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CBS presents this program
in color.
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00:01:19,862 --> 00:01:21,168
Aha!
3
00:01:21,342 --> 00:01:22,691
Schultz!
4
00:01:22,865 --> 00:01:24,345
I-I followed you!
LeBeau! Colonel Hogan!
5
00:01:24,519 --> 00:01:26,434
You are not supposed
to walk outside the camp.
6
00:01:26,608 --> 00:01:28,131
Even youare not supposed
to walk outside the camp.
7
00:01:28,305 --> 00:01:29,393
I wasn't, Schultz.
8
00:01:29,567 --> 00:01:31,569
So what are
you doing here?
9
00:01:31,743 --> 00:01:32,875
We're here to meet
an escaped prisoner
10
00:01:33,049 --> 00:01:34,268
from Stalag 5.
11
00:01:34,442 --> 00:01:35,791
You want to be in
the welcoming committee?
12
00:01:35,965 --> 00:01:38,663
Oh... I knew you were up
to something. I knew it!
13
00:01:38,837 --> 00:01:43,015
Oh, you would like to see me
sent to the Russian front.
14
00:01:43,190 --> 00:01:44,626
How can you
say that, Schultz?
15
00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:46,410
I couldn't get
along without ya.
16
00:01:46,584 --> 00:01:47,759
Besides, think of
the trouble we'd have
17
00:01:47,933 --> 00:01:48,978
breaking in a new man.
18
00:01:49,152 --> 00:01:50,284
LeBEAU:
A German truck! Get down!
19
00:01:50,458 --> 00:01:52,503
Get down! Get down! Get down!
20
00:01:54,505 --> 00:01:56,594
Here, where we were
supposed to meet him,
21
00:01:56,768 --> 00:01:58,335
did you tell
anyone, Schultz?
22
00:01:58,509 --> 00:02:00,468
LeBeau, would I do
such a foolish thing?
23
00:02:06,343 --> 00:02:08,128
Look, it's Michaels.
Come on, Schultz,
24
00:02:08,302 --> 00:02:10,260
you don't want
to be rude to our guest.
25
00:02:10,434 --> 00:02:11,566
Come on.
26
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:16,962
Michaels, Hogan.
27
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:18,660
I hope I didn't
give you chaps a start.
28
00:02:18,834 --> 00:02:20,662
I stole this
in confusion.
29
00:02:20,836 --> 00:02:21,880
Hey, that's
a late model.
30
00:02:22,054 --> 00:02:23,055
How much can we
get for it
31
00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:24,144
in the black
market, Schultz?
32
00:02:24,318 --> 00:02:26,015
I know nothing
of such things.
33
00:02:26,189 --> 00:02:27,538
I must say,
you chaps
34
00:02:27,712 --> 00:02:29,236
do get yourselves up
as convincing Jerries.
35
00:02:29,410 --> 00:02:31,107
Oh, don't worry about that,
Schultz, he's not one of us.
36
00:02:31,281 --> 00:02:32,935
Pity.
37
00:02:33,109 --> 00:02:34,719
By the way, Colonel Hogan,
I got a rather pleasant surprise
38
00:02:34,893 --> 00:02:36,068
when I looked in the back
of the lorry.
39
00:02:36,243 --> 00:02:37,374
Let's go.
40
00:02:41,335 --> 00:02:43,859
The new gunsight;
they spot planes by computer.
41
00:02:44,033 --> 00:02:45,817
The chaps at home
would be most interested.
42
00:02:45,991 --> 00:02:47,471
I thought we might
sneak one into camp,
43
00:02:47,645 --> 00:02:49,299
take it apart
and send back
44
00:02:49,473 --> 00:02:50,779
a set of blueprints.
45
00:02:50,953 --> 00:02:53,521
Why not send the entire
gunsight back, huh?
46
00:02:53,695 --> 00:02:55,566
That would be smashing.
Do you think we could?
47
00:02:55,740 --> 00:02:56,959
Kind of simple.
48
00:02:57,133 --> 00:02:58,221
When we get ready
to send youhome
49
00:02:58,395 --> 00:02:59,875
we send the gunsight
with you.
50
00:03:00,049 --> 00:03:01,833
In the meantime, we got
to get you back in camp.
51
00:03:03,052 --> 00:03:05,968
I must say, I find the whole
thing hard to believe.
52
00:03:06,142 --> 00:03:07,143
Me, too.
53
00:03:07,317 --> 00:03:08,971
Our gunsight,
escaped prisoner,
54
00:03:09,145 --> 00:03:10,538
stolen truck.
55
00:03:10,712 --> 00:03:12,540
What are we supposed to do
with the truck?
56
00:03:12,714 --> 00:03:13,758
Schultz, as long
as you're here,
57
00:03:13,932 --> 00:03:16,326
would you mind
hiding it somewhere?
58
00:03:31,994 --> 00:03:33,387
So, my dear Colonel,
59
00:03:33,561 --> 00:03:37,391
I can assure you
I know everything.
60
00:03:37,565 --> 00:03:41,177
Just by chance,
by chance, mind you,
61
00:03:41,351 --> 00:03:43,571
does the name Michaels
ring a bell with you?
62
00:03:43,745 --> 00:03:44,833
Michaels?
63
00:03:45,007 --> 00:03:49,141
Michaels. Yes.
Yes, it does.
64
00:03:49,316 --> 00:03:51,100
Yes, it does. It does?
65
00:03:51,274 --> 00:03:55,191
Yeah. I knew this English girl,
Diane Michaels... a beauty.
66
00:03:55,365 --> 00:03:57,759
Peaches and cream
complexion.
67
00:03:57,933 --> 00:04:00,718
That is not the Michaels
I had in mind.
68
00:04:00,892 --> 00:04:02,851
This one has a mustache.
69
00:04:03,025 --> 00:04:04,809
Oh, we're talking about
two different girls.
70
00:04:04,983 --> 00:04:07,725
For your information,
I am speaking
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00:04:07,899 --> 00:04:10,380
about a Captain Michaels
who was recently a prisoner
72
00:04:10,554 --> 00:04:11,860
at Stalag 5.
73
00:04:12,034 --> 00:04:13,557
Recently?
74
00:04:13,731 --> 00:04:17,169
Yes, until those fools
let him escape.
75
00:04:17,344 --> 00:04:18,519
Hogan, I tell you
there is only one way
76
00:04:18,693 --> 00:04:20,434
to run a camp
and that is my way.
77
00:04:20,608 --> 00:04:23,088
Iron hand, discipline, hard
work, keep the prisoners busy.
78
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,482
Colonel Klink,
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00:04:25,656 --> 00:04:28,093
thanks to you, we're kept busy
every minute of the day!
80
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:29,878
Right, Schultz?
81
00:04:30,052 --> 00:04:33,229
Right. I mean, what do
I know what the prisoners do?
82
00:04:33,403 --> 00:04:36,101
Schultz, don't you agree
that I run an unusual camp?
83
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:39,409
Oh, a most unusual,
Herr Kommandant.
84
00:04:39,583 --> 00:04:40,671
Look,
I've got work to do, so...
85
00:04:40,845 --> 00:04:41,803
Hogan, not so fast!
86
00:04:41,977 --> 00:04:43,413
I'm not finished
with you yet!
87
00:04:43,587 --> 00:04:45,372
Now this Captain Michaels...
88
00:04:45,546 --> 00:04:48,070
Our last report was
that he stole one of our trucks
89
00:04:48,244 --> 00:04:49,767
and was headed
toward the coast.
90
00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:52,292
Well, if I see
a British officer
91
00:04:52,466 --> 00:04:53,467
in a German truck,
92
00:04:53,641 --> 00:04:54,772
then I'll know
who it is, right?
93
00:04:54,946 --> 00:04:56,731
Hogan, I am not
playing games.
94
00:04:56,905 --> 00:04:58,298
Now, perhaps
you can explain
95
00:04:58,472 --> 00:05:00,169
something to me.
96
00:05:00,343 --> 00:05:02,606
According to this report,
this Captain Michaels
97
00:05:02,780 --> 00:05:05,609
suddenly vanished,
army truck and all.
98
00:05:05,783 --> 00:05:09,396
That is strange...
a truck disappearing.
99
00:05:09,570 --> 00:05:11,920
Now, I don't believe it!
100
00:05:12,094 --> 00:05:15,402
Perhaps those fools
at Stalag 5 believe it.
101
00:05:15,576 --> 00:05:18,535
But I am convinced
that this Michaels
102
00:05:18,709 --> 00:05:22,191
is somewhere
in this very vicinity.
103
00:05:22,365 --> 00:05:23,845
You know, sir,
you may be right.
104
00:05:24,019 --> 00:05:25,934
I'm sure of it.
105
00:05:26,108 --> 00:05:27,936
Now, the first thing
to do is to find the truck.
106
00:05:28,110 --> 00:05:30,417
Schultz, since
I am short of men,
107
00:05:30,591 --> 00:05:32,593
I am forced
to put you in charge
108
00:05:32,767 --> 00:05:35,117
of finding that truck.
109
00:05:36,161 --> 00:05:37,902
Hello, Papa Bear,
this is Goldilocks.
110
00:05:38,076 --> 00:05:40,035
How are you today?
111
00:05:40,209 --> 00:05:42,080
A bit sticky here.
Nasty rain and all that.
112
00:05:42,254 --> 00:05:43,821
I hope you chaps are bearing up?
113
00:05:43,995 --> 00:05:45,780
The weather is okay.
114
00:05:45,954 --> 00:05:47,259
We're having a little trouble
with our strawberries though.
115
00:05:47,434 --> 00:05:49,000
That is a rough go.
By the way,
116
00:05:49,174 --> 00:05:52,308
that self-computing item
you wired me about.
117
00:05:52,482 --> 00:05:53,831
Headquarters wants it at once.
Is that possible?
118
00:05:54,005 --> 00:05:55,398
Can do.
119
00:05:55,572 --> 00:05:57,095
Thanks, awfully.
120
00:05:57,269 --> 00:05:58,227
We'd like to have the commando,
too, of course.
121
00:05:58,401 --> 00:05:59,402
Of course.
122
00:05:59,576 --> 00:06:01,491
Sub can pick up commando
123
00:06:01,665 --> 00:06:03,537
same time picks up item.
124
00:06:03,711 --> 00:06:06,148
I'm afraid that's going
to be a bit of a problem.
125
00:06:06,322 --> 00:06:08,150
The sub. It's gone bad.
126
00:06:08,324 --> 00:06:09,717
Can't cut the cake just now.
127
00:06:09,891 --> 00:06:11,980
How did you figure
to pick up item?
128
00:06:12,154 --> 00:06:14,504
We rather hoped you chaps
would have an idea.
129
00:06:14,678 --> 00:06:17,115
American know-how and ingenuity.
That sort of thing.
130
00:06:17,289 --> 00:06:20,075
Why not? Will do.
Over, Papa Bear.
131
00:06:22,860 --> 00:06:24,688
If you don't mind my asking,
Colonel Hogan,
132
00:06:24,862 --> 00:06:26,603
what exactly
did you have in mind?
133
00:06:26,777 --> 00:06:29,519
Yes, old chap, what
are you going to use for a sub?
134
00:06:29,693 --> 00:06:30,825
Yeah. How are you
going to get Michaels
135
00:06:30,999 --> 00:06:32,217
across all that
open sea, huh?
136
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:33,784
Did you expect him
to walk across?
137
00:06:33,958 --> 00:06:35,656
You going to put
the gunsight in his pocket?
138
00:06:35,830 --> 00:06:37,222
How are you going to get him
through the woods
139
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:38,528
with all the Krauts
outside?
140
00:06:38,702 --> 00:06:39,921
And what about
the Krauts inside?
141
00:06:40,095 --> 00:06:42,532
If there's one thing
I can't stand
142
00:06:42,706 --> 00:06:45,535
is men with small,
petty minds.
143
00:06:55,197 --> 00:06:56,546
Is the great man in?
144
00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:58,809
Yes, and he's personally
supervising the search
145
00:06:58,983 --> 00:07:00,507
for you know who.
146
00:07:00,681 --> 00:07:02,509
That's a break for our side.
Will you tell him I'm here?
147
00:07:07,078 --> 00:07:08,210
Ya, ya, ya?
148
00:07:08,384 --> 00:07:10,038
Herr Kommandant,
Colonel Hogan is here.
149
00:07:10,212 --> 00:07:11,953
Oh. Doesn't he realize
how busy I am?
150
00:07:12,127 --> 00:07:14,390
All right, send him in.
151
00:07:14,564 --> 00:07:16,827
The latest roster,
sir. Thank you.
152
00:07:17,001 --> 00:07:18,916
Oh, please,
let me help you, sir.
153
00:07:19,090 --> 00:07:20,309
Hey, hey. What
are you doing?
154
00:07:20,483 --> 00:07:21,397
Please, sit down,
you look pale and drawn.
155
00:07:21,571 --> 00:07:23,268
I've seen it before.
156
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:24,574
Seen it? Seen what?
What, what, what?
157
00:07:24,748 --> 00:07:26,184
Please, please.
158
00:07:26,358 --> 00:07:27,621
Very gallant of you
to try to deny it, sir.
159
00:07:27,795 --> 00:07:29,057
You see it,
don't you Fraulein Helga?
160
00:07:29,231 --> 00:07:30,624
Oh, yes, I do, I do.
161
00:07:30,798 --> 00:07:31,625
W-What are you
talking... Thank you.
162
00:07:31,799 --> 00:07:33,061
Please, please, please.
163
00:07:33,235 --> 00:07:34,715
Thank you.
164
00:07:34,889 --> 00:07:36,368
I may be wrong, sir.
165
00:07:36,543 --> 00:07:38,762
It may not be my place,
but I've got to tell you,
166
00:07:38,936 --> 00:07:41,069
you look tired, very tired.
167
00:07:41,243 --> 00:07:42,549
Right, Fraulein Helga?
168
00:07:42,723 --> 00:07:44,028
Oh, yes, the colonel
is right, Herr Kommandant.
169
00:07:44,202 --> 00:07:46,335
Oh...
170
00:07:53,298 --> 00:07:55,344
Yes, yes, it has
been wearing.
171
00:07:55,518 --> 00:07:56,998
This Michaels fellow,
172
00:07:57,172 --> 00:07:59,304
I have been personally
supervising the search.
173
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,437
Relentless, driving as I am.
174
00:08:01,611 --> 00:08:02,960
Driving, that's how it starts.
175
00:08:03,134 --> 00:08:04,309
What starts?
176
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,747
It's always the symptoms.
Yes, indeed.
177
00:08:06,921 --> 00:08:09,184
You're pushing yourself
beyond all endurance.
178
00:08:09,358 --> 00:08:10,359
And then,
complete collapse.
179
00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:14,232
Excuse me for
saying it, sir,
180
00:08:14,406 --> 00:08:16,496
but I've seen
combat fatigue before.
181
00:08:16,670 --> 00:08:18,019
Combat fatigue? Uh-huh.
182
00:08:18,193 --> 00:08:19,890
You owe it to yourself
to relax, you know that?
183
00:08:20,064 --> 00:08:21,936
Relax? Relax? Mm-hmm.
184
00:08:22,110 --> 00:08:25,592
I'm on the go 24 hours a day
running a model prisoner camp.
185
00:08:25,766 --> 00:08:27,898
How can I relax?!
186
00:08:28,072 --> 00:08:29,117
Forgive me for
saying it, sir,
187
00:08:29,291 --> 00:08:30,814
but it's
beginning to tell.
188
00:08:30,988 --> 00:08:32,642
Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
As the old saying goes...
189
00:08:32,816 --> 00:08:36,385
when a bough doesn't bend...
it breaks.
190
00:08:36,559 --> 00:08:38,953
What do you suggest?
191
00:08:39,127 --> 00:08:41,477
Perhaps... perhaps now...
192
00:08:41,651 --> 00:08:43,827
If you could
get away and relax,
193
00:08:44,001 --> 00:08:45,307
like, uh...
194
00:08:45,481 --> 00:08:47,788
an officer's club
like they have at Stalag 5.
195
00:08:47,962 --> 00:08:49,354
Carter told me
all about it, sir.
196
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,487
They have an officer's
club at Stalag 5?
197
00:08:51,661 --> 00:08:52,706
Uh-huh.
198
00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:54,577
An officer's club
at St...
199
00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:56,971
Well, maybe
you're right.
200
00:08:57,145 --> 00:09:03,543
Yes. A sturdy oak like me
should bend once in a while.
201
00:09:03,717 --> 00:09:05,327
You owe it
to the war effort, sir.
202
00:09:05,501 --> 00:09:09,374
Yes. My own officer's club.
I can see it now.
203
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:12,552
It must be something original.
204
00:09:12,726 --> 00:09:17,295
Wine cellar...
beer mugs, cuckoo clocks.
205
00:09:17,469 --> 00:09:19,384
Brilliant!
206
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,125
But you've got to have
something more unique.
207
00:09:21,299 --> 00:09:24,172
Something that no one else
in the German army has.
208
00:09:24,346 --> 00:09:25,434
Yes, yes, yes.
209
00:09:25,608 --> 00:09:27,871
It must be something
worthy of me.
210
00:09:28,045 --> 00:09:29,394
Right.
211
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:30,744
Men under your command,
I know would be honored
212
00:09:30,918 --> 00:09:31,832
to build it for you.
213
00:09:32,006 --> 00:09:33,877
Of course.
214
00:09:34,051 --> 00:09:37,577
Of course, wehave the man
when it comes to design, decor.
215
00:09:37,751 --> 00:09:39,448
LeBeau.
216
00:09:39,622 --> 00:09:42,625
You know how the French are
with their style, flair...
217
00:09:42,799 --> 00:09:44,235
Mostly decadent of course.
218
00:09:44,409 --> 00:09:45,846
Of course, we know
very well how to use
219
00:09:46,020 --> 00:09:48,631
such corrupt means
for our own good.
220
00:09:48,805 --> 00:09:52,069
To do the job right, LeBeau
has got to be put in command.
221
00:09:54,681 --> 00:09:59,381
A Frenchman giving
orders to Germans?
222
00:09:59,555 --> 00:10:02,210
Oh, that's unthinkable.
223
00:10:02,384 --> 00:10:03,254
That's the joke.
224
00:10:03,428 --> 00:10:04,386
Joke?
225
00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:05,779
Don't you see it?
226
00:10:05,953 --> 00:10:07,824
You see, LeBeau
thinks he's in charge,
227
00:10:07,998 --> 00:10:10,566
but he's really
taking the orders from you.
228
00:10:12,263 --> 00:10:16,006
All right, mein Herren,
get the lead out!
229
00:10:17,791 --> 00:10:19,357
Come on, come on.
Faster, faster.
230
00:10:19,531 --> 00:10:20,881
Bring it up.
231
00:10:21,055 --> 00:10:22,622
Come on, hammer
a little faster, huh?
232
00:10:25,146 --> 00:10:27,975
Lankershieb,
put some muscle into it!
233
00:10:28,149 --> 00:10:30,107
You're not slicing liverwurst.
234
00:10:30,281 --> 00:10:32,762
Kristman, you're going
the wrong way!
235
00:10:32,936 --> 00:10:36,679
Starboard. Starboard. Not port!
236
00:10:36,853 --> 00:10:39,769
What's going on here?
Starboard, port?
237
00:10:39,943 --> 00:10:41,858
I thought we were
building an officer's club?
238
00:10:42,032 --> 00:10:44,861
Mr. Kristman, be quiet!
239
00:10:45,035 --> 00:10:48,125
Or I'll see you hang
from the highest yardarm.
240
00:10:48,299 --> 00:10:49,953
Starboard!
241
00:10:54,479 --> 00:10:56,133
LeBeau, this thing
is really shaping up.
242
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,006
You know, your row boating
243
00:10:59,180 --> 00:11:00,050
on the river Seine
is finally paying off.
244
00:11:00,224 --> 00:11:02,270
Yes, Colonel.
245
00:11:02,444 --> 00:11:04,794
Come on, you guys!
Stop falling over your own feet!
246
00:11:04,968 --> 00:11:08,493
The master race...
Tomorrow the world. Ha!
247
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:09,581
Hi, Schultz.
248
00:11:09,756 --> 00:11:11,105
May I ask you something?
249
00:11:11,279 --> 00:11:15,544
Why are we building a boat?
What are you up to?
250
00:11:15,718 --> 00:11:16,980
You really want
to know, Schultz?
251
00:11:17,154 --> 00:11:18,547
Well...
252
00:11:18,721 --> 00:11:23,334
Please, don't tell me.
How about Captain Michaels?
253
00:11:23,508 --> 00:11:25,946
How are you going
to get him out of the camp?
254
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:29,732
Please, don't tell me.
Why am I asking?
255
00:11:29,906 --> 00:11:33,736
Oh, Schultz... where is
your sense of loyalty?
256
00:11:33,910 --> 00:11:35,390
Helping the enemy!
257
00:11:35,564 --> 00:11:40,438
Schultz! Schultz!
What is happening to you?
258
00:11:40,612 --> 00:11:41,962
Aw, come on, Schultz.
259
00:11:42,136 --> 00:11:43,137
If you're going to
psychoanalyze yourself
260
00:11:43,311 --> 00:11:44,442
go find a couch.
261
00:11:44,616 --> 00:11:46,357
We're busy here.
262
00:11:46,531 --> 00:11:48,446
How about
the Kommandant?
263
00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:51,449
He gave me his word
he wouldn't peek.
264
00:11:51,623 --> 00:11:52,973
He wants it
to be a surprise.
265
00:11:53,147 --> 00:11:54,975
Oh, boy, is he going
to be surprised.
266
00:12:09,685 --> 00:12:11,992
Colonel Hogan!
267
00:12:12,166 --> 00:12:13,515
Oh, Klink, you gave
me your word!
268
00:12:13,689 --> 00:12:15,299
I don't know
what you two are up to,
269
00:12:15,473 --> 00:12:16,823
but I intend to find out.
270
00:12:16,997 --> 00:12:18,346
I'm surprised, sir,
you don't get the point.
271
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:19,477
What point?
272
00:12:19,651 --> 00:12:20,914
I ordered an officer's club
273
00:12:21,088 --> 00:12:22,829
and a ship comes out...
274
00:12:23,003 --> 00:12:26,876
in the middle of a prison camp
60 miles from the North Sea.
275
00:12:27,050 --> 00:12:30,488
That's just the point.
We wanted to show the real you.
276
00:12:30,662 --> 00:12:33,622
On the one hand, your good
breeding, exclusiveness.
277
00:12:33,796 --> 00:12:36,364
What could be more exclusive
than a yacht club?
278
00:12:36,538 --> 00:12:39,715
I do admit a yacht club
would be worthy of me.
279
00:12:39,889 --> 00:12:44,067
Maybe someday, Colonel Klink,
you can sail to Tahiti.
280
00:12:44,241 --> 00:12:46,069
When it will be German owned,
of course.
281
00:12:46,243 --> 00:12:48,811
In the meantime, you have
your own private yacht club.
282
00:12:48,985 --> 00:12:52,162
Yep, I can see you there
entertaining...
283
00:12:52,336 --> 00:12:53,337
the skipper.
284
00:12:53,511 --> 00:12:55,035
Captain's cap, blazer...
285
00:12:55,209 --> 00:12:56,340
Helga, your hostess.
286
00:12:56,514 --> 00:12:58,647
Soft nights,
tropical breezes.
287
00:12:58,821 --> 00:13:00,083
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
288
00:13:00,257 --> 00:13:01,563
But in the meantime,
you have your own
289
00:13:01,737 --> 00:13:03,217
little bit
of Tahiti right here.
290
00:13:03,391 --> 00:13:04,958
Tahiti when there's snow?
291
00:13:05,132 --> 00:13:06,611
You could always wear gloves.
292
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,265
Yes. Yes.
293
00:13:10,572 --> 00:13:12,052
Colonel,
294
00:13:12,226 --> 00:13:14,141
I just got a radio message
from headquarters.
295
00:13:14,315 --> 00:13:16,534
They say the weather reports
look bad for next week.
296
00:13:16,708 --> 00:13:18,188
The boat will have
to leave tomorrow night.
297
00:13:18,362 --> 00:13:20,408
Tomorrow night?
How can it be done?
298
00:13:20,582 --> 00:13:22,323
We could always set fire
to Klink's office
299
00:13:22,497 --> 00:13:23,933
and try to get him
out the north gate. Hey, hey...
300
00:13:25,413 --> 00:13:26,501
Gentlemen, I have just
301
00:13:26,675 --> 00:13:28,242
had a great inspiration.
302
00:13:28,416 --> 00:13:30,592
I am going to give
a party on my own yacht club.
303
00:13:30,766 --> 00:13:32,289
A party, Colonel? When?
304
00:13:32,463 --> 00:13:34,248
Why wait?
Tomorrow night.
305
00:13:34,422 --> 00:13:36,163
Colonel Hogan, since you were
the first to give me the idea,
306
00:13:36,337 --> 00:13:38,818
I wanted you to be
the first to know.
307
00:13:41,690 --> 00:13:42,996
Got anymore good ideas?
308
00:13:55,791 --> 00:14:00,100
And, uh... what do you think
of it, Fraulein Helga?
309
00:14:00,274 --> 00:14:02,580
I am speechless,
Herr Kommandant.
310
00:14:02,754 --> 00:14:04,931
I can understand that.
311
00:14:05,105 --> 00:14:08,151
I am a man
of many sides.
312
00:14:08,325 --> 00:14:10,806
You didn't know that,
behind that stern soldier,
313
00:14:10,980 --> 00:14:13,765
there is a...
a world traveler,
314
00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:16,116
a dreamer...
315
00:14:16,290 --> 00:14:18,031
a lover!
316
00:14:18,205 --> 00:14:19,554
You area dreamer.
317
00:14:19,728 --> 00:14:22,035
That's my secret.
318
00:14:22,209 --> 00:14:23,558
And now
it is yours, too.
319
00:14:23,732 --> 00:14:26,909
Oh, Fraulein Helga,
you are my Lorelei.
320
00:14:27,083 --> 00:14:30,565
Soft nights,
tropical breezes...
321
00:14:32,697 --> 00:14:39,052
♪ Ich weiss nicht was
soll es bedeuten... ♪
322
00:14:39,226 --> 00:14:40,749
Oh, I'm sorry.
323
00:14:40,923 --> 00:14:42,272
What do you want,
Colonel Hogan?
324
00:14:42,446 --> 00:14:43,665
It can wait.
It's not important.
325
00:14:43,839 --> 00:14:44,666
It's about
the party tonight.
326
00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:46,494
Oh, come in, come in.
327
00:14:49,845 --> 00:14:52,021
You know, we Germans
never do anything halfway.
328
00:14:52,195 --> 00:14:54,067
This party tonight
is as important to me
329
00:14:54,241 --> 00:14:55,242
as going into battle.
330
00:14:55,416 --> 00:14:56,591
Uh... sit down.
331
00:14:56,765 --> 00:14:58,941
You know, you really
don't understand us.
332
00:14:59,115 --> 00:15:00,856
That's why
you're losing the war.
333
00:15:01,030 --> 00:15:02,466
I'm sorry, sir.
334
00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:04,599
It's the easy living
that's ruined us Americans.
335
00:15:04,773 --> 00:15:06,079
Uh... we need
your approval.
336
00:15:06,253 --> 00:15:07,602
Approval for what?
337
00:15:07,776 --> 00:15:08,995
Approval
to load the boat
338
00:15:09,169 --> 00:15:10,474
with the caviar
and the champagne
339
00:15:10,648 --> 00:15:11,911
and the hors d'oeuvres.
340
00:15:12,085 --> 00:15:13,434
Permission granted.
341
00:15:13,608 --> 00:15:14,826
Remember,
as prisoners of war,
342
00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:16,219
you're not
required to do this
343
00:15:16,393 --> 00:15:17,742
according to
the Geneva Convention.
344
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,527
That's all right, sir.
345
00:15:19,701 --> 00:15:21,398
We're... we're...
we're happy to do our bit.
346
00:15:21,572 --> 00:15:23,661
And, besides, LeBeau's
experienced at this.
347
00:15:23,835 --> 00:15:25,707
Comes from a long line
of headwaiters.
348
00:15:25,881 --> 00:15:27,578
You know, Hogan,
349
00:15:27,752 --> 00:15:30,842
it's times like these
when it's hard for me
350
00:15:31,017 --> 00:15:32,975
to think of you
as the enemy.
351
00:15:33,149 --> 00:15:36,936
If it weren't for my strict
rules on fraternization,
352
00:15:37,110 --> 00:15:40,461
I, uh... would invite
you to the party tonight.
353
00:15:40,635 --> 00:15:42,332
Well, thank you, sir.
I understand.
354
00:15:42,506 --> 00:15:44,421
And, besides, what would
the other guests think?
355
00:15:44,595 --> 00:15:46,380
Like Burkhalter.
356
00:15:46,554 --> 00:15:47,947
Burkhalter?
357
00:15:48,121 --> 00:15:49,687
Yeah. Your commandant
in Berlin.
358
00:15:49,861 --> 00:15:52,212
Who invited him?
359
00:15:52,386 --> 00:15:55,302
You didn't invite
General Burkhalter?
360
00:15:55,476 --> 00:15:58,087
Oh, I'm... I'm...
I'm sorry, sir.
361
00:15:58,261 --> 00:15:59,610
Just a moment.
Just a moment.
362
00:15:59,784 --> 00:16:01,047
Is there
something wrong?
363
00:16:01,221 --> 00:16:02,570
Well, I mean,
in ourarmy...
364
00:16:02,744 --> 00:16:04,311
I mean, it would
be an affront.
365
00:16:04,485 --> 00:16:06,791
You know, military courtesy,
esprit de corps.
366
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,010
Guess that's
not important
367
00:16:08,184 --> 00:16:09,446
when you're
winning the war.
368
00:16:09,620 --> 00:16:11,971
Oh, it is important!
369
00:16:12,145 --> 00:16:13,624
It isimportant!
370
00:16:14,756 --> 00:16:16,932
Fraulein Helga?
371
00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:18,847
Get him Berlin.
372
00:16:26,507 --> 00:16:28,509
One case of,
uh... champagne.
373
00:16:28,683 --> 00:16:29,858
Check.
374
00:16:30,032 --> 00:16:31,381
Champagne?
375
00:16:31,555 --> 00:16:33,731
It's a going-away
present for Michaels.
376
00:16:33,905 --> 00:16:35,559
Keep him warm
during the trip.
377
00:16:38,084 --> 00:16:40,390
How big a party
is this going to be?
378
00:16:40,564 --> 00:16:41,565
One gunsight.
379
00:16:41,739 --> 00:16:43,350
One gunsight.
Check.
380
00:16:43,524 --> 00:16:45,091
Handle that extra-carefully,
will you, Schultz?
381
00:16:45,265 --> 00:16:48,224
Oh, tell me,
why am I doing this?
382
00:16:48,398 --> 00:16:50,052
Thank you, gentlemen.
383
00:16:50,226 --> 00:16:51,836
One case of horse doveres.
384
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:53,621
No, no, no. Hors
d'oeuvres, Schultz.
385
00:16:53,795 --> 00:16:54,970
Hors d'oeuvres.
386
00:16:55,144 --> 00:16:58,017
Hors d'oeuvres,
hors d'oeuvres...
387
00:16:58,191 --> 00:17:00,715
Schnell, schnell,
schnell, schnell!
388
00:17:00,889 --> 00:17:01,716
Caviar.
389
00:17:01,890 --> 00:17:03,022
Check.
390
00:17:04,197 --> 00:17:05,633
How goes the battle, men?
391
00:17:05,807 --> 00:17:07,417
You better get going.
You know what to say.
392
00:17:07,591 --> 00:17:09,593
Yes, sir. What's
that guy's name again?
393
00:17:09,767 --> 00:17:11,552
Burkhalter.
Burk-halter.
394
00:17:11,726 --> 00:17:12,988
Burkhalter.
395
00:17:13,162 --> 00:17:15,599
Burkherlter. Burkhalter.
396
00:17:15,773 --> 00:17:18,037
Yes, sir. General Burkhalter.
397
00:17:18,211 --> 00:17:22,519
Well, anyway, one afternoon
he came to inspect Stalag 5.
398
00:17:22,693 --> 00:17:24,086
Well, when he took one look
399
00:17:24,260 --> 00:17:26,088
at the fancy
officers' club there,
400
00:17:26,262 --> 00:17:28,656
he really blew his stack
at the commandant...
401
00:17:28,830 --> 00:17:32,312
Vogel... and he...
he said things like, uh...
402
00:17:32,486 --> 00:17:35,445
"How can you do this
when our boys are having
403
00:17:35,619 --> 00:17:38,187
such a rough time
on the Russian front?"
404
00:17:38,361 --> 00:17:40,711
Not to mention
the Italian front.
405
00:17:42,409 --> 00:17:46,717
And my club is fancier
than Vogel's, huh?
406
00:17:46,891 --> 00:17:48,893
Yes, sir. It sure is.
407
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,460
Anyway...
408
00:17:50,634 --> 00:17:53,463
General Buck...
Burkhalter told Vogel
409
00:17:53,637 --> 00:17:56,162
if he didn't
get rid of his club,
410
00:17:56,336 --> 00:18:00,731
he'd see him off on the train
to Stalingrad personally.
411
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:05,475
Carter, why didn't you
tell Hogan about this?!
412
00:18:05,649 --> 00:18:07,434
He didn't ask me.
413
00:18:30,718 --> 00:18:31,849
Get out of my way!
414
00:18:32,023 --> 00:18:33,373
Get out of my way!
415
00:18:33,547 --> 00:18:34,852
You two, get
out of my way!
416
00:18:35,026 --> 00:18:36,376
Right on the nose.
417
00:18:36,550 --> 00:18:38,465
Oh, Colonel Klink.
Just admiring your club.
418
00:18:38,639 --> 00:18:40,249
Oh, when you Germans
build things,
419
00:18:40,423 --> 00:18:42,077
you really know
how to build 'em.
420
00:18:42,251 --> 00:18:43,905
Hogan... Such
attention to detail,
421
00:18:44,079 --> 00:18:45,385
perfect construction...
yes, sir!
422
00:18:45,559 --> 00:18:46,777
I want this...
this...
423
00:18:46,951 --> 00:18:48,214
this ship thing
destroyed at once!
424
00:18:48,388 --> 00:18:49,867
Destroyed?
425
00:18:50,041 --> 00:18:51,391
What about the party?
426
00:18:51,565 --> 00:18:53,393
What... what about
General Burkhalter?
427
00:18:53,567 --> 00:18:54,916
Ask that
fool Carter.
428
00:18:55,090 --> 00:18:56,787
Now, I want this
ship demolished immediately
429
00:18:56,961 --> 00:18:58,398
before General
Burkhalter gets here!
430
00:18:58,572 --> 00:18:59,790
That's not going
to be easy.
431
00:18:59,964 --> 00:19:01,531
I mean, listen to this.
Like rock.
432
00:19:01,705 --> 00:19:04,230
I mean, this thing was built
to last a hundred years.
433
00:19:04,404 --> 00:19:05,709
We don't have
that much time.
434
00:19:05,883 --> 00:19:07,058
We could burn it.
435
00:19:07,233 --> 00:19:08,625
Fire makes
flames, no?
436
00:19:08,799 --> 00:19:11,106
If General Burkhalter
sees the fire,
437
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:12,847
he'll ask
questions, no?
438
00:19:13,021 --> 00:19:14,414
Flames
make ashes, no?
439
00:19:14,588 --> 00:19:16,416
Yes, sir.
Flames make ashes.
440
00:19:16,590 --> 00:19:18,244
Marvelous. What clear thinking.
441
00:19:18,418 --> 00:19:20,855
Well, I'm sure you'll come up
with some way to get rid of it.
442
00:19:21,029 --> 00:19:22,552
I have. Since
my men built it,
443
00:19:22,726 --> 00:19:24,163
it is up to you
and your men
444
00:19:24,337 --> 00:19:25,642
to get rid
of it at once.
445
00:19:25,816 --> 00:19:26,861
Now,
that is an order.
446
00:19:27,035 --> 00:19:28,167
Get rid of it at once!
447
00:19:28,341 --> 00:19:29,342
Yes, sir.
448
00:19:29,516 --> 00:19:30,865
Get rid of it at once!
449
00:19:31,039 --> 00:19:32,475
Get rid of it at once!
450
00:19:34,216 --> 00:19:36,349
This trailer hitch
should do the job.
451
00:19:36,523 --> 00:19:37,872
All right, we're almost home.
452
00:19:38,046 --> 00:19:40,048
Sorry to jolt your reveries,
Colonel Hogan.
453
00:19:40,222 --> 00:19:42,093
How do you hope
to get Michaels aboard?
454
00:19:42,268 --> 00:19:44,705
And, just out
of idle curiosity,
455
00:19:44,879 --> 00:19:48,143
how do we hope to get
this vessel to port?
456
00:19:48,317 --> 00:19:50,493
Newkirk, have
I ever told you
457
00:19:50,667 --> 00:19:53,192
you make great
officer material?
458
00:19:53,366 --> 00:19:55,498
Never mind the insults,
Colonel Hogan.
459
00:19:55,672 --> 00:19:57,544
Just answer
the question, please.
460
00:19:57,718 --> 00:19:59,981
Is this thing
still here?!
461
00:20:00,155 --> 00:20:02,897
General Burkhalter's
only an hour away.
462
00:20:03,071 --> 00:20:04,855
And what is this iron
thing supposed...?
463
00:20:05,029 --> 00:20:06,030
Oh!
464
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:07,206
It's part of our plan.
465
00:20:07,380 --> 00:20:08,468
Make it easier to move.
466
00:20:08,642 --> 00:20:10,078
We're going to hide
it in the woods.
467
00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:11,471
That is
your plan, huh?
468
00:20:11,645 --> 00:20:13,081
For someone to find it?
469
00:20:13,255 --> 00:20:15,692
Why didn't we think of that?
470
00:20:21,742 --> 00:20:23,047
I have a solution.
471
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:24,919
It is so obvious,
472
00:20:25,093 --> 00:20:26,790
I'm surprised you
didn't think of it.
473
00:20:26,964 --> 00:20:29,750
Now, listen, you have
a club that's a boat,
474
00:20:29,924 --> 00:20:31,360
and it is on a trailer.
475
00:20:31,534 --> 00:20:32,579
Right.
Right. Right.
476
00:20:32,753 --> 00:20:34,102
Now, I ask you,
477
00:20:34,276 --> 00:20:36,713
what is the most
logical thing to do?
478
00:20:38,802 --> 00:20:41,718
Move the whole thing
to the water!
479
00:20:41,892 --> 00:20:44,678
The German army could use more
men like you, sir.
480
00:20:44,852 --> 00:20:47,898
Thank you. Now,
the boat could be moored
481
00:20:48,072 --> 00:20:50,510
until final victory
is achieved.
482
00:20:50,684 --> 00:20:53,991
Hogan, are you sure
this boat is seaworthy?
483
00:20:54,165 --> 00:20:56,037
It had better be.
484
00:20:56,211 --> 00:20:57,865
Good. One more thing, Hogan.
485
00:20:58,039 --> 00:21:01,564
It must be out of here before
General Burkhalter gets here.
486
00:21:01,738 --> 00:21:03,653
Remember, this
means a lot to me.
487
00:21:03,827 --> 00:21:05,089
It means a lot
to us, too.
488
00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:06,743
Sergeant, halt!
489
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:11,095
Just in case, Hogan,
490
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:12,967
I'm assigning this squad
491
00:21:13,141 --> 00:21:16,100
to see that you
get the job done.
492
00:21:17,319 --> 00:21:20,931
Sergeant, this
thing... out!
493
00:21:21,105 --> 00:21:22,890
Jawohl, Herr
Kommandant!
494
00:21:25,588 --> 00:21:29,157
I give you five
minutes! Raus!
495
00:21:29,331 --> 00:21:32,203
Uh... Sergeant,
would you be so kind
496
00:21:32,378 --> 00:21:35,729
as to get that life raft
put aboard, huh?
497
00:21:35,903 --> 00:21:38,601
And keep it end up.
He's very... it's very valuable.
498
00:21:38,775 --> 00:21:39,907
Schnell!
499
00:21:40,081 --> 00:21:41,430
Schnell!
500
00:21:45,086 --> 00:21:47,306
Um... maybe
the entire squad.
501
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:48,655
It's kind of heavy.
502
00:21:48,829 --> 00:21:50,570
Schnell! Schnell!
503
00:21:53,137 --> 00:21:55,966
- All right, easy does it!
- Easy does it!
504
00:21:57,316 --> 00:21:59,796
That's it. That's it.
505
00:21:59,970 --> 00:22:02,103
Would you fellas
like to say good-bye
506
00:22:02,277 --> 00:22:03,626
to Captain Michaels?
507
00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:05,498
How did you get him
inside there?
508
00:22:05,672 --> 00:22:07,804
It wasn't easy, but
there's a war on.
509
00:22:07,978 --> 00:22:11,199
- All right, easy does it.
- Easy does it.
510
00:22:11,373 --> 00:22:12,635
Let's get this thing
hitched up,
511
00:22:12,809 --> 00:22:14,071
and get this boat
on the road.
512
00:22:14,245 --> 00:22:15,246
Right.Right.
513
00:22:17,945 --> 00:22:20,077
General Burkhalter
will be here in a few minutes.
514
00:22:20,251 --> 00:22:21,470
I just received
word. I...
515
00:22:21,644 --> 00:22:23,820
What is this!?
516
00:22:23,994 --> 00:22:26,562
Getting rid of it,
sir, as ordered.
517
00:22:26,736 --> 00:22:28,869
You? What do you take me for,
Hogan, a fool?
518
00:22:29,043 --> 00:22:30,827
Let you drive away
and not come back?
519
00:22:31,001 --> 00:22:32,351
Perhaps sail away.
520
00:22:32,525 --> 00:22:34,178
I am ashamed
of you, Hogan.
521
00:22:34,353 --> 00:22:39,619
Ruin my perfect record of no one
escaping from Stalag 13? Never!
522
00:22:39,793 --> 00:22:41,969
Colonel Klink,
what are you saying?
523
00:22:42,143 --> 00:22:45,581
Sergeant Kristman,
take this, this...
524
00:22:45,755 --> 00:22:48,236
to the water.
525
00:23:00,770 --> 00:23:02,076
Good-bye!
526
00:23:02,250 --> 00:23:03,599
Newkirk, get back!
527
00:23:03,773 --> 00:23:05,732
Bon voyage!
528
00:23:27,057 --> 00:23:28,668
Thank you,
Kommandant.
529
00:23:28,842 --> 00:23:31,975
Thank you for making me come
all the way from Berlin
530
00:23:32,149 --> 00:23:34,282
for a dinner
of stale sauerbraten.
531
00:23:34,456 --> 00:23:38,286
As you can see, Herr General,
we have the same shortages here
532
00:23:38,460 --> 00:23:41,724
as all the officers lucky enough
to be at the front.
533
00:23:41,898 --> 00:23:43,422
Another such dinner, Klink,
534
00:23:43,596 --> 00:23:46,163
and I'll see what I can do
to make you so lucky.
535
00:24:04,617 --> 00:24:06,183
Colonel Hogan,
what are you doing
536
00:24:06,357 --> 00:24:07,446
driving
a German truck?
537
00:24:07,620 --> 00:24:09,491
Not aGerman truck, sir.
538
00:24:09,665 --> 00:24:11,014
TheGerman truck.
539
00:24:11,188 --> 00:24:12,625
And I'm giving it to you.
540
00:24:12,799 --> 00:24:14,757
Youare giving me
a German truck?
541
00:24:14,931 --> 00:24:16,542
What is the
meaning of this?
542
00:24:16,716 --> 00:24:18,413
The truck
that Michaels stole.
543
00:24:18,587 --> 00:24:20,371
And what are
you doing with it?
544
00:24:20,546 --> 00:24:21,982
I'm returning it to you.
545
00:24:22,156 --> 00:24:23,940
My men stumbled on it
while on garbage detail.
546
00:24:24,114 --> 00:24:25,942
And I was thinking
of showing it to Burkhalter
547
00:24:26,116 --> 00:24:27,248
as he went out,
but I figured
548
00:24:27,422 --> 00:24:28,728
you'd rather call him
direct to Berlin
549
00:24:28,902 --> 00:24:29,903
and invite him down...
550
00:24:30,077 --> 00:24:31,252
Make a big deal
out of it, huh?
551
00:24:31,426 --> 00:24:32,645
That's a thought.
Wait a minute.
552
00:24:32,819 --> 00:24:34,429
Invite him from
Berlin? What for?
553
00:24:34,603 --> 00:24:36,823
These headquarters
fellows, they are soft.
554
00:24:36,997 --> 00:24:39,390
They don't know how to
take combat conditions.
555
00:24:39,565 --> 00:24:40,914
I have a better
idea. Schultz!
556
00:24:41,088 --> 00:24:42,393
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!
557
00:24:42,568 --> 00:24:44,221
Order the dogs to
the special detail.
558
00:24:44,395 --> 00:24:47,747
My military intuition
and this truck tell me
559
00:24:47,921 --> 00:24:50,314
that our friend
Captain Michaels
560
00:24:50,489 --> 00:24:53,361
is floating around
out there somewhere
561
00:24:53,535 --> 00:24:55,755
waiting for me
to capture him.
562
00:24:55,929 --> 00:24:57,278
Right, Hogan?
563
00:24:57,452 --> 00:24:59,410
Wouldn't surprise me
a bit, sir.
40392
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