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1
00:00:07,850 --> 00:00:09,020
- Are you ready, kids?
2
00:00:09,020 --> 00:00:10,720
all: Aye, aye, Captain!
3
00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:14,280
- I can't hear you.
all: Aye, aye, Captain!
4
00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:17,320
- * Ohh...
5
00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:19,520
* Who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? *
6
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,520
all: SpongeBob SquarePants!
7
00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:23,350
- * Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he *
8
00:00:23,350 --> 00:00:25,280
all: SpongeBob SquarePants!
9
00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:27,320
- * If nautical nonsense
be something you wish *
10
00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:28,950
all: SpongeBob SquarePants!
11
00:00:28,950 --> 00:00:31,520
- * Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish *
12
00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:33,480
all: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- Ready?
13
00:00:33,480 --> 00:00:35,720
all: SpongeBob SquarePants!
14
00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:37,650
SpongeBob SquarePants!
15
00:00:37,650 --> 00:00:39,620
SpongeBob SquarePants!
16
00:00:39,620 --> 00:00:40,820
- * SpongeBob
17
00:00:40,820 --> 00:00:43,050
* SquarePants!
18
00:00:43,050 --> 00:00:45,620
[laughing]
19
00:00:45,620 --> 00:00:47,280
*
20
00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:48,420
[waves crashing]
21
00:00:52,050 --> 00:00:55,050
[upbeat ukulele music]
22
00:00:55,050 --> 00:01:02,520
*
23
00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:05,880
- * La da dee, la da dum,
la da doo *
24
00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:08,120
* La da dee,
la da dum, la da doo *
25
00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:09,120
[timer dings]
26
00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:12,550
[humming]
27
00:01:12,550 --> 00:01:14,120
[sniffs]
28
00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:16,580
Ah!
29
00:01:25,180 --> 00:01:26,180
[doorbell rings]
30
00:01:26,180 --> 00:01:27,920
Huh?
[grumbles]
31
00:01:30,950 --> 00:01:34,080
- Hey!
32
00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:36,450
Whatcha doing?
33
00:01:36,450 --> 00:01:38,120
- I'm busy!
34
00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:39,480
- How busy
would you say you are
35
00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:40,980
on a scale of eight to nine?
36
00:01:40,980 --> 00:01:42,280
- 14!
37
00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:43,850
- Squidward,
I'm no mathematologist
38
00:01:43,850 --> 00:01:45,550
but that seems like a lot.
39
00:01:45,550 --> 00:01:48,850
- It is!
40
00:01:48,850 --> 00:01:50,150
- Okay, quick survey!
41
00:01:50,150 --> 00:01:53,220
Are you "busy-busy"
or just "busy"?
42
00:01:53,220 --> 00:01:54,950
- What's "busy-busy"?
43
00:01:54,950 --> 00:01:56,150
No, no, no, don't tell me,
don't tell me!
44
00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:57,750
Don't tell me anything.
45
00:01:57,750 --> 00:02:01,250
Don't even tell me
what you're doing here.
46
00:02:01,250 --> 00:02:02,550
- I found a jump rope.
47
00:02:02,550 --> 00:02:04,850
- I said not to tell me!
48
00:02:04,850 --> 00:02:08,250
You're ruining
my perfect afternoon.
49
00:02:08,250 --> 00:02:10,650
I'm spending some quality time
50
00:02:10,650 --> 00:02:13,580
with someone who is
very important to me.
51
00:02:13,580 --> 00:02:17,480
- Oh, who's the lucky--
52
00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:20,580
- Ah, perfectly browned
toast points.
53
00:02:20,580 --> 00:02:23,250
Sparkling kelp juice.
54
00:02:23,250 --> 00:02:25,150
Here's to me.
55
00:02:25,150 --> 00:02:26,150
[doorbell rings]
56
00:02:26,150 --> 00:02:29,250
Oh, that simpering buffoon!
57
00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:31,220
- You have a great vocabulary.
58
00:02:31,220 --> 00:02:32,320
- I know.
59
00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:36,250
- Indubitably.
60
00:02:36,250 --> 00:02:39,980
- Go away!
61
00:02:39,980 --> 00:02:41,450
- Okay.
62
00:02:41,450 --> 00:02:43,450
- Wait! I thought you were
some other idiot.
63
00:02:43,450 --> 00:02:47,980
- No, I guess
I'm just this idiot.
64
00:02:57,650 --> 00:03:01,320
Why...
It's beautiful.
65
00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:04,780
- "You are cordially invited
to the fanciest and shmansiest
66
00:03:04,780 --> 00:03:06,820
"artistic event of the season,
67
00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:10,120
the opening of
Galleria Diphtheria..."
68
00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:11,750
Oh, I've heard of that!
69
00:03:11,750 --> 00:03:14,780
"Bikini Bottom's most exclusive
fine arts showcase.
70
00:03:14,780 --> 00:03:17,220
"This invitation guarantees
the admittance
71
00:03:17,220 --> 00:03:19,080
"of Squidward Tentacles...
72
00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:22,120
"Squidward Tentacles
73
00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:24,380
Ploos Onay?"
74
00:03:24,380 --> 00:03:25,750
- It's a plus one.
75
00:03:25,750 --> 00:03:27,320
- Aah! What are you
still doing here?
76
00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:30,080
- It's not Ploos Onay.
77
00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:33,280
It says
"plus one."
78
00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:34,350
- Plus one.
79
00:03:34,350 --> 00:03:37,750
Oh, yeah, of course, plus one.
80
00:03:37,750 --> 00:03:39,850
Sure...
What's a plus one?
81
00:03:39,850 --> 00:03:42,080
- Well, when you get
an invitation to a party,
82
00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:45,750
sometimes they put "plus one"
on it to tell you it's okay
83
00:03:45,750 --> 00:03:46,980
to bring along a friend.
84
00:03:46,980 --> 00:03:48,420
- Do you have to do it?
85
00:03:48,420 --> 00:03:51,480
- Well, no, you could go alone.
86
00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:53,120
It's just that everyone
would laugh at you,
87
00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:55,550
'cause they'd think
you were a friendless loser.
88
00:03:55,550 --> 00:03:56,950
- What? Do you want me
to call your supervisor
89
00:03:56,950 --> 00:04:00,180
and tell him
you're just standing around?
90
00:04:00,180 --> 00:04:04,180
- [sniffling]
91
00:04:04,180 --> 00:04:07,550
- You need to find a friend
to take as your plus one.
92
00:04:07,550 --> 00:04:08,750
SpongeBob: Somebody like me?
93
00:04:08,750 --> 00:04:11,150
- Aah!
- I like openings.
94
00:04:11,150 --> 00:04:13,120
- No! Not like you.
95
00:04:16,450 --> 00:04:19,780
- Come on, jump rope.
I guess it's just you and me.
96
00:04:22,980 --> 00:04:25,980
- Let's see here...
Friends!
97
00:04:25,980 --> 00:04:29,320
[coughs]
98
00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:32,080
Friends.
99
00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:35,350
Friends.
100
00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:40,280
Hmm. Yeah.
101
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:43,080
I wonder if I still have
my receipt for this thing.
102
00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:44,180
No big deal.
103
00:04:44,180 --> 00:04:46,980
Anybody can make
a friend by...
104
00:04:46,980 --> 00:04:48,520
Tonight?
105
00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:51,620
Let's see,
there must be someone.
106
00:04:51,620 --> 00:04:53,180
Who's a real part
of your life, Squidward?
107
00:04:53,180 --> 00:04:55,850
Who do you see every single day?
108
00:04:55,850 --> 00:04:58,550
Who do you know like
the back of your suction cups?
109
00:04:58,550 --> 00:05:01,080
[SpongeBob giggles maniacally]
110
00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:04,320
But of course!
It's so simple.
111
00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:06,120
- [laughs]
112
00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:10,180
- SpongeBob, I have
something to ask you.
113
00:05:10,180 --> 00:05:11,880
- Of course I'll go
to the opening with you!
114
00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:13,280
- That wasn't the question.
115
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:15,080
Which way did the mailman go?
116
00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:16,320
- Oh.
117
00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:18,480
He said he had a package
for the Widow Duncan.
118
00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:20,080
I think he went--
119
00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:25,250
- And then you just initial it
there, and we're all set.
120
00:05:25,250 --> 00:05:27,080
- Hey!
There you are!
121
00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:27,880
- Not in the face!
122
00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:29,150
- What?
What are you...?
123
00:05:29,150 --> 00:05:30,720
Oh.
[laughs]
124
00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:34,250
You always were
a big kidder, huh?
125
00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:37,550
M-Mailman...Guy.
126
00:05:37,550 --> 00:05:39,680
- Actually I am not a kidder.
127
00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:41,720
I'm much more of an introvert.
128
00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:43,620
- I love introverts!
129
00:05:43,620 --> 00:05:47,520
Why, I'm an introvert!
130
00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:50,150
[cheering]
131
00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:51,850
- You are?
132
00:05:51,850 --> 00:05:55,180
- Say, I bet we have
a lot in common.
133
00:05:55,180 --> 00:05:57,720
- Oh, gee, I don't know.
134
00:05:57,720 --> 00:05:59,550
I'm just a regular guy.
135
00:05:59,550 --> 00:06:00,980
When I'm not being
a mailman,
136
00:06:00,980 --> 00:06:03,320
I love going to
fancy art galleries.
137
00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:04,320
- That's me!
138
00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:05,820
- And eating delicious food.
139
00:06:05,820 --> 00:06:08,280
- Oh, delicious food
is my favorite kind of food!
140
00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:10,650
Especially when that delicious
food is something you can...
141
00:06:10,650 --> 00:06:13,080
both: Spread on a toast point!
142
00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:16,120
[laughter]
143
00:06:17,180 --> 00:06:18,720
[sighing]
144
00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:20,650
- Once you've had
pointed toast,
145
00:06:20,650 --> 00:06:23,080
you just never want
any other kind.
146
00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:24,380
- Right?
147
00:06:24,380 --> 00:06:26,350
And if there's one thing
I hate, it's...
148
00:06:26,350 --> 00:06:27,720
- SpongeBob.
- Clarinets.
149
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,250
- Yeah, I know it--what?
150
00:06:29,250 --> 00:06:30,480
- I mean, what kind of maniac
151
00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:32,280
can enjoy the sound
of a clarinet?
152
00:06:32,280 --> 00:06:34,780
That squeaky, hollow,
kind of piercing howl
153
00:06:34,780 --> 00:06:36,880
from the very pits of Gehenna.
154
00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:38,950
Only a deluded blowhard
with nothing to lose
155
00:06:38,950 --> 00:06:41,880
could pick up a--ugh--clarinet
and think,
156
00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:43,220
"Yeah, this is for me.
157
00:06:43,220 --> 00:06:45,580
Let me inflict this pain
on the world."
158
00:06:45,580 --> 00:06:46,620
Am I right, buddy?
159
00:06:46,620 --> 00:06:49,150
[nervous chuckle]
160
00:06:49,150 --> 00:06:51,480
Buddy?
161
00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:54,480
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
162
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:57,380
Why are you so darn opinionated,
Norton?
163
00:06:57,380 --> 00:07:00,150
All you do with your searing
yet admirable honesty
164
00:07:00,150 --> 00:07:01,950
is drive everyone away.
165
00:07:01,950 --> 00:07:04,650
When's Norton's time?
166
00:07:04,650 --> 00:07:08,580
When's Norton's time to shine?
167
00:07:08,580 --> 00:07:09,820
- Oh, Norton!
168
00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:12,880
I've always taken a shine
to you.
169
00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:22,620
- Oh, you think you know a guy.
170
00:07:22,620 --> 00:07:23,780
Oh, who are you kidding?
171
00:07:23,780 --> 00:07:25,750
It's not in the cards for you.
172
00:07:25,750 --> 00:07:29,650
I bet not even this old tin can
would be my friend.
173
00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:31,850
- I'll be your friend.
174
00:07:31,850 --> 00:07:34,220
- Who is this?
- It's me, SpongeBob.
175
00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:38,080
- SpongeBob!
176
00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:39,280
- Yes, I'm still here.
177
00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:42,250
- I need to ask you
something important.
178
00:07:42,250 --> 00:07:44,950
- You don't have to ask me
three times!
179
00:07:44,950 --> 00:07:49,580
- Will you tell Larry
I want to talk to him?
180
00:07:49,580 --> 00:07:51,080
- Oh.
181
00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:52,750
Okie doke.
182
00:07:53,980 --> 00:07:57,350
- So, Squidward,
whatcha wanna talk about?
183
00:07:57,350 --> 00:08:01,950
- Well, it's kind of hard
to put into words.
184
00:08:01,950 --> 00:08:03,850
- Oh, I've been there, amigo.
185
00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:05,380
- You have?
- Sure!
186
00:08:05,380 --> 00:08:07,880
But nothing clears the sawdust
out of your brains
187
00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:10,720
quicker than a ride
on a jet ski.
188
00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:12,680
Ever been on one of
these little babies?
189
00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:15,280
- Uh, no, they always seemed
a little...
190
00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:16,850
sporty for me.
191
00:08:16,850 --> 00:08:18,280
- Well, you only live once.
192
00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:22,680
And I just happen to have
an extra helmet.
193
00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:24,920
- What the heck.
194
00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:28,120
['60s surf rock]
195
00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:36,080
*
196
00:08:47,220 --> 00:08:48,220
- Hey!
197
00:08:48,220 --> 00:08:56,150
**
198
00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:10,120
[clarinet and bongos play]
199
00:09:12,980 --> 00:09:14,520
- We make quite a team!
200
00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:15,820
- I'll say!
201
00:09:15,820 --> 00:09:17,880
- You know, earlier today
I met a jerk
202
00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:21,080
who said he didn't like
clarinet music.
203
00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:23,320
- Hey, you know,
that's very un-cool.
204
00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:25,380
What kind of
thoughtless ding dong
205
00:09:25,380 --> 00:09:26,980
would knock
another man's passion?
206
00:09:26,980 --> 00:09:28,750
- You know,
you're all right, Lester.
207
00:09:28,750 --> 00:09:30,080
- It's Larry.
- Whatever.
208
00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:32,680
The point is, do you
want to go with me
209
00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:34,920
to a gallery opening tonight?
210
00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:37,580
- Well, that's not
my kind of thing at all,
211
00:09:37,580 --> 00:09:40,320
but for you, sure.
212
00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:41,780
I just need to
stop by the apartment
213
00:09:41,780 --> 00:09:44,650
and make myself
a protein shake.
214
00:09:44,650 --> 00:09:47,550
- What?
You don't need that glop.
215
00:09:47,550 --> 00:09:49,080
- Oh, I wouldn't call it glop.
216
00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:51,750
Protein shakes
saved my life, bro.
217
00:09:51,750 --> 00:09:53,620
- Oh, come on.
It's a fad.
218
00:09:53,620 --> 00:09:56,080
You don't want to be
one of those mindless rubes
219
00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:59,920
who marches around
in a constant haze of stupidity.
220
00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:02,350
"I love protein shakes.
221
00:10:02,350 --> 00:10:05,520
"I'm the most gullible rube
on the planet.
222
00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:07,080
"Duh, duh, duh.
223
00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:10,680
Give me
my stupid protein shake."
224
00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:14,250
- [growling]
225
00:10:14,250 --> 00:10:18,850
- I mean...
226
00:10:18,850 --> 00:10:21,180
So, we still on for tonight?
227
00:10:21,180 --> 00:10:24,320
7:00-ish?
228
00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:25,520
[sighs]
229
00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:27,880
I guess
it's just you and me again.
230
00:10:30,950 --> 00:10:32,850
Ugh, what are you doing here?
231
00:10:32,850 --> 00:10:34,720
- Just playing draggy rope.
You want to play?
232
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:35,880
- No.
233
00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:37,450
You hold onto one end
of the rope,
234
00:10:37,450 --> 00:10:39,550
and you drag it behind you
like a sea snake is chasing you.
235
00:10:39,550 --> 00:10:40,550
Like this.
Want to play?
236
00:10:40,550 --> 00:10:43,580
- Just get me out of here.
237
00:10:43,580 --> 00:10:44,720
- Will do.
238
00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:48,680
[grunting]
239
00:10:52,620 --> 00:10:53,750
- Thanks.
240
00:10:53,750 --> 00:10:56,550
- Anything for a friend.
241
00:10:56,550 --> 00:10:58,720
- Friend?
242
00:11:03,650 --> 00:11:06,620
Would you be my plus one?
243
00:11:06,620 --> 00:11:08,150
[gasps]
244
00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:15,520
Come on, SpongeBob.
245
00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:18,650
- And here comes Squidward
Tentacles in what must be either
246
00:11:18,650 --> 00:11:20,950
a bizarre piece
of performance art
247
00:11:20,950 --> 00:11:22,780
or the saddest display
of loneliness
248
00:11:22,780 --> 00:11:25,450
it has ever been
my displeasure to report.
249
00:11:25,450 --> 00:11:28,880
One is inclined to suspect
the second thing I said.
250
00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:31,850
The thing about sadness.
251
00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:36,220
- You'll always be my plus one.
252
00:11:36,220 --> 00:11:37,950
- Aww.
16893
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