Original subtitles

Hmm.

Oh, yeah.

Hmm. Best dressed? Please.

The girl's got hips like snack trays.

Mmm. Catch me if you can.

What?

No acceptance speech?

You didn't thank your manager,

your agent, your assistant,

your shrink, the Dalai Lama.

I'm a witch. What can I tell you?

So you had some sudden need for a paperweight?

Or is there a big market for stolen cable TV awards?

Okay, first of all, spandex?

You might want to rethink that.

Second, not everything's about money, sweetheart.

If it's worth something to them,

it's worth something to me.

And third...

Damn it!

Okay, that was humiliating.

And this is so not spandex!

Line's forming, buddy.

Are you waiting for a message from the mother ship,

or are you gonna jump?

Never mind.

If you need some inspiration,

I'm getting naked down here.

Huh.

I don't know who you are,

but I think I'm in love.

Who makes up these nicknames?

These newspaper guys read too many comics.

Where's Harry?

I thought he was gonna honor us

with his presence this afternoon.

Wouldn't bet on it.

It's like he's turning into you.

Hmm. I don't know what he's up to.

He's never home.

He says he's at the library or something.

Like he even knows where that is.

Think we should be worried?

Worried about what?

Your disappearing act.

Afraid I was off somewhere running up a bar tab

the size of the national debt?

It's not like you couldn't afford it.

Yeah, well, you guys can call off the intervention, ok?

I met someone.

Wow. Who's the lucky babe of the week?

It's like they have an expiration date

stamped on their forehead.

Guys, I know this is hard to believe.

Trust me. Even I'm having trouble

wrapping my brain around this,

but I think I actually like this one.

He's not kidding.

I don't think he is.

Wait a sec.

If you're so hot on this girl,

how come we haven't met her?

You embarrassed of us or something?

That's what it is.

We're not good enough for her.

Well, that's true. You're not.

But, that's not the reason.

I just wanted to take my time with this one.

I didn't wanna rush into anything.

Huh. Go figure.

Man, that's great.

So can I ask you a question?

Who are you, and what have you done with Harry Osborn?

If you keep acting like a jerk,

I'm not gonna let you meet her tomorrow night.

I thought I'd make dinner for the four of us.

You? Cook?

Yeah. Whoa, whoa.

As in "preparing food for human consumption by means of heat"?

Just shut up and be ready at 7.

So where'd she grow up?

I don't know. Upstate someplace I think.

Where does she work?

I mean, you said she's not in school. What's she do?

Wait. Did she already graduate?

Ooh, maybe she's, like, 40,

and that's why he's been hiding her.

Guys, enough with the third degree.

You're giving me a headache. Oh!

Whoa, take it easy, buddy.

We're just kidding around.

I know, but do me a favor and back off, ok?

I mean it. I'm a little bit freaked here.

Hey, Harry, it's gonna be fine.

Yeah, don't sweat it, all right?

We'll try not to chew with our mouths open,

or spit when we talk or do anything else

that might ruin your potential happiness. Promise.

Thank you.

Okay, this is too weird.

He's wigging out over a girl.

I feel like we're trapped

in some kind of alternate universe.

But I guess that's a good thing, right?

He's been such a train wreck lately.

I know. It's kind of a miracle, actually.

I mean, can you even remember the last time

Harry got close to anybody? You know, except for us?

I'll get it!

Hi, I'm Cheyenne.

Um, is Harry here?

Hi, yeah. Come on in.

Welcome. I'm M.J., and the mime here is Peter.

It's really great to meet you.

Ok, she's not that cute.

Yeah, fine. Whatever.

Harry, come on.

I was just asking a simple question.

Yeah, I mean, who knew it was chicken?

Really. I've just never seen it this color.

Go ahead. Mock. Please. I insist.

Aw, don't pout, honey.

So, Cheyenne, did you know Harry's rich?

Mmph.

Peter, what the hell... Actually, I did know,

but I decided to go out with him anyway.

I'm a trust-fund baby too.

Money's not really an issue for me.

Yeah, she's rich, and she comes from a screwed-up family.

We're perfect for each other.

What?

Anybody up for a late movie?

Oh, I can't.

I gotta get up for an early flight, remember?

Where you going?

Heli-skiing in Utah. Girl trip.

Wow, that is so cool.

You gotta try it sometime.

The head rush is completely insane.

Yeah, but seriously, when you think about it,

who needs all that fresh air and scenery?

Why don't you stay here with me instead?

I've got a much better way to get your adrenaline going.

Tempting,

but as cute as you are, can't do it.

Aw, come on.

Me or a bunch of chicks in a helicopter?

I'm thinking the choice is clear.

Harry, I'm not gonna ditch my friends

just because I've suddenly got a guy in my life.

A great guy.

Hmm. If you think so.

Seriously, I gotta go pack.

I think I'm gonna take off too.

If you're headed uptown, we could share a cab.

Yeah, sure.

Dinner was fabulous.

Mmm. I'll call you when I get back, ok?

It was great meeting you, Peter.

You too.

Last chance to change your mind.

What'd I tell you?

She legendary, or what?

Yeah. Absolutely.

I know this is gonna sound like a totally lame pick-up line,

but haven't I seen you someplace before?

I thought we talked about that outfit.

Huh.

Yeah, well, not all of us can wear leather.

Don't you find it kind of... chafing?

I never get that hot...

with this on, anyway.

Listen, I don't want to be rude,

but you're irritating me,

so what do you want?

Didn't you get your ass kicked enough last time?

Okay, the bitter and hostile routine...

it's getting a little old, but, hey,

as long as we're getting to know each other,

what are you doing here?

You mean a nice girl like me?

Uh, no. Clearly not.

If you wanna know the truth,

I'm doing this article for Crime Fighters Monthly

about the inner psyche of the criminal element.

You know what they say,

it all goes back to the mother.

That your story?

Don't you have anybody that means anything to you?

If you get hurt, you get caught,

what would that mean?

I never thought...

I'd hear anything so full of crap.

I mean, did you really think this Oprah moment

was gonna give me some kind of epiphany?

Come on! Two seconds!

I just wanna talk.

Don't need therapy, pal.

Tell you what I do need, though...

a date. Hmm.

Tomorrow night, 9:00 sharp.

It'll give you a chance to see what I can really do.

Don't wanna miss that, do you?

Great.

Hey, so what's up?

Don't tell me you're packed already?

You need five pairs of shoes

to go pick up a newspaper.

Don't exaggerate. I only need four.

I decided to postpone.

No snow?

No... you.

I gotta tell him.

I'm supposed to be supportive,

tell him how great she is,

how happy I am for him.

That's my job, right?

I'm his friend.

Easy for you to say.

You don't know what this guy's been through,

but this girl... he's gonna get hurt.

I know it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, and just deal with the consequences.

I hate consequences.

Hey. Morning.

There's coffee if you want it.

Great. Uh, Harry, can I talk to you about something?

I just...

Hi, Peter.

Hi.

So what's up?

Uh, nothing. No big deal.

It can wait till later.

Did you ask him?

Well, I was just gonna.

Cheyenne decided to leave tonight instead,

so we thought it would be fun

if the four of us could hang out together this afternoon.

M.J.'s already on her way over.

Uh, yeah. I don't know.

I kind of have a lot of work to do.

My butt's dragging in chem lab.

Come on, Peter.

Harry says you're a genius.

A few hours of sunshine isn't gonna kill your grade point.

Don't try to argue.

Better men than you have tried.

Remind me again why we decided not to go roller blading.

Because I'm so much better at rollerblading.

Losing steam there, buddy?

Yeah, I guess all work and no play

makes Peter a slow boy.

Oh, yeah? Bring it on.

Aah!

Gotcha.

Oh. Almost lost it there.

Thanks.

Like her any better now?

I mean, she did save my life.

Your life?!

Good thing somebody's majoring in drama.

There's something about her.

I just... I don't trust her, you know?

No, I don't.

Cheyenne seems like a totally great girl.

She's smart. She's funny.

She's nuts about Harry,

and he's completely crazy about her.

Yeah, and maybe somebody's jealous.

Me? Of her?

Well, she's taking up a lot of Harry's time,

which he used to spend hanging out with you.

Listen, Peter, I know this might be a new concept for you,

but some people actually have social lives.

Maybe you ought to try it one day.

A date, 9 sharp.

Hey, um, you up for a pizza or something?

I thought maybe we could hang out.

You know, watch a movie or, uh...

Oh, man, Harry, I can't right now.

I've got plans.

Oh, come on. Can't you break them?

I don't know if I could handle

this thing with Cheyenne, you know?

I mean, one minute everything's going great,

the next it's like a wall slams into me...

sheer freaking terror.

I just really need to talk.

Listen, I've really gotta take care of something,

but if you want, I'll be back in about an hour,

if you wanna wait.

Yeah. Sure. Whatever.

No big deal. I'm probably blowing this all out of...

Whatever, right? I'll see you.

This year's tech show convention

featuring the next generation

of data communications technology,

an unbreakable encryption security system

that can be used on any device from anywhere in the world.

Sorry I'm late.

Couldn't do a thing with my hair.

Yeah, that's why I have the mask.

So... why am I here?

Need help shopping for some nice encryption software?

Well, the holidays always seem to be right around the corner.

Yeah, fine.

Now that we've done the whole witty banter thing,

can we just cut to the Freudian chase?

This can't really be what

you want to do with your life, is it?

Because trust me, most of the guys

I run into in this business... idiots.

I'm talking morons, okay?

You're not like that.

You're way too smart.

What is your problem?

Why do you care?

I just do, okay?

You seem better than this.

Yeah, well, here's a little career advice for you...

stick to the crime-fighting act,

because you suck as a social worker.

And by the way, that thing about me being way too smart?

I am.

Stay where you are! You're under arrest.

They're firing at us!

Call for backup.

This how you set up all your dates?

Because I'm thinking candy and flowers

might win you more points.

Aah! Cheyenne!

How did you know my name?

Stay where you are. Put your hands up.

Cheyenne!

Let me help you!

You don't know me!

Don't even think you know me!

Wait. Wait. Slow down, okay?

What are you talking about?

I thought we...

No, I don't. I...

Then just tell me why.

I think I deserve...

So I'm just supposed to...

Cheyenne, don't...

That didn't sound good.

She's not coming back.

Until when?

I don't know.

Never, maybe. She's moving. Just like that.

No explanation, no nothing.

Just... just... she's leaving

and has no idea if she'll be back.

Damn it!

Listen, why don't we go down to Monty's Doughnut House,

scarf down about a dozen glazed?

We can talk, if you want.

No wonder I never get too close,

because this? It sucks.

I know. Believe me.

What about half glazed, half jelly?

You've got a deal.

And by the way, you're buying.

Think of it as payback for you blowing me off earlier.

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