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1
00:00:03,070 --> 00:00:05,871
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:05,939 --> 00:00:09,307
♪ Is violence in
movies and sex on TV
3
00:00:09,376 --> 00:00:12,911
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:12,979 --> 00:00:15,914
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:15,983 --> 00:00:19,350
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:19,419 --> 00:00:22,487
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:24,301
♪ All the things
that make us
8
00:00:24,325 --> 00:00:25,891
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:30,729
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:39,604
Oh,
Joe, thank you so much for
inviting us to your barbecue.
11
00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:41,239
Well, it's my pleasure, Lois.
12
00:00:41,308 --> 00:00:43,252
Hey, can one of you
other men come over
here
13
00:00:43,276 --> 00:00:45,088
and
comment on the meat
while I'm cooking it?
14
00:00:45,112 --> 00:00:47,346
Yeah, I got it.
15
00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:51,750
Yeah. Those are looking good.
Yeah, that's what I'm
talking about.
16
00:00:51,819 --> 00:00:53,096
Yeah, don't flip
them too often now.
17
00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:54,953
You don't want
to lose the juices.
18
00:00:55,022 --> 00:00:57,255
Yeah. Yeah,
coming along nicely.
19
00:00:57,324 --> 00:00:59,491
Yeah, those are
cooking just fine.
20
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:02,338
Scoop that one up
and put it back down
in the exact same spot.
21
00:01:02,362 --> 00:01:04,240
All right,
they're done!
Time to eat!
22
00:01:04,264 --> 00:01:06,998
Oh, boy! I'm so
hungry I could
eat a horse.
23
00:01:08,535 --> 00:01:11,069
I... uh... I misspoke.
24
00:01:13,641 --> 00:01:16,842
Wow, Bonnie!
You really took off
the baby weight quickly.
25
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,376
Oh, thanks, Lois.
26
00:01:18,445 --> 00:01:21,146
Hey, do you mind rubbing
some of that sunblock on
my back?
27
00:01:21,215 --> 00:01:25,183
Of course, Bonnie.
Oh, but I don't want
to get any on my shirt.
28
00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:30,388
Mmm...
That feels good.
29
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:35,426
Um, you're going
a little low there, Lois.
30
00:01:35,495 --> 00:01:38,063
Okay. I'm sorry.
31
00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:40,766
Giggity!
32
00:01:43,237 --> 00:01:45,970
Aw,
Joe, Susie's
such a cute baby.
33
00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:47,650
Hey,
whatever happened
to your son, Kevin?
34
00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:48,794
He died in Iraq.
35
00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:50,275
Sad.
36
00:01:50,344 --> 00:01:52,489
"I won't
let you walk out of
here without that dress."
37
00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:54,346
"I don't know.
Will I ever wear it?"
38
00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:56,593
"Yes, you will. You've got
that thing for the opening
of the library next week.
39
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,383
"It's perfect for that."
40
00:01:58,452 --> 00:01:59,518
"Hey, everybody."
41
00:01:59,587 --> 00:02:01,286
"Oh! Look.
It's black Barbie.
42
00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:02,521
"Why are you all alone?"
43
00:02:02,590 --> 00:02:04,789
"Oh, they discontinued
my boyfriend.
44
00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:08,093
"Mom says I'm the one
whose hair it's okay
to cut."
45
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:11,596
Hey! I was
playing with that!
46
00:02:11,665 --> 00:02:14,867
Hey, come back here!
All right. You asked
for it.
47
00:02:17,071 --> 00:02:19,070
Holy crap!
48
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:21,640
All right. Let's
try that one again.
49
00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:31,049
Oh, my God! Stewie!
50
00:02:31,117 --> 00:02:34,019
Your kid got beat
up by a baby girl!
51
00:02:34,088 --> 00:02:36,066
Oh, man! This is
more painful to
watch
52
00:02:36,090 --> 00:02:39,057
than when Family Ties
does a Tina Yothers
episode.
53
00:02:39,126 --> 00:02:41,003
Jennifer,what happened in schooltoday?
54
00:02:41,027 --> 00:02:42,239
I got my period!
55
00:02:42,263 --> 00:02:45,343
And I will see the
Keaton family next
week.
56
00:02:49,536 --> 00:02:52,638
Okay now, sweetie.
This isn't gonna
hurt at all.
57
00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:56,207
Those lying bastards
at Johnson & Johnson!
58
00:02:56,276 --> 00:02:58,309
We'll put, "No more tears"
on the label.
59
00:02:58,378 --> 00:03:00,056
But it does make you cry.
60
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:01,080
I know.
61
00:03:08,588 --> 00:03:10,708
Lois, you should just let
those wounds get infected.
62
00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:12,524
It'll teach him
a lesson about
being tough.
63
00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:15,527
Peter,
he's just a baby.
You got to let this go.
64
00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:18,129
My baby boy got
beat up by a girl.
65
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,565
What was weird was
that she was crying,
66
00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:22,279
but the way she
was standing over me
67
00:03:22,303 --> 00:03:24,403
made it look like I was crying,
68
00:03:24,471 --> 00:03:26,137
which was weird.
69
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:28,617
Peter, what exactly are you
worried is gonna happen
because of this?
70
00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:30,041
World War V.
71
00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:31,254
Peter, we've been over this.
72
00:03:31,278 --> 00:03:34,123
There has to be
a World War III
and IV first.
73
00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:36,387
Oh, no. Oh, no.
That's the beauty
of World War V, Lois.
74
00:03:36,416 --> 00:03:38,683
It's so intense it
skips over the other two.
75
00:03:38,751 --> 00:03:40,085
Peter, it doesn't work...
76
00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:41,519
I have spoken!
77
00:03:45,259 --> 00:03:49,928
There's Connie D'Amico.
Chris, don't walk next to me.
78
00:03:49,996 --> 00:03:53,365
Hi, Connie. Uh, so,
I heard you talking in
the hall the other day
79
00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:55,400
about
how much you liked
High School Musical 2
80
00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:57,436
so I burned you the soundtrack.
81
00:03:57,504 --> 00:03:59,816
Okay.
Prepare for
itemized insults.
82
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:03,108
A. Don't
ever listen to me talk.
You don't deserve my words.
83
00:04:03,177 --> 00:04:06,511
B. When
I said I enjoyed it,
I was speaking ironically.
84
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:09,614
And C.
You actually like
High School Musical?
85
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:12,017
What are you? Eight?
No, that's impossible
86
00:04:12,086 --> 00:04:15,454
because I've seen that big
hairy mudflap ass of yours
in the locker room.
87
00:04:15,522 --> 00:04:16,555
Questions?
88
00:04:16,623 --> 00:04:17,733
Hey, Meg.
Take that!
89
00:04:20,394 --> 00:04:21,671
That was awesome!
90
00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:23,406
The joke's kind of on us
because we're smelling it.
91
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:25,197
- Yeah!
- Awesome!
92
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,732
- Way to go!
- Sweet!
93
00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:29,367
Scott is such an idiot.
94
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:31,013
I'm totally
breaking up
with him.
95
00:04:31,037 --> 00:04:33,271
I'm gonna
switch to one of
the other popular guys.
96
00:04:33,340 --> 00:04:36,419
But, Connie, you've gone out
with, like, every popular
boy in this school.
97
00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:39,578
Yeah, you're right.
God, they all suck so much.
98
00:04:39,646 --> 00:04:42,414
I need a new challenge.
What if...
99
00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:43,982
Wait. Now, bear
with me on this.
100
00:04:44,050 --> 00:04:47,319
What if I date a loser and
make him over into
a popular guy?
101
00:04:47,387 --> 00:04:49,765
Wow! Great idea!
I'm glad I hung
in there!
102
00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:52,424
Now,
who are the biggest
losers in this school?
103
00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:54,136
Well, there's Smiley McGee.
104
00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:55,727
Hello.
105
00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:58,429
Nah. I hear
he's a bed-wetter.
106
00:04:58,498 --> 00:05:00,076
And Chris Griffin.
107
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:02,634
Oh, my God! I can
smell him from here.
108
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:04,603
He's perfect.
God, you're right.
109
00:05:04,671 --> 00:05:06,749
He smells like
Fred Flintstone's ass.
110
00:05:06,773 --> 00:05:09,541
Hey!
No one's asking
you to smell it!
111
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:16,114
All right, Stewie. Your dad's
gonna help you learn how to
be a man.
112
00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:17,860
Real men have a couple of beers
113
00:05:17,884 --> 00:05:20,029
and then project their
inadequacies on their
kids.
114
00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:21,130
Okay.
What's that?
115
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,264
You think you're better than me?
116
00:05:22,288 --> 00:05:23,888
What? No.
I didn't say that.
117
00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:26,736
So I guess you think you would
have been some kind of big
shot by my age, huh?
118
00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:28,705
Done
things differently?
Gotten that promotion?
119
00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:30,095
I don't even know what you do.
120
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,607
Well, let me tell you something!
121
00:05:31,631 --> 00:05:34,911
You're nothing,
and you're never
gonna be nothing!
122
00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:37,569
Now, let's sit here
and watch Spike TV.
123
00:05:37,637 --> 00:05:40,538
Spike TV,
full of stuff men like.
124
00:05:47,814 --> 00:05:50,214
Yeah, that stuff.
125
00:05:55,322 --> 00:05:58,656
Wow, my favorite. PB and
J with the crusts cut off.
126
00:05:58,725 --> 00:06:00,791
What did you get?
Your crusts.
127
00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:02,500
That's it?
No.
128
00:06:02,562 --> 00:06:05,864
I also got an orange peel
and a picture of Mom
eating a turkey leg.
129
00:06:09,502 --> 00:06:11,981
Oh, my God! Connie's coming
over to talk to me! Sit up
straight!
130
00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:14,539
Hey, Meg, nice posture.
Get lost.
131
00:06:14,608 --> 00:06:16,274
Thank you.
132
00:06:16,343 --> 00:06:20,278
Chris Griffin,
you are undoubtedly the
most unpopular boy in school.
133
00:06:20,347 --> 00:06:23,348
I am? What about
Smiley McGee over there?
134
00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:25,517
Hello.
135
00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:27,997
You and I are going
on a date Saturday
night.
136
00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:31,289
Um... Okay.
I'll see you then.
137
00:06:31,358 --> 00:06:33,102
Why would she go out with me?
138
00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:36,861
She must be more drunk than
Santa Claus when he got
that DUI.
139
00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:38,974
No, no.
It wasn't my fault.
140
00:06:38,998 --> 00:06:41,566
Some guy
in a Plymouth
totally cut me off.
141
00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:43,880
Sir, they don't
make Plymouths
anymore.
142
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:45,003
Are you Jewish?
143
00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:47,353
Sir, I'm gonna need you
to step out of the sleigh.
144
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:54,157
All right, Stewie.
We're gonna get you
nice and pumped up.
145
00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:55,591
Now, you see that
barbell over there?
146
00:06:55,615 --> 00:06:57,682
Go ahead and try and lift that.
147
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,788
Uh-oh, spadoodios.
148
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:05,501
I notice your kid
is having some
trouble.
149
00:07:05,525 --> 00:07:06,602
You're telling me.
150
00:07:06,626 --> 00:07:08,893
Oh, your kid just
needs a little help.
151
00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:10,996
I got something
that'll get him
going.
152
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:14,577
Well, if there's
anyone I can trust,
153
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:17,246
it's
a stranger at the gym
holding a dirty needle.
154
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:18,369
Here, Stewie. Try this.
155
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,138
What the hell are you...
156
00:07:20,206 --> 00:07:23,641
Oh, my!
Suddenly I'm full
of energy!
157
00:07:23,710 --> 00:07:25,910
All right, fat man!
Let's do this!
158
00:07:47,434 --> 00:07:49,767
Wow, Stewie!
You look like a new man.
159
00:07:49,836 --> 00:07:52,069
Well, will you look at me?
160
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:54,939
I have the power!
161
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:56,107
♪ He-Man ♪
162
00:08:02,749 --> 00:08:06,150
We now returnto Lady and the Tramp and
Michael Vick.
163
00:08:17,798 --> 00:08:19,331
Hello, family.
164
00:08:21,701 --> 00:08:23,402
Does anyone need the remote?
165
00:08:23,470 --> 00:08:25,982
Oh, my God!
What the hell
happened to Stewie?
166
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:27,584
Yeah,
looks good.
Doesn't he?
167
00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:30,542
Let's see that little dyke,
Susie Swanson, beat him up
now.
168
00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:32,188
Wait a minute.
How do you know she's gay?
169
00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:34,852
Short haircut, stubby legs,
doesn't respond to my
advances.
170
00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:36,960
You haven't
answered my
question!
171
00:08:36,984 --> 00:08:38,729
Why the hell does
Stewie look like this?
172
00:08:38,753 --> 00:08:40,430
Well, I took him to the gym,
173
00:08:40,454 --> 00:08:42,766
and the colorful
gent there advised me
that I put him on steroids.
174
00:08:42,790 --> 00:08:44,089
And you listened to him?
175
00:08:44,158 --> 00:08:46,278
Yeah. I believe everything
everyone tells me anywhere.
176
00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:53,999
What's the haps?
Stewie, you look gross.
177
00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:55,811
You look like
Lou Ferrigno's poop.
178
00:08:55,835 --> 00:08:57,735
I look
like a guy who's
been hitting the gym.
179
00:08:57,804 --> 00:08:59,815
It has nothing to
do with the gym.
You're on drugs.
180
00:08:59,839 --> 00:09:02,673
Doesn't matter how you find
the pot of gold, B to the
Ryan.
181
00:09:02,742 --> 00:09:04,910
All that matters
is that you beat
the leprechauns.
182
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:06,422
That doesn't make any sense.
183
00:09:06,446 --> 00:09:08,526
It doesn't
have to make sense
when you look like this!
184
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:12,217
I am hotter than phone
sex with a blind girl.
185
00:09:12,286 --> 00:09:14,319
You sound hot.
What are you wearing?
186
00:09:14,388 --> 00:09:15,588
I don't know.
187
00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:28,500
Classic rock
103.7, WHGT.
188
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:29,868
I hate this station.
189
00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:32,270
They always
make promises
they can't deliver.
190
00:09:32,339 --> 00:09:35,873
Playing thegreatest rock-and-rollhits of all time!
191
00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:39,411
See?
Chris, turn that off.
192
00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:41,591
We have
a lot of work to do
before we go inside.
193
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:44,227
All right. If I'm
gonna be seen
with you,
194
00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:45,661
we have
to do something
about that look.
195
00:09:45,685 --> 00:09:47,397
Now, take that hat off.
196
00:09:48,955 --> 00:09:53,458
Oh, God! Your
hair's all combed.
Here. Let me fix that.
197
00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:58,329
All right, good. Now let's
give you a pencil-thin
douchebag beard.
198
00:09:58,399 --> 00:10:00,399
Oh, heavens!
I look like a rake.
199
00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:02,912
No, you
look like you don't
care, and that's good.
200
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,536
Oh. Okay.
201
00:10:04,605 --> 00:10:08,106
Um, if we're dating, does that
mean when we go in there I can
hold your hand?
202
00:10:08,174 --> 00:10:11,053
Good idea.
Then everyone will
think you're popular.
203
00:10:11,077 --> 00:10:12,677
Well,
I don't really
care about that.
204
00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:15,680
I want to hold your
hand 'cause I like you.
205
00:10:15,749 --> 00:10:17,282
I don't understand.
206
00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:19,962
Well, I think you're nice,
and I like spending time
with you.
207
00:10:19,986 --> 00:10:24,089
You're really pretty, and
I hope I get to be with
you for a long time.
208
00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:26,257
Wow. Um...
209
00:10:26,326 --> 00:10:29,072
No guy has
ever said anything
that nice to me before.
210
00:10:29,096 --> 00:10:31,763
Well, maybe you've been
hanging around with jerks.
211
00:10:31,831 --> 00:10:34,799
Yeah, maybe I have.
212
00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:37,668
Hey, forget the pep rally.
You want to go see a movie?
213
00:10:37,737 --> 00:10:39,504
Cool. Maybe we could go see
214
00:10:39,573 --> 00:10:43,341
that Chazz
Palminteri/Paul Sorvino
movie, Distracting Trumpet.
215
00:10:43,410 --> 00:10:45,691
I want to thank you all
for coming out here today.
216
00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:47,657
We got a serious situation
down in the Bronx.
217
00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:51,761
Our friend
needs to get a message
to the short man in the hat.
218
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,530
He needs to deliver this message
219
00:10:54,554 --> 00:10:57,355
before
the construction-site
contracts are handed down.
220
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:02,828
It's of vital importance
that these matters be
attended to!
221
00:11:02,896 --> 00:11:06,264
So we may
have to bring in
our friend from Yonkers!
222
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:07,765
What?
223
00:11:07,835 --> 00:11:11,436
I said
we may have to bring in
our friend from Yonkers!
224
00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:18,387
Hey, what the hell?
What, what, what?
225
00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:20,690
Is there a problem? Huh?
You want to go? You want
to go?
226
00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:22,258
Go?
What are you
talking about?
227
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:24,582
I'm talking about go.
That's what I'm
talking about!
228
00:11:24,651 --> 00:11:26,562
First one's on the house!
I got things to do.
229
00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:27,630
Where do you think you're going?
230
00:11:27,654 --> 00:11:28,854
I'm going downstairs.
231
00:11:28,889 --> 00:11:30,788
There's a toll in
the hall now, 10 bucks.
232
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:32,457
Look, can I...
Uh!
233
00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:34,036
I just...
Uh!
234
00:11:34,060 --> 00:11:35,605
Stewie...
Uh!
235
00:11:35,629 --> 00:11:36,972
Look...
Uh!
236
00:11:36,996 --> 00:11:38,575
Come on...
Uh!
237
00:11:38,599 --> 00:11:39,909
I...
Uh!
238
00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:41,110
Just...
Uh!
239
00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:42,578
You...
Uh!
240
00:11:42,602 --> 00:11:43,913
This is...
Uh!
241
00:11:43,937 --> 00:11:45,603
Can I...
Uh!
242
00:11:45,672 --> 00:11:48,318
Ah! I was
just messing with you, man!
You can do whatever you want.
243
00:11:48,342 --> 00:11:51,309
I was just kidding you.
Why are you so serious?
244
00:11:54,281 --> 00:11:57,348
All right, Chrissy.
Here we go.
245
00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:00,463
- Look!
- Oh, my God!
246
00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:02,065
Is
that Chris Griffin
with Connie D'Amico?
247
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:03,166
I think it is!
248
00:12:03,190 --> 00:12:05,156
Wow!
That makes him popular.
249
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,325
- Hey, Griffin!
- Griff-a!
250
00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:08,394
Griff-amano!
251
00:12:12,198 --> 00:12:14,833
Before.
252
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:16,501
Hi, you guys.
253
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:19,014
Hey, Chris, after school
today, we're gonna go to
the pizza place
254
00:12:19,038 --> 00:12:21,572
and make that single mother
who works there feel like
a slut.
255
00:12:21,641 --> 00:12:25,476
She's really sweet
and struggling to raise a
family. It's gonna be great!
256
00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:28,712
Wow! You did it, Connie.
Chris Griffin is popular!
257
00:12:28,782 --> 00:12:29,925
So are you gonna dump him now?
258
00:12:29,949 --> 00:12:31,715
No, Gina. I'm not.
259
00:12:31,785 --> 00:12:32,962
You're not?
260
00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:34,451
No. There's
something about him.
261
00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:37,488
He's not
like the other guys.
I actually really like him.
262
00:12:37,556 --> 00:12:39,356
You do?
Yeah.
263
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:42,994
In fact, I'm going to his
house for dinner tonight
so I can meet his parents.
264
00:12:46,032 --> 00:12:49,700
Wow! Connie D'Amico is
coming to my house for
dinner!
265
00:12:49,770 --> 00:12:51,748
I just hope Dad
doesn't embarrass us
266
00:12:51,772 --> 00:12:54,539
like he did when that
one-legged guy came over.
267
00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:56,318
All right.
Well, if you
like movie trivia,
268
00:12:56,342 --> 00:12:59,043
I got one that'll
stump you. Ahh...
269
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:03,280
Of course
you're probably not really
into tibia... Trivia! Ahh...
270
00:13:03,349 --> 00:13:05,127
Boy!
That global
warming, huh?
271
00:13:05,151 --> 00:13:08,886
They say we
lost a foot of snow
last winter... Ahh...
272
00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:13,524
Hey, how about another beer?
I bet you like the taste of
hops... Ahh...
273
00:13:13,593 --> 00:13:15,093
You only have one leg, sir.
274
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:22,266
Nnie, it's so nice to meet you.
275
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:25,736
We're so excited that Chris
is finally bringing a girl
home for dinner.
276
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:28,084
It's really nice
to meet you too,
Mrs. Griffin.
277
00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:31,141
Um, do you mind if I ask
what's up with your baby?
278
00:13:31,210 --> 00:13:32,243
I'm gonna go work out.
279
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:34,523
Again?
That's, like, the
eighth time today.
280
00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:38,048
I'm not
satisfied until every vein
is forced up against my skin.
281
00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:40,218
Look how vascular I am, Brian.
282
00:13:40,287 --> 00:13:43,687
If there's one
thing women love,
it's a vascular man.
283
00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:47,625
♪ I've got veins
284
00:13:47,694 --> 00:13:51,129
♪ They carry blood
all over my body ♪
285
00:13:51,198 --> 00:13:53,731
That's how John Mayer
would say it, "body."
286
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,434
I'm really into him now.
You better be okay with it!
287
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,447
Well, to answer
your question,
Connie,
288
00:13:58,471 --> 00:14:00,282
apparently, I'm married to a man
289
00:14:00,306 --> 00:14:03,452
who thinks it's okay
to inject an infant
with steroids.
290
00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:04,687
Wait, Lois.
Knock it off for a sec.
291
00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:06,444
Connie, you are really pretty.
292
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:09,192
I mean,
you have filled
out something whacky.
293
00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:11,349
Oh! Thanks, Mr. Griffin.
294
00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:12,761
I like what you're
doing with your boobs.
295
00:14:12,785 --> 00:14:14,085
Dad!
296
00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:16,098
So, Connie,
now that you're
dating my brother,
297
00:14:16,122 --> 00:14:17,667
maybe we can hang out, you know?
298
00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:20,102
Hey! After dinner,
you want to come
up to my room
299
00:14:20,126 --> 00:14:21,704
and give each other makeovers?
300
00:14:21,728 --> 00:14:23,427
I don't use makeup, Meg.
301
00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:27,398
Of course you don't.
You're all natural. Man,
your dad must be proud!
302
00:14:27,466 --> 00:14:30,468
Actually,
my dad passed
away four years ago.
303
00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:33,971
Yeah, yeah, he did.
He sure did.
304
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:35,680
You gonna shower before dessert?
305
00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:40,377
Greggy! Fitzy!
306
00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:42,713
T-Bone! Gaggaboo!
307
00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:44,348
Nazi guy!
308
00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:48,653
Griff-a!
Hey, we're totally stoked
for your party this weekend!
309
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:51,841
You know it, brother.
It's gonna be awesome.
310
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:55,326
But keep it on the down low
so the spazoids don't catch
wind.
311
00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:58,562
Speaking of spazoids.
312
00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:00,876
Wow! Can you
believe it,
Connie?
313
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,579
You and I are going to
be at the same party
this weekend!
314
00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:05,069
This is so cool!
315
00:15:05,137 --> 00:15:08,116
Hey, what are you wearing,
so I make sure I don't
wear the same thing?
316
00:15:08,140 --> 00:15:10,074
Um, you're not invited, Meg.
317
00:15:10,142 --> 00:15:13,310
What?
But it's at my house.
318
00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:14,879
Uh, Connie, let me handle this.
319
00:15:14,947 --> 00:15:16,759
I'm sorry, Meg.
You can't come.
320
00:15:16,783 --> 00:15:20,084
There's
an ass-to-boob ratio
that you're way off of.
321
00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:22,353
Hey, Chris, come on!
322
00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:24,100
Let's corner
the nerds and
call them gay
323
00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:25,768
and make them
show us their
penises!
324
00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:27,269
Won't that be gay of them?
325
00:15:27,293 --> 00:15:28,371
Yeah!
326
00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:29,635
That is grotacular!
327
00:15:29,696 --> 00:15:31,856
- Way to go, man.
- Awesome, bro.
328
00:15:43,842 --> 00:15:46,955
Man! Our boy Chris
partying with the
cool kids.
329
00:15:46,979 --> 00:15:50,414
I am a very
proud dad right now.
And look at that Connie.
330
00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:51,793
Jesus Christ! I bet
that thing's so tight
331
00:15:51,817 --> 00:15:55,017
you've gotta call
the city to get
in there.
332
00:15:59,692 --> 00:16:03,593
Meg, sweetheart, why don't
you just go downstairs
and join the party?
333
00:16:03,662 --> 00:16:05,629
I wasn't invited!
334
00:16:05,697 --> 00:16:08,198
I hate Chris!
He's such a jerk!
335
00:16:08,267 --> 00:16:11,935
Oh, look, honey. He's
just a little confused
about who he is right now.
336
00:16:12,004 --> 00:16:15,117
I'm sure deep down
he still loves his
big sister.
337
00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:19,744
I hate my school!
I hate everyone!
I hate my life!
338
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:22,423
Okay, look, Meg.
I've been at this for
45 minutes.
339
00:16:22,447 --> 00:16:24,193
I don't know
what else I can say.
340
00:16:24,217 --> 00:16:26,495
Here's
a Sylvia Plath book
and a bottle of Ambien.
341
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:29,387
I'm gonna look the other way,
and whatever happens happens.
342
00:16:29,455 --> 00:16:31,221
♪ Party music
343
00:16:31,290 --> 00:16:32,790
♪ Party song
344
00:16:32,858 --> 00:16:34,625
♪ Does not attract attention
345
00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:37,027
♪ Suggests a good time ♪
346
00:16:37,096 --> 00:16:38,662
Gina, have you seen Chris?
347
00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:39,896
Yeah. He's over there.
348
00:16:42,468 --> 00:16:45,136
Chris!
What are you doing?
349
00:16:45,204 --> 00:16:47,271
Getting scraped to
death by my zipper.
350
00:16:47,339 --> 00:16:48,606
You bastard!
351
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:50,452
How the hell can
you be cheating
on me?
352
00:16:50,476 --> 00:16:52,587
I'm the one who
made you popular!
353
00:16:52,611 --> 00:16:56,080
No, Connie.
Beating up that Jewish
kid made me popular.
354
00:16:56,148 --> 00:16:59,216
Come on, girls! Let's
go upstairs and make out!
355
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:02,953
Oh, no! Connie's been hurt!
356
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,923
I guess
I should lie on top
of her to keep her warm.
357
00:17:07,592 --> 00:17:09,632
What are you looking at?
It's a cartoon!
358
00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:16,167
Chris, I can't believe
you dissed Connie at
your party.
359
00:17:16,235 --> 00:17:17,846
That was awesome!
Yeah.
360
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,381
I heard about it when I was
making that gay nerd spoon
with me.
361
00:17:20,405 --> 00:17:22,245
Hey, guys.
Room for one more?
362
00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:23,541
I don't think so.
363
00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:25,454
- Loser.
- Reject!
364
00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:27,158
Everyone's gay but me.
365
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:33,317
My God!
He's practically ruined me.
366
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:36,753
I've created a monster.
Meg, we've got to do
something.
367
00:17:36,822 --> 00:17:38,622
We? Are you kidding?
368
00:17:38,690 --> 00:17:41,069
Do you really think
I would help you
out in any way
369
00:17:41,093 --> 00:17:42,737
after everything
you've done to me?
370
00:17:42,761 --> 00:17:44,294
What are you talking about?
371
00:17:44,363 --> 00:17:45,563
You see this, Connie?
372
00:17:45,597 --> 00:17:46,842
This is from when you called me
373
00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:48,776
"sticky-ass cow" in sixth grade.
374
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:52,736
This one is from when you
made a plaster cast of my
vagina freshman year.
375
00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:55,717
You want my help?
You can go fuck
yourself!
376
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:57,485
- Hey, Meg! Think fast!
- Ah!
377
00:17:57,509 --> 00:17:59,476
Loser!
378
00:17:59,545 --> 00:18:01,211
All right, let's do it.
379
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:03,292
When we're done with him,
he'll be more of an outcast
380
00:18:03,316 --> 00:18:06,036
than a seagull at
an Adam Sandler
movie.
381
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:18,129
Sometimes the banana
seat hurts my heinie.
382
00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:20,932
Will you shut up?
383
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,878
You shut up, man!
It's a comedy!
384
00:18:22,902 --> 00:18:25,803
When I ring the bell,
it makes my pants feel funny.
385
00:18:25,871 --> 00:18:27,338
Ring, ring, ring.
386
00:18:34,380 --> 00:18:38,983
Ah! Another
day of being huge.
Good morning, guns of...
387
00:18:39,052 --> 00:18:43,687
Oh, no!
What's happening?
388
00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:46,390
I'll tell
you what's happening.
Your steroids have worn off.
389
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:47,958
You're weak like everyone else.
390
00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:50,728
And guess what? There's
a toll in the hall now.
391
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:52,841
Stay away from me!
Stay away from me!
392
00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:53,931
Stewie, no!
393
00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:03,993
And now
here's something we hope
you'll really like.
394
00:19:08,614 --> 00:19:11,882
Settle down, everyone.Okay. Let's get thisassembly started.
395
00:19:11,950 --> 00:19:13,417
Is everything set, Meg?
396
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,931
Once Chris gets up there,
my friend in the A/V
Department
397
00:19:15,955 --> 00:19:17,399
will take care of everything.
398
00:19:17,423 --> 00:19:18,834
Okay, Meg.
Remember our deal.
399
00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:21,736
I do this for you,
and I have your
permission
400
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:24,373
to think about
you later tonight
when I'm in the tub.
401
00:19:24,397 --> 00:19:26,041
Fine, Neil.
Awesome!
402
00:19:26,065 --> 00:19:30,501
I might even
go leftie tonight,
stranger in the tub.
403
00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:31,969
Before we begin,
404
00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:35,050
Chris Griffin hasan announcementfor the cool kids.
405
00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:36,573
Yeah, hey, guys.
406
00:19:36,642 --> 00:19:39,276
The meeting of the Cool
Kids Club will be at 3:15,
407
00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:42,625
leaning up againstTim Breckner's SUVin the parking lot.
408
00:19:53,292 --> 00:19:55,092
♪ Would you fuck me?
409
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:57,995
♪ I'd fuck me
410
00:19:59,298 --> 00:20:00,965
♪ I'd fuck me so hard ♪
411
00:20:14,447 --> 00:20:16,647
Hey, Chris. What's that?
Did you sit on something?
412
00:20:22,421 --> 00:20:24,722
Chris Griffin's a freak!
What a loser!
413
00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:26,057
I'm gay, all right?
414
00:20:26,125 --> 00:20:29,226
Oh! Come on.
It's me, Griff-a!
415
00:20:29,295 --> 00:20:31,461
You don't get to
talk like that
anymore!
416
00:20:31,530 --> 00:20:35,065
Connie, the person
who humiliated you has
himself been humiliated.
417
00:20:35,135 --> 00:20:37,868
By the
rules of high school,
you are now popular again.
418
00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:40,105
Well, we did it, Connie.
419
00:20:40,139 --> 00:20:41,705
Thanks for your help, Meg.
420
00:20:41,774 --> 00:20:44,320
There's no
chance we're gonna be
friends now, is there?
421
00:20:44,344 --> 00:20:45,643
Absolutely not.
422
00:20:45,712 --> 00:20:48,290
Can I at least think
about you in the tub
later?
423
00:20:48,314 --> 00:20:49,747
No!
424
00:20:49,815 --> 00:20:51,182
I'm still gonna.
425
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:56,921
Well, Chris, you
must feel ridiculous.
426
00:20:56,989 --> 00:20:58,289
I do, Dad.
427
00:20:58,358 --> 00:21:01,002
And, Meg,
I'm really sorry
I was such a douche.
428
00:21:01,026 --> 00:21:03,026
Well, there is a way
you can make it up
to me.
429
00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:04,328
How?
430
00:21:04,397 --> 00:21:06,663
Tell me
what it was like
being one of them.
431
00:21:06,732 --> 00:21:10,568
It was like
basking in the warm glow
of a higher intelligence
432
00:21:10,637 --> 00:21:15,606
as it envelops you and allows
you to become part of its
everlasting glory.
433
00:21:17,443 --> 00:21:18,643
I flew today.
434
00:21:55,748 --> 00:21:56,828
English - US - Line 21
34054
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