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1
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[indistinct chatter]
2
00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:20,400
[Mary speaking Russian]
It's me.
3
00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:21,400
No.
4
00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:25,520
We're still good. No one suspects a thing.
5
00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:27,960
[line disconnects]
6
00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:36,880
And also, Buckingham Palace
have been in touch to ask
7
00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:38,760
if we can have another
look at their firewall
8
00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:41,680
'cause the Queen's still
receiving popups for erectile dysfunction.
9
00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:43,880
I once took
one of those tablets by mistake.
10
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:44,800
Did it work?
11
00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:46,360
Yes.
12
00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:48,400
Happy Valentine's Day!
13
00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:50,160
-Oh.
-Are they all yours?
14
00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:52,680
No, a lot of these are
international arrest warrants.
15
00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:54,160
I just didn't wanna miss anything.
16
00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:55,160
[Joseph] Ah.
17
00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:58,200
-Anything in there with my name on it?
-Why, what did you do?
18
00:00:58,280 --> 00:01:01,320
Oh! No, nothing. I think it's just
me and Charlotte from GCHQ Bude
19
00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:03,760
have had a lot of, um,
email back and forth recently. So…
20
00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:06,400
Is that the tall girl
with mad cow disease?
21
00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:08,080
-No. Who's that?
-Morning, everyone.
22
00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:12,000
-Oh, shit, did someone die?
-Yes. About 80 million people.
23
00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:16,560
This week, we're celebrating 76 years
since the end of World War II.
24
00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:19,400
-By dressing as Hitler and his dentist?
-[snickers]
25
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:21,920
Wait, I have to wear
this for a whole week?
26
00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:22,960
Yes.
27
00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:27,160
This is a Women's Auxiliary
Air Force pilot's uniform.
28
00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:29,280
It used to belong
to your great-grandmother.
29
00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:33,040
-Wow, so your grandmother could fly?
-Yes. Does that surprise you?
30
00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:36,640
No, I just didn't know women were
allowed to fly planes back then.
31
00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:38,840
I'd worry about how safe that was.
32
00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:41,240
Lots of kamikaze pilots were women.
33
00:01:41,320 --> 00:01:43,760
Exactly. Because they're
the best at crashing.
34
00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:48,320
Also, I was very pleased to see
that last week's Hinkley Point success
35
00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:51,480
featured heavily on
page three of The Telegraph.
36
00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:53,560
Wait, why wasn't I asked to pose for that?
37
00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:55,360
It's not that sort of paper.
38
00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:59,920
What they didn't report is that
despite GCHQ regaining full control
39
00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:04,840
of Eternal Blue, a hybrid weapon
is already being rebuilt by the Russians,
40
00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:07,760
with the capacity
to disrupt air traffic control services
41
00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:09,919
-across the globe.
-Gosh.
42
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:12,320
That's exactly what happens in Die Hard 2.
43
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,960
Did they even mention me
by name in the article, or…
44
00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:19,440
No. Here, at GCHQ, we prefer
individuals to remain anonymous.
45
00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:21,520
Well, it's certainly working.
46
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:25,080
By the way, who are you
talking to at the NSA about this?
47
00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:26,960
-Aled Jones.
-The Snowman?
48
00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:28,760
Well, if you want Jonesy and me
49
00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:32,200
to put our heads together,
I'm sure we can locate these guys.
50
00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:35,000
Besides, I'd love to take
a crack at saving the whole world,
51
00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:37,400
not just this… this little… island.
52
00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:40,200
Well, we can discuss that
with Rupert later, but personally,
53
00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:43,440
I feel your ego may prove to be
too much of a distraction.
54
00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:46,280
Oh, come on, Chris,
give me a little credit.
55
00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:49,840
It's not always gonna be about…
Oh, my God, are those for me?
56
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:53,160
-Yep, they've just arrived.
-Wha…
57
00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:55,240
[Jerry chuckles]
58
00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:58,080
What? [sniffs deeply]
59
00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:03,800
Oh, my! This is so embarrassing!
Thank you so much.
60
00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:05,920
-They're not from me.
-No, but still…
61
00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:08,600
I mean, it's just so sweet of you
to give me these flowers.
62
00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:10,560
-They're not from me.
-No, I know, but the way
63
00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:13,440
-you handed them to me, it was so sweet.
-Can I go?
64
00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:17,040
Yeah. I don't even
remember your name. Wow!
65
00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:19,960
[laughs] These are incredible.
66
00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:22,840
Thank you. Look, a card!
67
00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:24,960
Did I not even get,
like, an arrest warrant then?
68
00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:27,360
I'm so sorry, buddy.
69
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:32,320
"To Jerry, mwah. Love, question mark."
70
00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:35,760
I just want to say, if the person
who got me these
71
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:38,240
happens to be in this room,
72
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,480
-from the bottom of my heart…
-[chuckles]
73
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:45,560
…thank you.
74
00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:47,320
Surely you're not serious.
75
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[knock on door]
76
00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:05,360
-[Jerry] Yeah?
-[Joseph] Hey.
77
00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:06,720
Hey, what's up? I'm busy.
78
00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:11,520
Oh. Not much. [grunts] I'm just
a little bit lonely and bored!
79
00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:14,440
-Do you mind if I sniff your flowers?
-No, knock yourself out.
80
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:16,640
-[mumbles]
-[keyboard clacking]
81
00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:19,560
[sniffs deeply]
82
00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:31,600
[continues sniffing]
83
00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:39,000
Very nice. You know
these weren't from me?
84
00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:40,040
-Mm-hm.
-Yeah.
85
00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:42,040
I didn't know if you expected
a Valentine's gift
86
00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:44,240
-'cause we used to be married.
-No. Also, I'd rather
87
00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:46,960
you didn't keep using that phrase
"used to be married…"
88
00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:48,560
-Right.
-…because it kind of makes it
89
00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:51,720
-sound like it was for real, okay?
-Right.
90
00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:55,320
What would you prefer I use then?
Sort of "recently separated?"
91
00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:57,720
-Again, I just don't think--
-Widows?
92
00:04:57,800 --> 00:04:59,360
-You know what--
-I'd be up for that.
93
00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:01,560
How about you don't
refer to it ever again?
94
00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:04,680
-Okay, I mean, I'll try.
-Okay.
95
00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:09,320
Aren't you even a bit curious
as to who they're from?
96
00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:13,800
Yeah, I'm kind of busy
protecting all mankind right now, so…
97
00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:18,960
[groans]
98
00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:24,760
I guess I was just
secretly hoping that
99
00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:27,760
you wouldn't get anything either,
and then we could be lonely together,
100
00:05:27,840 --> 00:05:30,880
-if you know what I mean!
-Oh, my God, I almost forgot.
101
00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:36,960
Look what just arrived for you
in the internal mail system!
102
00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:40,080
-Oh, my God!
-I know! Go open it.
103
00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:42,800
Oh, my God!
Hang on, is this from you?
104
00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:46,200
Are you kidding? You think I'd,
what, get you a Valentine's Day card
105
00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:48,080
-out of pity?
-I wouldn't hold it against you.
106
00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:50,400
-No, I'm not that nice.
-[sighs] Swear on your life.
107
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:53,160
I swear on your life, buddy.
108
00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:54,880
Oh, my God.
109
00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:58,800
"Hey, sexy, comma, stay amazing. Kiss."
110
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:00,680
"Full stop."
111
00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:03,440
-Look.
-Aw.
112
00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:08,280
-Do you think it's from Charlotte, maybe?
-Could be.
113
00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:11,840
-But actually, we've never met.
-So?
114
00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:14,520
Well, so she's not really had
the full experience.
115
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:15,560
-Right.
-Yeah.
116
00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:17,400
-Yeah, still, it's possible.
-Mm.
117
00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:20,760
-Maybe I'll just text her and ask.
-No… Don't, no, don't do that.
118
00:06:20,840 --> 00:06:22,720
-No?
-Um, no.
119
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:25,080
Because what, um… what if it isn't?
120
00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:26,320
-Mm.
-Right?
121
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:27,520
And if it is,
122
00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:30,280
you don't want her knowing that you know.
123
00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:32,400
Maybe I'll just get
handwriting analysis done then?
124
00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:33,440
No, what? Where?
125
00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:36,320
-Here. It's downstairs.
-No, abso… no.
126
00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,640
Absolutely not, do not do that.
127
00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:43,240
Okay. Listen, buddy, right now,
that card could be from anyone.
128
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,160
It's almost more fun not knowing…
129
00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:46,760
-Yeah.
-…who it's from.
130
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:49,760
-What's your wildest fantasy?
-Meeting someone who can fly.
131
00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:53,440
No, I mean if that card could be
from anyone in the world,
132
00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:55,520
-who would you want it to be from?
-I guess it'd be
133
00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:59,240
a toss-up between David Attenborough
and Princess Jasmine from Aladdin?
134
00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:01,000
-The live action?
-No, the cartoon.
135
00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:02,240
-The cartoon.
-Yeah.
136
00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:03,200
There you go.
137
00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:14,000
-Hey.
-You all right?
138
00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:16,160
Yeah, um, I have a handwriting sample
139
00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:18,840
that needs analyzing. I was told
you were the best person to ask.
140
00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:19,760
Case number?
141
00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:24,480
Right. Yeah, it hasn't actually
been assigned a number yet.
142
00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:25,560
Why not?
143
00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:28,520
This is gonna sound weird,
but I think they've just run out.
144
00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:30,200
They've run out of numbers?
145
00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:31,720
Well, no, not run out,
146
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:34,080
I think they've just
used them all on other cases.
147
00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:36,600
I don't know if you've ever
had that happen before?
148
00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:39,520
Who was the supervising officer on
the case? I can search via Scorpio.
149
00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:45,320
Right, yes! Um, gosh,
I'm so bad with names… [teeth clicking]
150
00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:47,840
-and there are so many now, aren't there?
-There's only four.
151
00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:53,240
Only four? Well, um,
it seems like… well… um…
152
00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:55,400
I'm guessing…
153
00:07:56,840 --> 00:07:58,000
male… male?
154
00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:00,560
-White?
-Yeah, probably, I mean…
155
00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:04,600
Or not, or not. I mean, you know,
they could've been more like…
156
00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:07,800
or, you know, or… you know,
the color of this folder, or not…
157
00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:10,360
Well, there are no blue
supervising officers.
158
00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:13,520
And I think
that is so bad nowadays.
159
00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:17,120
-Are you taking the piss?
-Oh. No, God, no, no! I'm just, you know…
160
00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:19,120
-I'm on your side.
-What side's that then?
161
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:21,000
-I'm like you, right?
-You're a Black woman?
162
00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:23,440
-Not quite. But I'm half…
-Oh, you're half a Black woman?
163
00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:25,840
-I'm just a complete mix.
-Of Black and blue?
164
00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:27,840
-Of Black and white.
-Oh, so you're grey?
165
00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:30,360
[bites apple]
166
00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:35,360
So, I have a handwriting sample
that needs analyzing… Oh, God.
167
00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:40,600
Please don't tell me those are for me.
168
00:08:40,679 --> 00:08:44,880
[chuckles] No, of course not,
these are mine.
169
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:48,520
-You got another bunch of flowers?
-No, this is the same bunch.
170
00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:51,240
I just didn't want to leave them
lying around, it's just not safe.
171
00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:53,760
This is one of the safest buildings
on the planet.
172
00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:55,960
I just don't want anyone
tripping over them
173
00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:58,760
and risk hurting the arrangement.
174
00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:01,200
Do you mind
if we have a word in private?
175
00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:03,480
-Evelyn…
-But I only just sat down.
176
00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:05,720
-You've been sitting down all day.
-But not like this.
177
00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:07,840
-Please?
-[Evelyn sighs]
178
00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:14,640
Thank you. Can I just say,
for the first six months,
179
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:17,360
I had no idea you two
were mother and daughter.
180
00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:20,760
Well, I try not to make too much
of a song and dance about it.
181
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:23,800
No, I completely get it.
I'd be the same if I were your daughter.
182
00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:26,320
What can I do for you?
183
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:30,120
Well, given I saved Britain last week…
You're welcome.
184
00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:34,840
…did Jonesy mention anything about
the NSA dropping the case against me?
185
00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:38,080
You know, that whole
election fraud thing.
186
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:40,560
-I thought you liked it here.
-Oh, no, don't get me wrong,
187
00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:43,320
I love it here, and I adore your outfit.
188
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:46,800
I'm just thinking, hypothetically,
if I managed to track down
189
00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:51,360
these Russian dudes, surely that would
paint me in a better light, right?
190
00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:54,200
We'll just have to wait and see.
191
00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:58,400
Any news about who might have leaked
the NSA intel in the first place?
192
00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:02,160
No, but I've been professionally
interrogating people since I was nine.
193
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:05,200
Mary, I swear to God,
this is your last chance.
194
00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:08,640
-Are you working for the Russians?
-No.
195
00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:11,920
Right, that's it! I want
to waterboard her! Mary, get up here.
196
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,840
-Tuva, are you recording all this?
-[Tuva] Oh, fuck yeah.
197
00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:18,520
No, Mary, turn around, you gotta face me!
This isn't an enema!
198
00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:20,880
This is serious. Now lie down flat.
199
00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:25,560
No, face up! Mary, flip over!
200
00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:27,040
Joseph, you know what? Yeah.
201
00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:29,840
Hold her down. Now, who has a towel?
202
00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:37,160
Okay, so the options are
a lovely little bunny rabbit one,
203
00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:39,960
um, one from a local school,
or just a plain gingham one,
204
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:42,400
-but I don't know if it's clean.
-Give me that!
205
00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:45,680
-Do you want to actually see the rabbit?
-Shut up!
206
00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:47,960
-Okay, Mary, where is your mouth?
-[Mary] In here.
207
00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:51,320
-Okay, do we have any water?
-I've got some Sprite you can use.
208
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,840
-I don't think it'll work with Sprite.
-[Mary] It blows me up.
209
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:56,040
-Shut up, Mary!
-Is there water in the flowers?
210
00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:57,440
[yells] Do not touch the flowers!
211
00:10:58,120 --> 00:10:59,600
Oh, my God.
212
00:10:59,680 --> 00:11:02,120
-So where do you want this?
-Okay, you know what? Get up here.
213
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:03,040
[Joseph] Oh, my God.
214
00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:05,520
All right, you wanna position it
over her mouth.
215
00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:06,720
-Okay?
-Yeah.
216
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:07,640
Okay.
217
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,760
-What the fuck are you doing?
-I'm so sorry, Jerry,
218
00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:13,280
it's difficult to keep it upright.
219
00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:14,840
It's supposed to get on her!
220
00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:17,520
-I'm being serious, Mary.
-[Mary whimpers]
221
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:19,400
-This is your last chance.
-[Mary whimpers]
222
00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:22,040
-Okay.
-And I'm aiming for the mouth, yeah?
223
00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:24,360
-Just pour it on the rabbit.
-Here we go.
224
00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:28,280
-What… Are you kidding?
-I'm so sorry, Jerry! I'm sorry.
225
00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:29,800
-[Jerry] Damn it!
-That's not clean.
226
00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:31,760
What? God! All right, you know what?
227
00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:34,280
I'm gonna… Okay. Are you good?
228
00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:35,960
-You're good?
-Yeah.
229
00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:37,800
Go for it.
Wait, let me just adjust…
230
00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:40,960
-Okay, are you kidding?
-Jerry, I'm so sorry!
231
00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:43,120
-What the hell's going on?
-Oh, hey, Chris.
232
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:46,200
I was just teaching the gang
interrogation techniques
233
00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:47,760
in case we find a mole.
234
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,400
But Mary is a mole.
235
00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:52,440
-What?
-Sorry!
236
00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:56,480
Okay, I'm sure you've all got
lots of questions.
237
00:11:56,560 --> 00:11:58,240
Chris, you gotta let me handle this.
238
00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:01,360
Absolutely not. Sit down.
I just need you all to listen.
239
00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:05,720
It's true. For a few weeks now,
Mary's position here has been compromised.
240
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:06,840
Son of a bitch!
241
00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:12,280
But only because her mother
has been captured
242
00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:14,600
by the Russian mob
responsible for last week's attack,
243
00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:17,520
and who've been blackmailing Mary
for inside intel.
244
00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:19,760
Oh, I'm very sorry to hear that.
245
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,920
-I thought your mum passed away.
-So did I.
246
00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:24,640
[keyboard clacking]
247
00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:28,320
-[phone rings]
-[sighs]
248
00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:34,280
-Hello?
-I'm ever so sorry. Your mother's, um…
249
00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:35,640
-[muffled grunting]
-[gun cocks]
250
00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:36,920
…passed away.
251
00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:41,240
-So your mom's still alive?
-[Mary] Yes.
252
00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:45,440
But now, they keep threatening to send
one of her fingers through the post.
253
00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:47,200
Why, what's wrong with her fingers?
254
00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:48,280
Fortunately…
255
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:55,040
Fortunately, Mary had the foresight
to buy us some time
256
00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:57,440
by sending the Russians
a lot of false leads.
257
00:12:57,520 --> 00:12:59,480
So, Mary's now a double agent?
258
00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:02,120
-Technically, she's a triple agent.
-[Joseph] That's right.
259
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:04,800
We think she works for us.
The Russians think she works for them.
260
00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:06,680
But really she's working for someone else.
261
00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,720
-No, she's just working for us.
-Right. Good.
262
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:11,400
How's it different
from her work before?
263
00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:13,800
'Cause the Russians believe
she's now working for them.
264
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,360
-That's just two things, isn't it?
-All you need to know
265
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:19,200
is that we are
keeping Mary's cover a secret
266
00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:22,920
so that we can continue
to feed the Russians false intel.
267
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:26,680
And in doing so, hopefully,
prevent a future Eternal Blue attack.
268
00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:29,600
Plus, I must admit,
it's quite nice for me and Quentin
269
00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:31,560
to have a bit of space from Mum, too!
270
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:32,960
Oh, so are you and Quentin still…
271
00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:35,200
Yes. Every night.
272
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:36,200
Yeah, baby!
273
00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:37,640
-What stage you at?
-Please don't…
274
00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:39,280
-Sixty-three.
-…answer that.
275
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:42,440
Is that…
276
00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:49,200
-[video game gunfire]
-[video game characters groan]
277
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:52,040
[character 1] Nice shot, soldier.
278
00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:53,440
[character 2] Target located.
279
00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:55,360
-[character 1] Cover me, fire.
-Take that.
280
00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:57,200
-[chuckles]
-[character 1] Get down.
281
00:13:57,280 --> 00:13:59,160
[character 2] Take cover. Reloading.
282
00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:01,760
-You're fucking kidding me?
-[character 2 groans]
283
00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:03,640
-[video game announcer] Game over.
-Fuck.
284
00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:07,800
-Tuva, I just wanna say--
-They weren't from me.
285
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:11,920
No, sure. I'm just double-checking
with everyone that I've ever, you know…
286
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:12,840
Disappointed?
287
00:14:13,680 --> 00:14:16,360
So do you get paid more
for being a triple agent then?
288
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:19,640
No. I… but I am
trying to negotiate more holiday.
289
00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:21,680
Right. And the Russians
are all right with that?
290
00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:23,720
No. They were very angry.
291
00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:26,720
You know, I had a friend
who started off as a triple agent,
292
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:31,160
but then went on to become
an octuple agent almost overnight.
293
00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:33,800
So who did that mean
they were working for in the end?
294
00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:38,920
Well, they thought that we
thought that they thought
295
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:42,360
that we thought that they thought
296
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:44,280
that… that…
297
00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:45,720
that we, that…
298
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,560
You know, I've gotta
get some water for these.
299
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:56,920
Hey, how's it going?
300
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,520
So do you want to go out
for a drink tonight then or what?
301
00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:04,160
I mean, that's not why I came
to see you, but yeah, I'm down!
302
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:06,000
I'll call you back.
303
00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:06,920
[phone chimes]
304
00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:12,240
Uh, Jerry Bernstein, NSA.
It's Honey right?
305
00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:17,880
So, I just wanted to warn you
about this guy I'm working with.
306
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,800
You might have seen him scampering around.
307
00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:22,800
He's a tiny little guy,
kind of like a cinnamon Santa?
308
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:25,760
I mean, in terms of disposition.
309
00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:26,800
Not…
310
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:30,520
Anyway, I was just wondering
how this works.
311
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:34,240
If he came to you
with a sample of handwriting,
312
00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:37,120
how quickly would you be able
to work out that it was mine.
313
00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:38,880
-So you're telling me it's yours.
-No.
314
00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:41,760
No, I was just saying that as an example.
315
00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:46,200
Like, would it help if I provided you
with a sample of my handwriting first,
316
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:47,520
just to rule me out?
317
00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:49,680
Not if I already know it's yours.
318
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:54,400
No… Sure, but ignoring that…
319
00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:56,000
I wish I'd never said it.
320
00:15:56,760 --> 00:16:00,280
How could I help you avoid
coming up with a false conclusion?
321
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:02,560
I'd need to know
a bit more info on your background
322
00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:04,400
and see a sample of your handwriting.
323
00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:07,000
Absolutely. That's what I thought.
324
00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:27,400
[sighs] I'm so sorry I'm late.
I couldn't fit in the elevator! [chuckles]
325
00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:30,360
Jerry, I just wanted to congratulate you
326
00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:33,040
on the Hinkley Point success
last week. Great work!
327
00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:36,120
Thanks, Rupert. I can't believe
we've never met in the flesh.
328
00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:38,440
Well, I have been in theater
these past few weeks.
329
00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:39,520
Oh, great, what show?
330
00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:43,120
No, I was in a pony-riding accident.
331
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:45,640
Well, either way,
I'm sure it was fantastic.
332
00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:46,600
[chuckles]
333
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:49,360
Who's the lucky lady? Or fella?
334
00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:51,120
Yeah, right!
335
00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:55,280
Right! I mean… I mean, right.
Right! Right on!
336
00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:57,760
I'm actually in touch
with thousands of women,
337
00:16:57,840 --> 00:17:00,680
so who knows,
it could be from any or all of them!
338
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:02,640
Just like the Tomb
of the Unknown Soldier.
339
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:06,800
I don't understand the reference,
but yes, absolutely, thank you.
340
00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:09,720
Um… [knocks] Hi, Jerry,
do you mind if I have
341
00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:11,760
-a quick word--
-We're busy. What is it?
342
00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:17,040
Oh, you know, it's… it's fine,
I didn't know that you were--
343
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:18,880
Don't be silly,
we're all equals here.
344
00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:20,720
-You know, I really should--
-Come on.
345
00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:24,319
-Only if you're sure.
-Of course, we even get paid the same!
346
00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:27,680
-Seriously?
-No! [laughs] I'm on a lot more.
347
00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:30,280
-What do you want?
-Oh, um…
348
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:33,280
[whispers] What do I want?
349
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:37,440
Well, I… um… [chuckles]
350
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:40,760
I had some handwriting analysis done
351
00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:44,600
on the Valentine's Day card
that I received.
352
00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:47,720
-What?
-[Chris] Sorry, let me get this straight.
353
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:51,520
You've been using GCHQ resources,
funded by the UK taxpayer,
354
00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:54,440
to find out who sent you
a Valentine's Day card?
355
00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:55,880
In my defense, that is exactly why
356
00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:58,280
I didn't want to say it
in front of you all.
357
00:17:58,360 --> 00:17:59,600
And?
358
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:04,160
-Oh. Well…
-No, that's not important.
359
00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:07,160
Um, shall we continue
with our high-profile meeting?
360
00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:08,960
Hang on. You were saying…
361
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:11,000
-Well, actually, it turned out, it--
-[screams]
362
00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:12,480
Oh, my God, what's wrong?
363
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:15,240
-[groans]
-Jerry, what's wrong? What's wrong?
364
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:17,680
Joseph, could you go…
could you go…
365
00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:20,000
-Could you go?
-Oh, for heaven's sake. Jerry!
366
00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:23,640
Okay, look, I just did it to cheer him up,
it doesn't mean anything.
367
00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:26,800
-What, you mean… So it was from you?
-Why?
368
00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:28,360
-They used to be married.
-Oh!
369
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,720
Isn't that what
the handwriting analysis showed?
370
00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:33,040
No, I was about to say
the results were inconclusive.
371
00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:36,520
Oh, sorry, that…
No, that's what I meant.
372
00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:40,880
I mean, it could've been from anyone.
Who… [grunts] It could've been Chris.
373
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:43,640
-It could've been Rupert.
-Well, I've never met him before, but…
374
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:46,960
But you swore on my life
that it wasn't from you.
375
00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:49,720
Don't worry about it, buddy,
it doesn't mean you'll actually die.
376
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:52,000
-I'm sorry about this.
-No, this is fun.
377
00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:54,440
-I thought you'd be pleased.
-Yeah, only because you told me
378
00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:56,840
-it definitely wasn't from you.
-Well, thank you so much!
379
00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:58,280
What else was I meant to believe?
380
00:18:58,360 --> 00:19:00,160
Maybe that your mom
sent it out of sympathy.
381
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:01,400
She died 20 years ago.
382
00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:04,040
Maybe she post-dated it.
Look, I'll make it up to you, okay?
383
00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:06,080
I'll take you out to dinner,
somewhere real fancy.
384
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:07,760
You'll take me out on Valentine's Day?
385
00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:10,520
-Obviously not tonight, I've got plans.
-I don't.
386
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:14,560
But you'll take me out
at some point, right?
387
00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:17,680
Yes, but not because I sent you
a Valentine's Day card.
388
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:19,160
But you did send it to me.
389
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:20,680
I wanted you to feel special!
390
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,640
-I'll feel special when you take me out!
-Why don't you take him out now?
391
00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:26,120
This meeting is over.
392
00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:30,000
Have you been
wearing that all this time?
393
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:40,040
-Goodnight, Jatinda.
-Goodnight.
394
00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:43,520
-Joseph?
-Yes.
395
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,600
It pains me to have to say this,
but I'm seriously starting
396
00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:49,800
to call into question
your position here at GCHQ.
397
00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:52,040
Do you understand?
398
00:19:52,120 --> 00:19:54,320
Yes. Yeah, absolutely, and listen,
399
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:57,600
I just wanted to let you know
I'm well-aware that we keep having
400
00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:00,800
these kind of conversations,
but I promise you it won't happen again.
401
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:02,320
It better not.
402
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:05,480
At least Valentine's Day's
only once a year. [chuckles]
403
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:10,240
-This is your final warning, do you hear?
-Yeah.
404
00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:16,160
Handwriting analysis! I mean,
who else did you think it was from?
405
00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:18,800
Princess Jasmine?
406
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:29,640
-[amusing music playing on TV]
-Hmm.
407
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:31,040
[phone buzzes]
408
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:36,160
-Hi, Ma.
-Hi, sweetie.
409
00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:39,280
-Happy Valentine's Day.
-You, too.
410
00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:41,200
Did you get my flowers?
411
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:45,240
♪ Hurray, hurray, hurray
Misery's on the way ♪
412
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:49,120
♪ There are bad times
Just around the corner ♪
413
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:52,800
♪ There are dark clouds
Hurtling through the sky ♪
414
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:56,800
♪ It's as clear as crystal
From Bridlington to Bristol ♪
415
00:20:56,880 --> 00:21:00,640
♪ That we can't save democracy
And we don't much care ♪
416
00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:05,120
♪ We'd better all learn the lyrics
Of the old "Red flag" ♪
417
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:08,840
♪ And wait until we drop down dead ♪
34362
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