,897 --> 00:05:33,033
But, FYI,
there will be
140
00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:35,435
leftover turkey and pesto
sammies in the fridge.
141
00:05:35,468 --> 00:05:36,536
Yes.
142
00:05:36,569 --> 00:05:38,538
- One for you.
- Cool. Thanks.
143
00:05:38,571 --> 00:05:40,874
- And one for you.
- Cool. Thanks.
144
00:05:40,907 --> 00:05:42,842
And--oh.
You missed your head.
145
00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:44,844
There you go.
146
00:05:44,878 --> 00:05:47,914
Phyllis, think fast.
147
00:05:47,947 --> 00:05:50,850
Getting everyone on the bus,
check.
148
00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:53,720
Giving everyone hats, check.
149
00:05:53,753 --> 00:05:58,758
Sexiest Eastern European girls?
Uh, check.
150
00:05:58,792 --> 00:05:59,859
All right, guys,
151
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:01,795
a little foreplay
before we do it.
152
00:06:01,828 --> 00:06:03,463
Fans of Ken Burns' Jazz
153
00:06:03,496 --> 00:06:06,032
will most certainly enjoy
Civil War.
154
00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:08,134
Ken Burns' Civil War
is 50 hours long
155
00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:11,071
and not a single mention of
the Battle of Schrute Farms.
156
00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:13,073
Maybe it'll be
in his next documentary.
157
00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:14,641
It's about bull.
158
00:06:14,674 --> 00:06:15,775
Whoa!
159
00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:17,911
You know, I just got
Limitlesson my iPad.
160
00:06:17,944 --> 00:06:19,746
I bet I could
get it on the TV.
161
00:06:19,779 --> 00:06:22,215
Ooh. Isn't that the one where
the guy becomes limitless?
162
00:06:22,248 --> 00:06:24,517
It's just not appropri--
I mean, if we were going
163
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:25,885
to visit Bradley Cooper's
birthplace,
164
00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:26,953
I'd be the first one
suggesting it.
165
00:06:26,986 --> 00:06:28,888
I'd be rooting for it.
166
00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:30,924
all: Limitless! Limitless!Limitless! Limitless!
167
00:06:30,957 --> 00:06:32,559
All right,
all right, all right.
168
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,830
Not food and stuff.
169
00:06:36,863 --> 00:06:37,897
Here.
Like it?
170
00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:40,166
Oh, if you buy
the picnic table,
171
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,735
then you've got to get
the fire pit.
172
00:06:41,768 --> 00:06:44,237
I can't get a fire pit.
I have two babies.
173
00:06:44,270 --> 00:06:45,605
The fire pit
is a no-brainer.
174
00:06:45,638 --> 00:06:47,741
- Oh, hi there.
- Plants and--hi, Robert.
175
00:06:47,774 --> 00:06:50,610
Hey, um, how are you doing?
Good to see you again.
176
00:06:50,643 --> 00:06:53,046
Where is everyone?
Where is Andy?
177
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,514
Andy took some
of the other people
178
00:06:54,547 --> 00:06:55,915
on a corporate retreat
to Gettysburg.
179
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:58,818
I see. And the rest of you?
180
00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:00,186
I was working.
181
00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:02,689
I mean, I can't speak
for anyone else here,
182
00:07:02,722 --> 00:07:04,024
but I was working.
183
00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:05,525
Well, anyone else here
184
00:07:05,558 --> 00:07:09,162
thought that it was better
not to go.
185
00:07:09,195 --> 00:07:14,934
Well, I was hoping to talk out
some ideas with Andy.
186
00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:19,172
But what we have here...
187
00:07:19,205 --> 00:07:21,875
is perhaps better.
188
00:07:21,908 --> 00:07:23,510
By not going on the trip,
189
00:07:23,543 --> 00:07:26,813
you've shown you're the
free-thinkers of the office.
190
00:07:26,846 --> 00:07:29,949
Robert, you got your sheep
and you got your black sheep,
191
00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:31,184
and I'm not even a sheep.
192
00:07:31,217 --> 00:07:32,719
I'm on the freaking moon.
193
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,756
So, here's what we can do.
194
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:39,826
Game changers--
changes to the game
195
00:07:39,859 --> 00:07:43,930
such that the game can never
be played the same way again.
196
00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:47,767
Everyone,
brainstorm some innovations.
197
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:51,905
Don't be afraid
to get weird with it.
198
00:07:51,938 --> 00:07:53,807
Meredith!
199
00:07:55,742 --> 00:07:57,277
Excited.
200
00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:01,715
Okay.
201
00:08:11,725 --> 00:08:13,093
You know, I don't think
Robert will mind
202
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:14,227
if we work together on this.
203
00:08:14,260 --> 00:08:16,162
I see what you're up to.
204
00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:22,569
You guys.
205
00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:24,137
- J-j-j-ju...
- Get excited.
206
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:27,173
Shh!
Movie's almost over.
207
00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:28,842
All right!
208
00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:32,812
We're here.
Limitlesscan wait.
209
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:35,215
Fun fact--in France,
they call Limitless
210
00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:37,150
"the man
with many capabilities."
211
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:39,152
Whoo-hoo!
Ladies and gentlemen,
212
00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:42,589
the 1800s await you.
213
00:08:42,622 --> 00:08:45,158
We can watch Limitless
on the way back.
214
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:46,960
I got Source Code
on the way back.
215
00:08:46,993 --> 00:08:48,995
- Ooh.
- All right.
216
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,130
Whoo!
217
00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:56,936
Such a beautiful place
could have seen so much pain.
218
00:08:58,672 --> 00:09:00,874
Well--you don't really know
what you're talking about.
219
00:09:00,907 --> 00:09:03,009
- Really?
- You're not appreciating it
220
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:06,246
in the right context.
221
00:09:06,279 --> 00:09:09,883
- Whoa, where you going?
- Visitor center.
222
00:09:09,916 --> 00:09:11,317
Gonna grab a map
for the memorials, right?
223
00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:12,886
Yeah, we're not going
to the visitor center.
224
00:09:12,919 --> 00:09:13,753
We're not tourists.
225
00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:15,021
No, of course
we're not tourists.
226
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:17,724
We're just people that aren't
from here who are taking a tour.
227
00:09:17,757 --> 00:09:20,293
Yeah, sign says
"begin tour here."
228
00:09:20,326 --> 00:09:23,863
Unless you're going on
the very specially-created
229
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:26,700
and meticulously-researched
Andy Bernard tour.
230
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:27,767
Huh.
231
00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:29,402
That must be what it says
in Chinese at the bottom.
232
00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:32,372
Ha, ha. Okay. Come on.
233
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:34,774
After Chancellorsville,
234
00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:37,944
Lee brought his army
up the Shenandoah Valley
235
00:09:37,977 --> 00:09:39,646
right through here!
236
00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:42,282
They stopped in this field
for a picnic,
237
00:09:42,315 --> 00:09:43,950
which they called lunch.
238
00:09:43,983 --> 00:09:45,352
Yeah, but I'm confused.
239
00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:46,986
Total deaths
belongs to Gettysburg,
240
00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:48,722
but when you're talking
about D.P.A.,
241
00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,023
- that's deaths per acre...
- Mm-hmm.
242
00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:51,791
Nothing beats the battle
of Schrute Farms.
243
00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:54,361
Oh. D.P.A. Sounds way more
important than total deaths.
244
00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:55,795
Oh, it is. And you should read
some of these letters
245
00:09:55,829 --> 00:09:57,697
that the soldiers wrote home.
246
00:09:57,731 --> 00:09:59,332
I mean, it makes
the battle of Gettysburg
247
00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:00,767
sound like
a bunch of schoolgirls
248
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:03,236
wrestling over a hairbrush.
249
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:05,205
I'm telling you,
they're heartbreaking too.
250
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:07,674
So beautifully written.
251
00:10:07,707 --> 00:10:09,876
Dwight, what are you
telling this girl?
252
00:10:09,909 --> 00:10:10,877
The truth.
253
00:10:10,910 --> 00:10:12,779
Stop filling her head
with nonsense, okay?
254
00:10:12,812 --> 00:10:13,980
She doesn't know any better.
255
00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:15,949
Oscar, I am so glad
you just got here.
256
00:10:15,982 --> 00:10:17,717
I would've believed
everything he said.
257
00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:19,819
No, no, no! You'refilling
her head with nonsense.
258
00:10:19,853 --> 00:10:22,222
You and the history books.
I'm telling the truth.
259
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:24,824
- Interesting.
- Yes, thank you.
260
00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:27,227
All of history
has been whitewashed.
261
00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:29,362
Really? Why don't you tell us
the real history, Gore Vidal.
262
00:10:29,396 --> 00:10:31,765
Okay, I will.
I don't know who that is,
263
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:32,866
but I'm gonna
to tell you this--
264
00:10:32,899 --> 00:10:35,468
- He's a historian.
- Gettysburg was very important.
265
00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:37,037
Credit where credit is due,
okay?
266
00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:40,707
Big mad props to Gettysburg.
Was it, however,
267
00:10:40,740 --> 00:10:43,176
the most northern battle
of the Civil War?
268
00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:44,411
- Not by a long shot!
- Yes, yes, yes!
269
00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:45,845
- No!
- No!
270
00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:47,480
- No, it was not!
- Oh!
271
00:10:47,514 --> 00:10:51,117
No, it was not!
Was it the second-most northern?
272
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:52,485
- What?
- Sure!
273
00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:56,122
I will cede it was the
second-most northernmost battle!
274
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:57,490
Was it the northernmost?
No.
275
00:10:57,524 --> 00:10:59,025
- Get out of here, Oscar.
- Get out of here!
276
00:10:59,059 --> 00:11:00,360
Ugh!
277
00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:02,729
Oscar.
278
00:11:02,762 --> 00:11:05,732
Damn your dogged pursuit
of truth.
279
00:11:05,765 --> 00:11:08,034
You're gonna let this
take over your day, aren't you?
280
00:11:09,869 --> 00:11:14,274
I am so eager to hear
your game-changers.
281
00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:15,442
Let's dig in,
shall we?
282
00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:18,378
- May I go first?
- Absolutely.
283
00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:23,483
Raw fish--
the disgusting food from Japan
284
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,285
that Americans
would never want to eat.
285
00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:27,387
Now we can't
get enough of it.
286
00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:30,190
From movie stars
to construction workers,
287
00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:32,258
sushi is what's for dinner.
288
00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:35,228
Let me throw
another idea at you.
289
00:11:35,261 --> 00:11:37,263
Origami.
290
00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:39,032
What?
291
00:11:39,065 --> 00:11:42,902
The crazy art of paper folding
from, that's right, Japan.
292
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:45,105
Don't you wish
you could go back to 1980
293
00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:48,308
and open the first
sushi restaurant in Manhattan?
294
00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:52,045
We can do that!
With...
295
00:11:52,078 --> 00:11:53,413
origami.
296
00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:55,982
It's the sushi of paper.
297
00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:58,952
This idea
hasn't gripped me.
298
00:11:58,985 --> 00:12:00,453
What else
did you come up with?
299
00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:02,789
Well, I had to memorize
the presentation, Robert,
300
00:12:02,822 --> 00:12:04,324
and it took a long time
to build the swan, so--
301
00:12:04,357 --> 00:12:06,092
That was bad.
302
00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:09,896
Meredith!
303
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:18,471
No one wants to spend time
with their kids,
304
00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:20,240
but legally, we're obligated.
305
00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:21,875
So what do you do?
306
00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:23,943
If you have your old
baby monitor in your basement
307
00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:26,212
and you don't wanna hang out
with your 13-year-old, maybe--
308
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:28,314
If your woman is like mine,
309
00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:30,950
I bet you come home to hear
the same thing all the time.
310
00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:33,953
"This paper is so hard.
It scratches.
311
00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:37,190
Why can't there be a paper
just for me?"
312
00:12:37,223 --> 00:12:38,558
Well, now there is.
313
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:41,961
"Papyr."
Paper for women.
314
00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:45,832
It's pink, scented,
and silky soft.
315
00:12:45,865 --> 00:12:47,867
Now you can watch the game
316
00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:50,537
and she can write
a letter to her sister.
317
00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:54,307
The situation you described,
returning home to a wife
318
00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:56,309
complaining about her paper
being too masculine,
319
00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:57,544
is not one
I'm familiar with.
320
00:12:57,577 --> 00:12:59,913
In the African-American
community--
321
00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:01,114
No.
322
00:13:01,147 --> 00:13:04,284
Thought it was worth a try.
323
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:05,952
That's fascinating.
324
00:13:05,985 --> 00:13:07,487
Tell me,
what's the significance
325
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:09,122
of the peach orchard, though?
326
00:13:09,155 --> 00:13:10,557
Oh, well,
that's a great question.
327
00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:11,891
Actually,
some of the most...
328
00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:13,626
Excuse me,
I had a question for you.
329
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:15,962
Can you tell us about
the Battle of Schrute Farms?
330
00:13:15,995 --> 00:13:17,864
Uh, I haven't heard
of that one.
331
00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:20,600
Really.
Okay, follow-up question.
332
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,602
How much are they paying you
to keep your mouth shut?
333
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:25,105
I apologize for my friend,
334
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:27,273
and for the Republicans
who are cutting your funding.
335
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:29,175
We don't need to bother
this poor gentleman.
336
00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:32,012
I know exactly where
we're going. Giddyap!
337
00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:34,247
Tallyho!
338
00:13:36,349 --> 00:13:38,284
Are you Lincoln?
339
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,086
No, no, I'm--
340
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:43,990
Apparently, I bear a passing
resemblance to Abraham Lincoln.
341
00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:46,559
Makes it kind of hard for me
to go to places like museums,
342
00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:49,195
historical monuments,
elementary schools.
343
00:13:49,229 --> 00:13:50,463
I don't see it.
344
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:52,032
Chelsea,
give Mr. Lincoln your hat
345
00:13:52,065 --> 00:13:56,102
- so I can take a picture.
- Okay. Quick.
346
00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:59,139
Hey! Lincoln's starting.
347
00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:02,008
Oh, uh, no.
No, no, no, no.
348
00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:04,077
I'm actually with
a tour group myself, so--
349
00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:10,083
Hello, I'm Abraham Lincoln.
350
00:14:10,116 --> 00:14:12,986
Some people call me
the Great Emancipator,
351
00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:15,288
but, uh, you might know me
from the penny.
352
00:14:16,623 --> 00:14:19,592
Okay.
You know the test booklets
353
00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:21,995
that they give out
in all the schools.
354
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:24,497
I was thinking that we could
put a coupon in the back
355
00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:26,633
that people would mail
in to us,
356
00:14:26,666 --> 00:14:28,601
and as--you know,
357
00:14:28,635 --> 00:14:31,271
as I tell it,
I don't like it.
358
00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:33,073
Unless, of course,
you are responding to it.
359
00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:35,542
- I am not.
- Um, excuse me.
360
00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:36,943
I'm gonna go
to the bathroom.
361
00:14:36,976 --> 00:14:39,479
At this point,
when you're this pregnant,
362
00:14:39,512 --> 00:14:41,648
it's kind of like
senior spring.
363
00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:44,984
The other day I spit my gum
out on the carpet.
364
00:14:45,018 --> 00:14:47,320
You all had
the entire morning
365
00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:49,122
to come up with these.
366
00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:52,525
Sorry, I just thought that
making fortune cookie fortunes
367
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:56,363
for 2 billion Chinese people
was a good idea.
368
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:57,997
No, I don't have a lisp.
369
00:14:58,031 --> 00:14:59,499
It's not like I got
a permanent retainer
370
00:14:59,532 --> 00:15:01,701
put in my mouth or anything.
371
00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:04,104
Kevin,
you've been quiet.
372
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:07,240
I'm curious to know
what your game-changer is.
373
00:15:07,273 --> 00:15:09,409
Well, you know how
in the vending machine
374
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:13,413
they have the chocolate chip
cookies in the A-1 spot?
375
00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:15,715
They do that
'cause they think
376
00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:18,585
A-1's the best spot
for the best cookie.
377
00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:21,121
But the real best spot
is D-4.
378
00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:24,057
Right?
That's where the eyes go.
379
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:26,192
So...
380
00:15:26,226 --> 00:15:28,661
Cookies.
381
00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:30,697
Cookie placement.
382
00:15:30,730 --> 00:15:34,567
Yeah. But not just
the cookies, though.
383
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,002
That was just
a "for instance."
384
00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:39,005
Snack packs, pretzels,
candy bars,
385
00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:41,374
fruity chewies, lots of stuff.
386
00:15:41,408 --> 00:15:45,412
See, the cookies are a metaphor
for everything...
387
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:48,048
in the vending machine.
388
00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:50,650
Who else agrees with Kevin,
389
00:15:50,684 --> 00:15:53,486
that we're wasting
facilities, manpower,
390
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:55,288
on our underselling products,
391
00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:58,692
when we should be pushing
our top-performers?
392
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,569
There you go. Consensus.
393
00:16:09,602 --> 00:16:11,304
- Okay,we are now on a planet
394
00:16:11,338 --> 00:16:14,307
where Kevin is
the most creative person around,
395
00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:18,611
and I am just
some good-looking guy.
396
00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:20,413
I just don't understand.
397
00:16:20,447 --> 00:16:23,717
It's 1865,
victory is ours,
398
00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:27,253
I've saved the very soul
of our nation, and yet...
399
00:16:27,287 --> 00:16:29,756
happiness eludes me.
400
00:16:32,258 --> 00:16:36,229
Oh, perhaps a trip to the
theater will enliven my spirits.
401
00:16:36,262 --> 00:16:37,497
all:
No!
402
00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:40,100
Abe and Mary are seated,
watching the show.
403
00:16:42,202 --> 00:16:46,339
Oh, Mary, this is wonderful.
404
00:16:46,373 --> 00:16:51,211
Okay, Mary, stop your scolding,
I'll be quiet.
405
00:16:51,244 --> 00:16:54,247
I need her like I need
a hole in the head.
406
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:04,624
Bang! Oh!
407
00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:19,773
Kay, so another thing
about oatmeal cookies--
408
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:21,274
who even wants them?
409
00:17:21,307 --> 00:17:24,878
I mean, I've seen Toby
eat one, like, once,
410
00:17:24,911 --> 00:17:26,680
but other than that...
411
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:28,715
Like, forget it.
412
00:17:28,748 --> 00:17:32,318
Interesting.
413
00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:36,790
So what is Dunder Mifflin's
oatmeal cookie?
414
00:17:36,823 --> 00:17:40,226
What is the product
that no one wants?
415
00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:43,263
How about that
two-hole-punch letter?
416
00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:46,433
Only the lawyers
want that punch at the top,
417
00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:47,467
and they use legal.
418
00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:50,770
That's the oatmeal cookie.
419
00:17:50,804 --> 00:17:54,140
Fantastic, Kevin.
Fantastic.
420
00:17:54,174 --> 00:17:55,608
Thank you.
421
00:17:55,642 --> 00:18:00,814
For some reason, my boss
is obsessed with cookies.
422
00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:02,716
It's not my specialty.
423
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:04,784
My specialty's pizza.
424
00:18:04,818 --> 00:18:07,253
But I'm flexible.
425
00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:09,522
Hey.
426
00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:11,291
Devil's Den is right that way.
427
00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:13,426
We should check it out.
That's where the snipers hit.
428
00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:15,462
Please, everyone and their
mothers go to Devil's Den.
429
00:18:15,495 --> 00:18:17,364
It's the Olive Garden
of Gettysburg.
430
00:18:17,397 --> 00:18:19,432
- Oh...
- Ooh, I like Olive Garden.
431
00:18:19,466 --> 00:18:21,434
Well, I mean that
in a bad way.
432
00:18:21,468 --> 00:18:23,603
Obviously it tastes good,
but it's not cool.
433
00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:25,305
Where do all the cool kids go
434
00:18:25,338 --> 00:18:26,706
when they come
to this consecrated ground?
435
00:18:26,740 --> 00:18:28,908
That is what I'm showing you.
436
00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:30,844
I know what you guys
are all thinking right now.
437
00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:33,847
"Hey, let's go pee on the grave
of some Confederate soldiers."
438
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:34,981
But you know what?
Joke's on you.
439
00:18:35,015 --> 00:18:37,884
It only makes the flowers
grow back more beautifully.
440
00:18:37,917 --> 00:18:39,486
Best thing you can do
for the deceased
441
00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:41,321
is to pee on their graves.
442
00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:42,856
Then you dance
and work the urine
443
00:18:42,889 --> 00:18:43,957
into the root systems.
444
00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:47,193
Doesn't hurt to have a smile
on your face, either.
445
00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:48,828
You should have told us
to wear sneakers.
446
00:18:48,862 --> 00:18:50,397
My feet are killing me.
447
00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:52,632
I could eat a horse,
figuratively.
448
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:55,201
By the way, did we leave
all the food on the bus?
449
00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:56,803
Let's talk about food
for a second.
450
00:18:56,836 --> 00:18:58,838
Food for thought.
451
00:18:58,872 --> 00:19:00,473
Yeah, that's what
I had for breakfast,
452
00:19:00,507 --> 00:19:02,308
and I think that's
probably why I'm still hungry.
453
00:19:02,342 --> 00:19:05,645
Hunger!
Hunger for victory.
454
00:19:05,679 --> 00:19:07,847
Hunger for honor.
Hunger for pride.
455
00:19:07,881 --> 00:19:09,315
Hunger for hamburger.
456
00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:11,384
Hunger for
chicken chimichangas.
457
00:19:11,418 --> 00:19:12,385
- Right, Darryl?
- That's good.
458
00:19:12,419 --> 00:19:14,487
Exactly.
Now do you know
459
00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:16,990
what the Civil War soldiers
were hungry for?
460
00:19:17,023 --> 00:19:18,491
The American Civil War?
461
00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:19,993
Obviously.
462
00:19:20,026 --> 00:19:21,327
Not obviously--there's been
463
00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:22,796
many civil wars
throughout history.
464
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:24,264
As we speak,
Syria is involved in--
465
00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:25,498
Okay, Oscar--
okay, from now on,
466
00:19:25,532 --> 00:19:26,766
when I say "Civil War,"
I'm talking about
467
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:28,368
the American Civil War.
468
00:19:28,401 --> 00:19:29,336
Where was I?
469
00:19:29,369 --> 00:19:31,538
Um, hunger! Hunger for pride!
470
00:19:31,571 --> 00:19:33,606
Now each battalion
had it's own flag,
471
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:35,508
and they guarded these flags
with their lives.
472
00:19:35,542 --> 00:19:39,479
Colonel Harrison Jeffords
of the Fourth Michigan Infantry
473
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:42,248
saw his flag
being carried away.
474
00:19:42,282 --> 00:19:44,384
Chased it down
with nothing but a sword.
475
00:19:44,417 --> 00:19:47,587
Fought tooth and nail
at the foot of that flag
476
00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:49,923
until he died.
477
00:19:49,956 --> 00:19:51,725
He wasn't about to let them
have that flag.
478
00:19:51,758 --> 00:19:52,959
Pride.
479
00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:55,428
Right, guys?
480
00:19:57,330 --> 00:20:00,433
{\an8}I commissioned this flag
for Dunder Mifflin.
481
00:20:00,467 --> 00:20:03,370
{\an8}- Cost me $200.
Only $200?
482
00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:05,705
{\an8}- We are all branches
on this tree.
483
00:20:05,739 --> 00:20:07,874
{\an8}And from the tree
comes paper,
484
00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:11,511
{\an8}which is symbolized
by these three holes
485
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:13,413
{\an8}in the paper, see?
486
00:20:13,446 --> 00:20:15,048
{\an8}Those are--
it's like three-hole punch.
487
00:20:15,081 --> 00:20:17,317
{\an8}- We get--we get it.
We get it.
488
00:20:17,350 --> 00:20:20,020
{\an8}We're all part of a business.
489
00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:22,022
But business is war.
490
00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:23,923
What's that I hear?
491
00:20:23,957 --> 00:20:26,659
Uh, a rebel paper company
492
00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:28,762
is coming to take our flag!
493
00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:30,330
Wha--what's going on here?
494
00:20:30,363 --> 00:20:31,231
Whoo-hoo!
495
00:20:31,264 --> 00:20:33,299
Come and get it!
Who's gonna get the flag?
496
00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:35,368
Who's getting it? Whoa! Hey! Ho!
497
00:20:35,402 --> 00:20:36,569
Don't look where I am,
look where I'm going.
498
00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:37,737
Juke right, juke left.
499
00:20:37,771 --> 00:20:39,673
Andy, this in inappropriate.
500
00:20:39,706 --> 00:20:40,874
People died here, man.
501
00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:41,975
Get the flag!
Get the flag!
502
00:20:42,008 --> 00:20:43,743
Come on, Big Tuna.
503
00:20:43,777 --> 00:20:44,978
What you gonna do about it?
504
00:20:45,011 --> 00:20:47,714
We got a flag right here.
Whoo-hoo!
505
00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:50,450
Sir! Sir!
506
00:20:50,483 --> 00:20:51,918
Sir!
507
00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:53,720
Please don't play games here.
508
00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:56,489
It's not a game, it's a--
it's a business/war metaphor.
509
00:20:56,523 --> 00:20:59,426
What you're doing is
a violation of park code.
510
00:20:59,459 --> 00:21:01,661
You know, Andy, he's got the
right to shoot you right now.
511
00:21:01,695 --> 00:21:03,630
You've got the go-ahead!
512
00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:10,570
All right, all right.
Break's over.
513
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:11,738
- Follow the leader. Let's go.
- You guys, come on.
514
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:14,441
We got one more stop.
Let's finish strong, all right?
515
00:21:14,474 --> 00:21:15,775
- Yes!
- Where are we going?
516
00:21:15,809 --> 00:21:18,812
Spangler's Spring
is a mile this way.
517
00:21:18,845 --> 00:21:19,913
Oh, wow.
518
00:21:19,946 --> 00:21:21,715
So that's two miles
519
00:21:21,748 --> 00:21:25,518
if you incorporate
the walk back.
520
00:21:25,552 --> 00:21:28,421
It's--
I mean, come on.
521
00:21:28,455 --> 00:21:30,924
I didn't know this was gonna
be both boring and laborious.
522
00:21:30,957 --> 00:21:32,359
Man, everyone I've talked to
523
00:21:32,392 --> 00:21:34,728
says you've gotta see
the cyclorama.
524
00:21:34,761 --> 00:21:36,963
Why aren't you letting us
see the cyclorama?
525
00:21:36,996 --> 00:21:39,065
Ooh, I don't think
I should walk anymore.
526
00:21:39,099 --> 00:21:40,633
You know,
all I had for breakfast
527
00:21:40,667 --> 00:21:43,136
was oatmeal,
yoghurt, um,
528
00:21:43,169 --> 00:21:45,105
coffee, orange juice,
and toast.
529
00:21:45,138 --> 00:21:46,873
Two poached eggs,
530
00:21:46,906 --> 00:21:48,908
and then that
half a sandwich on the bus.
531
00:21:48,942 --> 00:21:50,076
I--
532
00:21:50,110 --> 00:21:51,111
All right, fine.
You know what?
533
00:21:51,144 --> 00:21:53,380
I guess this place just
hasn't rubbed off on you
534
00:21:53,413 --> 00:21:54,814
the way that
I hoped it would.
535
00:21:56,516 --> 00:21:58,084
I'm still going.
536
00:21:58,118 --> 00:22:01,788
And I'm not going
to ask anymore.
537
00:22:01,821 --> 00:22:03,623
I'm not even
gonna look back.
538
00:22:03,656 --> 00:22:05,759
I'm just gonna assume
that you're with me.
539
00:22:14,167 --> 00:22:16,736
Said you weren't
gonna look back.
540
00:22:19,139 --> 00:22:20,774
The problem is,
the hedge fund
541
00:22:20,807 --> 00:22:22,909
is essentially
the coward's game.
542
00:22:22,942 --> 00:22:24,744
You're hedging your bets.
543
00:22:24,778 --> 00:22:27,814
And why is Blackrock
suddenly the paragon
544
00:22:27,847 --> 00:22:31,518
by which all hedge funds
must now be compared?
545
00:22:31,551 --> 00:22:33,820
I don't know.
546
00:22:33,853 --> 00:22:36,723
Right?
I mean, you're an accountant.
547
00:22:36,756 --> 00:22:39,726
Those bogus prospectuses
must drive you insane.
548
00:22:39,759 --> 00:22:44,431
Yes.
I am an accountant.
549
00:22:44,464 --> 00:22:45,765
Yeah.
550
00:22:45,799 --> 00:22:49,803
I suppose you see
right through the numbers.
551
00:22:52,572 --> 00:22:55,842
Sometimes, I wish I'd taken
your road, Kevin.
552
00:22:55,875 --> 00:22:57,944
Just taken a few years
to just...
553
00:22:59,713 --> 00:23:01,581
Live in the numbers.
554
00:23:04,250 --> 00:23:07,187
Yeah.
555
00:23:07,220 --> 00:23:09,856
I do the numbers.
556
00:23:09,889 --> 00:23:12,492
Guys, over here.
We found the bus.
557
00:23:12,525 --> 00:23:13,827
Open the door, Jim.
558
00:23:13,860 --> 00:23:16,029
- It's locked.
- Are you sure?
559
00:23:16,062 --> 00:23:17,697
Yeah, it's locked.
560
00:23:17,731 --> 00:23:19,599
It's not locked.
Give me--
561
00:23:19,632 --> 00:23:20,600
That's weird--
if it's not locked,
562
00:23:20,633 --> 00:23:22,102
why isn't it opening?
563
00:23:22,135 --> 00:23:24,571
It's--it's latched closed.
564
00:23:24,604 --> 00:23:25,939
All right, you know what?
565
00:23:25,972 --> 00:23:26,906
Andy probably has the number
for this guy.
566
00:23:26,940 --> 00:23:29,943
- Let me go find him.
- I'll come with you.
567
00:23:29,976 --> 00:23:33,646
Ooh! Ow!
I sat on my sandwich.
568
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:36,750
And that's how
the panini press was invented.
569
00:23:38,084 --> 00:23:39,919
There he is!
570
00:23:41,721 --> 00:23:43,123
You mind lending a hand?
571
00:23:43,156 --> 00:23:47,260
I'm typing up a memo to share
your ideas with the board.
572
00:23:47,293 --> 00:23:49,829
- I can do that.
- Great.
573
00:23:56,036 --> 00:23:58,772
Your arm feels good
on my back.
574
00:24:02,842 --> 00:24:06,646
Dwight, this is one
of the archivists here.
575
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:08,148
I thought maybe
we can consult him.
576
00:24:08,181 --> 00:24:09,282
- Really?
- Yeah.
577
00:24:09,315 --> 00:24:11,518
Well, anyone employed
578
00:24:11,551 --> 00:24:12,919
by the Gettysburg
industrial complex
579
00:24:12,952 --> 00:24:14,621
is certainly gonna
want to keep quiet
580
00:24:14,654 --> 00:24:16,289
about the Battle
of Schrute Farms.
581
00:24:16,322 --> 00:24:18,725
Schrute Farms,
did you say?
582
00:24:18,758 --> 00:24:21,995
That is a fascinating little
chapter of the Civil War.
583
00:24:22,028 --> 00:24:23,196
You've heard about it?
584
00:24:23,229 --> 00:24:24,898
Yes! Ha!
585
00:24:24,931 --> 00:24:27,901
Prepare to be refuted.
Go on. Come on.
586
00:24:27,934 --> 00:24:31,037
There you go.
587
00:24:31,071 --> 00:24:33,006
- Familiesand sweethearts back home
588
00:24:33,039 --> 00:24:36,142
waited desperatelyfor letters from the front.
589
00:24:36,176 --> 00:24:38,144
"Dearest mother,
590
00:24:38,178 --> 00:24:40,180
"I'm sorry it has been so longsince my last letter.
591
00:24:40,213 --> 00:24:43,049
"It is three months sinceI arrived at Schrute Farms,
592
00:24:43,083 --> 00:24:45,719
and I fear I may neverleave this place alive."
593
00:24:45,752 --> 00:24:48,121
Melvin Fifer Garris.
594
00:24:48,154 --> 00:24:50,056
Hallowed ground.
595
00:24:50,090 --> 00:24:51,758
- But the Battleat Schrute Farms
596
00:24:51,791 --> 00:24:53,626
was no battle at all.
597
00:24:53,660 --> 00:24:55,595
It was a codeused by pacifists
598
00:24:55,628 --> 00:24:56,896
from both North and South
599
00:24:56,930 --> 00:24:58,832
who turnedthe Pennsylvania farmhouse
600
00:24:58,865 --> 00:25:01,935
into an artistic communityand a refuge from the war.
601
00:25:01,968 --> 00:25:03,636
{\an8}You have to understand,
602
00:25:03,670 --> 00:25:06,139
{\an8}poets, artists, dancers,
603
00:25:06,172 --> 00:25:08,341
these kinds of menpreferred peace to war.
604
00:25:08,375 --> 00:25:12,679
These delicate, lovely menfound a place of refuge
605
00:25:12,712 --> 00:25:14,614
among the Schrutesat Schrute Farm.
606
00:25:14,647 --> 00:25:17,150
Amidst the machobrutality of war,
607
00:25:17,183 --> 00:25:19,986
this was a placewhere dandies and dreamers
608
00:25:20,020 --> 00:25:23,223
could put on plays,sing tender ballads,
609
00:25:23,256 --> 00:25:24,758
and dance in the moonlight.
610
00:25:24,791 --> 00:25:26,659
I like to thinkof Schrute Farm as,
611
00:25:26,693 --> 00:25:28,728
uh, the Underground Railroad
612
00:25:28,762 --> 00:25:32,999
for the sensitiveand, well, fabulous.
613
00:25:33,033 --> 00:25:36,069
Wow. This is so much better
than the story you made up.
614
00:25:36,102 --> 00:25:38,938
- I've seen enough.
- You're right.
615
00:25:38,972 --> 00:25:40,774
There should be
a monument to this.
616
00:25:40,807 --> 00:25:45,078
Never trust a cookie
with a woman's name.
617
00:25:45,111 --> 00:25:47,047
Pecan Sandie.
618
00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:48,181
Lorna Doone.
619
00:25:48,214 --> 00:25:49,716
Madeleine.
620
00:25:49,749 --> 00:25:52,852
Oh, they'll just
break your heart.
621
00:25:55,755 --> 00:25:57,924
Kevin, you are--
622
00:25:57,957 --> 00:25:59,693
Robert,
I hate to interrupt,
623
00:25:59,726 --> 00:26:01,394
but I would love
to pitch you one last idea.
624
00:26:01,428 --> 00:26:03,963
I call it
the Big Mac idea.
625
00:26:03,997 --> 00:26:05,131
What? No.
626
00:26:05,165 --> 00:26:07,167
Big Mac idea.
It sounds encouraging.
627
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:08,802
It's really, really good,
Robert.
628
00:26:08,835 --> 00:26:10,003
Let me explain it.
629
00:26:10,036 --> 00:26:12,105
No, this is not fair.
This is my idea.
630
00:26:12,138 --> 00:26:15,875
He's trying to steal it
because he's jealous of me.
631
00:26:15,909 --> 00:26:17,777
Well, what is the idea?
632
00:26:17,811 --> 00:26:19,846
Every time
you buy a Big Mac,
633
00:26:19,879 --> 00:26:22,782
you set one ingredient aside.
634
00:26:22,816 --> 00:26:25,085
Then,
at the end of the week,
635
00:26:25,118 --> 00:26:27,220
you have a free Big Mac.
636
00:26:27,253 --> 00:26:29,022
And you love it even more,
637
00:26:29,055 --> 00:26:31,758
because you made it
with your own hands.
638
00:26:32,926 --> 00:26:34,027
I don't know, Kevin--
639
00:26:34,060 --> 00:26:35,895
No, and I can prove
that it's my idea
640
00:26:35,929 --> 00:26:38,898
because I sent that idea
to Ronald McDonald,
641
00:26:38,932 --> 00:26:42,435
and he personally thanked me
with a coupon.
642
00:26:42,469 --> 00:26:44,738
You know what?
643
00:26:44,771 --> 00:26:46,840
Now I remember.
That wasyour idea.
644
00:26:46,873 --> 00:26:49,909
That is 100% your idea.
645
00:26:49,943 --> 00:26:54,247
Oh-ho, my.
646
00:26:55,782 --> 00:26:59,052
It was just actually cookies
the whole time.
647
00:27:01,221 --> 00:27:02,756
Damn it.
648
00:27:02,789 --> 00:27:05,191
Hey.
649
00:27:05,225 --> 00:27:06,860
You guys came.
650
00:27:06,893 --> 00:27:08,194
Where's everyone else?
651
00:27:08,228 --> 00:27:10,363
Back at the bus.
We were locked out.
652
00:27:10,397 --> 00:27:13,199
Phyllis is sitting on the
ground, eating a dirty sandwich.
653
00:27:13,233 --> 00:27:15,802
Yeah, I asked the bus driver
to lock it,
654
00:27:15,835 --> 00:27:16,803
'cause our stuff was in there.
655
00:27:16,836 --> 00:27:17,971
I guess he follows orders.
656
00:27:18,004 --> 00:27:19,773
Yeah, sorry everybody else
didn't come.
657
00:27:19,806 --> 00:27:21,074
I think they're just tired.
658
00:27:21,107 --> 00:27:24,010
With holes in their shoes,
and they have dysentery.
659
00:27:24,044 --> 00:27:26,379
Even without an audience
you're still at it.
660
00:27:26,413 --> 00:27:27,947
What are you talking about?
661
00:27:27,981 --> 00:27:29,816
Our office has a disease,
662
00:27:29,849 --> 00:27:32,052
and it goes by many names--
663
00:27:32,085 --> 00:27:36,956
sarcasm, snark, wisecracks.
664
00:27:36,990 --> 00:27:38,391
You take things
that people care about,
665
00:27:38,425 --> 00:27:42,162
and you make them feel lame
about it with your jokes.
666
00:27:42,195 --> 00:27:44,230
That's what you did
with this trip.
667
00:27:44,264 --> 00:27:46,966
Andy, this whole idea
668
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:48,902
of our situation
being just like war,
669
00:27:48,935 --> 00:27:50,236
it's just not true.
670
00:27:50,270 --> 00:27:52,238
We just work
at a paper company,
671
00:27:52,272 --> 00:27:55,008
and you're our regional manager.
And guess what, man?
672
00:27:55,041 --> 00:27:57,243
You don't have
to prove anything.
673
00:27:57,277 --> 00:27:59,846
We like you
as regional manager.
674
00:27:59,879 --> 00:28:01,281
Andy,
if you don't believe me,
675
00:28:01,314 --> 00:28:03,516
take a look
at what's on my head.
676
00:28:03,550 --> 00:28:05,518
I'm wearing a very pink hat.
677
00:28:05,552 --> 00:28:07,754
I've been getting
weird looks all day
678
00:28:07,787 --> 00:28:09,856
because I'm pretty sure
"DM does GB"
679
00:28:09,889 --> 00:28:11,124
means something
kind of sexual.
680
00:28:11,157 --> 00:28:12,792
But guess who's wearing them?
681
00:28:12,826 --> 00:28:13,927
All of us.
682
00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:15,528
Just for you, man.
683
00:28:15,562 --> 00:28:17,430
That's huge.
684
00:28:17,464 --> 00:28:19,966
You don't like the hats?
685
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:22,135
- They're terrible.
- I hate myself.
686
00:28:22,168 --> 00:28:24,070
They just didn't turn out
how I wanted.
687
00:28:24,104 --> 00:28:25,839
In my head,
they were cooler,
688
00:28:25,872 --> 00:28:27,540
but they do look weird.
689
00:28:27,574 --> 00:28:31,144
The world will little notenor long remember
690
00:28:31,177 --> 00:28:34,180
the fight that Jim and Ihad here at Gettysburg.
691
00:28:34,214 --> 00:28:37,150
And that's good,because I was basically wrong.
692
00:28:37,183 --> 00:28:39,819
I wanted my team
to be, like, this army,
693
00:28:39,853 --> 00:28:41,321
and I was their general,
694
00:28:41,354 --> 00:28:43,156
but I guess it's really
just more like
695
00:28:43,189 --> 00:28:44,858
they're people who work
in an office,
696
00:28:44,891 --> 00:28:47,360
and I'm their manager.
697
00:28:47,394 --> 00:28:49,896
Yeah, that's really probably
a better analogy,
698
00:28:49,929 --> 00:28:51,364
now that I think about it.
699
00:28:56,936 --> 00:28:59,172
Okay, guys,
if anyone can tell me
700
00:28:59,205 --> 00:29:00,907
one of the lessons
of Gettysburg,
701
00:29:00,940 --> 00:29:02,475
then we can watch Source Code.
702
00:29:05,045 --> 00:29:06,413
Always believe in yourself.
703
00:29:09,115 --> 00:29:11,117
Yes. Good enough.
704
00:29:11,151 --> 00:29:13,086
- Yes!
- All right!
51732
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