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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:21,280 "And now, the Cinemax Reelife documentary." 2 00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:23,960 I'm really confused by you, Phil. 3 00:00:24,040 --> 00:00:26,800 Ask anybody that's in this room, if they had to be 24 hours... 4 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:29,760 seven days a week with you, you are maddening. 5 00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:33,080 - Everything has to be your way. - You're making me wrong 6 00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:36,600 - And you're not making me wrong? - I haven't made you wrong. 7 00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:37,680 Okay, Phil. 8 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:42,560 Joan, you got to understand. This is about me. I need calmness. 9 00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:47,560 And when you start going off, I'm telling you, my body hurts. 10 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:54,720 So I don't give a fuck how you feel. I'm the one that's fucking dying. 11 00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:57,640 - How you fucking feel fuck you. - Don't... 12 00:00:57,720 --> 00:00:59,600 - Don't die like a jerk. - Dad, that's not fair. 13 00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:01,840 - Don't be like a jerk. - I talk the way I talk. 14 00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:04,920 I know you want to... Dad I'm not doing anything... 15 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:06,960 I didn't tell you how to talk. I don't think that's fair... 16 00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:08,840 - what you're saying, Dad. - Well, maybe you should leave. 17 00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:11,960 I'm not going to leave. You both are my parents... 18 00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:14,200 and I don't feel it's fair. 19 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:17,200 - Who cares what you feel? - Well, Dad. 20 00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:20,600 Alena, I would really like to ask you to be quiet. 21 00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:24,360 You're the daughter. Shut the fuck up and let me talk, or leave. 22 00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:28,080 No, I will leave. And you know what? And you know what? I forgive you. 23 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:29,320 I don't care if you forgive me or not. 24 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:31,520 I do. I forgive you. 25 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:33,600 And mom, I'm sorry. 26 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:36,000 And I'm not going to stand by while you're being a jerk. 27 00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:37,720 - And it's not running away, dad. - I never call... 28 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:40,640 And you... And what you're doing is glowing from this. 29 00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:45,600 Leave out and close the door when your father is dying. 30 00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:49,800 I'm leaving. I'm taking my car and I'm splitting. 31 00:02:55,200 --> 00:03:00,720 Four weeks ago is when I found out my time is limited. 32 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:04,240 So at this particular point the only thing that can save me... 33 00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:07,480 would be an out and out miracle. 34 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:10,840 Which so far the physicians I have talked to... 35 00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:13,520 and the team of specialists that are working on me... 36 00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:15,640 from Kaiser is the best there is... 37 00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:20,120 and most of them have been practicing for thirty years. 38 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,440 So, anything that could save me would be an out and out miracle... 39 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:26,640 and none of them have seen a miracle. 40 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:31,040 Now, because I'm spiritual... 41 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:35,160 I have hope that I could be the one... 42 00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:38,200 I could be the miracle. 43 00:03:55,280 --> 00:04:01,040 Is there a way that someone who's doing research... 44 00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:05,320 like John Wayne Center, can freeze me for like five to ten years... 45 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:07,520 until they get the technology? 46 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,720 And what would we call that, a Phil Francicle? 47 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:18,320 That's very good. A Francicle. 48 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:26,320 How many people have you seen die? 49 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:29,720 - What kind of question is that? - A lot. 50 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:33,320 How do they take it toward the end? Why? 51 00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:35,000 Because I want to know what's going to happen. 52 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:40,880 I'm not here to tell you that you're dying today or tomorrow or next week. 53 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:43,720 I'm here to deal with what's so today. 54 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:46,960 Today you're alive. 55 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:48,760 You get to be with your family. 56 00:04:56,280 --> 00:04:58,120 It's not enough. 57 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:05,680 Philip was always good, good, good. It was sickening. 58 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:09,440 He was a good child in school, he was a good child at home. 59 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:14,360 As Philip got older, he really got conscious about being important... 60 00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:17,000 about being rich, and he wanted to be Howard Hughes. 61 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:20,480 All he wanted to do was be rich like Howard Hughes. 62 00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:23,320 That was his ambition in life. He got... 63 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:27,920 as he got out of high school, he went to college for business. 64 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:30,160 He got his business degree and everything. 65 00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:31,920 He got a janitorial service. 66 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:35,400 He got contracts at buildings all over the Valley. 67 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:40,720 Philip then got the biggest house, the biggest car... 68 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:43,840 the biggest pool, the biggest driveway. 69 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:47,040 Everything he got, he got ahead all of our friends. 70 00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:51,960 And he lived large. He had, it was like a depression. 71 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:57,760 He recesseded a little, but then he got back everything he had recessed. 72 00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:01,760 So he did well. And now he has a large family... 73 00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:05,120 he has a bunch of dumb kids right here. 74 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:11,360 Nobody can bring me down at this point. 75 00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:13,480 No matter what they tell me. 76 00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:18,360 Because it's me it's happening to. 77 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:24,200 It's directly happening to you... 78 00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:29,440 and indirectly happening to all of the rest of us. 79 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:33,440 We're all dealing with her father in different ways, okay? 80 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:37,120 And everybody has been like, holding up for him... 81 00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:38,400 and not crying around him. 82 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:41,400 And my situation sucks. 83 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:44,760 - And Phil, who was all up yesterday. - I don't mean to cry... 84 00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:46,480 and be pissed in front of you, Dad. 85 00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:49,400 - I can't help it. - It's okay to be crying... 86 00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:52,760 - and be pissed. - My situation definitely sucks. 87 00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:56,360 I'm just very low. 88 00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:59,760 I'll tell you one thing, I'd like to know where God is. 89 00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:04,440 I'd like to know where the Tao is. 90 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:09,240 I'd like to know where Buddhism is. 91 00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:11,720 And I'm not ready to go home. 92 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:23,880 Okay, can we do problem patients? 93 00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:25,400 Westside. 94 00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:28,560 Problems on the West? 95 00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:32,080 I have one point. A lot of patients are angry... 96 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:35,400 when we first go in there and open the case. They're angry. 97 00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:38,760 They tell me all the time that they feel that their condition... 98 00:07:38,840 --> 00:07:41,080 should have been caught at a certain time. 99 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:44,240 It's because of Kaiser, it's because of the doctors that I'm dying." 100 00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:46,280 You know, they should have caught it. I went to the doctor. 101 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:48,960 And they carry that anger through out the whole process. 102 00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:51,320 - And they displace it on us. - And they displace it on us. 103 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:53,960 So no matter what you do, you can give an arm and a leg... 104 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:57,800 and I believe that everybody in here continues to give an arm and a leg... 105 00:07:57,880 --> 00:07:59,800 - but... - You can only do that twice. 106 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:02,120 - You know? - Four times two arms, two legs. 107 00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:04,880 And it's just not enough. 108 00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:08,080 It's just not enough, because they're angry. 109 00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:12,960 I still can't believe the news. The news is still shocking. 110 00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:14,760 This is... 111 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:19,840 But I don't understand why it's shocking. He said two. 112 00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:22,600 - He's the first person... - we've already always known. 113 00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:24,240 who came up with two months. 114 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:26,480 - Everybody else came up with like... - Four. 115 00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:28,280 Four or so. 116 00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:33,040 Where are you going? 117 00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:35,200 To see what the living room looks like. 118 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:37,760 That's enough to make you die in two hours. 119 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:42,520 And he says it so calmly. 120 00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:45,920 Joan, why is there no lights in here? 121 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:48,440 Turn them on. 122 00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:52,200 I have asked you five mother fucking dead-ass times. 123 00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:54,600 Phil, she doesn't need to hear you talking like this. 124 00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:55,880 I don't understand what's going on. 125 00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:58,680 You don't understand half the things I come out with... 126 00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:02,240 and it comes out perfect. You very seldom get what I do... 127 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:04,960 - and it always comes out right. - Phil. 128 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:07,640 I need you to turn off the camera. 129 00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:10,280 I know that you want to do it your way... 130 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:13,200 but your way is not working right now. 131 00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:14,840 You might need to get some more knowledge. 132 00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:16,960 You might need to do nothing... 133 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:20,360 so that you can get the strength and the energy to move on. 134 00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:22,440 You know, a lot of times in financial business... 135 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:26,520 and I know you're a wizard at that, you had to stop and take heed... 136 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,880 Hey, wait a minute, let me stop and check this out. 137 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:30,720 In the financial world, they say... 138 00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:32,880 "When you don't know where to go, you stop". 139 00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:35,280 Yeah, but... 140 00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:38,360 - That's what Amanda Steps taught me. - There you go. 141 00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:42,720 So, at this point in time, everybody's concerned... 142 00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:45,640 and they're really concerned. You need to listen to that. 143 00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:47,000 - Okay. - This evidence. 144 00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:49,960 I hate to tell you why. I'm scared to stop. 145 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:53,240 I know it. I know that. That's why I'm trying... 146 00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:54,960 - to give you some... - Well, I know you know. 147 00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:57,320 - Why don't we... - We know it, Dad. We know. 148 00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:59,080 - Dad. We knew. - You don't think we knew that? 149 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:01,200 - That's what I said, "What's next?" - I'm afraid... 150 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:02,320 - that if it's out of my hands... - There's nothing he has left... 151 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:04,240 - for anybody. - things may change. 152 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:07,440 - Trust us. Can you trust us? - Dad, letting go. 153 00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:10,120 - Can you trust us? - Well, let's just take things easy. 154 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:14,800 Let's easy does it, okay? Let's just do a week, get your reports... 155 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:18,800 and if you feel better, then you might want to be more active. 156 00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:20,280 They always want to hold my hand. 157 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:21,880 - I hate this. - Dad likes it. 158 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:23,080 - No I don't. - He doesn't like but grab my hand. 159 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:26,440 - Yes, he does. - Do you feel I should take... 160 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:30,000 Jesus Christ. 161 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:34,760 Do you feel I should take... now I'm worried, when you do... 162 00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:38,320 - I got to get to hold this. - Look, we're loving daddy. 163 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:40,760 Where's mom? She doesn't love me. 164 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:44,720 - Yes, mom does. The drama. - Oh, my God. 165 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:49,080 - Nobody loves me. - Hey Dad, we'll be here with you. 166 00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:00,240 Shit. 167 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:44,560 Do you need some help? 168 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:46,480 Here, let me help you. 169 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:52,360 Dennis? He had two morphine. 170 00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:57,320 What's going on? 171 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:02,160 What does that mean? 172 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:14,400 Well, I know what it means to die. I mean, what is it... 173 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:16,040 you're saying you feel like you're dying. 174 00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:19,200 I'm looking for some symptoms, something I can address. 175 00:12:20,560 --> 00:12:22,520 You know, every day we're dying. 176 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:28,120 My... 177 00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:32,360 I'm... 178 00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:43,480 I'm... 179 00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:08,520 You know why I'm here and why I come and see you, right? 180 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:09,760 Yeah. 181 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:18,880 I don't know if anybody ever gets prepared for death. 182 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:25,560 What I want you to know is what is happening to you now... 183 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:28,760 is normal, is natural. 184 00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:32,040 You're not doing anything wrong. 185 00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:36,640 There's nothing else that you could do... 186 00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:42,000 except be comfortable... 187 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:46,040 be with your family... 188 00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:52,560 let them help you, let me serve you. 189 00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:58,480 That's all. 190 00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:04,240 So, given where he's at now? 191 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:06,400 - Not to put a time limit on it - People always ask me that... 192 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:08,760 and I never know what to say. 193 00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:10,640 God knows how much time. 194 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:14,440 But I've got him scheduled for Thursday. 195 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:23,360 I expect he'll be there on Thursday, but if I came in and he was gone... 196 00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:26,600 I can't tell you I'd be terribly surprised. 197 00:14:56,840 --> 00:15:02,200 Okay, I'm recording this alone. It's about 5.30 in the morning. 198 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:07,600 And from the days and days in the camera... 199 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:12,120 you've seen that my husband has gone through a rapid decline... 200 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:15,560 faster than any of us ever thought was possible. 201 00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:19,120 And to watch this man that can no longer care for himself... 202 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:22,440 and is fighting for his dignity every step of the way. 203 00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:24,840 He's reduced to having to have people take care of him... 204 00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:27,480 which he doesn't want to do and he resents it. 205 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:30,880 He resents me having to help him in and out of bed. 206 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:34,120 Today I watched him for an hour, staying up there... 207 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:37,240 trying to get out of bed, trying to get to the bathroom in time... 208 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:43,440 and then he peed on himself. And I just watched him so humiliated. 209 00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:48,040 This is a horrible disease. 210 00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:53,480 This is a horrible way to end your life. 211 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:57,200 This is my husband. 212 00:15:57,280 --> 00:16:00,400 This is what he's reduced to right now. 213 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:21,880 Okay. Here's Philip Francis. 214 00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:24,440 He passed away... 215 00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:31,400 about 8.40, 8.50 this morning. It's about nine-something. 216 00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:36,840 And he's gone and moved on to a better place. 217 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:41,200 And I love you, Daddy, and I'll miss you. 218 00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:42,920 Everyone else misses you. 219 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:49,080 Your future grandchildren and sons-in-law will miss you. 220 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,880 And I know you're in a better place. 221 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,360 I love you, Daddy. 222 00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:18,160 Going into this, you know that a patient is going to die. 223 00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:21,240 Generally speaking, that doesn't bother me... 224 00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:26,480 because I know I make a difference, I know they don't suffer. 225 00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:30,520 I say, generally speaking, because... 226 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:34,560 recently I had a patient, she was sixteen years old. 227 00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:39,640 And she got to me. 228 00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:50,160 I did take that home and I will never forget her. 229 00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:54,880 It just seemed like she could never catch a break. 230 00:17:57,160 --> 00:18:02,320 I couldn't put it in any kind of a context... 231 00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:06,360 that made it okay for me. 232 00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:10,840 It bothered me. 233 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:23,680 Alright. These are the people that left this life with us... 234 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:26,400 in this past week. 235 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:32,400 Cindy Edwards, Phil Francis, Thompson Hike... 236 00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:40,120 Sean Steven, Marty Miller, Mitchell Amaroy, Desmond Morse... 237 00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:42,760 and Lucille Hugh. 238 00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:44,080 Can we have a moment of silence... 239 00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:48,280 in memory of their lives and their contribution to this world. 240 00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:08,640 I'm Dr. Emont and I work with Nancy and the rest of the team. 241 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:12,280 I had a chance to look through the chart today... 242 00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:16,400 get a better sense of what's been going on since last year. 243 00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:21,400 A lot of what we do on this program has to do with making sure... 244 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:24,640 that you're feeling as well as possible. 245 00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:26,240 Are you feeling comfortable right now? 246 00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:29,040 - Not really. - What does that mean? 247 00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:34,440 I'm sleepy. 248 00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:38,800 Is that because you're not sleeping that well at nighttime... 249 00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:42,560 or is it just you feel like the medicines might be doing it? 250 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:45,080 - Yeah, the medicines. - Okay. 251 00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:47,840 She wants a hospital bed. In the beginning she refused it... 252 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:53,120 because just, I guess the sense of being in a hospital bed, you know? 253 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:54,400 But she needs it, though. 254 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:56,840 I don't know if you're the person to talk about it. 255 00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:59,360 I certainly can do that. I thought you were going to ask me... 256 00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:02,200 for something hard. No, that one's easy. 257 00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:06,040 I can call before I leave and we can make sure to get that delivered. 258 00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:11,880 So we know that if we have some type of emergency... 259 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:15,920 in the middle of the night, what will happen? 260 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:19,120 We would encourage you to call the number. 261 00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:23,720 Now, we always encourage you to use that special 24-hour number. 262 00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:26,800 It's really a hotline and it's only for our patients. 263 00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:29,800 - Nobody else gets that number. - Okay. 264 00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:32,480 So the center of the care is to see... 265 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:34,840 if we can makes things work in the home setting... 266 00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:37,720 because we know that people generally feel best... 267 00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:39,280 when they're at home. 268 00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:48,960 I left a note on that folder for Susan. 269 00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,880 And I left my card there, too. 270 00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:55,520 If any questions come up, Mr. Gonzalez, please call us, okay? 271 00:20:55,600 --> 00:21:00,560 - Anything else I can answer today? - No, not really. I don't think so. 272 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:03,680 Alright. It was very nice to meet you. 273 00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:05,680 - Alright. Thank you. - Nice to meet you. 274 00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:10,640 She has a very uncommon kind of tumor. 275 00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:14,600 It's actually more common in young people, called E-wing's... 276 00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:17,080 or Ewing's, Sarcoma. 277 00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:22,520 And when it first presented, it was already in the nervous system. 278 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:25,200 And we may start seeing changes more quickly... 279 00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:28,400 than they're prepared to expect. 280 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:30,880 - Hello, Senor. - Hi. How are you? 281 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,920 Hi. Nice to see you again. 282 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:35,960 Thank you for letting me be here in your home. 283 00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:37,800 - No, it's my pleasure. - With your wonderful wife... 284 00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:40,440 and lovely home. Thank you. 285 00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:45,880 I know that we had talked in the hospital about no prolongation. 286 00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:51,400 tubes or respirators or things like that. 287 00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:52,720 Okay. 288 00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:57,240 Now this form addresses no resuscitation. 289 00:21:57,320 --> 00:22:00,200 That means that if her heart stops... 290 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:03,360 you don't want any medical resuscitation. 291 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:04,720 No. 292 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:10,240 Taking her, intervating her, putting her on the respirator. 293 00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:18,160 You can sign here. Put your relationship as Father... 294 00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:20,000 and the date. 295 00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:36,120 Do I have to sign, too? 296 00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:43,360 I know this is very difficult. 297 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:49,920 Granted, I see a lot of people... 298 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,160 but I don't see a lot of nineteen year olds... 299 00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:54,080 and I don't see a lot of families. 300 00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:56,360 If I was diagnosed right now with anything... 301 00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:58,400 - I wouldn't give a damn, really. - I would. 302 00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:03,320 I wouldn't. Not me. You know, life and I, we're even. 303 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:05,760 I wouldn't bother at all. 304 00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:10,240 - But not my kid. Why? - I know. 305 00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:12,040 You know, Susie never asked for anything. 306 00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:14,840 Susie's not the kind of girl that demands things. 307 00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:16,480 Susie never asked for anything. 308 00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:20,080 This is the first thing Susie ever asked me for. 309 00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:21,440 This. 310 00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:25,480 We were in Mexico and she looked at that picture and she say... 311 00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:27,280 "Daddy, can you buy me this picture?" 312 00:23:27,360 --> 00:23:31,360 And I say, "Why? Why do you want that?" She said, "I want it"... 313 00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:36,200 and I bought it for her. I think she liked the expression or something. 314 00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:53,320 Susie. 315 00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:04,080 Susie. got you. 316 00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:15,360 Susie, it's Douglas from Kaiser. 317 00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:17,560 I'm going to talk with you, okay? 318 00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:21,960 We woke you up? 319 00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:29,240 Are you able to talk to your mom and your dad about what you're feeling? 320 00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:38,040 Not your dad, huh? 321 00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:04,880 I'm sure. 322 00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:28,560 Well, what I'm going to do is... 323 00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:31,560 I'll try talking to your dad a little bit, okay? 324 00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:41,800 - She worries about you a lot. - I know. 325 00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:49,440 She was telling me that she feels bad because she's making you suffer. 326 00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:51,800 - No. - I know. 327 00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:59,160 I talked to her about the difference between her and her illness. 328 00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:03,960 That you still love her and care for her, and that's why you're sad. 329 00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:08,560 And you just don't have any control over her disease. 330 00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:10,640 You know, there's nothing you can do. 331 00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:18,080 Ya. She always worried about me, even when she wasn't sick. 332 00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:33,120 Are you able to sit down with her and tell her how you're feeling? 333 00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:37,920 Yeah, yeah, we talk a lot. It's just that it's not easy. 334 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:41,960 You guys deal with this every day, I don't. 335 00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:45,840 No, that doesn't make it any easier for us, either. 336 00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:56,600 Alright, let's talk about Susan Gonzalez because... 337 00:26:56,680 --> 00:27:02,280 when I saw her on Monday, my concern with her is that... 338 00:27:02,360 --> 00:27:06,680 she is more sick than her family is aware. 339 00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:09,680 And I think that her prognosis is... 340 00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:13,760 much shorter much, much shorter than anyone anticipates. 341 00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:18,080 My biggest fear is that they're still not at the mindset that... 342 00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:20,360 - Dad is crying all the time. - I know. 343 00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:25,520 He was expressing the feeling that he was a failure as a father... 344 00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:29,440 because he couldn't overcome her disease. 345 00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:32,400 - Oh, my. - And so, we were talking about... 346 00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:36,120 what he had control over and what he doesn't have control over. 347 00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:41,280 I think maybe we should have a family meeting with the parents. 348 00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:44,560 I'll be happy to do that. 349 00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:47,920 To tell them that their daughter does not have long to live. 350 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:50,440 It's going to happen very soon. 351 00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:57,000 So, I know how to talk to people who have lived their life... 352 00:27:57,080 --> 00:28:01,000 but how do you talk to a father about his own daughter? 353 00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:04,680 - The words just don't come. - About a nineteen year old, right? 354 00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:07,400 I know. The words just don't come. 355 00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:09,680 I mean, the bottom-line is, she's dying... 356 00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:12,920 - And it's not supposed to happen. - And it's not supposed to happen. 357 00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:25,040 Hi. Good morning. 358 00:28:25,120 --> 00:28:26,400 How are you? 359 00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:32,440 We have Doug here, and Susan. 360 00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:37,240 Your mom's here, your grandma's here, and Jennifer's here. 361 00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:39,840 What I'm just going to do right now is to take a listen... 362 00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:43,800 to your lungs and heart. Okay? 363 00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:45,120 So we'll be doing that... 364 00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:49,160 and then we'll be letting you keep sleeping just so you can rest. 365 00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:54,600 And then we'll be able to talk a little bit, okay? 366 00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:58,200 She looks very comfortable right now, but we're at that point... 367 00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:00,160 where we're starting to see the changes... 368 00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:03,600 that we see as a person is getting closer to... 369 00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:06,160 moving on to the next world. 370 00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:08,480 Her breathing pattern is changing... 371 00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:11,800 and she's not as awake as she was before. 372 00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:16,480 And what I've learned from doing this work for many years is that... 373 00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:19,600 I believe very strongly in the power of the mind. 374 00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:22,960 I believe that people let go when they're ready. 375 00:29:23,040 --> 00:29:24,360 Yeah. 376 00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:27,680 It's like now they can move on, and they're ready to move on... 377 00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:32,480 because it's just not as much fun to wake up every day anymore. 378 00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:39,040 And at some level, the ability to understand... 379 00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:42,720 that this is something she's allowing to happen. 380 00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:55,360 This is your time to make sure you're telling her everything... 381 00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:57,080 you need to tell her. 382 00:29:57,160 --> 00:30:00,320 Just keep letting her know how much you love her... 383 00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:03,120 and how much she means to you. 384 00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:05,800 That's the medicine she needs. 385 00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:07,280 We will give our medicine... 386 00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:10,960 to assure that she continues to be comfortable... 387 00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:14,240 but at some point she's going to let go when she's ready... 388 00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:18,320 because it's her choice. She's ready to move on. 389 00:30:21,280 --> 00:30:22,840 Daddy. 390 00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:27,440 Daddy. 391 00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:32,080 - Mija. - What happened? 392 00:30:32,160 --> 00:30:33,960 - What's up, Mija? - What happened? 393 00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:35,600 Nothing. 394 00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:40,720 How you doing? 395 00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:42,240 You okay? 396 00:31:01,880 --> 00:31:03,200 Okay. 397 00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:14,640 There has been a lot of people today. 398 00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:18,560 I mean, a lot. Close to a hundred people today. 399 00:31:57,760 --> 00:32:00,240 As you can see, she has a lot of friends that loved her... 400 00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:06,520 and appreciated her and cared for her. 401 00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:13,200 And we're waiting for the coroner's or the people from hospice... 402 00:32:13,280 --> 00:32:17,040 to come prepare her to take her away. 403 00:32:54,160 --> 00:32:55,760 Yeah. 404 00:32:57,800 --> 00:33:02,800 - Yeah, I feel good. - A relief? 405 00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:08,040 Yeah, yesterday I put my arm under her head... 406 00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:17,880 - Is that right? - Yeah. 407 00:33:26,040 --> 00:33:27,680 That was a good experience last night... 408 00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:34,480 - Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. - Great. 409 00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:57,040 Okay, death summaries. We are having some problems with death summaries. 410 00:33:57,120 --> 00:33:59,920 It seems that they get into the chart without... 411 00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:03,880 the signature of the physician and the social worker. 412 00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:07,960 So, I think the case manager will sign first... 413 00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:10,520 and then pass it on to the social worker or the doctor... 414 00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:12,760 and the doctor will give it to the social worker. 415 00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:14,840 That we agreed upon that. 416 00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:16,720 Okay. 417 00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:19,040 - Did you all get that? Okay. - Okay. 418 00:34:19,120 --> 00:34:20,440 Anna. 419 00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:23,480 When I came in Monday and heard Susan had died... 420 00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:29,160 I actually had to take some time out to go and have a bit of a cry. 421 00:34:29,240 --> 00:34:34,440 And when I was doing that, I was horrified to realize... 422 00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:38,800 that I've gotten to the point where I've pretty much lost much sense... 423 00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:42,000 at all that our patients are human beings and when they die... 424 00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:44,680 that's the end of a life. 425 00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:49,960 And I realize the job has just somehow morphed into nothing... 426 00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:54,000 but irritating bits of paperwork... 427 00:34:54,080 --> 00:34:55,400 and that really saddened me... 428 00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:58,960 because this is such an extraordinary thing to be doing. 429 00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:14,360 They knew I was going to die. To me, it's a blessing. 430 00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:22,600 It's a real blessing. It isn't anything to run from. 431 00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:27,960 The thing about it is, I think that people are so afraid of dying... 432 00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:30,920 is that it makes you want to puke. 433 00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:37,640 The greatest thing that you could possible do is die. 434 00:35:37,720 --> 00:35:40,240 That's being born again. 435 00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:43,200 "Hello?" 436 00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:47,000 Hello, it's Michael with Kaiser Hospice, at the front door. 437 00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:49,760 - Okay. Just a moment. - Thank you. 438 00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:05,240 Alright, let's put your arm down here. 439 00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:08,560 - You seem to be a lot better today. - I seem to be a lot brighter. 440 00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:13,000 What's going on? You just all of a sudden felt better? 441 00:36:13,080 --> 00:36:17,560 No, just strength or something is starting to come back. 442 00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:19,200 Great. 443 00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:22,360 Are you taking any of your morphine and Ativan at night? 444 00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:24,440 - Yes. - Okay. 445 00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:29,080 - Any swelling going on in the feet? - Not as far as I know. 446 00:36:29,160 --> 00:36:32,920 Have you looked at your feet lately? Let me look at your feet. 447 00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:35,760 My daughter, she checks them. 448 00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:39,360 Your daughter's great, she takes such good care of you. 449 00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:41,240 These look great. 450 00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:44,360 I can't find anything wrong with you today, Bob. 451 00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:48,800 That's an A+. 452 00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:50,680 That's an A+. 453 00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:53,960 I didn't expect him to come back this well. 454 00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:57,480 But people do kind of have their ups and downs. 455 00:36:59,240 --> 00:37:03,240 You know, it's great. That's why I was telling him... 456 00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:05,440 Get out and do something. 457 00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:11,720 Do whatever your heart desires because you're not going to have... 458 00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:13,720 I didn't tell him this, but, "You're not going to have all the time... 459 00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:15,560 in the world to do that. 460 00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:18,960 - This is my daughter. - Morning, Papa. 461 00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:23,480 Look at that. Notice that good morning? 462 00:37:23,560 --> 00:37:27,320 That's a plus, plus, and a half. 463 00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:32,120 So, we're ready to go out. See you in a bit. 464 00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:35,560 - See that red dot? - That means it's on. 465 00:37:35,640 --> 00:37:38,760 So, what stop do you want to do first? 466 00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:39,960 Roger Dunn. 467 00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:43,440 Look at those golf clubs for mom? 468 00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:45,600 How are you feeling today, Dad? You alright? 469 00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:50,240 I feel fine. It's just this goddamn stupid breathing. 470 00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:56,320 If I could breathe, you know? I'm breathing a little bit better... 471 00:37:56,400 --> 00:38:00,360 - but I get out of breath so quick. - Sure. 472 00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:08,960 We're off to the golf store to buy a Christmas present for mom. 473 00:38:09,040 --> 00:38:11,360 You're going without your oxygen right now. 474 00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:13,280 Being a little daring? 475 00:38:13,360 --> 00:38:15,720 You tell me if you need it though, Dad. Okay? 476 00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:18,840 - No, I'm fine. - Alright. Let's go. 477 00:38:24,080 --> 00:38:29,960 - I think I better go get that tank. - Yeah? Okay, I'll go get it. 478 00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:32,800 I guess we needed the tank after all. 479 00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:38,480 Well, I guess we found our Christmas present. 480 00:38:42,680 --> 00:38:45,400 I'm sure she'll be very happy about it. 481 00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:51,600 Today Daddy's coming with me to the Buddhist church that we go to. 482 00:38:51,680 --> 00:38:54,200 And this is the Buddhist church. 483 00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:57,560 It's a very beautiful, spiritual place. 484 00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:02,120 It's the only place in the world where I've ever... 485 00:39:02,200 --> 00:39:06,160 found absolute, total peace. 486 00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:16,160 This is the bell that they ring to remind people... 487 00:39:16,240 --> 00:39:19,800 of the current moment and how special life is. 488 00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:39,600 I'm supposed to go make funeral arrangements... 489 00:39:39,680 --> 00:39:41,800 which I haven't been able to do right now... 490 00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:46,320 because I just emotionally haven't been able to go down there. 491 00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:52,480 I tell him every day, I love him. 492 00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:58,440 And I tell him every day, there's miracles. 493 00:39:58,520 --> 00:40:02,520 And I tell him not to give up... 494 00:40:04,520 --> 00:40:09,240 but I also tell him to do what's comfortable for himself. 495 00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:15,560 We have talked so much about leaving each other... 496 00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:18,640 but I don't believe love ever dies. 497 00:40:18,720 --> 00:40:22,960 I think the person's not there, but the love... 498 00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:37,920 Okay. 499 00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:42,600 This is my mother, Margie Pierce. 500 00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:46,560 Hey, mom, how's it's going? 501 00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:48,040 Okay. I'm all ready. 502 00:40:48,120 --> 00:40:50,480 We've been to the Buddhist church. 503 00:40:53,320 --> 00:40:57,320 My parents are good friends, but they're not married anymore. 504 00:40:57,400 --> 00:41:00,280 I don't know, I guess things happen. 505 00:41:02,720 --> 00:41:04,680 Family entrance. 506 00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:19,800 Son of a bitch. If I got to argue all the time 507 00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:21,800 He'll tell me off. 508 00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:26,640 Come on you guys, chill. You're not even married. 509 00:41:26,720 --> 00:41:28,760 What's that got to do with anything? 510 00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:33,920 You get the milk for nothing, so why buy the cow? 511 00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:36,880 No, but you know what? You're totally out of line. 512 00:41:41,320 --> 00:41:43,840 This is what you get. Okay? 513 00:41:43,920 --> 00:41:46,440 So, you just thank God. 514 00:41:48,080 --> 00:41:49,960 See that lecture I get? 515 00:41:51,120 --> 00:41:57,920 This is what the family does every year for the last fifty years. 516 00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:03,960 They get together, get higher than a kite, and decorate the tree. 517 00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:07,120 Your pills make you feel better, right? 518 00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:09,160 He's doing the Ativan cha-cha. 519 00:42:11,240 --> 00:42:14,520 The Ativan dance by Robert C. Pierce. 520 00:42:14,600 --> 00:42:16,160 Oh, my God. 521 00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:19,720 No. 522 00:42:20,720 --> 00:42:24,600 Not Taliban, Ativan. 523 00:42:24,680 --> 00:42:26,200 - Get in the van with the Ativan. - Ativan. 524 00:42:26,280 --> 00:42:31,400 - Get in the van with the Ativan. - Not Taliban, Ativan. 525 00:42:31,480 --> 00:42:37,520 We don't have rules in this house. We do whatever we feel like. 526 00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:41,520 What's going on there? 527 00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:42,640 Damn it. 528 00:42:43,720 --> 00:42:45,880 Don't I have cool parents? 529 00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:47,240 They're necking. 530 00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:51,080 - You're going to kill me. - No, I'm not. 531 00:42:51,160 --> 00:42:52,800 No, I'm not. 532 00:43:31,880 --> 00:43:34,400 I woke up about 3 o'clock in the morning... 533 00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:39,240 wondering if this is it and whether or not I should ready myself. 534 00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:42,560 So, what kind of things do you go through... 535 00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:47,040 when you are getting to that edge, you know? 536 00:43:47,120 --> 00:43:50,760 I think what may happen is that... 537 00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:56,680 you're cancer will continue to grow... 538 00:43:56,760 --> 00:44:02,000 and because of where it's at you will get more short of breath. 539 00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:07,200 The bastard wouldn't be quick, it has to be slow. 540 00:44:07,280 --> 00:44:12,320 Who in the hell every said that death wasn't slow? 541 00:44:17,080 --> 00:44:21,240 I'll be glad when I'm over it. That's all I got to say. 542 00:44:23,520 --> 00:44:26,320 Robert Pierce has lung cancer, history of pneumonia. 543 00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:28,640 He's becoming increasingly short of breath. 544 00:44:28,720 --> 00:44:32,720 We're upping the morphine, we're upping the Ativan. 545 00:44:34,760 --> 00:44:38,360 It seems to help at least that's what he tells me when I visit him. 546 00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:41,440 But then he has these episodes of extreme anxiety... 547 00:44:41,520 --> 00:44:43,560 probably because he can't breathe very well. 548 00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:46,280 So, I went out there, and educated the daughter... 549 00:44:46,360 --> 00:44:47,680 and educated the patient on... 550 00:44:47,760 --> 00:44:50,360 Okay, you need to give yourself large doses... 551 00:44:50,440 --> 00:44:53,680 when you're feeling that anxious. 552 00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:58,000 I want to you to like, take this and breathe it... 553 00:44:58,080 --> 00:45:00,280 like you're breathing air, go... 554 00:45:02,840 --> 00:45:04,960 Alright? 555 00:45:05,040 --> 00:45:08,440 It's tempting for me to have some, but I'm not going to. 556 00:45:08,520 --> 00:45:10,880 Okay, so, just go... 557 00:45:12,800 --> 00:45:13,840 like that. 558 00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:17,240 As best you can, breathe it in, alright? 559 00:46:09,520 --> 00:46:11,120 How are you feeling? 560 00:46:16,120 --> 00:46:18,120 What's that, Bob? You feel horrible? 561 00:46:18,200 --> 00:46:19,280 No. 562 00:46:23,000 --> 00:46:24,880 Now when you say, this is great... 563 00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:31,800 what I hear is Bob Pierce's sarcastic sense of humor. 564 00:46:31,880 --> 00:46:34,200 Am I hearing you right? 565 00:46:34,280 --> 00:46:35,480 Yes. 566 00:46:38,400 --> 00:46:41,320 In other words, this is not great, right? 567 00:46:41,400 --> 00:46:42,560 Yes. 568 00:46:42,640 --> 00:46:45,320 It's been pretty painful, I mean, for me. 569 00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:48,520 I've kind of like, I've been like really nervous... 570 00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:49,880 and I've been dropping things. 571 00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:52,720 I've been like, on warp speed... 572 00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:57,200 because the house has turned into a hospital station, you know? 573 00:46:57,280 --> 00:47:00,960 Because we're like people are coming and going and coming and going. 574 00:47:01,040 --> 00:47:04,520 So I'm a little bit stressed out. 575 00:47:04,600 --> 00:47:09,240 But he's comfortable and that's the main thing, so I don't... 576 00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:12,360 I just want him to stay the same. 577 00:47:12,440 --> 00:47:18,040 He made a big point of emphasizing to me that he was not having pain. 578 00:47:18,120 --> 00:47:19,840 That... In fact he said to me... 579 00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:25,200 "Michael, I feel wonderful". Just like that. 580 00:47:25,280 --> 00:47:27,280 And I think what he was telling me is... 581 00:47:27,360 --> 00:47:30,120 he didn't want people to worry about him. 582 00:47:33,680 --> 00:47:38,040 Well, you know, Bob, you can see better than anybody... 583 00:47:38,120 --> 00:47:41,840 that things have definitely changed. Big-time. 584 00:47:44,320 --> 00:47:49,640 I think that your body is not where it was before. 585 00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:55,240 And I think that... 586 00:48:01,000 --> 00:48:06,840 I think that you may be, you may be dying, Bob. 587 00:48:28,360 --> 00:48:35,120 It's very hard for me to say this, but my father passed away... 588 00:48:35,200 --> 00:48:38,840 April 1st at 11.45. 589 00:48:40,440 --> 00:48:44,320 And this is what it's like now, for me... 590 00:48:47,400 --> 00:48:49,160 without him. 591 00:49:08,920 --> 00:49:12,320 And this is the bed where my dad died. 592 00:49:17,280 --> 00:49:18,760 "I've become attached to Bob..." 593 00:49:18,840 --> 00:49:24,400 "and there's a little bit of a grieving process..." 594 00:49:24,480 --> 00:49:26,440 "and this is what I do." 595 00:49:26,520 --> 00:49:28,760 I help people through the dying process... 596 00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:30,800 "I help guide them through the dying process." 597 00:49:30,880 --> 00:49:37,920 "And so, whatever feelings I have, they just come to the surface..." 598 00:49:38,000 --> 00:49:42,280 "when I can clearly see that the person is actively dying." 599 00:49:42,360 --> 00:49:47,240 "Then I just try to let that attachment go." 600 00:49:47,320 --> 00:49:49,280 "I try to let it go." 601 00:49:54,920 --> 00:49:58,080 I know that the rest of the team has accepted... 602 00:49:58,160 --> 00:50:01,400 that death is inevitable for all of us... 603 00:50:01,480 --> 00:50:04,160 but I've had very few people that say... 604 00:50:04,240 --> 00:50:07,480 "You know, I've had a really great life, I'm ready to go". 605 00:50:07,560 --> 00:50:10,480 And it doesn't matter how much immense suffering... 606 00:50:10,560 --> 00:50:13,720 some of the people have, how tremendous pain. 607 00:50:13,800 --> 00:50:15,920 They do not want to die. 608 00:50:16,000 --> 00:50:20,080 And I suspect I will wind up also in that category. 609 00:50:20,160 --> 00:50:23,280 One thing I've definitely learned from dealing with the dying... 610 00:50:23,360 --> 00:50:25,520 is that I don't want to be... 611 00:50:25,600 --> 00:50:28,680 in a spot where I'm suffering for months on end. 612 00:50:28,760 --> 00:50:29,880 I do not want that. 613 00:50:29,960 --> 00:50:34,360 And I would put myself to death by my own hand... 614 00:50:34,440 --> 00:50:39,840 and I don't know if anyone else believes in that, but I do. 615 00:50:39,920 --> 00:50:43,960 I would put myself to death at my own hand... 616 00:50:44,040 --> 00:50:45,800 if I had a terminal diagnosis... 617 00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:48,720 and I was starting to deteriorate and suffer. 618 00:50:48,800 --> 00:50:53,160 I think there's a challenge though, to find meaningfulness in suffering. 619 00:50:53,240 --> 00:50:55,400 There's a meaningfulness in that experience. 620 00:50:55,480 --> 00:50:56,640 And that's where... 621 00:50:56,720 --> 00:51:00,600 I hope that my consciousness... 622 00:51:00,680 --> 00:51:05,200 would be lead in my own dying process. 623 00:51:05,280 --> 00:51:10,840 I've often told people that family and friends that dying of cancer... 624 00:51:10,920 --> 00:51:14,600 can be a very spiritual experience in that... 625 00:51:14,680 --> 00:51:19,720 it will lend itself to having families and patients prepare... 626 00:51:19,800 --> 00:51:23,840 and have that time for closure, for saying goodbye. 627 00:51:23,920 --> 00:51:25,240 Personally, I do believe... 628 00:51:25,320 --> 00:51:27,320 that I can help my patients and their families... 629 00:51:27,400 --> 00:51:32,640 to come to have some sort of emotional growth at the end of life. 630 00:51:32,720 --> 00:51:35,560 To tie up the loose ends, emotionally. 631 00:51:35,640 --> 00:51:39,800 And that's a part of what I do. But suffering, per se? 632 00:51:39,880 --> 00:51:43,520 I don't see a whole lot of meaning to suffering, per se. 633 00:52:00,280 --> 00:52:02,240 Rosie does travel. 634 00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:05,960 I tell you, I have too many things to do... 635 00:52:06,040 --> 00:52:11,080 to be completely bedridden... 636 00:52:11,160 --> 00:52:14,760 or completely taken down by this disease. 637 00:52:34,520 --> 00:52:38,200 - It's so painful. - I know it's painful. 638 00:52:38,280 --> 00:52:40,400 You have no idea. 639 00:52:41,560 --> 00:52:45,120 Well, you've got bare tissue there... 640 00:52:45,200 --> 00:52:49,320 that's being exposed to all the things going through your system. 641 00:52:49,400 --> 00:52:52,320 You know, it's got to burn and hurt. It's got to. 642 00:52:52,400 --> 00:52:54,000 That's why I have to stay busy a little bit... 643 00:52:54,080 --> 00:52:57,200 - because I can't stand the pain. - I know. 644 00:52:57,280 --> 00:53:00,000 - Oh my God. - It's horrible. I know. 645 00:53:00,080 --> 00:53:03,360 You feel like your insides are going to fall out. 646 00:53:05,040 --> 00:53:08,120 We got to keep you busy so you think about something else. 647 00:53:09,480 --> 00:53:12,000 Don't you have one of those at home already? 648 00:53:14,520 --> 00:53:17,040 You going to get that, Rosalie? 649 00:53:27,160 --> 00:53:32,280 I used to work at a cellular store and Rosalie was my customer. 650 00:53:32,360 --> 00:53:35,680 And we just became friends after that. 651 00:53:35,760 --> 00:53:38,080 And then when she first told me she had cancer... 652 00:53:38,160 --> 00:53:40,240 she told me over the phone and we were both crying. 653 00:53:40,320 --> 00:53:43,480 And I told her, "Don't worry. I'll be there for you." 654 00:53:43,560 --> 00:53:49,600 When she finally told me, "I need to have someone with me every day". 655 00:53:49,680 --> 00:53:52,120 So, I'm glad that I'm here 656 00:53:52,200 --> 00:53:55,520 I don't complain. I just do whatever she wants. 657 00:53:55,600 --> 00:53:59,960 You know? And because I do love her, she's my friend... 658 00:54:00,040 --> 00:54:03,280 and I'm very loyal to my friends. 659 00:54:09,040 --> 00:54:11,440 - Over here, babe. - How are you? 660 00:54:11,520 --> 00:54:14,960 - My doctor is here. - Okay. 661 00:54:15,040 --> 00:54:17,360 I'm starting to feel an ache in my back. 662 00:54:17,440 --> 00:54:20,200 - Okay. - No, I'm just kidding. 663 00:54:23,000 --> 00:54:25,240 This is Sonia. She's going to be with me every day. 664 00:54:25,320 --> 00:54:26,680 I thought you guys were together. 665 00:54:26,760 --> 00:54:28,280 She's just now learning how to use a camera. 666 00:54:28,360 --> 00:54:29,560 Well, I think it'd good. 667 00:54:29,640 --> 00:54:32,600 - Well, nice meeting you. - Nice to meet you. 668 00:54:32,680 --> 00:54:35,640 Our goal is to make her very comfortable. 669 00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:38,760 We don't force anything. 670 00:54:39,920 --> 00:54:44,520 If she wants to eat anything, she can do that. 671 00:54:44,600 --> 00:54:46,600 If she doesn't, that's fine. 672 00:54:46,680 --> 00:54:50,680 We don't force her because she needs to be happy. 673 00:54:51,840 --> 00:54:52,880 Yeah, I know. 674 00:54:52,960 --> 00:54:55,840 Okay, because that's part of the philosophy. 675 00:54:55,920 --> 00:54:58,640 - We don'r... She is terminal. - She's not terminal, though. 676 00:54:58,720 --> 00:55:01,240 - Okay. Alright. - She is terminal. 677 00:55:01,320 --> 00:55:04,840 She told me to talk to you. She's terminal. 678 00:55:04,920 --> 00:55:07,280 Anything can happen from now on. 679 00:55:07,360 --> 00:55:12,440 Therefore, it's so important for us to make her happy... 680 00:55:12,520 --> 00:55:15,080 and don't contradict anything. Just... 681 00:55:15,160 --> 00:55:16,200 Yes, I'm here. 682 00:55:23,880 --> 00:55:25,120 Okay. 683 00:55:32,480 --> 00:55:34,720 She's in for a big surprise. 684 00:55:39,920 --> 00:55:43,000 She is in for a big surprise. She's not going to die. 685 00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:45,760 I know it. 686 00:55:45,840 --> 00:55:50,520 She has a deep faith in God, and God performs miracles. 687 00:55:53,080 --> 00:55:56,160 What I'm doing here, this is holy water. 688 00:55:56,240 --> 00:55:59,880 I put it on her forehead and over the heart. 689 00:56:01,360 --> 00:56:04,120 Now, as I put my hand down... 690 00:56:04,200 --> 00:56:08,080 Ruth my angel's hand, in a light form... 691 00:56:08,160 --> 00:56:12,200 slides right under my hand. 692 00:56:12,280 --> 00:56:19,080 From this point on, Ruth has complete control over my hands... 693 00:56:19,160 --> 00:56:25,400 and she will guide me to the parts that's needed to be healed. 694 00:56:25,480 --> 00:56:32,080 Now Rosalie has a tumor in her colon that we're trying to make disappear. 695 00:56:34,080 --> 00:56:40,280 Angels of healing, bring wholeness and healing to Rosalie. 696 00:56:42,920 --> 00:56:45,360 Do I really believe that there's a God... 697 00:56:45,440 --> 00:56:50,080 that there are angels that exist that can do miraculous things? 698 00:56:50,160 --> 00:56:52,320 Absolutely. 699 00:56:52,400 --> 00:56:56,200 Because I've seen them. I have seen them, actually seen them. 700 00:56:56,280 --> 00:57:02,000 I've seen them operate. I've seen miraculous things happen in my life. 701 00:57:02,080 --> 00:57:09,960 And I've totally gone against so called medical advice... 702 00:57:10,040 --> 00:57:14,120 because of this deep, deep belief that I have. 703 00:57:14,200 --> 00:57:18,000 And it has carried me, literally carried me through. 704 00:57:18,080 --> 00:57:23,520 We thank you, Lord God, that you have brought us to this house... 705 00:57:23,600 --> 00:57:28,640 to get more of you. That'll we'll leave this place not like we came. 706 00:57:28,720 --> 00:57:29,720 In the name of Jesus. 707 00:57:29,800 --> 00:57:32,240 - Baby, hold some. - Come now, don't be afraid. 708 00:57:32,320 --> 00:57:34,640 Don't be afraid today. You alive now. 709 00:57:34,720 --> 00:57:37,120 They are done this here, right now. 710 00:57:37,200 --> 00:57:40,000 You're receiving all of it. Yes, you're getting all of it. 711 00:57:40,080 --> 00:57:42,280 You're getting every bit. Every bit. 712 00:57:45,960 --> 00:57:48,520 In the name of Jesus. 713 00:57:48,600 --> 00:57:50,120 Hallelujah. 714 00:58:03,080 --> 00:58:06,280 I have this pain in my side and still a lot of pain here... 715 00:58:06,360 --> 00:58:09,840 so we'll see how I feel when I leave here. 716 00:58:25,400 --> 00:58:27,840 Now she explained to me that what she's doing right now... 717 00:58:27,920 --> 00:58:31,600 is she releasing... You're releasing an energy? 718 00:58:31,680 --> 00:58:35,480 - Your stuck energy. - She's releasing my stuck energy. 719 00:58:35,560 --> 00:58:37,760 - Through her, by burping it out. - That I'm not able to release. 720 00:58:37,840 --> 00:58:40,040 Right. So she's not trying to be rude. 721 00:58:40,120 --> 00:58:41,120 Yeah. 722 00:58:41,200 --> 00:58:46,320 So, I want anyone who watches this to understand what she's doing. 723 00:58:46,400 --> 00:58:48,120 Better than farting and throwing up. 724 00:58:48,200 --> 00:58:51,040 Right. That's what she also told me. 725 00:58:52,160 --> 00:58:55,200 - Do you sell these beds, as well? - Yes, I sure do. 726 00:58:55,280 --> 00:58:56,720 How much are they? 727 00:58:56,800 --> 00:58:58,800 They run right around 3,300 dollars. 728 00:58:58,880 --> 00:59:01,280 They're on sale right now for 2,500 dollars. 729 00:59:02,800 --> 00:59:04,240 - That's beautiful. - If you want God's gifts... 730 00:59:04,320 --> 00:59:05,680 we're going to charge for them. 731 00:59:05,760 --> 00:59:08,720 I've got so much pain down in here. 732 00:59:11,000 --> 00:59:14,920 You know, I am so absolutely exhausted, Glenn... 733 00:59:15,000 --> 00:59:17,960 from being under this financial pressure that... 734 00:59:18,040 --> 00:59:20,240 I am just beside myself. 735 00:59:20,320 --> 00:59:23,920 I mean, I am just so fed up with it. I just told God... 736 00:59:24,000 --> 00:59:27,120 You know, God, you got to do something and do something soon... 737 00:59:27,200 --> 00:59:30,200 because I cannot live like this anymore. 738 00:59:32,000 --> 00:59:35,360 Are any of these generic? Because she's allergic to generic. 739 00:59:38,080 --> 00:59:43,080 - It should be on her records. - You don't want the generic? 740 00:59:59,080 --> 01:00:05,640 The last time we were here they said you only carried brand name of Norco. 741 01:00:05,720 --> 01:00:11,200 I went to the emergency room doctor and he goes... 742 01:00:11,280 --> 01:00:13,760 "Okay, you have no refills" And I said, "Yes, I do." 743 01:00:13,840 --> 01:00:16,920 "I have a refill on this. Okay?" He says, "No, you don't". 744 01:00:17,000 --> 01:00:21,280 He says, "Okay, Miss Evans, let's just get down to the facts here". 745 01:00:21,360 --> 01:00:24,960 He says, "I'm going to ask you right out, direct". 746 01:00:25,040 --> 01:00:27,480 And I said, "Okay, fine. Ask me me whatever you want to ask me". 747 01:00:27,560 --> 01:00:31,240 - How many words? - He goes, "Are you a drug addict?" 748 01:00:32,680 --> 01:00:35,200 And I said, "No, sir, I'm not a drug addict... 749 01:00:35,280 --> 01:00:39,960 but if I continue on this program and keep taking all this medication... 750 01:00:40,040 --> 01:00:41,880 I can't promise you anything". 751 01:00:41,960 --> 01:00:44,240 I said, "But right now, it's the worse of the two evils... 752 01:00:44,320 --> 01:00:46,280 because when you're in pain, you got to take medicine... 753 01:00:46,360 --> 01:00:47,680 so what can you do?" 754 01:00:47,760 --> 01:00:50,400 What about the morphine? Where is the morphine now? 755 01:00:50,480 --> 01:00:53,880 The morphine that we ordered last time. 756 01:00:53,960 --> 01:00:56,280 The morphine? 757 01:00:56,360 --> 01:00:58,760 Every time I go there, the Norco disappear. 758 01:00:58,840 --> 01:01:02,880 There was no Norcos at all. We had to reorder, right, doctor? 759 01:01:02,960 --> 01:01:04,000 - Frequently. - Frequently. 760 01:01:04,080 --> 01:01:05,160 She would say things like... 761 01:01:05,240 --> 01:01:07,120 her daughter cleaned up the apartment... 762 01:01:07,200 --> 01:01:09,560 including throwing away of her medications. 763 01:01:09,640 --> 01:01:12,560 - So, it was just... - One thing after another. 764 01:01:12,640 --> 01:01:14,760 her stories didn't make a lot of sense... 765 01:01:14,840 --> 01:01:17,480 for someone who should be a lot more responsible than that. 766 01:01:17,560 --> 01:01:20,920 So, to help with her responsibility... 767 01:01:21,000 --> 01:01:24,320 it was felt that switching her to methadone would be the best choice... 768 01:01:24,400 --> 01:01:30,360 since it doesn't have any additional value outside of the home. 769 01:01:30,440 --> 01:01:32,680 Yeah, the doctor say that we need to have a meeting... 770 01:01:32,760 --> 01:01:36,280 regarding your pain medication control, again. 771 01:01:36,360 --> 01:01:37,840 So what's she going to take, meanwhile? 772 01:01:37,920 --> 01:01:41,720 Meanwhile, she can take the Norco. I mean, the methadone. 773 01:01:41,800 --> 01:01:43,720 I can't take the methadone. 774 01:01:43,800 --> 01:01:48,200 That's fine, because we've now been working all this time... 775 01:01:48,280 --> 01:01:50,480 and we need to have a meeting again with the social worker... 776 01:01:50,560 --> 01:01:53,440 with the medical director, with everybody at work. 777 01:01:53,520 --> 01:01:55,080 Rosalie, what do you want to do about this? 778 01:01:55,160 --> 01:01:57,920 What am I going to do? What am I going to do? 779 01:01:58,000 --> 01:01:59,320 I'm totally helpless. 780 01:01:59,400 --> 01:02:02,880 What am I going to do? I can't call in medication? 781 01:02:04,240 --> 01:02:05,720 Do you want to stay with this hospice program... 782 01:02:05,800 --> 01:02:07,880 - How can I stay on this medicine? - that's holding you hostage? 783 01:02:09,280 --> 01:02:11,720 - This is ridiculous. - I mean, I'm paying Kaiser... 784 01:02:11,800 --> 01:02:15,600 400 dollars a month for my medical care. 785 01:02:16,880 --> 01:02:20,080 - What am I supposed to do? - Okay, Rosalie, I'm leaving. 786 01:02:20,160 --> 01:02:21,640 - This is ridiculous. - I'm leaving. 787 01:02:21,720 --> 01:02:23,440 The doctor wants you to continue trying the methadone. 788 01:02:23,520 --> 01:02:25,560 Otherwise, I'll call you this afternoon. 789 01:02:27,960 --> 01:02:32,000 - How can I stay on this methadone? - I know, Rosalie, but that's what... 790 01:02:32,080 --> 01:02:34,640 Why don't you let me talk to him? 791 01:02:35,840 --> 01:02:37,360 Patricia is telling me now... 792 01:02:37,440 --> 01:02:42,520 she feels inadequate to handle this patient and her cohort. 793 01:02:42,600 --> 01:02:45,520 She thinks the caregiver is very intimidating. 794 01:02:45,600 --> 01:02:48,440 She's trying to be very intimidating to her... 795 01:02:48,520 --> 01:02:51,320 when she's not agreeing with the patient. 796 01:02:51,400 --> 01:02:55,520 And so I was thinking of changing the case manager... 797 01:02:55,600 --> 01:02:58,680 the RN case manager. We have done that with other cases. 798 01:02:58,760 --> 01:03:01,680 And if you're feeling inadequate, you're feeling intimidated... 799 01:03:01,760 --> 01:03:04,560 it's about time I think we give somebody who can set the boundary... 800 01:03:04,640 --> 01:03:09,280 and set the limits for this patient. This is a drug abuser. 801 01:03:09,360 --> 01:03:11,880 Well, I've decided hospice isn't for me. 802 01:03:14,480 --> 01:03:17,680 I can't wait until the day Rosalie is completely healed... 803 01:03:17,760 --> 01:03:19,360 and we can show Patricia... 804 01:03:19,440 --> 01:03:21,360 - Wait until you see the real me. - how wrong she was. 805 01:03:21,440 --> 01:03:23,080 We'll just have lots of fun. 806 01:03:24,360 --> 01:03:28,720 That's all my life is for me, just fun. 807 01:03:28,800 --> 01:03:31,080 Now I'm paying for it. 808 01:03:32,640 --> 01:03:35,200 I got so many things I want to do. 809 01:03:36,280 --> 01:03:38,880 I enjoy life. I love life. 810 01:03:40,280 --> 01:03:43,120 Never thought I'd go through something like this. 811 01:03:45,640 --> 01:03:47,520 I'm putting God to the test. 812 01:03:47,600 --> 01:03:52,040 If You're up there and You exist, and You're real, here I am. 813 01:03:52,120 --> 01:03:53,800 I've put my life in Your hands. 814 01:03:53,880 --> 01:03:56,720 You're my creator, I'm Your creation. 815 01:03:56,800 --> 01:03:59,240 There's nothing they can do for me. 816 01:03:59,320 --> 01:04:01,400 What are You going to do? 817 01:04:04,440 --> 01:04:07,840 You want to talk about what happened today in the bathroom? 818 01:04:10,360 --> 01:04:11,760 That's something major. 819 01:04:11,840 --> 01:04:16,640 I feel today that I... That... 820 01:04:16,720 --> 01:04:19,680 - You want me to say it? - I'm passing pieces of this tumor. 821 01:04:19,760 --> 01:04:21,040 - That's I've passed... - Big pieces. 822 01:04:21,120 --> 01:04:22,920 fairly large pieces. 823 01:04:24,280 --> 01:04:27,440 I mean, medically somebody would have to see it to okay it... 824 01:04:27,520 --> 01:04:31,800 but from what I saw and what I've been told that it looks like... 825 01:04:31,880 --> 01:04:34,360 that's what I would confirm it as. 826 01:04:36,920 --> 01:04:39,200 Just gotten to Rosalie's house. 827 01:04:39,280 --> 01:04:41,320 It's seven something in the morning... 828 01:04:41,400 --> 01:04:43,960 and she said she's not having a good day. 829 01:04:44,040 --> 01:04:46,760 I'm going to go see what's going on. 830 01:04:59,720 --> 01:05:02,440 You in the bathroom? 831 01:05:02,520 --> 01:05:03,960 What's going on? 832 01:05:58,320 --> 01:06:00,760 Rosalie is gone. 833 01:06:00,840 --> 01:06:06,000 That means she's living in Georgia now... 834 01:06:06,080 --> 01:06:07,760 with her daughter. 835 01:06:07,840 --> 01:06:12,000 And her daughter's going to take care of her there, which is good. 836 01:06:13,880 --> 01:06:20,120 And I don't know what's going to happen next... 837 01:06:20,200 --> 01:06:23,840 but I am very hurt, by the way, it happened. 838 01:06:25,600 --> 01:06:30,480 After spending five months with your friend every day... 839 01:06:31,920 --> 01:06:34,080 then just have them leave. 840 01:06:37,640 --> 01:06:39,720 I don't think that's right. 841 01:07:01,480 --> 01:07:03,320 Okay, let's move along. Alright. 842 01:07:03,400 --> 01:07:05,200 - 7455... - Time. 843 01:07:05,280 --> 01:07:06,960 - Time. - Let's move alone. 844 01:07:07,040 --> 01:07:08,480 Okay, let's do it. Let's go. 845 01:07:11,160 --> 01:07:13,160 Sorry, I didn't prepare for this thing. 846 01:07:13,240 --> 01:07:16,200 We're just inundated here. 847 01:07:16,280 --> 01:07:18,560 Okay, let's proceed with the... 848 01:07:22,200 --> 01:07:28,680 "Happy birthday to you" 849 01:07:28,760 --> 01:07:34,480 "Happy birthday, dear Supervisor" 850 01:07:34,560 --> 01:07:38,720 "Happy birthday to you" 851 01:07:46,800 --> 01:07:48,760 We're going to walk inside. 852 01:07:55,560 --> 01:07:57,560 Hello. 853 01:07:57,640 --> 01:07:59,120 How you doing, Papa? 854 01:08:02,640 --> 01:08:06,040 - Okay. - Your nose thing's crooked. 855 01:08:06,120 --> 01:08:08,320 Stick them up your nose, Mister. 856 01:08:09,880 --> 01:08:11,520 How you doing, Daddy? 857 01:08:13,720 --> 01:08:18,320 Stan Cepin, the man, the myth, the legend. 858 01:08:18,400 --> 01:08:22,360 And this is my ugly mug. See the screen, Dad? 859 01:08:22,440 --> 01:08:24,360 - Can you see me on it? - Yeah. 860 01:08:24,440 --> 01:08:26,640 My name's Mike. I'm Stan's son. 861 01:08:26,720 --> 01:08:29,520 And I think this is a wonderful program. 862 01:08:29,600 --> 01:08:31,160 You alright? 863 01:08:32,360 --> 01:08:33,600 Alright as... 864 01:08:33,680 --> 01:08:35,600 Here, man, the camera. 865 01:08:35,680 --> 01:08:37,680 Hold it. Point it toward me. 866 01:08:39,760 --> 01:08:42,800 - Hold it up. Can you see me? - Yeah. 867 01:08:42,880 --> 01:08:45,400 - See me now? - Yes. Here, that's enough... 868 01:08:45,480 --> 01:08:48,360 - Now you can't see me? - that's enough foolishness for now. 869 01:08:48,440 --> 01:08:50,240 - You sure? - Yeah. 870 01:08:50,320 --> 01:08:52,400 - Leave you alone? - Leave me alone. 871 01:08:55,040 --> 01:08:58,520 - Stanley Cepin. - Is he imminent? 872 01:08:58,600 --> 01:09:00,480 No, he's not imminent. 873 01:09:00,560 --> 01:09:03,200 This is a very slow disease process with him... 874 01:09:03,280 --> 01:09:06,360 In fact, on my last visit he ask, he said he had a dream... 875 01:09:06,440 --> 01:09:10,000 where he coughed up his tumor and it came out... 876 01:09:10,080 --> 01:09:15,600 so he asked me, "Could it be that I'll get over this?" 877 01:09:15,680 --> 01:09:17,840 I think I said, "All things are possible... 878 01:09:17,920 --> 01:09:21,920 but the probability is that, you know, you won't". 879 01:09:23,480 --> 01:09:28,000 - It's 4.30 in the morning. - Okay. 880 01:09:28,080 --> 01:09:30,560 Having a little trouble coughing some crap up, or what? 881 01:09:30,640 --> 01:09:32,720 Yeah, I'm having a little trouble. 882 01:09:32,800 --> 01:09:36,640 - Got some Kleenex there, sir? - Yeah, I got plenty of Kleenex. 883 01:09:47,520 --> 01:09:49,960 Got night vision, Stan-cam. 884 01:09:51,120 --> 01:09:53,720 It's a fulltime job just going to the bathroom, isn't it, Pops? 885 01:09:57,200 --> 01:09:59,720 Where the hell... Is there a hole here? 886 01:09:59,800 --> 01:10:01,520 There is no hole. 887 01:10:02,520 --> 01:10:05,760 Sorry man, don't mean to chuckle. Pull them down. Drop them. 888 01:10:05,840 --> 01:10:07,520 Drop your drawers. 889 01:10:09,800 --> 01:10:11,520 Booty-cam. 890 01:10:15,120 --> 01:10:18,480 - Do you love me? - Oh, Jesus. 891 01:10:18,560 --> 01:10:22,320 There are no words in the dictionary, Michael. 892 01:10:22,400 --> 01:10:24,960 Alright. Got it out of him. 893 01:10:25,040 --> 01:10:27,200 He still didn't say it. 894 01:10:27,280 --> 01:10:30,440 Out of the seven children, I'm number seven. I'm the only son. 895 01:10:30,520 --> 01:10:34,560 And I was born seven years after my youngest sister. 896 01:10:34,640 --> 01:10:39,600 My dad was mostly working. 897 01:10:39,680 --> 01:10:42,000 He worked all the time. 898 01:10:42,080 --> 01:10:43,640 That's what he did. 899 01:10:43,720 --> 01:10:44,720 I wouldn't see him... 900 01:10:44,800 --> 01:10:48,000 as much as you would think you would see him, you know? 901 01:10:48,080 --> 01:10:50,960 And that's really all I ever wanted when I was a kid... 902 01:10:51,040 --> 01:10:53,520 was to see him, you know? 903 01:10:53,600 --> 01:10:54,760 And I never really knew why. 904 01:10:54,840 --> 01:10:59,440 So, instead of asking why, I just made up all these reasons. 905 01:10:59,520 --> 01:11:00,840 So... 906 01:11:03,240 --> 01:11:05,480 My sister arrived from the airport. 907 01:11:05,560 --> 01:11:08,280 - Here I am. - You've made it. 908 01:11:08,360 --> 01:11:11,520 - How are you, honey? - Coffee beans for every occasion. 909 01:11:11,600 --> 01:11:14,840 This is Katie, my middle sister. Love her dearly. 910 01:11:14,920 --> 01:11:17,360 She's preparing a fresh green salad for Dad. 911 01:11:17,440 --> 01:11:18,640 Green food. 912 01:11:18,720 --> 01:11:21,080 And this is the way it works around here. 913 01:11:21,160 --> 01:11:22,520 It's my turn. 914 01:11:22,600 --> 01:11:25,120 Smile for the camera, Papa. One more time. 915 01:11:25,200 --> 01:11:26,680 I'm sorry. You have to hold on. 916 01:11:26,760 --> 01:11:27,960 - I know it hurts. - Here, hold my hand, Dad. 917 01:11:28,040 --> 01:11:30,520 I'm holding on to my own hand. 918 01:11:30,600 --> 01:11:31,720 I'm sorry. 919 01:11:31,800 --> 01:11:34,320 I'm going to get you some number stuff, Dad. 920 01:11:34,400 --> 01:11:37,320 I'm sorry. Hold still, Dad. It's almost coming. 921 01:11:37,400 --> 01:11:39,080 Okay, we're done. It's clean. 922 01:11:39,160 --> 01:11:42,280 It's clean, Mike. Come and see it. 923 01:11:42,360 --> 01:11:45,960 That came out of my dad's belly. Looks almost like a horse's head. 924 01:11:46,040 --> 01:11:47,400 How harsh. 925 01:11:47,480 --> 01:11:49,840 Oh, my God, get out of here. 926 01:11:49,920 --> 01:11:51,320 Where did you find this guy? 927 01:11:51,400 --> 01:11:54,400 Looks like a seahorse. 928 01:11:54,480 --> 01:11:56,400 Where'd you find this guy? 929 01:11:56,480 --> 01:11:58,160 - I'm your son. - No, you're not. 930 01:11:58,240 --> 01:11:59,920 You're just the aliens, took our real brother... 931 01:12:00,000 --> 01:12:02,600 and you're just somebody they left in their place. 932 01:12:02,680 --> 01:12:04,920 I came out of a milk bottle. 933 01:12:06,320 --> 01:12:10,960 I was going to say he came out of the third paint pail on the beach. 934 01:12:13,320 --> 01:12:14,720 I got to go. 935 01:12:17,080 --> 01:12:18,680 - Love you. - Thanks for coming. 936 01:12:18,760 --> 01:12:20,000 Yes. I'll be back in a couple of weeks. 937 01:12:20,080 --> 01:12:22,560 - I'm going to miss you. - I know. Don't cry. 938 01:12:22,640 --> 01:12:25,240 You'll make me cry. 939 01:12:25,320 --> 01:12:27,240 - Don't cry, Daddy. - Don't cry, Daddy. 940 01:12:27,320 --> 01:12:28,320 Bye, sis. 941 01:12:28,400 --> 01:12:30,080 If Mikey's mean to you, you can just tell me. 942 01:12:30,160 --> 01:12:31,280 - Okay. - I'll take him... 943 01:12:31,360 --> 01:12:34,120 Get over it. Everyone says I'm so mean to the guy. 944 01:12:36,080 --> 01:12:37,920 - Bye, Katie. - Behave, babe. 945 01:12:38,000 --> 01:12:39,280 - I will. - Alright. I love you. 946 01:12:39,360 --> 01:12:40,800 I love you dearly. 947 01:12:42,360 --> 01:12:44,760 - Well, daddy, Katie's gone. - I know. 948 01:12:44,840 --> 01:12:46,200 What do you say? 949 01:12:46,280 --> 01:12:50,400 I'm sorry. She'll be back. I'll miss her. 950 01:12:50,480 --> 01:12:52,120 We'll miss her. 951 01:12:52,200 --> 01:12:54,760 We'll get some time to spend some time together. 952 01:12:54,840 --> 01:12:56,600 You don't mind, do you? 953 01:12:57,840 --> 01:12:59,520 Arms here. 954 01:12:59,600 --> 01:13:02,160 Lean in. Down in there. 955 01:13:02,240 --> 01:13:04,880 No, way down. Like that. 956 01:13:04,960 --> 01:13:05,960 Okay. 957 01:13:06,040 --> 01:13:09,600 Like we're going to wash your hair. Okay, you ready? 958 01:13:09,680 --> 01:13:12,840 Here comes the water. Ready? 959 01:13:15,720 --> 01:13:17,680 Keep your eyes closed. 960 01:13:27,880 --> 01:13:31,120 Okay, got to leave that on there for a minute, so, just stay put. 961 01:13:37,880 --> 01:13:39,840 Almost over, man. 962 01:13:40,840 --> 01:13:42,800 Okay now we're going to drop your drawers... 963 01:13:42,880 --> 01:13:44,840 and change out your underwears. 964 01:13:44,920 --> 01:13:47,280 How about some pink polka dotted ones? 965 01:13:47,360 --> 01:13:48,600 I don't care. 966 01:13:48,680 --> 01:13:50,600 Right now, I'm in charge. 967 01:13:50,680 --> 01:13:52,200 My job's to make you... 968 01:13:52,280 --> 01:13:54,560 I'd hate to have you for a fucking general. 969 01:13:54,640 --> 01:14:01,160 presented, presentable for inspection of God... 970 01:14:01,240 --> 01:14:04,360 because that's the only person I have to answer to, Dad. 971 01:14:06,640 --> 01:14:08,640 I was really super close to my mom. 972 01:14:08,720 --> 01:14:11,640 I mean, she and I always talked. We were close. 973 01:14:11,720 --> 01:14:13,640 And so like, when she died... 974 01:14:13,720 --> 01:14:16,000 I didn't have anybody to talk to anymore. 975 01:14:16,080 --> 01:14:18,080 That was weird because my mom was like... 976 01:14:18,160 --> 01:14:19,480 I hate to say therapist... 977 01:14:19,560 --> 01:14:21,440 but she was just my mom. 978 01:14:21,520 --> 01:14:24,720 She was like that allencompassing figure of your mother. 979 01:14:24,800 --> 01:14:30,640 When this situation arose, then it was just like, "Oh, jeez". 980 01:14:30,720 --> 01:14:36,040 What do you do with all the issues involved and the animosity. 981 01:14:37,640 --> 01:14:40,640 So, that's what I'm going through with him right now. 982 01:14:46,640 --> 01:14:48,200 So, what's going on in the world today. 983 01:14:48,280 --> 01:14:50,800 I don't know. I'm trying to find out. 984 01:14:55,480 --> 01:14:57,080 Stan, I think a couple of weeks ago... 985 01:14:57,160 --> 01:15:01,480 the doctor increased your Prozac, for the depression. 986 01:15:01,560 --> 01:15:03,080 Has he been taking more of that? 987 01:15:03,160 --> 01:15:08,240 You know, I gave it to him, and he was awake for... 988 01:15:08,320 --> 01:15:09,880 all night long... 989 01:15:09,960 --> 01:15:13,600 and so I've just been giving him the regular dosage. 990 01:15:14,600 --> 01:15:18,720 You know, one of the side effects of the antidepressants like Prozac... 991 01:15:18,800 --> 01:15:24,480 is that they can at least temporarily make you awake. 992 01:15:27,000 --> 01:15:29,200 How come you want to sleep so much? 993 01:15:44,480 --> 01:15:46,800 Makes you sleep forever? 994 01:15:49,040 --> 01:15:50,760 What are you saying, Stan, you just want to go to sleep... 995 01:15:50,840 --> 01:15:52,600 until you go into a final sleep? 996 01:15:52,680 --> 01:15:54,040 Because that what you say. 997 01:15:55,680 --> 01:15:59,200 Well, I mean, did you ever try to do anything about it? 998 01:15:59,280 --> 01:16:01,080 No. 999 01:16:02,880 --> 01:16:06,240 Well, I'm excited because we are going to take Dad... 1000 01:16:06,320 --> 01:16:12,200 for a ride outside in the wheelchair and it's a beautiful day. 1001 01:16:13,320 --> 01:16:14,800 Okay, Daddy. 1002 01:16:19,520 --> 01:16:22,280 It's too cold out there. I was out there. 1003 01:16:22,360 --> 01:16:24,640 - When were you out there? - A little while ago. 1004 01:16:24,720 --> 01:16:26,200 You were not. 1005 01:16:26,280 --> 01:16:28,720 I walked down the steps and walked back up again. 1006 01:16:28,800 --> 01:16:29,800 When? 1007 01:16:29,880 --> 01:16:31,200 - Earlier. - Don't you lie to me like that. 1008 01:16:31,280 --> 01:16:33,600 - Earlier. - That's not fair. 1009 01:16:33,680 --> 01:16:36,520 The only fucking place you walked was from your bed... 1010 01:16:36,600 --> 01:16:38,320 to the fucking chair. 1011 01:16:38,400 --> 01:16:41,000 I've been hawking you like a hawk. 1012 01:16:41,080 --> 01:16:44,640 I woke you up at ten to twelve and look at what time it is. 1013 01:16:44,720 --> 01:16:47,160 You know, when I told you I had to go take a pee? 1014 01:16:47,240 --> 01:16:48,880 And I stood right there. 1015 01:16:48,960 --> 01:16:54,080 I was outside on the front porch buying cookies from the Girl Scouts. 1016 01:16:54,160 --> 01:16:55,640 When you came back in. 1017 01:16:55,720 --> 01:16:59,520 So, how did you walk down the stairs and back? 1018 01:16:59,600 --> 01:17:03,120 Dad, don't lie to me. You're breaking my heart. 1019 01:17:03,200 --> 01:17:06,160 - Now you're just being mean. - No. 1020 01:17:07,800 --> 01:17:09,560 Hello, everybody. 1021 01:17:12,560 --> 01:17:15,600 Same problem. You keep bumping me in the back. 1022 01:17:20,240 --> 01:17:23,360 A little close-up of my dad's nose. 1023 01:17:25,640 --> 01:17:28,760 Here's the old man checking it out. 1024 01:17:35,080 --> 01:17:37,560 So, Stanley Cepin. 1025 01:17:37,640 --> 01:17:40,800 I talked with his son... 1026 01:17:40,880 --> 01:17:44,520 who tells me that he is basically stable... 1027 01:17:44,600 --> 01:17:47,760 although one of the sisters had said that they were afraid... 1028 01:17:47,840 --> 01:17:50,600 that he wouldn't be able to take care of Stanley properly. 1029 01:17:50,680 --> 01:17:52,840 I was out there right after your visit... 1030 01:17:52,920 --> 01:17:56,440 and Mike is definitely the son going through... 1031 01:17:56,520 --> 01:17:59,680 a breakthrough in reality. 1032 01:17:59,760 --> 01:18:03,360 He's been intellectually aware that his father is dying... 1033 01:18:03,440 --> 01:18:05,440 ever since day one when we came in... 1034 01:18:05,520 --> 01:18:08,480 but now it's hitting him on an emotional level... 1035 01:18:08,560 --> 01:18:13,200 and I'm not sure that that's going to change before he dies. 1036 01:18:13,280 --> 01:18:15,040 A couple of things. 1037 01:18:15,120 --> 01:18:16,640 One... 1038 01:18:18,080 --> 01:18:20,720 you know, I'm going to through a monkey wrench into this, okay? 1039 01:18:20,800 --> 01:18:26,440 I'm going to throw out the option that Stan... 1040 01:18:26,520 --> 01:18:29,440 may become too much... 1041 01:18:29,520 --> 01:18:31,000 for everybody here... 1042 01:18:31,080 --> 01:18:38,400 and that we may need to let Stan temporarily live at a nursing home... 1043 01:18:38,480 --> 01:18:41,920 where they have nurses around the clock who are awake... 1044 01:18:42,000 --> 01:18:45,000 and actually work night hours and day hours... 1045 01:18:45,080 --> 01:18:46,880 and can actually take care of him. 1046 01:18:46,960 --> 01:18:48,800 My problem with that... 1047 01:18:48,880 --> 01:18:52,360 I'm not going to sleep here or anywhere else... 1048 01:18:52,440 --> 01:18:54,880 if he's in a nursing home for five days. 1049 01:18:54,960 --> 01:18:56,760 I will sleep at the nursing home... 1050 01:18:56,840 --> 01:18:58,800 or in the parking lot of the nursing home... 1051 01:18:58,880 --> 01:19:00,520 - Why? - or some bizarre thing like that. 1052 01:19:00,600 --> 01:19:03,240 Because I don't trust them. I don't trust nursing homes. 1053 01:19:03,320 --> 01:19:05,000 I've worked on them, I've seen them. 1054 01:19:05,080 --> 01:19:08,560 I don't think that there are very many that are... 1055 01:19:08,640 --> 01:19:10,920 I don't like them, okay? 1056 01:19:16,400 --> 01:19:21,440 - Hey, Dad. Are you with us? - Yeah, I'm with you. 1057 01:19:21,520 --> 01:19:22,880 Alright. 1058 01:19:28,080 --> 01:19:29,280 I love my dad. 1059 01:19:29,360 --> 01:19:32,760 And I would never let him go to a nursing home... 1060 01:19:32,840 --> 01:19:35,160 under any circumstance whatsoever... 1061 01:19:36,160 --> 01:19:40,200 and that's why he's in the house being taken care of by me. 1062 01:20:10,480 --> 01:20:12,840 Poor guy. 1063 01:20:17,040 --> 01:20:19,320 - Landscape. - I expect three or four days. 1064 01:20:19,400 --> 01:20:24,120 Good. How about a 40 bet dollars. I'm sorry, that's morbid. 1065 01:20:29,480 --> 01:20:31,520 Who's the number-one son? 1066 01:20:39,760 --> 01:20:43,640 Sorry, Daddy. Daddy's gurgling. 1067 01:20:43,720 --> 01:20:46,080 He's just gurgling away. 1068 01:20:55,480 --> 01:21:02,440 Stan passed away on April 14th, 8.45 in the evening. 1069 01:21:10,520 --> 01:21:12,680 He lived life to the fullest. 1070 01:21:12,760 --> 01:21:17,240 He loved people and he was just a wonderful, loving, jovial man... 1071 01:21:17,320 --> 01:21:18,960 and he will be sorely missed. 1072 01:21:19,040 --> 01:21:21,880 There's days when... I just don't know... 1073 01:21:21,960 --> 01:21:25,240 what I'm going to do without my father, you know? 87602