All language subtitles for Cougar.town.S01E20.FQM.English-WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

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Hey, guys, what's going on?
Shh!

The guys are playing
emotional chicken.

Whoever cries to this song first
loses.

I've got 20 bucks on bobby.

Listen to the words.

This dad had no time
for his boy.

Sound familiar?

Travis is a man now.

His childhood's gone,
and you missed it.

You work so much.

Stan used to cry when you left,
but now he doesn't.

Your son grew up without you.

Your son is...
forgetting you.

♪ I said, "not today,
I got a lot to do" ♪

♪ he said, "that's okay" ♪

I'm so sorry, stan!

♪ his smile never dimmed
and said... ♪

Oh, bobby,
you got change for a $20?

I would so rock
at this game.

It's harder than you think.
You have to hold eye contact.

I always hold eye contact
with people.

It totally freaks out
my gyno.

hey.

Trav! Let's go play catch.

I'm good.

Look at my face.
Never forget me.

He won't look at me!
He won't look at me!

He won't look at me!

Oh, everybody's acting weird.

I don't think baby stan looks
very much like you at all. Really?

Sometimes the traits that
fathers pass on to their sons

Are more subtle.
For instance, bobby and travis-

They share the same skin tone
when bobby is sick.

Can we just pretend
I'm not here, please?

No. I'm done doing that.

You all right?

Kylie dumped me, okay?
Happy?

Oh,
travis is so heartbroken.

But guess who gets to fix him.
Please don't make me say "you."

I can wait all day, so...

Mmm.

Ahh.

You?

Me
ellie, it was so sad.

Last night, he put h head
on my shoulder,

And he just cried.

One little tear
landed right there.

That's not from the tear.

It's 'cause I just keep
tasting it all day. Mmm. Ohh!

Wow! I... Wow.

This cabernet is monkey pee,
but I'll take a case,

But only
'cause you sleep with me.

That's how I sell most of
this stuff. I have to say,

We think it is so sexy
that you're a wine vendor.

I haven't blushed like this

Since we met
that other wine vendor.

Come for dinner tonight.
I can't cook,

But I'll bring tons
of free wine. Marry me.

Jules?
Stop it!

Oh, I'm sorry. I can't tonight.
I have to comfort my son.

Hey, andy and ellie
are coming for dinner tonight.

Hooray.

Shh!

He's gotta have at least
one feature that looks like me.

Ah, nope.

Sometimes kids look like
other relatives.

For instance,
I look exactly like

My biological dad's
handsome brother

Who lived with us until my mom
got pregnant with me

And then my dad made him
move out.

I've given my son nothing.
Ugh.

When I'm this depressed,
I- I need to eat.

You can sometimes get
free chicken in this park.

Where?
Petting zoo.

Dude, no.

It's like taking the shampoos
from a hotel.

They expect you to do it.

they really don't.

I hope
I'm not bringing you down.

Listen, I know that
you hate women right now.

But when you go off
to college,

I want you to know that
you will never have to worry

About a date
on Friday night,

Because you will always
have one, honey.

Do you know know who?

Please don't make me
say "you."

you?
me!

if you go to college
within six hours,

I'm gonna drive there.
And if you don't,

Then we can rent
the same movie

And watch it while
we're on the phone.

sounds horrifying.

Don't mind me.
I'm just making dinner.

I need to borrow a spatula.

Hey, trav. Chin up.

Chicks really dig the whole
sad, wounded thing. Thanks.

Aw, that's so sweet of you
to cheer him up.

dude, stop it!

I need this.

That really hurt.

Sorry.
Do it again.

Get out. Go.

Ahh.

Great meal, baby.

I concur. So, sara,
did you not eat dessert

Because you've got
weird body issues?

What is happening?

when andy has
some drinks,

He likes to ask
these dicey questions.

He calls them "question bombs," and he's
gonna stop right now. Fire in the hole.

So do you enjoy
intercourse with sara

Even though you once said

That having sex with someone
over 25 is really disgusting?

I didn't...
did not-

You're not disgusting.

Thank you. Can I come over there
and make that sound with you?

Sure. Andy, rapid-fire.

Have you ever gotten
a girl pregnant?

How come you don't have
any black friends?

Are you worried that
sara's gonna feel insecure

Because you're so tight and
flirty with jules? Kaboom.

Jules and I are just friends,
I promise.

No more of this stupid game.

I wouldn't sweat it.

When did he undo his pants?

Huh?

Cute for an ugly person.
Ugly for a cute person.

Hot in ireland.

I do not understand the
rules of this game. jules.

Isn't that
travis' ex-girlfriend?

Little whore
in her pink cardigan.

Back me up, laurie.
Yeah.

I bet she... Plays tennis
and writes thank you notes.

What? This one's hard.
She's so cute.

She can't just break my son's
heart and then have coffee.

I'm gonna go talk to her.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Jules.

As my uncle dad
always told me,

Check yourself
before you wreck yourself.

You don't wanna do this.

You know, you're right...
For someone who's wrong.

No, no, no, no, no, no.
Hey, kylie.

Hi. What you got there?
Little peppermint latte?

Laurie, throw this out.
No.

Yeah. That just happened.

You think you can go around
hurting whoever you want,

But when there's
a mama bear around,

You better watch out,
because she might just

Rip your face right off
and make you take

A long, hard look at yourself.
Come on. Look at it!

I love travis. I broke up with
him because he cheated on me.

Why didn't you stop me?

Put it down, jules.
Put the face down.

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I still can't believe
travis is a cheater.

He must have inherited
the cheater gene from bobby.

What did travis even do?

Cheating is kind of
hard to define.

Not to me. Cheating includes
but is not limited

To sex, hugging, kissing
and winking.

Gray areas are
mouth-to-mouth resuscitation,

Holding the elevator
and dreams,

Which you can control.
Andy, punishment for cheating?

Removing my own genitalia with
garden shears while you watch.

Wow.

I don't think it's cheating

If you're on vacation,
if it's out of pity

Or if you both keep your tops
on. So many thoughts about that.

I just can't let travis
turn into his dad.

I mean, I'm gonna have to
bitch-slap some sense into him.

Hey, people.

Oh, hey, sweetie.
I got you some fudge pops.

What? Takes some prep time
to be able to bitch-slap.

Good morning, sunshine.

No, too early for her.

You cannot complain
after the very filthy things

I did to you last night.

My dad left when I was a kid.
Got messed up sexually.

I had a crappy father, too,
but I didn't go slutty.

I just died inside. Oh! You two
have so many cute things in common.

Let me get you some coffee.

Would you calm down,
you big baby?

I like her. I'm not gonna
screw things up for you.

For instance, sara was just

Telling me you're not great
at the chest-area foreplay,

So you might wanna skip that
in the future. You're welcome.

I hate you.

I don't care.

Huh?

I don't know why, but that is
making me really sad.

Okay,
so stan's not your twin.

I'm sure you guys have
other things in common, right?

You mean, does he share my love
of butter lettuce

Or mary higgins clark novels?

I don't know, laurie.
He's a baby.

Andy, think. When you were
his age, what did you love?

Baby animals.

See? I bet that stan
will love baby animals, too.

Oh! Bobby said there's
that petting zoo at the park!

Honey, I'll go with you.

Thanks, laurie.
You're being great. Aw.

No, that's cheating!

Oh!

Travis, I asked your dad
to come here today

To talk to you about something
really, really important.

Now, son, I know how
you look up to your old man,

And I can do no wrong
in your eyes.

just go with it.

That is why this is hard
for me to admit,

But when your mom and I
were married,

I cheated on her.

what?

no!
Wait. What?

Hold on. Let me pick something
off the floor-my jaw.

You know?
Everyone knows.

The guy at the pizza place
would say,

"two medium pepperonis,
and you deserve better."

I figured it out
when you gave me a lollipop

Not to tell mom I saw you
and that native american lady

Taking a... bath.
You nailed linda blackfoot?

Travis' speech therapist?

I had a speech therapist? Yeah. You
couldn't say your m's when you were little.

You sounded like
a tiny white rapper.

"more juice, please."
"more juice, please."

Okay.
We're getting off-track.

All right, trav,
your mom and I both agree.

Cheating isn't cool. You
don't wanna go your dad's road

Just hurting girl
after girl after girl.

Actually, you're the only one
I ever cheated on.

Oh, good. I'm special.

Jules, listen.

I got nothin'. I thought
you were gonna cut me off.

Damn it, bobby. The one thing
that made me feel okay

Was the fact that I wasn't
the only woman you did this to.

Okay, okay. So the lesson
here, travie, is that

If you're gonna cheat,
cheat on everyone equally.

That is not the lesson!

You owe me a lollipop,
snitch.

You know, sara, it's not easy
for me to make new friends.

No.

Keep moving, stretch.

Anyway, I feel like you and I
have really connected.

I mean, mostly 'cause

You think I'm really funny
and pretty and...

And what?
No. It's your turn.

Brave?

Brave. I like being brave.

Can you answer
a tough question?

Of course. That's how
brave people roll.

This whole
grayson/jules thing-

You think I have something
to worry about?

Thanks for
taking care of me.

Well, the first two dozen
fried cheese sticks were free.

Soon you have to pay.

No, I won't, 'cause bobby
only cheated on me.

Not sure that absolves you from financial
responsibility. He wasn't the only one.

I remember I caught
billy miller in kindergarten

Eating another girl's paste.

That's not a metaphor,
is it?

No. And gross!

Okay, so what? Two people. Is
that it? That's a good question.

Jules...

And grayson. Is this
going to be fun or weird?

Did you ever cheat on me?

So fun, then.

hi! I got long ears.

I got floppy ears.
I got floppy, floppy ears.

see? Stan hates it.

Yeah, but that might
have more to do

With the weird goat wrangler

That did "upsy-daisies"
without asking.

Oh, no, no. Bobby.

Hey! A goose. I used to love
gooseys when I was a kid.

Oh, then stan's gonna
love them, too.

I'll record it.
And just f.Y.I.-

If you can get stan
to ride the goose,

We will, like,
shut down the internet.

Hey, stan,
say hi to mr. Honk-honk.

ow! Ow, ow!
Mr. Honk-honk, no! Ow!

No, jules,
I never cheated.

Well, you heard him.
Let's go.

Once we were exclusive,
I was totally faithful.

Less is more, jeff.

Wait. We slept together
for three weeks

Before we said
we were exclusive.

Right. But not exclusively.

I was exclusive.
I- I didn't even self-love.

Wow.
How'd you get through it?

He's right. It's not that big
a sacrifice for women.

It is if you have insomnia,

And your friend finally
tells you how to do it

So you don't feel like a fool-
you know, lock the door,

Lights out, lots of blankets.
Good-bye, jeff.

Thanks for stopping by,
jules.

Grayson, you can go, too.
Right.

Are you in your bathtub
because you're sad?

Who cares about jeff?

It's bobby, jeff,
paste boy-

They all cheated.

And all this time,
I put it on them.

But guess who's
the common denominator.

Don't make me say "you."

You?

Me.

...Enough, but...

I bring it on myself.

Good. You're here,

Pretending to give jules
a bath.

I should go.

No, wait. You-
what'd you say to her?

Stuff.

That's never good.

You really said to sara

She should be worried about me?
That must've been hard to say.

I've always been
very brave, jules.

We know that about me,
plus sara's my friend and I-

Whoa. Now she's your friend?

No! I mean, we just had
a glass of wine.

You drank wine with her
whoaduring the day? R friend?

Come on! That's our thing.

Is there anyone in the world that's not
cheating on me? Are you really upset?

No. I mean,
you are a filthy skank.

But I guess I'm past it.

You're lucky. No one would ever
betray you. No, that would be foolish.

but good ol' jules-you know,
just cheat on her all you want,

And she'll still have you
in her life. Hey, trav.

If you know anybody who's
looking for a human doormat,

Tell 'em to give me a call.
Okeydokey, artichoke-y.

Why are you so happy?

Kylie took me back. Boom!

The dream continues.

It is too late for me,
but I can still save her.

Travis,
someday you'll thank me!

Am I gonna thank her?

I doubt it.

Don't listen to ellie.
Now yes,

I have an attractive
single friend,

But I'm sure you have
plenty of them, too.

Yeah, but I've slept
with all mine.

Well, I haven't.
Okay, I have... A lot.

But not with jules.

Why not?
Are you saving her?

Saving her?
She's not a cupcake.

Now look. I'm with you.

I'm gonna close the bar
early tonight

And be back here by 8:00.
I'll make dinner.

Then we'll jump in the shower,
and I'll clean your breasts.

You say that
like it's for me.

Have you seen those things?
They're filthy.

Bobby, this chicken
is delicious.

It's special bird,
hand-fed by children.

Andy,
why aren't you having any?

Because...

Freeze!

Is that a hickey on your neck?
Go get the garden shears!

No, no, no, no.
It's-it's a goose bite.

I took stan to the petting zoo.
Permission to unfreeze?

No! I'm sorry, boo.

It's just
this whole thing with jules

Has put cheating on
the brain. I let it go.

Thank you. Who'd you go
to the petting zoo with?

No one.

Kylie, women like us
are always gonna get hurt.

We-we just love too hard.

You know,
my mom used to tell me that

No one wants to buy a cow when
you can get the milk for free.

I mean, what kind of mom
calls their daughter a cow?

She gave me eating issues.

And I'm 41 and skinny,

So I should probably
"thank" her, right?

I've never had
real ice cream.

Is it good?

Jules kiki cobb,
what the hell are you doing?

I love you, travis,
but, kylie, he's a cheat.

Don't end up like me.
Don't be a sucker.

I kissed tina spangler.

Yeah, and I kissed joey spangler

After the h1n1 assembly
last week,

So we're kinda even.

So you're both sluts.

We're just both
in high school.

We both find
the spangler family attractive.

Here, let's go.

Wow.

Wait. Why wouldn't
you just tell ellie

That you went
to the petting zoo with me?

Right, so she can picture us
lying down

With all
the tiny, beautiful animals

Crawling all over
our naked bodies.

That's gross in, like,
a million different ways.

Hey! It's goose guy. Huh?

Eh, eh, eh, eh...

aah!

Okay, great.
What's going on?

Our video is so popular.

Someone even sent it to me...
From korea!

Oh, this is not good.

Uh, pass?

Oh, my god.
What is this?

Plain vanilla ice cream.

Mmm!

You know what sucks?

I can't ever be one
of those people that says,

You know, "if you betray me,
we're through."

I always forgive, grayson.

I'm too great a person.

No, I'm serious.

Just...
Sometimes I just feel like

I'm always waiting around
to get burnt again.

You'll be fine.
You just need to find the guy

That can never bear the thought
of hurting you like that.

hey. It's 8:00.

Didn't you
wanna close up early?

Don't sweat it.

Frozen yogurt, you are
ice cream's... bitch.

Tell her.
Tell me what?

All right, laurie wanted me
to come clean about something,

And bobby's here to protect me if things get
violent. And to make margaritas. Who wants one?

Yo!
Me!

me.
man, I love drinking.

I... Was not at the pettg zoo
on my own.

I went with laurie.

I- I was just spinning

Because our son has nothing
in common with me,

And please don't be mad...

please don't be mad with me.

Wow. He makes margaritas fast.

And now we wilgo upstairs
while I change stan.

Ta-da!

whoa!

Hello!

What?
It's just baby private parts.

That's more like grown man
prate parts on a baby.

How did you not know that?

Well, it's not like I see
a lot of other naked babies.

So is he, like, big?

that's like
an elephant trunk.

smile. You have something
in common with your son.

Eee!

♪ arrest this heart of mine ♪

Hey. Sorry I'm late.

Jules was really down,
and I-

Yeah, that must suck
for her.

I just stayed to say that
I'm gonna go-like, go go.

No, no, no, no.
I'll see you around, grayson.

Wow.
She drove off in a hurry.

Yeah. Yeah, she did.

I'm sorry.

Oh! Does this mean
I can be her friend now?

No! Ellie, go back inside!

Mean!

Are we playing
emotional chicken?

Because you're too far away,
and there's no music.

Good night, jules.

Good night, grayson.

Okay, this is right before
the goose attacked andy.

Who's that toothless carny creep
that's holding stan?

Upsy-daisy!

He's a good guy.
You idiot.

Wait. Dad.

what are you doing?

Bobby, no.

Oh, bobby, yeah.

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