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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,880 --> 00:00:05,240 SEAN: They say technology is a simpleton's tipple of choice. 2 00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:08,440 And Martin Moone was about to get tech-tipsy for the first time. 3 00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:10,520 MAN ON TV: A machine 4 00:00:10,560 --> 00:00:13,320 to journey into the Mega World, 5 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:16,000 now. 6 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:19,640 The most advanced video game system in the universe. 7 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:22,640 Mega Drive. 8 00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:27,880 That is the single greatest thing my little eyes have ever witnessed. 9 00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:29,320 You're always saying that. 10 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:35,720 That is the single greatest thing my little eyes have ever witnessed. 11 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:37,280 Spanner. 12 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:39,640 Imagine what it could do if we didn't live in a bungalow. 13 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:42,560 [SIGHS] 14 00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:45,240 I meant it then, and I mean it now. 15 00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:48,880 I gotta get me one of those magic machines. 16 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:51,600 - Good morning, my darling mother! - Not a chance. 17 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:56,640 - Hey there, handsome man. - How much is it? 18 00:00:56,680 --> 00:01:00,160 Can you put a price on the happiness of your only son? 19 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:01,800 �4? Is it more than 4? 20 00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:03,480 Dad, everyone's gonna get one. 21 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:05,960 That's what they said about hovercrafts. 22 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:08,000 And star pants. 23 00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:09,640 And where are they now? 24 00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:13,040 Mark my words, Martin. This whole computer thing is just a fad. 25 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:15,360 - Star pants? - Look, when I was young, 26 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:17,200 I was happy to play with a wheel and a stick. 27 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:20,680 That was only exciting because they'd just invented the wheel. 28 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:24,200 For the record, I would never ridicule your silly old stories. 29 00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:27,920 Look, Martin. We just can't afford any new spangled stuff at the moment. 30 00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:30,920 Things are a bit slow at work, and... 31 00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:33,280 Ah, Jesus! Now me scrambled eggs are burnt. 32 00:01:33,320 --> 00:01:36,080 - I told you to use the microwave. - Microwaves! 33 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:37,600 Mega Drives! 34 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:40,840 Who are we, the Moones, or the bloody Jetsons? 35 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:43,000 - [SNICKERS] - [CHUCKLES] 36 00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:45,720 Now, that is the single greatest thing your little eyes have ever witnessed. 37 00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:48,560 [MUSIC PLAYING] 38 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:55,040 Dancing at the disco, bumper to bumper 39 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:57,440 Wait a minute, where's me jumper? 40 00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:00,200 Where's me jumper, where's me jumper? 41 00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:03,840 Where's me jumper, where's me jumper? Oh, no 42 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:08,280 Oh, balls! 43 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:12,960 How many times. You can't beat an imaginary conker, buddy. 44 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,200 We'll see about that! 45 00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:17,240 - Ow! - Spanner. 46 00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:19,640 Oh, conkers. The poor man's Disney World. 47 00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:22,000 I wonder if the Sega Mega Drive has a conkers game. 48 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:25,600 Well, if it doesn't, you can just hit yourself with the controllers. 49 00:02:25,640 --> 00:02:26,920 - Hey, what's that? - Where? 50 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:28,080 [CONKER HITS MARTIN] 51 00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:30,640 - Oh, fuck! - Oh, I see what you've done. 52 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:33,160 That's a very fancy car for Boyle. 53 00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:34,640 SEAN: Oh, yeah. 54 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:36,600 Rich fucking golf clubbers. 55 00:02:36,640 --> 00:02:39,840 More cashmere and mahogany up there than you can shake a silver stick at. 56 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:42,000 Rich, you say? 57 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:45,800 Richer than B. A. Baracus' brandy butter. 58 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:47,240 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 59 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:52,640 - Do you know how this works? - Not a clue. 60 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:56,200 - Twenty-nine, thirty... - What the hell are you doing? 61 00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:59,720 We're taking turns sitting on each other to see who will pass out first. 62 00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:01,160 - Thirty-two... - Is this how you want to spend 63 00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:02,480 your sunny Saturdays? 64 00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:04,200 Sitting on each other? 65 00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:06,920 Why aren't you outside, playing hide-and-seek or something? 66 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:08,040 [SNICKERS] Hide-and-seek? 67 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:10,560 - [SNICKERS] I'm 16, Dad. - [DOOR BELL RINGS] 68 00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:11,800 - Thirty-three... - I'll get it. 69 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:12,960 Thirty-four... 70 00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:16,200 Debra O'Connor. 71 00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:18,440 - [SIGHS] Hi, Kevin. - Oh! 72 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:21,160 I said O'Connor, didn't I? Which isn't right, is it? 73 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:22,800 That's your maiden name, isn't it? 74 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:25,440 - That's right, Kevin. - Well, that's how I know you best. 75 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:31,120 Is Liam in? Seems the old mortgage cheque bounced again. 76 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:34,640 - Really? That's funny. - Not funny ha-ha, though, is it? 77 00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:37,440 No. Erm... 78 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:40,200 I think Liam said he was going out on a job, I'm afraid. 79 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:43,640 That's odd. His old battered car is here. 80 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:46,000 Maybe I should come in and have a little nosy around. 81 00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:48,680 No, that's fine. Sure, I'll... I'll double-check. 82 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:51,560 - Forty-five... - Liam! 83 00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:53,480 Don't think I can take another body, Debs! 84 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:55,480 The bank manager's outside! 85 00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:56,960 - Ow! - Okay, don't panic. 86 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,800 It's the fourth time this year. 87 00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:05,600 You see? This would've been a brilliant time to know a good hiding place. 88 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:10,720 Do you know what we're starting to call you down at the branch, Liam? 89 00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:15,280 - Mr Moone? - The rubber bandit. Do you know why? 90 00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:17,280 - Because my cheques... - We're calling you the rubber bandit 91 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:19,440 because your cheques keep bouncing, Liam. 92 00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:21,200 [CHUCKLES] 93 00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:24,480 [STUTTERS] I'll have it in to you tomorrow, Wednesday by the latest. 94 00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:25,640 The very latest, Liam. 95 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:28,760 Marvellous. All right. 96 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:30,520 Tell Miss O'Connor I said 97 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:32,640 farewell. 98 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:34,600 [CHUCKLES] 99 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:36,560 I'll pass that on to Mrs Moone. 100 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:39,560 Mrs Liam Moone. 101 00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:41,680 Oh, look at them men 102 00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:45,520 with the toffee ears and the big silver spoons in their noses. 103 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:47,880 I can smell the fake fancy faux leather a mile off. 104 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:51,920 - That's money, Sean. - Oh, look at this fellow. 105 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:55,960 I bet it was pheasant for breakfast and peasants for dinner with that flute. 106 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:59,720 - He probably had a light lunch as well. - Here you go. Okay. 107 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:02,160 You're Michael J. Fox in the Secret of my Success. 108 00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:04,080 Can I help you? 109 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:07,280 Good day, young man. I am here for the employment. 110 00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:08,800 What was... Have you seen the film? 111 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:14,160 So, what previous employment have you had, Mr... 112 00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:15,200 Jetson? 113 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:19,160 - Paint stirring... - Mmm. 114 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:20,840 Dish drying... 115 00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:24,560 - Architect! - Architect, right. 116 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:26,560 - Architect. - And what do you see yourself doing 117 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:27,960 here? 118 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:31,800 - Bunker boy... - Yeah. 119 00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:33,880 Golf stick maker... 120 00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:35,640 - Brolly dolly. - Brolly dolly! 121 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:38,360 Tell you what. 122 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:39,880 You go get some lost balls, we'll give you a few quid for them. 123 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:41,120 Huh? How about that, huh? 124 00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:44,880 Yeah. 125 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:48,320 We have ourselves a deal, sir. 126 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:51,920 Just sit down. Just sit down. 127 00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:00,480 SEAN: Martin soon discovered the life of the working man 128 00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:02,880 was far easier than he could've ever imagined. 129 00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:06,480 Turns out the golf courses are a virtual magnet for golf balls. 130 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:16,800 I just know there's a golf ball here somewhere. 131 00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:19,560 Yeah, keep digging, buddy. Follow your ball nose. 132 00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:24,400 Hey, Padraic. 133 00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:26,600 - Oh! - What are you doing here? 134 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:28,240 I thought golf was really expensive. 135 00:06:28,280 --> 00:06:30,320 Oh, it is. But I have a special deal. 136 00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:31,760 Oh, and what's that? 137 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:33,240 I just don't tell them I'm here. 138 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:38,640 [WHISPERS] Fore! 139 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:40,200 WOMAN: What the... 140 00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:41,240 Back to the woods. 141 00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:48,920 Where'd you get the cash from? 142 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:50,520 Oh, I'm a working man now, Dad. 143 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:52,080 Work? 144 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:55,080 - What kind of work? - Ball hunting, ball gathering... 145 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:58,200 - I'm a golf ball ball boy. - Golf! [CHUCKLES] 146 00:06:58,240 --> 00:06:59,920 Sure, that's not a real sport. 147 00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:03,120 Oh, here we go. Another bloody handball sermon. 148 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:05,600 It's the one true test of a man. 149 00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:10,080 DEBRA: Do you keep that in your pocket? MARTIN: Handball. 150 00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:11,760 But I thought that was just 151 00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:14,520 - a foul. - Not a handball. 152 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:17,480 Handball. 153 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:22,000 What is it? Are we playing it now? 154 00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:26,320 No, you play it in a concrete court. Like a thunderdome. 155 00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:28,000 - Or a squash court. - Yeah. 156 00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:31,120 Yeah, it's like squash, except without those pansy rackets. 157 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,880 It's kind of like 158 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:35,600 a bare-knuckle squash. 159 00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:37,800 So, like squash 160 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:39,160 for travellers? 161 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:41,840 Exactly. 162 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:43,760 And I was the king of them all. 163 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:48,560 The year was 1967. 164 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:52,080 It was the summer of sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll and handball. 165 00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:55,920 - But then a terrible... - They're gone, love. 166 00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:58,120 They're gone. 167 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:03,880 I've warned you not to close your eyes when you're telling your stories. 168 00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:06,800 Yeah. 169 00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:09,640 Finally, our fun vegetable of the week is... 170 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:12,080 Oh, God. 171 00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:14,040 - Cabbage, again? - Have we done cabbage? 172 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:16,320 - Yes, yes. - Well, it is a good one. 173 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:17,480 There's cabbage salad, 174 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:19,040 cabbage 175 00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:20,600 - risotto. - Mmm-hmm. 176 00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:22,320 Have fun with it. See what you can come up with. 177 00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:24,640 - Right. Same time next week. - Wait, hang on a sec. 178 00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:26,560 Actually, I've decided to increase the intensity 179 00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:28,120 of the Weight Wishers schedule. 180 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:31,120 So, there's going to be another class on Wednesdays 181 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:33,360 - and Fridays. - Oh, that's so kind of you, Debra. 182 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:35,360 Erm, no, the classes aren't free. 183 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:36,520 Oh. 184 00:08:36,560 --> 00:08:38,680 Thrice in a week? 185 00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:40,240 Isn't that a bit excessive, Debra? 186 00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:42,120 Well, so is your waistline, Gerry. 187 00:08:44,377 --> 00:08:47,417 She works hard for the money so you better treat her right 188 00:08:50,100 --> 00:08:51,300 MAN: Ball! 189 00:08:52,180 --> 00:08:53,460 [LOUD CONK] 190 00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:55,540 SEAN: Tweet, tweet, tweet. 191 00:08:56,860 --> 00:08:59,220 Huzzah! Peasants for dinner. 192 00:08:59,260 --> 00:09:01,620 - Oh, right in the feathers. - Martin? 193 00:09:02,900 --> 00:09:05,540 God, I'm sorry about that. 194 00:09:05,580 --> 00:09:06,820 Misjudged the yardage. 195 00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:09,220 Are you all right? 196 00:09:09,260 --> 00:09:12,580 No, I'm Martin Moone. I haven't seen "All right". 197 00:09:14,340 --> 00:09:16,940 Ow. Was I just hit by lightning? 198 00:09:16,980 --> 00:09:19,020 Dumb caddie gave me the wrong club. 199 00:09:19,060 --> 00:09:21,380 That's it! You and me are done professionally. 200 00:09:21,420 --> 00:09:22,660 Get outta here! 201 00:09:22,700 --> 00:09:25,020 - Aw, Dad, please! - Go home, Peter. You're fired. 202 00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:28,740 Listen, er... 203 00:09:28,780 --> 00:09:31,220 Let's say we keep this to ourselves, eh? 204 00:09:31,260 --> 00:09:32,860 Here's a few punts. 205 00:09:32,900 --> 00:09:35,660 - Have a rest and buy some sweets. - No time for rest. 206 00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:38,660 - I'm a working man. - Oh, it's work you want, is it? 207 00:09:38,700 --> 00:09:41,540 Well, I know of a caddie's position that's just opened up. 208 00:09:41,580 --> 00:09:44,820 - If you're interested. - I was born to be interested. 209 00:09:44,860 --> 00:09:46,500 Well, I'm glad that's settled, then. 210 00:09:51,220 --> 00:09:53,580 Are you all right there, young stripling? 211 00:09:53,620 --> 00:09:55,460 You took quite the clatter on the cranium. 212 00:09:55,500 --> 00:09:56,580 Yeah, I'm all right, Sean. 213 00:09:57,300 --> 00:09:58,300 Splendid. To the tee. 214 00:10:10,660 --> 00:10:13,780 Ah, it's the rubber bandit. 215 00:10:13,820 --> 00:10:16,420 Here to collect my new employee, Liam? 216 00:10:16,460 --> 00:10:18,260 Great work today, Marty. 217 00:10:18,300 --> 00:10:21,220 Good to see one of the Moones is making some money, huh, Liam? 218 00:10:21,260 --> 00:10:23,780 - A nice few shillings. - Martin, come here. 219 00:10:23,820 --> 00:10:26,220 Your tea's ready. Here. 220 00:10:26,260 --> 00:10:28,340 Would you fancy a game yourself sometime, Liam? 221 00:10:29,460 --> 00:10:31,340 - Of golf? - Sorry. 222 00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:32,860 Do you not know how to play? 223 00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:35,780 I suppose it is a bit more complicated than handball. 224 00:10:35,820 --> 00:10:38,180 Golf is barely even a sport. 225 00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:41,380 I could play it in my sleep. I'd be dressed the right way, too. 226 00:10:41,420 --> 00:10:43,180 - In my pyjamas. - Very good. 227 00:10:43,940 --> 00:10:45,220 Shall we say Wednesday? 228 00:10:49,180 --> 00:10:50,180 We shall. 229 00:10:54,140 --> 00:10:55,140 - Wednesday! - Wednesday! 230 00:10:57,020 --> 00:10:58,340 - Wednesday morning. - Wednesday morning. 231 00:10:58,380 --> 00:11:00,460 Can't do Wednesday morning, Wednesday afternoon. 232 00:11:01,820 --> 00:11:03,380 - This Wednesday afternoon. - Wednesday week! 233 00:11:04,500 --> 00:11:05,660 This Wednesday week. 234 00:11:05,700 --> 00:11:06,860 Wednesday, the 16th. 235 00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:08,220 - In the afternoon. - Yes, sir! 236 00:11:12,100 --> 00:11:15,220 - That Kevin's a lovely man, isn't he? - Lovely? 237 00:11:15,860 --> 00:11:17,540 Are you joking? 238 00:11:17,580 --> 00:11:21,740 I'll tell you a little story about Kevin "The Leech" Leech. 239 00:11:21,780 --> 00:11:24,500 The year was 1967. 240 00:11:24,540 --> 00:11:27,340 It was the summer of sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll and handball. 241 00:11:28,740 --> 00:11:31,780 I was the finest player in all of Boyle. 242 00:11:31,820 --> 00:11:33,500 Leech was the second finest. 243 00:11:34,540 --> 00:11:35,660 We were rivals. 244 00:11:36,540 --> 00:11:37,620 In more ways than one. 245 00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:42,820 - Yeah! - That's some fine handballing, lads. 246 00:11:44,420 --> 00:11:47,980 Debra soon fell for my handy charms. 247 00:11:50,020 --> 00:11:53,980 And when Leech saw us together, he flew into a jealous rage. 248 00:11:54,020 --> 00:11:55,540 I challenge you to a duel! 249 00:11:56,180 --> 00:11:57,220 A handball duel! 250 00:11:58,100 --> 00:12:00,180 Duel accepted. 251 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:03,020 Handball duel! Handball duel! 252 00:12:13,140 --> 00:12:15,140 - Strike! - Bullseye! 253 00:12:15,180 --> 00:12:16,900 Your throw, Mr Leech. 254 00:12:18,260 --> 00:12:19,740 But little did we know, 255 00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:23,500 Leech had swapped the ball for a ball-shaped rock 256 00:12:23,540 --> 00:12:26,380 that he'd spent three months carving from solid granite. 257 00:12:26,420 --> 00:12:28,380 Why didn't I find a smaller rock? 258 00:12:32,220 --> 00:12:33,220 [BONES BREAKING] 259 00:12:33,860 --> 00:12:34,860 Argh! 260 00:12:36,900 --> 00:12:40,140 - Liam! - I broke my hand in nine places, 261 00:12:40,180 --> 00:12:41,580 and three of my nails. 262 00:12:41,620 --> 00:12:44,260 - You're banned from handball. - Fine! 263 00:12:44,300 --> 00:12:45,900 I'm gonna take up golf. [CHUCKLING] 264 00:12:48,820 --> 00:12:51,380 And that was the end of my handballing career. 265 00:12:52,380 --> 00:12:53,460 [EXHALES SHARPLY] 266 00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:55,940 So now, do you still think he's lovely? 267 00:13:01,500 --> 00:13:03,180 Bloody eyes. Open them. 268 00:13:05,900 --> 00:13:07,740 - Oh, hey, Gerry. - Liam-meister. 269 00:13:07,780 --> 00:13:09,300 The Moone-natic. Come here. 270 00:13:09,340 --> 00:13:10,940 - How are you? - Great. 271 00:13:10,980 --> 00:13:12,620 My God, you smell good. 272 00:13:12,660 --> 00:13:14,140 Wish I could say the same, Ger. 273 00:13:14,180 --> 00:13:16,100 Yeah, it's an awful stench, isn't it? 274 00:13:16,140 --> 00:13:18,660 The old cabbage carbonara's repeating on me. 275 00:13:18,700 --> 00:13:21,260 So, listen, I was wondering if I could borrow your golf clubs. 276 00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:25,300 I have a bit of a match coming up, and I can't really afford a set right now. 277 00:13:25,340 --> 00:13:29,100 Yeah, well, you know, Liam, that I'd give them to you in a heartbeat but, 278 00:13:29,140 --> 00:13:31,100 my sons melted them down. 279 00:13:31,140 --> 00:13:33,860 - Melted them down? - To punish me. 280 00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:36,140 I changed the channel while they were watching Airwolf. 281 00:13:37,300 --> 00:13:38,860 Hold on a second, though. 282 00:13:38,900 --> 00:13:41,980 They did tell me to go play with these old kiddie's clubs. 283 00:13:42,020 --> 00:13:44,140 "Go on away and play with these fecking kiddie's clubs, 284 00:13:44,180 --> 00:13:47,180 "you big fat baby," they said to me. 285 00:13:47,220 --> 00:13:49,340 You know, sometimes I think they don't respect me, Li. 286 00:13:50,140 --> 00:13:51,660 You know what, Gerry? 287 00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:52,860 They're only kiddie clubs 288 00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:54,980 when they're in kiddie hands. 289 00:13:57,780 --> 00:13:59,940 Or if they're a standard kiddie size, Liam. 290 00:14:08,820 --> 00:14:11,220 Let's see if the rubber bandit snaps under pressure. 291 00:14:11,260 --> 00:14:14,580 - This bandit is gonna rub you out. - May golf be with you. 292 00:14:15,340 --> 00:14:17,980 [FINGERS CRUNCHING] 293 00:14:18,020 --> 00:14:21,380 [CHUCKLES] Forgot about that old handball injury. 294 00:14:21,420 --> 00:14:23,140 Driver, please, Martin. 295 00:14:24,180 --> 00:14:25,340 Wipe her face, old chump. 296 00:14:29,580 --> 00:14:31,340 Thar she blows! 297 00:14:31,380 --> 00:14:33,580 Storming the greens like Normandy. 298 00:14:33,620 --> 00:14:34,980 Seriously? 299 00:14:35,020 --> 00:14:36,700 That's your club? 300 00:14:36,740 --> 00:14:39,220 Oh, how the mighty handballer has fallen. 301 00:14:41,820 --> 00:14:42,900 Argh. 302 00:14:42,940 --> 00:14:44,940 - Ah. - Call that a driver? 303 00:14:44,980 --> 00:14:46,460 Looks more like a drunk driver. 304 00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:48,860 [LAUGHING] 305 00:14:48,900 --> 00:14:50,460 I don't even need clubs. 306 00:14:50,500 --> 00:14:54,220 I could beat you by just throwing this stupid, little ball around. 307 00:14:54,260 --> 00:14:56,260 - Oh, I would love to see that. - Good. 308 00:14:56,300 --> 00:14:58,100 'Cause, you're going to see it. 309 00:14:58,140 --> 00:15:00,060 Well, I believe it's still your shot. 310 00:15:20,100 --> 00:15:23,540 That's not great, Linda. You've only lost a third of a pound. 311 00:15:23,580 --> 00:15:26,500 - You only weighed me an hour ago. - It was longer than that. 312 00:15:26,540 --> 00:15:28,420 Hang on, no, it wasn't. I feel like I just got off the scales 313 00:15:28,460 --> 00:15:29,980 before you had me back on it again. 314 00:15:30,020 --> 00:15:32,380 Is this a Weight Wishers class, or a fecking step aerobics class? 315 00:15:32,420 --> 00:15:34,380 She's right. It's ridiculous. 316 00:15:34,420 --> 00:15:36,900 Yeah, but there's no time to argue. Your next class starts in five minutes. 317 00:15:36,940 --> 00:15:37,940 Ah, Deb! 318 00:15:41,020 --> 00:15:43,700 - This cult is becoming very expensive. - This is not a cult. 319 00:15:43,740 --> 00:15:45,460 This is a Weight Wishers class. 320 00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:48,740 [IN MONOTONE] This is not a cult. It's a Weight Wishers class. 321 00:15:49,340 --> 00:15:50,340 Better. 322 00:16:14,500 --> 00:16:15,540 Good man, Liam. 323 00:16:15,580 --> 00:16:17,180 PADRAIC: Whoo-hoo! 324 00:16:17,220 --> 00:16:18,220 You a member here? 325 00:16:18,740 --> 00:16:20,060 I'm his caddie. 326 00:16:21,620 --> 00:16:24,540 - I'll take that for you, Liam. - Oh, thank you, Padraic. 327 00:16:24,580 --> 00:16:25,700 Always glad to help. 328 00:16:26,700 --> 00:16:28,940 Glove. 329 00:16:28,980 --> 00:16:31,980 - What do you think, Martin? - You've got 120 to the hole, 330 00:16:32,020 --> 00:16:34,540 but there's a squally wind blowing west. 331 00:16:34,580 --> 00:16:39,260 So, I'd take a pitching wedge and hit it with a lion's heart. 332 00:16:43,940 --> 00:16:45,820 [SPECTATORS MURMURING] 333 00:16:47,180 --> 00:16:48,180 What do you think, Padraic? 334 00:16:49,340 --> 00:16:50,340 Just throw it. 335 00:16:51,860 --> 00:16:52,860 Yeah. 336 00:16:58,460 --> 00:16:59,580 Yes! 337 00:17:01,580 --> 00:17:02,580 Good man! 338 00:17:05,220 --> 00:17:09,780 You're two shots behind, Leech. I'd be pretty embarrassed if I were you. 339 00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:11,780 And not just 'cause of those trousers. 340 00:17:15,580 --> 00:17:18,820 - It isn't over yet, Liam. - Isn't it? Kevin. 341 00:17:22,660 --> 00:17:24,220 Go on, go on! 342 00:17:29,940 --> 00:17:30,940 Ah! 343 00:17:33,020 --> 00:17:34,460 My hand! 344 00:17:34,500 --> 00:17:37,900 Oh! Did you trip over this ball-shaped rock, Liam? 345 00:17:37,940 --> 00:17:40,340 - How ironic. - Leech! 346 00:17:43,380 --> 00:17:46,740 - Actually, that is rather ironic. - What should we do? 347 00:17:46,780 --> 00:17:48,980 - Pint? - Ah, yeah. 348 00:17:49,020 --> 00:17:51,300 Let's call Gerry and all go for a nice pint. 349 00:17:53,460 --> 00:17:56,220 From the look of it, we're doing more and more class. 350 00:17:56,260 --> 00:17:59,700 But I don't feel like we're losing any weight. 351 00:17:59,740 --> 00:18:02,020 Well, maybe if we didn't finish every class with tea and cakes. 352 00:18:06,340 --> 00:18:07,340 Come on, lads. 353 00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:09,660 You like your cake. 354 00:18:10,980 --> 00:18:13,780 [IN MONOTONE] The cake means she loves us. 355 00:18:13,820 --> 00:18:15,180 [MOBILE RINGING] 356 00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:17,740 Jesus, I better really answer that, haven't I? 357 00:18:17,780 --> 00:18:19,500 No one ever called me ever before. 358 00:18:20,340 --> 00:18:21,380 Hello, Gerry Bonner. 359 00:18:23,220 --> 00:18:24,220 What? 360 00:18:25,700 --> 00:18:28,300 His hand? Liam's hurt. 361 00:18:28,340 --> 00:18:30,460 No, no, no. You read my mind. Yeah. 362 00:18:31,420 --> 00:18:32,620 Get me a Guinness. 363 00:18:37,100 --> 00:18:38,220 [CRIES OUT IN PAIN] 364 00:18:39,420 --> 00:18:40,420 SPECTATORS: Ohh! 365 00:18:43,260 --> 00:18:45,220 - How is he doing? - Not well. 366 00:18:45,260 --> 00:18:46,660 If Leech makes this shot, 367 00:18:47,180 --> 00:18:48,180 it's all over. 368 00:18:49,540 --> 00:18:51,900 Gwen! This is still class. 369 00:18:51,940 --> 00:18:54,660 Ah! Miss O'Connor. 370 00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:57,420 Nice of you to pop down to witness my triumph. 371 00:18:57,460 --> 00:18:58,620 [CHUCKLES] 372 00:18:58,660 --> 00:19:01,180 Club, please, Martin. 373 00:19:01,220 --> 00:19:03,900 No, Martin. Don't be a brolly dolly. 374 00:19:03,940 --> 00:19:05,300 Be a daddy caddie. 375 00:19:06,700 --> 00:19:08,540 Bring the boy home safely, chump. 376 00:19:10,500 --> 00:19:12,500 Martin, that is not the club I selected. 377 00:19:15,300 --> 00:19:17,060 Why are you not following our protocol? 378 00:19:19,940 --> 00:19:23,060 Oh! He's over-hit that one, the big eejit! 379 00:19:23,100 --> 00:19:25,060 [ALL LAUGHING] 380 00:19:26,140 --> 00:19:27,700 That was no accident! 381 00:19:27,740 --> 00:19:30,460 That's it! You and me are done professionally! 382 00:19:36,220 --> 00:19:37,260 We're gonna win this. 383 00:19:42,780 --> 00:19:45,620 - He has to make this in one. - Come on, dad! 384 00:19:47,060 --> 00:19:48,660 You're not gonna lose, are you? 385 00:19:48,700 --> 00:19:51,060 I thought I married the finest handballer in all of Boyle. 386 00:19:54,300 --> 00:19:56,420 That's it. Shift my mother. 387 00:19:59,260 --> 00:20:00,260 Jesus! 388 00:20:04,540 --> 00:20:05,660 It's up to you now, hand. 389 00:20:36,660 --> 00:20:37,660 Loser. 390 00:20:40,060 --> 00:20:42,820 - This is our chance. Let's escape. - Where? 391 00:20:42,860 --> 00:20:44,300 Follow me, chubby club. 392 00:20:47,380 --> 00:20:51,700 Forty-three, forty-four, forty-five, forty-six... 393 00:20:51,740 --> 00:20:53,460 I think he's actually passed out. 394 00:20:54,140 --> 00:20:55,140 Does that mean he's won? 395 00:20:56,300 --> 00:20:57,940 - Why didn't you put money on it? 396 00:20:57,980 --> 00:20:59,380 'Cause it's not about money, Debra. 397 00:20:59,420 --> 00:21:01,460 You could've bet the mortgage payment or something. 398 00:21:01,500 --> 00:21:04,500 No, you just don't get it. It's about pride. 399 00:21:04,540 --> 00:21:08,180 I beat him. I beat "The Leech." I'm better than him. 400 00:21:08,220 --> 00:21:09,540 [DOOR BELL RINGS] 401 00:21:09,580 --> 00:21:11,780 KEVIN: Liam, you still owe us that mortgage payment. 402 00:21:11,820 --> 00:21:13,460 Oh, Jesus. 403 00:21:13,500 --> 00:21:15,580 Hide, hide, everyone! Hide, hide! Quickly! 404 00:21:15,620 --> 00:21:17,020 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 405 00:21:17,060 --> 00:21:18,060 The curtains. 406 00:21:21,180 --> 00:21:23,460 - Ahh. - You all right there, buddy? 407 00:21:23,500 --> 00:21:26,060 Yeah, Sean, I think so. 408 00:21:26,100 --> 00:21:28,140 Have you got enough money for that computer thing yet? 409 00:21:28,180 --> 00:21:29,820 What are computers? 410 00:21:31,060 --> 00:21:32,060 Oh, balls. 411 00:21:37,460 --> 00:21:39,340 Liam, I think he can see us. 412 00:21:44,060 --> 00:21:45,060 Yeah, I know. 413 00:21:51,740 --> 00:21:55,700 That is the single greatest thing my little eyes have ever witnessed. 414 00:21:55,750 --> 00:22:00,300 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 30891

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