All language subtitles for S09e08 Offensive Fowl

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish Download
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:00,042 --> 00:01:01,609 WHAT THE- 2 00:01:06,432 --> 00:01:08,366 EXCUSE ME. I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. 3 00:01:09,368 --> 00:01:10,768 OH, MY GOD. 4 00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:14,973 YOU SAW. HE RAN RIGHT OUT IN FRONT OF ME. 5 00:01:15,041 --> 00:01:19,493 OH, MY GOD. COME ON. COME ON. 6 00:01:19,562 --> 00:01:21,930 DON'T YOU DIE ON ME. 7 00:01:22,882 --> 00:01:25,317 OH. HE'S... HE'S OK. 8 00:01:25,384 --> 00:01:27,735 DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHO HE BELONGS TO? 9 00:01:44,152 --> 00:01:45,670 HOLD IT. 10 00:01:45,737 --> 00:01:48,506 OH. MR. KAUFMAN. 11 00:01:48,573 --> 00:01:50,008 CARRIE. 12 00:01:52,077 --> 00:01:54,195 I GUESS I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE LATE TODAY, HUH? 13 00:01:54,263 --> 00:01:56,531 I GOT HERE AT 6 A.M. 14 00:01:56,598 --> 00:01:58,166 MMM. 15 00:01:58,234 --> 00:02:00,318 WHAT YOU GOT THERE, A BOOK? 16 00:02:00,386 --> 00:02:01,702 OH. "THE CONTORTIONIST'S DAUGHTER." 17 00:02:01,771 --> 00:02:03,537 IT FOLLOWS A BEDRIDDEN PROFESSOR 18 00:02:03,605 --> 00:02:05,539 AND HIS GROWING DISILLUSIONMENT 19 00:02:05,607 --> 00:02:08,542 IN 17th-CENTURY PRUSSIA. 20 00:02:08,610 --> 00:02:11,045 OOH. THAT SOUNDS FASCINATING. 21 00:02:11,113 --> 00:02:13,948 WELL... THEN HERE. 22 00:02:14,016 --> 00:02:14,732 WHAT? 23 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:16,051 I JUST FINISHED IT THIS MORNING. 24 00:02:16,086 --> 00:02:17,469 YOU CAN HAVE MY COPY. 25 00:02:17,620 --> 00:02:19,054 OH, NO, NO, NO, NO. 26 00:02:19,121 --> 00:02:20,555 OH, PLEASE. I'D LOVE TO HAVE SOMEONE 27 00:02:20,623 --> 00:02:22,057 TO DISCUSS IT WITH. 28 00:02:22,124 --> 00:02:23,558 MY WIFE THINKS 1,100 PAGES 29 00:02:23,626 --> 00:02:25,860 IS TOO LONG FOR A BOOK. 30 00:02:25,928 --> 00:02:28,546 SOMETIMES I FORGET SHE'S ONLY 29. 31 00:02:28,613 --> 00:02:31,566 WELL... ENJOY. 32 00:02:31,634 --> 00:02:33,934 WILL DO. 33 00:02:34,002 --> 00:02:35,053 CRAP. 34 00:02:39,124 --> 00:02:41,959 WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T TAKE CHICKENS? 35 00:02:42,027 --> 00:02:43,078 YOU'RE ANIMAL CONTROL. 36 00:02:43,145 --> 00:02:45,080 I BETCHA IF I HAD A DOG OR A CAT, 37 00:02:45,147 --> 00:02:47,082 YOU'D BE ROLLING OUT THE RED CARPET. 38 00:02:47,149 --> 00:02:49,550 HELLO? HELLO? 39 00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:57,726 SO, UH... SHOULD I DROP YOU OFF HERE OR... 40 00:03:00,746 --> 00:03:03,932 "AS YERGEN APPLIED AN OINTMENT TO HIS WITHERED LEG, 41 00:03:03,999 --> 00:03:07,768 "HE THOUGHT BACK TO HIS DAYS AS AN APPRENTICE BAKER. 42 00:03:07,837 --> 00:03:12,106 THE FIRST BREAD YERGEN MADE WAS A PUMPERNICKEL." 43 00:03:15,344 --> 00:03:17,445 HOW LONG IS THIS RECIPE? 44 00:03:19,281 --> 00:03:22,116 HEY. I'M HOME. 45 00:03:22,184 --> 00:03:23,451 HEY. 46 00:03:24,854 --> 00:03:26,955 WHERE YOU BEEN? I HAD DINNER READY FOR 2 HOURS. 47 00:03:27,022 --> 00:03:28,423 YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE MY DAY. 48 00:03:28,490 --> 00:03:30,725 I HAD TO DRIVE ALL THE WAY UP TO PLATTSBURG. 49 00:03:30,792 --> 00:03:32,059 WHAT? 50 00:03:32,111 --> 00:03:33,778 CRAZY STORY. I'M DELIVERING IN CHINATOWN, RIGHT? 51 00:03:33,845 --> 00:03:35,280 AND ALL OF A SUDDEN- 52 00:03:35,347 --> 00:03:37,949 AH, GOOD. IT'S STILL NICE AND JUICY. 53 00:04:20,726 --> 00:04:23,127 STOP IT! 54 00:04:23,195 --> 00:04:25,346 WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? 55 00:04:25,414 --> 00:04:26,831 I GOTTA GET SOME AIR. 56 00:04:31,519 --> 00:04:33,187 OH, MY GOD. 57 00:04:33,255 --> 00:04:35,923 HEY, DOUG. 58 00:04:35,991 --> 00:04:38,042 HEY, GLENN. 59 00:04:38,110 --> 00:04:40,194 WHAT'S WRONG? 60 00:04:40,262 --> 00:04:43,264 NOTHING. IT'S STUPID. 61 00:04:43,331 --> 00:04:44,699 PROBLEMS AREN'T STUPID. 62 00:04:44,767 --> 00:04:47,301 PEOPLE WHO IGNORE THEM ARE. 63 00:04:48,587 --> 00:04:51,856 IT'S JUST... TODAY I HELPED THIS INJURED CHICKEN, 64 00:04:51,923 --> 00:04:54,692 AND I SORT OF GOT ATTACHED TO HIM, 65 00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:56,527 AND THEN WHEN I CAME HOME, 66 00:04:56,595 --> 00:04:59,063 CARRIE HAD DINNER WAITING FOR ME. 67 00:04:59,130 --> 00:05:01,833 LET ME GUESS. CHICKEN? 68 00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:03,884 YEAH. I TOLD YOU IT WAS STUPID. 69 00:05:03,953 --> 00:05:06,220 NO, DOUG, IT ISN'T. 70 00:05:06,288 --> 00:05:07,539 DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA 71 00:05:07,606 --> 00:05:09,541 WHAT GOES ON AT A POULTRY MILL? 72 00:05:09,608 --> 00:05:11,909 IT'S BARBARIC. 73 00:05:11,977 --> 00:05:13,210 I GUESS I'M PRETTY MUCH DONE EATING CHICKEN. 74 00:05:13,278 --> 00:05:14,712 I'LL TELL YOU THAT MUCH. 75 00:05:14,780 --> 00:05:16,714 HEY, THANK GOD I DIDN'T MAKE FRIENDS WITH A COW. 76 00:05:16,782 --> 00:05:19,216 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 77 00:05:19,284 --> 00:05:20,735 AFTER THEY'RE STUNNED, 78 00:05:20,803 --> 00:05:23,021 THE CATTLE ENTER THE DEATH CHUTE 79 00:05:23,089 --> 00:05:25,740 WHERE THEY ARE KILLED, DISMEMBERED, 80 00:05:25,808 --> 00:05:28,977 AND PREPARED FOR PROCESSING. 81 00:05:29,044 --> 00:05:29,828 IS IT ALMOST OVER? 82 00:05:29,928 --> 00:05:32,463 NOT UNTIL YOU LEARN HOW HOT DOGS ARE MADE. 83 00:05:34,433 --> 00:05:38,135 IT'S OK, DOUG. IT'S OK, DOUG. 84 00:05:43,659 --> 00:05:45,560 WHAT'S THE MATTER? 85 00:05:45,627 --> 00:05:46,760 GLENN JUST SHOWED ME SOME MOVIE 86 00:05:46,828 --> 00:05:48,262 ABOUT HOW MEAT IS MADE, 87 00:05:48,330 --> 00:05:50,198 AND NOW I CAN'T EAT IT. 88 00:05:50,265 --> 00:05:51,516 COME ON. 89 00:05:51,584 --> 00:05:52,951 CARRIE, I'M SERIOUS. 90 00:05:53,018 --> 00:05:54,251 I WAS JUST DOWN IN THE REFRIGERATOR. 91 00:05:54,319 --> 00:05:56,220 YOU KNOW WHAT I ATE? AN APPLE! 92 00:05:56,288 --> 00:05:58,339 OH, MY GOD. 93 00:05:58,407 --> 00:06:02,527 AND A YODEL, BUT STILL, I JUST... 94 00:06:02,595 --> 00:06:03,761 DOUG, I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 95 00:06:03,829 --> 00:06:05,763 YOU EAT FAST FOOD 2 OR 3 TIMES A WEEK. 96 00:06:05,831 --> 00:06:08,933 IT NEVER OCCURRED TO YOU THAT ANIMALS WERE INVOLVED? 97 00:06:09,001 --> 00:06:10,601 BECAUSE THEY DON'T MAKE IT LOOK LIKE AN ANIMAL. 98 00:06:10,669 --> 00:06:13,371 THEY'RE VERY CLEVER THAT WAY. 99 00:06:15,007 --> 00:06:16,608 WHAT... WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 100 00:06:16,675 --> 00:06:17,942 JUST TALK ABOUT MEAT AND DO STUFF TO ME, OK? 101 00:06:18,010 --> 00:06:19,811 I GOT TO LINK IT TO SOMETHING GOOD AGAIN. 102 00:06:19,878 --> 00:06:22,781 NO. OK, AS FLATTERING AS THAT IS, 103 00:06:22,848 --> 00:06:24,448 I HAVE ANOTHER IDEA. 104 00:06:24,516 --> 00:06:26,550 WHY DON'T YOU JUST STOP EATING MEAT? 105 00:06:26,618 --> 00:06:28,586 I MEAN, YOU HAD AN APPLE, RIGHT? 106 00:06:28,654 --> 00:06:30,137 OH, COME ON. NO. 107 00:06:30,206 --> 00:06:32,473 MY BODY TRIED TO REJECT IT. 108 00:06:32,541 --> 00:06:35,142 THANK GOD THE YODEL KEPT IT DOWN. 109 00:06:37,012 --> 00:06:39,647 DOUG, MAYBE THIS WHOLE THING IS FATE, YOU KNOW, 110 00:06:39,715 --> 00:06:42,483 A CHANCE FOR YOU TO START EATING BETTER. 111 00:06:42,551 --> 00:06:44,819 YOU KNOW, STICK AROUND A LITTLE LONGER... 112 00:06:44,887 --> 00:06:47,722 AND BURP LESS. 113 00:06:47,789 --> 00:06:49,990 I GUESS I COULD TRY. I MEAN, YOU KNOW... 114 00:06:50,058 --> 00:06:51,992 I'VE EATEN MEAT FOR OVER 40 YEARS. 115 00:06:52,060 --> 00:06:55,362 IT'S NOT LIKE THEY'RE COMING OUT WITH ANYTHING NEW. 116 00:06:58,550 --> 00:07:00,418 COME ON. WE'VE BEEN HERE ALL NIGHT. 117 00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:03,154 ANY NEW BURGER IDEAS AT ALL? 118 00:07:03,222 --> 00:07:04,455 OK. 119 00:07:04,523 --> 00:07:06,340 HOW ABOUT WE REVISIT THE MIAMI STACKER? 120 00:07:06,408 --> 00:07:08,526 WE'VE BEEN OVER THAT A DOZEN TIMES. 121 00:07:08,593 --> 00:07:10,328 NO BUN IN THE WORLD COULD SUPPORT 5 PATTIES. 122 00:07:10,395 --> 00:07:12,630 IT'S JUST PHYSICS. 123 00:07:12,698 --> 00:07:13,548 YEAH. YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. 124 00:07:13,615 --> 00:07:15,850 NOBODY WANTS A BURGER THAT KEEPS FALLING DOWN. 125 00:07:17,769 --> 00:07:20,004 PEN. PEN. 126 00:07:27,496 --> 00:07:31,049 "THE LEANING TOWER OF PIZZA BURGER." 127 00:07:31,116 --> 00:07:34,886 THE BOTTOM BUN IS A MINI PIZZA. 128 00:07:41,860 --> 00:07:45,045 I GUESS THE OLD DOG STILL HAS ONE MORE TRICK IN HIM. 129 00:07:45,113 --> 00:07:46,214 GOD, I LOVE YOU. 130 00:07:46,281 --> 00:07:47,781 WHAT? NOTHING. 131 00:07:47,849 --> 00:07:49,333 GREAT IDEA, BOSS. 132 00:07:53,788 --> 00:07:55,222 WELL, LOOK AT YOU, 133 00:07:55,290 --> 00:07:56,890 ENJOYING YOUR TOFU SAUSAGE 134 00:07:56,959 --> 00:07:59,393 AND "I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY'RE NOT EGGS." 135 00:07:59,461 --> 00:08:00,828 YEP. 136 00:08:00,895 --> 00:08:02,396 YOU KNOW WHAT MAKES THEM TASTE BETTER? 137 00:08:02,464 --> 00:08:04,198 KNOWING I'M DOING THE RIGHT THING... 138 00:08:04,266 --> 00:08:09,170 AND A BUTTLOAD OF HOT SAUCE. 139 00:08:09,237 --> 00:08:11,472 I AM REALLY PROUD OF YOU, HONEY. 140 00:08:11,539 --> 00:08:14,391 AH, IT'S NO BIG DEAL, REALLY. 141 00:08:19,381 --> 00:08:21,715 WHEN DID YOU GET GLASSES? 142 00:08:21,783 --> 00:08:24,285 THE DOCTOR SAID I PROBABLY NEEDED THEM FOR YEARS, 143 00:08:24,352 --> 00:08:25,787 BUT I DIDN'T KNOW IT UNTIL I STARTED READING 144 00:08:25,854 --> 00:08:27,955 ALL THE STUFF THAT GLENN GAVE ME. 145 00:08:29,742 --> 00:08:32,910 RUSSIAN RIVER, 5 LETTERS. 146 00:08:34,979 --> 00:08:37,715 VOLGA. 147 00:08:42,421 --> 00:08:44,154 WHAT? 148 00:08:44,222 --> 00:08:45,939 IT'S NOTHING. 149 00:08:46,007 --> 00:08:47,691 NO, COME ON. WHAT? TELL ME. 150 00:08:47,759 --> 00:08:48,943 IT'S JUST... 151 00:08:49,011 --> 00:08:51,679 YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T BE DRINKING COFFEE. 152 00:08:51,746 --> 00:08:54,415 WHY? IS THERE MEAT IN IT? 153 00:08:56,751 --> 00:08:58,786 NO, BUT THE PEOPLE WHO PICK THE BEANS 154 00:08:58,854 --> 00:09:02,023 WORK UNDER VERY TERRIBLE CONDITIONS. 155 00:09:02,090 --> 00:09:04,959 JUAN VALDEZ, THAT NICE GUY WITH THE DONKEY... 156 00:09:05,027 --> 00:09:08,429 HE'S AN ACTOR, CARRIE. I KNOW THAT NOW. 157 00:09:25,948 --> 00:09:28,449 WOW. PAGE 480. 158 00:09:28,516 --> 00:09:30,017 YOU'RE ALMOST HALFWAY THROUGH. 159 00:09:30,085 --> 00:09:32,637 OH. I JUST CAN'T SEEM TO PUT IT DOWN. 160 00:09:32,704 --> 00:09:35,139 YOU KNOW, THEY SHOULD MAKE THIS INTO A MOVIE. 161 00:09:35,206 --> 00:09:36,974 HAVE THEY? 162 00:09:37,041 --> 00:09:38,976 OH, NO. IT'S CONSIDERED UNFILMABLE. 163 00:09:39,044 --> 00:09:41,646 LISTEN, WE'RE HAVING A LITTLE SHINDIG ON SATURDAY 164 00:09:41,713 --> 00:09:44,315 TO CELEBRATE THE OPENING OF SEVEN WATER PLAZA. 165 00:09:44,382 --> 00:09:46,818 I'D LOVE FOR YOU TO COME. 166 00:09:46,885 --> 00:09:49,487 REALLY? I THOUGHT THAT WAS JUST FOR THE PARTNERS 167 00:09:49,555 --> 00:09:51,689 AND, YOU KNOW, BIG SHOTS. 168 00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:55,009 IT IS. HA HA HA. 169 00:09:55,077 --> 00:09:57,078 GOT TO HAVE MY BOOK BUDDY THERE. 170 00:09:57,145 --> 00:09:59,580 WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A LOT TO TALK ABOUT. 171 00:10:04,086 --> 00:10:05,186 DUGAN GROUP. 172 00:10:05,253 --> 00:10:06,353 HEY, BABE. 173 00:10:06,421 --> 00:10:07,521 HEY, HONEY. WHAT'S GOING ON? 174 00:10:07,589 --> 00:10:08,856 UH, NOTHING. JUST TELLING YOU 175 00:10:08,924 --> 00:10:10,324 NOT TO FILL UP ON ANYTHING 176 00:10:10,391 --> 00:10:14,194 BECAUSE FOR DINNER, I'M MAKING BEAN STEAKS. 177 00:10:16,498 --> 00:10:19,367 AGAIN? HA HA HA. 178 00:10:19,434 --> 00:10:21,369 YUMMY! 179 00:10:21,436 --> 00:10:23,871 OH, ACTUALLY, I JUST REMEMBERED. 180 00:10:23,939 --> 00:10:26,573 I HAVE TO WORK LATE TONIGHT. 181 00:10:26,641 --> 00:10:28,509 YEAH. REALLY? 182 00:10:28,576 --> 00:10:30,210 OH, ALL RIGHT. WELL, IF YOU GET HUNGRY, 183 00:10:30,278 --> 00:10:31,712 JUST LOOK IN YOUR PURSE. 184 00:10:31,780 --> 00:10:33,314 I PUT IN SOME SNAP PEAS. 185 00:10:33,381 --> 00:10:35,616 YEAH. 186 00:10:35,683 --> 00:10:36,717 YEAH, I SAW THAT. 187 00:10:36,785 --> 00:10:38,286 BUT NEXT TIME, YOU MIGHT WANT TO 188 00:10:38,353 --> 00:10:40,721 PUT THEM IN A LITTLE BAGGIE. 189 00:10:40,789 --> 00:10:42,223 NOT BIODEGRADABLE. 190 00:10:42,291 --> 00:10:44,225 OK. I GOT TO GO, BABE. 191 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:53,533 HI, CARRIE. 192 00:10:53,601 --> 00:10:55,720 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 193 00:10:55,787 --> 00:10:56,888 PLEASE DON'T TELL DOUG. 194 00:10:56,955 --> 00:11:00,892 I JUST NEEDED TO EAT SOMETHING WITH A FACE. 195 00:11:00,959 --> 00:11:02,993 WHAT'S GOING ON WITH HIM, ANYWAY? 196 00:11:03,061 --> 00:11:04,729 HE JUST FOUND SOMETHING THAT HE'S PASSIONATE ABOUT. 197 00:11:04,796 --> 00:11:07,698 IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT IT'S A LITTLE ANNOYING. 198 00:11:07,766 --> 00:11:09,082 A LITTLE ANNOYING? CAN YOU TELL HIM 199 00:11:09,150 --> 00:11:10,918 TO STOP THROWING PAINT ON MY PANTS? 200 00:11:10,985 --> 00:11:13,153 HE THINKS CORDUROY IS AN ANIMAL. 201 00:11:13,221 --> 00:11:14,238 HEY. 202 00:11:14,305 --> 00:11:15,539 HEY. WHAT'S UP? 203 00:11:15,607 --> 00:11:16,923 HOW'S THE NEW JOB? 204 00:11:16,991 --> 00:11:18,075 HOW DO YOU THINK IT'S GOING, MAN? 205 00:11:18,142 --> 00:11:20,077 I STAND ON THE SIDEWALK ALL DAY HOLDING THIS. 206 00:11:20,144 --> 00:11:21,913 YEAH. WELL, AT LEAST NO ONE'S PEEING ON YOU, 207 00:11:21,980 --> 00:11:24,415 LIKE WHEN YOU WORKED IN THE SUBWAY. 208 00:11:24,482 --> 00:11:26,433 HA. GUESS AGAIN. 209 00:11:26,502 --> 00:11:27,668 UH... 210 00:11:27,736 --> 00:11:30,705 OH. "THE CONTORTIONIST'S DAUGHTER." 211 00:11:30,772 --> 00:11:32,757 I HEARD A REALLY GOOD REVIEW OF THIS 212 00:11:32,825 --> 00:11:35,392 ON NPR's "BOOK NOOK" THE OTHER DAY. 213 00:11:35,460 --> 00:11:36,794 REALLY? YEAH. 214 00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:38,946 HEY, UM... ANY CHANCE YOU WANT TO READ IT 215 00:11:39,013 --> 00:11:41,181 AND WRITE A LITTLE SUMMARY FOR ME? 216 00:11:41,249 --> 00:11:42,767 PLEASE. IT WOULD HELP ME OUT SO MUCH. 217 00:11:42,835 --> 00:11:44,435 I'D LOVE TO, BUT I DON'T HAVE THE TIME. 218 00:11:44,502 --> 00:11:46,537 I HAVE TO BE OUT WITH MY SIGN ALL WEEK. 219 00:11:48,974 --> 00:11:52,826 FREE PHONE. FREE PHONE. FREE... PHONE. 220 00:12:00,852 --> 00:12:03,120 CLASSIC YERGEN. 221 00:12:05,824 --> 00:12:07,308 OH, HEY, BABE. 222 00:12:07,376 --> 00:12:08,543 HEY. 223 00:12:08,610 --> 00:12:10,478 OH, JUST SO YOU KNOW, FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY, 224 00:12:10,546 --> 00:12:12,313 I MADE RESERVATIONS AT THE SPROUTBACK. 225 00:12:12,381 --> 00:12:14,482 IS THAT OK? 226 00:12:14,550 --> 00:12:17,784 SPENCE FINISHED THE BOOK ALREADY? 227 00:12:17,852 --> 00:12:21,121 NO. HE SAID HE COULDN'T GET PAST PAGE 5. 228 00:12:21,189 --> 00:12:24,124 NOW I'M GLAD I GOT HIM FIRED. 229 00:12:25,460 --> 00:12:26,827 I DON'T KNOW WHAT HIS PROBLEM IS. 230 00:12:26,895 --> 00:12:29,563 I GOT TO TELL YOU, IT'S PRETTY INTERESTING. 231 00:12:29,630 --> 00:12:30,831 YOU'RE READING IT? 232 00:12:30,899 --> 00:12:32,666 YEAH. FIRST HUNDRED PAGES 233 00:12:32,734 --> 00:12:34,402 STARTS OUT A LITTLE ROUGH, 234 00:12:34,469 --> 00:12:36,153 BUT ONCE YOU REALIZE IT'S MEANT TO BE 235 00:12:36,221 --> 00:12:38,155 ALLEGORICAL, IT'S A REAL PAGE-TURNER. 236 00:12:40,258 --> 00:12:42,009 HEY, HONEY, ANY CHANCE YOU CAN FINISH THIS BOOK 237 00:12:42,077 --> 00:12:45,379 BY KAUFMAN'S PARTY ON SATURDAY AND FILL ME IN? 238 00:12:45,447 --> 00:12:46,247 YEAH, I GUESS. 239 00:12:46,315 --> 00:12:48,115 OH, SPEAKING OF THE PARTY, 240 00:12:48,182 --> 00:12:49,350 I GOT YOU SOMETHING TO WEAR. 241 00:12:49,417 --> 00:12:50,517 OH, REALLY? 242 00:12:50,585 --> 00:12:51,685 YEAH. 243 00:12:53,421 --> 00:12:55,356 CHECK IT OUT. 244 00:13:01,195 --> 00:13:02,863 READ THE LABEL. 245 00:13:02,931 --> 00:13:07,000 IT'S 100% PURE UNPROCESSED HEMP. 246 00:13:08,787 --> 00:13:12,106 IT'S FROM THE WOODY HARRELSON COLLECTION. 247 00:13:12,173 --> 00:13:14,041 HONEY, I APPRECIATE ALL THIS. I REALLY DO. 248 00:13:14,109 --> 00:13:16,577 BUT I THINK YOU'RE THROWING A LOT AT ME AT ONCE. 249 00:13:16,645 --> 00:13:18,212 I MEAN, I'M JUST GETTING USED 250 00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:20,948 TO THE "ONE FLUSH A DAY" RULE, SO... 251 00:13:21,015 --> 00:13:25,119 BUT YOU ARE... YOU'RE GONNA WEAR IT, RIGHT? 252 00:13:26,271 --> 00:13:27,338 YES. 253 00:13:27,406 --> 00:13:28,889 YOU KEEP READING THAT BOOK, BABY, 254 00:13:28,957 --> 00:13:30,390 AND I'M GOING TO TRY IT ON 255 00:13:30,459 --> 00:13:31,725 FOR YOU RIGHT NOW. 256 00:13:31,793 --> 00:13:33,060 ALL RIGHT. OK. 257 00:13:33,127 --> 00:13:35,162 THAT'S MY GIRL. YEAH. 258 00:13:35,229 --> 00:13:37,898 "SIZE- HUMAN." 259 00:13:55,250 --> 00:13:56,467 YOU'RE ALWAYS WORRIED 260 00:13:56,535 --> 00:13:58,636 ABOUT SOMEONE WEARING THE SAME DRESS. 261 00:13:58,704 --> 00:14:00,971 NOT TONIGHT. 262 00:14:01,039 --> 00:14:02,489 ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. FORGET ABOUT THE DRESS. 263 00:14:02,557 --> 00:14:03,991 I WANT TO GO OVER 264 00:14:04,059 --> 00:14:05,826 THE NOTES YOU GAVE ME FOR KAUFMAN, OK? 265 00:14:05,893 --> 00:14:07,661 THEMES, SYMBOLISM, BREAD AS A MOTIF. 266 00:14:07,728 --> 00:14:10,164 IS THAT HOW YOU SPELL "MOTIF"? 267 00:14:10,231 --> 00:14:13,167 WHAT DO YOU THINK? 268 00:14:13,234 --> 00:14:14,851 CARRIE. DOUG. 269 00:14:14,919 --> 00:14:16,370 GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT. 270 00:14:16,437 --> 00:14:18,271 YOU REMEMBER MY WIFE AMY. 271 00:14:18,339 --> 00:14:19,006 HEY. 272 00:14:19,073 --> 00:14:20,941 YES. OF COURSE. 273 00:14:21,009 --> 00:14:24,061 SHE WAS OUR INTERN LAST SUMMER. 274 00:14:24,129 --> 00:14:25,345 BACON-WRAPPED SCALLOP? 275 00:14:25,413 --> 00:14:26,680 AMY MADE THEM. 276 00:14:26,748 --> 00:14:29,349 SHE'S TAKING CLASSES DOWN AT THE CULINARY INSTITUTE. 277 00:14:29,417 --> 00:14:30,167 HAVE ONE. 278 00:14:30,235 --> 00:14:32,720 NO. THAT'S OK. THANK YOU. 279 00:14:32,787 --> 00:14:34,555 YOU'RE NOT HUNGRY, DOUG? 280 00:14:34,622 --> 00:14:37,191 ACTUALLY, I'M VERY HUNGRY. IT'S JUST, UH... 281 00:14:37,258 --> 00:14:39,726 MMM... I'M A VEGETARIAN. 282 00:14:41,580 --> 00:14:43,463 HONEY, IT'S JUST A LITTLE ITTY-BITTY THING. 283 00:14:43,532 --> 00:14:45,866 WHY DON'T YOU JUST HAVE ONE? 284 00:14:45,934 --> 00:14:48,869 I'M AFRAID I DON'T EAT ANIMALS... 285 00:14:48,937 --> 00:14:52,123 ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE WRAPPED IN OTHER ANIMALS. 286 00:14:52,190 --> 00:14:53,541 WELL, I THINK THERE'S SOME MELON. 287 00:14:53,608 --> 00:14:55,208 I'LL PICK OFF THE PROSCIUTTO. 288 00:14:55,276 --> 00:14:57,962 NO, NO. HE'S OK. YEAH, THAT'S NOT GONNA WORK. 289 00:14:58,029 --> 00:15:00,430 YOU KNOW WHAT? I'LL GO EMPTY OUT SOME MUSHROOM CAPS. 290 00:15:00,498 --> 00:15:01,882 JUST MAKE SURE THERE'S NO REMNANTS. 291 00:15:01,949 --> 00:15:03,617 OK? NO REMNANTS. 292 00:15:03,684 --> 00:15:05,819 SO, CARRIE, HAVE YOU FINISHED 293 00:15:05,887 --> 00:15:08,655 "THE CONTORTIONIST'S DAUGHTER" YET? 294 00:15:08,723 --> 00:15:11,926 FINISHED IT? DEVOURED IT. HA! 295 00:15:11,993 --> 00:15:13,644 AND? 296 00:15:13,711 --> 00:15:15,228 LOVED IT! 297 00:15:15,296 --> 00:15:17,381 I KNEW YOU WOULD. 298 00:15:17,449 --> 00:15:20,568 YEAH. YOU KNOW WHAT I REALIZED? 299 00:15:20,635 --> 00:15:22,569 YERGEN WAS NEVER AS FREE 300 00:15:22,637 --> 00:15:25,805 AS WHEN HE WAS CONFINED TO THAT BED. 301 00:15:25,873 --> 00:15:28,576 YES! AND WHAT ABOUT HIS OBSESSION 302 00:15:28,643 --> 00:15:32,079 WITH THE UMBRELLA? WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT? 303 00:15:32,146 --> 00:15:33,914 OH. OH, YEAH. THE UMBRELLA... 304 00:15:33,981 --> 00:15:36,417 UM... WAS HIS NEED FOR SHELTER... 305 00:15:36,484 --> 00:15:39,819 IN A... IN AN UNFRIENDLY WORLD. 306 00:15:39,887 --> 00:15:41,738 HOW ASTUTE. WELL, I'M GLAD 307 00:15:41,807 --> 00:15:45,009 YOU ENJOYED IT AS MUCH AS I DID. 308 00:15:45,076 --> 00:15:46,344 OH, YES, I DID. 309 00:15:46,411 --> 00:15:47,911 I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING. 310 00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:49,413 THERE'S NOTHING I ENJOY MORE 311 00:15:49,481 --> 00:15:51,648 THAN CURLING UP WITH A GOOD BOOK 312 00:15:51,716 --> 00:15:53,250 AND A NICE CUP OF COFFEE. 313 00:15:53,318 --> 00:15:54,584 MM-HMM. 314 00:15:56,888 --> 00:16:00,257 DOUG, I WAS REALLY SCORING SOME BIG POINTS ON THAT STUPID BOOK. 315 00:16:00,325 --> 00:16:02,760 AND THEN YOU HAD TO GO ON RANTING TO MR. KAUFMAN 316 00:16:02,828 --> 00:16:06,697 ABOUT JUAN VALDEZ AND HIS DONKEY. 317 00:16:06,765 --> 00:16:09,516 I WASN'T RANTING. I WAS EDUCATING. 318 00:16:10,818 --> 00:16:12,435 SWEET. MY SEEDS ARE HERE. 319 00:16:12,503 --> 00:16:14,989 HELLO, FRESH RADISHES. 320 00:16:15,056 --> 00:16:16,456 ENOUGH ALREADY. 321 00:16:16,524 --> 00:16:17,958 WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? 322 00:16:18,026 --> 00:16:19,443 WHAT'S MY PROBLEM? 323 00:16:19,511 --> 00:16:21,945 OK. WELL, EVER SINCE YOU STOPPED EATING MEAT 324 00:16:22,013 --> 00:16:25,382 AND STARTED READING, YOU'VE BEEN ACTING LIKE AN ASS. 325 00:16:25,450 --> 00:16:28,335 OK? HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO KEEP THIS UP? 326 00:16:28,402 --> 00:16:31,138 OK. FIRST OF ALL, DON'T LIKE THE LANGUAGE. 327 00:16:32,990 --> 00:16:35,625 SECOND OF ALL, THIS IS FOREVER. 328 00:16:35,693 --> 00:16:37,661 THIS IS FOR LIFE. 329 00:16:37,729 --> 00:16:40,647 OH, MY GOD. WOULD YOU STOP IT ALREADY? 330 00:16:40,715 --> 00:16:41,815 STOP WHAT? 331 00:16:41,883 --> 00:16:43,634 THAT WHOLE THING WHERE YOU SAY SOMETHING 332 00:16:43,702 --> 00:16:45,369 AND THEN PAUSE FOR EMPHASIS 333 00:16:45,437 --> 00:16:47,304 AND THEN SAY THE SAME EXACT THING 334 00:16:47,372 --> 00:16:50,507 ONLY SLIGHTLY DIFFERENTLY. IT'S SO SICKENING, MAN. 335 00:16:52,227 --> 00:16:53,643 I GET IT. 336 00:16:53,712 --> 00:16:56,413 YOU'RE... YOU'RE THREATENED BY ME. 337 00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:57,647 WHAT? 338 00:16:57,716 --> 00:16:59,016 YEAH. THAT'S RIGHT. 339 00:16:59,084 --> 00:17:03,087 BECAUSE... I AM EVOLVING, 340 00:17:03,154 --> 00:17:04,504 AND YOU- 341 00:17:10,395 --> 00:17:13,330 YOU... 342 00:17:13,398 --> 00:17:18,118 ARE REMAINING STAGNANT IN YOUR IGNORANT WAYS. 343 00:17:18,186 --> 00:17:20,020 OK. YOU KNOW WHAT? I REALLY-I HAD ENOUGH. 344 00:17:20,088 --> 00:17:21,689 THAT'S IT. OK? 345 00:17:21,756 --> 00:17:24,024 I HAD ENOUGH OF THE COMPOST HEAPS 346 00:17:24,092 --> 00:17:26,359 AND THE STRAW MATTRESS. 347 00:17:26,427 --> 00:17:28,178 AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ELSE, BUDDY. 348 00:17:28,246 --> 00:17:30,614 YOUR READING DAYS ARE OVER. YEAH. 349 00:17:30,682 --> 00:17:32,682 HEY. HEY! 350 00:17:34,152 --> 00:17:36,703 THROW IT OUT! THROW OUT ALL THE BOOKS YOU WANT! 351 00:17:36,771 --> 00:17:41,041 THE NEW DOUG HEFFERNAN'S HERE, AND HE AIN'T GOING ANYWHERE! 352 00:17:44,429 --> 00:17:46,947 SO THE NUMBERS ARE PRETTY CLEAR, 353 00:17:47,015 --> 00:17:48,532 IF YOU JUST... IF YOU JUST LOOK 354 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:49,866 AT THE COMPARISON BETWEEN- 355 00:17:49,934 --> 00:17:51,134 YES? WHAT IS IT? 356 00:17:51,202 --> 00:17:52,870 THIS IS FROM MY MOLE AT ULTRA BURGER. 357 00:17:52,937 --> 00:17:54,371 THEY'VE GOT A WHOLE NEW BURGER. 358 00:17:54,438 --> 00:17:56,006 THEY'RE TAKING IT NATIONAL ON MAY 1st. 359 00:17:56,074 --> 00:17:59,726 THE BOTTOM BUN IS A PIZZA? 360 00:17:59,794 --> 00:18:03,147 OH, MY GOD. 361 00:18:03,214 --> 00:18:04,798 OK. LISTEN UP. 362 00:18:04,865 --> 00:18:06,650 YOU ALL SCRAP WHATEVER YOU'RE WORKING ON. 363 00:18:06,717 --> 00:18:08,051 WE'RE GOING TO LAUNCH OUR ANSWER TO THIS 364 00:18:08,119 --> 00:18:09,153 ON THE 1st. 365 00:18:09,220 --> 00:18:12,990 IF THOSE BASTARDS WANT A BURGER WAR, 366 00:18:13,057 --> 00:18:15,192 WE'RE GOING TO GIVE THEM ONE. 367 00:18:20,815 --> 00:18:22,249 AH... 368 00:18:27,472 --> 00:18:29,406 5 PATTIES? 369 00:18:29,474 --> 00:18:31,242 MAMMA MIA! THAT'S A-GONNA FALL! 370 00:18:31,309 --> 00:18:33,410 THE LEANING TOWER OF PIZZA BURGER, 371 00:18:33,478 --> 00:18:35,412 NOW AT ULTRA BURGER. PRICES MAY VARY. 372 00:18:37,698 --> 00:18:39,599 THE SMOKEHOUSE- 373 00:18:39,667 --> 00:18:43,921 IT AIN'T ABOUT LAYERS. IT'S ABOUT FLAVOR. 374 00:18:43,989 --> 00:18:46,256 ONE BURGER SMOKED TO PERFECTION. 375 00:18:46,324 --> 00:18:50,027 GET IT NOW AT D.C. JR.'s. 376 00:19:00,755 --> 00:19:02,623 5 PATTIES? 377 00:19:02,690 --> 00:19:04,290 MAMMA MIA! THAT'S A-GONNA FALL! 378 00:19:04,358 --> 00:19:06,627 THE LEANING TOWER OF PIZZA BURGER, 379 00:19:06,694 --> 00:19:08,328 NOW AT ULTRA BURGER. 380 00:19:25,963 --> 00:19:27,064 AAH! 381 00:19:27,131 --> 00:19:28,465 HEY. 382 00:19:28,533 --> 00:19:29,966 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 383 00:19:30,034 --> 00:19:31,985 CARRIE GOT ME FIRED FROM THE OTHER JOB, 384 00:19:32,053 --> 00:19:33,987 BUT THIS ONE'S SO MUCH BETTER. 385 00:19:34,055 --> 00:19:35,305 HERE. HAVE A COUPON. 386 00:19:35,373 --> 00:19:36,824 GET AWAY FROM ME. 387 00:19:36,891 --> 00:19:38,325 WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 388 00:19:38,392 --> 00:19:41,094 I'LL GIVE YOU ALL THE COUPONS YOU WANT! 389 00:20:24,088 --> 00:20:25,855 OH, YEAH. 390 00:20:31,696 --> 00:20:33,346 GOOD NIGHT, GANG. 391 00:20:38,970 --> 00:20:41,321 HE'S OK. HE'S OK. 26591

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.