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1
00:00:01,802 --> 00:00:04,372
[school bell rings]
2
00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:16,517
- GREG PIKITIS.
3
00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:18,752
- YOU'RE THE PARKS
LADY, RIGHT?
4
00:00:18,786 --> 00:00:20,821
- YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
I'M THE PARKS LADY.
5
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:22,490
LESLIE KNOPE.
6
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:26,427
AND I'M HERE TO TELL YOU
THAT THIS YEAR, IT ENDS.
7
00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:27,428
UGH, THIS KID
MAKES ME CRAZY.
8
00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:29,797
WE GOT A HISTORY,
GREG AND I.
9
00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:33,201
HE ABSOLUTELY TERRORIZES
THE PARK SYSTEM.
10
00:00:33,234 --> 00:00:35,769
EVERY HALLOWEEN SOMEONE
DEFACES THE STATUE
11
00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:37,705
OF MAYOR PERCY
AND RAMSETT PARK.
12
00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:39,707
AND I KNOW
IT'S GREG PIKITIS,
13
00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:41,609
BUT I'VE NEVER
BEEN ABLE TO PROVE IT.
14
00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:44,512
HE'S LIKE AN INVISIBLE,
ADOLESCENT JAMES BOND
15
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:48,482
SUPER-VILLAIN
CRIMINAL MASTERMIND.
16
00:00:48,516 --> 00:00:50,084
OR MAYBE SOMEONE ELSE
IS DOING IT.
17
00:00:50,118 --> 00:00:51,719
BUT I REALLY FEEL LIKE
IT'S THIS KID.
18
00:00:51,752 --> 00:00:53,454
GOT THE ENTIRE
PARKS DEPARTMENT WATCHING YOU,
19
00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:54,722
MY BOYFRIEND'S A COP.
20
00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:58,092
SO DON'T EVEN TRY IT.
21
00:00:58,126 --> 00:00:59,193
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
22
00:00:59,227 --> 00:01:00,561
- OH, I THINK YOU DO.
23
00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:02,230
IT ENDS TODAY, PIKITIS.
24
00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:04,165
IT ENDS...
25
00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:06,567
TO...
26
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,737
DAY.
27
00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:12,140
- THANKS FOR STOPPING BY,
LESLIE. YOU LOOK GREAT.
28
00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:14,208
- THANK YOU.
29
00:01:14,242 --> 00:01:15,543
ENDS TODAY.
30
00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:18,546
[triumphant music]
31
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:24,585
*
32
00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:38,366
- HEY, PARKS DEPARTMENT.
33
00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:39,900
- YAY, ANN'S HERE.
34
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:42,670
- UH, JUST
TO REMIND YOU--
35
00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:47,341
TONIGHT, 7:00, MY HOUSE,
IN COSTUME. EVERYBODY IN?
36
00:01:47,375 --> 00:01:49,143
- MM.
- YUP.
37
00:01:49,177 --> 00:01:50,544
- COOL. OKAY.
38
00:01:50,578 --> 00:01:53,181
HALLOWEEN IS
MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY.
39
00:01:53,214 --> 00:01:54,248
IT'S JUST THE BEST.
40
00:01:54,282 --> 00:01:55,916
AND I DON'T HAVE TO WORK.
41
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:59,153
HEY, SLUTTY TEENAGE GIRLS
DRESSED AS SEXY KITTENS,
42
00:01:59,187 --> 00:02:01,855
PUMP YOUR OWN STOMACHS
THIS YEAR.
43
00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:03,023
OH, ONE MORE THING.
44
00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:05,893
THE PEOPLE IN THIS ROOM NOW
ARE THE PEOPLE I INVITED.
45
00:02:05,926 --> 00:02:08,429
PLUS LESLIE AND DONNA,
SO DON'T TELL ANYBODY.
46
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:09,897
- WHO'S NOT
INVITED, THEN?
47
00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:12,366
- HEY! WHAT'S GOING ON,
CUPCAKE?
48
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,435
EXCITED ABOUT
THE PARTY TONIGHT.
49
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:18,606
- OH. OH, YOU'RE COMING.
I WAS JUST ABOUT TO TELL YOU.
50
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,574
- JERRY ALREADY TOLD ME.
51
00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:24,612
CAN'T WAIT TO SEE
HOW TINY YOUR COSTUME IS.
52
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,280
WHAT TIME DOES IT START?
53
00:02:26,314 --> 00:02:28,416
- 7:00.
- PERFECT.
54
00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:30,718
- YEAH, IT'S PERFECT.
55
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:33,587
- CHECK THIS OUT.
56
00:02:33,621 --> 00:02:34,788
THESE ARE ALL
THE POSSIBLE ROUTES
57
00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:38,292
FROM GREG PIKITIS' HOUSE
TO THE STATUE.
58
00:02:38,326 --> 00:02:39,627
- THAT LOOKS LIKE
SOMETHING YOU WOULD FIND
59
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:40,894
ON THE WALL
OF A SERIAL KILLER.
60
00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:43,231
- IN A WAY THAT'S
A COMPLIMENT.
61
00:02:43,264 --> 00:02:44,732
SHOWS DEDICATION.
- MM.
62
00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:46,434
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL
ANYWAY?
63
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:48,636
I MEAN, A KID
TPs SOME STATUE.
64
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,871
- AND ALL THE TREES
AND ALL THE BENCHES.
65
00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:53,374
IT TAKES US, LIKE, TEN DAYS
TO CLEAN HIS MESS UP.
66
00:02:53,407 --> 00:02:55,476
BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY,
GREG PIKITIS SUCKS,
67
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:56,544
AND I WANT
TO DESTROY HIM.
68
00:02:56,577 --> 00:02:58,712
- OKAY.
69
00:02:58,746 --> 00:03:01,515
WELL, IF YOU DESTROY HIM EARLY,
PLEASE COME BY.
70
00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:03,384
- I WILL.
71
00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:05,553
HEY, HOW IS SOMEONE GONNA BE
ABLE TO GET THROUGH THAT DOOR?
72
00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:07,255
- OH.
73
00:03:07,288 --> 00:03:08,622
- OH! WHAT THE--
74
00:03:08,656 --> 00:03:10,524
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
75
00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:12,793
- JERRY, RELAX. HERE.
76
00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:14,962
AH, WILLIAM PERCY.
77
00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:18,499
ONE OF PAWNEE'S GREATEST MAYORS,
AND A TRUE HERO.
78
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,901
DURING THE PAWNEE BREAD FACTORY
FIRE OF 1922,
79
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:23,237
HE RAN BACK
INTO A BURNING BUILDING
80
00:03:23,271 --> 00:03:25,839
AND SAVED THE BELOVED SECRET
RECIPE FOR PAWNEE PUMPERNICKEL.
81
00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:28,509
- DIDN'T, LIKE,
30 PEOPLE DIE IN THAT FIRE?
82
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:31,545
- HE WASN'T SUPERMAN.
83
00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:33,414
- HE LOOKS LIKE
RON SWANSON.
84
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:34,482
IS THAT WHO
THIS IS BASED ON?
85
00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:36,517
- NO, IT'S BASED ON
WILLIAM PERCY.
86
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:37,851
WERE YOU LISTENING
TO WHAT I JUST SAID?
87
00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:39,520
- YES.
88
00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:41,622
- OKAY, ANDY. GOOD NEWS.
89
00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:43,324
YOU'RE OFFICIALLY
ON THE PARKS DEPARTMENT PAYROLL.
90
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,793
$8 AN HOUR.
- WHOO-HOO!
91
00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:47,661
- COMMIT THIS TO MEMORY.
92
00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:50,030
YOU SEE HIM, YOU STOP HIM.
93
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:51,665
KNOCK HIS HEAD OFF
IF YOU HAVE TO.
94
00:03:51,699 --> 00:03:52,733
- DON'T DO THAT.
- DON'T DO THAT.
95
00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:55,369
BUT I GIVE YOU PERMISSION
TO USE EXCESSIVE FORCE.
96
00:03:55,403 --> 00:03:57,571
- DON'T USE EXCESSIVE FORCE.
- DON'T GO OVERBOARD.
97
00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:58,306
JUST STOP HIM.
98
00:03:58,339 --> 00:04:00,040
BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
- NO.
99
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:01,609
- NO.
100
00:04:01,642 --> 00:04:05,579
JUST STOP HIM.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
101
00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:10,284
- A WEEK AGO, I HAD NOTHING.
NOW I HAVE A PART-TIME JOB,
102
00:04:10,318 --> 00:04:13,421
I'M GONNA MAKE
32 BUCKS TONIGHT.
103
00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:15,756
I OWE LESLIE
EVERYTHING I HAVE.
104
00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:19,960
WHICH AFTER TONIGHT
WILL BE 39 BUCKS.
105
00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:23,497
[doorbell rings]
106
00:04:23,531 --> 00:04:26,634
- HELLO, ANN.
- HEY.
107
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:27,635
- AM I EARLY?
108
00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:28,769
- NOPE, YOU ARE
RIGHT ON TIME.
109
00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:31,071
- I LIKE YOUR COSTUME.
110
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:33,307
- OH, THANKS.
RAGGEDY ANN.
111
00:04:33,341 --> 00:04:34,675
IT WAS ONE OF MY FAVORITE BOOKS
WHEN I WAS A KID.
112
00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:35,476
- HMM.
113
00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:37,077
- * HE DID
THE MONSTER MASH *
114
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,078
- * THE MONSTER MASH
115
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,448
- I'M A PIRATE.
- RIGHT.
116
00:04:40,481 --> 00:04:43,651
OH, HEY, DR. HARRIS.
HOW ARE YOU?
117
00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:45,653
- ANN.
- THANKS.
118
00:04:45,686 --> 00:04:49,390
UM, THIS IS RON SWANSON
FROM THE PARKS DEPARTMENT.
119
00:04:49,423 --> 00:04:50,924
I KNOW HIM FROM THAT THING
THAT I'M DOING.
120
00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:52,025
THIS IS DR. HARRIS.
121
00:04:52,059 --> 00:04:55,629
- YOU'RE A DOCTOR.
- YEAH.
122
00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:58,599
- I MEANT YOUR COSTUME.
- I GOT IT.
123
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,634
*
124
00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:02,670
- WORLDS COLLIDING.
125
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:05,939
ALWAYS AWKWARD.
126
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:09,677
- 8:22 P.M.
127
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:11,512
SUSPECT STILL WITH FRIENDS
IN PARKING LOT.
128
00:05:11,545 --> 00:05:14,548
HE LOOKS OBNOXIOUS
AND IRRITATING
129
00:05:14,582 --> 00:05:18,619
EVEN FROM
A GREAT DISTANCE.
130
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,087
- UH, CONFIRMED.
131
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:23,491
NORMALLY I HATE
WORKING ON HALLOWEEN, BUT, UH,
132
00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:25,125
IT'S NICE HANGING OUT
WITH LESLIE.
133
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:28,862
YOU KNOW, SHE'S FOCUSED,
SHE'S COMMITTED,
134
00:05:28,896 --> 00:05:31,632
AND, UH, SHE MADE OUT
WITH ME IN MY COP CAR.
135
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:34,635
IT WAS PRETTY NEAT.
136
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:40,541
I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT.
THAT'S CLEAR TO ME NOW.
137
00:05:40,574 --> 00:05:44,645
*
138
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:45,946
- HEY, GUYS.
139
00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:46,947
- HEY.
140
00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:49,517
REMEMBER
MY BOYFRIEND DEREK?
141
00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:51,051
AND HIS BOYFRIEND BEN?
142
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:52,620
- YEAH, HI.
143
00:05:52,653 --> 00:05:55,689
IT'S TOTALLY OKAY
THAT YOU DIDN'T WEAR A COSTUME.
144
00:05:55,723 --> 00:05:58,826
- I DID.
I'M A STRAIGHT PERSON.
145
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:00,728
- HEY. SORRY I'M LATE.
146
00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:03,897
- SEE?
147
00:06:03,931 --> 00:06:05,633
- SORRY IT'S A LITTLE BIT
LAME RIGHT NOW,
148
00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:07,067
BUT WE'LL GET IT GOING.
149
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:10,604
- I PASSED UP A GAY
HALLOWEEN PARTY TO BE HERE.
150
00:06:10,638 --> 00:06:12,540
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH FUN
GAY HALLOWEEN PARTIES ARE?
151
00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:13,974
LAST YEAR I SAW
THREE JONAS BROTHERS
152
00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:16,009
MAKE OUT WITH
THREE ROBERT PATTINSONS.
153
00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:18,412
IT WAS AMAZING.
154
00:06:18,446 --> 00:06:20,113
- SO YOU'RE THE MARK
THAT ANN IS DATING.
155
00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:22,516
- I SUPPOSE THAT I AM.
156
00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:25,185
- WE'RE VERY PROTECTIVE OF ANN.
WE LOOK OUT FOR HER.
157
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:26,654
- SO YOU KIND OF
DROPPED THE BALL
158
00:06:26,687 --> 00:06:27,921
WITH ANDY, THEN,
DIDN'T YOU?
159
00:06:27,955 --> 00:06:29,723
- OH, ANDY.
160
00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:31,725
- I LOVED ANDY.
OH, SUCH A SWEETHEART.
161
00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:32,526
IS ANDY COMING TONIGHT?
162
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,695
- YOU SHOULD
GET BACK WITH ANDY.
163
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,630
- WHO NEEDS A DRINK?
164
00:06:36,664 --> 00:06:37,665
I DO.
165
00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:39,600
- SUSPECT LAUGHING
WITH FRIENDS
166
00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:43,070
AND PLAYING WITH
HIS STUPID SKATEBOARD
167
00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:46,607
IN A SNIDE,
TURD-ISH MANNER.
168
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:48,476
- "TURD-ISH"?
169
00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:51,512
- YES. LIKE A TURD.
LIKE A LITTLE TURD.
170
00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:52,312
- HEY, LISTEN.
171
00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:54,515
YOUR SCARE TACTICS
CLEARLY WORKED,
172
00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:57,485
YOU GOT ANDY
GUARDING THE STATUE,
173
00:06:57,518 --> 00:06:58,652
WHY DON'T WE GO
TO ANN'S PARTY?
174
00:06:58,686 --> 00:06:59,953
HAVE A LITTLE FUN.
175
00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:03,724
OH, UH, WE WANTED
TO COVER THAT BLOCK ANYWAY.
176
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,759
WANTED A POLICE PRESENCE
ON IT, SO THAT'S--
177
00:07:05,793 --> 00:07:08,696
THIS IS WITHIN THE BOU--
UH, CONFINES OF--
178
00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:09,697
- SURE, LET'S GO.
179
00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:10,698
- YEAH? OKAY.
- YEAH.
180
00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:12,500
WE'LL GO BY MY OFFICE
AND PICK UP MY COSTUME.
181
00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:13,567
- GOT IT.
182
00:07:13,601 --> 00:07:14,568
- CAN'T WE JUST
FIRE A WARNING SHOT
183
00:07:14,602 --> 00:07:15,603
OVER HIS HEAD
AS WE DRIVE BY?
184
00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:16,604
- NO, BABE,
DON'T TOUCH THAT.
185
00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:17,538
- UGH...
186
00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:21,642
LEAVING LOCATION.
LOOK AT STUPID SUSPECT.
187
00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:22,643
I HATE SUSPECT.
188
00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:24,812
WHERE ARE MY KEYS?
189
00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:26,514
- LOOKS LIKE IT'S OPEN.
190
00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:28,549
- REALLY?
191
00:07:33,721 --> 00:07:37,491
[gasps]
192
00:07:37,525 --> 00:07:38,559
PIKITIS!
193
00:07:43,697 --> 00:07:45,132
- WE'VE BEEN TAILING
THAT KID FOR A COUPLE HOURS.
194
00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:47,200
I MEAN, IT MUST'VE
BEEN SOMEBODY ELSE.
195
00:07:47,234 --> 00:07:50,871
- IT WAS PIKITIS.
196
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:52,640
BELIEVE ME NOW.
197
00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:55,108
- THAT DOESN'T
MEAN ANYTHING TO ME.
198
00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:57,578
- THIS IS A PEACH PIT.
- OKAY.
199
00:07:57,611 --> 00:08:00,548
- HE WAS EATING A PEACH
WHEN I WENT TO GO TALK TO HIM.
200
00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:02,049
THIS IS HIS
ACE OF SPADES.
201
00:08:02,082 --> 00:08:02,916
THIS IS HIS CALLING CARD,
202
00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:04,217
THIS IS WHAT HE LEAVES
ALL HIS VICTIMS.
203
00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:05,285
AND IT'S STILL WARM.
204
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,788
OKAY, GO AND ARREST HIM
AND SEND THIS TO THE LAB.
205
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,256
- WE DON'T HAVE A L-LAB.
206
00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:10,758
- HI, APRIL.
207
00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:14,261
OKAY, YOU'RE UNDERAGE.
208
00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:15,262
- YOU'RE NOT.
209
00:08:15,295 --> 00:08:18,732
- HEY.
YEAH, I'M GONNA LEAVE.
210
00:08:18,766 --> 00:08:20,133
- OH, OKAY.
211
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:21,268
- THIS ISN'T THAT FUN.
212
00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:23,103
- DIDN'T NEED
TO TELL ME THAT.
213
00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:24,538
- I'M GONNA
TAKE THIS HOME.
214
00:08:24,572 --> 00:08:26,173
NOBODY WAS DRINKING IT,
SO I'M GONNA TAKE IT.
215
00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:27,174
- OKAY.
216
00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:32,212
- GONNA TAKE THIS TOO.
BEEN MEANING TO READ IT.
217
00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:33,981
- [sighs]
218
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:36,083
- OKAY, THIS ISN'T
STRICTLY LEGAL.
219
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:37,084
WE CONSULT HIM
FOR MAYBE AN HOUR,
220
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:38,085
AND THEN I GOT
TO LET HIM GO.
221
00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:39,086
- YOU TALK TO HIM FIRST.
222
00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:41,254
YOU HAVE A SCARY FACE.
- HEY.
223
00:08:41,288 --> 00:08:43,290
- NO, IN A GOOD WAY.
SCARY CUTE.
224
00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:45,092
- YEAH?
- GO TALK TO HIM.
225
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:46,093
- OKAY.
226
00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:48,228
- I DIDN'T DO THIS, MAN.
227
00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:50,097
I PROMISE.
228
00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:52,633
- SON, I'M A POLICE OFFICER,
OKAY, YOU SHOULDN'T LIE TO ME.
229
00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:55,302
- I'M NOT.
I'VE NEVER BEEN HERE BEFORE.
230
00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:56,970
AND WHY WOULD I DO THIS?
231
00:08:57,004 --> 00:08:59,172
- BECAUSE YOU'VE HAD RUN-INS
WITH MISS KNOPE IN THE PAST.
232
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:01,174
[cell phone rings]
233
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:03,143
JUST A SECOND.
234
00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:07,214
YEAH?
- ASK HIM ABOUT THE PEACH PIT.
235
00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:09,750
- THIS ISN'T
ONE-WAY GLASS, YOU KNOW.
236
00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:12,152
I CAN SEE YOU.
237
00:09:12,185 --> 00:09:13,821
YOU KNOW, I LIKE KNOPE.
238
00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:15,989
I SCREW WITH HER
'CAUSE SHE GETS ALL RILED UP.
239
00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:18,291
AND HER FACE GETS
ALL SCRUNCHED UP LIKE THIS.
240
00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:20,761
BUT I LIKE HER.
SHE'S ALL RIGHT.
241
00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:23,296
[laughs]
YOU SEE?
242
00:09:23,330 --> 00:09:24,297
- WHAT?
243
00:09:24,331 --> 00:09:27,334
- I SPENT THE WHOLE DAY
DECORATING THIS PLACE,
244
00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:29,369
AND EVERYBODY'S
IN THE KITCHEN.
245
00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:31,371
WHY IS EVERYONE
ALWAYS IN THE KITCHEN?
246
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:32,673
- I THINK
IT'S GOING FINE.
247
00:09:32,706 --> 00:09:34,341
- IT'S SO QUIET.
248
00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:37,177
OH, MY GOD,
OH, MY GOD, OH, MY GOD.
249
00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:40,280
THIS IS A TOTAL FAILURE.
THIS PARTY IS A FAILURE.
250
00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:41,749
OH, MY GOD.
251
00:09:41,782 --> 00:09:44,284
- NO, NO, IT'S NOT
A FAILURE, ANN, COME ON.
252
00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:46,186
- ANN, DO YOU HAVE
ANY MOUNDS?
253
00:09:46,219 --> 00:09:48,355
BECAUSE ALL I CAN FIND
ARE ALMOND JOYS.
254
00:09:48,388 --> 00:09:50,758
AND ALMONDS
GIVE ME THE SQUIRTS.
255
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:51,759
- UGH.
256
00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:53,160
- HEY, I'M HERE.
257
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,262
STATUE'S FINE.
258
00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:57,898
"CRAPPY HALLOWIENERS."
THAT'S HILARIOUS.
259
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:58,999
WHERE'S THE KID?
260
00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:00,067
- IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM,
261
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,902
TRYING TO HIDE
HIS OBVIOUS GUILT.
262
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,704
- LESLIE, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO TELL YOU.
263
00:10:03,737 --> 00:10:04,872
I DON'T THINK HE DID IT.
264
00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:06,974
- YEAH, HE DID,
AND WE NEED A CONFESSION.
265
00:10:07,007 --> 00:10:11,211
OKAY, ANDY AND I
ARE GOING TO TAKE A WALK.
266
00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:14,848
AND IT'S GONNA BE JUST YOU,
PIKITIS, AND THESE PLIERS.
267
00:10:14,882 --> 00:10:16,784
- LOOK, I'M NOT GONNA
TORTURE THIS KID.
268
00:10:16,817 --> 00:10:19,019
- NOBODY SAID TORTURE.
269
00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:20,654
- WHY DON'T YOU LET ME
TAKE A RUN AT HIM, BOSS?
270
00:10:20,688 --> 00:10:24,224
IN ORDER TO THINK
LIKE ONE OF THESE GUYS,
271
00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:26,093
YOU HAVE TO
THINK LIKE THEM.
272
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,161
- YEAH, HE'S NEVER
SEEN YOU BEFORE.
273
00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:31,031
SO IMPLY THAT YOU'RE
SOMEONE VERY IMPORTANT,
274
00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:34,902
AND THAT YOU CAN
MAKE HIS LIFE HELL.
275
00:10:34,935 --> 00:10:37,037
- [clears throat]
276
00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:39,106
GREG PIKITIS.
277
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:41,141
WOULD YOU LIKE
SOME BOILING HOT COFFEE?
278
00:10:41,174 --> 00:10:47,180
IN THE FACE?
279
00:10:47,214 --> 00:10:48,348
- MY NAME
IS BERT MACKLIN.
280
00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:51,952
I'M WITH THE [bleep] FBI.
281
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:54,087
- OOH. ARE THESE
THE SAME KIND OF CHIPS?
282
00:10:54,121 --> 00:10:57,257
- HEY!
WHAT'S UP, GORGEOUS?
283
00:10:57,290 --> 00:10:58,358
- PERFECT.
284
00:10:58,391 --> 00:11:00,127
- GET YOUR RAGGEDY ASS
OVER HERE, GIRL.
285
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,095
- HEY, TOM. MAD HATTER?
286
00:11:02,129 --> 00:11:03,797
- T-PAIN, BABY.
287
00:11:03,831 --> 00:11:07,034
* SHE POPPIN', SHE ROLLIN',
SHE ROLLIN' *
288
00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:11,839
* SHE CLIMBIN' THE POLE AND
I'M IN LOVE WITH THE STRIPPER *
289
00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:13,874
THIS IS NOT A STRIPPER,
IT'S MY WIFE WENDY.
290
00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:15,075
YOU REMEMBER HER.
291
00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:16,076
- HI. THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR INVITING US.
292
00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:17,210
- SURE.
293
00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:18,946
- SHE'S A SURGEON
AT COUNTY GENERAL.
294
00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:20,147
AND SHE'S SUPER HOT.
295
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:22,282
- WELL, THANK YOU
FOR BEING A DOCTOR
296
00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:23,784
AND NOT COMING
DRESSED AS A DOCTOR.
297
00:11:23,817 --> 00:11:28,221
- OH, MY GOD, WHO'D BE
BORING ENOUGH TO DO THAT?
298
00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:29,222
- ANN,
WHAT HAPPENED HERE?
299
00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:30,758
DID YOU TELL EVERYONE
THEY'RE GONNA HAVE TO
300
00:11:30,791 --> 00:11:32,826
GET A BONE MARROW
TRANSPLANT TOMORROW?
301
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:33,827
THEY LOOK MISERABLE.
302
00:11:33,861 --> 00:11:35,262
THIS PARTY'S A DISASTER.
303
00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:36,864
- NO, IT'S NOT.
- YES, IT IS.
304
00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:37,865
- DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
WE CAN FIX THIS.
305
00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:38,866
- TOTALLY.
306
00:11:38,899 --> 00:11:39,933
- GIVE US A SECOND.
307
00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:42,202
- YOU ARE THE STUPIDEST
HUMAN BEING I HAVE EVER--
308
00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:43,370
- [sighs]
- SHUT UP!
309
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:44,838
- LOOKS LIKE ANDY'S
WEARING HIM DOWN.
310
00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:47,040
I'M GONNA
GO FINISH HIM OFF.
311
00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:49,409
- THAT IS THE DUMBEST THING
I HAVE EVER HEARD.
312
00:11:49,442 --> 00:11:51,178
- WHY DON'T YOU JUST
SHUT UP FOR A SECOND?
313
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,312
- WHAT'S GOING ON
IN HERE?
314
00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:56,216
- HE'S A JERK!
HE IS BEING SUCH A JERK!
315
00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:57,317
THAT'S AN AWFUL THING
TO SAY TO A HUMAN BEING!
316
00:11:57,350 --> 00:11:58,451
- ARE YOU CRYING?
317
00:11:58,485 --> 00:12:00,020
- NO, I'M--
I AM NOT CRYING, OKAY?
318
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,856
I'M--I'M ALLERGIC TO JERKS!
- OKAY, ANDY, OUT.
319
00:12:02,890 --> 00:12:07,160
- FINE! I DON'T EVEN CARE!
IT'S STUPID!
320
00:12:07,194 --> 00:12:11,364
- OKAY.
THE GLOVES ARE COMING OFF.
321
00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:14,334
- WH--WHAT'S THAT?
- I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS.
322
00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:16,269
WHEN I CAME TO VISIT YOU
AT THE SCHOOL
323
00:12:16,303 --> 00:12:18,438
YOU WERE EATING A PEACH.
324
00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:20,540
THEN MY OFFICE
GETS VANDALIZED
325
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,075
AND SOMEBODY LEAVES
A PEACH PIT ON MY DESK.
326
00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:25,478
I DON'T THINK
THAT'S A COINCIDENCE, GREG.
327
00:12:25,512 --> 00:12:26,746
- WOW. YOU NAILED ME.
328
00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:30,250
I MEAN, THERE IS NO WAY THAT TWO
DIFFERENT PEOPLE COULD'VE EATEN
329
00:12:30,283 --> 00:12:34,454
THE SAME FRUIT IN THE SAME DAY
IN THE SAME AREA OF INDIANA.
330
00:12:34,487 --> 00:12:38,325
NEVER MIND THAT I WAS
ACTUALLY EATING A PLUM
331
00:12:38,358 --> 00:12:44,264
WHEN YOU SAW ME EARLIER.
332
00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:46,366
- I KNOW YOU DID THIS.
I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY.
333
00:12:46,399 --> 00:12:48,301
I DON'T CARE THAT YOU WERE
IN THE PARKING LOT ALL NIGHT,
334
00:12:48,335 --> 00:12:50,203
SOMEHOW YOU FOUND
A WAY TO GET IN HERE.
335
00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:51,905
- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
336
00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:53,173
HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT I WAS
IN THE PARKING LOT ALL NIGHT?
337
00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:57,044
- BECAUSE
I FOLLOWED YOU, GENIUS!
338
00:12:57,077 --> 00:12:59,947
- IF YOU FOLLOWED ME ALL NIGHT,
THEN YOU KNOW THAT IT WASN'T ME!
339
00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:02,149
NO! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?
340
00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:05,218
- LOOK, I'VE BEEN VERY CIVIL,
BUT I WILL WATERBOARD YOU.
341
00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:07,354
- NO, NOPE.
342
00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:09,089
I DON'T THINK
SHE WOULD MAKE A GOOD COP.
343
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:11,558
I-I WOULD BE FRIGHTENED
TO LIVE IN A TOWN
344
00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:14,294
THAT SHE'S
THE COP OF, FRANKLY.
345
00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:16,496
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
346
00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:17,865
- ANN, DO YOU WANT ME
TO LIVEN THINGS UP OR NOT?
347
00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:19,432
- OF COURSE I DO.
- ALL RIGHT, THEN RELAX.
348
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:21,935
TURN OFF ALL THE LIGHTS
THAT DON'T HAVE COLORED BULBS.
349
00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:24,537
[Flo Rida's Jump]
350
00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:26,139
ALL RIGHT, Y'ALL.
351
00:13:26,173 --> 00:13:29,209
TAKE THE PIGS IN A BLANKET
AND PUT 'EM TO SLEEP,
352
00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:30,911
IT'S TIME TO GET WILD!
353
00:13:30,944 --> 00:13:32,846
GET THIS FURNITURE
OUT OF HERE, Y'ALL,
354
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,247
WE'RE MAKING
A DANCE FLOOR.
355
00:13:34,281 --> 00:13:36,583
COME ON, Y'ALL.
356
00:13:36,616 --> 00:13:41,188
PUT THE TURKEY WRAPS DOWN.
WE'RE 'BOUT TO GET WILD.
357
00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:45,859
RON SWANSON
IN THE BUILDING, Y'ALL!
358
00:13:45,893 --> 00:13:50,563
*
359
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:53,166
- HIS MOM'S GONNA BE HERE SOON.
PLEASE, DAVE, JUST ARREST HIM.
360
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:54,334
- ON WHAT CHARGE?
361
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:55,468
- JUST HANDCUFF HIM
TO SOMETHING.
362
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:58,338
- GREGGY? GREG!
363
00:13:58,371 --> 00:14:00,440
GREGSY.
364
00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:01,441
- MOM.
365
00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:03,310
- MRS. PIKITIS.
366
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:05,112
HI, I'M LESLIE KNOPE.
THIS IS OFFICER SANDERSON.
367
00:14:05,145 --> 00:14:07,514
- AND BERT MACKLIN. FBI.
368
00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:09,016
- WHAT THE HELL DO YOU
THINK YOU'RE DOING?
369
00:14:09,049 --> 00:14:10,617
YOU CAN'T JUST HOLD
A 16-YEAR-OLD KID
370
00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:11,484
AGAINST HIS WILL.
371
00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:12,986
- WELL, WE WERE
TRYING TO QUESTION HIM
372
00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:13,987
ABOUT THIS VANDALISM.
373
00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:15,188
- DO YOU HAVE
ANY EVIDENCE?
374
00:14:15,222 --> 00:14:17,324
- YES. TWO WORDS.
- NO. NO, WE DON'T--
375
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:19,960
- PEACH PIT.
- PEACH PIT.
376
00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:20,994
- HIS DNA IS ALL OVER IT,
I ASSUME.
377
00:14:21,028 --> 00:14:22,095
- WE DON'T KNOW THAT.
378
00:14:22,129 --> 00:14:25,398
- WE CAN GET IT TESTED,
AND IF IT MATCHES YOUR DNA,
379
00:14:25,432 --> 00:14:27,067
THEN YOU'RE GOING AWAY
FOR A LONG TIME.
380
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:28,601
- IS THIS A JOKE?
381
00:14:28,635 --> 00:14:29,937
- NO.
382
00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:32,005
- I'M CALLING
YOUR SHIFT COMMANDER.
383
00:14:32,039 --> 00:14:34,307
MONDAY MORNING,
I AM CALLING YOUR BOSS.
384
00:14:34,341 --> 00:14:36,309
I DON'T KNOW
WHO TO CALL ABOUT YOU--
385
00:14:36,343 --> 00:14:37,477
- PRESIDENT
OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
386
00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:38,478
- FINE!
387
00:14:38,511 --> 00:14:40,580
AND IF ANY OF YOU EVER
COME NEAR MY SON AGAIN,
388
00:14:40,613 --> 00:14:43,483
I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL SUE YOU
AND EVERYONE IN THIS BUILDING.
389
00:14:43,516 --> 00:14:48,221
COME ON, HONEY.
390
00:14:48,255 --> 00:14:51,224
- LET 'EM THINK THEY'VE LOST US.
THEN--
391
00:14:51,258 --> 00:14:53,026
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
392
00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:56,163
- I GOT TO GO TELL MY BOSS WHY
I ILLEGALLY DETAINED A TEENAGER.
393
00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:57,430
I SHOULDN'T HAVE
GOTTEN INVOLVED WITH THIS.
394
00:14:57,464 --> 00:14:59,232
IT'S JUST--
395
00:14:59,266 --> 00:15:01,201
JUST BAD POLICE WORK.
396
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:04,371
- YEAH, IT WAS
BAD FBI WORK TOO.
397
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:05,405
MY BAD.
398
00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:18,551
- TONIGHT THE "T" IN T-PAIN
STANDS FOR "TOM HAVERFORD"!
399
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,420
NURSES VERSUS DOCTORS.
400
00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:21,989
ON MY MARK.
401
00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:25,525
THREE, TWO, ONE...
402
00:15:25,558 --> 00:15:28,061
VODKA!
403
00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:31,364
[cheering]
404
00:15:31,398 --> 00:15:33,333
- SON.
405
00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:35,168
THAT IS ONE
HELL OF A COSTUME.
406
00:15:35,202 --> 00:15:36,636
- THANKS.
407
00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:39,439
- DAMN, THAT'S GOOD.
408
00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:40,573
NICE PARTY.
409
00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:42,575
- THANKS.
410
00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:45,078
- WHY WOULD
ANYONE DO THIS?
411
00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:46,513
- KIDS ARE KIDS.
412
00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:49,116
EVERYBODY DOES STUPID STUFF
LIKE THIS IN HIGH SCHOOL.
413
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:50,750
- I DIDN'T.
414
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:51,751
- YEAH, BUT YOU WERE
PROBABLY A NERD, THOUGH, HUH?
415
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:53,153
- HEY.
416
00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:54,587
- LESLIE, I MEAN THAT
IN A GOOD WAY.
417
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:56,056
LOOK AT YOU NOW.
418
00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:58,625
YOU'RE THE COOLEST PERSON
I'VE EVER MET.
419
00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:00,360
I EVEN MET
JOHN COUGAR MELLENCAMP ONCE.
420
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:03,363
- ANDY, WHY DON'T YOU GO HOME?
I'LL FINISH CLEANING THIS UP.
421
00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:04,497
- NO WAY.
422
00:16:04,531 --> 00:16:07,467
YOU GOT ME A JOB. YOU'RE HELPING
ME TURN MY LIFE AROUND.
423
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:09,669
I GO HOME
WHEN YOU GO HOME.
424
00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:12,539
- UH, IT'S--
IT'S CITY PLANNING.
425
00:16:12,572 --> 00:16:14,507
IT'S MOSTLY, LIKE,
REGULATING THINGS
426
00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:17,277
AND JUST MAKING SURE
PEOPLE OBEY THE CITY CODE.
427
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:19,612
- YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE?
GO BACK TO MY PLACE?
428
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:22,449
- WHAT? NO.
429
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:25,518
I'M DATING ANN.
430
00:16:25,552 --> 00:16:26,786
- GOOD. THAT WAS A TEST.
YOU PASSED.
431
00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:28,521
LET'S CELEBRATE
YOU PASSING THE TEST,
432
00:16:28,555 --> 00:16:29,522
OVER A DRINK AT MY PLACE.
433
00:16:29,556 --> 00:16:32,459
- NO. STILL NO.
434
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:34,794
- YOU PASSED
A SECOND TEST.
435
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:38,765
BUT WE'RE STILL
WATCHING YOU.
436
00:16:38,798 --> 00:16:42,035
[slow r&b music]
437
00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:46,806
- SO YOU WANT TO GET OUT
OF HERE, GO BACK TO MY PLACE?
438
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,475
*
439
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:50,810
- HEY, RON.
440
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,812
- HELLO, WENDY.
441
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:55,548
BOY, YOU AND TOM REALLY
TURNED THE PARTY AROUND.
442
00:16:55,582 --> 00:16:58,485
- OH. WE HAVE
A GOOD TIME TOGETHER.
443
00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:04,124
TOM TOLD ME THAT YOU KNOW
ABOUT OUR GREEN CARD MARRIAGE,
444
00:17:04,157 --> 00:17:05,458
AND I JUST--
I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU
445
00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:09,229
FOR NOT TELLING ANYONE.
446
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:11,364
- NO WORRIES.
447
00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:15,502
I'D HATE FOR YOU
TO HAVE TO GO BACK TO CANADA.
448
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:19,839
ALL THE--ALL THAT
SOCIALIZED MEDICINE UP THERE.
449
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,841
- WENDYLICIOUS,
WHERE YOU BEEN?
450
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:26,213
- I WAS JUST THANKING RON FOR,
YOU KNOW, NOT TELLING ANYONE.
451
00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:28,748
- OH, YEAH. THANK YOU.
THAT WAS COOL OF YOU.
452
00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:30,817
- YOU KNOW, YOU WON'T HAVE TO
KEEP IT A SECRET MUCH LONGER
453
00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:32,585
BECAUSE IN A FEW MONTHS
WE CAN SPLIT UP
454
00:17:32,619 --> 00:17:34,154
WITHOUT RAISING
ANY EYEBROWS.
455
00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:38,391
AND WE'LL INVITE YOU
TO THE DIVORCE PARTY.
456
00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:41,228
- OH, MAYBE GREG
IS INNOCENT.
457
00:17:41,261 --> 00:17:42,595
IF THAT'S THE CASE,
458
00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:44,464
THEN THERE'S ANOTHER KID
OUT THERE WHO'S TORMENTING ME.
459
00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:46,233
- MAYBE.
460
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:47,234
- I BELIEVE THAT YOU'RE
461
00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:49,736
INNOCENT UNTIL
PROVEN GUILTY IN THIS COUNTRY.
462
00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:51,871
THAT'S THE CORNERSTONE
OF DEMOCRACY.
463
00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:54,474
- SURE.
464
00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:57,844
- ON THE OTHER HAND,
GREG PIKITIS IS A LITTLE PUNK.
465
00:17:57,877 --> 00:17:59,412
I KIND OF WANT TO
TP HIS HOUSE.
466
00:17:59,446 --> 00:18:02,415
- LET'S DO IT.
467
00:18:02,449 --> 00:18:03,483
- [laughing]
468
00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:07,454
WAIT, WAIT, THIS IS FUN,
THIS IS FUN, WHAT DO I DO?
469
00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:08,488
- YOU JUST GRAB
THE TOILET PAPER,
470
00:18:08,521 --> 00:18:09,622
UNROLL IT A LITTLE BIT
LIKE THIS,
471
00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:11,258
THROW IT OVER THE TREE.
472
00:18:11,291 --> 00:18:12,692
- THIS IS FOR
MAYOR PERCY,
473
00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:14,827
THIS IS FOR
THE PARKS DEPARTMENT OFFICE,
474
00:18:14,861 --> 00:18:17,897
THIS IS FOR POOPING
ON THE HANDBALL COURT!
475
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,332
- [clucks]
476
00:18:19,366 --> 00:18:20,400
- [squeaks]
477
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:24,271
YEAH! THIS IS REALLY FUN,
BUT I DON'T CONDONE IT!
478
00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:28,241
[breathing frantically]
479
00:18:28,275 --> 00:18:31,211
- BYE, GUYS.
YOU'RE THE MAN, SWANSON.
480
00:18:31,244 --> 00:18:32,779
THANKS FOR COMING.
- ARRR...
481
00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:34,714
- ANN.
- DUDE.
482
00:18:34,747 --> 00:18:37,550
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
483
00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:39,719
- DON'T MENTION IT.
484
00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:42,355
- ALSO, TOM,
YOUR WIFE IS SUPER COOL.
485
00:18:42,389 --> 00:18:43,390
SO WELL DONE.
486
00:18:43,423 --> 00:18:44,724
- YEAH,
SHE'S PRETTY GREAT, RIGHT?
487
00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:46,593
- YEAH, I DON'T KNOW
HOW YOU LANDED THAT CHICK,
488
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,561
BUT SHE'S AWESOME.
NICE WORK.
489
00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:50,463
YOU'RE LUCKY.
- HI. YOU READY TO GO?
490
00:18:50,497 --> 00:18:51,398
- YES.
491
00:18:51,431 --> 00:18:53,266
- THANK YOU SO MUCH.
WE HAD SO MUCH FUN.
492
00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:54,501
- BYE. THANK YOU.
493
00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:57,304
- 'BOUT TO HEAD HOME
AND HAVE CRAZY SEX.
494
00:18:57,337 --> 00:18:58,505
- THAT'S COOL. I DON'T--
495
00:18:58,538 --> 00:18:59,739
- YAY!
496
00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:00,540
[laughs]
497
00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:02,842
- [laughs]
[police siren sounds]
498
00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:06,846
FIVE-0! FIVE-0!
499
00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:09,316
- I SEE YOU
IN THERE, ANDY.
500
00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:12,685
LESLIE,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
501
00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:15,488
- OH, BOY.
502
00:19:15,522 --> 00:19:17,357
- THAT'S THEM, OFFICER.
RIGHT THERE.
503
00:19:17,390 --> 00:19:18,825
- OH, MY GOD. OH, NO.
504
00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:21,894
I'M SO SORRY.
I THINK WE HAVE THE WRONG HOUSE.
505
00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:23,896
- WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
506
00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:24,697
- IT'S REALLY HARD
TO EXPLAIN,
507
00:19:24,731 --> 00:19:25,898
BUT WE WERE TRYING
TO GET REVENGE
508
00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:26,733
ON THIS KID GREG PIKITIS,
509
00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:27,600
AND WE THOUGHT
THIS WAS HIS HOUSE,
510
00:19:27,634 --> 00:19:29,202
BUT I GUESS WE GOT
THE ADDRESS WRONG.
511
00:19:29,236 --> 00:19:30,337
- I'M GREG'S MOM.
512
00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:32,739
- YOU ARE?
- YES.
513
00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:37,444
OH, DID HE HIRE A FAKE MOM AGAIN
TO GET HIM OUT OF TROUBLE?
514
00:19:37,477 --> 00:19:38,878
- WHAT?
515
00:19:38,911 --> 00:19:40,947
- WHENEVER HE GETS IN TROUBLE
HE GOES ON CRAIGSLIST
516
00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:42,849
AND HIRES A WOMAN TO PLAY
HIS MOTHER AND BAIL HIM OUT.
517
00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:46,253
OH, THAT LITTLE S-O-B.
518
00:19:46,286 --> 00:19:48,921
GREG! GREGORY!
519
00:19:48,955 --> 00:19:49,922
- I KNEW IT!
520
00:19:49,956 --> 00:19:51,658
- OH, MY GOD.
- DUDE.
521
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:56,396
THAT KID IS AMAZING.
522
00:19:56,429 --> 00:19:59,932
- HE'S NOT IN HIS ROOM.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS.
523
00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:01,368
- I DO.
524
00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:03,603
- MAKE SURE YOU GET THAT.
525
00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:06,639
- HEY!
526
00:20:06,673 --> 00:20:08,508
- LET THEM GO!
STAY ON THE LEADER!
527
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:11,578
[panting]
528
00:20:11,611 --> 00:20:12,579
- OOH...
529
00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:14,714
I AM GONNA
WRING YOUR NECK!
530
00:20:14,747 --> 00:20:16,549
- HOW DID YOU GET
INTO THE PARKS DEPARTMENT?
531
00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:17,350
I HAVE TO KNOW.
532
00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:18,851
- MAYBE THE FBI
CAN FIGURE IT OUT.
533
00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:22,689
- [laughs]
I'M NOT EVEN IN THE FBI, STUPID.
534
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:24,724
- WOW. YOU'RE AMAZING.
535
00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:26,293
- HEY! YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL
FOR A VERY LONG TIME.
536
00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:27,394
- YOU CAN'T--
537
00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:28,094
- HE'S NOT GONNA GO TO JAIL,
YOU KNOW, HE'S A MINOR.
538
00:20:28,127 --> 00:20:30,563
- WE'LL LET
THE JURY DECIDE.
539
00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:32,565
- IT'S NOT GONNA BE A JURY,
IT'S HIS--
540
00:20:32,599 --> 00:20:33,566
- THEN THE JUDGE WILL
DECIDE WHERE HE GOES.
541
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,502
- LOOK, HE'S GONNA DO PROBATION,
HE'S A MINOR--
542
00:20:35,535 --> 00:20:37,504
- DAVE,
JUST LET ME HAVE THIS.
543
00:20:39,872 --> 00:20:41,508
- WOW, NICE WORK, KNOPE.
- YEAH, THAT IS AMAZING.
544
00:20:41,541 --> 00:20:42,709
- THANKS.
545
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:45,645
BUT THE THING THAT'S DRIVING ME
NUTS IS HOW DID HE DO IT?
546
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:49,582
- IF YOU DESTROY HIM EARLY,
PLEASE COME BY.
547
00:20:49,616 --> 00:20:51,284
- I WILL.
548
00:20:51,318 --> 00:20:52,619
- HOW IS SOMEONE GONNA BE ABLE
TO GET THROUGH THAT DOOR?
549
00:20:52,652 --> 00:20:54,721
- OH! WHAT THE--
550
00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:56,623
- I MEAN, WE WERE HERE
ALL AFTERNOON.
551
00:20:56,656 --> 00:20:59,626
HOW DID HE GET IN?
552
00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:02,962
FIRST OF ALL, WE ALWAYS
LOCK THE DOORS WHEN WE LEAVE.
553
00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:04,864
AND DAVE AND I
TAILED PIKITIS
554
00:21:04,897 --> 00:21:07,767
FROM THE MOMENT
HE LEFT HIS HOUSE AT 7:00 P.M.
555
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,670
TO THE MOMENT
WE CAME BACK HERE.
556
00:21:10,703 --> 00:21:12,339
DOES HE HAVE
A LOOK-ALIKE OR SOMETHING?
557
00:21:12,372 --> 00:21:18,311
DID HE HAVE AN ACCOMPLICE?
I MEAN, DID HE HAVE HELP?
558
00:21:18,345 --> 00:21:21,981
HOW DID THAT
LITTLE TURD DO IT?
559
00:21:22,014 --> 00:21:22,081
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