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1
00:00:02,02 --> 00:00:03,904
[Pal]
2
00:00:05,205 --> 00:00:06,740
Oh, uh, hi,
did you lose something?
3
00:00:06,940 --> 00:00:08,442
Yeah. Sure did.
4
00:00:08,642 --> 00:00:10,844
Let me give you a hand.
What are we looking for anyway?
5
00:00:11,44 --> 00:00:13,347
Well, that’s--
That’s darn neighborly of you.
6
00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:15,582
It's my dad blamed ring.
Your ring, huh?
7
00:00:15,782 --> 00:00:17,284
Yeah.
8
00:00:17,484 --> 00:00:20,487
Uh, | looked in the buggy
here and, uh--
9
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:22,389
The buggy?
Yeah. My car here.
10
00:00:22,589 --> 00:00:25,359
But, uh, | reckon | dropped it
out here someplace.
11
00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:27,194
Hey, wait a minute.
Yeah.
12
00:00:27,394 --> 00:00:28,862
Don’t | recognize you
from someplace?
13
00:00:29,62 --> 00:00:31,331
Well, | work here at NASA.
You probably saw me around here.
14
00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:33,800
Oh, well, | got some kinfolk
working here at NASA.
15
00:00:34,01 --> 00:00:35,235
Really?
Yeah.
16
00:00:35,435 --> 00:00:36,570
Well, what do you know?
What?
17
00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:38,238
Wait a minute.
What?
18
00:00:38,438 --> 00:00:40,641
That reflection right there.
19
00:00:40,841 --> 00:00:41,942
Wait a minute.
20
00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:45,812
There it is.
Why, there it is.
21
00:00:46,13 --> 00:00:48,749
Ha-ha.
How about that, huh?
22
00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:49,883
Ain’t that a beauty?
23
00:00:50,83 --> 00:00:51,552
Yeah. That's a pretty ring,
all right.
24
00:00:51,752 --> 00:00:55,656
That is the only square sapphire
east of the Mississippi.
25
00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:57,357
Square sapphire?
Mm-hm.
26
00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:58,825
But it don’t go
on my finger right.
27
00:00:59,26 --> 00:01:00,60
Oh.
See what | mean?
28
00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:01,628
Too bad. I’m glad
you found it anyway.
29
00:01:01,828 --> 00:01:03,964
Well,
I-I'll tell you what.
30
00:01:04,164 --> 00:01:06,533
Well, | certainly do declare.
31
00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:08,402
Lovely lifeline.
32
00:01:08,602 --> 00:01:09,703
Let me try
something here.
33
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,04
What are you doing?
34
00:01:11,204 --> 00:01:12,873
I’m trying it on your finger,
see if it fits.
35
00:01:13,73 --> 00:01:13,974
Wait a minute.
36
00:01:14,174 --> 00:01:16,376
Now-- Now, is that the way
it should look?
37
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,879
Yeah. That--
That does look kind of nice.
38
00:01:19,79 --> 00:01:21,515
Since you’re one of our boys
in uniform,
39
00:01:21,715 --> 00:01:24,885
you give me 35
and we'll call it square.
40
00:01:25,85 --> 00:01:26,19
Thirty-five dollars?
41
00:01:26,219 --> 00:01:28,689
Mm-hm.
Thirty-five dollars.
42
00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:31,325
Yeah, $35. Here you are.
43
00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:32,593
| thank you.
44
00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:34,161
Keep up the good work,
lieutenant.
45
00:01:34,361 --> 00:01:35,162
I'll see you soon.
46
00:01:35,362 --> 00:01:37,798
Thirty-five hundred dollar ring,
huh? Oh.
47
00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:40,00
Oh, this time | did it.
Oh-ho-ho.
48
00:01:41,201 --> 00:01:43,704
[MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY]
49
00:01:43,904 --> 00:01:46,39
JEANNIE:
Ooh-hoo, Major Healey,
hello.
50
00:01:46,239 --> 00:01:48,508
Hi, Jeannie. Uh, how do
you like my new ring, huh?
51
00:01:48,709 --> 00:01:52,346
Oh.
Well, i-it is beautiful. Heh.
52
00:01:52,546 --> 00:01:54,314
|, uh, have never seen
one quite like it.
53
00:01:54,514 --> 00:01:55,882
Yeah. Well,
it’s a Square sapphire.
54
00:01:56,83 --> 00:01:57,684
It's the only one east
of the Mississippi.
55
00:01:57,884 --> 00:01:59,987
[SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
W-what?
56
00:02:00,187 --> 00:02:02,255
Uh, w-wear it in good health.
Yeah. Thank you.
57
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:04,992
Nice talking to you.
Mm-hm. Bye-bye. Heh.
58
00:02:05,192 --> 00:02:07,94
[Pal]
59
00:02:11,31 --> 00:02:12,633
[MAN SIGHS]
60
00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:19,106
Excuse me, sir.
May | assist you?
61
00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:23,76
Well, heh-- Well, that’s
right neighborly of you, ma’am.
62
00:02:23,276 --> 00:02:26,446
It’s just my goll dang
diamond cuff link. Heh.
63
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:28,749
Ooh, a diamond cuff link.
It must be quite valuable.
64
00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:29,750
Yes. And--
65
00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:31,451
[STAMMERS]
66
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,186
Jeannie Nelson?
67
00:02:33,387 --> 00:02:35,622
Excuse me, ma’am,
but are you any relation
68
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:37,391
to Major Anthony Nelson?
69
00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:40,494
Oh, no. No. He is my husband.
70
00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:43,697
Your husband.
Well, I'll be horsewhipped.
71
00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:46,166
l-- I’m Arvel, his cousin.
72
00:02:46,366 --> 00:02:48,268
[Pal]
73
00:02:49,936 --> 00:02:51,838
[Pal]
74
00:03:38,51 --> 00:03:39,953
[Pal]
75
00:03:43,590 --> 00:03:44,825
Square sapphire?
Yeah.
76
00:03:45,25 --> 00:03:47,427
But it’s the only one east of
the Mississippi. Remember that.
77
00:03:47,627 --> 00:03:48,695
Does it have
a magic decoder?
78
00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:51,198
Ah, don't be funny.
This is a very expensive ring.
79
00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:53,700
You know, for secret messages
from Dick Tracy and all that?
80
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:55,402
You kidding?
Know how much | paid for it?
81
00:03:55,602 --> 00:03:56,870
How much?
It’s a $3500 ring.
82
00:03:57,70 --> 00:03:59,973
You know how much | paid for it?
| paid $35. That’s clever.
83
00:04:00,173 --> 00:04:02,709
You're lucky the guy wasn’t
selling the Brooklyn Bridge.
84
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:05,512
Course my partners,
being shrewd businessmen,
85
00:04:05,712 --> 00:04:06,980
won't let anybody else in.
86
00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:08,682
But | said to them,
| told ’em, | said:
87
00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:12,786
"Friends, if aman can’t let
his own flesh and blood
88
00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:14,821
"share in his good fortune,
89
00:04:15,21 --> 00:04:18,258
why he just ain't
much of a man."
90
00:04:18,458 --> 00:04:21,294
Well, that is very generous
of you, Cousin Arvel.
91
00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:23,96
Well, | did what | could.
92
00:04:23,296 --> 00:04:24,564
But you know something,
Jeannie,
93
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:28,301
as much as | fought them,
they wouldn't let me take in
94
00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:32,05
more than $1000.
One thousand dollars.
95
00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:35,442
Well, it's not much, heh,
but it’s the best | could do.
96
00:04:35,642 --> 00:04:39,45
But, Jeannie,
it won’t always be $1000.
97
00:04:39,246 --> 00:04:41,381
No. It'll be a-building
and a-building.
98
00:04:41,581 --> 00:04:45,185
And some day, why when--
When Cousin Tony
99
00:04:45,385 --> 00:04:47,921
won't be as young
as he Is,
100
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:50,657
he'll be too old to fly
them moon rockets,
101
00:04:50,857 --> 00:04:52,993
and all he’ll have is that
pension to look forward to,
102
00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:57,497
why there it'll be,
the greatest gift of them all.
103
00:04:57,697 --> 00:05:00,300
Gift?
W-what kind of gift?
104
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:02,769
Financial security.
105
00:05:04,70 --> 00:05:06,106
Oh. Financial security?
106
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:07,440
Mm-hm.
107
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:10,243
Do you really think
Anthony would like that?
108
00:05:10,443 --> 00:05:13,280
Jeannie, Jeannie.
Heh-heh.
109
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,715
Why does a heifer like salt,
hm?
110
00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:18,51
Jeannie,
when a man has security,
111
00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:20,554
why he’s like a rattler
a-sunnin’ hisself
112
00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:24,524
on a flat rock,
not a care in the world.
113
00:05:24,724 --> 00:05:26,693
Then | shall buy it
for him.
114
00:05:26,893 --> 00:05:30,130
Hm-hm.
Yes. He’d be like a-- Hm?
115
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:31,565
| will not be
but a moment.
116
00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:33,600
Please do not go away. Heh.
117
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:35,702
[Pal]
118
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:40,574
Well, Cousin Tony
119
00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:42,843
not only married purty,
120
00:05:43,43 --> 00:05:44,611
he married rich.
121
00:05:44,811 --> 00:05:46,279
Hm-hm.
122
00:05:46,479 --> 00:05:48,381
[Pal]
123
00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:23,884
Now, there’s two possibilities:
124
00:06:24,84 --> 00:06:26,519
either she’s really loaded
125
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,688
or she’s plumb loco.
126
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:31,224
And if she’s loco--
[DOOR OPENS]
127
00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:34,160
Heh.
128
00:06:34,361 --> 00:06:37,63
Here you are, Cousin Arvel.
129
00:06:37,264 --> 00:06:38,865
| hope you
do not mind gold.
130
00:06:39,65 --> 00:06:42,68
l-if you do, I--
| can get you bills.
131
00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:44,804
Oh, | have some more.
One moment please.
132
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:47,574
[CHUCKLES]
133
00:06:47,774 --> 00:06:51,511
She’s rich, and she’s loco.
134
00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:53,380
Gentleman, would you
bring those over here
135
00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:54,481
SO we Can compare them.
136
00:06:54,681 --> 00:06:56,82
BELLOWS:
Here we go.
Excuse me.
137
00:06:57,550 --> 00:07:00,921
Oh, major, that’s
a very interesting ring.
138
00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:03,356
Thank you, sir.
Actually, that’s a genuine--
139
00:07:03,556 --> 00:07:05,492
It is interesting.
| haven't seen one like it
140
00:07:05,692 --> 00:07:07,494
since | used to get them
out of cereal boxes.
141
00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:09,562
[ALL LAUGH]
142
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,398
Takes you back, doesn’t it?
143
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:13,733
Does it have
a magic decoder?
144
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:16,536
Now, wait a minute. This happens
to be a very expensive ring.
145
00:07:16,736 --> 00:07:18,705
| practically stole this
for $35.
146
00:07:18,905 --> 00:07:21,574
Thirty-five dollars?
Y-you paid $35 for that?
147
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:22,776
Well--
148
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:24,444
I’m afraid
you've been taken, major.
149
00:07:24,644 --> 00:07:26,980
| couldn't have, sir. | met
this guy in the lot by accident.
150
00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:28,281
It was a NASA lot too.
151
00:07:28,481 --> 00:07:30,50
What happened
to our security?
152
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:31,952
Well, uh, sir, I’m sorry
Roger got swindled,
153
00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:33,253
but these things happen.
154
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,422
Yeah. There’s a sucker
born every minute.
155
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,691
SCHAEFFER:
No, you don’t understand,
gentlemen.
156
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:40,827
Since the space program has been
so much in the public eye,
157
00:07:41,27 --> 00:07:44,297
it was only a question of time
before con men, swindlers and--
158
00:07:44,497 --> 00:07:47,400
And phony speculators
descended on us.
159
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:50,70
Oh, general,
it’s only a worthless ring.
160
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:51,671
Yeah.
A piece of junk.
161
00:07:51,871 --> 00:07:55,709
SCHAEFFER:
Of course, and next comes
the phony stock investments,
162
00:07:55,909 --> 00:07:57,510
and the influence peddlers,
163
00:07:57,711 --> 00:08:00,580
and the promoters trying
to get our astronauts
164
00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:02,949
to endorse their products.
165
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:03,950
Right.
166
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:05,418
We’re not allowed
to do that, sir.
167
00:08:05,618 --> 00:08:08,121
Exactly, major. And | don’t want
to give that a chance to happen.
168
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:10,590
| want that man caught so that
the rest of them will know
169
00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:12,459
we're not an easy mark.
Mmm.
170
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:15,528
Major Healey,
we owe you a debt of gratitude
171
00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:17,564
for bringing this
to our attention.
172
00:08:17,764 --> 00:08:21,134
Well, just doing my job,
Sir.
173
00:08:23,636 --> 00:08:26,72
Sounds like a snake-oil
salesman to me.
174
00:08:26,272 --> 00:08:27,574
| wish he had sold me
some snake oil,
175
00:08:27,774 --> 00:08:29,75
| could get this ring
off my finger.
176
00:08:29,275 --> 00:08:30,777
W-wait a minute.
| think that’s his car.
177
00:08:30,977 --> 00:08:32,679
He must be here.
There’s somebody in there.
178
00:08:32,879 --> 00:08:34,114
Let’s go.
Yeah.
179
00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:36,216
[Pal]
180
00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:41,287
BOTH:
Gotcha!
181
00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:46,960
Now that you've got me,
182
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,829
what do you plan to do with me?
183
00:08:52,999 --> 00:08:55,235
Beans.
Beans, Cousin Jeannie.
184
00:08:55,435 --> 00:08:57,137
Beans. Hm-hm!
185
00:08:57,337 --> 00:09:00,73
Well, they-- They-- They smell
very good, Cousin Arvel, but--
186
00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:02,308
B-but you did not have
to cook dinner.
187
00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:05,712
Oh, well, I’m not cooking
to show off my culinary genius.
188
00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:07,847
| am cooking these beans
to show you
189
00:09:08,48 --> 00:09:12,18
where your financial
security is.
Oh.
190
00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:14,654
Well, I-l--
| do not understand.
191
00:09:14,854 --> 00:09:18,892
Fried chicken, barbecued
spare ribs, fish and chips.
192
00:09:19,92 --> 00:09:22,28
Why, folks have made a fortune
out of that stuff.
193
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:25,198
Well, | got here
one of the gone dangest recipes
194
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:28,668
for Texas chili beans that you
ever smacked your lips over.
195
00:09:28,868 --> 00:09:30,570
And with your money
and my recipe,
196
00:09:30,770 --> 00:09:33,173
why, we could make it famous.
197
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:36,42
Uh, ooh, that is-- That is
what you wanted the money for?
198
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,44
For, uh, beans?
199
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:39,746
Come now, little lady,
don't you worry
200
00:09:39,946 --> 00:09:41,714
your pretty head over that.
Now you just leave
201
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:45,51
the cooking and the business
to little ol’ Arvel here.
202
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:47,20
[CHUCKLES]
203
00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:48,521
Cousin Jeannie--
Cousin Arvel--
204
00:09:48,721 --> 00:09:50,390
Oh, excuse me. Heh.
205
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,258
Ladies first.
206
00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:55,528
Well, uh, p-perhaps
it would be a good idea
207
00:09:55,728 --> 00:09:58,131
if we did not tell Anthony
about this just yet.
208
00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:01,868
|, uh-- I-l would like to have
his financial security be
209
00:10:02,68 --> 00:10:04,204
a complete surprise.
210
00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:06,806
You just took the words
right out of my mouth.
211
00:10:07,06 --> 00:10:09,609
Oh, good. Good.
Good.
212
00:10:09,809 --> 00:10:13,113
Ooh, hello, darling.
Hi.
213
00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:15,849
Uh, well, | lit the fire,
| got a nice bottle of wine,
214
00:10:16,49 --> 00:10:18,618
and if you turn on the music--
Oh, well, darling, uh, no.
215
00:10:18,818 --> 00:10:20,753
I-- I’m afraid not.
We-- We have a guest.
216
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,255
A guest? Who?
217
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,557
Cousin Tony.
Lock up the silver.
218
00:10:24,757 --> 00:10:25,992
What?
Nothing. Nothing.
219
00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:27,760
Oh, is this not
a pleasant surprise?
220
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:30,763
Cousin Arvel came all the way
from Texas just to visit us.
221
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:33,633
Terrific.
| told you he'd be tickled.
222
00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:36,703
Ha-ha. And | will show you
what a pleasant guest
223
00:10:36,903 --> 00:10:38,338
| can be around the house.
224
00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:41,374
| want you to wrap your lips
around some of the best
225
00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:43,943
Texas chili north
of the Pecos. Ho-ho.
226
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,812
Uh, Arvel, how long are you
gonna be here?
227
00:10:46,12 --> 00:10:47,847
Try this.
Oh--
228
00:10:48,47 --> 00:10:49,582
How’s that, son?
229
00:10:49,782 --> 00:10:50,817
Is it not delicious?
230
00:10:51,17 --> 00:10:53,119
Delicious.
231
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:54,420
What do you think of it?
232
00:10:54,621 --> 00:10:57,290
"Cousin Tony’s Texas Chili."
233
00:10:57,490 --> 00:11:01,227
Oh. Oh, Cousin Arvel.
234
00:11:01,427 --> 00:11:03,630
Why, that--
That is most generous of you.
235
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:07,400
Most generous, but-- But--
But it is your recipe.
236
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,03
Jeannie, | just want to show
my gratitude.
237
00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:12,105
Come here.
| wanna t-tell you something.
238
00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:13,640
Sit here.
Sit down here.
239
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,876
Now, | have decided
that we're not only
240
00:11:17,76 --> 00:11:20,146
gonna sell
our chili from stands,
241
00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:22,182
we're gonna can it.
242
00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:25,51
Ha-ho! Before I’m through,
Cousin Tony’s face will be
243
00:11:25,251 --> 00:11:27,820
in every supermarket
in the country. Huh?
244
00:11:28,21 --> 00:11:30,190
Oh! Oh, how exciting.
245
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:31,491
How long will it take?
246
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,359
Well, with Tony’s endorsement,
247
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:36,930
| reckon | could sign up
a canner in about half a minute.
248
00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:39,199
His endorsement?
Did you talk to him and ask him?
249
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:40,934
Why, Jeannie,
don’t you remember?
250
00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:43,236
Don’t you remember he said
it was delicious? Huh?
251
00:11:43,436 --> 00:11:45,138
Oh, yes.
If that ain’t an endorsement,
252
00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:46,539
| don’t know what is.
253
00:11:46,739 --> 00:11:47,640
Right?
Yes.
254
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:48,875
Oh, by-- Before | forget.
255
00:11:49,75 --> 00:11:51,978
Now, not a word of this
until we can show him
256
00:11:52,178 --> 00:11:53,346
a can with his face on it.
257
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:55,114
Okay?
258
00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:57,584
[Pal]
259
00:11:57,784 --> 00:11:59,319
Oh.
260
00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:03,556
It just goes to show you how
wrong you can be about people.
261
00:12:03,756 --> 00:12:07,860
My master’s face
in every supermarket.
262
00:12:08,61 --> 00:12:09,796
| can hardly wait.
263
00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:14,33
Oh!
264
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,469
[LAUGHS]
265
00:12:16,669 --> 00:12:19,38
Why should | wait?
266
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:20,873
Whee!
267
00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:28,281
[Pal]
268
00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:31,951
Cocoa Beach Supermarket,
NASA cafeteria, Food City.
269
00:12:32,151 --> 00:12:33,953
Aha.
270
00:12:34,153 --> 00:12:36,422
This is the last one.
271
00:12:36,623 --> 00:12:38,191
Let’s see.
272
00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:42,662
May | help you find something,
ma’am?
273
00:12:42,862 --> 00:12:46,232
Oh! Oh. Heh. Well, yes,
as a matter of fact, you can.
274
00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:48,601
Cousin Tony’s Texas Chili.
275
00:12:48,801 --> 00:12:51,70
It is delicious.
276
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,273
Cousin Tony’s?
277
00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:56,242
| don't think
we carry that brand.
278
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:57,410
Just a moment please.
279
00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:59,12
[GIGGLES]
280
00:13:01,914 --> 00:13:05,351
Oh, well, never mind.
| found it.
281
00:13:05,551 --> 00:13:07,754
Oh, yes, good. Good.
282
00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:09,856
[Pal]
283
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:14,93
Peculiar.
It isn’t here on--
284
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,296
Pickles and ketchup.
285
00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:18,298
Uh, and, oh, yes,
Alfred loves chili.
286
00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:20,967
Cousin Tony’s
Texas Chili.
287
00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:23,569
Oh, uh, may | see that
for a moment, please?
288
00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:26,539
Oh, oh, yes, yes.
It's a new item.
289
00:13:26,739 --> 00:13:28,74
It's quite delicious.
290
00:13:30,777 --> 00:13:32,578
Cousin Tony.
291
00:13:32,779 --> 00:13:34,681
Oh-- Oh.
292
00:13:34,881 --> 00:13:36,215
[CHUCKLES]
293
00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:38,618
Thank you very much.
294
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:41,287
Oh, this is wonderful.
This is wonderful.
295
00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:43,923
| put my master’s face
in all the supermarkets
296
00:13:44,123 --> 00:13:46,59
and the NASA cafeteria.
297
00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:49,195
Why, | still have
a whole case left over.
298
00:13:49,395 --> 00:13:51,597
ARVEL:
Cousin Jeannie.
Cousin Jeannie!
299
00:13:51,798 --> 00:13:53,733
In here, Cousin Arvel!
300
00:13:55,768 --> 00:13:57,937
Yee-hoo! Ah, we done it.
301
00:13:58,137 --> 00:14:00,06
We done it!
302
00:14:00,206 --> 00:14:02,75
| just left the distributor,
and he told me
303
00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:04,544
that he would take all
the Cousin Tony Texas Chili
304
00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:06,379
that we could deliver.
Ohl!
305
00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:08,448
Now-- Now all we gotta do
306
00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:11,84
is put that stuff in...
307
00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:12,518
cans.
308
00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:15,21
Oh. Oh, well,
I-| have already done that.
309
00:14:15,221 --> 00:14:17,857
And-- And | have even put it
in the supermarkets too.
310
00:14:18,57 --> 00:14:20,59
And | thought | was fast.
311
00:14:20,259 --> 00:14:23,96
Cousin Jeannie, you--
You are a genius.
312
00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:27,66
Oh.
W-what did you charge ‘em?
313
00:14:27,266 --> 00:14:29,302
Charge ’em?
Mm-hm.
314
00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:31,771
Do you mean money?
Well, | don’t mean rutabagas.
315
00:14:31,971 --> 00:14:34,540
Sure, money. You--
316
00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:37,43
You did charge?
317
00:14:38,144 --> 00:14:40,880
Oh. Heh-heh.
318
00:14:41,80 --> 00:14:44,50
Cousin Jeannie, I--
I-l wanna tell you something.
319
00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:45,485
You see-- You see,
320
00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:48,755
the only way that we’re gonna
get financial security for Tony
321
00:14:48,955 --> 00:14:51,858
is by selling the chili
to the markets, see?
322
00:14:52,58 --> 00:14:54,694
You see, and if we don't
get money for the chili, heh,
323
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:56,295
| mean, that ain't selling,
you know.
324
00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:59,432
That’s, uh...
Well, that’s criminal.
325
00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:01,567
I-I’m terribly sorry,
Cousin Arvel,
326
00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:03,436
but | did not understand
about that part.
327
00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:05,738
All right, now you-- Now you
take me to all those places
328
00:15:05,938 --> 00:15:07,740
where you put ‘em,
and I'll make the deals, huh?
329
00:15:07,940 --> 00:15:09,642
Very well.
Okay.
330
00:15:09,842 --> 00:15:11,377
Cans.
331
00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:13,746
Alfred,
is it or isn’t it?
332
00:15:13,946 --> 00:15:15,248
It couldn’t be.
333
00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:18,418
Oh, Alfred, you just amaze me.
You really do.
334
00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:20,653
| mean,
now here is a can that says,
335
00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:22,822
"Cousin Tony’s Texas Chili"
on it.
336
00:15:23,22 --> 00:15:25,892
We have Major Nelson in
his cute little astronaut suit
337
00:15:26,92 --> 00:15:29,162
smiling at us,
and you still say it isn’t him?
338
00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:30,496
But Major Nelson knows
339
00:15:30,696 --> 00:15:32,598
that astronauts can’t
endorse products.
340
00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:34,901
He mentioned it himself.
Oh.
341
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:37,904
Well, that’s nice. Well,
| want to mention one thing too.
342
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:42,74
If he can endorse chilli,
you can endorse headache pills.
343
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:44,844
He’s given you
enough of them.
344
00:15:45,44 --> 00:15:47,146
It’s a joke. It must be
somebody’s idea of a joke,
345
00:15:47,346 --> 00:15:48,848
that’s all.
Well, if it is, major,
346
00:15:49,48 --> 00:15:50,817
it’s in very poor taste.
Mm.
347
00:15:51,17 --> 00:15:53,653
Do you realize what would happen
if Schaeffer got a look at this?
348
00:15:53,853 --> 00:15:55,721
Yeah. We can't have
the general looking at that.
349
00:15:55,922 --> 00:15:57,523
No, you don’t, major.
This is evidence.
350
00:15:57,723 --> 00:15:59,826
You’re not gonna show that
to him without giving me
351
00:16:00,26 --> 00:16:02,295
a chance to track down who's
responsible for it, are you?
352
00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:04,263
Of course not, major.
353
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:05,364
But I’m going to keep it
354
00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:06,566
until you do.
Huh?
355
00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:08,568
I’m just going to lunch.
Anyone care to join me?
356
00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:10,903
I'd love to, sir, but I’m--
I’m very busy right now.
357
00:16:11,103 --> 00:16:12,738
Uh, yes. He’s very busy.
358
00:16:12,939 --> 00:16:14,440
We'd be delighted
to join you for lunch.
359
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:15,475
In your purse.
360
00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:17,910
My purse?
In my purse?
361
00:16:18,110 --> 00:16:20,12
Oh, well,
he’s speaking to me.
362
00:16:20,213 --> 00:16:21,214
| think it’s a good idea.
363
00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:23,15
Why don’t we go
to the cafeteria right now.
364
00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:24,383
It gets so busy
this time of day.
365
00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:26,85
Why don't you try the chili.
It’s great.
366
00:16:26,285 --> 00:16:27,186
Chili?
Yes, it’s called
367
00:16:27,386 --> 00:16:29,88
Cousin Tony’s Texas Chi--
368
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:32,825
Oh, Alfred,
this is ridiculous.
369
00:16:33,25 --> 00:16:33,926
| have to tell him.
370
00:16:34,126 --> 00:16:35,528
| was shopping
in the food mart today,
371
00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:39,65
and | found this can
with Major Nelson's picture--
372
00:16:39,265 --> 00:16:42,301
Are you people going to lunch
with me or not?
373
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:44,904
Yes, I’m going to lunch wi--
Y-yes. I’m going to lunch.
374
00:16:45,104 --> 00:16:47,473
I’m suddenly very hungry
for chili.
375
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:50,109
Well, I-- | think
I'll have seconds, gang.
376
00:16:50,309 --> 00:16:51,777
What’s the matter?
What’s the matter?
377
00:16:51,978 --> 00:16:53,613
Shh! | know a shortcut
to the cafeteria.
378
00:16:53,813 --> 00:16:56,182
Wait a minute! Wait a minute.
I’m not that hungry.
379
00:16:56,382 --> 00:16:59,151
[Pal]
380
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:01,787
TONY: Are you all right?
No, I’m not all right.
381
00:17:01,988 --> 00:17:04,223
Wait a minute. What do you
wanna do? | don’t want seconds.
382
00:17:04,423 --> 00:17:05,625
Wait.
We’re on the second floor.
383
00:17:05,825 --> 00:17:06,726
Oh!
384
00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:14,667
You’re an astronaut.
385
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,269
[Pal]
386
00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:17,303
Did you get
all of ’em?
387
00:17:17,503 --> 00:17:18,404
Yeah,
| got all of ’em.
388
00:17:18,604 --> 00:17:20,06
Why couldn't we eat
in the cafeteria?
389
00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:21,807
It’s only 30 cents a bowl
and a big bowl.
390
00:17:22,08 --> 00:17:24,243
Because my picture is on
the front of it, that’s why.
391
00:17:24,443 --> 00:17:25,912
Hey,
that does look like you.
392
00:17:26,112 --> 00:17:28,681
Yeah. Jeannie, Jeannie,
I’m home.
393
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:32,118
Oh, and forget about lunch.
We brought it.
Huh?
394
00:17:32,318 --> 00:17:34,620
Jeannie!
395
00:17:34,820 --> 00:17:35,688
[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
396
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,89
Jeannie.
397
00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:43,362
Wait a minute. What’s this?
Tony.
398
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:44,530
Huh?
Wait a minute.
399
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:46,198
| brought two boxes,
you brought a box.
400
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:47,667
Where’d this come from?
What?
401
00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:50,836
Oh, that does look like you.
402
00:17:51,37 --> 00:17:52,572
Let me see.
What’s the matter?
403
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:54,273
Jeannie. Jeannie.
What?
404
00:17:54,473 --> 00:17:56,309
I-| knew she had something
to do with this.
405
00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:58,878
And | bet you Cousin Arvel
had something to do with it too.
406
00:17:59,78 --> 00:18:00,746
Yeah. Who’s Cousin Arvel?
Cousin Arvel?
407
00:18:00,947 --> 00:18:03,82
Oh, he’s the guy that sold you
this square sapphire.
408
00:18:03,282 --> 00:18:05,418
The guy that sold me this?
Your cousin sold me the ring?
409
00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:07,553
Yes. Uh, t-twice removed.
Twice removed?
410
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:10,56
H-here’s the list of the--
Where they sold the chili.
411
00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:12,425
NASA cafeteria, Food City.
412
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:14,527
We gotta get that stuff
off the shelf, man.
413
00:18:14,727 --> 00:18:17,163
If that’s your cousin,
| want my $35 back.
414
00:18:17,363 --> 00:18:19,231
[HUMMING]
415
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,33
CLERK:
Yes, | have
some right over here.
416
00:18:21,233 --> 00:18:23,35
| put it right down--
Oh. Ha-ha.
417
00:18:23,235 --> 00:18:25,04
This young lady is purchasing
some right now.
418
00:18:25,204 --> 00:18:28,574
Miss! Don't buy that.
419
00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:31,77
You won't like it. It’s poison.
This stuff is just awful.
420
00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:33,279
Really?
Removing it from the market.
421
00:18:33,479 --> 00:18:35,648
Here, have some of that.
It’s really a lot better.
422
00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:38,918
Thank you for the tip.
This stuff is bleh!
423
00:18:40,686 --> 00:18:43,222
How dare you badmouth
our food?
424
00:18:43,422 --> 00:18:45,257
That happens to be
one of our newest items,
425
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,193
and | just made a deal
with a manufacturer
426
00:18:47,393 --> 00:18:49,862
who assures me that it’s
the finest chili on the market.
427
00:18:50,62 --> 00:18:52,264
Great. I'll take it. I'll
take it all. Here. Hold that.
428
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:55,668
l’ll take all you got, huh?
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
429
00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:57,470
You'll love it.
You'll come back for more.
430
00:18:57,670 --> 00:18:59,338
All right.
Uh, just check me out.
431
00:18:59,538 --> 00:19:02,274
[Pal]
432
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:03,743
Miss.
433
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:05,77
Hi, miss. Uh...
434
00:19:05,277 --> 00:19:06,746
| happen to be
the representative, uh,
435
00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:08,581
for Cousin Tony’s Texas Chili.
436
00:19:08,781 --> 00:19:11,550
And, uh, these, uh, labels
happen to be very defective.
437
00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:14,754
So we have to get these labels.
They go back to the company.
438
00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:16,422
Now, this one here--
| noticed--
439
00:19:16,622 --> 00:19:19,258
Do you shop here very often?
You're a very nice lady.
440
00:19:19,458 --> 00:19:20,993
And you have very,
very lovely hair.
441
00:19:21,193 --> 00:19:23,162
Now, isn’t that prettier?
That's very, very nice.
442
00:19:23,362 --> 00:19:24,430
Very good chili.
443
00:19:24,630 --> 00:19:26,499
Well, it certainly has been
nice talking to you.
444
00:19:26,699 --> 00:19:28,167
Have a nice shopping day. Bye.
445
00:19:28,367 --> 00:19:29,869
Ahem.
Good chili. Very good.
446
00:19:30,69 --> 00:19:31,03
[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
447
00:19:31,203 --> 00:19:32,38
Got everything?
448
00:19:32,238 --> 00:19:33,372
[SIGHS]
449
00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:38,77
[Pal]
450
00:19:38,277 --> 00:19:41,580
Oh, Major Nelson, I--
Amanda, what on earth?
451
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:43,416
You can't go through
Major Nelson’s desk!
452
00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:45,551
Alfred, | am tired
of being made a fool of.
453
00:19:45,751 --> 00:19:47,353
Now, | know he switched
those cans on me.
454
00:19:47,553 --> 00:19:48,888
| know it.
I’m going to find the can,
455
00:19:49,88 --> 00:19:51,57
show it to the general to prove
to him I’m not crazy.
456
00:19:51,257 --> 00:19:52,658
But, Amanda,
you promised the major.
457
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:55,127
Besides, they said they didn't
have any in the cafeteria.
458
00:19:55,327 --> 00:19:56,729
They didn’t say
they didn't have any.
459
00:19:56,929 --> 00:19:58,30
They said
they were out of it.
460
00:19:58,230 --> 00:20:00,866
And there’s a big difference.
Aha. | told you.
461
00:20:01,67 --> 00:20:02,768
There it is, right here.
Amanda,
462
00:20:02,968 --> 00:20:03,903
you're making a mistake.
463
00:20:04,103 --> 00:20:05,871
Now, let me tell you--
464
00:20:06,72 --> 00:20:08,741
Sergeant,
you owe us for one case
465
00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:10,810
of Cousin Tony’s
Texas Chili.
466
00:20:11,10 --> 00:20:13,112
Here you are.
ll say it again.
467
00:20:13,312 --> 00:20:15,214
| don’t know where it came from
in the first place,
468
00:20:15,414 --> 00:20:17,616
and | don’t know where it went,
but | ain't about to pay you
469
00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:19,552
for any chili that don’t exist.
Oh.
470
00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:21,287
It is a mystery,
471
00:20:21,487 --> 00:20:23,589
but luckily
there is one case left.
472
00:20:23,789 --> 00:20:25,691
[Pal]
473
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:31,530
Oh, look, sergeant,
you must've missed it.
474
00:20:41,974 --> 00:20:44,543
That’s the craziest thing
I’ve ever seen.
475
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,645
[PHONE RINGING]
476
00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:52,184
Sergeant,
this is General Schaeffer.
477
00:20:52,384 --> 00:20:54,420
Sergeant, this may sound
like an odd question,
478
00:20:54,620 --> 00:20:58,90
but do you have
any Cousin Tony’s Texas Chili
479
00:20:58,290 --> 00:20:59,825
in the cafeteria?
480
00:21:01,127 --> 00:21:02,595
What?
481
00:21:02,795 --> 00:21:04,163
You do?
482
00:21:06,65 --> 00:21:07,933
Sergeant,
bring the case to my office.
483
00:21:08,134 --> 00:21:10,202
And the man
and woman too.
484
00:21:12,538 --> 00:21:14,907
Well, if this is true,
485
00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:17,376
Major Nelson is finished.
486
00:21:17,576 --> 00:21:19,545
[Pal]
487
00:21:19,745 --> 00:21:21,514
Yeah, well, at least
we got ’em off the shelf.
488
00:21:21,714 --> 00:21:23,716
When | find Jeannie,
I'll get her to blink the labels
489
00:21:23,916 --> 00:21:25,918
off the cans
that people already bought.
490
00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:28,654
Oh, Major Nelson.
491
00:21:28,854 --> 00:21:31,223
Inside, please.
You have some explaining to do.
492
00:21:31,423 --> 00:21:33,793
| was just--
Inside, major!
493
00:21:33,993 --> 00:21:36,495
You too, Major Healey.
494
00:21:39,565 --> 00:21:41,333
Hi, darling.
How are you? Ooh.
495
00:21:41,534 --> 00:21:42,568
Sorry, sir.
Sorry.
496
00:21:42,768 --> 00:21:44,03
| am astounded, major,
497
00:21:44,203 --> 00:21:46,472
particularly after
yesterday's conversation.
498
00:21:46,672 --> 00:21:48,340
Sir, if you just give me
a chance to explain,
499
00:21:48,541 --> 00:21:49,942
I’m sure
| can clear this all up.
500
00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:53,145
Well, general, the major did say
it was some sort of a joke.
501
00:21:53,345 --> 00:21:56,348
A can of chili is a joke,
doctor.
502
00:21:56,549 --> 00:21:58,684
A case is a court-martial.
503
00:21:58,884 --> 00:21:59,852
Bring it here, sergeant.
504
00:22:00,52 --> 00:22:02,87
A court-martial.
| do not understand.
505
00:22:02,288 --> 00:22:04,156
What about this ring, Arvel?
Shh.
506
00:22:04,356 --> 00:22:06,926
How about the Hong Kong flu?
Hm? Hm?
507
00:22:07,126 --> 00:22:09,94
Open it up.
508
00:22:09,295 --> 00:22:11,463
They'll be able to see one
if you don't blink the can out.
509
00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:13,365
Oh, but, master,
they have your picture on--
510
00:22:13,566 --> 00:22:14,700
Now.
511
00:22:14,900 --> 00:22:16,769
Yes, master.
512
00:22:16,969 --> 00:22:18,871
[Pal]
513
00:22:24,310 --> 00:22:26,312
What is that?!
514
00:22:26,512 --> 00:22:29,582
That is the best Texas chili
north of the Pecos.
515
00:22:29,782 --> 00:22:30,850
[CHUCKLES]
516
00:22:35,955 --> 00:22:36,889
[Pal]
517
00:22:37,89 --> 00:22:38,324
Here you are, darling.
518
00:22:38,524 --> 00:22:40,793
Oh, thanks, sweetheart.
519
00:22:40,993 --> 00:22:42,761
Hey, this is not that, uh--
That stuff Arvel--
520
00:22:42,962 --> 00:22:44,196
It is. Yes, itis.
It is chili.
521
00:22:44,396 --> 00:22:45,698
But after all,
we have so much ot it,
522
00:22:45,898 --> 00:22:46,899
it is a shame to waste it.
523
00:22:47,99 --> 00:22:49,401
It is perfectly good vitamins.
Shame to waste it.
524
00:22:49,602 --> 00:22:51,70
Hi, everybody.
Hello, Major Healey.
525
00:22:51,270 --> 00:22:52,538
Sorry.
Didn’t know it was dinner.
526
00:22:52,738 --> 00:22:54,39
Have a little chili.
Oh, sit down.
527
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:57,76
No, I’m up to here in chili.
I'll have some crackers though.
528
00:22:57,276 --> 00:22:59,445
Oh, you ever get
that 35 bucks back from Arvel?
529
00:22:59,645 --> 00:23:01,914
Oh, better than that,
he, uh, let me keep the ring,
530
00:23:02,114 --> 00:23:05,718
and for $35 more,
he gave me this water opal
531
00:23:05,918 --> 00:23:07,720
and threw in
the rhinestone cuff links.
532
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:09,421
Ooh, very nice.
533
00:23:09,622 --> 00:23:11,56
Let me see
that ring again.
Yeah.
534
00:23:11,257 --> 00:23:13,425
MAN [OVER RADIO]:
Calling all cars,
calling all cars.
535
00:23:13,626 --> 00:23:15,394
Be on the lookout
for a green and white sedan
536
00:23:15,594 --> 00:23:17,830
heading south on Boulevard A.
That’s for me. | gotta go.
537
00:23:18,30 --> 00:23:19,198
Wait.
Let me see this.
538
00:23:19,398 --> 00:23:20,966
| haven’t seen one of these
in 30 years.
539
00:23:23,602 --> 00:23:25,504
[Pal]
37098
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