All language subtitles for --NO--Katies.Mom.2023.1080p.AMZN.WEB-23.976

("Holidays R' Hell")

♪ Angels around my door ♪

♪ Angels around my house ♪

♪ Not Halloween anymore ♪

♪ Not a creature was
stirring, not even a mouse ♪

(chimes tinkle)
♪ Oh, holidays are hell ♪

♪ Merriness and
(sings indistinctly) ♪

♪ Oh, holidays are hell ♪
(text clicks)

♪ I'll knock by a candle
to know when you're here ♪

- No! (laughs)

(Morty laughs)

- [Morty] Strut it,
bitch. Strut it.

(Evelyn hisses)

(Morty laughs)

♪ Oh, I can see clothes
remind me of you ♪

♪ And it's easy to understand ♪

♪ The clear in the coat
that's so see-through ♪

♪ Melts in my mouth
and in my hand ♪

- Camping Joshua Tree?
Morty hates nature.

(Nancy scoffs)

(water splashes)
(phone thunks)

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

(Nancy groans)

- Oh, no, no, no. No,
no, no, no, dislike.

Where, where's the dislike,
where's the dislike button?

(Nancy groans)

(phone slams)
(Nancy exhales sharply)

("Let's Get Together
for Christmas")

(water splashes)

Really don't need this today!

(door opens)

♪ Can you feel it in the air ♪

♪ Good times are
gonna last forever ♪

♪ Baby, it's a time to share ♪

♪ 'Cause tonight, we're
gonna be together ♪

♪ I'm waiting under
the mistletoe ♪

♪ Jingle bell sleigh and
go through the snow ♪

♪ So wrong, it
feels so right but ♪

♪ Oh, baby let's get
together this Christmas ♪

♪ Let's get together
this Christmas ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Baby, I've been all alone ♪

♪ Hearing your voice
on the telephone ♪

♪ Why don't you
come back to me ♪

♪ I'm wrapping presents
under the tree ♪

♪ Snow's fallin', I'm callin' ♪

(engine rumbles)
♪ Will you be ♪

♪ Here in the morning ♪

♪ The only good time is ♪

♪ Will you come back to me ♪
(door creaks)

♪ This Christmas ♪

- Katie? Hi!

Oh my God! Oh!

- Hi, (laughs) Mom.

- I'm so glad you're home!
Oh, I'm gonna crush you.

- Oh my God! Okay.
- Let me look at you.

You look great,
but, but different.

Here, sit down. Have a cookie.

- I'm not hungry.

- But the chocolate chip
frosties. You, you love these.

- Mom, those like have like
30 grams of carbs in them.

- I just, I just
made them, you know?

You don't know how much trouble
I went through to make them.

- No, I'm just like
trying to cut back,

and I'm not gonna eat one,
and like neither should you.

Just be a little healthy.

(door creaks)
(luggage thuds)

- Hello.
- Hi. I'm Alex.

- Hello?
- May I?

(cookie crunches)

Wow. These are delicious.

Are these on the menu
for a Christmas-Hanukah?

- It's Chrismanukah.

- Alex is joining us for dinner.

- Oh. (chuckles)

You didn't mention anything
about bringing a guest.

- Well, now you know.

Alex, can you help
me with those bags?

- The general has
spoken. Yeah, come on.

- Thanks, Mom. I'm really
excited to be back.

It's gonna be fun!

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ The wildest plants
grow wild around you ♪

- Mm, that's good.

♪ Through concrete blocks
and red brick walls ♪

♪ The loneliness finds
the better of me ♪

- Okay, this has to be
the best acai chia pudding

I've ever had.
- Mm-hmm.

I wish I was a kite. How'd
you get so smart, Bumby?

- You're embarrassing me, Bambi.

- [Katie] Oh, I'm embarrassing
you? I'm embarrassing you?

♪ Held on my best friend ♪
(lips smooch)

♪ Leaving me ♪

- So how did you two meet?

- Craigslist.

- (laughs) I hired Alex to
tutor me for a Spanish midterm.

I knew something was up

when he translated the entire
"Bad Money" album for me.

- I ran out of
herbs to conjugate.

- Hmm.

Oh, oh, you don't,
you don't have to.

- No, no, I, I
insist. I want to.

(plates clink)

- Thank you.

(door rattles open and shut)

So you've been dating two months
and you never mentioned it?

- You never asked.
- Does your father know?

- He's been really busy.

I haven't really
talked to him lately.

- Yeah, glamping in the Mojave
Desert is difficult work.

- How do you know about that?

- Sue Hobart must
have mentioned it.

Anyway, I'm, I'm
glad you met someone.

- I'm glad because he needs a
place to stay for the break.

- The whole break?
- Mm-hmm.

- Sweetheart, that's,
that's a, that's a month.

- But he can't go
back to New York

because he's been slaving
away on his thesis.

- Sweetheart,
listen, I, I can see

that you're getting worked up.

When I get worked up,
I do these mantras.

- Mom, I don't need mantras!

- They're really-
- I need Alex.

(water splashes)

Mom!

- Why doesn't he stay
with his own family?

Sweetheart, your new
boyfriend seems very devoted,

- Sh, sh! Shut up!
- okay?

- Sh, Mom. Like it's
not official yet.

- What? Wait, so, so
he's not your boyfriend?

- No, we're just not like,

we're just not
saying that word yet.

We haven't labeled it.

- (laughs) Katie, I'm sorry,

but your, your your new
special man friend can't stay.

- Seriously?
- Yeah, seriously.

- You don't want me to be happy?

- [Nancy] No, it's not
that. It's not that, honey.

- No, you want me to be
alone and miserable like you.

What do you even do all day
besides Facebook stalk Evelyn?

(footsteps thud)
(soft percussive music)

- I'm so sorry we put this on
you. I can stay in Long Beach.

It's fine.
- Long Beach?

What's in Long Beach?
- I've got friends.

- No, you know, if, if he
can't stay, I'm going, too.

We will just stay
at Dad and Evelyn's.

- Just stop.

Just, fine.

You both can stay.
- Thank you.

- Got any more of those cookies?

(cards shuffle)

(Nancy exhales sharply)
(Thelma mews)

(Katie screams indistinctly)

(Katie and Alex scream)
(bed thuds)

- Really? Really, guys?

(door creaks open and shut)

- (laughs) Why are you
wearing my mom's kimono?

- I thought it was for guests.
- (laughs) What?

- Hey, question.

Does your mom, does she
usually let guys stay over?

- Hasn't really come up.

- Who's this dud?
- Oh, ew! Don't look at that.

I hate my profile
on that picture.

- I'll be honest with you.

I wouldn't deflowered you
behind the bleachers at prom.

- That wasn't prom. That
was my debutante ball.

- Oh, excuse me, the ball. You
gonna see him over the break?

- Yeah. You will, too.
- Menage-a-trois?

- (laughs) No, ew.
It's my brother Eli.

- You took your
brother to the ball?

- I went to an all-girls school.

Only the fashion
queens have boyfriends.

- Okay.

- How many girlfriends
have you had?

- (chuckles) Well, let's see.

There was, there was
Dana from the block.

There was Angela
with the killer ass,

but hers was bubbly,
not firm like yours,

and then there was Skye who
was like five years older

than I was.
- Okay, I get it.

You've had a lot of experience.

- Hey, I'm not your
first boyfriend, am I?

- So you are my boyfriend?

- Okay, sure. You
can call me that.

(soft percussive music)

(food sizzles)

- Morning, honey. I made
your favorite breakfast.

- Morning.
- That's my kimono.

- Yeah, Katie actually
said that I could, I could-

- No, no, it's, it's
fine. It's fine, it's...

(sighs) Where, where is she?

- She's brunching with Morty.

- She didn't mention it to me.
Why didn't you go with her?

- I needed my beauty sleep.

Are those your famous
lemon ricotta pancakes?

- Famous?
- Yeah.

Katie tried to
make those one time

after our first study session.
- Really? She cooks?

- Well, we had to
throw away the pan.

(both laugh)

- Well, what else does
Katie cook of mine?

- Well, I actually
do all the cooking.

- Really? What's,
what's your specialty?

- I make a mean arroz con pollo.

- Impressive.

(Latin guitar music)
(people chatter indistinctly)

- So you've only got one more
semester. What's the plan?

- Well, still figuring it out,

but I aced my
abnormal psych final.

- That's worthless
without a Master's.

- And I have a boyfriend now.

- Hmm.
- Alex.

- Alex.

- He's number one in the
architecture program.

He even got an award.

- Now that is an
employable major.

- Mm-hmm.
- Where's he interning?

- We haven't really
talked about it.

Should he have
something lined up?

- You know, I have a lipo
patient that works at Pensler.

I'll ask her to meet him.
- Would you really, Daddy?

- Why not?
- Thank you!

- But you, you need
some marketable skills

if you ever wanna get hired.

You can help Evelyn with the
accounting in the office.

- What? I'm a student.

- Yeah, student who's on winter
break right now. Come here.

I've got some great
news. Evelyn is pregnant.

Wow. Wow.
- Wow is right.

- Mom is gonna hit the roof.

- Sweet pea, it's
gonna be a girl.

You always wanted
to be a big sister,

and you're the first person
in the family to find out.

So be there tomorrow
9:00 AM sharp.

You hear from Eli? He won't
return my calls, fucker.

(phone rings)
(bell tolls)

- [Eli] Mom, I'm sorry.
I keep missing you.

- Yeah, no, actually, can
I, can I just vent for,

for just one second, please?

Katie is in your
father's clutches.

She is at his office
working all the time,

- Katie's working?
- and, and when she is home,

she's, she just,
she just avoids me

and, and holes up with
her new lover boy.

- [Eli] (laughs) Bonafide bae?

Unlike the alleged
Bobby Rothstein

from Shalom Santa
Monica who never called?

I didn't see anything
about this on Insta.

- No, he's been here
a week eating gelato

out of the container
and wearing my kimono.

- [Eli] Oh, so Katie's
dating Liberace.

- No, actually, he's, he's,
he's quite heterosexual.

Her room sounds like a porn set.

Maybe she'll snap out of it
when you're here. (chuckles)

I'm just, I just can't wait
for you to get here, really.

- [Eli] (sighs) Bad
news. I talked to Mitch.

This AM, we've got
the arraignment

for the Hodgkins
case on the 28th.

He says I can't leave
town. I'm sorry.

If it goes well, I'm on
track to make partner.

- Oh, well that's,
that's, I mean,

I was really looking
forward to seeing you.

(soft ethereal music)
(Eli sighs)

- [Eli] Mom, I know.

- Well, that's, that's great,
honey. That's wonderful.

- [Eli] I'll visit
in March. I promise.

- Okay. Yeah. I, I understand.
- I love you. I'm sorry.

- All right, love you.

(phone beeps)
(birds chirp)

(phone dings)

(Nancy sighs)

(Nancy sighs)

You motherfucker. God.

(line rings)

Pick up the phone, Morty.

- [Morty] This is
Morty. Leave a message.

- You're procreating
with that child?

I, I thought you said you were
never gonna do that again,

you fucking bastard!

You took the best years
of my life, Morty!

You really did, and why the
fuck do you get the do-over?

You fuck!

(phone thunks)
(soft tense music)

(Nancy cries out)

- Don't mind me. I just
forgot my ice cream.

You need anything?

- I, I dropped my
phone in the pool.

(soft bright electronic
atmospheric music)

(water splashes)

(water splashes)
(Nancy sighs)

(water splashes)

(soft bright electronic
atmospheric music continues)

(Nancy sighs)

Thanks, but it's a
worthless brick now.

- Architects have
a way with bricks.

I can show you. Come on.

So you and your
phone are gonna have

to spend a few hours apart.

- Oh wait. Hey,
that's for dinner.

- Trust me. I worked
at the Genius Bar.

This does the job every time.

(bag rustles)

So was this mishap related

to that Bota-blond
Jezebel's pregnancy?

- You know, too? Son of a bitch.

I mean, I, I have to find
out about it on the internet?

I, I, I, I swear
to God, I wanna,

I wanna to just run Morty over
with each of his three cars

and watch him fucking
bleed to death.

- Wow. Okay.

I now see where Katie gets
her, her passion from.

- Sorry, I, I don't
usually talk like this.

I'm just been, I've
been a little emotional.

- I'm just kidding.

But look, that idiot's
got two parasites sucking

on him now for the
rest of his life,

and you are free to do
whatever it is that you want.

- Yeah. It's, it's
fucking terrifying.

- Katie mentioned
that you wanted

to do a Fulbright in Spain
when you were in college?

- Well, yeah, I mean,
maybe back then.

You know, speaking of Katie,
she's gonna be home soon.

- I'll cook.

(soft bright music)

- Really?
- Yeah, really.

Unlike Katie, I know
how to use a skillet.

Go have some fun.

- All right, thanks.
- Yeah.

(car wash rumbles)
(Nancy sighs)

(brakes squeak)

- You've been through
twice already.

Planning to eat off the hood?

- Hooked on that
pine mist scent.

- There's worst vices, I guess.

(engine rumbles)

- And then Eli drove
Nancy's rust bucket

into the Hobarts'
mailbox. (laughs)

Oh, I am so bummed you're
not gonna get to meet him.

- Rust bucket?
- Mm, 'cause it is.

- That's a 1973 Beamer
out there. It's a classic.

Speaking of, you think Nancy

will let me take out the
classic for a spin, or?

- I thought you didn't
know how to drive stick.

- Well, I don't, but
I'm a good student.

Here. I want you to try this.

(food sizzles)

And you tell me what you
think my secret ingredient is.

It's hot.

(Katie chuckles and moans)

- Baking soda.
- Baking soda?

- Mm. Is that cumin I smell?

- Bingo!

- Alex is making Cuban rice.

- Oh. Wow.
- He's an amazing chef.

- Well, it's my
grandmother's secret recipe.

So she deserves a credit.

- Well, it smells delicious.

- Thank you. Oh.
- Mm-hmm.

Oh my God, you're a
genius. Thank you so much.

- It's water resistant.
- What happened to your phone?

- I spilled water on it while
I was cooking the rice. Yeah.

- So how do we feel about
the devil's spawn? Huh?

- Studies link low IQ
to geriatric sperm.

(Katie and Nancy laugh)
(soft music)

- [Rosalba] Katie (speaks
in foreign language).

(Katie screams indistinctly)

Katie (speaks in
foreign language).

(Katie shouts indistinctly)

(chime dings)

- Gently and, oh.
(laughs) Okay, okay.

You need to just step on the
accelerator a little bit more

when you release the clutch.

You're gonna just
keep stalling, okay?

- Okay.
- All right.

- Won't you, won't you
put on some tunes, teach?

- All I have are these tapes.

- Even better. Cassettes
are the new vinyl.

(cassette player
clicks and rattles)

("Nancy Drew")

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ You threw my
Nancy Drew books ♪

♪ My model horses
from Massachusetts ♪

- So groovy. It's, it's lo-fi.

- Tuscadero's best album.

Came out the summer
I interned in DC.

- Nancy? is this song about you?

- (laughs) No, I was
just their merch girl,

but the girls did
actually sing it to me

when I had to leave the
nightclub early for work.

- Who'd you intern for?
Some, some handsy dude?

- Barbara Boxer, actually, when
she was first starting out.

- So what happened?
- To what?

- Your political career.

(soft ethereal music)

- Morty proposed.

- I'll tell you what.

I know just the place where
we can pick up some new tapes.

Wanna go on an
adventure, Nancy Drew?

(Nancy chuckles)
(soft upbeat music)

- Sure. Yeah.
- Okay!

(keys jingle)
(engine rumbles)

("Nancy Drew")

♪ I don't know just
what possessed you ♪

♪ If I were a cop,
I'd arrest you ♪

♪ Mom, what's going on ♪

♪ I know to you it
seemed like trash ♪

♪ But did you have to do
something quite so rash ♪

♪ Dad, this is really bad ♪

♪ You threw out my
Nancy Drew books ♪

♪ My model horses
from Massachusetts ♪

(waves crash)
♪ All my Barbies ♪

♪ And all my Kens ♪

♪ My stuffed animals,
my childhood friends ♪

- Oh, hey! You know Katie
loves the dumplings from Mao's.

You wanna get some?

- I'm not really hungry.
- You? Everything okay?

(gulls caw)

- It's just I didn't
wanna stress Katie out,

and I spent all this
money on presents.

My student loans
haven't kicked in,

and now my phone's
gonna get shut off.

Now I'm, (sighs) nevermind.
Now I'm burdening you.

- No you're not. You know, I
had a life before Pasadena.

I grew up on a farm
in upstate New York,

so I kind of get being hard up.

- You're just full
of surprises, huh?

(up-tempo hand drum music)

Hey, look, I can show
you my drum skills

for my busking days.

- (laughs) What
haven't you done?

- My high school counselor said

that I know a
little about a lot.

Come on.
- okay.

(people chatter indistinctly)
(person whistles)

(hand drum music fades out)
(soft ethereal music)

Are your teeth singing?

(exhale echoes)

(exhale echoes)

(Nancy coughs)
(up-tempo hand drum music)

- (laughs) You okay?

(crickets chirp)

(soft jaunty string music)

(camera clicks)

(lips peck)
(camera clicks)

- What? I did everything
you asked me to do.

We're closing in a half hour.

- Then fucking find
something to do.

- Do not swear in
front of my sister.

- Pretty sure it can't hear me.
It's the size of an avocado.

- What...

(heels clack)

(door thuds open)
(bell dings)

- Katie? What is up, my bitch?

Are you finally
getting that procedure?

- What procedure?
- Nevermind.

What are you, like
a secretary now?

- Nope, just helping
out the old man.

What are you, here
for a touch up?

- Arjun put a ring on it.

I wanna look my best
for our big day.

- Well, my boyfriend is
starting a job at Pensler,

and we're getting a place
together (speaks indistinctly).

- With no ring? You always
were such a pioneer.

Will I meet this
fairytale prince

at the Holiday Sensation
and Marina del Rey?

- Yeah! Definitely.

Go right in.

(heels clack)

(footsteps shuffle)

- Dad.
- Yeah.

- Why didn't you invite me
to the Holiday Sensation?

- Because it's on Christmanukah.

(doors creak open)
(bugs chitter)

(doors slam)
(footsteps shuffle)

(keys jingle)

- Listen, I haven't
smoked weed since the 90s,

and I, I really don't know what
they're growing these days.

The, the details are
just a little bit fuzzy,

but whatever happened
- Yeah?

- never happened.
- Okay.

(footsteps shuffle)
(keys jingle)

(door opens)
(Katie gasps)

- Hi.
- Where were you?

I called to see if you
wanted M&Ms for your houses.

- I was just giving
Alex a driving lesson.

- Yeah. Hi, baby.
- Hey, baby.

- Yeah.
- Ew.

You smell like patchouli.

- Oh yeah. It's 'cause
we were in Venice.

- It was bad reception.

Yeah, but this is, this
is so nice, sweetheart!

I didn't think you
liked gingerbread.

- I don't, but I know you do.

- Aw.
- Have a seat, Mom. Come on.

So cute.
- Thank you.

- This is great.
- You start.

(upbeat festive music)

♪ I'm waiting for you
to come back to me ♪

♪ I'm hoping you
make it home early ♪

♪ The scene is all
set for this evening ♪

♪ If Santa came now ♪

- Wow, you really got a
knack for this, Bumby!

- Well, I was a pastry
chef in high school.

- Well, aren't you the
little renaissance man.

Yours looks good too, honey.

- Mine looks like a
forest fire destroyed it.

- Well, I might get a
little white, if you just-

- No, I think I got it.
- No, let me just show you.

If you just do a little bit
- No.

- like this, it'll be fine.
- It's fine, Mom.

- If I can just show you-
- I don't need your help. Mom!

- Mom, I don't need your help!
- Okay, okay! Okay.

Stop.
- You know,

I wanted to spend some
quality time with you tonight

because I have some news
that you're not gonna like.

- You're flaking
on Christmas brunch

at the Midnight Mission.
- Yeah, that, too.

Dad is starting a new family,

and he wants me to
be a part of it,

so he invited us to
the Holiday Sensation.

It's on the 24th.

(soft ethereal music)
(Nancy scoffs)

- This is so typical.
That is so typical of him.

I mean, it's just like that time

when I wanted to go
camping in Yosemite

and he showed up with VIP
tickets to Disneyland.

- Not everything is about you!

You know what? I'm, I'm done.

I am done crafting with Nancy.
- Baby,

a house can't stand
on three walls.

So let's just stay for one more-

- So you're on her side now?
- Okay. Okay.

So, so you're gonna,

you're gonna leave me
alone on Chrismanukah

so that you can go
spend it with Morty

and his harem of wax figurines.

Is that, is that what-

- Those wax figurines
paid for this house!

It's unbelievable.

- Baby.
- Katie!

(footsteps thud)

- You okay?

- I'm fine.

(candy crunches)

(birds chirp)

(bags shuffle)

(door clicks open and shut)

- Hey, did you sneak
out this morning?

- Well, the persimmons,
they sell out by 1:00 PM.

- Yeah, it just feels weird

'cause it feels like
you're avoiding me,

which is funny because
you're the one that-

- No, sh, sh, sh, sh! Do
not say it out loud please.

- Relax. Katie's not here.

That's what I'm
trying to tell you.

Your secret's safe with me.

(Nancy sighs)

I won't tell anyone that
you can't do a pull-up.

- (chuckles) You wanna see
what I got her at the market?

- Yeah, sure.

(necklace clinks)

- You think she'll like it?
- Yeah, it's cool.

It's a, a rock.

- No, it's, it's eye
light. It's a gemstone.

- A stone, yeah.

- Right. Yeah, you
know, it's stupid.

It's, it's, it's something Katie

would've liked
when she was eight.

- I'll, I'll just-
- No-

- No, I'm gonna just donate it

to the National Charity League.

It's-
- I thought it was cute.

(knock thuds)

- Oh, hi! Go around the back.

- Expecting company?

(Nancy sighs)
(door opens)

- Nance, I saw you at the
market and tried to catch you.

- I didn't see you.

- Who's this? Am I
interrupting something?

- Oh gosh, no, no. It's,
it's Katie's boyfriend, Alex.

- Hmm. So, so where's she?

- She's at working
- She's at work.

She's at work with her dad.

- Oh. Anyway, I've
got someone for you.

A silver fox named
Jeff Schneider.

- Actually, you know, I'm,

I'm not really ready to
start dating just yet.

- Come on, Nance.
It's been a year.

He's a scientist
at JPL, divorced.

He has an extra ticket

to "The Night of the Rose"
at the Dorothy Chandler,

and it's Friday night, and I
know you don't have any plans.

So call him. I've gotta jet.

- Okay. See ya.

(soft upbeat music)

- I can't, I, I can't, I
can't call, I can't call him.

- Solar system ambassador?

- I can't. Do you
know I have not gone?

The last time I went on
a date with a stranger,

I was wearing culottes, okay?

What am I gonna wear?

- We'll start by
finding you an outfit.

- So like, what? You're
like a stylist now?

(traffic whooshes past)

- Here, try this one.

- It looks a little
small. (chuckles)

- Show off that yoga bod.

(zipper zips)

(curtain rustles)
(heels clack)

- Well?

- That's the one.

- Yeah?

- (chuckles) Yeah.

- Oh, it's $400. It's too much.

(heels clack)

(door clicks open and shut)

(upbeat rock music)

(footsteps shuffle)

- Hey. Follow me.

- What?

Hey, hey, hey. Did
we just steal this?

- Come on. I prefer
to call it adopting.

- Okay, so I, I don't wanna
be banned from Mission Street.

We gotta take it back. Come on.

- Okay, well if we do
that, we'll be arrested.

- We better fucking move it!
- Let's go.

(footsteps thud)

(laughs) Come on.

- Give me the keys! (laughs)

(tires screech)

(car whooshes past)

(soft guitar music)
(alcohol trickles)

(throat clears)

- That was, that was, that
was some opera, wasn't it?

- Yeah. Yeah, it was.
- Yeah.

I, I hadn't, I hadn't
seen it before.

I didn't know there
was so much sex in it.

I just, I hope (laughs) that
wasn't awkward or anything.

- Oh no. No, I loved it.

- Yeah. (laughs)
- I can't stop thinking

about when he just rips
her bodice off, so.

- Yeah.
- It's hot.

- Yeah. That, that
was a good moment.

(both laugh)

- Yeah.

- This might be me
being analytical,

but, you know, that's me.

I'm not sure I bought
into the whole Marchel

and Octavian
relationship, you know?

It just didn't, you know?
- Hmm. Why?

You don't believe a young man

could find an ancient
30-year-old woman attractive?

- No, no, it's not that.
It's just, confession.

Look, I had a huge crush

on my high school
math teacher, right?

But (laughs) why would Mr.
Lubucki wanna have anything

to do with me, this sweaty,
Atari-playing dweeb, you know?

- Well, sometimes
attraction isn't rational.

- Marchel is this beautiful,
sophisticated, elegant woman,

and she deserves a partner.

- Well, maybe Marchel

would've given the
age-appropriate option a chance

if he lived in her kingdom.

Anything ever happen
with Ms. Lubucki?

- She saw me naked once.
- Oh. Really?

So you (clears throat)
conquered your queen? (laughs)

- (laughs) No, no.
Not even close.

It was, I was streaking by
her car after Homecoming.

Yeah, and so (laughs) anyway.

- Oh really? You
wanna get outta here?

- Yes. Let me just pay this.

- Screw the bill. Let's just go.

- What, do you mean like dine
and dash? Just like run out?

(both chuckle)

We can't do that. I mean,
nobody's gonna pay for it.

- (laughs) Of course. I
was, I was just kidding.

- Just a joke. (laughs)
- (laughs) You had me though.

You totally had me.
I was like, "Okay."

No, Rosalba said that you
were a little left of center.

I mean, she didn't say you
were, you know, certifiable.

(both laugh)

(door creaks shut)

(floorboard creaks)

(zipper unzips)

- Yoga bod, huh?

(comforter rustles)

(Nancy sighs)

(Nancy sighs deeply)
(soft music)

(Nancy sighs)

(water trickles)

(Nancy sighs)

(water splashes)

(water splashes)

(Nancy pants and moans)

(Katie screams indistinctly)

Ugh!

(Nancy sighs exasperatedly)

(upbeat music)
(door clicks open)

- One for you and one for me.

- I stopped at Bloomie's today.

- For mois?
- Isn't it gorge?

- Yeah.

- Let me see. Let me see.

Oh, Lindsay Hobart is
gonna be so jealous.

- Yeah? Okay.
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, by the way, I told her that
we were moving in together.

She was just showing
off that gauche ring,

and I just had to mess with her.

- It's okay, baby. I'll play
along with you little fib.

- Oh, I also told her

that you were getting
a job at Pensler,

but actually, one
of my dad's patients

who works there will
be on the cruise.

- Yeah, baby, I, I just
don't know if Pensler

is the, the right firm for me.

- Oh, still a good contact.

- I'm just not sure if
I wanna be an architect.

- What? What else would you do?

- It was just,

it's an idea that's been
bouncing around in my mind.

- That is ridiculous. You
are the best in your program.

Morty's gonna get you schmoozing
with all of his buddies.

Okay, come on. Put on the
jacket, finishing touch.

(singer sings indistinctly)

- Yeah?

- Oh, we are gonna
kill it tomorrow.

- Yeah. Thank you.

- Also, Evelyn booked us
hair appointments at three,

so can you just Uber
over to the dock?

- All the way to Marina del Rey?

- I'll reimburse you.

(lips peck)
(Katie squeals)

So sexy! Lindsay is
going to lose it.

(heels clack)
(door clicks open and shut)

♪ You'll never be alone,
you'll never be alone ♪

(birds chirp)
(footsteps shuffle)

- Is Alex joining us?
- He's working on his thesis.

- Oh.
- Why?

- Oh, because I used
his poaching technique,

but I'll just put
his in the fridge.

(plate thuds)

- You got a little glow.
- Oh yeah?

- Tired from last night?
- No. Why?

- Alex said you had a date.

- Oh, yeah. Well, I
don't think we connected.

- Mom, you can't be
too picky at your age.

- (laughs) Thanks.

- Are you gonna make latkes?
I can help peel potatoes.

- Well, there's
really no reason.

I'm just gonna
FaceTime date with Eli,

and we'll light the menorah,

and I'll probably
just order Chinese.

- I know it sounds crazy,

but why don't you come
to Marina del Rey?

- That's very funny. (laughs)

That, that's,
that's funny, Katie.

No, I would sooner
sink on the Titanic

than share a lifeboat
with those two.

- Oh my God. Don't
be so dramatic.

- I'm not being dramatic. I'm
just telling you how it is.

- Dad and Evelyn can
sit at another table.

You still have time to
pick out a new outfit.

I mean, I got Alex
an amazing suit.

- Oh honey, does he even
wanna go to this thing?

- Alex is not your buddy.

He's just nice because
he feels sorry for you.

- (scoffs) Wow.

(bell tolls)

- You ready to get crazy?
- Mm-hmm.

- We're going on a boat.
- Have a couple drinks.

- Wait, wait!
- What?

I'm not waiting for
this clown anymore.

- He's usually so reliable.
- I bet he is.

(phone beeps)

- [Operator] We're sorry. This
number has been disconnected.

- What the hell?

- What?
- Hey, guys!

The Holiday Sensation
is that way.

(heels clack)
(phone text clicks)

- Brad. How are ya?
- Hey.

- Nice to see you.
- Nice to see you.

- [Brad] Nice to see you.

- Where the fuck's the boat?

- Oh, didn't you get my email
blast? Mechanical failure.

So we set up a nautical
theme at the hotel.

- (scoffs) This is bullshit.
I'm not going to this.

- Come here. We're going.

I spent 300 bucks on you and
the trivia question, okay?

So we're gonna
all stuff our face

with 300 bucks a prime rib, hmm?

("Lift Your Spirits High")

(Sue chuckles)

(Sue chuckles)

♪ Lift your spirits high ♪

♪ Lift up your spirits so high ♪

♪ So high, so high, so high ♪

(ringtone beeps and chimes)
(soft ethereal music)

(Nancy sniffles)

(match scrapes)

(flame hisses)
(Nancy cries)

(door creaks open and shut)

(footsteps thud)

- Hi.
- You came.

- Duh. I wasn't gonna leave
you alone on Chrismanukah.

Am I too late?

- Where, where's Katie?
- She's on a boat.

What, do you need a light? Here.

(Nancy sings in Hebrew)

- Hanukah.

Oh. (chuckles)
- Oh.

(Nancy sniffles and chuckles)

- It's beautiful.

You okay?

(footsteps shuffle)
(Nancy moans)

(belt rattles)
(body thuds)

(Nancy and Alex moan and pant)

Fuck. Sorry, sorry.

- Did, did, did you just-

- Yeah, I just, I couldn't...

(car door shuts outside)
(engine rumbles)

- Oh, I thought you
said she was on a boat.

- I thought she was, too!
- Oh!

- Mom?

Mom?
- Fuck.

- Mama!
- Eli?

(wheels rumble)

- Hey.
- Hey!

- Who are you?
- Oh! Baby! (laughs)

- [Eli] (laughs) Hey, Mom.
I wanted to surprise you.

- Well, you did.
- Surprise!

- Who's this?
- Katie's boyfriend.

Alex, this is my son Eli.
- Ah, and she's-

- Aboard the Holiday Sensation.

- [Nancy] With her dad. Yeah,
with your dad, yeah, uh-huh.

- Cool, and what's going on?

- Just, we, we're just, let,
let me get you a scotch.

- Okay. You're the architect.
- Yeah.

(upbeat Latin music)
(people chatter and cheer)

(glasses clink)

- Katie.
- Mr. Crotty.

- I heard you're graduating.

I have three letters for you,
NFT. Will you consider it?

- All the girls in my book
club invested in crypto.

- Come on, Mom. Pick up.

(toilet flushes)
(line rings)

(door opens)
(music blares from outside)

(heels clack)

- [Woman] (laughs) Did
you see her? Solo again.

- Bragging about
this fake boyfriend.

Who knew she could
be more desperado

than she was at the ball?

- [Woman] Dr. Rosenfeld
must hate that nose.

- [Lindsay] Poor little
Nosenfeld. (chuckles)

(heels clack)
(door clicks open)

(door creaks shut)
(music blares from outside)

- Nosenfeld?

(upbeat music)
(metal ball clinks)

(heels clack)

Dad. Dad, can we go home?

- Red or black?

- (scoffs) Red. Whatever.

Dad. Do you think
I have a big nose?

- (laughs) You're beautiful
just the way you are.

- Really?

- Okay, you know what? No.

You're an adult. You want
my professional opinion.

Life would be a whole lot easier

if you didn't have
Grandma's schnoz.

- You said I didn't
need one when I was 15!

- No, your mom made me say that.

(wheel clicks)

Oh yeah, again. Come
on, keep it coming.

I'm gonna stay with red, right?

(chocolate bubbles)

- Katie, hello.

Lindsay's skipping dessert.

Getting that honeymoon
bod ready for Mumbai.

Where's your beau?
- Set me up.

Next time I see him, I'm
gonna chop his dick off.

- Oh, that's, that's
too bad. How's Nancy?

- Why don't you ask her?

You haven't been over
since the divorce.

- (chuckles) Honey,
wipe your face.

(chocolate burbles)
(Sue gasps)

- Honeymoon bod isn't a thing.

Everybody has a
beach bod, even you!

(heels clack)

(crickets chirp)
(Katie retches and coughs)

(heels clack)

- Your dad takes
these all the time.

(heels clack)

(lighter clicks)

(Katie whimpers)

One is fine.

(Katie sighs)

- (laughs) Did you
call Sue Hobart fat?

- No. I was saying that she
was playing into misogyny.

Nevermind. This
party fucking sucks.

- It's a blast compared to
the Thanksgiving Voyage.

At least this one has alcohol.

- (whimpers) Pregnant!

- Just a sip.

(Katie gags)

- How do you stomach
these people?

- Better than blowing
the district manager

at Cracker Barrel.

You should hang on
to that architect.

- The one who ditched me?
- You like this guy.

Give him the benefit
of the doubt.

- I mean, he could
have an excuse.

I don't even know where he is.

- Oh, they always turn up.

Next time you see him, surprise
him with something kinky,

and he'll be eating
outta your hands.

Give him the Pasadena Poke.
- You mean like Facebook?

- Finger up the ass.

(Nancy whispers indistinctly)

(water gently laps)

(engine rumbles)
(horn honks)

(water laps)

(water splashes and burbles)
(contemplative music)

(door creaks open)

(footsteps thud)

(paper rustles)

(paper rustles)
(Katie breathes deeply)

(knife hits chopping block)
(Alex snores)

- Okay, you can yell
at me, you can beat me,

but please don't castrate me.

- Why would I do that?

- Because you're holding
a really large knife.

(Katie scoffs)

- There is no problem a
little tea time can't fix.

(light clicks on)

- Please explain.

- Whenever we had
a fight growing up,

Nancy made us sit at
the table drinking tea

and eating cheese
until we worked it out.

- Okay. Can I take a leak first?

- No pee breaks.
- Okay.

And no weed!

- Okay.

- So what happened tonight?

(tea trickles)

- Look, I spent all
this money on presents.

Shipping was expensive, so I
couldn't pay for my phone bill.

It got shut off, and I
missed, I missed the Uber.

I couldn't call an Uber.

- I could've helped
you if you told me.

- I didn't wanna
put that on you.

- I'm your partner.
- Even though I'm a fuck up?

- You were just testing
me, see how much I care.

You are not a fuck up.

- Even if I stood
you up in front

of all your friends and
your dad on a holiday?

- You are the most
generous guy I know.

You give the squeegee
guy your last $5.

You go down on me
for 45 minutes,

and you even hang out
with my lonely mom.

- Yeah, I try.

- Here, put your
phone on my auto pay.

- You don't have
to, but thank you.

- I'm a healer.

(cups rattle)

- But I need to know you
won't disappear on me again.

- I'm right here.

(lips peck)

- I have a little
Chrismanukah present for you.

(upbeat music)

- Oh yeah?
- Mm-hmm.

- My stocking stuffer?
- Mm-hmm.

(Alex sighs)

- Hey, whoa, what was that?

- Pasadena Poke. You like?

- Yeah, but you could've asked.

(rain patters)

(footsteps thud)

- 'Sup, fool? They let you
out of lawyer jail early?

- Who's getting laid
and didn't tell me?

- We have so much
to catch up on.

Did mom give you your
Christmas pajamas?

- No.

- Where is she?
- Let's go get her.

- I haven't seen
her all morning.

- Come on.
- Mom! Mom!

- [Eli And Katie] Mom!

- I don't know.
- Merry Christmas!

- Finally!
- Mom.

- Morning.
- Good morning.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

- Did you sleep well, honey?

- Well, a little jet lag.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

Christmas pajamas?

- Thank you.
- (laughs) There you are.

And actually, we have
a little problem.

I didn't know if
you were coming.

So I actually sent yours
to New York to your place.

- What?
- Yeah. Well, I didn't know.

These are for Alex.
- Oh, he'll be right down.

I let him sleep in.

- Oh, so, so you
guys are okay then.

- Better than ever.
- Wait.

So he gets pajamas and I don't?

- Well, I, like I said-

- Did I hear something
about pajamas?

- Mom got you your very own
Rosenfeld Chrismanukah pajamas.

- Wow. Thank you.

- Wait, so I don't get pajamas?

- Honey, I, I told you
they're at your place.

- [Eli] Well, you
could've ordered some.

- Eli, here, dude.
Take mine, it's cool.

- No, no, no. They're,
they're yellow and blue.

- I insist.
- No, no, no.

I, I'm a Trojan, not
a Bruin. Return pile.

- I don't want mine either.

- Geez.

These are wonderful. Thank you.

- What do you say we
open some presents?

- [Katie] That one's from me.

"The Arithmetic of
Life and Death."

- My psych professor
recommended it.

She said it helped her get

through her second
and third divorce.

- Ah.
- No way.

I got mom a book, too.

- See?
- Twins.

- You guys. (chuckles)

"Alone but Not Always Lonely."

- Ooh.
- I'm sensing a theme here.

(Nancy chuckles)

- So where's my big present?

- Oh, (grunts) okay.

I know that you

have been really practicing
your Spanish lately.

- Thanks to Bumby.

(button clicks)
(upbeat Spanish guitar music)

(projector screen whines)

- [Rosalba] Katie,
you've worked so hard.

(speaks in foreign language)

- (laughs) What the fuck?
- It's Rosalba.

She's getting back into her
voiceover work. Isn't she great?

- Yeah.

- [Rosalba] Walk the
cobblestone streets of Madrid.

Explore the paintings
of the masters in Prado.

Alhambra, one of
the great wonders.

Moorish poets described it
as a pearl set in emeralds.

- What's a Moorish?
- I'll tell you later.

- Ending at the Costa del Sol,

hiking through
the Picos de Mijas

to see an exquisite
view of the whole coast.

(birds chirp)

(Alex chuckles and claps)

- Wow. That is way better
than my cast iron skillet.

- Oh, honey, you're
gonna love it.

- So is this like all inclusive?

- Well, I booked you at some
terrific little hostels,

right in the center of town.
- Hostels?

People die in hostels. Didn't
you see that horror movie?

- But Katie, this,
this is an opportunity

for you to (speaks
in foreign language).

- Yeah, baby. I would
kill to go on this trip.

- Can Alex come?

Well, I mean, I, I already
made the arrangements.

Well, could you look into it?

- Yeah, sure, sure.
- Oh, thanks, Mom!

- God. Okay, one more.

From Alex to Katie.

- Oh, hey. You know what?

We actually don't, we don't
have to open that one right now.

- That's ridiculous, Bumby!

Oh my God.

I love it!
- Yeah?

- Even with everything,

you still managed
to get me a present?

- What is it, like a rock?

- It's a stone.
- Throw this out.

(paper rustles)
(footsteps thud)

(Thelma meows)

- Let's get some fitspiration.

- Hey. You guys going running?

- Mm-hmm.
- Give me a sec.

I'll change. I'll,
I'll go with you, okay?

- Oh, we're gonna do
a lot of intervals.

- With the cat?

- This isn't vinyasa flow, Mom.

Guys, (chuckles) I,
I can keep up, I-

- We need some girl time.

- Yeah. Go on out with your BFF.

- Yeah.

- Fuck it.

(freezer drawer
slides open and shut)

(cap rattles)
(liquor sloshes)

(bottle clinks)

(Nancy exhales sharply)

(fridge door thuds
open and shut)

(items shuffle)

- Fish sandwich?
- I hate mayo.

- Hate mayo? How
did I not know that?

- 'Cause we don't
know each other.

- If you say so.

- Could do not, no, no.

Don't ever put wood in
the dishwasher, okay?

(sandwich crunches)

- Look, what, what
exactly is your plan here?

- Maybe eat this sandwich
and maybe take a nap.

- Why, why, why did you
give her my necklace?

- Because I thought
you didn't want it.

I can try and take it back.
- No, you can't.

You, you can't undo
it, okay? It's done.

- Is that really
why you're upset?

- I just, I just
want you to know

that what happened was
a one-time thing, okay?

I was, I was emotional,
and, and you surprised me,

and that's it.

I, I was, I was touched.

- So you don't like
it when I touch you?

- No. No, I, I hate
it when you touch me.

- You sure?
- Yes. No, I-

(bright atmospheric music)

- [Alex] What about
when I do this?

- (sighs) That's terrible.

(Nancy pants)

No, no, no. Not here.

(Nancy pants and laughs)

Oh my God! (pants)

(Nancy sighs deeply)

Okay. I'm still
shaking. (laughs)

Did you like take a course in
that or something? Oh my God.

- I read all of Masters
and Johnson in high school.

- Wow.
- I had a late growth spurt,

so my friend Benji was
taking all the girls.

I had to find my, my talent.
- Hmm. I think you did.

It's more like a superpower.

(soft ethereal music)

Hmm.

- [Katie] Oh my God!

(Katie yells indistinctly)

Oh, it never gets old.

(Eli and Katie clap)

- I love that film.
- Every time. Every time.

- Every fucking time.
- It's so good.

- I love it.
- It was cool.

- Yeah?
- It was good, yeah?

- It was amazing.

(upbeat music)

- Katie, can you get more
popcorn and hot sauce?

- [Katie] You need
anything, Bumby?

- Just your sweet ass.

- Ew.

So what's your thesis about?

- You know, still brainstorming,

but I think I'm
gonna do it on the,

the arts and crafts
movement here in Pasadena.

- Oh, how convenient
that you found a way

to study that rent free.

- Dumb luck, I guess.

(Eli laughs)

(text clicks)

(text whistles)

(glass clinks)

- Hey.
- Hi.

- You could rock that.
- You think?

- Do you remember
when you refused

to buy me a Queen of
Clouds pushup bra?

- At the Americana?
- Yeah.

- Mm-hmm, and then
you started screaming.

- That is my specialty.

- And I gave in to you. Yeah.

- We should go shopping at
Becky's. I need new bras.

- I would love that.

- I'm sorry about Chrismanukah.

(soft music)

And I'm excited for
Spain. You're the best.

Mom, don't cry! No.

(cover whirs)
(birds chirp)

(Eli and Katie
chatter indistinctly)

Later, Mom.
- Bye, Mom.

Have fun.
- Bye.

(doors slam)
(engine rumbles)

(Nancy pants)

(Alex and Nancy moan and pant)

(Alex pants)

- [Alex] Hey. What's going on?

- I just never knew
that could happen.

I, I mean, you know,
at the same time.

I've never felt so
connected to someone.

Just...
- Yeah.

- Yeah, but don't you feel bad?

I mean, I can't look my
kids in the eye anymore.

- Don't beat yourself up.

Katie and I aren't
gonna work out anyway.

- Anyway? What do you mean?

- I mean I'm not gonna
be a fit for Pensler.

- What, you can get
a job somewhere else?

- I'm not so sure about that.
I stopped going to class.

- I, I don't understand.

- I don't wanna be an architect.

Just because my dad designed
strip malls for a living

doesn't mean that I
have to be unhappy, too.

- But you're still gonna
graduate in May, right?

- Nope. Dropped out.

- When?

- About three months ago.

- So you've been lying
to Katie all this time?

- I had nobody to talk
to about this until you.

I just felt, I just felt
a lot shame about it.

- Well, (laughs) you
should feel ashamed.

- Hey, cut me a break.
I've, I've been struggling.

- A break? You're a liar.

- Okay, I don't lie to you,

and it's just Katie doesn't
get me the way that you do.

- Why would you even say that?

I don't-
- I don't know.

'Cause maybe you're
a dropout, too?

- I'm a dropout?
That's ridiculous.

- Okay.
- I don't know

where you're getting-
- Okay, Nancy,

when was the last time you went

to the National Charity League?

- I, I've been meaning to go.

I, I, those people ostracized
me, okay? I'm, I'm not a liar.

- You just said you can't
look at your kids in the eye.

(soft percussive tense music)

(phone dings)

- Hey.
- You know what?

Why don't we just tell
Katie together, all right?

Why don't we just
call her right now?

- No, just give me, give me-
- Let's practice.

"Hey Katie, I don't
wanna be with you.

I wanna be with your mom."

Doesn't that just feel so
much lighter saying it?

- No, no. I, I, I, I actually
feel a lot heavier, okay?

It's just, I never-
- What?

What, you've never came with
someone at the same time?

That's gotta mean
something, right?

(soft music)

- It means more
about my ex-husband

than anybody else, actually.

We're not gonna talk to
Katie about this, okay?

Okay?
- Yeah. You're the boss.

(door opens and thuds shut)

- Hey guys,

here's more hot breadsticks.
- Ooh, ma ma ma ma ma ma ma.

God, I love breadsticks.

- [Katie] Mr. Beach,
he's our favorite waiter.

- Nope. I wanna make a
toast on my last night here.

Mom, a year ago today,

I thought you

were gonna be a pill-popping
desperate housewife

of San Marino.
- (laughs) Oh my God.

- But now look at you.
You're living on your own.

You're working on your yoga
arms and whatever else.

- And video editing.
- Yeah, that, too.

And Katie, you're finally
clocking in somewhere.

- Stop giving me shit, Eli.
- Even if it's

pushing fake titties.

- [Katie] Just because you
don't appreciate titties.

- Oh, sure. (laughs)
- It's a job. Stop.

- And I, I'm just, I'm so happy

to see you two finally
standing on your own,

Badgley Mischkas.

(everyone chuckles)

Cheers.

- [Group] Cheers.

(glasses clink)

- I, I'd like to say
something if I may.

I've always felt like
family is not a birthright.

It's a choice, and I'm
so grateful that you all

have accepted me
into your family.

Our family. Lehayim.
- Lehayim!

(glasses clink)

- So where is your family? You
haven't mentioned them once.

- They're, they're
back home in New York,

doing something
small in Chelsea.

- Oh, where? I live
right by the Highline.

- They're on 11th and 23rd.

It's where I grew
up my own life.

- Alex's parents own a club.

- Wow, wow. That place
must be worth over a mil.

- (laughs) Yeah,
but you know what?

Chelsea's lost its character.

- (laughs) There's a
new restaurant that
opens up every week

and you don't have to step
over crack pipes to get to it.

- My parents don't dine
at Buddakan though, and,

what is it, rock climb
the Chelsea Piers?

- Can you hand me a breadstick?

- Since when do you eat carbs?

And can we just cut
the shit for once and,

and admit that everyone wins

when the upwardly
mobile move in?

- Eli, I didn't
raise you like this.

Honey, please.
- It's okay. It's okay.

- (laughs) It's true.
- Hey.

I'm all for mobility, Eli.

At the end of the day, I am
doing my thesis on Pasadena.

It doesn't get any
bougier than that, right?

- What thesis? I never
see you working on it.

My college roommate was
an architecture major,

and she didn't sit around
sipping on mojitos by the pool.

- Eli!
- He, hey.

Sorry, I've gotten
caught up in my research,

but Nancy's been kind
enough to drive me around

and show me the arts
and crafts houses

around here in Pasadena
on our driving lessons.

- (clears throat) More wine?

- So that's where you guys go.

- Is that right, Mom?

- Well, the Vert brothers
are very prominent in,

in Pasadena.

- Yeah, and I love
the Vert brothers.

But you know what? Eli's right.

I need to get my ass into gear.

- You have an answer for
everything, but I don't buy it.

You're a fucking hobosexual.
- What?

- Yeah, he's fucking using you.

- He's using me?
- He's using you.

He's a fucking loser.

- Eli! Eli, take that back!
- Eli, just calm down.

- Come on!
- I'm trained to read people.

- Eli.
- Eli.

- I know who he is.
- Relax.

- Calm down.
- Just sit down, everybody.

- Eli, I don't wanna
fight with you, man.

I'm your family. It's
okay, I'm, it's fine.

- Fuck off!
- Eli!

- You're not my fucking family!

- Mom!
- It's okay.

- Are you okay?
- I'm okay. I'm okay.

- Can we just settle down.
- I'm okay. I'm fine.

- I'm sorry.
- I'm fine. I'm okay.

- He said he's fine.
- I'm fine.

- No, no! What the, the
hell is wrong with you?

You're acting like Dad!
- Katie.

- No, get out!
- Stop.

- Hey. I'll go, I'll go.
- No.

Don't leave, Eli. Come on.

- I need a ride to Bob
Hope in the morning, okay?

(door thuds shut)
(tense music)

(trunk slams)

(door slams)
(lips sputter)

You paid $12 for this?

- Well, you know, cassettes
are the new vinyl.

- Where'd you even get 'em?

- Groovy little vintage
store in Venice.

- Oh yeah? Who took you, Alex?

He's the grooviest guy I know.

Oh, speaking of the
mayor of Chelsea,

I googled the Vert brothers.

They don't exist.

- I didn't realize you were
so interested in architecture.

- It's the Green
brothers who are involved

with the arts and
crafts movement.

- Right, right.
Well, you know what?

I just, Vert means
green in French,

and that's probably where
I, I got a little mixed up

in this old brain. (laughs)
- Okay.

And why didn't Alex pick
up on your little mix up?

- Because of the wine. I,
there was, there was wine.

- Mom, Mom, Mom.

You need to start making friends
with people your own age.

- Eli.

- I saw you picking
food out of his teeth.

It's like you're in love
with him or something.

- Oh. (laughs) I'm
in love with him?

- Yeah.
- Oh, come on, Eli.

I mean, you would want me
telling you if you had some,

some spinach stuck
in your teeth.

- Yeah.
- You of all people would

- I know.
- want me telling you that.

Come on. In love
with him. (laughs)

I'm old enough to be his mother!

- MILF videos are all
over the internet.

Men find women your age
very attractive these days.

Okay, well what about that
guy, the guy who took you out?

- What? Who, Jeff?
- Jeff, Jeff.

- Yeah, I, you
know, I, I, I don't,

I don't think he
was really my type.

Just, I don't know,
just kind of boring.

- You didn't even
give him a chance.

I bet Jeff loves tapes,

and I bet he's old
enough to rent a car.

- Yeah, well, you know,
he didn't call me either.

- So call him. You're
a modern woman.

- Oh, thank you.
Dr. Drew. What, now?

- Do it now. I'll drive.

Come on.
- Eli.

I'm not calling him now.
- Switcheroo.

- Okay.

Okay, okay, I'm-
- Call.

- Okay! Fine.

(line rings)
(door slams)

- Hello?
- Jeff. Hi, it's Nancy.

- Nancy?
- Yeah, yeah. I know.

I, I didn't expect
to be calling either.

- [Jeff] Wow. What are
you doing for New Year's?

- Oh, don't have plans
for New Year's yet.

- Well, there's gonna be
- Who's the big slut?

- a great party at South Pass.

Pick you up at eight?

- Yeah. I'll, I'll see you then.

- Deal
- Bye.

- (chuckles) Buckle up.

(engine rumbles)
(upbeat music)

(people chatter indistinctly)

- (laughs) Hey! CJ.

- Hi.
- This is Nancy.

- Hi.
- This is CJ.

CJ is an editor
for a Netflix show.

Nancy is learning
premier right now.

Well, I, I mean, I,
I made one video,

but I found it
very exhilarating.

- Mm-mm. Don't
put yourself down.

The guild needs more women.

I'd love to see
your work sometime.

- All right.
- We need you. (laughs)

- Oh, and this is Katie,
Nancy's lovely daughter,

and Alex, her boyfriend.

- We'll be right back.

(Nancy chatters indistinctly)

- Hey, isn't Jeff
a little too nice?

- I knew this party
was gonna be boring,

but look what I grabbed.

(upbeat dance music)

A little party favor.
- What?

When did you start smuggling
schedule I narcotics?

(Katie giggles)

(glasses clink)

(people cheer)

(party noisemaker whistles)

- I love you!

(Alex laughs)
(Katie laughs and cheers)

- No, I'm telling you,

if you told me that ginger ale

was like medical grade medicine,

I would've believed
you as a kid.

- Really? (laughs)
- Yes.

- Well, ginger ale does
have some medicinal,

you know, purposes.

- I don't think there's much
ginger in ginger ale. (laughs)

- I, I would have to
agree with you. (chuckles)

- I'm having such a
good time tonight.

- Yeah.
- I'm really glad

that you called me,
although I, I gotta admit,

I'm kind of surprised
that you did

'cause I was worried that
maybe I said something stupid

- What? No, no!
- on our first date.

- My god. I thought, I
thought I scared you away.

- No, no you didn't.

(soft ethereal music)

- No?

- I'm really glad
you're here tonight.

(lips smooch)

(door opens)
(music blares)

(door clicks shut)

- Why are you ignoring me?

- (sighs) Because you're
dating my daughter.

If you don't let me
out of this room,

I am going to tell Katie
that you are a fraud.

- Great. Let's both tell her
together at the same time.

- Wait, wait.

Look, we have a connection,
but this has got to stop.

- I'm not the
Rosenfeld's family dildo.

- The countdown's
about to start.

- Nancy, I love you.

- Look, I'm sorry.

But this, it's over.

(Jeff laughs)
(door opens)

(sighs) Jeff, wait.

- Nancy, wait.
- Stop it.

♪ Work, you make your marks ♪
(engine rumbles)

- Jeff! Wait!

♪ And as the diamond moves ♪

♪ I stood and moons
begin to fall ♪

(heel stomps)

♪ Oh pride ♪
(people chatter and cheer)

♪ Can't fly the flag all night ♪

♪ It ain't no match for the
lover's (sings indistinctly) ♪

♪ Soon you'll be waving white ♪

♪ Oh oh oh oh oh ♪

♪ I've got your private
photos on my phone ♪

♪ Like a love letter ♪

- Bumby! Come over here!

Come on!

(singer sings indistinctly)

- [Crowd] 10,
nine, eight, seven,

six, five, four,
three, two, one!

♪ You stood and moons ♪
(crowd cheers)

♪ Began to fall ♪

(Katie cheers)

(birds chirp)

(footsteps shuffle)

- [Katie] Mom! Where
are the tampons?

- There's some up
in the bathroom.

- [Katie] Are you sure? All
I see are old lady pads!

- In the basket!

(contemplative music)

Shit.

Shit.

I'm gonna run out and get some!

(footsteps thud)

(crickets chirp)

(Nancy sighs)

What the hell does that mean?

(Nancy sighs)

(door opens)
(baby cries faintly)

(door clicks shut)
(heels clack)

- The test was negative.
- Thank God. (laughs)

I've been a little
reckless lately.

Been, you know,
baking without a mitt.

Yeah, just, but those,
those days are over.

So, you know, actually,
maybe I should,

I should still look
into like, like an IUD.

I hear they're,
they're safer now.

- I, I wouldn't
recommend that for you.

- Oh, okay, well, or you
know, the, the, the patch,

or there's like some
gels or something.

- Ms. Rosenfeld, have you been
feeling overwhelmed lately?

- It's been a tough year.
- Have you had any anxiety?

- I've been a little anxious,

but nothing a little
yoga can't fix. (laughs)

- Has your anxiety
been accompanied by
a rapid heartbeat,

perspiration, sudden changes
in your body temperature?

- Oh God. I, I've been
having hot flashes.

That's, so going through

- Menopause.
- menopause.

So I'm not late.

Just old.

(door opens)

(keys jingle)
(Nancy sighs)

(door thuds shut)

- Shouldn't you be in school?
- Katie is.

My theoretical classes don't
start till next Wednesday.

I'd offer you some popcorn,
but I know you'll say no.

(popcorn crunches)

(popcorn crunches)

What's up with you?

- I thought I was pregnant.

- What? Is it mine?

- Of course.

I mean, actually it's,
(sighs) it's not anyone's.

I'm starting the change.

- Hmm.

- Yeah. Sue Hobart was right.

Should've gone under the knife

when I still had the
Rosenfeld family discount.

- (chuckles) Stop it.
You're a natural Nancy.

- Yeah. Look where
that's gotten me.

And now I'm gonna die alone,

and Thelma is going
to eat my face off

when she runs out of food.

- Hey, Thelma's
already overweight.

She's probably gonna
die before you.

(Nancy laughs)

Hey.

(Nancy sobs)

Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey. Come here.

Let it out.

(tense music)

(Katie retches and coughs)

(Katie pants)

(marker squeaks)

(Katie screams)

What? What happened?

(engine rumbles)

Katie, wait!

Katie!

(door opens)
(footsteps shuffle)

(tires screech)
(engine revs)

(Nancy pants)

Katie!

(horn beeps)
(tires screech)

God. Goddammit!

Oh my God.
- Just calm down.

Calm down, baby.
Do, do your chants.

- Look, I, I, I gotta
go, I gotta go after her.

- Okay.
- Get out.

- Okay, where are we going?
- I have to drive.

I'm driving. I'm driving.
- We going to Morty's?

The campus? The suicide bridge?

Okay.

(seatbelt clicks)

(door handle rattles)

- Hey, Nancy, what
are you doing?

- I'm getting you
out of my life.

- Nancy, open the, open.

You can't leave me!
I'm your partner!

Nancy! Nancy!

(Ivanka barks)
(women chatter indistinctly)

(engine rumbles)
(tires screech)

- Hey!
- Whoa!

- Slow down! You
almost hit Ivanka!

- Sorry. Sorry.
- Nance?

- Have you, have you seen Katie?

I, I just saw her
SUV go this way.

- Not since the
holiday Sensation.

- You can call her.

- No, no, no, no, no!
Do, do not call her.

- Okay.

- Hey, whatever
happened with Jeff?

(engine revs)
(tires screech)

(Ivanka barks)
(women laugh)

(water sprays)

(brushes flop against window)

(Nancy screams)

(door slams)

(line rings)

- [Katie] Hey, it's
Katie. Text me instead.

- Hi, honey. It's Mom.

I, I don't know if
you got my text.

I've been trying to DM
you, and I tweeted at you,

and I can't see you on
Instagram anymore, but anyway,

I, I, I just wanted to
make sure that you're okay.

I think I saw you
on campus yesterday,

but you darted behind the bush.

Anyway, I, I just
wanna talk to you.

(line beeps)

(phone rings)

- Katie.
- Mom, are you okay?

I tried calling
you on your cell,

but I couldn't get through.

- Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
Have you heard from Katie?

- [Eli] She sent me a
gun in a mouth emoji.

I tried calling but no answer.

What happened with
the mayor of Chelsea?

- I believe they parted ways.

- [Eli] That explains
why she's been hanging

with dumbo Lindsay.

She posted a pic of Scar Jo

with the hashtag
#nosegoals on Insta.

Is she upgrading her nose?

(contemplative music)

- Eli, I'm, I'm
gonna call you back.

That bastard.

(engine rumbles)

(tires screech)

(door opens and slams)

- Hey. Where, where is he?
- Hi, Nancy.

You're looking festive.

Katie will be in for at
least another two hours.

- Katie, Katie's here now?

- Actually been
meaning to call you.

- Okay, great.

What, what room is she in?
- I feel like I

never got a chance
to properly apologize

to you for what Morty and I did.

- That's okay, honey. Affairs
happen all the time, okay?

Just what, what-
- Really?

- Yes.
- Oh.

- Okay. What room is Katie in?

- Room A, but you
can't go back there.

- Okay, thanks.

(door opens)

- Seriously? Are you kidding me?

- What are you doing?
- Honey, don't do this.

- Come on.
- How don't you

even find out?
- Honey, please.

- Dad, who let her in?

- Where are her clothes?
- Nance.

- We're getting you outta here.

- Sorry. You gotta go.

- Morty, what is wrong with
you? Have you lost your mind?

- You are the one wearing
your Christmas pajamas

in January in public.
- I have friends.

I've watched them
butcher their faces,

and it never made them happy.

- Sue loves her nose.

(Nancy scoffs)
(soft music)

Well, doesn't she?

- Just-
- Did she say something?

- She say something?
I need to know.

- Sweetheart, do you
really wanna look

like you've lost an MMA
fight at graduation?

- Nobody here cares if I
look like Rhonda Rousey.

School's triggering. I'm
taking a semester off.

- What are you even? What, what?

How are you letting this happen?

- You know, hold on.

- How are you
letting this happen?

She's taking a semester off?
- It's her decision.

And if she wants to,

she can drop all her
classes right now

so I can get my refund back.
- Oh my.

It's always about money
with you, isn't it, Morty?

- But this is about your
happiness? Isn't it?

- Sweetheart, you
are not a dropout.

- Or why don't you tell Dad
how much you love dropouts?

So you did know.

Yeah, I had to find out
from some dipshit at school.

- I'm sorry, honey.
- Tell Dad what you did.

- Oh, come on Katie.
Don't do this.

- Tell him.

- I, I had relations with Alex.

- (laughs) You had, you had
relations? You fucked him.

Say it. "I fucked
your boyfriend."

Tell dad how many times
you fucked my boyfriend?

Three times.
- Three, three times?

- Is that including oral?

- [Morty] I thought
you didn't like oral.

- It was five times, but
sweet, sweetheart, I hated it.

I, I, I, I hated myself.
You gotta believe me. I-

- Okay. I think I need
to fill my coffee up.

(door slams)

- It's true.

- Why'd you do it?

(soft ethereal music)

- 'Cause I was so unhappy,

and when I was with him,
it was, it was like a drug.

I fucked up.

But sweetheart, I, I love you
with all of my soul, honey,

and I'm so sorry.
- I'm getting this procedure,

you washed up, culotte-wearing
wannabe filmmaker.

Now get out, and take
your dusty cunt with you.

(Nancy sighs)

- Okay. Well, I, I deserve that.

But if you don't graduate,

you are literally cutting off
your nose to spite your face.

- Get out!

(heels clack)

(Katie sobs)

(door opens and clicks shut)

- Let's get lunch soon!

(sponge squeaks)

(footsteps thud)

- I know you're
really into the mist,

but you've been
here for an hour,

and that's not gonna scrub off.

- Yes, it will.
- We closed 20 minutes ago.

- Oh. Sorry.

- It looks like you
crossed the wrong person.

- Yeah, person I
care the most about.

- Best friend?
- Daughter.

(sponge squeaks)

- Try this.

(dog barks in distance)

- I just blew up my whole life.

- Well, now that
it's in tatters,

what's your new life
gonna look like?

("I Can't Get Free")

(spray hisses)

(Nancy pants)

♪ Outside the
window of my room ♪

♪ What story goes ♪

♪ Am I the only one I
know not going home ♪

♪ I can't get free ♪
(doorbell rings)

♪ Oh does anyone have a memory ♪

- Hi. (speaks indistinctly)

♪ I can't get free ♪
(Nancy pants)

♪ Oh if anyone has a memory ♪

♪ Please let me know ♪
(keys jingle)

(people chatter indistinctly)

- Hey, Mom!

Hey.
- Hi.

- Glad you can make it.
- Hi.

- Morty, Evelyn.
Congratulations.

- Thank you.
- You look radiant.

I love the natural curls.

- Thanks. I still might
get that nose job.

- Mm-hmm.

- Maybe we should
take a family photo.

- I'll take it.

- No, I'm, I'm, you
should be in it.

- Yeah.

(pleasant music)

- Excuse me. You
mind taking a...

- Sorry. Just,
here you go, baby.

All right, say
cheese, everybody.

- Dinner cheese.
- Cheese!

- Baked brie.
- Parmesan.

- Oh my God, it's kicking.
Ugh, get it outta me!

- Hold on, hold on, hold on.

- Evelyn, you are going
to give it a complex.

- What, did you learn
that in your GRE book?

- Maybe.

- GRE? Are you going
to grad school?

- Yeah, I am,

I'm gonna get my master's
in psychology from NYU.

- New York. Wow.

Well, this is big news.

- Yeah, I, I visited Eli,
and it felt like home.

- Well, that's, that's
great. (chuckles)

(soft poignant music)

- Are you gonna be okay?
- Me? Yeah.

Yes, of course. I'm gonna
miss you like crazy.

You're gonna love it there.
- Thanks, Mom.

- Katie, I'm so sorry.
- Hey, hey.

We're gonna be okay.

- We will?
- Yeah.

- Okay.

- I still need my space.
- Right.

- I'm gonna go return
my cap and gown.

I will meet you guys
at the restaurant.

- Okay.

(heels clack)

(people chatter indistinctly)

- [Alex] The burning man?

Well, they, yeah, they
have payment plans.

Yeah, it's like a ticket-
- Shit.

- Hey! Congrats!

You, you did it!
- And you didn't.

- Professor Branch.
- A professor. Classy.

- There's a cuddle party
at Annenberg tonight.

You could join our triad.

- I think I've had
enough of triads.

So you're like polyamorous now?

- Yeah. I have been for a while.

- Glad you figured it out.

- Don't lend him
money for his phone.

(heels clack)
(plane roars)

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

(speaker dings)

- [Pilot] Drink up. Our
descent begins soon.

- Have you been before?
- No. No.

I've been dreaming
about it for 25 years.

- You doing a tour or something?

- I'm making a pit
stop in Madrid,

and then I'm gonna go
hiking in Basque Country,

and then, I don't know.

I'll see where
the road takes me.

- Dope.
- You?

- I'm taking my gap year.

- I guess I am,
too. Hmm. (laughs)

("Heat Lightnin'")

(signal dings)
(seat belts rattle)

♪ Quick as a flash ♪

♪ The light can ride you ♪

♪ Like having a motorcycle
stuck inside you ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ It's gonna hunt you
down quick as a flash ♪

♪ And leave behind
a pile of ash ♪

♪ It'll burn you up
just like a witch ♪

♪ Lightning has a temper because
sometimes life's a bitch ♪

♪ The light is quick
and sky cold blue ♪

♪ It'll warm your stone
heart through and through ♪

♪ It's wild and summer
and oh so frightening ♪

♪ To be struck by
the heat lightning ♪

♪ Woo ♪

♪ Oh, it'll find you ♪

♪ No, you can't hide ♪

♪ It'll search you down
and take you for a ride ♪

♪ And when it finds
you, you best beware ♪

♪ Just like the man,
it doesn't care ♪

♪ The light is quick
and sky cold blue ♪

♪ It'll warm your stone
heart through and through ♪

♪ It's wild and summer
and oh so frightening ♪

♪ To be struck by
the heat lightning ♪

(bright atmospheric music)

(bright atmospheric
music continues)

(bright atmospheric
music continues)

(bright atmospheric
music continues)