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1
00:00:01,867 --> 00:00:03,972
Shitty thing.
2
00:00:04,110 --> 00:00:05,595
Guillermo... He doesn't
live here anymore.
3
00:00:05,767 --> 00:00:07,700
How is it? I can't see.
4
00:00:07,711 --> 00:00:10,472
Tonight we are attending
a very special event.
5
00:00:11,797 --> 00:00:12,924
Ha!
6
00:00:12,935 --> 00:00:13,977
Aye, fuck.
7
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The Baron is receiving an eternal
lifetime achievement award.
8
00:00:19,367 --> 00:00:23,613
I have never heard of such a
thing, but it sounds very cool.
9
00:00:25,448 --> 00:00:27,865
It is about time
our Baron got recognized
10
00:00:28,134 --> 00:00:30,965
for all the incredible work
he does in our local community.
11
00:00:31,137 --> 00:00:33,036
- Yeah.
- He has done so much for all of us,
12
00:00:33,047 --> 00:00:35,774
- both as a leader and as a reliable lay.
- Yeah.
13
00:00:35,986 --> 00:00:38,506
Of course I am quite
accustomed to being exalted...
14
00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:41,700
praised, feared.
15
00:00:42,033 --> 00:00:44,553
But this shall be a night to remember.
16
00:00:44,564 --> 00:00:47,464
Alas, no. The Sire cannot make it.
17
00:00:47,475 --> 00:00:50,202
Our usual sitter just started
at Northwestern and, well...
18
00:00:50,663 --> 00:00:51,837
Oh!
19
00:00:51,848 --> 00:00:53,919
You know how hard it
is to find someone new.
20
00:00:54,126 --> 00:00:56,646
- Baron, give us a twirl.
- Oh, no.
21
00:00:56,839 --> 00:00:59,255
- Yes, please, Baron.
- Look at him go. Wow.
22
00:00:59,372 --> 00:01:00,891
- Spin, Baron, spin.
- Wow.
23
00:01:00,902 --> 00:01:03,905
Look at you all. Where are we going?
24
00:01:03,951 --> 00:01:06,298
We are going to an
event to honor the Baron.
25
00:01:06,794 --> 00:01:08,347
- Oh.
- And you are not.
26
00:01:08,507 --> 00:01:11,159
- Oh.
- Because you have made it very clear
27
00:01:11,170 --> 00:01:15,140
that your future lies with
the humans, not the vampires.
28
00:01:15,353 --> 00:01:17,838
- That's not fair.
- Guillermo, we are a family.
29
00:01:18,391 --> 00:01:20,054
- Right.
- We will always be a family.
30
00:01:20,065 --> 00:01:23,068
- Thank you.
- And you are no longer part of the family.
31
00:01:23,422 --> 00:01:26,425
- Capisce?
- Because you rejected your vampire family.
32
00:01:26,436 --> 00:01:28,058
- I didn't...
- Yeah. The "vamily."
33
00:01:28,988 --> 00:01:31,681
Oh. Colin Robinson, no.
34
00:01:31,853 --> 00:01:33,821
- Hell-lo.
- Here he is.
35
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- Shall we saddle up?
- Yes.
36
00:01:35,178 --> 00:01:36,835
Well, why does the monster
get to go and not me?
37
00:01:37,169 --> 00:01:38,964
- "Vamily."
- Yeah.
38
00:01:39,102 --> 00:01:41,622
- No, not him as well.
- Very good.
39
00:02:11,047 --> 00:02:16,047
- Synced and corrected by naFraC -
- www.addic7ed.com -
40
00:02:17,585 --> 00:02:20,553
Yeah, I'm a little hurt I'm not going
to the vampire gathering tonight,
41
00:02:20,879 --> 00:02:23,329
but it's probably for
the best, you know?
42
00:02:25,095 --> 00:02:27,373
Besides, I already made plans to
hang out with my cousin Miguel.
43
00:02:28,029 --> 00:02:30,825
Actually, Miguel and I used to
be really close when I was little.
44
00:02:31,781 --> 00:02:34,439
But then he kinda
became this, like, jock.
45
00:02:34,888 --> 00:02:36,257
We grew apart,
46
00:02:36,268 --> 00:02:39,547
but our moms are determined that we
be really good friends.
47
00:02:41,491 --> 00:02:44,460
We're gonna... hang out.
48
00:02:50,669 --> 00:02:53,430
- Miguel! Hey.
- Hey. How you doing?
49
00:02:53,503 --> 00:02:55,540
You love it.
50
00:02:55,712 --> 00:02:57,013
- No, I don't.
- Yeah, you do.
51
00:02:57,024 --> 00:02:59,509
No, I don't. I really don't.
52
00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:02,557
We should've done this sooner. I
was working at this job, you know?
53
00:03:03,053 --> 00:03:04,388
It was crazy. I had to get outta there.
54
00:03:04,398 --> 00:03:05,692
I was starting to lose my mind...
55
00:03:05,703 --> 00:03:08,925
Hey, hey, hey, hey. Memo. I don't
need the whole pinche novella, okay?
56
00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:10,426
Losers first.
57
00:03:10,713 --> 00:03:12,366
Go get 'em, slugger.
58
00:03:12,377 --> 00:03:13,551
Oh!
59
00:03:14,272 --> 00:03:15,399
Strike one!
60
00:03:15,410 --> 00:03:16,860
Little out of practice there, Memo?
61
00:03:16,871 --> 00:03:18,517
I don't think I was ever in practice.
62
00:03:18,528 --> 00:03:19,967
What are you talking about?
63
00:03:19,978 --> 00:03:22,277
We used to play all the
time when we were little.
64
00:03:22,288 --> 00:03:24,846
- Ah!
- Gotta keep your eyes on the ball, Memo.
65
00:03:25,235 --> 00:03:27,151
There it is. Every gang in the
66
00:03:27,161 --> 00:03:29,412
tristate area is here. How delightful.
67
00:03:29,746 --> 00:03:32,715
Yeah.
Looks like everyone came out to play.
68
00:03:32,887 --> 00:03:34,751
- Salutations.
- The Warriors. Walter Hill. 1979.
69
00:03:35,404 --> 00:03:36,405
Exciting.
70
00:03:37,616 --> 00:03:40,481
- What a turnout.
- Look up there. It's the Fly Guys.
71
00:03:40,849 --> 00:03:43,956
Oh, wow. I haven't seen
the Lower East Side Vampire Punks
72
00:03:43,967 --> 00:03:46,625
since one spat on me in 1983.
73
00:03:46,901 --> 00:03:49,351
I was cool with it. It's
what we did back then.
74
00:03:49,583 --> 00:03:52,862
- Hello, Hamptons vampires.
- Like, "Hampires."
75
00:03:53,127 --> 00:03:55,129
- Stop it!
- I hate these dipshits.
76
00:03:55,140 --> 00:03:58,557
But kinda makes you proud,
you know? Our people.
77
00:03:58,799 --> 00:04:02,078
So, this is all for me?
78
00:04:02,089 --> 00:04:04,609
- Baron Afanas, there you are.
- Ah.
79
00:04:04,901 --> 00:04:06,393
- Hi.
- Hello.
80
00:04:06,404 --> 00:04:08,084
You look lovely tonight.
81
00:04:08,095 --> 00:04:10,580
I mean, you look lovely every night.
82
00:04:10,753 --> 00:04:12,617
- We all look lovely tonight.
- Ugh.
83
00:04:12,950 --> 00:04:15,332
- You included.
- Thank you.
84
00:04:15,343 --> 00:04:18,001
All right. I'm just going
to bring you up to the stage,
85
00:04:18,174 --> 00:04:20,003
and then Jerry will introduce you.
86
00:04:20,176 --> 00:04:22,765
- Jerry is here?
- Who Jerry?
87
00:04:23,098 --> 00:04:25,273
Jerry's the one who
put on this whole event.
88
00:04:25,284 --> 00:04:28,184
Look out, Manhattan all-girls
private-school vampires.
89
00:04:28,356 --> 00:04:31,808
Vicious, ruthless killers, both
socially and in a murder sense.
90
00:04:32,108 --> 00:04:33,419
What's up, girlies?
91
00:04:33,465 --> 00:04:36,433
Ew.
92
00:04:36,702 --> 00:04:38,187
- Hey!
- Told ya.
93
00:04:38,198 --> 00:04:40,303
- Check one, check two.
- Cute.
94
00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:42,834
Hello. Hi.
95
00:04:42,844 --> 00:04:44,598
I can't believe this total zero
96
00:04:44,608 --> 00:04:46,795
gets to introduce the Baron Afanas.
97
00:04:46,806 --> 00:04:48,020
Doesn't seem right.
98
00:04:48,031 --> 00:04:50,994
He hasn't even sucked him
off, let alone been nuts deep.
99
00:04:51,005 --> 00:04:52,279
All right.
100
00:04:52,290 --> 00:04:53,783
- Just be quiet.
- You be quiet.
101
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:56,486
Can you count, suckers?
102
00:05:00,135 --> 00:05:01,965
Look around you.
103
00:05:01,976 --> 00:05:04,496
Look at all these different vampires,
104
00:05:04,669 --> 00:05:07,119
all gathered together as one.
105
00:05:07,130 --> 00:05:08,751
Yes. How about it?
106
00:05:08,762 --> 00:05:10,660
We've got our Coney
Island carny vampires...
107
00:05:11,182 --> 00:05:14,782
side by side with our
leatherette vampires.
108
00:05:15,117 --> 00:05:17,476
We've got our Rockaway surfers...
109
00:05:17,487 --> 00:05:20,248
right next to our JFK TSA vampires.
110
00:05:21,063 --> 00:05:26,068
- Thank you for your service!
- This city doesn't bleed without you all.
111
00:05:28,267 --> 00:05:30,580
- Yes!
- That's right! That's right, Jerry!
112
00:05:30,591 --> 00:05:35,147
Tonight we've gathered to hear
from our esteemed leader...
113
00:05:35,482 --> 00:05:38,381
the great Baron Afanas.
114
00:05:38,392 --> 00:05:42,914
Our supreme commander in charge
of our conquest of the New World.
115
00:05:43,086 --> 00:05:44,260
Yes, conquest!
116
00:05:47,395 --> 00:05:49,363
At least, that was the plan, right?
117
00:05:49,941 --> 00:05:51,322
Wasn't it?
118
00:05:51,592 --> 00:05:53,473
Taking over the New World?
119
00:05:54,672 --> 00:05:56,364
People feeling good about it?
120
00:05:56,375 --> 00:05:58,032
I'm just asking questions. I don't know.
121
00:05:58,205 --> 00:06:02,036
Maybe the Baron will be able to
provide some of these answers tonight.
122
00:06:02,209 --> 00:06:05,833
Maybe there's a
perfectly good explanation
123
00:06:06,006 --> 00:06:10,182
for why we were sent here 250
years ago to conquer the continent
124
00:06:10,355 --> 00:06:13,530
and we still find ourselves
cowering in the shadows.
125
00:06:15,463 --> 00:06:18,604
- Do you have an answer for that? Do you know why?
- What's this shit?
126
00:06:18,939 --> 00:06:20,803
- When can we move on?
- Jerry.
127
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:22,885
That introduction I cannot live up to.
128
00:06:23,218 --> 00:06:26,118
- Thank you, thank you.
- 'Cause here's what I wanna know.
129
00:06:26,291 --> 00:06:28,742
- What the fuck?
- Does the fault lie in ourselves?
130
00:06:29,413 --> 00:06:31,380
Does it lie in our stars?
131
00:06:31,885 --> 00:06:32,955
Or...
132
00:06:33,723 --> 00:06:36,761
does it lie in our leadership?
133
00:06:37,095 --> 00:06:39,235
- He has a point!
- I'm genuinely asking. I don't know.
134
00:06:39,246 --> 00:06:40,969
- Hey, hey.
- What is he talking about?
135
00:06:40,980 --> 00:06:42,948
Move!
136
00:06:43,215 --> 00:06:46,046
Gimme that. How dare
you disrespect this man?
137
00:06:46,576 --> 00:06:49,165
- Hear! Hear!
- This is the great,
138
00:06:49,176 --> 00:06:52,301
the beautiful Baron Afanas.
139
00:06:56,953 --> 00:07:00,750
And this man, this mixer
of boiling hot feces,
140
00:07:01,247 --> 00:07:02,972
he knows not of his place.
141
00:07:02,983 --> 00:07:06,607
He's nothing but a sower of
discontent and disrespect.
142
00:07:06,618 --> 00:07:08,275
Let me see that.
143
00:07:08,447 --> 00:07:09,794
- Puttana! No!
- Let me see that.
144
00:07:09,805 --> 00:07:11,151
- No. No. Shut up!
- Hold on. Hold on.
145
00:07:11,485 --> 00:07:14,039
No. No, no, don't...
146
00:07:18,990 --> 00:07:20,508
Ah!
147
00:07:22,313 --> 00:07:25,005
- Uh...
- Okay. Uh, that was not my fault.
148
00:07:26,586 --> 00:07:29,244
Jerry was killed by that
Frankenstein monster!
149
00:07:30,182 --> 00:07:31,908
It's Cravensworth's monster.
150
00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:33,979
Run! Run!
151
00:07:33,990 --> 00:07:36,786
They killed Jerry! The Staten
Island vampires killed Jerry!
152
00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:39,467
- No, we didn't.
- Kill them!
153
00:07:39,478 --> 00:07:41,066
We should get the fuck out of here!
154
00:07:47,452 --> 00:07:50,248
Kill them!
155
00:08:04,883 --> 00:08:06,989
Fucking hell. How
many bats are up there?
156
00:08:07,474 --> 00:08:09,476
So flying home is not an option.
157
00:08:09,487 --> 00:08:11,834
Where do we go, what
do we do and how do we do it?
158
00:08:11,856 --> 00:08:15,342
We need to get home.
Which way is home? Is it north?
159
00:08:15,675 --> 00:08:18,023
- I'm certain we are south.
- No. No, we're not. I'm feeling east.
160
00:08:18,054 --> 00:08:19,538
You know I can't fly, you dicks.
161
00:08:19,853 --> 00:08:22,131
Ah. Colin Robinson,
do you know how to get home?
162
00:08:22,304 --> 00:08:24,340
No, I have no idea. I...
163
00:08:24,351 --> 00:08:27,664
I never thought I'd ever say this,
but I think we need to call Gizmo.
164
00:08:27,837 --> 00:08:30,266
- Ah! Yes.
- Yes, great idea.
165
00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:33,142
Guillermo!
166
00:08:33,153 --> 00:08:35,741
Not like that, you fucking idiot.
With the phone that he's doing.
167
00:08:36,075 --> 00:08:37,732
I can also try echolocating.
168
00:08:37,904 --> 00:08:41,115
Nadja, I'm on the phone!
169
00:08:41,174 --> 00:08:42,900
Come one, man. That's
why you gotta concentrate.
170
00:08:42,911 --> 00:08:44,464
I was concentrating.
171
00:08:44,475 --> 00:08:47,548
So this new job has a
documentary about it too?
172
00:08:48,547 --> 00:08:51,102
No, it's actually the same documentary.
173
00:08:51,274 --> 00:08:53,587
It just now follows a
guy who quits his old job
174
00:08:53,598 --> 00:08:55,773
and goes out into the regular world.
175
00:08:56,107 --> 00:08:59,916
Okay, word. So it's like
Sling Blade. But boring.
176
00:08:59,927 --> 00:09:02,033
Know what, Miguel? This is
why I don't hang out with you.
177
00:09:02,044 --> 00:09:04,080
You don't hang out
with any of the familia.
178
00:09:04,295 --> 00:09:05,453
I don't because every time I do,
179
00:09:05,463 --> 00:09:07,590
they make me feel guilty
that I'm always busy.
180
00:09:07,601 --> 00:09:10,016
This was a mistake. I'm
sorry. I'm gonna go, okay?
181
00:09:10,027 --> 00:09:12,891
Hey, hey. Come on, Memo.
I'm not mad at you, man.
182
00:09:13,275 --> 00:09:15,691
We love you. All right? We were worried.
183
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:18,003
We never saw you. You're
out there on your own.
184
00:09:18,014 --> 00:09:19,705
You never even talked
about having any friends.
185
00:09:19,716 --> 00:09:21,857
Don't worry about me, okay?
I have plenty of friends.
186
00:09:21,867 --> 00:09:23,082
Oh, really? That's great.
187
00:09:23,092 --> 00:09:25,048
Name me one friend.
Like, who's your best friend?
188
00:09:25,059 --> 00:09:27,021
That would be, uh, Nandor.
189
00:09:27,032 --> 00:09:28,054
Nandor?
190
00:09:28,065 --> 00:09:31,789
My... My boss. My ex-boss.
He's not my boss anymore.
191
00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:33,432
Your best friend is your former boss?
192
00:09:33,443 --> 00:09:35,238
I know, okay? It's complicated, but...
193
00:09:35,582 --> 00:09:36,684
Wait.
194
00:09:37,220 --> 00:09:38,325
Colin?
195
00:09:38,544 --> 00:09:40,062
Wait, slow down. What?
196
00:09:41,877 --> 00:09:44,707
Here we go, Mr.
Drama Queen. Just like always.
197
00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:46,292
Every time we start to have fun, you all
198
00:09:46,302 --> 00:09:47,606
of a sudden have an emergency somewhere.
199
00:09:47,617 --> 00:09:49,826
- My friends need help. They're in danger.
- In danger?
200
00:09:50,161 --> 00:09:52,301
It's gonna sound crazy, but
someone's trying to kill them.
201
00:09:52,922 --> 00:09:55,511
- What the fuck?
- Just please let me go.
202
00:09:55,683 --> 00:09:57,962
No, no. Fuck that. I'm going
with you, all right? Let's roll.
203
00:09:58,134 --> 00:09:59,947
You don't even know them.
Why would you wanna come?
204
00:09:59,958 --> 00:10:01,243
I don't need to know them.
205
00:10:01,254 --> 00:10:04,098
You're my familia, all right? I
have to have your back. Let's go.
206
00:10:05,780 --> 00:10:08,162
- Okay.
- An attack on your friends is an attack on all of us.
207
00:10:08,317 --> 00:10:09,845
Seat belt on.
208
00:10:09,856 --> 00:10:11,927
Wait. You should know before we
go that my friends, they're...
209
00:10:12,814 --> 00:10:13,993
they're not like
210
00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:16,307
the regular people that you know.
211
00:10:16,318 --> 00:10:18,148
Memo, will you chill out?
I have gay friends,
212
00:10:18,158 --> 00:10:20,064
all right? It's not
a big deal. !¡AÁndale!
213
00:10:24,564 --> 00:10:26,531
And remember, when we
find them, I get dibs
214
00:10:26,703 --> 00:10:29,430
- on killing the one with the really gross man bun.
- So cringe.
215
00:10:31,892 --> 00:10:33,756
- They're not here. Let's go.
- Okay, let's go.
216
00:10:38,604 --> 00:10:41,538
Okay.
That was not supposed to go that way.
217
00:10:41,902 --> 00:10:45,112
I cannot believe that Jerry
betrayed the Baron like that.
218
00:10:45,285 --> 00:10:47,528
As long as you are all right,
that's all that matters.
219
00:10:47,862 --> 00:10:50,106
- Ugh.
- I have been serving Jerry for months.
220
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:52,223
I feel so betrayed. I'm so sorry.
221
00:10:52,395 --> 00:10:55,157
I hear you, I hear you. You
know, trust is essential...
222
00:10:55,168 --> 00:10:57,964
Um... We're just gonna give you
guys a minute. Just give you some...
223
00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:00,289
Sounds like this Jerry does not get...
224
00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:04,338
Laszlo, why did your monster flip
the fuck out and pop Jerry's head?
225
00:11:04,673 --> 00:11:07,572
He was just performing
his duties as a protector.
226
00:11:07,583 --> 00:11:09,000
Well, then how do I know that he might
227
00:11:09,010 --> 00:11:11,345
not just flip out one
day and pop my head?
228
00:11:11,356 --> 00:11:13,703
- My monster would never do that.
- How could you be so sure?
229
00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:17,030
Look at the mess that thing has created.
230
00:11:17,041 --> 00:11:19,390
That lumbering, demented donkey of a
231
00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:21,562
creature is clearly capable of anything.
232
00:11:21,735 --> 00:11:25,981
No, no, no. He's not. My darling,
my monster would never hurt you.
233
00:11:26,542 --> 00:11:27,972
I didn't want you to know,
234
00:11:27,983 --> 00:11:30,364
but the sole objective of
creating him in the first place
235
00:11:30,904 --> 00:11:32,215
was to keep you safe.
236
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:34,883
- What?
- My darling,
237
00:11:34,894 --> 00:11:36,981
if anything were to happen to me,
238
00:11:36,992 --> 00:11:38,855
you would be protected.
239
00:11:39,190 --> 00:11:40,985
- What?
- When have I ever needed protecting
240
00:11:40,996 --> 00:11:42,516
from anything or anyone?
241
00:11:42,527 --> 00:11:44,011
I knew you'd react like this.
242
00:11:44,022 --> 00:11:45,541
For the record, my darling,
243
00:11:45,714 --> 00:11:48,682
I was a vampire on my own for centuries.
244
00:11:48,693 --> 00:11:50,936
Before you came along, Mr. Cravensworth,
245
00:11:50,947 --> 00:11:55,607
I once ripped an entire pack of
werewolves to shreds with my bare fangs
246
00:11:56,103 --> 00:11:59,106
and then scattered their entrails
on the road like a confetti.
247
00:11:59,117 --> 00:12:02,914
- I've heard this story a thousand...
- Ah! A confetti.
248
00:12:07,259 --> 00:12:08,450
The skies are clear.
249
00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:09,910
Let's try to get our bearings.
250
00:12:10,082 --> 00:12:12,947
Look. Look down there.
251
00:12:12,958 --> 00:12:16,893
Athletes preparing for a
baseball game? At this hour?
252
00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:19,942
They're not athletes, you tit.
They're the Bronx Bomber vampires.
253
00:12:20,438 --> 00:12:22,026
Well, they're looking for us.
254
00:12:22,037 --> 00:12:24,073
Good. Let's just take them on
and get this over with.
255
00:12:24,570 --> 00:12:25,881
No, we should cross the bridge.
256
00:12:25,892 --> 00:12:27,047
Okay.
257
00:12:27,065 --> 00:12:29,067
- Keep walking.
- They're coming up here!
258
00:12:29,239 --> 00:12:30,965
Just keep walking.
259
00:12:31,138 --> 00:12:32,381
- What now?
- Shit.
260
00:12:32,392 --> 00:12:35,429
Oh, no. It's the Meatpacking
District vampires.
261
00:12:35,764 --> 00:12:37,800
As deadly as they are beautiful.
262
00:12:37,811 --> 00:12:39,399
I wouldn't mind having my meat packed.
263
00:12:39,571 --> 00:12:41,746
- This way. To the subway.
- Shut the fuck up.
264
00:12:41,918 --> 00:12:44,197
- Flee! Down here!
- We must run!
265
00:12:44,369 --> 00:12:46,406
Come on. Take cover fast!
266
00:12:46,578 --> 00:12:48,615
Fuck yeah. I see an entrance.
267
00:12:48,787 --> 00:12:50,134
Come on. Hurry.
268
00:12:50,306 --> 00:12:51,756
Does the subway
even go to Staten Island?
269
00:12:51,928 --> 00:12:53,827
- Stay close, Blondie.
- What the fuck?
270
00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:56,232
Hey. What's this shit?
271
00:12:56,243 --> 00:12:58,073
- Great. Jumping vampires.
- All right. Cool down.
272
00:12:58,180 --> 00:12:59,699
Is it hat vampires?
273
00:12:59,710 --> 00:13:01,781
- Fuck off. Fuck off.
- Oh, shit.
274
00:13:02,342 --> 00:13:04,206
No. What are they?
275
00:13:04,379 --> 00:13:05,645
These guys are the, uh...
276
00:13:07,047 --> 00:13:09,739
I don't actually know what
kind of vampires these are.
277
00:13:09,912 --> 00:13:12,777
- Are they '80s vampires?
- Breakdance vampires?
278
00:13:12,949 --> 00:13:15,918
No, I think they're
Fame the movie vampires,
279
00:13:16,091 --> 00:13:18,438
or Fame the TV show vampires.
280
00:13:18,449 --> 00:13:22,281
And the space suit fella must
represent MTV or something.
281
00:13:22,614 --> 00:13:25,100
Then what's with the
riverboat gambler guy?
282
00:13:25,433 --> 00:13:27,021
They lost me there. I have no clue.
283
00:13:27,356 --> 00:13:29,289
You killed Jerry the vampire.
284
00:13:29,300 --> 00:13:31,785
No, no. That was done
by a random monster.
285
00:13:32,084 --> 00:13:33,154
- Shazam!
- Uh-oh.
286
00:13:33,165 --> 00:13:35,237
- Five, six, seven, eight.
- No!
287
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:36,973
What's this shit?
288
00:13:37,146 --> 00:13:38,975
- Ooh!
- Oh! Okay.
289
00:13:39,148 --> 00:13:41,495
They're twinkle-toe
vampires. I got this.
290
00:13:44,222 --> 00:13:45,982
Have you ever seen feet
move at this medium pace?
291
00:13:46,317 --> 00:13:48,008
- All right.
- That's a nice one. Aha!
292
00:13:48,180 --> 00:13:49,630
Oh.
293
00:13:49,641 --> 00:13:51,643
- Fuck off.
- Wow.
294
00:13:51,816 --> 00:13:53,887
- It's really good.
- Not bad.
295
00:13:54,215 --> 00:13:55,838
- Oh...
- Fuck this shit.
296
00:13:56,510 --> 00:13:58,374
What? What?
297
00:13:58,708 --> 00:14:00,296
- Okay.
- What the fuck?
298
00:14:01,722 --> 00:14:02,965
Fuck, Laszlo!
299
00:14:02,976 --> 00:14:04,749
They really weren't that threatening.
300
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:06,374
You idiot.
301
00:14:06,385 --> 00:14:08,628
Well, he's dead.
302
00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:10,632
- Full house.
- I was handling it.
303
00:14:10,643 --> 00:14:11,713
Sorry.
304
00:14:11,724 --> 00:14:13,070
Let's just keep moving, all right?
305
00:14:13,504 --> 00:14:14,747
We'll get above ground...
306
00:14:14,758 --> 00:14:16,070
- Okay.
- ... so Guillermo can find us.
307
00:14:16,243 --> 00:14:17,570
- Good idea.
- Whatever.
308
00:14:17,581 --> 00:14:20,036
You know, I really
like it when you take charge.
309
00:14:23,399 --> 00:14:25,068
No, no, no.
310
00:14:25,079 --> 00:14:26,909
Don't worry about the address.
I'll text when I get it.
311
00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:29,371
Just gather 'em up. Keep your
phone on, all right? All right.
312
00:14:29,538 --> 00:14:30,806
Who was that?
313
00:14:30,817 --> 00:14:33,318
- Some friends. In case we need backup.
- Backup?
314
00:14:33,329 --> 00:14:34,826
You said your friends
are gonna get killed.
315
00:14:34,836 --> 00:14:36,391
I don't know what's gonna happen.
316
00:14:36,402 --> 00:14:38,058
- Where are they, man?
- I don't know, okay?
317
00:14:38,231 --> 00:14:40,716
Colin lost his location,
so maybe he lost reception.
318
00:14:40,727 --> 00:14:43,592
- I can try calling again. I don't know.
- Are these people even real?
319
00:14:43,603 --> 00:14:45,928
Are you kidding me right
now? Yes, they're real.
320
00:14:45,939 --> 00:14:48,597
- Why would I be doing this if they're not real?
- I just had to check.
321
00:14:48,608 --> 00:14:51,301
- Had to check? They're real, okay? Don't worry.
- You're acting crazy.
322
00:14:51,312 --> 00:14:55,063
They're my friends, and they're
vampires, so there's that.
323
00:14:55,074 --> 00:14:56,697
- Did you just say they're vampires?
- Yeah.
324
00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:58,423
Actually, you met one of them.
325
00:14:58,595 --> 00:15:00,425
- What?
- Yeah, but you attacked her.
326
00:15:00,598 --> 00:15:01,599
- The fuck?
- You attacked her.
327
00:15:01,610 --> 00:15:03,094
I would remember something like that.
328
00:15:03,267 --> 00:15:05,027
How could you? She hypnotized you.
329
00:15:05,452 --> 00:15:07,005
How you gonna remember, hmm?
330
00:15:12,276 --> 00:15:14,519
- You know what? Let's just keep driving.
- Yeah, let's keep driving.
331
00:15:14,530 --> 00:15:16,130
Oh, it's Colin.
332
00:15:16,141 --> 00:15:19,006
Hey, hey. Hi, Colin. Where are you?
333
00:15:21,737 --> 00:15:23,148
Okey dokey.
334
00:15:23,159 --> 00:15:26,106
I just got off the phone with Gizmo
335
00:15:26,278 --> 00:15:29,074
and gave him... our locash.
336
00:15:29,246 --> 00:15:30,436
You know, Laszlo,
337
00:15:30,447 --> 00:15:33,554
I had those dancing vampire
freaks in the palm of my hands.
338
00:15:34,090 --> 00:15:37,991
I do not need you or your
stupid monster to protect me.
339
00:15:38,546 --> 00:15:39,962
Is that what you think?
340
00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:45,674
My darling, I did not train
my monster to protect you
341
00:15:45,925 --> 00:15:48,342
because I thought you
could not live without me.
342
00:15:49,439 --> 00:15:50,957
I trained that monster
343
00:15:51,669 --> 00:15:53,843
because I cannot live without you.
344
00:15:56,529 --> 00:15:57,841
Laszlo,
345
00:15:58,193 --> 00:16:00,554
I cannot live without you.
346
00:16:00,565 --> 00:16:04,259
But if something was to happen
to you and I was to lose you,
347
00:16:04,593 --> 00:16:07,147
it wouldn't be your
protection I would miss.
348
00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:08,804
It would be you.
349
00:16:08,815 --> 00:16:12,128
Your looks, the layers
in your hairs. Your wit.
350
00:16:13,015 --> 00:16:16,467
And the way you use
that extremely large hog.
351
00:16:16,925 --> 00:16:19,021
And that cannot be taught.
352
00:16:19,194 --> 00:16:20,678
No, it can't.
353
00:16:22,173 --> 00:16:23,657
Aw. They're being sweet again.
354
00:16:25,062 --> 00:16:26,538
- Yes.
- The way that...
355
00:16:26,549 --> 00:16:28,275
Kinda makes you think, doesn't it?
356
00:16:29,526 --> 00:16:30,735
Think about what?
357
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:33,010
Well, isn't it obvious?
358
00:16:34,012 --> 00:16:37,292
I have been searching
for love for so very long,
359
00:16:38,810 --> 00:16:40,467
and it was right here the whole time.
360
00:16:41,055 --> 00:16:42,677
Right under my nose.
361
00:16:44,243 --> 00:16:45,658
In front of my nose.
362
00:16:47,935 --> 00:16:49,523
- Me?
- You.
363
00:16:51,098 --> 00:16:52,859
Ugh.
364
00:16:53,192 --> 00:16:55,160
- So, I've watched your search for love.
- Mm-hmm.
365
00:16:55,574 --> 00:16:57,335
This one, that one.
366
00:16:57,739 --> 00:16:59,154
- Your dead wife.
- Yes.
367
00:16:59,165 --> 00:17:01,305
- Guillermo's boyfriend.
- Freddie.
368
00:17:01,316 --> 00:17:05,078
Gail. I mean, basically, anyone
and everyone who wasn't me.
369
00:17:05,411 --> 00:17:07,828
And I've seen after
you won their hearts.
370
00:17:08,204 --> 00:17:09,723
It all falls apart.
371
00:17:10,110 --> 00:17:13,700
Because you're all about the
conquest, not the victory.
372
00:17:14,189 --> 00:17:17,330
You're a good friend, but
you will never have me.
373
00:17:18,273 --> 00:17:19,281
Ever.
374
00:17:21,004 --> 00:17:22,764
Sorry, could you run that by me again?
375
00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:24,362
I completely zoned out.
376
00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:27,779
I got ever so lost in those big,
377
00:17:27,790 --> 00:17:30,206
beautiful blue eyes of yours.
378
00:17:30,379 --> 00:17:32,450
I said you'll never have me.
379
00:17:32,623 --> 00:17:35,522
- I have a little bit of self-respect.
- A little... bit.
380
00:17:36,088 --> 00:17:37,986
- I just feel so ready for love.
- Okay.
381
00:17:37,997 --> 00:17:40,137
- Mmm... Wait a minute. What is that?
- Hey.
382
00:17:40,619 --> 00:17:42,207
- Laszlo.
- Oh, shit.
383
00:17:42,768 --> 00:17:44,911
- What the fuck?
- Graveyard vampires.
384
00:17:45,245 --> 00:17:47,558
Well, you hang out in a graveyard,
385
00:17:47,569 --> 00:17:49,053
you can expect spooky crap like this.
386
00:17:49,974 --> 00:17:51,389
Oh, bloody fuck.
387
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:52,919
- Should we...
- There's too many of them.
388
00:17:53,091 --> 00:17:55,059
- Run while you can.
- Yes, yes. Come on, Laszlo.
389
00:17:55,393 --> 00:17:57,568
- This way. Come on, you skull fucks.
- Yes.
390
00:17:59,407 --> 00:18:02,538
Here. Quick! Shit. Shit.
391
00:18:02,710 --> 00:18:05,023
Come on, do your worst.
392
00:18:05,034 --> 00:18:07,140
Fucking hell. Ah!
393
00:18:07,711 --> 00:18:09,610
No, no, no! Wait!
394
00:18:10,697 --> 00:18:12,030
No. Fuck off.
395
00:18:12,202 --> 00:18:15,102
Ah! I see you know your judo well.
396
00:18:15,113 --> 00:18:17,322
- Laszlo!
- It's all right, my darling. I'll be right there.
397
00:18:17,657 --> 00:18:20,073
I'm coming! Hang your cape on that.
398
00:18:20,246 --> 00:18:21,799
Get your hands off me.
399
00:18:23,189 --> 00:18:24,519
Get out, you motherfucker!
400
00:18:26,157 --> 00:18:27,262
Ooh.
401
00:18:29,714 --> 00:18:32,303
Nadja! There's some over here too.
402
00:18:32,476 --> 00:18:35,202
All right. Who's next?
I can do this all night long.
403
00:18:37,952 --> 00:18:40,127
- Fuck off.
- Oh.
404
00:18:40,138 --> 00:18:42,106
- Help me up.
- Laszlo.
405
00:18:43,521 --> 00:18:45,627
- Where's my wife?
- She's over there.
406
00:18:45,971 --> 00:18:48,802
Okay. Very good aim. Wow!
407
00:18:49,412 --> 00:18:51,276
Look at my gruesome girl go.
408
00:18:51,448 --> 00:18:53,658
It's like front row at a Gallagher show.
409
00:18:54,002 --> 00:18:55,548
I think maybe he's dead?
410
00:18:55,559 --> 00:18:57,739
I will say when he's dead.
411
00:18:57,750 --> 00:19:00,684
Very impressive. But I think there
might be more vampires on the way.
412
00:19:01,148 --> 00:19:02,805
- Perhaps we should get out of here.
- In a minute!
413
00:19:03,015 --> 00:19:04,036
Okay.
414
00:19:07,425 --> 00:19:09,016
Now we can go.
415
00:19:09,027 --> 00:19:10,684
Great. Let's do that.
416
00:19:20,696 --> 00:19:23,021
- Do you want a straw?
- Nope.
417
00:19:23,032 --> 00:19:25,828
You think that maybe we should
order coffee drinks... thank you...
418
00:19:26,001 --> 00:19:27,347
so we don't look like
a bunch of vampires
419
00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:29,522
sat around waiting for
our familiar to save us?
420
00:19:29,533 --> 00:19:32,397
We can all be here without
everyone ordering coffee.
421
00:19:32,408 --> 00:19:34,445
And we can stay at the
table as long as we want.
422
00:19:35,101 --> 00:19:37,207
And when it comes to the bathrooms,
423
00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:39,186
- legally, it's Thunderdome.
- Hey.
424
00:19:39,521 --> 00:19:40,695
- Guillermo!
- Guillermo.
425
00:19:40,706 --> 00:19:41,993
- Finally.
- Hey, Gomez.
426
00:19:42,004 --> 00:19:44,664
- You took your sweet time.
- Nadja, you all right? You have a little...
427
00:19:44,675 --> 00:19:46,780
Yeah, covered, uh, in
brain and blood and guts.
428
00:19:46,952 --> 00:19:48,851
Yes. Thank you for noticing.
429
00:19:48,862 --> 00:19:51,175
So, uh, your vampire friends, they
hang out at coffee shops?
430
00:19:51,686 --> 00:19:54,167
Hey, look, no offense.
I love the costumes, man.
431
00:19:54,178 --> 00:19:56,491
You turn your mom's rug into a
dress? That's pretty cool.
432
00:19:56,683 --> 00:19:58,985
But, uh, you guys really
think you're vampires?
433
00:20:00,103 --> 00:20:02,071
No, Nandor. Don't
hurt him. That's my cousin, Miguel.
434
00:20:02,082 --> 00:20:04,084
No kidding.
435
00:20:04,418 --> 00:20:07,421
So you are the famous Miguel.
We have heard lots about you.
436
00:20:07,594 --> 00:20:09,182
What the fuck?
437
00:20:09,193 --> 00:20:11,540
Guillermo tells us you're
very tough and very cool
438
00:20:11,874 --> 00:20:14,359
and once locked him in
a cupboard for six hours.
439
00:20:14,532 --> 00:20:16,396
- Put it there.
- Don't need to fist bump on that.
440
00:20:16,407 --> 00:20:18,685
Sorry about that. Let's
straighten that for you.
441
00:20:19,019 --> 00:20:20,745
- You guys kill people?
- No shit, Kojak.
442
00:20:21,261 --> 00:20:22,462
Chillax, Miguel.
443
00:20:22,473 --> 00:20:24,922
'Cause a member of Guillermo's
family is a member of our family.
444
00:20:25,130 --> 00:20:26,672
- Right, guys?
- Right.
445
00:20:26,683 --> 00:20:28,650
- "Vamilia."
- Nadnor! I have a Nadnor.
446
00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:30,137
Is that for you, Nandor?
447
00:20:30,148 --> 00:20:32,097
No, she is calling
someone called Nadnor.
448
00:20:32,107 --> 00:20:33,678
Also, I have not ordered anything, so...
449
00:20:33,689 --> 00:20:38,176
- I have one roundhouse kick for a Nandor.
- Yes. I am Nan...
450
00:20:39,937 --> 00:20:42,526
How quaint. A barista vampire.
451
00:20:42,537 --> 00:20:45,332
We're not barista vampires.
We're artist and writer vampires
452
00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:48,589
who happen to currently
be working as baristas.
453
00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:50,810
And graphic designer vampires.
454
00:20:51,144 --> 00:20:52,870
- Hi. I'm Cass.
- Hi, Cass.
455
00:20:52,881 --> 00:20:55,953
Personal essayist vampire Louis here.
456
00:20:55,964 --> 00:20:58,104
- Got a shot for Nandor.
- Oh, that's me. Yes.
457
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:00,244
Fucking guy.
458
00:21:00,416 --> 00:21:02,211
My mistake. That was
supposed to be a double shot.
459
00:21:03,454 --> 00:21:05,234
Whoa. Oh, shit.
460
00:21:05,245 --> 00:21:06,372
Oh, I forgot to mention.
461
00:21:06,382 --> 00:21:07,516
You have Van Helsing
blood running through you.
462
00:21:07,527 --> 00:21:09,771
- What?
- It's a long story. I'll tell you later, okay?
463
00:21:14,189 --> 00:21:15,190
Bat.
464
00:21:17,246 --> 00:21:20,042
Sorry, I didn't mean to do that.
It's because I said the word "bat."
465
00:21:21,817 --> 00:21:24,130
- And I've done it again. I meant to say...
- Miguel.
466
00:21:26,541 --> 00:21:27,842
Should we get involved?
467
00:21:28,433 --> 00:21:31,298
You know, I forgot how
scrappy Gizmo can be
468
00:21:31,309 --> 00:21:33,545
when he gets a bit of
a bee in his bonnet.
469
00:21:33,556 --> 00:21:34,636
Ooh.
470
00:21:34,647 --> 00:21:36,407
Steam.
471
00:21:36,736 --> 00:21:37,737
"Vampuccino."
472
00:21:37,748 --> 00:21:38,956
I will fucking kill you.
473
00:21:42,966 --> 00:21:45,416
Ah! Ooh. Very good.
474
00:21:47,843 --> 00:21:50,190
Almost there. Keep reaching, Gizmo.
475
00:21:53,193 --> 00:21:55,023
Nice shot.
476
00:21:55,762 --> 00:21:57,428
- Ooh. Dead. Very good.
- Guillermo.
477
00:21:57,601 --> 00:21:58,971
- We should go.
- Yes.
478
00:21:58,982 --> 00:22:00,707
What the fuck is that?
479
00:22:00,915 --> 00:22:02,606
Just some homeys of mine. I called
them in case we were outnumbered.
480
00:22:02,617 --> 00:22:06,517
Here they come. Hell
yeah! Donnie brought the Spyder.
481
00:22:06,851 --> 00:22:08,991
- Fancy a ride, my darling?
- Hello.
482
00:22:09,002 --> 00:22:10,141
We gotta go.
483
00:22:10,475 --> 00:22:11,856
This one? Hold on, hold on.
484
00:22:11,867 --> 00:22:13,938
- Get in, man.
- Colin Robinson!
485
00:22:14,111 --> 00:22:15,422
Let's go. We have to go.
486
00:22:16,976 --> 00:22:18,633
I don't want to get my cape caught.
487
00:22:26,525 --> 00:22:27,803
Ah.
488
00:22:27,814 --> 00:22:29,418
- Oh, home.
- Oh, yes.
489
00:22:29,429 --> 00:22:30,495
- We're home.
- Ooh, doggy.
490
00:22:30,668 --> 00:22:32,670
- Baron?
- Well, well, well.
491
00:22:32,843 --> 00:22:34,051
You're okay!
492
00:22:34,223 --> 00:22:35,733
Look who came home!
493
00:22:35,744 --> 00:22:37,813
Baron, how did you get back so fast?
494
00:22:37,985 --> 00:22:42,576
Did you know that Staten Island
has an above-ground train?
495
00:22:42,749 --> 00:22:44,682
- It's actually quite pleasant.
- Hey...
496
00:22:44,693 --> 00:22:46,772
And it gave me a chance to open up
497
00:22:46,782 --> 00:22:49,560
that Louise Penny I have on audiobook.
498
00:22:49,926 --> 00:22:52,593
- Love her.
- She's okay. But a quick question.
499
00:22:52,604 --> 00:22:54,537
What the hell were you thinking?
500
00:22:54,726 --> 00:22:56,970
Why did you kill Jerry the Vampire?
501
00:22:56,981 --> 00:23:01,227
B-Because, Baron, Jerry was a
huge threat to your almighty power.
502
00:23:02,230 --> 00:23:03,369
Yes.
503
00:23:03,380 --> 00:23:05,693
Which is why I wanted to kill him myself
504
00:23:06,866 --> 00:23:08,523
in front of everyone
505
00:23:08,534 --> 00:23:10,881
to reassert my power.
506
00:23:11,053 --> 00:23:13,055
Do you honestly think
that I did not know
507
00:23:13,227 --> 00:23:15,195
this insipid gathering was a trap?
508
00:23:15,561 --> 00:23:17,070
You knew?
509
00:23:17,081 --> 00:23:18,578
Of course I knew.
510
00:23:19,014 --> 00:23:21,754
I didn't know Jerry
was the enemy, Baron.
511
00:23:21,767 --> 00:23:25,184
But that is no excuse.
I have dishonored myself.
512
00:23:25,831 --> 00:23:29,075
But even worse, I have dishonored you.
513
00:23:29,710 --> 00:23:32,086
I will now take my own life.
514
00:23:32,097 --> 00:23:34,432
- No. No!
- No, let me...
515
00:23:34,963 --> 00:23:37,241
- I will not.
- Let her.
516
00:23:37,252 --> 00:23:40,048
- Baron, take my life instead.
- Do it.
517
00:23:40,059 --> 00:23:43,143
- Huh.
- Hold on here. Are you two a thing?
518
00:23:43,154 --> 00:23:45,225
- No. Not at all.
- It's early days.
519
00:23:45,236 --> 00:23:48,239
Get up. We're going to run
out of vampires at this rate.
520
00:23:48,447 --> 00:23:50,276
What the blazes?
521
00:23:52,588 --> 00:23:54,280
Gift.
522
00:23:54,291 --> 00:23:56,777
Oh. Jerry's crushed head. Thank you.
523
00:23:57,271 --> 00:23:59,101
Very nice.
524
00:23:59,112 --> 00:24:01,597
You can just lay that down there.
525
00:24:01,608 --> 00:24:04,037
I will find somewhere
lovely for it later.
526
00:24:04,048 --> 00:24:05,912
- Now, we all have much organizing...
- Good job.
527
00:24:06,085 --> 00:24:07,707
... to do for tomorrow evening.
528
00:24:08,169 --> 00:24:10,378
To set this right.
529
00:24:10,389 --> 00:24:12,805
Here we are again.
530
00:24:12,953 --> 00:24:15,956
Jerry tried to tear us apart.
531
00:24:16,487 --> 00:24:18,983
But we, unlike Jerry,
532
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:21,871
will work as one.
533
00:24:21,882 --> 00:24:24,576
- Yes.
- For it will take all of us,
534
00:24:24,587 --> 00:24:26,784
all vampires,
535
00:24:26,795 --> 00:24:29,660
to bring the humans of this new world
536
00:24:29,995 --> 00:24:32,963
under our dominion.
537
00:24:33,136 --> 00:24:35,793
- Yes!
- Any questions?
538
00:24:37,605 --> 00:24:39,201
Ah.
539
00:24:44,882 --> 00:24:47,678
Okay. Anybody else? Let's
see. There was someone...
540
00:24:47,851 --> 00:24:48,921
Ah. You.
541
00:24:50,585 --> 00:24:51,966
Did you have a question?
542
00:24:53,672 --> 00:24:55,364
- Uh, nope.
- Are you sure?
543
00:24:55,536 --> 00:24:57,953
Because I thought I saw your hand go up.
544
00:24:59,330 --> 00:25:02,979
I thought I had a... had a
question, but then y-you answered it.
545
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:05,478
Just as I thought.
546
00:25:08,032 --> 00:25:09,275
Vampires dismissed.
547
00:25:11,311 --> 00:25:12,726
Two nights out in a row.
548
00:25:12,737 --> 00:25:14,878
The Sire's never gonna let
me hear the end of this.
549
00:26:09,747 --> 00:26:15,120
- Synced and corrected by naFraC -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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