All language subtitles for 1080_[PUSATFILM21.INFO]what-we-do-in-the-shadows-2019-season-6-episode-10.eng

Welcome to the quarterly
report with yours truly,

me.

All right. So
investments by sector...

Things are going
really great at work.

I feel like I finally found
what I'm meant to do in life.

Jimmy.

- Does anyone ever call you Big Red?
- No.

And it feels really great to
finally be, you know, appreciated.

Let's go.

- Out.
- Out.

- Oh!
- Fuck!

I finally feel like
I belong somewhere.

Everything is
coming up Guillermo.

Fuck you too.

Okay. All my best
to Patrice. Bye.

- Dude, that move you made on Salazar.
- Mmm.

Holy shit. How did you know
that we should short that?

You know someone over there?

Just did my research.
Just leave it at that.

You know what I say,

you do whatever you can
get away with, right?

And don't use that.

That's the kinda shit that we
look for in our full-time analyst.

Mr. Nelson was saying
he's very pleased

- with your work.
- What?

You could be moving
up here real quick, G.

- Oh.
- In fact,

tomorrow night, we should
have a little rager here

and toast to your badass self.

Think about preppin' a speech

'cause I got something
special planned for you

that you are gonna love.

Invite some friends, huh?

- Yeah.
- You do have friends, don't ya?

- Yeah. Okay. I got tons of friends.
- Cool, I wanna meet 'em!

So I'll be making a speech

and you would all be
attending as my friends.

Well, friends as in your
friends or someone else's?

Someone else's feels better.

Ah, I would be attending as a
valued Cannon Capital employee,

not your friend.

Okay, you know what? Forget
it. Forget I even asked.

Nonsense. I will also be
attending as a former employee.

And don't worry, I
will not be "triggered"

by returning to the corridors
I once kept so very tidy

as chief supreme janitor.

I think you were just
a regular janitor.

And I too shall attend, for your
soiree shall be the perfect debut

- for my completed Cravensworth's Monster.
- Oh.

It's been a rocky road,
but as you can see,

he's quite the handsome chap.

And far smarter than Nandor.

- What the fuck?
- Yeah.

I don't know, Laszlo. I mean,

the last time we took
him around other people,

he popped Jerry's head
like a swollen tick.

Jerry did pretty
much deserve that.

And he's promised
not to do it again.

Stand up. Come round here.

If you're going to
insist on bringing him,

he simply must wear trousers.

Not tonight, Josephine.

♪ Don't sing If you
want to live long ♪

♪ They have no use
For your song ♪

♪ You're dead, you're
dead, You're dead ♪

♪ You're dead And
out of this world ♪

♪ Now your hope And
compassion is gone ♪

♪ You've sold out your
dream To the world ♪

♪ Stay dead, stay
dead, Stay dead ♪

♪ You're dead And
out of this world ♪

All right, it's official.

You are swagged out.

- Will Laszlo like?
- Do you like?

Laszlo master. What
would Laszlo like?

Okay. You know, you and I don't
have to go to this party, Monster.

I mean, we could stay home and
binge watch a season of USOT.

United States of Tara.

No. Laszlo say we go party.

But is that what you want?

Want make Laszlo proud.

Do you want to make me proud?

Laszlo master.

Yeah, all right.

- Hey you, guys.
- Oh!

Today everyone is talking
about the man of the hour.

Whatever you heard, don't
believe it. None of it's true.

Come on! We heard the
Salazar short was all you.

Uh... Yeah, that part is
true. You can believe it.

- I believe 'em. I'm a believer.
- Oh, yep!

Oh. Excuse me for a
moment. You made it!

- Look at this! It's the friends!
- Yeah.

- They're real. Pinch me.
- Pinch.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Sorry.
- Don't mind the cameras here.

We're making a little
promotional documentary

about Cannon Capital in, what
we like to call, the Cannon way.

- So you'll get used to 'em.
- Jordan.

Ah. Yes, Nan... Nancy?

- Yeah.
- Leave it with me.

I say my perfectly normal friend
here needs to take a piss.

- Ah.
- Where would he do that?

Toilet now.

- Uh, just down the hall on the left.
- Thanking you. Come on.

Come on. It's to the left.

Maybe I'm trippin' out here,

but isn't that the guy that beat the
fuckin' shit out of you? Bald guy?

- What? I don't think so.
- Looks like him.

- Mmm. Mm-hmm.
- And... Hey, you.

Weren't you a janitor here?

Ha. I get that a lot.
No, that was, um, uh...

my slow-witted brother
who looks a lot like me,

but he's a completely
different guy.

- Well, small world, huh?
- Yeah.

But, listen. Sorry we had
to let your brother go.

It just wasn't a good
culture fit, you know?

Sure, sure.

I guess he just didn't
make the grade, so...

I'm glad I'm not that guy.

You tellin' me.
So, what do you do?

I used to command armies
in the Middle East.

- Top secret stuff.
- Sure. Yes.

Like Mossad?

- Gesundheit.
- Guillermo, shots! Come on.

- Oh, no.
- You're taking two shots!

- He's taking some shots!
- Set him up, Jimmy.

Okay. But I'll be right back.
I'll be right back though.

So how do you know Guillermo?

Oh, he used to be my
right-hand man for many years.

Man, I wish I had four
Guillermos, right?

Really lightened my
load around here.

I wish I had two Guillermos.

Then you could have
one. I would have one.

And then the two Guillermos could
become friends or even lovers.

And I could say like, "Hey,
Guillermo, go fuck yourself."

And then he could do that.

Okay, well...

- Cut that.
- Nice meeting you.

- There he is.
- Oh, yeah.

No. I cannot wait to
start working with you.

All right. Take care.

No, you take care.

How about we both take
care? Stop it. Okay. Bye.

What?

I have just been offered
an incredible new job.

But is Guillermo gonna be okay without
you watching over him the whole time?

- Doing what?
- Remember?

The reason you started working
here in the first place?

Oh, right! I guess I
completely forgot about that.

Oh, well. Fuck it.

He's doing fine, isn't he?

I certainly am.

I must admit, I am sad to
be leaving Cannon Capital.

I never quite figured out what
it is we actually do here.

Lamps?

Making and/or selling
really enormous lamps?

But... there's a lot more work

to be done before I
can truly celebrate.

Unfortunately, when you are
quitting your job in human world,

you have to burn all of your
bridges at your workplace.

It is a very mysterious
human custom.

I think that they do it
so that their coworkers

that they leave behind
will not miss them so much.

It's sort of sweet.

I do not fully understand
this tradition,

but as they say in
ancient Callipraxos...

Which means "fuck up as
much shit as possible."

Yeah, they were a really
destructive society.

What's he saying?

- It's Latin, you pricks.
- I knew that.

Hey, why don't we take a break

and see how many pizza rolls
we can get in your mouth?

Laszlo happy?

No. Recite pi to
the fiftieth point.

3.1416?

Five! Five!

What are you doing?
He's not having any fun.

Of course he is. He's
having a great time.

He's the life of the party.

No, he's not.

And I don't appreciate you trotting
him out like some dancing bear.

Well, I don't give a
monkey's what you appreciate.

He's as happy as a horse.

I suggest you go and
get yourself a cocktail.

You get yourself a cocktail.

- Seven.
- Did he get it?

- Yes.
- Of course he did.

He's the best, that's
why. Come out here.

Gather around, everyone.
I want you to watch this.

That's it. Out you
come. Fast as you can.

Turn the music on.

He likes this one.

I mean, he's no Patrick
Swayze, but he can dance.

Pretty good, right? That's it.

I stop now?

No, no. You stop when
I damn well tell you.

He never gets tired. He
can do that all night.

Oh, Cathy. I've been
meaning to tell you,

your spreadsheets are
absolute hogshit, girlie.

It's, like, are you numerically
demented or something?

And Brock,

your fiancée has been cheating on
you with your brother for ages.

I'm gonna miss you both so much.

Shit.

Oh, hi. Have you seen Jordan?

Someone broke the glass
in conference room B.

- Lisa, my favorite.
- Oh, come on.

- Your voice is incredibly deep...
- Yes.

And nasal and grating.

And your whole vibe,

it's like you crave love 'cause
you never had it as a child,

like, where were your parents?

You're really hard to be around.

I said I wouldn't cry!

That's not your desk.

Not anymore. It's not.

Very cool.

A water closet in your office?

- Oh, yeah.
- You ever get tempted to, you know,

just sit at your desk

and whip it out and see if you
can piss right into the toilet?

No, but I'll have
to give that a try.

We don't need to be talking
about piss in front of my boss.

Ease up, G.

I'm always telling Guillermo
that he works too hard.

He's always here. I gotta
watch out for this guy.

Otherwise, one day, it'll
be him behind this desk,

- right?
- No. No.

My mini me. My mentee.
My right-hand man.

He used to do a
similar thing for me.

- We called it shit work.
- Ah.

- Same, same.
- No, not the same.

For one, I actually get
something from working here.

Well... why don't we take
a little breath here?

- Yeah.
- How about you go get me a beer?

- Get yourself some too.
- Got it, boss.

And one for me.

Really? You want a beer too?

Yes, Guillermo. I
would like a beer

on the rocks.

- Just go get the beers.
- Yeah.

It's always a fucking
discussion with this guy.

It was the same when he worked for
me, you know? So argumentative.

- Mm-hmm.
- Always talking back

like some kind of needy child.

Exactly. Just, like,
do what I fucking say.

Yes, like a servant.

Those were your words, not mine.

Sure. Sure.

But you do value Guillermo
as a part of the team, right?

Let me tell you something. You
gotta have at least one guy

who would do anything
to make you happy.

Neediness is a great motivator.

He was always needing something.

- Food. Water.
- Yeah.

A new brush for my hair.

Classic beta shit, right?

So, how do you deal
with the beta shits?

Well, probably the
same way you do.

Smile, and a little
speck of hope,

and they will do anything
you need them to do.

I mean anything.

But, I mean, you wouldn't take
advantage of Guillermo like that, right?

No. Officially, no.

I have grown suspicious of
Guillermo's beloved Jordan.

I'm not sure that he has
Guillermo's best interests at heart.

But surely, a true
leader would never dream

of treating a loyal
underling with such contempt.

That's point.

It's simply not done.

Would you excuse me for a
moment, Jordan? I just...

I gotta make sure that Guillermo isn't
putting too many rocks in my beer.

No, seriously, man, I feel like
everyone's having kids now.

It's, like, gross.

Sorry, I don't wanna hang
out with babies all the time.

Yeah. What about you,
man? You want kids?

Uh... kids? What am
I made of? Money?

- Give me that. That's my man.
- Nice.

- That's what I'm talking about.
- Fight! Danger!

- Oh!
- Sorry!

No sweat, man.

We're just gonna go get this
cleaned up, like, away from here.

What the fuck happened there?

You were doing well
with the wankers.

- Mistake.
- I should damn well say so.

Chill your tits, Laszlo.

You chill your tits.
My monster, my rules.

But he has feelings.

Feelings? He's a monster.

He'll have feelings when I
tell him to have feelings.

Toilet.

- What a surprise.
- Now, see what you've done?

"I feel like I finally found
a place where I belong.

And I wanna specially
thank Jordan

for seeing something in me
that perhaps I didn't see"...

Guillermo, I must speak
with you urgently.

No, not right now. I'm
practicing my speech.

Guillermo, I do not trust this man
Jordan nor his intentions for you.

Of course.

- Of course what?
- Things are finally looking up for me.

I have a purpose, a future.

And here you are, trying
to ruin it all, 'cause why?

- 'Cause you're jealous?
- I'm trying to help you.

You've never believed in
me, never encouraged me.

You just let me sit and stew

and wonder endlessly why
I wasn't good enough.

That does not sound like
something I would do.

And Jordan is not like you.

I'm about to get promoted
to full-time analyst,

and here you are trying to tear
it all down like you always do

when I have something
special in front of me.

All right, everybody, circle
up. Come on, bring it in.

Now, you know how much I hate
public speaking, but you guys...

- Guillermo...
- No.

This is how it's supposed to be.

You work hard and
you get rewarded.

And if you don't like that, you
don't have to be a part of my life.

We just made a sizable chunk
of change shorting Salazar.

- Let's hear it. Yeah!
- Yeah!

But there is one person that
I really gotta shout out.

He's the reason why
we're all here tonight.

Cannon's visionary
founder, Mr. Gene Nelson!

A legend in our midst! Yeah.

Don't let me
interrupt you, Jordan.

Tonight's about you
and your stellar team.

Well, you know what,
sir? It is a team.

I'm always saying
to the people here

that we are like the Avengers
of Wall Street, right?

We got the, of course,
Captain America back there.

And Black Widow with
Spider-man right there.

And Raj, you know you are my
Thor, baby, dropping that hammer.

And who else?

I guess Groot. So
solid. And... Huh!

Well, what does that make me?
Who brings everybody together?

- Tony Stark.
- Tony Stark. I'll take it.

Let's raise a glass
to Mr. Nelson.

Let's keep this rager raging.

- Hey, Jordan. I thought you were...
- Thanks, buddy.

- What about my...
- Hey, Mr. Nelson. VIP area...

Thank you so much
for that, Jordan.

But I will make a
real announcement.

Sadly, my time here at
Cannon Capital Strategies

is coming to an end.

I know. Let your
tears out, it's okay.

But I got an offer
I couldn't refuse

from a very exciting
new company,

and I think they
really wanted me

because all I had
to do to get the job

was send them ten
thousand dollars in cash

along with some
photographs of my feet.

Wait, what?

- Headhunted!
- Yeah!

So, now all I need to do is
convince 15 more people to join me.

- Who's in?
- Uh, you just got scammed.

Yeah, enjoy your totally
real, new job, bitch.

- What?
- And if they're not hiring,

- I'm sure the Ren Faire is. Great outfit.
- Oh, yeah.

- I've got a new job...
- Leave Nadja alone!

Relax. Oh, I don't
want another head.

- I swear to fuck.
- Calm down.

Dick.

Thanks a lot, asshole.

You behave like an animal.

Come on. Stop
beating yourself up.

Laszlo mad at me.

No, he's not mad at you.

You were just exhibiting
classic party behavior.

Who cares if you get
loose as a goose?

I monster.

You are not a monster.

You are a cool dude.

Shit. Your staple's leaking.

All right. I'm gonna call you
next week. Thanks for coming by.

Hey, Jordan. Can I talk to you?

Sorry. Old man Nelson
was going on and on,

but his nurse/wife
got him out of here,

- so, what's up?
- Uh...

I was just wondering why you
didn't let me go up there

and give my speech?

I'm so... I'm sorry.
It slipped my mind.

With Mr. Nelson being
here, it was crazy.

I just didn't want things to
get too confusing for everybody.

It's just that you asked
me to prepare a speech

and I thought you were happy with
the work that I've been doing.

I am happy. I'm thrilled.

In fact, I got you something

that's way better than a
stupid shout-out and a speech.

Something that you've earned.

Wait right here.

It's happening.

Close your eyes.

Here we go. Ta-da! Open 'em up.

Just a little thank you for all the
hard work that you do around here.

We make a hell of
a team, don't we?

Wow. Thank you.

- Hmm.
- Um...

Just put it right there on
your desk. It'll look nice.

It's just a...

I just thought that maybe you
were going to give me a promotion?

No, no, I... I can't promote
you until you're ready.

It'll happen when
the time is right.

How much time would that
be, just, hypothetically?

Oh, I don't know. Ballpark
a couple of years.

You can't rush paying
your dues, Guillermo.

No.

No.

- No!
- Whoa!

When the time is right? I
already wasted so much time!

What's your fucking damage, bro?

My damage is, I'm tired of being strung
along and I'm not doing it anymore!

Really?

Well, maybe you should check
your attitude and remember

that you're talking
to your fucking boss.

You're the person that helps
actually important people

get their shit done.

You're not a killer. You
gotta know your fucking place.

Excuse me?

Dude, that's company property.

- You know who you're fucking with?
- I'm sorry.

I don'’t think you know
who you'’re fucking with.

- Oh, no, no. Nandor.
- No.

Nandor, put him
down. Nandor, no.

You're maybe more successful and
rich and smart and better looking

and have a generally
cooler vibe than him.

But you do not get to
speak to him like that.

- Okay, just-just put him down please.
- Put me down.

I cannot have you speaking
to Guillermo this way.

Drop him! Now.

Fine.

You know what? You're right.

I'm not a killer. But I know
a way to hurt you even worse.

I think I'll give a call to the
Securities and Exchange Commission.

Yes!

- What is that?
- Don't worry about it.

Bullshit. What? You're
gonna come at me?

You openly talk about
insider trading constantly.

Oh, yeah? Well, how
are you gonna prove it?

Yeah, bro, it's my documentary.

It's his documentary.

Yeah. Over the years, I've learned
that you gotta protect yourself.

Hey, take a look at this.

And information is a
great way of doing that.

- All right, you got all that?
- Yes.

Now delete it.

- Why?
- Dude, no paper trail.

It's cool. The SEC guy is a total
pussy. He's not gonna do shit.

People love telling me things.

Maybe it's my face or that they
don't know I'm in the room.

Either way, I keep receipts.

And I'm not talking
just about the CVS ones.

It's his documentary.

Cut. Cut. Cut!

Well, that was a bust.

It looks like I'm back
to the drawing board

with Cravensworth's Monster.

- I'm not Cravensworth's Monster.
- What are you then?

- Robinson's Monster.
- Huh.

Don't be so preposterous.

Well, you were really hard
on the poor guy in there.

And what was he doing? He was
just cutting it up with the guys.

He cried in the bathroom.

He even had Nadja's back
without popping that guy's head.

Face it, we created a
monster with real emotions.

I, for one, am jazzed.

- Jazz.
- Yeah.

I suppose you have a point.
And between us, Colin Robinson,

we will force the entire
scientific community to eat shit.

- Well, we've gotta.
- Yeah.

I love both my fathers.

- Of course you do.
- Sure you do.

Now kiss.

I'm, uh...

- What-What was that?
- Kiss, Daddies, now.

No, I don't think
that's gonna happen.

I don't know. I mean, we could.

We still have 7 floors to go.

He really takes after his daddy.

Horny little freak.

All right. Let's get
out of this shithole.

- Yes.
- Absolutely.

Fair enough.

Well, usually, it's kind
of a one-person thing.

Give me your hand. Careful.

After you.

Wow. What a night!

Yeah. I feel like it
could've gone better for me.

The way the two of us just took
down that evil guy like that.

This must be what it feels
like to do a good deed.

I feel so... so... charged up!

Fuck these guys!

Oh, shit!

Yeah! [laughs] Suck it.

- Go, Nandor!
- This feels incredible.

You know, it also make me wonder

what else we could
accomplish together.

I'm not going back to
being your familiar.

I'm not talking about you
being my familiar, Guillermo.

Look, I will always be killing
people because I'm a vampire.

It's what we do. But
what if I was more picky?

If I use my powers for good.

- To bring justice to this unjust world.
- Oh.

You mean like Batman.

I don't know who that is.

But also, I was thinking, why not
create a secret underground lair.

And, I would have my
very own young sidekick.

Like Robin.

I don't think robbing
people is a good idea.

- I don't know.
- You don't know.

You do know! This is why
we've been brought together.

It's not for me to make
you a fucking vampire.

Fuck all that shit.

But for us to create an
unbreakable alliance.

To help people in
this broken society.

Some shit like that.

Face it, Guillermo. You're never
gonna be just a normal human guy.

You don't belong with them.

You belong with us.

But I'm not a vampire.

No, you're not. You're
something even cooler.

You are a warrior.

Okay. Let go of my hand now.

- It's a bit clammy.
- Sorry.

What else can I throw
at that building?

♪ Violent flares And
bullets loading ♪

♪ You're old enough to
kill But not for voting ♪

♪ You don't
believe in war... ♪

I'm done with that pinstripe
pit of corporate despair.

- You were only there for an hour, Laszlo.
- That was enough.

I had a great time.
Got myself a souvenir.

So did I.

Oh, no. Is that Lisa?

She really was my favorite.

Well, good night.

I'll be in the
shed if you guys...

Guillermo? Where are you going?

Get back here.

We've got things to discuss.

First on the agenda,
let's talk capes.

What if we wear
them on our fronts?

♪ My blood's so mad It
feels like coagulatin' ♪

♪ I'm a-sittin' here Just
contem-temp-a-latin' ♪

♪ I can't twist the truth
It knows no regulation ♪

♪ A handful of senators
Don't pass legislation ♪

♪ And marches alone
Can't bring segregation ♪

♪ When human respect
is disintegratin' ♪

♪ The whole fuckin' world
Is just too frustratin' ♪

♪ And you tell me ♪

♪ Over and over and
over again My friend ♪

♪ That you don't believe ♪

♪ We're on the eve
Of destruction ♪

♪ And you tell me ♪

♪ Over and over and
over again My friend ♪

♪ That you don't believe ♪

♪ We're on the eve
Of destruction ♪