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1
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OLD MAN: I reckon
I've walked this dirt my entire life.
2
00:00:09,042 --> 00:00:11,125
[rooster crowing]
3
00:00:12,583 --> 00:00:15,417
Man sure sees a lot
when he walks the dirt.
4
00:00:17,125 --> 00:00:19,666
Peaches. Apples.
5
00:00:19,667 --> 00:00:21,291
Cotton.
6
00:00:21,292 --> 00:00:23,957
Pecans. Onions.
7
00:00:23,958 --> 00:00:27,541
Once saw a chicken that had three feet.
8
00:00:27,542 --> 00:00:30,000
Even got its photo in the Daily Gazette.
9
00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:33,332
People called that chicken a miracle.
10
00:00:33,333 --> 00:00:38,041
[stirring music]
11
00:00:38,042 --> 00:00:40,416
I don't know about that.
12
00:00:40,417 --> 00:00:42,957
But in my life, I am certain
13
00:00:42,958 --> 00:00:46,916
that I've only witnessed one miracle.
14
00:00:46,917 --> 00:00:49,999
My name is George Washington Carver,
15
00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:52,708
and this is the story of my miracle.
16
00:00:58,167 --> 00:01:00,999
[laughter]
17
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:03,249
VOICE: Oh, my God!
18
00:01:03,250 --> 00:01:04,999
[laughter]
19
00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:09,082
KEVIN [ONSCREEN]:
This is the story of a man...
20
00:01:09,083 --> 00:01:10,749
Kev, relax, it's going great, man.
21
00:01:10,750 --> 00:01:12,666
Man...
22
00:01:12,667 --> 00:01:14,082
VOICE: What is this shit?!
23
00:01:14,083 --> 00:01:15,541
KEVIN: You understand
what's happening right now?
24
00:01:15,542 --> 00:01:17,332
This is the most important movie
in my career,
25
00:01:17,333 --> 00:01:18,916
and it's about to be
in over 4,000 theaters,
26
00:01:18,917 --> 00:01:21,166
and they're laughing at me.
27
00:01:21,167 --> 00:01:23,207
I mean,
that opening is kind of funny.
28
00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:25,249
What the fuck did you just say?
29
00:01:25,250 --> 00:01:26,957
- No, not--
- What just-- What the fuck do you mean?
30
00:01:26,958 --> 00:01:28,499
Not... not "funny" funny.
31
00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:29,957
Funny as in uncanny.
32
00:01:29,958 --> 00:01:32,624
Your portrayal is uncanny, and, uh...
33
00:01:32,625 --> 00:01:34,624
truthfully, I'm allergic
to peanuts, anyway,
34
00:01:34,625 --> 00:01:35,874
so I'm not even qualified
to comment on the film.
35
00:01:35,875 --> 00:01:37,416
I'm trying my best
to be a grounded,
36
00:01:37,417 --> 00:01:38,666
down-to-earth guy.
37
00:01:38,667 --> 00:01:40,832
Y'all gotta clean that up.
Here's my thing.
38
00:01:40,833 --> 00:01:42,541
- I feel like I got it coming.
- Sorry.
39
00:01:42,542 --> 00:01:44,499
- They're gonna ruin me.
- I know you've turned this corner
40
00:01:44,500 --> 00:01:46,666
in your career and you want
to focus on more dramatic roles, but--
41
00:01:46,667 --> 00:01:48,166
- Kenny, I swear to God.
- [phone vibrating]
42
00:01:48,167 --> 00:01:49,666
If this is one of your "stay in your lane"
43
00:01:49,667 --> 00:01:51,291
motivational speeches,
I'm gonna punch you.
44
00:01:51,292 --> 00:01:53,374
- Kevin, look--
- I'm gonna fucking punch you!
45
00:01:53,375 --> 00:01:55,583
- Calm down, all right?
- Yeah.
46
00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:59,332
You said you wanted to be
the world's biggest standup.
47
00:01:59,333 --> 00:02:00,957
You did it.
48
00:02:00,958 --> 00:02:02,957
You wanted to be
the world's biggest action star.
49
00:02:02,958 --> 00:02:05,499
Guess what, Kevin?
You did it.
50
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:07,874
You've climbed the mountain.
Man, hell, you are the mountain.
51
00:02:07,875 --> 00:02:09,666
Yeah, but I want critical success.
52
00:02:09,667 --> 00:02:11,666
You ain't never cared
what the critics have said before.
53
00:02:11,667 --> 00:02:13,416
Well, this time it's different.
54
00:02:13,417 --> 00:02:15,166
I don't care about the box office, man.
55
00:02:15,167 --> 00:02:16,874
I just want people
to take me more seriously.
56
00:02:16,875 --> 00:02:19,082
KENNY: Look, you are Kevin Hart.
57
00:02:19,083 --> 00:02:22,749
You're not Daniel Day-Lewis
or Cate Blanchett.
58
00:02:22,750 --> 00:02:25,457
Damn sure ain't Jillian Jones.
59
00:02:25,458 --> 00:02:27,208
Why can't I be one of them?
60
00:02:29,833 --> 00:02:31,624
I... I don't want to answer that
61
00:02:31,625 --> 00:02:33,957
because I don't want you to fire me.
62
00:02:33,958 --> 00:02:35,874
[phone vibrating]
63
00:02:35,875 --> 00:02:37,832
Ah, shit, I gotta take this.
64
00:02:37,833 --> 00:02:39,708
Sorry, man. Yeah?
65
00:02:41,250 --> 00:02:43,666
Yo, DJ! What up, my dude?
66
00:02:43,667 --> 00:02:46,167
Man, I ain't doin' nothin', man,
just leavin' this movie...
67
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,707
Ahh, it was aight, man,
it was funny as hell.
68
00:02:49,708 --> 00:02:53,291
Fire third course table nine!
First course table sixteen!
69
00:02:53,292 --> 00:02:55,374
Second course table twenty,
70
00:02:55,375 --> 00:02:58,166
and I want parmesan tuile
intact this time!
71
00:02:58,167 --> 00:02:59,832
Yes, chef!
72
00:02:59,833 --> 00:03:01,582
[sighing]
73
00:03:01,583 --> 00:03:04,041
You know, I hear ya, Kev.
It's hard to get people
74
00:03:04,042 --> 00:03:07,124
to change their perception
of who they think you are.
75
00:03:07,125 --> 00:03:09,166
I'm sorry. Maybe we should
step outside for a minute,
76
00:03:09,167 --> 00:03:10,957
- take five or something?
- Eh, I can't.
77
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,916
I'm researching a role for my next film.
78
00:03:12,917 --> 00:03:16,041
Line cooks don't get to take five
when shit hits the fan.
79
00:03:16,042 --> 00:03:17,874
CHEF: Eighty-six the langoustine!
80
00:03:17,875 --> 00:03:19,333
Yes, chef!
81
00:03:20,708 --> 00:03:23,291
Okay, but I'll go for it.
82
00:03:23,292 --> 00:03:25,874
Um, okay, so look.
You're Jillian Jones.
83
00:03:25,875 --> 00:03:28,207
- Right.
- You've already got gold hardware
84
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:29,999
- on your mantel.
- Mm, thank you.
85
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,624
I still got to prove myself.
I'm on my third dramatic role,
86
00:03:32,625 --> 00:03:35,416
and I gotta be honest,
each role has bombed
87
00:03:35,417 --> 00:03:36,749
significantly worse
than the one before.
88
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:38,166
I know.
89
00:03:38,167 --> 00:03:39,624
Well, it's getting humiliating.
90
00:03:39,625 --> 00:03:41,291
[sighing] Well...
91
00:03:41,292 --> 00:03:43,707
- corner!
- I mean...
92
00:03:43,708 --> 00:03:45,916
- all right, we're walking now.
- Careful, hot veg!
93
00:03:45,917 --> 00:03:48,999
Okay, I think right now
it's probably more about me just...
94
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:52,624
I want my career and my roles
to provide a deeper meaning.
95
00:03:52,625 --> 00:03:54,207
Right now, I don't feel
like that's happening,
96
00:03:54,208 --> 00:03:55,791
because everybody wants me
to be the funny guy.
97
00:03:55,792 --> 00:03:57,624
Or they want me to be the action guy.
98
00:03:57,625 --> 00:03:58,957
And I feel like I'm being pigeonholed.
99
00:03:58,958 --> 00:04:00,291
Mm. Tell me about it.
100
00:04:00,292 --> 00:04:03,207
For years,
I've wanted to get into directing.
101
00:04:03,208 --> 00:04:05,249
But you're not a director.
102
00:04:05,250 --> 00:04:07,041
You're an amazing actor,
but you're not a director--
103
00:04:07,042 --> 00:04:08,416
- oh, my God.
- Mm-hmm.
104
00:04:08,417 --> 00:04:10,374
That's how it feels, right there.
105
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:12,582
Damn it, Kevin.
106
00:04:12,583 --> 00:04:15,875
I have been wanting
to get into directing my whole life.
107
00:04:16,875 --> 00:04:19,332
But you and everybody else
108
00:04:19,333 --> 00:04:22,166
just sees me as this incredible,
109
00:04:22,167 --> 00:04:25,041
award-winning,
shape-shifting actress
110
00:04:25,042 --> 00:04:29,167
that's played everybody
from Coco Chanel to Winston Churchill.
111
00:04:30,500 --> 00:04:31,708
You played Churchill?
112
00:04:32,917 --> 00:04:34,583
Have I played Churchill?
113
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:39,083
[deep voice, British accent]
The price of greatness is responsibility.
114
00:04:42,125 --> 00:04:44,542
- It's like he's here.
- He was.
115
00:04:45,917 --> 00:04:47,749
[gulp]
And now he's gone.
116
00:04:47,750 --> 00:04:49,666
- Wow!
- Yeah.
117
00:04:49,667 --> 00:04:51,582
Pretty amazing, right?
118
00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:53,457
Not to me.
119
00:04:53,458 --> 00:04:55,541
Oh, um...
120
00:04:55,542 --> 00:04:58,291
Every director just uses me like a puppet.
121
00:04:58,292 --> 00:05:01,000
- Oh my God.
- It is exhausting.
122
00:05:02,958 --> 00:05:05,249
I would give anything to feel
that level of exhaustion.
123
00:05:05,250 --> 00:05:06,999
Anything.
124
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:10,374
Trust me, Kevin,
you do not want to be
125
00:05:10,375 --> 00:05:11,749
- a dramatic actor.
- No...
126
00:05:11,750 --> 00:05:13,499
- Behind!
- Yes, chef!
127
00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:15,874
Behind. Listen,
I'm not getting any younger.
128
00:05:15,875 --> 00:05:18,832
Right now, I'm thinking more
about my life, my career.
129
00:05:18,833 --> 00:05:20,582
How will Kevin Hart be remembered?
130
00:05:20,583 --> 00:05:23,582
Gran Coramino tequila.
Tequila.
131
00:05:23,583 --> 00:05:25,666
Don't do that please.
I don't like that.
132
00:05:25,667 --> 00:05:27,291
- Please.
- Okay.
133
00:05:27,292 --> 00:05:29,457
I want them to think
that I'm a great actor.
134
00:05:29,458 --> 00:05:32,749
[soft chuckle, sigh]
135
00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:35,333
JILLIAN: So, you want approval
from other people?
136
00:05:36,458 --> 00:05:37,916
I want approval from myself.
137
00:05:37,917 --> 00:05:39,332
[laughing]
138
00:05:39,333 --> 00:05:41,291
It's kind of pathetic, huh?
139
00:05:41,292 --> 00:05:43,624
Yes, it is.
140
00:05:43,625 --> 00:05:46,207
- Aww... shit!
- What the fuck?!
141
00:05:46,208 --> 00:05:48,166
Ahh, it's a gusher.
Oh my God, Jillian!
142
00:05:48,167 --> 00:05:50,624
Your... fucking finger!
143
00:05:50,625 --> 00:05:52,541
You lost your fucking finger.
144
00:05:52,542 --> 00:05:53,916
I feel like we should
call somebody maybe.
145
00:05:53,917 --> 00:05:55,499
- You want help?
- Don't draw too much attention.
146
00:05:55,500 --> 00:05:59,792
- You're bleeding.
- Am I? Am I bleeding?
147
00:06:01,375 --> 00:06:03,082
This will do in a pinch.
148
00:06:03,083 --> 00:06:06,166
[groaning]
149
00:06:06,167 --> 00:06:07,374
I don't feel like that's good.
150
00:06:07,375 --> 00:06:09,874
I'm a line cook.
You can't just call your mommy
151
00:06:09,875 --> 00:06:11,374
to take you to urgent care.
152
00:06:11,375 --> 00:06:13,999
You gotta just... use what you got.
153
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:15,750
Oh, Kevin.
154
00:06:17,083 --> 00:06:18,792
There is a director.
155
00:06:20,542 --> 00:06:23,041
Jackson Pepper.
156
00:06:23,042 --> 00:06:24,957
He's got the Midas touch.
157
00:06:24,958 --> 00:06:28,457
Everyone he works with goes home
with a little golden statue.
158
00:06:28,458 --> 00:06:30,292
Okay, look,
I'm gonna be honest with you.
159
00:06:31,292 --> 00:06:32,874
That's why I came here today.
160
00:06:32,875 --> 00:06:34,707
Jillian, please help me.
161
00:06:34,708 --> 00:06:36,625
I would kill...
162
00:06:39,208 --> 00:06:41,167
to be in a Jackson Pepper movie.
163
00:06:44,375 --> 00:06:46,499
I'm gonna tell you something, Kevin.
164
00:06:46,500 --> 00:06:48,666
I...
165
00:06:48,667 --> 00:06:51,249
became a Best Actress winner
166
00:06:51,250 --> 00:06:53,417
in a Jackson Pepper film.
167
00:06:55,125 --> 00:06:56,958
And it nearly killed me.
168
00:06:58,250 --> 00:07:00,041
And I'm not talking
about down here,
169
00:07:00,042 --> 00:07:01,833
I'm talking about up here.
170
00:07:05,375 --> 00:07:10,582
He demands total commitment.
171
00:07:10,583 --> 00:07:12,832
The likes of which I don't think
172
00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:16,832
you can possibly comprehend.
173
00:07:16,833 --> 00:07:19,249
Jillian... I... look,
174
00:07:19,250 --> 00:07:21,666
I will plumb the depths of my soul,
175
00:07:21,667 --> 00:07:24,375
and I will feed it to him myself.
176
00:07:25,750 --> 00:07:27,417
That's how bad I want this.
177
00:07:30,375 --> 00:07:31,875
Okay, Kevin.
178
00:07:33,333 --> 00:07:34,749
I'll call him.
179
00:07:34,750 --> 00:07:36,833
[dramatic music]
180
00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:41,249
[opera playing distantly]
181
00:07:41,250 --> 00:07:43,292
That's a big ass spear.
182
00:07:45,250 --> 00:07:48,041
- It's not a spear.
- What the fuck is goin'-- hey!
183
00:07:48,042 --> 00:07:50,291
It's a Venetian Fauchard
184
00:07:50,292 --> 00:07:52,542
from the set of "Roman Inferno."
185
00:07:53,542 --> 00:07:55,499
Yeah, well, it's a nice...
186
00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:56,917
it's a real nice, umm...
187
00:07:58,750 --> 00:08:00,958
- Venetian Fauchard.
- Mm-hmm.
188
00:08:01,958 --> 00:08:03,624
How about that movie?
189
00:08:03,625 --> 00:08:05,291
It's an all-timer.
190
00:08:05,292 --> 00:08:09,832
Really is.
Gene Hackman is transcendent.
191
00:08:09,833 --> 00:08:13,541
Gene wore this very armor,
192
00:08:13,542 --> 00:08:15,499
wielded this very Fauchard,
193
00:08:15,500 --> 00:08:18,874
in the killing sequence
atop the Spanish Steps.
194
00:08:18,875 --> 00:08:22,708
Powerful.
So powerful.
195
00:08:24,792 --> 00:08:26,208
[clears throat]
196
00:08:27,792 --> 00:08:29,666
"I have stared into the eyes...
197
00:08:29,667 --> 00:08:33,957
of a man taking his last breath.
198
00:08:33,958 --> 00:08:36,999
- I take no solace here."
- [distant sounds of battle]
199
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:38,957
"For it is not my right to take his life,
200
00:08:38,958 --> 00:08:43,916
but it is a necessity
to defend my own."
201
00:08:43,917 --> 00:08:47,417
- [battle-cries]
- [horse neighs]
202
00:08:49,542 --> 00:08:51,749
- This is the scythe...
- Mm-hmm?
203
00:08:51,750 --> 00:08:54,291
...Robert Redford gave to Meryl Streep
204
00:08:54,292 --> 00:08:57,332
to mow the hay field
in "The Pony Rides West."
205
00:08:57,333 --> 00:08:59,082
[gasping]
206
00:08:59,083 --> 00:09:01,332
Go ahead.
Touch it.
207
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:03,457
I... I gotta touch that.
208
00:09:03,458 --> 00:09:04,541
Mm-hmm.
209
00:09:04,542 --> 00:09:06,499
Whoa, look at the grip.
210
00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:07,957
Careful.
211
00:09:07,958 --> 00:09:09,999
It's sharp.
That's real sharp.
212
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,707
- You can kill somebody with this.
- Mm-hmm.
213
00:09:11,708 --> 00:09:12,916
Mm-hmm.
214
00:09:12,917 --> 00:09:14,916
Head off.
[chuckling]
215
00:09:14,917 --> 00:09:16,666
Touch whatever you want, by the way.
216
00:09:16,667 --> 00:09:18,666
Wow.
217
00:09:18,667 --> 00:09:21,582
Yes, Dustin Hoffman used that
218
00:09:21,583 --> 00:09:23,082
in "Simple Beast."
219
00:09:23,083 --> 00:09:25,291
Sixty-two takes in the hospital scene
220
00:09:25,292 --> 00:09:27,957
using this very rag
221
00:09:27,958 --> 00:09:30,124
to clean his leaking rectum.
222
00:09:30,125 --> 00:09:31,625
Mm.
223
00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:35,083
Mm-hmm.
224
00:09:36,583 --> 00:09:38,416
That's gross.
225
00:09:38,417 --> 00:09:40,666
[chuckling]
226
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:44,874
You find an actor
fully committing to his character
227
00:09:44,875 --> 00:09:47,000
to be gross, Kevin?
228
00:09:48,958 --> 00:09:51,957
No, what you're saying...
what you just said,
229
00:09:51,958 --> 00:09:53,332
that's beautiful.
230
00:09:53,333 --> 00:09:55,916
That's-- like that--
in fact, now?
231
00:09:55,917 --> 00:09:57,250
I'mma touch it some more.
232
00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:01,124
Yeah, all right, I'm in there.
233
00:10:01,125 --> 00:10:03,167
I mean, this is...
234
00:10:04,250 --> 00:10:06,000
...a little bit of Hoffman ass.
235
00:10:07,167 --> 00:10:09,250
- I like it.
- I'm hungry, let's eat.
236
00:10:10,458 --> 00:10:11,458
[gagging]
237
00:10:12,542 --> 00:10:15,541
I hope you don't mind
the microwaveable meal.
238
00:10:15,542 --> 00:10:18,457
I sent the staff home early.
239
00:10:18,458 --> 00:10:21,958
Um... it's okay.
It's nice and hot.
240
00:10:22,958 --> 00:10:26,582
Frozen lasagna must
be overcooked
241
00:10:26,583 --> 00:10:29,083
in order to melt
the cheese thoroughly.
242
00:10:30,583 --> 00:10:32,541
Unfortunately...
243
00:10:32,542 --> 00:10:35,875
that does render
the lasagna a bit too hot.
244
00:10:36,917 --> 00:10:38,541
I suggest we wait a moment.
245
00:10:38,542 --> 00:10:41,417
Thank you, that's...
that's great advice.
246
00:10:45,750 --> 00:10:47,958
So... Mr. Pepper...
247
00:10:50,708 --> 00:10:52,749
would you like to discuss
why I'm here?
248
00:10:52,750 --> 00:10:55,457
For the same reason
every actor comes to visit me.
249
00:10:55,458 --> 00:10:57,917
You want a shelf full of golden hardware.
250
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:00,624
Oh, yeah-- I mean no.
251
00:11:00,625 --> 00:11:03,291
No, and I'm quite sure people come
to visit you to spend time with you.
252
00:11:03,292 --> 00:11:05,707
Right? And eat some
of this amazing lasagna
253
00:11:05,708 --> 00:11:07,457
that you're making me wait for.
254
00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:08,791
[chuckling]
255
00:11:08,792 --> 00:11:11,207
PEPPER:
I saw your film, "The Peanut Man."
256
00:11:11,208 --> 00:11:15,249
- Well, it's actually called...
- It made me grateful...
257
00:11:15,250 --> 00:11:17,541
watching it...
258
00:11:17,542 --> 00:11:19,957
grateful that
George Washington Carver
259
00:11:19,958 --> 00:11:24,749
was not alive to see
his brilliant legacy defecated upon
260
00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:27,792
by such a shallow,
phony performance.
261
00:11:28,958 --> 00:11:30,374
[gulp]
262
00:11:30,375 --> 00:11:34,499
Acting is not a Wikipedia summary
read from afar.
263
00:11:34,500 --> 00:11:35,875
Do you see that photo?
264
00:11:39,417 --> 00:11:40,957
Paul Newman.
265
00:11:40,958 --> 00:11:43,666
That's... from "The Garbage Man," right?
266
00:11:43,667 --> 00:11:46,999
That was taken the night he won
Best Actor for "The Garbage Man."
267
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,375
You know, I thought
he was really a garbage man.
268
00:11:51,125 --> 00:11:54,916
He spent three years prior to production
269
00:11:54,917 --> 00:11:57,499
not working as an actor
270
00:11:57,500 --> 00:11:59,374
but as an actual garbage man
271
00:11:59,375 --> 00:12:01,207
for the Department of Sanitation
272
00:12:01,208 --> 00:12:03,082
in Toms River, New Jersey.
273
00:12:03,083 --> 00:12:04,583
Jesus.
274
00:12:06,083 --> 00:12:07,458
Cry.
275
00:12:10,917 --> 00:12:12,582
Excuse me?
276
00:12:12,583 --> 00:12:16,499
You heard me, cry.
Right now.
277
00:12:16,500 --> 00:12:20,291
Like, what kind of cry?
Like a... like a Denzel cry?
278
00:12:20,292 --> 00:12:22,582
you want, like,
a Whoopi Goldberg cry?
279
00:12:22,583 --> 00:12:24,167
And action.
280
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,500
[clang]
281
00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:30,917
[straining]
282
00:12:33,250 --> 00:12:35,250
[straining]
283
00:12:43,292 --> 00:12:44,958
[groaning]
284
00:12:46,292 --> 00:12:48,000
No, stop, stop.
285
00:12:49,208 --> 00:12:50,499
[sighing]
286
00:12:50,500 --> 00:12:52,707
Kevin, if you want
to attend an awards show,
287
00:12:52,708 --> 00:12:56,166
I suggest you apply
for a job as an usher.
288
00:12:56,167 --> 00:12:59,666
Okay look.
I... I get it, all right?
289
00:12:59,667 --> 00:13:02,291
People come here,
they supposed to fear you.
290
00:13:02,292 --> 00:13:04,291
I'm... I'm supposed
to bow down to you
291
00:13:04,292 --> 00:13:05,707
or some shit like that.
292
00:13:05,708 --> 00:13:08,582
I understand.
I'm an actor.
293
00:13:08,583 --> 00:13:11,375
I am a serious actor.
294
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:15,041
And I'm looking for a serious role.
295
00:13:15,042 --> 00:13:17,541
Okay? I'm willing to do anything.
296
00:13:17,542 --> 00:13:20,041
If I've got to gain 50 pounds.
297
00:13:20,042 --> 00:13:22,082
If I've got to learn
how to play the cello.
298
00:13:22,083 --> 00:13:25,832
I just need someone
to give me a chance...
299
00:13:25,833 --> 00:13:28,042
to show I can be dramatic.
300
00:13:31,458 --> 00:13:33,042
Wow.
301
00:13:34,083 --> 00:13:37,125
That's the most interesting thing
you've said all night.
302
00:13:39,208 --> 00:13:43,000
I believe the lasagna has reached
the ideal temperature.
303
00:13:44,667 --> 00:13:47,207
Kevin, my next role...
304
00:13:47,208 --> 00:13:49,207
is not for the faint of heart.
305
00:13:49,208 --> 00:13:52,917
It's a fugitive running
from a murder scene.
306
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:58,874
That's what the fuck I'm talking about.
307
00:13:58,875 --> 00:14:02,166
Like, I can... I can sink my teeth
into something like that.
308
00:14:02,167 --> 00:14:04,207
Perhaps you could.
309
00:14:04,208 --> 00:14:06,791
With the right life experience, of course.
310
00:14:06,792 --> 00:14:09,416
Oh, I got... I got life experience.
311
00:14:09,417 --> 00:14:11,166
I did time.
312
00:14:11,167 --> 00:14:14,707
Like a mistaken identity situation, right?
313
00:14:14,708 --> 00:14:16,582
Basically they said it was me,
but it wasn't me.
314
00:14:16,583 --> 00:14:17,874
I still had to go though.
315
00:14:17,875 --> 00:14:19,624
I met some bad guys in there though.
316
00:14:19,625 --> 00:14:21,291
Real bad guys.
317
00:14:21,292 --> 00:14:23,666
I'm quite sure if I talk to them,
I could get some details
318
00:14:23,667 --> 00:14:25,166
on some murder stories.
319
00:14:25,167 --> 00:14:27,124
Get them to kind of explain it, you know.
320
00:14:27,125 --> 00:14:29,207
[chuckling]
321
00:14:29,208 --> 00:14:32,667
How committed are you
to this role, Kevin?
322
00:14:33,750 --> 00:14:37,042
Are you a little committed?
323
00:14:39,542 --> 00:14:40,875
Or a lot?
324
00:14:42,542 --> 00:14:44,499
Or all the fucking way?
325
00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:47,291
What? I'm your guy.
326
00:14:47,292 --> 00:14:50,749
Okay?
I promise, man, I'm locked in.
327
00:14:50,750 --> 00:14:52,249
[chuckling]
328
00:14:52,250 --> 00:14:53,916
Good.
329
00:14:53,917 --> 00:14:55,542
Kill me.
330
00:14:58,000 --> 00:14:58,999
Excuse me?
331
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:02,667
There's no shortage of weapons
here in my trophy room.
332
00:15:04,625 --> 00:15:07,000
Choose one and kill me.
333
00:15:08,417 --> 00:15:10,916
The scythe is a nice option.
334
00:15:10,917 --> 00:15:14,042
You could slice open my gut.
335
00:15:15,208 --> 00:15:17,583
[anxious chuckling]
336
00:15:19,583 --> 00:15:21,249
Why would I do that?
337
00:15:21,250 --> 00:15:23,791
You wouldn't be able
to digest your lasagna.
338
00:15:23,792 --> 00:15:25,749
Come on, man, let's eat.
Before it gets cold.
339
00:15:25,750 --> 00:15:28,207
You said it's at temperature.
You said that.
340
00:15:28,208 --> 00:15:30,292
Making jokes, of course.
341
00:15:31,292 --> 00:15:33,332
How could someone like you
ever understand
342
00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:36,167
the role of a fugitive murderer?
343
00:15:37,250 --> 00:15:38,832
Wha...
344
00:15:38,833 --> 00:15:40,332
[groaning]
345
00:15:40,333 --> 00:15:42,707
...look, what do you mean,
"How can I understand?"
346
00:15:42,708 --> 00:15:44,957
'Cause I'mma lock in, I'mma study.
347
00:15:44,958 --> 00:15:49,167
Oh, like you studied
George Washington Carver?
348
00:15:50,625 --> 00:15:51,957
I'll study a little harder.
349
00:15:51,958 --> 00:15:54,124
I'll go and watch, like, you know,
350
00:15:54,125 --> 00:15:56,957
a bunch of documentaries
on murder and stuff.
351
00:15:56,958 --> 00:15:58,957
Oh.
352
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,417
You don't understand, Kevin.
353
00:16:01,583 --> 00:16:04,000
Your research has already begun.
354
00:16:05,167 --> 00:16:09,207
Your prints are all over my house...
355
00:16:09,208 --> 00:16:12,708
including most of the weapons
in this room.
356
00:16:13,958 --> 00:16:15,707
I've called in an anonymous tip,
357
00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:18,458
and the authorities will be arriving soon.
358
00:16:20,375 --> 00:16:21,916
Arriving for what?
359
00:16:21,917 --> 00:16:23,332
I haven't done anything.
360
00:16:23,333 --> 00:16:25,124
[soft chuckle]
361
00:16:25,125 --> 00:16:27,082
Kevin.
362
00:16:27,083 --> 00:16:29,166
Oh, poor, sweet Kevin.
363
00:16:29,167 --> 00:16:30,332
What're you doin'?
364
00:16:30,333 --> 00:16:32,124
You've done the unimaginable.
365
00:16:32,125 --> 00:16:34,708
What... oh!
366
00:16:36,083 --> 00:16:38,041
Help! Help!
367
00:16:38,042 --> 00:16:39,416
- Hey, man, get the fuck--
- Help!
368
00:16:39,417 --> 00:16:41,249
Oh, shit!
369
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:43,999
Hey, stop, man!
What the fuck you doing?!
370
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:45,374
Hey! Stop, man!
371
00:16:45,375 --> 00:16:48,416
- Kevin Hart is attacking me! Help!
- Ain't nobody attacking you!
372
00:16:48,417 --> 00:16:50,541
- Kevin, why are you doing this?!
- Why you gotta be so specific?!
373
00:16:50,542 --> 00:16:52,707
- What you doing?!
- Kevin, no!
374
00:16:52,708 --> 00:16:54,541
- No!
- He's trying to kill me
375
00:16:54,542 --> 00:16:56,291
because I wouldn't give him a part!
376
00:16:56,292 --> 00:16:58,541
Oh, shit!
377
00:16:58,542 --> 00:17:00,666
- Stop, man!
- Help!
378
00:17:00,667 --> 00:17:02,332
Get the fuck off of me!
379
00:17:02,333 --> 00:17:04,000
[wet thud]
380
00:17:09,042 --> 00:17:11,792
Oh, my fucking God.
381
00:17:13,583 --> 00:17:17,667
[sighing]
382
00:17:26,042 --> 00:17:28,625
Shit! Fuck!
383
00:17:32,750 --> 00:17:36,457
{\an8}["No Regrets"
by Little Willie John playing]
384
00:17:36,458 --> 00:17:39,166
{\an8}? No regrets, no regrets ?
385
00:17:39,167 --> 00:17:43,332
{\an8}- ? I'm living the life of a king ?
- ? I've no regrets ?
386
00:17:43,333 --> 00:17:46,167
{\an8}? I've been a lot of places, oh yeah... ?
387
00:17:46,217 --> 00:17:50,767
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