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1
00:00:21,238 --> 00:00:24,067
CBS presents this program
in color.
2
00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:23,431
Halt!
3
00:01:23,518 --> 00:01:25,868
Easy, Schultz,
it's only me, Carter.
4
00:01:25,955 --> 00:01:28,088
Oh. You scared me.
5
00:01:28,175 --> 00:01:30,177
Light.
6
00:01:34,746 --> 00:01:36,792
Hold this.
7
00:01:52,590 --> 00:01:55,854
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
My rifle.
8
00:01:55,941 --> 00:01:57,682
Sorry, Schultz.
9
00:02:01,295 --> 00:02:02,644
I don't keep it loaded.
10
00:02:05,037 --> 00:02:06,778
Thanks for the light,
Schultz.
11
00:02:27,495 --> 00:02:30,237
Hello, Mama Bear.
Hello, Mama Bear.
12
00:02:30,324 --> 00:02:31,673
This is Goldilocks.
13
00:02:34,371 --> 00:02:37,418
Mama Bear to Goldilocks,
stand by for transmission.
14
00:02:37,505 --> 00:02:39,724
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
15
00:02:39,811 --> 00:02:41,335
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
16
00:02:41,422 --> 00:02:43,772
All the King's horses
and all the King's men
17
00:02:43,859 --> 00:02:46,731
could not put Humpty Dumpty back
together again,
18
00:02:46,818 --> 00:02:50,431
even though they tried
for two days. Over and out.
19
00:02:50,518 --> 00:02:51,519
What's it mean?
20
00:02:51,606 --> 00:02:53,608
Yeah, what is it?
21
00:02:53,695 --> 00:02:54,320
He'll finish. Hold
it, hold it one
22
00:02:54,332 --> 00:02:54,913
minute, one minute, one minute.
23
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,524
What?
24
00:02:56,611 --> 00:03:00,441
All right. "Probing raid,
repeat probing raid."
25
00:03:00,528 --> 00:03:02,965
"Not an invasion.
26
00:03:03,052 --> 00:03:05,968
"Sector Q-19, 48 hours.
27
00:03:06,055 --> 00:03:08,666
"Birthday present for Adolf.
28
00:03:08,753 --> 00:03:11,321
"Need latest information troop
movements your area.
29
00:03:11,408 --> 00:03:13,584
"Last transmission 1500 hours
tomorrow.
30
00:03:13,671 --> 00:03:15,282
"Following that, radio silence.
31
00:03:15,369 --> 00:03:19,286
Cease all escape activity.
Surprise essential."
32
00:03:19,373 --> 00:03:20,852
What a birthday
present, huh?
33
00:03:20,939 --> 00:03:22,114
We're really going
to give it to 'em, huh?
34
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:22,854
See how the
Krauts like it.
35
00:03:22,941 --> 00:03:24,029
Hold it, hold it!
36
00:03:24,116 --> 00:03:25,466
This is a reconnaissance job.
37
00:03:25,553 --> 00:03:27,816
I need a volunteer
who's got plenty of guts
38
00:03:27,903 --> 00:03:29,121
and can move fast.
39
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,514
Oh, you can depend
on us, Colonel.
40
00:03:30,601 --> 00:03:31,950
Oh, yeah, we'll figure
somebody to send.
41
00:03:32,037 --> 00:03:32,995
Sure, one of us
will be glad to go.
42
00:03:33,082 --> 00:03:34,692
Come on. I said volunteer.
43
00:03:34,779 --> 00:03:36,303
I can't order you to go
on a mission like this.
44
00:03:36,390 --> 00:03:38,827
Now, who's going to step forward
and take this job?
45
00:03:38,914 --> 00:03:40,437
Thank you, LeBeau.
46
00:03:41,395 --> 00:03:42,831
I didn't move a muscle.
47
00:03:42,918 --> 00:03:44,485
You've got that
volunteer look.
48
00:03:47,139 --> 00:03:48,750
That's how I got married.
49
00:03:48,837 --> 00:03:50,795
"Volunteer" the same way.
50
00:04:45,023 --> 00:04:48,331
Goldilocks calling Mama Bear.
Goldilocks calling Mama Bear.
51
00:04:48,418 --> 00:04:51,726
Come in, Mama Bear, come in.
52
00:04:51,813 --> 00:04:53,989
It's no use, Colonel.
They've shut down.
53
00:04:54,076 --> 00:04:57,775
They warned us: radio silence
till after the raid.
54
00:04:57,862 --> 00:04:59,603
Missed them
by less than two hours.
55
00:04:59,690 --> 00:05:01,562
Gee, I couldn't
help from being late, Colonel.
56
00:05:01,649 --> 00:05:02,867
A patrol
stopped me.
57
00:05:02,954 --> 00:05:04,608
The area was
crawling with Krauts.
58
00:05:04,695 --> 00:05:06,436
I had to make
a big detour to get back.
59
00:05:06,523 --> 00:05:07,916
You could have moved
a little faster.
60
00:05:08,003 --> 00:05:09,570
Oh, yeah? I'm dressed like
an old woman.
61
00:05:09,657 --> 00:05:11,049
And why would
a little old woman
62
00:05:11,136 --> 00:05:12,007
be running through
the woods?
63
00:05:12,094 --> 00:05:13,051
You tell me that.
64
00:05:13,138 --> 00:05:14,575
You could always say
65
00:05:14,662 --> 00:05:16,664
you were being chased
by a little old man.
66
00:05:16,751 --> 00:05:18,187
All right. All right,
all right.
67
00:05:18,274 --> 00:05:19,188
Knock it off.
68
00:05:19,275 --> 00:05:20,232
We got a problem.
69
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,625
Headquarters doesn't know
70
00:05:21,712 --> 00:05:23,410
they've moved in
a gun emplacement
71
00:05:23,497 --> 00:05:25,716
and we don't have any
communications.
72
00:05:25,803 --> 00:05:27,283
The map.
73
00:05:27,370 --> 00:05:29,938
Shmeckhausen is the reference
point, Colonel.
74
00:05:30,025 --> 00:05:36,031
All right, Schmeckburg,
Schmeckhof, Shmeckstadt.
75
00:05:36,118 --> 00:05:38,729
Here it is,
Shmeckhausen.
76
00:05:38,816 --> 00:05:41,253
That battery commands
a whole section of the beach.
77
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:42,951
Exactly. They'll
smash the raid
78
00:05:43,038 --> 00:05:44,822
before it
gets started.
79
00:05:44,909 --> 00:05:46,128
Sitting ducks.
80
00:05:46,215 --> 00:05:47,216
How many guns?
81
00:05:47,303 --> 00:05:50,350
I counted twelve; all 88s.
82
00:05:50,437 --> 00:05:51,916
Oh, murder.
83
00:05:52,003 --> 00:05:53,701
If only we could
knock 'em out.
84
00:05:53,788 --> 00:05:56,443
Hey, maybe hand grenades
would do a little damage.
85
00:05:56,530 --> 00:05:58,749
It's 15 miles from
here at least.
86
00:05:58,836 --> 00:06:00,751
I'll warm up
my pitching arm.
87
00:06:00,838 --> 00:06:02,492
Well, let's face it.
88
00:06:02,579 --> 00:06:04,538
Adolf's going to have a nice
present for his birthday:
89
00:06:04,625 --> 00:06:07,279
Allied landing knocked out
before it starts.
90
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,934
If only we could...
91
00:06:10,021 --> 00:06:11,371
LeBeau.
92
00:06:11,458 --> 00:06:12,937
Did I volunteer
for something again?
93
00:06:13,024 --> 00:06:14,330
You're beautiful!
94
00:06:14,417 --> 00:06:15,679
I am?
95
00:06:15,766 --> 00:06:18,508
You said the magic word,
"Adolf's birthday."
96
00:06:18,595 --> 00:06:20,292
What are the
forgery boys working on?
97
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,598
Fake raffle tickets.
98
00:06:21,685 --> 00:06:23,034
We've been selling them
to the Krauts.
99
00:06:23,121 --> 00:06:24,732
Raffle tickets?
100
00:06:24,819 --> 00:06:25,994
Yeah. It's an all-expense-
paid trip to New Orleans
101
00:06:26,081 --> 00:06:27,169
for the Mardi Gras.
102
00:06:27,256 --> 00:06:28,779
It's for after the war.
103
00:06:28,866 --> 00:06:30,085
All right, look tell them I need
a set of orders
104
00:06:30,172 --> 00:06:31,303
for the commander
of that gun battery.
105
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:32,566
You got it.
106
00:06:32,653 --> 00:06:33,915
Newkirk, I need
a motorcycle
107
00:06:34,002 --> 00:06:34,698
and a sidecar
from the car pool.
108
00:06:34,785 --> 00:06:35,917
You got it.
109
00:06:36,004 --> 00:06:37,614
I need some
German uniforms.
110
00:06:37,701 --> 00:06:39,355
Uh, make 'em infantry,
enlisted men for a change.
111
00:06:39,442 --> 00:06:40,487
You got it.
112
00:06:40,574 --> 00:06:41,836
All right,
let me see:
113
00:06:41,923 --> 00:06:43,838
we got uniforms, orders,
transportation.
114
00:06:43,925 --> 00:06:45,230
Did I forget anything?
115
00:06:45,317 --> 00:06:46,797
Yeah, how about assigning
a couple of guys
116
00:06:46,884 --> 00:06:48,103
to help me off
with my girdle?
117
00:06:48,190 --> 00:06:49,409
You got 'em.
118
00:06:57,765 --> 00:07:00,245
"In keeping with orders
from the Commanding General,
119
00:07:00,332 --> 00:07:01,856
"Fourth Army Group,
120
00:07:01,943 --> 00:07:03,684
"military units will show
respect and affection
121
00:07:03,771 --> 00:07:06,861
"for our beloved Fuhrer
with proper celebration
122
00:07:06,948 --> 00:07:08,863
"to be enjoyed by all ranks.
123
00:07:08,950 --> 00:07:11,692
"Details for your relief
for this purpose
124
00:07:11,779 --> 00:07:13,868
"are to be worked out
with the bearer,
125
00:07:13,955 --> 00:07:15,696
"Captain Hoganburg.
126
00:07:15,783 --> 00:07:18,829
Signed, Colonel commanding..."
127
00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:20,875
I can hardly make out
this signature.
128
00:07:20,962 --> 00:07:22,442
The Colonel's
a very busy man,
129
00:07:22,529 --> 00:07:23,660
administrative
details and...
130
00:07:23,747 --> 00:07:25,140
Hoopleman!
131
00:07:25,227 --> 00:07:27,229
Who gave you permission
to be at ease?
132
00:07:27,316 --> 00:07:28,622
Stand at attention!
Achtung!
133
00:07:28,709 --> 00:07:31,233
Jawohl, Herr Kapitan!
134
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:33,322
You have to keep after them
every minute.
135
00:07:33,409 --> 00:07:34,715
As you were saying, Major.
136
00:07:34,802 --> 00:07:36,586
According to these orders,
137
00:07:36,673 --> 00:07:38,501
you are to relieve me for the
Fuhrer's birthday celebration.
138
00:07:38,588 --> 00:07:40,068
Yes, sir.
I have a small detachment
139
00:07:40,155 --> 00:07:41,722
on temporary patrol
in Shmeckhausen.
140
00:07:41,809 --> 00:07:43,593
At your service, sir.
141
00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:46,944
Ah! Does Headquarters expect
a squad of infantry
142
00:07:47,031 --> 00:07:50,121
to relieve
experienced artillery men?
143
00:07:50,208 --> 00:07:56,127
Major, may I suggest you confirm
the orders with headquarters?
144
00:07:56,214 --> 00:07:57,564
Ja, an excellent idea.
145
00:07:57,651 --> 00:07:59,566
I will do just that.
146
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,179
Hello, this is
147
00:08:04,266 --> 00:08:06,703
Wilhelmstrasse Zweicalling
Bismarck Vierzehn.
148
00:08:06,790 --> 00:08:10,141
Hello, this is
Bismarck Vierzehn.
149
00:08:10,228 --> 00:08:11,621
This is Major Keitel.
150
00:08:11,708 --> 00:08:12,970
I wish to speak
with Colonel Stimmer.
151
00:08:13,057 --> 00:08:15,538
Jawohl, Herr Major.
152
00:08:15,625 --> 00:08:17,584
Colonel, it's Major Keitel
153
00:08:17,671 --> 00:08:18,846
of Wilhelmstrasse Zwei.
154
00:08:18,933 --> 00:08:20,761
Colonel Stimmer speaking.
155
00:08:20,848 --> 00:08:21,849
Heil Hitler.
156
00:08:21,936 --> 00:08:23,024
Heil Hitler.
157
00:08:23,111 --> 00:08:24,678
Heil Hitler. Heil Hitler.
158
00:08:24,765 --> 00:08:26,201
Hoopleman!
159
00:08:26,288 --> 00:08:28,551
Colonel, I have your orders,
160
00:08:28,638 --> 00:08:30,901
and I wish to confirm
the Fuhrer's birthday.
161
00:08:30,988 --> 00:08:35,079
Ah, you wish to confirm
our beloved leader's birthday.
162
00:08:35,166 --> 00:08:38,126
That is very kind of you, Major.
163
00:08:38,213 --> 00:08:41,651
I only hope for your sake
the Gestapo is not listening.
164
00:08:41,738 --> 00:08:43,348
Sir, you misunderstood...
165
00:08:43,435 --> 00:08:47,875
You will carry out your orders
to the letter.
166
00:08:47,962 --> 00:08:49,224
That is an order. Understood?
167
00:08:49,311 --> 00:08:51,139
And Major,
168
00:08:51,226 --> 00:08:53,315
it has been reported to me
169
00:08:53,402 --> 00:08:55,970
that the buildings on your post
need attention.
170
00:08:56,057 --> 00:09:00,322
Well, sir, we could use
a little fixing up and...
171
00:09:00,409 --> 00:09:04,456
See that it is done before the
beloved Fuhrer's birthday party.
172
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:07,024
There may be press here
from Berlin.
173
00:09:07,111 --> 00:09:08,809
And Major...
174
00:09:08,896 --> 00:09:10,245
that is an order, understood?
175
00:09:10,332 --> 00:09:11,376
Understood, sir!
176
00:09:11,463 --> 00:09:12,682
Heil Hitler.
177
00:09:12,769 --> 00:09:13,553
Heil Hitler.
178
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:14,684
Heil Hitler.
179
00:09:14,771 --> 00:09:15,816
Heil Hitler!
Hoopleman!
180
00:09:17,339 --> 00:09:19,471
Let me talk
to Captain Hoganburg.
181
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,038
Yes, sir. Heil Hitler.
182
00:09:21,125 --> 00:09:24,346
The Colonel wants you, Captain.
183
00:09:25,869 --> 00:09:27,088
Hello?
184
00:09:27,175 --> 00:09:29,220
Captain Hoganburg speaking.
185
00:09:29,307 --> 00:09:31,135
Oh, yes, sir.
Fine, thank you, sir.
186
00:09:32,615 --> 00:09:36,576
A case of Rhine wine
and a case of schnapps.
187
00:09:37,707 --> 00:09:39,448
Quarts, not the fifths.
188
00:09:39,535 --> 00:09:41,015
I understand, sir.
189
00:09:41,102 --> 00:09:42,277
To your headquarters.
190
00:09:43,321 --> 00:09:44,758
Consider it done, sir.
191
00:09:44,845 --> 00:09:46,847
Heil Hitler.
192
00:09:46,934 --> 00:09:48,849
May I tell you something
in confidence, sir?
193
00:09:48,936 --> 00:09:50,241
Of course.
194
00:09:52,722 --> 00:09:54,811
There is a
drinking problem.
195
00:09:54,898 --> 00:09:56,247
Pressure of the war.
196
00:09:56,334 --> 00:09:58,075
Really?
197
00:09:58,162 --> 00:09:59,424
That would account
198
00:09:59,511 --> 00:10:01,513
for the strange way
he sounded.
199
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,211
Has Berlin been told?
200
00:10:03,298 --> 00:10:05,300
Bah! You know their answer.
201
00:10:05,387 --> 00:10:06,388
"What kind of schnapps
does he like?
202
00:10:06,475 --> 00:10:08,520
We'll send him a case."
203
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:09,957
Extraordinary.
204
00:10:10,044 --> 00:10:12,742
Yes. And a tough man.
They know it.
205
00:10:12,829 --> 00:10:14,526
Ja, so do I.
206
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,137
He's ordered me
to clean up my post
207
00:10:16,224 --> 00:10:18,705
in time for the Fuhrer's
birthday celebration.
208
00:10:18,792 --> 00:10:20,141
Impossible!
209
00:10:20,228 --> 00:10:22,926
I have no men to spare
for this kind of work.
210
00:10:23,013 --> 00:10:26,408
Major, you have heard
of Luft Stalag 13?
211
00:10:26,495 --> 00:10:29,019
A prisoner of war camp
a few miles from here, isn't it?
212
00:10:29,106 --> 00:10:32,457
Crowded with able-bodied
prisoners of war.
213
00:10:32,544 --> 00:10:33,981
Might I suggest
214
00:10:34,068 --> 00:10:36,200
that you borrow
a few to do the work?
215
00:10:36,287 --> 00:10:39,900
Excellent suggestion,
Captain.
216
00:10:42,163 --> 00:10:44,948
Enemies of the Third Reich help
with preparations
217
00:10:45,035 --> 00:10:47,298
for the Fuhrer's birthday.
218
00:10:47,385 --> 00:10:48,952
Nice touch, eh?
219
00:10:49,039 --> 00:10:51,302
Be good to put the
schweinto work.
220
00:10:51,389 --> 00:10:55,002
Tell me, Captain, do you happen
to know the Commandant's name
221
00:10:55,089 --> 00:10:56,090
at Stalag 13?
222
00:10:56,177 --> 00:10:57,308
I'll call him.
223
00:10:57,395 --> 00:11:00,485
Klink, Colonel Wilhelm Klink.
224
00:11:00,572 --> 00:11:02,444
Full Colonel?
225
00:11:02,531 --> 00:11:04,446
Yes, but a typical
desk officer.
226
00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:06,230
He's never been in combat.
227
00:11:06,317 --> 00:11:09,669
I think he would faint
at the sight of a rare steak.
228
00:11:12,541 --> 00:11:14,021
Hoopleman!
229
00:11:14,108 --> 00:11:16,240
Who gave you permission
to laugh?
230
00:11:16,327 --> 00:11:17,981
Wipe that smile
off your face!
231
00:11:18,068 --> 00:11:20,636
Achtung!
232
00:11:23,030 --> 00:11:24,509
If you have no further
need for me, sir...
233
00:11:24,596 --> 00:11:26,555
Captain Hoganburg,
a great pleasure.
234
00:11:26,642 --> 00:11:28,122
You have been
very helpful.
235
00:11:28,209 --> 00:11:30,690
Danke, sir. I've tried.
Auf Wiedersehen.
236
00:11:30,777 --> 00:11:31,908
Auf Wiedersehen.
237
00:11:31,995 --> 00:11:35,607
Hoopleman! Right face!
238
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:40,177
Achtung! Forward march!
239
00:11:44,399 --> 00:11:46,009
My wife's brother.
240
00:11:57,194 --> 00:11:59,893
Mmm...
241
00:12:02,243 --> 00:12:05,812
This is the only way to fight
the war. You know that.
242
00:12:05,899 --> 00:12:07,639
Yeah, but I wish
243
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,990
that we would be
on the same side.
244
00:12:10,077 --> 00:12:11,382
I'll come over.
245
00:12:13,907 --> 00:12:16,866
I only see you a few
minutes at a time.
246
00:12:18,694 --> 00:12:22,654
Helga, how would you like
to go to a party tomorrow night?
247
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:23,655
Wunderbar!
248
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,396
Oh, I love parties.
249
00:12:25,483 --> 00:12:27,224
But what
is the occasion?
250
00:12:27,311 --> 00:12:29,009
Hitler's birthday.
251
00:12:29,096 --> 00:12:30,967
Oh.
252
00:12:31,054 --> 00:12:33,361
Well, maybe we'll have
a good time anyway.
253
00:12:33,448 --> 00:12:36,233
I was thinking...
254
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:39,715
Perhaps if you invited
some of your girlfriends...
255
00:12:39,802 --> 00:12:42,718
Blondes, brunettes, redheads,
a nice assortment, you know...
256
00:12:42,805 --> 00:12:44,546
I'd arrange
to have you all picked up
257
00:12:44,633 --> 00:12:46,026
and taken over
to Shmeckhausen.
258
00:12:46,113 --> 00:12:47,462
Shmeckhausen?
259
00:12:47,549 --> 00:12:49,899
But there's nothing
in Shmeckhausen.
260
00:12:49,986 --> 00:12:53,207
We're arranging something
right now.
261
00:12:53,294 --> 00:12:55,731
And how will you get
out of camp?
262
00:12:58,168 --> 00:12:59,953
Don't go away.
263
00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:07,264
Major Keitel, it is impossible.
264
00:13:07,351 --> 00:13:10,137
I cannot let any of my prisoners
out of camp for such a purpose.
265
00:13:12,008 --> 00:13:15,838
It's being arranged right now.
266
00:13:15,925 --> 00:13:17,884
No one has ever
escaped Stalag 13
267
00:13:17,971 --> 00:13:20,712
because I just simply
do not take such risks.
268
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:23,541
No, I don't care
what the occasion is...
269
00:13:23,628 --> 00:13:26,588
Whose birthday?
270
00:13:26,675 --> 00:13:29,069
Well, why didn't you say so?
271
00:13:29,156 --> 00:13:31,375
Of course I can
arrange it, Major Keitel.
272
00:13:31,462 --> 00:13:33,595
Good-bye... What?
273
00:13:33,682 --> 00:13:35,205
Oh, yes. Heil Hitler.
274
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:41,516
Every time I turn around, you
are having another birthday.
275
00:13:44,867 --> 00:13:46,347
Call Colonel Hogan! You called?
276
00:13:46,434 --> 00:13:47,348
Hogan!
277
00:13:47,435 --> 00:13:50,046
Hogan, come in.
278
00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:52,396
Colonel Hogan, you
wanted to see me?
279
00:13:52,483 --> 00:13:54,529
Yes, sir. I'd like
to make a request.
280
00:13:54,616 --> 00:13:56,183
Request denied.
281
00:13:56,270 --> 00:13:57,445
What is it?
282
00:13:57,532 --> 00:13:59,229
I like a man
with an open mind.
283
00:13:59,316 --> 00:14:01,231
Sir, tomorrow's
Hitler's birthday.
284
00:14:01,318 --> 00:14:02,667
Yes.
285
00:14:02,754 --> 00:14:04,495
And I wondered if you'd
care to celebrate
286
00:14:04,582 --> 00:14:07,368
by giving us two extra hours of
electric light in the barracks.
287
00:14:07,455 --> 00:14:08,630
Mm-hmm.
288
00:14:08,717 --> 00:14:10,110
So you can have
more time
289
00:14:10,197 --> 00:14:12,286
for digging your
escape tunnel?
290
00:14:12,373 --> 00:14:13,896
We've already
finished the tunnel.
291
00:14:13,983 --> 00:14:15,550
We're working
on an elevator now.
292
00:14:15,637 --> 00:14:16,943
You're being
impertinent.
293
00:14:17,030 --> 00:14:20,511
Yes, sir. I do
the best I can.
294
00:14:20,598 --> 00:14:22,339
Colonel Hogan.
295
00:14:22,426 --> 00:14:24,951
From time to time,
prisoners of war
296
00:14:25,038 --> 00:14:28,215
are asked to work,
for which they are paid.
297
00:14:28,302 --> 00:14:29,912
Well, according
to the Geneva
298
00:14:29,999 --> 00:14:30,957
Prisoner-of-War
Convention,
299
00:14:31,044 --> 00:14:32,306
we can refuse.
300
00:14:32,393 --> 00:14:33,916
Now, I need
one hour's work
301
00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:36,484
at a military
installation outside of camp.
302
00:14:36,571 --> 00:14:38,094
Request denied.
303
00:14:38,181 --> 00:14:39,530
It's not heavy labor.
304
00:14:39,617 --> 00:14:41,228
Is there any other kind?
305
00:14:41,315 --> 00:14:42,707
Very well.
306
00:14:42,794 --> 00:14:45,058
Assign a work party
and I'll give you...
307
00:14:45,145 --> 00:14:48,017
40 minutes of additional
electric light in the barracks.
308
00:14:48,104 --> 00:14:49,149
An hour and a half.
309
00:14:49,236 --> 00:14:50,237
50 minutes?
310
00:14:50,324 --> 00:14:51,368
An hour and a quarter.
311
00:14:51,455 --> 00:14:52,456
One hour,
not a second more.
312
00:14:52,543 --> 00:14:53,544
Throw in two
extra ball games
313
00:14:53,631 --> 00:14:54,545
and you got
yourself a deal.
314
00:14:54,632 --> 00:14:56,199
One extra ball game.
315
00:14:56,286 --> 00:14:57,331
Forget it. I'll take my
business elsewhere.
316
00:14:57,418 --> 00:14:58,506
All right, all
right, all right.
317
00:14:58,593 --> 00:15:00,638
One hour of extra
electric light
318
00:15:00,725 --> 00:15:02,379
and two extra ball games.
319
00:15:02,466 --> 00:15:03,598
You got yourself a deal.
320
00:15:03,685 --> 00:15:04,729
I'll assign
a work party.
321
00:15:04,816 --> 00:15:07,602
Just one moment,
Colonel Hogan.
322
00:15:07,689 --> 00:15:10,605
You know that eventually
323
00:15:10,692 --> 00:15:14,261
I'm going to find that
escape tunnel of yours.
324
00:15:14,348 --> 00:15:15,871
Oh, I hope so,
because it leads
325
00:15:15,958 --> 00:15:17,351
direct to the
Russian front
326
00:15:17,438 --> 00:15:19,309
and we need somebody
to lead the way.
327
00:15:19,396 --> 00:15:20,615
Dismissed.
328
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:30,842
Don't forget the
girls for the party.
329
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,192
I won't.
330
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,412
Sounds like a direct hit.
331
00:15:53,778 --> 00:15:55,041
Where do I put it?
332
00:15:55,128 --> 00:15:56,390
Over there.
333
00:15:56,477 --> 00:15:57,695
Hey, Carter.
334
00:15:57,782 --> 00:15:59,306
It's time to move.
335
00:15:59,393 --> 00:16:00,524
Pass the word.
336
00:16:00,611 --> 00:16:01,786
Gotcha. I'm on my way.
337
00:16:03,614 --> 00:16:05,399
Uh, Schultz!
338
00:16:05,486 --> 00:16:06,878
Hey, Schultz!
339
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,315
We, we've finished.
340
00:16:09,620 --> 00:16:11,535
Nice. Very nice.
341
00:16:11,622 --> 00:16:14,234
Very, very nice.
342
00:16:14,321 --> 00:16:17,237
Now, let us go home!
343
00:16:17,324 --> 00:16:18,673
Huh! "Home," he says.
344
00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:19,979
Out, out, out, out!
345
00:16:20,066 --> 00:16:21,502
Everybody, raus!
346
00:16:21,589 --> 00:16:23,330
Raus, schnell,
schnell, schnell,
347
00:16:23,417 --> 00:16:24,984
schnell, schnell, schnell.
348
00:16:25,071 --> 00:16:26,463
Everybody raus!
349
00:16:26,550 --> 00:16:27,638
Roll call!
350
00:16:27,725 --> 00:16:29,727
Everybody out!
351
00:16:29,814 --> 00:16:31,599
Raus! Raus!
352
00:16:31,686 --> 00:16:34,558
Schnell, schnell, schnell,
schnell, schnell, everybody in.
353
00:16:34,645 --> 00:16:36,691
Halt, halt, halt, halt, halt!
354
00:16:36,778 --> 00:16:40,564
Einemoment. One moment. Halt!
355
00:16:40,651 --> 00:16:41,565
Eins!
356
00:16:41,652 --> 00:16:42,566
Zwei!
357
00:16:42,653 --> 00:16:43,567
Drei!
358
00:16:43,654 --> 00:16:46,657
Vier! Funf!
359
00:16:46,744 --> 00:16:48,442
Sechs! Sieben!
360
00:16:48,529 --> 00:16:49,573
Acht!
361
00:16:49,660 --> 00:16:51,010
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
362
00:16:51,097 --> 00:16:52,446
Haven't I seen
you before?
363
00:16:52,533 --> 00:16:53,577
I don't know.
364
00:16:53,664 --> 00:16:54,665
Ever been
to Milwaukee?
365
00:16:54,752 --> 00:16:56,189
Right here.
366
00:16:56,276 --> 00:16:57,451
Hey, pal, have you
ever seen me before?
367
00:16:57,538 --> 00:16:59,105
Never.
368
00:16:59,192 --> 00:17:00,584
There, you see?
And he's been to Milwaukee.
369
00:17:00,671 --> 00:17:03,370
Sure, and I've also
been to Dusseldorf and...
370
00:17:03,457 --> 00:17:05,676
Say, didn't I meet you
in Dusseldorf?
371
00:17:05,763 --> 00:17:06,677
Dusseldorf?
372
00:17:06,764 --> 00:17:08,375
Bah! Go in!
373
00:17:08,462 --> 00:17:09,376
Zwanzig.
374
00:17:09,463 --> 00:17:10,638
Danke.
375
00:17:10,725 --> 00:17:11,943
Einundzwanzig,
zweiundzwanzig
376
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:14,424
drieundzwanzig,
vierundzwanzig
377
00:17:14,511 --> 00:17:17,427
funfundzwanzig,
sechsundzwanzig...
378
00:17:21,083 --> 00:17:22,476
We're almost
ready, Colonel.
379
00:17:22,563 --> 00:17:23,607
All right, all right.
380
00:17:23,694 --> 00:17:24,695
Make it quick.
381
00:17:24,782 --> 00:17:25,783
The girls
are on the way.
382
00:17:25,870 --> 00:17:27,220
We're right on schedule.
383
00:17:27,307 --> 00:17:27,872
Hey, look at me.
I'm a Kraut corporal.
384
00:17:27,959 --> 00:17:28,960
I wish you were.
385
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,571
The war might
be over by now.
386
00:17:30,658 --> 00:17:32,660
Get ready to move out,
and no talking.
387
00:17:32,747 --> 00:17:34,314
Okay if we whistle
at the dames?
388
00:17:34,401 --> 00:17:35,750
Only in German.
389
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,330
Major, you don't
seem to understand.
390
00:17:50,417 --> 00:17:52,245
My orders are
to relieve you.
391
00:17:52,332 --> 00:17:55,030
Ja, I know. You may
post your men at the guns,
392
00:17:55,117 --> 00:17:57,337
but I will remain
in command personally.
393
00:17:57,424 --> 00:17:58,729
But don't you
want to enjoy
394
00:17:58,816 --> 00:18:00,166
the Fuhrer's birthday
party, sir?
395
00:18:00,253 --> 00:18:02,559
Captain, I have thought it over,
396
00:18:02,646 --> 00:18:06,259
and I feel it is my duty
as an officer to remain
397
00:18:06,346 --> 00:18:09,262
in active command
of the guns at all times,
398
00:18:09,349 --> 00:18:11,568
regardless
of the circumstances.
399
00:18:11,655 --> 00:18:13,440
I understand, sir.
400
00:18:13,527 --> 00:18:14,528
Excuse me.
401
00:18:14,615 --> 00:18:15,703
Hoopleman!
402
00:18:15,790 --> 00:18:17,313
How many times
must I tell you
403
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:18,619
to stand at attention?
404
00:18:18,706 --> 00:18:19,707
Achtung!
405
00:18:24,407 --> 00:18:26,279
Forgive me, Major.
406
00:18:26,366 --> 00:18:29,673
Ever since I made him corporal,
I can't do a thing with him.
407
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:30,892
Now, you were saying?
408
00:18:30,979 --> 00:18:32,894
I was saying, post your men,
409
00:18:32,981 --> 00:18:34,504
but I will remain in command.
410
00:18:34,591 --> 00:18:37,681
Sir, your orders
are to have a good time!
411
00:18:37,768 --> 00:18:40,336
Ja, ja, ja. I know, I know,
412
00:18:40,423 --> 00:18:41,816
but I am sure that if he
413
00:18:41,903 --> 00:18:45,602
were here, the Fuhrer himself...
414
00:18:45,689 --> 00:18:48,692
would approve of my actions
as being absolutely correct
415
00:18:48,779 --> 00:18:50,999
and in line with...
416
00:18:51,086 --> 00:18:52,218
with...
417
00:18:55,438 --> 00:18:57,397
Call me if you need me, Captain.
418
00:19:05,492 --> 00:19:07,102
All right, let's
wrap it up fast here.
419
00:19:07,189 --> 00:19:08,364
LeBeau, you
stand guard here.
420
00:19:08,451 --> 00:19:09,583
Nobody in or out.
421
00:19:09,670 --> 00:19:10,801
Carter, back
up the truck
422
00:19:10,888 --> 00:19:12,194
and keep the
motor running.
423
00:19:12,281 --> 00:19:13,369
The rest of you
guys come with me.
424
00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:14,718
Hey, Colonel,
what do we do
425
00:19:14,805 --> 00:19:15,980
if the girls
come back?
426
00:19:16,067 --> 00:19:17,678
Leave 'em alone,
and that's an order.
427
00:19:17,765 --> 00:19:18,983
Oh, it sure is.
428
00:19:19,070 --> 00:19:20,681
I can't get a break
in either army.
429
00:19:48,404 --> 00:19:51,233
Colonel, this is
the wine for Klink.
430
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:52,887
It's not our best
stuff, is it?
431
00:19:52,974 --> 00:19:54,236
For him?
Are you kidding?
432
00:19:54,323 --> 00:19:55,672
It's practically vinegar.
433
00:19:55,759 --> 00:19:57,326
Looks real.
434
00:19:57,413 --> 00:19:58,675
Believe me,
you'd be better off
435
00:19:58,762 --> 00:19:59,676
drinking the label.
436
00:19:59,763 --> 00:20:01,025
Wait a minute.
437
00:20:01,112 --> 00:20:02,462
I have to
drink withhim.
438
00:20:02,549 --> 00:20:04,028
Well, Colonel,
this is war.
439
00:20:04,115 --> 00:20:05,987
You can't expect
to live forever.
440
00:20:06,074 --> 00:20:07,249
Thanks a lot. Pour.
441
00:20:20,349 --> 00:20:23,396
Very kind of you to help us
celebrate, Colonel Hogan.
442
00:20:23,483 --> 00:20:25,833
Why not? We don't want
to be enemies
443
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:27,704
just because we're enemies.
444
00:20:27,791 --> 00:20:30,403
Good health
and a short war.
445
00:20:40,021 --> 00:20:42,763
Schultz, this
is a good wine.
446
00:20:42,850 --> 00:20:45,026
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
447
00:20:45,113 --> 00:20:46,897
It's a gay,
saucy little wine
448
00:20:46,984 --> 00:20:49,552
we call "Hussy
of the Vineyards."
449
00:20:49,639 --> 00:20:50,684
So?
450
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:54,731
Hogan, tell me...
451
00:20:54,818 --> 00:20:58,039
how do prisoners-of-war
get wine?
452
00:20:58,126 --> 00:20:59,823
Come on, Colonel.
453
00:20:59,910 --> 00:21:02,739
Does Macy tell Gimbel?
454
00:21:02,826 --> 00:21:03,958
Macy? Gimbel?
455
00:21:04,045 --> 00:21:05,612
Schultz, do you
know these men?
456
00:21:05,699 --> 00:21:08,179
No, Herr Kommandant!
457
00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:10,747
I want you to check
the roll call
458
00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:12,575
very carefully tomorrow.
459
00:21:12,662 --> 00:21:15,230
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
460
00:21:15,317 --> 00:21:16,666
Sorry I mentioned it.
461
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,438
So.
462
00:21:49,525 --> 00:21:52,789
The traveling salesman
says to the farmer,
463
00:21:52,876 --> 00:21:57,098
"My car broke down, and I'll
have to stay for the night."
464
00:21:57,185 --> 00:22:00,057
The farmer says,
"I have to tell you something.
465
00:22:00,144 --> 00:22:02,146
I don't have a daughter."
466
00:22:07,369 --> 00:22:09,458
Let's go back
to Macy and Gimbel.
467
00:22:30,784 --> 00:22:32,351
The invasion alarm.
468
00:22:32,438 --> 00:22:33,743
Achtung!
469
00:22:33,830 --> 00:22:35,092
To the guns!
Schnell! Schnell!
470
00:22:40,097 --> 00:22:41,403
Schnell! Schnell!
471
00:22:50,020 --> 00:22:52,327
Range, 1,500 yards.
472
00:22:57,332 --> 00:22:59,682
Range, 1,500 yards.
473
00:22:59,769 --> 00:23:01,031
Ready?
474
00:23:01,118 --> 00:23:03,033
Ready.
475
00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:04,034
Fire!
476
00:23:04,121 --> 00:23:05,775
Fire!
477
00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:14,871
"Happy birthday, Adolf"?
478
00:23:20,573 --> 00:23:25,882
Schweinhund! Schweinhund!
479
00:23:33,803 --> 00:23:36,371
I know where every
prisoner is at all times!
480
00:23:36,458 --> 00:23:38,895
I am sorry
to disagree with you, Colonel,
481
00:23:38,982 --> 00:23:41,594
but I happen to know
that every one of mymen
482
00:23:41,681 --> 00:23:43,030
is thoroughly reliable.
483
00:23:43,117 --> 00:23:44,510
The fact remains, Major...
484
00:23:44,597 --> 00:23:45,859
That's what
I like to hear.
485
00:23:45,946 --> 00:23:47,774
They're fighting amongst
themselves now.
486
00:23:47,861 --> 00:23:50,994
And got away because you
were unable to stop them.
487
00:23:51,081 --> 00:23:54,345
And I say, it is because your
prisoners sabotaged my guns.
488
00:23:54,433 --> 00:23:56,130
Hah! That's ridiculous.
489
00:23:56,217 --> 00:23:58,262
All of my prisoners were
accounted for at roll call.
490
00:23:58,349 --> 00:24:00,221
You asked for a working
party. I gave you one.
491
00:24:00,308 --> 00:24:01,918
Did they do a good job?
492
00:24:02,005 --> 00:24:02,963
Yes.
Good.
493
00:24:03,050 --> 00:24:04,704
But that is not
the point.
494
00:24:04,791 --> 00:24:07,010
Good! That ends the matter
as far as I'm concerned.
495
00:24:07,097 --> 00:24:08,142
Dismissed.
496
00:24:08,229 --> 00:24:09,578
Yes, sir.
But I assure you,
497
00:24:09,665 --> 00:24:13,147
Berlin will favor
my version of this affair.
498
00:24:23,897 --> 00:24:25,594
The nerve of that man,
499
00:24:25,681 --> 00:24:27,727
trying to shift the blame
for his own inefficiency.
500
00:24:27,814 --> 00:24:30,164
The Third Reich has no
place for a man like that.
501
00:24:30,251 --> 00:24:32,558
Sounds like
a drinking problem.
502
00:24:32,645 --> 00:24:34,211
Undoubtedly.
503
00:24:34,298 --> 00:24:35,691
By the way, Colonel,
504
00:24:35,778 --> 00:24:37,258
I understand that
your working party
505
00:24:37,345 --> 00:24:38,999
did an excellent job in
cleaning up the gun battery.
506
00:24:39,086 --> 00:24:40,566
Thank you.
507
00:24:40,653 --> 00:24:42,742
During my inspection
this morning, I noticed
508
00:24:42,829 --> 00:24:44,091
that our own buildings
509
00:24:44,178 --> 00:24:45,745
could use some
extra repair work.
510
00:24:45,832 --> 00:24:47,747
Request denied.
511
00:24:47,834 --> 00:24:50,750
I offer one extra hour
of electric light,
512
00:24:50,837 --> 00:24:53,187
and one more slice of
bread per man a week.
513
00:24:53,274 --> 00:24:55,276
Two extra
hours of light,
514
00:24:55,363 --> 00:24:57,452
and two
slices of bread.
515
00:24:57,539 --> 00:25:00,760
One and a half
extra hours of light,
516
00:25:00,847 --> 00:25:02,979
and one and a quarter
slices of bread...
35288
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