All language subtitles for Moone Boy s01e01 Men of the Houses.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,233 --> 00:00:05,833 (SCHOOL BELL RINGING) 2 00:00:09,333 --> 00:00:11,500 SEAN: Ever wanted to be the imaginary friend 3 00:00:11,533 --> 00:00:14,233 of an idiot boy in the west of Ireland? 4 00:00:14,267 --> 00:00:16,933 Me, neither, but there you go. 5 00:00:16,967 --> 00:00:23,000 Allow me to introduce Martin Paul Kenny Dalglish Moone. 6 00:00:24,500 --> 00:00:26,400 Martin Moone was a simple child, 7 00:00:26,433 --> 00:00:30,867 the sort of tender boy who would care for a poor, injured chaffinch. 8 00:00:30,900 --> 00:00:34,233 Or indeed a deceased chaffinch, thinking it was injured. 9 00:00:34,267 --> 00:00:38,133 You'll be back on your feet in no time, Missus Magpie. 10 00:00:39,667 --> 00:00:42,067 (WHISPERING) Her breathing is becoming faint. 11 00:00:42,100 --> 00:00:44,567 All right. Well, you know what to do, buddy, don't be shy. 12 00:00:47,433 --> 00:00:50,667 SEAN: But according to the school bullies, the Bonner brothers, 13 00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:53,367 Martin was just a simpleton who kissed dead birds. 14 00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:56,167 Moone's shifting a dead bird. You're such a gay. 15 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:59,267 No, lads, whoa! That's not shifting. There was no tongue there. 16 00:00:59,300 --> 00:01:02,067 - STACCATO VOICEOVER: You die now! - It's medical shifting! 17 00:01:02,100 --> 00:01:03,533 - Kung-fu! - (GROANING) 18 00:01:03,567 --> 00:01:05,633 Hit the gut! You get wedgie! 19 00:01:05,667 --> 00:01:07,533 (CRYING OUT IN PAIN) 20 00:01:07,567 --> 00:01:09,767 - Stop hitting yourself. - Stop hitting yourself. 21 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:12,067 - I'm just a boy! - SEAN: Game over! 22 00:01:12,567 --> 00:01:14,700 Come on, chin up, buddy. 23 00:01:14,733 --> 00:01:17,233 Can't let a little roughhousing dampen your spirits. 24 00:01:17,267 --> 00:01:21,367 Remember, tomorrow's your big day. Things get way easier when you turn 12. 25 00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:24,167 - (CHUCKLING) Yeah. The big 1-2. - That's right. 26 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:28,333 I bet they're right in there, planning out your party as we speak. 27 00:01:28,367 --> 00:01:31,067 I'm home! Better hide my presents. 28 00:01:31,067 --> 00:01:35,800 - Mum says you were a mistake. - Not a... Not a mistake! An accident. 29 00:01:41,533 --> 00:01:44,433 * Dancing at the disco, bumper to bumper 30 00:01:44,467 --> 00:01:46,700 * Wait a minute, where's me jumper? 31 00:01:46,733 --> 00:01:49,533 * Where's me jumper, where's me jumper? 32 00:01:49,567 --> 00:01:53,067 * Where's me jumper, where's me jumper? Oh, no * 33 00:01:55,867 --> 00:01:59,333 Well, that's a bad habit he'll soon get over. 34 00:01:59,367 --> 00:02:01,367 Particularly with Blake going to prison. 35 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:03,733 - Prison? What are you talking about? - Haven't you read the Mirror? 36 00:02:04,833 --> 00:02:06,100 KRYSTLE: What about the Mirror? 37 00:02:06,133 --> 00:02:07,500 ALEXIS: There's a front page story... 38 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:14,267 (CHIRPING) 39 00:02:20,367 --> 00:02:21,367 What's that you're making? 40 00:02:22,900 --> 00:02:26,400 It's, uh, your birthday present. 41 00:02:26,433 --> 00:02:29,333 Oh! And what's that? 42 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:33,967 - A cravat? - And what's that? 43 00:02:34,067 --> 00:02:38,067 Oh, by the way, I loved that outfit when I first saw it. 44 00:02:38,067 --> 00:02:40,433 I'm amazed it's lasted so many seasons. 45 00:02:43,467 --> 00:02:45,833 - (NEWS PLAYING ON RADIO) - LIAM: Come on! 46 00:02:49,633 --> 00:02:51,600 I'm going down the bridge. Can I have some money? 47 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:54,200 (SIGHING) 48 00:02:57,467 --> 00:02:59,500 Is that my nut? 49 00:02:59,533 --> 00:03:02,633 No, this is my nut. I don't know anything about your nut. 50 00:03:04,633 --> 00:03:09,233 - Dad, does Mum have any cotton pads? - Like sanitary pads? 51 00:03:09,267 --> 00:03:12,200 Yeah, Dad. I want to wipe off my make-up with a tampon. 52 00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:16,267 MAN ON RADIO: It remains unclear how long Mr Keenan 53 00:03:16,300 --> 00:03:18,500 may potentially remain in captivity. 54 00:03:18,533 --> 00:03:19,967 I wish I was in captivity. 55 00:03:21,733 --> 00:03:25,867 SEAN: Martin embraced his great new age with optimism and gay abandon. 56 00:03:25,900 --> 00:03:28,633 * Happy birthday, happy birthday * 57 00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:31,533 - Which he abandoned very quickly. - A biro? 58 00:03:31,567 --> 00:03:33,800 Cool. I don't have to finish wrapping it now. 59 00:03:33,833 --> 00:03:34,867 (SIGHING) 60 00:03:34,900 --> 00:03:36,433 I already gave you your present. 61 00:03:37,267 --> 00:03:40,167 - Yes, you did. - FIDELMA: Ta-da! 62 00:03:41,700 --> 00:03:46,667 - This had better be vouchers, Fidelma. - It is. Sort of. 63 00:03:46,700 --> 00:03:50,833 "I owe you one present. Love, Fidelma." 64 00:03:50,867 --> 00:03:52,467 I always think your birthday's in August. 65 00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:55,067 So why don't you give me what you got me in August? 66 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:57,067 I just did. 67 00:03:57,067 --> 00:03:59,767 And now for the main event. Happy birthday, pal. 68 00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:01,633 * Happy birthday, happy birthday * 69 00:04:01,667 --> 00:04:05,267 No. Surely they haven't got you something decent. 70 00:04:05,300 --> 00:04:07,233 It must be a bicycle-shaped sock. 71 00:04:07,267 --> 00:04:09,100 Or a bicycle-shaped toilet brush. 72 00:04:09,133 --> 00:04:10,767 Or a bicycle-shaped kick in the arse. 73 00:04:11,967 --> 00:04:15,233 Wow! A bicycle-shaped bicycle! 74 00:04:15,267 --> 00:04:17,533 Don't get too excited. It's only from Readybix. 75 00:04:17,567 --> 00:04:20,067 Shut your hole, Sinead. 76 00:04:20,067 --> 00:04:24,500 Yes! It's the Readybix bike! Thank you! This is amazing! 77 00:04:24,533 --> 00:04:27,667 But how? You needed 50 tokens! 78 00:04:27,700 --> 00:04:31,867 Well, let's just say I hope you all like Readybix. 79 00:04:32,900 --> 00:04:35,867 - ALL: Oh, no! - I'm not eating that turf. 80 00:04:36,433 --> 00:04:39,467 (WHISTLING) 81 00:04:39,500 --> 00:04:41,967 - Hi, Padraic. - Whoa! A Readybix bike! 82 00:04:42,067 --> 00:04:45,133 (GASPING) Any chance I could have a go on it? 83 00:04:45,167 --> 00:04:46,600 Faster, Martin. Faster. 84 00:04:52,267 --> 00:04:55,600 Hello, Mr Farmer. Hello, Mr Farmer's dog! 85 00:04:55,633 --> 00:04:58,900 - Howdy, pigs! - Hey, it's the Readybix boys. 86 00:04:58,933 --> 00:05:01,167 - Give us some Readybix. - (TYRES SCREECHING) 87 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:05,100 - (LAUGHING) Eat our dust, fantasy pigs. - (PIG SNORTS) 88 00:05:08,467 --> 00:05:10,367 (BRAKES SQUEALING) 89 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:12,333 - Hey, Moone. - Nice bike. 90 00:05:13,867 --> 00:05:15,333 Oh, balls! 91 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:26,333 - You cycled into a door? - It just came out of nowhere. 92 00:05:26,367 --> 00:05:30,167 It's wrecked, Martin. How many times did you cycle into the door? 93 00:05:31,333 --> 00:05:32,400 (WHISPERING) 94 00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:33,967 There were two doors. 95 00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:38,200 - Which doors? Where? - What really happened, Martin? 96 00:05:38,233 --> 00:05:40,800 This isn't the first time you've banged into things. 97 00:05:40,833 --> 00:05:43,267 Do you remember you said you fell into a tree? 98 00:05:43,300 --> 00:05:45,333 That's not even possible, is it? 99 00:05:45,367 --> 00:05:47,867 Well, to be honest, the bike fell apart pretty easily. 100 00:05:47,900 --> 00:05:50,567 There were no structural problems with that bike, Martin Moone. 101 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,533 - (BOTH SCOFFING) - Was it those Bonner boys again? 102 00:05:53,567 --> 00:05:55,333 They've been giving him a hard time at school. 103 00:05:58,867 --> 00:06:00,833 - Right. - Where are you going? 104 00:06:03,300 --> 00:06:05,967 Nobody bullies my boy. 105 00:06:06,067 --> 00:06:09,200 - Except maybe Sinead. - You going to beat them up, Dad? 106 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:12,267 I'm going to go up and speak to their father. 107 00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:16,100 If it's a pleasant chat, fine. If not, so be it. 108 00:06:16,133 --> 00:06:17,867 Oh, that's what I'm talking about. 109 00:06:17,900 --> 00:06:21,800 Well, nothing lifts the spirits like a nice bowl of Readybix. 110 00:06:21,833 --> 00:06:23,567 - (ALL GROANING) - Shut up. 111 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:32,533 - Hello there. - Are you Mr Bonner? 112 00:06:32,567 --> 00:06:35,633 - Gerry Bonner, yes, indeed. - Right. Well, my name is Liam Moone... 113 00:06:35,667 --> 00:06:37,067 Hello, Lee Moone. 114 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:40,100 Hello. Now, listen. 115 00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:42,433 My son goes to school with your boys and they... 116 00:06:42,467 --> 00:06:45,133 Oh, no, they're awful, aren't they? 117 00:06:45,933 --> 00:06:47,267 - Sorry? - I mean, I love them, 118 00:06:47,300 --> 00:06:49,700 of course I do, but they're awful. 119 00:06:49,733 --> 00:06:51,667 Let me guess. Now, you've come over here today 120 00:06:51,700 --> 00:06:53,167 because Conner and Jonner have done 121 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:55,167 something rotten to your boy, am I right? 122 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:57,267 - They broke his new bicycle. - Oh! 123 00:06:57,300 --> 00:07:01,433 They're awful bullies. I'm so sorry, is he okay? 124 00:07:01,467 --> 00:07:03,067 - Yeah, well, he's a bit shaken up, yeah. 125 00:07:03,067 --> 00:07:05,400 - Of course he is, the poor lad. 126 00:07:05,433 --> 00:07:07,567 I don't know what to do with them any more. 127 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:09,067 I mean, you probably came over here now, 128 00:07:09,067 --> 00:07:11,700 expecting me to be some horrible, angry brute 129 00:07:11,733 --> 00:07:15,467 who bullies his kids, who in turn go out and bully other kids, am I right? 130 00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:18,267 - Well, kinda. Yeah. - Well, I'm not. 131 00:07:20,067 --> 00:07:21,067 I'm a good person. 132 00:07:22,467 --> 00:07:24,867 - You seem like a good person. - Thank you. 133 00:07:26,867 --> 00:07:31,133 - You seem like a good person, too. - Thank you. 134 00:07:33,667 --> 00:07:35,900 - God, I hate my kids. (CHUCKLING) 135 00:07:35,933 --> 00:07:37,467 - I'm not too crazy about my own. 136 00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:39,633 They're awful, aren't they? Children. 137 00:07:39,667 --> 00:07:42,967 I mean, here we are, two decent fellas full of compassion 138 00:07:43,067 --> 00:07:46,200 and willingness to love, and what do we get in return? 139 00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:47,267 BOTH: Hassle. 140 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:49,367 See? You know. 141 00:07:51,967 --> 00:07:53,367 Listen, there's nobody in at the minute. 142 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:54,800 Do you want to come in for a quick cup of tea? 143 00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:58,200 Well, I don't know. 144 00:07:58,233 --> 00:08:01,300 You've the look of a man who wants a cup of tea, now. Huh? 145 00:08:03,533 --> 00:08:06,133 - All right, then. - (CHUCKLING) Good man. 146 00:08:06,167 --> 00:08:07,700 Is that a hammer in your pocket? 147 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:16,700 Let me guess. You were planning to beat me to death with it, weren't you? 148 00:08:16,733 --> 00:08:18,600 - I was indeed. - Bloody kids! 149 00:08:18,633 --> 00:08:21,767 - Ah! - Did I say tea? I meant gin. 150 00:08:25,367 --> 00:08:27,467 (GROWLING) 151 00:08:28,933 --> 00:08:32,433 - (GASPING) - Yes! Face! 152 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,200 - Huh? Yeah! - (CHIRPING) 153 00:08:35,233 --> 00:08:36,667 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 154 00:08:36,700 --> 00:08:39,300 Hey, buddy, how are you? 155 00:08:39,333 --> 00:08:42,567 - I'm good, Dad. How are you? - I'm good. 156 00:08:46,833 --> 00:08:47,833 How are you? 157 00:08:49,767 --> 00:08:54,667 - So how did "hammer-time" go? - Oh! Yeah. 158 00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:58,300 Those Bonner brothers. They sound awful. 159 00:08:58,333 --> 00:09:04,067 I'd steer clear of them if I were you. All righty? Night-night, hairy head. 160 00:09:06,233 --> 00:09:07,233 (FARTING) 161 00:09:08,967 --> 00:09:14,233 - I have a feeling he didn't kill them. - Not a chance. 162 00:09:14,267 --> 00:09:16,433 No, I think you're out on your own in this one, buddy. 163 00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:18,333 You know what you need? 164 00:09:19,767 --> 00:09:21,200 - A bully protector. - A rabid dog. 165 00:09:21,233 --> 00:09:22,733 Or a bully protector. 166 00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:27,833 SEAN: There was only one man for the job, Declan Mannion. 167 00:09:27,867 --> 00:09:31,333 Feared and respected in equal measure, he was a bully's bully, 168 00:09:31,367 --> 00:09:35,267 and bought a degree of class and innovation to the whole bullying game. 169 00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:37,667 He invented the Cambodian Burn. 170 00:09:37,700 --> 00:09:38,767 Similar to the Chinese burn... 171 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:39,900 (SCREAMING) 172 00:09:39,933 --> 00:09:42,500 But with his own unique twist. 173 00:09:42,533 --> 00:09:44,700 That's my John Hancock, you sap cock. 174 00:09:44,733 --> 00:09:46,567 - (FINGER SQUEAKING) - Wait. 175 00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:48,967 SEAN: He added an element of witchcraft to the wet willy. 176 00:09:49,067 --> 00:09:52,067 - Why is my other ear wet? - You've been hydronated, hombre. 177 00:09:52,100 --> 00:09:54,233 SEAN: And sure, he'd take your lunch money every Monday. 178 00:09:54,267 --> 00:09:56,867 But he'd use that cash to bet on greyhounds. 179 00:09:56,900 --> 00:09:58,367 Come on, you one-eared bitch! 180 00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:00,000 SEAN: And if he won, he'd return the funds, 181 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:00,067 SEAN: And if he won, he'd return the funds, without interest, every Friday. 182 00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:01,367 without interest, every Friday. 183 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:03,167 Here you go, Padraic. Have a nice weekend. 184 00:10:04,333 --> 00:10:06,767 Authoritative but respectful tone. 185 00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:10,967 Mr Mannion, could I have a word? 186 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,633 What's troubling you, Moone face? 187 00:10:12,667 --> 00:10:16,033 Well, I'm having a little bother with the Bonner brothers. 188 00:10:16,067 --> 00:10:19,167 Protection's a service I provide. It's going to cost you, though. 189 00:10:19,933 --> 00:10:21,367 Cost me what, roughly? 190 00:10:24,933 --> 00:10:27,333 A feel of your sister's boobs. 191 00:10:27,367 --> 00:10:30,333 - I'm sorry, what was that? - A feel of your sister's boobs. 192 00:10:30,367 --> 00:10:31,633 Should have gone with rabid dog. 193 00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:34,400 Take it or leave it, Marty McCry. 194 00:10:36,500 --> 00:10:37,500 Seems fair. 195 00:10:39,467 --> 00:10:41,333 We have ourselves a deal, sir. 196 00:10:41,367 --> 00:10:43,767 Leave me now. Hounds won't pick themselves. 197 00:10:47,033 --> 00:10:52,633 - One more thing. Which sister? - Whichever one has boobs! You tit! 198 00:10:57,133 --> 00:11:00,400 SEAN: Martin had never paid much attention to his sisters' boobs before. 199 00:11:00,433 --> 00:11:03,533 But on weighing up their assets, he cluelessly deciphered that Trisha, 200 00:11:03,567 --> 00:11:06,700 his most violent sister, was best suited to Declan's needs. 201 00:11:06,733 --> 00:11:07,933 (KNOCKING ON WINDOW) 202 00:11:19,067 --> 00:11:21,100 SEAN: With the dirty Declan deal in place, 203 00:11:21,133 --> 00:11:24,100 Martin approached his sister with his favourite bribing beverage. 204 00:11:24,133 --> 00:11:27,200 Hey, Trish! Made you a cuppa. Tea. 205 00:11:29,633 --> 00:11:32,833 Wow, that's a cool... 206 00:11:34,767 --> 00:11:35,967 Whatever it is. 207 00:11:37,767 --> 00:11:41,300 Anyhoo, I was wondering if you might do me a wee favour. 208 00:11:41,333 --> 00:11:43,633 Probably not. What do you want? 209 00:11:43,667 --> 00:11:47,900 Well, silly thing. You know the way you have boobs? 210 00:11:49,967 --> 00:11:53,067 Put Padraic's lunch money on Patooties to win, 211 00:11:53,067 --> 00:11:55,100 Codology in second, and Nickelback third. 212 00:11:55,133 --> 00:11:56,667 Ooh, that does not look good. 213 00:11:57,767 --> 00:11:59,233 Oh, is that your banjo? 214 00:11:59,267 --> 00:12:00,833 - MARTIN: What? - Oh, it's such a fun instrument. 215 00:12:00,867 --> 00:12:02,900 - I've always wanted to have a go. - Not now, Sean. 216 00:12:02,933 --> 00:12:04,400 I want to hear what Trisha says. 217 00:12:04,433 --> 00:12:06,267 Who do you think you are, you (BANJO PLAYS) perv? 218 00:12:06,300 --> 00:12:08,900 Asking to feel my (BANJO PLAYS)? Well, guess what (BANJO PLAYS) face? 219 00:12:08,933 --> 00:12:10,267 The only part of me you'll ever feel 220 00:12:10,300 --> 00:12:13,067 is my foot kicking you up the (BANJO PLAYS) hole. 221 00:12:13,067 --> 00:12:15,067 Got that? You little (BANJO PLAYS). 222 00:12:16,833 --> 00:12:21,867 (EXHALES) All right. Come on. Sort that shit out. 223 00:12:21,900 --> 00:12:26,300 (LAUGHING NERVOUSLY) Sorry about that. Take two. 224 00:12:26,333 --> 00:12:29,433 So, let's talk about my sister Sinead instead. 225 00:12:29,467 --> 00:12:32,700 What are your general feelings about back acne? 226 00:12:32,733 --> 00:12:35,200 - I think I'm in... - (BANJO PLAYS) 227 00:12:35,233 --> 00:12:37,600 Oh, sorry, my mistake. He loves her. 228 00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:47,233 (THUDDING CONTINUES) 229 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:48,667 Sinead! Please! 230 00:12:52,067 --> 00:12:54,200 (PHONE RINGS) 231 00:12:54,233 --> 00:12:56,067 - What? - GERRY: Liam? 232 00:12:56,100 --> 00:13:00,900 - You sound tense. - Oh, Gerry! Sorry, no, it's just the... 233 00:13:00,933 --> 00:13:03,067 - Kids? - (CHUCKLES) Yeah. 234 00:13:03,100 --> 00:13:07,267 Listen, I was just thinking that you might like to pop along to our poker group. 235 00:13:07,300 --> 00:13:08,333 Tonight? 236 00:13:08,367 --> 00:13:10,133 (THUDDING CONTINUES) 237 00:13:10,167 --> 00:13:11,500 It's a bit short notice. 238 00:13:13,700 --> 00:13:16,800 - SINEAD: It wasn't me! - I'll be there in an hour. 239 00:13:19,233 --> 00:13:22,233 - Would she like that? - No, I don't think she's into teddies. 240 00:13:22,267 --> 00:13:25,467 - That? - I think she's okay on staplers. 241 00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:27,967 - That? - Soup? 242 00:13:28,067 --> 00:13:32,267 - Everyone likes soup. - Um... Yeah, I suppose. 243 00:13:32,300 --> 00:13:34,933 Great, give me your money. I don't have any money. 244 00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:39,067 SEAN: But Martin knew that a little more romance 245 00:13:39,100 --> 00:13:41,067 might be required to win Trisha over. 246 00:13:41,067 --> 00:13:44,700 "Your fire burns bright. Like the sun. 247 00:13:44,733 --> 00:13:47,933 "Which is incredibly hot. Like a fire. 248 00:13:47,967 --> 00:13:50,300 "Which burns bright. Like the sun." 249 00:13:50,333 --> 00:13:53,667 Mmm. That's beautiful. That's beautiful, Martin. 250 00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:56,400 Maybe you could ruminate on her appearance a little more? 251 00:13:56,433 --> 00:13:58,300 Read back what you've got. 252 00:13:58,333 --> 00:14:03,500 "I love your mousy hair, like a beautiful mouse. 253 00:14:03,533 --> 00:14:06,667 "And your pale, blemished skin. 254 00:14:06,700 --> 00:14:11,100 "And your scent. You smell even nicer than..." 255 00:14:12,100 --> 00:14:15,233 - Crisps. - "Crisps." 256 00:14:16,300 --> 00:14:18,200 I smell like crisps? 257 00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:22,567 - Nicer than crisps. - Is Declan in the special class? 258 00:14:23,967 --> 00:14:25,500 And he got you this as well. 259 00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:30,267 - Soup? - The thinking man's tea. 260 00:14:30,300 --> 00:14:34,400 Oh, wait, is this a piss-take of love letters and stuff? 261 00:14:34,433 --> 00:14:39,333 - Is he trying to be ironic or something? - (LAUGHING) Yeah, obviously. 262 00:14:39,367 --> 00:14:43,733 Hmm. That's kind of funny. I suppose. 263 00:14:43,767 --> 00:14:46,267 I mean, don't get me wrong, I love being a father 264 00:14:46,300 --> 00:14:47,733 but I've given so much of myself... 265 00:14:47,767 --> 00:14:48,967 MAN: Yeah. 266 00:14:49,067 --> 00:14:51,200 That I don't even recognise the parts that are left. 267 00:14:51,233 --> 00:14:53,900 Yeah. Like what Liam was saying about the window in his workshop. 268 00:14:53,933 --> 00:14:57,133 - You can fix it. But who fixes you? - (ALL AGREEING) 269 00:14:57,167 --> 00:15:01,067 - (LAUGHS) And they're so feckin' dirty. - (ALL AGREEING) 270 00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:04,367 My Declan washes his feet in the toilet. Just because he can. 271 00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:06,600 - Little bastard. - Right. 272 00:15:07,567 --> 00:15:08,700 Well, lads, I gotta say, 273 00:15:08,733 --> 00:15:12,800 that this little gathering has been very, cathartic, 274 00:15:12,833 --> 00:15:15,533 but I have to admit something here. 275 00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:22,900 - I don't know how to say this but... - Go on, Liam. Be Dad, not sad. 276 00:15:22,933 --> 00:15:25,067 I don't actually know how to play poker. 277 00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:32,300 Worry not, Liam. None of us do. 278 00:15:32,333 --> 00:15:35,133 - But I thought this was... - I think you know what this is. 279 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:40,233 I don't even own a deck of cards. 280 00:15:40,267 --> 00:15:42,567 (ALL LAUGHING) 281 00:15:50,667 --> 00:15:52,067 Well, this is pleasant. 282 00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:01,867 Come here, ducks. 283 00:16:01,900 --> 00:16:03,367 (CLICKING TONGUE) 284 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:04,667 (WHISTLING) 285 00:16:04,700 --> 00:16:07,600 You're feeding the ducks? 286 00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:09,667 Yeah, Martin said you like feeding them. 287 00:16:09,700 --> 00:16:13,067 When I was about 10. I don't feed the ducks any more. 288 00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:19,267 Of course not. Feck off, ducks! 289 00:16:19,300 --> 00:16:22,067 (WHISPERING) What's he waiting for? Go on, man, lunge! Lunge! 290 00:16:23,567 --> 00:16:27,967 That's it. Kiss her. Kiss her good. Shift my sister. 291 00:16:33,067 --> 00:16:34,067 Deadly. 292 00:16:36,333 --> 00:16:39,200 So, how did it go, little one? 293 00:16:39,233 --> 00:16:42,867 - He kisses like a washing machine. - A washing machine? 294 00:16:42,900 --> 00:16:47,233 Oh, he's so amazing, isn't he? How about a proper date next? 295 00:16:47,267 --> 00:16:49,867 - To the pictures? We'll pay. - "We?" 296 00:16:50,700 --> 00:16:54,067 I mean, us men. In this case, him. 297 00:16:55,367 --> 00:16:56,700 What's on? 298 00:16:56,733 --> 00:17:00,100 Oh, it's about a fella called Edward. With scissor hands. 299 00:17:00,133 --> 00:17:03,200 - Like Freddy Krueger? - Yeah, it's a sequel. 300 00:17:03,233 --> 00:17:06,933 So, listen, once you've, you know... 301 00:17:06,967 --> 00:17:09,367 - You'll keep your side of the bargain? - Fear not, Moone. 302 00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:12,067 Once a tit's been cupped, I can interrupt. 303 00:17:12,067 --> 00:17:14,133 Oh, and keep kissing her like a washing machine. 304 00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:16,133 - I think she likes that. - Sound. 305 00:17:16,167 --> 00:17:18,133 I'll let you know the boobie outcome anon. 306 00:17:18,167 --> 00:17:19,233 Stay tarty, Marty. 307 00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:23,067 Washing machine, huh? 308 00:17:27,933 --> 00:17:33,067 Moone! Shifting yourself now? Did you run out of dead sparrows? 309 00:17:33,067 --> 00:17:35,533 Stop! I'm too busy to fight just right now, 310 00:17:35,567 --> 00:17:38,100 but I'll fight yous tonight, outside the cinema. 311 00:17:38,133 --> 00:17:40,633 - It's a date, Moone. - But not in a gay way. 312 00:17:52,633 --> 00:17:54,200 - How are you lads? - ALL: Hey! 313 00:17:54,233 --> 00:17:55,633 How are you, Liam? 314 00:17:56,567 --> 00:17:58,733 Did you forget your fishing rod? 315 00:17:58,767 --> 00:18:00,567 Oh, Jesus, are we actually fishing? 316 00:18:01,833 --> 00:18:03,433 (ALL LAUGHING) 317 00:18:03,467 --> 00:18:06,067 - Gotcha! - Get that into ya. 318 00:18:06,100 --> 00:18:07,767 - Thanks, Gerry. - You're welcome. 319 00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:10,133 - Ah! - (SIGHING CONTENTEDLY) 320 00:18:13,433 --> 00:18:16,933 - Ah, yeah, Jesus, this is nice. - Magnificent, isn't it? 321 00:18:18,067 --> 00:18:19,933 BOTH: Queers! 322 00:18:19,967 --> 00:18:22,367 Conner and Jonner Bonner, get back here at... 323 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:25,400 I'm sorry, lads. 324 00:18:27,133 --> 00:18:28,133 (SIGHING) 325 00:18:29,933 --> 00:18:32,300 You know, lads, I've been thinking. 326 00:18:32,333 --> 00:18:34,867 Maybe we just need to put the foot down with our kids. 327 00:18:34,900 --> 00:18:36,733 (ALL MOANING) 328 00:18:36,767 --> 00:18:38,700 - Shut up, Liam. - No, he's right. 329 00:18:39,833 --> 00:18:44,167 Yeah, I mean, look at us. We're big, beautiful men. 330 00:18:45,633 --> 00:18:47,133 We shouldn't let ourselves be pushed around 331 00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:48,967 by a bunch of stupid little kids. 332 00:18:49,067 --> 00:18:50,167 Exactly. 333 00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:52,667 I mean, I can't even watch my watercolouring programme 334 00:18:52,700 --> 00:18:55,833 because it clashes with Dynasty. I mean, that cannot be right, can it? 335 00:18:55,867 --> 00:18:57,067 ALL: No. 336 00:18:57,067 --> 00:18:58,633 I think It's time that we stood up and took action. 337 00:18:58,667 --> 00:18:59,667 - Yeah. - Yeah! 338 00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:01,500 Who's got a gun? 339 00:19:04,167 --> 00:19:07,333 Not too heavy on the eyes. Let those puppies shine. 340 00:19:07,367 --> 00:19:10,533 - (LAUGHTER) - LIAM: This is it. Yeah. 341 00:19:13,367 --> 00:19:17,400 Make yourselves at home, lads. Would anyone like any Readybix? 342 00:19:17,433 --> 00:19:18,833 - ALL: Ooh! - Ooh-la-la. 343 00:19:18,867 --> 00:19:21,900 Hey, Liam, I didn't know your new friends were coming over. 344 00:19:21,933 --> 00:19:23,500 Oh, yeah, they are. 345 00:19:25,133 --> 00:19:26,800 We're going to watch some watercolouring. 346 00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:29,967 Oh, okay. How was the fishing? Did you catch anything? 347 00:19:30,067 --> 00:19:32,233 - (ALL SNIGGERING) - Idiot. 348 00:19:35,433 --> 00:19:38,167 (TV PLAYING) 349 00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:40,933 - Switch over, please. - No, Dad. Dynasty's on. 350 00:19:40,967 --> 00:19:43,367 - I think we'd better leave. - No, wait, lads. 351 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:45,400 This is exactly what I'm talking about. 352 00:19:46,333 --> 00:19:49,067 - It's foot-down time. - He's right. 353 00:19:51,067 --> 00:19:52,900 We're not watching Dynasty. 354 00:19:52,933 --> 00:19:55,067 We're watching my watercolouring programme. 355 00:19:55,067 --> 00:19:58,400 - You're so brave. - Where's the remote? 356 00:19:58,433 --> 00:20:00,933 Dad, I need some money, I'm going to the pictures. 357 00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:04,200 - Do I look like a bank to you? - Kinda. 358 00:20:04,233 --> 00:20:07,433 - Come on, Dad, she needs popcorn money. - Yeah, Dad. Don't be scabby. 359 00:20:07,467 --> 00:20:09,900 - No! I won't take this any more! - Go on, Liam. 360 00:20:09,933 --> 00:20:12,267 Look, I'm the man of the house. 361 00:20:12,300 --> 00:20:15,100 Just like these fellas here. We are the men. 362 00:20:16,967 --> 00:20:18,533 Of the houses. 363 00:20:21,433 --> 00:20:23,233 (KIDS LAUGHING) 364 00:20:23,267 --> 00:20:25,533 Stop laughing! Don't laugh! Right, you're grounded! 365 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:28,667 - (LAUGHTER STOPS) - You're all grounded. 366 00:20:28,700 --> 00:20:31,367 - But I'm going on a date. - No you're not. No one's going anywhere. 367 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:32,467 Everyone's grounded. 368 00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,133 - Mum? - Am I grounded? 369 00:20:36,167 --> 00:20:38,000 Yes, this is a lockdown. 370 00:20:45,333 --> 00:20:47,000 (SCHOOL BELL RINGING) 371 00:20:48,333 --> 00:20:51,033 SEAN: And so in the absence of fights or boob-feeling, 372 00:20:51,067 --> 00:20:53,567 Martin returned to the battleground of the school yard 373 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:55,633 as unprotected as ever. 374 00:20:55,667 --> 00:20:58,433 - Hey, look, lads, a new fella. - A new fella? 375 00:20:59,100 --> 00:21:00,600 MARTIN: Yeah, a new fella. 376 00:21:02,133 --> 00:21:03,667 Hey, I'm Trevor. What's your names? 377 00:21:03,700 --> 00:21:04,733 STACCATO VOICEOVER: New challenge! 378 00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:08,067 Come on! I give you dead leg! 379 00:21:08,633 --> 00:21:10,700 Kung-fu! Kung-fu! 380 00:21:11,367 --> 00:21:13,133 I feel bad. 381 00:21:13,167 --> 00:21:15,267 Don't beat yourself up about it, Marty. 382 00:21:15,300 --> 00:21:17,533 Sure, it's really Trevor's fault, for being new. 383 00:21:18,067 --> 00:21:20,267 You are so right. 384 00:21:20,300 --> 00:21:23,467 Hey, I know, I'll just cheer him up afterwards. 385 00:21:23,500 --> 00:21:26,833 * Nothing lifts the spirits like a nice bowl of Readybix * 386 00:21:26,867 --> 00:21:27,967 You are so sweet. 387 00:21:33,167 --> 00:21:34,667 - (MEN LAUGHING) - Hello there. 388 00:21:34,700 --> 00:21:36,833 - You Mr Bonner? - Gerry Bonner, yes, indeed. 389 00:21:36,867 --> 00:21:39,633 Look, I'm Trevor's dad, and your two boys... 390 00:21:39,667 --> 00:21:42,100 Trevor's dad. Come on in. We're playing charades. 391 00:21:42,133 --> 00:21:44,067 Listen, I've got a child at home crying. 392 00:21:46,267 --> 00:21:50,667 - I don't know how to play charades. - None of us do. Come on. 393 00:21:50,700 --> 00:21:52,333 Come on, you can go in. Huh? 394 00:21:54,967 --> 00:21:56,067 Right. 395 00:21:56,067 --> 00:21:57,533 (THEME SONG PLAYING) 396 00:22:12,067 --> 00:22:15,533 * 'Cause I was dancing at the disco, bumper to bumper 397 00:22:15,567 --> 00:22:17,933 * Wait a minute, where's me jumper? 398 00:22:17,967 --> 00:22:20,733 * Where's me jumper, where's me jumper? 399 00:22:20,767 --> 00:22:24,100 * Where's me jumper, where's me jumper? Oh, no * 400 00:22:24,150 --> 00:22:28,700 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 31843

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