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1
00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:13,400
[Joseph] Then you spin it
as quick as you can,
2
00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,480
then you can see
all the different colors.
3
00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:17,040
It's really clever.
4
00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:19,360
You didn't borrow
my memory stick, did you?
5
00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:21,240
It's got the picture of a vagina on it.
6
00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:23,280
Printed on the actual sticker
or as a JPEG?
7
00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:25,560
-Both.
-And it's yours?
8
00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:28,200
The stick belongs to me,
but it's not my vagina.
9
00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:30,200
-What does it look like?
-My vagina?
10
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:34,680
Sorry. Do you think terrorists just sit
around chatting all day? Get back to work.
11
00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:36,280
I bet some of them do.
12
00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:38,200
You'd go mad otherwise, wouldn't you?
13
00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:39,520
Suicidal.
14
00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:57,000
[beeping, whirring]
15
00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:05,319
Want a biscuit or anything, Tuva?
16
00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:07,120
-No.
-Do they give you migraines?
17
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:09,880
Okay. Right, I need a full update
from all of you.
18
00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:11,560
As you heard just now,
19
00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:15,240
we have Jerry Bernstein from the NSA
arriving shortly.
20
00:01:15,320 --> 00:01:17,560
Oh, my God. Jerry Bernstein's
gonna be working with us?
21
00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:20,840
And he is going to be
our NSA liaison.
22
00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:24,360
If you must speak to the Americans,
you'll now go through him. Problem?
23
00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:27,440
No. I'm a huge fan. He and I
had emailed back and forth on 9/11.
24
00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:29,280
-He's a terrorist.
-No.
25
00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:33,200
Whitehall created the position as part
of our shared intelligence initiative.
26
00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:35,840
Aside from providing a link
to American resources,
27
00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:38,200
I'm told he has a wealth of experience.
28
00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:41,000
-Should I book PizzaExpress?
-I suspect he'll be too jetlagged.
29
00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:42,080
I don't mind.
30
00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:46,040
-Sorry. Will he be here long, then?
-Yes. Providing he plays by the rules.
31
00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:49,840
[tires screech]
32
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:52,720
[heavy rock music playing on earphones]
33
00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,280
[passengers murmur in discontent]
34
00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:00,080
All right, mate? Excuse me?
35
00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:05,160
Mary, where are we with last week's
crypt analysis? Can you stop doing that?
36
00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:07,280
Sorry. The pages are a bit ripped.
37
00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:10,840
It was my cat. I'm worried he might have
caught Huntington's disease.
38
00:02:10,919 --> 00:02:13,440
-You're born with Huntington's disease.
-No, I wasn't.
39
00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:16,520
-Doesn't matter.
-No, I've heard it's really serious.
40
00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:19,200
Tuva, did you manage to hack
the Scorpio server?
41
00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:23,440
All the names and IP addresses.
Plus recordings of their voicemails.
42
00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:25,160
-Faffering good, Tuva.
-[Mary] Wow.
43
00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:28,240
-Some of this is incredibly filthy.
-Thank you.
44
00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:30,640
-Oh, I love that kind of stuff.
-I can't take it.
45
00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:33,800
-You're not meant to eat it.
-Latest systems update, Joseph. Go.
46
00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:37,840
Now? Okay. So, all our main systems
seem to be running absolutely fine.
47
00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:41,800
Still got some chatter to analyze
from yesterday morning. 25% left to do.
48
00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:46,240
Um, also I did end up stumbling across
Matthew McConaughey's browsing history.
49
00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:50,120
Why is GCHQ, Center for Cyber Security
50
00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:52,600
looking at Matthew McConaughey's
browsing history?
51
00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:57,000
I suspect it was a glitch in the system.
Want to know what he's been looking at?
52
00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:59,160
Is it in the interest
of national security?
53
00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:01,960
Not really.
It's with lawnmowers mainly, big ones.
54
00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:02,960
Ooh.
55
00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:06,200
Also we've just lost our primary drone
56
00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:08,160
-over the Iranian border.
-Jesus Christ.
57
00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:11,280
I know. And to add insult to injury,
the Level 3 printer's not working.
58
00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:12,720
Oh, no!
59
00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:15,160
[devices beeping]
60
00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:18,280
"Database breach. Bank of England."
61
00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:21,040
-["The Ketchup Song" ringtone playing]
-I've got to change that.
62
00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:23,880
-How do you get yours to just beep?
-[Mary] It's just set on beep.
63
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:26,880
I think this must be Elaine's.
She walked down the aisle to this.
64
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:31,120
[muttering] Sorry. Just get my biscuits.
Biscuits! Biscuits! Biscuits!
65
00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:33,000
Quick as you like.
66
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,360
["The Ketchup Song" playing]
67
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:02,120
Can you grab my luggage
or do I need to do that, too?
68
00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:04,440
-[phone rings]
-Hello?
69
00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:07,000
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
No, I know. Yes.
70
00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:09,200
-Jerry's here.
-[exclaims]
71
00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:10,520
Jerry's here.
72
00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:18,240
Hey, Jerry. Hi. Joseph Harries.
So great to finally meet you.
73
00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:19,760
Hey. Sorry, do we know each other?
74
00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:22,560
I'm the one who used to send
the NSA weekly cyber memos.
75
00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:24,520
No way. I thought that was spam.
76
00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:27,040
-Oh, no, it was me.
-Right.
77
00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:28,280
What was your name again?
78
00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:29,760
-Joseph Harries.
-Right.
79
00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:32,480
John, do you mind me asking?
Do you have dwarfism in your family?
80
00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:35,680
-Uh, I don't think… No.
-Okay. Well, you should check.
81
00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:37,200
-Okay.
-Can you give me a hand?
82
00:04:37,280 --> 00:04:40,440
Yes. Absolutely. Right.
We're just up on the third floor.
83
00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:43,360
Oh. No. Don't use the wheels.
It's quite an expensive case.
84
00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:44,400
Can you carry it in?
85
00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:47,320
-I won't be long.
-Uh… yeah. Okay.
86
00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:51,080
[grunts] Oh, my God.
87
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:56,360
[line ringing]
88
00:04:56,840 --> 00:04:59,440
[Joseph straining]
89
00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:03,760
-[woman over phone] Hello?
-Hi, Mom.
90
00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:05,320
[keyboard clacking]
91
00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:06,320
[beeping]
92
00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:10,400
Evelyn?
93
00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:15,680
Evelyn!
94
00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:17,760
[phone rings]
95
00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:20,320
-Hello?
-Yeah. Did you want me?
96
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:22,920
-Yes. Can you come up, please?
-Oh, my God.
97
00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:31,760
What?
98
00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:34,800
-Could you not hear me shouting?
-I was on the phone.
99
00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:38,720
Yes, to me. Get me a background check on
Jerry Bernstein. I need to see his file.
100
00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:40,320
It's classified.
101
00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:43,680
If only there were an institution
102
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:47,120
that cracked codes to access
classified information.
103
00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:49,480
So where's that?
104
00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:56,720
-[Jerry] Okay, shall we go through?
-Hey, Jerry.
105
00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:58,880
-They told us to wait here for a sec.
-Why?
106
00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:01,760
-Just a security thing. Won't be long.
-What, because you're…
107
00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:04,760
Oh, no, it's not that.
It's just, they need to check the case.
108
00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:08,360
-Because they think it's yours?
-No. No. Standard procedure.
109
00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:10,800
-Happens all the time.
-Right. Because you're…
110
00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:15,640
Mary's here, and that's where I sit,
just over there.
111
00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:20,480
Jerry, this is Chris Cranfield,
Director of Cyber Security at GCHQ.
112
00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:21,920
-Ah.
-No way.
113
00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:25,280
I was expecting a guy.
Jerry Bernstein. NSA.
114
00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:28,600
-Do you prefer Chris or Christopher?
-It's Christine, actually.
115
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,360
Right. These are for you and the team.
116
00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:31,840
[Joseph] Ooh, lovely.
117
00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:34,160
-Ooh!
-So what do we got going down?
118
00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:36,480
You wanna give me, like,
a two-word summary
119
00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:38,120
-of where we're at?
-No.
120
00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:40,680
Why don't you just settle in?
We can catch up later.
121
00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:42,760
Joseph, will you show Jerry
to his office, please?
122
00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:44,840
-[Joseph] Sure.
-Hold the phone. [scoffs]
123
00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:50,360
So, uh, what OS are we using here?
Is this Lysander 4.4?
124
00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:56,080
-4.5.
-Nice.
125
00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:59,600
This is Tuva Olsen. Used to be one
of Europe's most notorious hackers.
126
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:00,680
Still am.
127
00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:04,840
-That was a joke.
-[chuckles] Man, I love humor.
128
00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:08,520
-Jerry Bernstein. NSA.
-Bernstein. Is that Jewish?
129
00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:10,320
Wouldn't you like to know, flirt.
130
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:12,840
Mary, come over and say hello
to Jerry. Quickly.
131
00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:19,080
-My, God… [stutters] What happened?
-Nothing. What do you mean?
132
00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:22,200
This is Mary Needham,
one of GCHQ's finest.
133
00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:24,200
-Finest what?
-Cryptanalysts.
134
00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:26,400
[Chris] Mary was one of
the first female professors
135
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:27,960
to be nominated for a Nobel prize.
136
00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:30,640
-Wow. Did you win?
-No.
137
00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:34,520
And I ended up getting cystitis
on the day, sadly.
138
00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:39,000
-I think it was all the stress.
-It's a great story.
139
00:07:39,080 --> 00:07:41,160
Can we get the air con turned on?
140
00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:44,960
It feels about 74 degrees,
and I find my team works best at 71.
141
00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:47,120
-Yeah, I can do--
-[Chris] No! Sit down, please.
142
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,160
-I need you to take notes. Please stay.
-Yeah.
143
00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:51,280
All right, everyone, listen up!
144
00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:54,920
I am now your best possible resource.
145
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:58,440
I'm here for you,
so I want you to use me.
146
00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:01,400
Exploit me. Punish me.
147
00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:07,200
I wanna feel as if I've been uploaded into
each and every one of you. Even you guys.
148
00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:09,680
-What are you doing?
-I'm just welcoming everyone.
149
00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:11,400
-Can we get them to stop?
-[Chris] No.
150
00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:13,560
We're in the middle of something.
Bank of England.
151
00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:15,760
No American liaison required, sadly.
152
00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:20,960
Okay. Listen, I just wanna say,
I'm really excited about this.
153
00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:24,200
I think we can learn a lot
from each other, especially from me.
154
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:30,320
It'll be a pleasure collaborating
with one of our oldest and closest allies.
155
00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:34,120
-Welcome to GCHQ.
-Thank you.
156
00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:37,320
Back to work, everyone!
157
00:08:58,240 --> 00:08:59,240
[Chris] Good morning.
158
00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:06,640
Hey. Do you like the plants?
159
00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:09,560
-You know they'll die in three days?
-No, it's fine.
160
00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:11,840
I sprayed them with glue
so they're kinda mummified.
161
00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:16,680
By the way, where are HR based?
I really need to get hold of my pass.
162
00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:19,400
Fourth floor. But most of them
are on school holidays.
163
00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:22,240
-They're still at school?
-[sighs]
164
00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:23,800
[indistinct chatter]
165
00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:26,040
Um… two secs. Hey, Jerry.
166
00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:28,040
-You all right?
-Do you know what this stain is?
167
00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:30,360
-I can't hear you.
-Do you know what this stain is?
168
00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:32,040
I can't hear you 'cause of the glass.
169
00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:37,720
-Would you come in?
-Yeah. Sorry. Sorry, Jerry.
170
00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:40,560
-I couldn't hear 'cause of the glass.
-It's fine. What is this stain?
171
00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:43,120
Um… Oh, gosh.
Well, this used to be Elaine's old office.
172
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:45,320
-It could be anything.
-What, she die in here?
173
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:49,120
No, she's on maternity leave,
so could just be that. [sniffs] Oh, God.
174
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:51,720
-You know what? Let's just…
-Yeah. Let's do that.
175
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:55,520
Hey. Can you hook me up with my pass?
I really need the men's room.
176
00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:58,840
Uh, that's HR, but it takes up to
about a week for them to respond. So…
177
00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:00,360
No, I gotta go before then.
178
00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:01,560
I can buzz you through.
179
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:02,480
-Now?
-Go.
180
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:03,520
Yeah.
181
00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:06,040
Nice opportunity to show you around.
182
00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:07,920
You staying somewhere locally
in Cheltenham?
183
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:10,440
-Yeah, the Citrus Hotel.
-Oh, lovely.
184
00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:13,080
Went to a couple of wakes there.
The food is stunning.
185
00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:16,640
Quickly. So, this is one
of our designated quiet rooms.
186
00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:19,360
Because some stuff that
we see on the web is quite full-on.
187
00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:22,760
-Can I pee in here?
-Uh, no, not really. No.
188
00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:24,400
I sometimes do.
189
00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:31,880
You forget how big this place is,
don't you?
190
00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:34,600
Sorry. They must have changed
the door code. This way.
191
00:10:34,680 --> 00:10:36,880
-What's this thing?
-Not far, Jerry. Here we go.
192
00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:38,920
-So…
-[beeps]
193
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:40,120
[buzzes]
194
00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,160
-Do it again. Swipe again.
-Hang on.
195
00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:44,080
-Swipe it again.
-Okay, okay, okay.
196
00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:45,600
[beeps, buzzes]
197
00:10:45,680 --> 00:10:48,440
Oh, crikey. It's fine, it's fine.
Let me just type this in.
198
00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:50,000
-[keypad beeping]
-Okay.
199
00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:53,160
Jerry… Sorry. Can you just
read me from the fourth…
200
00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:56,320
-From what? From the fourth?
-No, four.
201
00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:59,400
-There's no four. You mean the one?
-The four… Oh…
202
00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:02,720
-Yes, it's a one. Nine, two…
-One, nine, two, seven.
203
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:04,080
-This should be it.
-[beeps]
204
00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:05,040
There you go.
205
00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:08,800
-[buzzes]
-[groans] I'm so sorry. Come on.
206
00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:11,000
We have a thumb thing just in case…
207
00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:13,720
-Doesn't always work…
-Why didn't you do that to begin with?
208
00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:15,000
'Cause I've been eating crisps
209
00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:16,600
-and it doesn't always work.
-Back up.
210
00:11:16,680 --> 00:11:18,320
-[buzzes]
-[groans]
211
00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:19,880
Give me your thumb.
212
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:23,120
-Ow!
-What's wrong? You have very small…
213
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:24,600
-Ow! Okay, there you go.
-[beeps]
214
00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:25,800
-[both] Okay.
-[buzzes]
215
00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:27,160
Oh, for crying out loud.
216
00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:29,320
I'll do the retina thing. It's fine.
217
00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:31,680
-Come on, man! You're killing me!
-[buzzes]
218
00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:33,240
Hang on.
219
00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:35,480
I've got a lazy eye, so sometimes…
220
00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:38,440
-Can you lift me up?
-[buzzes]
221
00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:41,640
-Ow!
-[beeping]
222
00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:44,400
-Go, go!
-This way. Go, go, go, go, go.
223
00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:49,600
[Jerry screams in frustration]
224
00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:51,440
[toilet flushes]
225
00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:54,200
[clears throat]
226
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,000
[inhales deeply]
227
00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:04,840
[clears throat] Yeah. U.S.A.
228
00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:07,880
[indistinct chatter]
229
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:11,880
…'cause his eyes
are quite close together,
230
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:15,200
and I know he has a cousin who was
involved with some kind of atrocity.
231
00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:17,440
-What…
-Chris, I'm gonna delete that.
232
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,640
I just want hard copies
of the Bank of England report.
233
00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:22,360
The printer's still not working,
so I can't.
234
00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:23,880
-[Evelyn] Jerry's file.
-Shh!
235
00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:25,600
What's this?
236
00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:28,320
I couldn't get access
to view his internal file,
237
00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:30,320
so I just, like, made a front cover.
238
00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:32,880
[Jerry] Here I am.
239
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:35,280
-Found my way back.
-Okay.
240
00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:38,680
Hey, Chris, I worked out
what the problem is here.
241
00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:42,480
-The problem is morale.
-Right. Thank you.
242
00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:45,320
So, firstly, you really need
to put some music on,
243
00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:46,800
'cause everyone in here
244
00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:48,840
currently looks so…
[imitates zombie moan]
245
00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:50,480
Do you have Alexa here?
246
00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:53,800
Alexa, play "NSA Nasty Mix II."
247
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:56,160
Alexa! Alexa!
248
00:12:57,120 --> 00:13:00,600
Secondly, we need to fundraise
and build us a gym.
249
00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:02,720
-Yes.
-Get the endorphins pumping.
250
00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:06,880
Thirdly, is there any way we can
make it so I can see the sun?
251
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:08,680
Okay, let me stop you just there.
252
00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:12,800
Firstly, I am not your PA.
253
00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:17,160
I am GCHQ's Director
of Cyber Security.
254
00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:20,520
Grandpapa built the bouncing bomb,
255
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:23,000
Mother posed as a triple agent
during the Cold War,
256
00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:25,760
while Father came up with an idea
called the Internet,
257
00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:30,560
so forgive me if I'm not into
office plants and natural light.
258
00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:33,760
Secondly, this isn't the NSA.
259
00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:36,760
You are here strictly to liaise.
260
00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:39,080
We don't work out,
we don't listen to playlists,
261
00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:42,080
we fight cybercrime, terrorism,
and sex trafficking.
262
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:47,320
Thirdly, this is my department,
these are my staff.
263
00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:52,120
And whilst it's a pleasure collaborating
with one of our oldest and closest allies,
264
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:54,760
I will not have my authority undermined
265
00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:57,960
simply because some
privileged fool from Whitehall
266
00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:02,240
thinks that the U.S. can fight
cybercrime better than we can!
267
00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:05,360
Do you mind if I get on?
268
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:09,840
Sorry. It looks like
you've stopped talking.
269
00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:13,320
My ears are still fucked from
the flight. Was that important?
270
00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:25,600
You're really gonna take that
from her, huh? Huh? You little bitch!
271
00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:28,640
Evelyn…
272
00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:30,960
[inaudible]
273
00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:36,560
I'm delivering our findings
on the Bank of England.
274
00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:38,400
Have the car meet me out front.
275
00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:41,680
Okay. Don't forget you've got
the Bank of England meeting.
276
00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:43,240
Did you want me to arrange a car?
277
00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:47,200
[grunts] Come on, buddy, you've got this.
278
00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:48,440
-[knock on door]
-Yeah?
279
00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:51,440
Oh, Jerry, I'm so sorry about
what Chris said earlier.
280
00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:53,760
You must be feeling awful.
281
00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:55,800
Do you know how long
I've been at the NSA?
282
00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:57,720
I'd say, 50 years?
283
00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:01,040
Twen… twenty-five years. Sit down.
284
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:02,320
Oh, sure.
285
00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:07,920
Do you know the level
of experience you get
286
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,040
from working at the NSA
25 years?
287
00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:13,440
-Nope.
-I basically know everything. Okay?
288
00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:16,520
I've overseen terrorist plots,
cyber-attacks,
289
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:18,920
-assassination attempts--
-Against you?
290
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,760
-Just remain quiet a sec.
-Yeah.
291
00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:24,800
I predicted 9/11, Afghanistan, 7/7--
292
00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:26,520
And when you say predicted--
293
00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:28,640
You mean, could I have
stopped them from happening?
294
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:30,160
-Yeah.
-I think so.
295
00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:32,760
-Wow.
-But was anyone willing to listen? No.
296
00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:34,840
It's always the same old bullshit.
297
00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:37,280
"Slow down, Jerry. Analyze."
298
00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:39,040
-"There's no evidence."
-Yes.
299
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:41,800
Whatever happened to
good old-fashioned American hunch?
300
00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:44,120
See, this is exactly
what we're missing here.
301
00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:45,640
So did you have a hunch about 9/11?
302
00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:49,280
[scoffs] Yeah.
Just this huge fucking hunch.
303
00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:51,960
And then another big hunch
moments later.
304
00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:55,120
Oh, so you've seen
a lot of action, then?
305
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:56,920
[scoffs] Have I seen action?
306
00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:59,480
You know what? Look at this.
Oh, you're gonna love this.
307
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:00,440
Come here, come here.
308
00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:01,440
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
309
00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:04,040
-Look at that.
-Oh, my God.
310
00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:05,120
-Touch it.
-No, I don't--
311
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:06,840
-Touch it. Touch it.
-I don't…
312
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:11,360
.44 caliber. Went clean through.
313
00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:12,520
Wow.
314
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:15,200
It looks exactly like the,
um, lipoma scar that I got
315
00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:18,200
from when I had a thing removed.
Like, the same shape and everything.
316
00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:19,600
Well, this… it's not.
317
00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:23,280
-That's the same shape, actually…
-No, it's not, it's not.
318
00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:25,920
-It's a bullet thing.
-Is there an exit--
319
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:27,520
-No. That part…
-Can I--
320
00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:30,320
That part, you won't find.
Can't even tell.
321
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:33,120
So, what are you doing here, then?
Is it like a sabbatical position?
322
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:34,200
Yeah, kind of.
323
00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:39,480
[scoffs] Man, you guys. You have no idea
how lucky you are to have me.
324
00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:42,440
Oh, tell me about it. This is
the best thing that ever happened to me.
325
00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:45,360
I could have ended up in Paris,
Milan, New York,
326
00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:46,720
but I chose London.
327
00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:48,200
-Cheltenham.
-Cheltenham.
328
00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:51,720
But there's no point in me being here
unless I can make a difference.
329
00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:53,400
Oh, I agree with that. Sure.
330
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:56,760
I mean, I could liaise the ass
out of this place if I want to,
331
00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:58,320
but I wanna raise morale.
332
00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:02,720
I wanna raise morale so high,
people can barely move. Know what I mean?
333
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:05,760
I think… Yes.
334
00:17:05,839 --> 00:17:08,880
I want people having to go home
from work because morale is so high.
335
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:12,040
-Well, everyone's gonna love that.
-But I'm gonna need your help, buddy.
336
00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:16,119
Honestly, whatever you need, Jerry,
just name it. Treat me like your PA.
337
00:17:17,079 --> 00:17:18,520
I thought you were my PA.
338
00:17:22,079 --> 00:17:24,920
All right, now, gather up, guys.
Come on. Circle up.
339
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:28,200
You, too. You're part of the team.
Drop that shit.
340
00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:32,840
In fact, everyone, everyone, stand…
Come gather around. This is important.
341
00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:35,280
That's it. Hustle. Hustle.
342
00:17:35,360 --> 00:17:36,400
-Back up.
-Sorry.
343
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:39,640
Good? Oh, look at that.
We did a circle. Terrific.
344
00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:43,920
Okay. One of the first things
that struck me when I arrived here
345
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:47,360
was just how uninspired
everyone looks.
346
00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:48,480
Don't get me wrong.
347
00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:51,040
Individually, you all look…
348
00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:52,720
amazing.
349
00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:58,360
But there's still this sense that
I've wandered onto an abandoned farm.
350
00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:00,400
Does that resonate?
351
00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:04,520
So what I'd like to propose,
352
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:08,000
as a starting point,
are some team building exercises.
353
00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:09,640
-Lovely.
-Yeah?
354
00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:12,000
-Yeah? Can I get a "yes, Jerry?"
-Yes.
355
00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:14,920
-[all] Yes, Jerry.
-[man] …Jerry.
356
00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:17,160
All right, we'll work on that.
357
00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:19,200
Hands out of the pockets.
Let's get ready.
358
00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:20,160
-Ready?
-Yes.
359
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:23,440
Jerry says, raise your right arm.
360
00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:27,480
-Put it down. You're all out!
-[all groan]
361
00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:30,160
Okay, everyone take one step
to the right.
362
00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:34,640
Good. Jerry says take one step
to your left.
363
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:35,560
Oh, God.
364
00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:37,320
-Yeah, I fucked you there, didn't I?
-Yes.
365
00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:40,640
Yeah, it's called listening. When I clap
my hands, everyone fall. Fall!
366
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:45,480
That's a start.
Okay, everyone up. Everyone up.
367
00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:49,360
Anyone hurt? That's okay.
It's about trust.
368
00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:52,240
At the count of three,
I want everyone to undress.
369
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:54,600
Undress! I'm kidding. Stop that.
370
00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:56,120
Have more respect for yourself.
371
00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:03,040
[Jerry] So continue what you're doing,
372
00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:05,720
exploring each other's faces
and bodies.
373
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:10,560
What I want to do now is to just go around
and talk about when you last had sex.
374
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:14,080
It's just a nice way to get
to know each other and to open up,
375
00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:16,320
plus it's what we do at the NSA
every day.
376
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:18,240
-Have sex?
-Sometimes.
377
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:21,520
-What about you, buddy?
-It depends what you mean, really.
378
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:22,920
You've never heard of sex?
379
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,800
No, I've heard of sex, sure,
I just… you know…
380
00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:28,520
-Sorry, where are you?
-[Jerry] Mary, do you wanna start?
381
00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:32,000
Oh, gosh, um…
Ooh, it's been a while, sorry.
382
00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:34,040
No, I could tell.
I could smell your pheromones.
383
00:19:34,120 --> 00:19:35,400
Oh, thank you.
384
00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:37,400
-I bet you're filthy, though.
-No.
385
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:40,760
I love how you deny it. That's hot. Tuva?
386
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:43,960
-10:15 this morning.
-Weren't you in at 8:00?
387
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:46,640
-Yeah.
-[Chris] What the hell's going on?
388
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:49,760
Chris. Great. Jump in. We're just
doing some team building here.
389
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:52,600
No. Go back to work, everybody.
This is ridiculous.
390
00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:55,320
Honestly, Chrissy,
I wouldn't be doing this
391
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,520
unless I thought it was
absolutely essential.
392
00:19:57,600 --> 00:19:59,240
Plus, look how much fun
everyone's having.
393
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:01,120
[Chris] We're not here to have fun.
394
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:04,800
This is GCHQ.
Do you think Alan Turing had fun?
395
00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:09,400
-Okay, back to work, everyone.
-No, not yet. Listen, I get it.
396
00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:12,720
You didn't choose to have
some dashing American fuck fox
397
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:15,920
in your prissy British hen house.
I didn't want this either.
398
00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:18,960
But I'm sure we can make it work.
399
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:21,960
Come on, at least have a jelly bean.
400
00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:23,400
Absolutely not.
401
00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:25,760
Aren't we meant to be collaborating?
402
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:28,640
-Huh, team?
-[all] Yes, Jerry.
403
00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:31,640
Do you really want your staff
to see you like this?
404
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:34,400
[staff chanting, clapping]
Jelly bean! Jelly bean!
405
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:37,800
Jelly bean! Jelly bean! Jelly bean!
406
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:40,480
Jelly bean! Jelly bean! Jelly bean!
407
00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:42,560
Jelly bean! Jelly bean! Jelly bean!
408
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:45,040
[distant echo]
Jelly bean! Jelly bean! Jelly bean!
409
00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:46,880
-All right!
-[chanting stops]
410
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:01,600
[jelly bean clatters]
411
00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:11,000
[swallows]
412
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:14,240
-Yes!
-[cheering]
413
00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:15,720
And Jerry says fall!
414
00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:18,200
[grunts]
415
00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:21,640
[woman] Jerry's got the printer
working again!
416
00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:23,920
[cheering]
417
00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:27,000
See? This is why they sent me here.
418
00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:30,480
[cheering and applause continues]
419
00:21:39,120 --> 00:21:40,800
-Good night.
-Good night.
420
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:50,600
♪ Hurray, hurray, hurray!
Misery's on the way ♪
421
00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:54,440
♪ There are bad times
Just around the corner ♪
422
00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:58,320
♪ There are dark clouds
Hurtling through the sky ♪
423
00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:02,320
♪ It's as clear as crystal
From Bridlington to Bristol ♪
424
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:06,160
♪ That we can't save democracy
And we don't much care ♪
425
00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:10,440
♪ We'd better all learn the lyrics
Of the old "Red Flag" ♪
426
00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:14,280
♪ And wait until we drop down dead ♪
34351
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