All language subtitles for Cougar.town.S01E13.P0W4.English-WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

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I have to admit, last night...

was pretty okay.

Well, that's weird.

During 'it', you were very
vocal about how good 'it' was.

well, yeah,
'cause it's not sexy to moan,

"ooh, this is so okay."

dude, it's not you.

I just didn't have
any of my major turn-ons-

R.E.O. Speedwagon playing,
the sound of rain outside

Or the smell of pine.

My first boyfriend had
a pine-scented air freshener

In his pickup truck.
So the bar has been set very high.

Exactly.
Look, this shouldn't be weird.

You know, what we did
was totally natural,

Like the wind
or not truing canadians.

I do hope we made a baby.

you should see
your face right now.

It's hysterical.

I can't believe jeff and I are
over. What am I gonna do now?

There's not that many men
out there

Looking for
a 40-something-year-old mom

Who needs lots of foreplay and is a
mediocre cook. This will make you feel better.

Mmm. M&M tea.

Mmm.

Okay, you're not allowed to mope
around on the couch all day,

Wearing a break-up blanket.
I'm just chilly.

And?
And...

God gave me one last chance
to be happy, and I blew it.

I did not realize that god had
taken such a personal interest

In this relationship.

I know. It's weird.
God didn't care, jules.

He did.
He didn't.

He did.
You know what? Neither of us can win this fight.

but I know I'm right.
she's wrong.

Wow. Okay.
You're, uh, you're really naked.

I saw what you two did
last night.

You better be careful.

My grandpa got beat up
for watching ladies pee

Through a vent
at the gas station.

Seems relevant. Did lover boy
tell you he likes jules?

What?
What? No.

I just said that someday I could
end up with a girl like her.

Jules is your someday girl?

My what now?

A someday girl is

Someone who, someday,
someone else, the first someone,

Could see themselves
ending up with someday.

It's super serious! "Someday girl" is
a great title for a new song.

Oh, I have to go see
if jules feels the same way.

Have fun with that.

Sometimes after a breakup, I
like to make myself feel better

By thinking about guys that
I could someday see myself with.

Do you have anyone like that?
Nope. No one.

Huh. Okay.
What about grayson?

Oh, yeah,
in about ten years from now,

When I'm done changing him.

The trick is to make him
more emotionally accessible,

While at the same time,
keeping him a little insecure

So he continues all that work
on his body. It's a tightrope.

So grayson. That's super.

That's a pinecone. No matter
how much you keep fondling it,

It's not gonna take you
to cabo.

okay. I gotta go.

Be weirder.

Jeff had a really bad case
of diarrhea once in cabo.

That's a good history.
What am I doing?

I mean, I have to bust
out of this funk right now.

Well, let's start by eating
a crapload of something.

Put on your elastic pants.
All right.

Hey, j-bird, if you want a funk
bust, come on by the boat,

And we'll pound back a box of
that pink wine you like so much.

She has to choose between
you and me? What will she do?

Ease up, ellie nele,
all right?

I'm dealing with something, too.

They're repaving the parking lot
where I keep my boat,

So therefore, I have to move it.
It's times like this

That makes me wish I owned my own parking lot.
Really? That's what you wish for?

Mom, I'm gonna be late tonight. Be home
by midnight. And don't forget our rule-

Do not wake me up
when you get home.

Solid parenting, as always.

I'm a better mom with sleep.
Hey, what are you doing tonight?

Hanging with the fellas-

You know, jon, skeetch,
toby... Keith.

All of travis' friends
sound like

They're country-western singers. Makes sense.
We did name him after randy travis.

No, we didn't.
Well, you didn't.

No touching.

" someday girl "
" someday I'll meet her in our "

" someday world "
Oh, no, no, no. You know what we should do?

We should go up at the end,

" so someday
I'll meet her... "

" in our someday world "
I can't work with you.

I have some bad news.
You're jules' someday guy.

Sweet. "someday guy" is
a perfect follow-up single

To "someday girl."

Do you know
you're actually the only man

Who gets less sexy
when he plays guitar?

Why aren't you
taking this seriously?

I promise to take it
seriously...

" someday "

hey, andy.

Huh? Please don't tell Elli anything
until I figure this out.

Lucky for you,
tonight is sexy night,

And I'm not allowed to speak.

Apparently it ruins
the fantasy.

What? I don't like the onions.
I just like the fried circles.

Do you remember
when we were eating here

After that slag at the salon cut my bangs too short?
You ate so many fisherman platters.

You made it on the wall.

Oh!

Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh.
Have a fried circle.

mmm.
Oh, I've gotta go.

I forgot it was sexy night
with andy.

I hope he doesn't mind
my fried shrimp belly.

Who am I kidding? I don't care.
Mnh-mnh.

Let me take that. See ya.
Wait a minute. I can't eat this stuff alone.

I mean, I'm going to,
but then what?

Hey, bobby.
Hey, hey.

You have any of that pink wine?
I got white wine.

Well, mix in some kool-aid
and make it pink.

I've still got some white trash in me.
Whoo-hoo! You betc.

you know what sucks?

I didn't even know
you were jules' someday guy.

I'm still
gonna get punished.

If you're gonna
get in trouble anyway,

Why not just hang out some more?
Are you serious?

I'm sorry. It's just
that this someday stuff

Is so ridiculously girlie.

"if neither
one of us in married

In 20 years, we'll totally
marry each other. Yay!"

Right.
Cause that always works out.

We did have fun.

Eh.
And it is raining out.

Plus, for some reason,
you smell like pine.

Ugh. It's that damn pinecone.

Ha on.
What are you doing?

" and I'm
gonna keep on lovin' you "

It's like
it's not even up to us.

" 'cause it's the only thing
I want to do "

Drinking out
of a third-place golf trophy

Makes you feel like a winner.

Ha! Good thing I didn't get
first place, or you'd be blotto.

Oh, it's nice
out here in the rain.

So what did you tell your parents you're
doing tonight? I'm at a church lock-in

With
the national honor society.

Well, I'm glad you'rhere.

Me, too.

"...Loving you "

" 'cause it's
the only thing... "

Mm.
Oh, I'm loving the belly.

No talking means no talking.

Oh, sorry.

Mm.

I know I'm having
a pity party,

But when you're our age
and a relationship doesn't work,

It's just easy
to convince yourself

That you're not gonna have
many more chances, you know?

" 'cause it's
the only thing... "

Hey, you're gonna be
just fine. Trust me.

Thank you, bobby.

" I don't wanna sleep "
" don't wanna sleep "

" I just wanna
keep on lovin' you "

" o "

Transcript by MY-SUBS.com

Ooh.

How fun was that?

Pretty damn fun.

Hey, did you notice
I had some new moves?

I did.
Some were a little scary.

I know.
I don't even like doing them.

But they make me feel dangerous,
like a spy or a french person.

Hey, this isn't really
a big deal, right?

Come on, j-bird. This was
bound to happen eventually.

No biggie.
Oh. At least it's not
that awkward feeling you get

When you wake up next
to someone your barely know.

This is
the worst morning!

This is
the best morning ever!

I can't believe you got
all-the-way naked

For me last night. I love you.
Relax, mr. Mcneedy.

It's not like it's the first
time we've slept together.

Whoo!

What's up, sky?

What up, trees?

I am... A man!

Doesn't even matter.

Hey.

Hey, you.

Oh, my god. I'm so late.
My mom's gonna kill me.

Uh, just leave the tent.
I'll call you!

Wow. It's my very first
golf cart ride of shame.

Hi, julie.

It's not that bad.
Just pretend you're coming back

From some, uh, fancy ball
or something.

Yeah, I'm cinderella.

I'm gonna grab us
some coffees.

W- wait. Don't leave me. N-no!
Oh, I want a latte!

well, well, well.

Oh, good. It's barb.

Returning to the ex-husband.

Kinda like
an old security blanket-

Sure, it's a little frayed
around the edges,

But it's still nice to wrap around your face.
How can you be this filthy this early in the morning?

I've been up all night.

I guess I just got turned
around, again and again and ag-

Barb, look. There's some shirtless frat boys.
Where?

I'm so stupid!
I could have clung to the excuse

That I didn't know how
jules felt. Now that's gone.

You know,
my mom always taught me

To just jump in and do whatever
I wanted without thinking,

But I'm starting to feel like
that is really bad advice.

So we had sex again.
There won't even be any proof

Once the bite mark
on my knee heals.

That was really weird,
by the way.

The reason why a woman's
someday person is so sacred-

Oh, please stop saying
"someday."

Okay, who cares
about 20 years from now?

Don't you get it?
Sure, "someday"

Could be 20 years from now,
but it could be tomorrow.

It doesn't matter anyway,
grayson.

Any chance you had with her
is gone

After the way
you defiled me last night.
Defiled you?

That's not a good thing?

That-no.

I've been using that word wrong,
like, forever.

Morning.
Morning.

Where are you coming from?
Garage sale.

Got these jeans there.

I traded my jeans
for these jeans.

But they're identical jeans,
so, you know, even trade.

How was your night
with the fellas?

Those guys are...

insane.

Like bad-influence insane.

Ralphie wanted to spend
the night throwing mannequins

Off a bridge, so I came home,

Slept up in my room,
like always.

I'm lying. Are you lying?

No.

Me neither.

Your hair's a little messy.
No, it's not.

You all right there, buddy?
Something stinks,

And I can't find it. I'm worried
it's in my nostrils.

Would you smell the inside of my nose and tell me if it stinks?
At any point in your life, have you ever said to yourself,

"hey, here's a thought
I shouldn't verbalize"?

Hey, uh,
so I slept with jules.

Hey, look, I know you're
the wrong guy to talk to-

Why does everybody think
that I care about jules?

I mean, I'm fine.
You want to talk about jules?

Let's talk about it.
I'm just not quite sure how I feel about her, you know?

It's a lot like soccer
that way.

Hey, trav.
What'd you do last night?

I was out with the fellas.
Tell me their names.

Willy, seesaw, mark and doug.
Tell me again.

Bill, josh, tad and crazy joe.

I saw you sneaking in this
morning. You were out all night.

Look,
just don't tell my mom.

Oh, I'm not gonna tell your mom,
because now I own your ass.

Here. Finish taking stan
on his walk.

I'm gonna go grab a nap.

How could you sleep
with bobby?

It was just sex with an ex.

Oh, my god.
Hold on a second.

No, jules, I don't think
"sex with the ex"

Would be a great song.
You know, it sounds like

Something
an insensitive jerk would write,

Someone who doesn't
understand what

Their audience is truly
thinking or feeling.

No, it's a bad song, jules.
Bad song.

That was odd. And he is wrong.
That would be an amazing song.

Hey, you want to jam out some lyrics?
What is with this stupid neighborhood

And the songwriting?

Hey. So I did what I always do
when I have a big dilemma-

I thought it out
while I got a tattoo.

A chinese character.
Oh, that's so creative.

How did you think of that?
What's it mean?

I thought it was the symbol
for "strength,"

But it turns out it just means
"food." that's okay, though.

I like food.
Look, I have to tell jules.

She's my best friend.

But what am I gonna say?

Why don't you just
go ahead and blame me?

'cause honestly,
I don't give a crap.

Sounds good.

Jules, you moved on from bobby
for a reason.

Why can't we just celebrate

The fact that I'm not sad
anymore?

I'm not gonna end up
back with bobby.

But, you know,
being with him was-was nice,

And it was comfortable,

And he reminds me of why I don't
want to be in a relationship.

Oh, my god. I just realized
everyone should have

An ex-husband
for when they break up.

I'm gonna write a book,

And they're gonna put me on "Oprah."
Oprah's retiring in, like, a year.

Oh, ye, and she's never
gonna be on television again.

Wake up, Ellie.
Let's go get some pizza.

You just can't act like this is wrapped up.
It is wrapped up. I wrapped it up.

Jules.
Wrapped up.

How does bobby feel
about it?

Trust me. Hooking up meant
nothing to either one of us.

Ahoy, landlubbers!

Daddy's home!

Bobby?

Travis!

Dad.

"all wrapped up."

Shut up.

Oh, yeah, tom?
Well, maybe from my house,

Your house looks like an eyesore!
Get that hunk of junk outta here!

Jules, you coming up?

I'm thinking I'll be better off
neighborhood-wise,

If I pretend I'm angry
about the giant yard boat.

You think they're gonna buy your act?
I'm betting I can be pretty believable on this one.

They're repaving my lot,
remember?

It'll only be for one night.
It'll be like old times.

Why is he doing this?

You have to know that bobby
still carries a torch for you.

Deep down,
I think I always knew.

You know,
but the worst part is...

I like it.

Hey, jules.
I mean, how selfish of a person do you have to be

To have sex with someone

Without even considering the consequences?
It was raining,

And R.E.O. Speedwagon rocked so hard!
What are you talking about?

What?
Just do what I do and treat it like white noise.

You're gonna be fine.

Bobby's always been a guy who
protects himself emotionally.

Yeah. When we got married, he
wanted me to say "I do" first.

He also wanted me to ride
my bouquet down the sle

Like a pony.

And you did,
which was so sweet.

Because you are sweet, jules.

You're sweet and kind
and forgiving and-

White noise. The point is,
bobby's just fishing around

To see if there's gonna be
a chance.

As long as you don't fall back

Into any old husband-wife type
behavior, you're gonna be safe.

And all this because I used
bobby as a sexual get well card.

I mean, who ultimately has to pay the price?
I feel like I always do.

Uh, excuse me.
I believe I ordered sliders,

And these are
just small hamburgers,

And my palate demands something
a little more adorable.

Fine.

Why do you keep checking
your phone?

Use I'm waiting on a text
from kylie.

Last night,
we, uh, you know.

We spent the night together.

You gonna tell your mom?
Would you tell your mom?

I still haven't.
And now she won't return
my texts.

Well, we can figure this out.
The first ti's pretty special.

What did you say to her afterwards?
I was late, so I ran off.

Hmm.

Welcome
to the brotherhood of men.

Well,
I couldn't tell jules.

Do you know jules slept
with bobby?

'cause she was
in a really bad place,

And now she regrets it.

Raise your hand
if you can relate.

Wait, I only meant for me
to raise my hand.

You're
a very hurtful person.

You know what? No one has to
know what went on between us.

Agreed.

Mm. There's only
one tiny, bald problem.

Why are you guysbuying me driks?

Hey, jules, why are you
all the way down there?

Hey, mom... Dad. Okay,
I'm gonna ask you something,

But no follow-up questions.
Deal?

Bring it, junior.
Deal.

Say something amazing happened
with someone,

But you forgot to say
how amazing it was,

And now said someone
is probably really hurt.

What would you do?

Is this a riddle?
I would tell that someone
how you really feel.

That's all a woman
really wants to hear.

What woman?
Couldn't be more lost.

Thanks for the insight,
mom.

Dad, thanks for the, uh...
Thanks.

You're welcome.

Don't you get it?
Our son lost his virginity.

Yeah?
Yes!

Was it me, or did he seem
a little cocky now?

'cause I do not want him to get cocky.
Ah, he'll be fine.

Do you know how old that makes us?
you know what else is funny?

What? That, uh, my biggest regret
is that I messed up with you.

Jules, I would kill to have all this back.
How is that funny?

Well, it's not funny "ha ha."
you know, it's more whimsical.

Uh, bobby- you just said that
all a woman wants to hear

Is how a man really feels.
Well...

I did, didn't I?
Well...

Aw, hey, you just think
about it, all right?

I'll be on my boat.

Okay, even though I found
the pill from china

That helps me with the heartburn
I get from keeping secrets...

Why would I want to keep
this particular one for you two?

Because if you tell, it will
mess up all of our friendships.

getting sleepy...
We'll give you whatever you want.

And I'm back.
All right, give me a sec.

I want
bobby's bar tab cleared.

That's it?
No, and I want him to know
that I did it.

And, laurie, I want you-

To never tell ellie that
you saw me completely naked?

She's ruining it.

I have to go talk to him, don't I?
You do.

Will you do it for me?
Sweetie, I wish I could.

Hey.
Hey.

Remember this morning
when you were so happy

And I called you
mr. Mcneedy?

I feel bad about that.

Good. You should.

Sorry about the 'tude.
Got a few beers in me.

" I wake up each rning
with a hole in my heart "

" thinkin' about her before my day starts "
Sweetie.

The second that you walk
into the house, I relax.

Even on days
when I get so mad

That I actually do call
a lawyer,

I just remind myself
how scary it would be

To be out there drifting,

Alone.

It's weird
with relationships.

Two people can start off
in the same place...

Kylie,
you're such an amazing person.

Bobby, you are
such an amazing person.

And then
for whatever reasons,

They split off
in different directions.

I'm sorry I didn't say it
this morning,

But I'm so glad that
my first time was with you.

Okay?

I love you.

Bobby, I love you,

But not in that way anymore.

Wo you're not pulling
any punches.

I just want to be really clear,
for both of our sakes.

Honey, I'm so sorry, but...

We're just not gonna end up
back together again.

We have so much history

And we are...
We're always gonna be attached.

But our happy ending
is us as friends,

Raising our son together.

Hey, you can think about it
longer if you want.

I wish I needed to.

I guess
what I'm trying to say

Is that I love you,

And I'm so happy that I'm not
out there, having to start over

And look for what we have,

'cause it's hard to find
and even harder to keep.

I'm sorry. I'm just
in an emotional place.

I'm glad you're here.

What?

How does that long, boring
speech not end with sex?

Good night, andy.

" sex with your ex,
it's really great "

" oh, but sex with your ex
is a big mistake "

" no, no, no "
" no, no, no "

" sex with your ex "

" sex with your... "
" sex with your... "

" sex with your ex "
" sex with your ex "

" it's the best "
" but you'll regret "

" sex with your ex "

" ex "

very earth, wind & fire.

Or not.