All language subtitles for The Three Stooges Go Around the World in a Daze (Maurer, Norman 1963)_BDRip.1080p.x264.AAC_EN

You're a fine one, Vickers Cavendish.

Wasting your time reading when you should

be thinking of some scheme to defraud.

Listen to me, you little pip squeak.

Reading this book gives
me the idea of a masterstroke

that will get us out
of this miserable hole.

And settle us in Mayfair with enough

money to last us the rest of our lives.

- Oh, you're eccentric.
- Oh?

You must be, otherwise how would

you get such notions just from reading?

Around the World in Eighty Days.

Doubt this is news to you, Filch, but

Phileas Fogg bet his entire fortune

that he could go around
the world in 80 days.

And he did it, winning £20,000 from his

skeptical friends in the Reformers' Club.

Hey. 20,000 quid?

Not half bad.

The day that Mr.
Fogg began his trip,

the Bank of England
was robbed of £55,000,

Oh, very clever of him, to be sure.

But it wasn't Mr. Fogg
who robbed the bank.

Oh? Scotland Yard just
thought he did it, planning

his trip to get the
money out of the country.

What happened to the bloke what stole it?

- They caught him.
- Oh.

If he'd done away with
Mr. Fogg, he could

have spent the rest of his days in Clover

without ever being suspected.

Well, what does that have
to do with us, Mr. Cavendish?

Mr. Stuart to you from now on.

Oh?

I have a plan, Filch.

Oh, it's a beauty.

And wait until you hear the
name of the pigeon I've lined up.

Well, alright! Who is the pigeon?

Another Fogg!

Here, listen to this.

WHO'S WHO IN GREAT BRITAIN

"Phileas Fogg III,

"Born in 1940,

"Great-grandson of Phileas Fogg I.

"Occupation, landowner.

"Member, Reformers Club, London.

"Residence, Twickenham
on the Thames."

7:46 and nine seconds.

Mr. Fogg will be here at exactly
three minutes and 51 seconds.

Don't strip your gears!
I'm always on schedule!

Oh yeah?

Yesterday, you were 40
seconds late with the skippers.

Oh, I was so embarrassed I
felt like turning in my sideburns.

Well, a guy can have a
day off every now and then.

Uh-uh!

Being on time is just
as important to Mr. Fogg

as it was to the idol
he patterns his life after,

his great-great-granddaddy,
Phileas Fogg I.

There was a strong will.

He died two months after
the doctors gave him up.

Yes. The only time he's
ever late in his life.

You have exactly three minutes

to bring this down from 56 degrees to 48,

By the way, where is frizzletop?

Oh I haven't seen him since he
left to get the morning paper.

That mongoose is going
to be the death of me.

We have to start breakfast
promptly at 7:49 so

Mr. Fogg can leave for
the Reformers' Club at 8:11,

See? Racing like a motorcycle.

Let me see.

106.

A 106?

They left it in the swimming pool today.

Ah, I see, the tadpole edition!

Yes, the tadpole edition.

Wait a minute! That's for now.

Remind me to kill you later.

I had enough brains to steal this

from the duke's palace next door.

You thought I was stupid, didn't you?

No, I'm sure of it.

Come on, get going.

Synchronize your watches.

7:48 and 10 seconds.

Man your posts!

He's coming down the main staircase.

He's walking through the library.

It's 7:49, and here he is!

- Good morning boys!
- Good morning Mr. Fogg!

Your napkin, sir.

Your morning paper, sir.

10 seconds to kipper!

Your kippers sir, right on the dot.

Moe, about how long would you say I've

been having kippers for breakfast?

Well, man and boy, I'd say we've been

eating our kippers every day for...

It must be 11 years, sir.

- Time to change.
- Yes.

Starting tomorrow, I'd like sausages.

Oh, those ugly little brown...
Sausages?

Five minutes past 8:00,
right on time, excellent!

Well, I'm going to the Reformers Club

and mind you, starting tomorrow,

sausages!

How about would you like
a coffee break in your head?

I'm sorry!
I didn't mean it, Moe.

Hey Moe. Did I hear right?

Did he say sausages?

That's what I thought he said.

But I'm geared for kippers.
He does not have...

Okay, so he broke a
100 year old tradition.

Back to the scullery.
There should be a law.

And as for you porcupine,

you have about 52 seconds to get

your hat and get
Mr. Fogg to his club.

Now lean on it!

His great grandfather didn't
use sausages, you know.

Come on, get going.

Kippers takes 11 minutes to broil.

Sausages takes four minutes more.

Four go into 12... 20...

It can't be done!

I'm sorry, Moe, but the door

swung and all of this is a broke.

Well, don't just stress yourself lad.

No?
You didn't break everything.

I didn't?
Here's one you missed.

Now dignify yourself
and put that hat back on.

Oh Moe. That hurt me
more than it did you.

9:05, Right on time, sir.

I'll expect you
at 5:18 as usual.

Yes sir.

- Good morning Mr. Fogg.
- Good morning.

Good morning, Phileas. There
is a gentleman who is asking

for you, and might I add,
raising quite a ruckus.

Oh? Who might this chap be?

He's a stranger.
He's not one of our sort really.

You know, trumpeting around
here like a bull elephant.

He says he just arrived from Melbourne.

Oh.

Mr. Fogg, sir.

You wished to see me?

I did!

All my life I've looked
forward to the day

when I might square accounts
with the heir of that rascal.

Who cheated my great-grandfather!

Cheated?

Who are you to come in
here and talk to me like this?

Randolph Stuart III, great-grandson

of that distinguished barrister,

a former member of this very club.

Oh, one of the fellows who
bet against Phileas Fogg.

Precisely, and as

a man of honour,

my great-grandfather had
no choice but to do away

with himself when Fogg's
based trickery wiped him out!

Trickery?

My great-great-grandfather
won fairly and squarely!

- Hear!
- Hear!

- Hear!
- Hear!

Come, come Mr. Fogg.

When did he used his wealth

to bribe steamship captains
and port officials?

He would have failed miserably
if it hadn't been for his money!

I disagree, sir!

He could have gone around the
world without spending a farthing.

He would have done better
on his wits if necessary.

Yes, but he didn't, Mr. Fogg,

and I say you couldn't either!

If I set my mind to it sir,
I say I could!

A cheap and arrogant boast, sir,

or would you be willing to
back it up as your ancestor did,

by wagering £20,000?

Around the world without
money? Ridiculous!

Impossible! Don't get
involved with this man!

It can't be done, Phileas.
Forget it.

Well, Mr. Fogg?

You have a bet, sir.

£20,000, I can go around the
world without spending a farthing!

Done!

I will draw up an agreement and meet
you at Regent Street Bank to sign it.

At 10:30 sharp tomorrow morning.

I'll be there.

10:30, sharp.

Good.

I say Phileas, are you
feeling quite alright?

I say, old man, surely,
you can't be serious?

I've never been more serious in my life.

Well, I tricked him into it.

The fool agreed!

Oh he did, he did?

Oh, I got to hand it to
you, Mr. Cavendish.

It's all going to work after all.

Yes, provided that currency shipment...

arrives at the bank precisely
at the time you told me.

Oh, it will, it will.

I've checked all week.

It arrives at exactly
10:37 every day.

Good.

I say, Phileas, that
was terribly rash of you.

Even your intrepid
great-great-grandfather

would have turned down a
bet as ridiculous as that.

Going around the world
without spending a ruddy farthing?

"Fogg's Funny," I call it.

Very good, ah?

If you're all so sure I'm going to fail

I would be happy to accommodate
you with e few side bets.

£5,000, make that 10 if you like.

Put me in for five.

I'll take five of that.

Done!

According to this agreement,

Mr. Fogg, if you depart
today, March 5th,

you must be back in the
Reformers Club in 80 days.

Entirely correct, sir.

Will you kindly sign all three
copies of the agreement?

Good morning Mr. Willoughby!

Here's today's currency shipment.

Now, remember, Mr. Fogg...

Excuse me.

Not only are you prohibited from
buying any kind sort of transportation,

a steamer, train, plane, etc.,

but also from doing any sort of

work to pay for your passage.

I'm fully aware of that,
sir. You have my word.

My £20,000 for Mr. Stuart

in the event I lose. Oh, and...

Oh! Excuse me.

And uh, mine for

Mr. Fogg in the
unlikely event I lose.

Very well gentlemen.

I should say that our
business is concluded.

I'll deposit those with our chief clerk.

Good luck and all that
sort of thing, Mr. Fogg.

Thank you sir.

Well, I'm off to Brighton
for the weekend.

Thank you.

Oh, Mr. Fogg, would you mind?

Just until I get this safely
tucked away in my wallet.

Excuse me for a moment,

that teller could help me.

Join you in half a minute.

That gentleman with the bag over there

was asking directions
to Piccadilly Circus.

I'm a stranger here myself.

It's just two blocks south,
sir, a five-minute stroll.

Oh well, thank you kindly.

Not at all.

Thanks so much,
Mr. Fogg, and in

parting, may I wish you bon voyage.

In like spirit, Mr. Stuart,
my best wishes to you.

Thank you.

Home as fast as you can make it, Larry.

I got to be on my way.

Yes sir.

Full throttle, Filch!

Good heavens!

Shredded Wheat!

Oh no!

It will work.

Shh! Let me do the talking.

Ah Here's my wallet,
credit cards, everything.

No good to me on this trip.

I can't understand what's
detaining Larry with my bags.

There he is, sir.

You imbecile, you.

Out of my way.

Surprise me sometime.

Do something right!

What is all this? I gave orders
that I wanted to travel light.

Well, you see, sir...

A trunk apiece for the four of us, sir.

You see, we've decided
we have to go along.

You decided?

Who's going to lay out your
day togs for day wear?

And your night togs for nightmares?

And most importantly,
who's going to serve

you tea every day the way you want it?

Brewed six minutes and five seconds

with just a dash of lemon, hmm?

By jove, that is important.

Besides, didn't we hear you say

that you had to figure out a way

to get from here to Istanbul without

purchasing a ticket or
working your way over?

Of course, but...

Ah, then leave everything to us.

Remember, you're dealing
with born chiselers.

- I suppose...
- Oh, you won't regret it, sir.

Well, we'd better get started.

I will lock. The rest of you,
take care of the luggage.

- Yes.
- Good.

O boy! We are going around

the world on our wits.

With your wits, you won't
get past the front door.

Come on, bend over.

You, give me a hand.

On here.

Up!

Easy, easy, easy there now.

Oh! Steady now.

Easy does it.

Easy for who?

- Where are you?
- Here I am.

Get on the other side.

Easy now. Here we go.

Alright now.

Easy, Moe, easy.

Hey, imbecile!
Give me a hand. OK.

Here we go.
Easy now. Easy.

Hold steady, now.

Now.

Give it to me. Heave!

Here we are.

Steady now. Steady.

Diagonally. Lead him out
while I get my umbrella.

OK.

Go ahead now.

Come on, follow me.

Come on this way.

Come on.

O boy!

Hey Larry, something's missing.

Get this off my head.

Alright.

Here you go Moe.

Sorry Moe. Sorry. Low bridge.

Pardon me. Low mentality!

Come here you! Come here.

Easy, easy, easy.

What are you trying to
do, knock my brains out?

Don't you know not to be alone with you?

What's the matter with you?

It was an accident!

They didn't build the house right.

I'm positive Inspector. He's the one.

Left the bank with the satchel and
carried it right to the street.

Mr. Fogg was sitting next to me,

right where I placed the money.

Yes, Cruikshanks?

The men went to
Twickenham as ordered, sir.

They found the house locked
up and completely deserted.

Looks like our pigeon flew the coop.

Yes. Thank you.

Mr. Willoughby, I am very much
afraid that you're the victim of

a shrewed plot inspired by the
original Round-the-World Trip,

of the first Phileas Fogg, Where as that

gentleman was unjustly
accused of bank robbery,

his great-grandson apears to
have pulled the job off.

Inventing these ridiculous bets
to cover up his flight with the money.

Cruikshanks, send out an all
points bulletin for Phileas Fogg.

Warn all outgoing
ships, trains and planes.

35, 40, 45,

£50,000 of spanking new bank notes.

Pretty good, I'd say,
for an afternoon's work.

Hmm! Plus the £20,000 I'm

going to win from Phileas Fogg!

His check isn't rubber, like mine.

What if he gets back in 80 days?

He won't!
I'll take care of Mr. Fogg.

Hey fellas, wait for me!

All clear Mr. Fogg.

We've been underway for
11 hours and 32 minutes.

I calculate our speed at
16 and a half knots per hour,

so we must be about 184
miles out of London.

Excellent.

Do you idiots know it's 7:45?

We'd better get going or we're

going to be late serving
Mr. Fogg his breakfast.

Alright say, let's forego
our schedule for the duration.

Oh no, I'd rather we wouldn't sir.

You see, we need this for our morale.

- Hear! Hear!
- And a pip-pip!

I wonder where the kitchen is.

That's a galley, lame brain!

Galley, schmalley. What's the

difference if we don't know where it is?

What are you sniffing?

Ham and eggs. Sunny side up.

Stay there. We'll be
right back, Mr. Fogg.

Hey buttonhead, did you say

you smelled ham and eggs?

Yup. In butter.

Where?

Come on.

Your paper, sir.

Try to get some dessert.
Ok.

What are you waiting for?
Snag the pie.

Stowaways!

Stowaways!

Stowaways!

Stowaways!

Stop pushing!

You ain't got nothing
to worry about, sir.

I've told those roughnecks
who you are, and when

the captain finds out that
you are Phileas Fogg III,

you'll get the red carpet treatment

and an apology!
Your troubles are over.

SCOTLAND YARD CROCHET INSPECTOR

PHILEAS FOGG REPORTED
AS WANTED BY SCOTLAND YARD

"Inspector Crotchet, Scotland Yard.

"Phileas Fogg,

"reported wanted by
Scotland Yard for bank robbery,

"ceased aboard this ship.

"Turning over to authorities at Istanbul.

"JT Singleton, Captain,
Star of Turkey."

Excellent!

- Cruikshanks? - Yes sir?

Get me a seat on the
first plane to Istanbul.

Right away sir.

Will address Parliament
on the 23rd of next month.

A bulletin.

The BBC has just learned
that the fugitive, Phileas Fogg,

wanted for robbing Regent
Street Bank of £50,000,

has been ceased aboard the SS
Star of Turkey, bound for Istanbul

and will be turned over
to authorities pending extradition.

Now the derby results Ups and Downs...

Blast!

Now he'll spill his insides, he will.

It will be the word of a
gentleman against two rascals.

Even a gentleman
can't talk if he is dead.

Dead?

Oh, I get you.

We will do what the chap in that
there book should have done.

Exactly.

Filch, we're off

for exotic Istanbul.

While our comfort left
something to be desired,

chaps, at least we arrived
in Istanbul right on schedule.

Good. That's very good.

All ashore, gentlemen.

You're free.

But you won't be long.

What are you getting at, zombie?

You'll find out, won't they, Harry?

I'll say.

You'll be glad to be back here again once

you see the inside of one
of those Turkish jails!

Turkish jail!
On what charges?

As if you didn't know!

Okay, come on, you blokes, out of it.

Look excited now.
Open that door.

Get them out of here.
As fast as you can...

Good work, Mr. Fogg.

Let the bastard hit him.

Now let me have the billy club

and I'll get another one for you.

Let's go.

O boy! O boy! O boy! O boy!

Let's go for the hole.

OK? Let's go.

Day 13, arrival in Istanbul, Turkey.

Mr. Cavendish, look!

Inspector Crotchet of the Yard.

Careful, Filch.

Over here.

Careful!

Do you have to be so rough?

Coast is clear.

Larry, Joe? You all right?

Yes I'm ok.

Oh fine! Just great.

Mr. Fogg, are
you all right, sir?

Completely!

Come fast!

"Maharajah of Karengore.
Calcutta, India."

Turkey

Day 21 - Entering Pakistan

Day 22, crossing the Indian border

Odd!

- Odd!
- Even!

It's a good thing you
don't carry a briefcase.

Chaps, this is our 22nd day, and we

are good two days
ahead of our time table,

thanks to Joe's marvelous
idea to travel C.O.D.

Yes, but supposen the
Maharaja doesn't pay the freight?

Then they'll send us
back where we came from.

Oh, I'm not worried, Moe.

Remember, he was a host to my family

on all your tiger hunting trips.

It's been 40 minutes
past Mr. Fogg's breakfast.

Now, we'll man our posts,

but first, shut that door.

So Mr. Fogg doesn't catch cold.

Right, carry on.

Come on, nanny. Mr. Fogg won't
drink his coffee without cream.

Hey, I would like two eggs
for Mr. Fogg. We are late now.

Eggs, eggs. come on.

Eggs! Two!

Coffee is ready.
Come on with the cream.

Hold it! Thanks.

We are late!
Hey Moe. I can't get no...

What are you doing?

Sorry Mr. Fogg, we had
difficulty with your breakfast.

We, got you coffee anyhow.

Yes, coffee.

What was that?

Oh oh.

Hey, the brake.

The brake!

Let go of me!

Let go!

Let go! Let go of me!

Let go!

A damsel in distress!

Come on, let's go.

Now, see here, you!

Good work, Mr. Fogg.

Let me introduce

Curly-Joe,

Moe and Larry.

And I am Phileas Fogg III of
Twickenham Thames, England.

Well, I'm Amelia Carter
of Council Bluffs, Iowa.

What were you doing
with those characters?

Well, I was with a tour in India.

In Janupur this morning,

I hired those two men as guides.

Well, one look at them,
and you could tell right

away that all they do
is guide you into trouble.

I no sooner got into their car,

than they took my purse,

and I realized that I
was being kidnapped.

They wouldn't believe the truth.

They thought I was an
heiress, like all American girls.

Well, we'll take you

to the first American
consul we can find, or

perhaps the Maharajah
would be willing to help.

The Maharaja?

Quite! Our host,
if all goes well,

and I'm sure he be delighted

to offer you his protection.

He would?

Oh dear! And me,
a sight to behold.

No comb, no lipstick, not even a mirror.

Oh, I wouldn't say that. Here.

Oh thank you.

Now you see, here

is Calcutta, here,

and here is the Maharaja's

palace across the Karengore river,

about 25 miles out of town.

Now, due to the monsoons
at this time of year,

we may have trouble
getting across this bridge.

It could be completely underwater.

But don't worry.

We'll "cross that bridge"
when we come to it.

Pardon me, may I have the mirror?

- Certainly.
- Thank you.

You know, a sharp crack
deserves a sharp answer.

Yes.

Well, I should...

Will you cut it out?
Are you crazy?

Do you want to give her a bad impression?

Day 31, arriving in Calcutta

Easy, easy.

Careful, careful.

It may contain something fragile.

Now come. Open them.

Well Kandu my

subjects seem to be sending

their birthday gifts early this year.

And it's my guess, extremely
valuable, Your Highness,

well worth the 5,000 rupees
we paid for the shipping charges.

Kandu, look!

Hey!

Oh my! Hello Ra-ha...

What is the matter?

What in the name of the sacred
apes of Kashmiri is this?

Permit us to introduce
ourselves, Your Highness.

MS. Amelia Carter of
Council Bluffs, Iowa,

and I am Phileas Fogg III,

whose family has long enjoyed

the gracious hospitality of this palace.

- Phileas Fogg?
- That's right, Maha.

We work for him.

My Uncle Gus had a lodge uniform

that looked exactly like yours.

The Loyal Order of the Timber Wolves.

Silence!

I happen to listen to
the BBC, Mr. Fogg.

And I know all about you.

Wanted in every country on earth.

Wanted?

For what, if you'd be
good enough to explain?

Come come, Mr. Fogg. You
know the reason as well as I do.

5000 rupees.

- Take them away.
- Hold on, Your Highness.

Look, I have no idea
what this is all about,

but in any event, this
lady is not involved,

and I insist that she be

freed immediately.

Very well, Mr. Fogg.

I shall accept your word.

Take her to the women's
quarters and see that she is...

Shall we say, made more presentable.

And lock the others.

Wait! Wait!

I've got friends in Parliament.

All right, take it easy.

We haven't done anything, fellas.

What are you doing?

You know, we prefer the penthouse.

I hope you have the good

sense not to cause any trouble,

like the snake charmer did

who was in here before you.

What kind of phoney wrap
did you pin on him?

Charming cobras without a license.

Cobras!

In you go!

Can't we talk it over?
Don't shove!

Can't we talk it over?

Look, folks, we're a...

We protest, buddy boy!

You'd better change the linen here.

Linen. The linen?

Linen in this place?

Well, I meant the straw.

Look at these things. Hoo-Hoo.

Hey guys, there's

a snake in there.

Snake!

Let's go! Let's go. Let's go!

Help! Switch rooms!

Excuse me, Your Highness.

The police are here from Calcutta.

With a warrant for
Mr. Fogg's arrest.

Police?

I gave no orders to notify the police.

Oh, they say they've
been trailing him for days.

Oh, oh I see.

Well, send them in.

Remember, Filch, I'll do the talking.

Your Highness.

Welcome, gentleman.

We should like to take
Mr. Fogg to Calcutta

immediately, if you please,
Your Highness.

I have all necessary papers.

There is no need.
You may have him.

But you must be weary
after your long journey.

You need food and rest.

Oh, thank you, Your Highness,

but the British authorities

are anxious to speed extradition.

They can wait a day longer.

My good friend the commissioner of police

would consider it a personal affront

if I permitted you to leave

without enjoying my hospitality.

He don't like my music.

He's not supposed to like it.

He's got to hate it.

Then he comes out,

sees you, goes out of his mind,

while he's out, I'll clobber him.

Now go ahead and play.

I played everything I know.

Well, Larry, don't play
that weasel song, because

when I hear that, you
know, something pops!

Don't play it.

- It's coming up next.
- Larry, no.

Larry, don't play...

Larry. Larry.

Hey Hey. Curly-Joe.

Did you hurt yourself?

Well, I didn't do myself any good.

Why did you have to play this song?

All right, take it easy.

At least he got us out of that snake pit.

Now is our chance! Let's find
Miss Carter and get out of here.

What do I do with this?

Keep it. We may need it.

Now relax, please.

Now I'll tell what we do...

Filch, watch your manners.

What ever happened
to Ms. Carter?

I sent word she's to join me for dinner.

I suppose the usual feminine
tardiness, Your Highness.

Oh, she'll be along at any moment.

I've arranged some
entertainment for you while we wait.

There! I'm sure his
Highness will be pleased.

How do you? Me
visiting Poopendyke,

the official guest Maharaja's
for moose hunting.

- Tiger hunting!
- Tiger hunting, yes.

- He, Maharaja of Musclebean.
- Yes.

We are official bodyguards.
Also double as Man Friday.

And Saturday.

We bring a new bride for your master.

She, the sister of Gunga Din.

Me, Ginga Din!

I take Miss Carter, you take Ginga.

You know, the old switcheroo.

Shoo shoo!

Out, out! Everybody, shoo.

Go! Go!
Beat it. Beat it!

Go!

Where in the world did you get these...

We haven't got time now.
We'll explain later.

Matter of fact, we should
be on our way to Tokyo!

Yeah, let's get out of here
before we get into more trouble.

We'll sneak out under the cover of music.

Hey Moe, are you sure you
know where you're going?

Excuse me, Your Highness.

Let me go!

I'm sorry.

What's the matter with you?

Look, I'll tell you what you do.

When you get to...

Guards! Guards!

Okay, easy now, fella.

We didn't do anything.

OK.

What's all this?

What's the matter with
you, you clumsy ox?

I'm sorry Moe. I didn't...

Why MS. Carter!

You look positively ravishing.

Take your mistress to the table!

I'll handle this.

Well, gentlemen,

I don't believe I've had the honor.

Your Highness, we are a new act.

This is Maharaja Musclebeanie.

He's the greatest sharpshooter
this side of Chicago.

Oh I see, one of Kandu's

surprises apparently.

I wouldn't be surprised.

Very well then. Entertain us.

Thank you.

What, what?

Hey, wait, wait! I got an idea.

Got your old plan with the glasses?

Do you think... Okay, hold on.

Do you think it will work?

I hope he knows what he's doing.

Hey, maybe it will. Who knows?

Watch your P's and Q's.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Your Highness.

Ladies and gentlemen,

There is no expense has been spared

in bringing the next
attraction to this palace.

With his mental agility,

muscle control, and keeness of eye...

I'll put on the glasses to disguise.

This man is the sensation
of three continents.

Where is everybody? Guide me.

He speaks very little of our language,

so I was asked to act as his interpreter.

I take great pleasure in

Presenting for your approval,

His Royal Highness,
the Maharaja of Sallibad.

Sallibad!

Benny?

How do you do?

My goodness.

That was a good spill.

Thank you sir.

Here's the chair here, Rajah.

There.

Now, the Rajah never on any occasion

uses a helper, assistant or confederate,

but for this particular group of tricks,

we'd like to have a young man...

Here I am.

That's a young man!

What does the Rajah do?

We shall see.

Maha? Uh-huh?

- Rajah?
- Oh.

You do?

Nothing.

- Nothing?
- Nothing.

Oh boy!

The Rajah says he is an expert

pistol shot, marksman and sharpshooter,

but he's spent the better
part of his life as Chief

Pistol Instructor in the
Musselyeben Junior FBI.

His pistol record,

(babbling)... shots
out of a possible 300,

That's without bullets.

Shut up!

What will be his first trick?

We shall see.

Maha? Uh-huh?

Rajah!

Oh!

You got a trick for goodness sakes?

With the Rayseenos.

Rayseenos?

Those Rayseenos, you going to hit it?

Those Rayseenos, I'm going to smash it.

Oh boy!

The Rajah says that he will,
without the aid of a telescope,

shoot a raisin from the top
of this gentleman's head.

Wait a minute. Wait
a minute. Hold it.

Shoot what raison from
which gentleman's head?

Oh, pardon me for
calling you a gentleman.

- That's better.
- Get down or I'll crash you.

California seedless.

Get a pistola.

Hmm? Oh yes, pistola.

Pistola.

No pistola.

No pistola?
No pistola.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Rajah
states he has misplaced his pistol,

Therefore we'll have to skip this

trick entirely, don't you see?

Here, use mine.

Oh! Thank you.

- Maha?
- Uh-huh.

Rajah! Pistola.

Pistola where?

Ohhh, pistola!

Bluff it.

My pistol, please.

What will the Rajah's next trick be?

We shall see.

- Maha?
- Uh-huh?

Rajah!

You got a trick? For goodness
sake, do something.

With knives.

Oh my goodness!

The Rajah says that at that time

he will throw the razor edge daggers

at random.

- Random?
- Get him up here!

Hey Randy, come on.

Pardon me Mr. Random.

You don't think I'm going
to let that blind bat

throw knives at me, do you?

- Blind bat?
- Yea.

Why he can see better than
you can, and I can prove it.

You better prove it.

- Maha?
- Uh-huh?

Rajah!

What is this?

Half a dollar.

Your right, I do lose a dime.

Get back to the wall.

Moe! Moe!

Make him take his glasses off.
He'll kill me.

Oh come on.

Do as your told, once?

- Maha?
- Uh-huh?

Rajah.

Please please.

- Knives.
- Knives. Knives.

Knives! Knives!

Knives. Knives. Oh, knives!

This way.

Moe! Moe! Stop!

Please.

- Mistake.
- Mistake? Impossible!

Mistake?
What is he aiming at?

You'll find out.

Rajah, knives?

Knives, knives.

Oh... double deck.

- Pitch it!
- Pitch it. Pitch it.

Double deck.

Getting close.

Close?

Keep yourself busy.

Busy? Oh

Hey, busboy.

Back in your cage!

Boy, you guys ugly.

- Knives!
- Knives... Knives... Knives!

For now the piece de
resistance, the Rajah

will attempt to throw three
blades with one hand,

and in order to make this more difficult,

he will twist himself in complete circles

until he becomes more dizzy.

This way!

Pitch it!

Stupid!

Cease the impostors!

Everyone, scram!

Oh, let me go.

Larry, play a tune!

Continues! Let's go!

Leave me alone!
Leave me alone! Help!

Are you going to hit a man with glasses?

Yes.

Go ahead. Play, Larry!

Throw me someone else.
Throw me.

How was that?

Why did you play in a higher key?

Come on! Come on!

- Come on, Mr. Fogg.
- Let's go, Miss. Carter!

Here, off that mouth, gets!

Get that one too.

After them, Filch!

After them!

You imbecile, give it the gun!

That's the horn.
The gun, the gun!

Let me see your license.

Who got a license? I have...

Why, you nitwit!

Turn it around and get it going.

Let get out of here!

Day 40 - Lost somewhere
in northwest India.

Bone dry.

Wait a minute.

I'll fix it.

Here, here, here.

Where do you think
you're going with that?

I'm going back for gas.

The only gas you get is on your stomach.

Oh! That my stomach?

I'm sorry, Miss Carter, we seem to be

farther away than ever
from your American consul.

Do you have any idea where we are?

In this area here, somewhere.

But whether we are
in Indian or the Chinese

side of the border is anybody's guess.

Just like picking a bird off in the bush.

There old boy, you made a splendid try.

Hold it, Mr. Cavendish.

You. Come with us.

Make any trouble, you'll die!

This is an outrage!

I am a British citizen and
this young lady is American.

In Indian clothes?

You spy! You all spies!

Nonsense!

You tell your soldiers to release us!

We not soldiers, we technicians!

I've heard that someplace before.

You've got us all wrong, I tell you.

We're meerly seeing the country,

on a trip around the world.

Do you take me for fool?

They're as good as
dead, the whole lot of them.

Yes, and we'd be dead
too if we'd been caught

here in China dressed
like blooming Indians.

Come on.

You go to the Shanghai headquarters.

Chop-chop. And confess.

Confess? He is a
Member of Parliament.

And further more, we're three
of Colonel Fogg's men.

Tell them, Curly-Joe!

Look here, you...

CHINA

Day 44 - Arrived in Shanghai, China

Day 46 - Interrogation
at Chinese Intelligence

"Steep grades, bumpy roads,

"all the way from India
to the China border".

You spies!

Mapping the invasion route to China.

I have all the evidence
I need right here.

But that's not true, I tell you.

That's is just my logbook.

We're on a trip around the world!

Silence!

If you no talk,

your friends will, I bet you.

Psychiatrists.

Wash brain whole head shrink!

You sign now, huh?

Expert wash Brain?

Sorry, general.

With these boys, no brainy to washy.

We turny table on headshrinkers.

Hey!

Sixty two.

Forty-one!

Uh-uh.

That's number 21, we don't
do that anymore, see?

We do the number 47, like this.

No! No! No!

Get rid of them!
China is in enough trouble already!

CENSORED

AND DON'T COME BACK!

Day 50 - Leaving Shanghai.

Day 51 - Following the China Sea

It could be worse.

At least they provided our transportation

all the way from India to the China Sea.

If a wind comes up, we'll
be in Tokyo Bay in no time.

I hope we make it soon.

All we have to eat
here are fortune cookies.

Oh hey, give me a fortune cookie.

Alright, here you are.

I want to see my fortune.

What a coincidence!

It says, "You're
going on a long trip!"

Oh yeah? Well, you are.

Day 60 - Adrift in the
Pacific nine days late

Moe! Curly! Phileas!

- What is the matter?
- Land!

Tokyo!

Day 63 - Arriving in Tokyo, Japan

The terms of my wager prohibit me from

cabling funds for myself, Miss Carter.

However, there is no reason why we cannot

arrange for you to return
to Iowa immediately.

Well, I'm sorry if you
feel this way, Mr. Fogg.

I suppose I'm a drag.

Ms. Carter, I say.

I was only thinking of your comfort.

But I haven't complained once
that I recall, have I boys?

Not once.
You are a real trooper.

None of us wants to see her go.

Which brings the question
still before the house.

How are we going to get to San Francisco?

Forgive me, Miss. Carter.

I only meant to say...

What I mean is...

I'm jolly glad you feel that way.

Rather.

What smells so scrumptious?

There must be something we can do to

earn enough for a meal.

Lovely spectators.
Your kind attention, please.

What's all the excitement?

Please be pleased to
present the honorable Itchy

Kitchy, the greatest sumo
wrestler in all of Japan.

And now, everyone welcome
to watch training exercise,

but please to remember

buying tickets to the next match at

the Tokyo Sports Palace,

this not being on television.

And now, the great Itchy Kitchy,

Strongest man in the world.

That ain't a man.
That's a committee!

Ladies and gentlemen,

most happy to give 1,000 yen

to anybody who stay on his feet

for 60 seconds for wrestling
the great Itchy Kitchy.

Will a thousand yen buy a
square meal for the five of us?

Yes, indeed, and with
something left over.

Get out there, kid.
You got him on the run.

Help! Help!
What are you doing?

Help Moe!

I can't look at that, Phileas.

Moe! What are you doing? Help!

Play, maestro!

- Who's maestro?
- You, you fool!

What do you mean?

Let me have it!

Come on, play.

Oh, I say, now you can look.

Oh yeah!

Lighten the tempo kid.

Come on, Joe!

- Congratulations champ.
- Shake with the champ.

- Say hello to the champion.
- Good show, Joe!

You no fool, Charlie Okuma!

He American sumo champion.

Very clever gimmick.

Thanks Charlie!
No hard feelings.

You manager. Listen.

Itchy lose face.

He wants revenge.

How about deal? They wrestling
at the Tokyo Sports Palace?

- For world championship.
- Out of the question, Moe.

We're 10 days behind schedual now.

We've got to be in San
Francisco as soon as possible.

Oh, another manager.

I think he's smarter than me.

San Francisco draw a bigger gate.
A very clever gimick.

Supply the transportation,
you've got yourself a deal.

Oh yes. Make lots of yen.

I pay all expenses.

How about throwing in some new duds?

That's what he means, new duds.

Hey, where's our new champ?

I hurt my wittle hand.

Day 65 - Leaving Tokyo Two days late

Day 68 - Arrived in Honolulu, Hawaii

Leaving for San Francisco

Day 69 - Arrival in San Francisco

Ladies and gentlemen,

our feature attraction of the evening,

the Sumo wrestling contest

for the championship of the world.

Presenting the champion of all Japan,

the mighty Itchy Kitchy!

Who shows in the traditional ritual,

what he intends to do with his opponent.

His opponent ain't staying.

Against mighty Joe,

the champion of Twickenham on Thames.

Start playing that thing as
soon as we shake hands.

Get after him! Get after him!

Don't start playing until I tell you.

We've to make this thing look good.

Now remember, no time
limits and no holds barred.

You both understand the rules?

No rules!

I want a good dirty fight.

Now, shake hands and come out gouging.

Give him a up beat.

Oh, I hope you boys
know what you're doing.

Don't worry, I've got
the equalizer right here.

Are you trying to hurt somebody?

Larry! Larry!

Larry! Wait! Larry!

Give me that!

Let go!

I'm trying to find Larry, Curly Joe!

No no. Give me that.

Mom, help!

Taking toys from a child!

You leave my Timmy alone, you big bully.

Help, help!

Hey Moe! Larry!

Bravo!

Come on, mom.
Hit him again!

Police! Police!

I want this man
arrested for child beating!

Hey, we better grab our
clothes and get out of here.

It's not so healthy around here.

After me, chaps.
Next stop, New York.

Kennedy-style hiking.
At least we're keeping fit.

Yep, if that knucklehead had beaten

that big slob fair and square,

they wouldn't have held up his purse.

Well, I didn't have time for training.

3,000 miles to New York and

3,000 more to the Reformers' Club.

We'll never make it now, not in six days.

That place has a telephone.

I'll call my solicitor

and ask him to cable us enough funds

to complete our journey first-class.

We may be through, but
at least we'll be comfortable.

Well how can you say we're through?

We've still got a fighting chance.

You can't give
up now, Mr. Fogg.

You'll lose everything you own.

Remember, your great-great-grandfather.

He wouldn't give up.

Well, if you feel that
way about it, let's...

How do they say it in America?

Let's stay in there chucking.

That's "pitching".

And if you keep on trying,
you'll always have a chance.

Yes, and we will starve in the meantime.

Wait here.

I'll see if that hash house
takes Japanese yen.

He still got yen?

Yah.

OK!

- What is the matter?
- What is the matter?

That dispatcher out of his mind.

He wants me to highball my truck

through to New York in four days.

Four days? You'll need
wings on your rig to it.

You're right. Let's go eat.

OK.

Hey, fellas!

Our luck is still with us.

That truck is going through
to New York in four days.

Giving us two whole
days to get to London.

It's possible.

You lame brains! Don't
you know there's a strict

rule against picking up hikers?

Hey, we could be stowaways,
like on the boat.

Stowaways on a truck? Get him.

By jove, so we could.

That's what I was saying, so we could

- by jove.
- Let's take a walk over and see.

Hey, give me a hairpin.

- Like a safecracker.
- Yes.

Get busy there.

Ah, you better do it yourself.

Well, Gus, it's about time I called the

garage and checked that connecting rod,

and as that's fixed, I'm
off to the big town.

Sure I wish I was going with you, Bill.

Got some kin in New York I haven't seen

them in years, but I
got a load of furniture.

That I have to deliver in Canada.

- So long.
- So long Gus.

Day 75 - We are going to New York

We seem to be making excellent time.

If we do reach New York
in four days, my record

shows it will be the
78th day since we left,

giving us just two days to
cross the Atlantic to London.

I don't see how we can possibly do that.

Oh, we'll think of something, Mr. Fogg.

Oh Ms. Carter, how
are you getting on?

Fine I guess, except when

my dressing room rolls downhill.

Knock! Knock!

- Who's there?
- Larry.

- Larry who?
- Lar...

We thought you might like
to borrow this dinner dress.

Thank you.

Oh, it's beautiful.

Dinner will be ready, Mr. Fogg.

It would have been ready sooner,
only we have a slowpoke in the kitchen!

Oh, Moe, this is really too much.

Oh, tut-tut, Mr. Fogg.

Go to it, kid.

Dinner is served, ma'am.

Well!

Miss Carter!

Amelia, I say!

You look perfectly smashing!

Route 66,

Oh, a very wonderful year.

Amelia.

I just want to say that
no matter what happens,

I shall always treasure this moment.

Onions!

No. I must be tired.

Folgers?
(Coffee brand from Canada)

I ain't tired. That's coffee!

Day 80 - Ottawa,
Canada Situation Critical

Sir, I demand that you
release us immediately.

After all, I promised to pay
for all the damage in the lorry.

I don't see why we should be
held in Canada another minute.

Four days directly to New York,

and here we are, thanks to you.

Oh, you don't have to thank me.

Order!

Out of the hardship
to everybody concerned,

the delay has been very
costly to me personally.

Midnight tonight marks the passing
of the 80th day since I left London,

which means I lose my
wager and everything I own.

Mr. Fogg, you are not being

held because of the highway incident.

Would you come in please?

Inspector Crotchet of Scotland Yard.

Well, it's a pleasure to meet a fellow...

Phileas Fogg, I arrest you
in the name of the Crown.

And I warn you that anything you
say may be taken down in writing.

I'm completely at a loss.

Would someone be good enough
to tell me what this is about?

My dear sir. You know
as well as I do, Mr. Fogg.

You are accused of robbing
Regent Street Bank of £50,000

on the day you left London

on this so-called round the world trip.

- Phileas!
- Don't worry, Amelia.

There is not a word of truth in it.

Oh, you'll get your chance in court.

Inspector, Mr. Fogg is the
only one we want to extradite.

The others can be
released unless you have

any more charges against them.

No charges, Inspector.

- They are free to go.
- Look here!

Where did Mr. Fogg go, we go.

Mr. Fogg flies to London
at the expense of the Crown.

There's no provision
for any other guests.

Well, come on.

Speaking for the rest of the mob,

I'm sorry it turned out this way

dodging the police for two months,

and all sort of thing, eh what?

Rather funny, eh?

You're under arrest and
we're free as the birds,

in a manner of speaking sir.

Don't worry, old bean.

We'll will hire the finest barrister

in the UK to get you out of this,

even if it takes every last
tippen of the bank's money.

If they send you to Dartmoor,

I will visit you every day, I will.

And when they spring you, ducky,

we'll have enough left
to live on in style,

like a blinkin Duke and Duchess!

- Hear! Hear!
- Hear! Hear!

I'll take them all.

They are as much in it as he is.

No no! They're just putting on a act!

Order!

Oh, I'm sorry.

The Queen's return to the city.

It was learned today that Phileas Fogg

was apprehended in Ottawa, Canada,

and is expected to arrive
at London Airport tonight.

Day 81 - Arrival in London All is lost

Hold it! We'll wait here.

The Yard is sending a car.

Well, a miss is as good as a mile,

and all that sort of thing, Amelia.

My last chance went glimmering
at exactly midnight yesterday.

And after all you've been through.

Oh, Phileas, I feel so aweful about it.

It's a bum rap, fellas.
He never robbed any bank.

Just in time,
Mr. Cavendish.

Yes. Sit tight, Filch.

Good evening, inspector.

We've been ordered to
take charge of Mr. Fogg.

I understood that Sergeant
Muddles would the plane.

Oh well, he's on another case, sir.

The orders have been changed.

Well, inside with you.
Don't give me trouble now.

Who are you?
And who changed the orders?

I distinctly understood that Sergeant
Muddles would meet the plane.

Hurry it up, Henry. We
haven't all night.

This fellow. Seems
to me I've seen...

Now that's enough talk.
Inside with you. Quick about it.

You too, Mr. Nosey.

Now just a minute mister.

Hey, have I flipped,

or are they the same two cops
we saw at the Maharaja's palace?

They get around faster than we do.

I smell a rat. Come on!

Now look here...

Hey, that Land Rover.
Come on.

Go faster will you Joe, please!

Come on. Out!

Come on out!

This way. Come on!

Now inside with you.
Lively! Come on!

I think we lost them.

They must have turned left.

Lame brain, at the
next corner, turn left.

Well, Mr. Fogg, you've gave

us quite a run for our money.

Stuart!

I knew there was something.

His name is not Stuart.

He is Vickers Cavendish, one of

the smartest confidance man in England.

Thee smartest, if you'll
forgive me, Inspector.

You see, Mr. Fogg,

I not only win my £20,000 bet with you,

Filch, get the satchel!

Right you are.

When they find you here, it's going

to look like Mr. Fogg
resisted arrest,

aided by this young lady, resulting

in a gunfight with Inspector Crotchet,

in which all three of you were wiped out!

You wouldn't dare!

Wouldn't I? Filch! Hurry up.

Let's wind it up and get out of here.

We lost them.

Knucklehead, turn!

Next time, watch where you're going.

Hey, they must have turned
down that street up there.

Come on, we'll have to do it
by foot and find them. Get out!

Our £50,000 retirement fund,

And that ain't shredded wheat, Inspector.

Wait!

What's the matter with you?

There it is!

Come on. Come on.

Oh we'll live like lords, we will,

with no fear whatever from
Scotland Yard nor nobody else,

because they'll always
blame him for the bank robbery.

There they are!

Hold it!

Now you'll die too!

The keys, Inspector Crotchet, the keys!

Here they are!

Where is the money?

Amelia, where are you?

Come you! Look here!

I don't know how I got into it.

Phileas!

Get the number of that truck.

Phileas!

Oh!

Oh, oh, dear!

Alright you people, I'll take over now.

I knew you'd get the right
ones if you kept on swinging.

Think nothing of it.

Come on, you two. Now then...

The money!

Come on!

What happened here?

Take this.

Joe! The hose!

Oh, the hose, yes.

What should I do?

Hose out! Hose out!

- Kill it!
- Okay Moe, boy!

Hose out! Oh boy.

You and your ruddy books.

Help! Help!

Never mind you lame brain,

the fire is out!

Easy! Man the lifeboats!
Women and children first.

How am I doing Moe, huh?

You nut!

Will you cut that out!
Do you want to get me wet?

I'll murder you!

Here, hold that.

Come on, you two.

Hey, there they are.

Scotland Yard first, and then

I'll drop you off at Twickenham!

All right, inspector.

Come on Larry.
Let's go. Get going.

Move along you two.

Inspector, we'll do the driving.

You get these rats around the back
and keep an eye on them.

Yes, good.

Go ahead, go ahead, get going.

Wait a minute.
Do you know how to drive?

Well, certainly, I know how to drive.

This is a crazy mixed up car.

Well, I'm a crazy, mixed up driver.

Oh, OK, OK.

Car 11, there's a disturbance
at East Cricklewood Lane.

Repeating, Car 11, go to

East Cricklewood Lane,
there's a disturbance.

If you ask me, the disturbance
is in that squawk box.

Car six, a disturbance...

Here's the late-night weather report...

Mr. Fogg, I don't
know how to apologize

to you for all the
trouble I've caused you.

False arrest, notoriety,

and on top of everything else,

I am responsible for
you losing your wager.

Well, don't feel too badly
about it, Inspector.

I have a consolation prize

and I wouldn't trade for anything.

Phileas Fogg is back in London
in custody of Scotland Yard

to face charges of bank robbery.

This complication apparently
will end Mr. Fogg's last chance

to complete his round the
world trip by midnight tonight,

his deadline for reporting
at the Reform Club.

It's now exactly 11:51,

which means Fogg has only
nine minutes to reach the club,

on this, the 80th day since
his departure from London

two and a half months ago.

Mr. Fogg, he said
this is the 80th day.

By jove, it's true!

I made the same mistake my
great-great-grandfather did,

never realizing it, by
continually traveling eastward,

we gain four minutes

every time we crossed
a degree of langitude.

360 degrees times four minutes equals

1440 minutes.

We gained 24 hours.

This is the 80th day and not the

81st, as I calculated in my logbook.

Oh, Phileas!
There's still time!

If we hurry. We're still
miles from the club!

It's 11:54, we have
just six minutes.

Give it the the gun, Curly-Joe.

11:56.

Well gentlemen, I
scarsley think I'm premature

in declaring that our wager
with Mr. Fogg is won!

Jolly good show!

Glad I have 10 of that.

I have 5.

So have I.

We have just three minutes.

Turn at the next corner.

- Left?
- Right.

Right, you knucklehead.

No, I said left.

See, right was left.

- What?
- I don't know.

Gentlemen, shall we?

You know, I put this bottle aside

80 days ago to celebrate our victory?

Two minutes.

What are you stopping for?

A red light.

If you hadn't made a wrong
turn, we'd be there already.

- Moe.
- Oh let go of me.

It's not polite when I'm
talking to interrupt.

- Moe.
- What do you want?

The light is green.

Oh, why didn't you tell me?

- Go ahead!
- Green light.

Right to the top.
I'm not going to stinge it.

10 seconds, and we're still a block away.

That time left was wrong,
you beetle brain!

Well, I... Ooh!

Seven seconds to go.

Hey, it's on the next corner.

Park it and I'll dash inside.

He doesn't have time to park.

Hang on everybody!
Here we go!

Mr. Fogg!

The winner by two seconds!

Hey.

Oh, isn't that cute!

Larry, may I toast to your health?

Please do.

Oops!

Don't worry about it Moe.
It's on them.

No no. It's on the both of us.

Come on! What's
up with you guys?

Come on, will you?