All language subtitles for Scare.Tactics.2024.S01E05.Root.of.All.Evil.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-Kitsune_track3_[eng]

Hell nah.

Yo, it's Flip,
the dark prince of pranking,

and I've been summoned here

from your
collective nightmares...

To take ordinary people,

people who have it coming
to them,

and drop them into frightening
scenarios of my own creation.

Next up, you humans
are all about mindfulness,

spas, gardening,
cuddles with pets.

Ugh, disgusting.

We're going to do it my way.

Something's got me!

Go, go, go, go!

All right, y'all.

Let's do better
by being badder.

This is "Scare Tactics."

Think we might
call this one the Pomeroxer.

What do you think
about that, Bobby?

I think Boxeranian
sounds better.

What's that?

5647 is done.

- Well, go check it out, Bobby.
- Oh, well--

- Get up.
- Fine, fine.

It's all good, man.

We'll have Thai food
after this, OK?

Bobby?

What have y'all done to dogs?

They used to be
noble and brave.

Now you've turned them into
little pillows with teeth.

Meet Marquita.

Last year, she played a prank
on her friend Honey

on her birthday,
but Honey isn't going to

just lie down and play dead.

She's invited Marquita to
help her pick out a new pup.

It's time for the teeth
to come out.

All right, ladies, after you.

Thank you.

- Come on in.
- Thank you.

Hey.
Hello.

Welcome in.
- Hi.

Thank you
very much for coming.

I'm Terry.
- Randy.

OK, Terry.

Hey, good to see you, Terry.

I've been talking to you.
Honey.

Oh.

Hi, I'm Marquita.

Marquita, OK.
Have a seat.

Thank you very much for
coming in to Furturistic.

And, basically,
what we're doing is

we're marrying
bioengineering and tech.

So we are a startup,
and you can essentially

custom make your own dog.
Yeah.

But basically what it is
is that

we can create baseline DNA

skeleton of whatever
breed of dog

that you are going to specify
when you fill out this form.

- Well--
- So how big is the dog?

That's one of the things
that we can custom make.

Truly.
Absolutely.

Does the dog
have a mother where

it's coming out
of a birth canal?

Or is it grown?
- It's grown.

It's grown.
Yeah, yeah.

OK.

We also want this
to be a moral alternative

to, like, puppy farms, right,
where you have a mother

just pumping out litters
at a time.

This is a healthy, moralistic
alternative, is what we say.

We are fortunate to have
the technology where

we can pull it off
in about 72 hours.

- Seriously?
- Yes, indeed.

So, essentially,
we can design the dog today,

and in about a week from
well, tomorrow, probably,

we can have it delivered
to wherever you are.

Mm-hmm.

- Yeah, whole dog.
- I'm just breathing, girl.

OK?

I'm here with you, friend.
I'm here with you, friend.

OK.

Is this OK,
what you guys are doing?

Like, it's l--
- Mm-hmm.

Don't think about it
too much right now.

Again, we can come back to it.
- OK.

Girl, you might have brought
the wrong friend.

We can actually go
through the form

right now if you want it.
Who's designing?

- Me.
- OK.

I had a dog.
I had a dog.

- You did?
- Mm-hmm, named Sunny.

I had him for, like,
2 and 1/2 years.

It's a long story.

I can tell you this,
just to interrupt.

Basically, we can make you
another Sunny, you know,

if that's what you wanted.

We have a couple of
different breeds here,

but if you don't see
something on the list

that you kind of interested in,
we can add it.

Do you like these,
a dalmatian?

I heard they're
really aggressive.

No, but you can do
what you want.

Oh, right.

- Apparently.
- Yes.

OK, hold on.
OK, hold on.

Yes, you can.

- A dalmatian is a statement.
- No, it is.

And you would be walking
around with this super cute.

It could also be a smaller
dalmatian than normal.

OK, I would love
a miniature dalmatian.

OK, miniature dalmatian.

That's, like,
a lot to take care of.

And you're thinking.

We can get
a three-month trial period

to basically watch it for
malfunction, stuff like that.

And if you see something that--
you know, a problem,

that you can bring it
back to us.

What are some of
the malfunctions

that are, like, common?
- I mean--

Have you had any?

There hasn't been
a lot of common stuff,

you know what I mean?

And there was nothing,
like, healthfully

wrong with the animal.
- Yes.

It was sometimes
just, like,

you know, an extra claw
or something that

was totally fine for them.

They were operationally
totally fine.

It's more behavioral stuff
that we're talking about.

OK.

Anyway, this is
the next question,

is whether or not
you want this dog

to be mortal or immortal.

OK, this is
the next question,

is whether or not
you want this dog

to be mortal or immortal.

Now, I know that sounds
a little strange, right?

So, obviously, the dog will die
if it, like, fell off a cliff

or got hit by an oil tanker
or something like that,

but we can design it
so that way

it will not die
of natural causes.

I'm super skeptical.

That's totally fine.
That's totally fine.

And you know what?

We welcome a little bit
of healthy skepticism.

Yes.

'Cause it helps us,
you know,

be better at science.

Yeah, it helps us grow, honestly.

This is something that we can
talk about maybe a little bit

later as well, but we
could possibly, like,

custom some designs
into the coat as well.

Like, you know,
dalmatian comes with spots,

but we can make a spot
a heart shape

or a diamond shape
or a star shape.

- Seriously?
- Something like that.

We can make your initials
into the dog's coat.

How am I going to
explain that,

like, walking him or her?

You can put it somewhere
where people don't see.

Would you like a tail?

I mean, they always have--
yes, I want a tail.

I want a tail.

I'm just saying,
we could design the tail out,

just in case
you have a lot of candles.

Uh, did you check
all the traps?

- I did this morning.
- Did you close the gate?

Yeah, yeah,
everything like you asked.

OK.

Not rats.

Not rats.
Um...

Randy?

What was that?

Randy?

Get down! Get down!
Get down! Get down!

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, oh, my God.

He's got me!
He's got me!

He's got my leg!

Go! Go!
Go that way!

Go this way!
Quick, quick, quick!

Go! Go!

- Oh, Lord.
- What the [bleep] was that?

Wait, I got to tell you
one more thing.

You're on "Scare Tactics."

What the--!
Oh, my God!

- Got you back.
- Oh!

I did not scare--
when did I ever scare you?

Birthday parties,
you ruining.

This is me getting you back.

Oh, my God.

That was so good.

That-- like, hold on now.

It was a person in there.

Like I wanted to be like,
girl, this is not--

we should not be doing this.

This is like they're making
"Pet Sematary" out here.

Uh-huh.

Oh, my gosh.

I didn't know that I would
freeze being frightened.

You always hear
about people saying, like,

"Get out of there!"
We talk at movies like, no.

I feel like I was standing
there for a million years

until you told me, like...

Quick, quick, quick,
quick, quick, quick.

It was fight or flight,
and I don't know what I did.

Didn't fight, didn't flight.

Oh, Pepper.

You're a good boy.

You're a very good boy.

But you got to stop eating
Daddy's assistants.

I'm literally running out of
people to hire in this town.

OK, yeah, we can--

we can play catch
a little longer.

What could be worse than the
spread of conspiracy theories?

I don't know, maybe the spread
of an actual zombie virus.

But for Kiara, the big problem
is her boyfriend,

Cody, not proposing
after four years.

Bruh.

Since Cody
is afraid to commit,

she decided to see
what he would do

if she disappeared
from his life.

Nope.

It's time for Cody
to learn a lesson.

Hey, guys.
You here for the conference?

No, we're actually here
for the spa.

Oh, yeah, right down there.

- Thank you so much.
- Sure. Enjoy.

Welcome to the spa.

How are you guys today?
- Good.

So you're getting
a massage today?

- Yes.
- OK.

Well, welcome to our spa.
- Thank you.

I'm going to bring you
back here.

Come on in.

All right.

Take a breath.

Relax, and our masseuse,
Gerard, will be in shortly.

He's going to take care
of you guys today.

OK?
- Thank you.

All right.
Thank you.

So, what, y'all?
Boyfriend, couple?

- Yeah.
- Boyfriend, girlfriend.

For now.

I've been told to be ready
between now and, like, August,

so I'm just walking
on eggshells at this point,

hoping for the best.

No, definitely congrats
on all your rep, for sure.

Yo, did you guys hear about
that outbreak downtown?

Because I'm not wearing
a mask again.

- Hi, friends.
- Hi.

How are we?
I'm Gerard.

I'm going to be taking care
of you today.

- Awesome.
- Awesome.

Ma'am, you can go
right in there.

Sir, right in here with me.

- Later.
- Awesome, thank you.

All right.
Welcome, welcome.

Feel free to sit up there.
- OK.

Excellent.

Please remind me
your name again.

- Cody.
- Cody, pleasure to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you too.

Go ahead, lay back.

Your mind is
the biggest muscle there is.

Talk to me about things
that are bothering you,

things that are causing
stress and anxiety.

OK.

I guess work, and then
lately, pressure with,

you know,
proposing soon and then--

- Congratulations.
- Thank you.

So I totally hear
how a lot of that

can manifest itself
in the traps,

all the way up here.

Yeah, all of that's
going to go away.

We're going to help you relax.

You're about to feel
a little wetness.

That is the mask coming on.

All right, here we go.

Starting at the chin...

All right, cucumbers coming on,
starting with the right eye,

and left.
All right.

So I'm going to go
into the other room

just for a few minutes, and
I'll be back in a little bit.

Awesome.
Thank you.

Scientists are studying
the effect

of an unclassified illness
that is taking--

Are you here
for the conference?

Nope.

Are you here
for the conference?

Hell nah.

Are you here
for the conference?

Conference!

There is no conference.
This is "Scare Tactics."

That was awesome.
That was awesome.

- Surprise!
- Oh, I hate you.

I thought,
"This is the weirdest massage

I've ever had in my life."

Will you marry me now,
because I just did this?

I'm going to be the one
to ask that question.

I didn't know
what was going on,

so I was definitely scared,
for sure.

I knew there was
something wrong.

When the lights
started flickering,

I could kind of see it
underneath my cucumbers.

I need a real spa day
right now.

Hopefully that's where
we're headed next.

Mm, I'll think about it.

Some people like
getting their hands dirty,

but I like getting them bloody.

Meet Samantha.

She comes off
as so sweet and normal,

but don't get it twisted.

She loves pulling pranks
on her cousin Evelyn.

Evelyn has had enough
and is taking advantage

of Samantha's
love of gardening

by signing them up
for a little class.

Today, Samantha will learn
that one woman's garden

is another man's graveyard.

Y'all can just
walk up this way.

There's not really
a easy path up.

Hi.

What's your name?
- Samantha.

Samantha.

Nice to meet you.

- Hey, nice to meet you.
- Evelyn.

Evelyn.

Nice to meet you.
Great.

All right, right this way.

Welcome, everyone.
- Hi.

We've got a couple jackets
for the two of you.

- Yay.
- Yay.

You want to put these on

so don't
get your clothes dirty.

- Thanks.
- Of course.

And that's Clive.
Welcome, everybody.

Today, we are starting our very
own beautiful community garden.

Before we go on, let me know

what your gardening
experience is.

I don't do gardening,
but my parents do.

Honestly, like,
I don't know about y'all,

but I kind of hate dirt.

Oh.

I actually love planting.

I've put a couple trees
for, like, apples and pears.

- Wow.
- Nice.

And they've rooted,
and they're beautiful.

They're growing.

You sound like
a real gardener.

Yeah.

You love plants.
I know you do.

Growing up, I would eat,
like, tomatoes with salt,

just like that, by itself.
- Yeah.

And then when I was pregnant
with my daughter,

I would only crave tomatoes
with salt.

All right, this is
where we are going to

actually do our dirty work.

Ooh, what if we touch
a worm or something?

Girl, I pick up worms
for a living.

All righty,
we're going to get down.

Just massage the soil,
get to know your soil.

- It is pretty moisture.
- Yeah, yeah.

We're going to kiss it.
We're going to...

- Kiss it?
- Wish it luck.

- Kiss it?
- Chef's kiss.

There you go.

Go ahead and take your trowel.

We're just going
to dig softly, OK.

We're just kind of cyclically--
- Is that metal?

What is that?

- Oh.
- Oh, you found a watch.

A gentleman was here
last week and left it.

He was asking for this.
I had no idea where it was.

Wow.
Wow, wow, wow.

I will hold on to this.
Thank you so much.

OK, all right.

We're just going to take
a single seed,

and we're going to place it
right in the center.

Cover it up, and now for our
very unique watering system.

Is that, like, some type of--

- Fertilizer.
- Fertilizer?

What is that?
Why is it that color?

We have actually cultivated
our system here

for growth that's
the best for the tomatoes.

So UV rays are the food,

and blood is kind of
a multivitamin.

Really, all that is
is deoxygenated blood

that has broken down over time.

And then we feed it
to the soil.

You harvest your own blood.

Say that again.
I'm so confused.

- Yeah, please explain to me.
- Yeah.

- I'm confused.
- What blood?

Where does the blood
come from that you harvest?

Um...

we make sure
that we've got fresh blood.

It's important to
have it drained daily.

We can move on though.

I feel like, Clive,
I'd like to--

Yeah, yeah,
I just got to go check on

a few things back there,

but y'all make yourselves
at home now.

Help me!

What blood are they using?

I asked him that,
and he didn't--

I was like, no,
but what kind of blood?

He was like,
"Well, that's that.

Let's move on."

I don't know.

You know I be, like,
a little slow sometimes.

OK, maybe I'm overthinking.
I don't [bleep] know.

- What was it called?
- Oh, my God!

What did you find?

- Whoa.
- What is that?

The [bleep] is that?
Oh, my God.

It's a finger.
I'm out of here.

Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.

No, bye, girl.
I'm not waiting for--

Oh, my God,
they're using my blood!

It's people!
It's people!

It's people!
- Wait! Stop!

Oh, God!

Oh, my God!
Oh my God!

- Don't leave me!
- Open the [bleep]-- open--

- Wait!
- Open! Open the [bleep].

Wait, wait, wait!
Samantha, wait!

You're on "Scare Tactics."

Oh, my God.

- Are you serious?
- It's OK.

It's OK.

Come on out.

You guys can come out.

Yeah, you know
I had to do it.

You were perfect.

I literally looked over
and see a finger,

and I said, "I'm out."

I'm not asking questions about
what's going on right now.

Amazing.

How long until
you trust her again?

She started a war.

I had to do it.