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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:27,895 --> 00:00:30,481 ♪ Uno, dos ♪ 2 00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:32,817 ♪ Tres, cuatro ♪ 3 00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:35,319 ♪ Ahh ♪ 4 00:01:57,151 --> 00:02:00,613 ♪ I got my pistol pawn cocked ready to lay shots nonstop ♪ 5 00:02:00,696 --> 00:02:02,824 ♪ Until I see your monkey ass drop ♪ 6 00:02:02,907 --> 00:02:04,909 ♪ And let your homies know who done it ♪ 7 00:02:04,992 --> 00:02:08,496 ♪ When itcomes to this gangsta shit, you motherfuckers know who run it ♪ 8 00:02:08,579 --> 00:02:11,541 ♪ We're standing up for our own shit ♪ 9 00:02:11,624 --> 00:02:13,543 ♪ And if you put this motherfucker to the test ♪ 10 00:02:13,626 --> 00:02:14,919 ♪ You gotta realize somethin', nigga ♪ 11 00:02:15,002 --> 00:02:16,671 ♪ You fuckin' with the very best ♪ 12 00:02:16,754 --> 00:02:19,048 ♪ I got this killa up inside of me ♪ 13 00:02:19,131 --> 00:02:22,468 ♪ I can't talk to my mother so I talk to my diary ♪ 14 00:02:27,598 --> 00:02:31,435 Mother shitter, son of an ass... 15 00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:33,771 You... I'll just... 16 00:02:39,694 --> 00:02:42,029 I was told... Have you... 17 00:02:42,113 --> 00:02:45,783 I was told that if I was late again, I would be summarily dismissed. 18 00:03:51,390 --> 00:03:53,893 Corporate Accounts Payable. Nina speaking. 19 00:03:53,976 --> 00:03:56,312 Just a moment. 20 00:03:56,395 --> 00:03:58,773 Corporate Accounts Payable. Nina speaking. 21 00:03:58,856 --> 00:04:01,400 Just a moment. 22 00:04:01,484 --> 00:04:03,903 Corporate Accounts Payable. Nina speaking. 23 00:04:03,986 --> 00:04:07,239 Just a moment. 24 00:04:07,323 --> 00:04:09,742 Corporate Accounts Payable. Nina speaking. 25 00:04:09,825 --> 00:04:12,036 Just a moment. 26 00:04:12,119 --> 00:04:16,415 Corporate Accounts Payable. Nina speaking. Just a moment. 27 00:04:16,499 --> 00:04:18,459 Corporate Accounts Payable. Nina speaking. 28 00:04:18,542 --> 00:04:21,671 Hello, Peter. What's happening? 29 00:04:21,754 --> 00:04:24,882 Uh, we have sort of a problem here. 30 00:04:24,966 --> 00:04:29,971 Yeah, you apparently didn't put one of the new cover sheets on your T.P.S. reports. 31 00:04:30,054 --> 00:04:33,724 Oh, yeah. I'm sorry about that. I-I forgot. 32 00:04:33,808 --> 00:04:35,768 Mmm, yeah. 33 00:04:35,851 --> 00:04:40,314 You see, we're putting the cover sheets on all T.P.S. reports now before they go out. 34 00:04:40,398 --> 00:04:43,109 Did you see the memo about this? 35 00:04:43,192 --> 00:04:48,114 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I have the memo right here. I just, uh, forgot. 36 00:04:48,197 --> 00:04:51,993 But it's not shipping out till tomorrow, so there's no problem. 37 00:04:52,076 --> 00:04:53,828 Yeah. 38 00:04:53,911 --> 00:04:58,624 If you could just go ahead and make sure you do that from now on, that would be great. 39 00:04:58,708 --> 00:05:01,794 And, uh, I'll go ahead and make sure you get another copy of that memo. 40 00:05:01,877 --> 00:05:04,046 - Mm-kay? Bye-bye, Peter. - Yeah, no, I have the memo. 41 00:05:04,130 --> 00:05:06,048 I've got it. It's right... 42 00:05:06,132 --> 00:05:08,551 Hello, Phil. What's happening? 43 00:05:08,634 --> 00:05:12,680 Uh, I came by here yesterday... 44 00:05:15,725 --> 00:05:19,061 Milton? 45 00:05:19,145 --> 00:05:23,357 Hi. Uh, could you turn that down just a little bit? 46 00:05:23,441 --> 00:05:26,360 Well, I-I was told that I could listen to the radio... 47 00:05:26,444 --> 00:05:28,362 at a reasonable volume from 9:00 to 11:00. 48 00:05:28,446 --> 00:05:31,699 Yeah, no, no, I know you're allowed to. I, uh... 49 00:05:31,782 --> 00:05:34,410 I was just thinking maybe like, you know, a personal favor, you... 50 00:05:34,493 --> 00:05:39,915 Well, I-I told Bill that if-if Sandra's going to listen to her headphones... 51 00:05:39,999 --> 00:05:42,835 while she's... while she's filing, then I should be able to listen... 52 00:05:42,918 --> 00:05:44,795 - to the radio while I'm collating. - Uh-huh. 53 00:05:44,879 --> 00:05:46,964 So, I don't see why I should have to turn down the radio. 54 00:05:47,048 --> 00:05:49,550 - Yeah, all right. Okay. - Because I enjoy listening... 55 00:05:49,633 --> 00:05:52,553 - at a reasonable volume from 9:00 to 11:00. - Thanks, Milton. 56 00:05:52,636 --> 00:05:54,346 Hi, Peter. 57 00:05:54,430 --> 00:05:58,934 What's happening? We need to talk about your T.P.S. reports. 58 00:05:59,018 --> 00:06:01,479 Yeah, the cover sheet. I know. I know. 59 00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:03,898 - Uh, Bill talked to me about it. - Yeah. 60 00:06:03,981 --> 00:06:06,192 - Did you get that memo? - Yeah, I got the memo. 61 00:06:06,275 --> 00:06:11,530 And I understand the policy and the problem is just that I forgot the one time. 62 00:06:11,614 --> 00:06:13,991 I've already taken care of it, so it's not really a problem anymore. 63 00:06:14,075 --> 00:06:18,496 Ah, yeah. It's just we're putting new cover sheets... 64 00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:21,082 on all the T.P.S. reports before they go out now. 65 00:06:21,165 --> 00:06:26,003 So, if you could go ahead and try to remember to do that from now on, that'd be great. 66 00:06:26,087 --> 00:06:28,172 All right! 67 00:06:38,015 --> 00:06:40,392 - Peter Gibbons. - Yeah. Peter? 68 00:06:40,476 --> 00:06:43,896 - Yes. - Did you get the memo about the T.P.S. reports? 69 00:06:43,979 --> 00:06:45,856 I have the memo. 70 00:06:46,065 --> 00:06:49,735 No, not again. 71 00:06:49,819 --> 00:06:52,154 Why does it say "paperjam" when there is no paperjam? 72 00:06:52,238 --> 00:06:57,326 I swear to God, one of these days, I jus tkick this piece of shit out the window. 73 00:06:57,409 --> 00:07:00,538 You and me both' man. The thing is lucky I'm not armed. 74 00:07:02,998 --> 00:07:05,960 - Piece of shit. - Sam Ire... 75 00:07:06,043 --> 00:07:10,631 Na... Na... Na... Naga... 76 00:07:10,714 --> 00:07:13,592 - No. Please. - Uh-huh. 77 00:07:13,676 --> 00:07:15,678 Michael... 78 00:07:15,761 --> 00:07:18,013 - Bolton? - That's me. 79 00:07:18,097 --> 00:07:20,182 Wow. Is that your real name? 80 00:07:20,266 --> 00:07:24,603 - Yeah. - So, are you related to that singer guy? 81 00:07:24,687 --> 00:07:27,523 - No, it's just a coincidence. - Oh. 82 00:07:27,606 --> 00:07:29,942 Yeah, you fuckin' cow. 83 00:07:30,025 --> 00:07:32,653 No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. 84 00:07:32,736 --> 00:07:36,740 I-It's not that hard... Nagheenanajar. Nagheenanajar. 85 00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:39,910 Yeah, well' at least your name isn't Michael Bolton. 86 00:07:39,994 --> 00:07:41,996 You know, there's nothing wrong with that name. 87 00:07:42,079 --> 00:07:45,499 There was nothing wrong with it, until I was about 12 years old... 88 00:07:45,583 --> 00:07:49,336 and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys. 89 00:07:49,420 --> 00:07:54,383 Hmm. Why don't... Why don't you just, uh, go by Mike instead of Michael? 90 00:07:54,466 --> 00:07:56,594 No way. Why should I change? He's the one who sucks. 91 00:07:56,802 --> 00:07:59,597 - Hey, guys. - What's up, G.? 92 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:03,142 - Wanna go to Chotchkie's, get some coffee? - Oh, it's a little early. 93 00:08:03,225 --> 00:08:05,519 I gotta get out of here. I think I'm gonna lose it. 94 00:08:05,603 --> 00:08:09,690 Uh-oh. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays. 95 00:08:14,904 --> 00:08:17,239 Boy, I tell you. Some days. 96 00:08:17,323 --> 00:08:19,992 One of these days it's just gonna be like... 97 00:08:22,953 --> 00:08:25,998 So, can I get you gentlemen something more to drink, or maybe something to nibble on? 98 00:08:26,081 --> 00:08:28,584 Some pizza shooters, shrimp poppers or extreme fajitas? 99 00:08:28,667 --> 00:08:30,669 Just coffee. 100 00:08:30,753 --> 00:08:33,631 Okay. Sounds like a case of the Mondays. 101 00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:41,472 What if we're still doing this when we're 50? 102 00:08:41,555 --> 00:08:44,141 It would be nice to have that kind of job security. 103 00:08:44,225 --> 00:08:48,395 Lumbergh's gonna have me work on Saturday. I-I can tell already. 104 00:08:48,479 --> 00:08:52,566 I'm gonna end up doing it because, uh... because I'm a big pussy. 105 00:08:52,650 --> 00:08:54,610 Which is why I work at Initech to begin with. 106 00:08:54,693 --> 00:08:58,906 Yeah, well, I work at Initech, and I don't consider myself a pussy. Okay? 107 00:08:58,989 --> 00:09:01,367 Yes, I am also not a pussy. 108 00:09:01,450 --> 00:09:03,410 They're gonna find out the hard way I'm not a pussy... 109 00:09:03,494 --> 00:09:06,413 - if they don't start treating their software people better. - That's right. 110 00:09:06,497 --> 00:09:10,209 I don't understand. I could program a virus that would rip that place off big-time. 111 00:09:10,292 --> 00:09:13,170 - Yeah. - Big-time. 112 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:18,259 - Whoa. - There she is. 113 00:09:18,342 --> 00:09:21,679 Peter, you know, you always talk about this girl. 114 00:09:21,762 --> 00:09:24,098 If you're so obsessed with her, why don't you just ask her out? 115 00:09:24,181 --> 00:09:27,559 No, I can't do that. I'm just another asshole customer. 116 00:09:27,643 --> 00:09:30,729 You can't just walk up to a waitress and ask her out. 117 00:09:30,813 --> 00:09:33,107 Besides, I'm still trying to work it out with Anne. 118 00:09:33,190 --> 00:09:36,110 Uh, that reminds me. I'm not going to be able to play poker with you guys on Friday. 119 00:09:36,193 --> 00:09:39,613 - Why not? - I'm gonna see this, uh... 120 00:09:39,697 --> 00:09:41,573 occupational hypnotherapist with Anne. 121 00:09:41,657 --> 00:09:45,035 - Dude, an occupational hypnotherapist? - Yeah, I know. 122 00:09:45,119 --> 00:09:50,541 Anne wants me to go. She thinks it might help. I'm... 123 00:09:50,624 --> 00:09:52,876 You know, sometimes I think I... 124 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,629 I get thinking that she's cheating on me. 125 00:09:55,713 --> 00:09:58,173 - Yeah, I know what you mean. - Yeah. 126 00:10:00,050 --> 00:10:02,052 What is that supposed to mean? 127 00:10:02,136 --> 00:10:04,555 Nothing. 128 00:10:04,638 --> 00:10:07,850 Look. Just tell Anne that you're not into hypnosis and you wanna play poker. 129 00:10:07,933 --> 00:10:10,686 No, I can't do that. She'll get all pissed off. 130 00:10:10,769 --> 00:10:13,689 And, besides, I think that the guy might actually be able to help. 131 00:10:13,772 --> 00:10:15,691 I mean, he did help Anne lose weight. 132 00:10:15,774 --> 00:10:17,943 Peter, she's anorexic. 133 00:10:18,027 --> 00:10:21,196 Yeah, I know. The guy's really good. 134 00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:24,199 Yeah, well, I don't think any occupational hypnotherapist... 135 00:10:24,283 --> 00:10:26,660 is gonna help you solve any of your problems. 136 00:10:26,744 --> 00:10:28,454 Okay? Hey, and speaking of problems... 137 00:10:28,537 --> 00:10:30,873 what's this I hear about you having problems with your T.P.S. reports? 138 00:10:30,956 --> 00:10:34,001 Yeah. Didn't you get that memo? 139 00:10:35,252 --> 00:10:39,673 - Hey! Hey, guys! Peter! - Is that Smykowski? 140 00:10:39,757 --> 00:10:41,717 - Samir! - What's he doing? 141 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:43,761 Oh, probably working on another heart attack. 142 00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:46,680 I've been looking all over for you guys. Have you seen this? 143 00:10:46,764 --> 00:10:49,892 - I knew it. I knew it. - What? It's a staff meeting. So what? 144 00:10:49,975 --> 00:10:54,313 So what? We're all screwed, that's what. They're gonna downsize Initech. 145 00:10:54,396 --> 00:10:56,440 What are you talking about, Tom? How do you know that? 146 00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:59,735 How do I know? They're bringing in a consultant, that's how I know. 147 00:10:59,818 --> 00:11:01,737 That's what this staff meeting is all about. 148 00:11:01,820 --> 00:11:03,906 It happened at Initrode last year. 149 00:11:03,989 --> 00:11:07,493 You have to interview with this consultant. They call them "efficiency experts". 150 00:11:07,576 --> 00:11:09,870 But what you're really doing is interviewing for your own job. 151 00:11:09,953 --> 00:11:12,498 Every week you say you're going to lose your job, and you're still here. 152 00:11:12,581 --> 00:11:15,167 Not this time. I bet I'm the first one laid off. 153 00:11:15,250 --> 00:11:19,421 The thought of having to go to the state unemployment office, to stand in line with scumbags! 154 00:11:19,505 --> 00:11:22,341 Shit. 155 00:11:22,424 --> 00:11:26,387 You know, there are people in this world that don't have to put up with all this shit. 156 00:11:26,470 --> 00:11:29,390 Like that guy that invented the Pet Rock? 157 00:11:29,473 --> 00:11:32,643 You see, that's what you have to do. 158 00:11:32,726 --> 00:11:34,645 You have to use your mind... 159 00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:37,481 and come up with some really great idea like that. 160 00:11:37,564 --> 00:11:39,566 And you can make millions. Never have to work again. 161 00:11:39,650 --> 00:11:41,568 You think the Pet Rock was a really great idea? 162 00:11:41,652 --> 00:11:46,031 Sure it was. The guy made a million dollars. 163 00:11:48,283 --> 00:11:53,205 You know, I had an idea like that once, a long time ago. 164 00:11:53,288 --> 00:11:55,207 Really? What was it, Tom? 165 00:11:55,290 --> 00:11:57,876 Well, all right. 166 00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:01,839 It was a "jump to conclusions" mat. 167 00:12:03,340 --> 00:12:05,801 You see, it would be this mat... 168 00:12:05,884 --> 00:12:08,053 that you would put on the floor... 169 00:12:08,137 --> 00:12:12,891 and it would have different conclusions written on it... 170 00:12:12,975 --> 00:12:15,310 that you could jump to. 171 00:12:19,064 --> 00:12:21,984 That is the worst idea I've ever heard in my life, Tom. 172 00:12:22,067 --> 00:12:25,737 Yes. Yes, it's horrible, this idea. 173 00:12:28,282 --> 00:12:31,160 Uh, look, I gotta get outta here. 174 00:12:31,243 --> 00:12:33,412 I'll see you guys later... 175 00:12:33,495 --> 00:12:37,040 - if I still have a job. - Yeah. 176 00:12:37,124 --> 00:12:40,419 Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you would do... 177 00:12:40,502 --> 00:12:42,463 if you had a million dollars, didn't have to work. 178 00:12:42,546 --> 00:12:45,799 And, invariably, whatever you'd say, that was supposed to be your career. 179 00:12:45,883 --> 00:12:49,219 If you wanted to fix old cars, then you're supposed to be an auto mechanic. 180 00:12:49,303 --> 00:12:52,973 - So what did you say? - I never had an answer. 181 00:12:53,056 --> 00:12:54,975 I guess that's why I'm working at Initech. 182 00:12:55,058 --> 00:12:58,520 No. You're working at Initech 'cause that question is bullshit to begin with. 183 00:12:58,604 --> 00:13:00,564 If everyone listened to her, there'd be no janitors... 184 00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:03,817 because no one would clean shit up if they had a million dollars. 185 00:13:03,901 --> 00:13:05,903 You know what I would do if I had million dollars? 186 00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:08,864 I would invest half of it in low-risk mutual funds... 187 00:13:08,947 --> 00:13:12,326 and then take the other half of it to my friend Asadulah, who works in securities... 188 00:13:12,409 --> 00:13:15,037 Samir. Samir, you're missing the point. The point of the exercise... 189 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:19,666 - is that you're supposed to figure out what you would want to do if... - 190 00:13:19,750 --> 00:13:22,544 "P.C. load letter"? What the fuck does that mean? 191 00:13:22,628 --> 00:13:24,379 What the... 192 00:13:44,983 --> 00:13:47,361 Hey, Peter, man! Check out channel 9! 193 00:13:47,444 --> 00:13:50,364 - Check out this chick! - Damn it, Lawrence. 194 00:13:50,447 --> 00:13:53,367 Can't you just pretend like we can't hear each other through the wall? 195 00:13:53,450 --> 00:13:54,868 Oh, sorry, man! Anne over there or somethin'? 196 00:13:54,952 --> 00:14:00,457 No, but... if you wanna talk to me, just come over. 197 00:14:03,502 --> 00:14:06,838 Hey, man. Check this out, dude. 198 00:14:08,465 --> 00:14:12,886 The key is early detection. Tumors that are detected... 199 00:14:12,970 --> 00:14:16,723 - Aw, geez, Lawrence. - I'm sorry, man. I thought you'd want to see this. 200 00:14:16,807 --> 00:14:19,309 Doesn't that chick look like Anne? 201 00:14:19,393 --> 00:14:22,229 Yeah. A little bit. I... 202 00:14:22,312 --> 00:14:25,566 Hey, she hasn't been over here in a while. You two still goin' out? 203 00:14:25,649 --> 00:14:28,819 Yeah. I guess. I-I don't know. 204 00:14:28,902 --> 00:14:31,238 Sometimes I get the feeling like she's cheating on me. 205 00:14:31,321 --> 00:14:33,448 Yeah. I get that feeling too, man. 206 00:14:33,532 --> 00:14:36,410 What do you mean by that? 207 00:14:36,493 --> 00:14:38,870 I don't know, man. 208 00:14:38,954 --> 00:14:41,123 I just get that feeling lookin' at her, like... 209 00:14:41,206 --> 00:14:43,500 she's the type of chick that would just... 210 00:14:48,672 --> 00:14:51,049 Oh, I'm sorry, man. Look, I-I... 211 00:14:51,133 --> 00:14:53,719 You know, I'm talkin' outta my ass. I don't know nothin'. 212 00:14:53,802 --> 00:14:56,722 Forget it. Don't worry. It's all right. Just... I had a rough day. 213 00:14:56,805 --> 00:15:00,350 Tell me about it, man. 214 00:15:00,434 --> 00:15:05,480 I gotta wake my ass up at 6:00 a.m. every day this week... 215 00:15:05,564 --> 00:15:07,482 drag up to Las Colindas. 216 00:15:07,566 --> 00:15:10,319 Yeah. I'm doin' the drywall up there at the new McDonald's. 217 00:15:10,402 --> 00:15:13,405 Let me ask you something. 218 00:15:13,488 --> 00:15:15,782 When you come in on Monday and you're not feelin, real well... 219 00:15:15,866 --> 00:15:19,536 does anyone ever say to you, "Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays"? 220 00:15:21,622 --> 00:15:23,332 No. 221 00:15:23,415 --> 00:15:25,334 No, man. 222 00:15:25,417 --> 00:15:27,210 Shit, no, man. 223 00:15:27,294 --> 00:15:29,921 I believe you'd get your ass kicked, sayin' somethin' like that, man. 224 00:15:30,005 --> 00:15:33,216 - Huh. - We still goin' fishin' this weekend? 225 00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:36,136 Nah, Lumbergh's gonna have me come in on Saturday. I just know it. 226 00:15:36,219 --> 00:15:38,138 Well, you can get out of that easily. 227 00:15:38,221 --> 00:15:40,098 Yeah? How? 228 00:15:40,182 --> 00:15:41,933 Well... 229 00:15:42,017 --> 00:15:44,478 when a boss wants you to work on a Saturday... 230 00:15:44,561 --> 00:15:47,856 - he generally asks you at the end of the day, right? - Yeah. 231 00:15:47,939 --> 00:15:50,525 So all you gotta do is avoid him... That's all right. I got it... 232 00:15:50,609 --> 00:15:54,321 on the last few hours on Friday, duck out early... 233 00:15:54,404 --> 00:15:58,241 turn off your answering machine, you should be home free, man. 234 00:15:59,910 --> 00:16:01,787 That's a really good idea. 235 00:16:01,870 --> 00:16:03,830 Fuckin'-A, man. 236 00:16:03,914 --> 00:16:09,461 Lawrence, what would you do if you had a million dollars? 237 00:16:09,544 --> 00:16:12,714 I'll tell you what I'd do, man. 238 00:16:12,798 --> 00:16:14,758 Two chicks at the same time, man. 239 00:16:18,428 --> 00:16:20,347 That's it? 240 00:16:20,430 --> 00:16:24,101 If you had a million dollars, y-you'd do two chicks at the same time? 241 00:16:24,184 --> 00:16:27,062 Damn straight. I've always wanted to do that, man. 242 00:16:27,145 --> 00:16:29,815 I think if I were a millionaire, I could hook that up too. 243 00:16:29,898 --> 00:16:33,068 - 'Cause chicks dig dudes with money. - Well, not all chicks. 244 00:16:33,151 --> 00:16:35,904 Well, the type of chicks that would double up on a dude like me do. 245 00:16:35,987 --> 00:16:37,989 - Good point. - Well, what about you now? 246 00:16:38,073 --> 00:16:40,575 - What would you do? - Besides two chicks at the same time? 247 00:16:40,659 --> 00:16:43,453 - Well, yeah. - Nothing. 248 00:16:43,537 --> 00:16:45,580 Nothin', huh? 249 00:16:45,664 --> 00:16:47,874 I would relax. 250 00:16:47,958 --> 00:16:51,378 I would sit on my ass all day. 251 00:16:51,461 --> 00:16:53,338 I would do nothing. 252 00:16:53,422 --> 00:16:56,091 Well, you don't need a million dollars to do nothin', man. 253 00:16:56,174 --> 00:16:59,594 Take a look at my cousin. He's broke, don't do shit. 254 00:17:02,639 --> 00:17:07,060 Corporate Accounts Payable. Nina speaking. Just a moment. 255 00:17:07,144 --> 00:17:09,396 Corporate Accounts Payable. Nina speaking. 256 00:17:09,479 --> 00:17:11,565 Just a moment. 257 00:17:11,648 --> 00:17:14,109 Corporate Accounts Payable. Nina speaking. 258 00:17:14,192 --> 00:17:16,319 Just a moment. 259 00:17:16,403 --> 00:17:19,531 So, you should ask yourself: 260 00:17:19,614 --> 00:17:22,743 With every decision you make, is this good for the company? 261 00:17:22,826 --> 00:17:26,163 - Am I helping with... - Is that the guy? 262 00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:28,498 Yeah. We're screwed. 263 00:17:28,582 --> 00:17:32,002 Okay, then, um... 264 00:17:32,085 --> 00:17:37,090 I'd like to go ahead and welcome, uh, a new member to our team here. 265 00:17:37,174 --> 00:17:41,344 This is, uh' Bob Slydell. 266 00:17:42,679 --> 00:17:44,931 Yeah. Uh... 267 00:17:45,015 --> 00:17:47,100 Bob is a consultant. 268 00:17:47,184 --> 00:17:52,397 Yeah. He's gonna be sort of, uh... 269 00:17:52,481 --> 00:17:55,066 helping us out a little here... 270 00:17:55,150 --> 00:17:58,069 asking some questions, maybe seeing if there are some ways... 271 00:17:58,153 --> 00:18:01,907 we can make things run a little more smoothly around here. 272 00:18:03,074 --> 00:18:06,328 Yeah. Oh, and remember... 273 00:18:06,411 --> 00:18:09,581 next Friday is Hawaiian shirt day. 274 00:18:11,541 --> 00:18:15,212 So, you know, if you want to, go ahead and, uh... 275 00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:18,048 wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans. 276 00:18:18,215 --> 00:18:20,926 And I said I don't care if they lay me off, either. 277 00:18:21,009 --> 00:18:24,721 Because I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time... 278 00:18:24,805 --> 00:18:27,432 then I'm... I'm quitting... I'm going to quit. 279 00:18:27,516 --> 00:18:32,479 And I told Dom too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year. 280 00:18:32,562 --> 00:18:34,648 And I used to be over by the window... 281 00:18:34,731 --> 00:18:37,984 and I could see the squirrels, and they were married. 282 00:18:38,068 --> 00:18:41,363 But then they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler. 283 00:18:41,446 --> 00:18:44,491 But I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much... 284 00:18:44,574 --> 00:18:47,202 and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler. 285 00:18:47,285 --> 00:18:49,496 - Okay, Milton. - And, oh, no, it's not okay... 286 00:18:49,579 --> 00:18:52,707 because if they make me... if they take my stapler... 287 00:18:52,791 --> 00:18:56,670 then I'll... I'll have to... I'll set the building on fire. 288 00:18:56,753 --> 00:18:58,713 Okay, well, that sounds, uh... that sounds great. 289 00:18:58,797 --> 00:19:01,800 Uh, I'll talk to you later, all right? Bye. 290 00:19:01,883 --> 00:19:03,802 Oh. 291 00:19:05,262 --> 00:19:07,806 Yeah. 292 00:19:17,774 --> 00:19:19,943 Good-bye. 293 00:19:40,755 --> 00:19:42,799 Come on. 294 00:19:45,260 --> 00:19:47,137 Oh, for cryin'... 295 00:20:08,700 --> 00:20:11,244 Hello, Peter. What's happening? 296 00:20:11,328 --> 00:20:14,956 Um... I'm gonna need you... 297 00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:17,918 to go ahead and come in tomorrow. 298 00:20:18,001 --> 00:20:21,421 So if you could be here around... 299 00:20:21,504 --> 00:20:23,632 9:00, that would be great. 300 00:20:23,715 --> 00:20:25,634 Mm-kay? 301 00:20:26,676 --> 00:20:28,595 Oh, oh, and I almost forgot. 302 00:20:28,678 --> 00:20:33,266 Uh, I'm also gonna need you to go ahead and come in... 303 00:20:33,350 --> 00:20:35,936 on Sunday too, 'kay? 304 00:20:36,019 --> 00:20:39,481 We, um, lost some people this week... 305 00:20:39,564 --> 00:20:43,026 and, uh, we need to sort of play catch-up. 306 00:20:43,109 --> 00:20:45,028 Thanks. 307 00:20:49,115 --> 00:20:52,160 So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized... 308 00:20:52,243 --> 00:20:55,830 ever since I started working, um... 309 00:20:55,914 --> 00:20:58,833 every single day of my life has been worse than... 310 00:20:58,917 --> 00:21:01,419 the day before it. 311 00:21:01,503 --> 00:21:05,674 So that means that every single day that you see me... 312 00:21:05,757 --> 00:21:07,717 that's on the worst day of my life. 313 00:21:07,801 --> 00:21:11,262 What about today? Is today the worst day of your life? 314 00:21:11,346 --> 00:21:14,015 - Yeah. - Wow. That's messed up. 315 00:21:17,102 --> 00:21:19,688 I'm sorry. Go on. 316 00:21:19,771 --> 00:21:23,525 Is there any way that you could sort of... 317 00:21:23,608 --> 00:21:28,655 just zonk me out so that, like, I don't know that I'm at work... in here? 318 00:21:28,738 --> 00:21:32,701 Could I come home and think that I've been fishing all day, or something? 319 00:21:32,784 --> 00:21:36,454 That's... really not what I do, Peter. 320 00:21:36,538 --> 00:21:39,040 However... 321 00:21:39,124 --> 00:21:43,420 the good news is, I think I can help you. 322 00:21:43,503 --> 00:21:46,006 I want you to do something for me, Peter. 323 00:21:47,424 --> 00:21:50,427 I want you to try and relax. 324 00:21:53,096 --> 00:21:56,141 I want you to relax every muscle in your body... 325 00:21:56,224 --> 00:22:00,770 beginning with your toes to your fingertips. 326 00:22:03,231 --> 00:22:06,735 Now, I want you to relax your legs. 327 00:22:06,818 --> 00:22:10,155 You're beginning to feel your eyelids getting heavy... 328 00:22:10,238 --> 00:22:13,033 as you slip deeper and deeper... 329 00:22:13,116 --> 00:22:16,161 into a state of complete relaxation. 330 00:22:16,244 --> 00:22:20,415 All your cares and concerns are disappearing. 331 00:22:20,498 --> 00:22:24,002 Deeper and deeper. Way down. 332 00:22:24,085 --> 00:22:27,047 Your concern about your job... 333 00:22:27,130 --> 00:22:29,299 melts away... 334 00:22:29,382 --> 00:22:33,178 way, way down. 335 00:22:36,765 --> 00:22:38,683 Now, when I count backwards from three... 336 00:22:38,767 --> 00:22:42,187 you'll be in a state of complete relaxation. 337 00:22:42,270 --> 00:22:45,523 Your worries, cares and inhibitions will be gone... 338 00:22:45,607 --> 00:22:48,610 and you will remain in that state... 339 00:22:48,693 --> 00:22:51,446 until I snap my fingers. 340 00:22:51,529 --> 00:22:54,783 Three. Deeper and deeper. 341 00:22:54,866 --> 00:22:58,036 Way, way down. 342 00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:02,165 Two. Deeper and deeper. 343 00:23:02,248 --> 00:23:05,043 W-W-Way down. 344 00:23:06,294 --> 00:23:10,715 Whu... Whu... One. 345 00:23:12,092 --> 00:23:15,428 Oh, my God! Doctor Swanson! 346 00:23:15,512 --> 00:23:18,181 - Ew! Ew! - Is he breathing? 347 00:23:18,264 --> 00:23:21,351 - Call 911! - Oh! Where's the phone? Where's the goddamn phone? 348 00:23:21,434 --> 00:23:23,353 Hurry! 349 00:23:23,436 --> 00:23:25,438 - Peter! - Hurry! 350 00:23:56,010 --> 00:23:59,681 - - Yeah, hi. It's Bill Lumbergh. 351 00:23:59,764 --> 00:24:02,600 It's about... 10:00. 352 00:24:02,684 --> 00:24:06,312 Yeah. Just, uh, wondering where you are. 353 00:24:08,606 --> 00:24:11,651 Yeah. Hi. It's Bill Lumbergh again. 354 00:24:11,734 --> 00:24:14,154 Uh, I just wanted to make sure you knew... 355 00:24:14,237 --> 00:24:19,659 that we did start at the, uh, usual time this morning. 356 00:24:19,742 --> 00:24:22,745 Yeah. It isn't a half day or anything like that. 357 00:24:22,829 --> 00:24:24,747 So, if you could just go ahead... 358 00:24:24,831 --> 00:24:28,918 and get here as soon as possible, that would be terrific. 359 00:24:48,229 --> 00:24:51,107 Yeah. Hi. It's Bill Lum... 360 00:24:51,191 --> 00:24:54,485 - Yeah. It's... - Yeah. Hi. It's Bill Lumbergh... 361 00:24:54,569 --> 00:24:58,489 Yeah. It's me again. Uh, I was away from my desk for a minute. 362 00:24:58,573 --> 00:25:01,743 - - Just checking in, in case you called while I was gone. 363 00:25:01,826 --> 00:25:05,997 - Hello? - Peter, what's going on? 364 00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:10,877 - Huh? - It's 3:30. Why aren't you at work? 365 00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:14,088 Because I... I... I didn't feel like it. 366 00:25:14,172 --> 00:25:16,382 Peter, what's gotten into you? 367 00:25:16,466 --> 00:25:18,676 First, you just sit there while Dr. Swanson dies. 368 00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:21,346 Then you just walk out of the car and embarrass me in front of my friends. 369 00:25:21,429 --> 00:25:24,933 - Don't blame this on hypnosis, either. - That's total bull... - 370 00:25:30,980 --> 00:25:33,066 Listen, asshole. Nobody hangs up on me. 371 00:25:33,149 --> 00:25:36,611 We're through. Oh, and one more thing. 372 00:25:36,694 --> 00:25:38,780 I've been cheating on you! 373 00:25:43,993 --> 00:25:46,955 So, from now on, only use the new time sheets... 374 00:25:47,038 --> 00:25:51,334 if you've worked on two or more job codes in one day... 375 00:25:51,417 --> 00:25:54,462 and you need the extra columns to fit it all in. 376 00:25:54,545 --> 00:25:57,006 - Otherwise, use the old time sheets... - Where's Peter? 377 00:25:57,090 --> 00:25:59,008 I heard he didn't show up this weekend. 378 00:25:59,092 --> 00:26:01,761 - Uh, I don't know. - I think this new system will really, really help us out. 379 00:26:01,844 --> 00:26:06,808 - Who the hell is that guy? - So, uh, any questions? 380 00:26:20,571 --> 00:26:22,991 - Hi. I'm Peter. - Hi. Can I help you? 381 00:26:23,074 --> 00:26:25,326 What are you doin, for lunch today? 382 00:26:25,410 --> 00:26:28,204 Uh, well, our specials today are blackened chicken. 383 00:26:28,288 --> 00:26:30,248 And... It's actually right there on the board. Excuse me. 384 00:26:32,834 --> 00:26:34,752 Hey, look who's back! 385 00:26:34,836 --> 00:26:38,089 Table for three to... 386 00:26:39,424 --> 00:26:41,342 I was askin' what you were doin' for lunch. 387 00:26:41,426 --> 00:26:44,012 Would you like to have lunch with me? 388 00:26:44,095 --> 00:26:46,097 Are you... Are you serious? 389 00:26:46,180 --> 00:26:48,099 Yeah. 390 00:26:48,182 --> 00:26:51,311 Yeah. Um, I don't... I don't think I'm supposed to do that. 391 00:26:51,394 --> 00:26:53,438 Oh. Okay. 392 00:26:53,521 --> 00:26:55,982 I'll tell you what I'll do. I'm gonna go next door and get a table. 393 00:26:56,065 --> 00:26:58,860 And if you'd like to join me, uh, no big deal, all right? 394 00:26:58,943 --> 00:27:00,862 And if not, that's cool too. Okay? 395 00:27:00,945 --> 00:27:04,449 - Okay. - All right. 396 00:27:04,532 --> 00:27:08,036 When you say, "next door", do you mean Chili's or Flinger's? 397 00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:10,038 Flinger's. 398 00:27:10,121 --> 00:27:12,248 Okay. 399 00:27:12,415 --> 00:27:17,962 What you do at Initech is you take the specifications from the customers... 400 00:27:18,046 --> 00:27:19,964 and you bring them down to the software engineers. 401 00:27:20,048 --> 00:27:22,008 Yes. Y-Yes. That's... That's right. 402 00:27:22,091 --> 00:27:23,968 Well, then I just have to ask... 403 00:27:24,052 --> 00:27:28,890 why couldn't the customers just take them directly to the software people, huh? 404 00:27:28,973 --> 00:27:32,435 Well, I'll tell you why. 405 00:27:32,518 --> 00:27:37,273 Uh, because... engineers are not good at dealing with customers. 406 00:27:37,357 --> 00:27:39,275 Uh-huh. 407 00:27:39,359 --> 00:27:44,697 So, you physically take the specs from the customer? 408 00:27:44,781 --> 00:27:46,908 Well... 409 00:27:48,326 --> 00:27:51,537 No. My secretary does that, or they're faxed. 410 00:27:51,621 --> 00:27:53,206 Huh. 411 00:27:53,289 --> 00:27:56,167 So then you must physically bring them to the software people. 412 00:27:56,250 --> 00:27:59,796 Well... no. 413 00:27:59,879 --> 00:28:02,548 I mean, sometimes. 414 00:28:02,632 --> 00:28:04,092 Ah. 415 00:28:04,175 --> 00:28:08,096 What would you say you do here? 416 00:28:08,179 --> 00:28:10,807 Well, look, I already told you. 417 00:28:10,890 --> 00:28:14,936 I deal with the goddamn customers so the engineers don't have to. 418 00:28:15,019 --> 00:28:18,648 I have people skills. I am good at dealing with people! 419 00:28:18,731 --> 00:28:22,610 Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people? 420 00:28:22,693 --> 00:28:24,987 I... 421 00:28:29,742 --> 00:28:31,661 Let's see. 422 00:28:31,744 --> 00:28:35,289 You are Michael... 423 00:28:36,749 --> 00:28:39,377 - Bolton? - Yeah. 424 00:28:40,670 --> 00:28:43,714 - Is that your real name? - Yeah. 425 00:28:46,175 --> 00:28:48,052 Are you any relation to the pop singer? 426 00:28:48,136 --> 00:28:51,764 - No, it's... it's just a coincidence. - I'll be honest with you. 427 00:28:51,848 --> 00:28:55,435 - I love his music. I do. I'm a Michael Bolton fan. - Me too. 428 00:28:55,518 --> 00:28:59,897 I don't know if it gets any better than when he sings "When a Man Loves a Woman". 429 00:28:59,981 --> 00:29:01,899 But you must really love his music, huh? 430 00:29:04,861 --> 00:29:06,779 Yeah, he's... he's... he's pretty... 431 00:29:06,863 --> 00:29:09,615 - He's pretty good, I guess. - You're goddamn right, he is. 432 00:29:09,699 --> 00:29:11,659 Right. 433 00:29:11,742 --> 00:29:14,579 So, tell me. What's your favorite song of his? 434 00:29:14,662 --> 00:29:16,998 Mmm... 435 00:29:18,374 --> 00:29:20,751 I don't... I don't know. 436 00:29:20,835 --> 00:29:24,172 I mean, I guess I sort of like them all. 437 00:29:24,255 --> 00:29:27,383 That's a riot. I'm the exact same way. 438 00:29:27,467 --> 00:29:30,219 But it must be twice as hard for you, being having the same name as him. 439 00:29:30,303 --> 00:29:33,181 I celebrate the guy's entire catalog. 440 00:29:33,264 --> 00:29:35,766 Anyway, let's get down to business, Michael. 441 00:29:35,850 --> 00:29:38,019 You know, you can just call me Mike. 442 00:29:43,649 --> 00:29:45,902 - Hi. - Hey. 443 00:29:47,820 --> 00:29:50,740 I wonder if I'm allowed to, uh, wear this in here. 444 00:29:50,823 --> 00:29:55,703 I think it'll be okay. Would you like to sit down? 445 00:29:55,786 --> 00:29:58,206 Okay. 446 00:30:00,958 --> 00:30:04,795 Wow! This place is really... nice. 447 00:30:04,879 --> 00:30:07,173 Yeah. Is it? 448 00:30:07,256 --> 00:30:09,467 Yeah, my God, compared to Chotchkie's! 449 00:30:09,550 --> 00:30:11,802 I like the uniforms better, anyway. 450 00:30:11,886 --> 00:30:13,846 I like yours. 451 00:30:13,930 --> 00:30:15,932 Ugh! 452 00:30:18,309 --> 00:30:20,895 "We're not in Kansas anymore". 453 00:30:20,978 --> 00:30:24,524 Yeah, really. 454 00:30:24,607 --> 00:30:27,318 It's on your... 455 00:30:27,401 --> 00:30:31,531 Ohh! Yeah. That's... That's, uh... 456 00:30:31,614 --> 00:30:35,535 - That's one of my... my pieces of flair. - What's a piece of flair? 457 00:30:35,618 --> 00:30:39,121 Oh, it's, uh, where, you know, like these suspenders... 458 00:30:39,205 --> 00:30:41,958 and, uh, the buttons are all sort of... 459 00:30:42,041 --> 00:30:46,587 We're actually required to wear, um, 15 pieces of flair. 460 00:30:46,671 --> 00:30:48,881 It's really stupid, actually. 461 00:30:48,965 --> 00:30:51,676 - Do you get to pick 'em yourself? - Yeah, yeah, we do. 462 00:30:51,759 --> 00:30:53,928 Although I didn't actually choose these. 463 00:30:54,011 --> 00:30:57,265 I just sort of grabbed, you know, 15 buttons and just... 464 00:30:57,348 --> 00:30:59,976 I don't even know what they say. You know, I don't really care. 465 00:31:00,059 --> 00:31:02,353 I don't really like talking about my flair. 466 00:31:02,436 --> 00:31:04,438 - Okay. - So... 467 00:31:04,522 --> 00:31:08,192 - where do you, uh, work, Peter? - Initech. 468 00:31:08,276 --> 00:31:10,319 And, yeah, what... what do you do there? 469 00:31:11,529 --> 00:31:13,447 I sit in a cubicle... 470 00:31:13,531 --> 00:31:16,158 and I update bank software for the 2000 switch. 471 00:31:17,660 --> 00:31:20,997 - What's that? - Well, see, they wrote all this bank software... 472 00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:25,001 and, uh, to save space, they used two digits for the date instead of four. 473 00:31:25,084 --> 00:31:27,837 So, like, 98 instead of 1998. 474 00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:31,757 Uh, so I go through these thousands of lines of code and, uh... 475 00:31:31,841 --> 00:31:34,302 It doesn't really matter. 476 00:31:34,385 --> 00:31:37,179 I, uh... I don't like my job, and, uh... 477 00:31:37,263 --> 00:31:39,307 I don't think I'm gonna go anymore. 478 00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:43,227 - You're just not gonna go? - Yeah. 479 00:31:43,311 --> 00:31:46,814 - Won't you get fired? - I don't know. 480 00:31:46,897 --> 00:31:50,276 But I really don't like it and, uh, I'm not gonna go. 481 00:31:50,359 --> 00:31:52,570 What, so you're gonna quit? 482 00:31:52,653 --> 00:31:57,408 Nuh-uh. Not really. Uh... I'm just gonna stop going. 483 00:32:01,078 --> 00:32:03,122 Uh, when did you decide all of that? 484 00:32:03,205 --> 00:32:05,124 - About an hour ago. - Oh, really. 485 00:32:05,207 --> 00:32:07,793 - Yeah. - About an hour ago. 486 00:32:07,877 --> 00:32:09,754 So you're gonna get another job? 487 00:32:09,837 --> 00:32:11,964 I don't think I'd like another job. 488 00:32:12,048 --> 00:32:15,885 Well, what are you going to do about money and bills and... 489 00:32:15,968 --> 00:32:18,596 You know, I've never really liked paying bills. 490 00:32:18,679 --> 00:32:21,015 I don't think I'm gonna do that, either. 491 00:32:22,350 --> 00:32:25,394 Uh, well, so what do you wanna do? 492 00:32:25,478 --> 00:32:27,521 I wanna take you out to dinner... 493 00:32:27,605 --> 00:32:29,857 and then I want to go back to my apartment and watch Kung Fu. 494 00:32:29,940 --> 00:32:32,193 Do you ever watch Kung Fu? 495 00:32:33,361 --> 00:32:35,988 - I love Kung Fu. - Channel 39. 496 00:32:36,072 --> 00:32:39,367 - Totally. - You should come over and watch Kung Fu tonight. 497 00:32:39,450 --> 00:32:41,369 - Okay. - Great. 498 00:32:41,452 --> 00:32:43,371 Okay. Can we order lunch first? 499 00:32:43,454 --> 00:32:45,081 - Yeah. - Okay. 500 00:32:55,883 --> 00:32:57,927 Not working out. 501 00:33:00,554 --> 00:33:02,765 Took a stapler off my desk... 502 00:33:09,438 --> 00:33:12,358 Anyway, sounds great, Bob. See you in a few. 503 00:33:15,027 --> 00:33:17,279 Hi, Milton. What's happening? 504 00:33:17,363 --> 00:33:20,408 - I'm sorry? - Um, I'm going to have to ask you... 505 00:33:20,491 --> 00:33:22,702 to go ahead and move your desk again. 506 00:33:22,785 --> 00:33:25,246 - Eh... What? No. - So, if you could go ahead... 507 00:33:25,329 --> 00:33:27,957 and get it as far back against that wall as possible... 508 00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:30,876 - that would be great. - No, no, because I was... 509 00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:32,962 - I was told I no longer... - That way, we'll havesome room... 510 00:33:33,045 --> 00:33:35,381 for some of these boxes and things we need to put in here. 511 00:33:35,464 --> 00:33:37,591 - There's no room. - And, uh... 512 00:33:37,675 --> 00:33:40,469 Oh. Oh, there it is. 513 00:33:40,553 --> 00:33:43,889 - What? - Here, let me just go ahead and get that from you. 514 00:33:43,973 --> 00:33:47,268 Great. 515 00:33:47,351 --> 00:33:50,438 So if you could just get to that... 516 00:33:50,521 --> 00:33:54,567 as soon as possible, that wouldbe terrific. Mm-kay? 517 00:33:54,650 --> 00:33:57,361 - Thanks a bunch, Milton. Good-bye. - But... 518 00:33:57,445 --> 00:34:00,489 Well, okay, but... 519 00:34:00,573 --> 00:34:02,992 I could set the building on fire. 520 00:34:06,162 --> 00:34:08,080 - Peter. - Michael. 521 00:34:08,164 --> 00:34:11,459 What the hell's going on, man? I thought you were gonna come in here and start shooting. 522 00:34:11,542 --> 00:34:14,879 No. I just came to get my address book. I'm not gonna stay. 523 00:34:14,962 --> 00:34:17,631 - I got a phone number, Mike, that I don't wanna lose. - What? 524 00:34:17,715 --> 00:34:20,176 Peter, you're in deep shit. You were supposed to come in on Saturday. 525 00:34:20,259 --> 00:34:24,638 - What were you doing? - Michael, I did nothing. 526 00:34:24,722 --> 00:34:29,101 I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything that I thought it could be. 527 00:34:29,185 --> 00:34:31,812 I hope you have a better story than that for Lumbergh. 528 00:34:31,896 --> 00:34:34,440 You're supposed to be having your interview right now with the consultants. 529 00:34:34,523 --> 00:34:36,859 - The who? - The consultants. 530 00:34:36,942 --> 00:34:38,861 What has gotten into you? 531 00:34:40,196 --> 00:34:44,116 Oh, yeah. Right. 532 00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:46,452 Wait, Peter. Peter. You gotta postpone it, man. 533 00:34:46,535 --> 00:34:48,454 Tell 'em you've been sick. Make something up. 534 00:34:48,537 --> 00:34:50,539 Oh, no way. No, I feel great. 535 00:34:50,623 --> 00:34:52,875 It's the best day of my life. 536 00:34:54,376 --> 00:34:57,004 Next batter looks like a Peter Gibbons. 537 00:34:57,087 --> 00:34:59,632 - Uh-huh. - Ah, there you are. 538 00:34:59,715 --> 00:35:02,134 We were just talking about you. You must be Peter Gibbons. 539 00:35:02,218 --> 00:35:05,805 Uh-huh. Terrific. I'm Bob Slydell. This is my associate Bob Porter. 540 00:35:05,888 --> 00:35:07,807 Oh, hi, Bob. Bob. 541 00:35:07,890 --> 00:35:11,811 Why don't you go ahead and grab a seat and join us for a minute or two. 542 00:35:11,894 --> 00:35:15,397 You see, what we're actually trying to do here is we're just... 543 00:35:15,481 --> 00:35:18,984 We're trying to get a feel for how people spend their day at work. 544 00:35:19,068 --> 00:35:24,406 So, if you would, would you walk us through a typical day for you? 545 00:35:25,407 --> 00:35:27,326 - Yeah. - Great. 546 00:35:27,409 --> 00:35:30,830 Well, I generally come in at least 15 minutes late. 547 00:35:30,913 --> 00:35:33,833 Uh, I use the side door. 548 00:35:33,916 --> 00:35:36,252 That way Lumbergh can't see me. 549 00:35:36,335 --> 00:35:38,295 And, uh... And after that... 550 00:35:38,379 --> 00:35:40,548 I just sort of space out for about an hour. 551 00:35:40,631 --> 00:35:44,343 - Uh, "space out"? - Yeah. 552 00:35:44,426 --> 00:35:47,763 I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. 553 00:35:47,847 --> 00:35:51,934 I do that for, uh, probably another hour after lunch too. 554 00:35:52,017 --> 00:35:55,521 I'd say in a given week, I probably only do about 15 minutes... 555 00:35:55,604 --> 00:35:58,315 of real, actual work. 556 00:36:00,067 --> 00:36:02,862 Uh, Peter, would you be a good sport... 557 00:36:02,945 --> 00:36:06,240 and indulge us and just... tell us a little more? 558 00:36:06,323 --> 00:36:11,412 Oh, yeah. Let me tell you something about T.P.S. reports. 559 00:36:13,497 --> 00:36:18,544 The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy. It's that I just don't care. 560 00:36:18,627 --> 00:36:20,546 Don't... Don't care? 561 00:36:20,629 --> 00:36:23,257 It's a problem of motivation, all right? 562 00:36:23,340 --> 00:36:26,760 Now, if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units... 563 00:36:26,844 --> 00:36:30,264 I don't see another dime, so where's the motivation? 564 00:36:30,347 --> 00:36:32,975 And here's something else, Bob. 565 00:36:33,058 --> 00:36:34,977 I have eight different bosses right now. 566 00:36:35,060 --> 00:36:37,313 - I beg your pardon? Eight? - Eight bosses. Eight, Bob. 567 00:36:37,396 --> 00:36:40,733 So that means that when I make a mistake... 568 00:36:40,816 --> 00:36:43,819 I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. 569 00:36:43,903 --> 00:36:47,197 That's my only real motivation is not to be hassled. 570 00:36:47,281 --> 00:36:49,199 That and the fear of losing my job. 571 00:36:49,283 --> 00:36:53,329 But you know, Bob, that'll only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired. 572 00:36:53,412 --> 00:36:56,206 Would you bear with me for just a second, please? 573 00:36:56,290 --> 00:36:58,334 Okay. 574 00:36:59,418 --> 00:37:01,337 What if... and believe me... 575 00:37:01,420 --> 00:37:04,423 this is so hypothetical... 576 00:37:04,506 --> 00:37:08,260 but what if you were offered some kind of a stock option... 577 00:37:08,344 --> 00:37:10,262 equity-sharing program? 578 00:37:10,346 --> 00:37:12,514 - Would that do anything for you? - I don't know. I guess. 579 00:37:12,598 --> 00:37:17,061 Listen, I'm gonna go. Uh, it's been really nice talking to both of you guys. 580 00:37:17,144 --> 00:37:20,940 Absolutely. The pleasure's all on this side of the table, trust me. 581 00:37:21,023 --> 00:37:24,443 Good luck with your layoffs, all right? I hope your firings go really well. 582 00:37:24,526 --> 00:37:27,404 - Okay. Great. Wow. - Thanks a lot. 583 00:37:34,912 --> 00:37:37,289 So, Peter, what's happening? 584 00:37:37,373 --> 00:37:39,416 Listen, uh... 585 00:37:46,215 --> 00:37:48,634 Joanna, would you come here a minute, please? 586 00:37:48,717 --> 00:37:50,636 Yeah. 587 00:37:50,719 --> 00:37:54,723 I'm sorry I was late, but I was having lunch and I, uh... 588 00:37:54,807 --> 00:37:57,142 We need to talk about your flair. 589 00:37:57,226 --> 00:38:01,522 Really? I-I have 15 pieces on. I also... 590 00:38:01,605 --> 00:38:06,068 - Well, 15 is the minimum, okay? - Oh. Okay. 591 00:38:06,151 --> 00:38:08,696 Now, you know, it's up to you whether or not... 592 00:38:08,779 --> 00:38:11,156 you wanna just do the bare minimum or, uh... 593 00:38:11,240 --> 00:38:15,869 Well, like Brian, for example, has 37 pieces of flair on today. 594 00:38:15,953 --> 00:38:19,623 - And a terrific smile. - Okay, so you want me to wear more? 595 00:38:21,500 --> 00:38:23,544 - Look, Joanna... - Yeah? 596 00:38:23,627 --> 00:38:25,671 People can get a cheeseburger anywhere, okay? 597 00:38:25,754 --> 00:38:28,632 They come to Chotchkie's for the atmosphere and the attitude. 598 00:38:28,716 --> 00:38:31,427 Okay? That's what the flair's about. It's about fun. 599 00:38:31,510 --> 00:38:34,763 Yeah. Okay, so more then, yeah? 600 00:38:36,515 --> 00:38:39,727 Look, we want you to express yourself. Okay? 601 00:38:39,810 --> 00:38:44,189 Now, if you feel that the bare minimum is enough, then okay. 602 00:38:44,273 --> 00:38:49,069 But some people choose to wear more and we encourage that. Okay? 603 00:38:50,446 --> 00:38:52,406 You do wanna express yourself, don't you? 604 00:38:53,449 --> 00:38:56,035 - Y-Yeah. - Okay, great, great. 605 00:38:56,118 --> 00:38:58,120 That's all I ask. 606 00:38:58,203 --> 00:38:59,788 Okay. 607 00:38:59,997 --> 00:39:04,710 Right, so there's three more people we can easily lose. 608 00:39:04,793 --> 00:39:07,963 And then there's Tom Smykowski. 609 00:39:08,047 --> 00:39:10,007 He's useless. 610 00:39:10,090 --> 00:39:13,302 - Gone. - Sounds good to me. 611 00:39:13,385 --> 00:39:17,056 Here's a peculiar... Uh' Milton Waddams. 612 00:39:17,139 --> 00:39:19,016 - Who's he? - You know, squirrely-looking guy. 613 00:39:19,099 --> 00:39:21,101 - Mumbles a lot. - Oh, yeah. 614 00:39:21,185 --> 00:39:25,647 Yeah, we... we can't actually find a record of him being a current employee here. 615 00:39:25,731 --> 00:39:29,485 I looked into it more deeply, and I found that apparently what happened... 616 00:39:29,568 --> 00:39:33,405 is that he was laid off five years ago, and no one ever told him about it. 617 00:39:33,489 --> 00:39:37,326 But through some kind of glitch in the payroll department, he still gets a paycheck. 618 00:39:37,409 --> 00:39:40,245 So we just went ahead and fixed the glitch. 619 00:39:40,329 --> 00:39:42,831 - Great. - So, uh, Milton has been let go. 620 00:39:42,915 --> 00:39:45,084 Well, just a second there, professor. 621 00:39:45,167 --> 00:39:48,962 We, uh... We fixed the glitch... 622 00:39:49,046 --> 00:39:51,090 so he won't be receiving a paycheck anymore... 623 00:39:51,173 --> 00:39:53,592 so it'll just work itself out naturally. 624 00:39:53,675 --> 00:39:56,011 We always like to avoid confrontation whenever possible. 625 00:39:56,095 --> 00:39:58,013 The problem is solved from your end. 626 00:39:58,097 --> 00:40:02,726 Um, I'd like to move us right along to a Peter Gibbons. 627 00:40:02,810 --> 00:40:05,604 Now, we had a chance to meet this young man... 628 00:40:05,687 --> 00:40:07,815 and, boy, that's just a straight shooter... 629 00:40:07,898 --> 00:40:09,817 with upper management written all over him. 630 00:40:09,900 --> 00:40:12,653 Ooh. 631 00:40:12,736 --> 00:40:15,614 Yeah. Um... 632 00:40:15,697 --> 00:40:19,201 I'm going to have to go ahead and sort of disagree with you there. 633 00:40:19,284 --> 00:40:21,829 Yeah, uh, he's been real flaky lately... 634 00:40:21,912 --> 00:40:25,999 and I'm just not sure that he's the caliber person... 635 00:40:26,083 --> 00:40:28,001 that we would want for upper management. 636 00:40:28,085 --> 00:40:32,714 He's also been having some problems with his T.P.S. reports. 637 00:40:33,715 --> 00:40:36,176 I'll handle this. 638 00:40:36,260 --> 00:40:38,637 We feel... 639 00:40:38,720 --> 00:40:40,639 that the problem isn't with Peter. 640 00:40:40,722 --> 00:40:42,641 Mm-mmm. 641 00:40:42,724 --> 00:40:46,395 It's that you haven't challenged him enough to get him really motivated. 642 00:40:46,478 --> 00:40:48,689 There it is. 643 00:40:48,772 --> 00:40:51,358 Yeah, uh, well... 644 00:40:51,441 --> 00:40:53,694 I'm just not sure about that right now. 645 00:40:53,777 --> 00:40:56,864 Yeah, Bill, let me ask you a real quick question here. 646 00:40:56,947 --> 00:40:59,908 How much time would you say you spend each week... 647 00:40:59,992 --> 00:41:02,411 dealing with these T.P.S. reports? 648 00:41:07,207 --> 00:41:09,710 Yeah. 649 00:41:16,592 --> 00:41:19,428 ♪ Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta ♪ 650 00:41:28,896 --> 00:41:31,857 ♪ Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta ♪ 651 00:41:31,940 --> 00:41:34,234 ♪ A real gangsta-ass nigga plays his cards right ♪ 652 00:41:34,318 --> 00:41:37,112 ♪ A real gangsta-ass nigga never runs his mouth ♪ 653 00:41:37,196 --> 00:41:39,573 ♪ 'Cause real gangsta-ass niggas don't start fights ♪ 654 00:41:39,656 --> 00:41:42,951 ♪ And niggas always gotta high cap ♪ 655 00:41:43,035 --> 00:41:45,204 ♪ Showin' all his boys how he shot 'em ♪ 656 00:41:45,287 --> 00:41:47,873 ♪ But real gangsta-ass niggas don't flex nuts ♪ 657 00:41:47,956 --> 00:41:50,334 ♪ 'Cause real gangsta-ass niggas know they got 'em ♪ 658 00:41:50,417 --> 00:41:54,213 ♪ And everything's cool in the mind of a gangsta ♪ 659 00:41:54,296 --> 00:41:56,215 ♪ 'Cause gangsta-ass niggas think deep ♪ 660 00:41:56,298 --> 00:41:58,800 ♪ Up 365 a year, 24-7 ♪ 661 00:41:58,884 --> 00:42:01,845 ♪ Real gangsta-ass niggas don't sleep ♪ 662 00:42:01,929 --> 00:42:04,014 ♪ And all I gotta say to you wannabe, gonna-be ♪ 663 00:42:04,097 --> 00:42:06,934 ♪ Cootchie-eatin', jealous-heart pranksters ♪ 664 00:42:07,017 --> 00:42:10,103 ♪ Is when the shit jumps up what you gon' do ♪ 665 00:42:10,187 --> 00:42:12,814 ♪ Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta ♪ 666 00:42:15,692 --> 00:42:18,237 Hey, Peter, man! Check out channel 9. 667 00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:20,489 It's the breast exams. Whoa! 668 00:42:33,919 --> 00:42:36,255 ♪ Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta ♪ 669 00:42:36,338 --> 00:42:38,674 - Hi, Peter. - ♪ Feedin' the poor and helpin' out with their bills ♪ 670 00:42:38,757 --> 00:42:42,052 - Hi, Dom. - ♪ Although I wasborn in Jamaica ♪ 671 00:42:42,135 --> 00:42:45,013 ♪ Now I'm in the U.S. making deals ♪ 672 00:42:45,097 --> 00:42:47,516 ♪ Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta ♪ 673 00:42:47,599 --> 00:42:49,768 ♪ I mean, one that you don't really know ♪ 674 00:42:49,851 --> 00:42:52,771 ♪ Riding around town in a drop-top Benz ♪ 675 00:42:52,854 --> 00:42:56,358 ♪ Hittin' switches in my black six-four ♪ 676 00:42:56,441 --> 00:42:58,610 ♪ Now gangsta-ass niggas come in all shapes and colors ♪ 677 00:42:58,694 --> 00:43:01,571 - ♪ Some got killed in the past ♪ - Time for you to leave. 678 00:43:01,655 --> 00:43:03,615 ♪ But this gangsta here was a smart one ♪ 679 00:43:03,699 --> 00:43:05,659 ♪ Started living for the lord and I'll last ♪ 680 00:43:05,742 --> 00:43:09,329 ♪ Now all I gotta say to you wannabe, gonna-be ♪ 681 00:43:09,413 --> 00:43:11,748 ♪ Crumb-snatchin', cootchie-eatin' pranksters ♪ 682 00:43:11,832 --> 00:43:14,626 ♪ When the grim reaper steps up what the hell you gonna do ♪ 683 00:43:14,710 --> 00:43:17,254 ♪ Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta ♪ 684 00:43:27,889 --> 00:43:30,934 So, Peter, what's happening? 685 00:43:31,018 --> 00:43:34,313 Uh, now, are you going to go ahead... 686 00:43:34,396 --> 00:43:38,275 and have those T.P.S. reports for us this afternoon? 687 00:43:38,358 --> 00:43:40,610 No. 688 00:43:40,694 --> 00:43:42,821 Ah, yeah. 689 00:43:42,904 --> 00:43:48,410 So I guess we should probably go ahead and have a little talk, hmm? 690 00:43:48,493 --> 00:43:51,496 Not right now, Lumbergh. I'm... I'm kinda busy. 691 00:43:51,580 --> 00:43:56,585 In fact, I'm going to have to ask you to go ahead and just come back another time. 692 00:43:56,668 --> 00:43:59,212 I got a meeting with the Bobs in a couple minutes. 693 00:44:00,922 --> 00:44:03,342 Uh, I wasn't aware of a meeting with them. 694 00:44:03,425 --> 00:44:05,594 Yeah, they called me at home. 695 00:44:10,265 --> 00:44:12,184 That sounds good, Peter. 696 00:44:12,267 --> 00:44:15,103 And, uh, we'll go ahead and get this all fixed up for you. 697 00:44:15,187 --> 00:44:17,105 Great. 698 00:44:22,611 --> 00:44:24,863 Hi, Milton. What's happening? 699 00:44:24,946 --> 00:44:28,450 I was... I-I... I didn't receive my paycheck this week. 700 00:44:28,533 --> 00:44:33,121 Uh, you're going to have to talk to Payroll about that. 701 00:44:33,205 --> 00:44:35,165 I did and they said... 702 00:44:35,248 --> 00:44:40,170 Milt, we're going to need to go ahead and move you downstairs into storage "B." 703 00:44:40,253 --> 00:44:43,715 - No, I-I was told I could not... - We have some new people coming in... 704 00:44:43,799 --> 00:44:46,176 - No. There's... - and we need all the space we can get. 705 00:44:46,259 --> 00:44:48,929 - But there's no space... - So if you could just go ahead... 706 00:44:49,012 --> 00:44:53,183 and pack up your stuff, and move it down there... 707 00:44:53,266 --> 00:44:56,186 - That would be terrific... mm-kay? - I was told I could stay... 708 00:44:56,269 --> 00:44:58,313 Excuse me. 709 00:44:58,397 --> 00:45:03,944 I believe you have my stapler, please. Mmm. 710 00:45:04,152 --> 00:45:06,321 Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately. 711 00:45:06,405 --> 00:45:09,908 I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Bob. 712 00:45:09,991 --> 00:45:13,078 - Good one. - Oh, that's terrific, Peter. 713 00:45:13,161 --> 00:45:16,248 I-I'm sure you've... you've heard some of the rumors... 714 00:45:16,331 --> 00:45:19,584 circulating around the hallways about how we're going to be doing... 715 00:45:19,668 --> 00:45:22,295 a little "housecleaning" with some of the software people. 716 00:45:22,379 --> 00:45:25,549 Well, Bob, I have heard that, and you gotta do what you gotta do. 717 00:45:25,632 --> 00:45:27,634 We're gonna be getting rid of these people here. 718 00:45:27,717 --> 00:45:31,096 First, Mr. Samir Naga... 719 00:45:31,179 --> 00:45:33,557 - He... He... - Naga... 720 00:45:33,640 --> 00:45:37,060 Naga... Not gonna work here anymore anyway. 721 00:45:37,144 --> 00:45:40,564 And Mr. Mike Bolton. Nobody's gonna miss him. 722 00:45:40,647 --> 00:45:42,315 You're gonna lay off Samir and Michael? 723 00:45:42,399 --> 00:45:45,152 Ah, yeah, we're gonna bring in some entry-level graduates. 724 00:45:45,235 --> 00:45:47,154 Farm some work out to Singapore. That's the usual deal. 725 00:45:47,237 --> 00:45:50,615 - It's standard operating procedure. - Do they know this yet? 726 00:45:50,699 --> 00:45:53,034 No. No, of course not. 727 00:45:53,118 --> 00:45:55,996 We find it's always better to fire people on a Friday. 728 00:45:56,079 --> 00:45:58,915 Studies have statistically shown that there's less chance of an incident... 729 00:45:58,999 --> 00:46:01,585 if you do it at the end of the week. 730 00:46:01,668 --> 00:46:04,921 Peter, what we'd like to do is put you into position... 731 00:46:05,005 --> 00:46:09,885 to have as many as four people working right underneath you. 732 00:46:09,968 --> 00:46:13,138 - This is a big promotion, Pete. - It's huge. 733 00:46:13,221 --> 00:46:16,725 So you're going to fire Michael and Samir and you're going to give me more money? 734 00:46:18,727 --> 00:46:22,689 - Hmm? - Wow! 735 00:46:22,898 --> 00:46:26,818 Hmm. Yeah. That's it. 736 00:46:26,902 --> 00:46:29,821 That's exactly what I need. Uh-huh. Give it to me. 737 00:46:29,905 --> 00:46:32,324 Come on, you little fucker. Let's go. That's what I need. 738 00:46:32,407 --> 00:46:35,535 Let's do that. Let's do exactly that, you little fuck... 739 00:46:35,619 --> 00:46:37,913 - Michael. - Hey. 740 00:46:37,996 --> 00:46:40,582 Listen to me. 741 00:46:41,917 --> 00:46:44,002 What are you doing tonight? 742 00:46:44,085 --> 00:46:47,714 Michael, there comes a point in a man's life... 743 00:46:47,797 --> 00:46:51,426 and maybe that time for you is now... 744 00:46:51,510 --> 00:46:55,013 when it doesn't hurt to start thinking about the future. 745 00:46:55,096 --> 00:46:59,309 Uh, no offense there, Peter, but speak for yourselft here, sport. 746 00:46:59,392 --> 00:47:02,270 I'm not the one who's been flakin' out at work. 747 00:47:02,354 --> 00:47:06,191 I know you had this religious experience or whatever the hell that was... 748 00:47:06,274 --> 00:47:09,945 but you'd better snap out of it and get your shit together, or you're gonna get canned. 749 00:47:10,028 --> 00:47:13,532 Yeah, and, uh... and I... Listen. 750 00:47:13,615 --> 00:47:15,700 That virus you're always talking about, right? 751 00:47:15,784 --> 00:47:19,162 The one that could rip off the company for a bunch of money. 752 00:47:19,246 --> 00:47:22,165 - Yeah, what about it? - Well, how does it work? 753 00:47:22,249 --> 00:47:24,876 It's pretty brilliant. 754 00:47:24,960 --> 00:47:27,837 What it does is, every time there's a bank transaction where interest is computed... 755 00:47:27,921 --> 00:47:30,090 you know, thousands a day, the computer ends up... 756 00:47:30,173 --> 00:47:32,717 with these fractions of a cent, which it usually rounds off. 757 00:47:32,801 --> 00:47:37,180 What this does is, it takes those little remainders and puts it into an account. 758 00:47:37,264 --> 00:47:39,933 - This sounds familiar. - Yeah, they did it in Superman III. 759 00:47:40,016 --> 00:47:42,936 - Right, uh... - An underrated movie, actually. 760 00:47:43,019 --> 00:47:46,398 And a bunch of hackers that did it in the '70s as well. One of them got busted. 761 00:47:46,481 --> 00:47:48,984 - Well, so they check for this now. - No, here's the thing. 762 00:47:49,067 --> 00:47:52,070 Initech's so backed up with all the software we're updating for the year 2000... 763 00:47:52,153 --> 00:47:54,030 they'd never notice. 764 00:47:54,114 --> 00:47:56,157 You're right. 765 00:47:56,241 --> 00:47:59,077 And even if they wanted to, they couldn't check all that code. 766 00:47:59,160 --> 00:48:01,663 Thumbs up their asses. Thumbs up their asses. 767 00:48:01,746 --> 00:48:05,542 So, Michael, what's to stop you from doing this? 768 00:48:05,625 --> 00:48:08,128 It's not worth the risk. I got a good job. 769 00:48:09,546 --> 00:48:12,632 What if you didn't have a good job? 770 00:48:12,841 --> 00:48:14,718 Cock-gobblers! 771 00:48:17,804 --> 00:48:21,182 Samir and I are the best programmers they got at that place. 772 00:48:21,266 --> 00:48:24,185 And you, you haven't been showin, up, and you get to keep your job. 773 00:48:24,269 --> 00:48:27,188 - Actually, I'm being promoted. - What? 774 00:48:27,272 --> 00:48:31,109 I know, Michael. It's completely unfair. 775 00:48:31,192 --> 00:48:34,070 And I realized something today. 776 00:48:34,154 --> 00:48:36,948 It's not just about me and my dream of doing nothing. 777 00:48:37,032 --> 00:48:40,785 It's about all of us together. 778 00:48:40,869 --> 00:48:43,163 I don't know what happened to me at that hypnotherapist... 779 00:48:43,246 --> 00:48:46,625 and, I don't know, maybe it was just shock and it's wearing off now... 780 00:48:46,708 --> 00:48:49,294 but when I saw that fat man keel over and die... 781 00:48:49,377 --> 00:48:52,589 Michael, we don't have a lot of time on this earth. 782 00:48:52,672 --> 00:48:55,342 We weren't meant to spend it this way. 783 00:48:55,425 --> 00:48:58,595 Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles... 784 00:48:58,678 --> 00:49:02,057 staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms... 785 00:49:02,140 --> 00:49:06,645 and listening to eight different bosses drone on about mission statements. 786 00:49:06,728 --> 00:49:09,147 I told those fudge-packers I liked Michael Bolton's music. 787 00:49:09,230 --> 00:49:12,859 Oh. That is not right, Michael. 788 00:49:12,942 --> 00:49:15,862 For five years now, you've worked your ass off at Initech... 789 00:49:15,945 --> 00:49:19,949 hoping for a promotion or some kind of profit-sharing or something. 790 00:49:20,033 --> 00:49:24,245 Five years of your mid-20s now gone. 791 00:49:24,329 --> 00:49:28,083 And you're gonna go in tomorrow, they're gonna throw you out on the street. 792 00:49:28,166 --> 00:49:30,126 You know why? 793 00:49:30,210 --> 00:49:34,589 So that Bill Lumbergh's stock will go up a quarter of a point. 794 00:49:34,673 --> 00:49:36,341 Ugh. 795 00:49:36,424 --> 00:49:38,510 Michael, let's make that stock go down... 796 00:49:38,593 --> 00:49:40,845 and let's take enough money out of that place... 797 00:49:40,929 --> 00:49:43,807 so that we never ever have to sit in a cubicle ever again. 798 00:49:45,308 --> 00:49:47,227 Your software works, right? 799 00:49:47,310 --> 00:49:49,729 Of course it works. That's not the point. 800 00:49:49,813 --> 00:49:52,607 Look, even if I wanted to, I wouldn't know how to install it. 801 00:49:52,691 --> 00:49:55,193 I don't know the credit union's software well enough. Okay? 802 00:49:55,276 --> 00:49:56,736 Yeah. 803 00:49:56,820 --> 00:49:58,905 But Samir does. 804 00:49:58,988 --> 00:50:01,908 - But, Peter, that's not much money. - That's the beauty of it. 805 00:50:01,991 --> 00:50:05,412 Each withdrawal, that's a fraction of a cent. That's too small to notice. 806 00:50:05,495 --> 00:50:09,708 But a few thousand withdrawals a day, you space it out over a couple of years... 807 00:50:09,791 --> 00:50:12,210 that's a few hundred thousand dollars. 808 00:50:12,293 --> 00:50:15,380 - It's like Superman III. - Superman III... What... 809 00:50:15,463 --> 00:50:17,382 Look, I have to leave now, okay? 810 00:50:17,465 --> 00:50:19,384 I have to get my résumé ready. 811 00:50:19,467 --> 00:50:23,471 Get your résumé ready? For what? For another job where they can just fire you for no reason? 812 00:50:23,555 --> 00:50:25,223 That's right! If I'm lucky! 813 00:50:25,306 --> 00:50:30,437 I don't know about you guys, but I'm tired of being pushed around. Aren't you? 814 00:50:30,520 --> 00:50:33,273 Yes, Peter! But I'm not going to do anything illegal. 815 00:50:33,356 --> 00:50:35,817 Illegal? Samir, this is America! 816 00:50:35,900 --> 00:50:38,486 Come on. Sit down. 817 00:50:38,570 --> 00:50:41,072 Come on. This isn't Riyadh. 818 00:50:41,156 --> 00:50:44,075 They're not gonna saw your hands off here, all right? 819 00:50:44,159 --> 00:50:47,078 The worst they would ever do is, they would put you, for a couple of months... 820 00:50:47,162 --> 00:50:49,998 into a white-collar, minimum-security resort. 821 00:50:50,081 --> 00:50:52,000 Shit, we should be so lucky! 822 00:50:52,083 --> 00:50:54,419 - Do you know they have conjugal visits there? - Really? 823 00:50:54,502 --> 00:50:56,838 - Yes. - Shit. 824 00:50:56,921 --> 00:50:59,591 I'm a free man, I haven't had a conjugal visit in six months. 825 00:50:59,674 --> 00:51:04,012 - So, what do you think? - This thing is actually pretty fail-safe, Samir. 826 00:51:04,095 --> 00:51:06,765 Samir... 827 00:51:06,848 --> 00:51:09,768 you came here looking for a land of opportunity... 828 00:51:09,851 --> 00:51:12,979 and this is the knock of that opportunity. 829 00:51:13,062 --> 00:51:15,398 Tomorrow's your last day at Initech. 830 00:51:15,482 --> 00:51:19,110 You have two options: unemployment or early retirement. 831 00:51:19,194 --> 00:51:21,070 What's it gonna be? 832 00:51:21,154 --> 00:51:23,573 - I have a question. - Yes? 833 00:51:23,656 --> 00:51:27,327 In... In these conjugal visits, you can have sex with women? 834 00:51:27,410 --> 00:51:30,038 Yep. You sure can. 835 00:51:32,916 --> 00:51:34,834 Okay, I'll do it. 836 00:51:34,918 --> 00:51:37,837 - That's what I'm talking about when I talk about Amer... - Peter? 837 00:51:37,921 --> 00:51:41,007 - How about we discuss the plan? - Okay, yeah. Good. Right. 838 00:51:41,090 --> 00:51:43,009 It works like a computer virus. 839 00:51:43,092 --> 00:51:46,012 All we have to do is load it into the credit union mainframe, and it'll do the rest. 840 00:51:46,095 --> 00:51:49,015 Okay. You guys get me that disk, and I'll take care of it from there. 841 00:51:49,098 --> 00:51:51,851 But listen, before we go any further, all right... 842 00:51:51,935 --> 00:51:54,395 we have to swear to God, Allah... 843 00:51:54,479 --> 00:51:56,481 that nobody knows about this but us. 844 00:51:56,564 --> 00:52:00,109 All right? No family members, no girlfriends, nobody. 845 00:52:00,193 --> 00:52:02,153 - Of course. - Agreed. 846 00:52:02,237 --> 00:52:04,572 Don't worry, man! I won't tell anyone either! 847 00:52:04,656 --> 00:52:07,575 - What the fuck is that? - No, don't worry about him. He's cool. All right. 848 00:52:07,659 --> 00:52:09,118 Here's how I see it all going down. 849 00:52:09,661 --> 00:52:12,580 Peter, congratulations. This is one heck of a promotion. 850 00:52:12,664 --> 00:52:15,917 - Thank you, Bob. - We'll get some people under you right away. 851 00:52:20,255 --> 00:52:22,340 ♪ It makes me wanna creep ♪ 852 00:52:22,423 --> 00:52:24,759 ♪ I got somethin' for your mind your body and your soul ♪ 853 00:52:29,347 --> 00:52:32,433 ♪ I got somethin' for your mind your body and your soul ♪ 854 00:52:32,517 --> 00:52:34,561 ♪ Yeah ♪ 855 00:52:34,644 --> 00:52:37,897 ♪ Damn, I'm such a "G" It's pathetic ♪ 856 00:52:37,981 --> 00:52:41,860 ♪ Here comes the big-headed nigga that's dippin' ♪ 857 00:52:41,943 --> 00:52:44,070 ♪ Sippin' on Courvoisier ♪ 858 00:52:44,153 --> 00:52:47,407 ♪ Goddamn I must have to floss today ♪ 859 00:52:47,490 --> 00:52:50,577 ♪ Now, pimpin' ain't easy but it's necessary ♪ 860 00:52:50,660 --> 00:52:54,205 ♪ So I'm chasin' bitches like Tom chased Jerry ♪ 861 00:52:54,289 --> 00:52:56,749 ♪ I put the pedal to the "flo-ah" ♪ 862 00:52:56,833 --> 00:53:00,169 ♪ In my two-toned Ford Explorer ♪ 863 00:53:00,253 --> 00:53:02,046 ♪ You know how it's done ♪ 864 00:53:02,130 --> 00:53:05,216 ♪ Sounds bumpin' Ain't that somethin' ♪ 865 00:53:05,300 --> 00:53:07,135 ♪ Jumped on the 110 ♪ 866 00:53:07,218 --> 00:53:09,554 ♪ She's flyin' in the Blazer ♪ 867 00:53:09,637 --> 00:53:11,598 - Hey, how's it goin'? - ♪ Like "Go, Speed Racer" ♪ 868 00:53:11,681 --> 00:53:15,643 ♪ But I ain't gon' chase her like Racer "X" ♪ 869 00:53:15,727 --> 00:53:20,315 ♪ But I won't flex till it's time to have sex ♪ 870 00:53:20,398 --> 00:53:22,525 ♪ So when you wanna get together ♪ 871 00:53:22,609 --> 00:53:25,111 ♪ 'Cause you know a nigga like me ♪ 872 00:53:25,194 --> 00:53:27,488 ♪ Is down for whatever ♪ 873 00:53:27,572 --> 00:53:29,490 ♪ Damn ♪ 874 00:53:32,660 --> 00:53:35,914 ♪ Ye-e-e-e-a-a-a-h ♪ 875 00:53:39,375 --> 00:53:41,920 ♪ Ye-e-e-e-a-a-a-h ♪ 876 00:53:42,003 --> 00:53:45,048 - Well, that was easy. - Yeah, I guess it was. 877 00:53:45,131 --> 00:53:46,674 What'd you do with the c... 878 00:53:46,883 --> 00:53:47,842 Hey, man. 879 00:53:48,843 --> 00:53:50,303 Oh, hey, Drew. 880 00:53:50,386 --> 00:53:53,306 - You guys hear about Tom Smykowski? - What, that he got laid off? 881 00:53:53,389 --> 00:53:55,600 No, man. Check it out. 882 00:53:55,683 --> 00:53:58,353 Last week, right after he found out he was getting laid off... 883 00:53:58,436 --> 00:54:01,522 he goes home and tries to kill himself by running the car in the garage. 884 00:54:01,606 --> 00:54:03,524 - Is he dead? - No, man. Check it out. 885 00:54:03,608 --> 00:54:06,277 That wife of his comes home early from work and catches him. 886 00:54:06,361 --> 00:54:09,280 So he tries to play it off like nothing happened. 887 00:54:09,364 --> 00:54:12,283 I was... having some trouble with the shifter here. 888 00:54:12,367 --> 00:54:15,828 It's jammed, and I couldn't get it into drive. 889 00:54:15,912 --> 00:54:19,165 - I-I-I mean, reverse. - You okay, Tom? 890 00:54:19,248 --> 00:54:21,542 - Then, as he's looking at her... - Yeah. 891 00:54:21,626 --> 00:54:24,629 - He decides he wants to live. - Yeah, I think I'm okay. 892 00:54:24,712 --> 00:54:28,341 - Right. - Seems to be working now. 893 00:54:29,926 --> 00:54:31,844 See ya later, honey! 894 00:54:31,928 --> 00:54:34,347 Love ya! 895 00:54:34,430 --> 00:54:37,850 But then, as soon as he backs out of his driveway... 896 00:54:37,934 --> 00:54:41,354 Bam! He gets slammed big-time by a drunk driver! 897 00:54:41,437 --> 00:54:43,356 - Is he okay? - Sort of. 898 00:54:43,439 --> 00:54:47,235 He broke both his wrists, legs, couple of ribs, his back. 899 00:54:47,318 --> 00:54:49,779 But he's gonna get a huge settlement out of this, like, seven figures. 900 00:54:49,862 --> 00:54:52,323 He's getting out of the hospital tomorrow. 901 00:54:52,407 --> 00:54:55,827 He's gonna throw a party this weekend to celebrate. We're all invited. 902 00:54:55,910 --> 00:54:58,746 I'm thinkin' I might take that new chick from Logistics. 903 00:54:58,830 --> 00:55:01,749 Things go well, I might be showin, her my "O" face. 904 00:55:01,833 --> 00:55:04,669 "Oh! Oh! Oh!" You know what I'm talkin' about. 905 00:55:04,752 --> 00:55:06,671 "Oh!" 906 00:55:06,754 --> 00:55:10,008 Yeah. Right. See you guys there. 907 00:55:11,759 --> 00:55:14,762 Wow. Our last day at Initech. 908 00:55:16,180 --> 00:55:19,100 I can't believe they had Security escort us out. 909 00:55:19,183 --> 00:55:21,686 Like we're going to steal something. 910 00:55:22,937 --> 00:55:25,690 - I stole something. - Oh, yeah. Guess we all did. 911 00:55:25,773 --> 00:55:28,651 No, I stole something else. 912 00:55:28,735 --> 00:55:31,154 What did you steal? 913 00:55:32,947 --> 00:55:36,159 Call it a going-away present. 914 00:55:46,335 --> 00:55:48,337 ♪ Kill ♪ 915 00:55:51,799 --> 00:55:54,469 - ♪ Kill ♪ - ♪ Back up in yo' ass with the resurrection ♪ 916 00:55:54,552 --> 00:55:57,555 ♪ It's the group harder than an erection that shows more affection ♪ 917 00:55:57,638 --> 00:56:00,183 ♪ They wanna ban us on Capitol Hill ♪ 918 00:56:00,266 --> 00:56:01,934 - ♪ 'Cause it's die, motherfuckers, die Motherfuckers, still ♪ - ♪ Still ♪ 919 00:56:02,018 --> 00:56:04,812 ♪ All along it was the ghetto Nothin' but the ghetto ♪ 920 00:56:04,896 --> 00:56:06,898 ♪ Takin' short steps One foot at a time ♪ 921 00:56:06,981 --> 00:56:09,442 ♪ And kept my head low and never let go ♪ 922 00:56:09,525 --> 00:56:11,444 ♪ 'Cause if I let go then I'd be spineless ♪ 923 00:56:11,527 --> 00:56:14,739 - ♪ I'm goin' insane ♪ - ♪ I think my mind just goes out of control ♪ 924 00:56:14,822 --> 00:56:16,699 ♪ You judge on subjects motherfuckers read about ♪ 925 00:56:16,783 --> 00:56:19,452 ♪ I touch on the shit that they be leavin' out ♪ 926 00:56:19,535 --> 00:56:22,246 ♪ I seen this motherfucker's .9 smokin', I seen it ♪ 927 00:56:22,330 --> 00:56:24,082 ♪ I bet you motherfuckers will too ♪ 928 00:56:24,165 --> 00:56:25,666 ♪ Because it's die, motherfuckers ♪ 929 00:56:25,750 --> 00:56:27,752 ♪ Die, motherfuckers still, fool ♪ 930 00:56:27,835 --> 00:56:31,047 - ♪ Die, motherfuckers, still, fool ♪ - ♪ Die, motherfuckers ♪ 931 00:56:31,130 --> 00:56:33,091 ♪ Die, motherfuckers still ♪ 932 00:56:33,174 --> 00:56:35,426 ♪ Die, motherfuckers Die, motherfuckers, still, fool ♪ 933 00:56:35,510 --> 00:56:36,677 ♪ Die, motherfuckers ♪ 934 00:56:36,761 --> 00:56:38,638 - ♪ Die, motherfuckers still ♪ - ♪ Kill ♪ 935 00:56:38,721 --> 00:56:40,640 ♪ Die, motherfuckers Die, motherfuckers, still, fool ♪ 936 00:56:40,723 --> 00:56:44,018 ♪ Die, motherfuckers Die, motherfuckers, still ♪ 937 00:56:44,102 --> 00:56:48,064 ♪ I-I... I-I... I think it's somethin' in the water, man ♪ 938 00:56:48,147 --> 00:56:49,273 ♪ I-It's gotta be in the water ♪ 939 00:56:49,357 --> 00:56:50,399 ♪ Oh, fuck ♪ 940 00:56:50,483 --> 00:56:52,485 ♪ Chuck's on a killin' spree again ♪ 941 00:56:52,568 --> 00:56:53,820 ♪ We guillotine for men ♪ 942 00:56:53,903 --> 00:56:56,697 ♪ I walk around town with a frown on my face ♪ 943 00:56:56,781 --> 00:56:58,908 ♪ Fuck the whole world fixin' to catch a murder case ♪ 944 00:56:58,991 --> 00:57:00,576 ♪ Gonna murder and rape ♪ 945 00:57:00,660 --> 00:57:02,912 ♪ May increase if you caught up in the world while it's dyin' ♪ 946 00:57:02,995 --> 00:57:05,832 ♪ I guarantee you fryin' 'Cause I am ♪ 947 00:57:05,915 --> 00:57:08,918 ♪ On the verge of knockin' motherfuckers out for no reason ♪ 948 00:57:09,001 --> 00:57:12,255 ♪ Once I get down there'll be no breathin' ♪ 949 00:57:12,338 --> 00:57:14,298 Who's got my keys? 950 00:57:14,382 --> 00:57:17,802 - I'm driving. Not you. - Everything is gonna be okay. All right? 951 00:57:17,885 --> 00:57:20,805 - Peter... Peter... - Okay? It's fun, and it's exciting. 952 00:57:20,888 --> 00:57:23,307 - Be serious. - I gotta go. All right? 953 00:57:23,391 --> 00:57:25,810 Joanna's coming over. All right? Don't worry. 954 00:57:25,893 --> 00:57:27,812 You're worrying. All right? 955 00:57:27,895 --> 00:57:31,149 Monday morning we're gonna check the account balance. Everything'll be okay. 956 00:57:31,232 --> 00:57:34,152 Don't miss Tom's barbecue. I'll see you there. All right? 957 00:57:34,235 --> 00:57:37,780 - Good night. - ♪ Back up in your ass with the resurrection ♪ 958 00:57:40,283 --> 00:57:43,202 Hey, what were you guys celebrating last night? 959 00:57:43,286 --> 00:57:47,832 Uh... I'm not really at liberty to talk about it. 960 00:57:49,876 --> 00:57:51,919 I really can't. 961 00:57:55,089 --> 00:57:57,925 All right, so when the subroutine compounds the interest... 962 00:57:58,009 --> 00:58:01,596 it uses all these extra decimal places that just get rounded off. 963 00:58:01,679 --> 00:58:03,598 So we simplified the whole thing... 964 00:58:03,681 --> 00:58:07,268 and we just... we round 'em all down and drop the remainder... 965 00:58:07,351 --> 00:58:09,604 into an account that we opened. 966 00:58:09,687 --> 00:58:11,647 So, you're stealing. 967 00:58:12,940 --> 00:58:14,859 Uh, no. You don't understand. 968 00:58:14,942 --> 00:58:17,486 It's, uh... It's very complicated. 969 00:58:17,570 --> 00:58:21,574 It's, uh... It's aggregate, so I'm talking about fractions of a penny here. 970 00:58:21,657 --> 00:58:24,994 And, uh, over time they add up to a lot. 971 00:58:25,077 --> 00:58:28,873 Oh, okay. So, you're gonna make a lot of money, right? 972 00:58:28,956 --> 00:58:31,292 - Yeah. - Right? That's not yours? 973 00:58:31,375 --> 00:58:35,421 - Uh, well, it becomes ours. - How is that not stealing? 974 00:58:38,382 --> 00:58:41,636 I don't think, uh... I don't think that I'm explaining this very well. 975 00:58:41,719 --> 00:58:44,263 - Um, the 7-Eleven, right? - Mm-hmm. 976 00:58:44,347 --> 00:58:46,849 You'd take a penny from the tray. 977 00:58:46,933 --> 00:58:50,269 - From the crippled children? - No, that's the jar. I'm talking about the tray. 978 00:58:50,353 --> 00:58:52,772 The... You know, the pennies for everybody. 979 00:58:52,855 --> 00:58:54,774 Oh. For everybod... Okay. 980 00:58:54,857 --> 00:58:57,276 Yeah, well, those are whole pennies. All right? 981 00:58:57,360 --> 00:59:00,238 I'm just talking about fractions of a penny here. 982 00:59:00,321 --> 00:59:04,075 Okay? But we do it from a much bigger tray a couple of million times. 983 00:59:04,158 --> 00:59:06,077 So what's wrong with that? 984 00:59:06,160 --> 00:59:09,038 - I don't know. It just seems wrong. - It's not wrong. 985 00:59:09,121 --> 00:59:12,625 Initech is wrong. Initech is an evil corporation. 986 00:59:12,708 --> 00:59:15,211 Chotchkie's is wrong. 987 00:59:15,294 --> 00:59:19,131 Doesn't it bother you that you have to get up in the morning and put on pieces of flair? 988 00:59:19,215 --> 00:59:23,344 Yeah, but I'm not about to go in and start taking money from the register. 989 00:59:23,427 --> 00:59:26,347 Well, maybe you should. 990 00:59:26,430 --> 00:59:29,684 You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear. 991 00:59:29,767 --> 00:59:32,436 What? 992 00:59:32,520 --> 00:59:34,397 Look, we don't... I-I... 993 00:59:34,480 --> 00:59:37,108 We don't have to talk about this now. 994 00:59:37,191 --> 00:59:39,652 - Let's just go to the barbecue. - Okay. 995 00:59:42,154 --> 00:59:44,156 Michael! Samir! How you doin'? 996 00:59:44,240 --> 00:59:46,659 - Hey, Tom. - Hello, Tom. 997 00:59:46,742 --> 00:59:49,870 I'd like you to meet my lawyer, Rob Newhouse. 998 00:59:49,954 --> 00:59:52,623 - Rob, Michael, Samir. - How you doing? 999 00:59:52,707 --> 00:59:56,168 Peter! How are you? I'm glad you could make it. 1000 00:59:56,252 --> 00:59:59,839 Tom, hi. This is somebody I'd like you to meet. 1001 00:59:59,922 --> 01:00:03,592 - This is Joanna. - Hi. Forgive me for not getting up. 1002 01:00:11,559 --> 01:00:15,730 Uh... Uh, Peter, come here a minute. I wanna show you something. 1003 01:00:17,148 --> 01:00:19,984 Well, what do you think? It's a prototype. 1004 01:00:20,067 --> 01:00:24,071 Huh! That's exactly as you described it. 1005 01:00:26,157 --> 01:00:28,701 Uh, listen, I heard about your settlement. 1006 01:00:28,784 --> 01:00:31,245 - Congratulations. - Well, thanks, Peter. 1007 01:00:31,329 --> 01:00:35,333 You know, I'm glad you're here because I wanted to talk to you. 1008 01:00:35,416 --> 01:00:38,878 I know how you get depressed about your job and all. 1009 01:00:38,961 --> 01:00:43,049 I just wanted you to know that I know how you feel. I used to be the same way. 1010 01:00:43,132 --> 01:00:44,967 - Really? - Sure! 1011 01:00:45,051 --> 01:00:49,221 Maybe I didn't whine as much, but I bet I hated my job even more than you. 1012 01:00:49,305 --> 01:00:52,099 And I've been doing it for over 30 years. 1013 01:00:52,183 --> 01:00:55,102 - Wow. - Just remember. 1014 01:00:55,186 --> 01:00:57,396 If you hang in there long enough... 1015 01:00:57,480 --> 01:01:00,399 good things can happen in this world. 1016 01:01:00,483 --> 01:01:03,110 I mean, look at me. 1017 01:01:03,194 --> 01:01:04,945 Thanks, Tom. 1018 01:01:05,029 --> 01:01:07,907 Oh, sure. 1019 01:01:13,371 --> 01:01:16,290 Conjugal visits? Not that I know of. 1020 01:01:16,374 --> 01:01:19,293 A minimum-security prison is no picnic. 1021 01:01:19,377 --> 01:01:21,629 I have a client in there right now. 1022 01:01:21,712 --> 01:01:24,632 He says, the trick is, kick someone's ass the first day... 1023 01:01:24,715 --> 01:01:26,634 or become someone's bitch. 1024 01:01:26,717 --> 01:01:29,261 Then everything'll be allright. 1025 01:01:29,345 --> 01:01:31,013 Why do you ask, anyway? 1026 01:01:31,097 --> 01:01:33,557 Oh, no, we were just... Sorry. Sorry. 1027 01:01:40,731 --> 01:01:42,983 - Hey, Peter. - Drew. 1028 01:01:43,067 --> 01:01:45,111 That's somethin' about ol' Smykowski, huh? 1029 01:01:45,194 --> 01:01:48,197 - Yeah. - Lucky bastard. 1030 01:01:48,280 --> 01:01:51,492 Hey, isn't that the girl that works over at Chotchkie's? 1031 01:01:51,575 --> 01:01:53,494 Yeah. 1032 01:01:53,577 --> 01:01:55,496 Who's she here with? 1033 01:01:55,579 --> 01:01:57,998 She's with me. 1034 01:01:58,082 --> 01:01:59,917 - Really? - Yeah. 1035 01:02:00,000 --> 01:02:02,586 All right, Peter. Ooh! Ooh! 1036 01:02:02,670 --> 01:02:04,588 Right on. 1037 01:02:04,672 --> 01:02:07,174 Make sure you wear a rubber, dude. 1038 01:02:09,009 --> 01:02:10,928 Why is that, Drew? 1039 01:02:11,011 --> 01:02:13,431 Are you kidding me? She gets around. 1040 01:02:13,514 --> 01:02:15,516 All right? 1041 01:02:16,600 --> 01:02:18,519 She does, does she? 1042 01:02:18,602 --> 01:02:21,188 Oh' yeah, like a record. 1043 01:02:22,356 --> 01:02:24,275 Like, with who? 1044 01:02:24,358 --> 01:02:26,318 Oh, let's see, uh... 1045 01:02:27,361 --> 01:02:30,281 Hell, Lumbergh fucked her. 1046 01:02:30,364 --> 01:02:32,283 Let me see who else. 1047 01:02:32,366 --> 01:02:34,535 Uh, Dick Rennie... 1048 01:02:34,618 --> 01:02:37,037 - Lumbergh? - Eric Louis... 1049 01:02:37,121 --> 01:02:40,040 So, what if... Oh. What if you get caught? 1050 01:02:40,124 --> 01:02:43,043 I just don't know if this was such a good idea. 1051 01:02:43,127 --> 01:02:46,797 Yeah, well, maybe it wasn't such a good idea for you to sleep with Lumbergh. 1052 01:02:46,881 --> 01:02:48,799 What? 1053 01:02:48,883 --> 01:02:50,634 What are you... 1054 01:02:50,718 --> 01:02:52,636 Oh, right. Lumbergh. 1055 01:02:52,720 --> 01:02:54,180 Aah! 1056 01:02:54,263 --> 01:02:57,391 Oh, God. Lumbergh. 1057 01:02:57,475 --> 01:02:59,310 Peter, what is wrong with you? 1058 01:02:59,393 --> 01:03:02,646 That was, like, two years ago. What, did you know him? 1059 01:03:02,730 --> 01:03:05,274 Yeah, I know him. I know him. He's my boss. 1060 01:03:05,357 --> 01:03:08,819 He's my unholy, disgusting pig of a boss! 1061 01:03:08,903 --> 01:03:11,155 Oh, he's not that disgusting. 1062 01:03:11,238 --> 01:03:14,700 He represents all that is soulless and wrong! 1063 01:03:15,701 --> 01:03:17,995 - And you slept with him. - Hey! 1064 01:03:18,078 --> 01:03:19,955 That is none of your business. Okay? 1065 01:03:20,039 --> 01:03:23,000 I didn't ask you who you slept with before we were together. 1066 01:03:23,083 --> 01:03:26,253 - I don't care. - Well, I didn't think you slept with guys like Lumbergh! 1067 01:03:26,337 --> 01:03:28,714 Listen to you. 1068 01:03:28,797 --> 01:03:32,510 Who do you think you are? How dare you judge me. 1069 01:03:32,593 --> 01:03:35,513 I mean, what are you? Some kind of angel here? 1070 01:03:35,596 --> 01:03:38,307 No, you're just this penny-stealing... 1071 01:03:38,390 --> 01:03:41,018 wannabe criminal... m-man. 1072 01:03:41,101 --> 01:03:43,020 Yeah, well, that may be... 1073 01:03:43,103 --> 01:03:45,356 but at least I never slept with Lumbergh. 1074 01:03:45,439 --> 01:03:48,359 Okay, that's... I'm done. I wanna get out of the car. 1075 01:03:48,442 --> 01:03:50,361 - Fine. - Stop! 1076 01:03:50,444 --> 01:03:52,988 Just call me when you grow up. 1077 01:03:53,072 --> 01:03:55,449 You know, that's never gonna happen. So just don't call me. 1078 01:03:55,533 --> 01:03:58,035 Say hello to Lumbergh for me! 1079 01:04:04,458 --> 01:04:06,377 Hell, Lumbergh fucked her. 1080 01:04:06,460 --> 01:04:08,379 Lumbergh fucked her. 1081 01:04:08,462 --> 01:04:10,381 Lumbergh... fucked her. 1082 01:04:10,464 --> 01:04:12,383 That's great. 1083 01:04:12,466 --> 01:04:15,386 I mean, she was seein' the "O" face, for sure! 1084 01:04:15,469 --> 01:04:18,013 Oh! Oh! Oh! 1085 01:04:18,097 --> 01:04:21,016 - Sss. Ooh. - Ooh! Ooh! 1086 01:04:21,100 --> 01:04:24,520 If you could go ahead and just move a little bit to the lef... That's it. 1087 01:04:24,603 --> 01:04:26,522 Great. 1088 01:04:26,605 --> 01:04:28,524 Peter! What's happening? 1089 01:04:28,607 --> 01:04:32,820 Um, could you get me those T.P.S. reports ASAP? Mm-kay? 1090 01:04:48,377 --> 01:04:50,296 - Joanna. - Yeah? 1091 01:04:50,379 --> 01:04:52,298 We need to talk. 1092 01:04:52,381 --> 01:04:54,883 Do you know what this is about? 1093 01:04:58,012 --> 01:05:00,222 My, uh, flair? 1094 01:05:00,306 --> 01:05:02,266 Yeah. 1095 01:05:02,349 --> 01:05:04,268 Or, uh, your lack of flair. 1096 01:05:04,351 --> 01:05:08,272 Because, uh, I'm counting and I only see 15 pieces. 1097 01:05:08,355 --> 01:05:10,274 Let me ask you a question, Joanna. 1098 01:05:10,357 --> 01:05:13,193 What do you think of a person... 1099 01:05:13,277 --> 01:05:15,237 who only does the bare minimum? 1100 01:05:16,947 --> 01:05:19,867 Huh. What do I thi... Uh, you know what, Stan? 1101 01:05:19,950 --> 01:05:23,537 If you want me to wear 37 pieces of flair... 1102 01:05:23,621 --> 01:05:26,373 like your pretty boy over there, Brian... 1103 01:05:26,457 --> 01:05:30,002 why don't you just make the minimum 37 pieces of flair? 1104 01:05:30,085 --> 01:05:34,965 Well, I thought I remembered you saying that you wanted to express yourself. 1105 01:05:35,049 --> 01:05:37,468 Yeah. You know what? Yeah, I do. 1106 01:05:37,551 --> 01:05:42,139 I do wanna express myself. Okay? And I don't need 37 pieces of flair to do it. 1107 01:05:43,140 --> 01:05:45,017 All right? 1108 01:05:45,100 --> 01:05:47,019 There's my flair. Okay? 1109 01:05:47,102 --> 01:05:49,021 And this is me expressing myself. 1110 01:05:49,104 --> 01:05:50,981 Okay? 1111 01:05:51,065 --> 01:05:52,775 There it is. 1112 01:05:52,858 --> 01:05:57,071 I hate this job. I hate this goddamn job, and I don't need it! 1113 01:06:12,586 --> 01:06:14,004 Oh, shit. 1114 01:06:14,088 --> 01:06:16,090 - Shit! Shit! - Oh, shit. 1115 01:06:16,173 --> 01:06:19,343 Son of a bitch! Shit! 1116 01:06:19,426 --> 01:06:21,970 - This is a... Fuck! I... I... - Son of a bitch! 1117 01:06:22,054 --> 01:06:23,972 - Shit! - What happened? 1118 01:06:24,056 --> 01:06:27,810 - You tell me, Michael! It's your software! - Yes! It's your software! 1119 01:06:27,893 --> 01:06:31,772 Corporate Accounting is sure as hell gonna notice $305,3... 1120 01:06:32,731 --> 01:06:35,943 26.13, Michael! 1121 01:06:36,026 --> 01:06:37,945 Oh, shit! 1122 01:06:38,028 --> 01:06:41,240 They probably won't know it's gone for another three or four days. 1123 01:06:41,323 --> 01:06:44,868 Michael, you said the thing was gonna take two years! 1124 01:06:44,952 --> 01:06:47,454 What happened? You said the thing was supposed to work! 1125 01:06:47,538 --> 01:06:50,124 - Technically, it did work. - No, it didn't! 1126 01:06:50,207 --> 01:06:52,126 It did not work, Michael! Okay? 1127 01:06:52,209 --> 01:06:54,712 Okay, okay! Okay. Okay. 1128 01:06:54,795 --> 01:06:57,715 I must've put a decimal point in the wrong place or something. 1129 01:06:57,798 --> 01:07:00,551 Shit, I always do that. I always mess up some mundane detail. 1130 01:07:00,634 --> 01:07:04,680 Oh! Well, this is not a mundane detail, Michael! 1131 01:07:04,763 --> 01:07:06,724 Hey, quit getting pissed at me, all right? 1132 01:07:06,807 --> 01:07:09,643 This was all your idea, asshole. 1133 01:07:09,727 --> 01:07:14,106 All right. Okay. Let's try not to get pissed off at each other. 1134 01:07:14,189 --> 01:07:16,650 Let's just tryto figure this thing out together. 1135 01:07:16,734 --> 01:07:20,404 The first thing we gotta do is close that account before it gets any bigger. 1136 01:07:20,487 --> 01:07:25,325 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 1137 01:07:25,409 --> 01:07:29,788 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 1138 01:07:29,872 --> 01:07:32,416 ♪ Happy birthday ♪ 1139 01:07:32,499 --> 01:07:35,586 ♪ Mr. Lumbergh ♪ 1140 01:07:35,669 --> 01:07:39,548 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 1141 01:07:42,176 --> 01:07:45,262 Doesn't that look terrific. 1142 01:07:45,345 --> 01:07:47,264 Mmm! 1143 01:07:47,347 --> 01:07:49,933 Here, Peg. You wanna get everybody started there? 1144 01:07:52,686 --> 01:07:55,147 Mmm! Oh, that is terrific. 1145 01:07:55,230 --> 01:07:57,524 - Just terrific. Thanks, everybody. - Thank you. 1146 01:07:57,608 --> 01:08:00,778 Really. I really, really appreciate it. It's very special. 1147 01:08:00,861 --> 01:08:04,198 Now, Milton! Don't be greedy! 1148 01:08:04,281 --> 01:08:07,409 Let's pass it along and make sure everyone gets a piece. 1149 01:08:07,493 --> 01:08:10,537 'Kay, but last time I didn't receive a piece, and I was told that... 1150 01:08:10,621 --> 01:08:14,124 - Just pass. - Okay. 1151 01:08:14,208 --> 01:08:17,377 But this... this... If... There... There... 1152 01:08:17,461 --> 01:08:19,671 I just... See, the cake... 1153 01:08:19,755 --> 01:08:22,508 There's lots of cake, but there's... 1154 01:08:23,550 --> 01:08:26,512 The ratio of people to cake is... 1155 01:08:29,389 --> 01:08:32,184 All I want is a piece of cake... 1156 01:08:38,899 --> 01:08:41,610 I think there's... there's a piece of... 1157 01:08:43,612 --> 01:08:46,615 I could set the building on fire. 1158 01:08:46,698 --> 01:08:50,160 I-Is there some way to just give the money back? 1159 01:08:50,244 --> 01:08:54,164 What, do you mean just hand them a check for the exact amount they're missing? 1160 01:08:54,248 --> 01:08:56,416 I think they'd figure that out. 1161 01:08:56,500 --> 01:08:59,044 Well, we have to do something. 1162 01:08:59,127 --> 01:09:01,588 Maybe we could launder the money. 1163 01:09:02,339 --> 01:09:04,299 That's a great idea. 1164 01:09:04,383 --> 01:09:07,344 - Okay, how do we do that? - I don't... I don't know. 1165 01:09:07,427 --> 01:09:10,347 I don't even know what it means. I was hoping you knew. 1166 01:09:10,430 --> 01:09:14,059 - I think coke dealers do it. - All right, do we know any coke dealers? 1167 01:09:14,142 --> 01:09:16,311 M-My cousin's a cokehead. 1168 01:09:21,733 --> 01:09:24,152 Fuck. We're in deep shit. 1169 01:09:24,236 --> 01:09:27,948 Yes, we are in very, very deep shit. 1170 01:09:31,743 --> 01:09:34,121 Milton. 1171 01:09:34,204 --> 01:09:36,164 - Yes? - What's happening? 1172 01:09:36,248 --> 01:09:38,876 - I wanted to see you... - Say, Milton, you know what'd be great? 1173 01:09:38,959 --> 01:09:40,878 Wh... No. 1174 01:09:40,961 --> 01:09:45,007 Since you're down here, it would be really great if you could just sort of... 1175 01:09:45,090 --> 01:09:48,051 take care of the cockroach problem we've been having in here. 1176 01:09:48,135 --> 01:09:50,971 No, that's really not my job, and I... I haven't received my paycheck... 1177 01:09:51,054 --> 01:09:54,558 So, for now why don't you get yourself a flashlight... 1178 01:09:54,641 --> 01:09:57,519 and a can of pesticide and crawl back... 1179 01:09:57,603 --> 01:09:59,980 Bill? We need you upstairs right away. 1180 01:10:00,063 --> 01:10:01,982 We got a big problem. Big. 1181 01:10:02,065 --> 01:10:03,984 Some major glitch in Accounting. 1182 01:10:04,067 --> 01:10:06,111 - A lot of money missing. - Hmm. 1183 01:10:06,194 --> 01:10:08,363 We've got an investigator here. 1184 01:10:10,449 --> 01:10:13,368 Excuse me? 1185 01:10:13,452 --> 01:10:15,787 Excuse me! 1186 01:10:16,997 --> 01:10:20,876 Well... okay, but... that's the last straw. 1187 01:10:21,084 --> 01:10:23,587 Here we go. Here we go. 1188 01:10:23,670 --> 01:10:25,589 Uh, "launder". 1189 01:10:25,672 --> 01:10:27,758 "To clean... " No. "Wash". 1190 01:10:27,841 --> 01:10:30,427 Here it is: "To conceal the source of money... 1191 01:10:30,510 --> 01:10:35,140 as by channeling it through an intermediary". 1192 01:10:35,223 --> 01:10:37,142 "To conceal a source of money..." 1193 01:10:37,225 --> 01:10:39,144 That doesn't really help us, Michael. 1194 01:10:39,227 --> 01:10:41,104 I can't believe what nerds we are... 1195 01:10:41,188 --> 01:10:43,106 looking up money laundering in a dictionary. 1196 01:10:43,190 --> 01:10:45,108 Yeah, well... 1197 01:10:45,192 --> 01:10:47,694 you guys can both eat my ass, okay? 1198 01:10:47,778 --> 01:10:50,822 I can't believe Joanna slept with Lumbergh. That's what I can't believe. 1199 01:10:50,906 --> 01:10:53,867 - You didn't know that? - Yeah. You didn't know that? 1200 01:10:53,951 --> 01:10:57,037 A couple of years ago, before he moved to Atlanta. 1201 01:10:58,747 --> 01:11:02,209 You mean Ron Lumbergh, the Initrode guy? The young guy? 1202 01:11:02,292 --> 01:11:04,795 Yeah. Who'd you think I meant? Bill? 1203 01:11:06,880 --> 01:11:09,675 Fuckin'... Their children would have hooves. 1204 01:11:11,760 --> 01:11:14,638 Ron's not related to Bill, is he? 1205 01:11:14,721 --> 01:11:17,307 Who's that? 1206 01:11:17,391 --> 01:11:20,727 All right, nobody panic. Probably just Lawrence. 1207 01:11:24,398 --> 01:11:27,526 Good evening. My name is Steve. I come from a rough area. 1208 01:11:27,609 --> 01:11:30,195 I used to be addicted to crack, but now I'm off and trying to stay clean. 1209 01:11:30,278 --> 01:11:33,699 - Okay. - That is why I am selling magazine subscriptions. 1210 01:11:33,782 --> 01:11:35,701 - No. - W-W-Wait a minute. 1211 01:11:35,784 --> 01:11:37,744 You used to be addicted to crack? 1212 01:11:37,828 --> 01:11:39,496 Yeah, b... 1213 01:11:39,579 --> 01:11:42,165 Um, w... 1214 01:11:42,249 --> 01:11:44,167 Look, I'm very sorry. 1215 01:11:44,251 --> 01:11:47,170 I do not know anything about any money laundering. 1216 01:11:47,254 --> 01:11:50,173 No, we're not asking you about money laundering. 1217 01:11:50,257 --> 01:11:53,176 - We need you to hook us up with... - Michael, he doesn't know anybody. 1218 01:11:53,260 --> 01:11:55,846 No, wait... wait a minute. Look. 1219 01:11:55,929 --> 01:11:58,974 You just give us the name of one drug dealer. I could talk to him. 1220 01:11:59,057 --> 01:12:02,269 - I have good networking skill... - I lied. 1221 01:12:02,352 --> 01:12:05,939 All that stuff I said about being a crackhead just helps me sell magazines. 1222 01:12:06,023 --> 01:12:09,568 I'm actually an unemployed software engineer. 1223 01:12:13,697 --> 01:12:16,408 - You're a software engineer? - Yep. 1224 01:12:16,491 --> 01:12:19,036 Things, uh, must be very rough for you. 1225 01:12:19,119 --> 01:12:22,372 Actually, man, I make more money selling magazine subscriptions... 1226 01:12:22,456 --> 01:12:24,374 than I ever did at Initrode. 1227 01:12:24,458 --> 01:12:26,585 At Initrode? 1228 01:12:26,668 --> 01:12:30,505 Wait a minute. You're not gonna tell anybody about this stuff we told you. 1229 01:12:30,589 --> 01:12:33,300 I mean, we know a lot of the same people. That's... 1230 01:12:34,968 --> 01:12:37,888 Actually, um, that all depends. 1231 01:12:37,971 --> 01:12:40,307 Wh... 1232 01:12:42,809 --> 01:12:46,229 What am I gonna do with 40 subscriptions to Vibe? 1233 01:12:46,313 --> 01:12:50,067 We never should have done this. What were we thinking? 1234 01:12:50,150 --> 01:12:52,944 You know what I can't figure out? 1235 01:12:53,028 --> 01:12:56,948 How is it that all these stupid, Neanderthal mafia guys can be so good at crime... 1236 01:12:57,032 --> 01:12:59,409 and smart guys like us can suck so badly at it? 1237 01:12:59,493 --> 01:13:01,411 We're new to it, though. 1238 01:13:01,495 --> 01:13:03,622 If we had more experience... 1239 01:13:03,705 --> 01:13:07,084 No, you know what I think? I think we're screwed. 1240 01:13:07,167 --> 01:13:10,712 There's enough evidence all over that building to link us to this. 1241 01:13:10,796 --> 01:13:14,549 Even if we could launder money, I wouldn't want to. What we've done is bad enough. 1242 01:13:14,633 --> 01:13:17,928 We get caught laundering money, we're not going to white-collar resort prison. 1243 01:13:18,011 --> 01:13:20,972 No, no, no, we're going to federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison. 1244 01:13:21,056 --> 01:13:23,975 I-I-I don't want to go to any prison! 1245 01:13:24,059 --> 01:13:25,977 Why the hell did I do this? 1246 01:13:26,061 --> 01:13:28,605 I've never done anything wrong in my whole life. 1247 01:13:28,688 --> 01:13:31,733 We weren't thinking clearly because you told us we were losing our jobs. 1248 01:13:31,817 --> 01:13:34,152 And now we're worried about going in a prison. 1249 01:13:34,236 --> 01:13:36,446 Don't worry about it. I'll think of something. 1250 01:13:38,532 --> 01:13:41,409 - I'm going home. - Me too. 1251 01:13:43,328 --> 01:13:47,207 You are a very bad person, Peter. 1252 01:14:07,519 --> 01:14:09,437 Lawrence, you awake? 1253 01:14:09,521 --> 01:14:11,439 Yeah. 1254 01:14:11,523 --> 01:14:13,441 You wanna come over? 1255 01:14:13,525 --> 01:14:17,154 No, thanks, man. I don't want you fuckin' up my life too. 1256 01:14:17,237 --> 01:14:19,239 Goddamn. 1257 01:14:22,367 --> 01:14:25,287 And in light of the senselessness of these heinous crimes... 1258 01:14:25,370 --> 01:14:27,539 that you have committed against Initech... 1259 01:14:27,622 --> 01:14:30,208 I hereby sentence you, Michael Bolton... 1260 01:14:30,292 --> 01:14:32,210 and Samir Naan... 1261 01:14:32,294 --> 01:14:35,213 Nanadajibad... 1262 01:14:35,297 --> 01:14:38,216 to a term of no less than four years... 1263 01:14:38,300 --> 01:14:40,760 in a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison. 1264 01:14:45,265 --> 01:14:47,184 Peter Gibbons... 1265 01:14:47,267 --> 01:14:49,978 you've led a trite and meaningless life. 1266 01:14:51,271 --> 01:14:54,983 And you're a very bad person. 1267 01:15:32,145 --> 01:15:34,439 Hey. 1268 01:15:34,522 --> 01:15:37,442 You're not working at Chotchkie's anymore, huh? 1269 01:15:37,525 --> 01:15:39,653 No. No, I got fired. 1270 01:15:39,736 --> 01:15:41,655 What happened? 1271 01:15:41,738 --> 01:15:43,657 I flipped off my boss... 1272 01:15:43,740 --> 01:15:45,575 some customers... 1273 01:15:45,659 --> 01:15:48,662 Actually, a line cook, but he just happened to be standing there, so... 1274 01:15:49,955 --> 01:15:52,415 I might be going away for a while... 1275 01:15:52,499 --> 01:15:55,543 uh, to jail. 1276 01:15:55,627 --> 01:15:58,922 You were right about that computer scam. That was a bad idea. 1277 01:15:59,005 --> 01:16:01,508 I'm gonna take the blame for it, I decided. 1278 01:16:03,301 --> 01:16:06,304 I'm on my way now to return the money and leave a confession... 1279 01:16:06,388 --> 01:16:08,348 under Lumbergh's door. 1280 01:16:09,766 --> 01:16:11,685 Joanna, I want to apologize. 1281 01:16:11,768 --> 01:16:15,480 I had no right to get pissed off at you about Lumbergh. Lumbergh is not my problem. 1282 01:16:15,563 --> 01:16:17,482 Wasn't even the right Lumbergh. 1283 01:16:17,565 --> 01:16:21,486 I don't know why I can't just go to work and be happy... 1284 01:16:21,569 --> 01:16:24,114 like I'm supposed to, like everybody else. 1285 01:16:24,197 --> 01:16:26,241 Peter, most people don't like their jobs. 1286 01:16:26,324 --> 01:16:30,287 But you go out there and you find something that makes you happy. 1287 01:16:30,370 --> 01:16:32,372 Yeah, well... 1288 01:16:33,707 --> 01:16:35,959 I may never be happy at my job... 1289 01:16:36,042 --> 01:16:38,962 but I think that if I could be with you... 1290 01:16:39,045 --> 01:16:41,006 that I couldbe happy with my life. 1291 01:16:41,089 --> 01:16:43,049 I've been a real asshole. 1292 01:16:43,133 --> 01:16:46,136 But if you could give it another shot, I promise... 1293 01:16:46,219 --> 01:16:48,221 Okay, shut up. 1294 01:16:52,017 --> 01:16:54,769 Whoa! Hey! What's going on here? 1295 01:16:54,853 --> 01:16:57,272 Get a room, you two! 1296 01:16:57,355 --> 01:16:59,858 Nyah-nyah-nyah! 1297 01:16:59,941 --> 01:17:02,861 I hate that guy. 1298 01:17:53,870 --> 01:17:56,706 Then Mr. Lumbergh told me to talk to Payroll... 1299 01:17:56,790 --> 01:17:59,459 and then Payroll told me to talk to Mr. Lumbergh. 1300 01:17:59,542 --> 01:18:02,462 I still haven't received my paycheck, and he took my stapler. 1301 01:18:02,545 --> 01:18:04,464 He never brought it back. 1302 01:18:04,547 --> 01:18:07,675 Then they moved by desk to storage room "B" and there was garbage on it... 1303 01:18:07,759 --> 01:18:10,678 Why don't you go back down and sit at your desk. 1304 01:18:10,762 --> 01:18:13,681 - Mr. Lumbergh should be here any minute. - I want to talk to Mr. Lumbergh. 1305 01:18:13,765 --> 01:18:15,683 Just go sit at your desk. Okay? 1306 01:18:15,767 --> 01:18:18,812 Okay, but I... I... I'm gonna just... 1307 01:18:18,895 --> 01:18:21,815 I'm telling you right now, my desk is located in the basement. 1308 01:18:21,898 --> 01:18:23,817 I'm sure you know where it is. 1309 01:18:25,902 --> 01:18:28,321 I'm just gonna have to take my stapler back. 1310 01:18:28,405 --> 01:18:31,408 Because it's my stapler, and I told Mr... It's my... It's... 1311 01:18:37,414 --> 01:18:39,332 It's my stapler. It's a Swingline. 1312 01:18:39,416 --> 01:18:42,335 I've been using it for a long time. 1313 01:18:42,419 --> 01:18:44,796 It doesn't bind up... 1314 01:19:00,520 --> 01:19:02,522 Lawrence. You in there? 1315 01:19:04,357 --> 01:19:06,276 Whoa. Hey, Peter, man. 1316 01:19:06,359 --> 01:19:08,278 Hey. 1317 01:19:08,361 --> 01:19:12,574 - So, I might be going away for a while. - Yeah, I know, man. 1318 01:19:12,657 --> 01:19:15,160 It's a bummer, dude. What can I say? 1319 01:19:15,243 --> 01:19:17,245 Yeah. Uh... 1320 01:19:19,164 --> 01:19:22,125 Well, time to go face the music. 1321 01:19:22,208 --> 01:19:25,128 You take care of yourself if I don't see you. All right? 1322 01:19:25,211 --> 01:19:28,131 - You too, man. Take 'er easy, bud. - All right. 1323 01:19:28,214 --> 01:19:30,300 All right. 1324 01:19:30,383 --> 01:19:33,470 - Hey, Peter. - Yeah? 1325 01:19:33,553 --> 01:19:36,264 Watch out for your cornhole, bud. 1326 01:19:37,390 --> 01:19:39,225 Okay, Lawrence. 1327 01:19:53,031 --> 01:19:55,825 Stay clear, now! Stay clear! 1328 01:19:55,909 --> 01:19:57,827 Holy shit! 1329 01:19:57,911 --> 01:19:59,913 Excuse me. 1330 01:20:15,678 --> 01:20:20,099 And, uh... I mean, can I... I was here first. I have to... 1331 01:20:23,353 --> 01:20:25,355 Oh, gosh. 1332 01:21:07,021 --> 01:21:09,941 Wait a minute. Let me take a look at that. 1333 01:21:10,024 --> 01:21:13,861 You don't want that, Peter, man. That's toasted, man. 1334 01:21:13,945 --> 01:21:16,948 I think I know someone who might want this. 1335 01:21:28,293 --> 01:21:30,253 Hey, man! 1336 01:21:30,336 --> 01:21:32,422 Wanna go to lunch? 1337 01:21:32,505 --> 01:21:34,424 Brought mine in a pail. 1338 01:21:34,507 --> 01:21:37,218 Plus, Joanna's supposed to come by a little later. 1339 01:21:38,219 --> 01:21:41,139 So, how do you like your new job? 1340 01:21:41,222 --> 01:21:43,141 Not too bad. Not too bad. 1341 01:21:43,224 --> 01:21:45,143 How's, uh, Penetrode? 1342 01:21:45,226 --> 01:21:47,145 - Intertrode. - Intertrode. 1343 01:21:47,228 --> 01:21:49,147 - They're all right. - It's work. 1344 01:21:49,230 --> 01:21:51,149 Yeah. Yeah. 1345 01:21:51,232 --> 01:21:53,651 Probably get you a job there if you want. 1346 01:21:53,735 --> 01:21:56,738 No, thanks. I, uh... I'm doing good here. 1347 01:21:56,821 --> 01:21:59,115 So, uh... 1348 01:21:59,198 --> 01:22:01,326 we're gonna be okay, right? 1349 01:22:01,409 --> 01:22:03,620 Yeah. 1350 01:22:03,703 --> 01:22:06,623 I think the fire pretty much took care of everything. 1351 01:22:06,706 --> 01:22:08,625 I wonder if the money burned up. 1352 01:22:08,708 --> 01:22:10,627 It would be a shame. 1353 01:22:10,710 --> 01:22:14,213 - Yeah. - So you're sure you don't want us to get you a job? 1354 01:22:15,548 --> 01:22:18,718 That's one thing I'm definitely sure of. 1355 01:22:19,677 --> 01:22:22,639 - Okay. - All right, chief. 1356 01:22:22,722 --> 01:22:25,642 - You guys take care. All right? - All right. 1357 01:22:25,725 --> 01:22:27,644 Stay in touch, man. 1358 01:22:27,727 --> 01:22:29,729 Okay. Will do. 1359 01:22:33,566 --> 01:22:35,568 This isn't so bad, huh? 1360 01:22:36,569 --> 01:22:39,530 Making bucks, getting exercise... 1361 01:22:39,614 --> 01:22:41,532 working outside. 1362 01:22:41,616 --> 01:22:43,409 Fuckin'-A. 1363 01:22:46,079 --> 01:22:48,081 Fuckin'-A. 1364 01:23:06,307 --> 01:23:08,351 Excuse me. Excuse me, señor. 1365 01:23:08,434 --> 01:23:10,353 May I speak to you, please? 1366 01:23:10,436 --> 01:23:13,064 I asked for a mai tai, and they brought me a piña colada. 1367 01:23:13,147 --> 01:23:16,776 And I said no salt... no salt for the margarita, but it had salt on it. 1368 01:23:16,859 --> 01:23:19,904 - Lo siento mucho, señor. Pinchegringo. - Big grains of salt... 1369 01:23:19,987 --> 01:23:22,907 If this happens again, I won't be leaving a tip. 1370 01:23:22,990 --> 01:23:26,077 'Cause I could... I could shut this whole resort down. 1371 01:23:26,160 --> 01:23:28,079 Sir? 1372 01:23:28,162 --> 01:23:31,708 I could take my traveler's checks to a competing resort. 1373 01:23:33,793 --> 01:23:36,713 I could write a letter to your board of tourism... 1374 01:23:36,796 --> 01:23:39,215 and I could have this place condemned. 1375 01:23:39,298 --> 01:23:43,219 I could put... I could put strychnine in the guacamole. 1376 01:23:43,302 --> 01:23:46,222 There was salt on the glass. Big grains of salt. 1377 01:24:00,528 --> 01:24:03,448 Give her a ride on the old bone roller coaster. 1378 01:24:03,531 --> 01:24:06,325 - Aaaah! - Mmm! 1379 01:24:06,409 --> 01:24:07,744 Yeah. 1380 01:24:07,827 --> 01:24:09,412 ♪ Yo, 6:00 every morning ♪ 1381 01:24:09,495 --> 01:24:12,915 ♪ You wakin' up yawnin' to the sound of your alarm clock alarmin' ♪ 1382 01:24:12,999 --> 01:24:16,210 ♪ About an hour from now you should be at your place of employment ♪ 1383 01:24:16,294 --> 01:24:19,547 ♪ Which is annoyin' 'cause it's so borin' Your coworkers been talkin' ♪ 1384 01:24:19,630 --> 01:24:21,549 Hey, don't come back in a dress, man! 1385 01:24:21,632 --> 01:24:23,551 You big fag! 1386 01:24:23,634 --> 01:24:25,803 ♪ You wonder why your workload is so enormous ♪ 1387 01:24:25,887 --> 01:24:29,140 ♪ 'Cause your boss just laid off three-quarters of the whole office ♪ 1388 01:24:29,223 --> 01:24:31,434 ♪ People get depressed They get ulcers ♪ 1389 01:24:31,517 --> 01:24:34,103 ♪ From the stress that the corporate environment causes ♪ 1390 01:24:34,187 --> 01:24:36,773 ♪ Regardless of how you ultimately wanna solve this ♪ 1391 01:24:36,856 --> 01:24:39,317 ♪ Seems to me like you got one off our choices ♪ 1392 01:24:39,400 --> 01:24:41,944 ♪ You could take a new job offer for more tips ♪ 1393 01:24:42,028 --> 01:24:44,489 ♪ Stick it out a little longer or forfeit ♪ 1394 01:24:44,572 --> 01:24:46,491 ♪ But my advice to anybody who wants to quit ♪ 1395 01:24:46,574 --> 01:24:49,952 I'm working at Hooters now, and it's very cool. 1396 01:24:50,036 --> 01:24:51,621 ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1397 01:24:51,704 --> 01:24:55,166 - ♪ I ain't workin' here no more ♪ - ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1398 01:24:55,249 --> 01:24:57,293 ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1399 01:24:57,376 --> 01:25:00,379 ♪ I ain't workin' here no more ♪ 1400 01:25:00,463 --> 01:25:02,632 ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1401 01:25:02,715 --> 01:25:05,802 - ♪ I ain't workin' here no more ♪ - ♪ Take thisjob andshove it ♪ 1402 01:25:05,885 --> 01:25:08,304 ♪ Take this job Take this job ♪ 1403 01:25:08,387 --> 01:25:10,723 - ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ - ♪ Yo ♪ 1404 01:25:10,807 --> 01:25:12,850 ♪ If your boss is an S.O.B. ♪ 1405 01:25:12,934 --> 01:25:16,270 ♪ Tell him to S-H-O-V-E the J-O-B ♪ 1406 01:25:16,354 --> 01:25:18,189 ♪ Put your middle finger up slowly ♪ 1407 01:25:18,272 --> 01:25:21,526 ♪ Put it close enough to his face so he can examine it closely ♪ 1408 01:25:21,609 --> 01:25:23,361 ♪ Say "I ain't workin' here no more ♪ 1409 01:25:23,444 --> 01:25:24,570 ♪ Who do you think you are?" ♪ 1410 01:25:24,654 --> 01:25:26,614 ♪ Rip the apron off Throw it on the floor ♪ 1411 01:25:26,697 --> 01:25:29,742 ♪ Run to the door to the payphone Make a toll-free call ♪ 1412 01:25:29,826 --> 01:25:32,036 ♪ Tell your spouse what happened and where you are ♪ 1413 01:25:32,119 --> 01:25:34,622 ♪ So they can come to get you in the car later on ♪ 1414 01:25:34,705 --> 01:25:37,416 ♪ And help you search for a new 9:00-to-5:00 job ♪ 1415 01:25:37,500 --> 01:25:39,627 ♪ If the unemployment line ain't that long ♪ 1416 01:25:39,710 --> 01:25:42,505 ♪ You can take your time fillin' out W-9 forms ♪ 1417 01:25:42,588 --> 01:25:45,174 ♪ Eventually you'll get on if you try hard enough ♪ 1418 01:25:45,258 --> 01:25:47,885 ♪ And you'll get money if you keep punchin' your time card enough ♪ 1419 01:25:47,969 --> 01:25:49,720 ♪ Maybe you hate it Maybe you love it ♪ 1420 01:25:49,804 --> 01:25:53,182 ♪ But if you hate it all you gotta do is get mad and tell your boss to ♪ 1421 01:25:53,266 --> 01:25:55,351 ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1422 01:25:55,434 --> 01:25:58,396 - ♪ I ain't workin' here no more ♪ - ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1423 01:25:58,479 --> 01:26:00,565 ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1424 01:26:00,648 --> 01:26:03,693 ♪ I ain't workin' here no more ♪ 1425 01:26:03,776 --> 01:26:05,862 ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1426 01:26:05,945 --> 01:26:08,948 - ♪ I ain't workin' here no more ♪ - ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1427 01:26:09,031 --> 01:26:11,534 ♪ Take this job Take this job ♪ 1428 01:26:11,617 --> 01:26:14,203 - ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ - ♪ Yo ♪ 1429 01:26:14,287 --> 01:26:16,205 ♪ Some occupations are like slave gigs ♪ 1430 01:26:16,289 --> 01:26:18,958 ♪ The boss's favorite'll get placed in somethin' spacious ♪ 1431 01:26:19,041 --> 01:26:22,169 ♪ While the most hated get placed in some small cubicle spaces ♪ 1432 01:26:22,253 --> 01:26:23,880 ♪ Or get thrown down in the basement ♪ 1433 01:26:23,963 --> 01:26:25,548 ♪ Get your stapler confiscated ♪ 1434 01:26:25,631 --> 01:26:27,425 ♪ You constantly waitin' for a paycheck ♪ 1435 01:26:27,508 --> 01:26:30,177 ♪ Twelve months pass by and you still ain't get paid yet ♪ 1436 01:26:30,261 --> 01:26:31,888 ♪ Here's an optimistic motto ♪ 1437 01:26:31,971 --> 01:26:35,308 ♪ If you ever late for today you can say you early for tomorrow ♪ 1438 01:26:35,391 --> 01:26:37,059 ♪ Most 9:00-to-5:00s are hard ♪ 1439 01:26:37,143 --> 01:26:40,354 ♪ 'Cause the description of the job ain't no picnic in the park ♪ 1440 01:26:40,438 --> 01:26:42,982 ♪ People get hired Drink coffee to stay wired ♪ 1441 01:26:43,065 --> 01:26:45,776 ♪ So they don't get tired sleep late and get fired ♪ 1442 01:26:45,860 --> 01:26:48,529 ♪ You came in late You already ate ♪ 1443 01:26:48,613 --> 01:26:50,865 ♪ Now you wanna take a lunch break ♪ 1444 01:26:50,948 --> 01:26:53,659 ♪ Hey, yo, bust it Ain't no need to discuss it ♪ 1445 01:26:53,743 --> 01:26:56,454 ♪ Just take this job and shove it right between your buttocks ♪ 1446 01:26:56,537 --> 01:26:58,664 ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1447 01:26:58,748 --> 01:27:01,709 - ♪ I ain't workin' here no more ♪ - ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1448 01:27:01,792 --> 01:27:03,878 ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1449 01:27:03,961 --> 01:27:07,089 ♪ I ain't workin' here no more ♪ 1450 01:27:07,173 --> 01:27:09,175 ♪ Take this job andshove it ♪ 1451 01:27:09,258 --> 01:27:12,261 - ♪ I ain't workin' here no more ♪ - ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1452 01:27:12,345 --> 01:27:14,847 ♪ Take this job Take this job ♪ 1453 01:27:14,931 --> 01:27:17,516 - ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ - Mmm. Yeah. 1454 01:27:17,600 --> 01:27:19,769 ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1455 01:27:19,852 --> 01:27:22,772 - ♪ I ain't workin' here no more ♪ - ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1456 01:27:22,855 --> 01:27:25,399 ♪ I, I, I, I, I-I-I-I ♪ 1457 01:27:25,483 --> 01:27:28,235 ♪ I ain't workin' here no more ♪ 1458 01:27:28,319 --> 01:27:30,279 ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1459 01:27:30,363 --> 01:27:33,324 - ♪ I ain't workin' here no more ♪ - ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1460 01:27:33,407 --> 01:27:35,576 ♪ I-I, I-I-I ♪ 1461 01:27:35,660 --> 01:27:38,663 - ♪ I ain't workin' here no more ♪ - Mmm. Yeah. 1462 01:27:38,746 --> 01:27:41,290 ♪ Ahh-ahh, ah-ah-ahh ♪ 1463 01:27:41,374 --> 01:27:44,043 ♪ Canibus and the Biz ♪ 1464 01:27:44,126 --> 01:27:46,170 ♪ Ahh-ahh, ah-ah-ahh ♪ 1465 01:27:46,253 --> 01:27:49,298 ♪ It's comin' from Canibus and the Biz ♪ 1466 01:27:49,382 --> 01:27:51,467 ♪ What, what What ♪ 1467 01:27:51,550 --> 01:27:54,428 ♪ It's comin' from Canibus and the Biz ♪ 1468 01:27:54,512 --> 01:27:56,681 - ♪ Ahhh, ahhh ♪ - ♪ From ♪ 1469 01:27:56,764 --> 01:27:58,307 ♪ From Canibus and the ♪ 1470 01:27:58,391 --> 01:28:06,816 ♪ Bi-i-i-i-i-i-i-iz ♪ 124289