All language subtitles for I.Love.Lucy.S02E13.Lucy.Hires.an.English.Tutor.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track4_[eng]

Oh, honey, where have you been?

What took you so long?

What do you mean,
what took me so long?

I had to go all over town.

There's only one store
in New York City

that makes a papaya juice
milkshake.

Oh, thank you.

Mmm...

Oh...

Did you get the dill pickle?

Lucy, are you sure
that you want to...?

That's right.

Mmm...

Ricky?

Yes, dear.

Honey, I never
asked you this before,

but what do you hope
the baby's going to be,

a boy or a girl?

You're going to be disappointed
if it isn't a boy, aren't you?

Oh, no, honey, don't be silly.

You will, too.

Every man wants a little boy

so he can see himself
running around.

Well, I don't particularly.

If it's a boy, I'll be happy,

and if it's a girl
I'll be happy, too.

I really don't care.

Well, that's good.

How do you feel about it, honey?

I guess every woman
wants a little girl

so she can dress her up fancy
and fuss over her

and teach her
how to catch a man.

Well, maybe most women do, but I
feel just the way you do, Ricky.

I don't care, boy or girl,
doesn't make any difference.

Oh, that's good.

Here, honey.

Thank you.

Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi.

Oh, honey,
what's in the package?

Oh, honey, nothing, nothing.

Oh, it was a surprise for me.

Well...

Well, it's spoiled now.

I might just as well open it.

But I don't want you...

So you have
no preference, huh?

Well, that doesn't
mean anything.

Lots of little girls
play football, too, you know.

What are you going to name her,
Rocky Ricardo?

Come on, now.

Let's see what other
feminine frills

we have here.

Havana U., 1974.

So it doesn't make
any difference to you,

boy or girl,
no preference, doesn't matter.

All right, all right,
so I'd rather have a boy.

Is that so terrible?

Now, give me
the stuff, come on.

Oh, honey, now,
don't get mad.

- No, come on, you're making
fun of me. -Aw, come on.

Sit down, honey.

Come on, sit down,
baby, come on, now.

Well...

If you dress my son in this,

he'll need those boxing gloves.

Well, I guess it's true.

Women want girls
and men want boys.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Havana U.?

What?

You mean you want our child
to go to Havana University?

Certainly.

Havana U., my old alma mater.

Oh, wouldn't that
be wonderful?

Just think of it.

Our son.

Or daughter.

Walking the very same campus

where I used to walk.

And one day, after Havana wins
the big game

and holds the jai alai pennant,

we'll stand together and sing:

♪ Arriba, arriba por Havana U. ♪

♪ No hay nadie en el mundo
que sea como tu ♪

♪ Rah, rah, viva,
rah, rah, rah ♪

♪ Havana, Havana U., ole! ♪

Yeah, well, that's fine, dear,
from your point of you,

but... gee, I don't know,
Havana?

What's the matter with Havana?

Well, nothing,

but we have a couple
little red schoolhouses

in this country,
too, you know.

Well, honey, let's not
worry about it.

The main thing is

- that our child
will go to college. -Yeah.

You know, I've been giving this
a lot of thought, Ricky.

It's a big responsibility having
a baby and bringing up a child.

You know all the questions
they ask.

You have to give them
a right answer, too.

Gee, I don't know if I'm
gonna be able to do it.

Oh, honey, sure you will.

Well, I don't know.

You know the kind of
questions children ask.

Suppose our child asks
something simple like,

"Mommy, where does
rain come from?"

"Where does rain come from?

"Well, I don't know, dear.

Your mommy's a dumbbell."

Oh, honey,

you're just being ridiculous.

I am not.

Of course, there's always
one good answer:

"Ask your daddy, dear.

He can explain it
better than I can."

"Daddy, where does
rain come from?"

Well, dear,
it's very simple.

You see, the water...

Well, first of all,

there are the clouds, see.

And the clo...

The moisture in the air...

See what I mean?

We have to do something
about this.

Oh, honey, you're just
exaggerating the whole thing.

I am not.

And I'm going to start
studying right now.

When I get through,
I want my child to think

that its mother is
a walking book of knowledge.

Hi, honey.

Good evening.

Oh, when you get
started on something,

you really go through
with it, don't you?

Oh, boy, am I pooped.

Well, this is indeed
distressing news.

To what do you attribute
your plethora of fatigue?

The enervating activities
of your nocturnal occupation?

What?

I said, this is indeed
distressing news.

To what do you attribute
your plethora of fatigue?

I heard you the first time,
but what language is it?

It's the language I want our
good English.

That's English?

Yes.

Funny thing--
when it's spoken correctly,

you don't even recognize it,
do you?

You know, I had no idea
how sloppy my speech was

until I started
reading this book.

Oh, brother.

No, really, it's true.

But they have
a wonderful exercise

to correct it.

"How do you do, Mrs. Smith?

"How do you do, Mrs. Jones?

"And how are all
your adorable children?

"Quite well, thank you.

"And how is your sister Cynthia?

Sister Cynthia is
simply scintillating."

Now, Lucy, you're not
going to teach our child

to talk that way, are you?

I certainly am.
From the time our child is born,

it's not going to hear anything
but perfect English.

Well, honey,
it's a very nice thought,

but as usual you have
no logical 'splanation

for doin' it
the way you're doin' it.

What did you say?

You heard what I said.

"As usual, there's
no logical 'splanation

for doin' it
the way you're doin' it."

Ricky, promise me something.

What?

Promise me that until our child
is at least 19 or 20 years old,

you won't talk to it.

What?

What's the matter
with the way I talk?

Well, I haven't told
you this before, dear,

but you speak
with a slight accent.

You can understand me,
can't you?

Well, now, yes.

I've learned to listen
with an accent.

But when we first started
going together, it was just...

- Well, do you remember
when you proposed? -Yeah.

Well, it was a stab in the dark
when... when I said yes.

I wasn't sure that
you'd asked me to get married

or go to a movie.

Do you mean to tell me

that I could have gotten out
of this whole deal

by just taking you to a movie?

Ricky Ricardo.

Here, honey,
I'll show you what I mean.

Now, you take this book

and pretend that our child
has come to you and said,

"Daddy, read me
a good-night story."

All right.

There you are, Daddy.

"Once upon a time in the woods
live a peasant.

"He was a good man
with a noble heart.

"He spent his time
in the forest

cutting down booges
from the trees."

- "Cutting wood..."
- Wait a minute.

Wait, wait, wait,
just a minute.

What is this "booges?"

"Booges," right in there.

That's "boughs."

B-O-U-G-H is "bough"?

Right.

Bough.

"He spent his time in the forest
cutting down boughs

"from the trees.

"Cutting wood all day
made his hands strong and row.

One day..."

That's "rough."

Spelled the same way
as the other: O-U-G-H.

That's right.

That shows how little you know
about the English language.

So I made a little mistake.

"Made his hands
strong and rough.

"One day he cut wood so fast
that by 3:00 in the afternoon,

"his day's work was thruff.

When the..."

Hold it, Shakespeare.

Thraugh?

T-H-R-O-U-G-H
is pronounced "through."

Through, that's
what I always say.

Now, stop picking on me,
will you?

You're getting me all confuse.

"His day's work was through.

"It started to rain
on the way home,

"and he got so wet
that his nose became red

and he developed a hacking..."

"Coo?"

Well, I know it can't be "cow."

It's "cough."

Oh, that did it.

I had enough.

Or should I say "enu"?

No, enough.

Enough.

I don't see why you have to have
such a crazy language anyway.

In Spanish you don't have
all those "ow," "oh," "ooh,"

"off," "oof" sounds.

In Spanish, you got a sound,
it sounds the same all the time.

You write it the same way,
it sounds the same way.

No matter where you put it,
it comes out the same way.

Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi.

I tell you what we're gonna do.

We're gonna teach our child
to speak Spanish.

- Spanish!
- That's right.

And what's more,

I don't want you to talk to
the kid until he's 21 years old.

Our child is going to learn
to speak English,

but first we have to learn.

We're going to hire a tutor.

A tutor?

That's right.

And you and I and Fred
and Ethel will take lessons.

Fred and Ethel?

How did they get into the act?

Well, they're gonna
be around here a lot,

and I want anyone who's gonna
converse with my child

to speak perfect English.

Now, Lucy, that is the most
ridiculous thing I ever heard...

Now, honey,
my mind is made up...

I had enough trouble
learning how to speak American.

[Ethel] Hi, Lucy.

Hi.

Is the tutor here yet?

No, not yet. He ought
to be here any minute.

I'm fixing the classroom, see?

Oh!

Say, Lucy, aren't tutors
awful expensive?

How did you get Ricky
to agree to pay for one?

I didn't. I told him
it wouldn't cost him a cent.

Huh?

Well, you see, when
Mr. Livermore called me,

he just happened to mention
that he would be interested...

- [Ricky] Lucy!
- Yeah, dear?

- Are the Mertzes here yet?
- Ethel's here.

- Hi, Ethel.
- Hi.

Where's Fred?
Isn't he coming?

Yeah, he's coming all right,
but he kicked like a steer.

Well, is he coming?

Look, if Fred doesn't
come, I don't want to...

He'll be here, Ricky.

He had on dirty overalls,

and I made him
change his clothes.

That must be
Mr. Livermore now.

♪ School days, school days,
dear old golden rule days ♪

♪ Reading and writing
and 'rithmetic ♪

♪ Taught to the tune
of a hickory stick ♪

♪ You were my bashful
barefoot beau ♪

♪ Wrote on my slate,
"I love you, Joe"... ♪

Fred Mertz!

Oh, Fred, that's wonderful.

What do you think you're doing?

Now, you two stop.

This is serious.

All right, Buster Brown,
go downstairs

and get out of
that silly outfit.

All right, all right!

See you at recess, Rick.

Last one to the teeter-totter's
a rotten egg.

♪ I was your queen in calico ♪

♪ You were my bashful
barefoot beau ♪

♪ Why-ay-ay... ♪

- How do you do?
- How do you do?

Are you Mister...

I'm Mr. Livermore.

Oh, come in, please. Please.

I-I'm Mrs. Ricardo.

Charmed.

Pleased to meetcha.

Meetcha?

The phrase is "meet you."

- Meet you.
- Meet you.

Meet... I'm glad to meet you.

Meet you.

Uh, I'd like you to meet
your other pupils.

This is Mrs. Mertz.

Howdja do?

Are you, by any chance,
endeavoring to pronounce

"How do you do?"

Yeah-- uh, yes.

Uh, and this is Fred Mertz.

Howdja do?

You see, Mrs. Mertz,

you've transmitted
your bad enunciation

to your son here.

Ow, you hurt me, Mommy.

Oh, behave yourself.

He isn't my son.

He's my husband.

My word.

Either way, it presents
an appalling prospect.

You don't understand,
Mr. Livermore.

You see,
Fred is dressed like that

because he's going
back to school.

It's his idea
of a little joke.

Oh?

Uh, this is my husband,
Ricky Ricardo.

It is a great pleasure

to make your acquaintance,
Mr. Ricardo.

Hi. I just want you to know
that the only reason

I'm only doing this
is to keep her happy

because she's going
to have a baby in February.

But to tell you the truth,

this whole thing
is ridiculous to me,

and the whole routine,
I don't want any part of it.

What did he say?

Well, he was just trying to...

What's the matter with you?

Don't you understand English?

We'd better get
started immediately.

There's more to do
here than I thought.

Places, everybody.

Is he making fun of me?

No. Shh! Shush!

[Livermore] Attention, class.

Inasmuch as we are faced here
with a state of emergency,

I will dispense with the
traditional oath of allegiance

and good-morning song.

To properly enunciate,

we must practice first
saying our vowels.

Repeat after me, please.

A, E, I, O, U.

- A, -A,
- A, -Ah,

- E, -E,
- E, -Eh,

- I, -I,
- I, -Ee,

- O, -O,
- O, -Oh,

- U, -U,
- U, -Ooh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh-oh.

Mr. Ricardo, please, alone.

Ah, eh, ee, oh, ooh.

Mr. Ricardo,
wherever did you acquire

that odd pronunciation?

I went to school in Cuba.

What's your 'scuse?

Ricky, apologize!

Apologize!

Okay, okay, I'm...

No, no, just a moment.

Did you say "okay?"

Yeah.

We must rid our speech of slang.

Now, besides "okay,"
I want you all to promise me

that there are two words
that you will never use.

One of these is "swell"
and the other one is "lousy."

Okay, what are they?

One of them is "swell"
and the other one is "lousy."

Well, give us
the lousy one first.

I don't believe
you quite understand.

Don't bother to explain,
Mr. Livermore.

Just tell us
what the words are

- and we won't use them.
- No.

But don't you see? The word...

Well, the other...

May I have a glass
of water, please?

Okay.

I-I mean yes.

Would you help me, Ethel,

- get a pitcher
and some glasses? -Yes.

I would say "okay."

That's a swell way
to get off to a lousy start.

Mr. Ricardo, perhaps
this would be a good time

to discuss our song.

Our song?

Well, at least my song.

You see, I'm referring
to the business deal

your wife and I made.

Don't you understand?

In lieu of the remuneration
for my tutelage,

I am to be permitted
to introduce my talents

into your nocturnal bistro.

Hey, hey, I think
I got it, Rick.

Instead of you paying him,
this guy's gonna sing

- in your nightclub.
- Yes.

You want to sing
at the Tropicana?

Thank you, I'd love to.

♪ I tippy-tippy-toe
through my garden ♪

♪ Where all the pretty
flowers dwell ♪

♪ There's a rare perfume ♪

- Wait a minute...
- ♪ In my garden... ♪

Hold it, hold it,
hold it, hold it.

Hold it. Now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

- I don't know what...
- Ricky, what's the matter?

What's the matter?
What's going on, dear?

Well, I was singing
my little ditty

- for your husband...
- You mean to tell me

that you actually
promised this character

that he was going
to sing at the club?

Yes, isn't it wonderful?

And we're going to get six
months' English lessons free.

I don't care we're gonna
get English lessons free

for the rest of our lives.

He's not gonna sing in my club.

Well!

But, Ricky, that isn't fair.

You haven't even
heard the song.

I heard the song.

"Tippy-tippy-toe."
Ay-yi-yi-yi.

Well, I think you owe
Mr. Livermore the courtesy

of at least hearing it
through once.

Now, after all, it's going
to sound a lot better

down at the club,
with the lights on

and all of us singing
with him and everything...

All of us singing?!

What do you mean,
all of us singing?

Now, just a minute.

He's worked up
a very cute little act,

he's got it
all figured out,

and I think the least
we could do is listen

and I insist
that we try it now.

Thank you.

Now, this is
the way I start.

Mr. Mertz, please.

I stand here,

Mr. and Mrs. Ricardo there,
Mr. and Mrs. Mertz there.

And I sing the verse first.

♪ I tippy-tippy-toe
through my garden ♪

♪ Where all the pretty
flowers dwell ♪

♪ There's a rare perfume
in my garden ♪

♪ And I just love
to stand there and smell ♪

♪ And as... ♪

Now you come back here.

You come right
back here.

You haven't heard
the best part yet.

That's obvious, yeah.

Now come on back here, right
where you were, all of you.

Go ahead, Mr. Livermore.

Thank you.

♪ And as I tippy-tippy-toe
along ♪

♪ All the pretty flowers
seem to sing this song. ♪

Now, here's where you come in.

Here's one for each.

Ladies first, of course.

Now, you sing
when I point to you.

Now I'll sing
what I just sang again.

♪ And as I tippy-tippy-toe
along ♪

♪ All the pretty flowers
seem to sing this song ♪

♪ Darry-down pip-pip ♪

♪ Dilly-dilly day ♪

♪ Hey, nonny-nonny ♪

♪ Rippity-pippity ay ♪

Now comes the cute part.

You begin first
this time, Mr. Mertz.

♪ Darry-down ding-dong ♪

♪ Dilly-dilly doo ♪

♪ Hey, nonny-nonny ♪

♪ Rippity-pippity poo ♪

That's all, brother, I had it.

- Ricky, Ricky...
- You can...

[Ethel] Oh, Lucy...

Sit down, won't you?

Hey, Rick.

Yeah, hi, Fred.

Ethel tells me

you're going through
with this silly thing.

Yeah, I told Lucy that
I was going to last night.

See? Where is Lucy?

She's in the bedroom.

What's the matter with you?

I believe you've finally
cracked your Cuban crock.

Look, Fred,
will you trust me, huh?

I got a plan,
I got it all figured out,

and I think
it'll work perfect.

I made a deal
with Mr. Livermore.

Yes, but I'm afraid
I've sullied my principles

by accepting your scheme,
Mr. Ricardo.

Now, remember, you guaranteed
to get me auditions

with every record company
in town.

Look, you just hold
your end of the bargain

and I'll take care of mine.
Don't you worry.

Will you please tell
me what's going on?

Relax, will you?
You'll see.

Lucy!

[Lucy] Yes, dear Coming.

Oh, hello, Mr. Livermore.

- Hi, Fred.
- Hi, Lucy.

What's the matter, dear?
Is something wrong?

I didn't expect you home
so soon.

Oh, no, no, honey,
nothing is wrong.

Everything is fine. The
orchestrations are wonderful.

We just thought
that we'd come home

and get a good,
uninterrupted singing rehearsal.

Oh, well, that's nice.

You know something, Lucy?
You were right.

I can't 'splain it,
but this guy grows on you.

Aw...

Well, I knew you'd like him.

Yeah, no kiddin'.

He don't know what a real
nice guy he is.

He don't either.

What did you say?

I said he don't either.

I can't 'splain it, but...

He's a swell guy.

Oh, no.

Ah, listen, you should
hear him get going

when he gets a hold
of a good song.

He really goes--
he's good, this guy.

Oh, Percy, come on, go ahead.

[Livermore] Well...

♪ Bum... ♪

♪ Babaloo ♪

♪ Bum... ♪

♪ Babaloo ♪

[Ricky] ♪ Bum... ♪

♪ Babaloo ay yay... ♪

That a boy!
Give it to them, Percy.

♪ Yay... ♪

Hold it, hold it,
hold it, hold it.

It won't work. It won't work.

What won't work?

It was a battle
of the accents,

and Mr. Livermore lost.

It won't work.
Just forget it.

But honey,
I got the orchestratings

and everything's fine...

The part of Mr. Livermore

was played by Hans Conried.

I Love Lucy
is a Desilu Production.