All language subtitles for My First Wedding (2006) 1080p

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[NATASJA LEE, "JUST A LITTLE
LOVE"]

(SINGING) Just a little love

Give it to me, baby

Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

Just a little love

Do it, do it, baby

Just a little love

Give it to me, baby

Give me just a little

Give me love

L-O-V-E

Just a little love

A little goes a long way

Just a little love

Give it to me, baby

Just it a little love

Do it, do it, baby

Just a little, give me love

Take me in your arms,
oh, baby, tonight

Your loving makes me
feel all funny inside

You can make me feel
like no one else can do

If you give me just,
just a little love

Just a little love

Give it to me, baby

Just a little love

Do it, do it, baby

Just a little love

Give it to me, baby

Give me just a
little bit of love

L-O-V-E

Just a little love

A little goes a long way

Just a little love

Do it, do it, baby

Just a little love

Give it to me, baby

Give me just a
little, give me love

I don't want your money, honey

I don't want your car

I don't mind, honey

If you're not a movie star

I want sugar, honey

Just the way you are

Give me just, just a little love

L-O-V-E

Just a little love

Give it to me, baby

Just a little love

Do it, do it, baby

Just a little love

Give it to me, baby

Give me just a
little, give me love

L-O-V-E

[CHATTER]

Good morning, ladies.

Ladies, ladies,
it's all right.

This is our carpenter,
Nick Francis.

He did the lovely
work on the altar.

Yes.

Your work in the church
is excellent, Nick.

But couldn't you be
just a little more--

Oh, that's what you get for
hiring a confirmed sinner,

Father.

Well, look, at least
try not to scare away

any of the other parishioners.

Maybe.

And this might be a
good time for you to start

work on that confessional.

Over there?

Oh, that one.

[WHISTLES]

[DRILL WHIRRING]

Sorry.

[WHIRRING CONTINUES]

[WHIRRING STOPS]

Come on.

I have a sin to confess.

- But I'm not--
- It's an emergency.

Yes, but actually, I'm not--

If I don't get some
advice right away,

I'm going to commit a
horrible, unforgivable act

that really could ruin the
life of a wonderful person.

And maybe mine too.

Wait, you shouldn't
actually be talking to me.

Oh, my gosh.

You can tell that
I'm not a Catholic.

But I just really
need to tell somewhere

about my erotic fantasies.

Your what?

Erotic fantasies.

Please continue, my child.

I have these urges for men.

Yes.

Well, just today, I saw
this guy and I wanted to--

I cannot tell a priest that.

Well, if it helps
to bring you peace

to share every
detail, please, don't

hold anything back, my child.

[WHISPERING]

And do you have these
urges for every man you see?

Practically.

I'm afraid I'm going
to have to leave the--

right now.

The etiquette of
the confessional

is for the priest
to leave first.

If you could just hold
on for one minute.

No, please, please.

Don't go.

I just-- I need help.

Well, help comes
in mysterious ways.

Something may happen
in the very near future

to alleviate your torment.

But I haven't even told you
the most shocking part yet.

Perhaps I could
stay a little longer.

I'm getting married
in three days.

My fiance, Andre, is a Catholic.

He does not believe in
sex before marriage.

No.

Oh, I guess you don't either.

But I'm getting really
tired of waiting.

Well, you say your
wedding is in three days.

Three days, when in theory,
you could have wild sex

with the next man you meet.

In theory, yes.

But you see, that's the problem.

I mean, I'm not
fantasizing about Andre.

I'm about to pledge that I
will spend the rest of my life

with one man, sleep with one
man for the rest of my life.

And I see these other
guys, and I just can't help

but thinking, gee, I
wonder what it would

be like with him or him or him.

Understandable.

No, no, it's not.

It's a sin.
- I don't know.

Sin is a bit of a strong word.

Lust.

Christ, Oh my.

I mean, I have to go.

I have to go.

Listen, listen,
we haven't finished.

You know, maybe you could
give me your phone number,

and we could discuss this
further over a drink of coffee,

obviously, tea.

I couldn't impose on you.

Impose-- (MOUTHING) please.

Thank you.

I feel better already.

You know?

I think I'll be
strong enough now.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

For our wedding night.

Come on, Vanessa, you're
not entering a nunnery.

You're finally getting laid.

I know.

I just don't want him to
think I'm the kind of woman--

You don't think she's going to
go in and proposition that guy,

do you?

No.

No.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Excuse me.

There was a priest
here a while ago.

Do you know when he'll be back?

Actually, I--

It was you.

I recognize your accent.

You must be wondering why a
priest is dressed like this.

Well, it's to do with
our Attract Teenagers

to the Church Outreach Campaign.

You should see the
monsignor's purple hair.

What a great idea.

I'm the one with
the lust problem.

Yes.
Yes.

Yes.

I know you're
busy, but I think

that you said you might be able
to provide further counseling.

Yes.

I believe I can be
of a service to you.

You have no idea how
happy that makes me.

Me too.

In fact, I'm willing to
work at it until you find

complete relief, even if it
means working the entire three

days and nights.

You're almost a saint.

Why don't I come round
to your place tonight?

That would be fantastic.

I live-- you make house
calls, it's great.

I live at 325, Prince Avenue.

9 o'clock.

I don't know if I
can last that long.

- Let's make it 7:00.
- Great.

How do I look?

I've got a hot date tonight.

That outfit could
be a bit of a turnoff.

I don't know.

I think black suits me.

Like, the way it says, trust me.

It also says one a
hell of a hard lay.

You know, the most beautiful,
sexiest girl I've ever seen

told me she's desperate
for sex, and then

invited me round to her place.

That sounds too
good to be true.

Yeah.

Well, she does
think I'm a priest.

Ah.

But I don't think
that's a problem.

STEVE: You don't?

The fact that she's getting
married in three days could be.

Could be.

But if I sleep with her, I'll
actually be doing her a favor.

Sleeping with a woman
who thinks you're a priest

and is about to get married
is doing her a favor?

It's obvious.
STEVE: It's obvious.

I'm perfectly happy
with a one-night stand.

Yeah.

A one-night stand always
makes a woman happy.

She can have a
final fling with me,

acting out all her wild
sexual fantasies, you know?

I don't mind.

STEVE: You don't mind?

She'll get it
out of her system,

and then live
happily ever after.

That almost makes sense.

Hmm.

I just wish I had one of
those pope hats, you know?

Pants on or off?

No, Mom.

I cannot have this conversation
with you right now.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Come in.

You're being unreasonable.

I have to hang up.

Bye.

Father Nick.

I still can't believe
you gave up your evening

to come and talk to me.

Well, you don't call yourself
self-sacrificing for nothing.

Now where should we start?

Come in.

Can I offer you a drink?

Wait, I guess you don't.

Except on Sundays.

Let's just get straight
to those lustful thoughts.

Now, I've found with
my many parishioners

that a little physical contact
makes them feel less alone.

Yes, that is comforting.

Very comforting.

Perhaps you could move the
burden from your small shoulders

unto mine if you speak
openly about your fantasies,

holding absolutely nothing back.

I mean, give me the details.

This is so embarrassing.

Well, a doctor can't
make you better unless you

tell him your symptoms.

Right?

OK, well.

Like I was saying
before, I'll see a guy,

and I'll just want to--

Tear off his clothes
with your teeth.

Yes.

Yes.

There's that.

And then we're both--

Naked.

And then--

And then?

And then--

And then?

My engagement ring.

Can you see it?

Close.

I think I've got it.

My ring.

Sorry.

Yes.

Surprise.

But now these gifts are
especially for your honeymoon.

VANESSA: Thank you.

So sexy.

You look a lot like a guy
my roommate used to date.

I never met him.

She showed me some snapshots.

But her name is Liz Appleton.

His name is even Nick.

Well, you know, as the Bible
famously says, small world,

isn't it?

I didn't know that
was from the Bible.

Yes.

Yes, it is.

Corinthians 7:11.

Thus began a world of smallness.

Yeah.

She said they had
sex all the time.

This guy was like so hot.

Maggie.

No, no, girls.

It's fine.

Talk as if I weren't here.
It's your party.

What else did she say about him?

Actually, he dumped
her for her best friend.

What a creep.

Yeah, an absolute scumbag.

Maybe he didn't know the
other woman was her best friend.

I mean, that could have
been incredibly bad luck.

I mean, you meet someone in
a bar, you don't say to them,

can I have a list of all
your best friends in case

I'm sleeping with one of them?

No.

Maybe the relationship
wasn't going well.

Except the physical side.

Maybe the poor guy was
just looking for love.

Aren't we all just
looking for love?

Maybe not all of us.

Who wants cake?

Cracking Beaujolais.

Bye.

Are you sure he's
not just some cute guy

that you dressed up as
a priest so that Andre

wouldn't get suspicious?

He's an angel.

Go home.

Bye.

If you leave the
church, my number.

VANESSA: Drive safe.

Bye.

Did you write these books?

Yes.

God, I feel so guilty.

I mean, if Andre knew,
he would be crushed.

I don't know, we're all human.

He's probably having the
same fantasies himself.

Oh, no.

Not Andre.

He's incredibly moral.

Not to mention generous,
and kind, and smart, and--

No one's that good.

Andre is.

Well, you're obviously
in some sort of denial.

[DOORBELL]

Excuse me.

He's probably
some sunken chested,

sniveling little rat, not to
mention seriously undersexed.

Probably about four foot tall.

No brains.

Hello.

I'm Andre Reed.

Nick Francis,
Father Nick Francis.

Father Nick has been giving
me some spiritual counseling

before the wedding.

That's wonderful.

What church are you with?

I would say a priest
is with all churches

in a profound sense.

I met him at St. Andrew's

Oh, the cathedral downtown.

I've never been there.

Good.

It's a good church.

Fine church, very holy.

Where did you study?

Pardon?

Where did you study?

Oh, I've taken a vow
of silence about that.

Excuse me?

What, I did rather
well at priest school.

And it was a very prestigious
one, so as an act of modesty,

I vowed never to tell
anyone where I studied.

[LAUGHS]

I've never heard of
anything like that.

Well, you know, I like to
keep my spiritual standards as

high as possible, not
this newfangled holy means

playing kumbaya on the guitar.

No, no.

I'm much more of a
nail-me-up-on-the-cross

kind of guy.

[LAUGHS]

Wow.

That's great.

Hey, I just wanted to
thank you for helping me.

I didn't help you as much
as I wanted to, Vanessa.

I had such high hopes.

I guess the important
thing is that I

can make it to my wedding
day without sleeping

with another guy.

So we've achieved
our goal, right?

Yeah.

Would you-- would you come
to the rehearsal tomorrow?

I don't know.

I have other parishioners.

Of course, I'm being selfish.

I just thought
that if I did have

any last minute pangs of lust
that you would be there for me.

Maybe I can free
up my schedule.

You try and be holy.

It's not easy.

Another tequila, please.

There's a whole lot of
honeys out there, Nick.

Are you sure this one's
worth so much effort?

She's beautiful.

So horny.

She must have some faults.

No.

Not that I've noticed.

See that blonde, I bet
she's better than Vanessa.

Not even close.

Vanessa's got this
special quality.

I've never understood
the word radiant.

But the blonde isn't
getting married in three days.

[SOFT MUSIC]

[BELL RINGS]

[CHATTER]

Father Nick.

Welcome to my house.

It's-- it's big.

Well, when Bill Gates told
me that my software idea was

the most brilliant
thing he'd ever seen,

I had to do something
with all the money, huh?

Do you know Father Edward?

Come.

This is Father Nick, the
priest I was telling you about.

Yes.

Yes, Andre mentioned that
you're at St. Andrew's.

I know Father James
there very well.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh my.

I just remembered.

I have another appointment.

I have a funeral.

Yes, it's a good job
I'm wearing black.

I must run.

Father Nick.

Father Nick.

Hi, can you come
upstairs for a minute?

I need the last rites.

There's another
priest downstairs.

You're not dying, Mom.

My heart, it's fading away.

Beat.

Beat.

Be-- please, Father,
the last rites.

We're not even Catholic.

You know why I'm dying?

My daughter drove a
stake into my heart.

I did not.

We really need some emergency
family counseling here.

Yes, actually, my speciality
is pre-marital counseling.

You have a specialty?

Yes.

Everyone's waiting.

Who's giving the bride away?

I don't have anyone.

Father Nick can do it.

Father, right?

Would you?

Well--

I'd be so grateful.

Do you know what,
I would love to.

[ORGAN MUSIC]

I used to think
about my wedding day

when I was little, walking down
the aisle in my father's arm.

You all right?

Yeah.

Just happy, I guess.

At least I've got you.

I can't believe we
just met yesterday.

I mean, I feel like I
can tell you anything.

That's because you're
a priest, I guess.

[PRIEST CLEARS THROAT]

Father, I-- I think I'm
supposed to be standing there.

Sorry.

Yes.

Sorry.

Dearly beloved, we
are gathered here today

to join in holy matrimony--

I can't do this.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Probably for the best.

Wedding is off.

No more wedding.

Wedding's bad.

There must be a reason.

I'm the wrong person.

That's the reason.

My girlfriends are
wonderful people.

Maybe you should
propose to one of them.

OK, wait here.

Wait here.

It's not like that
purple satin bridesmaid

dress won't come in handy.

I just don't understand it.

I mean, they seem like
the perfect couple.

Don't you think so, Father Nick?

Who knows?

Hmm?

Who knows?

The human heart is
full of surprises.

Father Nick.

I thought maybe Father
Nick could help.

Andre, I want to
tell you something.

No, no, no, no, I
can explain everything.

I want to elope now.

I love you.

I love you.

Are you sure about this?

Positive.

Well, you've
obviously been having

second thoughts about this man.

Not about Andre.

About me.

Well, this is
a little unusual.

But if it's what the
bride and groom want--

It is.

Father, is there
a phone I could use?

Yes.
Right through there.

Oh, yes.
The marriage.

Yes.

Well, we'll get
right on it here.

We'll-- we'll-- have
you got the rings?

Yeah.

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello.

Steve, I've done
something stupid.

I know, you've disguised
yourself as a priest to trick

a woman into sleeping with you.

NICK: No, no, no,
no, worse than that.

Worse?

I've fallen in love with her.

We were standing in
front of the priest.

And it was like suddenly,
I wanted him to say do you,

Nick Francis, take this woman?

And then her fiance
pushed me aside as

if I'm an absolutely nothing.

Nick Francis in love.

Are you sure about this?

I'm sure.

Well, at least, it was
only the wedding rehearsal.

We still got two days to
break up the engagement.

No.

They're getting
married right now.

I guess you lost
this one, buddy.

Tough break.

Let me talk to him.

I've been in exactly
the same situation.

I wouldn't have thought
it was that common.

40 years ago, I fell in
love with a beautiful woman.

Who are you?

She was engaged
to someone else.

Did she think
you were a priest?

Maybe not the exact same
situation but similar.

The night before the
wedding, I decided

honesty was the best policy.

I told her my true feelings.

She called off the wedding,
married me instead.

Honesty.

Now there's a thought.

That's beautiful.

So everything turned out great.

No.

Her fiance bought a
shotgun, tried to kill me.

My leg still hurts
on rainy days.

And the lying bitch was frigid.

Nick!

Nick, are you still there?

Honesty is the best policy.

Andre, can I have a
word in private, please?

Why, Father?

The younger priests
have a whole new way.

It's a new generation.

Hands on.

Right.

So, Andre, there's something
I'd like to speak to you about.

Andre, you can't marry Vanessa.

Why not?

I can't tell you.

I'm confused, Father.

Why can't you tell me?

Because she confided the
reason to me in the sanctity

of the confessional.

And my lips are sealed.

So I think the best solution
to this little problem

is for you to trust me,
call off the wedding,

and don't tell her
that I said anything.

I'm sure if it's important,
Vanessa will tell me herself.

Let's play charades.

Charades?

Charades.

That way, I wouldn't be
telling you anything.

Father, I've never heard
of anything like this.

I just think that, you
know, as a priest, sometimes

it's better for me
to put the greater

good ahead of a little teensy
weensy little bit of a good.

But the sanctity of the
confessional, Father--

six words.

First word, uh, um,
you're riding a bicycle.

You're swinging a rope.

You're swinging-- you're
slapping somebody.

You're wiggling your--

Father, I don't know.

You're kissing the air.

You're-- you're kissing the air.

You're-- um, oh, you're
looking at your fingernails,

fingernails, you're looking
at your-- you're nearsighted,

farsighted, dancing, dancing.

You're Hawaii.

From Hawaii.

Hawaii.

No.

OK.

Opposite.

Opposite.

Boxing.

Boxing.

Boxing.

You're very-- you're strong.

You're strong.

You're-- you're strong.

You're spitting.

You're strong, you're spitting
you're very manly, very manly.

Man, you're a man.

You're a man.
Opposite woman.

You're a woman.

You're a woman.

You're a small woman.

You're a woman.

You're a she.

She, she, two words.

Second word, yeah, second word.

Sounds like-- sounds like
you're crawling on the ground.

You're crawling on the ground.
You're a dog.

You're a dog.

You're a dog, chasing his tail.

You're-- you're
playing the piano.

You're being eaten alive by--

you've got ants on you.

You've got ants, ants, ants.

You've got ants sounds like
ants, whence she whence--

she went-- she wants, she wants.

Third word.

Two, two, two, two.

She wants two-- fourth
word, second, two syllables.

First syllable.

First syllable.

She wants to-- and
you're like-- oh, you're

like a mother kissing the baby.

Kissing.

Kissing the baby.

No, she wants to fly.

She wants to fly.

She's a fairy.

She's a-- she's a--
she's eating candle wax.

She's wants to--
eating candle wax.

She's--

[MIMICS BUZZING]

You're a Japanese airplane.

[MIMICS BUZZING]

A fly.

She wants to fly.

No, she wants to fly.

She wants to fly.

She wants to-- she
wants to-- a bee.

She wants to be--

she wants to be--
she wants to be--

second syllable.

She wants to--

[GROANS]

Father, I hate to say it, but
it looks an awful lot like--

an org-- she wants to become--

fifth word.

Hey, she wants to become a--

sixth word.

Final word.

Final word.

She wants to become--

she wants to become an egg.

There's a fly around her head.

She's-- no, she's she wants
to become a holy person.

She wants to become the world.

Opposite, opposite.

She's-- you're showing your bum.

You're showing
your bum to people.

Oh, you're lifting
your-- you're a stripper.

You're a stripper.

You're opposite of a stripper.

Opposite of a stripper,
you put your clothes on.

You put your clothes on
and you pray, you pray.

You're a Buddhist monk.

You're a fat Buddhist monk.

Jesus.

A nun?

Yes!

She wants to become--

she wants to become a nun?

I've been ditched.

Ditched is such a harsh word.

Why don't you think of
it as being set free?

He won't even tell me why.

Well, you wouldn't
tell him why you called

off the wedding earlier today.

I was too ashamed.

So it was the lust problem.

It's bigger than you realize.

My family has hereditary lust.

It's in the genes.

Your mother seems to
have it under control.

My father.

NICK: I thought he passed away.

My mom kicked him
out six months ago.

He had a wandering eye.

Hands.

Other things.

And you think you've
got the same problem?

Yes.

But with your help, I do think
I could make a marriage work.

It's only been 24 hours.

You're right.

I probably wouldn't
have lasted much longer.

Have you considered the
possibility that God was

trying to give you a message?

God wanted me to have an
affair right before my wedding?

That seems unlikely.

Maybe he was trying to tell
you that Andre is the wrong man.

Maybe somehow, this whole thing
was a way for God, fate, call it

what you will, to get
you to meet the right man

under amazing
circumstances, circumstances

that you will look
back on one day,

laugh about, tell
your grandchildren.

Vanessa?

[GIGGLING]

Father Edward explained to
me that it's very common when

people are first exposed
to a new religion

to get a little carried away.

He assured me that Vanessa's
case is nothing more than that.

I was so relieved.

Sure you were.

Although you were
wrong on this one.

I really appreciate
your concern.

You're a credit to that
collar, Father Nick.

You will be at the wedding the
day after tomorrow, won't you?

Mmm.

Father, are you all right?

I'm fine.

Would you like
me to get a doctor?

No.

But if you're suffering.

I'm not suffering.

Maybe this is a test.

Maybe God is trying
to find out if I'm as

worthy as the Good Samaritan.

It's not a test, OK?

If I leave you,
I could be dooming

myself to eternity in hell.

Bless you.

Now fuck off.

Hey, there's a
sick priest here.

Right here.

The priest!

He could be dying!

Hi, Mom.

You never give
me grandchildren.

I mean, I might have seen this
coming if you were Catholic.

[LAUGHS]

What are you wearing?

I was going to fix you up
with Mrs. Layton's niece.

She was such a lovely girl.

But not if it's going
to cost you your career.

That's why I'm doing this.

This has nothing to do
with Mrs. Layton's niece.

No, it's got nothing to
do with Mrs. Layton's niece.

I'm doing it
because I'm in love.

She's getting
married in two days.

So you're a priest, and you're
getting married in two days.

Nick, you know that--

She's marrying someone else.

You've lost your mind.

My son has lost his mind.

On the bright side, I might
get grandchildren after all.

Of course, I might need a
little remedial schooling.

I will give you
grandkids someday.

The men you date, I don't want
to see what kind of evil spawn

they breed.

I haven't lost my mind.

I met the perfect woman.

She's beautiful, and so hor--

So whore?

And she's a thing for priests?

Well, call me old fashioned,
but I think that's--

Shes' not a whore.

She's bright, and funny,
and what's the point?

I've lost her.

Tell me, Sandy.

Is it something I did?

Yeah, Mom.

It was everything that you did.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

FATHER JAMES:
Something wrong, Nick?

Uh, no.

Just destined for
a life of misery.

Ah, romantic troubles.

Have you ever lied to a woman
to try and get her into bed,

and it all kind of
backfired and you--

I guess not.

And just how did it backfire?

I fell in love with her.

But now, I mean even though
she's marrying another man, I--

I don't know how to tell
her that I love her.

She thinks I'm somebody else.

Well, what kind of a
lie did you tell her?

Let's change the
subject, Father.

Oh, no.
Come on, Nick.

Come on.

Can't be all that horrible.

What did you do, suggest
that you have a lot of money

or a big car, a
really impressive job?

The last one.

Well, now you have
nothing to be ashamed of.

You are an artist, all right?

Now, the parishioners are
really raving about your work.

Thanks, Father James.

I was so afraid I
wouldn't find you.

I'm going to go and
take my coffee break now.

Hello.

I'm Father James.

Hi, Vanessa Sinclair.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

I have to ask you something.

It's about my wedding.

Vanessa, me and Father James
have a little bit of business

to finish up.

If you could just
wait one minute.

You must be the woman Nick
has been telling me about.

Now, I don't think you
know the whole truth

about this young man.

Why don't we do this sometime
next week, do that brunch thing,

you know?
And I'm really busy today.

I'm going to come
right out and say it.

Now whatever he may
have led you to believe,

the truth about
Nick, he's the finest

carpenter I've ever known.

Carpenter?

Yes.

And think what that means, he
can take a rough piece of wood,

something that most people would
walk past without ever noticing,

and then he shapes it into
an object of great beauty

that brings joy to
the rest of the world.

I understand now.

Jesus was a carpenter.

That's true.

And we're all just
rough pieces of wood

until God and the church shape
us into beautiful works of art.

Uh, why, yes.

And so you're right.

Our friend here is a
wonderful carpenter.

I had never thought of priest
as being like carpenters before.

Father James, always
a sucker for a metaphor.

I have to confess, I came
here to ask you a favor.

Great.

Whatever, I'll do it.

You're such an
incredible person.

I haven't even told
you what it is yet.

I want my father to give
me away at the wedding,

even if my mother never
speaks to me again.

I mean, I know what he
did, but he's still my dad.

The thing is, I'm kind of scared
of going over there alone.

Would you mind wearing
your priest clothes?

He might be more apt to
listening to somebody who looks

like a spiritual authority.

Actually, they're at home.

Great.

I'd love to see where you live.

Great.

This is not what I expected.

Research.

Research?

I spend most of my nights
reading the Bible, Jesus wept.

But I can't do my job well
if I lose touch with the life

of the average sinner.

I guess that makes sense.

I get so tired
though, all that raunchy

rock music and X-rated videos.

But as I said the name of
the game is self-sacrifice.

You're nothing like I
expected a priest would be.

No, that's a compliment.

I'll get my robes.

They're in their special
place of honor, of course.

It's great to be with you.

It's great to
be with you, too.

I mean, with you,
I can be honest.

Most guys would take
advantage of this situation

if they know how I
just wanted to drag

a man to the nearest bed and--

Vanessa--

Is that a tattoo?

What does it say?

It's really embarrassing.

I underwent the
excruciating pain

to actually embed in my
skin like a crown of thorns,

a slogan that would
constantly remind me

of the evil that is
in one's own heart

that we must wage
a battle against.

Amen.

You know, I'm not so sure
that this is a good idea.

I mean, my mom would be so
humiliated if my dad came

to the wedding with some bimbo.

Oh, come on.

What are the chances
of that happening?

I'll be right back.

Don't you dare get out
of that bed, hot stuff.

Hi.

Hare Krishna, right?

Maybe you could save
me a trip to the store.

You wouldn't happen to have
a spare condom, would you?

And that's what marriage
is, fidelity, right?

I totally agree.

Absolutely, yeah.

Oh, shit.

Pardon?

Shit-hinky-dinky-doo.

It's-- it's an old Hindu prayer,
which means that when you meet

the right person, all others
must be forgotten, like

the leaves of another summer.

Nick.

Nick is that you?

No, no.

You're a priest?

No, I don't believe it.

You of all people.

Actually, I've always had
a spiritual side, Janice.

I just didn't flaunt it.

Oh, my god.

This feels so weird.

I mean, just to think that I
had the hottest sex of my life

with a priest.

That's just too kinky for words.

You know, I was
thinking about maybe

giving you a call sometime,
having another go at it.

But I guess, under the
current circumstances, that

would be out of the question.

Yes, it would.

Well, you sure are full of
surprises, you little devil.

Well, not devil.

Although in the old
days, that sure would

have been the word for it.

Should have known him then.

Oh, you're not one of those
trendy nuns in street clothes,

are you?

No.

Well, let me
tell you something,

he sure showed me
heaven a few times.

Janice was exaggerating.

I mean, some--

I figured it out.

What?

Why you said you'd counsel
me, why you came to my home,

why we've been spending
all this time together.

Vanessa, this is not--
this is not how it looks.

I thought a priest
would have led

too sheltered a
life to understand

what I have been going through.

If I hadn't met you,
I probably would

have slept with another man
and had to call off my wedding.

Do you know how upset
Andre would have been?

And it's really important
that you marry the right person.

Andre, he will understand, you
know, a little bit of time.

And--

My girlfriends are throwing
me a bachelorette party tonight.

I was a little worried
about it, to be honest.

You know how they can be.

Vanessa, can we talk?

No, we don't have to.

That's what I'm trying to say.

I hear you.

I just have to put other men out
of my mind and focus on Andre.

His friends are throwing him
a stag party tonight also.

I don't have the
slightest fear that he'll

cheat on me with another woman.

Nick.
Nick.

Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick,
Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick.

Just wait.

This way, they won't
think you're a hooker.

OK, he likes his women to
be very demure and moral.

Why did I pick you?

Mom, would have been better.

Just go.

You're perfect.

Excuse me.

Hello.

Anyone home?

We met earlier today.

Oh, yeah.

You're that hare Krishna guy.

I thought you were
involved with Mr. Sinclair.

That old man?

Get real.

He's got the apartment upstairs.

So my little girl's
getting married tomorrow?

Yeah.

She didn't invite me.

Well, it's my own fault.
Men are such idiots.

Do we ever want to grow up?

We see a beautiful
woman, before you know it

telling one lie after another.

You end up all alone.

But what about all the women?

It was only one woman.

It only lasted one night.

Irene wouldn't believe me.

I'm not blaming her.

Once you tell one lie, and
the crazy thing is the sex

wasn't 1/10th as good
as it was with Irene.

God, I miss her.

Come to the wedding tomorrow.

If I'm not welcome--

Well, I'll go
round to Vanessa's

and explain everything.

Even if Vanessa will
forgive me, Irene won't.

Get your suit ready, and I'll
pick you up in the morning,

and we can talk
to Irene together.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Father Nick.

Father Nick.

I'm so glad you're here.

It was terrible.

My friends took me to this
club with male strippers.

And they paid one of the
guys 20 bucks to torture me.

Mm-hmm.

His name was Toro the Love Stud.

And he stood right
in front of me.

And he went like this.

Who could resist that.

I don't know.

Nick, now I can't
stop thinking about sex.

I know what I should do.

I should sleep with someone.

You should?

Yes, yes.

For Andre's sake.

I love him.

But I wonder if
Toro's still there.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Vanessa, Vanessa,
listen to me, listen.

You're drunk.

It's not a good time
to make decisions.

You're right.

Toro is not the
right kind of guy.

I need to find someone who
will never tell anyone.

Vanessa, look, I want to--

oh, my god.

I want to, but I can't.

It's just not right.

It feels right, doesn't it?

Rip my clothes off, baby,
'cause I'm ready for love.

I'm ready.

It's pretty good.

I always wanted to be in
a rock band, you know?

Like The Carpenters.

They're great.
OK, OK.

No, no, OK, do it again.

Do it again.

Do it again.

So rip my--

Rip my--

Clothes off--

- Clothes off--
- Baby.

Baby.

'Cause I'm ready for love.

[LAUGHING]

No, you got to get
the moves though.

The moves.

Oh, no way.

So rip my clothes

Off, baby. 'Cause
I'm ready for love.

You want to try?

No, I can't.

I can't.

I can't do that.

I got too many bones.

Steady, wait.

Rip my clothes off baby,
'cause I'm ready for love.

Wait.

Whoa.

OK, OK, you do it.

You do it yourself.

Do it again.

Do it again.

Do it again.

It's like--

Rip my--

Clothes off, baby.

'Cause I'm--

[SNORING]

Wait, whoa.

Wait, whoa.

Hey.

[SNORING]

[DISTANT DOG BARKING]

[WHIMPERS]

I slept with the priest
the night before my wedding.

I'm really sorry about this.

Vanessa.

This didn't happen, OK?

Even if the pope grills
me, I'll deny everything.

But it's great
that this happened.

Vanessa, I'm not
really a priest.

I was only pretending to be one.

Don't question your faith
because of what happened,

all right?

You were born to be
a priest, Father.

I think you can call me Nick.

Just tell yourself it
was like a saintly act.

You know, you were coming to
the aid of a needy parishioner.

I'm a fraud.

I was never a priest.

You're not a fraud.

All right, you're a fine priest.

Just don't have a
spiritual crisis because

of something that's my fault.

Vanessa, I'm trying to tell
you, I'm in love with you.

Taxi!

I'm going to marry Andre.

I am.

And you, go back to being holy.

We'll never see
each other again.

Vanessa, Vanessa.

Hey, hey, hey.

Didn't go so well then?

Please, just tell her that
Andre fell in love with you

last night.

No.

Sorry, Nick.

Did my best.

I have to get to her
before she marries Andre.

Andre is not a fool.

You come running in an
hour before the wedding,

desperate to see Vanessa,
don't you think that he

might get a bit suspicious.

You're forgetting,
I'm a priest.

It's easy to forget.

It's not like you were
a priest last week.

Luck.

- You have to come too.
- Why?

You have to distract Andre
so I can be alone with Vanessa.

Ah, the pizza delivery
girl crashes the wedding.

Just say you're my date.

You're a priest.

Right.

I forgot.

I told you it's
easy to forget.

We'll think up
something on the way.

But take your own bike.

I've got to pick
up Vanessa's dad.

So you're a priest
and a taxi service?

Come on!

God, he might not
even remember me.

I didn't realize your
brother was a priest.

Yeah, we're all
very proud of him.

I need to speak to Vanessa.

Oh, shit!

It's a very progressive
wing of the church.

[LIGHT MUSIC]

Hi, St. Andrew's Cathedral.

Hi, hello.

I'm calling on behalf of father
Edward from St. Matthews.

We're trying to find
a priest who's name

is Father Nick, would you--

oh, he's here.

Yeah.
Thanks, anyways.

What?

Who am I talking about?

Hello.
Hello.

Yes.
Yes.

This is Father Nick.

The service next Sunday,
9 o'clock, I'll be there.

Just enjoy your golf.

Yes, bye.

Father, Father Nick,
we're so glad you're here.

I've been looking
everywhere for you.

And I wonder if you could--

Listen, I have to
go and find Vanessa.

Wish her the best of luck.

Father Nick, we're just--

[CRASHING]

How could you
bring that man here?

Do you know what
that man did to me?

I think there's some
confusion on the subject.

Oh, you mean he
denied cheating on me,

and you believed him.

Do you men always
stick together?

If there is one thing
I taught my daughter,

it is never trust a
man who lies, never.

Yeah, I suppose lying
is quite hard to forgive.

You bet it is.

If a man lies once, how can
you ever believe him again?

But, you know, there must be
lies, and then there's lies,

there's--
I slept with somebody else.

So I lied lies.

And then I went to sleep
with you, so I lied lies.

Lying is lying.

I don't know much
about the Bible.

Well, of course, I
know about the Bible

but the point is it has a
word or two about forgiveness.

Tom made one mistake.

One?

It was probably
going on for years.

You know, he's got
no reason to lie to me.

Well, maybe he lied to you
so that you would lie to me.

That's the way liars
think, isn't it?

You wouldn't know.

You're a priest.

No, no, no, I do.

I do.

I do.

I understand.

You know, I can see
where you're coming from.

I do.

You know the hardest part?

When it happened, I was
still dizzy in love with him.

And I was stupid
to think he still

felt the same way about me.

Look, let me go and find Tom.

He'll explain everything,
explain the truth.

Tom.

I can't believe you
missed your hairdresser's

appointment this morning.

What were you doing?

I just forgot, OK?

OK, OK.

Just relax.

Now how-- how's that?

OK.

Well, I know I'm not a
professional hairdresser.

But it's not that bad.

Get out of here.

You can't just
run away from me.

Father Nick.

Didn't tell Andre, did you?

Tell Andre what?

Of course I didn't tell Andre.

If he sees you here,
he'll get suspicious.

Suspicious of what?

Look, I just want to talk.

Talk about what?

I will never talk to you.

I can explain.

Go away now.

Please!

OK, now, I am dying to
hear what he has to say.

I love you.

Don't say that to me.

Well, you know, last
night, it wasn't just about--

I don't remember last night.

So there.

Of course you
remember last night.

You can't forget last night.

This is the best
wedding I've ever been to.

And it hasn't even started yet.

I'm not speaking to you again
until I am safely married.

[DOOR SLAMS]

You have to take
over the service.

Father Nick, I keep
sneezing and coughing.

Oh, your cough's not that bad.

I'm going to
ruin the ceremony.

He's refusing to do it.

Oh, come on, Father, surely if
you can substitute for somebody

who's playing golf.

Andre, have you met my sister?

Sandy!

Oh, she's wonderful.

She's very funny,
very calm, very quiet.

Have we met somewhere before?

You know, she does
have other clothes.

Really, she does.

Have I mentioned in
the church choir.

Really.

Actually, no.

I'm in a band.

We're called She-Devils in Heat.

[LAUGHS]

She's such a kidder.

Have I mentioned
her sense of humor?

Father Nick, please, I
have a temperature of 103.

Listen, why don't
you two kids go

off and get to know each other?

That's great,
before the wedding.

Thank you.

I beseech you, Father Nick.

Listen, you know, I have a
very good reason for refusing

what you're asking me to do.

I mean, really, I do.

It's very-- I'll do it.

Father Edward, I think
we're ready to begin.

[SNEEZES]

Are you OK?

Father Nick will be doing
the ceremony because I've--

I'm so cold.

Oh, I love this.

Wait a second.

Who's going to give you away?

I've got it.

Toro.

Stop it.

It's OK.

Your dad will give you away.

[CHURCH ORGAN MUSIC]

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]

I'm a little nervous.

This is-- this is my first
wedding, just like it's

Vanessa's first wedding.

But hopefully, it won't be
the last for either of us.

OK.

We are gathered here
today under the eyes

of the big fella to witness
the union of Andre and Vanessa.

And in lieu of
the last few days,

I have cometh to know
this fine couple.

And I feel I know Vanessa
particularly well,

and therefore would
like to dispense

with the traditional
ceremony and instead

begat a few words
from my own heart,

or maybe a little lower down.

Because I feel that a topic
that abides in all of our minds

at a time like this is lust.

And verily, let us
say unto one another

what is lust, why was it begat?

Lust is a curse that
women suffer too,

despite what my mother
told me, although suffer

may be too harsh a word.

Is it possible that
lust has had a bad rap?

Because verily I say unto you,
there are two kinds of lust.

There's the blush in the
pants lust, you know?

Sleep with the secretary
lust, Toro lust.

And that's wrong.

But human, I mean, if we
weren't supposed to feel it,

why did the big fella
give us hormones, right?

Yes.
Yes.

I see a few nods
at the back there.

Yes.

Show of hands, who's sorry
they slept with a tramp?

Come on.
Show your hand.

Don't be afraid.

OK.

Well, fine.

Let's play it coy.

Play it coy.

But I can tell you know
what I'm talking about.

But no, today, I want to talk
about the other kind of lust,

the Old Testament lust, because
verily, I say unto you, have we

really felt the full
power and glory of lust.

Yes.

Yes.

I believe I'm
having a revelation.

Perhaps it comes to
pass that lust is

a way of telling ourselves of--

of an everlasting truth.

Because what if we feel an
almighty lust for someone

we think we doth not love, not
Toro lust, with a kind of lust

you're still going to feel
after 30 years of marriage?

Maybe your body is turned
our mind to something

it does not want to hear.

And if we refuse to listen, if
we refuse to open our hearts

and minds to this
eternal truth, we

could find ourselves damned
forevermore to that everlasting

hell of being lonely.

I think I've made my point.

Marry us.

What?

Are you sure?

Yes.

Andre Reed, do
you take this woman

to be your lawful wedded wife
and whatever, et cetera, amen?

I-- I do.

And, Vanessa Sinclair,
do you take this man

to be your lawfully wedded
husband in sickness, in health,

and et cetera, et cetera.

Amen.

I do.

Well, I now pronounce
you husband and wife.

[NERVOUS LAUGH]

The rings.

The ring, the ring.

The rings.

Do the ring thing.

Come on, Andre, the ring thing.

Yes, well, I now pronounce
you husband and wife again.

[ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING]

[APPLAUSE]

Where are you going?

Tried my best.

It's over.

She's married now.

Well, she's not.

You're not a real priest.

I forgot about that.

Come on.

You distract Andre.

I'm going to go and get Vanessa.

Yeah.

Thanks.

Andre, congratulations.

Father Nick.

Sandy, Nick's sister.

Vanessa, nice to meet you.

Well, I can't say I
agree with everything

you said in your sermon.

[LAUGHS] But I appreciate your
filling in at the last moment.

My pleasure.

It's always a pleasure.

Now listen, you know, I know
you haven't got much time

and we have to leave soon.

So well, Sandy here, she's
got a few questions-- well,

I'll let her explain.

Vanessa, can we have a word?

Yes.

I would like to
speak to you alone.

Pardon me.

I love you.

[NERVOUS LAUGH]

So what was it
you wanted to say?

Yeah.

Do you want to come
and see my band?

So, listen, good news
is the annulment will

be much easier than you think.

That collar or
not, you are still

the most despicable human being
I've ever met in my entire life.

What happened to the
sanctity of the confessional?

Hmm?

You practically announced to
everyone out there that I've

been lusting after another man.

I think that most people
appreciated the universal nature

of my sermon.

You could have ruined my life.

That I saved.

Listen to me.

I'm not listening to
another word you say.

Come on, you promised
that you would talk

to me after you got married.
This is it, now.

I changed my mind.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I am going on my honeymoon.

But--

I hate you.

NICK: Vanessa.

[UP-TEMPO MUSIC]

Father Nick.

Andre, I was just
looking for some tablets.

I have an absolutely
awful headache.

In the bathroom.

Would you mind?

I'm feeling a little bit dizzy.

There you go.

Thank you.

Could I have a glass of water?

Of course.

[CHATTER]

But I'm sure you can
understand and glad,

and we decided to wait
until our wedding night.

I've taken a lot of
ribbing from my buddies.

But I used to be pretty wild.

And I think it got kind of
cheapened, you know what I mean?

I said to myself, the
next time, I wanted

to be sure it was forever.

I am going to have one
hell of a honeymoon.

Thank you.

Been a long day.

Hope you're not too tired.

No, no.

I'm not tired.

Andre, Vanessa.

This is where you're
having your honeymoon?

What a coincidence.

I booked a room here about
a month ago, you know,

a little sabbatical,
meditation, yoga, water.

Father, if you don't
mind, we'd just like

to check into our room now.

There you go.
Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Oh.

This is nice, isn't it?

I'm so glad I decided
to keep you company.

I think I'm going to
stay here all night long.

Father Nick, we're
getting a little tired.

Of course you are.

What a day, your wedding,
then the reception,

then the drive here.

And I bet both of you didn't
sleep much last night.

Vanessa, I'm sure you
tossed and turned for hours.

Andre's trying to tell you
that we'd like to be alone.

Me too.

And that's why I
came up here to spend

some nice, quiet time alone.

We'd like to be alone now.

Vanessa, we don't
want to be rude.

Go away.

You mean you want
to be alone together?

Yes.

Of course you do.

It's your wedding night.

But, you know, as
a priest, I would

like to give you some advice.

I find that couples who postpone
the consummation of the marriage

have a much better track record.

That first night, a little
bit tired and irritable,

well, things never really
live up to expectations.

But if you wait a day, a week,
a month, a year, fireworks.

How about a game of Parcheesi?

No.

How about chess,
blackjack, Crazy Eights?

[DOOR SLAMS]

Spiritual crisis.

No.

No.

No.

Hi.
Hi.

Hi.
Hi.

Hi.

Father Nick, hotel priest.

Just checking for evil spirits.

Everything seems to be fine.

So sleep well.

At last.

Aren't you getting into bed?

There's something I
should tell you first.

Vanessa, if it's about
your past, I don't care.

Whatever either of us did
before this night is irrelevant.

But I really think
that I should tell you.

There is nothing that
would make me change my mind.

But this one particular--

No.

All I want is to finally
make love to my wife.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Father, this isn't a good time.

How did you get in here?

I'm possessed by the devil.

That's why I wouldn't
leave earlier.

I'm terrified of being alone.

Vanessa, you look great.

Andre, please
come back to bed.

Please, Andre, you don't know
what kind of nightmare this is.

Father, I don't think
you're possessed by the devil.

Then why did I give that
sermon on your wedding

in defense of lust?

What priest in his right
mind would do that?

Well, you're a
little eccentric.

Look, what I did
to myself yesterday.

Maybe you're going
through a time of doubt.

But the devil?

[SPEAKS IN DEMONIC VOICE]

What did I just say?

I don't speak Spanish.

It was devil talk
for "you are my slave."

Please help me
fight this monster.

Hello, can I help you?

Sure, one second.

It's kind of fun, isn't it?

Seem to be doing
all right, Father.

Sure.

No.

They all speak Japanese?

Yeah.

Hi.

(JAPANESE ACCENT) I speak
a little bit Japanese.

I think I'll get
back to Vanessa.

But what if Satan returns?

Well, maybe it
wasn't the devil.

Maybe it was just the
shrimp in your salad.

[SPEAKS IN DEMONIC VOICE]

Lucifer, Satan,
destroyer of the souls.

The darkness.

Beelzebub.

Beelzebub.

Beelzebub.

Mr. Beelzebub?

Yeah.

Sorry.

Of course.

What just happened?

Maybe it's a little
more than indigestion.

I'll stay a little longer.

You're a nice man.

Not really.

You're giving up
your wedding night

to be with a complete stranger.

Well, anything to ward off
the prince of darkness, huh?

I must look like
a fool sometimes.

That's a pretty
normal occurrence,

in cases of demonic possession.

Have you ever
really been in love?

So in love you
would do anything?

You find yourself doing
things you can't believe

but if it gives you a
chance, the tiniest chance,

and it's worth it,
even if the whole world

thinks you're a complete fool?

It's your move.

[EERIE MUSIC ON TV]

It's been so long thinking
about my honeymoon.

Never thought I'd be
spending it with a priest

possessed by the devil.

You know, Vanessa must
be wondering where I am.

This might be a good time
for me to go check on her.

Get out of me.

[GIBBERISH]

I will never leave you.

You need some help there?

[GIBBERISH]

[MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

Would you like to see a menu?

Oh, no.

That's fine.

I'm just-- just
looking for someone.

Why are you doing this?

Because I love you.

I don't care.

Yes, you do.

You love me too.

Oh, yeah, I always
told my girlfriends,

one day, I'll meet the perfect
guy, one who wants to be pope.

Listen to me, I am
married to Andre.

You said he doesn't
light your fire.

I never said that.

Yes, you did.

The night before last when you--
- Don't talk about that night.

But it was the best
night of my life.

I don't even remember it.

Yes, you do.

You remember every second
of it, and you always will.

I don't remember
anything that happened

after the stripper shoved
his underwear down my dress.

I'm going to go
find my husband.

Look, Andre's a great
guy, but you don't love him.

You love me.

I'll be back later.

No, I will come back later,
my lawfully wedded husband.

Actually, there's something
I should tell you about that.

Vanessa, I'm so sorry.

Father, excuse me.

I wondered if you could
do us a little favor.

This couple want to
get married right away.

They have the license.

The banns have been read.

But they had a little fight.

So she came up here to be alone.

He followed her.

They sorted out the
misunderstanding.

Now they just want
to get married

and go on their honeymoon.

Sorry, no, I can't.

No, please, Father.

It would mean so much to us.

I'm sure there
are other priests.

Actually, no one's
available until tomorrow.

We really don't want
to wait until tomorrow.

Trust me on this, it would be
a mistake for me to marry you.

Our wedding
would be a mistake?

Why do you say that?

I just can't.

What does he know, Rob?

Did you cheat on me with
Cynthia, is that it?

What does everyone in
the whole world know.

I didn't mean--

I never slept with Cynthia.

Well, a priest is
refusing to marry us.

He must sense
something is wrong.

I thought we were going
to be so happy together.

Goodbye, forever.

Wait, wait, wait.
I don't sense anything.

I don't even know
who Cynthia is.

Well, then why
won't you marry us?

Because-- because
I'm not a real priest.

Vanessa.

[DINGS]

Let's go home, Andre.

Father Edward should be
feeling better by now.

Yeah.

So he likes to
dress like a priest.

I mean, could be worse,
could be women's underwear.

God.

Hey, Nick.

What's new?

VANESSA: Well?

Well, I went on the honeymoon,
got possessed by a devil,

and then when I wouldn't
marry this other couple--

I don't want to
make a habit of it.

No, certainly not.

Everybody found out the truth.

So Andre and Vanessa are
having another wedding.

You're not being paid
by the caterers, are you?

And then they're going
to have another honeymoon.

But this time, without me.

Nick.

Mom's been getting kind
of worried about you.

And well, actually, we all have.

I just miss Vanessa, you know?

I know.

I mean, what does
she have against me?

I mean, at first, she doesn't
like me because I am a priest.

And now she doesn't like
me because I'm not one.

Yeah, I think there might be
just a little bit more to it.

She's married, but
she's not really married.

No?
It's easy to fix things.

Although she probably
is married now.

Take that look off your face.

Where is she going to
go to, Father Edwards?

Mm-mm.

We've got to get
everything ready.

Come on.
We've got time.

Sandy, come on.

Come on.

We've got loads of time.
- No!

Come on!

Oh.

Come on.

[BANGING ON DOOR]

[UP-TEMPO MUSIC]

Nick.

Nick!

This is the way
that she wants it.

I bet it's at Father Edwards'.

Now will you please give up?

I have an idea.

Wait.

Am I too late?

Nick.

Where's the wedding?

I'm sorry.

They ordered me not to--

Please, I love her.

And you of all people
must understand

what it's like to lose
the woman you love?

Nick, I'm sorry I can't.

St. Andrews.

They said it's the
last place you'd look.

My church.

He pretended to be a priest
just to trick you into bed.

It's like the most disgusting
thing I've ever heard.

That's not what I said.

What a monster.

Just pretend you never
even met that guy, OK?

Put it out of your mind.

Yeah.

I said I would
like to thank you

so much for the use of your
lovely church, especially

on such short notice.

Well, it's so hard to
believe that Nick Francis

would pretend to be a priest.

Well, I think
that's the last we'll

see of him until the
everlasting damnation.

Is anyone else coming?

No.

Who else would be coming?

No one else knows
where the wedding is.

Let's make sure.

Look at you.

["WEDDING MARCH" PLAYING]

Nick, are you
sure that you want

to wreck two of her weddings?

As many as it takes.

But have you
thought about the fact

that she obviously wants
to marry this guy, not you.

Not a good time
to talk, Sandy.

They might be getting
into the "I do's."

But how are you going to stop
her from doing what she wants?

I'm not going to burst
in there like an idiot.

I've got a plan.

What is it?

I'm going to burst
in there like an idiot.

I can't watch this.

It's to humiliating.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy.

Easy, easy.

It's fine.
It's fine.

I'm going.

It's over it's not like
I'm willing to die for her,

you know?

--these two together and seal
their commitment and celebrate

the bond which the
two of you make as you

enter into this commitment.

I have a confession to make.

I want to tell you
about my fantasy.

I keep imagining myself
with a certain woman.

And these fantasies are about
a four letter word beginning

with L. Word is love.

I think you
better go now, Nick.

Vanessa--

You pretended to be a priest.

You actually performed
a wedding ceremony.

You followed us
on our honeymoon.

And even now when I know the
truth, you break into a church

and crash our wedding.

And I tried to get my sister
to sleep with your fiance.

What?

And I pretended to be
possessed by the devil.

And I would do it
again in a minute.

Vanessa doesn't want a
man who lies and pretends

to be possessed by the devil.

Don't you?

No.

Well, there's one
thing I won't do,

and that's stand here and
watch you marry another man.

[RING CLATTERS]

[SIGHS]

Nick's sister, right?

Yeah.

You seem to be a
passionate family.

Well, we do our best.

I've never been
on one of those.

Well, hop on.

All right.

So since I married
you once, I don't

have to do it again, right?

[NATASJA LEE, "JUST A LITTLE
LOVE"]

(SINGING) Just a little love

Give it to me, baby

Just a little love

Do it, do it, baby

Just a little love

Give it to me, baby

Give me just a
little, give me love

L-O-V-E

Just a little love

A little goes a long way

Just a little love

Give it to me, baby

Just a little love

Do it, do it, baby

Give me just a
little, give me love

Take me in your arms,
oh, baby, tonight

Your loving makes me
feel all funny inside

You love me make you feel
like no one else can do

If you give me just,
just a little love

Just a little love

Give it to me, baby

Just a little love

Do it, do it, baby

Just a little love

Give it to me, baby

Give me just a
little, give me love

L-O-V-E

Just a little love

A little goes a long way

Just a little love

Do it, do it, baby

Just a little love

Give it to me, baby

Give me just a
little, give me love

I don't want your money, honey

I don't want your car

I don't mind, honey, if
you're not a movie star

I want the sugar, honey,
just the way you are

Give me just, just a little love

L-O-V-E

Just a little love

Give it to me, baby

Just a little love

Do it, do it, baby

Just a little love

Give it to me, baby

Give me just a
little, give me love

L-O-V-E

L-O-V-E

Just a little love

Give it to me, baby

Just a little love

Do it, do it, baby

Just a little love

Give it to me, baby

Give me just a
little, give me love

L-O-V-E

Just a little love

A little goes a long way

Just a little love

Do it, do it, baby

Just a little love,
give it to me, baby

Give me just a
little, give me love

L-O-V-E

Give me just a
little, give me love

[MUSIC FADES]