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1
00:00:03,771 --> 00:00:06,807
♪ Money, money, money, money ♪
2
00:00:06,907 --> 00:00:08,676
♪ Money ♪
3
00:00:08,776 --> 00:00:11,179
♪ Money, money,
money, money... ♪
4
00:00:11,279 --> 00:00:12,280
Ha!
5
00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:13,681
Bull's-eye.
6
00:00:13,781 --> 00:00:16,084
(laughs, vocalizes)
7
00:00:16,184 --> 00:00:18,285
Ah, throwing darts
at Mom again, huh?
8
00:00:18,286 --> 00:00:19,620
Must be alimony day.
9
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,488
Yeah, I wrote the check
this morning.
10
00:00:21,489 --> 00:00:23,857
This is how I cope.
Right. That's healthy.
11
00:00:23,957 --> 00:00:25,492
Thank you. Wait.
12
00:00:25,493 --> 00:00:27,961
How did you get in here?
I changed the locks.
13
00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:29,797
Uh, by my buddy
Gary the locksmith?
14
00:00:29,897 --> 00:00:31,932
Damn it.
He's been compromised.
15
00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:34,202
Give me my key.
16
00:00:34,335 --> 00:00:35,569
Fine.
17
00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:37,671
It's okay.
I have another one.
18
00:00:37,771 --> 00:00:39,673
No, you don't.
Hand it over.
19
00:00:39,773 --> 00:00:41,109
Okay.
20
00:00:41,209 --> 00:00:43,377
Ha! Huzzah!
21
00:00:46,214 --> 00:00:47,281
How'd you do that?
22
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:49,049
Let's just say
I can't cough
23
00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:51,219
or I'll give away
the hiding place.
24
00:00:51,319 --> 00:00:53,320
Okay, first of all,
don't cough.
25
00:00:53,321 --> 00:00:54,555
Secondly,
26
00:00:54,688 --> 00:00:55,855
we got to take
a new family photo.
27
00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:57,791
Oh. That's a great idea.
28
00:00:57,891 --> 00:00:59,227
I-I can direct it.
29
00:00:59,327 --> 00:01:00,860
Great. Good. Okay.
30
00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:03,063
We got to do it soon before
the kids aren't cute anymore.
31
00:01:04,098 --> 00:01:05,766
Why wouldn't they be cute
when they get older?
32
00:01:05,866 --> 00:01:08,034
Because of this.
Oh, my God!
33
00:01:08,035 --> 00:01:09,437
What is that?
34
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:12,172
That's you
when you were 12.
35
00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:14,708
Look like a baby horse
without your mustache.
36
00:01:14,808 --> 00:01:17,845
Yeah, you're right. I-I didn't
get hot till I was, like, 13,
37
00:01:17,945 --> 00:01:19,780
so... (chuckles)
38
00:01:21,249 --> 00:01:23,751
(screams)
God, my...
39
00:01:23,884 --> 00:01:25,786
Got my key back.
(groans)
40
00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:29,889
Don't ever
call yourself hot again.
41
00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:32,293
Fine. I wasn't delicious
until I was 13.
42
00:01:32,393 --> 00:01:34,762
All right, it's cool,
it'll just be me, you,
43
00:01:34,895 --> 00:01:36,697
Nina... (mumbles): Mama...
(regular voice): the kids.
44
00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:37,798
It'll be great.
45
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:38,966
Who'd you say?
46
00:01:39,066 --> 00:01:41,067
The kids?
No, before that.
47
00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:42,936
Nina?
Between the two.
48
00:01:43,070 --> 00:01:46,072
(mumbles): Mama?
Yes. Her.
49
00:01:46,073 --> 00:01:49,143
The whole idea is to have
a photo without her in it.
50
00:01:49,277 --> 00:01:51,212
Okay.
Okay, what?
51
00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:52,980
To what you said.
What did I say?
52
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,148
That you don't want her there.
53
00:01:54,282 --> 00:01:55,783
Okay, good.
54
00:01:55,916 --> 00:01:57,585
Great.
55
00:01:57,685 --> 00:01:59,787
Well, just to be clear,
56
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:01,155
you're not gonna tell her?
57
00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:03,557
You said it.
58
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:04,892
No, I want you to say it.
59
00:02:04,992 --> 00:02:08,196
I'll say it. Fine.
I was a hot 13-year-old.
60
00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:11,965
Get out.
And Catherine can't be there.
61
00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:13,534
Fine.
62
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:16,304
I'll let myself out.
63
00:02:23,277 --> 00:02:25,346
How'd you do that?
64
00:02:25,446 --> 00:02:28,482
Let's just say
I have a lot of keys.
65
00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:31,018
(keys jingle)
66
00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:34,555
♪ Poppa's ♪
67
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,657
♪ House ♪
68
00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:37,858
♪ Yeah. ♪
69
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:40,928
Okay, so my dad wants to do
a family photo,
70
00:02:41,028 --> 00:02:43,631
and he doesn't want
my mom in it, but I do.
71
00:02:43,731 --> 00:02:46,466
Yes, I know you want to be
standing next to her,
72
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:48,502
skin-to-skin,
like when you were a baby.
73
00:02:48,636 --> 00:02:50,738
Yup, fresh out
the portal.
74
00:02:53,140 --> 00:02:54,107
Hold on one second.
75
00:02:54,208 --> 00:02:55,075
(both laugh)
76
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:56,344
(retches)
Oh.
77
00:02:57,545 --> 00:03:00,080
So, did you tell him that
you want her in it?
No.
78
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,650
I didn't tell him anything.
That's why I'm telling you.
79
00:03:02,750 --> 00:03:05,453
Babe, it's his family photo.
(stammers) He and I
80
00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:07,721
have two different definitions
of what our family is.
81
00:03:07,821 --> 00:03:10,724
His family doesn't include
my mom, my family does.
82
00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:12,593
You know, because of him,
we haven't taken a family photo
83
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,061
in, like, ten years.
84
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:17,030
Then tell him.
I can't because
he'll just say no.
85
00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:20,234
That's why I tricked him into
saying that she can't be there.
86
00:03:20,368 --> 00:03:22,236
Because, technically,
when she comes,
87
00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:24,204
she's gonna be here
and not there.
88
00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:26,574
That way,
he can't be angry at me.
89
00:03:28,376 --> 00:03:31,879
See, that is the problem
right there.
90
00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:33,680
You're afraid of him
being angry at you.
91
00:03:33,681 --> 00:03:34,647
Yes.
92
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:36,183
He's always angry.
Yes.
93
00:03:36,284 --> 00:03:39,186
That's like saying
water can't be wet.
Yes.
94
00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:43,656
Just accept that he's gonna
be angry and get what you want.
95
00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:45,493
You know what? You're right.
96
00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:48,328
I'm gonna go over there
and I'm gonna get what I want.
97
00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:50,398
Okay. Yeah, babe.
That's what I'm gonna do.
98
00:03:50,498 --> 00:03:52,400
Give him a piece of my mind.
You do that, baby.
99
00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:54,234
Gonna get what I want.
Okay.
100
00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:57,905
I just feel like the here, there
thing is better, right?
101
00:03:58,005 --> 00:04:01,975
Babe, don't worry, I know
how this works, just trust me.
102
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:03,777
And when it fails?
103
00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:05,413
Oh, it won't. You know why?
104
00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:06,880
Because you
105
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:08,982
are my secret weapon.
106
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:10,883
Oh, no, no, no, no.
107
00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:12,586
I am not getting
involved in this.
108
00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:14,922
Oh, well, I guess you don't want
to micromanage this event then.
109
00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:17,458
Did you say "micromanage"?
110
00:04:18,626 --> 00:04:20,693
You can pick out
the outfits...
111
00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:22,296
Outfits.
112
00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:24,397
...the color scheme...
113
00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:26,367
Color scheme.
114
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:28,336
...and your favorite...
(gasps)
115
00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:29,670
...the "shej-ule."
116
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:32,005
Oh, the "shej-ule"!
117
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:34,107
(laughs)
(squeals)
118
00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:35,776
And you said it
the British way.
119
00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:38,145
(British accent):
I did. (laughs)
120
00:04:38,245 --> 00:04:40,113
All right, fine, fine, I'm in.
121
00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:43,283
You had me at "shej-ule."
(laughs)
122
00:04:43,384 --> 00:04:45,553
This is gonna be the finest...
Oh.
123
00:04:45,653 --> 00:04:47,855
...Fulton
family photo
124
00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:50,290
the Fultons
have ever photographed.
125
00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:52,224
(laughs) Say that
five times fast.
126
00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:53,060
I can't.
127
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:54,495
(both laugh)
128
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,062
"Shej-ule."
Oh!
129
00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:57,331
(sobs)
130
00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:01,067
(whistling)
131
00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:03,070
Heigh-ho, Daddy-o.
132
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:04,838
I have great news.
133
00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:06,474
Nina has agreed to help
with the photo
134
00:05:06,574 --> 00:05:08,642
because she is such
a great event planner.
135
00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:09,977
You left out
successful,
136
00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:11,612
but I will let you live
to see another day.
137
00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:13,013
Thank you.
138
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,915
Hold on, I thought you
were gonna direct this?
139
00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:17,851
Yes, yes, and as director,
I have hired...
(clears throat)
140
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:20,354
...uh, was fortunate
enough to partner
141
00:05:20,454 --> 00:05:22,022
with such a successful
event planner.
142
00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:24,124
Fine. Just get it done
as quickly as possible.
143
00:05:24,224 --> 00:05:27,093
No fussing with the lights,
no fancy backgrounds.
144
00:05:27,094 --> 00:05:29,397
Just us standing in front
of a brick wall
145
00:05:29,497 --> 00:05:32,533
dressed in our New York
orange and blue, baby.
146
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,100
Yeah, she loves it.
147
00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:35,703
I hate it.
She hates it.
148
00:05:36,604 --> 00:05:39,606
Here is my vision.
The family in white
149
00:05:39,607 --> 00:05:41,641
standing outside
at magic hour,
150
00:05:41,642 --> 00:05:43,511
the sun's
about to set.
151
00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:45,513
It's nature's filter.
Yes.
152
00:05:45,646 --> 00:05:47,080
Yeah, I don't-- I-I think...
153
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,517
And the best part is, it has
to be done within 30 minutes.
154
00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:51,385
Sold.
155
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:53,353
Oh, when I was
a little girl,
156
00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:55,389
my family
took that photo,
157
00:05:55,489 --> 00:05:57,958
and it was magical and...
Babe, it's all right.
158
00:05:58,058 --> 00:05:59,326
You sold it.
You're good.
159
00:05:59,427 --> 00:06:00,894
But I just wanted to tell him...
No, I understand.
160
00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:02,530
You can just, like, tell
me the rest at home, okay?
161
00:06:02,663 --> 00:06:05,433
But I just wanted to let
your dad know...
Shh. Mm...
162
00:06:05,533 --> 00:06:07,067
Be quiet.
163
00:06:08,636 --> 00:06:11,038
Okay, listen,
just to be clear,
164
00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:14,241
30 minutes and
She Who Must Not Be Named--
165
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,610
Catherine-- must not be there.
166
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:19,880
Yes, she will not be there.
167
00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:22,215
Good.
Great.
168
00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:27,254
Because she'll
be here. (laughs)
169
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,623
My plan is going
as planned.
170
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:30,990
This isn't gonna work.
171
00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:32,893
Sorry, what?
172
00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:34,828
I said this isn't
going to work.
173
00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:35,963
One more time.
174
00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:39,567
This isn't going to...
(imitates plane)
175
00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:42,770
Needed it.
176
00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:44,271
JUNIOR:
Now, your mother
177
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:45,739
has a very clever theme,
178
00:06:45,873 --> 00:06:48,576
and that theme is... white.
179
00:06:48,676 --> 00:06:50,843
I want to be dressed
as a princess.
180
00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:52,780
Boo...!
181
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:55,516
You will be wearing
this white dress,
182
00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:57,451
and, Trey,
you will be wearing
183
00:06:57,585 --> 00:06:58,586
this white suit.
Pass.
184
00:06:58,719 --> 00:07:00,754
I want to be Indiana Jones.
185
00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:03,389
(laughs): Oh.
That's badass, man.
186
00:07:03,390 --> 00:07:06,093
I'll get you a hat, a whip,
young Asian sidekick.
187
00:07:06,193 --> 00:07:09,262
Nobody is getting a whip
or a sidekick.
188
00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:10,698
This is a family photo.
189
00:07:10,798 --> 00:07:11,765
Now go change.
190
00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:14,234
JUNIOR AND KIDS:
Aw, man.
191
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:18,672
Poppa's never gonna take
a picture with Glam-ma anyways.
192
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,641
Sounds like a big waste
of my time.
193
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:26,446
She's right. I really think
you should talk to your dad
194
00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:27,914
and tell him
that Catherine's coming.
195
00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:29,882
You do not want
an uncomfortable moment
196
00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:31,218
in front of the kids.
197
00:07:31,318 --> 00:07:34,622
I changed my mind.
I want to be a cop.
198
00:07:35,422 --> 00:07:37,791
Um, yeah,
where did you find those?
199
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:39,092
Under your bed.
200
00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:41,829
Wh-- Get over here. Get.
201
00:07:44,498 --> 00:07:46,733
Hey, yo, we out. Thanks
for tuning in to Pop and Doc.
202
00:07:46,734 --> 00:07:49,469
Remember to set your clock
for the next time we rock.
203
00:07:49,603 --> 00:07:51,138
Tickity, tick, tick, tock.
204
00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:53,541
(laughs):
That-That's good.
205
00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:55,509
Isn't it?
No.
206
00:07:57,277 --> 00:08:00,313
Well, I know that you love
207
00:08:00,447 --> 00:08:01,948
these new
lavalier mics
208
00:08:01,949 --> 00:08:04,151
because we can do this
from anywhere now.
209
00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:06,053
Really? Can you do it
in your car?
210
00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:07,988
I've done it in my car before.
211
00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:10,824
You're talking about
the podcast, right?
212
00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:12,593
Am I?
Are you?
213
00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:14,494
Are we interrupting
anything?
214
00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:16,763
No. Poppa was
just talking about
215
00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:18,699
doing it in the car.
Doing what? No.
216
00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:20,701
Doing the podcast in the car.
217
00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:23,704
Is that
a vision board?
218
00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:26,272
Yes. I make one
for everything.
219
00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:27,474
Samesies.
220
00:08:27,575 --> 00:08:29,108
Yeah, it's for a family photo
we're doing.
221
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:31,311
Oh, now, see, that is lovely.
222
00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:33,581
I always wanted a family photo,
223
00:08:33,681 --> 00:08:34,748
but my mother hated the way
224
00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:36,482
her face looked,
so... Yeah.
225
00:08:36,483 --> 00:08:37,950
We didn't even have mirrors
in the house.
226
00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:39,819
I didn't know what I looked like
till I was 12.
227
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:42,155
My Aunt Carla said
I didn't miss much.
228
00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:43,691
That is so sad.
229
00:08:43,791 --> 00:08:45,358
Well, if you want,
you should stay
230
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:46,994
and hop in for a photo
with our family.
231
00:08:47,094 --> 00:08:51,031
Or... don't.
Or she can just
hop in to one shot.
232
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:53,667
Or, hear me out, we buy
her mother a hockey mask
233
00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:55,668
and let her take
her own family photo.
234
00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:57,705
(laughs)
You're so silly.
235
00:08:57,838 --> 00:08:59,707
Hockey masks don't work.
We tried it.
236
00:08:59,807 --> 00:09:03,577
Anyway, I'm gonna go home
and change
237
00:09:03,677 --> 00:09:05,779
so I can honor
your vision.
238
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,647
BRB.
All right.
239
00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:09,216
Mr. DeMille,
240
00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:11,251
I'm ready for my close-up.
241
00:09:11,852 --> 00:09:13,587
Daddy, don't.
242
00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:20,293
So... a little birdie told me
243
00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:22,362
that you're trying to cut me out
of the family photo.
244
00:09:22,462 --> 00:09:23,797
Tweet, tweet.
245
00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:26,299
That little dodo bird
over there and I
246
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:27,601
had a conversation about this,
247
00:09:27,701 --> 00:09:29,035
and you're not
supposed to be here.
248
00:09:29,036 --> 00:09:30,638
Yeah, uh, well-well,
technically, you said
249
00:09:30,771 --> 00:09:32,105
you didn't want here there,
but now she's here,
250
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:33,707
which certainly isn't there.
251
00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:35,241
I do not
want her here.
252
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:36,644
I do not
want her there.
253
00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:38,311
I do not want her anywhere.
254
00:09:38,445 --> 00:09:40,247
I do not want her
in my house.
255
00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:42,248
I do not want her
on my couch.
256
00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:43,883
I do not want her
257
00:09:43,884 --> 00:09:46,086
because she's not my spouse.
258
00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:47,320
Shut it, Dr. Seuss.
259
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:48,956
Whether if I'm here or there,
260
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:51,724
I'm still a part of this family,
and I should be in that photo.
261
00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:52,993
The great thing about family
262
00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:54,728
is you get to cherry-pick
who's in it.
263
00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:56,730
Like, ooh, I like this cherry,
I like this cherry.
264
00:09:56,830 --> 00:10:00,333
But who is this old, tired
cherry with the big drawers on?
265
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,735
Get out of my family, cherry.
266
00:10:02,736 --> 00:10:04,772
Uh, Dad, I think that's
the exact opposite
267
00:10:04,872 --> 00:10:05,839
of the way family works.
268
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,274
Although I do love cherries.
269
00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:08,676
Especially
the old, tired ones
270
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:10,678
with big drawers on, Mom.
(retches, clears throat)
271
00:10:10,811 --> 00:10:12,412
Okay, look,
just so that we're clear,
272
00:10:12,512 --> 00:10:15,182
this juicy cherry has never
gotten any complaints,
273
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:16,582
and I don't even wear drawers.
274
00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:18,251
Mom, TMI.
275
00:10:18,351 --> 00:10:19,853
CATHERINE:
Uh, look, now, Nina,
276
00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:21,588
I heard all about your vision.
277
00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:22,856
Yes, I was thinking white.
278
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,725
And I was thinking different.
279
00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:26,526
White blows out
on film,
280
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,161
and it blows out my behind,
281
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:29,830
so I thought,
282
00:10:29,930 --> 00:10:33,200
drumroll...
(imitates drumroll)
283
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:36,069
Wouldn't crimson be fabulous?
284
00:10:36,169 --> 00:10:37,705
Red?
Yes!
285
00:10:37,805 --> 00:10:39,271
That's just gonna pull focus.
286
00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:40,573
Exactly.
287
00:10:40,674 --> 00:10:42,608
Red it is. Okay, children.
288
00:10:42,609 --> 00:10:44,211
Who wants candy?
BOTH: We do!
289
00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:46,714
We do!
Nuh-uh. What's my rule?
290
00:10:46,814 --> 00:10:50,017
Never to touch your clothes
'cause they Louis, baby!
291
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:51,618
Yes.
292
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,954
She'll be in red, all right,
because I'm gonna kill her.
293
00:10:54,955 --> 00:10:57,357
No need. I'm gonna set
that woman straight right now.
294
00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:59,626
No, Dad, wait.
Hush. Sit down.
295
00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:05,464
Look, how long are you gonna
let your parents steamroll you?
296
00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:06,867
This little here-there game
297
00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:08,568
you've been playing
has not been working.
298
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,904
You don't understand
my dad, all right?
299
00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:13,506
If he doesn't get his way,
he turns into a monster.
300
00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:14,775
If my mom doesn't get her way,
301
00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:16,376
she turns
into an even bigger monster.
302
00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:19,346
Then let Godzilla and Momzilla
fight it out themselves.
303
00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:20,613
They'll destroy Tokyo.
304
00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:21,981
And in this, are you Tokyo?
305
00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:23,917
Yeah.
I'm always collateral damage.
306
00:11:24,051 --> 00:11:26,153
No, our children are
collateral damage
307
00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:29,256
because they are the ones being
exposed to all this dysfunction.
308
00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:31,157
And you need
to do something about it.
309
00:11:31,158 --> 00:11:32,225
What?
310
00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:33,626
Stand up to them.
311
00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:35,763
Make them see
the bigger picture.
312
00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:39,232
You're right.
313
00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:41,668
I'm gonna stand up to them.
Yeah.
314
00:11:41,769 --> 00:11:43,436
I'm a man.
You're a man.
315
00:11:43,570 --> 00:11:44,604
I'm a man.
You a man!
316
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:46,673
I'm strong.
You're strong.
317
00:11:46,774 --> 00:11:47,975
Look at these muscles, babe.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
318
00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:49,676
Yeah. So what you gonna do?
319
00:11:49,777 --> 00:11:51,779
I'm gonna stand up
to my parents!
And when you gonna do it?!
320
00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:53,914
I'm gonna do it right now!
Now!
321
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:55,681
CATHERINE:
Junior?
Coming, Mommy.
322
00:11:55,682 --> 00:11:57,785
Oh, my God.
323
00:11:57,918 --> 00:12:01,421
You tell your father that I am
still a part of this family.
324
00:12:01,521 --> 00:12:04,424
I spent 36 hours, 27 minutes,
and 14 seconds
325
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,358
pushing your big head
out into the world.
326
00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:09,496
And all he did was just show
up to the hospital and faint.
327
00:12:09,596 --> 00:12:12,199
Yeah, after I saw all that stuff
come out on a bungee cord.
328
00:12:12,299 --> 00:12:14,033
(scoffs)
Uh, okay, so, uh,
329
00:12:14,034 --> 00:12:15,902
just talked to mi madre,
and she said that...
330
00:12:15,903 --> 00:12:18,537
You tell her, I did more
than just come to the hospital.
331
00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:20,907
I caught your big head.
And you dropped it.
332
00:12:20,908 --> 00:12:22,609
Because it was slippery.
333
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,543
Um, so, uh, Daddy said
he saw all this stuff...
334
00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:25,612
I heard what the man said.
335
00:12:25,712 --> 00:12:27,413
Okay.
No, you know what?
336
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:29,215
You tell her,
if she want to take a picture,
337
00:12:29,216 --> 00:12:31,384
take one in the house that
she bought with half my money.
338
00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:33,920
Ooh, that's a wordy one,
but I will give it a shot.
339
00:12:33,921 --> 00:12:35,488
You know what? I get it.
340
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,457
You don't have to tell me twice
that I am not wanted.
341
00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:40,260
I've told you six times,
and you're still here.
342
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,330
You know what?
The seventh time
is the charm.
343
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:46,232
I'll be at Junior's house.
344
00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:48,101
NINA:
No!
345
00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:49,902
Dad.
346
00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:51,805
Please stop.
347
00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:53,373
I'm not doing this, okay?
348
00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:54,808
She is not my family.
349
00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:56,309
I'm calling
this whole thing off.
350
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:57,776
No, you're not.
351
00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,279
Look, all I want is
for a simple photo
352
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:03,851
of my entire family to hang in
my house for my children to see.
353
00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:05,953
I'm sorry, I'm out.
No, Dad.
354
00:13:06,053 --> 00:13:08,454
I'm not asking.
I'm demanding.
355
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:11,758
I'm not a little birdie
anymore, Dad.
356
00:13:11,859 --> 00:13:13,660
Oh, so you're stepping
to me now?
357
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:16,864
Yeah, 'cause I'm Big Bird.
358
00:13:16,964 --> 00:13:18,798
From Sesame Street?
Yeah.
359
00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:20,000
The big yellow one.
360
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,434
Well, you take one more step,
361
00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:22,801
I'm having chicken tonight.
362
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,738
He's not... a... chicken.
363
00:13:25,839 --> 00:13:28,175
He's bird-racial.
364
00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:31,978
Well, if you're feeling
froggy, then come on and jump.
365
00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:33,713
Oh, you want
to poke the bear?
366
00:13:33,847 --> 00:13:35,682
Yeah, I thought
you was a bird.
367
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:38,351
I transitioned.
368
00:13:38,451 --> 00:13:40,553
I'm a bird and a bear now.
369
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,455
So you're a bird
and a bear...
370
00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:43,924
Mm-hmm.
...with horns?
371
00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:45,657
Yeah.
372
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,427
And I'm horny.
373
00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:49,096
(clucks)
374
00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:53,566
You better moo... ve.
375
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,468
Okay, listen.
376
00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:59,406
I know this seems very simple
to you, son,
377
00:13:59,539 --> 00:14:01,974
but it's very complicated
for me, okay?
378
00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:04,044
I'm not doing this.
379
00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:06,914
Okay.
380
00:14:07,747 --> 00:14:08,982
You win.
381
00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:12,785
I'm gonna call the kids over,
and then you can explain to them
382
00:14:12,886 --> 00:14:14,820
why you can't stand next
to their grandmother
383
00:14:14,821 --> 00:14:16,689
for a simple family photo.
384
00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:18,758
Does that work for you?
385
00:14:30,037 --> 00:14:34,241
One. I'll take one
damn photo with her.
386
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:35,909
Good. Mom,
387
00:14:36,043 --> 00:14:37,911
Dad has something
he wants to say to you.
I didn't say I...
388
00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:39,646
It's too late. I'm leaving.
389
00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:42,615
No. You drop those bags
right where they are,
390
00:14:42,749 --> 00:14:44,216
young, old lady, and sit down!
391
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:46,019
Pardonne-moi?
392
00:14:46,119 --> 00:14:47,420
Pardonne nah.
393
00:14:48,521 --> 00:14:51,057
I'm not your hot little
13-year-old middleman anymore.
394
00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:54,893
Now you guys stay here
and work this out.
395
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:56,463
Give me that.
396
00:14:58,765 --> 00:15:00,800
(sighs)
397
00:15:00,934 --> 00:15:03,470
Look, Cat, this is...
398
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,940
...really hard
for me to say, but
399
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:09,741
the reason why
I wanted a new family photo
400
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:11,743
is because every time
I look at mine,
401
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:15,215
it reminds me
of our failed marriage,
402
00:15:15,315 --> 00:15:16,883
and that's...
403
00:15:16,984 --> 00:15:18,451
that's painful for me.
404
00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:20,954
Okay, listen,
I get it, all right?
405
00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:23,556
But besides what happened to us,
we got to find a way
406
00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:25,959
to get along
for the sake of this family.
407
00:15:26,093 --> 00:15:28,361
Especially the little ones.
408
00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:30,330
They're our legacy,
409
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:32,465
and it's a damn beautiful one.
410
00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:34,067
You're right.
411
00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:36,536
Trying to erase you from the
present doesn't change our past.
412
00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:38,738
And neither does throwing darts
at my head.
413
00:15:38,838 --> 00:15:41,975
Or writing "For Freedom" on
the memo of the alimony check.
414
00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:43,643
Yeah, well, you can write
whatever you want
415
00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:45,245
on the check
as long as it clears.
416
00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:46,679
(both laughing)
417
00:15:46,813 --> 00:15:48,648
I hate writing
those checks.
418
00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:50,616
Oh, but I love cashing 'em.
419
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,951
I know. I see every month.
420
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:55,755
Just keep writing 'em,
baby, keep writing 'em.
421
00:15:55,855 --> 00:15:57,623
(both laughing)
422
00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:59,492
(sighs)
Ah, but seriously,
Catherine,
423
00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:01,694
I-I was wrong,
and I'm asking you,
424
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,763
please be in the family photo.
425
00:16:03,863 --> 00:16:05,698
Say that again.
426
00:16:05,832 --> 00:16:08,068
Please be in the family photo.
427
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:09,702
No, the other part.
428
00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:12,438
I was wrong.
429
00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:13,740
(sighs)
430
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:14,841
Fine.
431
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,808
I'll stay.
Okay.
432
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:19,679
And I think you owe
Nina an apology.
Hmm.
433
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:21,947
Nina?
I'm right here.
434
00:16:21,948 --> 00:16:23,783
Where? Oh!
435
00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:25,385
(chuckles)
Uh, okay.
436
00:16:25,518 --> 00:16:28,621
Uh, listen, I'll admit I might
have gotten carried away.
437
00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:29,822
Carried away with what?
438
00:16:29,922 --> 00:16:31,691
My vision for the photo.
439
00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:32,791
Like you did when?
440
00:16:32,792 --> 00:16:34,361
Perhaps your wedding.
And?
441
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:36,529
Maybe your 30th
birthday party,
442
00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:38,664
which we all knew
was your 35th.
443
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:41,201
And?
And don't push it,
Polly Pocket.
444
00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:43,669
But I do believe
that there is a way
445
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:45,938
we can blend our vision.
446
00:16:46,039 --> 00:16:47,874
I appreciate your non-apology.
447
00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:49,042
You're welcome.
448
00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:51,310
Kids, you can wear
whatever you want!
449
00:16:51,311 --> 00:16:53,479
MAYA AND TREY:
Yay!
450
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,915
You can wear your crimson red.
451
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,384
You can wear your prison outfit.
452
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:58,418
Yeah.
453
00:16:58,551 --> 00:16:59,786
(both laugh)
454
00:16:59,886 --> 00:17:01,320
While Junior and I
455
00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:03,756
will be glowing in white.
456
00:17:06,293 --> 00:17:07,260
What?
457
00:17:10,497 --> 00:17:11,931
What the hell are
you doing here?
458
00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:13,600
He's my father. I invited him.
459
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:16,202
That's right.
I mean, I am a patriarch.
460
00:17:16,203 --> 00:17:19,072
Well, why are you dressed
like Santa's drug dealer?
461
00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:22,275
Don't you remember?
462
00:17:22,409 --> 00:17:24,144
This is the suit we wore
463
00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:26,446
in the Top Hat Boys
in high school.
464
00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:28,281
It still fits me like a glove.
465
00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:30,882
Yeah, the O.J. Simpson glove.
(laughs)
466
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:32,952
Come on. One, two, three.
467
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:35,188
♪ We're the Top Hat Boys ♪
468
00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:37,124
♪ Gentlemanly and exquisite ♪
469
00:17:37,224 --> 00:17:38,858
♪ Our top hats we exhibit ♪
470
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:40,793
Come on, sing it with me.
471
00:17:40,927 --> 00:17:42,462
♪ No sex till marriage ♪
472
00:17:42,595 --> 00:17:45,765
You will never have sex again
wearing that stupid outfit.
473
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,800
He's right, Joseph Joseph.
474
00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:50,803
Don't give me this thing.
475
00:17:50,937 --> 00:17:52,272
Oh. (laughs)
476
00:17:53,106 --> 00:17:56,109
♪ No sex till marriage! ♪
477
00:17:56,209 --> 00:17:58,478
We're married,
so we can definitely...
478
00:17:58,611 --> 00:18:01,514
(shushes)
Uh-uh.
479
00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:02,982
All right, guys,
the sun is setting.
480
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:04,484
Let's go change and get outside.
481
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,286
Yeah?
Good idea.
Yeah, yeah.
482
00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:07,720
I'm proud of you.
483
00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:11,124
I know it took a lot
to stand up to your mom and dad.
484
00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:12,459
Thanks, babe.
485
00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:14,694
Could not have
done it without you.
486
00:18:14,794 --> 00:18:16,896
I'm sorry everyone's not wearing
all white like you wanted.
487
00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:18,565
Eh. That's okay.
488
00:18:18,665 --> 00:18:21,134
The most important thing
is that we're taking this photo
489
00:18:21,268 --> 00:18:23,970
of this big, beautiful,
dysfunctional family.
490
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:26,806
(chuckles softly)
Yeah.
491
00:18:27,974 --> 00:18:29,176
Hey, can I ask you something?
492
00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:32,412
Yes, you were a hot
and sexy 13-year-old.
493
00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:34,147
Yes. All right.
494
00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:37,317
Um, if no one
objects, I'd like
495
00:18:37,417 --> 00:18:40,153
to stand right next
to Catherine.
Ooh.
496
00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:41,821
Well, I not only don't object.
497
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:43,823
I'd love that,
Joseph Joseph.
498
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:45,858
Just no smelling my hair.
499
00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:48,661
That's all right because I've
already memorized your scent
500
00:18:48,761 --> 00:18:50,929
and sprinkled it
in my top hat. (sniffs)
501
00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:54,167
Mmm. Catnip.
502
00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:55,502
Yuck.
503
00:18:55,602 --> 00:18:59,172
And I won't be standing next
to either one of you.
504
00:18:59,306 --> 00:19:01,841
Oh. Well, we'd love that, too.
505
00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:03,543
And I'll be standing
next to my wife,
506
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:05,778
whether anyone
likes it or not.
(Catherine clears throat)
507
00:19:05,878 --> 00:19:07,347
And my mother.
508
00:19:07,447 --> 00:19:09,416
(gasps)
Oh, my gosh.
509
00:19:09,516 --> 00:19:11,483
Traffic was crazy.
510
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:14,286
I had to abandon my car,
take off my shoes,
511
00:19:14,287 --> 00:19:15,888
and Sha'Carri my butt over here.
512
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,190
I hope I look okay.
513
00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:19,058
Yeah, okay,
if that's what you're going for.
514
00:19:19,192 --> 00:19:20,792
(sighs)
You know,
515
00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:23,062
I never thought
I'd be a part of a family photo.
516
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:26,366
I mean, I know we're not related
by blood or law,
517
00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:28,800
but it feels just as right.
518
00:19:28,801 --> 00:19:31,103
Really. Ah.
519
00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:33,673
(camera shutter clicks)
520
00:19:36,476 --> 00:19:37,777
Bull's-eye.
521
00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:43,816
Okay, well,
if you want some of this bull,
522
00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:45,918
go ahead and flick the horn.
523
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:48,087
Hmm? (laughs)
524
00:19:49,256 --> 00:19:51,391
One more time.
This isn't going to work.
525
00:19:51,491 --> 00:19:53,693
I don't...
Hmm.
526
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:57,630
Your breath smelled like
Tootsie Roll, babe.
527
00:19:57,764 --> 00:19:59,098
The dance.
528
00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:02,101
Like 25 of these, just...
529
00:20:04,937 --> 00:20:06,439
Like, whatever that smell is.
Come here.
530
00:20:06,573 --> 00:20:07,807
What?!
531
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:10,377
That's a great idea.
I-I can direct it.
532
00:20:10,477 --> 00:20:11,778
Yeah, good.
533
00:20:11,878 --> 00:20:14,046
Okay, but we got to do it quick
because we got...
534
00:20:14,146 --> 00:20:17,183
No. We got to do it soon
before the kids get un-cute.
535
00:20:17,284 --> 00:20:18,951
Un-cute?
We got to do it cute before...
536
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:20,787
We got to do it...
Okay, we got...
537
00:20:22,955 --> 00:20:25,257
All right, fine, fine. I'm in.
538
00:20:25,258 --> 00:20:28,127
You had me at "shej-ule."
(laughs)
539
00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:30,597
This is gonna be
the finest...
Oh.
540
00:20:30,697 --> 00:20:32,632
...Fulton family photo
541
00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:35,302
the Fultons have
ever photographed.
542
00:20:35,402 --> 00:20:37,269
(laughs) Say that
five times fast.
543
00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:39,571
I can't. (laughs)
(laughs)
544
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:42,642
"Shej-ule."
Oh!
545
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:43,743
What's wrong?
546
00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:46,679
I'm "shej-uling." Oh.
(laughs)
547
00:20:51,217 --> 00:20:54,454
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
548
00:20:54,554 --> 00:20:57,256
and TOYOTA.
549
00:20:57,357 --> 00:21:00,727
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
38858
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