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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,904 --> 00:00:04,772 (FESTIVE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) 2 00:00:49,751 --> 00:00:50,952 (MUSIC ENDS JARRINGLY) 3 00:00:51,019 --> 00:00:53,186 BETH: (READING) "The Herdmans were absolutely the worst kids 4 00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:55,389 "in the history of the world." 5 00:00:55,455 --> 00:00:57,792 (TWINKLE (LITTLE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS) PLAYING) 6 00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,327 They lied. 7 00:01:05,165 --> 00:01:06,501 They stole. 8 00:01:09,637 --> 00:01:10,638 MAN: Come back here! 9 00:01:16,109 --> 00:01:18,478 BETH: They smoked cigars. 10 00:01:22,617 --> 00:01:24,151 Even the girls. 11 00:01:24,217 --> 00:01:25,385 (EXHALES) 12 00:01:25,452 --> 00:01:27,387 They hit little kids. Even if the little kids 13 00:01:27,454 --> 00:01:29,289 -were bigger than them. -(GROWLS) 14 00:01:29,958 --> 00:01:31,358 Hey! 15 00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:33,528 (GROANING) 16 00:01:33,595 --> 00:01:35,730 (ALL GRUNTING) 17 00:01:37,230 --> 00:01:39,466 BETH: They took the Lord's name in vain. 18 00:01:39,534 --> 00:01:41,703 (INAUDIBLE) 19 00:01:46,206 --> 00:01:47,775 BETH: They cussed teachers. 20 00:01:47,842 --> 00:01:49,309 (INAUDIBLE) 21 00:01:51,846 --> 00:01:53,581 (FIRE CRACKLING) 22 00:01:53,648 --> 00:01:54,816 They even set fire 23 00:01:54,882 --> 00:01:58,285 to Fred Shoemaker's old, broken-down tool shed. 24 00:01:58,352 --> 00:02:00,187 To be fair, the shed was ugly 25 00:02:00,253 --> 00:02:02,857 and was about to fall over anyway. 26 00:02:02,924 --> 00:02:05,093 My father said, "Burning it down 27 00:02:05,158 --> 00:02:07,361 "was the only good thing the Herdmans ever did 28 00:02:07,427 --> 00:02:09,129 "and if they'd known it was a good thing, 29 00:02:09,196 --> 00:02:12,033 "they wouldn't have done it at all." 30 00:02:12,100 --> 00:02:14,569 They were just so all-around awful, 31 00:02:14,636 --> 00:02:17,038 you could hardly believe they were real. 32 00:02:17,105 --> 00:02:19,172 No one knew why they were that way. 33 00:02:19,239 --> 00:02:22,110 It seemed they just came out of the womb mean. 34 00:02:22,175 --> 00:02:23,678 And speaking of that womb, 35 00:02:23,745 --> 00:02:26,413 us kids have never seen their parents. 36 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,883 Some thought they'd given up and run away. 37 00:02:28,950 --> 00:02:30,350 My theory was that they were 38 00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:32,252 the first parents to be kidnapped, 39 00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:35,155 tied up, and robbed by their own kids. 40 00:02:35,657 --> 00:02:36,858 Ralph, 41 00:02:36,924 --> 00:02:38,793 Leroy, 42 00:02:38,860 --> 00:02:40,427 Claude, 43 00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:41,863 Ollie, 44 00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:43,397 Gladys, 45 00:02:43,463 --> 00:02:46,934 and the toughest one of them all, Imogene. 46 00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:48,002 -(BELL RINGING) -All the same, 47 00:02:48,069 --> 00:02:49,236 except for different sizes 48 00:02:49,302 --> 00:02:50,605 and different black-and-blue marks 49 00:02:50,672 --> 00:02:52,840 where they had clonked each other. 50 00:02:52,907 --> 00:02:55,043 Okay, everybody, find your seats. 51 00:02:55,109 --> 00:02:57,310 I hope you're ready for Show and Tell. 52 00:02:57,377 --> 00:03:00,114 My first Shower-and-Teller will be... 53 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,381 OLLIE: Me. 54 00:03:02,917 --> 00:03:05,218 Okay. Ollie Herdman is first. 55 00:03:05,285 --> 00:03:06,988 -I'm... Wait. -(ANIMAL GROWLING) 56 00:03:07,055 --> 00:03:08,523 It's my cat. 57 00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:09,489 Spike. 58 00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:13,293 -(CAT SCREECHING) -(KIDS SCREAMING) 59 00:03:14,294 --> 00:03:16,831 (CLATTERING) 60 00:03:25,073 --> 00:03:27,207 (GASPING) 61 00:03:30,645 --> 00:03:32,547 (KIDS SCREAMING) 62 00:03:33,246 --> 00:03:34,281 CHILD: I can't see. 63 00:03:34,347 --> 00:03:35,550 ADULT BETH: That's me. 64 00:03:36,851 --> 00:03:37,852 Hey! 65 00:03:37,919 --> 00:03:39,419 ADULT BETH: Did I mention they stole? 66 00:03:39,486 --> 00:03:41,689 (MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC PLAYING) 67 00:03:44,826 --> 00:03:46,094 What do you want? 68 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:47,494 This necklace? 69 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,664 Or your neck? 70 00:03:49,731 --> 00:03:50,531 Hm? 71 00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:51,833 ADULT BETH: I chose my neck. 72 00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:54,168 I usually avoided trouble, but apparently 73 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,403 my favorite locket got her attention. 74 00:03:57,572 --> 00:04:00,240 Imogene was their unchallenged leader. 75 00:04:00,307 --> 00:04:03,343 She struck mortal fear into anyone in her path, 76 00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:05,345 including adults. 77 00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:07,481 She especially didn't like Alice. 78 00:04:07,548 --> 00:04:09,282 -IMOGENE: Hey, Cooties. -Ow! 79 00:04:09,349 --> 00:04:10,618 ADULT BETH: Probably because Alice 80 00:04:10,685 --> 00:04:13,121 was the exact opposite of Imogene. 81 00:04:13,187 --> 00:04:14,589 (SNIFFING) 82 00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:15,890 All the way down to her... 83 00:04:15,957 --> 00:04:18,192 Your hands smell like soap again. 84 00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,359 Hiding your cooties? 85 00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:20,494 It was head lice, 86 00:04:20,561 --> 00:04:22,530 and it was one time at summer camp. 87 00:04:22,597 --> 00:04:25,365 ADULT BETH: But Imogene never forgets. 88 00:04:30,505 --> 00:04:32,673 -The Herdmans are just... -I know. 89 00:04:34,909 --> 00:04:37,178 The Herdmans are absolutely the worst kids 90 00:04:37,245 --> 00:04:38,713 in the history of the world. 91 00:04:41,716 --> 00:04:44,384 GRACE: What'd they do now, dear? 92 00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:47,088 ADULT BETH: (SIGHS) My mom gave me that locket. 93 00:04:47,155 --> 00:04:48,355 Nothing. 94 00:04:49,223 --> 00:04:50,892 The usual. 95 00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:52,093 Set something on fire? 96 00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:54,629 Dump soapy water down a school hallway? 97 00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:56,264 Steal your lunch and then punch you 98 00:04:56,329 --> 00:04:58,298 for not havin' any candy? 99 00:04:58,365 --> 00:05:00,333 Something like that. 100 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,435 Do your homework tonight. Big day tomorrow. 101 00:05:02,503 --> 00:05:04,605 -Gettin' the Christmas tree. -Great, Dad. 102 00:05:04,672 --> 00:05:07,975 I'm sure the Herdmans will find some way to ruin it. 103 00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:11,045 That's not very jolly. 104 00:05:12,713 --> 00:05:16,483 God, this is a selfish prayer. 105 00:05:17,417 --> 00:05:19,386 I know I shouldn't pray it, but... 106 00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:22,389 can you send the Herdmans somewhere far away 107 00:05:22,455 --> 00:05:23,456 until I grow up? 108 00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:25,960 (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) 109 00:05:26,027 --> 00:05:27,895 Somewhere without many people. 110 00:05:28,930 --> 00:05:31,732 Maybe an island with no people at all. 111 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,969 And violent, dangerous creatures. 112 00:05:35,937 --> 00:05:37,337 Either do that, 113 00:05:37,404 --> 00:05:39,540 or make me invisible until college. 114 00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:41,809 That would fix it. 115 00:05:43,277 --> 00:05:44,579 Thanks, God. 116 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,448 Sorry for this awful prayer. 117 00:05:48,516 --> 00:05:49,617 ADULT BETH: We figured the Herdmans 118 00:05:49,684 --> 00:05:51,085 were headed straight for hell 119 00:05:51,152 --> 00:05:52,854 by way of the state penitentiary 120 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:55,355 until they got mixed up with my mother, 121 00:05:55,422 --> 00:05:57,558 our church, and our big Christmas pageant. 122 00:05:57,625 --> 00:06:01,095 (A HOLLY JOLLY CHRISTMAS BY THE RIVER CRYERS) 123 00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:07,702 That's my family. 124 00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:10,304 My dad, Bob, full-time accountant, 125 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,372 my mom, Grace, full-time mom, 126 00:06:12,439 --> 00:06:14,275 my brother, Charlie, full-time smart aleck. 127 00:06:14,342 --> 00:06:15,343 (THUDS) 128 00:06:15,408 --> 00:06:16,844 (SIGHS) 129 00:06:17,912 --> 00:06:19,013 Every year. 130 00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:21,682 BOB: (GRUNTING) Okay. Honey. 131 00:06:24,451 --> 00:06:26,821 Little help, please. Sweetheart? 132 00:06:26,888 --> 00:06:28,789 (GRUNTING) 133 00:06:28,856 --> 00:06:31,859 ADULT BETH: Normal family in a normal town. 134 00:06:34,095 --> 00:06:35,462 And this is our town. 135 00:06:36,130 --> 00:06:37,832 It doesn't have much. 136 00:06:37,899 --> 00:06:39,934 The one thing our town was known for 137 00:06:40,001 --> 00:06:42,370 was our church's annual Christmas pageant. 138 00:06:42,435 --> 00:06:44,238 It was a big deal. 139 00:06:44,305 --> 00:06:46,908 Even bigger this year because of the anniversary. 140 00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:50,410 I'll tell you everything you need to know 141 00:06:50,477 --> 00:06:52,280 about the Emmanuel Annual. 142 00:06:52,346 --> 00:06:54,282 (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) 143 00:06:54,348 --> 00:06:55,583 This is the very first one, 144 00:06:55,650 --> 00:06:57,852 the year our church and our town opened. 145 00:06:57,919 --> 00:07:00,521 Legend has it, the pageant used to mean something 146 00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:02,690 and that everyone in town was excited to see it. 147 00:07:02,757 --> 00:07:03,958 They wanted to be reminded 148 00:07:04,025 --> 00:07:06,294 of the beauty of the Christmas story. 149 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:07,494 But I'm not sure the pageant 150 00:07:07,561 --> 00:07:09,063 was all that beautiful anymore. 151 00:07:10,064 --> 00:07:11,399 This is us last year. 152 00:07:11,464 --> 00:07:13,267 That's Alice, you met her earlier, 153 00:07:13,334 --> 00:07:14,835 in her third year playing Mary. 154 00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:17,371 And that's Mrs. Armstrong, 155 00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,640 who's directed the pageant for forever 156 00:07:19,707 --> 00:07:23,244 and makes sure nothing ever changes, ever. 157 00:07:23,311 --> 00:07:26,013 In my opinion, after the 74th same old pageant, 158 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:29,383 it had all the depth and joy of a recycled Christmas card. 159 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:30,785 But keeping it the same 160 00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:33,220 is exactly how the town wanted it. 161 00:07:34,822 --> 00:07:36,456 Because it was the 75th, 162 00:07:36,524 --> 00:07:37,992 there was even more attention than normal. 163 00:07:38,059 --> 00:07:40,127 People from other towns were coming. 164 00:07:40,194 --> 00:07:41,395 Former cast members. 165 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:42,830 It was even in the paper. 166 00:07:42,897 --> 00:07:44,865 And the Ladies Aid was helping with the costumes 167 00:07:44,932 --> 00:07:46,734 to make them nicer than normal. 168 00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:50,771 (GRUNTING) 169 00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:58,379 -BOB: Is that level? -Tilting to the left. 170 00:07:58,446 --> 00:07:59,547 BOB: How about... 171 00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:00,781 -How about now? -That's worse. 172 00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:02,350 ANCHOR: (ON TV) Finally... BOB: What? 173 00:08:02,416 --> 00:08:04,285 ANCHOR: ...in local news, 'tis the season to remind you 174 00:08:04,352 --> 00:08:05,619 of the annual Christmas pageant 175 00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:07,221 in the town of Emmanuel, 176 00:08:07,288 --> 00:08:09,824 which will actually fall on Christmas Day this year. 177 00:08:09,890 --> 00:08:11,759 They're advertising on TV now? 178 00:08:11,826 --> 00:08:13,961 Attendance and giving are down at church. 179 00:08:14,028 --> 00:08:15,596 The town needs visitors. 180 00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:18,032 I think they're desperate. (DEEP SIGH) 181 00:08:18,099 --> 00:08:19,533 BOB: Okay, just tell me when it's right. 182 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:20,768 You don't have to tell me it's wrong. 183 00:08:20,835 --> 00:08:21,936 I'll just assume that it's wrong, 184 00:08:22,003 --> 00:08:24,105 and you tell me if it stops being wrong. 185 00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:25,172 That's level. 186 00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:27,441 GRACE: These are kind of hot. 187 00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:28,709 BOB: Hold on. GRACE: What? 188 00:08:32,013 --> 00:08:33,414 BOB: There. GRACE: Oh! They got... 189 00:08:33,481 --> 00:08:34,648 ADULT BETH: So, it's time 190 00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:36,384 to tell you something about my mom. 191 00:08:36,450 --> 00:08:38,085 It's hard to sum up what she does 192 00:08:38,152 --> 00:08:39,854 in a single sentence. 193 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:41,322 Whether it was doing our annual 194 00:08:41,389 --> 00:08:42,890 Christmas decorating together 195 00:08:42,957 --> 00:08:45,159 or making sure we participated in the Christmas pageant, 196 00:08:45,226 --> 00:08:46,761 even if we didn't want to, 197 00:08:46,827 --> 00:08:48,896 she kept our family on track. 198 00:08:48,963 --> 00:08:51,632 That was her main focus in life, 199 00:08:51,699 --> 00:08:55,436 but that was about to change right now. 200 00:08:55,504 --> 00:08:56,771 (POLICE SIREN CHIRPS) 201 00:08:58,072 --> 00:09:00,207 -(WHISPERS) Careful. -What's going on? 202 00:09:00,274 --> 00:09:01,542 Is that a Herdman fire? 203 00:09:01,609 --> 00:09:03,177 That's the Armstrong house. 204 00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:09,850 ADULT BETH: Oh, no. 205 00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:12,553 Mrs. Wendelken. Alice's mom, 206 00:09:12,620 --> 00:09:14,755 the queen bee of the town supermoms, 207 00:09:14,822 --> 00:09:16,690 -whose single glance... - (CHIMES) 208 00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:17,925 That's the one. 209 00:09:17,992 --> 00:09:19,460 ...could make my mom feel small. 210 00:09:19,528 --> 00:09:20,561 (WHISPERS) Tuck in your shirt. 211 00:09:20,628 --> 00:09:22,129 -It's under my coat. -(SIGHS) Oh. 212 00:09:23,697 --> 00:09:24,899 EMT: You're gonna be okay. 213 00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:28,169 Helen, are you in much pain? 214 00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:29,804 Yes. Terrible. 215 00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:31,472 I'm so sorry. What happened? 216 00:09:31,540 --> 00:09:33,340 I took a spill. Never mind how. 217 00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:34,575 Broke both of her legs. 218 00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:36,210 -(GASPS) -Both of them? 219 00:09:36,277 --> 00:09:37,478 Yes, both. 220 00:09:37,546 --> 00:09:39,480 Call Mr. Armstrong at the factory. 221 00:09:39,548 --> 00:09:41,282 And shut off the stove under my potatoes 222 00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:43,284 or the whole house'll burn down. 223 00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:46,521 Inform the Ladies Aid, I will not be at the meeting. 224 00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:48,557 We need to find a replacement for the bazaar. 225 00:09:48,622 --> 00:09:50,624 -Okay, that's a lot. -And the Potluck Committee. 226 00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:51,859 And the Beautification Committee. 227 00:09:51,926 --> 00:09:54,695 -Of course. -And the Christmas pageant. 228 00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:58,099 I'll need someone who can follow my plan. 229 00:09:58,833 --> 00:10:00,101 -Rebecca? -Yes. 230 00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:02,670 You could do that. Especially because of Alice. 231 00:10:02,736 --> 00:10:04,672 I can't, obviously. 232 00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:06,807 I'm too busy with my job and the other committees. 233 00:10:06,874 --> 00:10:09,643 But don't worry, Helen. We'll find someone. 234 00:10:10,311 --> 00:10:11,412 I suppose I could try. 235 00:10:11,479 --> 00:10:12,813 (BOTH SNICKER) 236 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:14,181 That's okay, Grace. 237 00:10:14,248 --> 00:10:18,520 The pageant is an especially big deal this year. 238 00:10:18,587 --> 00:10:20,287 You can bring the cookies. That's your thing. 239 00:10:20,354 --> 00:10:22,923 I'm sorry, "my thing"? 240 00:10:22,990 --> 00:10:24,825 Bringing the cookies is "my thing"? 241 00:10:24,892 --> 00:10:28,996 Well, your store-bought brand from last year were so tasty. 242 00:10:30,498 --> 00:10:32,099 You'll be great. 243 00:10:32,166 --> 00:10:34,735 -We'll find someone, Helen. -(SIGHS) 244 00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:40,609 ADULT BETH: One other thing about my mom, 245 00:10:40,674 --> 00:10:42,276 she preferred keeping life simple. 246 00:10:42,343 --> 00:10:45,880 But if one of the judgy town moms challenged her, 247 00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:47,948 she'd try anything. 248 00:10:48,015 --> 00:10:48,816 Even... 249 00:10:48,883 --> 00:10:51,318 -Mrs. Armstrong? -You did what? 250 00:10:51,385 --> 00:10:53,320 (NERVOUSLY) Uh... 251 00:10:53,387 --> 00:10:55,756 You volunteered to direct the Christmas pageant? 252 00:10:55,823 --> 00:10:56,891 She needed help. 253 00:10:56,957 --> 00:10:58,826 Mrs. Wendelken was gonna find... 254 00:10:58,893 --> 00:11:00,327 Mrs. Wendelken doesn't have to do everything 255 00:11:00,394 --> 00:11:03,497 and those ladies need to know I am perfectly capable... 256 00:11:03,565 --> 00:11:04,798 You realize that Armstrong woman 257 00:11:04,865 --> 00:11:06,934 is gonna be calling this house ten times a day? 258 00:11:07,001 --> 00:11:09,370 You didn't give her our phone number, did you? 259 00:11:10,838 --> 00:11:12,306 You promised she would never have it. 260 00:11:12,373 --> 00:11:14,375 After Mrs. Wendelken said that I could just bring cookies, 261 00:11:14,441 --> 00:11:15,610 it was all a blur. 262 00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:17,111 Now I guess I have to attend. 263 00:11:17,178 --> 00:11:20,247 And watch Charlie the shepherd wearing my bathrobe again. 264 00:11:20,314 --> 00:11:22,750 Oh, no. Did somebody die? 265 00:11:22,816 --> 00:11:24,251 It's worse than that, son. 266 00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:30,057 Your mom is running the Christmas pageant. 267 00:11:30,124 --> 00:11:31,192 (KIDS CHUCKLING) 268 00:11:31,258 --> 00:11:33,194 I bet you all think this is really funny 269 00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:35,963 but the Christmas pageant is a tradition, 270 00:11:36,030 --> 00:11:38,966 and it's important and I can manage it just fine. 271 00:11:39,033 --> 00:11:41,168 In fact, I told Mrs. Armstrong 272 00:11:41,235 --> 00:11:44,905 it's going to be the best Christmas pageant ever. 273 00:11:44,972 --> 00:11:46,541 -(TELEPHONE RINGING) -Oh! 274 00:11:46,608 --> 00:11:47,775 I wonder who that is. 275 00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:50,211 (PHONE CONTINUES RINGING) 276 00:11:51,646 --> 00:11:53,214 ADULT BETH: This was not good. 277 00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,684 The pageant had to be great this year 278 00:11:55,749 --> 00:11:57,785 and as much as I admired her for stepping up, 279 00:11:57,851 --> 00:11:59,887 Mom had never done anything like this before 280 00:11:59,954 --> 00:12:02,524 and didn't know what or who she was up against. 281 00:12:02,591 --> 00:12:03,924 I couldn't stand to see her fail 282 00:12:03,991 --> 00:12:05,527 in front of the whole town. 283 00:12:05,594 --> 00:12:07,394 -But... -You got this, Mom. 284 00:12:10,632 --> 00:12:13,702 God, please make it a good pageant 285 00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:15,369 so Mom doesn't get blamed. 286 00:12:15,436 --> 00:12:17,606 ADULT BETH: Now, why did I spend so much time 287 00:12:17,672 --> 00:12:19,340 telling you all about the Herdmans 288 00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:22,409 and our town's lather, rinse, repeat Christmas pageant? 289 00:12:22,476 --> 00:12:25,045 What could one possibly have to do with the other? 290 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:28,048 You'll see. 291 00:12:28,115 --> 00:12:30,619 -Good morning. -ALL: Good morning. 292 00:12:30,685 --> 00:12:31,852 REVEREND HOPKINS: As you know, 293 00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:34,288 once a month, we ask the Sunday School 294 00:12:34,355 --> 00:12:36,625 to be in service for the first 15 minutes 295 00:12:36,691 --> 00:12:38,959 and do something special. 296 00:12:39,026 --> 00:12:41,462 Sing a song, act out a parable, 297 00:12:41,529 --> 00:12:43,864 or recite some Bible verses. 298 00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:45,332 Before we bring them up, 299 00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:47,636 I'm sure you heard about 300 00:12:47,702 --> 00:12:50,804 Mrs. Armstrong's unfortunate accident. 301 00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:52,473 -(INHALES DEEPLY) -She is recovering. 302 00:12:52,540 --> 00:12:58,412 But I want to be sure to give special mention to Grace, 303 00:12:58,479 --> 00:13:02,249 for volunteering to direct the Christmas pageant. 304 00:13:02,316 --> 00:13:04,318 (ALL APPLAUDING) 305 00:13:04,385 --> 00:13:05,452 (GIGGLING) 306 00:13:06,521 --> 00:13:08,188 REVEREND HOPKINS: We are all very grateful, 307 00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:09,758 especially with all the attention 308 00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:11,425 the pageant is getting this year. 309 00:13:11,492 --> 00:13:13,894 So good luck. No pressure. 310 00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:15,296 (ALL CHUCKLING) 311 00:13:15,362 --> 00:13:16,297 All right, 312 00:13:16,363 --> 00:13:18,399 this month, Ms. Warren asked the kids 313 00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:21,302 to share what they liked best about church. 314 00:13:21,368 --> 00:13:23,070 Ms. Warren. 315 00:13:23,137 --> 00:13:24,171 (WHISPERING) Go ahead, sweetie. 316 00:13:24,238 --> 00:13:26,874 So just up there. Yep, big voice. 317 00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:28,976 What I like best about Sunday School 318 00:13:29,043 --> 00:13:31,613 is the good feeling I get when I go there. 319 00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:34,248 -PEOPLE: Aww. -(APPLAUDING) 320 00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:38,152 All right, Minnie, you're up. Go ahead. 321 00:13:38,218 --> 00:13:39,219 Voice loud. 322 00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:42,624 I love to sing hymns, and I love Jesus. 323 00:13:42,691 --> 00:13:44,158 -(CHUCKLES) -(CLAPS) 324 00:13:44,626 --> 00:13:46,360 So cute. 325 00:13:46,427 --> 00:13:48,495 (IN NORMAL VOICE) Charlie, how 'bout you? 326 00:13:48,563 --> 00:13:50,598 -(FOOTSTEPS) -(PAPER RUSTLING) 327 00:13:51,766 --> 00:13:54,368 What I like best about church is 328 00:13:55,169 --> 00:13:58,072 there aren't any Herdmans here. 329 00:14:03,877 --> 00:14:06,548 (AMUSING MUSIC PLAYING) 330 00:14:07,782 --> 00:14:10,951 Charlie'll tell you some other things he likes next time. 331 00:14:13,887 --> 00:14:15,557 Happy Sunday. 332 00:14:16,725 --> 00:14:17,925 Hmm. 333 00:14:18,959 --> 00:14:21,962 What? There are other things I like 334 00:14:22,029 --> 00:14:24,264 but she said, "What you like best." 335 00:14:24,331 --> 00:14:27,802 And what I like best is no Herdmans. 336 00:14:27,868 --> 00:14:31,372 Hey, that's not a very Christian sentiment. 337 00:14:31,438 --> 00:14:34,576 It's the truth. And you say, "Always tell the truth." 338 00:14:35,543 --> 00:14:36,944 (SIGHS) 339 00:14:38,646 --> 00:14:41,148 When your dad says that, 340 00:14:41,215 --> 00:14:45,219 he means not at the expense of kindness. 341 00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:47,321 -Nailed it. -Pulled that out of your... 342 00:14:47,388 --> 00:14:49,791 ADULT BETH: The truth was, the last three days in a row, 343 00:14:49,858 --> 00:14:51,526 Leroy Herdman stole the dessert 344 00:14:51,593 --> 00:14:52,893 from Charlie's lunch box. 345 00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:56,531 (GRUNTS) Give it up, Charlie! 346 00:14:56,598 --> 00:14:57,732 ADULT BETH: Why Charlie? 347 00:14:57,799 --> 00:14:59,366 I guess it was his turn this month. 348 00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:04,506 (GRUNTS SOFTLY) 349 00:15:04,572 --> 00:15:06,574 (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) 350 00:15:08,676 --> 00:15:12,079 Day three of the siege, Charlie surrendered. 351 00:15:12,146 --> 00:15:15,215 Fine, take it. I don't care. 352 00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:17,752 I get all the snacks I want from church, anyway. 353 00:15:17,819 --> 00:15:19,721 What kinds of snacks? 354 00:15:19,788 --> 00:15:22,055 Chocolate cake, candy bars, 355 00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:26,694 cookies, Kool-Aid, ice cream, doughnuts, 356 00:15:26,761 --> 00:15:28,395 popcorn balls. 357 00:15:28,830 --> 00:15:30,030 So go ahead. 358 00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:32,600 Church gives me everything I need. 359 00:15:32,667 --> 00:15:34,067 Too bad you'll never know. 360 00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:37,505 You'd melt if you ever showed up in a church. 361 00:15:37,572 --> 00:15:39,641 ADULT BETH: Charlie's lie couldn't have backfired 362 00:15:39,707 --> 00:15:42,042 -more spectacularly. - (INDISTINCT CONVERSATION) 363 00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:44,111 That Sunday was our food drive. 364 00:15:44,178 --> 00:15:46,013 Good morning. Thank you for coming. Nice to see you. 365 00:15:46,714 --> 00:15:47,882 Hello. 366 00:15:47,948 --> 00:15:49,684 Great to see you. Thank you for coming. 367 00:15:53,987 --> 00:15:56,290 You sure we got the right place? 368 00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:57,391 They're here. 369 00:15:58,526 --> 00:16:00,060 Oh, my goodness. 370 00:16:00,994 --> 00:16:02,262 We can do this. 371 00:16:03,565 --> 00:16:05,032 Just keep smiling. 372 00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:07,602 -Where do you get the cake? -Cake? 373 00:16:09,470 --> 00:16:10,839 Yeah. Right over there, that's it. 374 00:16:10,905 --> 00:16:13,273 Good idea, Leroy. We can work with this. 375 00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:15,476 Are you here for Sunday school? 376 00:16:15,543 --> 00:16:19,714 A-ha! More school, he says. I knew there'd be a catch. 377 00:16:19,781 --> 00:16:21,148 Come on, let's get outta here. 378 00:16:21,215 --> 00:16:23,718 No, no, no. It's... It's not like regular school. 379 00:16:24,586 --> 00:16:26,086 You'll learn about Jesus 380 00:16:26,153 --> 00:16:27,889 and you'll sing songs about Him. 381 00:16:27,956 --> 00:16:29,958 -Are your parents here? -Mom's working. 382 00:16:30,023 --> 00:16:31,826 We were told there'd be desserts. 383 00:16:31,893 --> 00:16:33,661 Free desserts to anyone who wants 'em. 384 00:16:33,728 --> 00:16:35,864 MRS. HOPKINS: I'm sure I could rustle you up 385 00:16:35,930 --> 00:16:38,131 something special after service, 386 00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:39,534 if you'd like to stay. 387 00:16:40,935 --> 00:16:43,070 I will show you where it is. 388 00:16:45,138 --> 00:16:47,274 (EXHALES) Oh, boy. 389 00:16:47,341 --> 00:16:51,746 (ALL SINGING) ♪ Jesus loves me, this I know ♪ 390 00:16:51,813 --> 00:16:55,750 -♪ For the Bible tells me so ♪ - (SINGING FADES) 391 00:16:59,253 --> 00:17:00,622 ADULT BETH: Uh-oh. 392 00:17:03,257 --> 00:17:06,628 Beth, you'd be happy to have them sit by you, right? 393 00:17:08,530 --> 00:17:10,230 Great. Come now. 394 00:17:14,836 --> 00:17:16,436 (CHAIRS CLATTERING) 395 00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:22,442 (SIGHS) 396 00:17:22,510 --> 00:17:24,044 (GULPS) 397 00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:25,713 Well, we haven't melted yet. 398 00:17:27,015 --> 00:17:28,248 ADULT BETH: So they stayed. 399 00:17:28,315 --> 00:17:30,018 (SINGING) ♪ Jesus loves me... ♪ 400 00:17:30,083 --> 00:17:32,854 ADULT BETH: They didn't sing any hymns. 401 00:17:32,921 --> 00:17:34,488 ♪ For the Bible... ♪ 402 00:17:34,556 --> 00:17:36,024 Our Father, who art in heaven... 403 00:17:36,089 --> 00:17:37,324 ADULT BETH: ...or say prayers. 404 00:17:38,693 --> 00:17:40,227 Baby Jesus... 405 00:17:41,596 --> 00:17:44,398 ADULT BETH: But they did practice their drawing skills. 406 00:17:45,633 --> 00:17:47,100 (COIN CLATTERS) 407 00:17:51,906 --> 00:17:53,608 And made a little money. 408 00:17:54,909 --> 00:17:56,109 MRS. HOPKINS: All right, kids. 409 00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:58,111 We're going to be starting rehearsals soon 410 00:17:58,178 --> 00:17:59,948 for our Christmas pageant. 411 00:18:00,014 --> 00:18:02,449 So please be sure to let your parents know 412 00:18:02,517 --> 00:18:04,018 they'll need to stay after church 413 00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:06,386 with you next week for all the details. 414 00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:08,856 I do hope you'll be in the choir again this year. 415 00:18:08,923 --> 00:18:11,491 -Your voice, it's so... -Grief, Alice. 416 00:18:11,559 --> 00:18:12,961 I'm not gonna try and play Mary 417 00:18:13,027 --> 00:18:14,963 just because my mom's running the pageant. 418 00:18:15,029 --> 00:18:17,599 We want all of you to be there. 419 00:18:17,665 --> 00:18:19,767 Hey, what's a pageant? 420 00:18:19,834 --> 00:18:21,268 -It's a play. -A play? 421 00:18:21,335 --> 00:18:23,303 You know, like a movie. 422 00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:25,707 -But in front of people. -A movie, huh? 423 00:18:27,642 --> 00:18:29,711 ADULT BETH: The Herdmans were big moviegoers. 424 00:18:29,777 --> 00:18:31,079 (BOTH GRUNTING) 425 00:18:31,144 --> 00:18:32,547 OLLIE: Come here, you little... 426 00:18:32,614 --> 00:18:33,848 ADULT BETH: Though they never paid their own way. 427 00:18:33,915 --> 00:18:36,017 Hey! Hey! Hey! Stop! Stop! Stop! 428 00:18:36,084 --> 00:18:38,352 Aye! Aye! Hey. Don't you... Stop. Stop. 429 00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:40,989 Stop fighting. Hey! Okay. Okay! 430 00:18:41,055 --> 00:18:42,657 Hey! Enough! Dude. Hey! 431 00:18:43,958 --> 00:18:46,193 (ENCHANTING MUSIC PLAYING) 432 00:18:54,002 --> 00:18:55,570 BETH: Everyone shows up to watch. 433 00:18:55,637 --> 00:18:56,904 It's about Jesus. 434 00:19:00,374 --> 00:19:03,176 (SIGHS) Everything here is. 435 00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:04,779 ADULT BETH: After that comment, 436 00:19:04,846 --> 00:19:06,313 I figured she didn't care much about the Christmas pageant. 437 00:19:06,380 --> 00:19:07,815 - (BELL RINGING) -But I was wrong. 438 00:19:07,882 --> 00:19:09,951 And at summer camp, they have a super-fast boat. 439 00:19:10,018 --> 00:19:11,919 It's way faster than a car. 440 00:19:11,986 --> 00:19:13,186 I've only ever been on a canoe. 441 00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:15,056 And then there's this raft we dive off of. 442 00:19:15,123 --> 00:19:16,624 I can do the swan dive. 443 00:19:16,691 --> 00:19:17,525 Sounds fun. 444 00:19:17,592 --> 00:19:19,159 And then you get eaten by a bear. 445 00:19:20,728 --> 00:19:25,432 So Cooties, Wallflower, you ready for this? 446 00:19:25,499 --> 00:19:27,234 I'm gonna be in your pageant this year. 447 00:19:28,235 --> 00:19:30,370 -You're what? -Cooties heard me. 448 00:19:30,437 --> 00:19:32,472 I'm gonna be in your Bible play. 449 00:19:32,540 --> 00:19:35,308 (SCOFFS) What? You can't be in the pageant. 450 00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:37,444 I'm gonna be Baby Jesus's mom. 451 00:19:37,512 --> 00:19:40,782 Hah! You're too dirty to play Mary, Imogene Herdman. 452 00:19:40,848 --> 00:19:42,416 Everyone knows. 453 00:19:42,482 --> 00:19:43,518 Alice! 454 00:19:44,317 --> 00:19:47,522 -Who's Mary? -Baby Jesus' mom. 455 00:19:47,588 --> 00:19:49,356 Which everyone knows except you. 456 00:19:49,423 --> 00:19:51,092 And I'm always Mary in the pageant 457 00:19:51,159 --> 00:19:53,460 and there's nothing you can do about it. 458 00:19:54,095 --> 00:19:56,229 (SIGHS) Sweetie, 459 00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:58,198 you're gonna tell 'em you don't wanna do it. 460 00:19:58,833 --> 00:20:00,101 You want me to be Mary. 461 00:20:00,168 --> 00:20:01,602 And why would I do that? 462 00:20:01,669 --> 00:20:04,138 'Cause if you don't, then next spring, 463 00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:06,140 when the pussy willows come out, 464 00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:07,575 I'm gonna stick a pussy willow 465 00:20:07,642 --> 00:20:09,911 so far down your pretty little ear, 466 00:20:09,977 --> 00:20:11,746 they won't be able to get it out. 467 00:20:11,813 --> 00:20:15,550 It'll sprout there and grow and grow. 468 00:20:15,616 --> 00:20:17,384 And you'll spend the rest of your life 469 00:20:17,451 --> 00:20:18,986 with a pussy willow bush 470 00:20:19,053 --> 00:20:20,722 growing right out of your head. 471 00:20:20,788 --> 00:20:22,023 (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) 472 00:20:22,090 --> 00:20:23,925 ADULT BETH: Believe it or not, she'd done it before. 473 00:20:23,991 --> 00:20:27,095 -(SCREAMS) Get off me! -Okay. Just one sec. One sec. 474 00:20:27,161 --> 00:20:28,663 (GROANING) 475 00:20:30,297 --> 00:20:32,299 -What? -(SCREAMS) 476 00:20:36,070 --> 00:20:37,270 Ah... (GRUNTS) 477 00:20:37,337 --> 00:20:38,706 (FOOTSTEPS RECEDING) 478 00:20:40,508 --> 00:20:42,210 What are you lookin' at? 479 00:20:42,275 --> 00:20:45,312 Why would you even want to be in the pageant? 480 00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:46,681 None of your business. 481 00:20:57,091 --> 00:20:59,227 ADULT BETH: While the little kids were all tired, 482 00:20:59,292 --> 00:21:00,728 and the big kids were all hungry, 483 00:21:00,795 --> 00:21:02,830 and the mothers all wanted to go home and cook dinner 484 00:21:02,897 --> 00:21:04,431 and the fathers all wanted to go home 485 00:21:04,498 --> 00:21:05,967 and watch the game on TV, 486 00:21:06,033 --> 00:21:10,104 the Herdmans sat quietly, waiting for my mom to begin. 487 00:21:10,171 --> 00:21:12,372 And I was praying for a miracle 488 00:21:12,439 --> 00:21:13,841 that Imogene would stay quiet 489 00:21:13,908 --> 00:21:15,643 and the Herdmans wouldn't burn anything down 490 00:21:15,710 --> 00:21:16,911 and ruin my mom's rehearsal 491 00:21:16,978 --> 00:21:18,946 and embarrass us in front of everyone. 492 00:21:20,047 --> 00:21:22,583 -Okay, that's three miracles. - (GULPS) 493 00:21:25,485 --> 00:21:26,854 Well, hello, everyone. 494 00:21:28,656 --> 00:21:31,058 This won't take very long. 495 00:21:31,125 --> 00:21:33,261 All right, just a moment. 496 00:21:33,326 --> 00:21:37,064 This is from a lot of calls this week. 497 00:21:37,131 --> 00:21:39,399 (CHUCKLING) Okay. 498 00:21:39,466 --> 00:21:42,670 First, as Mrs. Armstrong always says, 499 00:21:42,737 --> 00:21:46,439 "There are no small parts, only small actors." 500 00:21:50,011 --> 00:21:51,012 What does that mean? 501 00:21:52,180 --> 00:21:53,748 I honestly don't know. 502 00:21:54,715 --> 00:21:56,551 Okay, we don't have many rehearsals, 503 00:21:56,617 --> 00:21:58,986 so you must all try to be present at every one. 504 00:22:00,621 --> 00:22:04,659 -What if we get sick? -You won't get sick. 505 00:22:04,725 --> 00:22:09,897 Now, you little children over here, you will be angels. 506 00:22:09,964 --> 00:22:12,066 "The older boys and girls will be shepherds 507 00:22:12,133 --> 00:22:15,503 "and guests at the inn and members of the choir. 508 00:22:15,570 --> 00:22:17,370 "And we need Mary and Joseph, 509 00:22:17,437 --> 00:22:20,107 "the three Wise Men, and the Angel of the Lord. 510 00:22:20,174 --> 00:22:23,945 "They aren't hard parts, but they're important parts." 511 00:22:24,011 --> 00:22:25,680 Oh. "So those kids must 512 00:22:25,746 --> 00:22:28,850 "absolutely come to every rehearsal." 513 00:22:28,916 --> 00:22:30,350 What if they get sick? 514 00:22:30,417 --> 00:22:32,653 -They won't get sick either. -But what if they do? 515 00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:34,487 Nobody is getting sick, David. 516 00:22:35,289 --> 00:22:37,291 "We always start with Mary. 517 00:22:37,357 --> 00:22:39,827 "We must choose Mary carefully 518 00:22:39,894 --> 00:22:43,030 "because Mary is the mother of Jesus. 519 00:22:43,097 --> 00:22:47,467 "She should be a sweet, happy little girl, who..." 520 00:22:48,603 --> 00:22:51,873 Okay, enough of this. 521 00:22:51,939 --> 00:22:55,142 I know many of you would like to play Mary in our pageant, 522 00:22:55,209 --> 00:22:57,377 but we only need one. 523 00:22:57,444 --> 00:22:59,080 Imogene, do you have a question? 524 00:22:59,146 --> 00:23:01,916 No. I wanna be Mary. 525 00:23:01,983 --> 00:23:04,018 And Ralph wants to be Joe. 526 00:23:04,085 --> 00:23:06,220 ADULT BETH: It was like a detective movie 527 00:23:06,287 --> 00:23:07,487 where a nice little old lady 528 00:23:07,555 --> 00:23:08,756 shoves a gun in the bank window 529 00:23:08,823 --> 00:23:10,124 and says, "Give me all your money," 530 00:23:10,191 --> 00:23:11,559 and you can't believe it. 531 00:23:11,626 --> 00:23:13,527 My mother couldn't believe it. 532 00:23:13,594 --> 00:23:16,530 We have to give everyone a chance. 533 00:23:16,597 --> 00:23:19,066 Does anyone else wanna volunteer for Joseph? 534 00:23:21,269 --> 00:23:24,238 Elmer? You usually like playing Joseph. 535 00:23:24,305 --> 00:23:26,340 ADULT BETH: Elmer hated playing Joseph. 536 00:23:26,406 --> 00:23:27,708 But his dad was the minister, 537 00:23:27,775 --> 00:23:29,810 so he made him when nobody else volunteered. 538 00:23:31,345 --> 00:23:33,881 Nobody else ever volunteered. 539 00:23:35,149 --> 00:23:38,753 Well, that's very surprising. Anybody else? 540 00:23:41,122 --> 00:23:42,123 All right. 541 00:23:43,190 --> 00:23:45,126 Ralph will be our Joseph. 542 00:23:45,192 --> 00:23:48,829 Would anyone else like to volunteer for Mary? 543 00:23:48,896 --> 00:23:50,965 Alice, don't you want to volunteer this year? 544 00:23:53,100 --> 00:23:55,002 N--No. 545 00:23:55,069 --> 00:23:56,771 (INDISTINCT WHISPERING) 546 00:23:58,172 --> 00:23:59,573 Anybody? 547 00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:02,243 ADULT BETH: Mom was in a terrible spot. The worst. 548 00:24:02,310 --> 00:24:06,446 The parents, the pageant, the church, the whole town, 549 00:24:06,514 --> 00:24:09,583 they'd blame Mom if the pageant imploded. 550 00:24:09,650 --> 00:24:11,218 Would I step up to help? 551 00:24:12,452 --> 00:24:14,021 What I would do next 552 00:24:14,088 --> 00:24:17,992 would determine the fate of the pageant to this very day. 553 00:24:22,630 --> 00:24:23,898 (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) 554 00:24:26,167 --> 00:24:27,635 Okay. 555 00:24:27,702 --> 00:24:30,805 Imogene will be our Mary. 556 00:24:30,871 --> 00:24:32,273 -(GASPS) -(INDISTINCT WHISPERING) 557 00:24:32,340 --> 00:24:34,675 (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) 558 00:24:35,443 --> 00:24:37,878 We have Wise Men next. 559 00:24:37,945 --> 00:24:39,847 Leroy, Claude and Ollie wanna play them. 560 00:24:39,914 --> 00:24:42,817 Okay, now we have to give everyone a chance, Imogene. 561 00:24:42,883 --> 00:24:45,219 Everyone's had their chance. 562 00:24:45,286 --> 00:24:47,888 They've had all kinds of chances. 563 00:24:47,955 --> 00:24:50,191 -And the Angel of the Lord? -Gladys. 564 00:24:50,257 --> 00:24:52,093 -Me! -(ALL GASP) 565 00:24:52,793 --> 00:24:56,263 (CLEARS THROAT) Robby! Robby! 566 00:24:57,398 --> 00:24:59,266 Michelle. 567 00:24:59,333 --> 00:25:00,668 You raise that hand. 568 00:25:02,269 --> 00:25:04,905 Suppose that's that, then. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 569 00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:08,109 Uh, we need the shepherds. 570 00:25:08,175 --> 00:25:09,643 Charlie, you're in. 571 00:25:10,144 --> 00:25:11,212 David and Robby? 572 00:25:11,278 --> 00:25:14,482 I just remembered, we're going to Philadelphia. 573 00:25:14,548 --> 00:25:16,984 -We are not! -I'll probably be sick. 574 00:25:17,051 --> 00:25:19,353 I'll put you both down for probably. 575 00:25:19,420 --> 00:25:21,555 Mom, Gladys Herdman hits too hard. 576 00:25:21,622 --> 00:25:24,525 My goodness, Gladys isn't going to hit anyone. 577 00:25:24,592 --> 00:25:25,793 What an idea! 578 00:25:26,527 --> 00:25:27,728 The Angel of the Lord 579 00:25:27,795 --> 00:25:29,363 visits the shepherds in the field 580 00:25:29,430 --> 00:25:31,432 and tells them that Jesus is born. 581 00:25:31,499 --> 00:25:32,733 And hits them. 582 00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:34,702 I don't wanna hear another word about it. 583 00:25:34,769 --> 00:25:37,204 No shepherds will quit or get sick. 584 00:25:37,271 --> 00:25:38,706 Or go to Philadelphia. 585 00:25:38,773 --> 00:25:40,307 -(BOOK THUDS LOUDLY) -Ow! 586 00:25:41,709 --> 00:25:43,144 I felt terrible for my mom. 587 00:25:43,210 --> 00:25:45,579 -And some of it was my fault. - (ALL WHISPERING) 588 00:25:45,646 --> 00:25:47,048 Here she was, five minutes 589 00:25:47,114 --> 00:25:48,716 into covering for Mrs. Armstrong 590 00:25:48,783 --> 00:25:51,520 and the Herdmans had hijacked the entire pageant. 591 00:25:51,585 --> 00:25:54,121 I'd been afraid it'd be the same old thing, 592 00:25:54,188 --> 00:25:57,058 and now I'd do anything for it to be boring again. 593 00:25:58,359 --> 00:25:59,560 (UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING) 594 00:25:59,627 --> 00:26:01,629 Word about what happened spread faster 595 00:26:01,695 --> 00:26:03,931 than a Herdman-set grass fire. 596 00:26:03,998 --> 00:26:06,535 Kids told their parents, parents called their neighbors 597 00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:08,569 and neighbors called their relatives. 598 00:26:08,636 --> 00:26:10,204 (UP-TEMPO MUSIC CONTINUES) 599 00:26:11,739 --> 00:26:13,240 (INHALES SHARPLY) 600 00:26:13,307 --> 00:26:14,642 (MRS. ARMSTRONG SIGHS) 601 00:26:17,278 --> 00:26:20,181 How could you let this happen? How could... 602 00:26:21,649 --> 00:26:23,150 How could... 603 00:26:23,217 --> 00:26:25,119 How could... 604 00:26:25,186 --> 00:26:27,354 (WHISPERS) Does anyone have a paper bag? 605 00:26:27,421 --> 00:26:28,789 It's not fair that a whole family 606 00:26:28,856 --> 00:26:30,024 who doesn't even go to our church 607 00:26:30,091 --> 00:26:31,725 just barged in and took over the pageant. 608 00:26:31,792 --> 00:26:33,394 Injustice was done. 609 00:26:33,461 --> 00:26:37,098 We all agree it was a travesty. 610 00:26:37,164 --> 00:26:39,767 Because the Herdmans volunteered for the pageant? 611 00:26:39,834 --> 00:26:41,969 She is referring to the grievous assault 612 00:26:42,036 --> 00:26:44,573 on the impartial casting process yesterday. 613 00:26:44,638 --> 00:26:46,273 With all due respect, 614 00:26:46,340 --> 00:26:47,808 nothing about the process 615 00:26:47,875 --> 00:26:50,644 has ever been impartial, Mrs. Armstrong. 616 00:26:50,711 --> 00:26:53,214 And as for a grievous assault, 617 00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:56,884 I literally pleaded with your children to participate. 618 00:26:56,951 --> 00:26:59,286 We were paralyzed with shock. 619 00:26:59,753 --> 00:27:00,955 But you spoke. 620 00:27:01,689 --> 00:27:03,090 It came in waves. 621 00:27:03,157 --> 00:27:04,191 (SIGHS) 622 00:27:05,594 --> 00:27:07,328 I'm sorry, but... (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) 623 00:27:07,394 --> 00:27:08,762 We're using really big words 624 00:27:08,829 --> 00:27:10,131 to talk about a pageant 625 00:27:10,197 --> 00:27:12,900 where the kids just have to stand in the same spot 626 00:27:12,967 --> 00:27:14,468 they stand in every year. 627 00:27:14,536 --> 00:27:16,937 We take it seriously. 628 00:27:17,004 --> 00:27:20,708 So do I, Mrs. Slocum, that's why I volunteered. 629 00:27:20,774 --> 00:27:24,345 Judging by who you cast as Mary, you apparently don't. 630 00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:27,582 Rebecca... (INHALES SHARPLY) 631 00:27:27,648 --> 00:27:29,817 is it possible that, as Alice's mom, 632 00:27:29,884 --> 00:27:32,353 you have a personal interest in who plays Mary? 633 00:27:32,419 --> 00:27:34,989 -(GASPS) -The pageant is sacred. 634 00:27:35,055 --> 00:27:38,659 Wait. The pageant is sacred? 635 00:27:38,726 --> 00:27:40,828 -Obviously. -It's about community. 636 00:27:40,895 --> 00:27:42,631 -And fundraising. -And Mother Mary. 637 00:27:42,696 --> 00:27:44,198 And tradition. 638 00:27:44,265 --> 00:27:45,399 What do you all suggest? 639 00:27:45,466 --> 00:27:47,768 That I kick the Herdmans out of the Christmas pageant 640 00:27:47,835 --> 00:27:49,837 and keep them out of the church? 641 00:27:50,639 --> 00:27:51,772 -Yes. -Mmm-hmm. 642 00:27:51,839 --> 00:27:54,543 (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) 643 00:27:54,609 --> 00:27:56,744 -(GRACE SIGHS) -(FOOTSTEPS) 644 00:28:06,954 --> 00:28:08,590 (SIGHS) 645 00:28:08,657 --> 00:28:10,858 I mean, I can't just kick 'em out. 646 00:28:10,925 --> 00:28:13,761 But they're right. It might be a disaster with the Herdmans. 647 00:28:13,827 --> 00:28:16,797 Now, that's a pageant I'd actually like to see. 648 00:28:16,864 --> 00:28:18,432 Mother Mary puffin' on a cigar, 649 00:28:18,499 --> 00:28:21,570 the shepherds clobbering each other with their hooks. 650 00:28:21,636 --> 00:28:23,771 Five bucks say they burn down the manger. 651 00:28:23,837 --> 00:28:24,872 BETH: Why'd you have to tell 'em 652 00:28:24,939 --> 00:28:27,041 they'd get food at church, dummy? 653 00:28:27,107 --> 00:28:28,375 'Cause I didn't think they'd actually 654 00:28:28,442 --> 00:28:29,910 walk into a church building! 655 00:28:29,977 --> 00:28:31,946 I'm surprised they didn't burst into flames. 656 00:28:32,713 --> 00:28:34,481 Sorry I didn't volunteer. 657 00:28:35,983 --> 00:28:37,751 Did I ruin the pageant? 658 00:28:37,818 --> 00:28:41,288 Oh, my goodness, no! Honey... 659 00:28:42,856 --> 00:28:44,992 Beth, I will tell you what I told 660 00:28:45,059 --> 00:28:47,328 those condescending, hyper-controlling 661 00:28:47,394 --> 00:28:48,663 busybodies from church, 662 00:28:48,729 --> 00:28:50,431 that while Helen Armstrong might be surprised 663 00:28:50,497 --> 00:28:51,700 the sun rises every morning 664 00:28:51,765 --> 00:28:53,100 even though she's not there to supervise it, 665 00:28:53,167 --> 00:28:54,835 she is not the only woman in the world 666 00:28:54,902 --> 00:28:56,237 who can run a Christmas pageant. 667 00:28:56,303 --> 00:28:58,038 And if they don't think I can do it, 668 00:28:58,105 --> 00:28:59,708 they are in for a big lesson. 669 00:28:59,773 --> 00:29:01,242 You said all that? 670 00:29:01,942 --> 00:29:03,777 Well, not all of it. 671 00:29:03,844 --> 00:29:06,313 -Any of it? -Never mind. 672 00:29:06,380 --> 00:29:07,582 (CHILDREN GIGGLING) 673 00:29:07,649 --> 00:29:09,350 ADULT BETH: It was the night of the first rehearsal. 674 00:29:09,416 --> 00:29:11,885 The big night for Mom to prove she could make this work. 675 00:29:11,952 --> 00:29:14,355 I was ready to help in any way I could. 676 00:29:14,421 --> 00:29:16,757 But first, as usual, the kids were sent outside 677 00:29:16,824 --> 00:29:18,826 while the parents had prayer time together. 678 00:29:18,892 --> 00:29:20,160 I think it was less about prayer 679 00:29:20,227 --> 00:29:21,762 than that they wanted us all to get 680 00:29:21,829 --> 00:29:24,231 our energy out so we'd behave later. 681 00:29:24,298 --> 00:29:25,432 But then... 682 00:29:25,499 --> 00:29:27,167 (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) 683 00:29:39,079 --> 00:29:40,214 Now. 684 00:29:40,281 --> 00:29:41,650 (ALL GRUNTING) 685 00:29:41,716 --> 00:29:43,450 (KIDS SCREAMING) 686 00:29:43,518 --> 00:29:45,919 (ALL GRUNTING) 687 00:29:45,986 --> 00:29:47,522 (KIDS SCREAMING INDISTINCTLY) 688 00:29:47,589 --> 00:29:49,323 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 689 00:29:53,260 --> 00:29:55,563 -(SNOW BALLS THUDDING) -(CHILDREN SCREAMING) 690 00:29:57,632 --> 00:29:58,899 -Stop. -(ALL GASP) 691 00:29:58,966 --> 00:30:00,267 (MUSIC STOPS) 692 00:30:00,334 --> 00:30:03,571 Hey, kids. They'll be ready for you in a minute. 693 00:30:03,638 --> 00:30:04,673 Have a good rehearsal. 694 00:30:04,739 --> 00:30:06,040 (CAR DOOR OPENS) 695 00:30:06,106 --> 00:30:08,375 (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) 696 00:30:08,442 --> 00:30:09,744 (CAR DOOR CLOSES) 697 00:30:09,810 --> 00:30:11,812 (CAR ENGINE STARTS) 698 00:30:14,616 --> 00:30:16,350 (ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING) 699 00:30:21,255 --> 00:30:22,657 (MUSIC STOPS) 700 00:30:22,724 --> 00:30:24,058 (PAGES RUSTLING) 701 00:30:26,260 --> 00:30:27,662 ADULT BETH: The first rehearsal was usually about 702 00:30:27,729 --> 00:30:30,464 as much fun as a three-hour ride on the school bus. 703 00:30:30,532 --> 00:30:32,734 And just as noisy and crowded. 704 00:30:32,801 --> 00:30:34,703 But after what we'd just faced, 705 00:30:34,769 --> 00:30:35,903 no one made a sound 706 00:30:35,969 --> 00:30:37,838 and we just waited quietly to see 707 00:30:37,905 --> 00:30:40,374 what awful thing the Herdmans might do next. 708 00:30:40,441 --> 00:30:43,043 This is why they shouldn't have shown up. 709 00:30:43,110 --> 00:30:44,945 Didn't Reverend Hopkins talk about when Jesus said, 710 00:30:45,012 --> 00:30:47,047 "Suffer the little children come unto me"? 711 00:30:47,114 --> 00:30:49,917 Yeah, well, Jesus wouldn't have suffered Herdmans. 712 00:30:49,983 --> 00:30:51,885 -(SIGHING) Okay. -BETH: Mom? 713 00:30:52,721 --> 00:30:54,188 Do you need help with anything? 714 00:30:54,254 --> 00:30:56,390 Today, we're going to ignore everything except blood. 715 00:30:57,458 --> 00:30:58,526 I'm gonna start soon. 716 00:30:58,593 --> 00:30:59,927 Now, go sit down next to Imogene. 717 00:31:00,595 --> 00:31:01,596 (WHISPERS) Mom! 718 00:31:03,330 --> 00:31:05,999 (WHISPERING) Your quiet might rub off on her. 719 00:31:07,368 --> 00:31:08,536 (SIGHS) 720 00:31:11,105 --> 00:31:13,273 Okay, quiet down, everyone. 721 00:31:15,643 --> 00:31:17,444 Good, then. 722 00:31:18,813 --> 00:31:20,114 Okay. 723 00:31:20,180 --> 00:31:23,551 Welcome, everyone. We're glad to see all of you. 724 00:31:23,618 --> 00:31:25,119 ADULT BETH: That might've been the biggest lie 725 00:31:25,185 --> 00:31:27,354 ever said right out loud in the church. 726 00:31:27,421 --> 00:31:28,790 First, the easy part. 727 00:31:28,857 --> 00:31:30,391 Uh, let's separate everyone into angels 728 00:31:30,457 --> 00:31:33,026 and shepherds and guests at the inn. 729 00:31:33,093 --> 00:31:35,295 Who were the shepherds? Where'd they come from? 730 00:31:35,362 --> 00:31:36,997 -What's an inn? -ROBBY: It's like a motel 731 00:31:37,064 --> 00:31:38,833 where people go to spend the night. 732 00:31:38,899 --> 00:31:40,234 What people? Jesus? 733 00:31:40,300 --> 00:31:43,103 Oh, honestly! Jesus wasn't even born yet! 734 00:31:43,170 --> 00:31:44,972 Mary and Joseph went there. 735 00:31:45,038 --> 00:31:46,907 -Why? -What happened first? 736 00:31:46,974 --> 00:31:49,577 -Begin at the beginning. -The very beginning? 737 00:31:49,644 --> 00:31:51,945 ADULT BETH: That really scared everyone because the beginning 738 00:31:52,012 --> 00:31:53,947 would be The Book of Genesis, 739 00:31:54,014 --> 00:31:55,449 where it says "In the beginning." 740 00:31:55,517 --> 00:31:58,285 And if we started there, we'd be here for years. 741 00:31:58,352 --> 00:32:01,321 Let's start at the beginning of the Christmas story. 742 00:32:01,388 --> 00:32:02,256 (ALL GROANING) 743 00:32:02,322 --> 00:32:05,560 We've all heard it a million times. 744 00:32:05,627 --> 00:32:06,661 I think it's a good idea 745 00:32:06,728 --> 00:32:08,495 for all of us to hear it again. 746 00:32:08,563 --> 00:32:11,265 It's a good reminder of what Christmas is all about. 747 00:32:12,199 --> 00:32:14,669 "And Joseph also went up from Galilee, 748 00:32:14,736 --> 00:32:16,170 "out of the city of Nazareth 749 00:32:16,236 --> 00:32:17,539 -"into Judea... -(SIGHS) 750 00:32:17,605 --> 00:32:21,208 "unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, 751 00:32:21,275 --> 00:32:24,044 "because he was of the house and lineage of David, 752 00:32:24,111 --> 00:32:28,115 "to be taxed with Mary, his espoused wife, 753 00:32:28,182 --> 00:32:30,083 "being great with child." 754 00:32:30,150 --> 00:32:31,452 "Great with child"? 755 00:32:31,519 --> 00:32:33,987 -Pregnant, stupid. -Ralph, that's enough. 756 00:32:34,054 --> 00:32:36,156 It's not very nice to say that Mary was pregnant. 757 00:32:36,223 --> 00:32:38,091 My mother wouldn't want us talking about that. 758 00:32:38,158 --> 00:32:40,494 ADULT BETH: It was true. Mrs. Wendelken didn't like 759 00:32:40,562 --> 00:32:42,362 cats having kittens or birds laying eggs, 760 00:32:42,429 --> 00:32:43,997 and she didn't let Alice play with 761 00:32:44,064 --> 00:32:45,834 anyone who had two rabbits. 762 00:32:45,900 --> 00:32:47,100 Will ya shut up? 763 00:32:47,769 --> 00:32:48,969 I wanna hear. 764 00:32:49,036 --> 00:32:50,370 ADULT BETH: I couldn't believe it. 765 00:32:50,437 --> 00:32:52,907 The Herdmans were famous for never sitting still 766 00:32:52,973 --> 00:32:55,042 and never paying attention to anyone, 767 00:32:55,108 --> 00:32:57,444 teachers, parents, police. 768 00:32:57,512 --> 00:33:00,113 Yet something about the Christmas story 769 00:33:00,180 --> 00:33:01,950 had them hanging on every word. 770 00:33:02,015 --> 00:33:04,151 Mary and Joseph had to go in the stable 771 00:33:04,218 --> 00:33:07,956 because there was no room for them at the inn. 772 00:33:08,055 --> 00:33:09,691 -My God! -(CHILDREN GASP) 773 00:33:09,757 --> 00:33:10,959 Not even for Jesus? 774 00:33:11,024 --> 00:33:13,661 We don't use God's name that way, Imogene. 775 00:33:13,728 --> 00:33:15,095 What's a manger? 776 00:33:15,162 --> 00:33:17,130 Is that like a bed for the baby? 777 00:33:17,197 --> 00:33:18,933 Why would they have a bed in a barn? 778 00:33:18,999 --> 00:33:21,736 Well, that's the point, actually, Leroy. 779 00:33:21,803 --> 00:33:23,470 They didn't have a bed in a barn. 780 00:33:23,538 --> 00:33:25,072 They had to use whatever was there. 781 00:33:25,138 --> 00:33:27,307 What would you do if you had a new baby 782 00:33:27,374 --> 00:33:28,943 and no bed to put the baby in? 783 00:33:29,009 --> 00:33:30,678 We put Gladys in a bureau drawer. 784 00:33:32,580 --> 00:33:34,014 There you go. 785 00:33:34,081 --> 00:33:35,215 Mary put the baby Jesus 786 00:33:35,282 --> 00:33:37,752 in a stone feeding trough for animals. 787 00:33:37,819 --> 00:33:40,020 What were the wadded up clothes? 788 00:33:40,087 --> 00:33:42,557 You said she wrapped Him in wadded-up clothes. 789 00:33:42,624 --> 00:33:44,157 Swaddling clothes. 790 00:33:44,959 --> 00:33:46,594 They used to wrap their babies tightly 791 00:33:46,661 --> 00:33:48,028 in a big piece of fabric 792 00:33:48,095 --> 00:33:49,229 so they couldn't move around. 793 00:33:49,296 --> 00:33:52,199 They tied Him up and put Him in a box? 794 00:33:52,266 --> 00:33:53,735 Where was Child Welfare? 795 00:33:53,801 --> 00:33:56,971 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 796 00:33:57,037 --> 00:33:58,840 GRACE: "And, lo, the Angel of the Lord 797 00:33:58,907 --> 00:34:00,207 "came upon them 798 00:34:00,274 --> 00:34:02,810 "and the glory of the Lord shone round about them." 799 00:34:02,877 --> 00:34:04,211 Shazam! 800 00:34:05,013 --> 00:34:06,246 Shazam? 801 00:34:06,313 --> 00:34:08,917 Out of the black night with horrible vengeance, 802 00:34:08,983 --> 00:34:10,985 the Mighty Marvo! 803 00:34:11,051 --> 00:34:13,186 That's the most she's ever spoke. 804 00:34:14,288 --> 00:34:15,990 It's a comic book. 805 00:34:16,056 --> 00:34:17,525 Oh. 806 00:34:18,026 --> 00:34:20,260 Well, then, yes. 807 00:34:20,327 --> 00:34:21,896 I think the Angel of the Lord 808 00:34:21,963 --> 00:34:24,231 is kind of like a comic book hero. 809 00:34:26,266 --> 00:34:27,535 -"Now... -(GASPS) 810 00:34:27,602 --> 00:34:30,470 "...when Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea, 811 00:34:30,538 --> 00:34:34,241 "in the days of Herod the King, behold, 812 00:34:34,308 --> 00:34:37,712 "there came Wise Men from the east to Jerusalem." 813 00:34:37,779 --> 00:34:41,081 That's you, Leroy. Claude, Ollie, pay attention. 814 00:34:41,148 --> 00:34:43,585 Wise how? They teachers or somethin'? 815 00:34:43,651 --> 00:34:45,820 No, dumbbell, they're like presidents. 816 00:34:45,887 --> 00:34:47,555 Let's not hit. 817 00:34:47,622 --> 00:34:50,157 But that's close. They were kings. 818 00:34:50,223 --> 00:34:51,391 Well, it's about time. 819 00:34:51,458 --> 00:34:53,193 Maybe someone'll finally tell 820 00:34:53,260 --> 00:34:55,095 that innkeeper where to get off 821 00:34:55,162 --> 00:34:57,230 and get the baby out of the barn. 822 00:34:59,701 --> 00:35:01,569 "And when they were come into the house, 823 00:35:01,636 --> 00:35:05,073 "they saw the young child with Mary, His mother, 824 00:35:05,138 --> 00:35:07,407 "and fell down and worshipped Him. 825 00:35:07,474 --> 00:35:09,077 "And when they had opened their treasures, 826 00:35:09,142 --> 00:35:12,046 "they presented unto Him gifts, 827 00:35:12,112 --> 00:35:14,716 "gold, frankincense, and myrrh." 828 00:35:14,782 --> 00:35:16,751 Hold on. What's that stuff? 829 00:35:16,818 --> 00:35:18,318 Oils and perfume. 830 00:35:18,385 --> 00:35:22,422 Oil? What sort of cheap king hands out oil? 831 00:35:22,489 --> 00:35:25,325 You'd get better presents at the firemen's shelter. 832 00:35:25,392 --> 00:35:28,161 It was King Herod, actually. 833 00:35:28,228 --> 00:35:31,298 He sent the Wise Men to find the baby Jesus. 834 00:35:31,365 --> 00:35:34,002 Was it him that sent the crummy presents? 835 00:35:34,068 --> 00:35:35,603 It was worse than that, actually. 836 00:35:35,670 --> 00:35:38,338 Herod planned on putting the baby Jesus to death. 837 00:35:38,405 --> 00:35:40,108 -My God! -Imogene. 838 00:35:40,173 --> 00:35:41,441 Who's playing this Herod, anyway? 839 00:35:41,509 --> 00:35:43,377 We don't show Herod in our pageant. 840 00:35:43,443 --> 00:35:45,412 HERDMANS: What? (CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY) 841 00:35:45,479 --> 00:35:47,280 -HERDMAN: Come on! -No! 842 00:35:47,347 --> 00:35:49,349 You gotta show him getting beat up in the end. 843 00:35:49,416 --> 00:35:50,518 Charlie can be Herod. 844 00:35:50,585 --> 00:35:52,319 -I don't wanna be Herod. -No! 845 00:35:52,386 --> 00:35:53,988 Somebody oughta get the innkeeper too. 846 00:35:54,055 --> 00:35:55,322 Gladys, use your angel powers. 847 00:35:55,389 --> 00:35:57,391 GRACE: No, honey, I don't think we... 848 00:35:59,359 --> 00:36:01,829 -(GRUNTS) -(CHILDREN SCREAMING) 849 00:36:01,896 --> 00:36:04,398 All right, that's enough. That's enough! That's enough. 850 00:36:04,464 --> 00:36:06,768 (ALL SCREAMING INDISTINCTLY) 851 00:36:06,834 --> 00:36:09,070 GRACE: Okay, okay. 852 00:36:09,137 --> 00:36:10,972 (LAUGHS) 853 00:36:11,039 --> 00:36:13,675 Please, I need you all to settle down. 854 00:36:13,741 --> 00:36:16,343 -Maybe Jesus can kill Herod. -Shazam! 855 00:36:19,847 --> 00:36:21,749 (CHILDREN GRUNTING) 856 00:36:21,816 --> 00:36:23,951 -(CHILD LAUGHS) -(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION) 857 00:36:37,965 --> 00:36:40,735 -Nice painting, huh? -I guess. 858 00:36:42,704 --> 00:36:46,440 That Mary, she was a tough one. 859 00:36:46,507 --> 00:36:48,076 Tough? 860 00:36:48,142 --> 00:36:50,243 Yeah. She went through quite a lot 861 00:36:50,310 --> 00:36:51,579 and overcame big challenges 862 00:36:51,646 --> 00:36:53,413 to bring a child into the world. 863 00:36:55,348 --> 00:36:57,952 Hmm. Doesn't look tough. 864 00:36:58,019 --> 00:37:00,588 Just looks sweet and pretty. 865 00:37:00,655 --> 00:37:03,490 Yeah. In that painting, I guess, yeah. 866 00:37:05,727 --> 00:37:07,260 What do they have the name of our town 867 00:37:07,327 --> 00:37:08,663 above the painting for? 868 00:37:09,697 --> 00:37:11,498 Do you know what Emmanuel means? 869 00:37:11,566 --> 00:37:12,567 No. 870 00:37:14,001 --> 00:37:15,670 It means "God with us." 871 00:37:16,971 --> 00:37:18,472 That's what Baby Jesus was. 872 00:37:19,674 --> 00:37:20,675 And you're... 873 00:37:21,776 --> 00:37:24,979 The character you volunteered to play 874 00:37:25,046 --> 00:37:26,480 helped make that happen. 875 00:37:27,815 --> 00:37:28,816 Pretty neat. 876 00:37:31,052 --> 00:37:32,252 I guess. 877 00:37:36,256 --> 00:37:37,457 Anyways... 878 00:37:38,726 --> 00:37:39,727 look, I... 879 00:37:42,496 --> 00:37:46,333 You all asked a lot of good questions tonight. 880 00:37:48,102 --> 00:37:50,872 And it made me wonder... 881 00:37:52,039 --> 00:37:55,076 if maybe you might enjoy watching the Christmas pageant 882 00:37:55,143 --> 00:37:56,343 more than being in it. 883 00:37:57,645 --> 00:38:00,214 You know, you could really absorb it all, 884 00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:01,381 see all the details. 885 00:38:01,448 --> 00:38:02,950 You know what I mean? 886 00:38:03,017 --> 00:38:05,285 (ENCHANTING MUSIC PLAYING) 887 00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:08,523 No. I'm gonna do this. 888 00:38:11,692 --> 00:38:12,693 RALPH: I think my character 889 00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:14,195 should've set fire to that inn. 890 00:38:14,262 --> 00:38:15,763 LEROY: Yeah. Maybe in the play, you can chase 891 00:38:15,830 --> 00:38:17,565 the innkeeper to the next country. 892 00:38:17,632 --> 00:38:19,299 -(CHILD LAUGHS) -(SIGHS) 893 00:38:20,968 --> 00:38:23,403 Imogene... (SIGHS) 894 00:38:23,470 --> 00:38:25,506 I really need them to behave. 895 00:38:25,573 --> 00:38:26,808 If you could help me with that, 896 00:38:26,874 --> 00:38:28,308 I can make sure you have all the dessert you want 897 00:38:28,375 --> 00:38:30,077 when the pageant is over. What do you think? 898 00:38:30,144 --> 00:38:32,580 (SCOFFS) Heard that before. 899 00:38:34,447 --> 00:38:35,817 RALPH: Imogene, let's go! 900 00:38:36,851 --> 00:38:37,852 Gotta go. 901 00:38:42,857 --> 00:38:44,892 (INDISTINCT TV PROGRAM) 902 00:38:51,265 --> 00:38:53,034 -Oh... -(CHARLIE SIGHS) 903 00:38:53,100 --> 00:38:55,837 -What happened to you? -Herdmans. 904 00:38:55,903 --> 00:38:56,704 Ah. 905 00:38:56,771 --> 00:38:59,406 They tried to kill me... again. 906 00:38:59,472 --> 00:39:01,408 -(DOOR CLOSES) -That's show business, pal. 907 00:39:01,474 --> 00:39:03,711 (BREATHES HEAVILY) 908 00:39:06,446 --> 00:39:07,648 (SIGHS IN EXASPERATION) 909 00:39:09,050 --> 00:39:10,618 I'm at a loss. 910 00:39:10,685 --> 00:39:13,486 I don't see any bruises. That's a victory. 911 00:39:13,554 --> 00:39:14,856 We didn't even rehearse. 912 00:39:14,922 --> 00:39:16,489 She just told the Christmas story. 913 00:39:16,557 --> 00:39:17,892 The Herdmans had never heard it. 914 00:39:17,959 --> 00:39:20,161 Just suppose you didn't know anything about it, 915 00:39:20,228 --> 00:39:21,662 and somebody told you. 916 00:39:21,729 --> 00:39:23,798 I'd be more confused about Santa Claus. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) 917 00:39:25,498 --> 00:39:27,034 What would you think? 918 00:39:27,101 --> 00:39:29,503 Well, the whole thing's a hospitality nightmare. 919 00:39:29,570 --> 00:39:31,639 Pretty pathetic that a pregnant woman shows up 920 00:39:31,706 --> 00:39:33,608 and the only room you can find for her is in the stable. 921 00:39:33,674 --> 00:39:35,509 That's exactly what the Herdmans said. 922 00:39:35,576 --> 00:39:37,812 I never thought about it before. It is pathetic. 923 00:39:37,879 --> 00:39:39,814 We hear all about this warm stable 924 00:39:39,881 --> 00:39:42,350 with animals and the sweet-smelling hay. 925 00:39:42,415 --> 00:39:45,353 Ugh. My cousins grew up on a farm. 926 00:39:45,418 --> 00:39:47,154 Nothing sweet about that smell. 927 00:39:47,221 --> 00:39:50,324 I have to admit, deep down, 928 00:39:50,390 --> 00:39:52,459 those kids might just have good instincts. 929 00:39:52,526 --> 00:39:54,862 They wanted to burn Herod alive, Mom. 930 00:39:56,197 --> 00:39:58,431 I said, "Deep down." 931 00:39:58,498 --> 00:40:01,302 They picked the right villain. That's something, right? 932 00:40:01,369 --> 00:40:03,704 What did happen to Herod? I don't even know. 933 00:40:03,771 --> 00:40:05,806 -(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) -(TELEPHONE RINGING) 934 00:40:05,873 --> 00:40:07,608 Who would be calling at this... 935 00:40:09,476 --> 00:40:11,178 -Mrs. Armstrong. -Mrs. Armstrong. 936 00:40:11,245 --> 00:40:12,914 It's the fifth time this hour. 937 00:40:12,980 --> 00:40:15,917 Wendelken told her that you haven't axed the Herdmans yet. 938 00:40:15,983 --> 00:40:18,019 She needs to know what's taking so long. 939 00:40:18,085 --> 00:40:19,620 (SIGHS WEARILY) 940 00:40:19,687 --> 00:40:22,123 Sweetheart, the smell of this just reminds me 941 00:40:22,189 --> 00:40:23,691 that you're... you're busy. 942 00:40:25,425 --> 00:40:26,661 God... 943 00:40:27,862 --> 00:40:31,799 I just have a feeling this is gonna be a real disaster. 944 00:40:31,866 --> 00:40:32,833 (DOOR OPENS) 945 00:40:34,467 --> 00:40:35,803 You awake, kiddo? 946 00:40:43,344 --> 00:40:44,712 How you doin' with all this? 947 00:40:44,779 --> 00:40:47,815 Are we sure Mom can't replace the Herdmans? 948 00:40:47,882 --> 00:40:49,617 I think it's a little late for that. 949 00:40:49,684 --> 00:40:50,785 And it's all my fault, 950 00:40:50,851 --> 00:40:53,921 because I didn't raise my stupid hand. 951 00:40:53,988 --> 00:40:57,391 There was a man much wiser than me that once said, 952 00:40:57,457 --> 00:41:00,227 "You can't add a single hour to your life 953 00:41:00,294 --> 00:41:02,697 "by being anxious about anything." 954 00:41:02,763 --> 00:41:05,232 And that includes putting on a Christmas pageant. 955 00:41:05,299 --> 00:41:06,634 He hadn't met the Herdmans. 956 00:41:06,701 --> 00:41:08,035 (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) 957 00:41:08,102 --> 00:41:10,237 Actually... 958 00:41:10,304 --> 00:41:12,506 he knows them better than anyone. 959 00:41:12,573 --> 00:41:15,376 Anyway, would you come with me 960 00:41:15,443 --> 00:41:16,444 in the morning to do something? 961 00:41:16,510 --> 00:41:17,912 What kinda something? 962 00:41:18,512 --> 00:41:21,015 Sort of an errand. 963 00:41:21,082 --> 00:41:24,418 I think it'd be good for you to go. And the whole family. 964 00:41:24,484 --> 00:41:25,753 Somethin' I want you to see. 965 00:41:27,288 --> 00:41:28,255 Okay. 966 00:41:29,957 --> 00:41:31,625 Get some sleep. 967 00:41:31,692 --> 00:41:32,860 -Merry Christmas. -Merry Christmas. 968 00:41:32,927 --> 00:41:34,962 REVEREND HOPKINS: Evan. You got it? 969 00:41:35,563 --> 00:41:37,131 BOB: Yeah, yeah. 970 00:41:37,198 --> 00:41:38,733 (CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING) 971 00:41:38,799 --> 00:41:41,202 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATION) 972 00:41:41,268 --> 00:41:42,269 REVEREND HOPKINS: Thanks, Bob. 973 00:41:42,336 --> 00:41:43,637 BOB: Thank you. Merry Christmas. 974 00:41:45,172 --> 00:41:46,774 (BOB SIGHS) 975 00:41:46,841 --> 00:41:49,276 -What's all this for? -Wouldn't you like to know? 976 00:41:50,478 --> 00:41:51,479 (HATCH CLOSES) 977 00:41:51,545 --> 00:41:53,748 (CHRISTMAS MUSIC CONTINUES) 978 00:41:57,451 --> 00:41:59,253 I never knew you were a Secret Santa. 979 00:41:59,320 --> 00:42:00,621 Well, it's not exactly a secret. 980 00:42:00,688 --> 00:42:02,356 The Church Charitable Works Committee 981 00:42:02,423 --> 00:42:03,924 has been doing this for decades. 982 00:42:03,991 --> 00:42:07,561 It's a good way to get out of our comfort zone and step up. 983 00:42:07,628 --> 00:42:08,963 Plus, I thought you all would be 984 00:42:09,030 --> 00:42:11,565 especially interested in one of my stops. 985 00:42:20,608 --> 00:42:22,543 I think some of your classmates live here. 986 00:42:22,610 --> 00:42:25,780 Really? This is one of your stops? 987 00:42:25,846 --> 00:42:28,517 You never told me you visited the Herdmans. 988 00:42:28,582 --> 00:42:30,017 Didn't seem of note until this year. 989 00:42:30,718 --> 00:42:31,752 Beth, you wanna come? 990 00:42:31,819 --> 00:42:33,387 That would not be a good idea. 991 00:42:33,454 --> 00:42:35,056 BOB: (CHUCKLES) Okay. 992 00:42:35,122 --> 00:42:38,859 But we all need to remember Christmas comes for everyone. 993 00:42:43,631 --> 00:42:44,832 (CAR DOOR CLOSES) 994 00:42:59,447 --> 00:43:00,981 -It's the ham man! -I want some! 995 00:43:01,048 --> 00:43:02,283 It's ham day! 996 00:43:02,349 --> 00:43:03,350 LEROY: Give me some ham! Give it! 997 00:43:03,417 --> 00:43:04,418 OLLIE: Ham day! 998 00:43:04,485 --> 00:43:06,555 Hey! Hey! Hey! 999 00:43:06,620 --> 00:43:08,456 That ham's for Christmas eatin' 1000 00:43:08,523 --> 00:43:10,091 and if any of you touch it before then, 1001 00:43:10,157 --> 00:43:12,927 I will invent a torture just for you! 1002 00:43:12,993 --> 00:43:14,028 (ALL GASP) 1003 00:43:14,563 --> 00:43:15,729 (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) 1004 00:43:15,796 --> 00:43:18,165 -Is your mom home? -Not when the sun's up. 1005 00:43:19,700 --> 00:43:21,769 -I'm sorry about that. -It's fine. 1006 00:43:21,836 --> 00:43:22,837 I know how to cook. 1007 00:43:22,903 --> 00:43:24,105 BOB: I'm sure you do. 1008 00:43:24,171 --> 00:43:25,873 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 1009 00:43:27,007 --> 00:43:30,077 Well... uh, please let her know I stopped by. 1010 00:43:30,144 --> 00:43:31,912 I got the biggest ham for you guys. 1011 00:43:38,185 --> 00:43:39,653 Merry Christmas. 1012 00:43:45,759 --> 00:43:47,261 (ALL CLAMORING) 1013 00:43:47,328 --> 00:43:48,796 OLLIE: Give it to me! I want the first bite! 1014 00:43:48,863 --> 00:43:50,331 -(HERDMANS SCREAMING) -OLLIE: Give it to me! 1015 00:43:50,397 --> 00:43:51,566 Back off, Imogene! 1016 00:43:51,632 --> 00:43:53,400 LEROY: Get off me, Ralph! 1017 00:43:53,467 --> 00:43:55,402 IMOGENE: Back up! Back up! 1018 00:43:55,469 --> 00:43:57,705 (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) 1019 00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:02,076 -(SIGHS) -No mom or dad home. 1020 00:44:02,143 --> 00:44:03,644 BOB: Reverend Hopkins says they don't know 1021 00:44:03,711 --> 00:44:05,312 where their mom is half the time. 1022 00:44:05,379 --> 00:44:07,148 I heard, when Gladys turned two, 1023 00:44:07,214 --> 00:44:09,416 Mr. Herdman climbed on a railroad train 1024 00:44:09,483 --> 00:44:11,152 and never came back. 1025 00:44:11,218 --> 00:44:12,554 Nobody could blame him. 1026 00:44:12,621 --> 00:44:13,988 All right, Beth, that's enough. 1027 00:44:16,190 --> 00:44:18,826 I can't believe I listened to those women. 1028 00:44:19,994 --> 00:44:21,228 BOB: What's on your mind? 1029 00:44:22,429 --> 00:44:23,632 (INHALES DEEPLY) 1030 00:44:23,697 --> 00:44:25,099 What's on my mind is that 1031 00:44:25,166 --> 00:44:27,801 Mrs. Armstrong and Mrs. Wendelken 1032 00:44:27,868 --> 00:44:30,337 and everyone else can stuff it. 1033 00:44:31,438 --> 00:44:32,706 Whoa. 1034 00:44:32,773 --> 00:44:34,643 After all, 1035 00:44:34,708 --> 00:44:37,077 they raised their hands, and no one else did. 1036 00:44:37,845 --> 00:44:39,113 And that's that. 1037 00:44:39,914 --> 00:44:42,082 (ENCHANTING MUSIC PLAYING) 1038 00:44:42,149 --> 00:44:43,217 (KEYS JANGLING) 1039 00:44:50,758 --> 00:44:52,960 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATION) 1040 00:45:03,237 --> 00:45:04,271 (SIGHS) 1041 00:45:05,674 --> 00:45:06,941 Ow. What? 1042 00:45:07,007 --> 00:45:09,176 How do you get a book out of the library? 1043 00:45:09,243 --> 00:45:11,613 Um... Well, you have to have a card. 1044 00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:13,380 -Do you have one? -Yeah. 1045 00:45:13,447 --> 00:45:14,448 Give it to me. 1046 00:45:14,516 --> 00:45:15,716 (SIGHS) 1047 00:45:15,783 --> 00:45:17,985 It doesn't really work like that. 1048 00:45:18,052 --> 00:45:19,954 -(BELL DINGS) -I'll be right with you. 1049 00:45:21,222 --> 00:45:22,256 Oh, my. 1050 00:45:22,323 --> 00:45:23,592 (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) 1051 00:45:23,658 --> 00:45:25,960 I don't keep any money here, if that's what you're after. 1052 00:45:26,026 --> 00:45:28,862 This is the library, right? Where the books are? 1053 00:45:29,698 --> 00:45:31,165 We need the one with Jesus in it. 1054 00:45:31,633 --> 00:45:33,000 And his mom. 1055 00:45:33,067 --> 00:45:35,769 -And the Wise Men. -And stupid Herod. 1056 00:45:36,638 --> 00:45:37,938 It's the one they use in church. 1057 00:45:38,005 --> 00:45:39,340 You mean the Bible? 1058 00:45:39,406 --> 00:45:41,275 Hi, Mrs. Graebner. 1059 00:45:41,342 --> 00:45:42,510 Imogene and her brothers 1060 00:45:42,577 --> 00:45:43,678 would like to get library cards. 1061 00:45:43,744 --> 00:45:45,045 Me too! 1062 00:45:45,746 --> 00:45:46,814 And her sister. 1063 00:45:46,880 --> 00:45:49,016 Beth! Oh, phew! 1064 00:45:49,083 --> 00:45:50,985 -I thought that... -Calm down, lady. 1065 00:45:51,051 --> 00:45:52,820 We just need to look some stuff up. 1066 00:45:53,787 --> 00:45:55,089 Imogene and Ralph are playing 1067 00:45:55,155 --> 00:45:56,857 Mary and Joseph in the pageant. 1068 00:45:56,924 --> 00:45:58,392 Oh, I'm aware. 1069 00:45:58,459 --> 00:46:02,731 I bought tickets. Before I found out about it. 1070 00:46:02,796 --> 00:46:04,465 They haven't offered any refunds. 1071 00:46:04,532 --> 00:46:08,302 And now, you want library cards? 1072 00:46:08,369 --> 00:46:09,537 You? 1073 00:46:10,871 --> 00:46:12,473 To check out Bibles? 1074 00:46:14,041 --> 00:46:17,512 Now I've seen everything. Herdmans in the library. 1075 00:46:20,014 --> 00:46:22,550 There's the Christmas story. 1076 00:46:23,817 --> 00:46:26,253 Where's the pictures? 1077 00:46:27,187 --> 00:46:28,289 Oye. 1078 00:46:36,330 --> 00:46:40,267 Some of these words are weird but this stuff is gold. 1079 00:46:40,334 --> 00:46:43,705 -Ralph, go find a Herod book. -How? 1080 00:46:43,772 --> 00:46:44,938 I'll show you the card catalog. 1081 00:46:45,005 --> 00:46:47,742 Don't buy anything! 1082 00:46:47,808 --> 00:46:50,077 It's not that kind of catalog. 1083 00:46:53,013 --> 00:46:56,518 Beth's mom was right. This Mary is kind of tough. 1084 00:46:56,584 --> 00:46:58,586 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 1085 00:47:00,387 --> 00:47:01,889 ADULT BETH: The Herdmans searched through 1086 00:47:01,955 --> 00:47:03,257 book after book, 1087 00:47:03,324 --> 00:47:05,059 looking up every question that came to mind. 1088 00:47:05,125 --> 00:47:07,928 My fingers were sliced up like a turkey sandwich 1089 00:47:07,995 --> 00:47:09,930 from all the times I went back to the card catalog. 1090 00:47:09,997 --> 00:47:11,298 (O COME, ALL YE FAITHFUL PLAYING) 1091 00:47:11,365 --> 00:47:14,268 ♪ O, come all ye faithful ♪ 1092 00:47:15,302 --> 00:47:19,507 ♪ Joyful and triumphant ♪ 1093 00:47:19,574 --> 00:47:21,375 (TALKING INDISTINCTLY) 1094 00:47:21,442 --> 00:47:23,545 -Pictures. -Pictures in lots of books. 1095 00:47:25,212 --> 00:47:27,247 ADULT BETH: I'd had plenty of homework assignments 1096 00:47:27,314 --> 00:47:29,116 where I had to go to the library 1097 00:47:29,183 --> 00:47:32,119 but I don't think I was ever as interested in anything 1098 00:47:32,186 --> 00:47:34,522 as Imogene was in the Christmas story. 1099 00:47:34,589 --> 00:47:36,056 Do you hear me? 1100 00:47:36,123 --> 00:47:38,560 The shepherds were just minding their business, 1101 00:47:38,626 --> 00:47:40,729 and boom! 1102 00:47:40,795 --> 00:47:43,364 Yeah, I get it. We're Wise Men, though. 1103 00:47:43,430 --> 00:47:45,366 We just walk up with a box of junk. 1104 00:47:45,432 --> 00:47:47,334 Why are you making us do all this? 1105 00:47:51,539 --> 00:47:54,174 Ollie, what's that movie you like with the whale? 1106 00:47:54,241 --> 00:47:55,209 Land Ho! 1107 00:47:55,275 --> 00:47:57,211 You think that captain guy in Land Ho! 1108 00:47:57,277 --> 00:47:59,113 just made up how to build a raft? 1109 00:47:59,179 --> 00:48:00,548 -No way. -IMOGENE: That's right. 1110 00:48:00,615 --> 00:48:02,784 He had to read up. 1111 00:48:02,851 --> 00:48:04,586 I thought we were doing this for cake. 1112 00:48:04,652 --> 00:48:06,053 It's about the cake, too. 1113 00:48:06,120 --> 00:48:09,123 But it's also, like, we get to make a movie. 1114 00:48:10,391 --> 00:48:13,127 In the movies we watch, the actress gets to... 1115 00:48:13,193 --> 00:48:14,596 (ENCHANTING MUSIC PLAYING) 1116 00:48:14,662 --> 00:48:18,332 All the actors and actresses get to be someone else. 1117 00:48:18,399 --> 00:48:20,200 They get to change who they are 1118 00:48:20,267 --> 00:48:21,502 and live a different life. 1119 00:48:21,569 --> 00:48:24,506 They can get away from their miserable lives 1120 00:48:24,572 --> 00:48:26,407 and become someone new. 1121 00:48:27,141 --> 00:48:28,475 That's what we get to do. 1122 00:48:30,911 --> 00:48:31,912 Yeah. 1123 00:48:31,979 --> 00:48:34,849 So I get to be a king. 1124 00:48:34,915 --> 00:48:37,217 Yeah. On Christmas Eve, you do. 1125 00:48:37,284 --> 00:48:39,554 No way Gladys can be an angel. 1126 00:48:39,621 --> 00:48:40,822 Yes, I can! 1127 00:48:40,889 --> 00:48:43,457 -You can at least try. -(SIGHS) 1128 00:48:43,525 --> 00:48:47,294 Great. And I just get to be some poor guy married to you. 1129 00:48:47,361 --> 00:48:49,631 (ALL LAUGHING) 1130 00:48:49,697 --> 00:48:50,998 He's someone important enough 1131 00:48:51,064 --> 00:48:52,399 that they wrote about him in books. 1132 00:48:52,466 --> 00:48:56,704 And I get to be a sweet, pretty... 1133 00:49:01,074 --> 00:49:03,010 Then we can get all the food they got. 1134 00:49:03,076 --> 00:49:06,246 Plus, now I got a book license! 1135 00:49:06,313 --> 00:49:07,649 (GIGGLES) 1136 00:49:08,550 --> 00:49:09,717 You chokin' over there? 1137 00:49:11,185 --> 00:49:12,252 I should go home. 1138 00:49:12,319 --> 00:49:14,154 Nobody asked you to stay. 1139 00:49:16,925 --> 00:49:18,225 Claude likes his license. 1140 00:49:19,393 --> 00:49:21,729 ADULT BETH: That was about as close to a thank you 1141 00:49:21,796 --> 00:49:23,698 as I'd ever get. 1142 00:49:23,765 --> 00:49:26,568 -(WIND BLOWING) -(DOOR CLOSES) 1143 00:49:26,634 --> 00:49:30,204 Sorry I'm late. 1144 00:49:30,270 --> 00:49:33,240 All right, let's get into our groups. Angels, you are... 1145 00:49:34,609 --> 00:49:36,076 Oh... 1146 00:49:36,143 --> 00:49:38,145 Okay, good. And everyone else... 1147 00:49:40,080 --> 00:49:43,383 Well... thank you for being on time. 1148 00:49:44,719 --> 00:49:45,820 Yes, Claude? 1149 00:49:45,887 --> 00:49:47,488 Can we hang Herod? 1150 00:49:47,555 --> 00:49:48,556 No, Claude. 1151 00:49:50,123 --> 00:49:52,125 No one's going to die in this pageant. 1152 00:49:55,062 --> 00:49:56,363 We have a lot of work to do tonight, 1153 00:49:56,430 --> 00:49:58,733 -so let's get to it. -MRS. WENDELKEN: Excuse me. 1154 00:50:00,602 --> 00:50:03,270 Why are they still here? 1155 00:50:03,337 --> 00:50:06,774 Because they're in the pageant, Rebecca. 1156 00:50:06,841 --> 00:50:08,543 And that's how it's going to stay. 1157 00:50:08,610 --> 00:50:09,476 Oh, really? 1158 00:50:09,544 --> 00:50:11,111 And what would you like me to tell 1159 00:50:11,178 --> 00:50:14,248 Mrs. Armstrong, Mrs. Slocum and the other mothers? 1160 00:50:14,314 --> 00:50:16,049 You can tell them it's going to be 1161 00:50:16,116 --> 00:50:18,553 the best Christmas pageant ever. 1162 00:50:18,620 --> 00:50:19,587 MRS. WENDELKEN: Hmm. 1163 00:50:19,654 --> 00:50:21,589 I'm gonna make it work with the Herdmans. 1164 00:50:22,924 --> 00:50:24,291 Places, everyone. 1165 00:50:24,358 --> 00:50:25,693 (CHRISTMAS IS LOVE BY DEVON GILFILLIAN PLAYING) 1166 00:50:25,760 --> 00:50:27,227 ♪ Yeah ♪ 1167 00:50:27,294 --> 00:50:30,230 ♪ Hey, yeah ♪ 1168 00:50:30,297 --> 00:50:32,065 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 1169 00:50:33,267 --> 00:50:35,837 ♪ Oh, what a beautiful way ♪ 1170 00:50:35,904 --> 00:50:38,506 Isn't the Angel of the Lord supposed to say something? 1171 00:50:38,573 --> 00:50:39,807 -Hey! -(GASPS) 1172 00:50:40,642 --> 00:50:41,676 (GASPS) 1173 00:50:41,743 --> 00:50:43,210 ADULT BETH: Yeah, they were still Herdmans 1174 00:50:43,277 --> 00:50:45,112 and some people were not going to 1175 00:50:45,178 --> 00:50:46,748 forget that for a minute. 1176 00:50:46,814 --> 00:50:48,181 ♪ All right ♪ 1177 00:50:48,248 --> 00:50:51,786 ♪ Oh, what a beautiful way ♪ 1178 00:50:53,420 --> 00:50:56,558 ♪ To express yourself ♪ 1179 00:50:56,624 --> 00:50:59,426 ♪ Knowing Christmas is love ♪ 1180 00:50:59,493 --> 00:51:00,795 Go. Go, go, go. 1181 00:51:00,862 --> 00:51:01,796 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 1182 00:51:01,863 --> 00:51:03,531 Get away from the baby! 1183 00:51:03,598 --> 00:51:06,433 Imogene, the Wise Men are here to honor Him 1184 00:51:06,500 --> 00:51:08,570 not harm Him, for heaven's sake. 1185 00:51:08,636 --> 00:51:11,104 What if we didn't go home a different way? 1186 00:51:11,171 --> 00:51:13,273 What if we tell the king where the baby was? 1187 00:51:13,340 --> 00:51:17,244 -Old Herod would murder him. -He would not! 1188 00:51:17,311 --> 00:51:18,646 ADULT BETH: I thought about it later, though, 1189 00:51:18,713 --> 00:51:20,848 and I decided that if Herod, a king, 1190 00:51:20,915 --> 00:51:24,251 set out to murder Jesus, a carpenter's baby son, 1191 00:51:24,318 --> 00:51:26,788 and he did know where he was, he would do it. 1192 00:51:26,854 --> 00:51:29,057 So, Leroy gave us something to think about. 1193 00:51:29,122 --> 00:51:30,725 -Stop! - ADULT BETH: No Jesus. Ever. 1194 00:51:30,792 --> 00:51:32,459 Okay. Let's just take it down a notch, okay? 1195 00:51:32,527 --> 00:51:34,494 Stand up. Stand up. I can't hear you guys 1196 00:51:34,562 --> 00:51:35,964 when you're all talking at once. 1197 00:51:36,030 --> 00:51:37,431 ADULT BETH: Alice clearly didn't think 1198 00:51:37,497 --> 00:51:39,867 anything from the Herdmans was worth thinking about. 1199 00:51:39,934 --> 00:51:42,070 Is there a way to make her smile? 1200 00:51:42,135 --> 00:51:43,571 CLAUDE: No, she doesn't do that. 1201 00:51:43,638 --> 00:51:46,139 ADULT BETH: But at least others seemed to be trying... 1202 00:51:46,206 --> 00:51:48,576 in unexpected ways. 1203 00:51:48,643 --> 00:51:52,780 ♪ Let us all rest in peace ♪ 1204 00:51:52,847 --> 00:51:56,149 ♪ And for all. .. ♪ 1205 00:51:56,216 --> 00:51:57,852 ♪ All war to cease ♪ 1206 00:51:57,919 --> 00:51:59,887 Okay. Places, everyone! 1207 00:51:59,954 --> 00:52:01,188 ♪ Yeah ♪ 1208 00:52:02,356 --> 00:52:04,458 Who do I talk to about rewrites? 1209 00:52:04,525 --> 00:52:06,326 I heard about rewrites in the movies. 1210 00:52:06,928 --> 00:52:08,428 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 1211 00:52:08,495 --> 00:52:11,099 ♪ Let the world think and rest in peace, too ♪ 1212 00:52:11,164 --> 00:52:13,266 (SIGHS) Okay, God. 1213 00:52:14,068 --> 00:52:15,970 Now it's getting even more scary. 1214 00:52:16,037 --> 00:52:17,204 (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) 1215 00:52:17,270 --> 00:52:19,807 So please do something to help Mom 1216 00:52:19,874 --> 00:52:21,274 and save the pageant. 1217 00:52:22,010 --> 00:52:23,210 That's all. 1218 00:52:24,012 --> 00:52:25,013 Amen. 1219 00:52:25,079 --> 00:52:27,280 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 1220 00:52:28,950 --> 00:52:31,284 ADULT BETH: The last rehearsal was also the night before 1221 00:52:31,351 --> 00:52:32,720 the potluck supper. 1222 00:52:32,787 --> 00:52:35,222 So the whole church was full of kids and parents 1223 00:52:35,288 --> 00:52:37,058 and the members of the Potluck Committee. 1224 00:52:37,125 --> 00:52:40,762 Which meant Mrs. Slocum had a chance to do a little spying 1225 00:52:40,828 --> 00:52:43,196 to find something to disapprove of. 1226 00:52:43,263 --> 00:52:44,498 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATION) 1227 00:52:47,234 --> 00:52:48,703 Hello, Mrs. Slocum. 1228 00:52:49,169 --> 00:52:50,672 Hi! 1229 00:52:51,873 --> 00:52:53,306 Sorry about all this. 1230 00:52:53,373 --> 00:52:55,910 It's... It's just, with so much to do this time of year, 1231 00:52:55,977 --> 00:52:58,012 the Potluck Committee decided to come in tonight 1232 00:52:58,079 --> 00:52:59,914 to get the food ready. 1233 00:52:59,981 --> 00:53:01,248 I hope we won't bother you. 1234 00:53:01,314 --> 00:53:03,450 You won't. We won't even be near the kitchen. 1235 00:53:03,518 --> 00:53:04,852 You won't even know we're here. 1236 00:53:04,919 --> 00:53:06,420 ADULT BETH: Mom was wrong. 1237 00:53:06,486 --> 00:53:09,222 Everybody knew we were there before the evening was over. 1238 00:53:09,289 --> 00:53:10,625 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATION) 1239 00:53:10,692 --> 00:53:14,762 Okay, everybody, this will be a dress rehearsal. 1240 00:53:14,829 --> 00:53:15,830 Who knows what that means? 1241 00:53:15,897 --> 00:53:17,297 -Costumes. -Dress-up. 1242 00:53:17,364 --> 00:53:19,634 Yes, for some of you. 1243 00:53:19,701 --> 00:53:22,003 I don't have any kinda costume. 1244 00:53:22,070 --> 00:53:25,673 Just wear your dad's bathrobe. That's what I always do. 1245 00:53:25,740 --> 00:53:27,340 My dad doesn't have a bathrobe. 1246 00:53:27,407 --> 00:53:29,110 Then what does he wear around the house? 1247 00:53:29,177 --> 00:53:30,377 His underwear. 1248 00:53:30,444 --> 00:53:33,014 (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) All right. That's okay. 1249 00:53:33,081 --> 00:53:34,481 This year, because of the anniversary, 1250 00:53:34,549 --> 00:53:36,984 Ladies Aid has helped with nicer costumes. 1251 00:53:41,956 --> 00:53:43,558 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATION) 1252 00:53:50,565 --> 00:53:53,534 (ENCHANTING MUSIC PLAYING) 1253 00:53:56,938 --> 00:53:58,639 You can be sweet. 1254 00:54:01,475 --> 00:54:03,678 MRS. SLOCUM: Hello, Imogene. 1255 00:54:03,745 --> 00:54:05,780 Aren't you supposed to be in costume? 1256 00:54:06,313 --> 00:54:07,682 I will be. 1257 00:54:08,082 --> 00:54:09,217 I'm playing Mary. 1258 00:54:09,282 --> 00:54:12,319 Oh... I couldn't tell. 1259 00:54:12,385 --> 00:54:15,422 You don't look like any Mary I've seen before. 1260 00:54:18,693 --> 00:54:21,461 Well, gotta go prepare the potluck dinner. 1261 00:54:21,529 --> 00:54:23,965 It's for 500 people. 1262 00:54:25,365 --> 00:54:27,635 (BELLS CHIMING) 1263 00:54:34,075 --> 00:54:35,843 It makes my eyes glow in the light. 1264 00:54:35,910 --> 00:54:39,046 Now, the main point of a dress rehearsal 1265 00:54:39,113 --> 00:54:40,447 isn't costumes. 1266 00:54:40,515 --> 00:54:42,183 It's about getting through the show 1267 00:54:42,250 --> 00:54:44,152 without stopping. Got it? 1268 00:54:44,218 --> 00:54:45,753 -BOTH: Got it. -Okay. 1269 00:54:45,820 --> 00:54:47,755 I'm gonna sit upstairs in the audience. 1270 00:54:50,191 --> 00:54:51,324 Take it away! 1271 00:54:51,391 --> 00:54:52,660 BOYS: Yay! 1272 00:54:53,094 --> 00:54:54,061 Yes. 1273 00:54:54,996 --> 00:54:56,063 (SIGHS) 1274 00:54:56,964 --> 00:54:58,566 Big smiles. 1275 00:54:59,267 --> 00:55:00,835 Hang on to the railing. 1276 00:55:01,936 --> 00:55:02,904 That's good. 1277 00:55:02,970 --> 00:55:04,371 -(OBJECTS CLATTERING) -(CHILD LAUGHING) 1278 00:55:04,437 --> 00:55:06,941 Oh. Good grief. Everyone, it's showtime! 1279 00:55:07,708 --> 00:55:08,709 Imogene. 1280 00:55:09,610 --> 00:55:10,978 What's wrong? Where's your costume? 1281 00:55:11,045 --> 00:55:13,380 Where's the baby? 1282 00:55:13,446 --> 00:55:15,315 There is no baby. We're using a doll. 1283 00:55:15,382 --> 00:55:16,751 Yeah, I know. 1284 00:55:16,818 --> 00:55:19,187 'Cause you couldn't get a real one 'cause of me. 1285 00:55:19,253 --> 00:55:21,589 -No. - ADULT BETH: It was true. 1286 00:55:21,656 --> 00:55:23,858 We had lots of babies offered in the beginning. 1287 00:55:23,925 --> 00:55:25,726 All the way from Eugene Sloper, 1288 00:55:25,793 --> 00:55:27,394 who was a promising option... 1289 00:55:27,460 --> 00:55:28,830 (JINGLE BELLS THEME PLAYING) 1290 00:55:28,896 --> 00:55:32,365 ...up to Junior Cottle, who was almost four. 1291 00:55:32,432 --> 00:55:34,302 His father said he could scrunch up. 1292 00:55:34,367 --> 00:55:36,571 Heard we need a baby. I can help. 1293 00:55:36,637 --> 00:55:38,606 Really? That's great. Who? 1294 00:55:38,673 --> 00:55:40,141 They've always got two or three babies 1295 00:55:40,208 --> 00:55:42,109 in carriages at the supermarket. 1296 00:55:42,176 --> 00:55:43,476 I'll just take one. 1297 00:55:43,544 --> 00:55:46,614 (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) Imogene, I hope you're kidding. 1298 00:55:46,681 --> 00:55:49,416 You know you can't just walk off with someone's baby. 1299 00:55:49,482 --> 00:55:51,451 ADULT BETH: I doubt Imogene did know that. 1300 00:55:51,519 --> 00:55:52,954 She walked off with everything else. 1301 00:55:55,623 --> 00:55:58,226 But when all the parents heard about the Herdmans, 1302 00:55:58,292 --> 00:55:59,794 they withdrew their babies. 1303 00:56:01,262 --> 00:56:02,730 (SIGHS) 1304 00:56:04,632 --> 00:56:07,268 (TELEPHONE RINGING) 1305 00:56:07,335 --> 00:56:08,870 -We had hope. -GRACE: Hello? 1306 00:56:08,936 --> 00:56:11,038 ADULT BETH: Bernice Toole was fostering a three-month-old. 1307 00:56:11,105 --> 00:56:13,406 GRACE: No, it doesn't matter that she's Chinese! 1308 00:56:14,141 --> 00:56:15,408 Thank you, Bernice! 1309 00:56:15,475 --> 00:56:16,711 -Yes! -(RECORD SCRATCHES) 1310 00:56:16,777 --> 00:56:18,246 ADULT BETH: But then the baby got adopted 1311 00:56:18,312 --> 00:56:19,680 and Bernice said it was too soon 1312 00:56:19,747 --> 00:56:20,848 to ask to borrow a kid back. 1313 00:56:20,915 --> 00:56:23,117 -So, that was that. -Where is it? 1314 00:56:23,184 --> 00:56:24,552 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 1315 00:56:24,619 --> 00:56:26,287 I think Beth brought it in from the car. 1316 00:56:26,354 --> 00:56:28,556 Let's go check with her. 1317 00:56:28,623 --> 00:56:31,058 ADULT BETH: Imogene's brothers had hidden the doll 1318 00:56:31,125 --> 00:56:32,425 because they didn't think it looked like Jesus, 1319 00:56:32,492 --> 00:56:33,861 whatever that meant. 1320 00:56:33,928 --> 00:56:36,898 But after a fruitless search, we had to start. 1321 00:56:36,964 --> 00:56:38,366 (PIANO MUSIC PLAYING) 1322 00:56:38,431 --> 00:56:39,533 (ALL SINGING) ♪ Away in a manger ♪ 1323 00:56:39,600 --> 00:56:42,203 ♪ O little town of Bethlehem... ♪ 1324 00:56:42,270 --> 00:56:44,906 -♪ No crib for a bed... ♪ -♪ How still we see... ♪ 1325 00:56:44,972 --> 00:56:45,973 Stop. Stop. 1326 00:56:46,040 --> 00:56:49,644 Back row... "Away in a manger" comes first. 1327 00:56:50,912 --> 00:56:52,179 I've got the baby. 1328 00:56:52,246 --> 00:56:55,249 Finally. No thanks to you jerks. 1329 00:56:55,316 --> 00:56:56,751 -Don't touch him! -(RALPH SIGHS) 1330 00:56:56,817 --> 00:56:57,919 It's Baby Jesus. 1331 00:56:57,985 --> 00:57:00,087 Now, Imogene, you're not supposed to say anything. 1332 00:57:00,154 --> 00:57:03,858 Then, Wise Men, you're supposed to quietly leave! 1333 00:57:03,925 --> 00:57:06,694 This is important, everyone. Remember what I said? 1334 00:57:06,761 --> 00:57:10,164 Nobody says anything in our pageant 1335 00:57:10,231 --> 00:57:12,566 except for the Angel of the Lord 1336 00:57:12,633 --> 00:57:14,302 and of course, the singing choir. 1337 00:57:14,368 --> 00:57:16,469 Mary, Joseph, and the others 1338 00:57:16,537 --> 00:57:18,606 create a lovely picture for us to look at 1339 00:57:18,673 --> 00:57:21,309 while we think about Christmas and what it means. 1340 00:57:21,375 --> 00:57:22,643 What does it mean? 1341 00:57:22,710 --> 00:57:24,412 I'm starting to forget. 1342 00:57:24,477 --> 00:57:26,547 Okay, let's take it from the to... 1343 00:57:27,181 --> 00:57:28,416 Imogene, 1344 00:57:28,481 --> 00:57:29,817 you can't wear earrings during the performance. 1345 00:57:29,884 --> 00:57:31,484 You know Mary didn't wear earrings. 1346 00:57:31,552 --> 00:57:33,387 -I have to wear these. -Why is that? 1347 00:57:33,453 --> 00:57:34,722 I got my ears pierced 1348 00:57:34,789 --> 00:57:36,489 and I don't want 'em to grow together. 1349 00:57:36,557 --> 00:57:37,892 They're not gonna grow together 1350 00:57:37,959 --> 00:57:39,560 -in an hour and a half. -I'd better leave 'em in. 1351 00:57:39,627 --> 00:57:41,829 -The doctor said that? -What doctor? 1352 00:57:41,896 --> 00:57:44,899 -Who pierced your ears? -Gladys. 1353 00:57:47,068 --> 00:57:48,836 All right. 1354 00:57:48,903 --> 00:57:51,605 We'll find a smaller pair for the pageant. 1355 00:57:51,672 --> 00:57:53,140 Let's take it from the top. Okay, so... 1356 00:57:53,207 --> 00:57:55,076 I think I ought to tell them what I named him. 1357 00:57:55,142 --> 00:57:57,578 No. Remember, Mary doesn't name the baby. 1358 00:57:57,645 --> 00:57:59,513 I told you. I named him! 1359 00:57:59,580 --> 00:58:02,383 No. No! Joseph doesn't name him either. 1360 00:58:02,450 --> 00:58:04,518 God sends an angel to tell Mary 1361 00:58:04,585 --> 00:58:05,720 what his name should be. 1362 00:58:05,786 --> 00:58:07,288 I would've named him Bill. 1363 00:58:07,355 --> 00:58:08,656 -(GASPS) -RALPH: Wait, 1364 00:58:08,723 --> 00:58:11,392 Gladys told Mary what to name her baby? 1365 00:58:11,459 --> 00:58:13,260 No, Gladys is the angel 1366 00:58:13,327 --> 00:58:14,729 that comes to the shepherds and says, 1367 00:58:14,795 --> 00:58:16,430 "Unto you a child is born." 1368 00:58:16,496 --> 00:58:19,499 Unto me! Not them. Me. 1369 00:58:19,567 --> 00:58:21,402 I'm the one who had the baby. 1370 00:58:21,469 --> 00:58:24,372 It just means that Jesus is for the world. 1371 00:58:24,438 --> 00:58:27,641 Unto all of us a child is born, 1372 00:58:27,708 --> 00:58:29,744 even the poor people, like... 1373 00:58:33,014 --> 00:58:35,583 you know, the shepherds you're playing. 1374 00:58:35,649 --> 00:58:38,452 Why didn't they let Mary name her own baby? 1375 00:58:38,519 --> 00:58:40,654 What'd the angel do, just walk up and say, 1376 00:58:40,721 --> 00:58:42,023 "Name Him 'Jesus'"? 1377 00:58:43,057 --> 00:58:45,659 -Yes. -ALICE: That's not right. 1378 00:58:45,726 --> 00:58:48,295 The angel says, "His name shall be called 1379 00:58:48,362 --> 00:58:49,630 "Wonderful, Counselor... 1380 00:58:49,697 --> 00:58:52,666 "Mighty God, Everlasting Father, 1381 00:58:52,733 --> 00:58:55,002 -"The Prince of Peace." -My God! 1382 00:58:55,069 --> 00:58:56,837 He'd never get out of the first grade 1383 00:58:56,904 --> 00:58:59,607 -if he had to write all that. -(OBJECTS CLATTERING) 1384 00:59:01,675 --> 00:59:03,844 MRS. HOPKINS: I'm so sorry. 1385 00:59:03,911 --> 00:59:07,748 I was passing by and thought I'd take a peek. 1386 00:59:07,815 --> 00:59:11,018 I'd better check on that applesauce cake. 1387 00:59:11,085 --> 00:59:12,720 (OBJECTS CLATTERING) 1388 00:59:12,787 --> 00:59:15,222 (EXHALES, CHUCKLES SOFTLY) 1389 00:59:15,289 --> 00:59:17,324 Imogene, I told you not to take the Lord's name in vain. 1390 00:59:17,391 --> 00:59:20,161 How can you be Mary if you're offending everyone? 1391 00:59:20,227 --> 00:59:21,695 (SIGHS) 1392 00:59:21,762 --> 00:59:23,697 I think we need to take a break. 1393 00:59:23,764 --> 00:59:26,100 Let's meet back here in five minutes 1394 00:59:26,167 --> 00:59:27,268 and we'll start over. 1395 00:59:29,503 --> 00:59:31,238 I told you it would be a disaster. 1396 00:59:31,305 --> 00:59:32,306 (SIGHS) 1397 00:59:36,610 --> 00:59:38,513 I just want you to know I'm happy to take over 1398 00:59:38,579 --> 00:59:40,214 the part of Mary at any time. 1399 00:59:41,816 --> 00:59:43,117 That's good to know, Alice. 1400 00:59:45,186 --> 00:59:47,121 (BREATHES DEEPLY) Imogene, can I... 1401 00:59:47,188 --> 00:59:48,189 I'm going to the john, 1402 00:59:48,255 --> 00:59:50,224 and I'm changing out of this silly costume. 1403 00:59:51,158 --> 00:59:52,259 (SIGHS) 1404 00:59:57,031 --> 00:59:58,766 (SIGHS) 1405 00:59:58,833 --> 01:00:01,702 There she is. Need anything? 1406 01:00:01,769 --> 01:00:04,805 -It's kind of... all wrong. -(DOOR CLOSES) 1407 01:00:05,773 --> 01:00:08,242 Like, everything's falling apart. 1408 01:00:08,309 --> 01:00:11,078 I'm not sure it was really together in the first place. 1409 01:00:11,145 --> 01:00:13,080 Can't we just put Alice in as Mary? 1410 01:00:13,147 --> 01:00:15,616 We can't let the Herdmans ruin this 1411 01:00:15,683 --> 01:00:17,552 for the church or embarrass you. 1412 01:00:17,618 --> 01:00:18,919 (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) 1413 01:00:18,986 --> 01:00:21,989 I think Imogene's head is doing a number on her. 1414 01:00:22,056 --> 01:00:23,424 We just need to get through this rehearsal. 1415 01:00:23,491 --> 01:00:24,492 We can do this. 1416 01:00:24,559 --> 01:00:27,061 (COUGHING) Fire! 1417 01:00:27,962 --> 01:00:29,130 What now? 1418 01:00:29,196 --> 01:00:31,465 -(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) -(ALARM RINGING) 1419 01:00:31,533 --> 01:00:32,833 -Why? Why? -(INDISTINCT SHOUTING) 1420 01:00:32,900 --> 01:00:35,136 Thick smoke coming from the bathroom! 1421 01:00:36,871 --> 01:00:39,574 Okay, okay, okay. Everyone, grab each other's hands. 1422 01:00:39,640 --> 01:00:40,975 Grab your neighbor's hands and... 1423 01:00:41,041 --> 01:00:42,810 All right, Beth, lead the chain out. 1424 01:00:42,877 --> 01:00:44,712 Everyone, grab your coats. 1425 01:00:44,778 --> 01:00:47,114 Alice? Alice? 1426 01:00:47,181 --> 01:00:48,482 Beth, honey... 1427 01:00:48,550 --> 01:00:50,451 Everyone, come on. Come on. 1428 01:00:50,519 --> 01:00:51,852 Are you okay, dear? 1429 01:00:53,120 --> 01:00:54,989 I smelled smoke when I walked in. 1430 01:00:55,055 --> 01:00:56,591 You smelled smoke in the bathroom? 1431 01:00:56,657 --> 01:00:57,691 Mmm-hmm. 1432 01:00:57,758 --> 01:00:59,927 (GASPS) Go with your dad. 1433 01:01:01,328 --> 01:01:04,465 -Do we know what happened? -Herdmans happened. 1434 01:01:04,533 --> 01:01:05,900 Come on. Come on, Angels. 1435 01:01:05,966 --> 01:01:08,035 -Imogene, are you okay? -Yep. 1436 01:01:09,203 --> 01:01:12,541 FIREMAN: Step aside. Another Herdman fire. 1437 01:01:12,607 --> 01:01:14,675 -I'm scared. -I know, dear. I know, I know. 1438 01:01:14,742 --> 01:01:19,346 -Herdmans? In church? -Yep. All of them. 1439 01:01:19,413 --> 01:01:21,015 Lord have mercy on us all. 1440 01:01:21,081 --> 01:01:23,751 What a train wreck. Nothing but trouble. 1441 01:01:23,817 --> 01:01:26,020 (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) 1442 01:01:26,655 --> 01:01:28,822 (HERDMANS GRUNTING) 1443 01:01:28,889 --> 01:01:30,324 (TRUCK SQUEAKING) 1444 01:01:33,961 --> 01:01:36,531 Beth, I want you to go and find the Herdmans, okay? 1445 01:01:36,598 --> 01:01:38,199 -Okay. All right. -Okay, go grab 'em. 1446 01:01:38,866 --> 01:01:42,369 Imogene? Imogene? 1447 01:01:50,411 --> 01:01:52,913 And you saw Imogene Herdman in the bathroom? 1448 01:01:52,980 --> 01:01:54,148 Mmm-hmm. She was there. 1449 01:01:54,215 --> 01:01:56,183 And it's well-known those kids smoke. 1450 01:01:56,250 --> 01:01:57,084 So that's what happened. 1451 01:01:57,151 --> 01:01:59,987 Mom, I can't find the Herdmans. 1452 01:02:00,054 --> 01:02:01,956 Well, they were just here, weren't they? 1453 01:02:02,022 --> 01:02:04,225 I looked everywhere. They're gone. 1454 01:02:04,291 --> 01:02:06,860 And then Dianna sees Imogene standing there. 1455 01:02:06,927 --> 01:02:09,330 The place is filled with smoke. 1456 01:02:09,396 --> 01:02:12,800 Hello? She smokes. She started the fire. 1457 01:02:12,866 --> 01:02:14,735 This needs to be the last straw. 1458 01:02:14,802 --> 01:02:17,838 Let's not jump to conclusions, Rebecca. 1459 01:02:17,905 --> 01:02:19,440 Wouldn't that be refreshing? 1460 01:02:21,275 --> 01:02:22,943 Her Mary did this! 1461 01:02:23,010 --> 01:02:24,745 And a million other things, Reverend. 1462 01:02:24,812 --> 01:02:26,046 Would you like to hear? 1463 01:02:26,113 --> 01:02:30,652 -What happens now, Mom? -I honestly don't know. 1464 01:02:30,719 --> 01:02:32,219 Now will they call it off? 1465 01:02:32,286 --> 01:02:33,722 (MRS. WENDELKEN TALKING INDISTINCTLY) 1466 01:02:33,787 --> 01:02:35,089 They might try. 1467 01:02:35,155 --> 01:02:36,957 MRS. WENDELKEN: Grace said the Angel of the Lord 1468 01:02:37,024 --> 01:02:38,826 is like a comic book hero. 1469 01:02:38,892 --> 01:02:41,028 Is this what I think it is? A Herdman thing? 1470 01:02:41,095 --> 01:02:42,830 I heard they talk about underwear the whole time. 1471 01:02:42,896 --> 01:02:45,499 Excuse me. The Herdman children don't talk about 1472 01:02:45,567 --> 01:02:46,900 underwear during rehearsals. 1473 01:02:46,967 --> 01:02:48,302 That was another boy. 1474 01:02:48,369 --> 01:02:51,740 Alice says they talked about Jesus being murdered. 1475 01:02:51,805 --> 01:02:53,907 That is in the Bible. 1476 01:02:53,974 --> 01:02:55,342 Well, they really shouldn't be here. 1477 01:02:55,409 --> 01:02:56,277 -No. -I agree. 1478 01:02:56,343 --> 01:02:57,878 When there's smoke, there's fire. 1479 01:02:57,945 --> 01:03:02,216 -As in, literally. -Okay, okay, everyone. Please. 1480 01:03:04,385 --> 01:03:08,222 You're the one who's been doing all the work, not them. 1481 01:03:08,289 --> 01:03:11,392 If you can tell me this will be fine, I trust you. 1482 01:03:11,458 --> 01:03:13,027 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 1483 01:03:13,093 --> 01:03:15,462 I'm sorry, I can't tell you that. 1484 01:03:16,964 --> 01:03:18,299 Reverend Hopkins, we found the source. 1485 01:03:18,365 --> 01:03:19,500 Yes, sir? 1486 01:03:20,934 --> 01:03:23,304 (GASPS) My applesauce cake! 1487 01:03:23,370 --> 01:03:26,307 But I saw the smoke coming from the bathroom. 1488 01:03:26,373 --> 01:03:27,941 That's why I called. 1489 01:03:28,008 --> 01:03:29,711 There was no fire in the bathroom. 1490 01:03:29,778 --> 01:03:31,513 But while everyone was out here, 1491 01:03:31,579 --> 01:03:33,347 the cake burned up. 1492 01:03:33,414 --> 01:03:36,483 REVEREND HOPKINS: Thank you, gentlemen. Go home, everyone. 1493 01:03:36,551 --> 01:03:37,885 We're done here. Okay? 1494 01:03:37,951 --> 01:03:40,888 That is a wrap on dress rehearsal. 1495 01:03:43,257 --> 01:03:46,093 Did I say that right? "It's a wrap"? 1496 01:03:47,762 --> 01:03:49,196 Yeah, you said it right. 1497 01:03:51,832 --> 01:03:53,601 No one even says sorry? 1498 01:03:55,770 --> 01:03:57,237 Let's go home. 1499 01:03:58,906 --> 01:04:00,240 (CAR DOOR OPENS) 1500 01:04:09,651 --> 01:04:10,884 Oh... 1501 01:04:11,885 --> 01:04:13,087 Hi, sweetheart. 1502 01:04:14,254 --> 01:04:15,255 Hey. 1503 01:04:19,393 --> 01:04:21,061 (BREATH TREMBLING) 1504 01:04:23,130 --> 01:04:25,232 I think you're doing a great job, Mom. 1505 01:04:26,801 --> 01:04:30,137 Hmm. Thanks, sweetheart. 1506 01:04:30,204 --> 01:04:32,640 Although I don't think anyone else agrees with you. 1507 01:04:37,444 --> 01:04:38,445 Probably not. 1508 01:04:38,513 --> 01:04:39,514 (CHUCKLES) 1509 01:04:42,116 --> 01:04:45,319 I just thought I could do it somehow. 1510 01:04:45,386 --> 01:04:47,589 And that it could be the best one ever, 1511 01:04:47,655 --> 01:04:49,323 even with the Herdmans. 1512 01:04:50,891 --> 01:04:53,695 Is it still too late to replace them? 1513 01:04:53,762 --> 01:04:55,996 I don't think that'd be right, honey. 1514 01:04:57,565 --> 01:04:59,333 I also don't think it's right 1515 01:04:59,400 --> 01:05:02,035 the way those women talk about the Herdmans. 1516 01:05:05,005 --> 01:05:06,206 Don't forget. 1517 01:05:09,711 --> 01:05:12,012 The whole point of the story... 1518 01:05:13,480 --> 01:05:16,450 is that Jesus was born for the Herdmans 1519 01:05:16,518 --> 01:05:18,218 as much as he was for us. 1520 01:05:20,454 --> 01:05:22,524 We'd be missing the point of all of it 1521 01:05:22,590 --> 01:05:23,957 if I turned them away. 1522 01:05:24,024 --> 01:05:26,026 But what if they ruin it for you? 1523 01:05:28,095 --> 01:05:30,063 They probably will. 1524 01:05:32,901 --> 01:05:34,501 But it's not about me. 1525 01:05:34,569 --> 01:05:36,571 (MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING) 1526 01:05:42,109 --> 01:05:45,145 You're doing a great job, Mom. 1527 01:05:48,917 --> 01:05:51,418 Let's see what happens tomorrow night first. 1528 01:05:52,419 --> 01:05:54,656 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 1529 01:05:56,658 --> 01:05:59,059 (BELLS CHIMING) 1530 01:06:12,105 --> 01:06:14,241 (ENCHANTING MUSIC PLAYING) 1531 01:06:15,944 --> 01:06:18,178 (CHOIR VOCALIZING) 1532 01:06:28,690 --> 01:06:30,257 BOB: What is it, hon? 1533 01:06:38,633 --> 01:06:39,734 (SNIFFLES) 1534 01:06:41,970 --> 01:06:44,037 Mom? 1535 01:06:44,104 --> 01:06:46,708 I prayed about it, and I agree with you. 1536 01:06:48,041 --> 01:06:49,577 You have to stick with the Herdmans. 1537 01:06:49,644 --> 01:06:50,645 (SIGHS) 1538 01:06:51,478 --> 01:06:52,647 Thanks, honey. 1539 01:06:53,882 --> 01:06:56,518 But I can't get a call through to the Herdman house. 1540 01:06:56,584 --> 01:07:01,021 -BOB: Is it disconnected? -I don't think so. 1541 01:07:01,088 --> 01:07:02,557 I hope they didn't hear what people 1542 01:07:02,624 --> 01:07:04,559 were saying about them. 1543 01:07:04,626 --> 01:07:07,127 Wait. Did Imogene quit? 1544 01:07:08,061 --> 01:07:10,264 -I don't know. -How could she quit? 1545 01:07:10,330 --> 01:07:13,166 -She can't do that to you! -It'll be all right, Beth. 1546 01:07:13,233 --> 01:07:16,704 Alice knows how to play Mary. It'll be fine. 1547 01:07:16,771 --> 01:07:18,305 Or, well, you know, 1548 01:07:18,372 --> 01:07:20,240 it'll be what it's always been. 1549 01:07:20,307 --> 01:07:22,142 It can't be what it's always been! 1550 01:07:24,411 --> 01:07:25,914 Beth, where are you going? 1551 01:07:25,980 --> 01:07:28,248 -(FOOTSTEPS RUNNING) -Beth? 1552 01:07:28,315 --> 01:07:30,450 ADULT BETH: Explain this one to me. 1553 01:07:30,518 --> 01:07:32,887 Before, the only way for the pageant to work 1554 01:07:32,954 --> 01:07:34,288 was without the Herdmans. 1555 01:07:34,354 --> 01:07:36,891 Now, the only way for it to work was with them. 1556 01:07:36,958 --> 01:07:39,359 Maybe my mom didn't lead committees or run a business 1557 01:07:39,426 --> 01:07:42,129 or wear a power dress while shopping 1558 01:07:42,195 --> 01:07:45,533 but she did the right thing when no one else would. 1559 01:07:45,600 --> 01:07:47,434 So now, I had to. 1560 01:07:47,501 --> 01:07:52,139 And that meant facing Imogene Herdman alone. 1561 01:08:15,763 --> 01:08:17,397 Hi, Gladys. 1562 01:08:19,266 --> 01:08:21,368 I need to talk to Imogene. 1563 01:08:25,472 --> 01:08:28,275 Okay, then. 1564 01:08:32,179 --> 01:08:33,347 What do you want? 1565 01:08:33,413 --> 01:08:34,716 ADULT BETH: After all that riding, 1566 01:08:34,782 --> 01:08:36,584 you'd think I'd have figured out what to say. 1567 01:08:36,651 --> 01:08:38,753 There were a million things running through my head. 1568 01:08:38,820 --> 01:08:41,623 But when she opened the door, all I could get out was... 1569 01:08:41,689 --> 01:08:42,690 Hey. 1570 01:08:44,726 --> 01:08:45,727 Wait! 1571 01:08:47,795 --> 01:08:49,262 Why'd you leave last night? 1572 01:08:49,831 --> 01:08:51,065 It was cold out. 1573 01:08:51,131 --> 01:08:52,199 They were trying to figure out what happened. 1574 01:08:52,265 --> 01:08:54,267 Bunch of idiots standin' around, 1575 01:08:54,334 --> 01:08:55,670 scratchin' their butts. 1576 01:08:55,737 --> 01:08:58,305 They figured out we did it, then started lookin'. 1577 01:08:58,372 --> 01:08:59,707 No, no, they burned a cake. 1578 01:08:59,774 --> 01:09:01,843 Doesn't matter what happened. They knew it was me. 1579 01:09:01,909 --> 01:09:04,712 They think you smoke cigars. They just assumed... 1580 01:09:04,779 --> 01:09:06,080 Of course they did. 1581 01:09:06,146 --> 01:09:09,717 Well, were you smoking a cigar? 1582 01:09:09,784 --> 01:09:11,151 Yes. 1583 01:09:11,686 --> 01:09:12,687 Oh. 1584 01:09:13,655 --> 01:09:16,323 Um... Well, you shouldn't smoke. 1585 01:09:16,390 --> 01:09:19,694 -Got it. Bye. -Wait! 1586 01:09:19,761 --> 01:09:22,063 -Are you gonna do the pageant? -Nope. 1587 01:09:22,130 --> 01:09:23,698 -What? -I'm not doin' it. 1588 01:09:23,765 --> 01:09:27,234 But I thought you wanted to be someone else. Like in a movie. 1589 01:09:27,300 --> 01:09:29,871 Things changed. Bye. 1590 01:09:31,471 --> 01:09:34,876 -Do you mind? -Yes. I mind. I mind a lot! 1591 01:09:34,942 --> 01:09:39,981 My mother stood up for you. She fought for you. 1592 01:09:40,048 --> 01:09:42,416 The town practically hates her for it. 1593 01:09:42,482 --> 01:09:46,319 But she did it anyway. Because she cares about you. 1594 01:09:46,386 --> 01:09:47,555 What do you care? 1595 01:09:47,622 --> 01:09:49,791 You didn't want me in the pageant anyway. 1596 01:09:50,792 --> 01:09:51,793 Right? 1597 01:09:52,560 --> 01:09:54,962 -Things changed. -Really? 1598 01:09:56,329 --> 01:09:58,833 My mom needs you to be Mary. 1599 01:09:58,900 --> 01:10:00,535 (SOFT, MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING) 1600 01:10:00,601 --> 01:10:01,536 Okay? 1601 01:10:01,602 --> 01:10:04,772 Yes, I told her not to let you do it. 1602 01:10:06,406 --> 01:10:08,208 But she gave you a chance. 1603 01:10:09,077 --> 01:10:10,645 People are coming from all over 1604 01:10:10,712 --> 01:10:12,780 and it's too late to change all the parts 1605 01:10:12,847 --> 01:10:14,882 and hope it's just the same old, boring pageant... 1606 01:10:14,949 --> 01:10:16,483 I can't do it! 1607 01:10:16,551 --> 01:10:18,251 I'll never be the girl in the painting. 1608 01:10:18,318 --> 01:10:20,320 But we can't have a painting on stage. 1609 01:10:20,387 --> 01:10:21,656 We need a real person. 1610 01:10:21,723 --> 01:10:25,827 -Alice will do it. -Right. "Alice'll do it." 1611 01:10:25,893 --> 01:10:27,729 Everyone loves Mary 1612 01:10:27,795 --> 01:10:30,732 because she's sweet and she's pretty. 1613 01:10:30,798 --> 01:10:32,332 And I'll never be... 1614 01:10:32,399 --> 01:10:33,701 (WIND BLOWING) 1615 01:10:36,336 --> 01:10:38,172 You don't think you can be sweet 1616 01:10:38,238 --> 01:10:40,508 because you're so tough. 1617 01:10:40,575 --> 01:10:42,643 Toughest kid in the world, right? 1618 01:10:43,945 --> 01:10:47,949 But if you quit the pageant, you won't be sweet or tough. 1619 01:10:48,916 --> 01:10:50,885 Besides, Mary, 1620 01:10:50,952 --> 01:10:55,790 the real Mary, didn't care what anyone thought of her 1621 01:10:55,857 --> 01:10:58,960 and did the hard thing, even though it was scary. 1622 01:11:02,362 --> 01:11:04,498 You're kinda like that, actually. 1623 01:11:07,769 --> 01:11:09,402 Please show up. 1624 01:11:11,205 --> 01:11:12,507 For my mom? 1625 01:11:15,375 --> 01:11:17,912 Even if it's just to make everyone angry? 1626 01:11:19,781 --> 01:11:23,885 I'm sorry. I'm a Herdman. I'm just not her. 1627 01:11:36,531 --> 01:11:39,700 At least our candles will look perfect. 1628 01:11:41,135 --> 01:11:42,335 REVEREND HOPKINS: Well... 1629 01:11:43,838 --> 01:11:44,839 we're here. 1630 01:11:47,008 --> 01:11:49,577 You made it. Be proud of that. 1631 01:11:50,310 --> 01:11:51,512 Right, Beth? 1632 01:11:52,647 --> 01:11:55,516 We've never once run through the whole thing. 1633 01:11:55,583 --> 01:11:58,186 I don't know what's gonna happen tonight. 1634 01:11:58,252 --> 01:11:59,587 If the Herdmans show up, 1635 01:11:59,654 --> 01:12:00,888 it might be the first Christmas pageant in history 1636 01:12:00,955 --> 01:12:02,790 where Joseph and the Wise Men get in a fight 1637 01:12:02,857 --> 01:12:05,259 and Mary lights a stogie and hightails it with the baby. 1638 01:12:05,358 --> 01:12:06,426 (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) 1639 01:12:06,493 --> 01:12:08,663 -Do you mind? -(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) No. 1640 01:12:10,497 --> 01:12:13,400 -Uh, break a leg. -Thank you. 1641 01:12:13,466 --> 01:12:15,036 He doesn't mean it. 1642 01:12:15,102 --> 01:12:16,469 It's what they say in the theater. 1643 01:12:16,537 --> 01:12:18,840 Mrs. Armstrong wrote about it in her book of notes. 1644 01:12:18,906 --> 01:12:21,042 -(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION) -GRACE: Hey, look at you. 1645 01:12:21,108 --> 01:12:22,910 Oh... Too tight. 1646 01:12:24,779 --> 01:12:26,881 You look great. You can go backstage. 1647 01:12:28,783 --> 01:12:29,817 (EXHALES) 1648 01:12:30,751 --> 01:12:32,019 Don't think they're coming. 1649 01:12:38,358 --> 01:12:40,427 (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) 1650 01:12:41,662 --> 01:12:42,997 I think I need Alice. 1651 01:12:44,899 --> 01:12:46,033 (SIGHS) 1652 01:12:46,801 --> 01:12:47,802 Understood. 1653 01:12:48,368 --> 01:12:49,570 Alice? 1654 01:12:53,608 --> 01:12:55,877 You may need to play Mary tonight. 1655 01:13:05,385 --> 01:13:07,588 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATION) 1656 01:13:17,031 --> 01:13:18,398 (EXHALES) 1657 01:13:18,465 --> 01:13:20,568 -All right, here we go. -Yeah. 1658 01:13:20,635 --> 01:13:22,703 Shirley's wing poked me. 1659 01:13:23,271 --> 01:13:24,305 It's okay, sweetheart. 1660 01:13:24,372 --> 01:13:25,706 When she turns around, just duck. 1661 01:13:25,773 --> 01:13:26,941 Okay. 1662 01:13:33,347 --> 01:13:35,883 Mary and Joseph are dressed and ready to go. 1663 01:13:37,385 --> 01:13:38,686 That's great, Alice. 1664 01:13:41,255 --> 01:13:43,456 (ENCHANTING MUSIC PLAYING) 1665 01:14:01,242 --> 01:14:02,643 -(SWITCH CLICKS) -(INHALES SHARPLY) 1666 01:14:05,478 --> 01:14:07,447 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 1667 01:14:08,382 --> 01:14:09,717 (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) 1668 01:14:09,784 --> 01:14:11,819 Thank you all for coming. 1669 01:14:11,886 --> 01:14:13,821 (ALL APPLAUDING) 1670 01:14:17,124 --> 01:14:19,694 For 75 years 1671 01:14:19,760 --> 01:14:23,831 the pageant has been an opportunity 1672 01:14:25,700 --> 01:14:29,236 to remind us who Christmas is supposed to be about. 1673 01:14:31,471 --> 01:14:34,241 This year, uh, 1674 01:14:34,308 --> 01:14:35,576 it's turned out a little different 1675 01:14:35,643 --> 01:14:37,178 than we planned. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 1676 01:14:37,244 --> 01:14:38,579 (CHUCKLES) 1677 01:14:38,646 --> 01:14:41,582 Which, I'll admit, is a first for this pageant. 1678 01:14:41,649 --> 01:14:43,784 (ALL CHUCKLING) 1679 01:14:47,288 --> 01:14:48,823 Honestly, 1680 01:14:51,659 --> 01:14:55,896 so much has happened to get us here, 1681 01:14:57,798 --> 01:15:00,835 that I don't quite know what's gonna happen tonight. 1682 01:15:03,738 --> 01:15:05,806 But maybe that's not a bad thing. 1683 01:15:06,907 --> 01:15:10,044 Because Mary and Joseph weren't so sure either. 1684 01:15:13,814 --> 01:15:15,750 Thank you for coming. 1685 01:15:17,518 --> 01:15:19,186 And Merry Christmas. 1686 01:15:20,221 --> 01:15:21,589 (ALL APPLAUDING) 1687 01:15:33,501 --> 01:15:34,668 (BREATH TREMBLING) 1688 01:15:34,735 --> 01:15:37,805 -(WHISPERS) Are you okay? -I have no idea. 1689 01:15:37,872 --> 01:15:39,840 -(CHUCKLES) Okay. -(SIGHS) 1690 01:15:50,351 --> 01:15:51,752 (PLAYING PIANO) 1691 01:15:58,225 --> 01:15:59,393 (CHILDREN SINGING) 1692 01:15:59,460 --> 01:16:02,696 ♪ Away in a manger ♪ 1693 01:16:02,763 --> 01:16:06,567 ♪ No crib for a bed ♪ 1694 01:16:06,634 --> 01:16:10,438 ♪ The little Lord Jesus ♪ 1695 01:16:10,504 --> 01:16:13,774 ♪ Laid down His sweet head ♪ 1696 01:16:13,841 --> 01:16:15,743 ♪ The stars in the bright sky... ♪ 1697 01:16:15,810 --> 01:16:17,578 What is she doing? 1698 01:16:17,645 --> 01:16:19,246 ♪ Looked down where He lay... ♪ 1699 01:16:19,313 --> 01:16:20,915 What's wrong? 1700 01:16:20,981 --> 01:16:24,752 ♪ The little Lord Jesus ♪ 1701 01:16:24,819 --> 01:16:28,923 ♪ Asleep on the hay ♪ 1702 01:16:28,989 --> 01:16:32,760 (SINGING SOFTENS) ♪ The cattle are lowing ♪ 1703 01:16:32,827 --> 01:16:36,397 ♪ The Baby awakes ♪ 1704 01:16:36,464 --> 01:16:39,767 ♪ But little Lord Jesus... ♪ 1705 01:16:39,834 --> 01:16:41,802 (ENCHANTING MUSIC PLAYING) 1706 01:16:50,444 --> 01:16:52,379 What is she wearing? 1707 01:16:52,446 --> 01:16:54,516 She brought something from home. 1708 01:16:54,583 --> 01:16:55,816 She said if she was going to do this, 1709 01:16:55,883 --> 01:16:57,618 she was gonna look like the real Mary. 1710 01:16:57,685 --> 01:17:01,055 They look like refugees. Ugh. 1711 01:17:02,389 --> 01:17:03,657 Yeah. 1712 01:17:05,059 --> 01:17:06,060 They do. 1713 01:17:09,163 --> 01:17:11,799 In the days of Caesar Augustus, 1714 01:17:11,866 --> 01:17:15,970 a decree went out that all the world should be taxed 1715 01:17:16,036 --> 01:17:19,006 and Joseph went to Bethlehem with Mary, his wife... 1716 01:17:27,781 --> 01:17:28,916 (CHILDREN SINGING) 1717 01:17:28,983 --> 01:17:32,953 ♪ O little town of Bethlehem ♪ 1718 01:17:33,020 --> 01:17:37,892 ♪ How still we see thee lie ♪ 1719 01:17:37,958 --> 01:17:42,830 ♪ Above thy deep and dreamless sleep ♪ 1720 01:17:42,897 --> 01:17:47,668 ♪ The silent stars go by ♪ 1721 01:17:47,735 --> 01:17:51,038 ♪ Yet in thy dark streets shineth ♪ 1722 01:17:51,105 --> 01:17:53,440 (ALL CHUCKLE) 1723 01:17:53,508 --> 01:17:56,277 ♪ The everlasting light... ♪ 1724 01:17:56,343 --> 01:17:57,778 Why are you burpin' the doll? 1725 01:17:57,845 --> 01:18:00,915 It's how I helped Gladys when she was a baby. 1726 01:18:02,483 --> 01:18:05,052 ♪ Are met in thee tonight... ♪ 1727 01:18:05,119 --> 01:18:06,854 I never! 1728 01:18:06,921 --> 01:18:09,624 Burping the baby Jesus as if He had colic. 1729 01:18:09,690 --> 01:18:11,626 That certainly wasn't in the program. 1730 01:18:11,692 --> 01:18:12,993 Well, I like it. 1731 01:18:13,060 --> 01:18:15,462 You think the baby Jesus didn't need to burp? 1732 01:18:15,530 --> 01:18:17,298 -He's... -(CHUCKLING) 1733 01:18:17,364 --> 01:18:20,301 And in that region, there were shepherds in the field, 1734 01:18:20,367 --> 01:18:23,771 keeping watch over their flocks by night. 1735 01:18:23,837 --> 01:18:25,706 (PIANO PLAYING RESUMES) 1736 01:18:27,942 --> 01:18:29,443 (CHILDREN SINGING) 1737 01:18:29,511 --> 01:18:33,113 ♪ While shepherds watched their flocks by night ♪ 1738 01:18:33,180 --> 01:18:38,118 ♪ All seated on the ground ♪ 1739 01:18:38,185 --> 01:18:43,123 ♪ The Angel of the Lord came down ♪ 1740 01:18:43,190 --> 01:18:48,262 ♪ And glory shone around ♪ 1741 01:18:49,698 --> 01:18:53,300 And an Angel of the Lord appeared to them. 1742 01:19:02,176 --> 01:19:05,746 And an Angel of the Lord appeared to them. 1743 01:19:13,454 --> 01:19:15,289 -Hey! -(ALL GASP) 1744 01:19:15,356 --> 01:19:17,291 (ALL LAUGHING) 1745 01:19:17,358 --> 01:19:20,327 Unto you a child is born! 1746 01:19:20,394 --> 01:19:22,930 (ALL LAUGHING) 1747 01:19:22,997 --> 01:19:27,334 What are you waiting for? Go see the baby! 1748 01:19:29,704 --> 01:19:31,171 (ALL CHUCKLING) 1749 01:19:34,709 --> 01:19:36,844 (PIANO PLAYING RESUMES) 1750 01:19:40,147 --> 01:19:41,382 BOTH: Aw. 1751 01:19:46,353 --> 01:19:47,354 (CHUCKLING) 1752 01:19:48,155 --> 01:19:48,956 Hurry up! 1753 01:19:49,023 --> 01:19:51,992 (CHUCKLING CONTINUES) 1754 01:20:11,211 --> 01:20:15,816 (SINGING) ♪ We three kings of orient are ♪ 1755 01:20:15,883 --> 01:20:20,154 ♪ Bearing gifts we traverse afar ♪ 1756 01:20:20,220 --> 01:20:22,724 ♪ Field and fountain ♪ 1757 01:20:22,791 --> 01:20:24,391 ♪ Moor and mountain... ♪ 1758 01:20:24,458 --> 01:20:26,460 I knew this would happen. 1759 01:20:26,528 --> 01:20:27,895 They don't have the frankincense 1760 01:20:27,961 --> 01:20:29,798 or the myrrh or the gold. 1761 01:20:29,863 --> 01:20:31,465 ADULT BETH: They brought something different 1762 01:20:31,533 --> 01:20:34,736 and I knew right away where it came from. 1763 01:20:34,803 --> 01:20:37,471 They probably don't even like ham. 1764 01:20:37,539 --> 01:20:40,608 Yes, they do. They love ham. 1765 01:20:43,545 --> 01:20:44,546 (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) 1766 01:20:44,612 --> 01:20:46,313 My ham's in the play. 1767 01:20:49,249 --> 01:20:50,884 GRACE: And when Jesus was born, 1768 01:20:50,951 --> 01:20:54,455 there came Wise Men from the east to worship Him, 1769 01:20:54,522 --> 01:20:59,226 bringing gifts of gold and frankincense and myrrh. 1770 01:21:00,994 --> 01:21:02,896 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 1771 01:21:05,834 --> 01:21:07,569 (PIANO PLAYING RESUMES) 1772 01:21:08,636 --> 01:21:10,104 They're supposed to leave. 1773 01:21:10,170 --> 01:21:11,706 They're ruining the whole thing. 1774 01:21:11,773 --> 01:21:13,708 It makes perfect sense for the Wise Men 1775 01:21:13,775 --> 01:21:15,042 to sit down and rest. 1776 01:21:15,109 --> 01:21:16,944 They came a long way. 1777 01:21:17,010 --> 01:21:19,446 You expect them to hand over the ham and leave? 1778 01:21:19,514 --> 01:21:21,348 They didn't bring ham! 1779 01:21:26,286 --> 01:21:31,392 (SINGING) ♪ What Child is this who, laid to rest ♪ 1780 01:21:31,458 --> 01:21:36,196 ♪ On Mary's lap, is sleeping? ♪ 1781 01:21:36,263 --> 01:21:37,464 ♪ Whom angels... ♪ 1782 01:21:37,532 --> 01:21:38,999 (SONG FADES DOWN, INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC FADES IN) 1783 01:21:39,066 --> 01:21:41,034 ADULT BETH: As for ruining the whole thing, 1784 01:21:41,101 --> 01:21:43,638 it seemed to me that the Herdmans had 1785 01:21:43,705 --> 01:21:45,906 improved the pageant, a lot. 1786 01:21:47,207 --> 01:21:49,476 Just by doing what came naturally. 1787 01:21:49,544 --> 01:21:52,146 Like burping the baby, for instance. 1788 01:21:52,212 --> 01:21:54,716 Or thinking a ham would make a better present 1789 01:21:54,783 --> 01:21:56,283 than a lot of perfume or oil. 1790 01:22:07,995 --> 01:22:10,732 Usually by the time we got to Silent Night, 1791 01:22:10,799 --> 01:22:12,232 I was fed up with the whole thing, 1792 01:22:12,299 --> 01:22:15,335 couldn't wait for it to be over. 1793 01:22:15,402 --> 01:22:18,105 But I didn't feel that way this time. 1794 01:22:21,241 --> 01:22:23,377 I almost wished for the pageant 1795 01:22:23,444 --> 01:22:26,246 to go on with the Herdmans in charge, 1796 01:22:26,313 --> 01:22:28,248 just to see what else they'd do. 1797 01:22:37,759 --> 01:22:39,993 (PIANO PLAYING RESUMES) 1798 01:22:45,132 --> 01:22:47,301 (CHOIR HUMMING SILENT NIGHT) 1799 01:23:06,955 --> 01:23:09,323 ADULT BETH: I realized I'd never really 1800 01:23:09,389 --> 01:23:12,259 seen the Nativity before. 1801 01:23:12,326 --> 01:23:16,531 But Imogene was helping me see it more clearly than ever. 1802 01:23:28,408 --> 01:23:32,145 (ALL SINGING) ♪ Silent night ♪ 1803 01:23:32,212 --> 01:23:35,517 ♪ Holy night ♪ 1804 01:23:35,583 --> 01:23:39,019 ♪ All is calm ♪ 1805 01:23:39,086 --> 01:23:42,289 ♪ All is bright ♪ 1806 01:23:42,356 --> 01:23:47,461 ♪ Round yon Virgin, Mother and Child... ♪ 1807 01:23:47,529 --> 01:23:50,397 ADULT BETH: And then it happened. 1808 01:23:50,464 --> 01:23:53,033 Everyone had been waiting all this time for the Herdmans 1809 01:23:53,100 --> 01:23:56,169 to do something absolutely unexpected. 1810 01:23:56,236 --> 01:23:58,272 And sure enough... 1811 01:23:58,338 --> 01:23:59,339 Look. 1812 01:24:04,077 --> 01:24:05,580 She's crying. 1813 01:24:06,948 --> 01:24:09,116 Mary is crying. 1814 01:24:14,756 --> 01:24:16,189 ADULT BETH: In that moment... 1815 01:24:16,256 --> 01:24:19,928 Imogene Herdman experienced the real Christmas story 1816 01:24:19,994 --> 01:24:21,629 for the very first time. 1817 01:24:21,696 --> 01:24:23,698 (ENCHANTING MUSIC PLAYING) 1818 01:24:25,700 --> 01:24:27,669 And so we did, too. 1819 01:25:15,650 --> 01:25:17,852 (ENCHANTING MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING) 1820 01:25:35,670 --> 01:25:39,239 (SINGING) ♪ Lord at thy birth ♪ 1821 01:25:43,811 --> 01:25:45,412 ADULT BETH: Well... 1822 01:25:45,479 --> 01:25:48,750 it was the best Christmas pageant ever. 1823 01:25:48,816 --> 01:25:50,685 (ALL APPLAUDING, CHEERING) 1824 01:26:12,840 --> 01:26:13,908 Take a bow. 1825 01:26:16,144 --> 01:26:19,246 Bow. They're clapping for you. 1826 01:26:26,020 --> 01:26:27,287 (CHEERING INCREASES) 1827 01:26:46,674 --> 01:26:48,308 (INAUDIBLE) 1828 01:26:51,979 --> 01:26:53,213 (EXHALES) 1829 01:27:02,990 --> 01:27:04,357 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 1830 01:27:06,127 --> 01:27:07,628 (LAUGHS) 1831 01:27:11,733 --> 01:27:13,266 (BELLS CHIMING) 1832 01:27:22,610 --> 01:27:24,612 ADULT BETH: Everyone agreed it was the best ever 1833 01:27:24,679 --> 01:27:28,448 but nobody seemed to know why exactly. 1834 01:27:28,516 --> 01:27:30,317 One thing I did know, 1835 01:27:30,383 --> 01:27:32,186 because of my mom and her understanding 1836 01:27:32,252 --> 01:27:33,453 of the Christmas story, 1837 01:27:33,521 --> 01:27:35,156 the Herdmans finally got 1838 01:27:35,223 --> 01:27:37,491 what they needed most all along. 1839 01:27:37,925 --> 01:27:39,627 A community. 1840 01:27:39,694 --> 01:27:43,531 But they gave us something we needed all along, too. 1841 01:27:43,598 --> 01:27:45,666 For years, I thought about the wonder of Christmas 1842 01:27:45,733 --> 01:27:47,267 and the mystery of Jesus's birth 1843 01:27:47,334 --> 01:27:48,836 and never really understood it. 1844 01:27:48,903 --> 01:27:54,008 But now, it didn't seem so mysterious after all. 1845 01:27:54,075 --> 01:27:56,944 When Imogene asked me what the pageant was about, 1846 01:27:57,011 --> 01:27:59,080 I told her it was about Jesus. 1847 01:27:59,147 --> 01:28:01,516 But that was just part of it. 1848 01:28:02,282 --> 01:28:03,651 It was about a new baby 1849 01:28:03,718 --> 01:28:06,020 and His dirt-poor mother and father 1850 01:28:06,087 --> 01:28:07,822 who were in a lot of trouble. 1851 01:28:07,889 --> 01:28:10,691 No money, no place to go, no doctor, 1852 01:28:10,758 --> 01:28:14,061 nobody they knew, no respect. 1853 01:28:14,128 --> 01:28:16,564 But they were the ones God chose 1854 01:28:16,631 --> 01:28:18,431 to help change the world. 1855 01:28:23,070 --> 01:28:24,772 As for Imogene, 1856 01:28:24,839 --> 01:28:28,609 Christmas seemed to come over her all at once. 1857 01:28:37,985 --> 01:28:39,587 (CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING) 1858 01:28:55,136 --> 01:28:57,705 (SIGHS) Thanks for coming back. 1859 01:28:58,371 --> 01:28:59,640 You made me. 1860 01:29:01,474 --> 01:29:02,944 I don't think so. 1861 01:29:05,980 --> 01:29:08,649 Here's your ham. Great prop. 1862 01:29:08,716 --> 01:29:12,553 It wasn't a prop. It was a gift from the boys. 1863 01:29:16,958 --> 01:29:18,025 (VOICE SHAKING) And... 1864 01:29:18,993 --> 01:29:20,460 I have something else. 1865 01:29:22,230 --> 01:29:24,431 I figured it was time to return this. 1866 01:29:32,173 --> 01:29:33,373 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 1867 01:29:33,908 --> 01:29:35,076 Thanks. 1868 01:29:36,443 --> 01:29:39,981 So, now that the pageant is over, 1869 01:29:41,349 --> 01:29:43,885 you probably don't plan on coming here again. 1870 01:29:44,852 --> 01:29:47,655 But maybe you could come next week? 1871 01:29:50,291 --> 01:29:52,059 As long as there's snacks. 1872 01:29:58,332 --> 01:30:00,001 It's exactly right. 1873 01:30:01,035 --> 01:30:02,103 Right? 1874 01:30:02,970 --> 01:30:04,038 What's that? 1875 01:30:05,006 --> 01:30:06,007 The painting. 1876 01:30:07,608 --> 01:30:10,511 BOY: What did she mean "exactly right"? 1877 01:30:10,578 --> 01:30:11,879 ADULT BETH: I don't know. 1878 01:30:15,182 --> 01:30:21,488 I think Imogene liked the idea of the Mary in the painting. 1879 01:30:23,257 --> 01:30:25,393 All pure-looking. 1880 01:30:25,458 --> 01:30:27,962 As if she never did anything else 1881 01:30:28,029 --> 01:30:30,865 except have Jesus on Christmas Eve. 1882 01:30:33,334 --> 01:30:35,202 Imogene once told me, 1883 01:30:35,269 --> 01:30:38,072 (SCOFFS) "I'm not her." (CHUCKLES) 1884 01:30:40,308 --> 01:30:41,709 But to me... 1885 01:30:43,377 --> 01:30:46,714 Mary will always look like Imogene Herdman. 1886 01:30:49,917 --> 01:30:52,153 That's why... 1887 01:30:52,219 --> 01:30:56,023 we still use this blanket even after all these years. 1888 01:30:59,226 --> 01:31:01,262 (SIGHS) 1889 01:31:01,329 --> 01:31:04,966 (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) So, everyone, 1890 01:31:05,533 --> 01:31:07,935 now that you know why 1891 01:31:08,002 --> 01:31:11,038 the pageant is so important to us... 1892 01:31:11,105 --> 01:31:14,942 I don't know, would anybody like to play a part? 1893 01:31:15,876 --> 01:31:17,044 (GASPS) Wow, 1894 01:31:17,111 --> 01:31:18,779 -that is so many hands! -(PEOPLE LAUGHING) 1895 01:31:18,846 --> 01:31:21,215 Thankfully, we have a lot of parts 1896 01:31:21,282 --> 01:31:25,353 and there are no small parts. 1897 01:31:25,419 --> 01:31:28,289 Okay, so, um, parents, if you wanna, 1898 01:31:28,356 --> 01:31:30,124 take everybody down to the sanctuary, 1899 01:31:30,191 --> 01:31:32,393 we'll get everybody sorted. 1900 01:31:32,460 --> 01:31:33,794 We'll assign you roles 1901 01:31:33,861 --> 01:31:37,098 and we will have our very first rehearsal. 1902 01:31:37,164 --> 01:31:38,165 Okay, get out of here. 1903 01:31:39,533 --> 01:31:41,068 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATION) 1904 01:31:45,606 --> 01:31:47,842 (SOFT, ENCHANTING MUSIC PLAYING) 1905 01:32:24,779 --> 01:32:26,747 GIRL: Can I try those? 1906 01:32:31,652 --> 01:32:34,355 Uh, hmm... (CLICKS TONGUE) 1907 01:32:34,422 --> 01:32:37,625 Well, those were Gladys' wings. 1908 01:32:37,691 --> 01:32:39,627 She won't let anyone else wear them. 1909 01:32:39,693 --> 01:32:42,696 But if you run on downstairs, 1910 01:32:42,763 --> 01:32:45,266 we'll find you a whole new set. 1911 01:33:02,016 --> 01:33:05,820 "Hey. Unto you a child is born." 1912 01:33:07,354 --> 01:33:09,356 (SWEEPING MUSIC PLAYING) 1913 01:33:16,764 --> 01:33:18,999 (GO, TELL IT ON THE MOUNTAIN BY BLAKE SHELTON PLAYING) 1914 01:33:25,406 --> 01:33:29,910 ♪ Go tell it on the mountain ♪ 1915 01:33:29,977 --> 01:33:34,281 ♪ Over the hills and everywhere ♪ 1916 01:33:34,348 --> 01:33:38,587 ♪ Go tell it on the mountain ♪ 1917 01:33:38,652 --> 01:33:41,822 ♪ That Jesus Christ is born ♪ 1918 01:33:44,425 --> 01:33:49,029 ♪ Down in the lowly manger ♪ 1919 01:33:49,096 --> 01:33:52,633 ♪ Our humble Christ was born ♪ 1920 01:33:53,767 --> 01:33:57,638 ♪ And God sent us salvation ♪ 1921 01:33:57,705 --> 01:34:01,675 ♪ That blessed Christmas morn ♪ 1922 01:34:01,742 --> 01:34:06,747 ♪ And I said go tell it on the mountain ♪ 1923 01:34:06,814 --> 01:34:11,085 ♪ Over the hills and everywhere ♪ 1924 01:34:11,152 --> 01:34:14,989 ♪ Go tell it on the mountain ♪ 1925 01:34:15,055 --> 01:34:19,693 ♪ That Jesus Christ is born ♪ 1926 01:34:19,760 --> 01:34:23,797 ♪ While shepherds kept their watch ♪ 1927 01:34:23,864 --> 01:34:28,537 ♪ O'er silent flocks by night ♪ 1928 01:34:28,603 --> 01:34:32,574 ♪ Behold throughout the heavens ♪ 1929 01:34:32,641 --> 01:34:36,645 ♪ There shone a holy light ♪ 1930 01:34:36,710 --> 01:34:41,782 ♪ And I said go tell it on the mountain ♪ 1931 01:34:41,849 --> 01:34:45,920 ♪ Over the hills and everywhere ♪ 1932 01:34:45,986 --> 01:34:49,890 ♪ Go tell it on the mountain ♪ 1933 01:34:49,957 --> 01:34:53,427 ♪ That Jesus Christ is born ♪ 1934 01:35:10,477 --> 01:35:12,279 ♪ Now y'all listen to me ♪ 1935 01:35:12,346 --> 01:35:13,515 -♪ Go... ♪ -CHORUS: ♪ Go... ♪ 1936 01:35:13,582 --> 01:35:15,517 ♪ ...tell it on the mountain ♪ 1937 01:35:15,584 --> 01:35:16,750 ♪ On the mountain ♪ 1938 01:35:16,817 --> 01:35:21,088 ♪ Over the hills and everywhere ♪ 1939 01:35:21,155 --> 01:35:22,089 -♪ Go... ♪ -CHORUS: ♪ Go... ♪ 1940 01:35:22,156 --> 01:35:24,825 ♪ ...tell it on the mountain ♪ 1941 01:35:24,892 --> 01:35:29,564 ♪ That Jesus Christ is born ♪ 1942 01:35:29,631 --> 01:35:33,968 ♪ Go tell it on the mountain ♪ 1943 01:35:34,034 --> 01:35:38,540 ♪ Over the hills and everywhere ♪ 1944 01:35:38,607 --> 01:35:41,976 ♪ Go tell it on the mountain ♪ 1945 01:35:42,042 --> 01:35:48,082 ♪ That Jesus Christ is born ♪ 1946 01:35:50,851 --> 01:35:51,986 ♪ Whoo! ♪ 1947 01:35:55,990 --> 01:35:59,827 ♪ Go tell it on the mountain ♪ 1948 01:36:05,366 --> 01:36:07,401 (SONG ENDS) 1949 01:36:08,703 --> 01:36:10,904 (O COME, ALL YE FAITHFUL PLAYING) 1950 01:36:17,077 --> 01:36:22,216 ♪ O come, all ye faithful ♪ 1951 01:36:22,283 --> 01:36:26,621 ♪ Joyful and triumphant ♪ 1952 01:36:26,688 --> 01:36:31,292 ♪ Oh come ye, O come ye ♪ 1953 01:36:31,358 --> 01:36:35,195 ♪ To Bethlehem ♪ 1954 01:36:36,564 --> 01:36:40,868 ♪ Come and behold him ♪ 1955 01:36:40,934 --> 01:36:45,205 ♪ Born the King of angels ♪ 1956 01:36:45,272 --> 01:36:49,877 ♪ O come, let us adore him ♪ 1957 01:36:49,943 --> 01:36:54,616 ♪ O come, let us adore him ♪ 1958 01:36:54,683 --> 01:36:59,853 ♪ O come, let us adore him ♪ 1959 01:36:59,920 --> 01:37:03,057 ♪ Christ The Lord ♪ 1960 01:37:11,298 --> 01:37:15,770 ♪ Sing choirs of angels ♪ 1961 01:37:15,836 --> 01:37:20,174 ♪ Sing in exultation ♪ 1962 01:37:20,240 --> 01:37:24,945 ♪ O Sing all ye citizens ♪ 1963 01:37:25,012 --> 01:37:29,183 ♪ Of heaven above ♪ 1964 01:37:30,184 --> 01:37:34,888 ♪ Glory to God ♪ 1965 01:37:34,955 --> 01:37:38,892 ♪ Glory in the highest ♪ 1966 01:37:38,959 --> 01:37:43,565 ♪ O come, let us adore him ♪ 1967 01:37:43,631 --> 01:37:48,035 ♪ O come, let us adore him ♪ 1968 01:37:48,102 --> 01:37:53,140 ♪ O come, let us adore him ♪ 1969 01:37:53,207 --> 01:37:57,044 ♪ Christ The Lord ♪ 1970 01:38:00,582 --> 01:38:05,185 ♪ Come and behold him ♪ 1971 01:38:05,252 --> 01:38:09,189 ♪ Born the King of angels ♪ 1972 01:38:09,256 --> 01:38:13,927 ♪ O come, let us adore him ♪ 1973 01:38:13,994 --> 01:38:18,666 ♪ O come, let us adore him ♪ 1974 01:38:18,733 --> 01:38:23,738 ♪ O come, let us adore him ♪ 1975 01:38:23,805 --> 01:38:27,341 ♪ Christ The Lord ♪ 1976 01:38:29,878 --> 01:38:34,415 ♪ Oh, Christ... ♪ 1977 01:38:35,449 --> 01:38:37,050 ♪ The Lord ♪ 138117