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1
00:00:04,891 --> 00:00:09,131
�(Trademark)� So kiss me and smile for me
2
00:00:09,170 --> 00:00:12,530
�(Trademark)� Tell me that you'll wait for me
3
00:00:12,533 --> 00:00:18,273
�(Trademark)� Hold me like you'll never
let me go... �(Trademark)�
4
00:00:18,301 --> 00:00:19,801
Come on, Smoocher, you know
this one!
5
00:00:19,832 --> 00:00:22,852
�(Trademark)� I'm leaving on a jet plane... �(Trademark)�
6
00:00:22,891 --> 00:00:26,411
Oh, Martin, could you go via Boots?
I need to get some clean tights.
7
00:00:26,507 --> 00:00:27,747
Good idea.
8
00:00:27,787 --> 00:00:33,707
Oh, while you're there, you might
like to stock up on C-O-N-D-O-Ms.
9
00:00:33,747 --> 00:00:34,867
O-K!
10
00:00:34,907 --> 00:00:36,987
Dad! I can spell!
11
00:01:12,267 --> 00:01:13,467
Love that guy!
12
00:01:16,027 --> 00:01:18,027
Who was that randomer?
13
00:01:18,067 --> 00:01:20,187
Our fairy godfather.
14
00:01:20,227 --> 00:01:24,867
You know how we are in uno poquito
di serious financial trouble-io?
15
00:01:24,907 --> 00:01:26,067
No.
16
00:01:26,107 --> 00:01:29,267
Well, I managed to turn
our remaining 20 grand
17
00:01:29,307 --> 00:01:32,147
into a cool two million. Go on?
18
00:01:32,187 --> 00:01:36,907
That "randomer" is Dr Goodluck
Yultide Chuckwu-Akpo-Akpo.
19
00:01:38,627 --> 00:01:40,507
the Nigerian Minister of Finance.
20
00:01:40,547 --> 00:01:44,667
Oh, God. He wanted a short-term cash
loan for the purchase of a contested
21
00:01:44,707 --> 00:01:48,147
oil field in rural Nigeria,
and some medicines for his mother.
22
00:01:48,187 --> 00:01:51,587
He promised returns
of up to 1,000%!
23
00:01:51,627 --> 00:01:53,507
Oh. Shit.
24
00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:54,987
That's Fr-Asda price.
25
00:01:56,707 --> 00:01:57,787
Yes!
26
00:02:04,107 --> 00:02:07,027
Oh, dear,
that's the last of the coffee.
27
00:02:07,067 --> 00:02:09,667
I hope no one minds -
I was up all night.
28
00:02:09,707 --> 00:02:10,787
Urgh, God.
29
00:02:10,827 --> 00:02:13,547
Look, I don't want to sound like
a broken record, but who's to say
30
00:02:13,587 --> 00:02:15,667
Dr Chuckwu-Akpo-Akpo
won't come good?
31
00:02:15,707 --> 00:02:18,227
The receipt he gave you
was on a Burger King napkin,
32
00:02:18,267 --> 00:02:20,387
made out to
"the big bank in the town".
33
00:02:20,427 --> 00:02:22,787
He said he was in the same class
as Howard from the Halifax
34
00:02:22,827 --> 00:02:24,667
at Bank School. Bank School!?
35
00:02:24,707 --> 00:02:25,867
Amazing.
36
00:02:25,907 --> 00:02:27,027
Oh, Betty Swallocks!
37
00:02:27,067 --> 00:02:29,307
So what, Fraser's lost us
a bit of money.
38
00:02:29,347 --> 00:02:31,107
It's not the end of the world.
39
00:02:31,147 --> 00:02:32,227
Not so.
40
00:02:32,267 --> 00:02:34,907
We have to prove our solvency
by Wednesday, otherwise
41
00:02:34,947 --> 00:02:37,387
Abbey Grove faces closure
by default.
42
00:02:37,427 --> 00:02:40,427
Well let's, I don't know,
put on a fundraiser?
43
00:02:40,467 --> 00:02:42,107
Oh, that is a good idea.
44
00:02:42,147 --> 00:02:44,307
We're not a charity case yet,
Smoocher.
45
00:02:44,347 --> 00:02:47,747
Don't call me that!
And have you got any bright ideas?
46
00:02:47,787 --> 00:02:51,307
A spare 20 grand tucked away
in that bra of yours?
47
00:02:51,347 --> 00:02:54,707
Oh, I don't appear to be
wearing one!
48
00:02:54,747 --> 00:02:56,747
Somebody broke the latch
with his teeth.
49
00:02:56,787 --> 00:02:59,427
For Christ's sake! Grrr!
50
00:02:59,467 --> 00:03:01,827
Papa Wickers not the only animal
in the family.
51
00:03:01,867 --> 00:03:03,947
This one's hung like a horse.
52
00:03:03,987 --> 00:03:05,267
A sea horse.
53
00:03:05,307 --> 00:03:07,187
Ooh, double act. Bant and Dec.
54
00:03:07,227 --> 00:03:10,667
Kill me. Hey I've got a fun
and really funky idea!
55
00:03:10,707 --> 00:03:13,307
Why don't all the staff
take pay cuts?
56
00:03:13,347 --> 00:03:16,187
I'm afraid my salary is
non-negotiable.
57
00:03:16,227 --> 00:03:18,267
Martin and I are saving up for...
58
00:03:20,587 --> 00:03:21,787
..something.
59
00:03:21,827 --> 00:03:23,907
Chemical castration,
chemical castration.
60
00:03:23,947 --> 00:03:26,667
The solution to the school's problem
is austerity.
61
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:29,187
To keep the current
salary structure in place,
62
00:03:29,227 --> 00:03:31,267
we must make swingeing cuts.
63
00:03:31,307 --> 00:03:33,427
You may have noticed
Mrs Westurby's absence.
64
00:03:33,467 --> 00:03:34,707
Mrs Westurby?
65
00:03:38,067 --> 00:03:39,747
Has she got a mole?
66
00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:41,147
Smells of biscuits?
67
00:03:41,187 --> 00:03:44,387
Can't have children?
Baron von Westurby!
68
00:03:45,667 --> 00:03:49,387
No, that's Mrs Vanderby.
Baron Vanderby.
69
00:03:50,947 --> 00:03:52,507
I'll stop saying baron now.
70
00:03:54,627 --> 00:03:57,867
Alfie, could you cover
Mrs Westurby's biology class?
71
00:03:57,907 --> 00:04:00,587
I can barely teach history.
72
00:04:00,627 --> 00:04:02,547
Urgh, fine.
73
00:04:02,587 --> 00:04:04,147
How are you going to be helping?
74
00:04:04,187 --> 00:04:06,147
I'm going to shut down the library.
75
00:04:07,307 --> 00:04:10,707
I've got it. The art block,
they've got a Henry Moore!
76
00:04:10,747 --> 00:04:12,827
That must be worth loads.
We could sell it?
77
00:04:12,867 --> 00:04:13,867
Had.
78
00:04:16,107 --> 00:04:20,507
They had a Henry Moore.
I might have swapped it.
79
00:04:20,547 --> 00:04:22,267
You swapped it?
80
00:04:22,307 --> 00:04:23,427
What for?
81
00:04:28,347 --> 00:04:32,187
It was one of only 30
used on the set of Phantom Menace.
82
00:04:32,227 --> 00:04:34,307
It belonged to Senator Palpatine!
83
00:04:42,787 --> 00:04:44,427
Why are you all wearing your coats?
84
00:04:44,467 --> 00:04:45,987
Cos your mum turned off the heating.
85
00:04:46,027 --> 00:04:47,907
Professor Green is not my mum.
86
00:04:47,947 --> 00:04:49,867
She banged your dad.
She's your mum.
87
00:04:49,907 --> 00:04:51,427
You must have a lot of dads then.
88
00:04:51,467 --> 00:04:54,507
Sir, I'm freezing. Will you
share your body heat with me?
89
00:04:54,547 --> 00:04:56,347
No. Why is there no heating?
90
00:04:56,387 --> 00:04:59,147
If you must know, the school is
having some financial problems.
91
00:04:59,187 --> 00:05:00,787
Why don't you sell your organs, sir?
92
00:05:00,827 --> 00:05:02,707
I heard the Queen's hamster
needs a new cock.
93
00:05:02,747 --> 00:05:05,587
Guys! Please!
94
00:05:05,627 --> 00:05:07,947
You do realise, if Abbey Grove
shuts down
95
00:05:07,987 --> 00:05:10,027
you'll all have to go to St Edwards!
96
00:05:11,387 --> 00:05:13,867
The only school below us
on the league table!
97
00:05:13,907 --> 00:05:16,387
If I go to St Edwards,
the only theatre I'll end up in
98
00:05:16,427 --> 00:05:17,547
is an operating one.
99
00:05:17,587 --> 00:05:20,107
St Edwards is not that bad, babe.
Dean Gaffney went there.
100
00:05:20,147 --> 00:05:21,987
Dean Gaffney?
We need to raise some money!
101
00:05:22,027 --> 00:05:24,987
I could do a kiss-and-tell, sir,
on this guy I'm seeing.
102
00:05:25,027 --> 00:05:28,107
Yeah, with the best will in
the world, Chantelle, I doubt that
103
00:05:28,147 --> 00:05:31,507
Haroun from WH Smith is going
to sell that many papers
104
00:05:31,547 --> 00:05:33,507
apart from the ones
that he literally sells.
105
00:05:33,547 --> 00:05:36,867
What if you take that condom you've got
in your wallet to the Antiques Road Show?
106
00:05:36,907 --> 00:05:39,347
Right, is it too much to ask
to have a serious suggestion?
107
00:05:39,387 --> 00:05:41,067
I've got one. Thank you, Rem Dogg.
108
00:05:41,107 --> 00:05:44,067
Sperm banks offer 60 quid
for a small pot.
109
00:05:44,107 --> 00:05:47,307
We pump Mitchell's mum's stomach -
a grand, easy.
110
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:50,467
Oh, my God, that is the most
disgusting thing I've ever heard.
111
00:05:50,507 --> 00:05:51,907
What about this?
112
00:05:51,947 --> 00:05:53,107
Urgh!
113
00:05:53,147 --> 00:05:56,627
Guys, can you be serious?
Do you want to go to another school?
114
00:05:56,667 --> 00:05:59,147
Stephen's dad's a banker.
He could help us.
115
00:05:59,187 --> 00:06:00,947
Babes, he's a cashier at NatWest.
116
00:06:00,987 --> 00:06:02,907
What about two of us
going to work in a casino,
117
00:06:02,947 --> 00:06:04,707
mapping out their security
procedures,
118
00:06:04,747 --> 00:06:07,787
these guys can dress up in disguises
and earn the trust of the owner,
119
00:06:07,827 --> 00:06:10,547
then Jing can do some crazy circus
shit in a room full of lasers.
120
00:06:10,587 --> 00:06:13,347
We're not going to re-enact the plot
of Ocean's Eleven, Mitchell!
121
00:06:13,387 --> 00:06:15,067
Ocean's Twelve? No.
Ocean's Thirteen?
122
00:06:15,107 --> 00:06:18,067
You're not really understanding
the problem here. Ocean's Fourteen?
123
00:06:18,107 --> 00:06:19,387
It doesn't even exist!
124
00:06:22,867 --> 00:06:26,227
Hey! Pro Green's got me
teaching biology.
125
00:06:26,267 --> 00:06:29,067
Said you had some stuff for me,
but then I thought...
126
00:06:29,107 --> 00:06:32,227
what does everyone love?
Sea-Monkeys!
127
00:06:32,267 --> 00:06:33,867
This isn't a primary school.
128
00:06:35,307 --> 00:06:37,187
Alfie, if I tell you something,
129
00:06:37,227 --> 00:06:39,787
do you promise
that you won't overreact?
130
00:06:39,827 --> 00:06:41,507
When have I ever overreacted?
131
00:06:42,627 --> 00:06:45,067
I've applied for a job
at a school in Soweto.
132
00:06:53,347 --> 00:06:55,627
Why are you doing this to me?
133
00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:01,587
OK? Yeah.
134
00:07:01,627 --> 00:07:02,867
Good.
135
00:07:02,907 --> 00:07:08,067
Alf, I love this school,
but I need a change in my life.
136
00:07:08,107 --> 00:07:11,147
Grow a fringe! Try zumba!
137
00:07:11,187 --> 00:07:12,787
Try heroin!
138
00:07:12,827 --> 00:07:14,987
But I could do some good in Soweto.
139
00:07:15,027 --> 00:07:17,347
Instead of being stuck here
in Abbey Grove,
140
00:07:17,387 --> 00:07:20,027
lurching from disaster to disaster.
141
00:07:20,067 --> 00:07:21,907
But what about us?
142
00:07:21,947 --> 00:07:25,827
Our will-they-won't-they is the glue
that binds this school together.
143
00:07:25,867 --> 00:07:27,867
Please don't go, Rosie,
144
00:07:27,907 --> 00:07:30,187
you're the only person on the staff
that I like.
145
00:07:30,227 --> 00:07:34,187
You can't leave me here with
Pro Green and Anakin Skywanker.
146
00:07:34,227 --> 00:07:36,667
The school needs you.
147
00:07:36,707 --> 00:07:38,027
I need you.
148
00:07:40,587 --> 00:07:43,987
Well, I mean, I've only just applied,
so...
149
00:07:44,027 --> 00:07:45,787
let's see what happens. Yeah?
150
00:07:47,987 --> 00:07:51,267
Here you go. Frogs! Yeah.
151
00:07:51,307 --> 00:07:53,547
Oh, my God, this one's not moving!
152
00:07:53,587 --> 00:07:55,147
Maybe it's asleep.
153
00:07:55,187 --> 00:07:58,467
They're all dead.
Your class are dissecting them.
154
00:07:58,507 --> 00:08:01,427
Urgh!
Sure I can't just do Sea-Monkeys?
155
00:08:05,387 --> 00:08:08,867
Give that about a day and it'll be
the Discovery Channel in a glass.
156
00:08:08,907 --> 00:08:10,187
Off you go, Alfie.
157
00:08:25,027 --> 00:08:26,827
Where do you want these, Pro Green?
158
00:08:26,867 --> 00:08:28,747
Next to the other sale items.
159
00:08:33,307 --> 00:08:36,107
We're putting them on "the eBay".
It's "eBay".
160
00:08:36,147 --> 00:08:38,147
You can't sell our books!
161
00:08:38,187 --> 00:08:40,427
Yeah - what are the sad, lonely kids
going to read
162
00:08:40,467 --> 00:08:43,147
whilst everyone else is out
in the playground having fun?
163
00:08:43,187 --> 00:08:44,587
Desperate times, Mr Wickers.
164
00:08:44,627 --> 00:08:46,227
You could sell that.
165
00:08:46,267 --> 00:08:48,027
Or let me take a hammer to it.
166
00:08:48,067 --> 00:08:50,827
Why should I suffer
for the school's profligacy?
167
00:08:50,867 --> 00:08:55,627
Now, I need you two to prevail upon
the kitchen staff to work for free.
168
00:08:56,707 --> 00:08:59,787
Why do we have to do that?
We're all in this together.
169
00:08:59,827 --> 00:09:01,707
I just think that... Ah-ah!
170
00:09:01,747 --> 00:09:04,227
We're all in this together.
171
00:09:04,267 --> 00:09:05,827
That will be all.
172
00:09:05,867 --> 00:09:09,987
All right, whatever. Let's go
and give Mrs Patmore her P45.
173
00:09:10,027 --> 00:09:12,987
Mr Wickers,
arretez-vous, s'il vous plait.
174
00:09:13,027 --> 00:09:14,707
Stay behind, please?
175
00:09:17,627 --> 00:09:22,147
Now, as you know,
your father and I are courting.
176
00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:28,107
Courting? Marty-Bear is a wonderful,
caring, passionate man.
177
00:09:29,307 --> 00:09:32,107
He, you, and I are
a little family now.
178
00:09:32,147 --> 00:09:33,267
What do you want?
179
00:09:33,307 --> 00:09:36,107
We'd like you to call me "Mummy".
180
00:09:40,147 --> 00:09:41,547
Is something the matter?
181
00:09:42,747 --> 00:09:47,627
I am looking at the most
disgusting thing I have ever seen.
182
00:09:50,067 --> 00:09:52,027
Oh, no - now I am.
183
00:09:56,427 --> 00:09:57,987
Trust me, I've got this.
184
00:09:58,027 --> 00:09:59,107
Are you sure?
185
00:09:59,147 --> 00:10:01,067
Er, yeah, I'm a people person.
186
00:10:01,107 --> 00:10:03,467
Yo! Kitchen goblins!
187
00:10:03,507 --> 00:10:06,587
I'm just here to tell you
how much of a vital part
188
00:10:06,627 --> 00:10:09,427
of the Abbey Grove machine
you guys are.
189
00:10:09,467 --> 00:10:12,227
Yeah, maybe sometimes you don't
get the credit you deserve
190
00:10:12,267 --> 00:10:14,427
and you're a bit funny-looking,
191
00:10:14,467 --> 00:10:18,347
but you're like Niall from
One Direction - without you
192
00:10:18,387 --> 00:10:19,827
there isn't a band!
193
00:10:21,027 --> 00:10:22,907
Ah, and we go back a bit, don't we?
194
00:10:22,947 --> 00:10:27,107
This guy, right, has got some of
the best banter in the school, hey?
195
00:10:27,147 --> 00:10:30,387
And a dab hand with the ladies!
Player!
196
00:10:30,427 --> 00:10:34,347
And my mate here, Iggy Pop.
This guy, right, is...
197
00:10:34,387 --> 00:10:38,787
One of the nicest WOMEN
I've ever worked with.
198
00:10:38,827 --> 00:10:40,267
Oh, yep!
199
00:10:41,547 --> 00:10:47,067
And my brother from another mother,
old... Little Chef.
200
00:10:48,227 --> 00:10:51,467
Look, we could reminisce about the
old days until the cows come home.
201
00:10:51,507 --> 00:10:54,667
But I'm here to tell you
that Abbey Grove has gone bust,
202
00:10:54,707 --> 00:10:57,947
so we were wondering whether you
guys would be willing to do
203
00:10:57,987 --> 00:11:02,427
"yo tang" on a sort of
volunteer basis?
204
00:11:02,467 --> 00:11:03,827
Unpaid.
205
00:11:06,427 --> 00:11:10,067
That's cool, take five,
have a think about it.
206
00:11:11,507 --> 00:11:12,907
I knew it. Didn't I say,
207
00:11:12,947 --> 00:11:16,707
if there was one person
we could rely on, it's old...
208
00:11:16,747 --> 00:11:19,467
it's... Gladys.
209
00:11:19,507 --> 00:11:20,667
Gladys.
210
00:11:21,787 --> 00:11:25,427
Gladys, with the hearing aids.
211
00:11:25,467 --> 00:11:28,147
I remember now.
212
00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:30,307
She hasn't heard a word.
213
00:11:30,347 --> 00:11:32,547
It looks like
Pro Green's sold all the food.
214
00:11:32,587 --> 00:11:34,547
What are we going to feed
the kids now?
215
00:11:46,987 --> 00:11:50,267
What's this? We did a whip-round,
sir. That's all our pocket money.
216
00:11:50,307 --> 00:11:52,667
Guys, I've been over this with you.
217
00:11:52,707 --> 00:11:55,387
As much as I'd like to,
I can't buy you booze again.
218
00:11:55,427 --> 00:11:58,867
No, Alfie, the money's for
saving Abbey Grove.
219
00:11:58,907 --> 00:12:01,267
We know it's not much, but...
We don't want to leave, sir.
220
00:12:01,307 --> 00:12:03,827
Even though this school's got
shit wheelchair access.
221
00:12:03,867 --> 00:12:06,547
And fewer GCSEs than
a Premier League football team.
222
00:12:06,587 --> 00:12:08,907
It's a dump, but it's my dump.
223
00:12:08,947 --> 00:12:12,627
You know what it's like with your
own brew, sir. I like the smell.
224
00:12:13,787 --> 00:12:16,467
Some beautiful words there,
Mitchell.
225
00:12:17,947 --> 00:12:20,907
Guys, you've been so generous,
226
00:12:20,947 --> 00:12:22,347
but I can't accept this.
227
00:12:24,427 --> 00:12:25,907
There must be a better way.
228
00:12:28,267 --> 00:12:29,987
Ocean's Fifteen? Really?
229
00:12:38,427 --> 00:12:40,827
What are you doing?
Buttering the corridor.
230
00:12:40,867 --> 00:12:43,587
Look, I really think
we need to do a fundraiser.
231
00:12:43,627 --> 00:12:46,667
Alf, listen,
we just simply don't have the time.
232
00:12:46,707 --> 00:12:49,667
Mitchell's dad owns a funfair.
He could easily lend us some stalls.
233
00:12:49,707 --> 00:12:51,507
Unless I can pay them off
in two days' time,
234
00:12:51,547 --> 00:12:53,667
the bank are gonna pop a cap
in the back of my ass.
235
00:12:53,707 --> 00:12:56,347
I don't really care about your ass,
I care about this school.
236
00:12:56,387 --> 00:13:00,547
Calm down, dear!
This is going to send people flying.
237
00:13:00,587 --> 00:13:02,707
All we have to do is sit back,
238
00:13:02,747 --> 00:13:05,867
capture the comedy Kerrie Gold,
cash said gold,
239
00:13:05,907 --> 00:13:10,427
vis-a-vis a £250 cheque from You've
Been Framed and we're in Clover.
240
00:13:10,467 --> 00:13:11,627
B-utter genius.
241
00:13:11,667 --> 00:13:15,267
Right, are there any other butter puns you
just want to get out of your system now?
242
00:13:15,307 --> 00:13:17,067
I'll Lurpak it in.
243
00:13:17,107 --> 00:13:20,107
Look, the only problem with your
genius plan, there's no-one here!
244
00:13:20,147 --> 00:13:21,467
Everyone's in class.
245
00:13:21,507 --> 00:13:25,067
Ah, no - I told Reggie Blinker that
his dad's had another heart attack.
246
00:13:25,107 --> 00:13:26,747
Lols!
247
00:13:26,787 --> 00:13:28,107
Any minute now.
248
00:13:33,907 --> 00:13:36,147
Ha-haa! Woo-hoo!
249
00:13:36,187 --> 00:13:38,147
Did you see that? ROFLcopter.
250
00:13:38,187 --> 00:13:39,987
Does anyone care about this school?
251
00:13:40,027 --> 00:13:42,147
Ah, I forgot to press record.
252
00:13:42,187 --> 00:13:43,227
Butter-fingers.
253
00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:48,347
Reggie, do you think
you've got another one in you?
254
00:13:52,387 --> 00:13:54,187
What are you doing?
255
00:13:54,227 --> 00:13:55,787
Oh, Alfie, hi.
256
00:13:55,827 --> 00:13:59,427
Um, listen, they've offered me
the job...
257
00:14:01,067 --> 00:14:03,067
..and I've decided...
258
00:14:03,107 --> 00:14:05,547
That, in the cold light of day,
your hair-brained idea
259
00:14:05,587 --> 00:14:08,267
to start a new life in Soweto
is totally and utterly absurd?
260
00:14:08,307 --> 00:14:09,587
To accept.
261
00:14:10,827 --> 00:14:12,067
But you can't!
262
00:14:12,107 --> 00:14:13,667
Why not?
263
00:14:13,707 --> 00:14:15,307
Soweto sounds great.
264
00:14:15,347 --> 00:14:16,547
But I need you!
265
00:14:18,907 --> 00:14:21,587
Look, there's something
I have to tell you.
266
00:14:23,667 --> 00:14:28,227
Something that maybe before
I didn't realise.
267
00:14:28,267 --> 00:14:33,067
Yeah, sure, back then I was just
a silly little boy...
268
00:14:33,107 --> 00:14:35,547
Mmm. But I've changed.
269
00:14:38,627 --> 00:14:41,147
Rosie? Yes.
270
00:14:42,187 --> 00:14:44,147
I'm...
271
00:14:44,187 --> 00:14:45,987
I'm an alcoholic.
272
00:14:46,027 --> 00:14:49,907
There, I said it. I'm drinking
a bottle of whisky for breakfast.
273
00:14:49,947 --> 00:14:54,507
I'm a player with a deadly
addiction to hooch and cooch.
274
00:14:54,547 --> 00:14:57,907
Stay with me, Rosie! Please don't
let me end up like Georgie.
275
00:14:57,947 --> 00:15:00,827
You're not like George Best, Alfie.
You barely drink.
276
00:15:00,867 --> 00:15:04,507
Er, yes I do. Last year, you got
hung over from some cherry liqueurs.
277
00:15:04,547 --> 00:15:08,627
They were extremely potent. Anyway,
right now I'm off the bloody rails.
278
00:15:08,667 --> 00:15:11,267
I only came in here because
I'm looking for ethanol.
279
00:15:11,307 --> 00:15:13,227
I'd drink bloody anything.
280
00:15:17,227 --> 00:15:19,027
Not the Sea�Monkeys!
281
00:15:20,267 --> 00:15:21,267
Oh, my God!
282
00:15:22,507 --> 00:15:24,627
Ooh.
283
00:15:24,667 --> 00:15:26,547
I've made my tummy pregnant.
284
00:15:36,867 --> 00:15:38,307
Whoa!
285
00:15:38,347 --> 00:15:41,347
Where do you think you're
going with that? Cash Converters.
286
00:15:41,387 --> 00:15:43,587
How the hell am I meant to teach
without a television?
287
00:15:43,627 --> 00:15:46,107
We need to make swingeing cuts.
288
00:15:46,147 --> 00:15:47,467
Stop saying swingeing.
289
00:15:47,507 --> 00:15:50,307
It is the most annoying word
I have ever heard.
290
00:15:50,347 --> 00:15:52,867
Boys, could you collect Mr Wickers'
video library.
291
00:15:52,907 --> 00:15:56,787
You can take our electricity,
you can take our television,
292
00:15:56,827 --> 00:15:58,707
but you can never take our...
293
00:15:58,747 --> 00:16:01,467
Braveheart, director's cut!
Please let me keep this?
294
00:16:01,507 --> 00:16:03,187
Everything must go.
295
00:16:03,227 --> 00:16:07,227
Alfie, you must see you're the
obvious candidate for redundancy.
296
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:09,747
I'm trying to protect you.
297
00:16:09,787 --> 00:16:12,747
Au revoir, les enfants.
298
00:16:12,787 --> 00:16:15,347
Please, boys,
it doesn't have to be like this!
299
00:16:18,387 --> 00:16:19,987
Bullshit!
300
00:16:20,027 --> 00:16:22,827
I'm getting my TV back,
I'm getting my DVDs back,
301
00:16:22,867 --> 00:16:25,867
and I'm stopping
Miss Gulliver from going to Soweto.
302
00:16:25,907 --> 00:16:27,467
We are doing a fundraiser!
303
00:16:27,507 --> 00:16:31,467
And it is going to be like Live Aid
and Band Aid all rolled into one,
304
00:16:31,507 --> 00:16:35,187
except this time we are stopping
things from going to Africa.
305
00:16:35,227 --> 00:16:37,947
But how are you going to convince
Fraser to give you permission?
306
00:16:40,507 --> 00:16:42,827
Alf, I've told you
it's just not possible.
307
00:16:42,867 --> 00:16:45,347
We simply don't have the time
or the resources.
308
00:16:46,387 --> 00:16:48,267
Your band can play
at the fundraiser.
309
00:16:48,307 --> 00:16:49,907
So what time shall we open
the doors?
310
00:16:59,187 --> 00:17:01,627
Here, go on, sir, test it out.
All right.
311
00:17:09,547 --> 00:17:11,027
Shit.
312
00:17:19,827 --> 00:17:21,467
Sorry, Mr Harper.
313
00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:27,707
Ha?
314
00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:29,627
So, 50/50 on all profits?
315
00:17:32,227 --> 00:17:33,667
Right.
316
00:17:33,707 --> 00:17:35,147
Couldn't agree more.
317
00:17:35,187 --> 00:17:36,867
You all right, Dad? Mm.
318
00:17:36,907 --> 00:17:42,267
Alf, I am so impressed that you've
got all of this together in time.
319
00:17:42,307 --> 00:17:44,227
Ah, you know, it's not just me.
320
00:17:44,267 --> 00:17:46,987
Everyone's doing their bit,
especially Mitchell's dad here.
321
00:17:50,187 --> 00:17:53,587
Yes, Fergal.
There is no "I" in team.
322
00:17:53,627 --> 00:17:55,187
Oh, I had quite a silly idea.
323
00:17:55,227 --> 00:17:57,507
At university, we did a man auction -
324
00:17:57,547 --> 00:18:00,507
we bought the rugby team
as slaves for a day.
325
00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:01,747
Pinch me!
326
00:18:03,507 --> 00:18:05,307
We could sell the teachers here!
327
00:18:05,347 --> 00:18:07,267
You could put yourself up for sale.
328
00:18:07,307 --> 00:18:08,907
Who'd want to buy me?
329
00:18:08,947 --> 00:18:10,507
I might.
330
00:18:10,547 --> 00:18:12,507
He's not for sale.
331
00:18:16,107 --> 00:18:18,467
I mean,
how does she even hear that far?
332
00:18:19,627 --> 00:18:21,507
Fundraiser to save our school!
333
00:18:24,387 --> 00:18:26,387
What a pickle.
334
00:18:26,427 --> 00:18:29,427
You know, after my divorce,
I travelled to India.
335
00:18:30,627 --> 00:18:32,547
I saw a beggar boy there.
336
00:18:32,587 --> 00:18:34,107
His little legs didn't work
337
00:18:34,147 --> 00:18:37,507
and he was dragging himself along
on a cart, begging.
338
00:18:37,547 --> 00:18:40,667
Well, don't beat yourself up about
it. Everyone regrets their rebound.
339
00:18:43,467 --> 00:18:47,347
My point is, at least his sob story
made him some money.
340
00:18:47,387 --> 00:18:49,067
What is your problem with me?
341
00:18:49,107 --> 00:18:52,587
I remind you that my Dad
loved somebody else.
342
00:18:52,627 --> 00:18:54,387
You're being ridiculous.
343
00:18:54,427 --> 00:18:57,267
You are just his beggar boy rebound.
344
00:18:57,307 --> 00:18:59,027
Why, howdy partners!
345
00:19:00,587 --> 00:19:02,827
Look at you two, thick as thieves.
346
00:19:02,867 --> 00:19:06,067
Hi, Dad. I love you.
347
00:19:06,107 --> 00:19:08,347
Whoa, what's got into you?
348
00:19:08,387 --> 00:19:11,667
Come on, Marty Bear. Win me a teddy.
349
00:19:11,707 --> 00:19:14,347
All righty then. Must dash, Alf pal.
350
00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:15,747
Bit fanny-whipped!
351
00:19:19,627 --> 00:19:22,827
Sob story! Get me Rem Dogg now!
352
00:19:26,107 --> 00:19:29,067
Excuse me, fundraiser to send
a little boy to Florida
353
00:19:29,107 --> 00:19:30,587
for life-saving surgery.
354
00:19:32,707 --> 00:19:35,067
Please help me, mate.
My brain's all shit.
355
00:20:06,227 --> 00:20:08,147
Um, talk me through this band.
356
00:20:08,187 --> 00:20:11,667
Well, we started out as a tribute
act, but we were treading water
357
00:20:11,707 --> 00:20:14,947
so I decided to Mumford us up a bit,
you know, heartfelt summery anthems,
358
00:20:14,987 --> 00:20:17,667
reclaiming the banjo
from rapey American farmers.
359
00:20:17,707 --> 00:20:20,347
So you're a Mumford and Sons
tribute act?
360
00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:23,147
Well, sort of. The problem is,
the lead singer, Donald,
361
00:20:23,187 --> 00:20:25,627
he's quite set in his ways
with the whole Slipknot vibe.
362
00:20:25,667 --> 00:20:27,347
So the band is called?
363
00:20:27,387 --> 00:20:28,667
Knotslip and Sons.
364
00:20:28,707 --> 00:20:31,387
Does that mash-up work? Yes.
365
00:20:33,747 --> 00:20:34,987
Perfecto.
366
00:20:39,187 --> 00:20:42,387
�(Trademark)� I came home, and I saw you
367
00:20:42,427 --> 00:20:46,707
�(Trademark)� You were waiting, waiting for me
368
00:20:46,747 --> 00:20:50,347
�(Trademark)� In the sun, there you were
369
00:20:50,387 --> 00:20:54,147
�(Trademark)� Arms were open, wide as the sea
370
00:20:54,187 --> 00:20:58,107
�(Trademark)� I fell to my knees, as if to pray
371
00:20:58,147 --> 00:21:02,987
�(Trademark)� You opened your sweet mouth
This to say
372
00:21:06,107 --> 00:21:08,987
�(Trademark)� Crawling in the shit!
The devil is your dildo!
373
00:21:09,027 --> 00:21:12,587
�(Trademark)� Feed me to the worms!
I'll burn all you bastard-whores!
374
00:21:18,667 --> 00:21:23,267
�(Trademark)� Thank you, Jesus
for this glorious day. �(Trademark)�
375
00:21:28,587 --> 00:21:29,787
A grand? Is that it?
376
00:21:29,827 --> 00:21:32,707
You tried your best.
I'm still proud of you, Alf.
377
00:21:32,747 --> 00:21:35,787
What good's that? You're still not
going to stay at Abbey Grove.
378
00:21:35,827 --> 00:21:37,867
We've still got Gladys's car wash.
379
00:21:49,547 --> 00:21:54,867
I don't think Gladys's milkshake is
bringing too many boys to the yard.
380
00:21:54,907 --> 00:21:56,227
What about the man auction?
381
00:21:56,267 --> 00:21:58,787
We're 19 grand short, dipshit.
382
00:21:58,827 --> 00:22:01,427
Going once, going twice...
383
00:22:01,467 --> 00:22:03,787
sold to Mrs Carmichael!
384
00:22:06,987 --> 00:22:10,347
Now, our next slave for a day
is a bit of a catch.
385
00:22:10,387 --> 00:22:12,947
It's Mr Fraser!
386
00:22:12,987 --> 00:22:15,347
Hi, ladies. I'm up for anything.
387
00:22:15,387 --> 00:22:18,067
Cooking, cleaning,
foot rubs - giving or receiving.
388
00:22:18,107 --> 00:22:19,467
Actually, not receiving.
389
00:22:19,507 --> 00:22:21,987
I've got a pretty nuclear
crop of bunions at the moment.
390
00:22:22,027 --> 00:22:24,507
Shall we start the bidding at £50?
391
00:22:24,547 --> 00:22:27,107
Yes! Oh, £50 from Mrs Welsh.
392
00:22:28,387 --> 00:22:31,427
£60 from Gladys. Oh, tits!
393
00:22:33,107 --> 00:22:36,667
£70 from Mrs Welsh. Go on.
394
00:22:36,707 --> 00:22:39,947
£80, Gladys, with you.
Can I get £100?
395
00:22:41,427 --> 00:22:44,107
Oh, £100 from Gladys, going once...
396
00:22:44,147 --> 00:22:47,067
This is ridiculous,
she can't even hear.
397
00:22:47,107 --> 00:22:50,067
Going twice.
But we're not even paying her!
398
00:22:50,107 --> 00:22:53,147
Sold to Gladys for £100!
399
00:22:53,187 --> 00:22:54,187
Amazing!
400
00:22:55,347 --> 00:23:00,027
Our next slave for the day is
a very, very special man,
401
00:23:00,067 --> 00:23:02,867
um, sorry...
402
00:23:02,907 --> 00:23:05,587
He's just done so much
to make today happen.
403
00:23:05,627 --> 00:23:08,387
I know we may have not raised enough
to keep this school going,
404
00:23:08,427 --> 00:23:13,867
but Mr Wickers, he exemplifies
everything that I will miss
405
00:23:13,907 --> 00:23:15,507
about Abbey Grove.
406
00:23:16,627 --> 00:23:18,147
I know it's unconventional,
407
00:23:18,187 --> 00:23:20,267
but I'd quite like to start
the bidding myself.
408
00:23:20,307 --> 00:23:21,947
£50 for Alfie.
409
00:23:21,987 --> 00:23:24,027
£60. 70.
410
00:23:24,067 --> 00:23:26,347
£80!
411
00:23:26,387 --> 00:23:28,907
100. £200!
412
00:23:28,947 --> 00:23:30,987
Don't worry, girls,
you can share me.
413
00:23:31,027 --> 00:23:33,067
OK,
but she's not kissing your mouth.
414
00:23:33,107 --> 00:23:35,907
This gentleman would like to make
a bid on behalf of his employer.
415
00:23:35,947 --> 00:23:37,907
I'll match whatever he bids.
416
00:23:40,627 --> 00:23:44,627
I don't think you will, Miss
Gulliver. The bid is for £25,000.
417
00:23:44,667 --> 00:23:47,267
What?
418
00:23:47,307 --> 00:23:49,667
That's enough to save the school!
419
00:23:49,707 --> 00:23:53,307
Well, I can't match that. Chantelle?
420
00:23:53,347 --> 00:23:54,867
Wait, is this a wind-up?
421
00:23:56,507 --> 00:23:58,987
Going once, going twice,
422
00:23:59,027 --> 00:24:01,587
sold, to the mystery bidder!
423
00:24:12,427 --> 00:24:14,867
We did it. We did it!
424
00:24:16,387 --> 00:24:18,347
Who'd spend all that money on me?
425
00:24:18,387 --> 00:24:21,307
Well, whoever it is,
they've saved the school.
426
00:24:21,347 --> 00:24:26,187
And seeing as Abbey Grove's going
to be OK, I think, maybe...
427
00:24:26,227 --> 00:24:28,147
What?
428
00:24:28,187 --> 00:24:30,507
I'm not going to South Africa, Alf.
429
00:24:30,547 --> 00:24:34,067
You said yourself that the school
needs me and you need me,
430
00:24:34,107 --> 00:24:37,467
but I've come to realise
that I need the school, and...
431
00:24:40,627 --> 00:24:42,947
I also need...
432
00:24:42,987 --> 00:24:46,027
No, no.
We made this mistake last term.
433
00:24:46,067 --> 00:24:50,227
Oh, yeah, you're right.
We should just be friends.
434
00:24:50,267 --> 00:24:54,347
No, I meant kissing
in front of the kids.
435
00:24:54,387 --> 00:24:55,867
Come with me.
436
00:25:03,987 --> 00:25:06,347
Oh, Dad!
437
00:25:06,387 --> 00:25:07,987
Jesus!
438
00:25:08,027 --> 00:25:09,027
Alf!
439
00:25:09,067 --> 00:25:13,147
Oh, Christ, er, er...
Celia had the hiccups.
440
00:25:13,187 --> 00:25:16,867
I was trying to scare her
by giving her the willies.
441
00:25:16,907 --> 00:25:18,787
Stop doing this!
442
00:25:18,827 --> 00:25:20,467
Now calm down, Smoocher.
443
00:25:20,507 --> 00:25:23,027
Martin, you must tell him.
444
00:25:23,067 --> 00:25:25,867
Er, Celia and I, er...
445
00:25:25,907 --> 00:25:29,027
She mentioned that you may have
seen an invitation?
446
00:25:29,067 --> 00:25:30,707
What invitation?
447
00:25:32,787 --> 00:25:35,267
Oh, God, yes, sorry -
how could I forget?
448
00:25:35,307 --> 00:25:40,227
Well, it's an invitation
to a very special occasion.
449
00:25:40,267 --> 00:25:43,107
We're getting married!
450
00:25:43,147 --> 00:25:47,267
Dad, what the hell? You are marrying
this stupid hobbit woman?
451
00:25:47,307 --> 00:25:50,227
Oh, Alf, I love this hobbit woman.
452
00:25:50,267 --> 00:25:51,987
Could we stop saying hobbit woman?
453
00:25:52,027 --> 00:25:53,387
Sorry, darling.
454
00:25:53,427 --> 00:25:56,387
Alf, we're going to be
a family again.
455
00:25:56,427 --> 00:25:58,827
Come here, Smoocher. Hug Mummy.
456
00:26:04,147 --> 00:26:06,267
Alfie, come back! Alfie!
457
00:26:13,427 --> 00:26:15,827
I know I should be pretty annoyed
458
00:26:15,867 --> 00:26:18,907
but at least Pro Green
makes my dad happy.
459
00:26:20,027 --> 00:26:21,267
I'm happy too.
460
00:26:22,627 --> 00:26:23,787
Ahem!
461
00:26:23,827 --> 00:26:25,427
What, Jing?
462
00:26:25,467 --> 00:26:28,947
Sir, the anonymous bidder says
that you have to leave immediately,
463
00:26:28,987 --> 00:26:30,747
otherwise the deal is off.
464
00:26:35,467 --> 00:26:37,227
You'll be here
when I get back, right?
465
00:26:37,267 --> 00:26:38,267
Of course I will.
466
00:27:09,187 --> 00:27:11,467
Pickwell!
467
00:27:11,507 --> 00:27:13,067
You bought me?
468
00:27:13,107 --> 00:27:15,307
Oh, yes, Mr Wickers.
469
00:27:15,347 --> 00:27:19,067
But... last time I saw you,
you were penniless!
470
00:27:19,107 --> 00:27:24,907
Mm. Well, you remember my German
consort, the Beast of Bergandorf?
471
00:27:24,947 --> 00:27:27,627
Sadly the old man died last month,
472
00:27:27,667 --> 00:27:31,147
leaving me all the gold
he'd stashed in Switzerland.
473
00:27:31,187 --> 00:27:34,147
Hence, my little splurge on you.
474
00:27:34,187 --> 00:27:38,347
What can you possibly do with me
that's worth £25,000?
475
00:27:40,147 --> 00:27:42,067
Oh, you have no idea.
476
00:27:44,667 --> 00:27:46,347
Let the games begin.
477
00:27:48,147 --> 00:27:49,307
A saddle?!
478
00:27:50,667 --> 00:27:52,027
Drive on, Mephisto.
479
00:27:55,027 --> 00:27:59,027
Preuzeto sa www.titlovi.com
36724
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