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00:00:21,151 --> 00:00:24,807
CBS presents this program
in color.
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00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:23,431
Mmm, mmm!
3
00:01:23,518 --> 00:01:24,780
Smells
delicious.
4
00:01:24,867 --> 00:01:26,303
Crepe Suzettes,
but not quite ready yet.
5
00:01:26,390 --> 00:01:27,609
You know, since the war,
6
00:01:27,696 --> 00:01:28,914
the service here
has been terrible.
7
00:01:29,001 --> 00:01:30,481
I know, it's very...
Boy, it sure has.
8
00:01:30,568 --> 00:01:32,135
All right, all right.
9
00:01:32,222 --> 00:01:34,224
Tomorrow night I'm going
to serve a gourmet dinner:
10
00:01:34,311 --> 00:01:35,791
pâté de foie gras,
poulet rôti de jardinière,
11
00:01:35,878 --> 00:01:37,053
and fraises du bois.
12
00:01:37,140 --> 00:01:39,664
Good. I think
I'll eat in.
13
00:01:39,751 --> 00:01:41,492
Well, all I have
to do is steal a chicken,
14
00:01:41,579 --> 00:01:44,016
a goose and four pounds
of wild strawberries.
15
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,322
Achtung!
16
00:01:45,409 --> 00:01:46,976
Come on, Schultz!
17
00:01:47,063 --> 00:01:48,847
How many times have I told you
to knock first?
18
00:01:48,934 --> 00:01:51,198
His Achtungmade me bruise
the batter.
19
00:01:51,285 --> 00:01:52,416
All right,
Schultz, Schultz,
20
00:01:52,503 --> 00:01:53,591
I honestly think
21
00:01:53,678 --> 00:01:55,332
you owe LeBeau
an apology.
22
00:01:55,419 --> 00:01:56,725
LeBeau, I didn't mean it.
23
00:01:56,812 --> 00:01:57,900
What are you cooking?
24
00:01:57,987 --> 00:01:59,293
Crepe Suzettes.
25
00:01:59,380 --> 00:02:01,382
And if you're real nice,
I'll give you one.
26
00:02:01,469 --> 00:02:04,515
I'm a very nice fellow
for a guard.
27
00:02:04,602 --> 00:02:05,864
Okay, okay.
28
00:02:05,951 --> 00:02:07,518
Here it is.
29
00:02:07,605 --> 00:02:10,695
Mmm, it smells good.
30
00:02:10,782 --> 00:02:11,914
Mmm!
31
00:02:12,001 --> 00:02:14,351
Delicious!
32
00:02:14,438 --> 00:02:17,267
LeBeau and I are going
to open a little beer garden
33
00:02:17,354 --> 00:02:18,703
after the war.
34
00:02:18,790 --> 00:02:20,749
Hmm. What am I saying?
35
00:02:20,836 --> 00:02:24,056
Kommandant Klink is going to be
here any minute for inspection.
36
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:25,145
Oh, don't tell me
37
00:02:25,232 --> 00:02:26,233
Berlin is sending
more officers
38
00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:27,582
to study Stalag 13!
39
00:02:27,669 --> 00:02:29,192
I know nothing,
nothing!
40
00:02:29,279 --> 00:02:30,498
Where is Kinchloe?
41
00:02:30,585 --> 00:02:31,716
Well, he'll be back.
42
00:02:31,803 --> 00:02:33,283
He's in Hamilburg
shopping for dinner.
43
00:02:33,370 --> 00:02:35,198
Oh, please,
Colonel Hogan!
44
00:02:35,285 --> 00:02:37,200
Look, is it my fault
Klink always has open house
45
00:02:37,287 --> 00:02:38,549
for the Berlin brass?
46
00:02:38,636 --> 00:02:40,116
Colonel Hogan,
one of these days,
47
00:02:40,203 --> 00:02:42,074
Kommandant Klink is
going to come here
48
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:43,902
and make a thorough
roll call.
49
00:02:43,989 --> 00:02:45,991
And you know what's going
to happen with Schultz?
50
00:02:46,078 --> 00:02:47,515
Right to the
Russian Front!
51
00:02:47,602 --> 00:02:48,690
Don't tell me
you're afraid of
52
00:02:48,777 --> 00:02:49,778
a bunch of guys
53
00:02:49,865 --> 00:02:50,866
who dance
sitting down?
54
00:02:53,390 --> 00:02:55,044
Newkirk, what are you doing?
55
00:02:55,131 --> 00:02:56,872
Cleaning your gun.
56
00:02:56,959 --> 00:02:59,048
You see,
Newkirk has the proper spirit.
57
00:02:59,135 --> 00:03:01,224
He's cleaning my gun...
58
00:03:01,311 --> 00:03:03,226
My gun!
59
00:03:03,313 --> 00:03:05,402
You stole my gun!
60
00:03:05,489 --> 00:03:06,925
Klink's coming.
61
00:03:19,895 --> 00:03:21,679
Achtung!
62
00:03:21,766 --> 00:03:23,768
Everything is in order,
Herr Kommandant!
63
00:03:25,814 --> 00:03:27,946
As it should be.
64
00:03:32,690 --> 00:03:34,431
I understand
we have another visitor
65
00:03:34,518 --> 00:03:35,693
coming to Stalag 13 tomorrow.
66
00:03:35,780 --> 00:03:36,912
That's right.
67
00:03:36,999 --> 00:03:38,218
Another
prison camp commander
68
00:03:38,305 --> 00:03:39,393
coming to take a course
69
00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:40,872
under the great
Professor Klink?
70
00:03:40,959 --> 00:03:42,483
Colonel Hogan,
71
00:03:42,570 --> 00:03:44,920
Berlin considers this
the perfect prison camp,
72
00:03:45,007 --> 00:03:47,139
and with all due modesty,
73
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:49,141
considers me
the perfect commandant.
74
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:52,188
Schultz, I want a close watch
kept on those men
75
00:03:52,275 --> 00:03:54,930
until the arrival
of Major Bonacelli.
76
00:03:55,017 --> 00:03:56,192
Bonacelli.
77
00:03:56,279 --> 00:03:57,367
Italian.
78
00:03:57,454 --> 00:03:58,673
That's right.
79
00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:00,152
He is being sent
here from Capezio
80
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,980
to study my methods
of discipline,
81
00:04:02,067 --> 00:04:04,722
organization
and security.
82
00:04:04,809 --> 00:04:06,724
Do you give away your secrets
to a foreigner?
83
00:04:06,811 --> 00:04:08,857
Colonel Hogan,
may I remind you
84
00:04:08,944 --> 00:04:11,163
that the Italians
are our allies.
85
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,165
Don't remind me,
remind them.
86
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:28,006
Goldilocks calling Momma Bear.
87
00:04:28,093 --> 00:04:29,834
Goldilocks calling Momma Bear.
88
00:04:29,921 --> 00:04:30,966
Come in.
89
00:04:32,707 --> 00:04:34,491
Well, nice to hear from you,
Goldilocks.
90
00:04:34,578 --> 00:04:36,711
Been trying to get in touch
with you since Monday.
91
00:04:36,798 --> 00:04:40,018
We've been on a three day pass
and couldn't get to a phone.
92
00:04:40,105 --> 00:04:41,368
Never mind the sarcasm.
93
00:04:41,455 --> 00:04:42,978
Anything to report?
94
00:04:43,065 --> 00:04:44,371
No, we've had to lay low.
95
00:04:44,458 --> 00:04:45,937
Things are kind of hot
around here.
96
00:04:46,024 --> 00:04:47,939
Commandant Klink is training
POW commanders,
97
00:04:48,026 --> 00:04:49,941
sort of an earn
while you learn program.
98
00:04:50,028 --> 00:04:51,508
Is it clear now?
99
00:04:51,595 --> 00:04:52,814
Can we resume
getting the prisoners out?
100
00:04:52,901 --> 00:04:54,163
Can't do it yet.
101
00:04:54,250 --> 00:04:55,425
We've got a new trainee
arriving,
102
00:04:55,512 --> 00:04:57,209
an Italian major from Capezio.
103
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:58,559
Capezio? The Allies are going
104
00:04:58,646 --> 00:05:00,169
to be making a landing
there soon.
105
00:05:00,256 --> 00:05:02,214
Good, it'll be easier
for you now.
106
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,173
They'll be one Italian short.
107
00:05:04,260 --> 00:05:05,522
G-2 reports growing friction
108
00:05:05,609 --> 00:05:07,437
between the Italians
and the Germans.
109
00:05:07,524 --> 00:05:09,091
Maybe you can get some
information
110
00:05:09,178 --> 00:05:11,049
regarding the defenses
at Capezio, huh?
111
00:05:11,136 --> 00:05:12,660
We'll give it the old
college try.
112
00:05:12,747 --> 00:05:14,444
But his being
a prison camp commander means
113
00:05:14,531 --> 00:05:16,707
he'll be a rough,
tough character.
114
00:05:16,794 --> 00:05:19,188
You will do exactly
as I say, Corporale.
115
00:05:19,275 --> 00:05:21,190
The road to the prison
camp is straight ahead.
116
00:05:21,277 --> 00:05:22,757
We are not going
to the prison camp.
117
00:05:22,844 --> 00:05:24,019
We are going to Switzerland.
118
00:05:24,106 --> 00:05:25,803
Schweinehund!
119
00:05:25,890 --> 00:05:27,196
You're a deserter.
120
00:05:27,283 --> 00:05:28,284
That's right.
121
00:05:28,371 --> 00:05:29,372
Now, get driving.
122
00:05:29,459 --> 00:05:32,070
No. You can shoot me first.
123
00:05:32,157 --> 00:05:34,072
Why you want me to shoot you?
124
00:05:34,159 --> 00:05:36,205
Come on, we go to Lake Lugano,
125
00:05:36,292 --> 00:05:38,512
we forget about the war, eh?
126
00:05:38,599 --> 00:05:39,817
No.
127
00:05:39,904 --> 00:05:41,515
All right, Lake Lucerne.
128
00:05:41,602 --> 00:05:44,213
But remember, the food is not
so good as Lugano.
129
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:46,128
Don't move, I shoot you!
130
00:05:46,215 --> 00:05:47,608
I warn you, stay away.
131
00:05:48,826 --> 00:05:50,524
I warn you.
132
00:05:52,003 --> 00:05:55,180
A raid, a raid!
133
00:06:24,993 --> 00:06:26,081
Major Bonacelli.
134
00:06:26,168 --> 00:06:28,866
Si, Corporale.
135
00:06:28,953 --> 00:06:30,955
We are your escort
from Stalag 13.
136
00:06:31,042 --> 00:06:32,217
Grazie, grazie.
137
00:06:32,304 --> 00:06:33,654
Really I don't need an escort
138
00:06:33,741 --> 00:06:35,917
because I have a wonderful sense
of direction.
139
00:06:36,004 --> 00:06:37,266
Where's your driver?
140
00:06:37,353 --> 00:06:38,485
He ran away.
141
00:06:38,572 --> 00:06:39,877
He got frightened...
The air raid.
142
00:06:39,964 --> 00:06:41,401
He was very young,
just a bambino.
143
00:06:41,488 --> 00:06:42,619
We will follow you.
144
00:06:42,706 --> 00:06:43,881
But, really, I don't need...
145
00:06:43,968 --> 00:06:45,796
We have our orders.
Heil Hitler.
146
00:06:45,883 --> 00:06:48,059
Heil Hitler.
147
00:06:59,288 --> 00:07:01,116
Hi, Schultz.
148
00:07:01,203 --> 00:07:02,552
Hi.
149
00:07:02,639 --> 00:07:04,336
Why don't you
get into the game?
150
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:05,816
Jolly joker.
151
00:07:05,903 --> 00:07:07,644
Come on, the exercise
will do you good, Schultz.
152
00:07:07,731 --> 00:07:09,167
You're getting
a little pudgy there.
153
00:07:09,254 --> 00:07:10,865
Old German saying:
154
00:07:10,952 --> 00:07:12,736
"Man with fat waistline
never catch pretty fraulein."
155
00:07:12,823 --> 00:07:14,085
Well, I catch
pretty fraulein.
156
00:07:15,347 --> 00:07:16,479
Hey, fellas,
let Schultz in, huh?
157
00:07:16,566 --> 00:07:17,828
All right.
158
00:07:17,915 --> 00:07:19,003
Oh, no, no, no...
Come on, come on.
159
00:07:19,090 --> 00:07:20,004
No, I-I cannot do it.
160
00:07:20,091 --> 00:07:21,136
It's against regulations.
161
00:07:21,223 --> 00:07:22,137
I'll hold your gun.
162
00:07:22,224 --> 00:07:23,312
Go, go.
163
00:07:23,399 --> 00:07:24,661
Let's see you go.
164
00:07:28,404 --> 00:07:31,494
Come on, Schultzy,
head it up!
165
00:07:31,581 --> 00:07:32,843
Oh!
166
00:07:35,150 --> 00:07:36,107
Colonel Hogan.
167
00:07:36,194 --> 00:07:37,544
Oh, Colonel
Klink.
168
00:07:37,631 --> 00:07:39,197
This is Major Bonacelli
of the Italian Army.
169
00:07:39,284 --> 00:07:41,330
Colonel Hogan, our ranking
American officer here.
170
00:07:41,417 --> 00:07:42,636
Oh.
171
00:07:42,723 --> 00:07:44,333
Always nice to meet one
of our Allies.
172
00:07:44,420 --> 00:07:46,291
They're ourAllies.
173
00:07:46,378 --> 00:07:48,424
I keep forgetting.
174
00:07:48,511 --> 00:07:49,730
Colonel Klink,
175
00:07:49,817 --> 00:07:50,948
you Germans run
176
00:07:51,035 --> 00:07:51,819
your prison
camps differently
177
00:07:51,906 --> 00:07:53,211
than we Italians.
178
00:07:53,298 --> 00:07:54,822
Oh, um, how is that?
179
00:07:54,909 --> 00:07:56,780
Well, in our camps,
we have one firm rule.
180
00:07:56,867 --> 00:07:59,609
No prisoner is allowed
to carry a gun.
181
00:07:59,696 --> 00:08:03,004
That is an excellent rule.
It...
182
00:08:04,527 --> 00:08:05,746
Schultz!
183
00:08:08,618 --> 00:08:10,185
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!
184
00:08:10,272 --> 00:08:11,534
Are you crazy?
185
00:08:11,621 --> 00:08:13,231
Allowing a prisoner
to hold your gun?
186
00:08:13,318 --> 00:08:15,059
There is no danger,
Herr Kommandant.
187
00:08:15,146 --> 00:08:17,540
The gun is not loaded.
188
00:08:17,627 --> 00:08:18,933
That's our second rule.
189
00:08:19,020 --> 00:08:21,588
All guards must
carry loaded guns.
190
00:08:21,675 --> 00:08:25,026
Schultz, load your gun
and report to my office
191
00:08:25,113 --> 00:08:26,723
immediately.
192
00:08:26,810 --> 00:08:28,464
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
193
00:08:28,551 --> 00:08:30,379
Uh, Schultz.
194
00:08:30,466 --> 00:08:32,120
You forgot the gun.
195
00:08:38,343 --> 00:08:39,693
Major, don't
judge the rest
196
00:08:39,780 --> 00:08:41,433
of Colonel
Klink's men by Schultz.
197
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,740
The other guards
have bullets and everything.
198
00:08:43,827 --> 00:08:45,307
Have they?
199
00:08:45,394 --> 00:08:48,179
Hogan, you do not have
to give me a vote of confidence.
200
00:08:48,266 --> 00:08:52,270
I'm sure that Major Bonacelli
is very impressed by Stalag 13.
201
00:08:52,357 --> 00:08:53,707
Oh, this is
a rough camp.
202
00:08:53,794 --> 00:08:55,404
And you know how tough
the Germans can be.
203
00:08:55,491 --> 00:08:56,971
Look at the way
Hitler treats Mussolini.
204
00:08:57,058 --> 00:08:58,538
Hogan!
205
00:08:58,625 --> 00:08:59,539
Come on, admit
it, Colonel.
206
00:08:59,626 --> 00:09:01,018
You know he pushes him around.
207
00:09:01,105 --> 00:09:02,324
Ever see a picture
of the two of them together?
208
00:09:02,411 --> 00:09:04,239
Benito is always to the back.
209
00:09:04,326 --> 00:09:05,762
But not for long.
210
00:09:05,849 --> 00:09:07,372
You know you can
push a people so far.
211
00:09:07,459 --> 00:09:09,897
One day, we
Italiani, go...
212
00:09:11,333 --> 00:09:12,639
Heil Hitler.
213
00:09:12,726 --> 00:09:14,641
Heil Hitler.
214
00:09:16,033 --> 00:09:18,819
Major, first shall we inspect
the guard towers?
215
00:09:18,906 --> 00:09:20,777
Oh.
216
00:09:20,864 --> 00:09:22,126
Herr Kommandant,
Herr Kommandant!
217
00:09:22,213 --> 00:09:23,954
Yes, Langenscheidt,
what is it?
218
00:09:24,041 --> 00:09:25,608
The Mess sergeant
would like to know
219
00:09:25,695 --> 00:09:27,567
what you and your guest
would like for dinner.
220
00:09:29,220 --> 00:09:31,788
Antipasto, minestrone,
a pasta al dente...
221
00:09:31,875 --> 00:09:33,311
Langenscheidt!
222
00:09:33,398 --> 00:09:35,400
We will have potato soup,
boiled potatoes,
223
00:09:35,487 --> 00:09:38,447
potato pancakes,
sauerkraut and sauerbraten.
224
00:09:38,534 --> 00:09:40,884
Ja, Herr Kommandant.
225
00:09:42,016 --> 00:09:43,365
Bon appetite.
226
00:09:48,849 --> 00:09:50,764
I think we can get to Bonacelli.
227
00:09:50,851 --> 00:09:52,069
How are you going
to do that?
228
00:09:52,156 --> 00:09:53,636
We'll work on
his weaknesses.
229
00:09:53,723 --> 00:09:55,203
Italians are
very sentimental.
230
00:09:55,290 --> 00:09:56,465
Yeah,
they love music.
231
00:09:56,552 --> 00:09:58,075
Well, anybody
know the words
232
00:09:58,162 --> 00:09:59,337
to "Santa Lucia?"
233
00:09:59,424 --> 00:10:01,165
Food is the clincher.
234
00:10:01,252 --> 00:10:02,819
LeBeau, how are you on pizza?
235
00:10:02,906 --> 00:10:03,994
Pizza?!
236
00:10:04,081 --> 00:10:05,648
You would ask a Frenchman
237
00:10:05,735 --> 00:10:07,650
to cook a piece of cardboard
with tomato sauce?
238
00:10:07,737 --> 00:10:09,739
We swear not to tell anybody.
239
00:10:09,826 --> 00:10:11,393
Ask me to dig a tunnel, yes.
240
00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:13,525
To climb a barbed wire, yes.
241
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,310
But to make a pizza, no.
242
00:10:15,397 --> 00:10:18,530
We all have
to make sacrifices.
243
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,881
Okay. You'll have
to get me a recipe.
244
00:10:20,968 --> 00:10:22,491
All right, anybody here know
how to make a pizza?
245
00:10:22,578 --> 00:10:24,319
Hey, my father got
a pizza parlor in Newark.
246
00:10:24,406 --> 00:10:25,668
Oh, great, Garlotti.
247
00:10:25,755 --> 00:10:26,887
Give LeBeau the recipe.
248
00:10:26,974 --> 00:10:28,279
I don't know it,
but I'd be glad
249
00:10:28,366 --> 00:10:29,629
to write to him and get it.
250
00:10:29,716 --> 00:10:31,195
Forget it. We don't
have that much time.
251
00:10:31,282 --> 00:10:32,501
Look, everybody scatter.
252
00:10:32,588 --> 00:10:33,720
Check every prisoner,
and don't come back
253
00:10:33,807 --> 00:10:35,330
without a recipe
for pizza.
254
00:10:35,417 --> 00:10:36,723
All right, sir.
255
00:10:36,810 --> 00:10:39,116
Newkirk, do you have a recipe
for pizza?
256
00:10:41,553 --> 00:10:43,686
Goldilocks calling Momma Bear.
257
00:10:43,773 --> 00:10:46,210
Goldilocks calling Momma Bear.
Come in.
258
00:10:47,995 --> 00:10:50,214
Colonel, you mean to tell me,
in this whole prison camp
259
00:10:50,301 --> 00:10:52,260
you couldn't find a recipe
for pizza?
260
00:10:52,347 --> 00:10:54,479
No. I got a recipe
for shish kabob,
261
00:10:54,566 --> 00:10:56,481
egg foo yong,
enchiladas,
262
00:10:56,568 --> 00:10:58,875
Yorkshire pudding
and matzo balls.
263
00:11:01,051 --> 00:11:03,967
You want to get through
to Garlotti's Pizzeria
264
00:11:04,054 --> 00:11:05,534
in Newark?
265
00:11:05,621 --> 00:11:06,491
That's right.
266
00:11:06,578 --> 00:11:08,885
May I ask what for?
267
00:11:08,972 --> 00:11:10,408
We'd like to
make reservations
268
00:11:10,495 --> 00:11:11,671
for dinner tonight.
269
00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:13,716
There'll be 103 at 7:30.
270
00:11:13,803 --> 00:11:15,152
You know, Hogan,
271
00:11:15,239 --> 00:11:16,763
if you weren't one
of their prisoners,
272
00:11:16,850 --> 00:11:18,765
you'd be one of ours.
273
00:11:18,852 --> 00:11:20,244
Look, we're trying to
get some information
274
00:11:20,331 --> 00:11:22,246
out of that Italian
major I told you about.
275
00:11:22,333 --> 00:11:23,857
We need a recipe
for pizza.
276
00:11:23,944 --> 00:11:25,554
Maybe you'd like
to have us send you over
277
00:11:25,641 --> 00:11:27,164
a couple of bottles of red wine.
278
00:11:27,251 --> 00:11:28,426
You don't have to bother.
279
00:11:28,513 --> 00:11:30,080
We already made that
this afternoon.
280
00:11:30,167 --> 00:11:31,386
All right, we'll call London.
281
00:11:31,473 --> 00:11:33,954
Stand by, Goldilocks.
282
00:11:37,131 --> 00:11:38,915
Momma Bear calling Poppa Bear.
283
00:11:39,002 --> 00:11:41,091
Momma Bear calling Poppa Bear.
284
00:11:45,052 --> 00:11:46,270
This is Poppa Bear.
285
00:11:46,357 --> 00:11:47,750
Go ahead, Momma Bear.
286
00:11:47,837 --> 00:11:48,969
We want to get in touch
287
00:11:49,056 --> 00:11:51,928
with Garlotti's Pizzeria
in Newark.
288
00:11:52,015 --> 00:11:53,277
Right.
289
00:11:53,364 --> 00:11:55,976
Stand by, Momma Bear.
290
00:11:56,063 --> 00:11:57,194
Captain Henderson?
291
00:11:57,281 --> 00:11:58,500
Yes, Sergeant?
292
00:11:58,587 --> 00:12:00,023
I just got a call
from Momma Bear
293
00:12:00,110 --> 00:12:01,633
wanting to be put in touch
294
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:04,724
with a Garlotti's Pizzeria
in Newark.
295
00:12:04,811 --> 00:12:06,856
Garlotti's Pizzeria?
296
00:12:06,943 --> 00:12:08,728
Shall we alert G-2?
297
00:12:08,815 --> 00:12:11,469
Perhaps we ought to send over
a man to decode this message.
298
00:12:11,556 --> 00:12:14,211
We haven't got any pizzerias
in our code.
299
00:12:14,298 --> 00:12:16,213
Try again.
300
00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:19,521
Momma Bear, this is Poppa Bear.
301
00:12:19,608 --> 00:12:21,523
Repeat, please.
302
00:12:21,610 --> 00:12:22,959
We want to get in touch
303
00:12:23,046 --> 00:12:26,310
with Garlotti's Pizzeria
in Newark.
304
00:12:26,397 --> 00:12:29,792
Is that really
you, Momma Bear?
305
00:12:29,879 --> 00:12:31,272
It's really me.
306
00:12:31,359 --> 00:12:33,578
Now, get us through
to the pizzeria.
307
00:12:33,665 --> 00:12:35,798
Look here, Momma Bear,
you'll just have to eat
308
00:12:35,885 --> 00:12:38,583
the same rations
as the rest of us.
309
00:12:38,670 --> 00:12:40,716
We don't want the pizzas.
310
00:12:40,803 --> 00:12:42,979
We just want the recipe.
311
00:12:43,066 --> 00:12:46,026
I think you've been
under water too long.
312
00:12:46,113 --> 00:12:48,115
I suggest you surface.
313
00:12:48,202 --> 00:12:51,031
The recipe is not for us.
It's for Goldilocks.
314
00:12:51,118 --> 00:12:55,078
Oh. I should have known.
315
00:13:05,132 --> 00:13:10,354
Garlotti's Pizzeria.
Garlotti speaking.
316
00:13:10,441 --> 00:13:12,400
London calling?
317
00:13:12,487 --> 00:13:16,360
Yes, this is Captain Henderson,
Supreme Allied Headquarters.
318
00:13:16,447 --> 00:13:19,276
No, Mr. Garlotti,
your son is fine.
319
00:13:19,363 --> 00:13:21,278
Yes, he's still
in the prison camp,
320
00:13:21,365 --> 00:13:23,715
but he's in good health
and good spirits.
321
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:26,631
Oh, thank you,
thank you very much.
322
00:13:26,718 --> 00:13:31,288
What? You want my recipe
for pizza?
323
00:13:31,375 --> 00:13:33,769
Sure. Well, first...
324
00:13:33,856 --> 00:13:36,119
you take two cloves of garlic,
325
00:13:36,206 --> 00:13:38,992
a half a pound
of Italian sausage,
326
00:13:39,079 --> 00:13:43,735
two tablespoons oregano
and a pinch more garlic...
327
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:47,652
Half cup mushroom
ends and pieces...
328
00:13:47,739 --> 00:13:51,091
A half a cup mushroom ends
and pieces.
329
00:13:51,178 --> 00:13:53,310
One can of tomato paste...
330
00:13:53,397 --> 00:13:55,965
three tablespoons
of parmesan cheese,
331
00:13:56,052 --> 00:13:57,271
uh, grated...
332
00:13:57,358 --> 00:13:58,838
Two tablespoons
of shortening,
333
00:13:58,925 --> 00:14:01,797
one cup of flour,
teaspoon of olive oil.
334
00:14:01,884 --> 00:14:05,105
Got it. Now, ask him
335
00:14:05,192 --> 00:14:07,063
if he knows the words
to "Santa Lucia".
336
00:14:07,150 --> 00:14:09,587
"Santa Lucia"?
337
00:14:09,674 --> 00:14:11,111
"Santa Lucia"?
338
00:14:11,198 --> 00:14:12,677
"Santa Lucia"?
339
00:14:12,764 --> 00:14:17,334
♪ Santa Lucia ♪
340
00:14:17,421 --> 00:14:24,341
♪ Santa... Lucia. ♪
341
00:14:27,692 --> 00:14:30,086
Major, did you
enjoy your dinner?
342
00:14:30,173 --> 00:14:31,914
I couldn't eat.
343
00:14:32,001 --> 00:14:33,916
For some reason,
I wasn't hungry.
344
00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:35,744
Too bad.
345
00:14:35,831 --> 00:14:37,311
It has been a long
time since
346
00:14:37,398 --> 00:14:39,095
I had
potato soup,
347
00:14:39,182 --> 00:14:42,098
boiled potatoes,
potato pancakes,
348
00:14:42,185 --> 00:14:47,625
sauerkraut and
sauerbraten.
349
00:14:47,712 --> 00:14:50,628
They're playing our song.
350
00:14:50,715 --> 00:14:53,283
Yeah, our prisoners
are very happy.
351
00:15:04,729 --> 00:15:08,603
Mamma mia. Pizza.
352
00:15:08,690 --> 00:15:10,344
Smells good.
353
00:15:10,431 --> 00:15:12,650
Yes. Seems to be coming
from those barracks over there.
354
00:15:12,737 --> 00:15:14,652
Yeah. S-Sergeant,
355
00:15:14,739 --> 00:15:17,307
I think I'm going to inspect
those barracks...
356
00:15:17,394 --> 00:15:19,657
Yeah.alone.
357
00:15:23,574 --> 00:15:25,663
Here he comes.
Everybody in position.
358
00:15:29,711 --> 00:15:30,930
Signori...
359
00:15:31,017 --> 00:15:32,757
Oh, hi, Major. Bona sera.
360
00:15:32,844 --> 00:15:34,107
What can we do for you?
361
00:15:34,194 --> 00:15:35,978
Uh... I know
this sounds absurd,
362
00:15:36,065 --> 00:15:39,764
but I thought
I smelled... pizza.
363
00:15:39,851 --> 00:15:41,157
Pizza?
364
00:15:41,244 --> 00:15:42,158
Oh, oh, really?
365
00:15:42,245 --> 00:15:43,507
And as a matter of fact,
366
00:15:43,594 --> 00:15:46,293
it smells just
like the pizza...
367
00:15:46,380 --> 00:15:48,121
Mama used to make.
368
00:15:48,208 --> 00:15:49,774
One of the regrets
of my life
369
00:15:49,861 --> 00:15:51,689
is I wasn't shot down
over Italy.
370
00:15:51,776 --> 00:15:53,039
Now, listen, I know
371
00:15:53,126 --> 00:15:53,996
there's a pizza in
these barracks.
372
00:15:54,083 --> 00:15:55,258
If it's a matter
of money...
373
00:15:55,345 --> 00:15:56,738
Money?
374
00:15:56,825 --> 00:15:58,827
I'll bet even the
Germans in Capezio
375
00:15:58,914 --> 00:16:00,263
eat a lot of
pizzas, don't they?
376
00:16:00,350 --> 00:16:02,613
Oh, yes, they do.
377
00:16:05,399 --> 00:16:08,706
Yes, they do.
378
00:16:10,230 --> 00:16:12,841
Now, offhand,
how many pizzas
379
00:16:12,928 --> 00:16:14,799
would you say
the German soldiers eat a day,
380
00:16:14,886 --> 00:16:17,498
figuring two per soldier?
381
00:16:17,585 --> 00:16:19,413
Well, that's a secret.
382
00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:24,244
Oh, uh... t-t-two pizzas,
one soldier, uh...
383
00:16:24,331 --> 00:16:28,422
106,000 pizzas.
384
00:16:28,509 --> 00:16:31,903
Hundred and six thousand...
385
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,731
Divide by two.
386
00:16:33,818 --> 00:16:37,953
Sit down, Major.
Garcon! Wine steward!
387
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:41,130
Oh, garlic,
like a breath of home.
388
00:16:41,217 --> 00:16:44,003
Wait till you taste
the wine. Oh?
389
00:16:45,526 --> 00:16:48,790
It's a vintage wine,
aged almost two weeks.
390
00:16:50,705 --> 00:16:53,055
Never I think I'm going to find
something like this here.
391
00:16:53,142 --> 00:16:54,274
We have a master chef.
392
00:16:54,361 --> 00:16:55,797
Oh, I can't take
all the credit.
393
00:16:55,884 --> 00:16:57,320
We got a recipe
from his father.
394
00:16:57,407 --> 00:16:58,756
My father owns
Garlotti's Pizzeria
395
00:16:58,843 --> 00:17:00,584
in Newark. Oh, good.
396
00:17:00,671 --> 00:17:02,151
You give me the address...
I'm going to look him up, uh,
397
00:17:02,238 --> 00:17:03,718
right away I get
to America, huh?
398
00:17:03,805 --> 00:17:05,241
Oh, you plan on going
to the States after the war?
399
00:17:05,328 --> 00:17:07,461
What after? During!
400
00:17:07,548 --> 00:17:09,289
Wait a minute.
401
00:17:09,376 --> 00:17:11,247
You're not going back to Italy?
402
00:17:11,334 --> 00:17:13,293
And fight for the Germans?
Never.
403
00:17:13,380 --> 00:17:14,990
Uh, why don't you fight for us?
404
00:17:15,077 --> 00:17:16,818
Join your army?
405
00:17:16,905 --> 00:17:20,691
No, no, no. Go back to Capezio
and be an agent for us.
406
00:17:20,778 --> 00:17:22,606
I could be shot
for being a spy.
407
00:17:22,693 --> 00:17:25,131
Well, you're not really a spy.
You're in uniform.
408
00:17:25,218 --> 00:17:27,785
In uniform, they're going
to shoot me for being a traitor.
409
00:17:27,872 --> 00:17:29,570
Please, not while I'm eating.
410
00:17:29,657 --> 00:17:31,441
Just think what you could be
doing for your country.
411
00:17:31,528 --> 00:17:32,877
You could help shorten the war
in Italy.
412
00:17:32,964 --> 00:17:35,402
Could also shorten my life.
413
00:17:36,490 --> 00:17:38,405
Men.
414
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:46,282
Think of the children
laughing and playing again
415
00:17:46,369 --> 00:17:47,631
in the streets
of Milano.
416
00:17:47,718 --> 00:17:49,981
The donkey carts
once more clattering
417
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:52,419
along the cobblestones
in Portofino.
418
00:17:52,506 --> 00:17:56,292
And the pigeons returning
to the piazza, summer...
419
00:17:56,379 --> 00:18:00,731
And your mama mia standing
in the doorway, holding a pizza.
420
00:18:01,776 --> 00:18:04,561
You had to say that, huh?
421
00:18:04,648 --> 00:18:06,737
It's for your country
as well as ours.
422
00:18:07,782 --> 00:18:09,218
All right, I gonna do it.
423
00:18:09,305 --> 00:18:10,785
You'll be our contact.
424
00:18:10,872 --> 00:18:12,700
Si, but on one
condition. What's that?
425
00:18:12,787 --> 00:18:18,053
That your papa give my mama
the recipe for this pizza. Oh!
426
00:18:18,140 --> 00:18:24,103
♪ Santa Lucia! ♪
427
00:18:25,321 --> 00:18:27,193
Thank you, Colonel Klink,
428
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:28,455
for the kindness
you've
429
00:18:28,542 --> 00:18:29,760
extended to
me during my visit.
430
00:18:29,847 --> 00:18:31,588
Major Bonacelli,
I hope that your stay here
431
00:18:31,675 --> 00:18:33,416
has been both informative
and pleasant.
432
00:18:33,503 --> 00:18:37,420
And now you know
how a prison camp should be run.
433
00:18:39,422 --> 00:18:43,122
Of course, I could never hope
to be a commander such as you.
434
00:18:43,209 --> 00:18:46,299
That's true.
There is only one Klink.
435
00:18:46,386 --> 00:18:48,431
Well, I'm on to Germany.
I may as well get started.
436
00:18:48,518 --> 00:18:51,956
Arrivederci. Traitor! Deserter!
437
00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:54,133
This man obviously needs
medical attention.
438
00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:55,960
I'm sure you want
to get on with it. Ciao.
439
00:18:56,047 --> 00:18:59,181
Just a minute! Corporal,
what is the meaning of this?
440
00:18:59,268 --> 00:19:00,574
What's going on?
441
00:19:00,661 --> 00:19:02,358
Our friend Bonacelli's
in trouble.
442
00:19:02,445 --> 00:19:03,664
This coward was
trying
443
00:19:03,751 --> 00:19:05,100
to desert
to Switzerland.
444
00:19:05,187 --> 00:19:07,102
He thought I was
killed in the air raid.
445
00:19:07,189 --> 00:19:08,495
Arrest that man!
446
00:19:08,582 --> 00:19:10,149
Would you believe a man
with a head wound?
447
00:19:10,236 --> 00:19:11,802
Of course.
He's a German soldier.
448
00:19:11,889 --> 00:19:14,544
Take him to the cooler.
449
00:19:14,631 --> 00:19:17,156
Well, there goes
our man in Capezio.
450
00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:19,897
You think there's a chance
Bonacelli can clear himself?
451
00:19:19,984 --> 00:19:23,553
No chance. It's his word
against the German.
452
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:25,903
Let's try and get him out
to the sub.
453
00:19:25,990 --> 00:19:28,558
That's a possibility, but he's
more valuable to us in Italy.
454
00:19:28,645 --> 00:19:30,430
But he can't go
back to his camp in Italy.
455
00:19:30,517 --> 00:19:32,258
They think
he's a traitor. That's the point.
456
00:19:32,345 --> 00:19:34,912
We've got to convince Klink
that he's a loyal officer.
457
00:19:34,999 --> 00:19:38,089
Colonel, why don't
we reopen tunnel five?
458
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,091
I could go out under
the wire in the fence,
459
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,571
and then we could
get Bonacelli...
460
00:19:43,486 --> 00:19:46,576
Hold it, hold it,
hold it!
461
00:19:46,663 --> 00:19:50,493
That's not it, Carter,
but you're warm.
462
00:20:11,993 --> 00:20:14,778
Oh... Colonel Hogan.
463
00:20:14,865 --> 00:20:16,302
Shh! Follow me.
464
00:20:16,389 --> 00:20:17,694
We escaping?
465
00:20:17,781 --> 00:20:19,087
Temporarily.
You'll be coming back.
466
00:20:19,174 --> 00:20:21,872
Coming back? You must be crazy.
467
00:20:21,959 --> 00:20:23,091
There's going to be
a big escape,
468
00:20:23,178 --> 00:20:24,614
and you're going to capture us.
469
00:20:24,701 --> 00:20:26,268
I'm going to make you a big hero
in Germany.
470
00:20:26,355 --> 00:20:29,576
I'd rather be a little coward
in Switzerland.
471
00:20:29,663 --> 00:20:31,055
Come on.
472
00:20:34,755 --> 00:20:37,279
Yes, Herr General,
we suspect the Italian major
473
00:20:37,366 --> 00:20:38,802
of attempting desertion.
474
00:20:38,889 --> 00:20:40,804
Mm-hmm. Good, sir.
475
00:20:40,891 --> 00:20:42,632
I shall give you
a complete report
476
00:20:42,719 --> 00:20:44,460
as soon as I finish
my investigation.
477
00:20:44,547 --> 00:20:46,157
Yes, sir. Yes.
478
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:47,985
Herr Kommandant,
Herr Komm... Shh! Schultz,
479
00:20:48,072 --> 00:20:50,336
I'm talking to Berlin
on the telephone.
480
00:20:50,423 --> 00:20:53,817
Yes, Herr General, it was
all done in the line of duty.
481
00:20:53,904 --> 00:20:56,167
Herr Kommandant! Shh! Schultz!
482
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:59,997
I, uh, hope you will mention
this to Headquarters
483
00:21:00,084 --> 00:21:02,957
the next time
they discuss promotions.
484
00:21:03,044 --> 00:21:05,176
Mm-hmm. Yes, sir.
485
00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:07,831
Thank you, Herr General,
thank you.
486
00:21:07,918 --> 00:21:09,659
Now, Schultz, what is it?
487
00:21:09,746 --> 00:21:12,140
Herr Kommandant, there...
488
00:21:12,227 --> 00:21:14,011
has been an escape!
489
00:21:15,056 --> 00:21:16,144
What?
490
00:21:16,231 --> 00:21:17,798
I don't know how it happened.
491
00:21:17,885 --> 00:21:19,800
Do you know what that means
to my reputation
492
00:21:19,887 --> 00:21:22,063
if one of my prisoners escapes?
493
00:21:22,150 --> 00:21:24,805
It was not one, Herr Kommandant.
494
00:21:24,892 --> 00:21:26,633
You mean two
of my prisoners escaped?
495
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:27,677
Ten.
496
00:21:28,765 --> 00:21:31,159
Ten prisoners escaped?
497
00:21:31,246 --> 00:21:33,640
Eleven, if you count
the Italian major.
498
00:21:33,727 --> 00:21:35,816
Do you know what
happens when
499
00:21:35,903 --> 00:21:38,340
Berlin finds out about this?
500
00:21:38,427 --> 00:21:41,691
They will make
me a prisoner!
501
00:21:48,785 --> 00:21:50,352
Hey, buddy, where you been?
502
00:21:50,439 --> 00:21:52,136
What took you so
long? Where's Bonacelli?
503
00:21:52,223 --> 00:21:54,269
Well, he should be here.
He was the first one out.
504
00:21:54,356 --> 00:21:56,402
Well, he's not here. I
hate to say this, Colonel,
505
00:21:56,489 --> 00:21:58,752
but I think we might've made
a mistake about Bonacelli.
506
00:21:58,839 --> 00:22:00,493
He's probably on his way
to Switzerland.
507
00:22:00,580 --> 00:22:02,669
But he promised.
508
00:22:02,756 --> 00:22:05,019
You can't win a man over
with a pizza
509
00:22:05,106 --> 00:22:08,152
and eight bars
of "Santa Lucia"! Bonacelli!
510
00:22:08,239 --> 00:22:10,241
Am I glad to see you
fellows. Are you all right?
511
00:22:10,329 --> 00:22:11,895
Uh, just let me sit down,
rest a minute.
512
00:22:11,982 --> 00:22:13,157
You can't sit down...
513
00:22:13,244 --> 00:22:14,637
You got to march
us back to camp.
514
00:22:14,724 --> 00:22:16,335
I'll never make it.
You've got to make it.
515
00:22:16,422 --> 00:22:18,249
The whole woods's crawling
with krauts looking for us.
516
00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:19,947
I can't move another step.
517
00:22:20,034 --> 00:22:21,122
Kinch, Newkirk, pick
him up,
518
00:22:21,209 --> 00:22:22,297
carry him
back, come on.
519
00:22:29,522 --> 00:22:30,827
Well, Langenscheidt?
520
00:22:30,914 --> 00:22:32,438
No sign of the prisoners,
Herr Kommandant.
521
00:22:32,525 --> 00:22:35,919
And you call yourself
a German Shepherd?
522
00:22:37,530 --> 00:22:39,619
He's doing the best he can,
Herr Kommandant.
523
00:22:39,706 --> 00:22:42,883
Mm-hmm. He couldn't find
a can of dog food.
524
00:22:44,188 --> 00:22:45,929
Mm! Put him on report!
525
00:22:46,016 --> 00:22:47,191
Take him away.
526
00:22:49,237 --> 00:22:50,891
Schultz, I can't believe it.
527
00:22:50,978 --> 00:22:53,981
My men cannot find even one
of the ten escaped prisoners.
528
00:22:54,068 --> 00:22:56,157
Eleven, if you include
the Italian major.
529
00:22:56,244 --> 00:22:58,986
Schultz, always a big mouth.
530
00:22:59,073 --> 00:23:03,773
Uh, Herr Kommandant,
maybe I go out and look.
531
00:23:03,860 --> 00:23:07,995
You couldn't find your way
back to the camp.
532
00:23:16,873 --> 00:23:17,874
Hold up.
533
00:23:19,659 --> 00:23:22,575
Major Bonacelli
returning your prisoners.
534
00:23:24,098 --> 00:23:26,317
I really have to hand it to you,
Klink... you outsmarted me.
535
00:23:26,405 --> 00:23:28,450
I did? Yeah, staging
that phony arrest
536
00:23:28,537 --> 00:23:30,583
so we'd think the major
was on our side.
537
00:23:30,670 --> 00:23:31,932
They make the mistake
of thinking
538
00:23:32,019 --> 00:23:34,282
I was a
traitor to the Fuhrer.
539
00:23:34,369 --> 00:23:35,892
Heil Hitler.
540
00:23:35,979 --> 00:23:37,633
Heil Hitler. Schultz!
541
00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:39,809
These men are to be thrown
in the cooler,
542
00:23:39,896 --> 00:23:42,508
and Colonel Hogan will be
confined to the barracks.
543
00:23:42,595 --> 00:23:46,773
I will show you that no one
escapes from Stalag 13.
544
00:23:46,860 --> 00:23:48,252
We should've known better.
545
00:23:48,339 --> 00:23:50,167
We couldn't even escape
from your star pupil.
546
00:23:50,254 --> 00:23:52,126
What chance have we got
against the old master?
547
00:23:52,213 --> 00:23:54,041
All right, men,
548
00:23:54,128 --> 00:23:56,173
forward, hut!
549
00:24:03,093 --> 00:24:04,530
You sent for me, Colonel?
550
00:24:04,617 --> 00:24:07,010
Mm-hmm. I have a letter
here from Italy.
551
00:24:07,097 --> 00:24:08,838
Thanks. I don't save stamps.
552
00:24:08,925 --> 00:24:10,013
I think Kinch does.
553
00:24:10,100 --> 00:24:13,364
It's from Major Bonacelli.
554
00:24:13,452 --> 00:24:16,542
Bonacelli? Oh, yeah,
yeah, your star pupil.
555
00:24:16,629 --> 00:24:18,544
Hey, is there going to be
a class reunion?
556
00:24:18,631 --> 00:24:19,936
I think you will be
557
00:24:20,023 --> 00:24:22,156
very interested in
what he has to say.
558
00:24:22,243 --> 00:24:23,636
Well, if it's military
559
00:24:23,723 --> 00:24:24,941
secrets, I don't want
to hear it.
560
00:24:25,028 --> 00:24:25,942
You know what a
big mouth I have.
561
00:24:26,029 --> 00:24:27,857
He has asked me
to tell you
562
00:24:27,944 --> 00:24:31,687
that all his American prisoners
are working 16 hours a day.
563
00:24:31,774 --> 00:24:33,646
What kind of work
are the prisoners forced to do?
564
00:24:33,733 --> 00:24:34,951
Making pizzas.
565
00:24:35,038 --> 00:24:36,300
Pizzas?
566
00:24:36,387 --> 00:24:38,433
And he insisted
that I read you this:
567
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:39,826
"Last week,
568
00:24:39,913 --> 00:24:43,482
"my prisoners made
110,000 pizzas,
569
00:24:43,569 --> 00:24:47,790
and next week, we will push them
to 120,000 pizzas."
570
00:24:51,664 --> 00:24:55,668
You see, Hogan,
never underestimate your enemy.
571
00:24:55,755 --> 00:24:59,236
Some people think the Italians
aren't with you all the way.
40132
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