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♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:05,939 --> 00:00:09,174
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:09,242 --> 00:00:12,877
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:12,946 --> 00:00:15,981
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:16,049 --> 00:00:19,217
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:19,286 --> 00:00:22,454
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:24,155
♪ All the things that make us
8
00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:25,891
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:30,796
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:36,336 --> 00:00:38,569
Hey, fellows,
you all set for
some paintball?
11
00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:40,304
You bet!
12
00:00:40,373 --> 00:00:43,413
I tell you, I know
something about paint.
I once met Jackson Pollock.
13
00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:46,678
How do you know when
you're done with
a painting?
14
00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:49,058
How do you know when
you're done making
love?
15
00:00:49,082 --> 00:00:52,250
Oh, when you
wash your penis in
the sink and go to bed.
16
00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:54,886
God, Joe! Finally!
17
00:00:54,955 --> 00:00:56,666
Is your watch paralyzed, too?
18
00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:58,501
Guys, I don't think
I can make it today.
19
00:00:58,525 --> 00:01:00,936
It's looking
like Bonnie might go
into labor any minute.
20
00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:02,920
So I think I should
stick close to home.
21
00:01:02,963 --> 00:01:04,574
It's your fault
for knocking her up.
22
00:01:04,598 --> 00:01:06,075
That's
why I always
use a condom.
23
00:01:09,269 --> 00:01:10,602
Sorry. I'm sorry.
24
00:01:10,670 --> 00:01:12,615
I can't even say that
with a straight face.
25
00:01:12,639 --> 00:01:14,739
Sorry, fellows,
have a good time.
26
00:01:14,807 --> 00:01:16,052
Man, I am so sick of this.
27
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,787
Joe is just gonna
keep bailing on us
28
00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:20,211
until that baby comes
out of Bonnie's butt.
29
00:01:21,214 --> 00:01:22,491
Babies come out
of the butt, right?
30
00:01:22,515 --> 00:01:23,614
Yeah.
31
00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:25,394
Well, we are gonna
do something about
it.
32
00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:27,596
We are
gonna figure out
a way to induce labor
33
00:01:27,620 --> 00:01:29,265
and make Bonnie have that baby.
34
00:01:29,289 --> 00:01:31,834
Yeah, the
sooner that kid comes out,
the sooner we get Joe back.
35
00:01:31,858 --> 00:01:33,703
Yeah, we're not
complete without Joe.
36
00:01:33,727 --> 00:01:35,972
You remember
when he bailed on us
for that trip to the spa
37
00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:38,429
and we had to find
another handicapped guy?
38
00:01:38,498 --> 00:01:41,766
God, Seamus.
I've never seen
you this naked.
39
00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:44,836
It's good to let the
old midsection breathe.
40
00:01:44,904 --> 00:01:47,185
What...
How the hell
are you alive?
41
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:52,222
Hi, Peter, how are you?
42
00:01:52,246 --> 00:01:54,286
Never mind that, Bonnie,
I'm here to induce birth.
43
00:01:54,347 --> 00:01:55,347
Follow me.
44
00:01:57,784 --> 00:02:00,096
Now,
I'm gonna put the TV
remote down by your feet,
45
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,932
and I'm gonna turn
on Two and a Half Men.
46
00:02:01,956 --> 00:02:03,800
If your baby isn't
totally brain-dead,
47
00:02:03,824 --> 00:02:05,701
it'll come rushing out
to change the channel.
48
00:02:05,725 --> 00:02:09,261
And when he does,
I'll grab his hand
and yank him out of there.
49
00:02:09,329 --> 00:02:11,596
Peter, I don't think...
Shh. It's starting.
50
00:02:11,665 --> 00:02:14,900
Two and a Half Men
was filmed in front of a live
ostrich.
51
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,434
Boy, this stinks.
52
00:02:16,503 --> 00:02:18,281
It's Friday night and
I don't have a date.
53
00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:21,406
Well, then,let me get you a numberfrom my little black book.
54
00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:27,779
All right,
that didn't work, so
it's time for Plan B.
55
00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:30,949
Guys, let's go down
to The Clam and drink
beer and watch sports.
56
00:02:31,018 --> 00:02:32,062
Definitely.
All right.
57
00:02:32,086 --> 00:02:33,251
You in, Joe?
58
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:35,932
Yes, awesome!
That would be
splendid.
59
00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:37,767
Yeah, this isn't working out.
All right, sorry,
60
00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:39,769
we'll pay you
for the full day,
but you can go home.
61
00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:43,028
Damn right,
you're paying
for the full day!
62
00:02:43,096 --> 00:02:45,174
Guys, Bonnie's going into labor!
63
00:02:45,198 --> 00:02:46,899
We gotta get her
to the hospital.
64
00:02:46,967 --> 00:02:48,333
Quick, Peter, get the car!
65
00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:51,047
No way, I don't want
a pregnant mess in
my backseat.
66
00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:53,583
Oh, come on.
You're the guy
who soiled his pants
67
00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:55,985
while
test-driving
that sports car.
68
00:02:57,244 --> 00:02:58,543
I don't want it.
69
00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:04,694
All right,
Mrs. Swanson.
You're doing fine.
70
00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:06,196
Hey, Peter,
don't you want
to watch this?
71
00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:07,830
It's a beautiful
miracle of nature.
72
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:09,321
I can't look.
73
00:03:09,389 --> 00:03:11,501
I didn't look
when Lois gave birth
and I can't look now.
74
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:14,192
You can
just tell me
what it looks like.
75
00:03:14,261 --> 00:03:16,639
You ever
see a horse
blink his eye?
76
00:03:16,663 --> 00:03:18,841
Okay,
Mrs. Swanson,
you're almost there.
77
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:20,498
Push! Push!
78
00:03:20,567 --> 00:03:23,635
Get out of there!
Get the hell out of my
wife, you little bastard!
79
00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:27,205
Okay, here we go.
80
00:03:27,274 --> 00:03:30,474
Hold on,
the wheelchair
is coming first.
81
00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:32,009
And here's the baby.
82
00:03:35,049 --> 00:03:38,950
Congratulations,
Mrs. Swanson, it's
a beautiful baby girl.
83
00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:41,553
Oh, Bonnie,
I'm so happy for you!
84
00:03:41,621 --> 00:03:42,933
- Oh, my God!
- She's dying!
85
00:03:42,957 --> 00:03:44,556
What?
What?
86
00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:47,191
Oh, sorry, I was watching
this Paula Poundstone
comedy special.
87
00:03:47,260 --> 00:03:48,927
Here's your baby.
88
00:03:48,995 --> 00:03:50,361
She's beautiful.
89
00:03:50,430 --> 00:03:51,975
Isn't she, sweetheart?
90
00:03:51,999 --> 00:03:54,032
She sure is, Joe.
91
00:03:55,369 --> 00:03:58,369
It's
hard to believe
she's already 18.
92
00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:04,008
Aw, Susie's so cute!
93
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,688
I can't wait to
have a baby someday.
94
00:04:05,712 --> 00:04:08,346
Oh, Meg,
we've talked about this.
95
00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:09,648
In order to make a baby,
96
00:04:09,716 --> 00:04:12,284
a man has to be
aroused enough
to ejaculate.
97
00:04:12,352 --> 00:04:14,051
Sorry, Dad, I forgot.
98
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:15,687
That's all right, sweetie.
99
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,316
Now you run along
and play in the mud.
100
00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:21,527
Ion, everyone,
this is a twist tie.
101
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:23,495
It comes with
every loaf of bread.
102
00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:25,609
When we are
done selecting
our piece of bread,
103
00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:27,466
we use the tie to preserve...
104
00:04:27,535 --> 00:04:29,301
Oh, my God!
105
00:04:34,008 --> 00:04:35,840
Who is that angel?
106
00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:37,175
That's Susie Swanson.
107
00:04:37,244 --> 00:04:39,044
You don't say.
108
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,724
What, like, you think
you have a shot with her?
109
00:04:40,748 --> 00:04:42,325
Are you kidding?
We'll go together
110
00:04:42,349 --> 00:04:44,327
better than Hannity and Colmes.
111
00:04:44,351 --> 00:04:45,995
My problem with liberals, Alan,
112
00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:47,864
is that liberals hate America.
113
00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:49,966
Sean,
I don't know
if that's true.
114
00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:51,290
You just contradicted me!
115
00:04:51,358 --> 00:04:52,558
You hate America!
116
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:54,270
If I could just get a word in...
117
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:57,029
You hate America!
You like the terrorists!
118
00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:59,364
Well, I guess
you're right again.
119
00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:04,169
Bonnie, we got a problem.
120
00:05:04,237 --> 00:05:05,604
What's the matter, Joe?
121
00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:07,739
I'll tell you
while we're doing
the diaper change.
122
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:10,019
Here's
the reality
of the situation.
123
00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:11,988
I got
our hospital
bill this morning.
124
00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:14,579
How bad is it?
It's $20,000.
125
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:17,516
Oh, my God!
Where are we going to
get that kind of money?
126
00:05:17,584 --> 00:05:19,795
I don't know,
but we've got to
figure that out soon.
127
00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:22,720
Well,
I'm not worried, Joe,
you'll think of something.
128
00:05:22,789 --> 00:05:24,122
I gotta tell you,
129
00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:26,336
not being able to pay
my child's hospital
bills
130
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:29,472
somehow makes me
feel like less
of a man.
131
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:31,763
Oh, honey, that's silly.
132
00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:34,444
I'm gonna show you
what a man you
really are.
133
00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:36,969
Now, let's go put your penis on.
134
00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:42,519
We now return to
135
00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:44,309
Are You Smarter
than a Hispanic
Maid?
136
00:05:44,378 --> 00:05:45,644
Okay, Larry, now,
137
00:05:45,712 --> 00:05:48,124
how doesa Hispanic maidaddress her employer
138
00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:49,992
if his name is John Sullivan?
139
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:53,084
Is it A, John?
Or B, Mr. Sullivan?
140
00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:55,187
Uh, I'm gonna go
with Mr. Sullivan.
141
00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:58,368
Oh, that was a trick question.
142
00:05:58,392 --> 00:06:00,625
Consuela, what would you say?
143
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,772
Mr. John.
That's correct.
144
00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:05,830
Now,bonus question,is Mr. John home?
145
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:09,334
No, no,
Mr. John no home.
146
00:06:11,205 --> 00:06:13,372
Joe? What the hell?
Are you working here?
147
00:06:13,441 --> 00:06:14,940
I have to, Quagmire.
148
00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:17,576
The baby's hospital bill
drained all our savings,
149
00:06:17,645 --> 00:06:19,722
so I've had no choice
but to take this job.
150
00:06:19,746 --> 00:06:21,625
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
151
00:06:21,649 --> 00:06:23,460
Excuse me,
I couldn't
help overhearing
152
00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:25,161
you got yourself
some money issues.
153
00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:27,019
Uh, yeah, kind of.
154
00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:28,832
Well, I might be
able to help you out.
155
00:06:28,856 --> 00:06:31,256
How much you need?
Look, I'm a police officer.
156
00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:33,925
I can't afford
to get mixed up
with a loan shark.
157
00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:35,760
Hey, you should
listen to this
guy, Joe.
158
00:06:35,830 --> 00:06:38,063
He's flipping a nickel
and chewing on a toothpick.
159
00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:44,703
Well,
I do really
need the money.
160
00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:46,816
And I don't have
the credit for a
bank loan.
161
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,918
Do it, Joe,
'cause if you gotta
work here any longer,
162
00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:50,876
you're
gonna feel smaller
than my eye floaters.
163
00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:52,511
There's one now!
164
00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:55,314
I can never look at it
dead on, it's always
trying to get away.
165
00:06:55,382 --> 00:06:57,222
Hey, eye floater!
Hi!
166
00:06:57,284 --> 00:06:58,524
Hey, hey, where are you going?
167
00:06:58,552 --> 00:06:59,918
Away from your pupil.
168
00:06:59,986 --> 00:07:01,453
Well, maybe I'll look over here!
169
00:07:01,522 --> 00:07:02,821
I'll go over here!
170
00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:05,056
You've
got an answer for
everything, don't you?
171
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:15,800
Oh, Brian, come here.
172
00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:18,481
Would you mind listening to
this song I've written for
Susie Swanson
173
00:07:18,505 --> 00:07:20,449
and tell me
what you think?
Okay.
174
00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:22,040
♪ Susie
175
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,442
♪ You're a baby ♪
176
00:07:24,511 --> 00:07:26,044
That's all I have so far.
177
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:27,178
That was horrible.
178
00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:29,113
You're as bad as
Beethoven near the end.
179
00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:38,890
They're gonna love that!
180
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,670
Well, I've still gotta
do a little work on it.
181
00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:42,404
What's it called?
Susie.
182
00:07:42,428 --> 00:07:44,428
Wow. A song
named after a girl.
183
00:07:44,497 --> 00:07:46,009
There
aren't a million
of those already.
184
00:07:46,033 --> 00:07:47,298
Name 20.
185
00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:49,067
Rosanna, Roxanne,
Michelle, Alison,
186
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:51,435
Sara,Angie, Brandy,Mandy, Gloria,
187
00:07:51,504 --> 00:07:54,739
Cecilia,Maggie May, Jessica, Nancy,Barbara Ann, Billie Jean,
188
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:58,242
Layla,Lola, Polly, Helena,Jenny From The Block.
189
00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,488
Name six more.
190
00:07:59,512 --> 00:08:00,790
Sherry, Laura, Wendy, Maria,
191
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,613
Peggy Sue, Minnie the Moocher.
192
00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:04,426
Name five more.
Tracy, Jean,
193
00:08:04,450 --> 00:08:06,384
Jane, Marianne, Eleanor Rigby.
194
00:08:06,452 --> 00:08:07,485
Go fuck yourself.
195
00:08:11,725 --> 00:08:14,285
What am
I gonna do, guys?
I paid the hospital bill,
196
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:16,873
but now
I need $20,000 to
pay the loan shark.
197
00:08:16,897 --> 00:08:18,674
I'm right back where I started.
198
00:08:18,698 --> 00:08:21,099
Well, sounds like we
need another loan shark.
199
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:24,302
Don't worry, Joe, we're all
gonna pitch in and help
you raise that money.
200
00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:28,873
Wow, Peter, I gotta say,
201
00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:32,477
this lemonade stand
was a really good idea.
It's selling really well.
202
00:08:32,545 --> 00:08:35,224
That's because
it has my secret
ingredient in it.
203
00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:36,881
Vodka!
204
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:39,951
You
know what we should do?
You know what we should do?
205
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:41,152
We should just...
206
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:43,955
We should just get on
our bikes and just go.
207
00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:47,425
Just go and start a business.
208
00:08:47,494 --> 00:08:50,995
You know, I never...
I never told anyone this,
209
00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:54,899
but you're so good at cursive.
210
00:08:58,505 --> 00:09:00,938
I don't know, Peter,
we've been out here
all day
211
00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:04,242
and we haven't managed to
interest a single woman
in our massage parlor.
212
00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:05,755
Wait a minute,
here comes somebody.
213
00:09:05,779 --> 00:09:07,590
Excuse me, stressed-out lady.
214
00:09:07,614 --> 00:09:10,727
May I interest you
in a full-release
relaxation massage?
215
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:12,595
Oh, yeah, just what I need,
216
00:09:12,619 --> 00:09:17,255
to be rubbed down by
a big fatty, an old black
guy, a cripple and a pervert.
217
00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:20,792
Now, we don't
have any money and
our feelings are hurt.
218
00:09:24,664 --> 00:09:26,743
So that's
pretty much it,
Mr. Pewterschmidt.
219
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:29,768
Joe's getting desperate,
and we haven't raised
nearly enough.
220
00:09:29,837 --> 00:09:31,814
Is there any way
you could help
us out?
221
00:09:31,838 --> 00:09:33,471
Of course, I could.
222
00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:35,500
But it's funnier
to me if I don't.
223
00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:42,547
In about an hour,
I'm gonna piss
away 20 grand.
224
00:09:42,615 --> 00:09:44,055
What,
are you gonna
bet on the Knicks?
225
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:48,319
I'm sorry. I mean,
how often... I mean...
226
00:09:48,388 --> 00:09:51,788
Oh, man,
nobody thinks
that's funny?
227
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:56,761
Oh, my God!
She's so hot!
228
00:09:56,830 --> 00:10:00,598
Look at that,
she can fit that
whole bottle in her mouth.
229
00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:02,445
All right,
come on, Stewie,
you can write a song.
230
00:10:02,469 --> 00:10:03,901
How hard can it be?
231
00:10:03,970 --> 00:10:05,948
♪ You've got
your G chord
right here
232
00:10:05,972 --> 00:10:08,506
♪ It's like a cozy
house where you live
233
00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:10,353
♪ That's where you
start your journey
234
00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:13,411
♪ Here I am in my house,
nice and cozy
235
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:17,115
♪ Then you poke your
head out of the door
with a C chord
236
00:10:17,184 --> 00:10:19,250
♪ Everything
looks okay out here
237
00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:21,664
♪ Maybe
I'll take
a walk outside
238
00:10:21,688 --> 00:10:23,654
♪ To the D chord
239
00:10:23,723 --> 00:10:25,856
♪ I'm walking
around outside
240
00:10:25,925 --> 00:10:27,937
♪ Look at all
the stuff out here
241
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:30,795
♪ And then we
go to an A minor
242
00:10:30,863 --> 00:10:33,098
♪ Getting a little
cloudy out here
243
00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:35,366
♪ Looking like we
might have some weather
244
00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:38,169
♪ Then we go to E minor
245
00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:39,949
♪ Oh,
definitely
got some weather
246
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:42,885
♪ Things are
a little more complicated
than they seemed at first
247
00:10:42,909 --> 00:10:44,989
♪ And then we go
back to my house
248
00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:46,956
You sound like
an unbelievable douche.
249
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:49,280
♪ Then Brian comes in
250
00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:51,616
♪ And I change up the tempo
251
00:10:51,684 --> 00:10:55,353
♪ Brian comes in and
he changes the song
252
00:10:55,421 --> 00:10:58,823
♪ Looking at me like
he thinks I'm a douchebag
253
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:02,060
♪ But he's gonna learn
pretty fast that he's wrong
254
00:11:02,129 --> 00:11:06,197
♪ Hey, Brian
Why are you
bringing me down, man?
255
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:08,466
♪ Why are you
bringing me down?
256
00:11:08,534 --> 00:11:10,201
♪ Don't bring me down ♪
257
00:11:10,270 --> 00:11:12,003
Music and lyrics
by Stewie Griffin.
258
00:11:15,642 --> 00:11:18,343
Hey,
Swanson, the boss
is getting impatient.
259
00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:19,944
He wants his money.
260
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:23,515
He says after
we're done with you,
you're gonna be eating...
261
00:11:23,583 --> 00:11:26,151
Swanson TV... TV...
Wait.
262
00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:27,463
Wait, what did he say?
What?
263
00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:29,032
What did the boss say?
He said something funny,
264
00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:30,955
and now I'm drawing
a blank on what it was.
265
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,468
Oh, you know what it was?
What?
266
00:11:32,492 --> 00:11:34,025
You know what it was?
267
00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:37,395
"When we're done
with him, he's gonna
be a Swanson TV Dinner."
268
00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:40,698
That is pretty funny.
269
00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:45,036
Look what
they did to me.
My legs are useless now.
270
00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:48,818
And trust me, they'll be back.
271
00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:50,375
Well, what are we gonna do?
272
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:51,575
You know what, boys?
273
00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:54,179
Desperate times call
for desperate measures.
274
00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:57,348
If that stingy old Carter
won't give us the money
we need,
275
00:11:57,417 --> 00:11:59,250
I say we take it from him.
276
00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:02,420
Guys,
we are gonna
plan a robbery.
277
00:12:05,759 --> 00:12:08,259
Hey, hey, that's the guy.
278
00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:13,664
That's the guy
whose chin looks
like a... Balls.
279
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,210
All right, on a normal night
in the Pewterschmidt mansion,
280
00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:28,191
there might be as
much as $6 million
in the vault alone.
281
00:12:28,215 --> 00:12:30,693
But this Saturday is
the Pewterschmidts'
annual
282
00:12:30,717 --> 00:12:33,751
"Bring all your cash
and put it in our
safe" party.
283
00:12:33,820 --> 00:12:37,455
Considering the guest list,
there could be as much as
$40 million.
284
00:12:37,523 --> 00:12:39,523
But we only need $20,000.
285
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:42,160
All right, look,
I'll be honest with you.
286
00:12:42,228 --> 00:12:45,475
My father-in-law has
treated me like crap
for almost 20 years,
287
00:12:45,499 --> 00:12:47,076
and it's time for
a little payback.
288
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:50,100
$40 million!
That's $10 million each!
289
00:12:50,169 --> 00:12:52,515
I could
afford to produce
a movie with B+ stars
290
00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:54,539
in a not-so-expensive location.
291
00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:56,841
Jeff Bridges and Laura Linney
292
00:12:56,909 --> 00:12:59,544
in Danger In Cincinnati.
293
00:12:59,613 --> 00:13:01,011
We've got 24 hours
294
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:03,426
before those
terrorists set off
that new type of bomb
295
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:04,949
that makes
an invisible explosion.
296
00:13:05,017 --> 00:13:06,195
What are we gonna do?
297
00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:07,496
Let's get back to headquarters.
298
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:08,664
Should we take the helicopter?
299
00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:09,754
No, let's...
300
00:13:09,822 --> 00:13:11,382
Let's walk, it's a nice day.
301
00:13:14,861 --> 00:13:16,094
Oh, there's my laptop.
302
00:13:16,163 --> 00:13:17,306
Do you mind?
I want to check my e-mail.
303
00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:18,696
Go away!
304
00:13:18,765 --> 00:13:21,044
I'm editing
this music video
I'm making for Susie.
305
00:13:21,068 --> 00:13:23,668
Oh, really?
Music video?
306
00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:25,503
Working on a little video there?
307
00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:26,804
Little, uh...
308
00:13:26,873 --> 00:13:28,518
Little music video?
309
00:13:28,542 --> 00:13:31,943
Little
compilation of visual
images to go with a song?
310
00:13:32,011 --> 00:13:34,379
Little
four-minute movie
that tells the story...
311
00:13:34,448 --> 00:13:36,225
Yeah, that only
works when I do it.
312
00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:37,449
There, all done.
313
00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:40,418
All right, Brian,
get ready to feel.
314
00:13:57,637 --> 00:14:00,338
♪ Look into your heart
315
00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:03,474
♪ You will find
316
00:14:03,542 --> 00:14:10,314
♪ There's
nothing there to hide
317
00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:13,451
♪ Take me as I am
318
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:17,222
♪ Take my life
319
00:14:18,124 --> 00:14:21,158
♪ I would give it all
320
00:14:21,227 --> 00:14:25,330
♪ I would sacrifice
321
00:14:25,399 --> 00:14:31,302
♪ Don't tell me it's
not worth fighting for
322
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:34,705
♪ I can't help it
323
00:14:34,774 --> 00:14:39,177
♪ There's nothing I want more
324
00:14:39,245 --> 00:14:42,947
♪ You know it's true
325
00:14:43,016 --> 00:14:46,484
♪ Everything I do
326
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:50,822
♪ I do it for you
327
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,257
♪ Oh, yeah
328
00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:57,495
♪ There's no love
329
00:14:57,564 --> 00:15:01,232
♪ Like your love
330
00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:04,835
♪ And no other
331
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:08,506
♪ Could give more love
332
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:12,176
♪ There's nowhere
333
00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:15,780
♪ Unless you're there
334
00:15:15,849 --> 00:15:19,450
♪ All the time
335
00:15:19,519 --> 00:15:25,790
♪ All the way
336
00:15:25,859 --> 00:15:27,303
I'mnot followingthe story arc here.
337
00:15:27,327 --> 00:15:28,437
Shut up!
338
00:15:35,735 --> 00:15:38,570
♪ Look into your heart, babe
339
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:58,356
♪ Oh, you can't tell me
340
00:15:58,424 --> 00:16:02,293
♪ It's not worth trying for
341
00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:05,663
♪ I can't help it
342
00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:09,900
♪ There's nothing I want more
343
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:14,405
♪ Yeah, I would fight for you
344
00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:17,675
♪ I'd lie for you
345
00:16:17,743 --> 00:16:20,912
♪ Walk the wire for you
346
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:26,651
♪ Yeah, I'd die for you
347
00:16:28,888 --> 00:16:30,954
♪ You know it's true
348
00:16:32,125 --> 00:16:35,292
♪ Everything I do
349
00:16:35,361 --> 00:16:38,495
♪ Oh
350
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:45,136
♪ I do it for you ♪
351
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:48,851
Don't worry, Brian.
Those goose bumps
352
00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:50,452
will go away in
about 20 minutes.
353
00:16:50,476 --> 00:16:54,445
Stewie,
that is the worst thing
I have ever seen, ever.
354
00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:56,848
And I've seen Peter
when he's frozen in
sex-face.
355
00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:01,831
Peter,
would you like
more potatoes?
356
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:11,529
Bill, how are you?
357
00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:13,698
Babs, come over here
and say hi to Bill Gates.
358
00:17:13,767 --> 00:17:15,600
Ah! Hello, Mr. Gates.
359
00:17:15,668 --> 00:17:17,167
Hi, Mrs. Pewterschmidt.
360
00:17:17,236 --> 00:17:19,803
Well,
this is a quaint little
party you guys are throwing.
361
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:22,139
Hey, Bill,
would you help
me program my Zune?
362
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:24,842
Oh, wait, I have an iPod,
like the rest of the world.
363
00:17:24,911 --> 00:17:26,088
Why, you...
364
00:17:31,117 --> 00:17:32,416
All right, Joe, we're here.
365
00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:35,297
All right,
Peter, Quagmire,
start the diversion.
366
00:17:35,321 --> 00:17:36,665
Cleveland, find that door.
367
00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:38,823
- Check.
- Check.
368
00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:41,659
Hey, fellows, knock off
all that high-society crap
369
00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:43,127
and play some of this.
370
00:17:45,365 --> 00:17:47,565
One, two, three, four.
371
00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:54,449
♪ We can dance
if we want to
372
00:17:54,473 --> 00:17:56,774
♪ We can leave
your friends behind
373
00:17:56,842 --> 00:17:59,388
♪ 'Cause yourfriends don't danceand if they don't dance
374
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,623
♪ Well,they're nofriends of mine
375
00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:03,959
♪ I say,we can gowhere we want to
376
00:18:03,983 --> 00:18:06,317
♪ A place where
they will never find
377
00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:08,263
♪ And we canact like we comefrom out of this world ♪
378
00:18:08,287 --> 00:18:10,366
All right, Cleveland,
you're all clear to
enter the vault.
379
00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:11,390
Copy that.
380
00:18:26,906 --> 00:18:29,506
Uh-oh.
It's a combination lock.
381
00:18:29,575 --> 00:18:31,943
Looks like
I'm just gonna
have to cut through it.
382
00:18:32,011 --> 00:18:34,612
Good thing I brought
Reese Witherspoon's
chin.
383
00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:43,153
This programmingbrought to you in part byKobe brand condoms,
384
00:18:43,222 --> 00:18:46,257
the protection you want
for the sex she doesn't.
385
00:18:46,325 --> 00:18:48,170
Brian,
do you know
where Peter is?
386
00:18:48,194 --> 00:18:50,995
Yeah, he and the guys
went to go rob your dad.
387
00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:52,263
I believe you.
388
00:18:58,938 --> 00:19:00,137
I'm in.
389
00:19:09,516 --> 00:19:11,515
Holy crap, there's another door.
390
00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:13,418
What do we do now?
391
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:16,421
Welcome to the vault.
Voice identification, please.
392
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,522
Uh-oh.
393
00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:20,736
It's me, Carter. I want my
money.
394
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,000
Voice print verified.
395
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:26,041
How the hell'd you do that?
396
00:19:26,065 --> 00:19:27,798
I can do you guys, too.
397
00:19:27,866 --> 00:19:29,744
Hey, everybody.
Oh, hey, Peter.
398
00:19:29,768 --> 00:19:31,435
No, it's still me.
Oh.
399
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:36,585
Welcome to the inner vault.
400
00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:38,942
Penile identification required.
401
00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:40,744
Let me handle this.
402
00:19:45,117 --> 00:19:47,229
That's amazing. How
the hell did you
match it?
403
00:19:47,253 --> 00:19:48,564
Oh, I didn't match the shape.
404
00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:50,948
I just stuck it in
there and broke it.
405
00:19:54,393 --> 00:19:57,572
Final checkpoint.
Answer this question.
406
00:19:57,596 --> 00:19:59,074
"What is the most unattractive
407
00:19:59,098 --> 00:20:01,766
"male first name in
the English language?"
408
00:20:03,970 --> 00:20:04,970
Keith.
409
00:20:09,275 --> 00:20:11,308
Wow, look at this place.
410
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:14,044
There's
more dough in here
than a Swedish bakery.
411
00:20:14,113 --> 00:20:17,460
Look at all my dough,
I'm covered in dough.
412
00:20:17,484 --> 00:20:20,050
Father, you're covered in dough.
413
00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:22,853
Aw! You spoiled the surprise.
414
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:25,222
I'm making you
a cake out of dough.
415
00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:31,773
All right, boys,
pack up the dough
and get out of there.
416
00:20:31,797 --> 00:20:32,917
Joe, stop!
417
00:20:32,966 --> 00:20:34,342
Lois, what are you doing here?
418
00:20:34,366 --> 00:20:36,845
I'm here
to try to talk
some sense into you.
419
00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:38,647
Do you really want
to go through with
this?
420
00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:40,838
I have to, Lois, for my family.
421
00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:43,440
I don't know where
else to get $20,000.
422
00:20:43,509 --> 00:20:45,743
But you know Daddy'll find out.
423
00:20:45,812 --> 00:20:47,622
He'll put his best
people on the job,
424
00:20:47,646 --> 00:20:49,391
and believe me, he'll catch you.
425
00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:51,059
That's a risk
I'm willing to take.
426
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:53,785
But think about your
beautiful little girl.
427
00:20:53,853 --> 00:20:56,165
You can't watch her
grow up from jail.
428
00:20:56,189 --> 00:20:59,623
You'll miss
running after her as
she learns to walk...
429
00:20:59,692 --> 00:21:02,760
I mean, riding
bikes with her, as she...
430
00:21:02,829 --> 00:21:05,141
I mean,
dancing at
her wedding...
431
00:21:05,165 --> 00:21:07,376
Look, my point
is, you know what
you're doing is wrong,
432
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:09,760
and you know how
to make it right.
433
00:21:12,138 --> 00:21:15,372
Guys,
put the money back
and get out of there.
434
00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:17,119
What? Are you
out of your mind?
435
00:21:17,143 --> 00:21:18,220
Tell them, Megatron.
436
00:21:18,244 --> 00:21:20,244
Do as I command.
437
00:21:20,313 --> 00:21:22,013
Okay, okay. Jeez.
438
00:21:27,153 --> 00:21:28,752
So, how'd Susie like your video?
439
00:21:28,821 --> 00:21:30,632
I don't care about her anymore.
440
00:21:30,656 --> 00:21:32,535
I'm in love with Bryan Adams.
441
00:21:32,559 --> 00:21:34,492
Peter, I want you to promise me
442
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:36,427
you'll never do
anything that
stupid again.
443
00:21:36,496 --> 00:21:39,963
Lois, after
what you did for Joe,
I'll promise you anything.
444
00:21:40,032 --> 00:21:42,811
How the hell
did you get your dad
to give him that 20 grand?
445
00:21:42,835 --> 00:21:44,268
I told him it was for me.
446
00:21:44,337 --> 00:21:46,537
I said I wanted to
hire a divorce lawyer.
447
00:21:48,474 --> 00:21:51,309
You're joking about that, right?
448
00:21:53,112 --> 00:21:55,847
Lois?
You're joking, right?
449
00:21:56,716 --> 00:21:57,916
Lois!
34542
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