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1
00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:32,489
Long ago, the duke of Milan
commissioned a little-known artist...
2
00:00:32,657 --> 00:00:36,368
...to erect a mammoth statue
of a horse.
3
00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:40,914
The time was 1481.
4
00:00:41,082 --> 00:00:44,668
The artist was Leonardo da Vinci.
5
00:00:44,836 --> 00:00:48,297
The guy on the donkey
is just a guy on a donkey.
6
00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:53,052
Anyway, they called this statue
the Sforza...
7
00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:58,390
...and it was gonna be
the largest bronze statue ever built.
8
00:00:58,558 --> 00:00:59,975
But wouldn't you know it...
9
00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:04,188
...war broke out,
and bronze became scarce.
10
00:01:04,355 --> 00:01:07,441
So da Vinci decided
to create a machine...
11
00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:11,236
...to change common lead
into bronze.
12
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:15,491
But when da Vinci
finally turned this machine on...
13
00:01:15,658 --> 00:01:19,953
...it was to give him something
more than he expected.
14
00:01:22,290 --> 00:01:25,292
Something much more than bronze.
15
00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:29,505
Leonardo, che pazzo!
16
00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:44,561
[Speaking Italian]
17
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:57,074
[Workers shouting in Italian]
18
00:02:10,171 --> 00:02:17,136
[Busy chatter in Italian]
19
00:02:32,902 --> 00:02:35,863
Sole!
20
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:59,136
[Workers speaking Italian]
21
00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:02,472
Basta!
22
00:03:41,095 --> 00:03:44,181
- Gold.
- Gold.
23
00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:48,644
Portami il cristallo.
24
00:03:55,650 --> 00:03:57,650
Dai! Via!
25
00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:02,241
Ah! Che disastro.
26
00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:01,508
Maestro! Siamo pronti.
Potete venire.
27
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,269
¡Hola!
28
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:20,000
Ei. Che bel lavoro.
29
00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:23,000
Maestro, io non penso che sia una buona idea.
Dai, non aver paura.
30
00:05:26,188 --> 00:05:27,500
Siamo pronti?
31
00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:29,000
Via!
Fatemi vedere qualcosa.
32
00:05:29,188 --> 00:05:31,188
No! Aspetti! No!
33
00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:39,338
[Pilot screams in Italian]
34
00:05:41,738 --> 00:05:43,738
Aiuto!
35
00:05:43,938 --> 00:05:45,938
Bravo!
36
00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:49,097
Dico quest ...
Pazzo da lega...
37
00:06:09,952 --> 00:06:12,829
Exactly 500 years later...
38
00:06:12,997 --> 00:06:15,916
...an artiste of a different field...
39
00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:19,044
The one of cat burglary.
40
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:23,256
- Was getting out of Sing Sing.
41
00:06:23,424 --> 00:06:26,468
He was known
as the Hudson Hawk.
42
00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:30,889
Got a coat, hat.
43
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:32,849
Here's your personal items.
44
00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:34,851
Here's your wallet.
45
00:06:35,019 --> 00:06:37,229
I think you'll find
everything in there.
46
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,189
Don't you want your receipt?
47
00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:40,982
Keep it. Ready?
48
00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:42,901
I got it, Charlie.
49
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:45,112
Eddie. Eddie.
50
00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:47,656
So the Hudson Hawk is
finally getting out.
51
00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:50,242
Remember all the reporters
that here when you came in?
52
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,119
"World's greatest cat burglar."
53
00:06:52,286 --> 00:06:54,162
Now who gives a fuck?
54
00:06:54,330 --> 00:06:55,580
I got a proposition for you.
55
00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:57,457
Answer's no, Gates.
Even if you bathe.
56
00:06:57,625 --> 00:07:00,460
Listen, smartass, as your
parole officer, I found you a job.
57
00:07:00,628 --> 00:07:04,172
- No way.
- It's a terrific job. An auction house.
58
00:07:04,340 --> 00:07:06,091
One night's work, and you're free.
59
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:09,428
No checking in with a shrink.
No more community service.
60
00:07:09,595 --> 00:07:11,596
But I want to do
community service.
61
00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:14,099
I want to teach the handicapped
how to yodel.
62
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,935
I ain't stealing no more, Gates.
63
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:19,563
Ten years later, you're still
impressed with yourself.
64
00:07:19,730 --> 00:07:23,108
Same old coat, same old hat.
You're extinct, Hawk.
65
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,360
Coming from you,
that's a powerful statement.
66
00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:27,404
Look, aren't you supposed to stop me
from committing crimes.
67
00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:30,407
You know, "Book 'em, Danno."
"Give a hoot, don't pollute."
68
00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:32,784
You ain't out yet, wise guy.
69
00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:36,455
I can set you up and send you back
any time I want.
70
00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:42,836
It's a very fine line
between ex-con and escaped con.
71
00:07:43,004 --> 00:07:46,089
Hey, Gates, do it yourself.
72
00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:49,176
Hey! He's got my keys!
73
00:07:49,343 --> 00:07:50,719
I'll be seeing you, Hawk!
74
00:07:57,518 --> 00:07:59,269
Open the gate!
75
00:08:04,692 --> 00:08:07,360
- See you around, Mike.
- Take it easy, Eddie.
76
00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:24,878
That's the first thing I did:
77
00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:27,964
Smooch the ground
and taste the freedom.
78
00:08:28,132 --> 00:08:30,133
Sorry I'm late, Eddie.
I miss anything?
79
00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:32,928
As always,
your timing is impeccable.
80
00:08:36,807 --> 00:08:38,683
- Where's the kiss?
- Get away from me.
81
00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:40,936
No tongue this time, I promise.
82
00:08:41,103 --> 00:08:42,354
Whoa.
83
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:45,607
What?
84
00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:48,818
- Looks like you been expanding your...
- Don't say it, Eddie!
85
00:08:48,986 --> 00:08:51,363
I'm incredibly sensitive
about my fucking figure.
86
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:54,991
My next word was gonna be
"consciousness"...
87
00:08:55,159 --> 00:08:56,618
...tubbo.
88
00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:01,373
You're free, you son of a bitch!
89
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:07,837
Now that you're born again,
what do you wanna do?
90
00:09:08,005 --> 00:09:10,298
Statue of Liberty?
Entertain some ladies?
91
00:09:10,466 --> 00:09:12,342
Broadway tix?
Seduce some women?
92
00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:15,470
Play Nintendo?
Bone some chicks?
93
00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:19,641
What's Nintendo?
94
00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:21,851
Just get me to
the Five Tone, Tommy.
95
00:09:22,019 --> 00:09:24,354
I don't get a cappuccino soon,
I'll strangle somebody.
96
00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:27,566
You still got a thing for those
unmasculine European coffees?
97
00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:31,194
- What can I say?
- Who's your buddy?
98
00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:35,365
The man knows! The man knows!
99
00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:38,201
So, Mr. Coffee, you have
any trouble checking out?
100
00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:39,411
Not much.
101
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:42,872
Gates just tried to blackmail me
into doing a job.
102
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:45,125
That doughnut-hole-eating,
son of a bitch...
103
00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:48,753
...take-it-in-the-ear-for-a-beer
rat bastard!
104
00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:50,714
Had the perfect amount of foam.
105
00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:53,508
Come on, I'll get you 10 of them
back at the bar.
106
00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:56,094
An auction house? Gates wants you
to rob an auction house?
107
00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:57,721
Yes, an auction house.
What are you, going deaf?
108
00:09:57,888 --> 00:10:01,433
He's your parole officer, for Christ's sake.
And, look, I am not going deaf.
109
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,643
Tommy, just get me
in the Five Tone.
110
00:10:03,811 --> 00:10:05,186
Yeah, all right.
111
00:10:05,354 --> 00:10:07,731
"Going deaf."
Don't make fun of my hearing, right?
112
00:10:07,898 --> 00:10:10,692
Tell you something about the bar.
You're gonna love it.
113
00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:12,902
Five Tone Bar and Grill.
114
00:10:13,070 --> 00:10:17,073
At least I know there's one thing
that will never cha...
115
00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:18,742
I don't know how
to tell you this, Eddie.
116
00:10:18,909 --> 00:10:21,536
Couple of brokers stopped in
for Stoli spritzers one night.
117
00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:25,498
Now we're a nice local bar
that none of the locals can afford.
118
00:10:25,666 --> 00:10:28,251
I read about these people
in Newsweek.
119
00:10:28,419 --> 00:10:29,961
Where's all the regulars?
120
00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:32,339
- Where's Crazy Jeff Cava?
- Gone.
121
00:10:32,506 --> 00:10:34,799
- Where's Ed Kranepool's autograph?
- Gone, Eddie.
122
00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:37,302
Tommy, you took down
Captain Bob's steering wheel?
123
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:39,721
Eddie, Eddie, they're all gone.
124
00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:41,806
But look at the bright side:
125
00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:44,225
Half this joint is yours.
126
00:10:44,393 --> 00:10:47,395
Hey, Blackjack! Give my
irritable partner a cappuccino.
127
00:10:47,563 --> 00:10:49,064
I gotta go be a boss.
128
00:10:49,231 --> 00:10:51,024
Give me a Scotch and water.
Thanks.
129
00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:56,363
- Reindeer goat cheese pizza?!
- Yo!
130
00:10:56,530 --> 00:10:59,115
Thank you, Jesus. Thank you.
131
00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:23,682
Cute shot, Antony.
132
00:11:23,849 --> 00:11:26,559
Cesar Mario. Antony Mario.
133
00:11:26,727 --> 00:11:28,353
I didn't know the circus
was in town.
134
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,897
So why won't you do
the auction house?
135
00:11:31,065 --> 00:11:33,358
Well, call me superstitious, Cesar.
136
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:37,195
I don't like to commit a crime
within 24 hours of getting out of the joint.
137
00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:40,323
It's very simple.
There's a safe on the seventh floor.
138
00:11:40,491 --> 00:11:42,951
You take their thingy
and you put it in this thingy.
139
00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:44,953
Directions even your brother
could understand.
140
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:46,996
Yeah, directions
even I could understand.
141
00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:48,748
Shut up.
142
00:11:48,916 --> 00:11:50,792
Hawk, you're the best.
143
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,920
You're the only one who can
do this job. You know that.
144
00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:56,423
Don't tell me a lot of horse shit,
you wanna open up a hardware store...
145
00:11:56,590 --> 00:11:58,717
...go straight and sell spatulas.
146
00:11:58,884 --> 00:12:02,804
You know Cesar, if the Mario brothers weren't
New Jersey's third-largest crime family...
147
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:04,764
...I'd say kiss my ass.
148
00:12:04,932 --> 00:12:08,059
But considering your status,
I will say slurp my butt.
149
00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:09,269
- Sit.
- Sit.
150
00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:11,396
Have you lovely ladies
tried our house wine?
151
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,606
- I think you'll enjoy.
- Beat it, Tommy.
152
00:12:13,774 --> 00:12:15,525
No dinosaurs allowed.
153
00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:17,694
Enough!
154
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:24,451
You don't do that auction house job,
I'm gonna put you on trial...
155
00:12:24,618 --> 00:12:26,202
...and I promise you, my friend...
156
00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:28,121
...there will be no bailiff.
157
00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:30,623
You understand?
158
00:12:30,791 --> 00:12:32,167
Get him out of here.
159
00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:52,479
- "Witchcraft."
- Three minutes, 57 seconds.
160
00:12:52,646 --> 00:12:55,315
- "Night and Day"?
- Frank Sinatra or Ella Fitzgerald?
161
00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:58,026
- Sinatra.
- Five minutes, 12 seconds.
162
00:12:58,194 --> 00:12:59,652
"Hit the Road, Jack."
163
00:12:59,820 --> 00:13:01,863
Tommy, where are my
needle-nose pliers?
164
00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:04,616
Check the bar. "Hit the Road, Jack."
165
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:08,870
Five minutes, 15 seconds.
166
00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:12,916
How the hell could you take this down, man?
Captain Bob's steering wheel?
167
00:13:13,083 --> 00:13:15,210
Don't you remember the night he came in?
Nobody could figure out where he got this thing.
168
00:13:15,377 --> 00:13:17,086
Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.
169
00:13:17,254 --> 00:13:20,048
- Yes?
- Quiet. Come here.
170
00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:23,426
We got a nasty little safe
on the seventh floor here.
171
00:13:23,594 --> 00:13:25,595
- Simpson?
- Yeah.
172
00:13:25,763 --> 00:13:28,515
- What's the mechanism?
- Seventy-one.
173
00:13:28,682 --> 00:13:31,017
Last time I went to bat,
Simpson only made a 40.
174
00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:34,187
So it's gonna take you another
extra 31 seconds to seduce it.
175
00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:36,356
- I'm not worried about the safe, Tommy.
- I know you're not worried about it.
176
00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:37,649
What about these guards?
We know any of these guys?
177
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:38,858
No.
178
00:13:39,026 --> 00:13:40,109
- Not one?
- Not one. No.
179
00:13:40,277 --> 00:13:42,862
- Well, what about the video surveillance?
- I have a plan.
180
00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:44,948
- Oh, you got a plan.
- I have a great plan.
181
00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:49,327
Great.
182
00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:51,746
What the hell am I doing?
183
00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:55,124
Huh? What the hell am I doing?
I'm getting ready to do some crime.
184
00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:56,543
Go rob some fakakta horse
with you?
185
00:13:56,710 --> 00:13:57,836
All right, Eddie...
186
00:13:58,003 --> 00:13:59,671
I should be out there
getting myself a Daily News,
187
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:02,298
looking in the "Want Ads"
trying to get a job selling spatulas.
188
00:14:02,466 --> 00:14:03,883
We're moving too fast, Eddie.
189
00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:07,846
You see, I'm putting out a fire
with kerosene.
190
00:14:08,013 --> 00:14:11,432
- What is that?
- That's five seconds. My record's 18.
191
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:12,642
Is this funny?
192
00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:15,854
You think this is
some kind of fucking joke?
193
00:14:32,079 --> 00:14:35,164
- How many seconds?
- How many what seconds?
194
00:14:35,332 --> 00:14:36,708
On the thumbcuffs.
195
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:41,004
Not counting the bitching and whining,
I'll be nice and say eight.
196
00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:45,758
You know, they're not gonna let you
walk away from this job, kiddo.
197
00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:49,262
I ain't never gonna get
rehabilitated this way, Tommy.
198
00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:51,097
You think you still got it, Eddie?
199
00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:53,474
Yeah. That's what I'm afraid of.
200
00:14:54,643 --> 00:14:56,978
- "Mack the Knife"?
- Four minutes, 17 seconds.
201
00:14:57,146 --> 00:14:58,813
"I Only Have Eyes for You."
202
00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:00,648
Why, Tommy,
I didn't know you cared.
203
00:15:00,816 --> 00:15:02,108
Three minutes, 22 seconds.
204
00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:04,068
- "Xanadu."
- "Xanadu"?
205
00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:06,696
- "Xanadu."
- Four minutes, 19 seconds.
206
00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:09,824
"Star-spangled Banner."
Whitney Houston, Super Bowl XVI I.
207
00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:11,618
- Hi.
- Hi, Hank.
208
00:15:11,785 --> 00:15:14,913
- Seven minutes, 17 seconds.
- You're full of shit.
209
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:16,414
- Let me ask you something.
- What?
210
00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:18,416
How come I'm not out
trying to get laid tonight?
211
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,126
Eddie, you're bumming my high.
212
00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:21,794
Come on. It's show time.
213
00:15:23,505 --> 00:15:25,256
Tommy, hold on. Hold on a minute.
214
00:15:25,424 --> 00:15:27,467
The sign here says
"no horseplay in the pool area."
215
00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:28,927
This isn't horseplay.
216
00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:31,429
This is a major felony.
217
00:16:02,169 --> 00:16:07,674
Come on, Grandpa.
218
00:16:07,841 --> 00:16:09,634
- Hey, Tommy.
- What?
219
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,469
Give me one good reason
why we're up here.
220
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:15,223
I can give you two:
Antony Mario and Cesar Mario.
221
00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:16,683
Well, you don't really think
that they're gonna...
222
00:16:16,850 --> 00:16:18,851
Cut off our balls
if we don't do the job.
223
00:16:19,019 --> 00:16:20,395
I see.
224
00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:21,688
- Let me ask you something else.
- What?!
225
00:16:21,855 --> 00:16:22,981
- Did you have dinner tonight?
- Why?
226
00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:25,274
Because this rope only holds
900 pounds.
227
00:16:25,442 --> 00:16:27,902
- Eddie, stop fooling around!
- I'm not fooling around.
228
00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:30,113
You are! You're fooling around!
229
00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:33,241
- Pick me up. Pick me up.
- All right, all right.
230
00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:35,535
- Come on.
- I wish you'd lay off the pasta.
231
00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:46,295
What are you doing?
What are you doing?!
232
00:16:46,463 --> 00:16:49,007
Covering our tracks.
We leave through the basement.
233
00:16:49,174 --> 00:16:51,175
Well, now we have
no choice, do we?
234
00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:04,564
- What?
- I better make the hole a little bigger.
235
00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:07,525
Don't worry, bonehead.
I'm wearing my girdle.
236
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:40,808
Six hundred and seventy-three Wongs
in the phone book.
237
00:17:40,976 --> 00:17:43,227
That's a hell of a lot of "Wong" numbers.
238
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,396
Look up "Chin."
239
00:18:01,121 --> 00:18:02,330
That's it.
240
00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:04,332
- You got a key?
- No.
241
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:06,042
Just checking.
242
00:18:26,897 --> 00:18:29,065
They record everything
video surveillance takes in.
243
00:18:29,233 --> 00:18:31,317
Yes, I can see that, master thief.
244
00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:32,652
I thought you
said something about a plan.
245
00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:35,738
Oh, am I boring you, smartass?
246
00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:38,407
Hey, Jerry, check out Big Stan.
247
00:18:42,746 --> 00:18:44,288
Watch this.
248
00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:49,710
Big Stan!
249
00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:55,925
Now watch.
A little rewind and replay...
250
00:18:56,093 --> 00:18:57,969
...and the guards are gonna be
watching a rerun...
251
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,805
...and they're gonna miss out
on tonight's exciting episode.
252
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:02,682
- You figure this out by yourself?
- Yeah.
253
00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:03,933
Good plan, junior.
254
00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:07,812
We got about five minutes
and change.
255
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,939
Five thirty-two,
"Swinging on a Star."
256
00:19:10,107 --> 00:19:12,859
You know the invented something
while you were inside. It's called a watch.
257
00:19:13,026 --> 00:19:14,277
- Hey, Tommy.
- What?
258
00:19:14,444 --> 00:19:16,070
Shh.
259
00:19:18,907 --> 00:19:20,616
One, two.
260
00:19:20,784 --> 00:19:21,993
One, two, three.
261
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:25,329
♪ Would you like to
swing on a star ♪
262
00:19:25,497 --> 00:19:28,833
♪ Carry moonbeams
home in a jar ♪
263
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:32,420
♪ And be better off
than you are ♪
264
00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:35,590
♪ Or would you rather
be a mule ♪
265
00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:40,011
♪ A mule is an animal
with long funny ears ♪
266
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,513
♪ He kicks up
at anything he hears ♪
267
00:19:43,932 --> 00:19:47,185
♪ His back is brawny
and his brain is weak ♪
268
00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:50,438
♪ He's just plain stupid
with a stubborn streak ♪
269
00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:54,734
♪ And by the way,
if you hate to go to school ♪
270
00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:57,153
♪ You may grow up
to be a mule ♪
271
00:19:57,988 --> 00:20:01,073
♪ Oh, would you like
to swing on a star ♪
272
00:20:01,241 --> 00:20:03,826
♪ Carry moonbeams
home in a jar ♪
273
00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:05,161
They're all back on.
274
00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:09,290
♪ And be better off
than you are ♪
275
00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:12,418
♪ Or would you
rather be a fish ♪
276
00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:15,796
♪ A fish is an animal
that swims in a brook ♪
277
00:20:15,964 --> 00:20:19,592
♪ He can't write his name
or read a book ♪
278
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:23,095
♪ To fool the people
is his only thought ♪
279
00:20:23,263 --> 00:20:26,515
♪ And though he's slippery
he still gets caught ♪
280
00:20:26,683 --> 00:20:30,645
♪ If that sort of life
is what you wish ♪
281
00:20:30,812 --> 00:20:32,980
♪ You may grow up
to be a fish ♪
282
00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:37,068
♪ Oh, would you like
to swing on a star ♪
283
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:40,571
♪ Carry moonbeams
home in a jar ♪
284
00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:45,117
♪ And be better off
than you are ♪
285
00:20:45,285 --> 00:20:46,994
♪ Or would you rather
be a pig ♪
286
00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:51,749
♪ A pig is an animal
with dirt on his face ♪
287
00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:55,336
♪ His shoes
are a terrible disgrace ♪
288
00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:58,839
♪ He's got no manners
when he eats his food ♪
289
00:20:59,007 --> 00:21:02,051
♪ He's fat and lazy
and extremely rude ♪
290
00:21:02,219 --> 00:21:06,389
♪ But if you don't care
a feather or a fig ♪
291
00:21:06,556 --> 00:21:08,432
♪ You may grow up
to be a pig ♪
292
00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:12,937
♪ And all the monkeys
aren't in the zoo ♪
293
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:16,357
♪ Every day you see
quite a few ♪
294
00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:20,319
♪ So you see,
it's all up to you ♪
295
00:21:21,071 --> 00:21:24,407
♪ You could be better
than you are ♪
296
00:21:24,574 --> 00:21:26,200
♪ You could be
swingin' on a star ♪
297
00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:28,452
- You got the horse, Ed?
- I just got out of jail yesterday...
298
00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:31,998
...and I'm robbing an auction house.
- Let's go, Hawk.
299
00:21:33,625 --> 00:21:35,876
Hey, Dean, I don't get it.
300
00:21:36,044 --> 00:21:38,045
I'm looking at the auction room,
and I see that little blue chair.
301
00:21:38,213 --> 00:21:41,048
I didn't wanna do it.
All I wanted was a cappuccino.
302
00:21:41,216 --> 00:21:42,258
Snap out of it!
303
00:21:42,426 --> 00:21:45,261
You think that's strange,
check out screen two.
304
00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:46,846
Hey, that's us.
305
00:21:47,014 --> 00:21:48,764
- Somebody rewired the recorders.
- Shit!
306
00:21:48,932 --> 00:21:50,057
I hold you responsible, Tommy.
307
00:21:50,225 --> 00:21:52,977
♪ You could be swinging on a star ♪
Let's take it home.
308
00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:59,358
♪ You could be
swinging on a star ♪♪
309
00:22:03,655 --> 00:22:05,072
Hey!
310
00:22:13,915 --> 00:22:17,209
- Let's go out the back way.
- Keep those ideas coming.
311
00:22:17,377 --> 00:22:19,253
Get up. You're embarrassing me.
312
00:22:22,799 --> 00:22:24,675
- Would you get going!
- Come on, go!
313
00:22:26,428 --> 00:22:29,221
- Go, go, go.
- Easy with that.
314
00:22:29,389 --> 00:22:33,392
Come on! Beat it, Tommy!
Come on!
315
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:36,645
I can't tell you how happy I am
that we covered our tracks.
316
00:22:39,858 --> 00:22:41,525
- Can I ask a question?
- What?
317
00:22:41,693 --> 00:22:43,486
I'm not as fat as that guard, am I?
318
00:22:43,653 --> 00:22:46,947
Oh, no. You're a slender reed
compared to that guard.
319
00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:51,577
Come on, Slim Jim.
320
00:23:03,423 --> 00:23:05,883
Hudson Hawk gets
the chair of honor.
321
00:23:06,051 --> 00:23:08,469
Good job. Not pretty, but good.
322
00:23:08,637 --> 00:23:12,348
All this trouble for a horsey.
323
00:23:12,516 --> 00:23:16,769
I may not know art,
but I know what I like.
324
00:23:16,937 --> 00:23:18,562
- You certainly do.
- So...
325
00:23:18,730 --> 00:23:23,442
...when's this Sebastian Cabot Buckingham Palace-looking,
butler-head motherfucker getting here?
326
00:23:23,610 --> 00:23:26,654
Any minute now, dear Mr. Gates.
327
00:23:32,369 --> 00:23:35,329
- Sorry, Jeeves.
- May I?
328
00:23:38,542 --> 00:23:40,000
Exquisite.
329
00:23:40,168 --> 00:23:45,297
Leonardo da Vinci's last commission
for the duke of Milan.
330
00:23:45,465 --> 00:23:47,133
Irreplaceable.
331
00:23:47,300 --> 00:23:50,845
Hey, Mr. French. I'm...
332
00:23:51,012 --> 00:23:52,847
What the...? What.?
333
00:23:53,223 --> 00:23:56,600
Ah, yes...
334
00:23:56,768 --> 00:23:57,852
You son of a bitch.
335
00:23:58,019 --> 00:24:01,439
I stuck my neck out setting this up
for you limey bastards.
336
00:24:01,606 --> 00:24:03,816
Now, where's my cut?
337
00:24:12,534 --> 00:24:14,869
So much for his cut.
338
00:24:15,871 --> 00:24:18,038
Forgive my dry British humor.
339
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:23,419
You know, I think Gates
promised Hawk a cut too.
340
00:24:31,011 --> 00:24:33,220
Lovely work, Alfred.
You taking the Concorde back?
341
00:24:33,388 --> 00:24:35,431
Always, Mr. Mario.
342
00:24:35,599 --> 00:24:41,729
I'm really racking up
those frequent-flier points.
343
00:24:41,897 --> 00:24:44,815
Ta-ta, Hudson Hawk.
344
00:24:47,110 --> 00:24:48,736
Yo, Five-Tone.
345
00:24:48,904 --> 00:24:50,779
Did I miss anything?
346
00:24:50,947 --> 00:24:54,408
Gates tries to blackmail me.
You ask me, "Did I miss anything?"
347
00:24:54,576 --> 00:24:55,743
Gates gets killed.
348
00:24:55,911 --> 00:24:57,745
You say, "Did I miss anything?"
349
00:24:57,913 --> 00:24:59,330
I bet you'd go up to
Mrs. Lincoln at the Ford Theatre:
350
00:24:59,498 --> 00:25:02,583
And say, "How was the show?
Did I miss anything?"
351
00:25:08,089 --> 00:25:11,050
- You may wanna get this looked at.
- Jeez, Gates was killed?
352
00:25:11,218 --> 00:25:12,927
So who do we send
a thank-you note to?
353
00:25:13,094 --> 00:25:14,220
The butler did it.
354
00:25:14,387 --> 00:25:17,056
Guy was a cross between
Alistair Cooke and a Cuisinart.
355
00:25:17,224 --> 00:25:20,392
Took Mr. Ed, Humpty-Dumptied it
over Gates' head, and get this:
356
00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:24,647
- He said it was made by Leonardo...
- Da Vinci's Sforza.
357
00:25:24,814 --> 00:25:26,023
I consider it to be the prize...
358
00:25:26,191 --> 00:25:30,611
...of tonight's auction
of objets d'equestrian.
359
00:25:30,779 --> 00:25:32,363
Horse things.
360
00:25:32,531 --> 00:25:34,949
All right, Mr. PBS, you got me.
361
00:25:35,116 --> 00:25:36,408
Morning edition.
362
00:25:36,576 --> 00:25:39,912
It says here, two thieves
attempted to steal it last night...
363
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:43,290
...but thanks to three brave guards,
it will be ready for tonight.
364
00:25:43,458 --> 00:25:44,875
Attempted?
365
00:25:45,043 --> 00:25:49,296
I didn't wanna steal the goddamned
thing in the first place, but I do have my pride.
366
00:25:49,464 --> 00:25:50,798
I don't understand this.
367
00:25:50,966 --> 00:25:52,591
Why try? Forget about it.
368
00:25:52,759 --> 00:25:55,553
Because I'm tired of not understanding things.
Cops, Mafia...
369
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:59,014
...butlers forcing me to steal something
which now it appears I didn't steal after all.
370
00:25:59,182 --> 00:26:02,851
It's all too goddamn
peculiar, Tommy.
371
00:26:03,019 --> 00:26:04,228
- Let me ask you something.
- What?
372
00:26:04,396 --> 00:26:05,896
How much does a new tuxedo cost?
373
00:26:06,064 --> 00:26:09,733
A fantastic example
of Florentine bronze.
374
00:26:09,901 --> 00:26:14,613
Now, who will start at 140,000?
375
00:26:14,781 --> 00:26:16,490
Hundred-and-forty thousand.
376
00:26:16,658 --> 00:26:18,075
Hundred-and-sixty thousand?
377
00:26:18,243 --> 00:26:21,745
Seventy? Eighty? Ninety thousand.
378
00:26:21,913 --> 00:26:24,164
Two hundred?
379
00:26:24,332 --> 00:26:26,709
Twenty.
380
00:26:26,876 --> 00:26:31,422
Forty.
381
00:26:31,590 --> 00:26:34,592
Two-hundred-and-fifty thousand.
382
00:26:34,759 --> 00:26:38,429
Two-hundred-and-fifty thousand?
Sixty thousand?
383
00:26:38,597 --> 00:26:40,723
Seventy? Eighty?
384
00:26:40,890 --> 00:26:44,643
Ninety? Three hundred thousand.
Three-ten.
385
00:26:44,811 --> 00:26:45,978
Sold.
386
00:26:47,022 --> 00:26:48,063
You know, after all these years...
387
00:26:48,231 --> 00:26:51,233
...I still get goose bumps
coming to these auctions.
388
00:26:51,401 --> 00:26:54,820
The paintings, the sculptures...
389
00:26:54,988 --> 00:26:57,364
Things that aren't really
paintings or sculptures.
390
00:26:57,532 --> 00:27:01,243
Pretentious vultures who never look up from their
calculators to see what they're buying.
391
00:27:01,411 --> 00:27:04,288
Now, that gives me goose bumps.
392
00:27:04,456 --> 00:27:05,956
Auctions are disgusting.
393
00:27:06,124 --> 00:27:07,583
I couldn't agree more.
394
00:27:07,751 --> 00:27:09,627
Savages.
395
00:27:09,794 --> 00:27:12,838
Now, lot 15.
396
00:27:13,006 --> 00:27:18,093
An equestrian piece
attributed to the Trillini school.
397
00:27:18,261 --> 00:27:21,764
Now, who will start at 250,000?
398
00:27:21,931 --> 00:27:24,350
Two-hundred-fifty thousand.
Eighty thousand.
399
00:27:24,517 --> 00:27:26,185
Thank you, sir.
400
00:27:26,353 --> 00:27:28,479
Three hundred thousand.
Three-twenty.
401
00:27:28,647 --> 00:27:31,315
Three-forty thousand.
402
00:27:31,483 --> 00:27:33,901
No more on 340,000?
403
00:27:34,069 --> 00:27:37,029
Sold once. Twice.
404
00:27:37,197 --> 00:27:38,906
Sold.
405
00:27:39,074 --> 00:27:43,202
And finally, lot number 17.
406
00:27:43,370 --> 00:27:49,291
Thought to be lost in the war,
and again last night.
407
00:27:49,459 --> 00:27:54,296
The da Vinci Sforza,
the jewel of the sale.
408
00:27:54,464 --> 00:27:55,839
Fantastic.
409
00:27:56,007 --> 00:27:57,841
Is looking like
a constipated warthog...
410
00:27:58,009 --> 00:28:00,678
...a prerequisite for getting a job
in the art world?
411
00:28:00,845 --> 00:28:05,391
- Doctoressa Anna Baragli
of the Vatican. Doc?
412
00:28:05,558 --> 00:28:08,519
Some of us warthogs are
more constipated than others.
413
00:28:26,913 --> 00:28:29,623
Oh, shit.
414
00:28:34,462 --> 00:28:35,921
Perfection.
415
00:28:36,089 --> 00:28:40,050
The Vatican extends its jealousy
to the lucky bidder.
416
00:28:40,218 --> 00:28:41,844
Thank you, doctor.
417
00:28:42,011 --> 00:28:47,474
We'll begin the bidding
at $20 million. To you, sir.
418
00:28:47,642 --> 00:28:50,811
- Twenty-point-five.
- Waldo!
419
00:28:50,979 --> 00:28:54,314
One hundred million clams.
420
00:28:54,482 --> 00:28:59,194
That's $100 million
to Mr. Darwin Mayflower.
421
00:29:01,698 --> 00:29:07,035
One hundred million and one, Waldo.
422
00:29:07,203 --> 00:29:09,037
Fantastic.
423
00:29:09,205 --> 00:29:12,583
One hundred million dollars
and one.
424
00:29:12,751 --> 00:29:14,168
Outbid by mine own wench.
425
00:29:14,335 --> 00:29:15,586
Quelle bummer.
426
00:29:15,754 --> 00:29:18,964
Don't hate me, baby.
427
00:29:21,468 --> 00:29:23,469
- Bunny.
- Bunny.
428
00:29:23,636 --> 00:29:25,471
Any other bids?
429
00:29:25,638 --> 00:29:27,181
Going once.
430
00:29:33,646 --> 00:29:40,110
Going twice.
431
00:29:40,278 --> 00:29:41,612
Gone.
432
00:30:04,761 --> 00:30:06,678
My God. That was bold of you.
433
00:30:06,846 --> 00:30:08,931
- You didn't have to do that.
- It's nothing.
434
00:30:09,098 --> 00:30:10,474
Anybody would have
done the same thing.
435
00:30:10,642 --> 00:30:13,227
No, I mean, you didn't
have to tackle me and rip my dress.
436
00:30:13,394 --> 00:30:14,645
Oh.
437
00:30:14,813 --> 00:30:18,482
Oh, I'm just kidding.
Thanks for saving me, tough guy.
438
00:30:18,650 --> 00:30:19,942
Why was that guard
chasing you?
439
00:30:20,109 --> 00:30:21,735
Because danger, doc,
is my middle...
440
00:30:37,794 --> 00:30:40,587
Couldn't just play along,
could you, Eddie?
441
00:30:40,755 --> 00:30:44,508
You gotta admit, Eddie. Classy way
of covering our tracks, huh?
442
00:30:44,676 --> 00:30:48,595
That auctioneer ought to be landing
at La Guardia any minute now.
443
00:30:49,973 --> 00:30:52,599
Hey, subtlety's not one
of our strong points.
444
00:31:03,403 --> 00:31:05,612
Get the fuck out of here.
445
00:31:07,824 --> 00:31:09,324
You stupid ass!
446
00:31:17,834 --> 00:31:20,127
- Ew, menthol.
- Hey!
447
00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:24,339
This is a brand-new tuxedo!
448
00:31:25,758 --> 00:31:28,260
Hey, mister. Are you gonna die?
449
00:31:37,270 --> 00:31:39,021
Happy sailing, Hawk!
450
00:31:39,314 --> 00:31:40,480
No! Oh, no!
451
00:31:40,648 --> 00:31:41,773
How am I driving?
452
00:31:41,941 --> 00:31:44,401
1-800-I'm-gonna-fucking-die!
453
00:31:47,155 --> 00:31:48,614
Toll booth?!
454
00:31:56,956 --> 00:31:58,248
Exact change?!
455
00:32:10,970 --> 00:32:12,095
Make him roadkill.
456
00:32:12,263 --> 00:32:13,597
Up yours, Cesar.
457
00:32:13,765 --> 00:32:15,682
Yeah, run him down.
458
00:32:28,947 --> 00:32:33,617
Cesar! Antony!
459
00:32:33,785 --> 00:32:35,035
Are you okay?
460
00:32:58,434 --> 00:32:59,768
What the fuck
is the matter with you?
461
00:32:59,936 --> 00:33:02,771
The name's Snickers.
The plane leaves in 40.
462
00:33:04,941 --> 00:33:07,859
Almond Joy. Get it? Candy bars.
463
00:33:08,569 --> 00:33:10,654
Well, it's better
than when we first started out.
464
00:33:10,822 --> 00:33:12,489
Our code names were diseases.
465
00:33:12,657 --> 00:33:15,993
Do you know what it's like
being called Chlamydia for a year?
466
00:33:16,786 --> 00:33:17,953
Oops, forgot.
467
00:33:32,343 --> 00:33:35,095
- My 's Butterfinger.
- No shit.
468
00:33:40,852 --> 00:33:42,894
Do you like
the company's new look?
469
00:33:43,062 --> 00:33:45,230
I call them the "MTV-IA."
470
00:33:45,398 --> 00:33:46,523
George, you promised.
471
00:33:46,691 --> 00:33:49,693
No old-CIA/new-CIA jokes.
472
00:33:49,861 --> 00:33:53,780
Punks. They think the Bay of Pigs
is an herbal tea...
473
00:33:53,948 --> 00:33:56,616
...and the Cold War has something
to do with penguins.
474
00:33:56,784 --> 00:33:57,993
Don't I know you?
475
00:33:58,161 --> 00:34:01,705
The last time you saw me, I was bald
with a beard and no mustache...
476
00:34:01,873 --> 00:34:03,832
...and I had a different nose.
477
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:06,793
So if you don't recognize me,
I won't be offended.
478
00:34:06,961 --> 00:34:09,171
My high school science teacher?
479
00:34:09,672 --> 00:34:13,091
I'm the guy who tricked you into
robbing the government installation...
480
00:34:13,259 --> 00:34:15,469
...and then had you
sent to prison for it.
481
00:34:15,636 --> 00:34:17,429
George Kaplan.
482
00:34:21,267 --> 00:34:23,310
I'm not the type
to hold a grudge, George.
483
00:34:24,645 --> 00:34:26,313
I used you as a diversion.
484
00:34:26,481 --> 00:34:28,732
I guess down deep,
I was just jealous.
485
00:34:28,900 --> 00:34:32,069
You were one hell of a thief.
486
00:34:32,236 --> 00:34:34,946
To what do I owe
the dishonor of this reunion, Georgie?
487
00:34:35,114 --> 00:34:38,200
I wanna make it up to you, kid.
That's why I got you this gig.
488
00:34:38,367 --> 00:34:40,911
And to quote the late, great
Karen Carpenter:
489
00:34:41,079 --> 00:34:42,913
"We have only just begun."
490
00:34:43,081 --> 00:34:45,040
Three minutes, four seconds.
491
00:34:45,208 --> 00:34:46,917
Well you know, George, you're a little late.
492
00:34:47,085 --> 00:34:49,294
Maybe nobody told you.
I quit stealing.
493
00:34:49,462 --> 00:34:53,006
- My employer wants a meeting.
- Your employer?
494
00:34:53,174 --> 00:34:56,802
- The president?
- No. Somebody powerful.
495
00:34:58,054 --> 00:35:00,889
Good God, what's that?
496
00:35:01,057 --> 00:35:04,851
Now George, you don't expect me
to fall for that old gag, do you?
497
00:35:05,019 --> 00:35:06,561
Shucks, I guess not.
498
00:35:07,396 --> 00:35:10,065
Now?
499
00:35:10,233 --> 00:35:11,900
Yes, now.
500
00:36:09,458 --> 00:36:10,792
No way.
501
00:36:10,960 --> 00:36:13,670
Welcome to Rome, sir.
502
00:36:36,319 --> 00:36:41,114
So, Hawk. The Hawkster.
What do you think of the vehicle?
503
00:36:41,282 --> 00:36:45,619
Why did you duck
at the auction house, asshole?
504
00:36:45,786 --> 00:36:48,705
What can I tell you. I'm the villain.
505
00:36:48,873 --> 00:36:51,917
Initially, it was a priority to keep
a lot of buffers between you and me.
506
00:36:52,084 --> 00:36:54,878
But since most of them are dead now,
I thought, what the heck?
507
00:36:55,046 --> 00:36:58,381
Hawkie, you come
highly recommended.
508
00:36:58,549 --> 00:37:02,719
I hired Kaplan and the Mario brothers
to find me a cat burglar.
509
00:37:02,887 --> 00:37:05,972
Hey. I want to be in business
with you.
510
00:37:15,233 --> 00:37:20,695
♪ I've got the power ♪
511
00:37:26,661 --> 00:37:29,412
Ladies and gentlemen of the board,
and Minerva...
512
00:37:29,580 --> 00:37:32,499
...let's give it up for Hudson Hawk.
513
00:37:35,753 --> 00:37:37,087
Minerva.
514
00:37:37,255 --> 00:37:38,630
Minerva!
515
00:37:39,465 --> 00:37:44,344
Hello. Bunny, ball-ball.
516
00:37:44,512 --> 00:37:45,637
So, Hawkmeister...
517
00:37:45,805 --> 00:37:47,639
...we got you clothes, great hotel...
518
00:37:47,807 --> 00:37:50,684
...and a 250,000-lire per diem.
519
00:37:50,851 --> 00:37:52,018
That's $200 a day.
520
00:37:52,186 --> 00:37:54,104
So he can get a hooker
and some tequila?
521
00:37:54,272 --> 00:37:55,647
Veto, Darwin.
522
00:37:55,815 --> 00:38:00,318
I guess we see who wears
the penis in this family, huh?
523
00:38:00,486 --> 00:38:03,905
For God's sake,
somebody chain this convict.
524
00:38:05,825 --> 00:38:06,992
Listen, Hawkie.
525
00:38:07,159 --> 00:38:10,954
This might be hard to believe,
but I'm just a regular joe.
526
00:38:13,291 --> 00:38:15,125
I just want to be happy.
527
00:38:15,293 --> 00:38:16,501
And happiness comes...
528
00:38:16,669 --> 00:38:18,503
...from the achieving of goals.
529
00:38:19,714 --> 00:38:24,426
It's just that when you've made
your first billion by the age of 19...
530
00:38:24,593 --> 00:38:27,387
...it's hard to keep
coming up with new ones.
531
00:38:27,555 --> 00:38:32,142
But now, finally,
I got myself a new goal:
532
00:38:32,768 --> 00:38:35,020
World domination!
533
00:38:45,031 --> 00:38:46,489
Shut up!
534
00:38:46,657 --> 00:38:49,701
- Bunny, quit that.
- Bunny, ball-ball.
535
00:38:49,869 --> 00:38:51,911
I think Bunny's got
today's ball-balls.
536
00:38:52,079 --> 00:38:55,081
- Bad Bunny.
- Bunny, you weren't that bad.
537
00:38:55,249 --> 00:38:58,335
Just two more minutes.
I was so close.
538
00:38:58,502 --> 00:39:03,256
But seriously, folks, Concorde me
back home, put me in jail. I don't care.
539
00:39:03,424 --> 00:39:07,469
You go back to jail,
and you won't be alone.
540
00:39:07,636 --> 00:39:12,766
You'll have a Guinea barkeep
cellmate to keep you company.
541
00:39:12,933 --> 00:39:15,518
You're young enough to still enjoy
shanking child molesters...
542
00:39:15,686 --> 00:39:19,105
...for a pack of smokes.
543
00:39:19,273 --> 00:39:21,274
But Tommy Five-Tone...
544
00:39:21,442 --> 00:39:23,860
...will go in knowing
the next time he gets out...
545
00:39:24,028 --> 00:39:26,946
...will be to attend
his own funeral.
546
00:39:32,036 --> 00:39:34,037
Depressing?
547
00:39:36,832 --> 00:39:39,000
I wouldn't waste a dime
for the phone call.
548
00:39:39,168 --> 00:39:41,086
You don't have any proof.
549
00:39:41,253 --> 00:39:43,546
The magic word.
550
00:39:43,714 --> 00:39:47,467
It's "véjà du," Hawkhead:
Something you wish never did happen.
551
00:39:47,635 --> 00:39:51,638
Kaplan and his CIA candy bars shot
the entire operation with hidden cameras.
552
00:39:51,806 --> 00:39:56,643
They put the fake horse in the safe
while you clowns were running from the guards.
553
00:40:00,648 --> 00:40:02,524
Yikes.
554
00:40:02,691 --> 00:40:04,192
Damn Fotomat assholes.
555
00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:05,652
That's a good shot of you, Minerva.
556
00:40:05,820 --> 00:40:09,239
My man, you're going
to hit a church.
557
00:40:09,407 --> 00:40:11,908
We want you to steal
da Vinci's sketchbook...
558
00:40:12,076 --> 00:40:15,620
...the Codex.
559
00:40:15,788 --> 00:40:17,789
The Vatican.
560
00:40:17,957 --> 00:40:20,792
I'm robbing
the freaking Vatican.
561
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:23,461
The nuns at St. Agnes...
562
00:40:23,629 --> 00:40:25,338
...predicted this.
563
00:40:25,506 --> 00:40:27,674
What do they call you guys,
Igg and Ook?
564
00:40:57,955 --> 00:40:59,247
- Hey, man.
- Buon giorno
565
00:40:59,415 --> 00:41:00,582
Yeah, buon giorno.
566
00:41:00,749 --> 00:41:02,083
I'm being blackmailed
into robbing the Vatican...
567
00:41:02,251 --> 00:41:05,086
...by a psychotic
American corporation and the CIA.
568
00:41:05,254 --> 00:41:07,839
I don't...
569
00:41:08,007 --> 00:41:10,967
That's okay, colonel.
Just keep an eye on all the art.
570
00:42:03,938 --> 00:42:05,271
Courtney, stop it.
571
00:42:05,439 --> 00:42:07,232
You're embarrassing
your country.
572
00:42:17,243 --> 00:42:19,661
Though Leonardo
is best known as a painter...
573
00:42:19,828 --> 00:42:21,955
...it was his gift as an inventor...
574
00:42:22,122 --> 00:42:25,583
...who drew together
science and art...
575
00:42:25,751 --> 00:42:28,127
...that is most incredible.
576
00:42:33,509 --> 00:42:35,009
Tough guy.
577
00:42:35,177 --> 00:42:37,095
What are you doing here?
578
00:42:37,263 --> 00:42:40,848
You know, every time I get around you,
my heart starts beating really fast.
579
00:42:44,770 --> 00:42:46,437
As you know,
the Da Vinci Codex...
580
00:42:46,605 --> 00:42:50,775
...has lived in the Vatican for centuries,
and will continue to live here for centuries more.
581
00:42:50,943 --> 00:42:52,944
That's what you think.
582
00:42:53,112 --> 00:42:56,072
- Question, sir?
- Yeah, what time do you get done?
583
00:42:56,240 --> 00:42:59,075
His untiring pen
predicted the airplane...
584
00:42:59,243 --> 00:43:01,744
...the submarine, the bicycle...
585
00:43:01,912 --> 00:43:04,414
...the helicopter
and even the tank.
586
00:43:04,582 --> 00:43:06,791
These more dangerous designs
inspired him...
587
00:43:06,959 --> 00:43:08,334
Pokey!
588
00:43:23,017 --> 00:43:24,559
- What's the matter? Something wrong?
- Quickly, come with me.
589
00:43:24,727 --> 00:43:26,603
Pokey, come back!
590
00:43:30,733 --> 00:43:32,025
Is that smoke bad for you?
591
00:43:32,610 --> 00:43:33,776
- This way.
- Where are we going?
592
00:43:33,944 --> 00:43:35,278
Through here.
593
00:43:42,328 --> 00:43:45,747
Are you gonna tell me why you did that back there,
or are you gonna blame it on Dumbo?
594
00:43:45,914 --> 00:43:47,290
You mean Pokey?
595
00:43:47,458 --> 00:43:50,043
You believe that
kooky little elephant?
596
00:43:51,462 --> 00:43:54,839
- What in the world is this?
- It's a postal subway.
597
00:43:55,007 --> 00:43:58,217
- Can I get to Times Square from here?
- No.
598
00:43:58,385 --> 00:44:00,094
The pope takes his mail seriously.
599
00:44:00,262 --> 00:44:02,096
Christmas cards, Easter Seals.
600
00:44:02,264 --> 00:44:04,390
Delivers up to 10 at night.
601
00:44:04,558 --> 00:44:06,601
I see.
602
00:44:06,769 --> 00:44:09,270
Well, actually, I don't see.
I'm very confused.
603
00:44:09,438 --> 00:44:11,648
How do you know all this stuff?
What do you do?
604
00:44:11,815 --> 00:44:14,275
Well, I do a lot of things.
605
00:44:14,443 --> 00:44:17,070
But I don't steal stuffed elephants
from little girls.
606
00:44:17,613 --> 00:44:19,447
My life's pretty boring.
607
00:44:20,240 --> 00:44:22,575
Yeah, mine too.
608
00:44:23,952 --> 00:44:25,495
You have dinner
with me tonight?
609
00:44:25,663 --> 00:44:27,330
Nice, dull, boring dinner?
610
00:44:27,498 --> 00:44:31,584
Scrabble, knock-knock jokes,
anecdotes about dead Italians?
611
00:44:31,415 --> 00:44:34,000
I'll bring my entire repertoire.
612
00:44:34,003 --> 00:44:36,003
Mi dispiace Signori.
Ma qua non si puo entrare.
613
00:44:36,736 --> 00:44:38,736
No, no, no, no, no.
614
00:44:39,468 --> 00:44:41,594
And I'll bring my entire entourage.
615
00:44:41,762 --> 00:44:43,221
There's a place around the corner.
616
00:44:43,389 --> 00:44:46,724
- Enzo's. Say 10:30?
- Ten-thirty.
617
00:44:46,892 --> 00:44:49,143
Hey, thanks.
618
00:44:57,027 --> 00:45:00,113
Father, it's obvious
he's up to something.
619
00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:01,948
Report upstairs at once.
620
00:45:02,116 --> 00:45:03,574
Yes, sir.
621
00:45:15,254 --> 00:45:16,629
Did he mention the Mayflowers?
622
00:45:16,797 --> 00:45:19,966
No, your eminence. He's definitely
going to steal the Codex. I can feel it.
623
00:45:20,134 --> 00:45:22,677
- I'm not sure when.
- Attempt to steal, you mean.
624
00:45:22,845 --> 00:45:25,221
The vanity of this man,
Hudson Hawk.
625
00:45:25,389 --> 00:45:29,308
The Vatican has foiled the advances
of pirates and terrorists.
626
00:45:29,476 --> 00:45:33,563
We will not lie down
for some schmuck from New Jersey.
627
00:45:33,731 --> 00:45:40,194
And must you flirt with him
so effectively?
628
00:45:40,362 --> 00:45:42,155
That's the only way.
629
00:45:42,322 --> 00:45:46,284
As an agent of our organization,
you are put in awkward situations.
630
00:45:46,452 --> 00:45:50,663
Just remember, Hudson Hawk
is an evil, evil man.
631
00:46:07,500 --> 00:46:09,500
Pronto, centralino interurbana.
632
00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:12,144
Yes. Hello, operator.
I'd like to make a collect call...
633
00:46:12,312 --> 00:46:14,000
...overseas, to a New York number.
634
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:16,815
Deve parlare col servizio intercontinentale.
Permesso.
635
00:46:16,815 --> 00:46:18,983
What? No, no, don't put me...
636
00:46:23,530 --> 00:46:25,281
- Oh, shit.
- Thank you for calling AT&T.
637
00:46:25,449 --> 00:46:27,033
What number
are you calling, please?
638
00:46:27,201 --> 00:46:31,829
Thank God. 212-555-1989.
639
00:46:38,003 --> 00:46:42,757
Pick up the phone, you
reindeer-goat-cheese-eating bastard.
640
00:46:44,051 --> 00:46:45,593
Pick it up. Pick it up.
641
00:46:46,512 --> 00:46:48,346
Pick it up, Tommy.
642
00:46:48,514 --> 00:46:51,641
The black thing. On the desk.
643
00:46:53,310 --> 00:46:55,186
Come on, Tommy.
644
00:47:09,243 --> 00:47:10,785
Want a little more, Jumbo?
645
00:47:10,953 --> 00:47:13,204
Kick your big, flabby ass.i
646
00:47:13,747 --> 00:47:15,289
Hawk.
647
00:47:15,457 --> 00:47:19,585
Hawk, Hawk.
648
00:47:19,753 --> 00:47:22,213
- Enjoying Italy?
- Yeah.
649
00:47:22,381 --> 00:47:24,340
Yes.
650
00:47:24,508 --> 00:47:28,302
I've always had
a soft spot in my heart for Roma.
651
00:47:28,470 --> 00:47:32,807
I did my first
bare-handed strangulation here.
652
00:47:32,975 --> 00:47:34,684
Communist politician.
653
00:47:34,852 --> 00:47:36,394
Why, George, you big softy.
654
00:47:36,562 --> 00:47:40,481
God, I miss Communism.
655
00:47:40,649 --> 00:47:42,608
The Red threat.
656
00:47:42,776 --> 00:47:46,237
People were scared...
657
00:47:46,405 --> 00:47:52,535
...the agency had some respect,
and I got laid every night.
658
00:47:52,703 --> 00:47:54,495
Brief him, Snickers.
659
00:47:54,663 --> 00:47:55,997
Good news, Hawk.
660
00:47:56,164 --> 00:47:58,040
Mayflowers have
moved up the timetable.
661
00:47:58,208 --> 00:48:00,459
- You're hitting the Vatican tonight.
- Oh, no. Oh, no.
662
00:48:00,627 --> 00:48:02,503
The timing's off,
the schedule's not right...
663
00:48:02,671 --> 00:48:05,006
...I'm underequipped,
and besides that, I got a date.
664
00:48:05,173 --> 00:48:06,757
Grapple, biker's bottle...
665
00:48:06,925 --> 00:48:08,551
...pocket fisherman, olive oil...
666
00:48:08,719 --> 00:48:09,927
...100 stamps?
667
00:48:10,095 --> 00:48:12,138
Gee, stud, this gonna be some date.
668
00:48:12,306 --> 00:48:13,639
No Harvey's Bristol Cream?
669
00:48:13,807 --> 00:48:16,309
Snickers, make that list happen.
670
00:48:17,185 --> 00:48:18,895
Oh, it's one thing
to play hide-and-seek...
671
00:48:19,062 --> 00:48:21,314
...with the Mayflowers'
pathetic staff...
672
00:48:21,481 --> 00:48:23,482
...but we're sore losers.
673
00:48:23,650 --> 00:48:25,610
We blow up space shuttles
for breakfast.
674
00:48:25,777 --> 00:48:28,279
You and your friend Tommy
would be nothing more than a...
675
00:48:28,447 --> 00:48:30,323
A late-afternoon Triscuit.
676
00:48:30,490 --> 00:48:31,866
Ciao.
677
00:48:32,993 --> 00:48:34,827
Hey! Old man!
678
00:48:34,995 --> 00:48:36,537
Yeah, you!
679
00:48:36,705 --> 00:48:39,123
You come back here
without your Cub Scout army...
680
00:48:39,291 --> 00:48:40,917
...and I'll kick your
centrally intelligent ass...
681
00:48:41,084 --> 00:48:44,128
...up one side the piazza
and down the other!
682
00:48:52,763 --> 00:48:54,722
"Beware the blue wire"?
683
00:48:56,475 --> 00:48:58,768
Hey, Mr. Hawk, I got your stamps.
684
00:48:58,936 --> 00:49:00,519
Good, Yogi.
685
00:50:36,867 --> 00:50:42,538
Sempre buona questa vas...
Mi diceva mamma: olive di Anuga e pomodori San Marzano
686
00:50:43,318 --> 00:50:46,318
Bo.., che mi finisco di pasto giro.
Vai. Vai, vai.
687
00:51:00,098 --> 00:51:02,767
Now, Kit Kat, how did you know
about that blue wire?
688
00:51:23,914 --> 00:51:26,963
Controllo! Qua sta succedendo qualcosa di strano.
689
00:51:29,500 --> 00:51:31,500
Mamma mia!
690
00:52:34,547 --> 00:52:36,547
...sono morto.
691
00:53:38,131 --> 00:53:40,674
Oh. I was afraid
you weren't gonna drop by.
692
00:53:40,842 --> 00:53:42,635
Am I late?
693
00:53:51,186 --> 00:53:52,728
You look very nice.
694
00:53:52,896 --> 00:53:55,064
You really do.
695
00:53:55,232 --> 00:53:56,941
- What?
- I am the waiter, sir.
696
00:53:57,108 --> 00:53:59,777
Oh, very nice.
697
00:53:59,945 --> 00:54:03,155
Fettuccine con funghi porcini.
Prego.
698
00:54:03,323 --> 00:54:06,450
And bring me a bottle of ketchup
with that, will you?
699
00:54:06,618 --> 00:54:08,202
You heard him.
700
00:54:08,370 --> 00:54:10,496
Ketchup. Ketchup sulle tagliatelle.
701
00:54:10,664 --> 00:54:12,122
Stupid Americano!
702
00:54:12,290 --> 00:54:14,792
Come fanno a mettere ketchup sulle tagliatelle,
che gli non capisco. Ma due cazzo questi americani.
703
00:54:15,085 --> 00:54:18,087
Come on, Pierre, read my lips.
704
00:54:18,255 --> 00:54:20,089
Steak burger.
705
00:54:20,257 --> 00:54:22,591
French fries.
706
00:54:22,759 --> 00:54:24,760
This is France.
You got to have french fries.
707
00:54:24,928 --> 00:54:26,929
"Actually, it's Italy, Butterfinger,"
she said...
708
00:54:27,097 --> 00:54:28,889
...as if it made a difference.
709
00:54:32,477 --> 00:54:34,853
To be in Paris and in love.
710
00:54:37,148 --> 00:54:39,066
Grazie. Molto bene.
711
00:54:39,234 --> 00:54:42,027
They had the worst ketchup
when I was in prison.
712
00:54:42,320 --> 00:54:45,030
Prison?
713
00:54:45,198 --> 00:54:46,991
I was a warden?
714
00:54:47,867 --> 00:54:49,326
How long were you in?
715
00:54:49,494 --> 00:54:53,664
Let's just say I never saw E.T.
716
00:54:53,832 --> 00:54:57,501
Wow, you were in the joint...
717
00:54:57,669 --> 00:55:01,255
...doing hard time.
718
00:55:01,423 --> 00:55:05,175
It's funny, but that excites me.
719
00:55:05,343 --> 00:55:07,845
I seem to have a thing for sinners.
720
00:55:08,013 --> 00:55:10,723
I seem to have a thing for sinning.
Check, please.
721
00:55:12,392 --> 00:55:13,892
Where did you get the Hawk?
722
00:55:14,060 --> 00:55:16,478
Ossining, New York.
723
00:55:16,646 --> 00:55:19,398
Where did you get the
Hudson Hawk?
724
00:55:19,566 --> 00:55:22,693
Well, a "hawk" is a slang word...
725
00:55:22,861 --> 00:55:26,238
...for the cold wind
that blows in the wintertime.
726
00:55:26,406 --> 00:55:28,657
I grew up in a town
called Hoboken, New Jersey...
727
00:55:28,825 --> 00:55:30,075
...which is on the Hudson River.
728
00:55:30,243 --> 00:55:34,705
- So Hudson River, Hudson Hawk.
- Hudson Hawk.
729
00:55:34,873 --> 00:55:37,458
And where did you get these?
730
00:55:37,625 --> 00:55:39,251
Had a little accident
around the house.
731
00:55:39,419 --> 00:55:41,962
- What happened?
- I fell on some chickens.
732
00:55:42,130 --> 00:55:43,881
- Does it hurt?
- Yes, they hurt.
733
00:55:44,049 --> 00:55:46,008
Maybe I can make them
feel better.
734
00:55:46,176 --> 00:55:49,345
Well, okay. See what you can do.
735
00:56:00,607 --> 00:56:02,191
Don't. Don't tickle me.
Don't do it.
736
00:56:02,359 --> 00:56:03,442
Don't do it because...
737
00:56:03,610 --> 00:56:05,736
Because I gotta
tell you something.
738
00:56:05,904 --> 00:56:07,154
What?
739
00:56:07,322 --> 00:56:09,406
No, I better whisper it to you.
740
00:56:09,574 --> 00:56:11,367
Come here.
741
00:56:13,453 --> 00:56:15,829
I can't do this.
742
00:56:19,501 --> 00:56:21,335
What's the matter?
743
00:56:21,503 --> 00:56:23,087
It's been a long time for me.
744
00:56:23,254 --> 00:56:25,464
Well, it's been a really long time
for me.
745
00:56:25,632 --> 00:56:29,426
Outside of a friendly dog yesterday morning,
this has been a very slow decade.
746
00:56:30,303 --> 00:56:34,723
I don't make love every 10 years,
I get a little cranky.
747
00:56:36,184 --> 00:56:38,685
I'm not sure if I remember
how to kiss girls.
748
00:56:40,480 --> 00:56:42,648
Not that I ever kiss guys.
749
00:56:49,364 --> 00:56:51,949
Attenzione. Il vaticano è stato rubato.
750
00:56:52,450 --> 00:56:53,909
Catholic girls are scary.
751
00:56:54,077 --> 00:56:57,079
- Somebody robbed the Vatican.
- Really?
752
00:57:02,627 --> 00:57:05,337
This is not what you think.
Well, maybe it is.
753
00:57:05,505 --> 00:57:07,798
You went and did it.
You really did it.
754
00:57:07,966 --> 00:57:11,093
In one day, in less than one day
of planning, and you did it.
755
00:57:11,261 --> 00:57:13,137
You started the week
by stealing the Sforza...
756
00:57:13,304 --> 00:57:15,055
...and ended by swiping the Codex.
- Yeah, but...
757
00:57:15,223 --> 00:57:17,808
What are your plans for the weekend?
Hoisting away the Colosseum?
758
00:57:17,976 --> 00:57:20,853
- But you don't...
- Tell me, did the devil make you do it?
759
00:57:21,020 --> 00:57:23,814
Or did Darwin
and Minerva Mayflower?
760
00:57:23,982 --> 00:57:26,108
Can't we just go back
to the kissing part?
761
00:57:29,320 --> 00:57:30,988
What's going on in there?
762
00:57:31,156 --> 00:57:33,532
You want me to rape them?
763
00:57:36,035 --> 00:57:38,662
Here, just read your book,
Butterfinger.
764
00:57:44,461 --> 00:57:46,879
"Not in a boat, not on a train.
765
00:57:47,046 --> 00:57:49,965
Not with a goat, not in the rain.
766
00:57:50,133 --> 00:57:53,135
- I do not like green eggs and ham..."
- To yourself. To yourself!
767
00:57:53,928 --> 00:57:55,929
It's more complicated
than that, Hudson.
768
00:57:56,097 --> 00:57:58,640
For two years, I've been tracking
the Mayflowers' peculiar interest...
769
00:57:58,808 --> 00:58:00,100
...in the three da Vinci pieces.
770
00:58:00,268 --> 00:58:01,768
The Sforza statue was a fake...
771
00:58:01,936 --> 00:58:04,480
...but I was under orders
not to denounce it.
772
00:58:04,647 --> 00:58:07,774
Does everybody in the whole world
know more than me?
773
00:58:07,942 --> 00:58:09,735
- You didn't know?
- No.
774
00:58:09,903 --> 00:58:14,281
I'm just some guy
that's good at swiping stuff.
775
00:58:14,449 --> 00:58:16,742
Who knew that would lead to this.
776
00:58:18,411 --> 00:58:20,871
Christ, they even got
the CIA Involved now.
777
00:58:22,248 --> 00:58:24,124
Here's looking at you, kid.
778
00:58:26,628 --> 00:58:30,005
Hey. This doesn't taste
like cappuccino.
779
00:58:30,173 --> 00:58:34,259
Oh, I guess I put too much
ethyl chloride in it.
780
00:58:37,430 --> 00:58:40,807
Why didn't you say at the restaurant
that Hawk had hit the Vatican tonight?
781
00:58:40,975 --> 00:58:42,601
My people will not be happy.
782
00:58:42,769 --> 00:58:44,228
I want to see Kaplan.
783
00:58:52,820 --> 00:58:56,156
Damn meddlesome
Vatican organization.
784
00:58:58,034 --> 00:59:00,035
Hey! Way to go, Anna!
785
00:59:00,203 --> 00:59:02,204
Hudson Hawk had
some interesting things to say...
786
00:59:02,372 --> 00:59:04,373
...about you and the Mayflowers.
787
00:59:04,541 --> 00:59:07,209
Basically, that you're all part
of the same car pool.
788
00:59:07,377 --> 00:59:11,755
Anna, Anna, Anna,
if that were so...
789
00:59:11,923 --> 00:59:13,507
...Almond Joy would've
handed you your heart...
790
00:59:13,675 --> 00:59:16,051
...right after you handed her
the Codex.
791
00:59:16,219 --> 00:59:18,095
No, now the trip is this:
792
00:59:18,263 --> 00:59:20,722
Soon as the Mayflowers find out
we have the Codex...
793
00:59:20,890 --> 00:59:22,266
...they're gonna want to make a deal.
794
00:59:22,433 --> 00:59:25,060
We deal, they'll buy, we bust.
795
00:59:25,228 --> 00:59:28,063
- A classic sting.
- What happens to Hudson Hawk?
796
00:59:28,231 --> 00:59:31,066
Oh, I wouldn't worry too much
about him. He's...
797
00:59:31,234 --> 00:59:33,193
He's gonna be in very good hands.
798
00:59:33,361 --> 00:59:36,071
But you, you look really tired, kiddo.
799
00:59:36,239 --> 00:59:38,115
Maybe you should go back
to Rome and get some sleep.
800
00:59:38,283 --> 00:59:43,245
Kit Kat? Oh, there you are.
801
00:59:43,413 --> 00:59:46,373
See that Miss Baragli
gets home safely.
802
00:59:48,209 --> 00:59:50,085
Arrividerci, baby.
803
00:59:52,672 --> 00:59:54,715
With all due respect
to that great dress...
804
00:59:54,882 --> 00:59:56,592
...how come you didn't you let me
cut her heart out?
805
00:59:56,759 --> 01:00:00,012
Close call, close call.
806
01:00:00,179 --> 01:00:05,183
But she's the only way we have keeping tabs
on the damn mysterious Vatican organization.
807
01:00:10,148 --> 01:00:12,024
Bunny Mayflower.
808
01:00:13,484 --> 01:00:14,901
Forgive me, Father,
for I have sinned.
809
01:00:15,069 --> 01:00:17,654
It's been 1200 hours
since my last confession.
810
01:00:17,822 --> 01:00:19,865
Hit me with your best shot.
811
01:00:20,033 --> 01:00:21,950
I betrayed a man.
812
01:00:22,118 --> 01:00:24,911
A good man. An innocent man.
813
01:00:25,079 --> 01:00:26,288
A thief.
814
01:00:26,456 --> 01:00:29,041
Anna, what are you trying to say?
815
01:00:29,208 --> 01:00:32,127
Father, we've been
double-crossed by the CIA.
816
01:00:32,295 --> 01:00:34,630
Hudson Hawk is not
who we thought he was.
817
01:00:34,797 --> 01:00:37,758
He came into a world where crime
is a legitimate business tactic...
818
01:00:37,925 --> 01:00:39,801
...and a legitimate
government procedure...
819
01:00:39,969 --> 01:00:41,887
...but he knew right from wrong.
820
01:00:42,055 --> 01:00:44,431
Oh, and we kind of messed around.
821
01:00:44,599 --> 01:00:48,644
[Speaking Italian]
822
01:00:48,811 --> 01:00:50,854
Messed around? Messed around?!
823
01:00:53,441 --> 01:00:57,778
Seventeen Hail Marys
and five minutes outside.
824
01:00:57,945 --> 01:01:02,658
So, Sister, what you are saying
is that Hudson Hawk...
825
01:01:02,825 --> 01:01:05,077
...is not willingly working
for the Mayflowers...
826
01:01:05,244 --> 01:01:09,373
...but that Kaplan
and the candy bars are?
827
01:01:09,540 --> 01:01:11,667
I thought we were using the CIA
to get to Mayflower...
828
01:01:11,834 --> 01:01:15,045
...but the CIA is using me
to keep us away from Mayflower.
829
01:01:15,213 --> 01:01:18,632
Oh, the pope warned me
never to trust the CIA.
830
01:01:18,800 --> 01:01:21,968
If the Mayflowers get all three crystals
for the gold machine...
831
01:01:22,136 --> 01:01:24,596
...the world economy will be ruined.
832
01:01:24,764 --> 01:01:27,140
Ay-yi-yi.
833
01:01:27,308 --> 01:01:29,101
Lord help us.
834
01:01:29,268 --> 01:01:33,647
But what of Tommy Five-Tone,
Hawk's friend? Where's his loyalty?
835
01:01:33,815 --> 01:01:35,023
I'm going to find out.
836
01:01:35,191 --> 01:01:36,608
But you must remember, Sister...
837
01:01:36,776 --> 01:01:40,320
...you have your vows to God
as well as your mission to the world.
838
01:01:40,488 --> 01:01:43,699
Yes, Your Eminence.
839
01:01:43,866 --> 01:01:45,200
Just say, "God go with me."
840
01:01:45,368 --> 01:01:47,577
God go with you, Sister.
841
01:01:50,206 --> 01:01:57,129
Ball!
842
01:01:57,296 --> 01:01:59,214
Jolly good shot, sir.
843
01:02:00,383 --> 01:02:03,552
Oh, Hudson Hawk.
844
01:02:03,720 --> 01:02:05,846
You cease to amaze me, convict.
845
01:02:06,013 --> 01:02:08,223
You are a terrible cat burglar.
846
01:02:08,391 --> 01:02:10,475
Haven't you ever seen,
like, David Niven?
847
01:02:10,643 --> 01:02:12,310
Tiptoe in, tiptoe out.
848
01:02:12,478 --> 01:02:14,563
Like a cat, one would say.
849
01:02:14,731 --> 01:02:18,108
I could take it back.
850
01:02:18,276 --> 01:02:21,027
- Let me do that.
- I don't care.
851
01:02:31,539 --> 01:02:35,625
Oh, you two! There's nothing
I hate more than failure.
852
01:02:35,793 --> 01:02:37,669
All you had to do
was follow the Hawk.
853
01:02:37,837 --> 01:02:41,673
It's not like I said teach
our nation's children how to read.
854
01:02:41,841 --> 01:02:43,759
I suppose we're just going to
have to kill them.
855
01:02:50,099 --> 01:02:52,601
God, Minerva, I was just joking.
856
01:03:06,741 --> 01:03:09,951
- Get away from there, convict.
- Just browsing.
857
01:03:10,119 --> 01:03:13,705
Don't hurt him.
We need him for the final job.
858
01:03:13,873 --> 01:03:16,124
Oh, really?
859
01:03:16,292 --> 01:03:17,876
Don't hurt him?
860
01:03:18,044 --> 01:03:20,587
Even if he does this?
861
01:03:21,589 --> 01:03:23,089
What about this?
862
01:03:24,300 --> 01:03:27,135
Surely, this must offend!
863
01:03:28,429 --> 01:03:32,098
Things are really heating up
at the Castle Vinci tonight!
864
01:03:32,266 --> 01:03:33,892
Ooh, mamma mia, pizzeria!
865
01:03:34,060 --> 01:03:35,101
May I call you Minnie?
866
01:03:35,269 --> 01:03:38,313
You put your left foot in
You put your left foot out
867
01:03:38,481 --> 01:03:40,232
Come to think of it,
there is a part of your body...
868
01:03:40,399 --> 01:03:44,319
...that you won't be needing
for your next job.
869
01:03:44,487 --> 01:03:46,571
I always did wanna
sing like Frankie Valli.
870
01:03:46,739 --> 01:03:50,283
Big boys don't cry.
871
01:03:51,744 --> 01:03:56,331
Three minutes, 27 seconds.
872
01:03:59,377 --> 01:04:00,877
Look, you Eddie Munster-looking
motherfucker...
873
01:04:01,045 --> 01:04:04,214
...somebody better tell me what's going on,
or I ain't gonna move another muscle.
874
01:04:04,382 --> 01:04:06,758
- I wanna be treated like an adult.
- That's fair.
875
01:04:06,926 --> 01:04:09,886
Now go to your room.
876
01:04:12,431 --> 01:04:13,723
What?
877
01:04:19,564 --> 01:04:22,107
So, Captain Hawk,
in one of your paws...
878
01:04:22,275 --> 01:04:25,151
...you've got a gold bar
worth about eight thou.
879
01:04:25,319 --> 01:04:28,905
In the autre, you've got lead
that won't get you gelato.
880
01:04:29,073 --> 01:04:32,325
Surely a master thief like you
can tell the difference.
881
01:04:32,493 --> 01:04:34,661
That's one down. Kitty Carlisle.
882
01:04:34,829 --> 01:04:36,204
Cool, isn't it?
883
01:04:36,372 --> 01:04:40,208
Weight, feel, malleability.
They're all but identical.
884
01:04:40,376 --> 01:04:44,170
On the periodic chart of elements
they're but one proton apart.
885
01:04:44,338 --> 01:04:49,301
Great minds worked for centuries
to turn worthless into priceless.
886
01:04:49,468 --> 01:04:50,510
Alchemy?
887
01:04:50,678 --> 01:04:53,179
Alchemy is the business term
of the '90s, my man.
888
01:04:53,347 --> 01:04:57,100
Minerva read it in an airline magazine
about four years ago.
889
01:04:57,268 --> 01:05:00,687
I dumped some lire into research
and, shazam!
890
01:05:00,855 --> 01:05:03,481
We come across a diary
by one of da Vinci's assistants...
891
01:05:03,649 --> 01:05:06,735
...detailing la macchina d'oro...
892
01:05:06,903 --> 01:05:09,029
"The gold machine,"
for the hoes at home.
893
01:05:09,196 --> 01:05:11,573
- And the rest is
about to become history.
894
01:05:11,741 --> 01:05:13,408
Money isn't everything.
895
01:05:13,576 --> 01:05:15,160
Gold is.
896
01:05:15,328 --> 01:05:16,411
Fuck T-bills!
897
01:05:16,579 --> 01:05:17,913
Fuck blue-chip stocks!
898
01:05:18,080 --> 01:05:19,289
Fuck junk bonds!
899
01:05:19,457 --> 01:05:21,249
We've got the real deal.
900
01:05:21,417 --> 01:05:23,251
Money will always be paper...
901
01:05:23,419 --> 01:05:26,922
...but gold will always be gold.
902
01:05:27,089 --> 01:05:28,882
After a couple of years
of steady production...
903
01:05:29,050 --> 01:05:30,592
...we'll flood the market
with so much gold...
904
01:05:30,760 --> 01:05:33,637
...that gold itself,
the foundation of all finance...
905
01:05:33,804 --> 01:05:35,263
...will lose its meaning.
906
01:05:35,431 --> 01:05:38,099
Brokers, economists,
fellow entrepreneurs...
907
01:05:38,267 --> 01:05:42,062
...will drown in the saliva
of their own nervous breakdowns.
908
01:05:42,229 --> 01:05:43,271
Sounds like a party.
909
01:05:43,439 --> 01:05:45,231
Markets will crash-crash.
910
01:05:45,399 --> 01:05:48,360
Financial empires
will crumble-crumble.
911
01:05:48,527 --> 01:05:50,487
Except yours-yours.
912
01:05:50,655 --> 01:05:53,323
In 1992, baby...
913
01:05:53,491 --> 01:05:55,158
...the European superpowers
are coming together...
914
01:05:55,326 --> 01:05:57,661
...to form one business superpower.
915
01:05:57,828 --> 01:06:00,914
And that's one party
we're gonna love to poop.
916
01:06:01,082 --> 01:06:02,207
Well, that's set.
917
01:06:02,375 --> 01:06:06,878
The last ingredient in the recipe
is da Vinci's model of a helicopter.
918
01:06:07,046 --> 01:06:10,757
On display for three days only
at the Louvre, in Paris.
919
01:06:10,925 --> 01:06:12,509
As opposed to the Louvre
in Wisconsin?
920
01:06:12,677 --> 01:06:14,511
Shut up.
You'll make me lose my place.
921
01:06:14,679 --> 01:06:16,179
You're gonna have
to go in at night.
922
01:06:16,347 --> 01:06:18,598
- The security will be overwhelming.
- Twelve guards...
923
01:06:18,766 --> 01:06:22,102
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
Okay, time out.
924
01:06:22,269 --> 01:06:25,063
I choose not to accept
the assignment, Mr. Phelps.
925
01:06:25,231 --> 01:06:26,272
Put me in jail. Put me and...
926
01:06:26,440 --> 01:06:27,899
Jail, you asshole?!
927
01:06:28,067 --> 01:06:31,069
Our foot soldiers
will blow your brains out.
928
01:06:31,237 --> 01:06:32,904
Bunny? Ball-ball.
929
01:06:33,948 --> 01:06:36,866
I'll torture you so slowly,
you'll think it's a career.
930
01:06:37,034 --> 01:06:40,745
I'll kill your friends, your family
and the bitch you took to the prom.
931
01:06:40,913 --> 01:06:43,498
Betty Jo Biarsky?
I can get you an address on that, if you want.
932
01:06:43,666 --> 01:06:45,500
You have a dilemma, tiger.
933
01:06:45,668 --> 01:06:48,962
And I think I know what's gonna
help you solve it.
934
01:06:54,135 --> 01:06:55,802
I'll kill you all!
935
01:06:55,970 --> 01:06:59,556
I swear to God. I'll kill that butler.
I'll kill that little yappy dog.
936
01:06:59,724 --> 01:07:03,560
I'm sick of this!
937
01:07:07,481 --> 01:07:11,818
I hated cigarettes until I saw
my first "no smoking" sign.
938
01:07:11,986 --> 01:07:14,154
"Keep off the grass"?
939
01:07:14,321 --> 01:07:16,156
Let's play soccer.
940
01:07:16,323 --> 01:07:19,200
The only law I cared for
was friendship.
941
01:07:19,368 --> 01:07:22,704
I broke that one, too, didn't I?
942
01:07:25,082 --> 01:07:28,710
I just don't think that it's such a smoking-hot
idea to leave them in there alone.
943
01:07:28,878 --> 01:07:29,919
Relax, George.
944
01:07:30,087 --> 01:07:32,922
That's why we hired the
pasta-slurping Guinea to begin with...
945
01:07:33,090 --> 01:07:34,257
...to keep Hawk in line.
946
01:07:34,425 --> 01:07:37,510
This Gates-Mario brothers-
CIA-Mayflower-da Vinci thing...
947
01:07:37,678 --> 01:07:41,723
...I mean, it seemed like
a sweet deal.
948
01:07:41,891 --> 01:07:43,933
Visit foreign lands,
take their treasures.
949
01:07:44,101 --> 01:07:46,436
I don't know, Eddie,
I thought you'd get into it.
950
01:07:46,604 --> 01:07:51,399
It's better than playing darts
with M.B.A.s at the bar.
951
01:07:51,567 --> 01:07:54,319
But I didn't think
it was gonna be like this.
952
01:07:54,487 --> 01:07:58,364
Them using me to use you.
953
01:07:58,532 --> 01:08:02,494
I'm sorry, Eddie...
954
01:08:02,661 --> 01:08:06,039
...but there's only
one way out of this...
955
01:08:06,207 --> 01:08:09,918
...and it's gonna hurt me
more than it's gonna hurt you.
956
01:08:13,047 --> 01:08:16,049
They'll talk about being buddies
and chugging brewskis.
957
01:08:16,217 --> 01:08:18,510
You've got to love male bonding.
958
01:08:29,647 --> 01:08:31,815
You fucked my freedom
for a lousy job?
959
01:08:36,112 --> 01:08:37,278
Come on!
960
01:08:43,661 --> 01:08:45,078
- You know something, Eddie?
- What?
961
01:08:45,246 --> 01:08:47,789
- You hit like a girl!
- Oh, really?
962
01:08:48,749 --> 01:08:50,166
I was only kidding.
963
01:08:55,756 --> 01:08:56,923
[Gunshot]
964
01:08:58,384 --> 01:09:00,510
Tommy! No!
965
01:09:00,678 --> 01:09:02,595
Tommy!
966
01:09:10,000 --> 01:09:10,540
Sbrigati, sbrigati.
967
01:09:16,485 --> 01:09:19,696
Plan B, George.
968
01:09:23,284 --> 01:09:24,450
Plan B?
969
01:09:52,438 --> 01:09:55,106
No sweat, Tommy. You just made
the biggest mistake of my life.
970
01:09:55,274 --> 01:09:57,525
Don't act like you never
committed a crime before.
971
01:09:57,693 --> 01:09:59,819
- I know I made a bad call.
- What was your per diem?
972
01:09:59,987 --> 01:10:03,031
- Thank God you're dead.
- It was so beautiful.
973
01:10:03,199 --> 01:10:06,826
When those blanks went off,
everybody freaked.
974
01:10:08,412 --> 01:10:11,456
- Ketchup. You can't beat Heinz 57.
- Five-Tone.
975
01:10:11,624 --> 01:10:13,583
- What?
- You fucked my freedom for a job?
976
01:10:13,751 --> 01:10:16,377
- You don't understand.
- I said I was sorry.
977
01:10:16,545 --> 01:10:18,338
You better be glad I don't hit women,
assuming you are a woman,
978
01:10:18,505 --> 01:10:20,298
because from now on,
I ain't taking nothing for granted.
979
01:10:20,466 --> 01:10:21,758
- Hey, look, Eddie, I'm sorry.
- Hudson, I'm sorry.
980
01:10:21,926 --> 01:10:24,552
I work for a covert Vatican
humanitarian organization...
981
01:10:24,720 --> 01:10:26,387
...and the CIA
made a fool out of me.
982
01:10:26,555 --> 01:10:27,847
- What's more...
- Hey, man...
983
01:10:28,015 --> 01:10:31,017
...I care for you.
...I love you.
984
01:10:31,185 --> 01:10:33,228
- Then what's this?
- Where did you get that?
985
01:10:33,395 --> 01:10:34,771
The da Vinci castle.
986
01:10:34,939 --> 01:10:37,482
You know, the place where you
gave the bad guys the Codex.
987
01:10:37,650 --> 01:10:39,734
- That's from the gold machine.
- Yeah.
988
01:10:39,902 --> 01:10:41,486
So they really were that
close to making it work.
989
01:10:41,654 --> 01:10:44,530
But now that they lost the services
of the world's greatest cat burglar...
990
01:10:44,698 --> 01:10:45,865
...and his dead partner...
991
01:10:46,033 --> 01:10:48,117
They won't be able to steal
the third piece of the crystal.
992
01:10:48,285 --> 01:10:51,454
And we get to go home.
993
01:10:51,622 --> 01:10:53,998
- Five-Tone, let me ask you something.
- Go ahead.
994
01:10:54,166 --> 01:10:56,918
Why do they leave all these rocks
and shit laying out in the backyard?
995
01:10:57,086 --> 01:10:58,544
They're called ruins, Eddie.
996
01:10:58,712 --> 01:11:00,421
- Ruins, huh?
- Yeah, ruins.
997
01:11:00,589 --> 01:11:02,590
Good name.
998
01:11:07,721 --> 01:11:12,225
He had this look on his face
when we caught him. It was like...
999
01:11:12,393 --> 01:11:14,769
I never saw a look on a face like this
when he got caught.
1000
01:11:14,937 --> 01:11:17,230
I swear to God,
he was so embarrassed.
1001
01:11:17,398 --> 01:11:19,440
You know,
speaking of being caught...
1002
01:11:19,608 --> 01:11:22,068
...isn't the CIA gonna think
to check out this place?
1003
01:11:22,236 --> 01:11:23,861
No, they fell for the fake death.
1004
01:11:24,029 --> 01:11:26,656
They think Hawk's been arrested.
1005
01:11:26,824 --> 01:11:30,201
Kaplan and the candy bars were seen
by my sources boarding a plane out of Rome.
1006
01:11:30,369 --> 01:11:32,120
- Hudson.
- Where to?
1007
01:11:32,288 --> 01:11:33,997
Five-Tone, will you quit
worrying about it, man.
1008
01:11:34,164 --> 01:11:36,749
I'm not worried, alright,
I'm just being cautious.
1009
01:11:36,917 --> 01:11:40,003
Okay, guys.
On that note, it's time for bed.
1010
01:11:40,170 --> 01:11:42,171
- I couldn't agree more.
- Okay.
1011
01:11:45,801 --> 01:11:48,011
Tommy, you're gonna sleep here.
1012
01:11:48,178 --> 01:11:51,306
- Where are you gonna sleep?
- What do you think?
1013
01:11:51,473 --> 01:11:52,682
Oh, yeah. Good night.
1014
01:11:52,850 --> 01:11:54,392
I'll get you some sheets.
1015
01:11:54,560 --> 01:11:56,477
Yeah, we'll get you some sheets.
1016
01:12:00,816 --> 01:12:03,693
- It's a very special night.
- Yes, it was.
1017
01:12:03,861 --> 01:12:05,778
- Is.
- Was.
1018
01:12:05,946 --> 01:12:08,072
There's some things
you don't know about me.
1019
01:12:08,240 --> 01:12:10,158
But there's some things
I do know about you...
1020
01:12:10,326 --> 01:12:14,203
...and about me,
and about that bed.
1021
01:12:14,371 --> 01:12:16,706
This is not the time, Hudson.
1022
01:12:17,207 --> 01:12:20,960
Look, can't we just have
a late-night cappuccino?
1023
01:12:21,128 --> 01:12:25,173
I'm sorry, but the machine's
still set up for poisonous foam.
1024
01:12:25,341 --> 01:12:30,678
- Oh, yeah. I remember.
- Good night.
1025
01:12:30,846 --> 01:12:32,680
Good night.
1026
01:12:39,855 --> 01:12:41,647
Don't even think about it.
1027
01:12:41,815 --> 01:12:43,358
Don't say another word.
1028
01:12:43,525 --> 01:12:46,486
It's a very special night
1029
01:12:47,279 --> 01:12:49,238
Very funny. Very funny, Tommy.
1030
01:13:10,677 --> 01:13:12,053
Good morning.
1031
01:13:12,221 --> 01:13:16,307
The license plates on the police van
had a Vatican prefix.
1032
01:13:16,475 --> 01:13:18,184
I'm losing respect for you guys.
1033
01:13:18,352 --> 01:13:22,146
You were that close
to getting away with this crap.
1034
01:13:22,314 --> 01:13:23,773
- Get up.
- Now, where's Anna?
1035
01:13:23,941 --> 01:13:25,525
You know, George,
it's nice of you guys to drop by...
1036
01:13:25,692 --> 01:13:28,027
...but next time,
you might want to phone ahead.
1037
01:13:28,195 --> 01:13:29,695
Why don't you come back in a half-hour.
1038
01:13:29,863 --> 01:13:32,448
Grab ourselves a shower,
pick up some croissants and shit.
1039
01:13:32,616 --> 01:13:37,078
I really wish I could come up with this
glib repartee, the way you guys can.
1040
01:13:37,246 --> 01:13:40,790
But I can't.
So I'll just paralyze you. A. J?
1041
01:13:43,127 --> 01:13:44,168
Curare darts.
1042
01:13:44,336 --> 01:13:45,837
When it comes
to instantaneous loss...
1043
01:13:46,004 --> 01:13:47,880
...of all physical control
below the neck...
1044
01:13:48,048 --> 01:13:51,050
...I highly recommend them.
- Eddie, I can't move!
1045
01:13:51,218 --> 01:13:53,594
I'm gonna rip
their fucking tongues out!
1046
01:13:53,762 --> 01:13:56,222
Come here, you chickenshit
son of a bitches!
1047
01:13:56,390 --> 01:13:59,684
Come here!
My head against yours.
1048
01:13:59,852 --> 01:14:01,060
Fair fight!
1049
01:14:01,228 --> 01:14:03,771
This is how I go out.
Like a hunk of frozen Play-Doh?
1050
01:14:03,939 --> 01:14:05,857
Like a Gumby in the store?
1051
01:14:06,024 --> 01:14:08,067
What the fuck are you la...?
Keep laughing, Jumbo.
1052
01:14:08,235 --> 01:14:09,610
You made it come out of my nose.
1053
01:14:09,778 --> 01:14:10,820
Keep that shit up!
1054
01:14:10,988 --> 01:14:13,906
This is no way, George,
to get me to rob the Louvre.
1055
01:14:14,074 --> 01:14:16,534
The Louvre?
1056
01:14:16,702 --> 01:14:21,831
The Louvre, Hawk,
is yesterday's news.
1057
01:14:21,999 --> 01:14:24,208
Or should I say this morning's?
1058
01:14:24,376 --> 01:14:26,335
I admit we displayed
a lack of nuance.
1059
01:14:26,503 --> 01:14:29,005
Didn't wear black,
didn't sing "Swinging on a Star."
1060
01:14:29,173 --> 01:14:32,133
Well, we weren't being judged
for neatness...
1061
01:14:32,301 --> 01:14:34,051
...only results.
1062
01:14:34,219 --> 01:14:36,304
Goddamn it. Yanks lose again.
1063
01:14:36,472 --> 01:14:40,057
- How did the Mets do?
- Can you turn to section B.
1064
01:14:42,311 --> 01:14:45,980
You guys may be
the fairest cat burglars of them all...
1065
01:14:46,148 --> 01:14:48,107
...but if you weren't
such snobs...
1066
01:14:48,275 --> 01:14:52,820
...a lot of those guards at the Louvre
might still be alive.
1067
01:14:52,988 --> 01:14:54,947
But that's irrelevant now.
1068
01:15:02,623 --> 01:15:06,083
You're irrelevant now.
1069
01:15:06,251 --> 01:15:08,169
Because tonight...
1070
01:15:08,337 --> 01:15:10,838
...at the Castle da Vinci...
1071
01:15:11,006 --> 01:15:12,381
...we make gold!
1072
01:15:12,549 --> 01:15:14,550
Rise and shine, sleepyheads.
1073
01:15:14,718 --> 01:15:16,177
Ah, more babes for the party.
1074
01:15:16,345 --> 01:15:17,803
- Hi, Anna.
- Hi, Anna.
1075
01:15:17,971 --> 01:15:21,140
Don't be stupid, Mr. Kaplan.
Give me the crystal.
1076
01:15:21,308 --> 01:15:23,059
Anna Baragli...
1077
01:15:23,227 --> 01:15:25,520
Came to play!
1078
01:15:25,687 --> 01:15:27,647
Anna-banana-fo-fanna.
1079
01:15:27,814 --> 01:15:30,024
You're not gonna shoot
little old me, are you?
1080
01:15:30,192 --> 01:15:32,109
You're not gonna
shoot little old anybody.
1081
01:15:32,277 --> 01:15:34,111
- Pull the trigger. Shoot.
- Shoot, Anna.
1082
01:15:34,279 --> 01:15:35,655
I read your dossier...
1083
01:15:35,822 --> 01:15:38,199
...Sister.
- Pull the trigger!
1084
01:15:41,620 --> 01:15:42,995
Why did she call you Sister?
1085
01:15:43,163 --> 01:15:45,331
I'm sorry, Hudson,
I meant to tell you.
1086
01:15:45,499 --> 01:15:47,917
- He didn't know.
- He didn't know!
1087
01:15:48,085 --> 01:15:49,126
Know what?
1088
01:15:49,294 --> 01:15:51,379
Hawk likes a nun!
1089
01:15:57,386 --> 01:15:59,637
Those better be tears
you're crying, Tommy.
1090
01:15:59,805 --> 01:16:01,472
They are.
1091
01:16:01,640 --> 01:16:03,099
It doesn't mean I don't love you.
1092
01:16:03,267 --> 01:16:06,060
Oh, no. You love me. It's your job!
1093
01:16:06,228 --> 01:16:08,437
You probably love
Butterfingers over there.
1094
01:16:08,605 --> 01:16:09,647
Well, yeah.
1095
01:16:09,815 --> 01:16:12,984
In a weird sort of Catholic way, I do.
1096
01:16:13,151 --> 01:16:15,236
But you...
1097
01:16:15,404 --> 01:16:17,446
You...
1098
01:16:20,158 --> 01:16:23,911
Well, Miss Baragli's da Vinci expertise
allows her to go on to the next course.
1099
01:16:24,079 --> 01:16:27,123
- And as for you guys...
- Sorry, guys.
1100
01:16:30,961 --> 01:16:33,504
A souvenir.
1101
01:16:33,672 --> 01:16:35,298
Ciao.
1102
01:16:37,426 --> 01:16:40,011
- Later, guys.
- Easy for you to say.
1103
01:16:42,472 --> 01:16:44,432
Guys, we got some good news
and some bad news.
1104
01:16:44,600 --> 01:16:47,435
The good news is you'll be
completely unparalyzed in about two minutes.
1105
01:16:47,603 --> 01:16:52,148
The bad news is that leaves you only
five seconds to defuse the bombs.
1106
01:16:52,316 --> 01:16:53,858
- Bombs?
- Bombs?
1107
01:16:59,615 --> 01:17:01,657
I'm so glad it had to be like this.
1108
01:17:01,825 --> 01:17:04,285
I'll just shoot one in the kitchen
for good measure.
1109
01:17:08,874 --> 01:17:10,916
Almond Joy! More paralysis!
1110
01:17:13,879 --> 01:17:15,296
- You can move?
- Yeah.
1111
01:17:17,966 --> 01:17:20,092
This is what I get
for darting a nun!
1112
01:17:22,012 --> 01:17:23,763
Get this fucking thing off my head!
1113
01:17:23,930 --> 01:17:28,267
- Tommy, look at Snickers.
- He's about to have a bad migraine.
1114
01:17:28,435 --> 01:17:30,686
Maybe it was a dud.
1115
01:17:47,162 --> 01:17:48,871
I don't know. It must be the curare.
1116
01:17:49,039 --> 01:17:51,290
It's been known to have
certain side effects.
1117
01:17:51,458 --> 01:17:54,126
Oh, really, George?
1118
01:17:54,294 --> 01:17:58,130
I feel like a dolphin
who's never tasted melted snow.
1119
01:17:58,298 --> 01:18:01,717
Listen, Anna. The apprentice's diary
contains a code...
1120
01:18:01,885 --> 01:18:06,180
...that explains how the three
pieces of crystal fit together.
1121
01:18:06,348 --> 01:18:07,932
If you could do us the honor...
1122
01:18:08,100 --> 01:18:12,019
...and decipher how the code works,
we would be eternally grateful.
1123
01:18:12,187 --> 01:18:14,855
What does the color blue
taste like?
1124
01:18:15,023 --> 01:18:17,191
Bobo knows.
1125
01:18:19,361 --> 01:18:22,196
I must speak with the dolphins now.
1126
01:18:22,364 --> 01:18:26,242
[Making dolphin noises]
1127
01:18:28,120 --> 01:18:31,038
Just shoot her. Anybody?
1128
01:18:31,206 --> 01:18:34,792
Darwin, this is supposed to
be torture, not therapy.
1129
01:18:35,585 --> 01:18:38,254
- Eddie, the old man said turn left at the fork.
- He said turn right.
1130
01:18:38,422 --> 01:18:41,090
If you wanna save Anna,
you gotta find the castle first.
1131
01:18:43,385 --> 01:18:45,052
- Quit pushing.
- I'm not pushing.
1132
01:18:49,182 --> 01:18:51,642
- Count of three?
- Why not just go now?
1133
01:18:51,810 --> 01:18:54,019
- Okay. Hey, Tommy.
- What?
1134
01:18:54,187 --> 01:18:56,272
- Who are you, Bob Hope for Texaco?
- What the hell are you talking about?
1135
01:18:56,440 --> 01:18:58,232
- What are you doing with that golf bag?
- I got a plan.
1136
01:18:58,400 --> 01:19:00,776
- Is it a great plan?
- A great big plan.
1137
01:19:18,086 --> 01:19:20,629
- Tommy, let me ask you something.
- Go ahead.
1138
01:19:20,797 --> 01:19:24,091
- How do I look?
- You look great. What, are you kidding?
1139
01:19:24,259 --> 01:19:25,801
No. I want you to tell me.
Come on.
1140
01:19:25,969 --> 01:19:27,261
I've been away a long time.
1141
01:19:27,429 --> 01:19:29,555
Eddie, Eddie, we're hanging
off a castle in the middle of Italy...
1142
01:19:29,723 --> 01:19:31,265
...and you're asking me
how you look?
1143
01:19:31,433 --> 01:19:33,267
Okay, okay. You don't gotta get...
1144
01:19:34,853 --> 01:19:35,895
You look gorgeous.
1145
01:19:36,062 --> 01:19:38,189
- You look like fucking Zorro.
- Well, I didn't know.
1146
01:19:38,982 --> 01:19:43,194
Hey!
1147
01:19:47,157 --> 01:19:49,825
A lifetime of service
and it's come to this.
1148
01:19:50,368 --> 01:19:52,578
The dolphin is dead.
1149
01:19:52,746 --> 01:19:54,413
The dolphin is...
1150
01:19:54,581 --> 01:19:57,124
Come on, you bitch!
1151
01:19:57,292 --> 01:20:00,461
I'm not a very good damsel
in a dress, am I?
1152
01:20:00,629 --> 01:20:03,589
"You must pay the rent!"
"But I can't pay the rent."
1153
01:20:03,757 --> 01:20:05,633
[Making dolphin noises]
1154
01:20:05,801 --> 01:20:07,259
Yo, Flipper.
1155
01:20:07,427 --> 01:20:11,305
A damsel in distress implies that there
is some well-hung Dudley Do-Right...
1156
01:20:11,473 --> 01:20:13,307
...galloping up to save you.
1157
01:20:13,475 --> 01:20:14,767
It ain't gonna happen.
1158
01:20:14,935 --> 01:20:18,437
Hudson Hawk go boom-boom.
He dead.
1159
01:20:28,031 --> 01:20:31,867
- I'm thinking of using the 7 iron.
- Looks long, junior.
1160
01:20:32,035 --> 01:20:33,619
- Six iron?
- Bingo.
1161
01:20:33,787 --> 01:20:36,372
Thank you. Fore!
1162
01:20:37,874 --> 01:20:40,084
"Fore"?
1163
01:20:40,252 --> 01:20:41,418
Did anybody hear something?
1164
01:20:44,089 --> 01:20:45,798
Can you fucking believe...?
1165
01:20:45,966 --> 01:20:47,842
I heard something.
1166
01:20:49,010 --> 01:20:51,762
- Did you set the timer on that thing?
- No.
1167
01:20:51,930 --> 01:20:53,889
From now on, please set the timer.
1168
01:20:54,474 --> 01:20:57,810
- Come on, Butterfinger.
- I think it's time for Plan C, darling.
1169
01:20:57,978 --> 01:21:00,187
Kit Kat, you guard
the Mayflowers with your life.
1170
01:21:06,111 --> 01:21:09,071
Oh, Kit Kat. Are you really
going to guard us with your life?
1171
01:21:10,198 --> 01:21:11,782
Kit Kat!
1172
01:21:19,291 --> 01:21:21,709
A double crossbow
for a double-cross.
1173
01:21:21,877 --> 01:21:25,045
Oh, Alfie, you dry British madman.
1174
01:21:25,213 --> 01:21:27,172
- Thank you.
- Catch you later, baby.
1175
01:21:32,846 --> 01:21:35,723
- Why did you that?
- Try this one, Sister.
1176
01:21:35,891 --> 01:21:38,559
Thou shalt not share.
1177
01:21:39,769 --> 01:21:42,062
It's in the hole!
The gallery's ecstatic!
1178
01:21:42,230 --> 01:21:43,564
Oh, he's gotta be happy with that one, Tommy.
1179
01:21:43,732 --> 01:21:44,773
So what do you say, Eddie?
1180
01:21:44,941 --> 01:21:47,902
Two and half minutes to save Anna,
three and a half minutes to save the world?
1181
01:21:48,069 --> 01:21:50,779
6-0-0. "Side by Side"?
1182
01:21:52,282 --> 01:21:56,660
♪ Oh, we ain't got
a barrel of money ♪
1183
01:21:56,828 --> 01:22:00,623
♪ We may be ragged
and funny ♪
1184
01:22:00,790 --> 01:22:01,999
♪ But we'll travel along ♪
1185
01:22:02,167 --> 01:22:03,208
Hit it, Eddie!
1186
01:22:03,376 --> 01:22:05,169
♪ Singin' a song ♪
1187
01:22:05,337 --> 01:22:08,464
♪ Side by side ♪
1188
01:22:10,675 --> 01:22:13,052
Yeah, let's go down this way.
1189
01:22:14,220 --> 01:22:15,387
Maybe we'd better go this way.
1190
01:22:21,144 --> 01:22:24,021
Okay. This way.
1191
01:22:24,189 --> 01:22:26,857
Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.
We'd better split up.
1192
01:22:27,025 --> 01:22:30,235
I'll take the front nine, you take the back nine.
And we'll meet back at the clubhouse.
1193
01:22:30,403 --> 01:22:31,612
- Hey, Tommy.
- Yeah?
1194
01:22:31,780 --> 01:22:33,322
- Looking good, my man.
- Thanks.
1195
01:22:33,490 --> 01:22:34,657
Hey!
1196
01:22:34,824 --> 01:22:36,909
- How you doing?
- Hi! How you doing?
1197
01:22:37,077 --> 01:22:40,371
- Three, two, one.
- Three, two, one.
1198
01:22:43,083 --> 01:22:44,166
Go in.
1199
01:22:44,334 --> 01:22:49,463
Brief the Mayflowers
on the current situation.
1200
01:22:49,631 --> 01:22:51,131
You got it, coach.
1201
01:22:52,467 --> 01:22:55,135
♪ Through all kinds of weather ♪
1202
01:22:55,303 --> 01:22:58,639
♪ What if the sky should fall? ♪
1203
01:22:58,807 --> 01:23:02,059
♪ Just as long as we're together ♪
1204
01:23:02,227 --> 01:23:04,937
♪ It doesn't matter at all ♪
1205
01:23:05,105 --> 01:23:08,607
♪ When they've all had
their quarrels and parted ♪
1206
01:23:08,775 --> 01:23:11,944
♪ We'll be the same
as we started ♪
1207
01:23:12,112 --> 01:23:13,737
♪ Just sailin' along ♪
1208
01:23:13,905 --> 01:23:15,489
♪ Singin' our song ♪
1209
01:23:15,657 --> 01:23:19,034
♪ Side by... ♪
1210
01:23:19,202 --> 01:23:20,577
Side.
1211
01:23:20,745 --> 01:23:22,913
I'll take that, sir.
1212
01:23:38,263 --> 01:23:40,556
Hey, coach. Looks bad.
1213
01:23:40,724 --> 01:23:43,350
I think those Mayflowers
set us up.
1214
01:23:48,898 --> 01:23:51,525
Jumbo, we hardly knew you.
1215
01:23:55,155 --> 01:23:57,322
Since you're not gonna tell us
what we want to know...
1216
01:23:57,490 --> 01:24:02,161
...then I think it's time for you to report
to the head office in heaven, Sis.
1217
01:24:02,328 --> 01:24:06,206
If you see the big guy,
tell him he's a loser.
1218
01:24:06,374 --> 01:24:07,833
That's it.
1219
01:24:20,138 --> 01:24:22,056
- That didn't hurt.
- No?
1220
01:24:22,223 --> 01:24:23,891
Try this.
1221
01:24:33,443 --> 01:24:36,737
What do you say now,
you centrally intelligent scumsicle?
1222
01:24:41,534 --> 01:24:42,951
Getting old, George?
1223
01:24:51,252 --> 01:24:56,090
Tommy, you New York-Italian-father-
made-20-bucks-a-week son of a bitch!
1224
01:24:56,257 --> 01:24:57,758
You were hired as bait...
1225
01:24:57,926 --> 01:25:00,969
...and on this simple task,
you have betrayed me.
1226
01:25:01,137 --> 01:25:04,181
- Do you have an answer why?
- I got five of them.
1227
01:25:05,892 --> 01:25:08,352
One! Two!
1228
01:25:08,520 --> 01:25:10,813
Three! Four!
1229
01:25:10,980 --> 01:25:13,690
Just one more. Five!
1230
01:25:21,991 --> 01:25:23,742
That didn't... Hurt.
1231
01:25:30,500 --> 01:25:31,792
How do I stop this?
1232
01:25:34,712 --> 01:25:36,046
My hat.
1233
01:25:43,388 --> 01:25:46,014
I guess you never fucked
with nobody from Hoboken before.
1234
01:25:46,182 --> 01:25:48,142
- Hudson!
- Anna...
1235
01:25:48,309 --> 01:25:50,227
...we're supposed
to be saving you.
1236
01:25:50,395 --> 01:25:52,771
I'm sorry.
I got bored, so I saved myself.
1237
01:25:52,939 --> 01:25:54,606
We still gotta get
them crystal pieces, don't we?
1238
01:25:54,774 --> 01:25:56,066
Got them right here, cowboy.
1239
01:25:56,234 --> 01:25:57,734
"Got them right here, cowboy."
1240
01:25:57,902 --> 01:26:00,070
- Eddie!
- Sounds like Tommy.
1241
01:26:02,073 --> 01:26:03,490
Tommy!
1242
01:26:03,658 --> 01:26:06,618
Alfred, I won't be needing
the car anymore.
1243
01:26:08,913 --> 01:26:10,205
Ta-ta!
1244
01:26:14,335 --> 01:26:15,544
Tommy!
1245
01:26:18,673 --> 01:26:24,052
Eddie!
1246
01:26:24,220 --> 01:26:26,680
My pension!
1247
01:26:39,110 --> 01:26:41,778
- Friend of yours?
- Dead!
1248
01:26:55,210 --> 01:26:56,919
Hudson, look...
1249
01:26:57,086 --> 01:26:58,253
Out.
1250
01:27:14,771 --> 01:27:17,606
- Minerva.
- Anna! Hawkmeister!
1251
01:27:17,774 --> 01:27:21,276
You're probably wondering
why you're still alive.
1252
01:27:21,444 --> 01:27:25,113
We're still having a little problem
putting this damn crystal together.
1253
01:27:25,281 --> 01:27:28,575
Alfie and I have
been at it all night.
1254
01:27:28,743 --> 01:27:31,411
Well? What are you waiting for?
1255
01:27:40,922 --> 01:27:44,716
- Don't do it, Hudson.
- Relax.
1256
01:27:44,884 --> 01:27:49,012
Besides, we don't
have much choice, do we?
1257
01:28:15,623 --> 01:28:20,335
Oh, Hawk, don't ever change.
1258
01:28:23,214 --> 01:28:27,551
Nice Hawk.
1259
01:28:29,178 --> 01:28:30,804
Bad Hawk!
1260
01:28:41,441 --> 01:28:45,402
Why is the world jam-packed
with such idiots?
1261
01:28:45,903 --> 01:28:50,574
Every schmo has the fantasy that
the planet revolves around them.
1262
01:28:50,742 --> 01:28:53,535
It rains. A car crash stops traffic.
1263
01:28:53,703 --> 01:28:56,079
You say, "How can
this happen to me?"
1264
01:28:56,247 --> 01:29:00,417
But for us, this isn't a fantasy.
1265
01:29:00,585 --> 01:29:02,336
It is a reality.
1266
01:29:02,503 --> 01:29:05,464
Oh, yes. If da Vinci
was alive today...
1267
01:29:05,631 --> 01:29:07,966
...he'd be eating
microwave sushi, naked...
1268
01:29:08,134 --> 01:29:10,969
...in the back of a Cadillac
with the both of us.
1269
01:29:11,137 --> 01:29:12,971
The project of his life...
1270
01:29:13,139 --> 01:29:15,849
...is now the toy of mine.
1271
01:29:16,017 --> 01:29:20,771
History, tradition, culture
are not concepts.
1272
01:29:20,938 --> 01:29:24,858
These are trophies I keep in my den
as paperweights.
1273
01:29:25,026 --> 01:29:28,153
The chaos we will cause the world
with this machine...
1274
01:29:28,321 --> 01:29:31,740
...will be our final masterpiece.
1275
01:29:31,908 --> 01:29:39,790
Go, team, go!
1276
01:29:41,292 --> 01:29:42,459
Yes!
1277
01:29:53,012 --> 01:29:54,221
Now!
1278
01:30:07,693 --> 01:30:10,862
Eureka, motherfucker!
1279
01:30:11,030 --> 01:30:14,116
Well, you should feel very good
about yourself.
1280
01:30:14,283 --> 01:30:16,368
- Let me ask you something.
- What?
1281
01:30:16,536 --> 01:30:19,246
What would happen if I didn't put
that crystal together exactly right?
1282
01:30:19,414 --> 01:30:20,455
What do you mean?
1283
01:30:20,623 --> 01:30:24,084
Well, let's just say, for example,
I left out...
1284
01:30:24,252 --> 01:30:26,461
...this little piece of mirror here.
1285
01:30:26,629 --> 01:30:30,549
- Would that be bad?
- Real bad.
1286
01:30:30,716 --> 01:30:31,883
Good.
1287
01:30:41,227 --> 01:30:43,895
Minerva! Minerva!
1288
01:30:47,692 --> 01:30:49,526
Alfred!
1289
01:31:07,211 --> 01:31:09,087
- Your turn.
- My turn?
1290
01:31:09,255 --> 01:31:12,215
How'd it get to be my turn?
I just killed Darwin and Minerva!
1291
01:31:13,509 --> 01:31:15,677
- Definitely your turn.
- Shit.
1292
01:31:16,971 --> 01:31:19,931
All right. Just stay over here
and try to stay out of the way, alright?
1293
01:31:20,099 --> 01:31:21,933
- Hudson.
- What?
1294
01:31:29,775 --> 01:31:31,359
Okay.
1295
01:31:45,166 --> 01:31:47,250
Thou shalt not kill!
Thou shalt not kill!
1296
01:31:47,418 --> 01:31:48,668
Sorry!
1297
01:32:00,890 --> 01:32:02,349
Stop helping me!
1298
01:32:09,106 --> 01:32:10,565
Hey, Alfred...
1299
01:32:13,778 --> 01:32:16,530
...you won't be attending
that hat convention in July.
1300
01:32:23,120 --> 01:32:25,413
- My turn?
- Yeah.
1301
01:32:28,793 --> 01:32:30,669
With this dog, now?
1302
01:32:34,173 --> 01:32:35,590
Oh, Bunny.
1303
01:32:37,093 --> 01:32:39,010
Ball-ball.
1304
01:32:43,474 --> 01:32:45,600
Come on, puppy chow, gotta go.
1305
01:33:01,534 --> 01:33:03,827
Here we go.
1306
01:33:03,995 --> 01:33:05,495
Move your hand! Take it away!
1307
01:33:21,470 --> 01:33:23,555
Just hang on.
1308
01:33:36,902 --> 01:33:38,486
Oh, Leonardo.
1309
01:33:40,114 --> 01:33:42,490
Go, Leonardo!
1310
01:33:47,580 --> 01:33:48,747
Oh, baby!
1311
01:33:50,166 --> 01:33:51,708
Hi, kids.
1312
01:34:03,387 --> 01:34:06,431
- Anna?
- Yes, Hudson?
1313
01:34:06,599 --> 01:34:07,891
Can I ask you something?
1314
01:34:08,059 --> 01:34:10,602
Sure.
1315
01:34:11,520 --> 01:34:13,855
Will you play Nintendo with me?
1316
01:34:14,273 --> 01:34:18,193
I can't think of anybody
I'd rather play Nintendo with.
1317
01:34:28,537 --> 01:34:30,121
Wait a minute.
1318
01:34:30,289 --> 01:34:32,248
- What about your boss?
- What boss?
1319
01:34:32,416 --> 01:34:34,000
You know.
1320
01:34:34,168 --> 01:34:36,586
Oh, I think he wants me
to keep an eye on you.
1321
01:34:36,754 --> 01:34:39,673
You know, I think he wants you
to keep an eye on me too.
1322
01:34:39,840 --> 01:34:42,175
Because I got criminal tendencies.
1323
01:34:42,343 --> 01:34:44,719
- Can I buy you a cappuccino?
- Yes.
1324
01:34:44,887 --> 01:34:47,389
- Can I give you a kiss?
- Yes.
1325
01:34:49,475 --> 01:34:51,893
I just wish Tommy were here.
1326
01:34:52,978 --> 01:34:54,521
No way.
1327
01:34:54,689 --> 01:34:55,897
That's not very nice.
1328
01:34:56,065 --> 01:34:57,399
No way!
1329
01:34:57,566 --> 01:34:59,401
Yes way!
1330
01:35:02,363 --> 01:35:04,364
Did I miss anything?
1331
01:35:04,532 --> 01:35:05,615
Did you miss anything?
1332
01:35:05,783 --> 01:35:07,742
You're supposed to be all crashed up
at the bottom of the hill.
1333
01:35:07,910 --> 01:35:10,578
Air bags.
Can you fucking believe it?
1334
01:35:10,746 --> 01:35:12,997
You're supposed to be blown up
into fiery chunks of flesh.
1335
01:35:13,165 --> 01:35:15,166
Sprinkler system
set up in the back.
1336
01:35:15,334 --> 01:35:18,837
Can you fucking believe it?!
1337
01:35:19,004 --> 01:35:21,172
Yeah, that's probably
what happened.
1338
01:35:21,340 --> 01:35:23,133
Drink your cappuccino.
1339
01:35:23,300 --> 01:35:26,511
Hey. Drink your coffee.
1340
01:35:37,106 --> 01:35:41,860
With the world saved and
the secrets of da Vinci protected...
1341
01:35:42,027 --> 01:35:44,821
...Eddie finally got his coffee.
1342
01:35:47,241 --> 01:35:50,744
♪ Would you like
to swing on a star ♪
1343
01:35:50,911 --> 01:35:53,830
♪ Carry moonbeams
home in a jar ♪
1344
01:35:53,998 --> 01:35:57,834
♪ And be better off
than you are ♪
1345
01:35:58,002 --> 01:36:00,587
♪ Or would you rather be a fish ♪
1346
01:36:00,755 --> 01:36:04,257
♪ A fish won't do anything
but swim in a brook ♪
1347
01:36:04,425 --> 01:36:07,719
♪ He can't write his name
or read a book ♪
1348
01:36:07,887 --> 01:36:11,097
♪ To fool the people
is his only thought ♪
1349
01:36:11,265 --> 01:36:14,142
♪ And though he's slippery
he still gets caught ♪
1350
01:36:14,310 --> 01:36:18,438
♪ But then if that
sort of life is what you wish ♪
1351
01:36:18,606 --> 01:36:20,774
♪ You may grow up
to be a fish ♪
1352
01:36:21,567 --> 01:36:24,611
♪ And all the monkeys
aren't in a zoo ♪
1353
01:36:24,779 --> 01:36:27,864
♪ Every day you meet quite a few ♪
1354
01:36:28,032 --> 01:36:32,202
♪ So you see
it's all up to you ♪
1355
01:36:32,369 --> 01:36:37,123
♪ You could be better
than you are ♪
1356
01:36:38,959 --> 01:36:44,589
♪ You could be swingin'
on a star ♪♪
1357
01:36:53,974 --> 01:39:50,149
♪♪♪
103193
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