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[suspenseful music]
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JORDAN:
Excuse me, uh, sir.
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Special Agent John Fisher.
4
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Special Agent Fisher,
aren't you supposed to read us our rights?
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You know, are we under arrest?
Do we get to speak to a lawyer?
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- I mean, I know my rights, so--
- That's good.
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That's enough chit chat out of you.
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KEVIN: You son of a bitch,
get me out of here! Hey! Hey!
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And also, you can't
just stick Kevin in the trunk.
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I'm pretty sure that's illegal.
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- JORDAN: He's shrieking.
- PEARL: Yeah--
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- [hair metal plays loudly]
- Oh, come on!
13
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[hair metal continues playing]
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Sorry, Agent Fisher, was it?
15
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Just gonna turn this down...
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Hi, nice arms.
17
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I... I couldn't help but notice
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that you're... you're very sexy.
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Like, super-hot.
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I would say eleven out of ten
on the zaddy scale.
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You know what I'm saying?
Just a real unicorn situation here.
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And we-- Jordan and I--
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are, dare I say,
a couple of foxy ladies in our prime
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who are looking to party
with the lawmen.
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00:01:13,625 --> 00:01:17,207
Just to clarify,
I'm definitely not looking to party.
26
00:01:17,208 --> 00:01:19,707
Jordan, what are you doing?
Dude, we seduce him.
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We get him all horny and vulnerable--
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and maybe do some sex stuff,
maybe not...
29
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- Ew.
- ...let's not take it off the table,
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- and then we fuck him up.
- I can hear you.
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Idiots.
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What is wrong with you?
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I know they didn't teach you that
at Juilliard.
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Okay, so...
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I only kind of went to Juilliard.
36
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And by "kind of,"
I mean I dated a girl that taught there.
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And it was a summer course...
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in music theory.
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Why would you lie about that?
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Because you're Jordan King.
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Always, I don't know,
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classically trained
and always so poised.
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I just... thought you might
see me as an equal.
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I'm not perfect, you know.
45
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Over the past two years,
I've stolen over $130 million worth
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of personal property.
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What?! Girl, go off!
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Ssh! Gold, jewels, cash,
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cars, bonds.
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I may have even stolen
the schematics for a nuclear missile.
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Oh, my God.
52
00:02:23,458 --> 00:02:25,832
And to think I thought
I couldn't respect you more.
53
00:02:25,833 --> 00:02:29,207
- Holy shit.
- You respect me for committing felonies?
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Well, no, no, I respect you
for sharing your truth with me.
55
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Well, and also for committing felonies.
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That, to me, is very cool.
57
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But no, sharing your truth,
that shit is sacred.
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I will now repay the favor by...
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00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:49,249
telling you something
I've never told anyone before
60
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- about the night I lost my virginity.
- No, no-no...
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It was hurricane season,
and I was wearing...
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- That's not necessary.
- ...my favorite pair of jorts.
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Shut the hell up back there!
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Jesus.
65
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This fucking
"Fried Green Tomatoes" bullshit.
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[clears throat]
67
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Right, so strong...
68
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and the glasses are so...
69
00:03:19,167 --> 00:03:20,708
Wait, holy shit.
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I've seen you.
71
00:03:25,667 --> 00:03:27,291
Wait, I've seen you before.
72
00:03:27,292 --> 00:03:31,167
Jordan, Jordan,
I've fucking seen this guy.
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00:03:32,583 --> 00:03:34,082
- What is that, what are you saying?
- Oh, my God.
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00:03:34,083 --> 00:03:39,207
I fucking seen this guy right here
from the Guffey Light commercials.
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00:03:39,208 --> 00:03:41,374
Wait, you're in comm--
he's in commercials?
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00:03:41,375 --> 00:03:43,291
Dude, I fucking know it's you.
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00:03:43,292 --> 00:03:47,042
- Holy shit, you're literally--
- Stop fucking talking, right now!
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KEVIN:
Come on, man! Let me out!
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JORDAN: Okay.
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00:03:54,417 --> 00:03:57,499
Fine... it was me.
81
00:03:57,500 --> 00:03:59,957
- So what?
- Wait, wait-wait-wait, wait.
82
00:03:59,958 --> 00:04:02,749
So you-- so you're--
are you telling us you're an actor?
83
00:04:02,750 --> 00:04:04,291
- He's an actor.
- Oh, my God.
84
00:04:04,292 --> 00:04:06,374
You're auditioning for a role.
This is brilliant.
85
00:04:06,375 --> 00:04:08,624
- This is fucking brilliant!
- Oh, I'm relieved, you're one of us!
86
00:04:08,625 --> 00:04:10,082
- You're one of us!
- KEVIN: Let me out!
87
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:11,374
For the record,
I wasn't trying to fuck you.
88
00:04:11,375 --> 00:04:13,624
You're more like a seven out of ten--
but the zip ties?!
89
00:04:13,625 --> 00:04:15,541
- The commitment?
- Yeah, and this is why you couldn't
90
00:04:15,542 --> 00:04:17,457
tell us our rights,
because you don't know the protocol--
91
00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:19,333
I do know the protocol!
92
00:04:21,583 --> 00:04:24,416
Okay, so what is it, are you--
are you a beer commercial actor
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00:04:24,417 --> 00:04:25,750
or a Fed?
94
00:04:27,125 --> 00:04:28,333
Both.
95
00:04:30,583 --> 00:04:33,541
When I was a little baby boy...
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00:04:33,542 --> 00:04:36,874
my foster dad,
who I called Pee-Pop,
97
00:04:36,875 --> 00:04:38,833
took me to see "Roman Inferno."
98
00:04:41,667 --> 00:04:46,957
I was only five years old,
but when I saw Gene Hackman
99
00:04:46,958 --> 00:04:51,457
thrust that Venetian Fauchard
100
00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:54,624
deep into Marlon Brando's guts,
101
00:04:54,625 --> 00:04:57,291
I knew in that moment.
102
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Everything was distilled so clearly.
103
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I knew what my dream was.
104
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- Grow up and be a psychopath?
- To be an actor.
105
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Jeez, all right.
106
00:05:07,958 --> 00:05:10,374
To be an actor
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in a Jackson Pepper film.
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So, as soon as I turned 18,
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I packed up my Subaru Baja,
110
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and I drove across the country
to Hollywoodland.
111
00:05:25,250 --> 00:05:26,958
Managed to get into commercials.
112
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Started off with lawn turf products.
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Moved on to fitness equipment ads.
114
00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:38,375
And eventually,
I hit the top of the mountain.
115
00:05:39,750 --> 00:05:41,457
Thirty-second beer spots.
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- Is it?
- Is it?
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00:05:43,042 --> 00:05:44,500
And then...
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one day...
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my number...
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was finally called.
121
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[whispering]
The French fries have gone cold.
122
00:06:01,875 --> 00:06:04,874
Fisher? John Fisher?
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00:06:04,875 --> 00:06:09,457
FISHER: I'd scored an audition for a part
in Jackson Pepper's "Simple Beast."
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00:06:09,458 --> 00:06:11,041
Sure, it was just one line,
125
00:06:11,042 --> 00:06:14,207
but I'd be sharing the screen
with Dustin Hoffman.
126
00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:16,832
Hey, hey, Mr. Pepper...
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this is just such an honor.
128
00:06:18,750 --> 00:06:22,167
I... this is, like,
all that and a bag of chips.
129
00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,125
Okay.
130
00:06:26,833 --> 00:06:28,500
Don't need these.
131
00:06:30,875 --> 00:06:32,791
[sputtering]
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00:06:32,792 --> 00:06:35,457
Yow-yow-yow-yow-yow,
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00:06:35,458 --> 00:06:37,333
MTV Raps.
134
00:06:40,958 --> 00:06:44,042
The French fries have gone cold.
135
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:47,874
[sighing]
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00:06:47,875 --> 00:06:50,624
PEPPER:
If they have gone cold,
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the implication is
they were once hot.
138
00:06:53,958 --> 00:06:57,582
The disappointment of knowing
the temperature of your food has changed
139
00:06:57,583 --> 00:07:03,417
without your knowledge or consent
must land with an emotional impact.
140
00:07:04,917 --> 00:07:06,957
You know nothing about this character.
141
00:07:06,958 --> 00:07:08,292
Next.
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Thank...
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00:07:13,875 --> 00:07:15,041
Thanking...
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00:07:15,042 --> 00:07:16,500
Thank you.
145
00:07:18,167 --> 00:07:23,249
He tore my young, aspiring,
tight thespian ass a new one.
146
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It destroyed me.
147
00:07:25,042 --> 00:07:27,375
But, hey, he was right.
148
00:07:28,708 --> 00:07:29,874
[snarling]
149
00:07:29,875 --> 00:07:34,333
So I did my research.
I went deep.
150
00:07:36,292 --> 00:07:38,917
I went so deep it hurt.
[cackling]
151
00:07:40,833 --> 00:07:44,207
And the next day,
I marched myself right back in there,
152
00:07:44,208 --> 00:07:46,167
and I gave it my all.
153
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[rising dramatic score]
154
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The French fries have gone cold,
155
00:07:55,125 --> 00:07:57,375
you motherfucker.
156
00:08:01,417 --> 00:08:04,417
[slow clapping]
157
00:08:06,375 --> 00:08:08,292
He didn't give me that one-line part.
158
00:08:09,375 --> 00:08:12,791
Instead, he invited me to dinner.
159
00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:15,958
PEPPER: I'd like to invite you
to dinner at my home.
160
00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:20,832
FISHER:
And he offered me a leading role.
161
00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:24,292
John, I'd like to offer you
a leading role.
162
00:08:25,625 --> 00:08:28,166
FISHER: I would play
an FBI agent who goes rogue
163
00:08:28,167 --> 00:08:31,999
and plays by his own specific,
dangerous set of rules.
164
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:36,082
You'll be playing an FBI agent
who goes rogue
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00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:41,582
and plays by his own
specific set of rules.
166
00:08:41,583 --> 00:08:44,916
I asked him...
how can I ever understand...
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00:08:44,917 --> 00:08:48,124
what it's like to be an FBI agent
168
00:08:48,125 --> 00:08:50,457
unless...
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00:08:50,458 --> 00:08:52,749
I actually...
170
00:08:52,750 --> 00:08:55,666
become an FBI agent?
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00:08:55,667 --> 00:08:57,999
He said nothing.
172
00:08:58,000 --> 00:08:59,916
He smiled and nodded.
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00:08:59,917 --> 00:09:01,499
And then he wished me...
174
00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:05,833
Good luck.
175
00:09:12,958 --> 00:09:16,250
Wait, so you became
an actual FBI agent?
176
00:09:17,250 --> 00:09:18,500
Yeah.
177
00:09:19,833 --> 00:09:21,542
A decade ago.
178
00:09:23,292 --> 00:09:25,999
First I had to stop with the Guffey Light,
179
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,582
so I got sober.
180
00:09:28,583 --> 00:09:30,041
Then I got into shape.
181
00:09:30,042 --> 00:09:32,500
Got my associate's degree in criminology.
182
00:09:33,583 --> 00:09:35,832
My wife, Cassandra,
183
00:09:35,833 --> 00:09:38,624
she thought I was nuts.
184
00:09:38,625 --> 00:09:40,125
She divorced me.
185
00:09:41,208 --> 00:09:44,916
But at that point, I was already in
at the academy in Quantico.
186
00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:47,041
I worked hard.
187
00:09:47,042 --> 00:09:49,874
I studied my tight little ass off.
188
00:09:49,875 --> 00:09:53,250
And the next thing you know, bango!
189
00:09:54,250 --> 00:09:56,624
I'm a special agent in the FBI.
190
00:09:56,625 --> 00:10:00,082
The Federal Bureau of Investigation.
191
00:10:00,083 --> 00:10:01,499
Fuck yeah.
192
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:02,791
[chuckling]
193
00:10:02,792 --> 00:10:04,166
Oh, man.
194
00:10:04,167 --> 00:10:06,874
But they stationed me
to Portland, Maine,
195
00:10:06,875 --> 00:10:08,500
a million miles from Hollywood.
196
00:10:09,667 --> 00:10:12,957
Bounced around, working
through the different field offices,
197
00:10:12,958 --> 00:10:15,166
busting criminals...
198
00:10:15,167 --> 00:10:18,999
orchestrating sting operations,
filing RICO charges.
199
00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:21,207
I met a prostitute named Joris.
200
00:10:21,208 --> 00:10:22,541
Like Doris, but with a J.
201
00:10:22,542 --> 00:10:25,082
She taught me how to play bridge.
202
00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:27,457
Ended up in Phoenix.
Thought I'd never leave.
203
00:10:27,458 --> 00:10:29,916
So I had to blackmail
my commanding officer,
204
00:10:29,917 --> 00:10:32,666
and I got reassigned here.
205
00:10:32,667 --> 00:10:35,374
Jackson Pepper's jurisdiction.
206
00:10:35,375 --> 00:10:39,082
- Jesus Christ.
- Ten years.
207
00:10:39,083 --> 00:10:43,083
Ten years waiting my tight little ass off
for Mr. Pepper to call.
208
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:47,832
And now all of that time...
209
00:10:47,833 --> 00:10:50,041
all of that time is wasted!
210
00:10:50,042 --> 00:10:51,707
It's wasted!
211
00:10:51,708 --> 00:10:54,332
Because you
and your little pal in the trunk
212
00:10:54,333 --> 00:10:56,791
had to go and murder him.
213
00:10:56,792 --> 00:10:59,332
And now all I got to show for it
214
00:10:59,333 --> 00:11:01,624
is this stupid FBI badge
215
00:11:01,625 --> 00:11:04,541
and an ulcer the size of Wisconsin.
216
00:11:04,542 --> 00:11:06,625
[growling]
217
00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:10,791
[screaming]
218
00:11:10,792 --> 00:11:13,916
So right now, you're a rogue FBI agent
219
00:11:13,917 --> 00:11:16,249
living by his own set of dangerous rules.
220
00:11:16,250 --> 00:11:20,041
No, no, no...
now I'm just a sad sack of bones
221
00:11:20,042 --> 00:11:22,124
that used to have dreams,
222
00:11:22,125 --> 00:11:24,082
but now his dreams are shattered.
223
00:11:24,083 --> 00:11:26,207
Oh, you know what the worst part is?
224
00:11:26,208 --> 00:11:28,874
I fucking nailed being an FBI agent.
225
00:11:28,875 --> 00:11:30,166
You were so good!
226
00:11:30,167 --> 00:11:32,499
I had this whole backstory, this subtext.
227
00:11:32,500 --> 00:11:34,416
This obsession with fairness.
228
00:11:34,417 --> 00:11:36,207
Okay, and if you want fairness,
then you must know
229
00:11:36,208 --> 00:11:37,999
that Kevin did not kill him.
230
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,332
- It was the Venetian F...
- Oh, fuck...
231
00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:42,707
- F-F-F? F-F-F?
- PEARL: Venetian Voolay.
232
00:11:42,708 --> 00:11:44,874
- It was the Fauchard!
- The Venetian Fauchard!
233
00:11:44,875 --> 00:11:47,291
[laughing]
Fauchard! Fauchard!
234
00:11:47,292 --> 00:11:49,624
Ehh! Wrong.
If Kevin was innocent,
235
00:11:49,625 --> 00:11:52,457
there's no way he would have
run away from the crime scene
236
00:11:52,458 --> 00:11:55,166
and then returned to it
and tossed all the evidence
237
00:11:55,167 --> 00:11:56,957
out the window like a child.
238
00:11:56,958 --> 00:11:59,374
Have you ever seen a child
throw evidence out a window?
239
00:11:59,375 --> 00:12:00,999
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
240
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:04,250
Shut up! Shut up!
Shut the fuck up!
241
00:12:07,292 --> 00:12:10,499
- Oh... oh.
- [snoring]
242
00:12:10,500 --> 00:12:12,207
A sleepy little guy.
243
00:12:12,208 --> 00:12:14,249
Little sleepy liar.
244
00:12:14,250 --> 00:12:16,374
What? You think I'm an idiot?
245
00:12:16,375 --> 00:12:18,083
Aah!
246
00:12:21,125 --> 00:12:22,375
Wait a minute.
247
00:12:23,833 --> 00:12:25,541
The fuck you doin'... no!
248
00:12:25,542 --> 00:12:26,957
[screaming]
249
00:12:26,958 --> 00:12:29,042
[high-pitched whine]
250
00:12:34,667 --> 00:12:37,457
[muffled screams]
251
00:12:37,458 --> 00:12:40,292
This is gonna be fun.
252
00:12:42,250 --> 00:12:45,457
{\an8}["The Nightmare Begins"
by Streets plays]
253
00:12:45,458 --> 00:12:47,124
{\an8}? The same scene ?
254
00:12:47,125 --> 00:12:49,791
{\an8}? Where I lose her again and again ?
255
00:12:49,792 --> 00:12:53,000
{\an8}? Yeah, it's always the same ?
256
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