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I need to talk to you,
Dad. I lost my wedding ring
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again. I'm a dead man walking.
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That sounds... that sounds
serious. Dad, come on, man. This
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00:00:18,801 --> 00:00:20,542
is an emergency. I need your
help.
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Can't you see I'm on the floor, fool?
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Oh, my God, Dad. Are you... able
to loan me some money? I got to
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get a replacement for this
wedding ring before Nina kills
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me. It's the third time I lost
it. I have a question for you,
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son. Mm-hmm. You ever ask
yourself, "Hey, why was Dad on
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the floor?"
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You hurt your back? Yes. My
sciatica is acting up. Okay,
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00:00:55,272 --> 00:00:57,100
well, you should go to the
doctor, then. No, you know I
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00:00:57,231 --> 00:00:59,885
don't do doctors. First time I
went to the doctor, they gave me
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00:01:00,016 --> 00:01:03,585
diabetes. You mean they
discovered you had diabetes. No.
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00:01:03,715 --> 00:01:07,545
Everything was fine until they
told me I had diabetes. Now I
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00:01:07,676 --> 00:01:10,592
can't eat nothing sweet except
toothpaste.
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00:01:11,462 --> 00:01:14,161
Oh, is that why you always steal
the kids' bubblegum toothpaste?
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Yes, it's delicious.
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Easy, just easy, eas--
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Okay.
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Uh-huh.
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Uh-huh.
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Okay.
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So, um... I already have half
the money for the ring. I just
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need the other $997.52. I'll
tell you what, Mr. Sensitive.
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I'll loan you the money if you
help me out until my back gets
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better. Okay. Yeah, and your
first job is to get me a toilet
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that doesn't break on me. You
got it, champ.
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Yeah, okay. Top of the line. You
deserve it.
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♪ Poppa's ♪ House ♪ Yeah.
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Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow...
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Good morning!
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Hi, Poppa.
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Are you in pain? No, I was
singing James Brown, "Living in
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America." Oh, I love that song.
♪ Living in America.
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Ow!
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Junior?
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Junior!
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Yes, Dad? Okay, what in the Gone
with the Wind is going on
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00:02:38,723 --> 00:02:43,293
between you two? Nothing.
Listen, is it done? Uh, yes, the
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installer just finished with
your fancy new toilet. The seat
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lifts up, the toilet flushes by
itself, so it will be easy to
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use until your back gets better.
Aha! I knew you were hurt. You
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know, you should go see a doctor
about that. You probably just
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need to get a cortisone shot.
Yeah, why don't you give me one?
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Well, I'm not that kind of
doctor. Exactly. You're not a
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00:03:01,311 --> 00:03:04,401
doctor. How would you know?
You've never seen one. And I do
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00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:08,666
have a background in nursing.
Listen, Junior, if brickhead is
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not gonna see a doctor, then I
can help you out. All right, I
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will just, I'll get you an
icepack.
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Right here. And I don't want you
to go anywhere else. Don't leave
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me alone with that woman. She's
got designs on me, see? Why are
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you talking like a detective
from the '40s?
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She got
designs on me, see? She's got
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nice getaway sticks.
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You laugh. But she's always
giving me those sexy eyes and
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00:03:36,128 --> 00:03:40,524
the touchy, touchy feely and...
and don't get me started with
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the flirty, dirty comments she's
doing. What, like, "I'll get you
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an icepack"? Yeah, you heard it
like that, I hear it like,
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"I'll get you an
icepack, Poppa."
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00:03:52,928 --> 00:03:56,061
See, it starts with the icepack,
and then next thing you know
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she's bringing you flowers, and
then she's walking away with
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half your money. Wait, how did
you get from icepack to alimony?
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I don't know. Ask your mother.
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00:04:07,421 --> 00:04:10,554
But wait a minute, I don't
understand. Did he lose the ring
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or not? He did not. I told him I
took it to get cleaned, but he
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wasn't listening, so now he
thinks he lost it. He only hears
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me when it's about sex. JUNIOR:
You say something, babe? I want
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00:04:21,652 --> 00:04:24,568
him to understand how important
this is to me. He won't even
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come clean. JUNIOR: I washed it!
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He even wore oven mitts to bed
last night so I couldn't see the
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ring was missing. Holding him
accountable. I like that.
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00:04:37,799 --> 00:04:44,980
Speaking of liking that, what's
up with you and Poppa? Ew! I'm
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00:04:45,110 --> 00:04:50,333
just trying to help the man out.
Mm. Girl, I don't miss a beat. I
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00:04:50,464 --> 00:04:54,206
know what I know. I see how you
are with him. Please! I would
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00:04:54,337 --> 00:04:57,384
never get involved with somebody
I work with. I wrote a book
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00:04:57,514 --> 00:05:00,604
about that. It's called Don't
Jeopardize That Paycheck, Girl.
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00:05:00,735 --> 00:05:06,001
Mm. Not buying it. Well, you
should. It's available online.
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00:05:06,131 --> 00:05:11,267
Now enough about me and P-bear.
I mean Poppa. What are you gonna
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00:05:11,398 --> 00:05:16,141
- do about this ring? Oh, I'm
gonna milk it. - Coming!
81
00:05:20,929 --> 00:05:23,148
What the hell is this thing?
This thing is the new toilet I
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00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:26,021
was talking about. Super fancy.
You don't got to do nothing.
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00:05:26,151 --> 00:05:27,718
Just walk up to it. Watch.
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00:05:31,287 --> 00:05:34,856
Wha-what said that? The toilet.
It, uh, greets you in Japanese.
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00:05:34,986 --> 00:05:38,686
It's a sign of respect. Thank
you for your poo-poo and your
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00:05:38,816 --> 00:05:42,733
pee-pee. Get out, I got to go.
All right. I'll be waiting for
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00:05:42,864 --> 00:05:45,954
you outside. Why you smiling
like that? You'll see.
88
00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:14,156
Did you know this thing did the
squirt thing? Oh, yeah. This
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00:06:14,286 --> 00:06:16,811
thing needs to come with a
consent form. Oh, yeah. If you
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00:06:16,941 --> 00:06:18,508
put some heels on it, you could
take it downtown and make a
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00:06:18,639 --> 00:06:18,900
fortune.
92
00:06:20,641 --> 00:06:24,993
Oh! Spasms! Aw, Dad, come on,
you're getting worse. All right?
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00:06:25,123 --> 00:06:30,215
You're on a walker. Your back is
spasming. You need to go to a
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00:06:30,346 --> 00:06:35,525
doctor. Ah, I'm fine. I'm an
athlete. I play through pain.
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00:06:35,656 --> 00:06:41,009
Like Jordan. He had the flu.
Scored 38 points. Kobe popped
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00:06:41,139 --> 00:06:44,969
his Achilles. Still hit two
critical free throws. And don't
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00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:48,712
get me started on Mr. Dennis
Rodman. He still looks sick. But
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00:06:48,843 --> 00:06:52,977
he plays through the pain... of
being ugly.
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00:06:56,590 --> 00:07:00,245
You are ridiculous. All right?
If you're not gonna go the
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00:07:00,376 --> 00:07:03,727
doctor, I quit. Yeah, well, then
I won't loan you the money for
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00:07:03,858 --> 00:07:07,601
the ring. Fine, I don't care.
I'll either find it or I'll tell
102
00:07:07,731 --> 00:07:11,300
Nina I lost it myself. You come
back here and wipe me!
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00:07:15,347 --> 00:07:21,789
Hey. Did he go see a doctor yet?
No, and I'm done trying to help
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00:07:21,919 --> 00:07:26,141
him! All right, don't you worry.
I will get him to a doctor.
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00:07:45,900 --> 00:07:46,857
Hey, husband.
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00:07:48,424 --> 00:07:52,384
Whatcha doing? Just, uh, hanging
out. Admiring your boots.
107
00:07:52,515 --> 00:07:57,694
Wondering... if they come in my
size. Why are they on your
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00:07:57,825 --> 00:07:58,826
hands? For dancing.
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00:08:02,177 --> 00:08:06,573
Come here, take 'em off. I want
to see some skin. Oh. Sock
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00:08:06,703 --> 00:08:07,095
puppets.
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00:08:07,922 --> 00:08:08,966
It's me and you.
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00:08:09,097 --> 00:08:10,272
Hey, baby.
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00:08:10,402 --> 00:08:12,840
How you doing? Who
was that? It's you.
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00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:14,276
It's your
morning voice.
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00:08:14,406 --> 00:08:17,714
I'm not in the
mood again. Well, I will be
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00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:21,196
after you strip-- And who might
those puppets be?
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00:08:22,327 --> 00:08:24,591
It's our kids. It's Maya and
Trey.
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00:08:25,287 --> 00:08:27,985
We love you,
Mommy, so much, 'cause you're so
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00:08:28,116 --> 00:08:30,814
forgiving. And so tall.
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00:08:32,773 --> 00:08:41,825
I don't need no doctors. I don't
need no Junior. All I need is my
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00:08:41,956 --> 00:08:48,571
new friend Mr. Grab-it. Okay,
come here, PB and J.
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00:08:50,355 --> 00:08:55,143
Daddy got you, PB and J. I got--
Oh, come here. Yes, baby, you
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00:08:55,273 --> 00:08:58,581
want daddy. I got it.
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00:09:00,278 --> 00:09:04,413
I got you right here, come on.
Oh, damn!
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00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:16,425
Junior! You rang? Yes, for
Junior. Well, Junior told me
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00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:20,255
you're insufferable. And I told
Junior that's why people have
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00:09:20,385 --> 00:09:23,693
caretakers who aren't family,
someone like me. Well, I don't
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00:09:23,824 --> 00:09:27,001
want you. I want my ungrateful
son!
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00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:35,705
No. You want the path of least
resistance. Now I'm gonna take
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00:09:35,836 --> 00:09:40,275
care of you, because I know
exactly what you need. Is Junior
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00:09:40,405 --> 00:09:43,844
in that bag? Just his head.
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00:09:47,195 --> 00:09:49,327
That's not fun-- ow! Ah,
spasms
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