All language subtitles for Notting.Hill.1999.Open.Matte.1080p.WEBRip.x265.10bit-KONTRAST.eng

REPORTER: So stay with us,
because later this afternoon,

we're lucky enough to be
talking to Anna Scott,

Hollywood's biggest
star by far.

Miss Scott's latest film
is once again topping
the charts...

WILLIAM: Of course, I've seen
her films and always thought
she was, well, fabulous.

But, you know, a million,
million miles from the world
I live in.

Which is here, Notting Hill.

My favorite bit of London.

There's the market on weekdays

selling every fruit
and vegetable known to man.

Rock hard bananas,
five for a pound!

The tattoo parlor
with a guy outside

who got drunk and now can't
remember why he chose
"I love Ken."

The radical hairdressers,
where everyone comes out
looking like

the Cookie Monster,
whether they want to or not.

And then, suddenly,
it's the weekend

and from break of day
hundreds of stalls
appear out of nowhere

filling Portobello Road,
right up to Notting Hill Gate.

And wherever you look
thousands of people are
buying millions of antiques,

some genuine,
and some not quite so genuine.

And what's great is that lots
of friends have ended up in
this part of London.

That's Tony, for example,
architect turned chef

who recently invested all
the money he ever earned
in a new restaurant.

And so, this is where
I spend my days and years,

in this small village
in the middle of the city,

in a house with a blue door
that my wife and I bought
together

before she left me for a man
who looked exactly like
Harrison Ford.

And where I now lead
a strange half-life
with a lodger called...

Spike?

Hi.

You couldn't help me with an
incredibly important decision,
could you?

Is this important
in comparison to, let's say,

whether they should cancel
Third World debt?

That's right. I'm at last
going out on a date with
the great Janine

and I just wanna be sure
I've picked the right T-shirt.

What are the choices?
Well, wait for it.

First there's this one.
Cool, huh?

Yeah, it might make it hard
to strike a really
romantic note.

Point taken. Don't despair.

If it's romance we're looking
for I believe I have just
the thing.

Yeah, well, there again,
she might not think you
had true love on your mind.

Right. Just one more.

True love here I come.

Well, yeah. Yeah,
that's, that's perfect.

Great. Thanks. Wish me luck.

Good luck.

WILLIAM: And so it was just
another hopeless Wednesday

as I walked the thousand yards
through the market to work,

never suspecting that this
was the day that was gonna
change my life forever.

This is work, by the way,
my little travel bookshop.

Morning, Martin.

Morning, Monseigneur.

Which, well,
sells travel books

and to be frank with you,
doesn't always sell many
of those.

Classic.

Profit from major sales push,
minus Ј347.

Shall I go and get
you a cappuccino?

You know, ease the pain a bit.

Yeah. Yeah.

Better make it a half.
All I can afford.

Get your logic.
Demi-cappu coming right up.

Can I help you at all?

No, thanks,
I'll just look around.

Fine.

That book's really not great.

Just in case browsing turned
to buying, you'd be wasting
your money.

But if it's Turkey you're
interested in, this one, on
the other hand, is very good.

I think the man who wrote it
has actually been to Turkey,
which helps.

There's also a very amusing
incident with a kebab

which is one of many
amusing incidents.

Thanks, I'll think about it.

Or, in the bigger
hard-back variety, there's...

I'm sorry,
can you just give me a second?

Excuse me.

Yes?
Bad news.

What?

We've got a security camera
in this bit of the shop.

So?

So I saw you put that
book down your trousers.

What book?

The one down your trousers.

I don't have a book
down my trousers.

Right, I tell you what,
I'll call the police

and what can I say, if I'm
wrong about the whole book-
down-the-trousers scenario,

I really apologize.

Okay. What if I did have
a book down my trousers?

Well, ideally,
when I went back to the desk

you'd remove the Cadogan Guide
to Bali from your trousers

and either wipe it
and put it back or buy it.

I'll see you in a sec.

I'm sorry about that.

No, it's fine.

I was gonna steal one
but now I've changed my mind.

Signed by the author, I see.

Yeah, couldn't stop him.

If you can find an unsigned
one, it's worth an absolute
fortune.

Excuse me.
Yes?

Can I have your autograph?

Sure.
Here.

What's your name?
Rufus.

What does it say?

That's my signature,
and above it, it says "Dear
Rufus, you belong in jail."

Good one.

Do you want my phone number?

Tempting, but no.

Thank you.

I will take this one.

Oh, right, right.

So, well, on second thoughts
maybe it's not that bad
after all.

Actually it's a sort
of classic, really.

None of those childish
kebab stories you find in
so many books these days.

I tell you what, I'll throw
in one of those for free.

Useful for lighting fires,
wrapping fish, that sort
of thing.

Thanks.
Pleasure.

Here we are.
Cappuccino, as ordered.

Thanks.

I don't think you'll believe
who was just in here.

Who? Was it someone famous?

No, no, no.

Would be exciting though,
wouldn't it, if someone
famous came into the shop?

Do you know, this is pretty
amazing actually, but I once
saw Ringo Starr.

Where was that?
Kensington High Street.

At least I think it was Ringo.

It might have been that man
from Fiddler On The Roof.

You know, Toppy.

Topol.

Yes, that's right. Topol.

Actually, Ringo Starr doesn't
look at all like Topol.

Yeah, but he was quite
a long way away from me.

So actually it could've
been neither of them?

Yes, I suppose so, yes.

It's not a classic anecdote,
is it?

Not a classic, no. No.

Another one?

Yes. No! Let's go crazy.
I'll have an orange juice.

Okay, thanks. Bye-bye.
See you later.

Shit! Bugger!
Oh, my God!

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

Here let me...

Get your hands off!

I'm really sorry.
I live just over the street.

I have water and soap.
You can get cleaned up.

No, thank you. I just
need to get my car back.

I also have a phone.

I'm confident
that in five minutes

we can have you spick and span
and back on the street again.

In the non-prostitute sense,
obviously.

All right.

Well, what do you mean
"just over the street"?
Give it to me in yards.

Eighteen yards.
That's my house there
with the blue front door.

Come on in.
I'll just, I'll just...

Right. Right.

Come in. It's not quite
as tidy as it normally is,
I fear.

But the bathroom's
on the top floor. And
the telephone's just up here.

Here, let me...

Round the corner,
straight on, straight on up.

Bugger!

Would you like a cup
of tea before you go?

No.

Coffee?
No.

Orange juice?

Probably not.

Something else cold?

Coke? Water?

Some disgusting sugary drink

pretending to have
something to do with
fruits of the forest?

No.

Would you like
something to eat?

Something to nibble?
Apricots soaked in honey?

Quite why, no one knows,

because it stops them tasting
of apricots and makes them
taste like honey,

and if you wanted honey
you'd just buy honey
instead of apricots.

But nevertheless,
there we go, they're
yours if you want them.

No.

Do you always say
"no" to everything?

No.

I'd better be going.
Thanks for your... help.

You're welcome.

And may I also say... heavenly.

I'll just take my
one chance to say it.

After you've read
that terrible book

you're certainly not gonna
be coming back to the shop.

Thank you.

Yeah, well, my pleasure.

So... it was nice to meet you.

Surreal but nice.

Sorry.

"Surreal but nice."
What was I thinking?

Hi.
Hi.

I forgot my other bag.

Oh, right. Right.

Thanks.

I'm very sorry about the
"surreal but nice" comment.

Disaster.

That's okay.

I thought the apricot
and honey thing was
the real low point.

Oh, my God. My flatmate.
I'm sorry. There's no
excuse for him.

Hi.
Hi.

I'm just going into the
kitchen to get some food.

Then I'm gonna tell you
a story that will

make your balls
shrink to the size of raisins.

Probably best not
to tell anyone about this.

Right. Right, no one.

I'll tell myself sometimes
but, don't worry,
I won't believe it.

Goodbye.
Bye.

There's something
wrong with this yoghurt.

It's not yoghurt.
It's mayonnaise.

Oh, right. There we are then.

On for a videofest tonight?

I got some absolute classics.

Smile.
No.

Smile.

I've got nothing
to smile about.

Okay, in about seven seconds
I'm going to ask you
to marry me.

Imagine... somewhere in the
world there's a man who's
allowed to kiss her.

She is... fairly fabulous.

Do you have any
books by Dickens?

No.

No, I'm afraid we're
a travel bookshop.
We only sell travel books.

Oh, right. How about the
new John Grisham thriller?

Well, no, because that's
a novel too, isn't it?

Oh, right.

Have you got Winnie-the-Pooh?

Martin, your customer.

Can I help you?

Hey.

Hi.

Just, incidentally,
why are you wearing that?

Combination of factors really.

No clean clothes...

There never will be, you know,
unless you actually
clean your clothes.

Vicious circle.
Yeah.

And I was, like, rooting round
in your things and I found
this and I thought, "Cool."

Kinda spacey.

There's something wrong
with the goggles, though.

No, they were prescription.

Groovy.

So I could see all
the fishes properly.

You should do
more of this stuff.

So, look, any messages today?

Yeah, I wrote a couple down.

So there were two,
there were two messages?
Right?

You want me to write
down all your messages?

Okay. Who are the ones that
you didn't write down from?

No, gone completely.

Oh, no, there was
one from your mum.

She said don't forget lunch,
and her leg's hurting again.

No one else?
Absolutely no one else.

Though if we're going
for this obsessive writing-
down-all-the-message thing,

some American girl called
Anna called a few days ago.

What did she say?

Well, it was genuinely
bizarre.

She said, "Hi, it's Anna."
Then she said,
"Call me at The Ritz."

And then gave herself
a completely different name.

Which was?

Absolutely no idea.

Remembering one name's
hard enough.

No, I know that.
She said that. I know
she's using another name.

The problem is she left
the message with my flatmate

which was a very
serious mistake.

Imagine, if you will,
the stupidest person
you've ever met.

Are you doing that?

Yes, sir,
I have him in my mind.

And now double it.

And that is the,
what can I say, the git
that I am living with.

And he can't
remember this other...

Try Flintstone.

Sorry. What?

I think she said
her name was Flintstone.

I don't suppose Flintstone
rings any bells, does it?

I'll put you right through,
sir.

Oh, my God.

Hello. Hi.

Hi.

Hi. Sorry.
It's William Thacker.

ANNA: Yes?
We... I work in a bookshop.

You played it pretty cool
there, waiting for three
days to call.

Oh, no, I promise you I've
never played anything cool
in my entire life.

My flatmate,
who I'll stab to death later,
never gave me the message.

Perhaps

I could drop round for
tea later or something?

Things are pretty busy here.
I might be free around 4:00.

Right. Right. Great.

Bye.

Classic.

Which floor?
Three, please.

Are you sure?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure.

Hi. Hi. I'm Karen.
I'm sorry, things are
running a little bit late.

Here's the thing.
Do you wanna come this way?

Through here.

So what did you
think of the film?

Yeah, I thought
it was fantastic.

I thought it was
Close Encounters
meets Jean de Florette.

I agree.

I'm sorry, I didn't get down
what magazines you're from.

Time Out.

Great.

And you're from?

Horse & Hound.

The name's William Thacker.
Actually, she might be
expecting me.

Oh, okay. Take a seat
and I'll go check.

I see you've... I see you've
brought her some flowers.

No. These are
for my grandmother.

She's in a hospital
down the road.

Thought I'd kill two birds
with one stone, you know.

Sure, right. Absolutely, yeah.

Which hospital's that?

Do you mind me not saying?
It's a rather distressing
thing, isn't it?

Name of the hospital
kind of gives it away.

Absolutely. Sure.
Cheers.

Right. Mr. Thacker,
if you come this way.

Right.

You've got five minutes.

Hi.
Hello.

I brought these,
but clearly...

No, they're great.
They're great.

I'm sorry about
not ringing back.

The whole "two names" concept

was totally too much
for my flatmate's
pea-sized intellect.

No, it's a stupid privacy
thing. I always pick
a cartoon character.

Last time I was Mrs. Bambi.

Everything all right?

Yes, thank you.

And you're from Horse & Hound?

Good.

Is that so?

So,

I'll just fire away,
then, shall I?

Right.

The film's great,

and I just was
wondering whether

you ever thought of having
more... horses in it?

Well, we would have liked to,

but it was difficult,
obviously, being set in space.

Space, right, yeah. Yeah,
obviously very difficult.

I'm so sorry.

I arrived outside,
they thrust this thing
into my hand.

No, it's my fault.
I thought this would
all be over by now.

I just wanted to sort of
apologize for
the kissing thing.

I seriously don't know
what came over me.

I just wanted to make sure
that you were fine about it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
absolutely fine.

Do remember that Miss Scott
is also keen to talk about
her next project

which she is shooting
later in the summer.

Yes, excellent. Excellent.

Any horses in that one?

Or hounds for that matter?
Our readers are equally
intrigued by both species.

It takes place on a submarine.

Well, bad luck.

But if there were horses in it

would you be riding them
or would you be getting a
stunt-horse-double-man-thing?

I'm a complete moron.
I apologize.

This is very weird.

It's the sort of thing
that happens in dreams,
not in real life.

I mean, good dreams.
It's a dream, in fact,
to see you again.

What happens next
in the dream?

I suppose that in the dream,
"dream scenario,"

I just change my personality

because you can
do that in dreams

and walk over
and kiss the girl. But...

Time's up, I'm afraid.
Did you get what you wanted?

Nearly, nearly.

Well, maybe just
one last question.

Sure.

Right, right.

Are you busy tonight?

Yes.

Right. Right.

Come in.

Well, it was nice to meet you.

Yes, and you.

Surreal but nice.

Thank you.

You are Horse & Hound's
favorite actress.

You and Black Beauty tied.

Hang on, don't go.
How was she?

Fabulous.
Excellent.

Wait a minute, she took your
grandmother's flowers.

Yeah, yeah.
That's right. Bitch.

Mr. Thacker. If you'd like
to come with me we can just
rush you through the others.

The others?

Mr. Thacker is
from Horse & Hound.

How's it going?

Very well. Thank you.

Have a seat.

Well, did you enjoy the film?

Yes. Enormously.

Well, fire away.
Right.

Did you enjoy making the film?

Yes, I did.

Good.

Any bit in particular?

You tell me what
"bit" you enjoyed the most

and I'll tell you if I
enjoyed making that "bit."

I... liked the bit in space.

Very much.

Did you identify with
the character you're playing?

No.

Oh.

Why not?

Because he's playing
a psychopathic
flesh-eating robot.

Classic.

So, is this your first film?

No, it's my 22nd.

Of course it is.

Any favorites among the 22?

Working with Leonardo.

Da Vinci?

DiCaprio.
Of course.

And is he your favorite
Italian director?

Mr. Thacker?
Oh, no.

Have you got a minute?
No.

Hi.

The thing I was doing tonight
I'm not doing anymore.

I told them I had to
spend the evening with

Britain's premiere
equestrian journalist.

Well, great. Fantastic.

Shittity brickity.
It's my sister's birthday.
Shit.

We're meant to
be having dinner.

Okay, that's fine.

No, I'm sure
I can get out of it.

No, I mean,
if it's fine with you,
I'll be your date.

You'll be my date to my little
sister's birthday party?

If it's all right.

Well, yeah,
I'm sure it's all right.

My friend Max is cooking

and he is generally
acknowledged to be the
worst cook in the world,

but you could hide the food
in your handbag or something.

Okay.

He's bringing a girl?

Miracles do happen.

Does the girl have a name?

Don't know, wouldn't say.

Oh Christ,
what is going on in there?

Oh, God!

Hi, come on in.
Vague food crisis.

Hiya.

Sorry, the guinea-fowl
is proving more complicated
than expected.

He's cooking guinea-fowl?

Don't even ask.

Hi.
Hi.

Good Lord, you're the
spitting image of...

Bella, this is Anna.

Right.
Okay, crisis over.

Max, this is Anna.

Hi.

Hello, Anna... Scott.

Have some wine.
Thank you.

I'll get it.

Red or white?

Hi.
Hi.

Oh yes, happy birthday.

Thank you.

Look, your brother's
brought this girl...

Hi, guys.

Holy fuck!

Honey, this is Anna.
Anna, this is Honey.
She's my baby sister.

Hi.
Oh, God.

This is one of those
key moments in life
when it's possible

you can be really genuinely
cool and I'm going to fail
just 100%.

I absolutely, totally
and utterly adore you.

And I just think you are
the most beautiful woman
in the world.

And more importantly,
I genuinely believe,

and I've believed for some
time now, that we could be
best friends.

So what do you think?

Lucky me.

Happy birthday.

Oh, you gave me a present.

We're best friends
already then.

Marry Will, he's a really nice
guy, then we can be sisters.

I'll think about it.

That'll be Bernie.

Hi.
Hi. Sorry I'm late.

Bollocksed up at work again,
I fear.

Millions down the drain.

Well done.

Bernie, this is Anna.

Hello, Anna.
Delighted to meet you.

And you.

Honey bunny,
happy birthday to you.

Hi, Bella.
Hi.

It's a hat. You don't have
to wear it or anything.

Hi, Will.
Hi.

Hi.

Hi.
What?

Wine, Bernie?

You haven't slept with her,
have you?

That is a cheap question
and the answer is,
of course, no comment.

No comment means "yes."
No, it doesn't.

Do you ever masturbate?
Definitely no comment.

You see, it means "yes."

So, tell me, Anna,
what do you do?

I'm an actress.
Oh, splendid.

What do you do?

I'm actually in the
stock market myself.

So...
not really similar fields.

Though I have done
the odd bit of amateur stuff.

P. G. Wodehouse.
Farce, all that, you know.

"Careful there, vicar."

Always imagined it's a pretty
tough job, though, acting.

I mean, the wages are
a scandal, aren't they?

They can be.

I see friends from university,
clever chaps, been in the
business longer than you.

They're scraping by on seven,
eight thousand a year.

It's no life.

What sort of acting do you do?

Films mainly.

Splendid. Oh, well done.
How's the pay in movies?

I mean, last film you did,
what did you get paid?

$15 million.

Right.

So that's... well, fairly good.

Right, I think we're ready.

Bella, can you tell me
where I can find...

Oh, sorry, yeah, yeah.
It's down the corridor
on the right.

I'll show you. I'll show you.

Quickly, quickly, quickly.
Talk very quickly.

What are you doing
here with Anna Scott?

Anna Scott? What,
the film star?
Yes. Shut up.

Shh.

Oh, God!
What?

Oh, God. Oh, goddy God.

What did you say to her?

I don't believe it. I don't
believe it. I actually walked
into the loo with her.

I was still chatting when she
started unbuttoning her jeans.

She had to ask me to leave.

Oh, God.

So you knew who she was?

Of course I did,
but he didn't!

Well, not instantly,
but I got away with it though.

What do you think
of the guinea-fowl?

I'm a vegetarian.

Oh, God.

So, how's the guinea-fowl?

Best guinea-fowl
I've ever tasted.

Having you here, Anna,
firmly establishes what
I've long suspected,

that we really are
the most desperate
lot of under-achievers.

WILLIAM: Shame.

I'm not saying
it's a bad thing.

In fact, I think it's
something we should
take pride in.

I'm gonna give the last
brownie as a prize to
the saddest act here.

Bern.

Well, obviously
it's me, isn't it?

I mean, I work in the city
in a job I don't understand

and everyone keeps
getting promoted above me.

I haven't had a girlfriend
since, well, since puberty.

And nobody fancies me.

And if these cheeks get
any chubbier, they never will.

Nonsense. I fancy you.

Really?
HONEY: Yeah.

Or I did before
you got so fat.

MAX: You see.

And unless I'm much mistaken
your job still pays you rather
a lot of money

whilst Honey here
earns 20 pence a week

flogging her guts out
in London's worst
record store.

Yes!

And I haven't got hair,
I've got feathers.

And I've got funny goggly
eyes and I'm attracted
to cruel men.

Actually, no one will marry me
because my boosies have
actually started shrinking.

MAX: You see,
it's incredibly sad.

Yeah, but on the other hand
her best friend is Anna Scott.

That's true, I can't deny it.
She needs me. What can I say?

And most of her limbs work
whereas I'm stuck in this
thing day and night,

in a house full of ramps.

And to add insult
to serious injury

I've totally given up smoking,
my favorite thing.

Well, the truth is,
we can't have a baby.

WILLIAM: Oh, Belle...

C'est la vie.

Still, we're lucky
in lots of ways.

But, surely that's
worth a brownie.

Well, I don't know.

Look at William.

Very unsuccessful
professionally.

That's true.

Divorced.

Used to be handsome,
now kind of squidgy
round the edges.

And absolutely certain
never to hear from Anna again

once she's heard that his
nickname at school was Floppy.

You did. I can't believe it,
you did.

Thanks very much. Thank you.

Well at least I get
the last brownie, right?

MAX: I think so, yes.

Well, wait, what about me?

I'm sorry?

You think you deserve
the brownie?

Well, a shot at it at least,
huh?

Right, well,
you'll have to prove it.

I mean, this is a very,
very good brownie and
I'm gonna fight for it.

I've been on a diet
every day since I was 19

which basically means
I've been hungry for a decade.

I've had a series
of not nice boyfriends,
one of whom hit me.

And every time
I get my heart broken,

the newspapers splash it about
as though it's entertainment.

And it's taken two rather
painful operations to get
me looking like this.

Really?
Really.

And one day, not long from now

my looks will go,
they will discover I can't act

and I will become some sad,
middle-aged woman who

looks a bit like someone
who was famous for a while.

No, nice try, gorgeous,
but you don't fool anyone.

Pathetic effort
to hog the brownie.

Thank you for such
a terrific time.

I'm delighted.

That's a great tie.

Now you're lying.

Okay, it's true. I told you
I was bad at acting.

It was lovely to meet you.

Yeah. And you.

I'll wait until you've gone
before I tell him you're
a vegetarian.

No!

Goodnight.

I'm sorry about the loo thing.

I meant to leave but I just...

Look, ring me if you want
someone to go shopping with.

I know lots of nice,
cheap places.

I mean, not that
money is necessarily...

It was just so
nice to meet you.

Happy birthday.
Thank you.

You're my style guru.

Sorry, can I just...

Leave her.

ANNA: Goodnight, everyone.

WILLIAM: Max, Belle, we'll see
you in a couple of days.

BELLA: Bye, guys.
Bye, Anna.

Love your work.

WILLIAM: Goodnight.
Goodnight.

Sorry. They always do that
when I leave the house.

It's a stupid thing.
I hate it.

Floppy, huh?

It's the hair.
It's to do with the hair.

Why is she in a wheelchair?

Because she had an accident
about 18 months ago.

And the pregnancy thing,
is that to do
with the accident?

You know, I'm not sure.

I don't think they tried
for kids before,
as fate would have it.

Do you want to...

My place is just...

Too complicated.

That's fine.

Busy tomorrow?

I thought you were
leaving tomorrow.

I was.

All these streets round here

have these mysterious communal
gardens in the middle of them.

They're like little villages.

Let's go in.

No, that's the point.
They're private villages.

Only the people who live round
the edges are allowed in.

You abide by rules like that?

I don't, no, no,
but others do.

And I just do what I want.

Right.

Whoopsidaisies.

What did you say?

Nothing.
Yes, you did.

No, I didn't.

You said "whoopsidaisies."

No one says "whoopsidaisies,"
do they? I mean, unless
they're...

There is no "unless."

Because no one has said
"whoopsidaisies" for 50 years.

And even then it was just
little girls with blonde
ringlets.

Exactly. Right.

So here we go again.

Whoopsidaisies.

Yeah, well, it's a disease.
It's a clinical thing.

I'm taking pills and having
injections. And I'm told it
won't last long so...

Okay, stand aside.

I don't think
that's a good idea.

Really, it's quite tricky.
Anna.

Anna, don't, it's harder than
it... No, it's not. It's easy.

Come on, Flopsy.

Right. Right!

Oh, bugger.

Oh, God. This could
be very unpleasant.

Bugger, bugger.

Now what in the world in this
garden could make that ordeal
worthwhile?

Nice garden.

"For June who loved this
garden, from Joseph who
always sat beside her."

Some people do spend
their whole lives together.

Come and sit with me.

Bollocks. Bollocks. Bollocks!

Have you seen my glasses?

No, afraid not.

Big, big bollocks!

Average day, my glasses are
everywhere. Everywhere I look
there's a pair of glasses.

But when I want to go to
the cinema they've vanished.

It's one of life's
real cruelties.

That's compared to, like,
earthquakes in the Far East
or testicular cancer, is it?

Oh, shit, is that the time?

Thanks for all your help
on the glasses thing.

Oh, you're welcome.
Did you find them?

Sort of.
Great.

So who left who?

She left me.

Why?

She saw through me.

That's not good.

You can give me
Anna Scott any day.

I didn't like her last film.
Fell asleep as soon as
the lights went down.

I don't really care
what the film's like.

Any film with her in,
it's fine by me.

MAN 2: She's not my type at
all. I prefer that other one.

You know, blonde,
sweet looking.

You know, what's her name?

Has an orgasm every time
you take her out for a cup
of coffee.

Meg Ryan.

No, she's too wholesome.

You see, the point about
Miss Scott is she's got
that twinkle in her eye.

Probably drug-induced.
Spends most of her life
in bloody rehab.

Well, whatever.
She's so clearly up for it.

I mean, you see, most girls,
they're all like,
"Stay away, chum."

She is absolutely
gagging for it.

Do you know that
in over 50% of languages

the word for "actress"
is the same as the word
for "prostitute"?

MAN 2: Where did you
get that from?

And Anna is your
definitive actress,

someone really filthy
you can just flip over
and start again.

Right, that's it. Sorry.

No, no.
There's really no point.

Sorry, sorry to disturb
you guys but...

Can I help?
Well, yeah.

I wish I hadn't overheard your
conversation, but I did.

And, I just think, you know
the person you're talking
about is a real person

and I think she probably
deserves a little bit more
consideration

rather than having jerks
like you drooling over her.

Oh, sod off, mate.
What are you, her dad?

I'm sorry.
No, I love that you tried.

Time was I'd have done
the same thing. In fact...

Hi.

Oh, my God!

I just wanted to
apologize for my friend.
He's very sensitive.

No, no, no, leave it.
I'm sure you didn't
mean any harm.

I'm sure it was
just friendly banter.

I'm sure you guys have
dicks the size of peanuts.

Enjoy your dinner.
The tuna's really good.

ANNA: I shouldn't have
done that. I shouldn't have
done that.

No, you were brilliant.

I'm rash and I am stupid.

What am I doing with you?

I don't know, I'm afraid.

I don't either.

Here we are.

Yes.

Do you wanna come up?

Well, there seems to be lots
of reasons why I shouldn't,
so...

There are lots of reasons.

Do you wanna come up?

Give me five minutes?

Hi.
Hi.

To be able to do that
is such a wonderful thing.

You've got to go.
Why?

Because my boyfriend,
who was in America, is,
in fact, now in the next room.

Boyfriend?
Yes.

Hey, baby, who is it?

ANNA: It's...

Room service.

How are you doing?

I thought you guys always
wore those penguin coats?

Usually we do.

But I was just
changed to go home.

And then I thought
I'd take this final call.

Oh, great. If you don't mind,
I would like something, too.

Could you bring me up some
really, really cold water?

I'll see what I can do.

Still, not sparkling.

Absolutely.
Ice-cold still water.

Unless, of course,
it's illegal in the UK

to serve beverages
below room temperature.

I wouldn't want you going
to jail just to satisfy
my whim, now.

I'm sure it's fine.
Thank you.

Hey, one more thing,
if you don't mind,

could you adiуs these dirty
dishes and take out that
trash, too?

Right.

No. No. Don't do that.

I don't think it's
his job to clear.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
What's your name, man?

Bernie.

Oh, listen, Bernie, thank you,
I really appreciate it.

Hey, you...

So, tell me, tell me,
tell me. Good surprise
or nasty surprise?

Good surprise.

Oh, you're such a liar.
She hates surprises.

Hey, what are you gonna order?

From him.
What are you gonna order?

I haven't decided yet.

Well, don't overdo it.

I don't want people saying,

"There goes that famous actor
with the big fat girlfriend."

I should leave.

This is a fairly strange
reality to be faced with.

I'm so sorry.

I don't know what to say.

I think "goodbye"
is traditional.

Come on. Open up.

This is me.

Spikey.

I'm in contact with some
quite important spiritual
vibrations.

Come on. Hit me with it.

There's this girl.

See, I'd been getting
a female vibe. Good.

Speak on, dear friend.

She's someone
who can't be mine,

and it's as if I've taken
"love heroin" and now
I can't ever have it again.

I've opened Pandora's Box
and there's this trouble
inside.

Yeah.

Tricky.

I knew a girl at school
called Pandora.

Never got to see
her box though.

Right.

Right, thanks,
that's very helpful.

You didn't know
she had a boyfriend?

No. No. Why, did you?

WILLIAM: Oh, bloody hell,
I don't believe it.

My whole life ruined because
I don't read Hello! Magazine.

Let's face facts. This was
always a no-win situation.

Anna's a goddess.

You know what happens
to mortals who get
involved with the gods.

Buggered, is it?

Every time.

But don't despair,
I think I have the
solution to your problems.

Really?

Her name is Tessa,
and she works in the
contracts department.

The hair, I admit,
is unfashionably frizzy.

But she's bright as a button,
and kisses like a nymphomaniac
on death row.

Apparently.

Now, try.

TESSA: I got completely lost.
It's real difficult, isn't it?

Everything's got the
word Kensington in it.

Kensington Park Road.
Kensington Gardens.

Kensington bloody
Park Gardens.

Look, Tessa,
this is Bella, my wife.

Hello. You're in a wheelchair.

Yeah, that's right.

And this is William.

Hello, William.
Hi.

Max has told me
everything about you.

Has he?

Oh, yes.
You are a naughty boy.

Wine?
Oh, yes, please.

Come on, Willie,
let's get sloshed.

Red or white?

Red.

Keziah...

Some woodcock?

No, thank you,
I'm a fruitarian.

What is a fruitarian exactly?

Well, we believe that fruits
and vegetables have feelings,
so we think cooking is cruel.

We only eat things that have
actually fallen from the tree
or bush.

That are, in fact,
dead already.

Oh, right.

Right.

So, these carrots...

Have been murdered, yes.

Murdered?

Gosh, poor old carrots.
That's beastly.

Delicious coffee.

I'm sorry about the lamb.

No, I thought it was really,
you know, interesting.

"Interesting" means
"inedible."

Really inedible,
yes, you're right.

Well, maybe we'll meet again.

Yeah. Yeah. That'll be great.

Bye.

Well?

Perfect. Absolutely perfect.

And?

You see, I think you've
forgotten what an unusual
situation you two have.

To find someone
you actually love,

who'll love you, I mean,
the chances are
always minuscule.

Look at me.
Apart from the American,

I've only loved two girls,
both total disasters.

That's not fair.
No, really.

One of them marries me then
leaves me faster than you can
say "Indiana Jones."

And the other, who seriously
ought to have known better,

casually marries
my best friend.

She still loves you though.

Yeah, in a depressingly
asexual way.

I never fancied
you much, actually.

Oh, God.

I loved you, you were terribly
funny, but all that kissing
my ears...

I don't believe it.
This is just getting worse.

I shall find myself
30 years from now
still sitting on this sofa.

Do you wanna stay?

Yeah, why not.

All that awaits me at home
is a masturbating Welshman.

Here we go.

Goodnight.

Night.

See you, Will.

Right. Right.

Guilty. Very, very guilty.

So it seems.

Hi.

Can I come in?

Come in.

They were taken years ago.

I know it was...

But I was poor
and it happens a lot.

That's not an excuse.
I just...

But to make matters worse,
it now appears as though

someone was filming
me as well.

So what was a stupid
photo shoot now looks
like a porn film.

And the pictures have
been sold, and they're
just everywhere.

I didn't know where to go.

The hotel's surrounded.

I know it's been months but...

This is the place.

Thank you.

I'm just in London
for two days,
but what with your papers,

it's the worst place to be.

I mean, these pictures are
just so horrible and they're
so grainy.

And it makes me look like...

Listen, don't think about it.

We'll sort it out.

Now what would you like?

Tea? Bath?

Yeah.

A bath would be great.

Oh, Christ alive!

Brilliant. Fantastic.

Magnificent.

You must be Spike.

Hi.

Just checking.

Thank you, God.

I'm really sorry
about last time.

I mean, he just flew in.
I had no idea.

In fact, I had no idea if he
was ever gonna fly in again.

Listen, it's not often
one has the opportunity to

adiуs the plates of
a major Hollywood film star.

It was thrilling for me.

So how is he?

I don't know.

It just got to the point
where I couldn't remember

any of the reasons
why we were together.

And you and love?

Oh, well, there's a question
without an interesting answer.

I have thought about you.

It's just that any time
I've tried to keep

anything normal
with a person that was normal,

it's just been a disaster.

Yeah, no, listen,
I appreciate that, absolutely.

So what is that,
a film you're doing?

I start in LA on Tuesday.

Would you like me to
take you through your lines?

Would you? Because it's
all talk, talk, talk.

Come on, hand it over. Right.

Basic plot?

I'm a difficult but brilliant
junior officer, who in about
20 minutes

is gonna save the world
from nuclear disaster.

Okay, well done, you.

"Message from Command,
would you like them
to send in the HK's?"

No. Turn over four TRS's

and tell them we need radar
feedback before the KFT's
return at 19:00.

Then inform the Pentagon
we need Black Star cover

from 10:00 through 12: 15.

And if you say one word about

how many mistakes I made in
that speech, I'll pelt you
with olives.

"Very well, Captain,
I'll pass that on,
straight away."

Thank you.
How many mistakes did I make?

Eleven.

Dammit. And, Wainwright...

Cartwright.

Cartwright, Wainwright,
whatever your name is...

I promised little Jimmy
I'd be home for his birthday,

so could you get a message
to him that I may be a little
late?

"Certainly."
And little Johnny?

My son's name is Johnny?
Yeah.

Well, then get
a message to him, too.

"I'll do what I can, Captain,
but I can't promise anything."

And, Cartwright goes.

What do you think?

Gripping. You know,
it's not Jane Austen.

It's not Henry James.
But it's gripping.

Think I should do
Henry James instead?

Well, I think you would be
brilliant in Henry James

but, you know,
this writer... Writers...

They're pretty damn good, too.

Well, you never get anyone
in Wings of the Dove saying,

"Inform the Pentagon,
we need Black Star cover."

Well, and for me,
the book is the poorer for it.

I can't believe you
have that picture.

You like Chagall?

I do.

It feels like how
love should be.

Floating through
a dark blue sky.

With a goat, playing a violin.

Well, yes.

Happiness isn't happiness
without a violin-playing goat.

You have big feet.

Yes. Yes, always have had.

You know what they say
about men with big feet?

No, I don't know. What's that?

Big feet, large shoes.

The thing that's so
irritating is that now

I'm so totally fierce when
it comes to nudity clauses.

You actually have clauses
in your contract about nudity?

Definitely.

You may show the dent of the
top of the artist's buttocks
but neither cheek.

Or, if there's a stunt bottom
being used, artist must have
full consultation.

You have a stunt bottom?

Well, I could have
a stunt bottom, yes.

And are people tempted to go
for better bottoms
than their own.

Yeah. I mean, I would.
This is important stuff.

Well, it's one hell of a job,
isn't it? I mean, what do you
put on your passport?

Profession.
Mel Gibson's bottom.

Actually, Mel does
his own ass work.

Right.

Why wouldn't he?

Absolutely.

It's delicious.

What, the ice cream
or Mel Gibson's bottom?

Both. Equally.

But you wouldn't
necessarily lick both?

Well, this is tart.

And fuzz free.

And... The bedroom,
I've put clean sheets on.

Today's been a good day.

Which in the circumstances
is unexpected.

Thank you.

Anyway, time for bed.

Or, sofa bed.

Goodnight.

Oh, my God.

Hello?

Hello.

Spike?

I wonder if I could
have a little word?

Right.

I don't want to
interfere or nothing,

but she's just split up
from her boyfriend.
That's right, innit?

Maybe.

And she's in your house.

Yes?

And you get on very well.

Yes.

Well, isn't this perhaps
a nice opportunity to

slip her one?

Spike, for God's sake.
She's in trouble.

Just get a grip.

Right, you think it's the
wrong moment, fair enough.

Do you mind if I have a go?

Spike!
Right, okay.

I'll talk to you
in the morning.

Okay. Might be too late,
but okay.

Please, sod off.

Okay, sorry.
No.

No, no, no, wait,
I thought you were
someone else.

I thought you were Spike.
I'm thrilled that you're not.

Wow.

What?

Nothing.

It does strike me as, well,
surreal that I'm allowed
to see you naked.

You and every person
in this country.

God, yeah, I'm sorry.

What is it about men
and nudity?
Particularly breasts.

And how can you be
so interested in them?

Well...

No, but seriously.
They're just breasts.

Every second person
in the world has them.

Well, more than that,
actually, when you
think about it.

You know, Meatloaf
has a very nice pair.

But they're odd looking.
They're for milk.

Your mother has them.
You've seen a thousand
of them.

What's all the funs about?

Actually, I can't think what
it is, really. Let me just
have a quick look.

No, no, beats me.

Rita Hayworth used to say,

"They go to bed with Gilda,
they wake up with me."

Who was Gilda?

Her most famous part.

Men went to bed
with the dream,

and they didn't like it when
they woke up with reality.

Do you feel that way?

You are lovelier this morning
than you have ever been.

I'll be right back.

Breakfast in bed.

Or it's brunch, or lunch,
or something.

My God.

Can I stay a bit longer?

Stay forever.

Okay.

I forgot the jam.

I'll get the jam,
you get the door.

Jesus Christ.

What?

What is it?

Nothing, really.

You're up to something.

Anna, no, please.

Oh, my God.

And they got a picture
of you dressed like that.

Yes.

Undressed like this, yeah.

Morning, darling ones.

It's me. The press are here.
No, there are hundreds
of them.

My brilliant plan was not so
brilliant. I know. I know.
I know. Just get over here.

Dammit.

I wouldn't go outside.

Why not?

Just take my word for it.

How did I look?
Not bad. Not at all bad.

Well-chosen briefs, I'd say.
Chicks love gray.

Nice, firm buttocks.

How are you doing?

How do you think I'm doing?

I don't know what happened.

Oh, I do.

Your furry friend thought he'd
make a buck or two, telling
the papers where I was.

That's not true.
Really?

The entire British press got
up this morning and thought,

"I know where Anna Scott is.

"She's in that house with the
blue door in Notting Hill."

And then you go out
in your goddamn underwear.

I went out in my goddamn
underwear, too.
Get out.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

This is such an
unbelievable mess.

I come to you to
protect myself against
more crappy gossip,

and now I've just landed
in it all over again.

I mean, for God's sake,
I've got a boyfriend.

You have?

Well, as far as they're
concerned I do. Yes.

And now, tomorrow,
there'll be pictures

of you in every newspaper
from here to Timbuktu.

I know that.
But let's stay calm.

No, you can stay calm!
Right.

All right, this is a perfect
situation for you, isn't it?

Minimum input,
maximum publicity.

Everywhere you go people
will say, "Oh, well done.
You slept with that actress.

"We saw the pictures."

That is spectacularly unfair.

Who knows, maybe it'll
even help business.

"Buy a boring book
about Egypt from the guy
that screwed Anna Scott."

Now, stop. Stop.
Stop, I beg you. Calm down.

Have a cup of tea.

I don't want a
goddamn cup of tea.

I just wanna go home.

Spike, see who that is.
And put some clothes on,
for God's sake.

Looks like a chauffeur to me.

Spike owes you an expensive
dinner. Or holiday.

Depending if he's got
the brains to get the
going rate on betrayal.

That is not true.
Wait a minute.
This is crazy behavior.

Can't we just laugh
about all this?

Seriously,
in the huge sweep of things,
this stuff doesn't matter.

What he's gonna say next
is there's people
starving in the Sudan.

Well, there are.
And we don't have to go
anywhere near that far.

My best friend slipped.

She slipped down stairs,
cracked her back,

and she's in a wheelchair
for the rest of her life.

You know, all I'm asking
for is a normal amount
of perspective.

You're right.
Of course, you're right.

It's just that I've
dealt with this garbage
for 10 years.

You've had it for 10 minutes.
Our perspectives
are very different.

I mean, today's newspapers
will be lining tomorrow's
wastepaper bins.

Excuse me?

Well, you know,
it's just one day.

Tomorrow, today's papers
will all have been thrown out.

You really don't get it.
This story will be filed.

Every time anyone writes
anything about me,

they'll dig up these photos.

Newspapers last forever.
I'll regret this forever.

Right.

I will feel the opposite,
if that's okay by you.

And always be glad
that you came to stay.

But...

You're probably right.
You'd better go.

Was it you?

I may have told a few
people down the pub.

Right.

Have I got something for you.

Something which will
make you love me so much,

you will want to hug me
every day for the rest
of my life.

Blimey, what is it?

Phone number of Anna Scott's
agent in London and her agent
in New York.

Listen, you think about her
all the time.
Now you can ring her.

Yeah. Brilliant, thanks.

I'll see you tonight.
Hi, Marty. Sexy cardi.

Hello. I have a little
speech to make.

I won't stand up because
I can't be bothered.

Exactly a year ago today,

this man here started the
finest restaurant in London.

Hear, hear.
Thank you very much.

Unfortunately, no one
ever came to eat here.

It's a tiny hiccough.

And so, we have to
face the fact that

from next week, we must
find somewhere new to eat.

I just want to say to Tony,
don't take it personally.

The more I think about things,
the more I see no rhyme or
reason in life.

No one knows why
some things work out
and some things don't.

Why some of us get lucky,
and some of us...

Get fired.
What?

Yeah, well, it seems they're
shifting the whole outfit

much more towards
the emerging markets.

And of course, well,
I was total crap, so...

A toast to Bernie,
the worst stockbroker
in the whole world.

I thank you. And Tony,
the worst restaurateur.

WILLIAM: Tony and Bernie.
Both crap.

BELLA: The terrible two.

In their own special ways.

Since it's an evening
of announcements,
I've also got one.

I've decided to get engaged.

I've found myself a nice,
slightly odd-looking bloke.

Who I know is gonna make me
happy for the rest of my life.

Well, wait a sec. I mean...

I'm your brother. I don't
know anything about this.

Is he... I don't know,
is he financially viable?

He's an artist with
brilliant prospects.

This is a secret you've
been keeping from me?

BELLA: No. No. I swear.

By the way, it's you.

Me?

What do you think?

Well, yeah.

Groovy.

Excuse me, are there
any more announcements?

Well, actually, yes.

I feel I should apologize
to everyone for my behavior
over the last six months.

I have, as you know,
been somewhat down
in the mouth.

Well, there's an
understatement. There are
dead people on better form.

But I just wish to make
it clear that I've turned
a corner,

and henceforward intend
to be impressively happy.

Oh, God, I'm horribly drunk.

Me, too.

Come here.

So you've laid the ghost?

I believe I have.

Don't give a damn
about the famous girl?

No. No, I don't think I do.

Which means you won't be
distracted by the fact
that she's back in London,

grasping her Oscar,

and currently to be found
filming, most days,
on Hampstead Heath.

Oh, God, no.

So, not over her, in fact.

Can I help you?
Yeah.

I'm looking for Anna Scott.

Does she know you're coming?

No.

No, she doesn't.

I'm afraid I can't
let you through, sir.

Right. I mean, I am actually
a friend. I'm not a lunatic.

But no, you basically...

Can't let you through, sir.

Well, this is...

I only found out
you were here yesterday.

Well, I was going to call,
but I...

WOMAN: Anna.

Yes.

Things aren't going very well
and it's our last day.

Absolutely, yeah,
you're clearly very busy.

But if you could wait,
there are things to say.

Okay.

Drink tea.
There's lots of tea.

Come and have a look.

Are you a fan of Henry James?

This is a Henry James film?

Yeah.

This is Harry.

He'll give you a pair
of headphones, so you
can hear the dialogue.

Thank you very much.
No problem.

Hi.

Hi, here we go.
Volume's on the side.

There. Have a seat.

Thank you.

MAN: We are living in cloud
cuckoo land. We'll never get
this done today.

ANNA: Well, we've got to.
I have to be in New York
on Thursday.

Stop showing off.

God, that's an enormous arse.

ANNA: I'm not listening.

No, but seriously,
it's not fair.

So many tragic young
teenagers with anorexia,

and that girl has an arse
she could perfectly well
share around

with at least 10 other women,
and still be big bottomed.

I would think, looking at
something nice like that,

you and your bony little
excuse for an arse would
be well advised to keep quiet.

Now, down to business,
the end of the scene.

I ask you when you're telling
everyone, and you say...

"Tomorrow will be
soon enough."

And then I... Right, okay.

So who was that rather
diffident chap I saw you
talking to round the back?

No one.

Just some guy from the past.

It's a bit of an awkward
situation really. I don't
know what he's doing here.

Of course.

Thanks, I've got to...

Any time.

MAN: Ladies and gentlemen,
can we have you all on your
first marks, please.

On your first marks.

I do hate to disturb you
whilst you're cooking the
books,

but there's
a delivery for you.

Martin, really,
can't you just do it yourself?

But you see,
this is not for the shop.
This is for you.

Right, okay.

Now tell me, if I employed
a wet rag, would I have to
pay it as much as I pay you?

Hi.

Hello.

You disappeared.

Yeah. Yeah, I had to leave.

I didn't want to disturb.

How have you been?

Fine. Fine.

I don't know, everything
much the same, you know.

When they change the law,
Spike and I will marry
immediately.

Whereas you, I've watched
in wonder. Awards, glory.

Oh, no, it's all nonsense,
believe me.

I'd no idea how much
nonsense it was,
but nonsense it all is.

Well, yesterday was
our last day of filming,

so I'm leaving.

But...

I brought this for you
from home. So I thought
I'd give it to you.

Thank you.

Shall I...
Oh, no, don't open it now,

I'll be embarrassed.

Well, thank you.
I don't know what it's for,
but thanks anyway.

I actually had it in my
apartment. I thought you...

But when it came to it,

I didn't know how to call,
having behaved so badly.

Twice.

So it's just been
sitting in the hotel.

Then you came,
and I figured...

The thing is...

What? What is the thing?

Don't even think about it.
Go away, immediately. Go away.

Right. Sorry.

You were saying?

Yes.

I have to go away today,
but I wondered if I didn't,

whether you might
let me see you a little,

or a lot, maybe.

See if you could
like me again.

But yesterday that actor
asked you who I was

and you just dismissed
me out of hand.

I heard.

You had a microphone,
I had headphones.

What, you expect me to tell
the truth about my life

to the most indiscreet
man in England?

Excuse me. It's your
mother on the phone.

Will you tell her I'll
ring her back, please?

I've actually tried that tack,
but she said you've said that
once before,

and it's now been
about 24 hours

and the foot that was purple
is now sort of blackish in
color and...

Right, right, yeah.
Perfect timing as ever.

Martin,
hold the fort a second.

Yes, all right.

Could I just say,
I thought Ghost was
the most wonderful film.

Is that right?

Oh, yes.

I've always wondered
what Patrick Swayze's
like in real life.

I can't say that I know
Patrick all that well.

What, he wasn't that
friendly during filming?

Well, I'm sure he was
friendly to Demi Moore
who acted with him in Ghost.

Oh, right. Sorry.

Right. Always been
a bit of an ass.

Anyway, well,
it was lovely to meet you.

I'm a huge fan of yours.
And Demi's of course.

Sorry about that.

That's fine.

There's always a pause when
the jury goes out to consider
their verdict.

Anna, look...

I'm a fairly
level-headed bloke.

Not often in and
out of love. But...

Can I just say "no"
to your kind request,
and leave it at that?

Yes.

Fine. Of course, I...

Of course.

Well, I'll just be going then.
It was nice to see you.

The thing is,
with you I'm in real danger.

It seems like a perfect
situation, apart from that
foul temper of yours.

But my relatively
inexperienced heart

would, I fear, not recover

if I was once again cast
aside, as I would absolutely
expect to be.

There are just too many
pictures of you,
too many films.

You know, you'd go,
and I'd be well-buggered,
basically.

That really is a real
"no," isn't it?

I live in Notting Hill.
You live in Beverly Hills.

Everyone in the world
knows who you are.

My mother has trouble
remembering my name.

Fine.

Fine. Good decision.

Good decision.

The fame thing isn't
really real, you know.

And don't forget,

I'm also just a girl
standing in front of a boy,

asking him to love her.

Bye.

So, what do you think?
Good move?

HONEY: Yeah, good move.

I mean,
when all's said and done,
she's nothing special.

I saw her taking
her trousers down

and I definitely glimpsed
some cellulite down there.

Good decision, yeah.
All actresses are as
mad as snakes.

Tones, what do you reckon?

Never met her, never want to.

Brilliant. Max?

Absolutely.
Never trust a vegetarian.

Great. Thanks. Brilliant.

I was called and I came.
What's up?

William's just turned
down Anna Scott.

You daft prick.

No, no. No, no,
it's actually quite sensible.

That painting
isn't the original, is it?

You know, I think it might be,
yeah.

But she said she wanted
to go out with you?

Yeah.

Well, that's nice.

What?

Well, you know,

anyone saying they wanna go
out with you is pretty great,
isn't it?

It was sort of sweet,
actually.

I mean, I know she's an
actress and all that,
so she can deliver a line,

but she said she might be
as famous as she can be

but also that
she was just a girl,

standing in front of a boy,

asking him to love her.

Oh, sod a dog.
I've made the wrong decision,
haven't I?

Max, how fast is your car?

Good luck.

If anyone gets in our way,
we have small nuclear devices.

Where to?
The Ritz. All I can
think is The Ritz.

Where's Bella?
She's not coming.

Oh, sod that.
What?

Bernie, sit in the back.

Max, I'm okay.

Come on, baby.

Mind your back.

BELLA: Which way
are you going?

MAX: Down Kensington
Church Street,

then Knightsbridge,
then Hyde Park Corner.

No, no, crazy. Crazy.

Go along Bayswater.
That's right. Then Park Lane.

No. No. Straight down to the
Cromwell Road, then left.

No!

Stop right there! I will
decide the route. All right?

BERNIE: Sorry, Max.

James Bond never has to put up
with this sort of shit.

BELLA: Turn right. Turn right!
MAX: I can't, it's one way.

BELLA: Well, do a U-turn.

MAX: Oh, sod it.

Hold on!

WILLIAM: Brilliant!

Bloody hell, this is fun.

Hi. Is Miss Scott
staying here?

No, sir.

How about Miss Flintstone?

No, sir.

Bambi?

No, sir.

Or, I don't know,
Beavis or Butt-head?

No, sir.

Thanks. Thanks.

There was a Miss Pocahontas,
but she checked out about
an hour ago.

I believe she's holding a
press conference at the Savoy,
before flying to America.

We have lift off.

You have message for Takiama?

I'll just check, sir.

Bugger this for
a bunch of bananas.

Stop! Stop! Stop!

Go. Go.

Hang on. Come on. Wait there!
Come on, come on! Wait!

Go on, go, go, go!

You're my hero!

Down, boy.

Go!

Excuse me.
Yes, sir?

Where's the press conference,
please?

Are you an accredited
member of the press?

Yeah.

There you go.

Yes, that's a Blockbuster
Video membership card, sir.

That's right. I work for
their in-house magazine.

Movies Are Our Business.

I'm sorry, sir.

He's with me.

And you are?

Writing an article on how
London hotels treat people
in wheelchairs.

Yes, of course, madam.

It's in the Lancaster Room,
though I'm afraid you're
rather late.

Run!

MAN 1: Does this mean that
Miss Scott will not be
publicizing her next film?

No, it absolutely
does not mean that.

She'll be abiding by all
her present commitments.

She just won't be making
any more for the next year.

MAN 2: When will the
film be released?

At the moment, the plan is
to release in America towards
the end of the autumn,

and over here,
around Christmas,
or early in the New Year.

Right! Dominic.

Anna, how much longer are
you staying in the UK then?

No time at all.
I leave tonight.

Which is why we have to round
things up now, so final
questions, please.

Yes, lady there.

Is your decision to take
a year off anything to do
with the rumors about Jeff

and his present leading lady?

Absolutely not.

Do you believe the rumors?

Well, it's really
not my business anymore.

Though, I will say, from my
experience, rumors about Jeff
do tend to be true.

Yeah.

The last time you were here,
there were some fairly graphic
photographs

taken of you with
a young English guy.

So, what happened there?

He was just a friend.
We're still friends, I think.

Right. Yes, gentleman
in the pink shirt.

Yes.

Miss Scott, are there any
circumstances in which

the two of you might be
more than just good friends?

I hoped there would be,
but no,
I'm assured there aren't.

But what would you say if...

I'm sorry,
just the one question, please.

No, it's all right.
You were saying?

I was just wondering if it
turned out that this person...

Thacker. His name's Thacker.

Thanks. Thanks.

I just wondered whether
if Mr. Thacker realized

he'd been a daft prick

And got down on his knees
and begged you to reconsider,

whether you would,
in fact, then reconsider?

Yes, I believe I would.

That's very good news.

The readers of Horse & Hound
will be absolutely delighted.

Right, Dominic, if you'd like
to ask your question again?

Yeah.

Anna, how long are you
intending to stay here
in Britain?

Indefinitely.

(SHE PLAYING)

What happened?

It was good.

Are you gonna get married?