All language subtitles for The.nanny.S04E24.DVDRip.English-WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

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According to Vacationing Single,

the ratio of men to women
in Alaska is 50 to 1.

And the nights
are six months long.

( laughter )

What does that mean, on Saturday
nights I could sit in my igloo

watching Dr. Quinn for what,
3,000 times?

( laughter )

I think Mr. Sheffield would
really like you to come with him

when he takes the children
to Hawaii.

Oh, you know,
it's always the same thing.

Dancing in the moonlight,

walking on the beaches, then falling
into bed wrapped in each other's arms.

Since when?

Since Gracie
doesn't like to sleep alone.

( laughter )

Oh, Miss Fine,

what do you think about a five-mile
hike up a mountain in Maui,

and then a helicopter ride
over an active volcano.

Throw in a barium enema
and I'm there.

Miss Fine, how do you propose
to pay for your trip to Alaska

when you told me to lock all your
credit cards up in the safe?

I'm sorry, I tuned out
after you said propose.

I'm not giving you your cards
back, you made me promise.

Fine, I'll just call and
tell them that I lost my cards,

and they'll
have to send me new ones.

But then to prove who you
are you have to give

them your full name and
your date of birth.

Oh, you think you're
so smart, don't you.

I lied on the application.

( laughter )

♪ She was working in a bridal
shop in Flushing, Queens ♪

♪ 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out
in one of those crushing scenes ♪

♪ What was she to do, where was she
to go, she was out on her fanny ♪

♪ So over the bridge from Flushing
to the Sheffield's door ♪

♪ She was there to sell make up
but the father saw more ♪

♪ She had style, she had flair, she was
there, that's how she became the Nanny ♪

♪ Who would have guessed
that the girl we described ♪

♪ Was just exactly
what the doctor prescribed? ♪

♪ Now, the father
finds her beguiling ♪

♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪

♪ And the kids are actually
smiling such joie de vivre ♪

♪ She's the lady in red when
everybody else is wearing tan ♪

♪ The flashy girl from Flushing,
the Nanny named Fran. ♪

Franny, you should go to Hawaii.

- Oh?
- The last time I was there

they had this
fantastic air show.

The sky was full of planes
and the fireworks... whoo!

( laughter )

Did that happen
to take place in December 1941?

( laughter )

Yeah.

I remember the whole shebang
was for Hanukkah.

( laughter )

( doorbell rings )

I'll get it.

Oh, it's Val.

- Hi, Val.
- Hi.

- What's the matter?
- Oh, my God, Fran,

you're not watching
"The Young and the Restless?"

Oh, relax, I'm taping it.

You know I like to watch Jack Abbot doing
a love scene while I'm eating a pizza.

That way, Jack and I
can finish at the same time.

( laughter )

- You gotta watch it now.
- Why?

Jack Abbott's doing a love scene with
a certain tramp from High School.

( Gasps )
Heather Biblow?

( laughter )

There weren't
enough guys left in Queens?

She's gotta start sleeping
with fictional characters?

( laughter )

Yeah. And not only
is she making tons of money,

but she has an unbelievable
beach house in Malibu.

Oh, my God,
how do you know this?

How? She sent me a letter.

"Not only
am I making tons of money,

but I have an unbelievable
beach house in Malibu."

( laughter )

Why does she get all the breaks?

She gets my fiancée, my job, now
she's on my favorite soap opera.

I hate
that backstabbing lowlife.

And she's offering
to fly us to Hollywood.

And yet there is something
endearing about her

I've got to admit it.

( laughter )

( music )

You girls want Haagen-Dazs bars?

Sure.

Thanks.

- Mm...
- Mm...

Aren't you having any?

I've gotta watch my figure,
I can't let myself go.

( laughter )

You know, it's so sweet of you
girls to still be my friends

with me having all this
and you having nothing.

Heather, you're the sweet one,

flying us out here first class
just to rub it in our faces.

Ooh.

Now, you're gonna have to
entertain yourselves this evening

because I have
a lot of lines to memorize.

Oh, well, maybe
we can help you with that.

How many lines have you got?

Four.

( laughter )

In a row?

No, that's the confusing part.

First, I say something,

then he says something,

and then I say something again.

Oh. What a nightmare.

( laughter )

( clears throat )

Let me ask you
something, Heather,

who did you have to... I mean,

what did you have to do
to get this part?

Nothing! This cute guy came down to
me at the beach and he asked me,

"Hey do you wanna be
in television?"

I thought he was BS-ing me,

I thought he wanted
to get me in the sack.

So I gave him my number.

It turns out that he's legit.

I can't tell you
how disappointed I was.

Oh.

I still don't understand

why Miss Fine would pass up
a trip to Hawaii.

Four-star hotel, private beach.

Sharing a room
with Miss Grace...

Oh...
Is that what the problem is?

She doesn't like Gracie?

( laughter )

Well, I'm going to have to have
a word with that young lady.

( laughter )

Oh, God, is there
a bigger buffoon in this world?

I got here as fast as I could.

( laughter )

I am appalled that Nanny Fine would
leave Maxwell in the lurch like this.

Luckily, I am available.

I was supposed to go Scottsdale
to visit my grandmother,

but, you know, as long as they keep
that plug in, where's she going?

( laughter )

Well, I suggested you, but Mr.
Sheffield wanted someone easier

to look at in a bikini.

( laughter )

Aloha.

( laughter )

The hotel has a private beach.

Look what I'm going to wear...

( laughter )

That's it.

Hello, ladies, may I help you?

Val, you're Larry
from "Three's Company."

It can't be him.
Larry's much younger.

I just saw the show yesterday.

Val, this is why you lost "The Wheel
of Fortune" with Lawrence of Aruba.

So, what happened, Larry?

You were a huge TV star.

What are you,
Dianne freaking Sawyer?

No, just tell me,
who do you want to see?

Heather Biblow
of the "Young and the Restless?"

Through the artist's
entrance, make a right,

check in at reception
with Erin Moran.

Erin Moran, too?

My God, they're here today,
gone tomorrow.

It's a reason not
to be a sitcom star.

( laughter )

I can't talk now, I'm with
the president of the network.

Mr. Moonves, they want to
schedule another casting session.

Why? They keep sending me
the same people.

I just want a fresh face.

All she has to do
is walk and talk.

She's cute, how about her?

Oh, what about me? Hehe.

- Keep looking.
- Oh.

( laughter )

Joanie Cunningham said
that "The Young and the

Restless" was somewhere
right around here.

Oh, my God, Heather and Maggie
from "The Bold and the Beautiful?"

We must be getting close.

- Hi, Heather.
- Hi, Maggie.

Oh, you guys must be playing
the hookers, right?

- Oh, yeah, that's right! Great costume.
- Fabulous.

- Bye.
- Thanks.

Oh, Jamie Cooper, Jaime Cooper.

Oh, my God, we must be
at ground zero.

My mother is such
a huge fans of yours.

Oh, thank you,
that's very sweet.

You know, when you had
your actual facelift televised,

she was nauseous for weeks.

- She lost 14 pounds.
- Yeah.

( laughter )

It's Malcom Winters!

How can you tell?
He's got his shirt on.

Hello, hi. I'm Fran Fine
from Soap Opera Digest.

Malcolm would you mind taking
a picture with your shirt off?

No problem, ladies.

But come on, now, admit it, you guys
are not from Soap Opera Digest.

Then how come
you're taking your shirt off?

Give me a quarter?

( laughter )

Oh, it's Nicolas, it's Nicolas, take a
picture, take a picture of Nicholas.

But it's from the back.

Oh, that's his best side, honey.

Oh, so many celebrities,
can you believe this?

This hallway is better than the
Lido Deck on the Love Boat.

( laughter )

Oh, Nikki, Nikki!

Nikki, we love you so much.

You are such
an inspiration for me.

She started out a stripper and ended up
marrying the wealthiest man in the town.

Oh, you are a role model for me.

Oh, well, thank you. You know you're not
the first stripper to tell me that.

First, they think I'm a hooker
and now I'm a stripper.

I'd better get this dress
in every color.

Yeah.

Fran:
This is so exciting,

it's better than Gabe Kaplan ringing
us up at the Collis Center.

Val:
I know!

Fran:
Oh! Oh, my God.

Oh, Val!

This is it, we're here.

"The Young and the Restless."

( singing )

- Excuse me, excuse me.
- Oh?

Would you mind waiting over
by the food table?

Sure, honey, we aim to please.

- Oh, my God.
- What?

Oh, my God, Jack Abbott.

Heather's gonna do
a love scene with Jack Abbott.

Oh!

Director:
Action!

Chantal, we can't.

If Victor finds out,
he'll kill both of us.

( laughter )

It's my turn to talk, right?

Director:
Cut!

Well, at least I knew
it was my turn.

We'll just start over one more time,
right from the beginning, okay?

Director:
Action!

Oh, Jack,

I don't think we should've
gotten on this plane.

( laughter )

Are we on a plane?

We were on a plane
yesterday, remember?

We sat in first class and you
said, "I can't ride this horse."

( laughter )

Here,

let's take a five.

Heather, for you
that's a whole hand.

( laughter )

You were really good.

You're just saying that.

No, amazingly, she's not.

Heather, you know,

we can help you
learn your lines.

Yeah, Fran's great.

She helped me memorize
my license plate.

- That's right.
- One...

One, One...

V...

A...

L, Val!

( laughter )

Fran, are you sure
you can help me?

What's your first line?

Either she goes or I go.

But, Peter, who on earth
are we gonna find

who can take her place
on such short notice?

Fran: "Oh, Jack, I don't
give a damn about Victor."

I love you."

That girl.

( laughter )

Miss Fine, you're telling me that
you've taken a job on a soap

and you're not coming home?

Well, of course I'm shocked.
They gave you a speaking part?

( laughter )

Miss Fine, does this mean
you're never coming back?

( laughter )

Never coming back...
never coming back...

never coming back...
never coming back...

C.C.:
Morning, Maxwell.

Morning, Mrs. Sheffield.

( Applause )

( laughter )

Of course I'll tell Mr. Sheffield,
I expect him any moment.

Goodbye.

Nanny Fine's never coming back.

( laughter )

Aloha! We're home.

- Miss Fine?
- Hey, Fran?

Where's Fran?
We got her all these presents.

Oh, I can't wait to show her the
skimpy little bikini I got...

for her.

( laughter )

Oh, the children
missed her terribly.

So where is Miss Fine? I've got
all these things to show her.

( Cries )

C. C., what's the matter?

I'm just so happy.

( laughter )

So, sir, how can I break
this to you?

Miss Fine has taken a job on a soap
opera and she's not coming home.

What?

A speaking part?

( laughter )

Furnishings are so gorgeous.

Did you pick out these?

( laughter )

You know, I just feel
so awful about taking your job,

Heather, I mean
it's breaking my heart.

What kind of a lease do you have on this
place? I mean, you can't afford it,

maybe I'll take it
off your hands.

( laughter )

Oh, Fran, you're the best friend
a girl could have.

Well, I'm only thinking about you, Heather.
White wine on these carpets.

( laughter )

( phone ringing )

Hello?

Yes, she is.
Hold on one a moment.

It's for you.
Mr. Sheffield's on the phone.

He needs to speak
to you right away.

Oh, boy, Mr. Sheffield,
he is so lost without me.

This is going to be totally pathetic.
Let me put him on the speaker.

( laughter )

Hello, Mr. Sheffield.

Max:
Miss Fine,

Niles tells me that you're staying in
California to pursue an acting career.

That's right.

Ah, well, I want you to know the house
already feels very empty without you.

Oh.

Miss Fine, I realize I can't persuade
you to come back as the Nanny,

so I'd like to propose...

( laughter )

Perhaps Miss Biblow would like
to come back as your old job?

( laughter )

Heather and Mr. Sheffield?

What do you say, Miss Biblow?

I do.

( laughter )

Well, I spent all morning
at the employment agency,

but I think I've finally found
Maxwell the perfect nanny.

You know there are
a lot of stairs here.

We might need to build a ramp.

( laughter )

Mr. Sheffield
already hired someone.

Miss Fine recommended her.

Oh, fabulous, someone
from Rent-A-Yenta?

( laughter )

Guess again.

( Applause )

Cheese.

Miss Babcock.

Nanny Biblow.

Niles, Niles, I'm expecting a
call from Bill Towel... Powell.

Hi, Mr. Sheffield.

Hello.

And let me know when Miss
Babcock gets here, would you?

( laughter )

So what would you like me to do.

Oh, as far as I'm concerned,
your work here is done.

( laughter )

So did Miss Fine call?

No, not yet, sir. You miss her?

Of course I bloody miss her!

And I'm not sure about
Miss Biblow working here.

Just who exactly is this plan
of yours supposed to benefit?

Nanny Biblow, I'm home.

( laughter )

Oh, this is so exciting.

I am an assistant
to a genuine soap opera star.

( Sighs )
Yeah.

What's the matter, boss?

( laughter )

Oh, Val, I'm just picturing
Heather in that house,

parading around
in front of Mr. Sheffield,

and I'm thinking
this cannot be good.

( laughter )

Places, everyone! Fran?

Oh, okay.

We can have you
on the sofa here, with Peter.

Okay.

Now, let's start
right at the top.

Ready? Here we go.

And action!

Oh, Jack, I have wanted you since the
first day I arrived in Genoa City.

Chantal, I'm so glad
you came into my life.

You made me completely forget about
the four years I've wasted on Nan.

Huh?

( laughter )

Director:
Cut, cut!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Dear, if you can't remember
your lines,

the next one
you're gonna hear will be,

"Doctor, how much time
does she have?"

( laughter )

Okay, here we go.

- Once more.
- Sorry.

Director:
Action!

Oh, Jack, I keep thinking
about you and...

Heather sitting on Mr.
Sheffield's desk and I just...

Director:
Cut!

Oh, oh, I'm so sorry.

- Fran.
- Oh, I know.

You're making up
words again, dear.

I'm sorry, I just,

I have these personal problems.

Oh, maybe you just
need a little lunch?

Would you like some chicken
or some fish?

Yeah, okay,
I'll do a little chicken?

Alright.

Order her the chicken meal
on American flight 426.

( laughter )

I'll go get the bags, boss.

( laughter )

We're in New York, you don't
have to keep calling me boss.

Just go get the bags.

( laughter )

Can you tell me
the next flight for Los Angeles?

Mr. Sheffield,
what are you doing here?

Ah, Miss Fine,

well, Niles told me you
were returning from Los Angeles,

so I thought
I'd come and pick you up.

Oh, that's very sweet,

but I didn't tell Niles
that I was coming home.

Your mother.

No.

Val sent a fax?

( laughing )
Val sent a fax?

She can't even figure out why the cast
of Cops keeps changing every week.

( laughter )

Alright, Miss Fine.

I was coming to Los Angeles
to bring you home.

Oh...

So what are you doing here? What
happened to your part on the soap?

Oh, acting isn't for me.

You know, they drive you nuts.
You do a breakfast scene,

you got to be in it with all that
hair and makeup and a bathrobe.

It's so unrealistic.

( laughter )

- You were fired?
- Yeah.

But the southwest chicken on American
Airlines was restaurant quality,

I gotta say.

Did everyone miss me?

Oh, very, very much.

One person in particular.

Don't you ever leave me again.

( laughter )

Oh, Fran, we're so happy
to have you back.

Heather could never fill
your shoes.

She tried on my shoes?

( laughter )

No, just my dress.
She broke it.

( laughter )

Well, I'm just so happy that
everyone is so glad that I'm back.

( laughter )

Why?