Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,360 --> 00:00:11,600
Look, I know how much you hate the
idea of Celia and I being an item.
2
00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:13,640
It was moment of madness.
3
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:17,080
One too many glasses of rose,
the red mist descends and,
4
00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:21,240
before you know it, you're giving
an old friend a... knee-trembler.
5
00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:23,840
Right, stop the car.
6
00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:25,640
Pull over.
7
00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:30,920
I miss the touch of a woman, Alf.
Celia made me feel so alive.
8
00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:34,000
Her eyes, her touch, her musk.
9
00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:36,760
If it's any consolation,
it didn't last long.
10
00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:40,440
She gave my prostate the once-over.
Apparently, it's tip-top.
11
00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:15,400
Hey, Rosie!
I, er, got you a little present.
12
00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:17,120
Oh, friendship bracelet?
13
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:18,720
It's just a silly little thing,
14
00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:20,800
to remind you that
I'll always be here for you,
15
00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:23,160
no matter what, for ever more.
16
00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:24,320
It's no biggie.
17
00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:26,520
You cut it off, I die.
18
00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:29,080
Thanks.
19
00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:32,560
Oh, erm, Celia, Fraser's giving
the drugs counsellor a lift,
20
00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:36,720
and they're stuck on the M25,
so we might need a back-up plan.
21
00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:39,680
It's drugs awareness day?
AKA doss day!
22
00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:43,120
Show the kids a couple of pictures
of a dead junkie, and then chill out.
23
00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:45,920
Well, I've actually prepared
a proper presentation on drugs...
24
00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:47,760
Oh, no, Rosie. It's a chore.
25
00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:49,880
Leave it to the most senior
member of staff.
26
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:52,280
No, it's fine, Celia.
I'm going to talk about drug mules,
27
00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:54,160
and the Taliban,
and the US government...
28
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:56,120
Woo, yeah! You go, sister!
29
00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:58,160
I blame Starbucks. Mmm.
30
00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,320
No, Israel.
31
00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:02,920
Lizards?
32
00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:06,160
Really, Rosie,
take a well-earned break.
33
00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:08,080
Read a fashion magazine.
34
00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:11,240
Flesh tones can be
so brutally honest.
35
00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:16,560
I am fully equipped
to give this talk.
36
00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:19,320
Well, maybe you'd like to borrow
a pair of these...
37
00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:21,480
It's a talk, Celia, not Customs.
38
00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:25,880
Well, it seems a shame
for them to go to waste.
39
00:02:25,920 --> 00:02:28,480
Alfred, I've already given
your father's a once-over,
40
00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:31,200
would you like me
to test your prostate?
41
00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:41,440
What's happened?
42
00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:42,640
It's his parents.
43
00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:44,920
They're taking me away
from Abbey Grove.
44
00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:46,800
They say it's not academical enough.
45
00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:49,600
What? You... you can't leave!
46
00:02:49,640 --> 00:02:51,840
Have your parents
even seen the league tables?
47
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,800
What, the league tables
in which we're ranked
48
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,720
below two orphanages and a kennels?
49
00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:58,240
They want me to become
some boring lawyer.
50
00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,840
Sir, are you
and Miss Gulliver cool at the mo?
51
00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:03,760
Yeah. I mean, she's split up
with Alex, and I reckon I've got
52
00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:07,360
just about enough time to seduce her
before she remembers her self-worth.
53
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:10,360
Going to give her a knob to cry on,
sir? Oh, no, sorry, Mitchell.
54
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:12,800
I think your mum's
consoling herself on it tonight.
55
00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:14,120
Sir, can you ask Miss Gulliver
56
00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:16,120
to persuade my parents
to let me stay here?
57
00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:17,960
Er, why can't I persuade them?
58
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:20,720
Cos you'll mess it up, sir.
But I'm great with parents!
59
00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:23,680
Every time you see my parents,
you insist on taking your shoes off.
60
00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:26,280
Yeah. And I bow. Respectful.
61
00:03:28,640 --> 00:03:30,920
Oh, xie xie. Ni hao.
62
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:33,800
When my mum came in to talk
about me bunking off school,
63
00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:35,840
you asked her
if you could use a clamp.
64
00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:38,760
Yeah, well it's either that or
putting the whole school on stilts.
65
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:40,960
But Miss Gulliver's
really persuasive.
66
00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:42,200
Persuasive?
67
00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:44,800
Look, I'm sorry, if you want to be
inspired to be a lawyer,
68
00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:46,320
look no further, my friend.
69
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:50,040
Last year I took on BP, only one
of the world's largest corporations,
70
00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:52,960
and I thrashed them,
on my own, in a court of law.
71
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:56,040
How much did you win?
Well, I didn't win any actual money,
72
00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:59,080
but you know the Wild Bean Cafe
in Tring?
73
00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:02,520
They now have to have a sign
on their coffee machine which reads,
74
00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:05,680
"Please do not drink
directly from the nozzle."
75
00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:13,160
So, my place tonight, hang out,
listen to a bit of reggae music?
76
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:14,520
You don't like reggae.
77
00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:16,640
Er, Ollie Murs?
78
00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:19,520
Alfie, I'm sorry. I'm just
not ready to see anyone yet.
79
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:22,400
I wasn't asking you out!
80
00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:24,800
Hey, if you need any help
with your presentation,
81
00:04:24,900 --> 00:04:26,253
don't be afraid to ask,
82
00:04:26,293 --> 00:04:30,194
cos, obviously,
I know quite a lot about drugs.
83
00:04:30,233 --> 00:04:34,093
You took one anti-depressant when
you heard that 5ive had broken up.
84
00:04:34,133 --> 00:04:35,725
5ive'll make you get down.
85
00:04:35,765 --> 00:04:38,789
Yeah, well, you're still
not that qualified. Oh, really?
86
00:04:38,829 --> 00:04:42,808
My friend Atticus Hoye
once took me to a poppers den.
87
00:04:42,848 --> 00:04:46,072
You don't get a den for poppers.
Well, that shows how much you know.
88
00:04:46,112 --> 00:04:48,858
All these naked guys
injecting themselves with poppers
89
00:04:48,898 --> 00:04:51,325
by sitting on these big
rubber needles.
90
00:04:51,365 --> 00:04:53,554
Atticus,
he couldn't get enough of it.
91
00:04:53,594 --> 00:04:56,817
You know what they say,
once you pop you just can't stop.
92
00:04:59,599 --> 00:05:02,138
So if you, er,
change your mind about tonight...?
93
00:05:02,178 --> 00:05:03,938
I won't.
Well, you might.
94
00:05:03,978 --> 00:05:06,418
I absolutely won't.
Absolutely might.
95
00:05:10,296 --> 00:05:12,935
OK, guys, so there's going to be
no history class today.
96
00:05:14,296 --> 00:05:16,534
I'm going to do my drugs
presentation,
97
00:05:16,575 --> 00:05:19,293
followed by a question and answer.
I got a question, Miss. Yep?
98
00:05:19,333 --> 00:05:22,693
Is it true police dogs can't smell skunk
if you put it in a bottle of Femfresh?
99
00:05:22,733 --> 00:05:24,971
Yep. I sincerely doubt it.
100
00:05:25,011 --> 00:05:27,691
Oh, man! Does anyone want
some Femfresh?
101
00:05:27,730 --> 00:05:29,210
Oh, yeah. I'll take it.
102
00:05:29,250 --> 00:05:31,251
My flat gets really smelly.
103
00:05:31,290 --> 00:05:33,050
Do you even know what Femfresh is?
104
00:05:33,090 --> 00:05:35,048
It's... like Febreze, right?
105
00:05:35,089 --> 00:05:37,209
Yeah,
it makes your curtains smell nice!
106
00:05:38,808 --> 00:05:43,207
OK, guys. OK, calm down.
That's enough.
107
00:05:48,846 --> 00:05:52,764
Now, can anyone ima...
108
00:05:52,805 --> 00:05:58,083
imagine how hard
life must be for Maria,
109
00:05:58,122 --> 00:06:00,563
a drug mule from Mexico?
110
00:06:00,602 --> 00:06:01,962
Whoa, yeah!
111
00:06:02,002 --> 00:06:03,921
If I was eating Mexican food
every day,
112
00:06:03,961 --> 00:06:06,321
I don't think I'd be able
to keep ANYTHING in my ass.
113
00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:10,200
What do people like Maria need?
114
00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:13,079
Hair straighteners?
Look at the split ends on that!
115
00:06:13,119 --> 00:06:15,919
True dat. And maybe some make-up
to sort out this car crash.
116
00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:17,318
No, no.
117
00:06:17,359 --> 00:06:20,357
What people like Maria
need is our respect.
118
00:06:20,397 --> 00:06:22,956
Gs, Hustlers, crisis averted.
119
00:06:22,996 --> 00:06:25,715
Your drugs counsellor... has arrived!
120
00:06:25,755 --> 00:06:28,875
Oh, no, no, no, no, cos
I'm in the middle of my drugs talk.
121
00:06:28,915 --> 00:06:30,233
Oh, that's very sweet, Miss G,
122
00:06:30,274 --> 00:06:32,434
but I have a professional
up my wizard's sleeve!
123
00:06:32,474 --> 00:06:34,193
Guys, meet India.
124
00:06:41,670 --> 00:06:43,270
Namaste.
125
00:06:43,310 --> 00:06:45,470
I'm India.
126
00:06:45,510 --> 00:06:47,790
Hi. Alfie.
127
00:06:47,830 --> 00:06:50,749
Teacher, leader...
128
00:06:50,789 --> 00:06:52,109
legend.
129
00:06:53,188 --> 00:06:54,787
India, you say?
130
00:06:54,828 --> 00:06:56,668
Land of the pyramids.
131
00:06:56,707 --> 00:06:58,827
I'm something of a sphinx-er myself.
132
00:06:58,866 --> 00:07:01,185
Sorry, did you just say 'sphinx-er'?
133
00:07:01,225 --> 00:07:04,625
OK, so I cotch for the drugs
counselling service
134
00:07:04,665 --> 00:07:06,384
called Vibesline.
135
00:07:06,423 --> 00:07:07,863
We're an advice pipeline
136
00:07:07,903 --> 00:07:10,903
you can use to freebase
non-judgmental advice...
137
00:07:10,943 --> 00:07:13,743
I'm sorry, can we lose the fat girl?
138
00:07:15,382 --> 00:07:17,821
Cartel got her. Buried in the ditch.
139
00:07:17,860 --> 00:07:20,660
Basically, if it's vibesing,
140
00:07:20,700 --> 00:07:23,180
chillax and ride the wave.
141
00:07:25,060 --> 00:07:26,659
She calls me that, too.
142
00:07:26,699 --> 00:07:30,298
It's Chinese for
"leader of the blind,"
143
00:07:30,337 --> 00:07:32,977
"up the great mountain of wisdom."
144
00:07:33,017 --> 00:07:36,376
Sort of... roughly.
145
00:07:36,417 --> 00:07:40,775
Thanks, babe. I'm here to talk to
you about the dark side of drugs.
146
00:07:51,493 --> 00:07:54,090
OK, yah!
You're having a massive night!
147
00:07:54,131 --> 00:07:58,330
The sun is coming up!
You are totally chunged.
148
00:08:12,447 --> 00:08:14,126
But the good times are over.
149
00:08:14,166 --> 00:08:16,806
Now we have to deal with
the terrible consequences
150
00:08:16,846 --> 00:08:18,285
of substance abuse.
151
00:08:19,805 --> 00:08:23,044
You can't find your Oyster card.
It's a long walk back to Chiswick.
152
00:08:24,523 --> 00:08:27,883
You, you lost an earring your
grandmother left you in her will.
153
00:08:27,923 --> 00:08:30,763
That is 45 minutes looking for it
on your hands and knees,
154
00:08:30,802 --> 00:08:32,481
using your phone as a torch.
155
00:08:32,521 --> 00:08:34,040
And you...
156
00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:37,119
you kissed the guy who runs
the deli you go into every day.
157
00:08:37,159 --> 00:08:39,679
Fraser, this is nonsense.
158
00:08:39,719 --> 00:08:41,438
Nonsense?
159
00:08:41,478 --> 00:08:44,237
Mmm. FYI, you're a real NEGATUDE.
160
00:08:44,278 --> 00:08:45,718
Sorry, "negatude"?
161
00:08:45,758 --> 00:08:48,196
"Negative attitude." It's a mashup.
162
00:08:48,237 --> 00:08:50,276
Yeah, it's a mashup.
163
00:08:50,317 --> 00:08:52,515
Get with the times, Marple.
164
00:08:58,515 --> 00:09:00,834
That was the most pathetic thing
I've ever seen.
165
00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:02,873
I actually thought India
was kinda good.
166
00:09:02,913 --> 00:09:05,433
I'm talking about you.
"Teacher, leader, legend."
167
00:09:05,472 --> 00:09:10,072
Oh, yeah, I forgot "visionary".
Look, I just... got into her vibe.
168
00:09:10,111 --> 00:09:12,551
I know exactly
what you want to get into.
169
00:09:12,591 --> 00:09:15,950
Are you jealous?
Why would I be jealous of "Ind-jah"?
170
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:18,069
You sound JELICULOUS.
171
00:09:18,110 --> 00:09:21,309
"Jealous" and "ridiculous". Mashup.
172
00:09:21,349 --> 00:09:25,387
You should stop doing that. You're
beginning to sound like a bit of a TWUNT.
173
00:09:27,627 --> 00:09:30,386
Oh, that is so uncalled-for!
174
00:09:30,426 --> 00:09:31,865
Hey!
175
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,505
Oh, soz, bit of a domestic?
176
00:09:33,544 --> 00:09:36,024
A domestic? No, we're not a couple.
177
00:09:36,064 --> 00:09:38,263
No, don't worry, I'm single.
178
00:09:38,303 --> 00:09:41,583
I'm young, dumb and full of com...
179
00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:43,542
...fortable silences.
180
00:09:43,582 --> 00:09:45,822
Do you want to hit the canteen,
maybe?
181
00:09:45,862 --> 00:09:47,900
Oh, it's pathetic.
182
00:09:47,940 --> 00:09:51,740
Come on, let's go and have
a "lovely lunch",
183
00:09:51,780 --> 00:09:53,819
a LUNCH...
184
00:09:55,459 --> 00:09:57,858
It... it was meant to be a mashup...
185
00:09:57,897 --> 00:09:59,578
It's OK. OK.
186
00:10:03,217 --> 00:10:05,216
Yeah, I used to cane it pretty hard.
187
00:10:05,257 --> 00:10:08,535
Things got pretty messy in Ibiza.
Which club?
188
00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:11,334
Club Med. I went on the water slides
straight after lunch.
189
00:10:11,374 --> 00:10:13,135
My dad went ballistic.
190
00:10:13,174 --> 00:10:15,773
That was one frosty pedalo home.
191
00:10:20,412 --> 00:10:22,771
My parents don't want to talk
to Miss Gulliver, sir,
192
00:10:22,811 --> 00:10:25,570
they only want to talk to you.
Very sensible.
193
00:10:25,610 --> 00:10:28,330
Why are you dressed
as a Scottish widow?
194
00:10:28,370 --> 00:10:31,208
Because this is my last day
at Abbey Grove!
195
00:10:32,729 --> 00:10:34,728
Oh, 'scuse me.
196
00:10:37,567 --> 00:10:41,327
I am bothered, but I think
this girl actually likes me!
197
00:10:41,367 --> 00:10:42,646
What a slut.
198
00:10:42,687 --> 00:10:45,646
Everything that I love
is being torn away from me.
199
00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:47,005
And I appreciate that.
200
00:10:47,045 --> 00:10:50,764
It's just that you're also being
a little bit of a cock-block.
201
00:10:50,804 --> 00:10:53,282
Look, I'll call your dad
as soon as lunch is over.
202
00:10:53,323 --> 00:10:55,563
I promise you,
I won't let him take you away.
203
00:10:55,603 --> 00:10:57,002
Come on, babes.
204
00:10:58,522 --> 00:10:59,842
Yep.
205
00:11:01,242 --> 00:11:03,521
OK, so that was my mate, Savannah.
206
00:11:03,561 --> 00:11:08,040
Her, me, Uggie and Quinoa are going to this
totally exclusive warehouse rave tonight.
207
00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:09,719
This guy called Ben Grayson
runs it...
208
00:11:09,759 --> 00:11:12,479
Ben Grayson? Yeah,
his brother Frank's at this school.
209
00:11:12,519 --> 00:11:14,118
Can you get us on the guest list?
210
00:11:14,158 --> 00:11:15,477
Us?
211
00:11:15,517 --> 00:11:17,477
What, like we're on a date?
212
00:11:17,517 --> 00:11:20,875
Well... why not?
213
00:11:20,915 --> 00:11:24,275
Well, yeah!
I'll give him a call now.
214
00:11:27,554 --> 00:11:29,314
Oh, answerphone.
215
00:11:29,353 --> 00:11:31,913
Yo, Frankenstein!
216
00:11:31,953 --> 00:11:36,232
Yeah, it's Mr Wickers here,
Wicky-wicky-wickers...
217
00:11:36,272 --> 00:11:38,751
Um, I was just wondering, bro,
whether there was any chance
218
00:11:38,791 --> 00:11:41,989
I could just bum a couple
of ticky-boos to the old rave-age?
219
00:11:42,030 --> 00:11:43,869
Guest list-age?
220
00:11:43,910 --> 00:11:45,389
Anyway, give me a bell back, bro.
221
00:11:45,429 --> 00:11:48,348
Laters. Love you. I don't love you.
222
00:11:48,388 --> 00:11:49,867
Bye.
223
00:11:49,908 --> 00:11:53,068
So, if... if we go
to this rave tonight,
224
00:11:53,107 --> 00:11:57,746
are you going to take anything,
to like, you know, help you through?
225
00:11:57,786 --> 00:12:00,786
Yeah. Well, I mean, if we're going to
be dancing until the break of dawn,
226
00:12:00,825 --> 00:12:03,266
I will probably need to take
my supportive insoles.
227
00:12:03,305 --> 00:12:06,064
No, no.
228
00:12:09,703 --> 00:12:11,382
But I thought you were clean?
229
00:12:11,422 --> 00:12:12,741
Only 9-5.
230
00:12:14,381 --> 00:12:19,261
If you get me on the guest list,
things could get messy.
231
00:12:19,301 --> 00:12:21,260
Oh, they're going to get messy.
232
00:12:21,300 --> 00:12:24,939
I'll probably cover myself in... shit.
233
00:12:26,938 --> 00:12:31,777
My sister, Mortadella,
took this legal high, right,
234
00:12:31,816 --> 00:12:33,576
which made her think
she could freeze time
235
00:12:33,617 --> 00:12:36,215
and lick it like a lolly.
236
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:37,855
Sure, that's, erm...
237
00:12:44,173 --> 00:12:45,852
...dirty...
238
00:12:45,893 --> 00:12:47,452
Viennetta.
239
00:12:47,492 --> 00:12:50,171
It's like getting a hand-job
off Aslan.
240
00:12:50,211 --> 00:12:52,771
Can you get some for tonight?
Hell, yeah.
241
00:12:52,811 --> 00:12:55,250
Me, you, Havana,
242
00:12:55,291 --> 00:12:58,930
Ugly and Cous Cous are going
to get absolutely mashed.
243
00:13:01,529 --> 00:13:03,288
Is that Frank? Amazing!
244
00:13:03,328 --> 00:13:05,208
Yo! What's up, motherlover?
245
00:13:05,249 --> 00:13:07,447
I cannot wait to get into yo' club,
246
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:09,687
bang some drugs, shake my...
247
00:13:09,727 --> 00:13:11,966
jugs.
248
00:13:12,006 --> 00:13:13,645
Oh...
249
00:13:13,685 --> 00:13:15,485
Mr Carmichael.
250
00:13:15,526 --> 00:13:19,004
Er, no, Stephen did not mention that
you were going to call me directly.
251
00:13:19,044 --> 00:13:21,803
I'm so sorry about that...
252
00:13:29,561 --> 00:13:31,361
Yo, what's happening?
253
00:13:31,401 --> 00:13:34,241
Did you, er, get my message
about the guest list?
254
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:37,320
20 quid a bloke. Women go free.
255
00:13:37,359 --> 00:13:40,918
Well, it's, er, me
and my sexy date, so...
256
00:13:40,958 --> 00:13:42,477
Well, that's 40 quid, then.
257
00:13:42,518 --> 00:13:44,277
Yep. My date's a woman.
258
00:13:45,837 --> 00:13:49,356
If I give you 40 quid,
it's in no way a confession.
259
00:13:51,476 --> 00:13:57,315
Also, er, my date wants to try
a certain thing tonight...
260
00:13:57,355 --> 00:13:59,673
Well, make sure
he knows the safe word.
261
00:13:59,712 --> 00:14:02,073
And I've heard you don't want
to pull it out too quickly.
262
00:14:02,113 --> 00:14:03,752
I'm talking about drugs.
263
00:14:03,792 --> 00:14:06,671
Apparently, this drug makes you
think that time is an ice cream?
264
00:14:06,711 --> 00:14:08,710
Yeah. 50 quid a scoop.
265
00:14:08,751 --> 00:14:10,030
Done.
266
00:14:14,749 --> 00:14:17,348
Did you just ask me
to buy you drugs?
267
00:14:17,388 --> 00:14:19,508
Yeah, well, obviously.
268
00:14:20,787 --> 00:14:22,348
Oh, God.
269
00:14:22,387 --> 00:14:25,387
You're blackmailing me, aren't you?
Mmm. Yeah.
270
00:14:26,906 --> 00:14:30,144
What do you mean,
none of you sell drugs?
271
00:14:30,185 --> 00:14:33,664
All I can say is that I am very,
very disappointed in you.
272
00:14:33,705 --> 00:14:35,343
Why do you need drugs, anyway?
273
00:14:35,384 --> 00:14:38,703
Because I'm going on a date with India.
Why can't you just buy 'em yourself?
274
00:14:38,742 --> 00:14:40,663
Er, because, A, I'm a teacher,
275
00:14:40,703 --> 00:14:42,901
B, Grayson stole all of my money,
276
00:14:42,941 --> 00:14:45,781
and, C, I made the drug up
in the first place,
277
00:14:45,820 --> 00:14:49,219
so have you got any idea
how ridiculous you sound?
278
00:14:49,259 --> 00:14:51,659
Sir, apparently
you spoke to my dad...?
279
00:14:51,699 --> 00:14:53,499
Yeah, look, um, I'm sorry.
280
00:14:53,538 --> 00:14:57,298
I'll apologise for that just as soon as I've
sorted out this one very important thing.
281
00:14:57,338 --> 00:15:01,057
Sir, Stephen's dad is really just going to..
Chantelle, please. I must insist.
282
00:15:01,096 --> 00:15:02,737
This is my thinking face.
283
00:15:02,776 --> 00:15:04,336
That's why she didn't recognise it.
284
00:15:08,695 --> 00:15:10,454
Oh, boom squared!
285
00:15:10,493 --> 00:15:12,333
Do you know what face
this is Chantelle?
286
00:15:12,373 --> 00:15:14,533
Is it your come...
Don't even say that.
287
00:15:14,573 --> 00:15:17,172
This is my
"had a brilliant idea" face.
288
00:15:17,213 --> 00:15:21,372
If I can't buy the drug,
I'm going to make the drug.
289
00:15:21,412 --> 00:15:22,811
Are you mad?
290
00:15:22,851 --> 00:15:26,570
Come on. Drugs must be easy
to invent. Look at meow meow.
291
00:15:26,610 --> 00:15:30,489
That's fertiliser. It's just someone
getting peckish in a garden centre.
292
00:15:30,529 --> 00:15:32,809
Mitchell, you must
know something about drugs?
293
00:15:32,848 --> 00:15:35,167
Course I do. My brother spent
so long in a Thai prison,
294
00:15:35,207 --> 00:15:36,807
he come back speaking fluent Scouse.
295
00:15:36,846 --> 00:15:40,327
All right. Well, you can be
my head chef, my LS-Delia.
296
00:15:40,367 --> 00:15:44,045
Now, we need someone to help
with the science aspect...
297
00:15:44,085 --> 00:15:45,683
Jing? No way.
298
00:15:45,725 --> 00:15:50,324
What if I told you that this counted
towards the community service element
299
00:15:50,364 --> 00:15:52,122
of your Duke of Edinburgh Award?
300
00:15:53,682 --> 00:15:56,082
It's either this
or wiping an old guy's ass.
301
00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:00,880
Fine. Yes!
302
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:02,880
Sir, Professor Green
wants to see you.
303
00:16:02,919 --> 00:16:06,839
Oh, could you tell Professor Green
to go swivel on that.
304
00:16:06,879 --> 00:16:09,359
No, I didn't mean that.
No, don't tell her that!
305
00:16:09,398 --> 00:16:12,956
I'll meet you in the science lab in ten minutes.
Can you come back, please?!
306
00:16:15,117 --> 00:16:17,515
Is anything troubling you
at the moment, Alfred?
307
00:16:17,555 --> 00:16:19,276
Hmm... No.
308
00:16:19,316 --> 00:16:21,715
I saw you talking
to Mr Grayson earlier.
309
00:16:21,754 --> 00:16:24,553
Money exchanging hands.
310
00:16:24,593 --> 00:16:28,273
I may look like a girl of 16...
311
00:16:28,313 --> 00:16:31,832
But I'm not a fool.
I was buying tickets to a rave.
312
00:16:31,872 --> 00:16:33,672
Big deal.
313
00:16:33,712 --> 00:16:36,830
Alfred, I, too,
have an addictive personality.
314
00:16:36,870 --> 00:16:38,831
Your father...
315
00:16:38,870 --> 00:16:40,870
I crave Martin Wickers.
316
00:16:42,190 --> 00:16:43,989
I want to...
317
00:16:44,029 --> 00:16:46,268
inhale him, snort him,
318
00:16:46,308 --> 00:16:50,267
feel him racing through my veins
and exploding inside me.
319
00:16:50,307 --> 00:16:53,186
I'll help you with your problem.
320
00:16:53,226 --> 00:16:54,985
You help me with your father.
321
00:16:55,025 --> 00:16:59,025
There is absolutely no way on earth
I would ever let my dad go out with you.
322
00:17:00,824 --> 00:17:03,944
And who's Martin more likely
to believe, dear?
323
00:17:03,984 --> 00:17:07,062
A deceitful, drug-addled son,
324
00:17:07,103 --> 00:17:12,021
or the woman
who's trying so hard to help?
325
00:17:12,061 --> 00:17:15,221
Look, you better get this
into your stupid, bunny boiling,
326
00:17:15,260 --> 00:17:18,699
hobbity little head -
I don't do drugs, OK?
327
00:17:18,740 --> 00:17:22,739
You're either with me,
or against me.
328
00:17:22,779 --> 00:17:25,218
# We live life
on the back of this melody
329
00:17:25,257 --> 00:17:27,617
# Me and my friends
spent life in plastic
330
00:17:27,657 --> 00:17:30,057
# Brand-new times
and brand-new happenings
331
00:17:30,097 --> 00:17:32,575
# We get up to all kind of antics
332
00:17:32,615 --> 00:17:35,175
# There's another one
That's classic
333
00:17:35,215 --> 00:17:37,495
# That's classic That's classic
334
00:17:37,535 --> 00:17:39,814
# There's another one
That's classic
335
00:17:39,854 --> 00:17:42,452
# We get up to all kind of antics
336
00:17:42,493 --> 00:17:44,932
# There's another one
That's classic
337
00:17:47,851 --> 00:17:50,770
# What you saying.
Check. That's classic.
338
00:17:50,811 --> 00:17:52,650
Oh, it smells disgusting!
339
00:17:52,691 --> 00:17:54,330
She's never going to swallow that.
340
00:17:54,370 --> 00:17:57,609
I could lower the pH down by
neutralising the carbon substrate.
341
00:17:57,648 --> 00:17:59,169
I've got a better idea.
342
00:18:00,849 --> 00:18:02,168
Behold!
343
00:18:02,208 --> 00:18:04,047
Dirty Viennetta!
344
00:18:04,087 --> 00:18:06,647
Why do I bother?
345
00:18:06,687 --> 00:18:09,327
Alfie, it stinks in here.
What is that?
346
00:18:09,366 --> 00:18:13,244
This, my old friend,
is the new legal high,
347
00:18:13,286 --> 00:18:15,564
that all the kids are talking about.
348
00:18:15,604 --> 00:18:18,443
Please tell me you are not
cooking drugs with children?
349
00:18:18,483 --> 00:18:20,082
Oh, God, here we go again.
350
00:18:20,123 --> 00:18:22,522
Throwing the rule book at me.
What is it this time?
351
00:18:22,562 --> 00:18:26,241
Page 20,000, rule 3 million,
subsection B,
352
00:18:26,281 --> 00:18:29,600
"Do not involve the children
in the production of narcotics"?
353
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:31,840
Do you realise how
irresponsible you're being?
354
00:18:31,879 --> 00:18:34,080
Babe, you really need to chill out.
355
00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:36,238
Maybe you should take a leaf
out of India's book.
356
00:18:36,278 --> 00:18:39,037
OK, and what book is that?
Fifty Shades Of Bitch?
357
00:18:39,078 --> 00:18:40,837
The Great Twatsby?
358
00:18:40,877 --> 00:18:43,435
The... The Unbearable
Lightness Of Being A...
359
00:18:43,476 --> 00:18:45,476
Cod-Bohemian Dipshit?
360
00:18:45,516 --> 00:18:48,395
OK, obviously the last of those
is not a real book.
361
00:18:50,074 --> 00:18:51,435
Is it?
362
00:18:51,474 --> 00:18:53,994
Alfie, you, you have done some
crazy stuff in your time..
363
00:18:54,034 --> 00:18:55,873
Yeah, like falling in...
364
00:18:55,913 --> 00:18:57,753
fond with you.
365
00:18:59,073 --> 00:19:02,551
Alfie, in the classroom
just be a teacher, yeah?
366
00:19:02,592 --> 00:19:05,351
And with women,
just... just be yourself.
367
00:19:05,391 --> 00:19:07,030
Be myself? Yeah.
368
00:19:07,070 --> 00:19:10,350
Great, so you're so jealous
that you want me to die a virgin?
369
00:19:12,348 --> 00:19:14,628
Right, Mitchell,
I can sense you sniggering.
370
00:19:14,669 --> 00:19:17,148
Room for a little one, Mr Fraser?
371
00:19:17,189 --> 00:19:18,907
Ah! No Mr Fraser here.
372
00:19:18,947 --> 00:19:21,947
I'm Kurt Co-bear,
the anti-drugs bear!
373
00:19:23,426 --> 00:19:25,826
Bear? They didn't have
any more bear costumes.
374
00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:30,863
So you're... I'm... Kurt Co-bear,
the anti-drugs prawn!
375
00:19:30,904 --> 00:19:32,464
Conducting a drugs amnesty.
376
00:19:32,503 --> 00:19:34,304
# Under the sea...
377
00:19:34,343 --> 00:19:36,902
I'm here on rather
pressing business.
378
00:19:36,942 --> 00:19:39,941
There's a young teacher at Abbey
Grove who has become the victim
379
00:19:39,981 --> 00:19:41,781
of a craven drug addiction.
380
00:19:41,821 --> 00:19:44,140
If you're talking about me,
I've only taken drugs once
381
00:19:44,180 --> 00:19:45,700
and the ending was not a happy one.
382
00:19:45,739 --> 00:19:47,820
I was weather-guarding
some suede slacks
383
00:19:47,860 --> 00:19:49,499
when I took in a lung-full of fumes.
384
00:19:49,539 --> 00:19:52,258
I was completely off my head
and thought I could fly.
385
00:19:52,298 --> 00:19:53,538
It was an absolute disaster.
386
00:19:53,579 --> 00:19:56,457
I forgot my passport, then I
freaked out on the Gatwick Express.
387
00:19:56,498 --> 00:19:58,816
I wish I'd weather-guarded
the inside of those slacks.
388
00:19:58,856 --> 00:20:00,936
I see I must act alone.
389
00:20:00,976 --> 00:20:02,815
Goodbye, Mr Fraser.
390
00:20:02,854 --> 00:20:05,214
I'll be seein' ya.
391
00:20:07,294 --> 00:20:09,414
Alfie, this drug stuff
has gone too far.
392
00:20:09,454 --> 00:20:12,853
Oh, are you going to tell me this is
the most stupid thing I've ever done?
393
00:20:12,892 --> 00:20:16,611
Well, apart from when you bet your laptop
that Jason Statham would win that Oscar.
394
00:20:16,651 --> 00:20:19,011
Have you SEEN Transporter 3?
395
00:20:19,050 --> 00:20:21,131
Look, Alfie, Miss Gulliver's right.
396
00:20:21,171 --> 00:20:23,249
OK, you've got a lot
of great qualities,
397
00:20:23,289 --> 00:20:26,608
and if someone can't see that, then
they probably don't deserve you.
398
00:20:26,648 --> 00:20:29,489
Yeah, I guess you're right.
399
00:20:29,528 --> 00:20:31,967
What great qualities?
400
00:20:32,006 --> 00:20:34,726
Well, you can speak Elvish.
401
00:20:34,766 --> 00:20:37,967
Just "Where's the toilet?"
"Can I have some tap water?"
402
00:20:38,006 --> 00:20:40,405
It's barely restaurant Elf.
403
00:20:40,445 --> 00:20:42,204
Well, I'm impressed.
404
00:20:42,244 --> 00:20:46,284
So, what, you mean India might
like me for who I actually am?
405
00:20:46,324 --> 00:20:49,043
That I don't need to do this?
406
00:20:49,083 --> 00:20:52,562
Hey, Albert, you want to hit up
some chamomile tea?
407
00:20:52,602 --> 00:20:54,961
Do I? You're teaching us history.
408
00:20:55,001 --> 00:20:59,240
Yeah, that's right. We're learning about the build-up
of hostilities prior to the First World War.
409
00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:01,120
Downton Abbey
Series One's on my desk.
410
00:21:01,159 --> 00:21:02,479
Shall we?
411
00:21:08,877 --> 00:21:10,797
One Shitty Cornetto.
412
00:21:10,837 --> 00:21:12,236
Dirty Viennetta?
413
00:21:12,276 --> 00:21:14,197
Damn straight.
414
00:21:14,237 --> 00:21:17,235
Jesus! That honks, man.
415
00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:19,194
Yeah, I'm not sure.
416
00:21:19,234 --> 00:21:20,714
How do we know if it's safe...?
417
00:21:20,753 --> 00:21:26,833
Safe? Babe, I've been scooping
this shit all day long.
418
00:21:28,632 --> 00:21:31,111
Oh, get in my face.
419
00:21:31,151 --> 00:21:34,030
Right. Look, Albert... Alfie.
420
00:21:34,070 --> 00:21:35,549
I'm not sure about this shit.
421
00:21:35,590 --> 00:21:38,990
Babe, we're going to have
such a sick night.
422
00:21:39,030 --> 00:21:41,949
Just got to ride the wave, man.
423
00:21:41,989 --> 00:21:43,428
You're just too wild, bro.
424
00:21:43,469 --> 00:21:46,588
Let's just drop it like it's hot.
425
00:21:51,827 --> 00:21:54,946
Oh, shit, man!
426
00:21:56,585 --> 00:22:00,223
I'm sorry. You chundered
on my vintage. Not cool.
427
00:22:00,263 --> 00:22:02,303
"Sick" and "vintage",
428
00:22:02,343 --> 00:22:04,582
SINTAGE. It's a mashup.
429
00:22:04,622 --> 00:22:06,541
Oh, my God.
430
00:22:09,501 --> 00:22:12,860
Am I wearing
a really tight little hat?
431
00:22:17,578 --> 00:22:22,577
# Feel when I dance with you
432
00:22:22,618 --> 00:22:27,017
# We move like the sea
433
00:22:28,057 --> 00:22:29,776
# You
434
00:22:29,815 --> 00:22:32,455
# You're all I want to know
435
00:22:33,495 --> 00:22:36,814
# I feel free...
436
00:22:38,533 --> 00:22:42,413
# Under the sea
Under the sea
437
00:22:42,452 --> 00:22:44,372
# Darling it's better
438
00:22:44,412 --> 00:22:47,011
# Down where it's wetter
439
00:22:47,051 --> 00:22:48,691
# Under the sea...
440
00:22:49,890 --> 00:22:51,570
Oh, my God...
441
00:22:51,610 --> 00:22:53,689
I'm a mermaid!
442
00:22:58,248 --> 00:23:00,646
Alfie! There's a giant prawn...
443
00:23:00,687 --> 00:23:03,047
I spoke to him
in his own fishy language.
444
00:23:03,087 --> 00:23:05,165
Alfie, you might want to
come from under there...
445
00:23:05,205 --> 00:23:08,925
Who's Alfie? My name is Ariel.
446
00:23:15,643 --> 00:23:18,882
Officers, this is Mr Wickers.
447
00:23:18,922 --> 00:23:21,402
I'd begun to wonder
where you'd got to.
448
00:23:21,442 --> 00:23:22,881
Thank you for covering for me.
449
00:23:22,921 --> 00:23:27,280
OK, kids, who can tell me why
Lady Sibyl defied her father
450
00:23:27,321 --> 00:23:29,200
and eloped with an Irishman?
451
00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:30,520
"Begorrah, to be sure,"
452
00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:33,399
"I used to be a chauffeur
but now I am a class traitor."
453
00:23:33,439 --> 00:23:35,638
# Diddly dee dee dee dee dee
454
00:23:35,677 --> 00:23:39,077
Who trained this dog
to walk underwater?
455
00:23:41,396 --> 00:23:45,636
It must be the work of this hag,
Ursula, the sea witch!
456
00:23:48,114 --> 00:23:50,514
Alfie, put the scissors down. Ow!
457
00:23:50,554 --> 00:23:53,712
I need to look sexy for Prince Eric.
458
00:23:53,753 --> 00:23:55,272
Alfie... Shush, Flounder.
459
00:23:55,313 --> 00:23:58,671
Please, sir, not the bra.
My parents are coming. Is he OK?
460
00:23:58,711 --> 00:24:02,030
No, I don't think he is.
I think he's on drugs!
461
00:24:02,071 --> 00:24:04,070
I've got to get Miss Gulliver!
462
00:24:04,110 --> 00:24:07,468
Stephen, you need to help me
with my hair.
463
00:24:07,509 --> 00:24:09,908
Prince Eric prefers me
when I'm auburn.
464
00:24:09,948 --> 00:24:11,708
Sir, stop it!
465
00:24:11,747 --> 00:24:15,388
And after Maria slew
the Cordoba brothers,
466
00:24:15,428 --> 00:24:19,506
she vowed never again
to use her anus
467
00:24:19,546 --> 00:24:21,145
as a receptacle.
468
00:24:21,185 --> 00:24:23,746
Miss Gulliver, you've got to help!
469
00:24:23,785 --> 00:24:25,464
Joe, I'm teaching a class here.
470
00:24:25,504 --> 00:24:27,183
Mr Wickers is going mad, Miss.
471
00:24:27,223 --> 00:24:28,903
I think he's eaten
a Dirty Viennetta.
472
00:24:28,944 --> 00:24:31,182
Mr Wickers must learn
how to look after himself.
473
00:24:31,223 --> 00:24:33,222
But Pro Green's in there, Miss,
and the police!
474
00:24:33,262 --> 00:24:35,422
He'll lose his job.
He could go to prison.
475
00:24:35,462 --> 00:24:37,980
You know what, Joe? Maybe
prison's the best place for him.
476
00:24:38,020 --> 00:24:40,140
This whole thing with India,
it's not about her.
477
00:24:40,181 --> 00:24:43,259
It's about proving that he's over
you, when he obviously isn't.
478
00:24:43,300 --> 00:24:46,178
You know,
after you two kissed last term
479
00:24:46,219 --> 00:24:50,897
he told us that he had an erection that
lasted for six hours and 23 minutes.
480
00:24:50,937 --> 00:24:53,337
And do you know what?
He didn't even...
481
00:24:53,376 --> 00:24:56,736
deal with it, cos he thought
it would cheapen the moment.
482
00:24:56,775 --> 00:24:59,015
Plus, he refused to tell us
what your boobs felt like
483
00:24:59,055 --> 00:25:02,735
even though you were right up on him...
All right, enough! Come on, let's go.
484
00:25:02,775 --> 00:25:04,894
# Under the sea
Under the sea
485
00:25:04,935 --> 00:25:06,294
# Under the sea.
486
00:25:06,333 --> 00:25:09,572
Come on, Alfie. Smile for Daddy.
487
00:25:09,612 --> 00:25:11,452
Why are you photographing him?
488
00:25:11,492 --> 00:25:14,732
To prove this lost little boy
needs a mother.
489
00:25:14,772 --> 00:25:17,290
Now, I think we should take
a urine sample.
490
00:25:17,330 --> 00:25:19,490
Officers? I want a full
toxicology report.
491
00:25:19,530 --> 00:25:22,930
No, Ursula! I don't want your potion.
492
00:25:22,970 --> 00:25:24,688
Uh-oh.
493
00:25:24,729 --> 00:25:29,288
Prince Eric! You've come
to save me from my captors.
494
00:25:29,327 --> 00:25:33,965
Lord Trident forbids our union,
but it feels so right.
495
00:25:34,005 --> 00:25:37,285
What on earth's going on?! Mum,
Dad, this isn't what it looks like.
496
00:25:37,324 --> 00:25:39,165
HE GASPS My bra!
497
00:25:39,204 --> 00:25:41,364
Nobody peek at my mer-bosoms!
498
00:25:41,404 --> 00:25:43,764
We're leaving, Stephen.
No, Stephen! Please, sir!
499
00:25:43,803 --> 00:25:47,361
I don't want to leave my friends!
Calm down, Princess Ariel!
500
00:25:47,402 --> 00:25:48,722
But how can I be calm
501
00:25:48,761 --> 00:25:52,960
when I'm going out with
such a sexy little starfish?
502
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:56,320
We will conquer your demons
503
00:25:56,361 --> 00:25:59,599
and restore peace
to your watery kingdom,
504
00:25:59,639 --> 00:26:02,718
if you just sit down on that bit of
coral and stop what you're doing.
505
00:26:13,516 --> 00:26:17,355
Mr and Mrs Carmichael,
officers, Professor Green,
506
00:26:17,395 --> 00:26:20,233
erm, I hope you've enjoyed
this role-play,
507
00:26:20,274 --> 00:26:25,073
a radical educational tool
pioneered by drug charity Vibesline.
508
00:26:25,113 --> 00:26:27,831
Role-play? Mmm. The man's mad!
509
00:26:27,871 --> 00:26:32,430
Yes, yes, Mr Wickers is ACTING
like a pathetic, grotesque,
510
00:26:32,471 --> 00:26:34,470
utterly irresponsible little man.
511
00:26:34,510 --> 00:26:37,069
But those are the consequences
of drug abuse.
512
00:26:37,109 --> 00:26:38,748
Well, it's very realistic.
513
00:26:38,789 --> 00:26:41,309
Mmm, and who in this class
would ever touch a drug
514
00:26:41,348 --> 00:26:42,707
after this performance?
515
00:26:46,707 --> 00:26:49,906
I mean, obviously,
if, if Alfie WAS high,
516
00:26:49,946 --> 00:26:54,225
then the deputy head would have to
fire him, and call the police
517
00:26:54,265 --> 00:26:58,663
and explain to his father how
she ruined his son's life for ever.
518
00:26:58,703 --> 00:27:02,501
So it's a good thing that
Alfie's acting. Right, Celia?
519
00:27:02,542 --> 00:27:08,459
The wonderful thing about
Mr Wickers is his commitment.
520
00:27:08,500 --> 00:27:11,580
Whatever it takes to engage
these pupils.
521
00:27:13,220 --> 00:27:17,058
I'm so happy here, Dad.
Please, let me stay?
522
00:27:17,098 --> 00:27:19,977
Oh, come on, Richard, please?
523
00:27:25,496 --> 00:27:28,015
OK, I'll think about it.
524
00:27:29,734 --> 00:27:32,495
P-A-R-T-Y without me?
525
00:27:32,534 --> 00:27:34,974
How very SHELLFISH of you.
526
00:27:37,133 --> 00:27:38,973
Ooh, prawns and pigs, eh?
527
00:27:39,012 --> 00:27:41,411
It's a good job
you're not Jewish, Officer...
528
00:27:41,452 --> 00:27:44,131
Finklestein.
529
00:27:44,171 --> 00:27:48,649
Ursula, call off your sea dogs
and let my prawn swim free!
530
00:27:48,689 --> 00:27:50,410
Argh!
531
00:27:52,009 --> 00:27:54,048
Show's over, Alfie.
532
00:27:54,088 --> 00:27:56,848
Why didn't you want to come
and swim with me?
533
00:27:56,887 --> 00:27:59,328
The water's so lovely and warm.
534
00:28:00,446 --> 00:28:02,605
Oh, my God.
535
00:28:02,645 --> 00:28:05,245
Sir pissed himself!
536
00:28:10,244 --> 00:28:11,803
Dad? What are you doing in here?
537
00:28:11,843 --> 00:28:14,283
Oh... Hello, Alfie.
538
00:28:14,323 --> 00:28:16,361
Just having a little sit down.
539
00:28:16,402 --> 00:28:18,442
Can I see you in the car?
540
00:28:21,441 --> 00:28:23,120
Oh, God! Dad!
541
00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:26,479
Oh!
542
00:28:29,479 --> 00:28:33,479
Preuzeto sa www.titlovi.com
41961
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.