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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,585 --> 00:00:03,353 Here's to the sale of our flip house. 2 00:00:03,378 --> 00:00:05,878 Much like me, it looks good on the outside, 3 00:00:05,914 --> 00:00:07,797 but it has a questionable foundation. 4 00:00:07,832 --> 00:00:09,215 - (LAUGHTER) - Cheers. 5 00:00:09,251 --> 00:00:11,217 Hey, hey, hey, hey, don't jinx this thing. 6 00:00:11,253 --> 00:00:13,002 The buyers can still back out until 7 00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:15,421 the end of business today, which is in... 8 00:00:15,423 --> 00:00:17,588 four... three... 9 00:00:17,613 --> 00:00:19,592 - Too late, suckers! - (LAUGHTER) 10 00:00:19,594 --> 00:00:20,871 Whoo! 11 00:00:20,896 --> 00:00:22,228 They're stuck with it! 12 00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:24,731 I mean, good for them. It's a lovely home. 13 00:00:25,018 --> 00:00:27,734 All right, Don and I have a big surprise. 14 00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:29,869 The house sold for more than we expected. 15 00:00:29,905 --> 00:00:31,349 We're putting most of the money aside 16 00:00:31,373 --> 00:00:32,547 to buy another flip, but... 17 00:00:32,572 --> 00:00:35,603 But there's enough left for everyone to get a nice bonus. 18 00:00:35,628 --> 00:00:37,006 (GASPING AND OOHING) 19 00:00:37,031 --> 00:00:38,553 I was gonna do that part. 20 00:00:38,578 --> 00:00:39,712 Yeah, but I wanted to do it. 21 00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:42,415 Look how much they like me now. 22 00:00:42,802 --> 00:00:45,552 All I ask is that you don't do anything practical 23 00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:47,637 with the money. Reward yourselves. 24 00:00:47,672 --> 00:00:49,806 Like, Don and I are using our bonuses 25 00:00:49,841 --> 00:00:52,008 to celebrate my 50th birthday Burns style. 26 00:00:52,060 --> 00:00:53,259 - Ah...! - (LAUGHS) 27 00:00:53,302 --> 00:00:55,315 Whatever it is, I'm in. 28 00:00:55,340 --> 00:00:56,874 We're doing a week-long dirt bike ride 29 00:00:56,898 --> 00:00:58,765 in Colorado down a gnarly trail 30 00:00:58,817 --> 00:01:00,183 called the Devil's Tailpipe. 31 00:01:00,235 --> 00:01:01,924 I'm out. 32 00:01:03,698 --> 00:01:05,772 But I'd be back in if you wanted to go 33 00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:08,274 to the lake and paddle around in a swan boat? 34 00:01:09,341 --> 00:01:11,977 Burns men don't do swan boats, Lowell. 35 00:01:12,559 --> 00:01:14,845 You're just gonna have to let that coupon expire. 36 00:01:17,173 --> 00:01:19,536 Sweetie? I say this with love. 37 00:01:19,588 --> 00:01:21,204 But, um, you're turning 50. 38 00:01:21,256 --> 00:01:23,289 I think the window may have closed on you 39 00:01:23,291 --> 00:01:25,709 riding a motorcycle down Satan's Butt Crack. 40 00:01:27,983 --> 00:01:29,537 Devil's Tailpipe. 41 00:01:29,967 --> 00:01:31,798 Wow. 50, huh? 42 00:01:31,850 --> 00:01:32,530 (CHUCKLES) 43 00:01:32,569 --> 00:01:35,018 That means you were 16 when I was born. 44 00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:37,971 You could've driven my mother to the hospital to have me. 45 00:01:39,325 --> 00:01:41,325 No more old jokes. Got it. 46 00:01:42,624 --> 00:01:43,716 Okay, look, 47 00:01:43,741 --> 00:01:45,478 I have only ever had two things 48 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:47,780 on my bucket list: the Devil's Tailpipe 49 00:01:47,816 --> 00:01:49,732 and Angelina Jolie. 50 00:01:49,784 --> 00:01:52,602 Angelina's just a lady with a bunch of kids now, 51 00:01:52,627 --> 00:01:54,710 (CHUCKLES): and I already have one of those. 52 00:01:55,455 --> 00:01:58,008 - I just don't want you to get hurt. - Well, I... 53 00:01:58,033 --> 00:01:59,993 What do you think about Don going on this trip? 54 00:01:59,995 --> 00:02:01,327 I don't like it. 55 00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:02,829 Hey, best-case scenario, 56 00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:04,747 I come home reenergized and happy. 57 00:02:04,799 --> 00:02:07,661 Worst-case scenario, my life insurance is paid 58 00:02:07,686 --> 00:02:09,019 and you're rich. 59 00:02:10,488 --> 00:02:12,571 Okay, I'm coming around. 60 00:02:14,911 --> 00:02:17,177 Okay, it's time to open presents. 61 00:02:17,388 --> 00:02:18,667 Look at all these gifts. 62 00:02:18,692 --> 00:02:21,378 You told me people were just bringing best wishes. 63 00:02:21,659 --> 00:02:24,150 Happy birthday, little brother. 64 00:02:24,186 --> 00:02:26,486 I wish you the best. 65 00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:28,605 That's from me and Marcy. 66 00:02:29,409 --> 00:02:31,357 All right, hey, Mom and Dad. 67 00:02:31,703 --> 00:02:35,778 Thanks for... whatever this is. 68 00:02:35,830 --> 00:02:37,891 It's a sock puller-upper. 69 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,999 To help you put on your socks. 70 00:02:40,766 --> 00:02:42,285 Happy birthday, son. 71 00:02:42,337 --> 00:02:44,537 You've bent over for the last time. 72 00:02:46,258 --> 00:02:49,759 I can put my own socks on. I'm not old, I'm middle-aged. 73 00:02:49,794 --> 00:02:53,482 50 isn't middle-aged, it's two-thirds aged. 74 00:02:54,193 --> 00:02:56,036 Happy birthday to you. 75 00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:57,684 Open mine. 76 00:02:57,719 --> 00:02:59,269 I love surprising people. 77 00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:01,387 It's a GoPro camera. I couldn't wait. 78 00:03:03,075 --> 00:03:05,242 - Andi got you a shirt. - Lowell! 79 00:03:06,778 --> 00:03:10,578 This is cool! I could take this to the Devil's Tailpipe! 80 00:03:10,603 --> 00:03:12,260 I can't believe you're really doing that. 81 00:03:12,284 --> 00:03:14,901 Doing what? What's the Devil's Tailpipe? 82 00:03:14,953 --> 00:03:18,071 Is it a sex club? Oh, Adam. 83 00:03:18,422 --> 00:03:21,272 Yes, Ma, I'm going to a sex club on my birthday. 84 00:03:21,297 --> 00:03:22,879 And I'm announcing it in front of the whole family. 85 00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:23,985 You want to go? 86 00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:27,163 No, your son wants to ride a motorcycle 87 00:03:27,215 --> 00:03:28,748 down the side of a mountain. 88 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:30,750 And he hasn't been on a dirt bike in years. 89 00:03:30,752 --> 00:03:32,085 I'll be fine. 90 00:03:32,137 --> 00:03:35,016 You're only as old as you feel, and I feel like a kid. 91 00:03:35,041 --> 00:03:36,174 This morning, I put a banana 92 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:37,890 between two oranges at the breakfast table 93 00:03:37,926 --> 00:03:40,560 - and I laughed for ten minutes. - (LAUGHTER) 94 00:03:41,456 --> 00:03:44,097 I don't get it. What's funny about a healthy breakfast? 95 00:03:45,557 --> 00:03:47,734 Look, Adam, you know that, as you've aged, 96 00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:49,402 you've had to give some things up. 97 00:03:49,437 --> 00:03:52,322 Even things you love. Remember sauerkraut? 98 00:03:52,821 --> 00:03:54,607 - I did love sauerkraut. - Mm-hmm. 99 00:03:54,843 --> 00:03:56,676 I miss it every damn day. 100 00:03:57,430 --> 00:04:00,747 But sauerkraut has hurt way more people than motorcycles. 101 00:04:01,866 --> 00:04:02,999 Let him go, Andi. 102 00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:04,250 Believe me. 103 00:04:04,286 --> 00:04:06,619 A day will come when all your husband wants to do 104 00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:09,028 is just sit on the couch. 105 00:04:10,028 --> 00:04:12,300 - Where do you want me to go, Bev? - I don't know. 106 00:04:12,325 --> 00:04:13,793 How about a nice nature walk? 107 00:04:13,845 --> 00:04:15,795 I've already taken a nice nature walk. 108 00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:17,630 It's called Vietnam. 109 00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:22,329 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 110 00:04:22,354 --> 00:04:25,565 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 111 00:04:25,590 --> 00:04:29,225 ♪ Happy birthday, dear Adam ♪ 112 00:04:29,277 --> 00:04:32,061 ♪ Happy birthday to you. ♪ 113 00:04:32,628 --> 00:04:33,744 Yeah. 114 00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:36,399 Thanks, everyone. 115 00:04:36,451 --> 00:04:39,118 Aw, um, here's to 50 years young. 116 00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:41,475 Whoo. Whoo! 117 00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:42,955 Ha-ha! 118 00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:44,624 Ah, oh! 119 00:04:46,044 --> 00:04:47,737 - Oh. - What's wrong? 120 00:04:47,762 --> 00:04:48,878 (GROANS) 121 00:04:49,141 --> 00:04:50,391 Did you just throw your back out 122 00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:52,498 blowing out your birthday candles? 123 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:54,634 Of course not. 124 00:04:55,219 --> 00:04:57,503 I'm relishing this precious moment. 125 00:04:59,638 --> 00:05:02,175 It's so emotional, I think I need to be alone. 126 00:05:02,770 --> 00:05:05,013 Don, come be alone with me. 127 00:05:07,232 --> 00:05:10,655 Look at this. I'm walking like an old guy 'cause I'm 50. 128 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:12,479 (LAUGHS) 129 00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:27,150 (GROANING) Okay, don't tell anyone, 130 00:05:27,152 --> 00:05:28,735 but I hurt my back. 131 00:05:29,409 --> 00:05:31,989 I don't need to tell anyone. You look like a boomerang. 132 00:05:33,214 --> 00:05:34,324 If Andi thinks I'm hurt, 133 00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:36,784 there's no way she'll let me go on our dirt bike trip. 134 00:05:36,809 --> 00:05:38,596 You got, you got to straighten my back out. 135 00:05:38,621 --> 00:05:40,087 All right, got it. 136 00:05:41,834 --> 00:05:43,800 - (SCREAMS) - (GRUNTS) 137 00:05:43,836 --> 00:05:45,636 (SCREAMS) 138 00:05:45,671 --> 00:05:46,924 - (GASPS) - How do you feel now? 139 00:05:46,972 --> 00:05:48,438 Worse! 140 00:05:48,474 --> 00:05:49,534 Okay. Okay, well, that's good. 141 00:05:49,558 --> 00:05:51,724 You're supposed to feel worse, and then it gets better. 142 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:53,843 You put me back the way I was. I can't take this. 143 00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:55,512 (SIGHS) Right. 144 00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:58,681 (SCREAMS) 145 00:05:59,215 --> 00:06:00,167 How do you feel now? 146 00:06:00,192 --> 00:06:01,935 Much worse. 147 00:06:01,987 --> 00:06:04,669 Okay. Okay, good, good. We're making progress. 148 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:08,001 Okay, now you're gonna have to trust me on this. 149 00:06:08,419 --> 00:06:10,588 Whoa-whoa-whoa, what's the rake for? 150 00:06:10,613 --> 00:06:12,997 For you to bite down on. This is gonna hurt. 151 00:06:17,235 --> 00:06:19,268 All right, let's party. 152 00:06:25,799 --> 00:06:29,012 Are you seriously pretending to be okay right now? 153 00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:32,882 Why? So you can take that trip down Lucifer's Heinie? 154 00:06:33,921 --> 00:06:35,521 I'm not pretending. 155 00:06:35,546 --> 00:06:37,295 I have never felt better. 156 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:40,890 Which is why I will be riding the Devil's Tailpipe. 157 00:06:40,970 --> 00:06:43,919 And your mocking names only make me want to go more. 158 00:06:45,317 --> 00:06:47,814 Well, if you feel fine, why don't you try out 159 00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:49,622 your birthday present from the kids? 160 00:06:49,647 --> 00:06:51,780 Huh? (GRUNTS) 161 00:06:56,239 --> 00:06:58,419 - That's a bowling ball. - Yeah. 162 00:06:59,436 --> 00:07:01,019 Pick it up. 163 00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:07,333 I already have one. Don, why don't you take it? 164 00:07:07,385 --> 00:07:08,718 Mm, I can't pick that up. 165 00:07:08,753 --> 00:07:10,253 I, uh, I sort of tweaked my neck 166 00:07:10,305 --> 00:07:12,922 - when I was trying to fix your... - (MUTTERS) 167 00:07:14,771 --> 00:07:16,271 ...ack-bay. 168 00:07:17,518 --> 00:07:18,561 Nice work. 169 00:07:18,597 --> 00:07:20,930 She'll never crack that code. 170 00:07:22,742 --> 00:07:25,018 All right, you are not going on that trip. 171 00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:26,352 Okay, you are a 50-year-old man 172 00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:28,354 who injured himself blowing out candles. 173 00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:33,430 Okay! I hurt my back. A little. 174 00:07:33,549 --> 00:07:36,073 But I'll be fine in a couple of days. 175 00:07:36,526 --> 00:07:40,116 Adam, I am the protector of this family, okay? 176 00:07:40,168 --> 00:07:43,453 I told Kate, "No, you can't zip-line over a volcano." 177 00:07:43,505 --> 00:07:46,172 And I told Teddy, "No, you can't jump over Emme 178 00:07:46,207 --> 00:07:47,373 with your bicycle." 179 00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:50,209 And now, I am telling you, "No," okay? 180 00:07:50,262 --> 00:07:53,429 You cannot ride the "Make Me Raise Our Kids Alone" Trail. 181 00:07:53,454 --> 00:07:54,731 (EXHALES) 182 00:07:55,825 --> 00:07:57,300 What if I get a note from a doctor 183 00:07:57,352 --> 00:07:58,801 saying I am good to go? 184 00:07:58,803 --> 00:08:01,471 Well, yeah. Sure. 185 00:08:01,697 --> 00:08:03,473 Best of luck. (CHUCKLES) 186 00:08:04,139 --> 00:08:07,439 Just hope that note's not too heavy for you to pick up. 187 00:08:10,565 --> 00:08:13,316 (SIGHS) 188 00:08:14,150 --> 00:08:15,877 Dad, that's stealing. 189 00:08:16,143 --> 00:08:17,987 This stuff is complimentary. 190 00:08:17,989 --> 00:08:20,861 Like the soaps and coffeemakers in hotel rooms. 191 00:08:21,324 --> 00:08:23,049 (KNOCK ON DOOR) 192 00:08:24,913 --> 00:08:26,746 Come in. 193 00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:33,015 Well... these back X-rays look good for a man your age, Joe. 194 00:08:33,195 --> 00:08:35,004 Those are my X-rays. 195 00:08:35,618 --> 00:08:38,536 Oh. That's not good. 196 00:08:39,193 --> 00:08:41,277 You do any strenuous activities lately? 197 00:08:41,302 --> 00:08:43,730 Well, I'm in construction, so there's a lot of hammering, 198 00:08:43,765 --> 00:08:45,982 climbing ladders, lifting stuff, you know. 199 00:08:46,017 --> 00:08:48,234 What my boy is trying to say is he hurt his back 200 00:08:48,269 --> 00:08:50,353 blowing out some birthday candles. 201 00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:52,973 Well, that's just part of getting older. 202 00:08:52,998 --> 00:08:54,331 Okay, here's the deal. 203 00:08:54,356 --> 00:08:56,025 I have a trip planned to ride a dirt bike 204 00:08:56,027 --> 00:08:57,443 down a mountain in Colorado. 205 00:08:57,495 --> 00:09:00,496 It's been a lifelong dream. Can I do it? 206 00:09:00,521 --> 00:09:02,999 You know, my lifelong dream was to be a jazz pianist. 207 00:09:03,034 --> 00:09:06,169 If I had done that, I could play you a sad song right now 208 00:09:06,204 --> 00:09:08,871 about how you can't go on that trip. 209 00:09:08,923 --> 00:09:11,135 In my professional opinion, you pulled something. 210 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:12,439 Huh, did you get that from the X-ray, 211 00:09:12,463 --> 00:09:13,521 or from when I walked in and said, 212 00:09:13,545 --> 00:09:15,511 "I think I pulled something." 213 00:09:15,547 --> 00:09:17,430 Here's a list of stretches you can do 214 00:09:17,465 --> 00:09:19,415 to help the healing process. 215 00:09:25,102 --> 00:09:27,890 We, uh, had a bunch of Popsicles on the way over. 216 00:09:30,502 --> 00:09:32,979 So, Lowell, what are you gonna do with your bonus? 217 00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:35,198 I'm trying to decide between a savings bond 218 00:09:35,233 --> 00:09:37,200 or a potbellied pig. 219 00:09:37,235 --> 00:09:38,868 Well, y-you got to go with the pig. 220 00:09:38,903 --> 00:09:40,631 If things get tough, you can't make a sandwich 221 00:09:40,655 --> 00:09:41,988 out of a savings bond. 222 00:09:43,158 --> 00:09:45,375 Well, I am gonna hire a photographer 223 00:09:45,410 --> 00:09:47,543 to take a family picture of us in matching outfits. 224 00:09:47,579 --> 00:09:51,260 And it's gonna look a little something like this. 225 00:09:51,285 --> 00:09:52,868 Kids? 226 00:09:58,013 --> 00:10:00,546 This is the least happy I've ever been. 227 00:10:00,925 --> 00:10:02,675 Not cool, Mom. 228 00:10:02,761 --> 00:10:04,977 I look like I just escaped polygamy. 229 00:10:05,817 --> 00:10:08,938 No, you look like you just escaped the cute farm. 230 00:10:10,435 --> 00:10:12,679 Oh, hey, Joe. How's Adam? 231 00:10:12,704 --> 00:10:14,330 (GROANS) 232 00:10:15,074 --> 00:10:18,326 (CHUCKLES) That's some fancy lingerie, little brother. 233 00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:20,456 Dad, are you okay? 234 00:10:20,481 --> 00:10:22,601 And if you are, help us. 235 00:10:23,114 --> 00:10:25,601 - Uh, kids, why don't you go get changed. - (SIGHS) 236 00:10:25,999 --> 00:10:27,948 So? How was the doctor? 237 00:10:27,973 --> 00:10:30,581 The motorcycle trip's off. He said I can't go. 238 00:10:30,606 --> 00:10:33,291 I've been diagnosed with excessive oldness. 239 00:10:33,316 --> 00:10:34,182 Yeah. 240 00:10:34,207 --> 00:10:35,509 But on the way out, the nurse told me 241 00:10:35,533 --> 00:10:37,750 I'm an inch shorter than I used to be, so I got that. 242 00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:39,440 Well, then I should double-check. 243 00:10:39,464 --> 00:10:41,633 You may not be tall enough for the swan boat. 244 00:10:41,658 --> 00:10:44,243 We're not doing the swan boat, Lowell. 245 00:10:44,689 --> 00:10:46,936 - Honey, are-are you okay? - I'm fine. 246 00:10:46,971 --> 00:10:48,693 What about me doesn't seem fine? 247 00:10:48,718 --> 00:10:50,773 Pretty much the whole package. 248 00:10:51,311 --> 00:10:52,642 Well, I guess you were right. 249 00:10:52,644 --> 00:10:55,111 It's time to act my age, so from now on, 250 00:10:55,146 --> 00:10:57,480 this couch is where I will be living. 251 00:10:57,532 --> 00:10:58,731 With my dad. 252 00:10:58,783 --> 00:10:59,866 Well, hold on, hold on. 253 00:10:59,901 --> 00:11:01,385 You're-you're not that age, either. 254 00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:02,985 (CHUCKLES) I'm not 20 anymore. 255 00:11:02,987 --> 00:11:04,611 Yeah, but you're not 70. 256 00:11:04,636 --> 00:11:06,002 I am if you round up. 257 00:11:06,027 --> 00:11:06,873 Oh... 258 00:11:06,908 --> 00:11:09,276 I can't even put on my own socks. 259 00:11:09,301 --> 00:11:12,662 (CHUCKLES, GROANS) 260 00:11:12,664 --> 00:11:14,046 (SIGHS): Oh, that's nice. 261 00:11:14,082 --> 00:11:16,195 Welcome to the promised land, boy. 262 00:11:16,220 --> 00:11:18,918 (BOTH LAUGH) 263 00:11:18,970 --> 00:11:20,837 BOTH: Yeah... 264 00:11:22,579 --> 00:11:24,445 Are you seeing what I'm seeing? 265 00:11:24,470 --> 00:11:27,343 Yeah. I'm married to Joe. 266 00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:30,847 (BOTH LAUGH, SIGH) 267 00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:37,228 TV REPORTER: New England is enjoying a warm spell, 268 00:11:37,252 --> 00:11:39,497 but a low pressure system is moving in. 269 00:11:39,522 --> 00:11:41,695 There's a twist I did not see coming. 270 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:45,306 Hmm. Low pressure's a sneaky bastard. 271 00:11:46,439 --> 00:11:48,600 Okay, I think it's time to get off the couch. 272 00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:50,332 Okay? It's been a week. 273 00:11:50,357 --> 00:11:53,130 Wha... I would remind you, I have a back injury. 274 00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:54,829 I can't get up now; this weather lady's 275 00:11:54,831 --> 00:11:57,665 about to stick a ruler in the snow. 276 00:11:58,141 --> 00:12:00,384 Ah, Joe, there you are. 277 00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:02,837 Let's go. You promised we'd take a walk in the park. 278 00:12:02,872 --> 00:12:04,505 Man, she's sneaky. 279 00:12:04,540 --> 00:12:06,640 Your mother's a damn low pressure system. 280 00:12:06,676 --> 00:12:08,379 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 281 00:12:08,404 --> 00:12:10,428 A walk is the least you can do 282 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,626 since you won't exercise with me at my gym. 283 00:12:12,651 --> 00:12:14,209 You just want to parade me around that gym 284 00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:16,705 in front of your gal pals like a show pony. 285 00:12:16,730 --> 00:12:18,486 Well, now I can parade you 286 00:12:18,521 --> 00:12:20,855 in front of my gal pals at the park. 287 00:12:21,464 --> 00:12:24,450 At this point, I just hope a hawk flies off with me. 288 00:12:27,013 --> 00:12:29,580 Oh, what's this? 289 00:12:29,615 --> 00:12:34,691 (GASPS) Why, it's the stretching exercises the doctor gave you. 290 00:12:34,716 --> 00:12:37,955 Exercise number one: get up. 291 00:12:38,575 --> 00:12:42,126 Hey, you need to embrace my new lifestyle. 292 00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:43,677 Hey, you always wanted a cat. 293 00:12:43,713 --> 00:12:45,005 Think of me as a cat 294 00:12:45,030 --> 00:12:47,164 that can tell you the weather. 295 00:12:50,748 --> 00:12:53,379 - Hey, how about this? - Hmm. 296 00:12:53,404 --> 00:12:57,066 Maybe we go upstairs and fool around. 297 00:12:57,091 --> 00:12:58,726 That's your favorite exercise. 298 00:12:58,728 --> 00:13:01,793 (CHUCKLES) I don't think I'll be doing much of that anymore. 299 00:13:01,818 --> 00:13:05,032 Everything is connected to the back. Even the front. 300 00:13:06,189 --> 00:13:07,626 All right. That's it. 301 00:13:07,651 --> 00:13:10,871 Adam, I want you to go on this motorcycle trip. 302 00:13:10,896 --> 00:13:11,906 What? 303 00:13:11,931 --> 00:13:14,164 If you do the stretches that the doctor gave you 304 00:13:14,189 --> 00:13:16,864 and your back gets better, I am fine with it. 305 00:13:16,889 --> 00:13:18,546 I thought you were worried I'd get hurt. 306 00:13:18,581 --> 00:13:20,903 Yeah, well, now I'm more worried about your mind 307 00:13:20,928 --> 00:13:22,083 than I am your body. 308 00:13:22,108 --> 00:13:24,153 You just turned down daytime sex. 309 00:13:24,178 --> 00:13:25,911 I mean, usually, if I just stop moving, 310 00:13:25,936 --> 00:13:27,669 you take it as a go sign. 311 00:13:27,694 --> 00:13:29,006 Not true. 312 00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:31,505 I pretty much leave you alone when you're sleeping. 313 00:13:31,530 --> 00:13:33,227 I want my husband back. 314 00:13:33,262 --> 00:13:35,229 You are Adam Burns. Okay? 315 00:13:35,264 --> 00:13:38,872 The man who, last Fourth of July, forgot to put on sunscreen 316 00:13:38,897 --> 00:13:41,402 but still held his daughter on his bright red shoulders 317 00:13:41,437 --> 00:13:43,320 so she could see the fireworks. 318 00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:44,772 (CHUCKLES): Yeah. When she got down, 319 00:13:44,774 --> 00:13:46,718 it was like peeling off two giant Band-Aids. 320 00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:47,909 Yeah, but you did it. 321 00:13:47,934 --> 00:13:49,076 You're damn right I did. 322 00:13:49,111 --> 00:13:50,823 You've never backed down before, 323 00:13:50,848 --> 00:13:54,965 and you are not gonna back down now, so get up. 324 00:13:55,355 --> 00:13:56,806 I'm getting up! 325 00:13:56,858 --> 00:13:58,220 Get me up! 326 00:14:00,611 --> 00:14:02,290 And I'm gonna start doing those exercises. 327 00:14:02,315 --> 00:14:03,841 Yeah, yeah, you're not old. 328 00:14:03,876 --> 00:14:05,876 You're just aged, like a good cheese. 329 00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:08,712 So get moving. 330 00:14:08,764 --> 00:14:11,765 ♪ Where have all the good men gone ♪ 331 00:14:11,801 --> 00:14:14,802 ♪ And where are all the gods? ♪ 332 00:14:14,804 --> 00:14:17,972 ♪ Where's the streetwise Hercules ♪ 333 00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:21,942 ♪ To fight the rising odds? ♪ 334 00:14:21,978 --> 00:14:24,707 ♪ Late at night, I toss and I turn ♪ 335 00:14:24,732 --> 00:14:27,597 ♪ And dream of what I need ♪ 336 00:14:27,622 --> 00:14:30,379 - _ - ♪ I need a hero ♪ 337 00:14:30,404 --> 00:14:33,904 ♪ I'm holding out for a hero till the morning light ♪ 338 00:14:33,948 --> 00:14:37,425 ♪ He's got to be sure, and it's got to be soon ♪ 339 00:14:37,458 --> 00:14:40,049 ♪ Got to be larger than life ♪ 340 00:14:40,074 --> 00:14:43,247 ♪ I need a hero ♪ 341 00:14:52,079 --> 00:14:53,495 - Hey. - Hey. 342 00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:54,886 Having a protein shake? 343 00:14:54,911 --> 00:14:56,194 Uh, chocolate shake. 344 00:14:57,179 --> 00:14:58,345 I've earned it. 345 00:14:58,347 --> 00:15:01,181 I put on my own socks today. 346 00:15:01,665 --> 00:15:03,234 I am so proud. 347 00:15:03,269 --> 00:15:04,604 Well, wait, it gets better. 348 00:15:04,629 --> 00:15:07,521 I also went to the doctor and got a clean bill of health. 349 00:15:07,523 --> 00:15:10,291 Plus, a bill for some stuff Dad stole. 350 00:15:10,652 --> 00:15:12,861 I'm riding the Devil's Tailpipe, baby. 351 00:15:13,338 --> 00:15:15,595 I can't believe I'm this excited about you doing something 352 00:15:15,619 --> 00:15:17,095 - so insane. - Ah, but it won't be. 353 00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:18,677 No. Don and I rented a couple dirt bikes 354 00:15:18,701 --> 00:15:21,414 to train on so we'll be ready. 355 00:15:21,439 --> 00:15:23,565 If only you and Don had rented a birthday cake to train on, 356 00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:25,539 none of this would've happened. 357 00:15:27,856 --> 00:15:30,690 Yo. Ready to ride? 358 00:15:32,815 --> 00:15:34,192 We're just going around the block. 359 00:15:34,216 --> 00:15:36,050 Why are you dressed like a Power Ranger? 360 00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:40,721 Why are you dressed like Bob the Builder? 361 00:15:43,843 --> 00:15:45,501 Okay, truce. 362 00:15:45,861 --> 00:15:48,195 - Let's do this. - Yeah. 363 00:15:48,230 --> 00:15:51,093 I'm back! (LAUGHS) 364 00:15:53,206 --> 00:15:54,739 My back! 365 00:15:56,192 --> 00:15:57,363 Are you okay? 366 00:15:57,388 --> 00:15:58,322 D-Did you crash? 367 00:15:58,374 --> 00:15:59,823 I turned my head to change lanes. 368 00:15:59,875 --> 00:16:00,791 And then you crashed? 369 00:16:00,826 --> 00:16:02,626 No, but I felt my back tighten up. 370 00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:04,662 - And then you crashed? - No, there was no crash! 371 00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:08,299 I turned my head and threw my back out. 372 00:16:08,334 --> 00:16:10,520 It was the birthday cake all over again. 373 00:16:11,302 --> 00:16:13,268 All of a sudden, he slowed down. 374 00:16:13,293 --> 00:16:15,733 Kid on a tricycle blew by him, then he just wobbled to a stop. 375 00:16:15,758 --> 00:16:17,091 It was hard to watch. 376 00:16:19,554 --> 00:16:22,563 I want to forget the bike trip and never talk about it again. 377 00:16:22,598 --> 00:16:25,399 It's dead to me, like sauerkraut! 378 00:16:26,859 --> 00:16:29,568 - Adam, I'm so sorry. - Well, what about me? 379 00:16:29,593 --> 00:16:31,405 I got to walk back to get his bike. 380 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:34,586 When you're in a suit like this with no motorcycle under you, 381 00:16:34,611 --> 00:16:36,411 people say hurtful things. 382 00:16:41,745 --> 00:16:43,270 ANDI: Here's your muscle rub 383 00:16:43,295 --> 00:16:45,780 and some aspirin. 384 00:16:45,805 --> 00:16:47,965 Or as your dad calls it, brunch. 385 00:16:49,668 --> 00:16:51,979 Thanks. Maybe that'll help get me moving. 386 00:16:52,004 --> 00:16:53,786 (CHUCKLES, GRUNTS) 387 00:16:53,811 --> 00:16:55,145 I'm sorry, I can't get up. 388 00:16:55,170 --> 00:16:57,067 No, no, no, it's okay. You rest. 389 00:16:57,092 --> 00:16:59,633 Okay? I-I'll refill your water, okay? 390 00:16:59,635 --> 00:17:01,802 Whoa! Got it. (LAUGHS) 391 00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:09,309 So... your back seems fine, Adam. 392 00:17:11,223 --> 00:17:13,981 That-that muscle rub is a miracle. 393 00:17:15,755 --> 00:17:17,816 It just had to be in the same room with me. 394 00:17:17,841 --> 00:17:20,070 Ha. Heh. Huh. 395 00:17:20,619 --> 00:17:22,861 What's going on? 396 00:17:23,221 --> 00:17:24,563 Okay. 397 00:17:24,588 --> 00:17:26,354 I'm not hurt. I... 398 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,619 I just got spooked. 399 00:17:29,682 --> 00:17:31,632 I haven't been on a dirt bike in a long time, 400 00:17:31,667 --> 00:17:35,335 and they're really fast now; it was like riding a rocket. 401 00:17:35,984 --> 00:17:39,515 And I started thinking, as I accidentally jumped a ditch. 402 00:17:39,540 --> 00:17:42,593 I got kids at home. If something happens to me, 403 00:17:42,645 --> 00:17:44,936 you'd have to raise them on your own. 404 00:17:44,961 --> 00:17:46,847 And you'd just dress them up funny all the time. 405 00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:48,852 I know you would, and I can't do that to them. 406 00:17:50,352 --> 00:17:53,195 So you faked being hurt so you wouldn't have to go. 407 00:17:53,383 --> 00:17:56,186 If I can hurt my back blowing out candles, 408 00:17:56,211 --> 00:17:58,942 what is gonna happen to me on the Devil's Tailpipe? 409 00:17:59,290 --> 00:18:03,207 And if Don's the only one there to help me, I'll die. 410 00:18:04,778 --> 00:18:06,561 Yeah, I mean, the only thing you're gonna get from him 411 00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:08,585 - is his best wishes. - (SCOFFS) 412 00:18:09,763 --> 00:18:12,534 I... I hate to admit it, but... 413 00:18:12,737 --> 00:18:14,625 I really am getting older. 414 00:18:14,677 --> 00:18:16,627 No! (GASPS) 415 00:18:16,679 --> 00:18:18,791 You're the first one. 416 00:18:19,002 --> 00:18:20,631 (CHUCKLES): All right, all right. 417 00:18:20,683 --> 00:18:23,133 Look, I'm just saying, there comes a time 418 00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:27,387 when you have to give up on some of your dreams. 419 00:18:27,584 --> 00:18:28,917 Well... 420 00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:31,350 Wait. You know, 421 00:18:31,375 --> 00:18:34,834 I did some research, and there are other rides. 422 00:18:34,859 --> 00:18:36,980 You know, uh, maybe instead of the Devil's Tailpipe, 423 00:18:37,032 --> 00:18:39,724 you could pick a less intense trail, 424 00:18:39,749 --> 00:18:42,810 like Marshmallow Flats. 425 00:18:44,380 --> 00:18:45,855 See, there are pictures, 426 00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:48,027 and the guys riding Marshmallow Flats, they... 427 00:18:48,052 --> 00:18:50,083 they look a lot more like you. 428 00:18:52,897 --> 00:18:54,882 I could ride the heck out of Marshmallow Flats. 429 00:18:54,907 --> 00:18:58,719 Wha... Yeah, this sounds really nice. 430 00:18:58,754 --> 00:19:00,554 There's a deli in the middle. 431 00:19:00,589 --> 00:19:03,590 Yeah. And-and a bed-and- breakfast along the way. 432 00:19:04,861 --> 00:19:07,892 A soft bed would be nice after a long day of riding. 433 00:19:07,917 --> 00:19:11,765 Yeah. See? It's all about your perspective. 434 00:19:11,767 --> 00:19:14,401 A-And I haven't lost my taste for danger. 435 00:19:14,436 --> 00:19:16,937 Okay? At that deli, I'm getting sauerkraut on my Rueben. 436 00:19:16,939 --> 00:19:19,077 I'm doing it, Andi. I can handle it. 437 00:19:20,483 --> 00:19:22,232 Absolutely. 438 00:19:22,257 --> 00:19:25,078 - You'll pack Tums. - I'll pack Tums. 439 00:19:25,114 --> 00:19:29,815 Because with age comes wisdom, and with wisdom... 440 00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:32,035 (STAMMERS) Tums. 441 00:19:33,383 --> 00:19:34,762 Ooh. 442 00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:40,842 EMME: My eyes are closed. 443 00:19:40,867 --> 00:19:42,795 TEDDY: I was mid-sneeze. 444 00:19:42,820 --> 00:19:44,764 We look real cult-y, Mom. 445 00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:46,952 No, I look great. 446 00:19:46,977 --> 00:19:48,966 And it's my bonus so it's going up. 447 00:19:49,295 --> 00:19:51,357 You know, if one of us ever breaks the law, 448 00:19:51,382 --> 00:19:54,084 this is gonna be the picture they put on the news. 449 00:19:57,951 --> 00:20:00,115 - You're back. And alive. - Mhm. 450 00:20:00,951 --> 00:20:03,973 Oh. How was Marshmallow Flats? 451 00:20:03,998 --> 00:20:06,565 - Soft and flat. I loved it. - Aww. 452 00:20:06,590 --> 00:20:08,121 I don't wanna brag, 453 00:20:08,146 --> 00:20:11,122 but I got told to slow down at least five times. 454 00:20:14,895 --> 00:20:16,708 Why is he still wearing his gear? 455 00:20:16,733 --> 00:20:18,453 I don't think he knows how to get out of it. 456 00:20:21,381 --> 00:20:23,209 What happened to him? Did he crash? 457 00:20:23,234 --> 00:20:26,037 No, we just spent a lot of time at that deli, 458 00:20:26,062 --> 00:20:28,242 and tough guy over there wouldn't take the Tums. 459 00:20:28,267 --> 00:20:30,875 It burns, too much pastrami. 460 00:20:31,859 --> 00:20:34,664 Looks like he's gonna be riding the Devil's Pipe after all. 461 00:20:34,766 --> 00:20:36,466 Synced and corrected by Octavia - www.addic7ed.com - 33764

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