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1
00:00:01,230 --> 00:00:04,230
[upbeat dramatic music]
2
00:00:04,230 --> 00:00:11,090
*
3
00:00:11,090 --> 00:00:14,460
- The Aquaphone, the
Mermalair's telecommunication
4
00:00:14,460 --> 00:00:16,090
device connecting city hall
5
00:00:16,090 --> 00:00:17,530
with the underwater
crime-fighting
6
00:00:17,530 --> 00:00:20,060
hero,
Mermaid Man.
7
00:00:20,060 --> 00:00:21,590
- Yello?
8
00:00:21,590 --> 00:00:24,130
- Never mind.
It's just this idiot.
9
00:00:24,130 --> 00:00:27,290
- Argh!
10
00:00:27,290 --> 00:00:29,230
- By the power of Neptune...
11
00:00:29,230 --> 00:00:33,290
both: Mermaid
Man and Barnacle Boy unite!
12
00:00:33,290 --> 00:00:35,490
- To the invisible boatmobile.
13
00:00:35,490 --> 00:00:37,860
- Yay.
14
00:00:37,860 --> 00:00:40,390
[both imitating engine revving]
15
00:00:49,430 --> 00:00:52,230
- This must be the secret lair
of an evil villain.
16
00:00:52,230 --> 00:00:55,230
- You're right.
17
00:00:55,230 --> 00:00:57,290
- Wah-ha!
18
00:00:58,890 --> 00:00:59,990
[grunting]
19
00:00:59,990 --> 00:01:01,230
- [giggling]
20
00:01:01,230 --> 00:01:04,690
- [humming]
21
00:01:04,690 --> 00:01:06,660
- Oh!
22
00:01:06,660 --> 00:01:10,230
Looks like there's evil afoot.
23
00:01:10,230 --> 00:01:12,290
- And littering is a crime.
- What?
24
00:01:12,290 --> 00:01:16,030
I thought I had my house
sponge-and-star-proofed.
25
00:01:16,030 --> 00:01:17,560
- Hey, Squidward, want to play
Mermaid Man
26
00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:19,030
and Barnacle Boy with us?
27
00:01:19,030 --> 00:01:20,260
- No!
28
00:01:20,260 --> 00:01:23,260
Now, please fall and get
seriously hurt.
29
00:01:23,260 --> 00:01:25,130
both: Ahh!
30
00:01:25,130 --> 00:01:28,390
- Ugh! Oof!
31
00:01:28,390 --> 00:01:30,730
- I'm sure I've heard that "no"
before.
32
00:01:30,730 --> 00:01:33,630
- Holy something, Mermaid Man.
You can't mean--
33
00:01:33,630 --> 00:01:35,490
- Yes, my young, pink ward.
34
00:01:35,490 --> 00:01:39,230
It's none other than...
35
00:01:39,230 --> 00:01:40,660
Doctor Negative.
36
00:01:40,660 --> 00:01:43,590
- * I hate SpongeBob, and I hate
Patrick *
37
00:01:43,590 --> 00:01:46,230
- It's that denying desperado's
siren song.
38
00:01:46,230 --> 00:01:49,960
- * Loathing SpongeBob, scorning
Patrick la-la-la-la-la-la *
39
00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:53,060
- He's obviously raising an army
of mutant vegetables.
40
00:01:53,060 --> 00:01:54,660
And that song he's singing...
41
00:01:54,660 --> 00:01:56,830
both: Will bring them to life.
42
00:01:56,830 --> 00:01:58,230
- [whistling]
43
00:01:58,230 --> 00:01:59,690
both: Hyah!
44
00:01:59,690 --> 00:02:01,890
- [grunting]
45
00:02:11,660 --> 00:02:13,590
Although our foes were evil,
46
00:02:13,590 --> 00:02:17,390
their nutrition did not go to
waste, Doctor Negative.
47
00:02:17,390 --> 00:02:20,030
- We're watching you.
48
00:02:20,030 --> 00:02:21,430
- That's it!
49
00:02:21,430 --> 00:02:24,830
I'm gonna clobber you two!
50
00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:28,230
- Hey, Squidward, do you hear
that?
51
00:02:28,230 --> 00:02:29,690
[whistle blowing]
52
00:02:29,690 --> 00:02:31,390
You better hurry up or you'll be
late for work.
53
00:02:31,390 --> 00:02:35,760
- Yeah, you better do something
or whatever.
54
00:02:38,230 --> 00:02:41,360
- [groaning]
55
00:02:44,390 --> 00:02:48,630
[grunting]
56
00:02:48,630 --> 00:02:49,830
Ohh.
57
00:02:49,830 --> 00:02:51,630
- Ahh-ahh-ahh!
58
00:02:55,060 --> 00:03:00,560
- * Mermaid Man, our hero
Barnacle Boy, you too *
59
00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:06,030
- * Mermaid Man, crime-fighter
Barnacle Boy, makes do *
60
00:03:06,030 --> 00:03:08,730
- * Evil found its match today
61
00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:11,360
* Underwater justice and fair
play *
62
00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:16,860
both: *Super plan, garbage can,
minivan, Mermaid Man *
63
00:03:16,860 --> 00:03:18,430
- Ahh!
64
00:03:18,430 --> 00:03:21,830
Will you two shut up about that
stupid show?
65
00:03:21,830 --> 00:03:26,490
- Oh, did you say something
negative, Doctor Negative?
66
00:03:26,490 --> 00:03:27,660
- What the--how did--
67
00:03:27,660 --> 00:03:29,430
- I heard him say something
negative.
68
00:03:29,430 --> 00:03:32,760
[toilet flushing]
69
00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:35,560
- Mermaid Man, that injured
victim's bandages
70
00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:36,730
have come undone.
71
00:03:36,730 --> 00:03:39,260
- That poor man needs aid...
72
00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:43,460
of the first variety.
73
00:03:43,460 --> 00:03:46,590
- [gasps]
74
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:53,330
- Oh,
we forgot the peroxide.
75
00:03:53,330 --> 00:03:56,430
- [grunting]
76
00:03:56,430 --> 00:03:58,130
- That should hold you until the
surgeons
77
00:03:58,130 --> 00:03:59,660
can amputate your torso.
78
00:03:59,660 --> 00:04:01,530
- Hmmph.
[mumbling]
79
00:04:01,530 --> 00:04:03,230
both: Justice restored!
80
00:04:03,230 --> 00:04:07,730
- Hey, super dorks, your turn to
take out the garbage.
81
00:04:08,860 --> 00:04:11,630
- All right, Dr. Negative, we'll
play
82
00:04:11,630 --> 00:04:13,260
along and take it out.
83
00:04:13,260 --> 00:04:14,760
Hiyah!
84
00:04:28,430 --> 00:04:29,560
- [gasps]
85
00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:31,490
Why are all my tables
empty?
86
00:04:31,490 --> 00:04:33,660
Why am I not making money?
87
00:04:33,660 --> 00:04:37,590
- Because these two costumed
creeps chased them out.
88
00:04:37,590 --> 00:04:39,230
[both grunting]
89
00:04:39,230 --> 00:04:44,330
- Oh. Mr. Squidward, step into
me office.
90
00:04:44,330 --> 00:04:45,530
- Uh-oh, Patrick.
91
00:04:45,530 --> 00:04:48,130
I think we got Squidward in
trouble.
92
00:04:48,130 --> 00:04:51,290
- I'm gonna share a secret with
you that I never told anyone.
93
00:04:51,290 --> 00:04:55,330
- Uh, that's okay.
I don't need to hear a...
94
00:04:55,330 --> 00:04:56,760
Hmm?
95
00:04:58,630 --> 00:05:00,490
- Ha! Ha-ha.
You're a comic book geek.
96
00:05:00,490 --> 00:05:02,260
- Ahh!
97
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:03,630
Don't touch those.
98
00:05:03,630 --> 00:05:05,890
They're mint condition,
worth a fortune.
99
00:05:05,890 --> 00:05:08,390
- So you read comics.
Don't worry.
100
00:05:08,390 --> 00:05:11,590
Lots of perfectly immature
adults read comics.
101
00:05:11,590 --> 00:05:16,760
- Oh, it's deeper than that.
102
00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:18,630
I sewed it meself.
103
00:05:18,630 --> 00:05:21,230
It's Captain
Tightwad from issue 53.
104
00:05:21,230 --> 00:05:23,590
They say he's a bad guy, but,
you know,
105
00:05:23,590 --> 00:05:25,230
I think he's just
misunderstood.
106
00:05:25,230 --> 00:05:29,290
- Oh, look at that.
I think I left my oven on.
107
00:05:29,290 --> 00:05:33,830
- I had some fabric left over,
so I made this.
108
00:05:33,830 --> 00:05:37,560
- Oh, don't tell me...
Doctor Negative?
109
00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:39,630
- Ahoy, you high-sea halfwits.
110
00:05:39,630 --> 00:05:41,730
[both gasp]
111
00:05:41,730 --> 00:05:47,030
- Tremble before Captain
Tightwad!
112
00:05:47,030 --> 00:05:50,060
Squidward.
113
00:05:50,060 --> 00:05:54,530
- And cower in fear of Doctor
Negative.
114
00:05:54,530 --> 00:05:55,560
- Holy shrimp.
115
00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:57,530
This is the best day of my life.
116
00:05:57,530 --> 00:06:00,530
[dramatic music]
117
00:06:00,530 --> 00:06:03,230
*
118
00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:05,230
both: Whoa! Oh!
119
00:06:05,230 --> 00:06:07,230
Whoa-ho! Whoa!
120
00:06:07,230 --> 00:06:09,060
*
121
00:06:09,060 --> 00:06:11,390
- What're you waiting for?
- Augh!
122
00:06:11,390 --> 00:06:13,690
Ugh!
123
00:06:13,690 --> 00:06:17,060
[grunting]
124
00:06:17,060 --> 00:06:20,060
Ugh! Ow! Ow!
125
00:06:20,060 --> 00:06:23,230
[both grunting]
126
00:06:28,590 --> 00:06:30,890
- Hyahhh!
127
00:06:34,230 --> 00:06:36,430
- Why are we fighting Captain
Tightwad?
128
00:06:36,430 --> 00:06:37,930
He didn't even commit a
crime.
129
00:06:37,930 --> 00:06:39,460
- What--what do you mean?
130
00:06:39,460 --> 00:06:40,760
- Oh, Mr. Krabs, it's right here
in
131
00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:42,230
"Mermaid Man" number 98.
132
00:06:42,230 --> 00:06:44,590
"No superhero shall fight a
super villain
133
00:06:44,590 --> 00:06:47,590
until that super villain
has committed a crime."
134
00:06:47,590 --> 00:06:49,790
- Uh...well...hey.
135
00:06:53,030 --> 00:06:54,430
Ha-ha, see?
136
00:06:54,430 --> 00:06:56,530
I just stole some money.
137
00:06:56,530 --> 00:07:00,490
- Well, it's not really stealing
if it's your own money.
138
00:07:00,490 --> 00:07:01,830
- Oh, come on.
139
00:07:01,830 --> 00:07:04,330
What do--what do I have to do
here?
140
00:07:04,330 --> 00:07:05,960
- Ahh-ahh-ahh!
141
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:07,830
- Are you sure about this?
142
00:07:07,830 --> 00:07:09,930
Isn't robbing a bank against the
law?
143
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:11,960
- Well, yes, Mr. Krabs, but
you're not really
144
00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:14,060
robbing a bank.
You're just pretending to.
145
00:07:14,060 --> 00:07:16,490
- And then we can play?
- Yep.
146
00:07:16,490 --> 00:07:18,230
- Oh, okay.
147
00:07:18,230 --> 00:07:19,560
Ahoy.
148
00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:21,090
Anyone home?
149
00:07:21,090 --> 00:07:23,990
It's Captain
Tightwad and Doctor Negative.
150
00:07:23,990 --> 00:07:25,390
We're
here to rob you.
151
00:07:25,390 --> 00:07:26,760
Anyone here?
Hello?
152
00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:29,130
- [snoring]
153
00:07:29,130 --> 00:07:31,290
Barnacled nickels.
154
00:07:31,290 --> 00:07:32,860
Can I
help you ladies?
155
00:07:32,860 --> 00:07:35,060
- Oh, yeah, thanks, old-timer.
156
00:07:35,060 --> 00:07:37,390
Um, we're pretending to rob this
bank.
157
00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:39,590
Where's the tellers?
Where's the money?
158
00:07:39,590 --> 00:07:40,660
- Ain't no tellers.
159
00:07:40,660 --> 00:07:43,890
ATM's outside.
160
00:07:43,890 --> 00:07:45,590
both: Heh-heh-heh-heh.
161
00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:48,130
- Aw, barnacles.
I forgot me debit card.
162
00:07:48,130 --> 00:07:49,560
- Wait a minute.
163
00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:51,590
I don't care if you
are ladies.
164
00:07:51,590 --> 00:07:54,660
Nobody pretends to rob
my bank.
165
00:07:54,660 --> 00:07:57,060
- [roars]
- Ahh!
166
00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:58,260
- Ahh!
167
00:07:58,260 --> 00:08:01,230
[grunting]
168
00:08:01,230 --> 00:08:02,460
Ow!
169
00:08:02,460 --> 00:08:04,690
Ehh...
170
00:08:04,690 --> 00:08:06,560
- [mumbling]
171
00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:08,560
- Whoa, you were so convincing.
172
00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:10,390
You
had that guard totally fooled.
173
00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:12,490
I think we can skip to the end
of the story.
174
00:08:12,490 --> 00:08:14,360
Let's just stop here to pick
up some props
175
00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:15,690
for your evil lair.
176
00:08:15,690 --> 00:08:18,960
We'll just need a few dollars...
yoink!
177
00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:20,930
- I'm supposed to be the
villain,
178
00:08:20,930 --> 00:08:24,660
so why do I feel like I'm being
robbed?
179
00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:29,460
[dramatic music]
180
00:08:29,460 --> 00:08:32,290
- Okay Captain Tightwad...
181
00:08:32,290 --> 00:08:35,560
Doctor
Negative, you can come out now.
182
00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:36,690
[cash register dings]
183
00:08:36,690 --> 00:08:40,190
both: Ahh!
184
00:08:40,190 --> 00:08:42,030
- [grunts]
185
00:08:42,030 --> 00:08:43,660
- Okay, so here's the scene.
186
00:08:43,660 --> 00:08:46,360
You two have us here in this
cage over a pool of boiling oil.
187
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:47,890
Now, that is a
crime.
188
00:08:47,890 --> 00:08:49,560
Now you can let us out so we
can fight.
189
00:08:49,560 --> 00:08:54,630
- Oh, I don't think we're going
to do that.
190
00:08:55,860 --> 00:08:57,760
- Hey, wha-wha-wha-what are you
doing?
191
00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:59,390
- Being evil.
192
00:08:59,390 --> 00:09:00,890
Isn't that what you wanted?
193
00:09:00,890 --> 00:09:02,660
Aren't you scared?
194
00:09:02,660 --> 00:09:03,890
Boo-hoo?
195
00:09:03,890 --> 00:09:07,230
- Boo-hoo?
Do you expect us to cry?
196
00:09:07,230 --> 00:09:08,460
- No, Mr. Bob.
197
00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:10,260
I expect you to fry.
198
00:09:10,260 --> 00:09:11,660
[laughs]
199
00:09:11,660 --> 00:09:13,360
- [laughs]
200
00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:14,960
Ha-ha, ha-ha, hmm.
201
00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:18,030
Okay, Squidward,
playtime's over.
202
00:09:18,030 --> 00:09:19,760
This is getting a
little intense here.
203
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:24,690
- Too long have I suffered
living between you two ninnies.
204
00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:27,030
But now--
now as Doctor Negative,
205
00:09:27,030 --> 00:09:31,660
I shall finally exact my
exquisite revenge!
206
00:09:31,660 --> 00:09:33,760
[laughs]
207
00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:35,230
[both chuckling]
208
00:09:35,230 --> 00:09:37,530
- See, I just knew he'd make a
terrific bad guy.
209
00:09:37,530 --> 00:09:38,830
He is really
committing.
210
00:09:38,830 --> 00:09:41,290
- Yeah, you did a great job with
casting.
211
00:09:41,290 --> 00:09:44,360
- Could this be end of our
Doofus Duo?
212
00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:49,130
Deep-fried like two tenacious
tater tots on tenterhooks?
213
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:52,590
- Swing, Boy Under.
Swing the basket.
214
00:09:52,590 --> 00:09:54,990
[both grunting]
215
00:09:59,930 --> 00:10:02,130
both: Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh.
216
00:10:02,130 --> 00:10:04,390
Ahhh!
217
00:10:12,790 --> 00:10:15,790
[upbeat music]
218
00:10:15,790 --> 00:10:23,860
*
219
00:10:23,860 --> 00:10:25,230
- Oh, boy, Mr. Krabs.
220
00:10:25,230 --> 00:10:28,260
That was the best Mermaid Man
playdate ever.
221
00:10:28,260 --> 00:10:29,890
- Yeah, not bad.
222
00:10:29,890 --> 00:10:32,890
But next time, we
won't go so easy on ya.
223
00:10:32,890 --> 00:10:35,490
- Eh...
maybe I'll just stick to
224
00:10:35,490 --> 00:10:37,790
reading comics from now on.
225
00:10:37,790 --> 00:10:40,360
both: To the Mermalair!
226
00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:41,830
Ahh...oof!
227
00:10:41,830 --> 00:10:44,430
- And so ends another
numskulled episode
228
00:10:44,430 --> 00:10:46,130
of that preposterous pair:
229
00:10:46,130 --> 00:10:48,660
Mermaid Pants and Barnacle
Star.
230
00:10:48,660 --> 00:10:52,390
Tune in next time for more
mind-rotting adventures.
231
00:10:52,390 --> 00:10:54,490
I've really got to find another
job.
232
00:10:54,490 --> 00:10:57,930
I wonder if it's too late to
go back to college radio?
15509
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