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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:25,793 - Greetings from the Hammersmiths. 2 00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:29,429 I hope all is well, 3 00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:31,699 and you are in good spirits. 4 00:00:31,733 --> 00:00:34,636 As Christmas approaches, 5 00:00:34,669 --> 00:00:36,069 I like to take time 6 00:00:36,103 --> 00:00:39,039 to reflect on all the wonderful times my family 7 00:00:39,072 --> 00:00:40,608 and I have had this past year. 8 00:00:42,409 --> 00:00:46,581 Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year. 9 00:00:46,614 --> 00:00:48,081 Love, Clive H. 10 00:01:49,376 --> 00:01:51,779 - Dad, mail's here. 11 00:01:51,813 --> 00:01:52,947 - Bring it up. 12 00:02:00,253 --> 00:02:02,489 - Here's your mail. - Thanks. 13 00:02:04,592 --> 00:02:07,028 Your mother's gonna make me bankrupt. 14 00:02:07,061 --> 00:02:08,228 - What's bankrupt? 15 00:02:09,631 --> 00:02:12,634 - It's like when somebody eats all your Cocoa Puffs. 16 00:02:12,667 --> 00:02:13,835 - Cocoa Puffs. 17 00:02:22,043 --> 00:02:23,778 - Right on schedule. 18 00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:45,232 - Greetings from the Hammersmiths. 19 00:02:45,265 --> 00:02:49,837 I hope all is well and you are in good spirits. 20 00:02:49,871 --> 00:02:53,074 As Christmas approaches I like to take time 21 00:02:53,107 --> 00:02:55,677 to reflect on all the wonderful times 22 00:02:55,710 --> 00:02:57,979 my family and I have had this past year. 23 00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:05,485 P.S. You're invited to my big birthday bash in England. 24 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:09,891 Bono is my special musical guest. Details to come. 25 00:03:32,412 --> 00:03:35,583 - Deb, how come we never do anything? 26 00:03:35,616 --> 00:03:38,318 - Hmm? What are you talking about? 27 00:03:38,351 --> 00:03:39,554 - I mean, we're alive, 28 00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:42,623 but I don't really live, 29 00:03:43,825 --> 00:03:45,392 I never do anything interesting. 30 00:03:45,425 --> 00:03:48,096 - We went to the Scouts dinner Monday. 31 00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:51,599 Well, I enjoyed it. 32 00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:54,635 I like socializing with people in the community. 33 00:03:54,669 --> 00:03:56,170 It helps me feel connected. 34 00:03:56,204 --> 00:03:57,672 - You like hanging out 35 00:03:57,705 --> 00:03:59,607 with grown men in shorts in the winter? 36 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:00,708 I mean, come on. 37 00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:07,515 Oh, I mean, we never travel 38 00:04:07,548 --> 00:04:11,119 or go anywhere or skydive. 39 00:04:11,152 --> 00:04:12,620 We never go skydiving. 40 00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:14,822 We used to talk about going skydiving. 41 00:04:14,856 --> 00:04:18,325 - I never talked about skydiving. That's your death wish. 42 00:04:18,358 --> 00:04:20,995 - Oh. Oh yeah. 43 00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:43,350 - Wait. We got it, didn't we? 44 00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:46,419 - What do you mean? 45 00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:49,422 - This annual envy fest is getting old. 46 00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:50,357 - Mm. 47 00:04:50,390 --> 00:04:51,626 - Do you think Mary bragged 48 00:04:51,659 --> 00:04:53,594 about all the gold, frankincense, 49 00:04:53,628 --> 00:04:55,495 and myrrh that baby Jesus got? 50 00:04:55,530 --> 00:04:58,733 - Well, she should have. It was quite the haul. 51 00:05:02,170 --> 00:05:03,271 Ah, I'll get it. I'll get it. 52 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,206 - Ah! If it's a package, no peeking. 53 00:05:05,239 --> 00:05:08,042 - If. If it's a package. 54 00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:11,946 Oh, hey. 55 00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,915 - Hey, Joe. - Yeah. Hi Rich. 56 00:05:13,948 --> 00:05:16,884 - I got one for you today. - Okay. Thank you. 57 00:05:16,918 --> 00:05:18,152 - Yeah. 58 00:05:18,186 --> 00:05:19,754 - Do all your packages end up like this? 59 00:05:19,787 --> 00:05:22,757 It's a little beaten up. - Oh, no worries. 60 00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:24,926 Whatever's in there is pretty strong. 61 00:05:24,959 --> 00:05:26,561 Mm. - Okay. 62 00:05:26,594 --> 00:05:28,930 - I, I know 'cause I, I used it to step on it 63 00:05:28,963 --> 00:05:31,165 to reach the top shelf in my truck, so. 64 00:05:31,199 --> 00:05:32,499 - Oh. - You're good to go. 65 00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:34,101 - Okay, great. 66 00:05:35,136 --> 00:05:37,205 - Hi, Rich. - Hi, Rich. 67 00:05:37,238 --> 00:05:38,940 - Oh, hey, kids. 68 00:05:38,973 --> 00:05:40,808 - Did you bring us any presents? 69 00:05:40,842 --> 00:05:42,375 - Yeah, did you bring us anything? 70 00:05:42,409 --> 00:05:45,646 - That's Santa's job. I'm just an honorary elf. 71 00:05:49,083 --> 00:05:52,220 Yeah, see, my job is to pack in all the things 72 00:05:52,253 --> 00:05:54,222 that Santa can't fit into a sleigh. 73 00:05:54,255 --> 00:05:57,725 And I bring those, see? Okay? 74 00:05:57,758 --> 00:05:59,327 - Yes! - Yes! 75 00:06:00,695 --> 00:06:03,764 - Well, I'm gonna be, be going. 76 00:06:03,798 --> 00:06:05,066 - Okay. - Gotta get there. 77 00:06:05,099 --> 00:06:06,601 - That's a good one, Rich. 78 00:06:06,634 --> 00:06:07,802 - So I'll be seeing you real soon. 79 00:06:07,835 --> 00:06:08,636 - All right. - Okay. 80 00:06:08,669 --> 00:06:09,871 - I'll see you around. 81 00:06:09,904 --> 00:06:13,473 - And uh, uh, tell Debbie Merry Christmas! 82 00:06:14,976 --> 00:06:16,010 - Okay. - Yeah. 83 00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:17,011 - Merry Christmas. 84 00:06:28,823 --> 00:06:31,058 Rotating tree stand. 85 00:06:32,425 --> 00:06:34,427 - I told you not to peek. 86 00:06:34,461 --> 00:06:36,429 - What am I supposed to do with this? 87 00:06:36,463 --> 00:06:38,799 - It's to stringing up the lights on the tree. 88 00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:40,167 - Oh. - Isn't that neat? 89 00:06:41,269 --> 00:06:42,435 - Yeah. Neat. 90 00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:56,050 - Who does this? 91 00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:58,152 - Someone with controlling stock in Waterford. 92 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:02,723 - Wonder what his doorknob looks like. 93 00:07:02,757 --> 00:07:04,292 - You know, for someone who supposedly 94 00:07:04,325 --> 00:07:06,493 has been friends with this guy for years, 95 00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:08,596 you sure don't act like it sometimes. 96 00:07:09,864 --> 00:07:13,801 - Yeah, he means well. He's just a bit tone deaf. 97 00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:17,638 He lives in the world of rich and famous 98 00:07:17,672 --> 00:07:19,607 and I live in this one. 99 00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:21,809 And he likes to remind me of it 100 00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:24,078 every single year without fail. 101 00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:27,682 - You know, his letters are always over the top. 102 00:07:27,715 --> 00:07:30,818 So why do you stay in touch? 103 00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:35,022 - I dunno. I guess this goes back to my childhood. 104 00:07:35,056 --> 00:07:36,590 - I am pleased to announce, 105 00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:39,961 today I have your pen pal assignments. 106 00:07:39,994 --> 00:07:41,529 - Yes! 107 00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:44,665 - Ooh, I hope I get to write to a cute Italian boy. 108 00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:47,068 - Save yourself a stamp. 109 00:07:49,170 --> 00:07:50,905 - Getting to know someone from a foreign land 110 00:07:50,938 --> 00:07:52,707 is a wonderful thing. 111 00:07:52,740 --> 00:07:55,409 Many pen pals become lifelong friends. 112 00:07:55,443 --> 00:07:56,677 - Texas? 113 00:07:57,912 --> 00:07:59,280 - Even in spite of cultural differences, 114 00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:01,949 you'll discover that you and your new pen pal 115 00:08:01,983 --> 00:08:04,352 have a lot more in common than you think. 116 00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:12,259 - I play tennis too. 117 00:08:12,293 --> 00:08:15,029 In fact, I'll be playing Junior Wimbledon this year. 118 00:08:15,062 --> 00:08:17,465 What tennis club do you belong to? 119 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,633 Cheers, Clive H. 120 00:08:20,468 --> 00:08:21,869 - Bloody hell. 121 00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:23,471 - I could really tell we are worlds apart 122 00:08:23,504 --> 00:08:26,874 when I got my gold badge in Scouts 123 00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:29,243 and he said, "Oh, gold, 124 00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:31,078 that's a good investment opportunity. 125 00:08:31,112 --> 00:08:32,847 It'd be great for your portfolio." 126 00:08:38,085 --> 00:08:38,986 Bloody hell. 127 00:08:40,121 --> 00:08:41,188 I must have been a glutton for punishment 128 00:08:41,222 --> 00:08:43,257 because I visited a few times 129 00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:46,761 and was eventually asked to be an usher at his wedding. 130 00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:57,204 - Oh, there you are, old dog. 131 00:08:57,238 --> 00:08:59,140 Look at you, mate. 132 00:08:59,173 --> 00:09:00,374 You could almost be mistaken 133 00:09:00,408 --> 00:09:02,243 for an accomplished businessman, huh? 134 00:09:02,276 --> 00:09:03,411 - Uh... - Hey, hey, 135 00:09:03,444 --> 00:09:05,146 I want you to introduce you to someone, 136 00:09:05,179 --> 00:09:07,014 has a big thing for Americans. 137 00:09:08,716 --> 00:09:10,618 Joe, meet Fiona. 138 00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:12,820 - Hi. - Hey. 139 00:09:14,288 --> 00:09:16,057 - Okay. Got to dash. 140 00:09:16,090 --> 00:09:18,125 Wedding and all, uh... 141 00:09:19,994 --> 00:09:21,095 - What's this for? 142 00:09:21,128 --> 00:09:22,563 - An usherly favor. 143 00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:24,265 See, my horse steed will be pulling 144 00:09:24,298 --> 00:09:26,734 our carriage away from the church. 145 00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:28,569 He had a little molasses this morning 146 00:09:28,602 --> 00:09:30,471 and he's not feeling that great. 147 00:09:30,505 --> 00:09:31,672 Would you mind? 148 00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:32,973 - Uh... - Thanks. 149 00:09:33,007 --> 00:09:36,210 And keep the spade, the shovel, as a gift. 150 00:09:38,145 --> 00:09:39,113 You kids have fun. 151 00:09:44,018 --> 00:09:45,719 - So, Fiona, right? 152 00:09:46,921 --> 00:09:47,822 - Fiona. 153 00:09:58,099 --> 00:10:00,701 - And that's when the Christmas letters began. 154 00:10:02,403 --> 00:10:05,739 Year after year reminding me of how great his life is 155 00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:09,610 and how, how mine wasn't. 156 00:10:11,245 --> 00:10:16,250 I just wish I could just experience that life just for once. 157 00:10:19,887 --> 00:10:21,622 What did Thoreau say? 158 00:10:21,655 --> 00:10:24,458 "Most men live lives of quiet desperation." 159 00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:28,963 I don't wanna be most men. 160 00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:31,999 - Well, at least you're not quiet about your desperation. 161 00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:34,835 - One year, we're gonna live that life. 162 00:10:34,869 --> 00:10:36,770 We're gonna do all those crazy wild things 163 00:10:36,804 --> 00:10:39,039 that, that he does. 164 00:10:39,073 --> 00:10:40,007 We're gonna do it. 165 00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:42,943 And people are gonna read about it 166 00:10:42,977 --> 00:10:45,846 and they're gonna wish they we're us 167 00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:49,416 as opposed to us was wishing we were them. 168 00:11:02,997 --> 00:11:04,098 Yeah. 169 00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:06,767 - Stop comparing yourself to others. 170 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,637 You've got it pretty good right here. 171 00:11:09,904 --> 00:11:12,239 I'll get it. 172 00:11:14,909 --> 00:11:17,144 - What is going on with this thing? 173 00:11:17,178 --> 00:11:18,145 Is that smoke? 174 00:11:20,549 --> 00:11:21,616 - Hello. 175 00:11:21,650 --> 00:11:23,417 - Deb Michaels. Is that you? 176 00:11:23,450 --> 00:11:25,753 - Clyde Hammersmith. 177 00:11:25,786 --> 00:11:28,422 Wow, we were just talking about you. 178 00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:32,927 - Sorry. Signals here in the Med are just atrocious. 179 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,630 And the Greeks wonder why things are so bad. 180 00:11:35,664 --> 00:11:37,532 No decent 5G anyway. 181 00:11:37,566 --> 00:11:38,699 - Oh, what a shame. 182 00:11:42,671 --> 00:11:44,038 - We've been trying all day 183 00:11:44,071 --> 00:11:46,575 to get dinner reservations at Oroscopo and no luck. 184 00:11:46,608 --> 00:11:47,942 - I know what you mean. 185 00:11:49,544 --> 00:11:51,513 - So have you received our letter yet? 186 00:11:51,546 --> 00:11:54,748 - Yes. Joe, can't stop talking about it. 187 00:11:54,782 --> 00:11:56,450 I can't wait to read it. 188 00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:58,252 - Yes. Brilliant. 189 00:11:58,285 --> 00:12:00,788 Full of great pics, including some of me 190 00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:03,991 and my new tennis Daniel Craig. 191 00:12:12,299 --> 00:12:15,570 Oh. And there's a special surprise in there for you and Joe. 192 00:12:15,604 --> 00:12:17,471 Hasn't he told you about it yet? 193 00:12:17,505 --> 00:12:20,575 - Uh, not yet. - I won't spoil the surprise. 194 00:12:20,609 --> 00:12:21,909 But how is old Joe? 195 00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:24,778 Still chasing the big money in advertising? 196 00:12:24,812 --> 00:12:27,214 - Yep. Always chasing. 197 00:12:27,248 --> 00:12:28,782 - Put that old dog on the line. 198 00:12:28,816 --> 00:12:30,619 I want to have a chat with him. 199 00:12:30,652 --> 00:12:31,852 - Hold on a second. 200 00:12:36,257 --> 00:12:39,927 Clive, He'll call you back. 201 00:12:41,262 --> 00:12:42,162 - Dad. 202 00:12:43,330 --> 00:12:45,332 - Oh! - Is Dad okay? 203 00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:47,502 - He'll be fine. 204 00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:51,372 Once I find the receipt for that rotating tree stand. 205 00:13:06,954 --> 00:13:08,355 - Don't you get sick of playing that song? 206 00:13:08,389 --> 00:13:10,725 - Don't you ever get sick of listening to Journey? 207 00:13:10,759 --> 00:13:12,860 - Hey, they got me through a lot of tough times. 208 00:13:12,893 --> 00:13:15,296 - What? Puberty? - Uh-huh. 209 00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:19,099 - What you working on? 210 00:13:19,133 --> 00:13:20,635 - Oh, it's a itinerary 211 00:13:20,669 --> 00:13:24,071 for a whole year of family activities and, and vacations. 212 00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:26,440 I'm, I'm gonna present it to them at Christmas. 213 00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:27,676 Don't get caught 214 00:13:27,709 --> 00:13:29,209 doing that on company time. 215 00:13:29,243 --> 00:13:32,046 I, I hear they're looking to make cuts before Christmas. 216 00:13:32,079 --> 00:13:33,682 - Yeah. I think I'm gonna be okay. 217 00:13:33,715 --> 00:13:35,816 I'm not the one walking around playing a ukulele. 218 00:13:35,849 --> 00:13:38,986 - But I'm hip and quirky and companies love that. 219 00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:40,789 It's like the new MBA. 220 00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:43,891 - The what? - You're old school, man. 221 00:13:43,924 --> 00:13:45,893 Nobody cares about good punctuation 222 00:13:45,926 --> 00:13:47,127 and grammar and spelling. 223 00:13:47,161 --> 00:13:49,798 It, it's all about reaching your audience. 224 00:13:49,830 --> 00:13:53,434 And your audience is young and hip and quirky. 225 00:13:53,467 --> 00:13:55,269 - You're 45 years old. 226 00:13:55,302 --> 00:13:56,937 - Yeah, but I don't act like it. 227 00:13:58,339 --> 00:14:00,642 So let's hear these big plans. 228 00:14:00,675 --> 00:14:02,577 - Really? - Hmm. 229 00:14:02,610 --> 00:14:05,879 - All right, so this is gonna really blow my wife's mind. 230 00:14:05,913 --> 00:14:07,782 I'm gonna take it to the Chez Monet 231 00:14:07,816 --> 00:14:09,517 in Times Square for New Year's Eve. 232 00:14:09,551 --> 00:14:11,586 - The Chez Monet? - Yeah. 233 00:14:11,619 --> 00:14:13,454 - One meal there is like a car payment. 234 00:14:13,487 --> 00:14:15,255 - I know. It's gonna be great. 235 00:14:15,289 --> 00:14:16,691 - What's that one? 236 00:14:16,725 --> 00:14:19,694 - This one? It's a golf clinic with a golfing legend. 237 00:14:19,728 --> 00:14:21,663 Yeah. - Hmm. A legend. 238 00:14:21,696 --> 00:14:22,797 Like who? 239 00:14:22,831 --> 00:14:24,298 - Well, it's subject to availability, 240 00:14:24,331 --> 00:14:27,802 but they do mention there could be a one Tiger Woods. 241 00:14:27,836 --> 00:14:29,804 - This says Tigger Woods. 242 00:14:29,838 --> 00:14:31,305 - Yeah, it's a typo. 243 00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:33,307 But anyway, I got this guy who sends me these letters. 244 00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:34,743 Anyway, it's a long story, 245 00:14:34,776 --> 00:14:37,177 but when he sees me playing golf with Tiger Woods- 246 00:14:37,211 --> 00:14:39,781 - Tigger. - he's gonna freak out. 247 00:14:39,814 --> 00:14:42,149 Oh, maybe Tiger's gonna let me wear 248 00:14:42,182 --> 00:14:43,618 his green PGA jacket. 249 00:14:43,651 --> 00:14:45,219 That's gonna be so cool. 250 00:14:45,252 --> 00:14:47,087 - Yeah, you'll be wearing a jacket, 251 00:14:47,121 --> 00:14:48,922 but it ain't gonna be green. 252 00:14:48,956 --> 00:14:51,125 - Oh, well- 253 00:14:51,158 --> 00:14:52,393 Hello. This is Joe. 254 00:14:53,595 --> 00:14:55,429 Sure. I, I, I'll be there in a sec. 255 00:14:56,463 --> 00:14:57,699 That was HR. 256 00:14:57,732 --> 00:14:59,433 Just gonna go down there for a quick meeting. 257 00:14:59,466 --> 00:15:02,236 - Ooh, HR? Want me to pack some boxes for you? 258 00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:03,671 - No, it's not gonna be anything like that. 259 00:15:03,705 --> 00:15:04,773 It's probably they wanna talk 260 00:15:04,806 --> 00:15:06,608 to me about that community project. 261 00:15:06,641 --> 00:15:08,877 And besides if anyone's gonna be packing boxes, 262 00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:11,513 it's gonna be you, walking around playing that stupid thing. 263 00:15:11,546 --> 00:15:12,814 - Did you not hear anything I said 264 00:15:12,847 --> 00:15:14,281 about being hip and quirky? 265 00:15:15,315 --> 00:15:16,851 - Anyway. Forget about it. 266 00:15:16,885 --> 00:15:17,852 I'll be back soon. 267 00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:27,995 - I can see you're in shock. 268 00:15:31,699 --> 00:15:34,769 - You see, Joe, corporate says we're failing 269 00:15:34,803 --> 00:15:36,671 to reach the younger internet crowd. 270 00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:40,474 We need people who can relate to them. 271 00:15:40,508 --> 00:15:41,810 People who could reach them 272 00:15:41,843 --> 00:15:45,613 in a hip and quirky kinda way. 273 00:15:45,647 --> 00:15:47,849 And for less money, of course. 274 00:15:47,882 --> 00:15:49,717 - I- I- I can play the jug. 275 00:15:49,751 --> 00:15:52,687 I mean, is that hip and quirky enough? 276 00:15:55,757 --> 00:15:58,959 - So do you wanna go out the front door or the back door? 277 00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:00,194 - What are you talking about? 278 00:16:00,227 --> 00:16:02,196 - We like to give newly-separated assets, 279 00:16:02,229 --> 00:16:03,464 in this case, you, 280 00:16:03,497 --> 00:16:05,365 a choice as to whether he or she wants 281 00:16:05,399 --> 00:16:08,068 to avoid being seen by former coworkers. 282 00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:10,971 - Hey, Linda. - Hi, Drew. 283 00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:14,274 You're looking great. - So are you. 284 00:16:14,308 --> 00:16:15,543 - Oh, I get it. 285 00:16:15,577 --> 00:16:17,912 You don't want me to make a scene, freak out? 286 00:16:17,946 --> 00:16:19,781 That's why you want me to go out the back door? 287 00:16:19,814 --> 00:16:21,215 - The company would prefer it. 288 00:16:21,248 --> 00:16:23,283 - Well, since the company's already backdoored me, 289 00:16:23,317 --> 00:16:25,486 I would like to go out the front door, if that's okay. 290 00:17:00,955 --> 00:17:04,224 - Oh, man. Really? - Yep. I'm afraid so. 291 00:17:05,827 --> 00:17:08,395 - Sorry man. We'll miss you around here. 292 00:17:08,428 --> 00:17:09,898 - Yeah. Yeah. 293 00:17:09,931 --> 00:17:11,498 Look, don't worry about that. 294 00:17:12,534 --> 00:17:14,502 How's your, uh, house situation going? 295 00:17:14,536 --> 00:17:17,939 - Fell through again. We just don't qualify for a mortgage. 296 00:17:17,972 --> 00:17:20,474 - Man, that ain't right. Sorry. 297 00:17:20,508 --> 00:17:23,778 - It all works out. Just keep the faith. 298 00:17:23,811 --> 00:17:24,946 - Ahem. 299 00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:30,852 - Let us know if you have any questions. 300 00:17:30,885 --> 00:17:33,186 We'll be in touch with severance papers. 301 00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:36,056 Merry Christmas! 302 00:18:08,756 --> 00:18:09,757 - I can't believe they did this 303 00:18:09,791 --> 00:18:11,593 to you right before Christmas. 304 00:18:12,426 --> 00:18:13,393 - Yeah. 305 00:18:13,427 --> 00:18:16,096 Human resources love Christmas. 306 00:18:17,532 --> 00:18:20,768 Especially love their Christmas firing carols like 307 00:18:23,738 --> 00:18:24,706 Or their other one. 308 00:18:26,908 --> 00:18:29,309 - Santa isn't coming to town? 309 00:18:29,343 --> 00:18:30,878 - Uh- no. 310 00:18:30,912 --> 00:18:33,113 - Oh, sweetie. He is. - Yeah. 311 00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:35,382 - It's just, daddy got the name of that song wrong. 312 00:18:35,415 --> 00:18:37,150 That's all. - Yeah. 313 00:18:37,184 --> 00:18:38,886 - Yeah. Go ahead, go back to bed. 314 00:18:43,223 --> 00:18:45,593 Look, I know this is tough, 315 00:18:45,627 --> 00:18:48,096 but please don't ruin the holiday for the kids. 316 00:18:50,263 --> 00:18:51,164 - Okay. 317 00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:55,402 - Get some sleep. 318 00:18:55,435 --> 00:18:59,907 Tomorrow's a new day. 319 00:19:19,994 --> 00:19:22,797 - Ooh, tough break, buddy. 320 00:19:22,830 --> 00:19:27,902 But just remember, don't stop believing. 321 00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:36,243 - Joe! This is Dylan, your replacement. 322 00:19:36,276 --> 00:19:37,444 He's a millennial. 323 00:19:37,477 --> 00:19:39,914 Half your age, half your salary. 324 00:19:39,947 --> 00:19:44,351 People love his blog and he is a master with emojis. 325 00:19:56,864 --> 00:20:00,500 - Oh, well, tough luck, Michaels. Onward steed. 326 00:20:28,730 --> 00:20:30,131 - You'll be fine. 327 00:20:33,901 --> 00:20:38,405 - I, um, I cashed in my 401k. 328 00:20:39,574 --> 00:20:40,373 - Excuse me? 329 00:20:41,809 --> 00:20:43,443 - That's the only way we can finance 330 00:20:43,477 --> 00:20:44,946 the year of the Michaels. 331 00:20:47,548 --> 00:20:49,282 - What are you talking about? 332 00:20:49,316 --> 00:20:52,754 - A whole year of family fun and excitement and adventure 333 00:20:52,787 --> 00:20:55,089 so we can write the ultimate Christmas letter. 334 00:20:55,123 --> 00:20:56,389 - Wait a minute. 335 00:20:56,423 --> 00:20:59,861 You lost your job and just cashed in on 336 00:20:59,894 --> 00:21:03,463 the one thing standing between us and a homeless shelter? 337 00:21:03,497 --> 00:21:06,333 All so you could write your own narcissistic newsletter? 338 00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:08,236 - Our narcissistic letter. - Oh, f... 339 00:21:08,268 --> 00:21:10,437 - And it's only gonna work if we give it 110%. 340 00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:12,272 - Why didn't you talk to me about this? 341 00:21:12,305 --> 00:21:15,109 How we spend our money should be a mutual decision. 342 00:21:15,143 --> 00:21:17,645 - We never had a discussion about all the shoes you buy. 343 00:21:17,678 --> 00:21:20,313 I mean, how many did you buy last year? 45 pairs. 344 00:21:20,347 --> 00:21:22,617 - That's for when we do something special someday. 345 00:21:22,650 --> 00:21:24,051 - Exactly. 346 00:21:24,085 --> 00:21:26,220 I was gonna wait till Christmas to give you this. 347 00:21:31,659 --> 00:21:32,560 - Joe. 348 00:21:40,168 --> 00:21:41,736 We don't ski. 349 00:21:41,769 --> 00:21:43,104 - Y- I mean... 350 00:21:43,137 --> 00:21:44,437 - Squirrels on YouTube do it better than you. 351 00:21:44,471 --> 00:21:46,073 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, but we'll learn. 352 00:21:46,107 --> 00:21:47,340 I mean, that's the whole point 353 00:21:47,374 --> 00:21:49,210 of doing these fun family things, you know? 354 00:21:49,243 --> 00:21:51,045 - Chez Monet? 355 00:21:51,078 --> 00:21:52,680 - Yeah. Right? 356 00:21:52,713 --> 00:21:53,514 - Bahamas? 357 00:21:53,548 --> 00:21:54,849 Yes. - Oh! 358 00:21:54,882 --> 00:21:57,317 - It'll be awesome. - Wait, Tigger Woods. 359 00:21:57,350 --> 00:21:58,786 - Eh, that's a typo. 360 00:22:00,688 --> 00:22:02,757 - Tiger Woods? - Yes. 361 00:22:02,790 --> 00:22:03,691 The one and only. 362 00:22:05,325 --> 00:22:06,561 - We can't afford this. 363 00:22:06,594 --> 00:22:08,428 - The, the 401k will finance the whole thing. 364 00:22:08,461 --> 00:22:09,931 - Joe, our savings. 365 00:22:09,964 --> 00:22:11,966 - Ah, it's gonna be fine. Trust me. 366 00:22:14,001 --> 00:22:17,171 - Oh, I don't know. 367 00:22:17,205 --> 00:22:20,608 - Oh, it's gonna be great, I'll be there. 368 00:22:20,641 --> 00:22:21,843 It's good. 369 00:22:24,745 --> 00:22:26,247 What are doing, Rich? 370 00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:27,882 - Merry Christmas! 371 00:22:30,885 --> 00:22:33,321 - What better way to start the year of the Michaels 372 00:22:33,386 --> 00:22:35,957 than a Norman Rockwell-esque sleigh ride 373 00:22:35,990 --> 00:22:37,191 on Christmas morning. 374 00:22:38,358 --> 00:22:42,563 - But Dad, I wanna play with my toys. 375 00:22:42,597 --> 00:22:44,932 - Yeah, Dad. It's Christmas morning. 376 00:22:44,966 --> 00:22:46,767 I didn't even get to open my Legos. 377 00:22:48,135 --> 00:22:49,503 - Joe. This is nice. 378 00:22:49,537 --> 00:22:51,973 But if you wanted to be like Norman Rockwell, 379 00:22:52,006 --> 00:22:54,342 I could have just gotten you some paints. 380 00:22:54,374 --> 00:22:55,610 - Why look at a painting 381 00:22:55,643 --> 00:22:57,444 when you could experience the real thing. 382 00:22:57,477 --> 00:22:58,980 Well, here it is. 383 00:23:11,225 --> 00:23:12,425 - Where are the horses? 384 00:23:13,261 --> 00:23:14,394 Where's all the snow? 385 00:23:14,427 --> 00:23:16,831 - Uh, I don't know. 386 00:23:16,864 --> 00:23:18,666 Oh, It'll be fine. 387 00:23:18,699 --> 00:23:20,034 It'll be fun. Come on. 388 00:23:20,067 --> 00:23:22,904 Let's, uh, let's go have a sleigh ride, meet Santa. 389 00:23:25,172 --> 00:23:26,140 Be great. 390 00:23:27,108 --> 00:23:28,542 Yeah. 391 00:23:28,576 --> 00:23:29,476 - Santa! 392 00:23:34,715 --> 00:23:36,117 - Merry Christmas. 393 00:23:37,351 --> 00:23:40,453 Name's Frederick Santa. 394 00:23:40,487 --> 00:23:43,024 You must be my 10:00 am special appointment. 395 00:23:43,057 --> 00:23:44,592 Mighty adventurous of you, man. 396 00:23:44,625 --> 00:23:47,161 Coming out on Christmas for a big holiday hunt. 397 00:23:47,962 --> 00:23:49,429 Let's get it on. 398 00:23:49,462 --> 00:23:50,331 - Hunt? 399 00:23:51,699 --> 00:23:54,902 - Yeah, it'll be like the Easter egg hunt, candy cane hunt. 400 00:23:54,936 --> 00:23:56,771 Anyway, l- l- let's go. Let's get going. 401 00:24:01,742 --> 00:24:02,643 - Uh, Mom? 402 00:24:06,147 --> 00:24:07,048 - Joe. 403 00:24:08,149 --> 00:24:09,784 - Is this supposed to be a sleigh ride? 404 00:24:09,817 --> 00:24:12,153 - Yep. Slay Rides Incorporated. 405 00:24:12,954 --> 00:24:14,388 We kill 'em, you grill 'em. 406 00:24:15,289 --> 00:24:16,590 Now let's go find Rudolph 407 00:24:16,624 --> 00:24:18,826 and get us some fresh Christmas venison, huh? 408 00:24:18,859 --> 00:24:21,562 - Daddy, what's venison? 409 00:24:21,595 --> 00:24:24,799 - Oh, it's, a, it's a little town in Italy. 410 00:24:24,832 --> 00:24:26,133 We'll go there one day. 411 00:24:26,167 --> 00:24:28,803 It's, they make pizzas and stuff. 412 00:24:29,837 --> 00:24:30,871 - Ho-ho-hold on. 413 00:24:32,306 --> 00:24:33,741 - This'll be fun. 414 00:24:37,979 --> 00:24:43,050 - Poor Rudolph. 415 00:24:45,453 --> 00:24:47,588 - Guys, go wash your hands. 416 00:24:47,621 --> 00:24:48,889 - Yes, mommy. 417 00:24:48,923 --> 00:24:53,861 - So, uh, I'll just, uh, 418 00:24:53,894 --> 00:24:55,396 put this under the tree then? 419 00:25:15,850 --> 00:25:18,352 - Yes, Dad. We're fine. 420 00:25:20,321 --> 00:25:21,222 What? 421 00:25:22,757 --> 00:25:24,125 Yeah, he's right here. 422 00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:27,428 He wants to talk to you. 423 00:25:32,333 --> 00:25:33,667 - Hi, Tony. 424 00:25:33,701 --> 00:25:37,506 - Heard you bagged Rudolph on Christmas day. Nice. 425 00:25:37,538 --> 00:25:41,008 Thanks for traumatizing my daughter and grandkids. 426 00:25:41,042 --> 00:25:42,676 Wanna mount my head on the wall? 427 00:25:42,710 --> 00:25:44,245 - Oh, actually, yeah, 428 00:25:44,278 --> 00:25:46,180 but I think you have to be dead first, but- 429 00:25:46,213 --> 00:25:48,115 - Oh, Joe. Gimme that. 430 00:25:48,149 --> 00:25:50,618 Dad? Yeah, I'm sorry. 431 00:25:50,651 --> 00:25:54,121 I know, I know. Okay. 432 00:25:55,524 --> 00:25:58,459 I love you too. Merry Christmas. 433 00:26:01,095 --> 00:26:02,863 - Well, it was, uh, nice of Frederick 434 00:26:02,897 --> 00:26:04,799 to process all that venison for us. 435 00:26:04,832 --> 00:26:08,803 And he even gave us a box of reindeer jerky. 436 00:26:08,836 --> 00:26:10,604 - What the hell were you thinking? 437 00:26:11,605 --> 00:26:13,074 - Well, you don't wanna let 438 00:26:13,107 --> 00:26:15,810 a little mishap spoil our Christmas fun. 439 00:26:15,843 --> 00:26:17,311 - Fun? 440 00:26:17,344 --> 00:26:20,915 That head was eating berries no less than 24 hours ago. 441 00:26:22,817 --> 00:26:26,787 - Um, look, can I make it up to you 442 00:26:26,821 --> 00:26:29,590 with a another Christmas surprise? 443 00:26:29,623 --> 00:26:33,594 - Oh, what's next, a taxidermy elf? 444 00:26:33,627 --> 00:26:35,362 - No. 445 00:26:36,931 --> 00:26:41,001 We're going to England next summer. 446 00:26:41,035 --> 00:26:42,803 - What are you talking about? 447 00:26:42,837 --> 00:26:44,438 - Didn't you read Clive's letter? 448 00:26:44,472 --> 00:26:45,739 - I couldn't get past the part 449 00:26:45,773 --> 00:26:47,908 about having tea with Sir Paul McCartney. 450 00:26:47,942 --> 00:26:49,743 - Oh no, there was, there was a P.S. 451 00:26:49,777 --> 00:26:53,080 and he was inviting us all to his big birthday bash 452 00:26:53,114 --> 00:26:54,915 next summer in the UK. 453 00:26:54,949 --> 00:26:58,752 And it's gonna be like bow ties and black ties 454 00:26:58,786 --> 00:27:02,156 and champagne and caviar and dignitaries 455 00:27:02,189 --> 00:27:03,924 and all that kind of stuff. 456 00:27:03,958 --> 00:27:05,759 So I thought, "Hey, why not?" 457 00:27:05,793 --> 00:27:08,863 So I booked a ticket and RSVP'd and away we go. 458 00:27:08,896 --> 00:27:10,197 Wh- what do you think? 459 00:27:10,231 --> 00:27:14,201 - You want to go to a party for the very man 460 00:27:14,235 --> 00:27:17,705 whose Christmas letter drives you crazy each year? 461 00:27:17,738 --> 00:27:20,841 A party for the man who will likely put this event 462 00:27:20,875 --> 00:27:22,544 in next year's letter. 463 00:27:22,577 --> 00:27:23,811 - Yeah, absolutely. 464 00:27:23,844 --> 00:27:26,847 'Cause then We can write about it in our letter. 465 00:27:26,881 --> 00:27:29,917 What a way to steal his thunder. 466 00:27:29,950 --> 00:27:31,553 It's gonna be brilliant, hey? 467 00:27:31,586 --> 00:27:32,753 Oh yes. 468 00:27:36,357 --> 00:27:38,560 - I see you truly value his friendship. 469 00:27:41,295 --> 00:27:46,367 - I think it's gonna be good. 470 00:27:51,438 --> 00:27:52,339 - Hey, everyone. 471 00:27:52,373 --> 00:27:53,874 Bryan Deacrest here with you 472 00:27:53,908 --> 00:27:56,611 to celebrate another New Year's Rompin' Eve in Times Square. 473 00:27:56,645 --> 00:27:57,878 Tonight, we're outside 474 00:27:57,912 --> 00:28:00,181 the inimitable Chez Monet French restaurant, 475 00:28:00,214 --> 00:28:01,949 under new management, by the way. 476 00:28:01,982 --> 00:28:03,817 Where everyone who's anyone 477 00:28:03,851 --> 00:28:05,819 will be enjoying sumptuous dining, 478 00:28:05,853 --> 00:28:08,657 fine music, and a Rompin' Eve tradition: 479 00:28:08,689 --> 00:28:11,125 the midnight pressing of the ceremonial button 480 00:28:11,158 --> 00:28:13,260 that lowers the famous ball. 481 00:28:21,936 --> 00:28:23,137 - But this is my best suit. 482 00:28:23,170 --> 00:28:25,239 - I'm sorry, sir. Those are the rules. 483 00:28:25,272 --> 00:28:27,609 - I mean, we had a reservation for 6:30. 484 00:28:27,642 --> 00:28:29,210 I wanna speak to the manager. 485 00:28:29,243 --> 00:28:31,145 - You mean the general manager? 486 00:28:31,178 --> 00:28:32,146 Yeah, that'd be moi. 487 00:28:32,179 --> 00:28:34,848 - Oh, bonjour. - Bonsoir. 488 00:28:34,882 --> 00:28:37,017 I'm Norm de Plume, the general manager. 489 00:28:37,051 --> 00:28:38,687 This is Chez Monet. 490 00:28:38,719 --> 00:28:41,388 Where everything is fine and beautiful 491 00:28:41,422 --> 00:28:44,258 and the music's good and the food is sumptuous. 492 00:28:44,291 --> 00:28:46,026 But you're not dressed right. 493 00:28:46,060 --> 00:28:49,598 And I can't let people dressed like you in here. 494 00:28:49,631 --> 00:28:51,232 I'm sorry. I hope you understand. 495 00:28:51,265 --> 00:28:53,767 - Uh, is this even a French restaurant? 496 00:28:53,801 --> 00:28:55,402 I mean, are you even French? 497 00:28:55,436 --> 00:28:58,405 - No. Thanks for asking. 498 00:28:58,439 --> 00:29:00,207 - W- what about my reservation? 499 00:29:00,241 --> 00:29:01,875 - Didn't she tell you about the dress code? 500 00:29:01,909 --> 00:29:03,444 - Yeah, yeah. She did, she did. 501 00:29:03,477 --> 00:29:04,411 - Okay, good. 502 00:29:04,445 --> 00:29:05,647 Well, know you look just great 503 00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:08,550 for a high school reunion, let's say, 504 00:29:08,583 --> 00:29:10,217 Moose Club in Paramus. 505 00:29:11,485 --> 00:29:12,920 Did you show him the rules? - Yes. I, uh, okay. 506 00:29:12,953 --> 00:29:14,321 Again. - Yes. 507 00:29:14,355 --> 00:29:17,458 - Section three, paragraph four specifically states 508 00:29:17,491 --> 00:29:20,528 that we will not serve any man, woman, or child 509 00:29:20,562 --> 00:29:23,764 who's not wearing attire befitting the establishment. 510 00:29:23,797 --> 00:29:27,368 I- - Excuse me, sir. 511 00:29:27,401 --> 00:29:28,202 - Sir? - What? 512 00:29:28,235 --> 00:29:29,537 - Is there a problem? 513 00:29:30,605 --> 00:29:32,773 There must be some misunderstanding. 514 00:29:32,806 --> 00:29:37,679 Ah, oh, see Deb and Joe Michaels 6:30. 515 00:29:37,712 --> 00:29:39,213 - Oh. 516 00:29:39,246 --> 00:29:41,882 But, you know, we can't just, 517 00:29:41,915 --> 00:29:46,987 you are just very pr- p- pretty. 518 00:29:48,856 --> 00:29:50,391 You're a lucky devil. 519 00:29:51,225 --> 00:29:52,761 As lovely as you are, 520 00:29:52,793 --> 00:29:55,029 I can't let your husband dine here tonight. 521 00:29:56,598 --> 00:29:57,666 - Why not? 522 00:29:57,699 --> 00:29:59,701 - At Chez Monet we have rules like, 523 00:29:59,734 --> 00:30:01,703 you need a proper dinner suit. 524 00:30:01,736 --> 00:30:04,673 - What? Like a tuxedo? - Not like a tuxedo. 525 00:30:04,706 --> 00:30:06,473 A real tuxedo. 526 00:30:06,508 --> 00:30:09,443 Like a one-button mohair by Brioni. 527 00:30:09,476 --> 00:30:10,911 - Oh yeah. Brioni would be a good one. 528 00:30:10,944 --> 00:30:12,079 - The rules are the rules. 529 00:30:12,112 --> 00:30:13,648 If I made an exception, 530 00:30:13,682 --> 00:30:15,883 I'd have the let in the whole hoi polloi. 531 00:30:17,051 --> 00:30:18,285 - We had a reservation here 532 00:30:18,319 --> 00:30:20,120 and we're not gonna leave until we're seated 533 00:30:20,154 --> 00:30:22,724 buying some, something expensive 534 00:30:22,757 --> 00:30:23,957 and celebrating the New Year's. 535 00:30:23,991 --> 00:30:27,961 - Well if I may, we may have an option 536 00:30:27,995 --> 00:30:29,698 if you'd be amenable to it. 537 00:30:29,731 --> 00:30:30,598 - Sure, if I must. - You know what? 538 00:30:30,632 --> 00:30:33,400 We can rent you a tuxedo. 539 00:30:33,434 --> 00:30:37,706 Our selection is quite limited, but we have some. 540 00:30:37,739 --> 00:30:39,206 - All right. How much is it? 541 00:30:40,407 --> 00:30:41,676 - 300. - $300. 542 00:30:41,710 --> 00:30:44,345 - 300? That's our whole budget for the evening. 543 00:30:44,378 --> 00:30:46,815 - What were they gonna order? Bread and water. 544 00:30:46,847 --> 00:30:50,150 A crouton? 545 00:30:52,119 --> 00:30:55,089 More? 546 00:30:55,122 --> 00:30:56,957 - Yeah, uh, uh, garcon? 547 00:30:56,990 --> 00:30:59,126 Garconesse, or whatever. 548 00:30:59,159 --> 00:30:59,960 - Sir? 549 00:31:01,028 --> 00:31:02,930 - Another round of your finest bread. 550 00:31:04,131 --> 00:31:05,633 - Can I get you anything else? 551 00:31:05,667 --> 00:31:10,705 Uh, some dessert, some bread pudding perhaps? 552 00:31:11,905 --> 00:31:13,374 - No, just the bread's fine. 553 00:31:24,552 --> 00:31:25,419 - Sir. 554 00:31:27,921 --> 00:31:29,624 They've requested more bread. 555 00:31:31,458 --> 00:31:32,827 - How about the day-old? 556 00:31:39,066 --> 00:31:39,967 Perfect. 557 00:31:45,038 --> 00:31:45,906 - Do you see that? 558 00:31:46,775 --> 00:31:49,042 Is that a Rolex? - Ooh. 559 00:31:49,076 --> 00:31:50,144 Do we get one too? 560 00:31:50,177 --> 00:31:51,378 - Yeah, I think we do. 561 00:31:52,279 --> 00:31:53,782 I think they're giving them out. 562 00:31:56,618 --> 00:31:58,853 - What is this, your 10th bread basket? 563 00:31:58,887 --> 00:32:01,388 - Can we get one of those goody bags? 564 00:32:01,422 --> 00:32:05,125 - Oh, I'm afraid you don't get one now. 565 00:32:05,159 --> 00:32:06,895 - Why not? We're patrons. 566 00:32:06,927 --> 00:32:08,962 - You ate free bread all night. 567 00:32:08,996 --> 00:32:10,931 I'm sorry. Now if you'll excuse me. 568 00:32:12,966 --> 00:32:15,302 - What's a French word for a guy like that? 569 00:32:15,335 --> 00:32:18,305 - Douche. - Yeah. Le douche. 570 00:33:06,153 --> 00:33:09,256 - Oh Joe, I'm sorry. 571 00:33:10,525 --> 00:33:11,893 - You know what? 572 00:33:11,926 --> 00:33:15,496 I'm not gonna let anybody ruin this night. Okay? 573 00:33:17,899 --> 00:33:19,767 Have I told you that I love you? 574 00:33:19,801 --> 00:33:21,068 - Mm-hmm. 575 00:33:21,101 --> 00:33:23,671 Last week when I took in the garbage cans. 576 00:33:23,705 --> 00:33:25,105 - Oh yeah. - Mm-hmm. Joe! 577 00:33:29,711 --> 00:33:33,581 - Ten, nine, eight, seven 578 00:33:33,615 --> 00:33:36,784 six, five, four, 579 00:33:36,818 --> 00:33:39,319 three, two, one. 580 00:33:54,602 --> 00:33:56,403 - Happy New Year! Go! 581 00:33:57,805 --> 00:34:00,508 - Stop them! Stop those people! 582 00:34:00,542 --> 00:34:02,977 - Idiots. It's only 9:45. 583 00:34:08,181 --> 00:34:10,250 - Hi Mr. Clark. Oh my Gosh. 584 00:34:10,284 --> 00:34:11,218 Where you been? 585 00:34:11,251 --> 00:34:12,787 Happy New Year. Muah! 586 00:34:12,820 --> 00:34:14,121 Happy New Year. 587 00:34:16,558 --> 00:34:18,526 - I cannot find my phone. 588 00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:19,794 Deb, Deb, I need your phone. 589 00:34:19,827 --> 00:34:21,161 Quick, quickly. - What? What are you doing? 590 00:34:21,194 --> 00:34:22,964 You gonna tear us apart. - No. It's gonna be great. 591 00:34:22,997 --> 00:34:24,866 Excuse me. Can we get a selfie with you? 592 00:34:24,899 --> 00:34:25,833 - Sure. - Oh, thank you. 593 00:34:25,867 --> 00:34:27,134 - Why not? - All right. 594 00:34:27,167 --> 00:34:28,703 - It's not like I don't have any time to kill. 595 00:34:28,736 --> 00:34:31,104 - Cheese. 596 00:34:31,138 --> 00:34:32,907 Huge fan. I love of you on "American Band Stand." 597 00:34:32,941 --> 00:34:34,976 You are great. All right. 598 00:34:36,044 --> 00:34:37,745 - I bet this never happened to Dick. 599 00:34:48,890 --> 00:34:52,259 - Hello? - Joe? 600 00:34:52,292 --> 00:34:53,795 - No. - Oh, I, oh. 601 00:34:56,496 --> 00:34:58,432 I'm looking for Joe Michaels. 602 00:34:58,465 --> 00:34:59,934 - Oh yeah. Right. 603 00:34:59,968 --> 00:35:01,168 I'm afraid the Michaels 604 00:35:01,201 --> 00:35:03,203 are thankfully no longer in this building. 605 00:35:04,072 --> 00:35:05,138 - Oh. - So. 606 00:35:05,172 --> 00:35:07,976 - Well, I, I heard he was coming in 607 00:35:08,009 --> 00:35:09,844 to the big city tonight. 608 00:35:10,812 --> 00:35:12,914 I guess I missed a hell of a party. 609 00:35:12,947 --> 00:35:14,749 - Ah, you could say that, yeah. 610 00:35:16,017 --> 00:35:18,452 Now I'm afraid I don't wish to help you anymore. 611 00:35:18,485 --> 00:35:21,154 I hope you have a very happy New Year. 612 00:35:21,188 --> 00:35:22,456 - Wait, wait, wait, 613 00:35:22,489 --> 00:35:24,025 wait, wait, wait. - What, what, what, what? 614 00:35:24,058 --> 00:35:28,763 - Could you tell him about the package? My package for Joe. 615 00:35:29,564 --> 00:35:30,765 See, I missed it on my route 616 00:35:30,798 --> 00:35:34,936 and well now it's, it's leaking and... 617 00:35:34,969 --> 00:35:36,037 - I'm sure it is. 618 00:35:36,070 --> 00:35:38,906 I'll be sure not to let them know. 619 00:35:40,374 --> 00:35:42,442 - He'll, uh, he'll find it tomorrow. 620 00:35:45,013 --> 00:35:48,549 Looks like you've got a pretty nice place there. 621 00:35:49,817 --> 00:35:50,952 - Bloody hell. 622 00:35:54,388 --> 00:35:59,159 - Dining and dashing. I feel so dirty. 623 00:35:59,192 --> 00:36:01,062 We turned Times Square into a ghost town 624 00:36:01,095 --> 00:36:02,130 on New Year's Eve. 625 00:36:02,162 --> 00:36:03,263 Who does that? 626 00:36:03,296 --> 00:36:05,833 - Well, Times Square is so overrated. 627 00:36:05,867 --> 00:36:07,300 Besides, there's nowhere to pee. 628 00:36:07,334 --> 00:36:08,670 Sorry. Correction. 629 00:36:09,771 --> 00:36:12,205 I did see someone peeing in a mailbox. 630 00:36:12,239 --> 00:36:14,876 In fact, I saw a lot of people peeing. 631 00:36:16,010 --> 00:36:17,578 And we didn't even dine we just had some bread. 632 00:36:17,612 --> 00:36:19,547 It was fine. - Then why did we dash? 633 00:36:20,882 --> 00:36:22,050 - Uh... 634 00:36:22,083 --> 00:36:23,417 - Wouldn't have anything 635 00:36:23,450 --> 00:36:26,554 to do with that Rolex on your wrist now, would it? 636 00:36:26,587 --> 00:36:28,856 - Well, I mean, you have one as well. 637 00:36:28,890 --> 00:36:30,223 - I'm not wearing it. 638 00:36:31,025 --> 00:36:32,259 - Well, look, besides, 639 00:36:32,292 --> 00:36:33,761 I mean all those people at that restaurant, 640 00:36:33,795 --> 00:36:35,228 that this means nothing to them. 641 00:36:35,262 --> 00:36:36,864 It's like a pair of socks to them. 642 00:36:36,898 --> 00:36:39,701 - A very expensive pair of socks. 643 00:36:44,772 --> 00:36:46,507 - Your phone's ringing. 644 00:36:48,042 --> 00:36:48,943 Ah. 645 00:36:52,212 --> 00:36:53,280 Hello? 646 00:36:53,313 --> 00:36:54,247 - Oh, it's you. 647 00:36:54,281 --> 00:36:55,382 Heard you got yourself a pair 648 00:36:55,415 --> 00:36:57,250 of hot watches the other night. 649 00:36:57,284 --> 00:37:00,353 Thanks for making my daughter a felon. 650 00:37:00,387 --> 00:37:02,523 What are planning next? A homicide. 651 00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:07,394 Joe, you there? 652 00:37:07,427 --> 00:37:08,896 - Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 653 00:37:08,930 --> 00:37:11,431 Yeah, I'm here. I was just trying to do something else. 654 00:37:11,465 --> 00:37:14,001 - Get my daughter on the phone. 655 00:37:14,035 --> 00:37:15,235 - Who is it? - Grampus. 656 00:37:16,571 --> 00:37:18,271 No, I mean Grandpa. 657 00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:20,875 Is your mom around? 658 00:37:20,908 --> 00:37:22,043 Deb? Deb? - Momma! 659 00:37:24,145 --> 00:37:26,748 - Little thing is on the phone. 660 00:37:27,982 --> 00:37:29,483 Crazy ol' Grampa. 661 00:37:31,185 --> 00:37:32,086 Grampa. 662 00:37:42,630 --> 00:37:44,932 - Oh, hey Rich. - Hi, Joe. 663 00:37:44,966 --> 00:37:46,567 - Oh. - Whatcha got there? 664 00:37:46,601 --> 00:37:47,501 Thank you. 665 00:37:48,335 --> 00:37:49,704 Why do your packages look like 666 00:37:49,737 --> 00:37:51,973 they're being used as a ThighMaster? 667 00:37:52,006 --> 00:37:54,542 - Oh, well, sorry. I'm sure it's fine. 668 00:37:54,575 --> 00:37:56,010 Yeah? Here. - Okay. 669 00:37:56,043 --> 00:37:57,779 - I just need your signature. 670 00:37:57,812 --> 00:38:00,214 - All right. - There you go. Right there. 671 00:38:00,248 --> 00:38:01,716 - So, uh, how's life? 672 00:38:02,817 --> 00:38:06,020 - Well, I'm getting the vasectomy. 673 00:38:06,888 --> 00:38:08,388 - Oh, okay. 674 00:38:08,421 --> 00:38:12,459 - Yeah, my wife's been bugging me for years. 675 00:38:12,492 --> 00:38:14,595 At first she wanted to be like that family on TV. 676 00:38:14,629 --> 00:38:16,130 You know the one with the 10 kids? 677 00:38:16,164 --> 00:38:17,064 - Oh yeah. 678 00:38:17,098 --> 00:38:18,365 - But after four C-sections, 679 00:38:18,398 --> 00:38:21,769 a couple of sets of breach twins 680 00:38:21,803 --> 00:38:25,273 and giving once birth on a roller coaster, 681 00:38:25,305 --> 00:38:27,542 she got tired of trying to keep up, so. 682 00:38:27,575 --> 00:38:30,945 - Yeah. - Nine's the magic number. 683 00:38:30,978 --> 00:38:35,183 So next week I, I'm seeing my urologist and Dr. Stoppe. 684 00:38:36,383 --> 00:38:38,385 - Dr. Stop. Is that like stop? 685 00:38:38,418 --> 00:38:41,022 S-T-O-P? - No, no. 686 00:38:41,055 --> 00:38:44,592 S-O it's two P's and an E. - Oh. 687 00:38:44,625 --> 00:38:47,628 - Like, like shoppe, you know, like ye olde shoppe. 688 00:38:47,662 --> 00:38:49,429 - Right. Yeah. 689 00:38:49,462 --> 00:38:50,898 Yeah. 690 00:38:50,932 --> 00:38:53,000 So he's kinda like a boutique back vasectomy doctor 691 00:38:53,034 --> 00:38:54,535 kind of thing? - It's a regular office, 692 00:38:54,569 --> 00:38:56,436 but he says a couple of snips 693 00:38:56,469 --> 00:38:59,574 and my baby making days are over. 694 00:38:59,607 --> 00:39:03,010 - Wow, well thanks for your public service there, Rich. 695 00:39:04,979 --> 00:39:07,615 - Hi, Rich. - Mrs. Michaels. 696 00:39:08,749 --> 00:39:13,321 Well, uh, well, nice talking to you, Joe. 697 00:39:13,353 --> 00:39:16,891 Mrs. Michaels. Deb. 698 00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:21,729 - Uh, did he just wink at you? 699 00:39:23,430 --> 00:39:24,799 - I think it was a twitch. 700 00:39:25,833 --> 00:39:27,835 Probably nervous about that vasectomy. 701 00:39:29,804 --> 00:39:32,506 - Hmm. 702 00:39:34,441 --> 00:39:35,676 - There's nothing like 703 00:39:35,710 --> 00:39:38,212 the crisp winter snow in the mountains. 704 00:39:38,246 --> 00:39:39,146 Right, kids? 705 00:39:40,314 --> 00:39:41,983 Come on. We're headed to Goliath Mountain. 706 00:39:42,016 --> 00:39:44,852 The Goliath Mountain. 707 00:39:44,886 --> 00:39:46,721 Who's ready to rip some poo. 708 00:39:47,989 --> 00:39:50,157 - Think you mean rip some pow. 709 00:39:51,458 --> 00:39:52,793 - Where's daddy? 710 00:39:52,827 --> 00:39:55,696 - He went to register us for the tennis lessons. 711 00:39:55,730 --> 00:39:56,797 If he doesn't show up soon, 712 00:39:56,831 --> 00:39:58,398 he's gonna miss the ski lessons. 713 00:39:58,431 --> 00:40:00,835 - Oh, sorry. Sorry I'm late. 714 00:40:02,303 --> 00:40:04,372 Oh, there was a long line. 715 00:40:04,404 --> 00:40:06,439 Look, I just found out that John McEnroe 716 00:40:06,473 --> 00:40:08,709 is gonna be one of the instructors at the tennis camp. 717 00:40:08,743 --> 00:40:10,211 - Get out! - Yeah. Isn't that cool? 718 00:40:10,244 --> 00:40:11,512 - And with that, 719 00:40:11,545 --> 00:40:13,648 I wish you all the best of luck on the slopes. 720 00:40:13,681 --> 00:40:16,449 - Oh, but wait, my husband just got here. 721 00:40:16,483 --> 00:40:20,021 - Oh, uh, he could join my next lesson 722 00:40:20,054 --> 00:40:21,656 and catch up with you later. 723 00:40:21,689 --> 00:40:23,423 How's that? - Yeah, that sounds fine. 724 00:40:23,456 --> 00:40:25,726 You go ahead. I'll catch up with you later. 725 00:40:25,760 --> 00:40:28,461 Go rip some poo. 726 00:40:30,665 --> 00:40:33,801 - Pow. 727 00:40:38,438 --> 00:40:39,407 - All right. 728 00:40:40,574 --> 00:40:41,976 - Here's our other participant. 729 00:40:42,009 --> 00:40:43,978 Big Joe, meet Little Joe. 730 00:40:44,011 --> 00:40:45,947 - Oh, like in the "Bonanza"? 731 00:40:45,980 --> 00:40:50,952 - No, no. This little guy is a Joe too. 732 00:40:51,719 --> 00:40:52,853 - Hey, hey, Little Joe. 733 00:40:52,887 --> 00:40:55,089 - Who you calling little? - Ow. 734 00:40:55,122 --> 00:40:56,557 - Big Joe and Little Joe, 735 00:40:56,590 --> 00:40:58,926 the first thing we're gonna cover is the snowplow. 736 00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:00,528 - Mm-hmm. - Just watch me. 737 00:41:00,561 --> 00:41:02,730 It's very simple, okay? - Okay. 738 00:41:03,864 --> 00:41:05,433 - That's it. Okay? 739 00:41:06,434 --> 00:41:08,468 Go forward and you're gonna bend. 740 00:41:14,742 --> 00:41:16,210 Come on. 741 00:41:16,243 --> 00:41:18,679 - I think I'm doing it. - Mm-hmm. Yep. 742 00:41:18,713 --> 00:41:21,115 Uh-huh. You're really doing it. 743 00:41:21,148 --> 00:41:23,150 There you go. 744 00:41:23,184 --> 00:41:27,321 Wow. Good job. 745 00:41:31,726 --> 00:41:33,493 That was amazing. 746 00:41:41,969 --> 00:41:43,337 - Yeah! 747 00:41:50,211 --> 00:41:51,946 - This is so fun. 748 00:41:51,979 --> 00:41:54,048 - It is, isn't it? 749 00:41:54,081 --> 00:41:56,917 I just wish I knew where your father was. 750 00:41:56,951 --> 00:41:58,552 - Dip it in the sauce. Dip it in the sauce. 751 00:41:58,586 --> 00:42:00,621 Yeah. Okay. 752 00:42:00,654 --> 00:42:02,156 Good job, Little Joe. 753 00:42:02,189 --> 00:42:03,791 Side of mayo. Side of mayo. 754 00:42:03,824 --> 00:42:05,026 Hit it. Hit it. 755 00:42:05,059 --> 00:42:06,327 Okay. 756 00:42:08,429 --> 00:42:10,197 Okay, Big Joe. Come on. 757 00:42:11,165 --> 00:42:12,400 You gotta want it. Come on, bud. 758 00:42:12,433 --> 00:42:14,802 Come on Joe. Come on, Joe. 759 00:42:17,371 --> 00:42:18,372 - Dad? Dad? 760 00:42:21,175 --> 00:42:24,245 - we are out here skiing kind of. 761 00:42:24,278 --> 00:42:26,213 You're, you're doing really good. 762 00:42:26,247 --> 00:42:27,715 You're doing really good, Big Joe. 763 00:42:27,748 --> 00:42:29,116 Super, super proud of you. 764 00:42:33,487 --> 00:42:35,524 Big Joe, my dude. 765 00:42:36,857 --> 00:42:39,026 Little Joe, you did great. 766 00:42:40,161 --> 00:42:43,064 Big Joe, how's your insurance? 767 00:42:43,097 --> 00:42:44,298 I'm just, I'm just funnin' with you. 768 00:42:44,331 --> 00:42:46,333 Just, just take it easy up there. 769 00:42:46,367 --> 00:42:47,935 Remember what I showed you. 770 00:42:47,968 --> 00:42:52,940 And you'll be king of the bunny hill in, in no time. 771 00:42:52,973 --> 00:42:56,477 - Big baby on the bunny hill. 772 00:42:58,245 --> 00:43:00,714 - How we doing, sir? - Oh, good. 773 00:43:00,748 --> 00:43:03,150 All right. Step right on up. 774 00:43:08,122 --> 00:43:09,123 - Here we go, sir. 775 00:43:09,156 --> 00:43:10,891 - Okay. - Enjoy the ride. 776 00:43:14,995 --> 00:43:16,764 - Yeah. Where is Dad? 777 00:43:16,797 --> 00:43:19,033 - Dad? 778 00:43:29,643 --> 00:43:31,278 - That was more like a bunny hill. 779 00:43:33,747 --> 00:43:35,916 - Where the hell have you been? 780 00:43:35,950 --> 00:43:37,618 We were worried sick. 781 00:43:37,651 --> 00:43:41,021 We thought you slammed into a tree or flew over a cliff. 782 00:43:41,055 --> 00:43:42,656 - That'd be more dignified. 783 00:43:43,691 --> 00:43:45,192 You know the Goliath Mountain gives 784 00:43:45,226 --> 00:43:48,162 every first-timer who skis down the bunny trail 785 00:43:48,195 --> 00:43:50,865 a little bunny rabbit's foot thing. 786 00:43:50,898 --> 00:43:51,866 - Oh. Yeah. 787 00:43:53,300 --> 00:43:55,469 - Yeah. One of those. 788 00:43:55,504 --> 00:43:57,572 - Where's yours? 789 00:43:57,606 --> 00:44:00,274 - It's, uh, hopping down some trail 790 00:44:00,307 --> 00:44:01,775 in the forest somewhere. 791 00:44:05,279 --> 00:44:06,714 - Let's go get dinner, huh? - Yeah. 792 00:44:08,382 --> 00:44:09,750 - We need all our strength 793 00:44:09,783 --> 00:44:12,253 for tomorrow's tennis lesson with McEnroe, remember? 794 00:44:15,089 --> 00:44:16,357 Come on, kids. 795 00:44:17,526 --> 00:44:20,928 - Uh, I just, I just need to do something. 796 00:44:20,961 --> 00:44:22,564 Just, uh, just... 797 00:44:22,597 --> 00:44:23,864 - Whoa, whoa, where you going? 798 00:44:23,898 --> 00:44:25,733 - Oh, I'll be back in a sec. 799 00:44:25,766 --> 00:44:28,335 I, I, I'll, I'll see you soon. 800 00:44:29,937 --> 00:44:30,871 - Hi. - Hi. 801 00:44:30,905 --> 00:44:32,006 - I'd like, like a photo please. 802 00:44:32,039 --> 00:44:33,374 - Can I see your Black Diamond badge? 803 00:44:33,407 --> 00:44:35,476 - My what? - Your Black Diamond badge. 804 00:44:35,510 --> 00:44:37,178 You got one when you completed the run, right? 805 00:44:37,211 --> 00:44:38,746 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I had one. 806 00:44:38,779 --> 00:44:40,549 I think it flew off when I was skiing down the ninth thing. 807 00:44:40,582 --> 00:44:43,450 - Yes. Sorry, I can't take your photo without the badge. 808 00:44:43,484 --> 00:44:46,621 - Oh. Uh, mm, let's, uh. 809 00:44:46,655 --> 00:44:48,657 - Hey, night skiing just opened up. You wanna go ride? 810 00:44:48,689 --> 00:44:50,357 - I am working. - Oh yeah, that's great idea. 811 00:44:50,391 --> 00:44:51,792 Oh, look, I, I, I, I can take care of this. 812 00:44:51,825 --> 00:44:52,793 You, you can go. - Are you sure? 813 00:44:52,826 --> 00:44:55,029 - Yeah. You guys go have some fun 814 00:44:55,062 --> 00:44:56,931 that's really dumb- - All right, let's go. 815 00:44:56,964 --> 00:44:58,065 Let's go. - and stupid. 816 00:44:58,098 --> 00:45:00,067 All right, here we go. Oh, uh. 817 00:45:02,469 --> 00:45:03,370 Okay. Oh! 818 00:45:04,271 --> 00:45:06,106 That's good. 819 00:45:06,140 --> 00:45:07,609 I can't believe it. 820 00:45:07,642 --> 00:45:08,976 Finally gonna get a tennis lesson 821 00:45:09,009 --> 00:45:10,411 by the number-one tennis champion 822 00:45:10,444 --> 00:45:12,379 of the world, John McEnroe. 823 00:45:12,413 --> 00:45:15,349 - I hate to admit it, but this is exciting. 824 00:45:16,585 --> 00:45:18,553 - Is he that toe fungus guy? 825 00:45:18,587 --> 00:45:20,854 - "For toes that play tennis." 826 00:45:20,888 --> 00:45:22,557 - W- what are they talking about? 827 00:45:22,591 --> 00:45:24,858 - He did a commercial for toe fungus. 828 00:45:25,993 --> 00:45:28,262 It had a cartoon of two toes playing tennis. 829 00:45:28,295 --> 00:45:29,598 The kids laughed. 830 00:45:29,631 --> 00:45:31,065 - Okay, well let's not bring that up. 831 00:45:31,098 --> 00:45:33,500 It might not have been McEnroe's finest moment. 832 00:45:35,736 --> 00:45:38,540 - You're a bunch of losers! 833 00:45:38,573 --> 00:45:40,274 - Especially you grandma. 834 00:45:40,307 --> 00:45:42,977 - That's right. You never once charged the net. 835 00:45:43,010 --> 00:45:44,613 You know, you sat back on the baseline, 836 00:45:44,646 --> 00:45:46,747 you blamed everything on your double hip replacement. 837 00:45:46,780 --> 00:45:47,948 Unbelievable. 838 00:45:50,050 --> 00:45:50,918 - What is that? 839 00:45:52,753 --> 00:45:55,322 - I dunno. I'll be right back. 840 00:46:00,160 --> 00:46:01,262 Hi. 841 00:46:01,295 --> 00:46:02,564 I, I'm, I'm just here with my family 842 00:46:02,597 --> 00:46:04,098 for the tennis lesson. 843 00:46:05,432 --> 00:46:08,302 I was just wondering, what was that jungle gym thing? 844 00:46:08,335 --> 00:46:09,236 What's the deal with that? 845 00:46:09,270 --> 00:46:11,472 - Oh, the extreme ninja course. 846 00:46:11,506 --> 00:46:12,806 - Yeah. 847 00:46:12,840 --> 00:46:14,008 - Tennis isn't as popular as it used to be, 848 00:46:14,041 --> 00:46:16,143 so we had to roll with the times 849 00:46:16,176 --> 00:46:20,381 and, and people love anything extreme anyways, right? 850 00:46:20,414 --> 00:46:24,251 - Uh, I heard that John McEnroe was gonna be here. 851 00:46:24,285 --> 00:46:26,854 I see a lot of people who look and sound like McEnroe, 852 00:46:26,887 --> 00:46:28,989 but I don't actually see- 853 00:46:29,023 --> 00:46:30,257 - Yeah. - John McEnroe. 854 00:46:30,291 --> 00:46:31,258 - You heard right, 855 00:46:31,292 --> 00:46:33,794 but you didn't. - Uh, excuse me. 856 00:46:33,827 --> 00:46:38,299 - It's John, Mac, and Ro Dablonski. 857 00:46:38,332 --> 00:46:40,367 They're our onsite tennis pros 858 00:46:40,401 --> 00:46:42,202 And they're actually fraternal triplets. 859 00:46:42,236 --> 00:46:44,371 Their parents are big fans of Johnny Mac 860 00:46:44,405 --> 00:46:47,207 so, you know, named them accordingly. 861 00:46:47,241 --> 00:46:49,678 It does confuse people sometimes. 862 00:46:49,711 --> 00:46:51,912 Sir, sir, the clock is ticking 863 00:46:51,945 --> 00:46:54,248 and I do not want them mad with me. 864 00:46:54,281 --> 00:46:57,017 Last time they made me climb the extreme rope. 865 00:47:03,457 --> 00:47:06,827 - You came here to play, right? 866 00:47:08,228 --> 00:47:11,332 - Mac asked you if you came here to play, did ya? 867 00:47:12,132 --> 00:47:13,702 - Yeah! 868 00:47:15,537 --> 00:47:17,404 - We started this facility in honor of one of 869 00:47:17,438 --> 00:47:20,809 the world's all-time tennis grades, Johnny Mac. 870 00:47:26,581 --> 00:47:28,482 Again, if you've never been here before, 871 00:47:28,516 --> 00:47:32,520 please pay a visit to our Johnny Mac tribute wall 872 00:47:32,554 --> 00:47:33,822 where you'll find a wide array 873 00:47:33,854 --> 00:47:37,491 of his original passion rackets. 874 00:47:37,525 --> 00:47:39,293 - Uh, what's a passion racket? 875 00:47:41,796 --> 00:47:43,030 - What's a passion? 876 00:47:43,063 --> 00:47:45,734 It's a racket that Johnny Mac sacrificed 877 00:47:45,767 --> 00:47:47,334 for his passion for the game. 878 00:47:47,368 --> 00:47:50,505 - Oh, you mean like when he lost his shit? 879 00:47:53,708 --> 00:47:54,609 - Ninja. 880 00:47:55,442 --> 00:47:57,044 - Ninja? Why? 881 00:47:57,077 --> 00:47:59,647 - Ninja course! 882 00:48:02,584 --> 00:48:03,852 - For the rest of you, 883 00:48:03,884 --> 00:48:05,953 let's line up and do a return-and-serve drill. 884 00:48:08,455 --> 00:48:10,924 Let's go! - Move! 885 00:48:16,296 --> 00:48:18,298 - All right, let's start with forehand. 886 00:48:24,138 --> 00:48:25,640 - Crying out loud. 887 00:48:25,673 --> 00:48:29,243 Next! 888 00:48:34,915 --> 00:48:35,817 - Come on. 889 00:48:39,086 --> 00:48:39,987 - Next! 890 00:48:58,573 --> 00:49:02,009 - Ow! - Yeah! Yeah! 891 00:49:03,076 --> 00:49:05,312 You've got to be kidding! - Come on. 892 00:49:05,345 --> 00:49:06,947 - No, it's the, the grip. 893 00:49:06,980 --> 00:49:08,048 I can't get a good... 894 00:49:08,081 --> 00:49:09,383 You realize if Johnny Mac 895 00:49:09,416 --> 00:49:11,519 made an excuse for every time he missed a shot, 896 00:49:11,553 --> 00:49:12,986 he would never have gone toe to toe 897 00:49:13,020 --> 00:49:15,623 with some of the greatest of all time. 898 00:49:15,657 --> 00:49:16,624 - Toe to toe, huh? 899 00:49:16,658 --> 00:49:19,193 Yeah. He knows a lot about toes. 900 00:49:19,226 --> 00:49:22,630 - Excuse me? - Joe, don't. 901 00:49:24,498 --> 00:49:28,268 - Oh, your hero Johnny Mac, 902 00:49:28,302 --> 00:49:30,805 he knows a lot about toes. 903 00:49:30,839 --> 00:49:32,640 - What's that supposed to mean? 904 00:49:32,674 --> 00:49:35,577 - I mean, toe fungus. I mean, come on. 905 00:49:35,610 --> 00:49:38,145 Who in their right mind does a toe fungus commercial 906 00:49:38,178 --> 00:49:40,414 with animated toes playing tennis? 907 00:49:41,381 --> 00:49:43,885 - Toejemina is a great product. 908 00:49:43,918 --> 00:49:45,653 - Oh yeah. What's next? 909 00:49:45,687 --> 00:49:47,822 You know, hemorrhoid cream commercial 910 00:49:47,856 --> 00:49:50,825 with like hemorrhoids running around with tennis rackets? 911 00:49:50,859 --> 00:49:53,928 Well, I'd love to see that. 912 00:49:53,962 --> 00:49:55,195 - All right. That's it, funny man. 913 00:49:55,229 --> 00:49:57,464 You wanna endorse a funeral home? Let's go. 914 00:50:02,504 --> 00:50:03,303 - Oh gosh, don't look. 915 00:50:03,337 --> 00:50:04,304 Don't look. Don't look. 916 00:50:09,042 --> 00:50:11,679 - Oh, that had to hurt. Come on! 917 00:50:12,981 --> 00:50:14,481 - Say it! Say it! 918 00:50:17,652 --> 00:50:22,524 Hey, morons, meet my little friend. 919 00:50:28,061 --> 00:50:30,865 - Don't do that. Don't. - Not the children! 920 00:50:30,899 --> 00:50:33,200 - You're disrespecting the game. 921 00:50:33,233 --> 00:50:35,570 - How dare you disrespect Johnny Mac? 922 00:50:35,603 --> 00:50:36,571 - Yeah? - Oh-ho-ho-ho. 923 00:50:36,604 --> 00:50:37,972 He won seven Grand Slams. 924 00:50:38,006 --> 00:50:41,910 He beat Borg and Connors and Lendl and Gerulaitis! 925 00:50:41,943 --> 00:50:43,878 - Is that another form of toe fungus? 926 00:50:43,912 --> 00:50:46,948 - I'm gonna get ya! I'm gonna get ya! 927 00:50:49,784 --> 00:50:51,285 - Me win! 928 00:50:51,318 --> 00:50:52,787 - Remember, toe fungus is nobody's fault. 929 00:50:52,820 --> 00:50:55,523 Ask your doctor if Toejemina is right for you. 930 00:50:57,190 --> 00:50:58,358 - Mom, Dad. 931 00:50:58,392 --> 00:51:00,728 - The crazy tennis people are on TV. 932 00:51:00,762 --> 00:51:02,764 - Area triplets, tennis trainers, 933 00:51:02,797 --> 00:51:04,866 and John McEnroe's biggest fans, 934 00:51:04,899 --> 00:51:07,167 John, Mac, and Ro Dablonski 935 00:51:07,200 --> 00:51:09,102 were placed under observation today 936 00:51:09,136 --> 00:51:12,139 after something in the three offspring sprung 937 00:51:12,172 --> 00:51:13,440 while giving lessons 938 00:51:13,473 --> 00:51:16,176 at Goliath Mountain Ski and Tennis Resort. 939 00:51:16,209 --> 00:51:18,713 Video clearly shows the Dablonskis 940 00:51:18,746 --> 00:51:21,049 firing tennis balls at attendees 941 00:51:21,081 --> 00:51:23,851 with high-velocity ball machines. 942 00:51:23,885 --> 00:51:27,154 While no fault has yet been assigned to the Dablonskis, 943 00:51:27,187 --> 00:51:29,524 it appears there is no love lost 944 00:51:29,557 --> 00:51:31,726 between them and their students. 945 00:51:31,759 --> 00:51:35,128 Now, let's see what Susie's serving up in the weather. 946 00:51:40,902 --> 00:51:44,639 - So are we finished yet? 947 00:51:44,672 --> 00:51:45,472 - Finished? 948 00:51:46,641 --> 00:51:48,843 - With that stupid Christmas letter. 949 00:51:50,177 --> 00:51:53,848 So far, the kids have seen Santa gut a deer. 950 00:51:53,881 --> 00:51:57,317 We ruined New Year's Eve for untold millions of people. 951 00:51:57,351 --> 00:52:00,454 And today they witnessed a family of nut-job tennis pros 952 00:52:00,487 --> 00:52:02,790 with an unhealthy obsession for John McEnroe 953 00:52:02,824 --> 00:52:05,492 have a major psychotic breakdown, in unison, 954 00:52:05,526 --> 00:52:08,395 over his role in a toe fungus commercial. 955 00:52:08,428 --> 00:52:10,064 - Yeah, but I, I, I, couldn't control that. 956 00:52:10,098 --> 00:52:12,700 I mean- - No, you can't. 957 00:52:12,734 --> 00:52:15,937 So then why are you trying to control our lives? 958 00:52:15,970 --> 00:52:17,170 - What do you mean? 959 00:52:17,204 --> 00:52:18,873 - Is any of this real? 960 00:52:19,874 --> 00:52:21,943 Where's your Black Diamond badge? 961 00:52:21,976 --> 00:52:23,343 Are you gonna put photos 962 00:52:23,377 --> 00:52:25,379 of the attack of the ball machine in the letter? 963 00:52:25,412 --> 00:52:27,147 - No. - No, exactly. 964 00:52:27,180 --> 00:52:30,985 Because reality isn't as pleasing as fantasy. 965 00:52:31,019 --> 00:52:34,354 - But I mean, isn't it the whole point is to show people, 966 00:52:34,388 --> 00:52:36,557 I mean, how much fun we've been having. 967 00:52:36,591 --> 00:52:37,859 - We're not having fun. 968 00:52:39,493 --> 00:52:41,461 - It hasn't been all that bad, has it? 969 00:52:43,497 --> 00:52:45,099 I mean, you've, you've had some fun. 970 00:52:45,133 --> 00:52:49,804 I mean, skiing and hanging out with all the kids, I mean, 971 00:52:52,674 --> 00:52:54,575 isn't that what it's all about? 972 00:53:02,215 --> 00:53:04,552 I organized a, a special day 973 00:53:04,585 --> 00:53:06,954 just for the two of us at a spa. 974 00:53:09,489 --> 00:53:10,892 - Really? - Yeah. 975 00:53:11,893 --> 00:53:13,795 We're gonna get carp pedicures. 976 00:53:14,729 --> 00:53:15,730 - What? - Yeah. 977 00:53:15,763 --> 00:53:17,598 - Carp like as, fish carp? 978 00:53:17,632 --> 00:53:19,167 - Yeah. 979 00:53:19,199 --> 00:53:21,903 Yeah. So what you do is you have a glass of wine 980 00:53:21,936 --> 00:53:23,470 and you put your feet in this little tub 981 00:53:23,504 --> 00:53:24,706 and, and the carp come 982 00:53:24,739 --> 00:53:27,842 and they eat all your dead skin cells. 983 00:53:27,875 --> 00:53:29,177 I mean, sounds kind of gross, 984 00:53:29,209 --> 00:53:31,478 but you know, it's doesn't hurt or anything. 985 00:53:31,512 --> 00:53:35,315 It feels kind of tingly and it's very therapeutic. 986 00:53:35,348 --> 00:53:38,351 And you always complaining about your heel thing. 987 00:53:38,385 --> 00:53:42,123 So what do you think? It's gonna be great, I think. 988 00:54:00,041 --> 00:54:02,043 Who knew the carp would be so hungry, huh? 989 00:54:27,434 --> 00:54:29,402 - This is my kind of weather. 990 00:54:29,436 --> 00:54:31,239 - Yeah. Ope. 991 00:54:31,271 --> 00:54:33,608 All right. Better get this. 992 00:54:34,842 --> 00:54:37,812 - Michaels. - Hello, Clive. 993 00:54:39,881 --> 00:54:41,015 - Can you hear me, Joe? 994 00:54:41,048 --> 00:54:43,684 - Yeah, I'm here. - Yeah, sorry. 995 00:54:43,718 --> 00:54:46,554 On the heli on the way to Majorca for a boys' trip. 996 00:54:46,587 --> 00:54:48,990 Sometimes I can't hear over these damn rotors. 997 00:54:52,260 --> 00:54:54,962 - Yeah, I have the same problem with the rotor brakes. 998 00:54:54,996 --> 00:54:56,429 - Well, we're excited for you 999 00:54:56,463 --> 00:54:58,633 to join us for my birthday bash. 1000 00:54:58,666 --> 00:54:59,967 Still set to make the journey? 1001 00:55:00,001 --> 00:55:02,469 - Yeah, yeah, sure. 1002 00:55:02,502 --> 00:55:03,771 - Ah, fantastic. 1003 00:55:03,805 --> 00:55:05,907 Well, Bono's confirmed 1004 00:55:05,940 --> 00:55:07,208 and we might even get a visit 1005 00:55:07,241 --> 00:55:09,677 from our family friend Charles. 1006 00:55:10,611 --> 00:55:12,713 - Like King Charles? 1007 00:55:12,747 --> 00:55:14,015 - The last time I saw him, 1008 00:55:14,048 --> 00:55:15,850 he was up the other end of my tennis court 1009 00:55:15,883 --> 00:55:19,854 doubled over after I'd beat his royal ass. 1010 00:55:19,887 --> 00:55:21,789 So how's the job going? 1011 00:55:21,823 --> 00:55:25,126 Seen any profit shares or stock options yet? 1012 00:55:27,595 --> 00:55:32,066 - Yeah, well I was laid off just before Christmas, so. 1013 00:55:32,099 --> 00:55:35,402 - Oh. Bad luck, Michaels. 1014 00:55:35,435 --> 00:55:37,738 I hope that won't stop you from visiting us 1015 00:55:37,772 --> 00:55:40,708 and I trust you've got a generous severance package there. 1016 00:55:41,609 --> 00:55:43,376 - Yeah, yeah. I, I did. 1017 00:55:43,410 --> 00:55:47,347 In fact, I'm just here at the Port of Miami with the family. 1018 00:55:47,380 --> 00:55:49,517 We're just about to get on a luxury cruise. 1019 00:55:49,550 --> 00:55:52,485 - Yeah, well anyway, Michaels, we're about to take off, 1020 00:55:52,520 --> 00:55:54,722 so I better be on my way. 1021 00:55:54,755 --> 00:55:57,992 You enjoy that and avoid those tourist traps. 1022 00:55:58,025 --> 00:55:59,293 - Yeah, will do. 1023 00:55:59,327 --> 00:56:00,795 And, and look out for those helicopter blades 1024 00:56:00,828 --> 00:56:03,197 so they don't, you know, cut off your head. 1025 00:56:08,803 --> 00:56:10,638 - Yeah, guess the rest of you folks 1026 00:56:10,671 --> 00:56:13,140 are cruising with us down here. 1027 00:56:13,174 --> 00:56:15,475 All aboard for Bahama Mama. 1028 00:56:16,911 --> 00:56:18,779 You just have to climb down here to the maintenance pier. 1029 00:56:18,813 --> 00:56:19,881 - Bloody hell. 1030 00:56:19,914 --> 00:56:21,649 - It's gonna be an adventure. 1031 00:56:27,420 --> 00:56:31,092 - Hey, John. John, wake up. 1032 00:56:32,392 --> 00:56:33,761 You know what day it is? 1033 00:56:34,829 --> 00:56:37,131 - It's day? - Well, yeah, it's day. 1034 00:56:37,164 --> 00:56:38,833 But this is, we might get out 1035 00:56:38,866 --> 00:56:42,036 and be able to play with Tiger Woods day. 1036 00:56:44,705 --> 00:56:47,341 - Do I have to go? 1037 00:56:47,375 --> 00:56:48,776 - "Do I have to go?" 1038 00:56:48,809 --> 00:56:50,378 You're gonna miss out on the opportunity 1039 00:56:50,410 --> 00:56:52,914 to play with golf's living legend, 1040 00:56:52,947 --> 00:56:54,348 the one and only Tiger Woods. 1041 00:56:54,382 --> 00:56:56,784 You wanna sleep through that? Come on. 1042 00:56:56,817 --> 00:57:00,021 - Isn't he that guy who crashed his car into a fire hydrant? 1043 00:57:00,054 --> 00:57:01,989 - Yeah, that was, I don't know. 1044 00:57:02,023 --> 00:57:04,225 - Didn't his wife smash all of his windows 1045 00:57:04,258 --> 00:57:05,159 with one of his golf clubs? 1046 00:57:05,192 --> 00:57:06,761 - No, no, I think she was trying 1047 00:57:06,794 --> 00:57:08,896 to get him outta the car or something like that. 1048 00:57:08,930 --> 00:57:11,666 - He was only going five miles an hour. 1049 00:57:11,699 --> 00:57:12,967 - What is this, CSI? 1050 00:57:13,000 --> 00:57:15,069 Come on, get out of bed. This will be fun. 1051 00:57:15,102 --> 00:57:18,172 We'll play golf, we'll Have a good time. Come on. 1052 00:57:18,205 --> 00:57:19,807 - I hope she's not there. 1053 00:57:19,840 --> 00:57:21,409 - Don't worry about it. 1054 00:57:34,422 --> 00:57:36,657 This is supposed to be the 100 Acre Wood Country Club. 1055 00:57:36,691 --> 00:57:37,625 Where, where am I? 1056 00:57:39,593 --> 00:57:40,493 Oh. 1057 00:57:43,431 --> 00:57:47,168 Oh! my God, man, that stinks. 1058 00:57:47,201 --> 00:57:51,806 Um, excuse me, miss, miss. 1059 00:57:51,839 --> 00:57:54,275 Excuse me. I, I think I'm, I'm a little lost. 1060 00:57:54,308 --> 00:57:58,112 I'm, I'm, I'm looking for the 100 Acre Woods Golf Club. 1061 00:57:58,145 --> 00:58:00,314 - This is it. Or was it. 1062 00:58:00,348 --> 00:58:01,849 Now it's 10 Acre Woods. 1063 00:58:01,882 --> 00:58:03,584 - Oh, okay. 1064 00:58:03,617 --> 00:58:04,952 W- what? I don't understand. 1065 00:58:04,986 --> 00:58:06,253 What do you, what do you mean? 1066 00:58:06,287 --> 00:58:09,290 - A couple of years ago, the owners discovered 1067 00:58:09,323 --> 00:58:11,025 there was natural gas under the course 1068 00:58:11,058 --> 00:58:12,259 and sold it to Gas Co. 1069 00:58:13,327 --> 00:58:15,196 Now, they're fracking the back nine. 1070 00:58:15,229 --> 00:58:17,598 Hey, hey, hey, and because of the gas revenue, 1071 00:58:18,399 --> 00:58:19,967 get this, Gas Co. is kind enough 1072 00:58:20,001 --> 00:58:22,970 to give back to the community and make it a public course. 1073 00:58:24,538 --> 00:58:26,474 - So this is it? 1074 00:58:26,507 --> 00:58:29,477 - It is now one of the most challenging courses around. 1075 00:58:29,510 --> 00:58:30,578 - Oh my God. 1076 00:58:30,611 --> 00:58:31,846 - See that big tank over there? 1077 00:58:31,879 --> 00:58:33,547 - Mm-hmm. - Filled with fracking fluid. 1078 00:58:33,581 --> 00:58:35,950 - What? - Oh! And the ponds! 1079 00:58:38,085 --> 00:58:38,886 - They're on fire. 1080 00:58:38,919 --> 00:58:40,121 Why, why are they- 1081 00:58:40,154 --> 00:58:42,890 - Great use of wastewater, right? 1082 00:58:42,923 --> 00:58:44,959 We have more water hazards here 1083 00:58:44,992 --> 00:58:47,261 than any other course in the state. 1084 00:58:59,440 --> 00:59:02,511 Course, uh, if your ball drops in one, 1085 00:59:02,543 --> 00:59:03,377 it's best to ask for drop. 1086 00:59:03,411 --> 00:59:04,311 - Uh-huh. 1087 00:59:07,181 --> 00:59:08,616 - Did we get in a car accident? 1088 00:59:08,649 --> 00:59:09,750 - Uh, no, no, it's fine. 1089 00:59:09,784 --> 00:59:13,654 Shh. We're on a golf course, I think. 1090 00:59:13,687 --> 00:59:14,889 Um, yeah, look. 1091 00:59:14,922 --> 00:59:16,891 My son, my son and I, we, we booked in 1092 00:59:16,924 --> 00:59:19,460 a, a private lesson with a golfing professional. 1093 00:59:19,493 --> 00:59:21,695 I hear he is a bit of a golfing legend. 1094 00:59:21,729 --> 00:59:23,097 - Tigger Woods. 1095 00:59:23,130 --> 00:59:26,100 - Don't you mean Tiger Woods, right? Tiger Woods. 1096 00:59:26,133 --> 00:59:28,736 Golfing legend, wears the green jacket, 1097 00:59:28,769 --> 00:59:30,771 drives into fire hydrants. 1098 00:59:30,805 --> 00:59:33,240 Yeah, it is a typo in the thing here, 1099 00:59:33,274 --> 00:59:35,943 but I know you mean Tiger Woods, right? 1100 00:59:35,976 --> 00:59:37,144 - No, it's Tigger. 1101 00:59:38,212 --> 00:59:39,680 I get why you thought it was a typo. 1102 00:59:39,713 --> 00:59:41,749 I mean, what are the odds of a guy who plays golf 1103 00:59:41,782 --> 00:59:43,417 being called Tigger Woods? 1104 00:59:43,451 --> 00:59:44,985 - Yeah. What are the odds. 1105 00:59:45,019 --> 00:59:47,088 Right. - Anyway, uh. 1106 00:59:47,121 --> 00:59:48,355 - Ow! - People aren't usually 1107 00:59:48,389 --> 00:59:49,690 too happy when they find out about that. 1108 00:59:49,723 --> 00:59:50,658 - No. - But, uh, 1109 00:59:50,691 --> 00:59:52,393 Tigger enjoys all the attention. 1110 00:59:52,426 --> 00:59:53,694 He's a happy guy anyway. 1111 00:59:53,727 --> 00:59:55,930 - Okay, great. 1112 00:59:55,963 --> 00:59:57,198 - Yeah. Speak of the devil. 1113 00:59:57,231 --> 00:59:58,432 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 1114 01:00:00,901 --> 01:00:02,903 - Hey, I'm Tigger. 1115 01:00:02,937 --> 01:00:04,672 - Oh, hi. - Hey. 1116 01:00:05,906 --> 01:00:08,409 - So you must be what, Christopher Robin? 1117 01:00:08,442 --> 01:00:09,710 - Robinson, actually. 1118 01:00:10,811 --> 01:00:14,849 Oh, and, um, you got a little poo. 1119 01:00:14,882 --> 01:00:16,150 - Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1120 01:00:16,183 --> 01:00:19,787 Winnie the Pooh, Tigger, Christopher Robin-son. 1121 01:00:19,820 --> 01:00:22,089 You guys are hilarious. 1122 01:00:22,123 --> 01:00:23,390 - I'm not really sure what you're getting at, 1123 01:00:23,424 --> 01:00:25,893 but you're literally standing in dog shit. 1124 01:00:25,926 --> 01:00:27,161 - Aw, crap. 1125 01:00:27,194 --> 01:00:28,996 Why is there so much dog shit everywhere? 1126 01:00:29,029 --> 01:00:29,930 Dammit! 1127 01:00:30,798 --> 01:00:32,199 Oh man. - All right, so, 1128 01:00:32,233 --> 01:00:33,568 should we begin? 1129 01:00:33,602 --> 01:00:35,604 - Begin what? - You mind being a? 1130 01:00:35,636 --> 01:00:37,004 - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1131 01:00:37,037 --> 01:00:39,574 - Thank you. He's gonna go get him something. 1132 01:00:39,608 --> 01:00:40,407 - Sure. - Chop chop. 1133 01:00:40,441 --> 01:00:43,711 - Woo-hoo! That was fun. 1134 01:00:43,744 --> 01:00:45,012 - Gimme this. Yeah. 1135 01:00:45,045 --> 01:00:46,313 You wanna make sure you have one of these babies 1136 01:00:46,347 --> 01:00:47,715 when you're playing 10 Acre Woods. 1137 01:00:47,748 --> 01:00:50,084 If not, you'll be gasping like a perch on the pier 1138 01:00:50,117 --> 01:00:51,252 by the third tee. 1139 01:00:55,956 --> 01:00:56,991 - Dad? 1140 01:00:58,292 --> 01:00:59,126 - Yes, son. 1141 01:01:01,028 --> 01:01:05,634 - Is this what hell is like? - Yeah, pretty much. 1142 01:01:12,173 --> 01:01:13,073 Ah, yes. 1143 01:01:13,974 --> 01:01:15,976 Joe! 1144 01:01:16,010 --> 01:01:17,778 Whoa, whoa. - Rich. 1145 01:01:17,811 --> 01:01:20,582 What are you doing delivering packages this way? 1146 01:01:20,615 --> 01:01:22,483 - Running behind. Hope you don't mind. 1147 01:01:22,517 --> 01:01:24,586 - No, why would I mind? That's, that's fine. 1148 01:01:24,619 --> 01:01:26,921 Look, let me get that for you. 1149 01:01:26,954 --> 01:01:30,824 So how did the little procedure go with your, you know? 1150 01:01:30,858 --> 01:01:32,393 - That snip snip thing? - Yeah. 1151 01:01:32,426 --> 01:01:36,030 - Oh, well it was fine for a while. 1152 01:01:36,063 --> 01:01:37,164 - For a while? What do you mean? 1153 01:01:37,198 --> 01:01:39,500 - Yeah, my wife got pregnant again. 1154 01:01:39,534 --> 01:01:41,636 - Oh. - I mean, 1155 01:01:41,670 --> 01:01:42,671 I guess it didn't take. 1156 01:01:42,703 --> 01:01:44,038 You know, go figure. 1157 01:01:44,071 --> 01:01:46,240 And it, it stinks too 1158 01:01:46,273 --> 01:01:49,678 because now I gotta bring the handyman back 1159 01:01:49,710 --> 01:01:52,514 to put an addition on the house, you know, 1160 01:01:52,547 --> 01:01:54,415 to accommodate the kid. 1161 01:01:54,448 --> 01:01:56,750 And the guy's costing me an arm and a leg. 1162 01:01:56,784 --> 01:01:58,052 - Mm. Wow. 1163 01:01:58,085 --> 01:02:00,221 - He spent 12 weeks on our bedroom redo. 1164 01:02:00,254 --> 01:02:02,323 - Whoa. - It's, it's just ridiculous. 1165 01:02:02,356 --> 01:02:04,458 But, you know, I can't complain. 1166 01:02:04,491 --> 01:02:06,628 The guy's a, he's a craftsman. 1167 01:02:06,661 --> 01:02:08,630 - Hmm. Okay. - No, my wife can't say 1168 01:02:08,663 --> 01:02:11,365 enough about his skills with wood. 1169 01:02:11,398 --> 01:02:12,499 - Oh, okay. 1170 01:02:13,767 --> 01:02:16,737 Well look, I hate to take the packages and run, 1171 01:02:16,770 --> 01:02:20,808 but I think I left something on. 1172 01:02:20,841 --> 01:02:22,042 Maybe it's the oven. 1173 01:02:22,076 --> 01:02:23,944 - Well, thank you for keeping me busy. 1174 01:02:23,978 --> 01:02:25,680 - Yeah, yeah. No thanks. 1175 01:02:25,714 --> 01:02:27,314 Thanks, Rich. - And thank you too, Deb. 1176 01:02:27,348 --> 01:02:28,916 - Yeah. Okay, okay. 1177 01:02:28,949 --> 01:02:30,017 Thanks, Rich. - Yeah. 1178 01:02:30,050 --> 01:02:30,784 - All right. All right. - See ya. 1179 01:02:30,818 --> 01:02:31,720 - See ya. 1180 01:03:04,918 --> 01:03:06,787 - Oh, what do you think? 1181 01:03:07,855 --> 01:03:10,457 This is our year. This is our time. 1182 01:03:10,491 --> 01:03:12,527 We're gonna go to Clive Hammersmith's party 1183 01:03:12,560 --> 01:03:14,529 and we're gonna live it up on his dime. 1184 01:03:15,664 --> 01:03:17,464 - I'm just having second thoughts, it's- 1185 01:03:17,498 --> 01:03:19,066 - No, it's fine. 1186 01:03:19,099 --> 01:03:21,302 People go across the Atlantic on private jets all the time. 1187 01:03:21,335 --> 01:03:23,437 Besides, it's gonna look great in the Christmas letter. 1188 01:03:23,470 --> 01:03:25,839 Woo-hoo. Yeah, here we go. 1189 01:03:25,873 --> 01:03:28,342 - This is exactly what I'm talking about. 1190 01:03:29,443 --> 01:03:30,244 - Is this all? 1191 01:03:30,277 --> 01:03:31,078 - Yeah. Yeah. 1192 01:03:31,111 --> 01:03:32,580 Do you need my ticket? 1193 01:03:32,614 --> 01:03:34,716 'Cause I bought it online with the, the discount site. 1194 01:03:34,749 --> 01:03:36,083 It was a two-for-one deal with a payment plan. 1195 01:03:36,116 --> 01:03:38,085 - Oh no, that's just fine. I can, I can take that. 1196 01:03:38,118 --> 01:03:38,919 - Cool. Great. 1197 01:03:38,952 --> 01:03:40,020 Oh. Oh, ah. 1198 01:03:40,054 --> 01:03:43,090 Can I get a selfie with everybody? 1199 01:03:44,358 --> 01:03:45,560 Yeah you can be in this. Yeah. 1200 01:03:45,593 --> 01:03:47,027 There we go. 1201 01:03:47,061 --> 01:03:48,062 Look at that jet. Look at that. 1202 01:03:48,095 --> 01:03:50,130 Awesome. 1203 01:03:50,164 --> 01:03:51,999 All right, let's do it. Here we go. 1204 01:03:54,101 --> 01:03:55,836 - Have a nice trip. - Thank you. 1205 01:04:08,215 --> 01:04:10,552 - This is nicer than our bedroom. 1206 01:04:10,585 --> 01:04:11,852 - Oh, I wouldn't go as far as that. 1207 01:04:11,885 --> 01:04:13,588 But it, it's pretty nice. 1208 01:04:21,862 --> 01:04:24,031 - This is molten hot! 1209 01:04:24,064 --> 01:04:26,100 Where do they heat those, in the engines? 1210 01:04:26,133 --> 01:04:27,468 Get me another towel 1211 01:04:27,501 --> 01:04:30,204 that won't require plastic surgery after I use it. 1212 01:04:40,749 --> 01:04:42,617 - Here you are, sir. - About time. 1213 01:04:46,253 --> 01:04:49,089 I want to open my pores. 1214 01:04:49,123 --> 01:04:51,091 Open. Get it? 1215 01:04:51,125 --> 01:04:54,395 This, this tepid rag ain't going to cut it honey. 1216 01:04:54,428 --> 01:04:55,530 No thanks. 1217 01:04:58,899 --> 01:05:00,367 - Someone needs to shut this guy up. 1218 01:05:00,401 --> 01:05:01,969 He's being a real jerk. 1219 01:05:02,002 --> 01:05:03,738 - It's a long flight. 1220 01:05:03,772 --> 01:05:06,273 I don't need an international incident, okay? 1221 01:05:08,108 --> 01:05:11,412 - Okay. Okay. 1222 01:05:11,445 --> 01:05:12,580 Yeah. 1223 01:05:12,614 --> 01:05:13,815 - Um, we're offering a light snack 1224 01:05:13,848 --> 01:05:16,684 of either chicken or avocado sandwich. 1225 01:05:16,718 --> 01:05:19,086 - Oh, I will have the chicken. 1226 01:05:19,119 --> 01:05:20,889 - Yeah, make it two, thanks. 1227 01:05:20,921 --> 01:05:24,258 - Very good. 1228 01:05:24,291 --> 01:05:26,694 - Oh, thank you so much. - Thank you. 1229 01:05:31,131 --> 01:05:32,634 - I'll have the chicken too. 1230 01:05:32,667 --> 01:05:34,101 - I'm sorry sir, 1231 01:05:34,134 --> 01:05:36,970 but for some reason those are the last two chicken. 1232 01:05:37,004 --> 01:05:38,439 - What!? 1233 01:05:38,472 --> 01:05:41,241 - Oh, you can have my chicken sandwich if you like. 1234 01:05:42,443 --> 01:05:45,212 - Well give it to me then. 1235 01:05:45,245 --> 01:05:46,180 - Sure. Here. 1236 01:06:05,733 --> 01:06:07,100 - You're kidding, right? 1237 01:06:07,134 --> 01:06:10,304 - No, I mean those Icelandic dudes were pretty cool. 1238 01:06:11,071 --> 01:06:12,239 - Well you're lucky. 1239 01:06:13,541 --> 01:06:16,544 Thank God those flight attendants vouched for you. 1240 01:06:16,578 --> 01:06:18,813 Priscilla told them you were a hero and Maggie said 1241 01:06:18,847 --> 01:06:22,082 you gave "that duffer a right, good bollocking." 1242 01:06:22,115 --> 01:06:23,785 - Uh, yeah. 1243 01:06:23,818 --> 01:06:25,118 And look where it got us. 1244 01:06:26,019 --> 01:06:27,087 The trip was gonna be the icing 1245 01:06:27,120 --> 01:06:28,890 on the Christmas letter cake. 1246 01:06:28,923 --> 01:06:30,457 Our coup de gras, 1247 01:06:30,491 --> 01:06:32,459 or coop de grass, or whatever you call it. 1248 01:06:33,628 --> 01:06:37,732 Oh, uh, do you want me- - Go ahead. 1249 01:06:37,765 --> 01:06:42,035 - Okay. Hi, Tony. 1250 01:06:43,136 --> 01:06:44,171 - Oh it's you. 1251 01:06:46,541 --> 01:06:50,077 I heard you grounded a transatlantic flight. 1252 01:06:51,579 --> 01:06:53,013 Well, thanks for putting my daughter 1253 01:06:53,046 --> 01:06:55,683 on the terrorist watch list. 1254 01:06:55,717 --> 01:06:58,252 Remind me never to travel with you. 1255 01:06:58,285 --> 01:07:00,788 Probably end up getting a cavity search. 1256 01:07:01,856 --> 01:07:03,090 - Yeah, probably. 1257 01:07:03,123 --> 01:07:04,759 But they still wouldn't find your soul up there, 1258 01:07:04,792 --> 01:07:05,693 that's for sure. 1259 01:07:06,561 --> 01:07:08,228 - Put my daughter on the phone! 1260 01:07:09,396 --> 01:07:11,900 - Fine. Here's Krampus. 1261 01:07:13,200 --> 01:07:15,369 - Dad? Look, we're in the middle of something. 1262 01:07:15,402 --> 01:07:18,006 Can I call you back? Okay. 1263 01:07:22,109 --> 01:07:23,343 You ever think that 1264 01:07:23,377 --> 01:07:27,214 what actually might make your letter special, 1265 01:07:27,247 --> 01:07:29,517 the thing that will truly make it stand out, 1266 01:07:30,752 --> 01:07:33,988 might not be about what you've done for yourself, 1267 01:07:34,022 --> 01:07:37,291 but maybe about what you've done for others. 1268 01:07:40,093 --> 01:07:41,696 It's the Christmas season, Joe. 1269 01:07:42,630 --> 01:07:44,364 What about doing something 1270 01:07:44,398 --> 01:07:46,935 that's not about building up your own ego? 1271 01:07:49,236 --> 01:07:51,906 - Building. Building, yeah. 1272 01:07:53,073 --> 01:07:54,642 That's a great idea. 1273 01:07:55,877 --> 01:07:59,413 Why don't we build one of those Homes for Humans? 1274 01:07:59,446 --> 01:08:00,949 - Now, that's a great idea. 1275 01:08:00,982 --> 01:08:03,350 - Yeah. 'Cause that's what this letter needs. 1276 01:08:03,383 --> 01:08:04,953 It needs some heart. - Yeah. 1277 01:08:04,986 --> 01:08:06,988 - The Hammersmith letter has no heart at all. 1278 01:08:07,021 --> 01:08:08,957 - Well, no, but- - Yeah. No, no. 1279 01:08:08,990 --> 01:08:10,357 - It's gonna be great. 1280 01:08:10,390 --> 01:08:12,060 So not only do we do cool things for ourselves. 1281 01:08:12,125 --> 01:08:13,293 "Look at us." Yeah. 1282 01:08:13,327 --> 01:08:16,196 But we also do cool things for others. 1283 01:08:16,229 --> 01:08:19,199 Yeah, I can see it now, the before and after photos. 1284 01:08:19,232 --> 01:08:20,635 - Wait- - There's us and we're, 1285 01:08:20,668 --> 01:08:21,869 "Oh, the Michaels are coming!" 1286 01:08:21,903 --> 01:08:23,337 And we're gonna build this house 1287 01:08:23,370 --> 01:08:25,640 for these poor people and these homeless people 1288 01:08:25,673 --> 01:08:27,107 and they come in there and they're all happy 1289 01:08:27,140 --> 01:08:28,375 and everyone's gonna go "Look at this." 1290 01:08:28,408 --> 01:08:30,377 Oh my. Oh, this is brilliant. 1291 01:08:31,646 --> 01:08:34,414 Deb, you might have just saved the Christmas letter. 1292 01:08:38,418 --> 01:08:39,554 Yes. 1293 01:08:44,659 --> 01:08:46,894 Hi. We're here to help build a house. 1294 01:08:46,928 --> 01:08:49,296 - Great. Martin Kennedy. 1295 01:08:49,329 --> 01:08:50,230 Can I get your last name? 1296 01:08:50,263 --> 01:08:51,566 - Uh, we're the Michaels. 1297 01:08:53,400 --> 01:08:54,702 - I'm sorry, Mr. Michaels, 1298 01:08:54,736 --> 01:08:56,070 I don't see your names on the volunteer list. 1299 01:08:56,104 --> 01:08:58,072 - We're kind of being a little spontaneous 1300 01:08:58,106 --> 01:08:59,439 and, you know, we kind of got caught up 1301 01:08:59,473 --> 01:09:01,174 in the whole materialism of everything 1302 01:09:01,208 --> 01:09:03,143 and I thought, you know, I wanted to show the kids 1303 01:09:03,176 --> 01:09:05,379 what it's really all about, giving back, 1304 01:09:05,412 --> 01:09:09,083 and what a better thing to do and then help build a house. 1305 01:09:09,117 --> 01:09:11,753 - It's mighty nice of you, Mr. Michaels. 1306 01:09:11,786 --> 01:09:12,887 And I would sure hate to ruin 1307 01:09:12,920 --> 01:09:15,188 such a wonderful lesson for the kids. 1308 01:09:15,222 --> 01:09:16,991 - Oh, I appreciate that, Martin. 1309 01:09:17,025 --> 01:09:18,660 Can I call you Martin? - Sure thing. 1310 01:09:18,693 --> 01:09:20,728 Uh? - Joe. 1311 01:09:20,762 --> 01:09:23,131 - Joe. 1312 01:09:23,163 --> 01:09:24,565 - Well is there anything we could do? 1313 01:09:24,599 --> 01:09:26,701 Can you help us out? 1314 01:09:26,734 --> 01:09:29,037 - Yeah. Mr. Michaels, you and the- 1315 01:09:29,070 --> 01:09:30,905 - Oh, call me Deb. 1316 01:09:30,938 --> 01:09:32,472 - Deb. 1317 01:09:32,507 --> 01:09:35,109 You and the kids can help out over there with landscaping. 1318 01:09:35,143 --> 01:09:36,476 And Joe, I could sure use some help 1319 01:09:36,511 --> 01:09:37,979 with some light plumbing. 1320 01:09:38,012 --> 01:09:39,781 - Great. - I'm short a plumber, 1321 01:09:39,814 --> 01:09:42,016 our deadline's only three days away. 1322 01:09:42,050 --> 01:09:43,718 You know how to sweat a copper pipe? 1323 01:09:43,751 --> 01:09:45,185 - Uh, well, I know how to sweat. 1324 01:09:45,218 --> 01:09:46,587 So that's a start, right? 1325 01:09:47,955 --> 01:09:49,657 - Okay, well let me get you set up over here and then- 1326 01:09:49,691 --> 01:09:51,092 - Wait, wait, wait. 1327 01:09:51,125 --> 01:09:52,760 Let me, uh, can I get a selfie, 1328 01:09:52,794 --> 01:09:55,930 just you and all of us in front of the house? 1329 01:09:55,963 --> 01:09:57,264 - Okay, sure. 1330 01:09:57,297 --> 01:09:58,700 - Uh, say "cheese." 1331 01:10:00,300 --> 01:10:02,436 - Okay, formalities outta the way. Now we can get to work. 1332 01:10:02,469 --> 01:10:04,605 - Great. Thanks again Martin. - So much. 1333 01:10:09,077 --> 01:10:10,111 - Very well. 1334 01:10:10,144 --> 01:10:11,713 This is gonna be the bathroom. 1335 01:10:12,980 --> 01:10:14,281 Here's your torch. 1336 01:10:14,314 --> 01:10:16,017 Just press- 1337 01:10:16,050 --> 01:10:17,852 Oh, I better check that out. - Sure. 1338 01:10:17,885 --> 01:10:19,854 Be right back. - Okay. Okay. 1339 01:10:26,527 --> 01:10:31,599 Okay. 1340 01:10:33,366 --> 01:10:36,571 Oh! 1341 01:10:41,776 --> 01:10:46,313 Martin, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. 1342 01:10:46,346 --> 01:10:48,381 I was only trying to help. 1343 01:10:48,415 --> 01:10:49,684 It was an accident. 1344 01:10:49,717 --> 01:10:53,221 I, I, didn't mean to burn down the house. 1345 01:10:54,789 --> 01:10:55,590 Wait. 1346 01:10:57,759 --> 01:10:58,559 - What's up, Joe? 1347 01:10:59,527 --> 01:11:00,895 - What are you doing here? 1348 01:11:00,928 --> 01:11:03,531 - Oh, we were tweaking my house, but, but then, you know. 1349 01:11:03,564 --> 01:11:04,732 - Well this is your house? 1350 01:11:04,766 --> 01:11:06,200 I burnt down your house? 1351 01:11:06,234 --> 01:11:08,435 - No, Joe. It's all right. It's just a house. 1352 01:11:08,468 --> 01:11:09,704 It's gonna get rebuilt. 1353 01:11:10,470 --> 01:11:11,672 - I- I... 1354 01:11:11,706 --> 01:11:13,641 - Hey, everything works out. Remember? 1355 01:11:14,642 --> 01:11:16,010 It's all good, man. 1356 01:11:16,043 --> 01:11:17,477 Take care buddy. - I don't know what to say. 1357 01:11:17,512 --> 01:11:19,247 I'm, I'm, I'm sorry. 1358 01:11:21,916 --> 01:11:23,151 I'm sorry. 1359 01:11:38,533 --> 01:11:41,135 - Grandma! Grandpa! - Oh! Hello! 1360 01:11:41,169 --> 01:11:43,403 How are you doing? - Hi, pie. 1361 01:11:43,436 --> 01:11:44,872 - Oh, mom! - Oh, look at you. 1362 01:11:44,906 --> 01:11:46,073 - You didn't need to do that. Come on in. 1363 01:11:46,107 --> 01:11:47,340 Come on in. - Hi, sweetheart. 1364 01:11:47,374 --> 01:11:48,408 - Missed you guys! - Gosh. 1365 01:11:48,441 --> 01:11:49,544 - Muah! - It's good to see you. 1366 01:11:49,577 --> 01:11:52,847 - How tall are you now? 1367 01:12:07,228 --> 01:12:09,263 - I know Joe's lay off has been hard on you, honey, 1368 01:12:09,297 --> 01:12:13,668 but you know, if you need anything you call us. 1369 01:12:13,701 --> 01:12:15,203 - Thanks, Mom. 1370 01:12:15,236 --> 01:12:18,873 - Need anything? She's got everything. 1371 01:12:18,906 --> 01:12:20,407 No offense little baby girl. 1372 01:12:20,440 --> 01:12:23,978 But you gotta lay off those shopping channels. 1373 01:12:24,946 --> 01:12:27,014 You know what QVC really means? 1374 01:12:28,316 --> 01:12:31,619 Quickly-vanishing cash. 1375 01:12:31,652 --> 01:12:35,156 - Aw. Don't oh. 1376 01:12:36,591 --> 01:12:38,425 Speaking of vanishing cash. 1377 01:12:39,861 --> 01:12:43,396 What's this crap I hear about you cashing out your 401k? 1378 01:12:44,298 --> 01:12:47,935 - I never said a word to him. 1379 01:12:48,769 --> 01:12:50,805 Mom! - I'm sorry. 1380 01:12:52,673 --> 01:12:53,975 I just couldn't hold it in. 1381 01:12:55,309 --> 01:12:56,811 It just seems so crazy. 1382 01:12:58,045 --> 01:12:59,814 - Because it is crazy. 1383 01:12:59,847 --> 01:13:03,818 Who in their right mind blows their retirement savings 1384 01:13:03,851 --> 01:13:08,289 just to live out their fantasies to try and impress others? 1385 01:13:08,322 --> 01:13:09,590 Hm? - Fantasies? 1386 01:13:09,624 --> 01:13:10,725 Tony, you're the one who wanted 1387 01:13:10,758 --> 01:13:12,894 to become a professional baseball player 1388 01:13:12,927 --> 01:13:14,228 so you dipped into your savings 1389 01:13:14,262 --> 01:13:16,731 to pay for that professional baseball camp. 1390 01:13:16,764 --> 01:13:18,299 Then you had to go back to your savings 1391 01:13:18,332 --> 01:13:19,432 to pay for that lawyer 1392 01:13:19,466 --> 01:13:21,002 to get you outta that Nolan Ryan case 1393 01:13:21,035 --> 01:13:22,670 that you were involved with. 1394 01:13:22,703 --> 01:13:24,538 - That's son of bitch brushed me back. 1395 01:13:24,572 --> 01:13:26,207 - Well, you didn't have to charge the mound, did you? 1396 01:13:26,240 --> 01:13:27,141 - Stop it. 1397 01:13:28,309 --> 01:13:29,644 Stop it. 1398 01:13:29,677 --> 01:13:33,446 I'm sorry. Honey, I just needed to talk to someone. 1399 01:13:34,615 --> 01:13:37,952 You were so hell bent on this big plan of yours 1400 01:13:37,985 --> 01:13:40,420 and I was worried about our finances. 1401 01:13:40,453 --> 01:13:42,623 I needed to vent. That's all. 1402 01:13:45,059 --> 01:13:45,960 - Excuse me. 1403 01:14:24,865 --> 01:14:28,035 - Mommy! Cookies are ready! 1404 01:14:28,069 --> 01:14:29,370 Okay, hold on. 1405 01:14:29,403 --> 01:14:31,138 Hold on it's hot. Be careful. 1406 01:14:31,172 --> 01:14:33,708 - Dad, mail's here. 1407 01:14:33,741 --> 01:14:35,810 - Bring it on up. 1408 01:14:36,777 --> 01:14:39,680 - Our first Christmas card. 1409 01:14:44,151 --> 01:14:45,553 - Thanks, buddy. 1410 01:15:10,211 --> 01:15:13,247 - Greetings from the Hammersmiths. 1411 01:15:13,280 --> 01:15:16,751 I hope you're well and in good spirit. 1412 01:15:16,784 --> 01:15:18,819 As Christmas approaches, 1413 01:15:18,853 --> 01:15:20,621 you know I like to take time out 1414 01:15:20,654 --> 01:15:23,891 to reflect on all the wonderful times my family 1415 01:15:23,924 --> 01:15:26,360 and I had the past year. 1416 01:15:26,394 --> 01:15:29,897 The highlight being my big birthday bash. 1417 01:15:41,308 --> 01:15:42,209 - Joe. 1418 01:15:46,547 --> 01:15:47,548 Joe! 1419 01:15:51,619 --> 01:15:53,921 Joe, you can't do this, no. 1420 01:15:55,956 --> 01:15:59,126 Joe. 1421 01:15:59,160 --> 01:16:02,263 Joe, this is fiction and you know it! 1422 01:16:03,731 --> 01:16:04,632 Joe! 1423 01:16:07,802 --> 01:16:08,869 Joe, please. 1424 01:16:10,071 --> 01:16:12,206 You can't send this, Joe. 1425 01:16:20,981 --> 01:16:23,651 - Deb, open the door. 1426 01:16:23,684 --> 01:16:25,653 I just wanna go to bed. 1427 01:16:26,555 --> 01:16:29,757 Thank you. 1428 01:16:29,790 --> 01:16:31,092 Come on. 1429 01:16:31,125 --> 01:16:32,827 Fine. I'll sleep downstairs on the couch. 1430 01:16:32,860 --> 01:16:36,063 Then I can keep an eye out to see if any packages arrive. 1431 01:16:37,566 --> 01:16:38,567 Oh! Really? 1432 01:17:42,429 --> 01:17:44,498 - So? Got it out of your system? 1433 01:17:44,533 --> 01:17:47,368 Oh yeah. 1434 01:17:47,401 --> 01:17:49,136 Well, almost. 1435 01:17:49,170 --> 01:17:52,339 Just as soon as I drop the letter off at the post office. 1436 01:17:52,373 --> 01:17:54,543 - And that's it? - Look, I know you're thinking 1437 01:17:54,576 --> 01:17:57,111 I'm being obsessed with this Hammersmith letter, 1438 01:17:57,144 --> 01:17:59,648 but, I mean, what kind of an example do I set 1439 01:17:59,680 --> 01:18:02,617 for you and the kids after everything I've put you through. 1440 01:18:02,651 --> 01:18:04,351 - Uh, that you're not an idiot. 1441 01:18:04,385 --> 01:18:07,955 Look, you came up with this idea, hair-brained idea, 1442 01:18:07,988 --> 01:18:09,023 because you lost your job. 1443 01:18:09,056 --> 01:18:10,592 I got that. 1444 01:18:10,625 --> 01:18:12,661 And I wanted to support you. 1445 01:18:12,693 --> 01:18:15,896 You wanted to do things as a family and I agreed. 1446 01:18:15,930 --> 01:18:17,164 But the next thing I know, 1447 01:18:17,198 --> 01:18:19,867 we are doing things no one wants to do. 1448 01:18:19,900 --> 01:18:21,969 We are trying to shoehorn some form 1449 01:18:22,002 --> 01:18:26,173 of manufactured happiness into our lives 1450 01:18:26,207 --> 01:18:29,276 while overlooking the real happiness we already have. 1451 01:18:29,310 --> 01:18:30,344 And for what? 1452 01:18:31,145 --> 01:18:32,213 So you could prove something 1453 01:18:32,246 --> 01:18:33,648 that never needed proving? 1454 01:18:35,617 --> 01:18:38,352 Somehow this whole living well idea 1455 01:18:38,385 --> 01:18:40,221 has morphed into a living hell. 1456 01:18:40,254 --> 01:18:42,356 - Yeah. but living well- - Is the best revenge. 1457 01:18:42,389 --> 01:18:44,058 Yes. Great. 1458 01:18:44,091 --> 01:18:45,960 Revenge on everyone and everything that ever wronged you. 1459 01:18:47,228 --> 01:18:51,465 Go ahead, show them who the bigger person is, Joe. 1460 01:18:52,567 --> 01:18:54,902 Prove to them you're nothing like them. 1461 01:18:54,935 --> 01:18:57,438 Mm-hmm. G'ahead, send it. 1462 01:18:57,471 --> 01:19:01,408 - Yeah, I will. I will send it. 1463 01:19:02,510 --> 01:19:05,446 - You can't edit reality like this Joe. 1464 01:19:05,479 --> 01:19:06,715 And if you send that letter, 1465 01:19:06,747 --> 01:19:08,816 you are no better than Clive Hammersmith. 1466 01:19:10,317 --> 01:19:11,553 - Yeah. 1467 01:19:11,586 --> 01:19:13,921 You know, the one thing I learned in advertising 1468 01:19:14,755 --> 01:19:17,057 is perception is reality. 1469 01:19:18,158 --> 01:19:19,193 With this letter, 1470 01:19:20,695 --> 01:19:23,897 I will be better than Clive Hammersmith. 1471 01:19:25,299 --> 01:19:29,103 We, the Michaels, will be better than the Hammersmiths. 1472 01:19:29,136 --> 01:19:32,940 - You send that letter, there might not be a we anymore. 1473 01:21:00,729 --> 01:21:02,363 - You got it. 1474 01:21:02,396 --> 01:21:04,064 Hey, boss. How we doing tonight? 1475 01:21:04,098 --> 01:21:07,401 - Good. - What can I get you? 1476 01:21:07,434 --> 01:21:09,537 - Can I just get a, uh, craft beer? 1477 01:21:09,571 --> 01:21:11,372 - The closest thing we got is a Utica Club. 1478 01:21:11,405 --> 01:21:13,508 - Okay. Utica Club sounds good. 1479 01:21:13,541 --> 01:21:15,175 Thanks. Hey. 1480 01:21:20,047 --> 01:21:21,415 - There we are. - Thanks. 1481 01:21:22,349 --> 01:21:25,052 - Tough night? - Tough year. 1482 01:21:25,085 --> 01:21:28,757 - Tell me about it. You know, I got a story for you. 1483 01:21:31,158 --> 01:21:34,228 The past six months, I'm fighting the health department 1484 01:21:34,261 --> 01:21:36,664 because they find one rat 1485 01:21:36,698 --> 01:21:39,032 and it's like they opened up a federal case against me. 1486 01:21:39,066 --> 01:21:41,502 It's, it's... 1487 01:21:41,536 --> 01:21:44,706 You know what? Rats, they love those, beer nuts. 1488 01:21:44,739 --> 01:21:45,540 Go figure. 1489 01:21:49,811 --> 01:21:51,178 So you're not out shopping 1490 01:21:51,211 --> 01:21:53,080 with all the other morons tonight? 1491 01:21:53,113 --> 01:21:54,448 - Uh, yeah, I was thinking 1492 01:21:54,481 --> 01:21:55,683 of getting something for my wife. 1493 01:21:55,717 --> 01:21:58,252 - Wife. Yeah! - Wives. 1494 01:21:58,285 --> 01:21:59,920 What are you gonna get your wife for Christmas? 1495 01:21:59,953 --> 01:22:02,990 - Uh, I'm not sure. She's not really in a Christmas mood. 1496 01:22:07,629 --> 01:22:09,997 Do you ever get one of those Christmas letters? 1497 01:22:10,030 --> 01:22:11,432 - Like a, like a Christmas card? 1498 01:22:11,465 --> 01:22:12,734 - No, it's a, it's a Christmas letter. 1499 01:22:12,767 --> 01:22:15,035 It kind of opens up like a novel. 1500 01:22:15,068 --> 01:22:17,872 These pictures of families doing all these amazing things. 1501 01:22:17,906 --> 01:22:20,542 You know, jet skiing, yachting, travel, 1502 01:22:20,575 --> 01:22:22,943 amazing life, you know, all that kind of stuff. 1503 01:22:24,077 --> 01:22:27,515 - Every year I get this letter from this guy 1504 01:22:27,549 --> 01:22:28,817 that I went to high school with, right. 1505 01:22:28,850 --> 01:22:30,317 This jack hole. 1506 01:22:30,350 --> 01:22:33,688 The guy gets a patent for anti-skid mark underwear, right? 1507 01:22:33,721 --> 01:22:35,022 The prince of skid marks. 1508 01:22:35,055 --> 01:22:36,758 I refuse to wear 'em. 1509 01:22:36,791 --> 01:22:38,459 - They don't work. - They don't work. 1510 01:22:38,492 --> 01:22:39,993 Anyway, this guy, he writes this letter 1511 01:22:40,027 --> 01:22:41,729 and he puts in this, this, this picture 1512 01:22:41,763 --> 01:22:44,198 of his million-dollar mansion, his fancy cars, 1513 01:22:44,231 --> 01:22:45,633 where he sends his kids all over the... 1514 01:22:45,667 --> 01:22:47,234 You know where he send my kids? 1515 01:22:47,267 --> 01:22:49,470 To the end of the driveway to take out the trash. 1516 01:22:49,503 --> 01:22:50,404 You know? Yeah. 1517 01:22:53,775 --> 01:22:55,442 - Don't you wish you had his life? 1518 01:22:58,513 --> 01:22:59,313 - Nah. 1519 01:23:00,582 --> 01:23:03,317 Listen, I may not have my, my name on a building 1520 01:23:03,350 --> 01:23:05,385 and my face on a stamp. 1521 01:23:06,554 --> 01:23:08,121 Heck, I don't even know my own house. I rent. 1522 01:23:08,155 --> 01:23:11,960 But you know what? It's my life. 1523 01:23:11,992 --> 01:23:13,661 What's wrong with my life? 1524 01:23:14,829 --> 01:23:16,698 You know, what's wrong with your life? 1525 01:23:18,065 --> 01:23:18,967 - Yeah. 1526 01:23:20,702 --> 01:23:22,069 What's wrong with my life? 1527 01:23:25,138 --> 01:23:26,206 That's a good point. 1528 01:23:31,513 --> 01:23:32,580 Yeah. 1529 01:23:32,614 --> 01:23:34,716 Thanks, uh, for the conversation. 1530 01:23:34,749 --> 01:23:35,750 - Well, hey, where you going buddy? 1531 01:23:35,783 --> 01:23:36,584 You got your beer? 1532 01:23:36,618 --> 01:23:37,852 You didn't tell me 1533 01:23:37,886 --> 01:23:39,086 what you're buying your wife for Christmas. 1534 01:23:41,689 --> 01:23:42,924 - I'll send you a copy. 1535 01:23:44,491 --> 01:23:45,392 Merry Christmas. 1536 01:23:46,828 --> 01:23:51,398 - Merry Christmas, pal. 1537 01:25:35,970 --> 01:25:38,973 - Are you and dad gonna talk to each other again? 1538 01:25:41,341 --> 01:25:42,610 - I don't know, honey. 1539 01:25:43,811 --> 01:25:48,482 - Can Santa fix it? - Honey. 1540 01:25:48,516 --> 01:25:49,784 - I know what. 1541 01:25:49,817 --> 01:25:53,021 I'm gonna ask Santa if I can trade my presents. 1542 01:25:53,054 --> 01:25:53,955 - What for? 1543 01:25:53,988 --> 01:25:56,223 - You and daddy to laugh again. 1544 01:25:57,025 --> 01:25:58,559 - I wanna trade my presents too. 1545 01:25:58,593 --> 01:26:01,095 - Oh. 1546 01:26:04,899 --> 01:26:09,037 - Hi, Catherine. Merry Christmas to you too. 1547 01:26:11,171 --> 01:26:12,073 What? 1548 01:26:13,240 --> 01:26:15,242 Wonderful? 1549 01:26:15,275 --> 01:26:17,812 Are you sure it's our letter? 1550 01:26:21,115 --> 01:26:22,950 Okay. 1551 01:26:22,984 --> 01:26:26,921 Uh, I'll tell him. We love you too. 1552 01:26:27,855 --> 01:26:28,856 Merry Christmas. 1553 01:26:30,658 --> 01:26:32,325 - Is everything okay? 1554 01:26:32,359 --> 01:26:34,796 - She wanted to wish us a merry Christmas. 1555 01:26:36,229 --> 01:26:39,399 Hmm. 1556 01:26:39,433 --> 01:26:40,434 Hi, Uncle Harold. 1557 01:26:44,639 --> 01:26:46,874 Wait, I don't understand because... 1558 01:26:49,276 --> 01:26:51,646 Aunt Martha cried when she read it? 1559 01:26:51,679 --> 01:26:53,981 Yeah, well I cried when Joe sent it, but... 1560 01:26:57,484 --> 01:27:00,188 Okay, I'll, I'll give him a hug. 1561 01:27:02,557 --> 01:27:05,459 You bet. Merry Christmas. 1562 01:27:13,101 --> 01:27:14,769 - Mail's here. I'll get it. 1563 01:27:16,303 --> 01:27:17,171 Oh. 1564 01:27:17,205 --> 01:27:18,773 Would you get that, John? 1565 01:27:23,778 --> 01:27:27,081 - Mama more Christmas cards. 1566 01:27:31,418 --> 01:27:32,553 - It's Grandpa. 1567 01:27:32,587 --> 01:27:34,287 - Oh, tell him I'll call him back. 1568 01:27:54,474 --> 01:27:56,376 - Dear family and friends, 1569 01:27:56,409 --> 01:27:59,346 this is my first ever attempt at a Christmas letter. 1570 01:28:00,214 --> 01:28:02,884 Strike that. My second. 1571 01:28:03,985 --> 01:28:06,319 My first is in a dumpster. 1572 01:28:06,353 --> 01:28:08,288 Let's just say it wasn't written 1573 01:28:08,321 --> 01:28:11,259 in the true spirit of Christmas. 1574 01:28:11,291 --> 01:28:14,228 So you can think a Utica Club 1575 01:28:15,462 --> 01:28:19,366 and a very caring bartender with a rat problem 1576 01:28:19,399 --> 01:28:23,604 from saving you from a fate worse than Black Friday shopping 1577 01:28:23,638 --> 01:28:24,972 and saving you from 1578 01:28:25,006 --> 01:28:27,108 a horrendous narcissistic Christmas letter filled 1579 01:28:27,141 --> 01:28:29,177 with nothing but overblown boasts. 1580 01:28:30,812 --> 01:28:33,548 No, the following is all too real. 1581 01:28:34,414 --> 01:28:37,285 Boring but real. 1582 01:28:37,317 --> 01:28:40,655 We didn't escape to any remote sun-drenched islands, 1583 01:28:40,688 --> 01:28:41,989 attend the posh parties 1584 01:28:42,023 --> 01:28:44,424 or rub elbows with the heads of state. 1585 01:28:45,693 --> 01:28:48,361 Our kids didn't shatter records in sports or academics, 1586 01:28:48,395 --> 01:28:50,665 but they, you know, they did us proud 1587 01:28:50,698 --> 01:28:52,900 by just doing their best. 1588 01:28:52,934 --> 01:28:54,902 None of us won any awards, 1589 01:28:54,936 --> 01:28:56,971 but Caroline did make me 1590 01:28:57,004 --> 01:28:59,640 the Greatest Dad Award on Father's Day. 1591 01:29:00,675 --> 01:29:01,676 No weight was lost. 1592 01:29:01,709 --> 01:29:04,344 We may have even gained some. 1593 01:29:04,377 --> 01:29:05,880 We didn't make a killing on stocks 1594 01:29:05,913 --> 01:29:08,149 or join any exclusive clubs, 1595 01:29:09,517 --> 01:29:11,919 but we did laugh a lot, though, 1596 01:29:11,953 --> 01:29:15,056 and talked with each other almost every day. 1597 01:29:16,524 --> 01:29:18,759 None of us were ill or injured 1598 01:29:18,793 --> 01:29:21,963 and no one in our respective families died. 1599 01:29:23,496 --> 01:29:25,700 We still have a roof over our heads 1600 01:29:25,733 --> 01:29:29,337 and, uh, boundless optimism for a better future. 1601 01:29:30,838 --> 01:29:34,008 This in spite of my job loss, which happened a year ago. 1602 01:29:35,009 --> 01:29:37,044 And you know, really was a blessing. 1603 01:29:38,346 --> 01:29:39,680 There could be nothing worse 1604 01:29:39,714 --> 01:29:43,017 than spending your entire life hating what you do. 1605 01:29:43,985 --> 01:29:46,621 And I won't lie, I, I hated my job. 1606 01:29:48,055 --> 01:29:50,992 The fact is, there's only one job I've ever really loved. 1607 01:29:52,526 --> 01:29:56,264 That of being a good husband, father, and friend. 1608 01:29:58,398 --> 01:29:59,700 Of all there is to see 1609 01:29:59,734 --> 01:30:02,469 and do in this busy world of ours, 1610 01:30:02,502 --> 01:30:05,573 there is nothing more wonderful than simply being alive 1611 01:30:05,606 --> 01:30:09,510 to share the unending, undying love 1612 01:30:09,543 --> 01:30:10,978 of family and friends. 1613 01:30:12,647 --> 01:30:16,050 As my mom and dad always used to say, 1614 01:30:16,083 --> 01:30:19,787 "We may not have much, but we have everything." 1615 01:30:21,555 --> 01:30:24,125 Thanks for being part of our everything this year. 1616 01:30:25,458 --> 01:30:28,296 Be of good cheer, and merry Christmas to you all. 1617 01:30:28,329 --> 01:30:31,299 Love Joe, Deb, John, and Caroline. 1618 01:30:34,835 --> 01:30:37,504 Looks like somebody opened her Christmas present early. 1619 01:30:39,140 --> 01:30:40,541 - What is all this? 1620 01:30:40,574 --> 01:30:43,744 - Well, you know how you like to order lots of things 1621 01:30:43,778 --> 01:30:45,880 and this is the one way I can ensure 1622 01:30:45,913 --> 01:30:47,782 you get 'em all in one piece. 1623 01:30:47,815 --> 01:30:50,751 And besides Rich wanted and some time off. 1624 01:30:50,785 --> 01:30:55,756 He's on paternity leave again. 1625 01:31:12,506 --> 01:31:13,407 - Bloody hell. 1626 01:31:16,811 --> 01:31:17,878 Well done, Michaels. 116748