All language subtitles for Cougar.town.S01E12.2HD.English-WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

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So what
are we doing tonight?

What are we doing?
We're drinking a bottle of wine.

I got another one waiting
for us in the on-deck circle.

That's what we're doing.

Oh, the stay-at-home-and-drink
date.

Always dangerous. Alcohol makes
it harder to filter yourself.

You'd make a pretty girl.

And we're off.

Seriously. I have a skirt
that's a little too big for me,

And god knows,
you've got the legs.

All we gotta do is
shave you down,

- And then tuck some stuff back up.
- No tucking.

All right, fine.
Then we won't have fun.

Can we at least have
some serious share time?

I'll start off with a classic...

How many people
have you slept with?

Six. Oh, wait. Are we counting
people that we wish we hadn't?

Yeah.

All right, nine and a half.
What about you?

- 8...
- Really?

3. 83. 183.

Most of it happened
when I was in college.

Uh, I was in a boy band
called 'da booty crew.

- "don't hold that against me."
- well...

I'm not, I'm not saying that
to you.

That was the name
of our first single...

"girl, don't hold that
against me."

why I feel like
there's a lot of lying

Going on during share time?

There is. Let's go have
naked share time.

Okay.

Don't hit my head
on the railing again.

Okay.

Evening, jeff.
Hey, travis.

Spin me around.

Hey, travis. Jeff picked me up
'cause I saw a spider.

Thanks for still caring enough
to lie.

Mm.
Good night.

Mwah. Good night. Onward.

Anyway, since I had sex
with jeff last night

Even though I was tired,
he was so grateful

That he drove to that new bakery
40 minutes away

And got me
those homemade jelly doughnuts.

That's weird, 'cause ellie loves
those very same doughnuts.

- Yeah.
- Did any of that really happen,

Or did ellie
just make you say that?

All right, ellie, I tried.
I don't know.

When we have sex,
I want those doughnuts!

No. Where's jeff?
He'll back me up on this.

Jeff took travis to bobby's.

They're playing
some sort of game.

I'm, I'm, I'm sorry.
Wait. What's happening?

Just go.

Ohh! It's good!

Boys, the penny-n game is

The best thing I've ever created
in my entire lif

And thank you, dad.

Now if the penny goes
in the can, you get a point.

If it doesn't, you don't.
It's very chess-like.

I wouldn't know.
Now, ladies, warm-up's over.

Me and trav versus you.

The first team
to 1,000 points wins.

Are you guys playing penny-can?
Is it finally real?

It is, baby. All right,
first round, rapid-fire. Me.

Ooh! Trav. Jeff. G-man.

I feel a little weird.

Why? Because you spent the night
on the second date?

Because you didn't try
to have sex with me.

I mean, I guess it's nice
to wake up with my panties on.

I just don't know
what to make of it.

are you gay?
It's okay if you are.

I have turned a lot
of gay dudes straight,

Although that could just be
a line that guys use on me

Because they know
how much I love a challenge.

We didn't have sex, But I feel like we
did plenty of other things that sent

A very clear heterosexual
message out to the world.

And I say "the world,"
because the walls

In this apartment complex
are crazy-thin

- And you are somewhat vocal.
- it's okay, smith.

- Oh, thanks, mrs. Mendelson.
- And nice to meet you, laurie.

Aw, you, too, helen.
She's a cool old bird.

Laurie, I didn't try to sleep
with you because I like you.

Okay? But we've only been
on two dates,

And I'm going back
to law school tomorrow.

If I had sex with you and then
disappeared for three months,

You'd never give me a chance
when I got back,

And I want a chance. Okay?

Okay.

Okay, should we sit boy, girl,
boy, girl?

Oh, stop pretending Like you're not
just gonna talk to her the whole night.

Yeah, you're right.

Okay, would you order some wine?
And I'll have a steak.

And you want some pasta
so I can have some.

See you in about an hour.
Hour and a half.

Good night
have fun, ladies.

Okay, um...

I miss penny-can.

Scott, if we're going
to have this baby,

Some things have to change.

Nice shot.

9-4, me.

All right,
that guy's coffee cup.

okay,
time for group talk.

Let's dive in.
So you two in love?

Dive in less.
Oh, that's why I married you.

He gets a couple drinks
in him,

And he starts dropping
the question bombs.

How do you feel about
having babies in your 40s?

no, seriously.

Are you two exclusive
or are you seeing other people?

Please stop.

No, I'll take this one.

Um, jules is incredible,

And I don't want to to see other
people, but that's just me.

You'll have to ask jules
what she thinks.

Ellie, bomb noise.

Thank you. I'm gonna go order us
another bottle of wine,

Because I need to drink more
immediately. Excuse me.

Sweetie, we're gonna get deep,
so go take a restaurant walk.

Oh. I love
a good restaurant walk.

So what do you think?
I don't know.

I really like jeff,
and I'm not dang anyone else.

I mean,
not that I would date two guys

At the same time anyway,
because in grade school,

This nun told me if I kiss
two boys in the same day,

Their spit would mix in my mouth
and it would kill me.

religion is fantastic.

Still, I mean, being exclusive...
that's just so serious.

I don't think I'm ready for that
yet with anyone.

That boy is in demand.
Lo at those women.

They're breaking out
the classic flirt moves.

Oh, my god.

There's
the accidental-bump-and-smile.

and there's the old
oh-it's-so-hot-in-here-

I-have-to-dab-ice-
on-my-cleavage.

Oh, and then just a blatant

You-can-smack-my-ass-
if-you-want-to.

Who does that?

Jules?

Thank you.

Let's be exclusive.

You sure?

I'm sure.

Attagirl.

Sync by: celsojp
http://www.MY-SUBS.com/

What? In my head, the song
is about teenage pregnancy.

That's a bit of a leap. I want
to write music that matters, jeff.

You know why brunch Saturday
kicks ass?

It's got orange juice
that can make me feel buzzy.

We don't have champagne.
It's beer and orange juice, baby.

That's gross.

Oh! I need more ice in mine.

I'll make them.

Ahh.
I like that guy. Great vocals.

Yeah, and those shoulders...

He's definitely built a few sheds.
Right?

Mm, he'd look great in a skirt.
What?

What? Oh, I'm glad
you guys like him,

Because we actually are
getting...

Kinda serious.

So he's not just
date-of-the-week guy?

He's for real?

Yeah. He is.

Great. That's so good for you.
Cool. Oh, good.

Where the hell are
andy and ellie?

Oh. See? Now letting you climb
all over me this morning

Was totally worth it.

- I got two, in case tonight we wanna...
- that's not how that works.

Well, I'm leaving, so I guess
this is, uh, good-bye.

No, no, no. No good-byes.

Good-byes put me
in a very destructive place.

But my plane leaves
in an hour, so...

Yes, and I'm going to pretend
that you're not going anywhere.

That way I don't have
to get all violent

- And spend the day kicking stuff.
- Maybe I'll just kiss you and split.

That's a better idea.

Do you think
that's it's weird or sexy

To kiss with your eyes open?

Well, it's so weird I may
never want to kiss again.

Here, let me fix it.

That's better.

- I gotta get going.
- Me, too. I'll catch you later.

- Bobby, no, wait. Don't go.
- Seriously, want him more.

- I can't.
- Why are those two so mopey?

You know that secret I've been
keeping since thanksgiving?

Well, I'm sick of the heartburn
and the stress,

So I'm just gonna let it out.
Okay.

Bobby and grayson are both
kind of interested in jules.

You mean to tell me
that the overly flirty neighbor

And the ex-husband who is never
not here both like jules?

That is a revelation!

- You done?
- I can't believe it!

I'm a... I'm a little dizzy.
I'm flabbergasted!

I... oh, oh. What?
I have to sit.

I knew jules would eventually
date someone she cared about.

I just didn't think
it'd be so soon.

It feels weird for us
to be talking about this.

Good weird?

That's, uh,
not actually a phrase.

When's the last time you were
in a real relationship?

With my wife.

Yeah, me, too.

Remember how great it is
when it's first starting out

And you're just like
a couple of stupid kids,

- Just laughing at everything?
- You look adorable.

- I feel pretty sexy.
- Bye, mom.

- he probably didn't...
- I noticed.

Well, now that it's out,
let's go shave you.

- No, and stop asking.
- and you just want

- To show that person off to everyone.
- Barb.

So what do you think?

I've already done six things
to it in my head.

May I touch it?

All right, show's over.

Nice bar. Don't kick.

Smith's such an ass. I can't
believe that he dumped me.

And I would have already
started my healing ritual,

But the hardware store's closed,
And I don't have any spray paint,

So I guess maybe I'm just
gonna have to jump ahead

To sleeping
with one of his friends.

Wow. Solid plan,
but there is one flaw.

You can get spray paint
at the drugstore.

Don't participate.
Smith didn't dump you.

He just went back to school.

He's gone, okay,
and I feel like crap.

I don't care if it's crazy.

If somebody hurts me,
they have to pay.

Okay. uh, come here.

Huh? If you're with
the crazy girl, ring the bell.

Uh, look, you need
to be distracted, right?

So bobby and I need to talk.
You're gonna bartend.

I don't know how to do that.

come on, girl.

Look, it's just pouring liquid
into cups. You'll be fine.

Did he just steal that?

Yeah,
that's sorta his thing...

Stealing...

From me.

All right, well, I will, uh,
I'll see you tonight.

Okay, be here at 8:00.

What the hell was that noise?

It's like I'm calling over
a horse or something.

Calm down.

You calm down. I am acting way
too overeager with this guy.

Now you need to say something
right now

- That helps me stop spinning.
- Those jeans really work.

They're new.
nicely played.

okay,
I'm cooking him dinner tonight.

- What should I make?
- Who cares?

The first meal you make someone
kes a statement.

If you half-ass it, it's like
saying you don't care.

But if you make it too fancy,
then it's like saying,

"stay with me
and I'll cook and clean

And service you whenever
you snap your fingers."

is that what you want, andy,
for jules to be

Some sort of slave-whore?

No, that's not what I want
for jules.

did you just do that again?

Yeah. I think I might like it.
It's not good.

stop it.

Wh-why you leaving?

Ugh. I'm bored of giving out
free drinks.

You didn't charge people?

No. You get better tips
that way

Besides, that boy over there
is a friend of smith's.

His name is doug.

Wave, doug!

Oh. I like
that he does what I say.

I'm going to the beach club.

You don't want to do this.

Thanks for trying...
but I do.

doug, come on.

What do I have to do?

Go to the beach club and stop.

I... Don't really want
to do that.

Come on, t-bone.
Take my ride.

You know, putting golf cart keys
on a ferrari keychain

Doesn't make it a ferrari.

I was being ironic.

First time.

What in the hell is
laurie thinking?

Women can be nutty.

But it's usually a guy
that gets them there.

I mean, jules has
major league trust issues.

That probably falls on me.

And I can't tell you how many
times I left her sitting

At home alone,
waiting for me to show up.

But I just didn't.

I hope that never happens
to her again.

She doesn't deserve it.

Hey.

Hey?

That's the weak crap
you're bringing in here?

Hey? Are you kidding me?

You know what I've learned
from screwing up so much?

If your lady's mad,
and you have no idea why,

There's only one thing
to say...

I'm so sorry.
What can I do to fix this?

Can you even tell me
why you're apologizing?

You can't, can ya?
Because you are selfish.

You're selfish. I have spent all
day cooking is food for you.

I know you're probably gonna
say, "well, it hasn't been

All day because I was with you
until 4:00."

But don't you say it. No, no,
don't you dare say it,

Because I will seriously smack
you right there in the middle

Of your big, beautiful lips
that you're so damn proud of.

You know what really bothers me
about you being late?

You think that your time is
more important than my time.

But guess what, buddy?
This is my time,

And it'll be a long time
before you find me

Sitting around
like some chump,

Waiting for a man to come in
and grace me with his presence.

You told me
to be here at 8:00.

It's... 8:11.

Well, our clocks are
a little different.

You're right.
Yours says 8:09.

Well, the food
is not even hot anymore.

yes, it is.
Couldn't be hotter.

Put some ice on that.

How is it that I'm already
acting like a crazy person?

and then bingo...

You got a tiny leak
in the dam

And you gotta plug it up
real quick,

Or you'll be in a car with no brakes,
Driving down trouble highway.

What? Is the highway flooded?
And... and where's this dam?

You are mixing metaphors
like a crazy person.

my mom says
I'm colorful.

Still,
I get what you're saying.

Relationships
are so fragile.

When I was married to vivian
and a problem popped up,

I would always tell myself,

If we just ignored it,
it'd go away. It never did.

Would it be okay
if we didn't talk about this

And you just took me upstairs
and held for me a little?

Sure.

You, uh, want your usual ride?

Oh, god.

Sorry.
Same spot every time.

Yeah, I'm gonna need
a few giant drinks

Before you start
any grope-y stuff.

And b.T.W., if I ever
do see smith again,

I'll be sure to tell him
what an awesome friend you are.

Laurie, get in the cart.

Yeah, okay.

Sorry, dude.

Oh. Hit it.

what, were you really gonna
hook up With that guy?

I don't know. Probably.
I'm just so angry.

I don't want to belittle
your problem,

But are there really women out
there who will have sex with me

Just because they're mad
about something?

oh, yeah, for sure.

This is very exciting news.

You know, there are also girls
that'll sleep with you

Just because their friends are
prettier than they are.

Ha! It just keeps
getting better.

hey.

Thank you for rescuing me.

Grayson told me to.

Really?

Yeah. So there's
a group of girls,

And one of them's got
a great body,

But, like, a lazy eye
or something...

Oh, my gosh, yes.
Easy pickins'.

- Oh, god.
- Oh, god. Wow. Oh, I'm so sorry.

I thought that would be
a romantic way

Foyou to wake up,
but instead, I've terrified you.

Well, that was a waste
of 40 minutes.

What's hapning?

Jeff, I've been obsessing
all night about my freak-out.

Do you ever get the feeling
like we've been together

For five years,
but not in a good way?

This is too much to process

Two seconds
after regaining consciousness.

I'll be right back.

are you naked except
for black socks?

My feet get cold.
This is what I'm talking about.

We're too comfortable.
I mean, that looks ridiculous.

Does this look ridiculous?

Stop. I'm serious.

You know, we... we should still be
in that honeymoon phase

Where you don't even glance at
the tv when I'm talking to you

And I still pretend that
I never go to the bathroom

Except for to pee,
which is true. I only pee.

Maybe this is a good thing.
Right?

I mean... We're being real.

I don't know.

Maybe.

Hey, you want to see
how I made penny-can

- A little less frustrating?
- Hit me.

Behold.

It's good!

This morning I looked at some
old pictures of vivian and me

- From back when we were happy.
- That sounds healthy.

got it!

Sometimes I still try and figure
out why it fell apart.

You know, I guess
the simplest reason is

That we just wante.

I just don't think I'm ready
for all this yet.

Yeah. I've only been divorced
for eight months,

And I-I'm feeling vulnerable
and trapped and...

Wow. I do not like the way
I'm behaving.

We can fix this.

But we just need to slow down
and... and go back to being casual

And having fun.

Okay?

No.

- I don't want that.
- Well, then I take it all back.

jules.

No, no. I just don't think
that you understand

Where I'm at in my life
right now.

I know exactly where you're at.

You're enjoying
your independence.

You're not looking
for commitment.

Aw, come on. I've been there
for years myself.

I just don't want to be
anymore.

Wow. That sucks.

Yeah, it does.

Being in a relationship
is never like in the movies,

You know, where there's
a big, dramatic good-bye speech,

And somebody's looking out
of the back window of the cab

As the music swells?

At least, that's not the way
it was for me.

no, in real life,

The very end is
more like a fizzle.

So, uh...

I guess I'm gonna take off.

I hope I see you around.

Me, too.

Bye, jules.

Bye.

Hey.

I want to thank you for
looking out for me yesterday.

I still feel crappy,
but it's probably because I...

I just spent
the last 24 hours

Rehashing the dissolution
of my marriage,

So if it's okay, I'm all out
of relationship talk.

Of course. Yeah. No, I just
wanted to say thank you.

So...

I didn't say "leave."

Could I get a beer?
Yes, you can.

For free?

- You know what I've never told anyone?
- No, no, no, no. Stop.

I don't want to know
another secret ever again.

They give me agita so bad.
So bad.

And then when I finally
tell them, ha, guess what.

Nobody cares.

So I am going to take stan
for a walk.

But it's midnight.

Agita, jules! Agita.

It's like a volcano
in my chest.

Okay, dummy's gone.
Go ahead, sweetie.

What if I'm someone who
doesn't get to end up happy?

Do you want to know
what I think?

What, that I'm only gonna be
happy if we murder andy

- And you and I get married?
- That would be amazing.

- Right?
- But no.

Think
if jeff was the right guy,

You would never let him leave.

Well, what if there is
no right guy?

There is.

and you never know,

He could be
right under your nose.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Come on!

What should we do today?

I don't know.
We could read magazines

Or look at shoes online,

Just gossip.

You know, we both only like sex
during that small window

Between 3:00 and 3:45.

Should we do that?

Today let's just kiss without it
having to lead anywhere.

Oh, god.
I love being married to you.

I know.
I'm so glad we killed andy

- And buried him in the backyard.
- Oh, baby.

Did you really think you could
get away with it? Did ya?

you ruined everything.