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This is the way we sit and wait,
sit and wait, sit and wait.

This is the way we sit and wait.

Good job my friends.

Let’s play the quiet game.

Quiet game.

What comes to mind

when you imagine a school?

Kids sitting at their desks?

Perhaps a teacher in front

struggling to keep
their attention.

Or a school bell

ringing through the hallways.

When I think of school

I think of chalk.

I still picture it in my hands

nervously trying to solve a
math problem on the blackboard.

Welcome to the world.

My own school days
are long gone

but for my daughter,
they have yet to begin.

By the time she
will go to school

I worry that she'll
be confronted

with more frightening things

than solving math problems
in front of the class.

Nineteen children
and two teachers were killed

at Robb Elementary School
in Uvalde, Texas.

City leaders in Uvalde

are calling for privacy
and compassion for the families

of the victims and survivors...

I remember watching the news

about the school
shooting in Uvalde.

My daughter was two months old
and sleeping in my lap

oblivious to what was happening

just a couple towns
away from us.

Since that day,
I keep wondering...

How can we keep her safe

in a world like this?

This morning, flags are flying
at half staff across Texas

marking one year since one
of the worst school shootings

in American history.

One year ago today,
an 18 year old gunman

broke into
an elementary school in Uvalde

killing nineteen children
and two teachers.

For many, the reminders
of the tragedy are everywhere.

With an uptick
in school shootings

and the fears
that come with them

a lot of Texas parents
are wondering

how best to protect their kids

while setting them up
for success in the future.

How can I help you?

Good afternoon.

I'm looking for a daycare
for my daughter.

I wanted to gather
some more information

if that's possible.

Yes, ma’am.

It might be an awkward question,
but do you have a safety plan

in case of
a school shooting happening?

We’re getting introduced to all
this shooting stuff just now.

OK.

So, you know,
we do lockdowns.

We do those kind of drills.

But right now
with active shooter...

We are in the process of
figuring all that stuff out.

- Ok.
- It’s just, we never thought

that we’d have to be going
to training for this.

Yeah, I’m asking because I’m...

I just moved here from Belgium,
about four years ago.

And we never had
a school shooting in Belgium.

So for me, this is all new.
And I'm a bit worried about it.

You know, I was born and raised
here in Austin.

And this whole Uvalde thing,
I think that hit us home.

Being so close to Uvalde...

But yes, ma'am

we're hoping that
never happens to us.

And we do have locked doors
and all that good stuff.

Okay.

But, you know,
active shooter plan?

Not yet.

Olivia!

Joshua!

Junior!

Laura!

Emma!

Go sit down, please.

Go sit down, baby.

Working with children,
really makes a difference.

Sometimes you
have a rough day...

Anything to warm up...

I got you!

And then you come over here
and just a kiss and a hug

or a silly phrase....

In that moment you just laugh.

I am originally from Venezuela.

Over there, we deal with
another type of safeness.

You go out and you know
you cannot carry your necklace.

You know that
you need to pay attention

of your surroundings
and stuff like that

It’s a whole other level.

But you don’t have the fear
to send your kids to school.

I can’t recall
going to school...

feeling scared.
Or my mom talking to me

“If somebody comes
to school to shoot you

you’ve got nowhere to go.”

So I didn't grow up with that.

The hardest part in my job
is caring for other kids

and having the responsibility of
providing a safe environment

for them.

It is hard.

I don't want to carry
the responsibility

of losing a child’s life
on my hand.

I don't think
I could live with that, so...

I don't think nobody could,
you know?

That must be really hard.

So when Zaïra would go
to this daycare

what would the safety plan
look like here?

We have trained for lockdowns
and unsafe buildings

and stuff like that.

But an active shooter,
we haven’t.

So that's why we wanted
to get training.

And if you look, you know,
at last year...

Look at this, in 2022

not a single week passed

without at least
four mass shooting events.

It's crazy.

And we say mass shooting,
we’re talking about

four or more people
that have been shot.

So that’s quite a few events.

You know, you can see,
646 mass shootings...

What is there,
365 days in a year?

So we're talking, what?
About two a day?

That's numbers
that we've never seen before.

But that's why this training
has become so important.

And just as we prepare for fires
and floods and tornadoes

and earthquakes.

Sadly we’ve got to start
thinking about this stuff, too.

So what we're going to
talk about today is really...

I want the teachers to be
the best they can be.

Teaching the kids
the proper way.

And you know,
shaping those young minds.

I don't want
them to be combat warriors.

That's not fair.
They didn't sign up for that.

But when I saw
the numbers and said

wow, less than half
of early childhood programs

aren't prepared
for an active shooter.

We’ve got to do
something about that.

I don't want to minimize
the impact

that you’re going to have
as the initial responder.

Because your actions
or inactions...

are really going to set
the stage on how this goes.

We’ve got
a bunch of options here.

We’ve got running,
we‘ve got hiding

we’ve got fighting.

And I can't tell
you specifically

which options
are going to be best

because the situation you're in
might be very different.

You know, if you're
in the infant room

your options are very different

than somebody that's working
with a four or a five year old.

So sometimes hiding
might be the best choice

Sometimes running
might be the best choice.

Sometimes, you're going
to have no choice

but to defend yourself, right?

And we want to make sure
that we practice those options

so that we become
comfortable with them

and know what to do

in all sorts of
different settings.

So here they are:
run, hide and fight.

So let's look at the run option.

So we’ve got everybody out
in under 20 seconds

which is, you know,
simply amazing.

- What do you think Ron?
- Very, very fast.

Everybody did really,
really well.

- Good job ladies.
- Excellent, good job guys.

Yay, Dante!

In terms of our hiding...

That's another option
that we want to think about.

Our objectives are
to stay out of sight

to put some barricades up

to make it as hard as possible
to get to us...

and to keep the kids as calm
and as quiet as we possibly can.

Now, the last part
of the whole thing

is fighting if we have to.

We're really not just getting
into a fair fight here.

We're trying to
defend and survive.

But now we have to be thinking
okay, if I'm in there...

And I'm trapped in there,
I have no other way out.

What am I going to do?

Well, I'm going to grab this,
right?

You know, first thing
that I can find.

What if somebody comes in?
I can squirt them in the eyes.

I can maybe hit him
over the head with this.

I'm going to try to find
anything that I can

to defend myself.

I just see those teachers
standing there with like...

tools that they find,
like blocks and stuff.

And I’m just wondering,
how on earth

are they going to
defend themselves

with somebody coming in
with like a machine gun?

Well, I think there’s
a couple different things

that we can,
you know, think about.

A pair of scissors
is obviously not going to be

a very good weapon of choice
against a machine gun.

But I’ve got to tell you,
if I'm pinned in a room

and that's
the only thing I have...

I'm going to make a go at it

because I don't want
it to be easy, to kill me

I'm going to make it
as difficult as possible

for that person.

Maybe I can slow
that person down.

Maybe I can buy some time

so that others
aren't killed or injured.

So that's kind of what
the mentality sadly has to be.

When Andy and I leave here

we hope that you'll
continue practicing this.

And not just do this like once

once a year or once in a while,
but do this on a regular basis

so you're already ready to go.

Because practice
is going to make us prepared.

And the more we practice

the better it's going to be
for us during any emergency.

I don’t know how you,
you do a drill with babies?

I don't know how that works,
to be honest.

The drill that you guys saw...

are the kids involved
in these drills?

Well, what we saw

was like a training
for the teachers.

Um, and so I think
the teachers have to do that

with the kids a
few times a year,

but we didn't really see that.

And I also don't think that
the kids realize it yet

at that young age.

But I am worried about
when the kids get older...

So if we put Zaïra there,
when she gets older

when she starts to realize
what this is about

what it’s going to do to her.

These sounds are clues for you

to tune in
and get somewhere safe.

Excuse me.

We will be talking about:
“Staying quiet!”

When we hear

“Lock down, locks, lights
out of sight.”

We need to stay quiet
in our hiding place.

Look at this
picture of a quiet mouth.

What do you think it means
to have a quiet mouth?

Yes, Alice.

It means you don't talk.

Very good.

It even means you don't whisper.

What would you do...

You're not in the classroom.

You're not with another teacher.

But maybe you're on the way
to the bathroom.

You're all by yourself.

And...

You might hear an announcement
that says: “run, hide, fight.”

Or you might hear a noise
that sounds like a weapon.

Or maybe you see a bad guy.

You're all by yourself
in the hallway.

What would you do
in that situation?

If all the doors are closed

except the one
of the first graders

- you can go in there.
- That should be number one.

But let's say that there is
no way to go into another class

because the doors are shut
and they're locked.

Or, there's just
nobody else in here

and you don’t know
what to do.

You can hide somewhere
on the playground, okay?

Schools are
a very safe place to be.

You're safe here.

Last summer

when I found out about
the school shooting

at Robb Elementary
in Uvalde, Texas

I was so devastated by the news

that another school shooting
had happened.

Every day that I walk
my children to school

I say, I love you,
and I watch them.

And just breathe

because that’s all I can do,
and hope that...

everyone is doing their job

to protect them.

I'm doing my job
to try and raise awareness

change the conversation

support people who are
changing the conversation

because I don't have
all the answers.

Welcome to this service,
mourning those who have died

from gun violence.

This afternoon we’ll be reading
the known names

of those who have died
in Harris County, during 2022

from gun violence.

Today we are remembering

Texas gun violence victims.

It's too many.

And thinking about our children

who are being put
in the line of fire.

Who are

being called to action

as if they were
in military service

without choice
and without protection.

You did 21 laps?

- Nice.
- And I forced my ankle.

Well, maybe that's
why your ankle hurts.

How was the rest
of your lunch?

I'm sorry I could only stay
for a few minutes.

All right.

You guys in Lego world now?

When I was researching
the project

I thought about

how our children are essentially

playing war games at school.

Whether they want to or not,
that this is their life.

And they’re having to do
these active shooter drills

and lockdowns.

and they're playing

war games.

What happens
during your drills?

Mommy doesn't know
what you guys do?

Well, for the lockdown drills...

The principal will say
on the announcement

“It's a lockdown drill.
Lock your doors.”

And we hide behind our shelves.

But we can't do anything else.

Sometimes
whenever we do the drills

no one ever tells us.
Our teachers don’t tell us

if it's a real one
or just practice.

So I get scared sometimes
to see if it's real

or if it's just a drill.

And if we don't get up

and scoot our chairs quietly

and we're loud, we start over

and do it again
until we can make it good.

- You want to show me?
- Uh huh.

All right, say the drill.

Teachers, lock your doors.

Teachers, lock your doors.

This is a lockdown.

My daughter said that

it helps her to prepare.

And that makes me so sad...

to think that she has to prepare
for such an event.

- Hi, nice to meet you.
- Hi.

Thanks for being with us.

No problem.

I'm a professor of public health
in New Mexico State University.

My research has focused on
how schools are preparing.

And what would they do
in certain situations.

So most schools
in your neighborhood

my neighborhood,
have security cameras

backpack checks,
metal detectors,

locked doors, a lockdown drill

preparing students
for a mass shooting.

This is a drill.

I repeat, this is a drill.

We are in a
level three lockdown.

The problem is...

they have not been able
to stop a mass shooting.

Get into the closet.
Go in the closet.

Turn the light on,
until we get in there.

Let's go, get the chairs
up there. Let's go.

The rest of you,
get in the closet.

Let's go.

Get in the closet!

There is no documented evidence

that we could stop
a mass shooting

with this kind of an approach.

You're quiet.

Keep your hands to yourself.

And that’s a typical
American school now.

It has become a war zone.

No one is asking

is this conducive
to learning? Education?

Why are we creating
this climate of fear?

A palace, a fortress.

No place in the world
would you see this

in a developed nation.

There are studies to show
that kids have felt vulnerable

and distressed
because of these exposures.

And that's why the whole idea
has become controversial.

We have fire drills

lockdown, tornado, earthquake.

Our last drill,
a lockdown drill

we did like, a full thing.

We ripped apart
the room, we grabbed tables

and we shoved it at the door
like it was real.

All the kids were scared and...

I was scared because the mic
did not say “lockdown drill”

or I didn't hear it.

So I thought it was
a real lockdown.

I was trying my best to hide

and it made me a little scared
and nervous because...

I didn't...

I didn't feel safe at school.

Nobody feels safe.

Nobody feels safe at school.

It's never really safe.

I don’t know,
it's not really safe sometimes.

I think it'll probably happen
in our school

because people
sometimes go insane

and they might want to

like, take their anger out
on kids.

So they might want to come
to our school

and might take their anger out
on them, by killing us.

Maybe.

I don’t... I really
don't like it because

there's a lot of
bad people in the world.

Yeah, we try not to think about
it too much or else we...

We kind of get like...

- Like, thinking about it.
- Nervous.

Kind of like “Oh
a school shooting

is going to happen today”.

That's not something that you
want to think about, right?

No...

I think that,
some of the teachers

should have, like um,
a pistol or something

hidden in the classroom
to protect the students.

Yeah, I think that too.

Because, um...

Because if the person
does have a gun

it would be nice to
have some protection.

Like 22 rifles, 22 long rifles.
At least a BB gun for our class.

For every single class.

It would cost a little bit,
but...

it would be worth it
for the school.

- For keeping the students safe.
- Yeah.

It will cost a little bit

but it would keep
the students safe.

I wonder if my daughter
will feel the same.

When I was a kid

this never crossed my mind.

But I guess things
were different back then.

And this is America.

The first year we moved here

we killed 38 rattlesnakes
just on this road.

And now we might see
three or four a year.

I was a high school teacher,
for 20 years.

You started hearing of
school shootings

and I would think
what I would do.

I didn't want to...

watch something happen,
or be a victim.

I wanted to be proactive.

I remember
coming home from school

and talking to Jeff all the time
about different scenarios.

What would I do
if this happened?

What would I do
if that happened?

I want to protect my kids.

So, we were able
to collaborate together

and come up with a good system
that would work for teachers.

The point of this is
to have trained guardians.

You can put signs on your school
that say, “we have armed staff”.

And that's a deterrent.

You're making the school
a hard target

so somebody is not going
to want to breach that.

And that's the number one goal
of the Guardian Program.

The number two goal would be
to actually use deadly force

in the event
that there's a shooter.

So an important component
about the school Guardians

is they're armed.

A lot of people think

we're just giving guns
to teachers.

And that’s not it.

So part of our training includes
scenario training on the campus.

So we have
someone that's a bad guy.

We actually put
the Guardian staff

in a shooting situation

where they have to
defend themselves

or, take out the shooter.

And that's as close to realistic

as we can make it.

It's not just for teachers,
it’s for all school staff.

Administration, maintenance,
IT and stuff like that.

Most of those people
are what we call “seekers”.

So if there's actually
a threat on campus

they would seek the threat

to stop it.

And then we have what
we call “classroom defenders”

like what Terry would have been.

We don't ever tell a teacher
to leave their classroom.

They need to stay
with their kids.

So if the shooter happened
to come in that room

then they can defend
that classroom.

So there's really two types
of Guardians that we look at.

Based on history

a shooter
has some tie to the school.

So you have to prepare yourself
as much as possible

and not think of that student

as a student, but as a killer.

We tell them that
if you do have to use

deadly force to stop a shooter

you're never
going to be the same.

And the opposite is true.

What if I did not have
my handgun

and let's say
ten people were killed?

So that guilt is also
going to weigh on that person

for the rest of their lives.

- Here's your weapon.
- Thanks.

Here's your sword.

Okay, here we go.

I have to say that um...

The thought of this happening
in my daughter's school....

- Yeah, it’s scary.
- It scares me.

It is.

It's frightening.

Yeah.

Most of our people
that go through that

it's pretty emotional.

Because it's on
their home campus.

It's their turf.

Do you feel like this can be
traumatizing to teachers?

Just going through the training?

Um, I think the scenario
training can be to a point.

I don't think it gets
to the point where

it's going to cause
them problems.

But I think it's going to

help them face
the reality of, if this happens

this is what
it's going to be like.

And during that time,
we have had some people

that we've had to expel
from the program

or excuse from the program

expel is a horrible word

because at that point
they didn't have...

they're not going to be able
to defend against a threat.

They're probably going
to become a victim.

And it's just...

Not everybody can do this.

How did it feel for you
as a teacher carrying a gun?

I would say it did raise
my level of confidence

and security.

And I even told my students,
when I would introduce myself

and we would start
the school year

I would say,
“I just want you to know

that no matter what happens
I’ll protect you with my life.”

“I'm here for you in every
aspect, not just education.”

And, um...

You know, it's just the care
that you have for your students.

It's natural.

By the way, they voted her
“best teacher of the year”.

after that.

A lot of people have
a tendency to do this.

They drop their firearm.

But when you're in combat,
this is combat

you're going to lean out.

Okay. Just a little bit.

You're trying not to expose
the rest of your body

because this is a target area
for the bad guy.

I think it's interesting
that you say, “this is combat”.

And I'm talking specifically
about schools.

- You refer to it as...
- Well, it’s combat training.

That's what it is.

A lot of this training,
it comes from my experience

other law enforcement
officers’ experience.

Military experience.

And it's, the way
it's been described

and the way we describe it,
because we want it to be bold

is combat training.

You are in combat

against someone
who's trying to kill you.

The only other place that
you see a situation like this

is on the battlefield,
in a war.

We're not prepared for combat.

Do we have tools

to combat

an event?

Yes.

But we're not laying siege
on anything.

We're not going to war.

We're going to protect.

So it's not combat...

it’s protection.

I don't know any educator

that wants to do this.

I don't want to have to have...

I don't want to
have to carry a gun.

I don't want to have to have
a bulletproof vest.

I don’t want to have
to have any of that.

But the times in
which we live...

are dictating that.

And so like everything else,
we evolve.

And that's what we've done.

And as a result of that,
we now have AR-15’s

as part of our weaponry

that we have here on school

stored in safes
throughout the campus.

It's just another tool.

And so it’s just
one other deterrent that we have

in case the bad guys
want to do bad things.

In small towns,
there are some limitations.

We have
no local police department.

Our local sheriff's
department...

The office is a minimum
of 15 minutes away.

Even if they're running with
their sirens on

it's going to take time.

So why do we give
someone with bad intentions

more time?

You know, we will have

in essence,
our own police force

our teachers,
that choose to be armed.

Because my teachers
will be closer to the action

than anyone else would be.

Did you ever have
any outside threats

like, did something ever happen?

When I first got here in 2014

I actually had a teacher

go into a diabetic state.

He grabbed a gun
and fired two shots.

And here I am.

I'm running after
somebody that has a gun

trying to figure out
what's going on.

And I'm like, you know

there's something
not quite right here.

I'm running unarmed,
towards a guy that is armed.

And I'm just like, okay.

And when we found him,
he was passed out

and we had EMT,
shortly afterwards and stuff.

And sure enough,
it was very low insulin.

And he was...
He wound up being okay

But, he didn't teach
at Fayetteville ISD

for much longer after that.

- Can I ask another question?
- Yeah.

Isn’t it kind of funny, that...

The...

The thing that got you
into giving guns to teachers

was actually
a teacher with a gun?

You know what?

I really never thought of it
that way.

But yes, it is. It is a
very interesting concept.

And, you know, I do...

see kind of the, you know

kind of the backwards thinking
on that now.

So thank you
for pointing that out.

But yet at the same time,
you know...

You know, it's not fun.

It's not something
we want to do.

But I think
it's creating awareness

and I think it's creating,
giving kids an understanding of

hey, I'm going to be protected

because these people
care about me.

Guns are
the leading cause of death

among children
in the United States.

4000 children

will die of guns this year
in the United States.

Wow.

- That's a very sad number.
- That's a very sad number.

It’s a billion dollar industry
to make schools safer.

But it's
a false sense of security.

The fact remains that
most of the children

who die of guns
in the United States

die away from the school.

They're dying in the community

on the streets,
in the household.

And so we have
our priorities misplaced.

We react in the wrong places,

and then we have
this blame game.

We blame Democrats,
Republicans, immigration,

criminals, mental illness,
too many guns.

Everything comes into play.

We have a great divide
as a nation

on what should we do?

I don't really see...

how guns could help us
feel more safe.

I've never...

until recently thought that
I needed to protect my house.

Only, like during the pandemic
did I start thinking

oh, maybe
I need a gun for protection.

You know, because of
the uncertainty

with everything
that was going on.

I always thought of
just having a shotgun.

Do you really think that if
somebody breaks into the house

that you're going to shoot him?

I would shoot him in the legs.

Like, if some crazy guy
breaks in here?

Right...

Trust me, I would not be
trying to shoot anybody.

No, but that's
what everybody says, right?

It's just for the bad guy.

- You know, it’s just..
- I’m just trying to understand.

It's for your,
your mental, you know...

well-being.

It makes you feel better.

But, yeah.

It doesn't always work.

Obviously.

But, it makes you feel better.

Yeah. Okay.

That's why people do it.

Because they feel
that they're afraid.

That's what this country
is all about.

- Being afraid.
- Right.

You know, we're all afraid
so we feel like we have to...

So do you feel afraid then?

- In this country?
- Yeah.

Like there's a lot of violence
in this country.

It happens everywhere,
all the time, so...

I don't know, sometimes,
you know, I think about it.

It's a possibility.
It could happen to anyone.

And that's a problem.

You know.

That people think
that they need a gun?

That's a problem?

Yeah. Yeah.

And that there are
guns everywhere.

So it's like

well, everybody else has a gun,
so I better get a gun.

- When does it end?
- Yeah.

Sometimes I wonder

if we should raise Zaïra
here at all.

Yeah.

That's how I feel.

You're safe now.

You're in a safe space,
you’re in a safe place now.

So let's begin on an inhale

with a count to four.

One, two, three, four...

And hold it there.

One, two, three, four

five, six, seven, and exhale.

Release

two, three, four

five, six, seven, eight.

So let's just ground.

Just notice your feet
rooted to the floor.

Notice the seat supporting you
where you're sitting.

Uvalde...

was a vicarious trauma

that everyone in Texas
experienced.

How do we as a collective heal

from traumatic experience,
right?

When something
traumatic happens

we withdraw.

But then the other response
is to kind of attack it

or create like a...

make it into the,
like the bad guy, like...

We’re fighting against
this big thing, right?

We're going to assault it back
and we’re going to kill it.

We're going to make it go,
right?

And so I think that can create
more stress and fear.

One of the things that came
out of the extreme fear is

drills in all public schools.

In my son's former school,
during a lockdown drill

one of the teachers
in the building

had forgotten to close her door.

And as the principal went around
to check all of the doors

and that they were following
all of their protocols...

He came upon her open door

and he entered into the room

and he went,
“Bang bang bang bang!”

“You would be dead because
you didn't close this door.”

“Don't ever make that
mistake again.”

You know,
which is fear and threat.

My daughter...

she did participate in
shooter drills at school.

She seemed to handle it fine

but her peers
were really scared.

One of the things I think
she learned from a peer was

she was three years old,
and she would come home

and you know, talk to me
while I'm putting her to bed

about how

“If a bad guy would try
to mess with me

I would just beat him up.
And I would get him.”

So to hear that kind of talk
from a three year old...

I was just like,
why are you thinking about this?

It thinks I’m a bad guy.

Oh, ok.
It sees me.

They’re coming.

I do want the schools,
to be prepared

in the event of something
catastrophic happening.

And at the same time,
I don't want my child

to feel like
they're under threat.

I want them to feel safe.

Like all parents,
I want my kid to feel safe.

But what does that mean?

Hey pumpkin.

Want to see my stethoscope?

Oh, what is that?

Stories of gun violence

have become a part
of my everyday life

in the most unexpected places.

Can we listen to your heartbeat?

Oh, there we go.

In stores, at playgrounds

even at our
pediatrician's office.

Although if she starts daycare,
we'll see you sooner, right.

So we do expect
the average kid in daycare

to get about
seven to ten colds a year.

Oh wow.

So, not uncommon
to start seeing the runny noses.

So, we just kind of
like to prepare parents

to get ready for a
few more illnesses with daycare.

But a lot of times,
it’s really fun...

When I found out
you were doing this documentary

it just immediately was like,
this is something

so near and dear to myself
and my daughter.

As a pediatrician, we know
the value of preparedness.

We do.
We know the value of

a fire drill and
a tornado drill.

But with kids,
those kind of drills

they don't have a bad guy,
right?

And so the notion of
an active shooter drill

brings in an element of
“there are unsafe people”.

And, um...

that is
a whole different level of

of, um...

anxiety for kids.

Unfortunately,
there's some reality too.

On January 26, 2021

so just a little over
two years ago

we had a gunman
come into our office

at the end of our clinic day

with the sole intention
of killing a female physician

that day.

My daughter was dropped off

a few minutes
before the gunman came.

At the time she was twelve.
She already had some anxiety.

In fact, for years,
she actually has had nightmares

about active shooters.

Even though prior to that
she never experienced

any gun violence.

The idea for her
that the boogeyman is now human

and really did do harm,
became very real.

That day actually started off,
not pleasant.

I had a fight with my dad
and that ended up with

me feeling like wanting to die.

When my mom wanted
to take me inside to her office

a group of people
came outside, running.

There was a gunman
inside the office

that had hostage equipment.

And we didn't know
what his intentions were.

We just knew that
there was a guy in the office

that had a gun.

The doctor that was inside
that day

she was helping my mom

with finding like,
stuff for my therapy

that specific day.

I remember
my mom telling us that, like

she wasn't going to die.

And if anyone could go through
a hostage situation escape

that would be her.

Because she just had this, like

way of talking that
you could get along with her

even if you were like,
a murderer.

And that's when my mom

told us all to run
to the office next door.

I asked my mom like,
a couple times, like:

“Are we going to die?”

What did she answer?

She couldn't answer...

because she didn't have
an answer.

At the time that was
the worst possible thing...

was silence and not knowing

if I actually was or not.

And that helped me realize,
like, that's not what I want.

I don't want die,
I want to live.

I want to experience life
in a way that...

is amazing and fun and...

That's definitely not
how I wanted to die.

We had hours of being concerned
that our lives were in danger.

And to look at
your child at twelve

laying on the floor.

And then six hours of SWAT.

My daughter had to watch
a SWAT team

prepare over and over again,
how to handle the situation.

And unfortunately,
it did not end how we expected.

And she had to process,
just like myself...

when they came and told us that,
that our dear friend, her doctor

had been shot and, um...

I think we were
honestly in shock.

We had no idea that
that was going to happen.

Because, like...

Sirens.

Do they
make you feel uncomfortable?

Yeah.

What is going through your mind,
now that you're hearing them?

Just a lot of stuff.

When I hear sirens, I...

go straight to shootings.
And I'm not safe.

Her lockdown drills now...

We have it set up where
she does not participate

in active shooter drills
at school.

So her counselor at school
knows to pull her.

If I'm not working,
I will go pick her up

and we will go have coffee.

Just because it is...
It’s too much for her.

Yeah, it changes you.

Are you supposed to have
a drill this week?

I'm not sure.

Honestly, nobody will know.

I'm usually the one that knows.

Yeah, I didn’t see a note
from your counselor.

But they don’t send out
an email to everybody?

No.

So you’re the only one
that knows.

It's a surprise,
even for the teachers.

Do they announce
that it's a drill?

- Do they say: “This is a drill”?
- No, no.

“This is a real emergency”,
is what they say.

So what happens
if someone's in the hallway?

The doors are locked
so you can't go back in.

That's why I don't use
the restroom at school

or go in the hallway.

Because you're afraid
you're gonna get stuck

in a lockdown.

- Oh my...
- Yeah.

It's kind of weird

because as much training
as you get

the very person that may come up
and shoot up your school

is going to have gone
through the same training.

Oh yeah.

Kids out of America

they, like look at us
like we're crazy.

Because honestly

they don't have to go through,
what we go through.

And that is mind blowing,
because that's...

that's our lives now.

I would love to wake up
and go to school

and not have to worry
about dying.

Not have to worry about
getting a bulletproof backpack.

That sucks.

It sure does.

When do you have to do
your debate?

- Wednesday.
- Are you ready?

No...

I have to memorize the speech.

So do you remember
how you’re starting your speech?

Run, hide, fight.

Run. Hide. Fight.

Three words you think
you would never need to know

especially at school.

You would think
school is a place to learn

but right now, it feels like
it could be a place to die.

America shouldn't be like this.

Schools shouldn't be like this.

We need to become
the kind of country that says

lives of children
are more valuable

than the right to weapons
that have killed them.

Time and time again.

Since Columbine.

Since Sandy Hook.

Since Red Lake.

Since West Nickel Mines.

Since Virginia Tech.

Since Oikos.

Since Umpqua.

Since Parkland. Since Santa Fe.
Since Uvalde.

Since Northern Illinois's.

Since UT. Since West Side.
Since Iowa.

Since Michigan State.
Since Nashville.

Since...

The fact that I can name
hundreds more makes me sick.

The question it comes down to

is kids or guns.

The Uvalde shooter
reportedly used

an AR-15 style
semi-automatic rifle

in the bloodbath
at Robb Elementary School

in Uvalde, Texas

which is three hours
away from us.

It took nearly 77 minutes

for nearly
400 law enforcement officers

to face an 18 year old
with an AR-15

who murdered 21 people
in just minutes.

Many were unidentifiable.

I grew up in Uvalde.

I was a bookworm.

I always loved reading.

I was much you know,
very much a rule follower.

One time

I was chewing gum in class

and I got sent
to lunch detention

because I was
chewing gum in class

and that was not allowed.

And that was the only time
I ever got in trouble.

Are you still a rule follower?

Because that's really funny
that you say

chewing gum is like the worst...

Yes, yes.

Good girl!

When I was in second grade

my teacher asked me
to go up to the board

and I was showing something
to the students.

I think we were doing math.

I liked it.
I like being up there

and, you know,
the class following me.

And since then

I always knew
that's what I wanted to do.

I wanted to be a teacher.

I started in 1993.

So 30 years I've been teaching.

I loved it.

And then it just turned...

you know, everything went bad.

On May 24th

we only had
three more days of school to go.

So we...
That day we were doing

some STEM projects
with newspaper.

We were going to have
a little race

and they were going to try out
their newspaper shoes

to see who made
the sturdiest shoes.

So we took some pictures.

I think we took
about four or five pictures.

And so then they lined up

and we're getting ready
to go outside.

And then my line leader

she's looking out the window
and she says

“Miss... ”

“Miss Deming’s class
came in...

“screaming and
they ran in the room

and they slammed the door.”

And I said

“let me see what's,
what's going on.”

So then, um...

she moves out of the way
and I open the door

and I...

poke my head
out into the hallway

to see, you know

if I could see what's going on.

And when I do that,
I hear somebody screaming

“Get in your rooms,
get in your rooms!”

So immediately I know
something is going on.

I slam the door shut.

I turn off the lights.

We had blackout curtains
so the room was very dark.

They all start running
to the corner

where we usually do
our lock down drill

and as soon as we're doing that

we start hearing
the shots in the hallway.

Some of the girls start crying

and I'm trying to
calm them down.

And I feel

something hit me...

in my stomach.

And so I put my hand
immediately on there and...

And then I see
that I have blood.

So I tell the kids

“Oh, no...”

“I’m shot.”

“Is anybody else hurt?”

They say, “No, no.”

And then by that point,
I fall to the floor.

This bullet had to go through

three walls to get to me.

And...

and we keep hearing,
we keep hearing...

Shots. More and more shots.

And it just sounds like,
one right after the other

like that, just
fire, fire, fire.

And, um...

They're scared.
They’re scared for me.

But I tell them
we need to stay down.

We need to stay quiet.

And, um...

I was praying, you know

I didn't want to die
in front of my kids.

I didn't want them

you know, to go through that.

And then, my little girls,
some of my little girls

that were next to me
were patting me

and they were telling me

“We love you, Miss.
You’re going to be okay.”

“It's okay.”

So they were
very, very brave.

So what do you feel about

teaching kids

to go hide behind the corner
to protect yourself

from a guy
with a weapon like that?

That doesn't make sense, right?

The kids knowing what to do and,
you know, trying to stay safe

helped in my,
in my classroom

but in the classrooms where
he was able to get in, you know

there was really nothing
they could do.

There was nowhere to hide,
you know.

If the same thing
would have been

in my classroom too,
if he had entered...

There really wasn't...

much, that we could have done.

So, um...

I really don't know that

the drills are
the solution either.

We need...

we need more.

In the beginning,
it was so hard.

In the hospital,
the first two weeks...

I couldn't tolerate any noises.

Any sudden sounds
would trigger me back.

Whenever I would

hear noises, I would...

I would start panicking

and I would start crying
uncontrollably.

I couldn't be around anybody.
I just had my sister.

I did everything.

You know,
I followed all the protocol

for the drills and everything.

I still ended up
getting injured.

He never came to my classroom,
but I still ended up...

So it's like you say,
how do you prepare for that?

Wear a bulletproof vest
every day, I guess, I mean...

- Bulletproof walls?
- Bulletproof everything.

Bulletproof our life. I mean...

Live in a bubble?

Live in a bubble?
It’s crazy.

Because now even y'all here now,
are doing the drills, right?

It's supposed to be instant.

So, when they tell you:
do this

you automatically know
what to do.

Yeah, I just sit in my office.

Okay, how am I going to dig
my way out of here?

- You know, I start thinking...
- I know, that’s scary.

That's me,
when I go somewhere...

Grab my gun.

Because I don't know
if she told you

I do carry a gun.

Do you really feel comfortable
stopping an active shooter?

If somebody is coming at me

you think
I'm not going to defend myself

If I know how to shoot back?

I wouldn't hesitate.

- I would not hesitate.
- You’re different than me.

I guess because you're
in a different setting.

You're in an office
and you're by yourself.

I'm with...

- You're with kids.
- 20 kids, you know.

You're with kids.

I would have to think, you know.

Well no, even then.

More so.

- To protect them?
- To protect them.

- Then I’m not a gun person
- You're not a gun person.

You're afraid of guns.

You don't like,
You don't like them at all.

I've never been afraid of them.

We're just different that way.

Yeah.

I even practice
to make sure that

I shoot, you know...

to stop the person.

How do you how to,
where to stop them.

- Where do you have to shoot?
- Body mass.

- I don’t even...
- Or artery.

But that's harder
to shoot up here.

That's why you,
full body mass.

But wouldn't you shoot
at their hand...

Their shooting hand?

No, because if you miss,
they're going to shoot you.

That's true. See?

So y'all study all that
when you take those classes?

- Yes.
- Oh, ok.

Now you know, sister.

We should feel safe
when we're around you.

I guess you can protect us.

Well, I’m going to try, yeah.

That's true.

How many more guns

do people
in the United States need

to feel better, to feel safe?

There is no end to it.

Uvalde, Texas.

There were so many good guys

standing outside
and not confronting the bad guy.

So how long can we just fixate
on the bad guy.

I don't want to become
this person

that feels the need
to go get a gun

to protect myself.

Yeah.

I just don't want to be
like that.

That person.

And I don’t...

I just don't want to worry
about her the whole time.

And I don't want her
to grow up like that, so...

You know.

I don't want her
to think about all this shit.

It’s ridiculous.

Yeah, to live in fear
is just a horrible way to live.

I don't think people realize
the effects that it has on you

- and your well-being.
- No.

If you’re...

afraid to send
your kid to school

You're afraid
to go to the grocery store.

So for me,
this is not a safe place

for a kid to grow up.

I don't want to
have that anymore.

It's not worth it.

- No, it’s not.
- It's not worth it.

I think after all of this, that

me and my husband
kind of came to the conclusion

that we should raise our kid
in Belgium and not here.

Not only because

there might be a school shooting

but also, there might be
a drill going wrong

there might be a teacher
that loses it

that is carrying a gun,
you know.

Yeah, I...

I don't fault you
for your thinking

and for your logic.
And I can only imagine

how kind of jarring, or shocking

coming here and seeing
this firsthand must be.

It really must be,
quite the experience.

It is, yeah.

It is an embarrassment when...

we all think we live
in the best country in the world

and we can't really solve
this problem.

And other countries
really don't have this problem.

Because I do think there are
steps that could be done

but we just have chosen not
to do it for whatever reason.

It saddens me to see

you say something like that.

And I get where
you're coming from.

I would absolutely leave.

It's not to say
there aren't good people here.

And it's not to say
that changes aren't happening.

They're just not happening
fast enough.

And why would you stay
if you have another option.

Do y’all have
lockdown drills in Belgium?

No we don’t.
We never had one.

- Ever?
- Ever.

We also never had
a school shooting.

Oh my gosh...

That's crazy.

So, and here's
the question I ask.

Okay, so yeah,
you have a problem with this.

What's your solution?

How should we protect kids?

How should we save kids’ lives?

The best way to do that
within our laws over here

is to use deadly force
with a firearm.

And that's just the way it is.

And it's always
going to be like that.